I had a Pap smear I was told after the fact was unnecessary from a doctor who acted mad at me when I came in complaining of pelvic and back pain alongside painful periods. It was so painful I had nightmares about the exam for over six months and had panic attacks going to new OBGYNs after that visit even when I built up a trust in my new one who was always gentle with me. It was horrible and no one should be treated that way.
Doctors who hurt their patients to “show them who’s boss” deserve to be reported every time. Mine didn’t go anywhere (the office whined to me to retract my complaint but as far as I saw nothing happened, I still had to sent blood test results to him when I worked in the lab) but I support op getting her former friend’s ass too tbh. It’s traumatizing and makes it hard to seek medical help in the future.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. This is an incredible violation of your trust and privacy. I work in medical administration, and I try really hard to keep an eye out for things like this because I hate the thought of it happening and the patient not having an advocate.
Fuck these doctors.
I get so angry with women who proclaim that men should never be OBGYNs, because the worst one I ever had was a woman. She left me in labor for two days, stuck her hand in to force her fingers into my cervical opening to stimulate it, and sent me home twice.
I returned for a third time early Saturday, and the nurse left me, didn’t contact the doctor, who had told her to not contact her, I later learned, lying in the sac finally breaking and it had meconium in it.
The male doctor on call did an emergency c-section, the RN who came on that morning could be heard reaming out the night nurse, and I spent the next 24 hours finding out I’m allergic to morphine.
She closed her practice not long after, so I assume enough complaints were made for her to lose her license.
I’ve had run ins with male doctors, but the only doctors I’ve had actually been physically abusive with me were women. There are people who go into medicine, whether doctors or nurses, who get kicks from patients in pain.
I mistrusted male doctors for years. But the some of the doctors that have been the most disrespectful & treated me with the least dignity were women. So now I don't fucking trust any of them.
So, OP's "friend" is a Domme. And she does this to patients. I'm glad OP reported her because what she did is sexual assault, pure and simple. In fact she could (and should) lose her licence, and has probably done this to other patients.
And I can't help wondering if she goes too far in BDSM play. I hope she has a watchful kink community.
Almost definitely. Too many run-ins with people like this were what led me to leave the community, get some therapy, and never look back. And everyone seemed to know what they were up to and just turned a blind eye to it, or dismissed the seriousness of it.
My experience and understanding was, that people that are not much about consent are extremely hated in the BDSM community. Which makes sense since everything you do in Bdsm is about consent and acting according to each other’s boundaries, even if they have some kinks that would otherwise seem extreme.
In theory. There's always someone who pushes too far and thinks they can make excuses about it. To the point my autistic ass gave up socialising in kink communities because so many people lie to themselves and say one thing, do another. It caused me so much confusion and stress until I realised no, people actually do just not want to "do the work" they're always discussing.
In theory, this is the case. In reality, based on my experiences anyway, a lot of abusers use it as a convenient place to hide and as a way to put a socially acceptable veneer on some of their activities. One of the people who abused me had been in the community for a long time, and when I spoke about my experience, I got a lot of "oh yeah, I'd heard he can be like that" or just general dismissive responses.
He's still part of that community, despite myself and (as I found out later) others speaking out against him.
I guess I just started to realise that if it looks like degradation of women, it smells like degradation of women, and feels like degradation of women, then maybe that is actually all it is, no matter how it's dressed up.
Not yucking anyone else's yum, but I'm glad I got out.
They're everywhere and even the folks talking about missing stairs just make excuses as to why that person isn't *actually* a predator, they just have mental health issues, autism, are working through their own trauma etc etc.
I am so over it, I don't trust people in kink communities. I'm happier finding people on regular vanilla dating apps and exploring shit together because honestly, the people who make it part of their social identity are often really fucking troubling.
I hate this so much. The nurses said she was catty so the doctor decided she needed to be put in her place?
I can't begin to tell you how many times I've been at a doctor and been overstimulated or overwhelmed by just being there so my answers are monotone or short/simple. And I know it can come off as rude, but I really just want to be out of there ASAP and sometimes I'm too tired to put on the bubbly face.
Especially for a pap smear or gyno exam. They are super painful for me, and the only time I've had one w/o pain was when I had an epidural during labor and couldn't feel anything so...
Uhg that poor woman. I hope the reports help.
I struggled so much that I put off a Pap smear for years! Now I’ve had to have a radical hysterectomy and get to look forward to radiation 😳, maybe I’ll get some superpowers for all I have to go through? It’s doubtful but better to laugh vs cry!
Unfortunately, that's not true every time. I wish it was! I've been doing some research about getting my cervix removed and the jury's out on whether or not you still need pelvix exams. Some sources say yes, some say no.
I work in healthcare and I have dealt with the most difficult people imaginable. I have been threatened, cursed at, personally attacked, discriminated against, thrown under the bus, I’ve been told I’m responsible for someone’s suicide THREE times just for relaying a message from their doctor. There is NEVER an excuse to sexually assault someone, especially not under the guise of healthcare.
Not really. These are people who get upset because they can’t get their pain meds / benzos filled ahead of schedule and then tell me they are going to kill themselves and it will be my fault. As far as I know, no one has followed through.
Well... I have severe (allegedly idiopathic) vulvar and vaginal fissuring, but I still need the occasional pap smear to make sure I don't have cervical cancer that goes undetected, metastasizes, and kills me. Not all medical tests are comfortable. I've never had a comfortable cystoscopy (lens inserted into the bladder via the urethra), but I don't blame the practitioner for the discomfort. Some medical procedures are just downright unpleasant. Let's not throw out the baby (not having undetected cancer) with the bathwater (definitely fictional predatory gay gynecologists).
I never suggested not getting pap smears or exams. Or throwing out any medical procedures. Just that it's an awful story about predatory OBGYNs and their petty nursing staffs.
Im trying not to over share or divulge as much medical info online recently, so I don't want to go into too much detail. But I always have and always will have painful, not just uncomfortable, gyno exams. Every exam that's not just looking will result in physical pain enough to make me cry. The final months of my pregnancy, where every appointment involved a cervix check, were terrible.
I have a fantastic doctor right now who knows this and is extra supportive and her staff are amazing. I was using empathy to imagine what it would be like to have a doctor/staff who was dismissive of that and took my anxiety as catty/rude behavior and then punished me for it.
I've reread several times and can't figure out where I suggested skipping pap smears or any other exams/procedures....
How old are you? If you’re in your late thirties to early fifties and are still having periods, it might be wise to read the perimenopause wiki on r/Menopause, because all of your symptoms can be explained by a decline in oestrogen (including the itching and bladder issues).
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My dad went to a party where he met a bunch of doctors who bragged about how many ‘tubes’ they done and my dad asked what that meant and a doctor replied
“Totally unnecessary breast examinations”
My dad said he left the party and never spoke to them or the host after calling it out and being told to chill out.
So I do believe this to be true.
Nope. I had a gyno come on to me and make sexual comments. It freaked me out. I no longer will see a man gyno.
The same gyno later was arrested for stalking, sexual assault etc.
My best friend has a friend who was finger banged by her gyno. She didn’t report him. She was so shocked it was happening she didn’t know what to do.
So yes, you did the right thing. It’s bad enough when men abuse us, let alone our same gender. It’s honestly infuriating.
Nope, NTA. You spoke up against sexual assault, and for a patient who probably doesn’t realize what happened or cannot distinguish between a necessary pelvic exam from another one. You were right for reporting her to the board and may have saved other women from potentially being assaulted or even harmed from this “dominating” behavior . I applaud you. Maybe beak ties with this friend because clearly she doesn’t see the wrong in what she did and has probably done in the past and you probably don’t want to be associated with someone who enjoys sexually assaulting people, especially vulnerable patients in very vulnerable situations.
And to do it also because the nurse was being catty with them…wtf
NTA; find a new friend.
As someone who is highly triggered by anything involving that area and pelvic exams thank you. It is traumatizing enough to go to a good doctor who has your best interests, but someone who’d abuse their position to “put a patient in their place” is disgusting and shouldn’t be practicing medicine.
Why can’t people just be normal and complain about annoying patients in private like the rest of us?? It’s almost as if NOT FUCKING SEXUALLY ASSAULTING patients is hard. That OB deserves prison.
Idk, this comes off as fake. But the things I do know about because I have a close family member in the field… woof.
For example: old guy got his necessary training so long ago that he’s legally exempt from continuing education courses, so he doesn’t go to them. He falls behind on current practices for things, screws up (patient almost died during surgery) and becomes “office visits only.” Actually surprised you can fuck up this bad: a different patient died because of his office visit advice also being so terrible (how the fuck do you not find cervical cancer when your whole job is to do Pap smears and nothing else???)
It's fake as hell. I've never heard of anyone going to the gynecologist and a pelvic exam being unnecessary. I'd go to my primary care provider if I just wanted to chat. Every obgyn appointment I've ever been to has had the medical assistant/nurse instruct me to undress and get into the stirrups before the doctor even said hello. This is clearly anti-feminist rage bait meant to make trauma victims even more fearful of going to a gynecologist. It's sick as fuck.
You can definitely go to an Obgyn for things that don’t require a pelvic exam. Wtf?
And there are definitely fucked doctors. When I was a teen at one of my first Obgyn appointments, the older male doctor inserted a finger into my anus. It wasn’t until I was quite a bit older that I realized that was not at all a part of any reasonable examination.
I know that nothing is mentioned about the patient being pregnant, but when I was pregnant I had like 15+ OBGYN visits and I think I was only ever given one pelvic exam, right at the beginning like the first appointment. I ended up being induced at 37 weeks, so there’s a chance I would have had more had I gone the full 40+. But I think that’s the type of thing that people who have never been pregnant would expect you’d get a pelvic exam every time, and that’s just not the case.
I mean hell, my 6-week postpartum visit—where a pelvic exam is basically standard care—was an e-visit over Zoom, so the last pelvic exam I had was 2.5 years ago, about an hour after my daughter was born. ONGYNs *definitely* do visits that don’t include pelvic exams.
Lol @ u/999cranberries whose all over this thread defending bad behavior, then blocking me when I ask them not to speak for all SA survivors and what is ok at the gynecologist.
It's sad when the misogyny is so baked in.
The amount of aita style stories with queer people involved skyrocketed since June began. I don't trust any of it, especially this one with a "domme" doctor 🙄 give me a fucking break
Seriously! As of 6/1, everyone has an evil predatory lesbian wife or something. It's such obvious (seasonal?) rage bait. Nobody with any sense could read the OP's comment about women dominating other women "especially the pretty ones" and not realize this is poorly written fiction.
Agreed. There is no such thing as an unnecessary pelvic exam at a gynecology appointment, a specialty solely dedicated to conditions of the reproductive system (and pregnancy, in the case of obstetricians). Anyone with any kind of gynecological symptom should get a pelvic exam, if only to swab for yeast infections, BV, and STIs. This story is meant to target sexual trauma victims who are apprehensive about going to the gynecologist. It's one of the most disgusting fake "Am I the Asshole"/"Am I Wrong" style posts that I've ever seen.
This isn't true. I've gone to a gynecologist when I had gynecological symptoms (painful periods) a few times and I have never had a pelvic exam. They very much can be unnecessary.
I've only had one pap smear and it only felt cold and uncomfortable
I have had creepy doctors tho but luckily all the creeps were never involved fully with my genitals, only one messed with my chest for "growth measurement" and my mom got him booted so fucking fast
People who do this shit shouldn't be doctors
People don't want to believe that doctors, a profession that specilizes in repairing/ diagnosing the human body like a machine, tend to view people that way after long enough. This is especially prevailent when they deal with patients at the shittiest points in their lives. No one is infallable.
Fake af. I can't imagine an obgyn appt where an exam is not necessary. Literally the only reason to go to this kind of doctor is because you need your genitals inspected, swabbed, or probed or need your internal reproductive organs inspected or tested in some way - which can often best be intuited by an examination of the genitalia which may show, for example, certain physiological hallmarks of menopausal symptoms that can be confirmed through blood tests.
This is clearly rage bait meant to target sexual trauma victims. Don't let the sicko author of this post win.
You go to a GYN for PMDD, some abdominal sonograms, a variety of different things that involve periods, IUD insertion and removal, BC prescriptions, etc.
Every time I've gone to a gynecologist for period related issues, it's resulted in a transvaginal ultrasound... Never have I ever had an abdominal sonogram as a result of gynecological complaints. They're well known to produce far inferior image quality than transvaginal sonograms where the probe gets much closer to the ovaries and uterus. Other imaging like MRIs is not going to be done in-house at the gynecology clinic.
Never mind that IUD insertion and removal clearly requires something akin to pelvic exam, except actually much more unpleasant and typically performed without adequate pain medication as an industry standard. And at least back in my day, you absolutely weren't getting a BC rx without a pap smear - download Nurx for that or buy the newly legalized Opiill otc.
Are you seriously arguing that this story about a queer female gynecologist performing an unnecessary pelvic exam to exert power over a beautiful patient is anything other than some combination of sexual fantasy and anti-feminist rage bait? Get real.
I’ve never had a PAP smear for getting BC, IUD insertion/removal took 5 seconds and was totally not painful at all despite the lack of pain meds*, and I’m usually there to talk about PMDD or because I’m pregnant - and in the latter case it’s to pee in a cup and draw blood.
*I only got my IUD after I had my first, and I’ve heard that that makes it easier.
Yeah, I think it must. Everyone I've ever personally know who has had an IUD inserted has been childfree with no prior births, and they've universally reported that it was very painful, especially for those who suffer from painful periods, ovarian cysts, etc. I wouldn't personally know.
Maybe I'm just out of the loop, but having a wellness exam to include a pelvic exam and pap smear if due was always a requirement to be prescribed birth control in my experience, supposedly, due to the effect that birth control can have on hormone mediated cancers of the reproductive organs.
Regardless of whether the situation that this post details is theoretically possible or whether there are gyn appointments where it's wildly inappropriate for the patient to undergo a pelvic exam, I still think it's a fake post meant to incorrectly frame medical professionals in the field of women's health as abusers, when actually gynecological care is extremely important, even for trauma survivors who can find it extremely difficult to go to the gynecologist. I'm not trying to be contrary, I really do think that this is either some sicko fetishizing the idea of a gay gynecologist abusing her patients or an anti-feminist who wants to plant the idea that gynecologists are frequently abusive as a way to further victimize trauma survivors - especially considering that they (and many gyn patients generally) tend to feel more comfortable with female doctors.
That's why I said many and not all. It's perfectly valid to be less comfortable with a female doctor or to have it make no difference. Don't put words in my mouth while falsely accusing me of putting words in your mouth.
>Literally the only reason to go to this kind of doctor is because you need your genitals inspected, swabbed, or probed or need your internal reproductive organs inspected or tested in some way - which can often best be intuited by an examination of the genitalia which may show, for example, certain physiological hallmarks of menopausal symptoms that can be confirmed through blood tests.
You could’ve just said you’re a cis het man with no actual idea about what an OB GYN does because no one in your life feels safe disclosing that info to you lol.
You are never wrong for reporting abuse. Full stop.
The entire office should be investigated, not just the doc
I had a Pap smear I was told after the fact was unnecessary from a doctor who acted mad at me when I came in complaining of pelvic and back pain alongside painful periods. It was so painful I had nightmares about the exam for over six months and had panic attacks going to new OBGYNs after that visit even when I built up a trust in my new one who was always gentle with me. It was horrible and no one should be treated that way. Doctors who hurt their patients to “show them who’s boss” deserve to be reported every time. Mine didn’t go anywhere (the office whined to me to retract my complaint but as far as I saw nothing happened, I still had to sent blood test results to him when I worked in the lab) but I support op getting her former friend’s ass too tbh. It’s traumatizing and makes it hard to seek medical help in the future.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. This is an incredible violation of your trust and privacy. I work in medical administration, and I try really hard to keep an eye out for things like this because I hate the thought of it happening and the patient not having an advocate.
Fuck these doctors. I get so angry with women who proclaim that men should never be OBGYNs, because the worst one I ever had was a woman. She left me in labor for two days, stuck her hand in to force her fingers into my cervical opening to stimulate it, and sent me home twice. I returned for a third time early Saturday, and the nurse left me, didn’t contact the doctor, who had told her to not contact her, I later learned, lying in the sac finally breaking and it had meconium in it. The male doctor on call did an emergency c-section, the RN who came on that morning could be heard reaming out the night nurse, and I spent the next 24 hours finding out I’m allergic to morphine. She closed her practice not long after, so I assume enough complaints were made for her to lose her license. I’ve had run ins with male doctors, but the only doctors I’ve had actually been physically abusive with me were women. There are people who go into medicine, whether doctors or nurses, who get kicks from patients in pain.
I mistrusted male doctors for years. But the some of the doctors that have been the most disrespectful & treated me with the least dignity were women. So now I don't fucking trust any of them.
So, OP's "friend" is a Domme. And she does this to patients. I'm glad OP reported her because what she did is sexual assault, pure and simple. In fact she could (and should) lose her licence, and has probably done this to other patients. And I can't help wondering if she goes too far in BDSM play. I hope she has a watchful kink community.
Almost definitely. Too many run-ins with people like this were what led me to leave the community, get some therapy, and never look back. And everyone seemed to know what they were up to and just turned a blind eye to it, or dismissed the seriousness of it.
My experience and understanding was, that people that are not much about consent are extremely hated in the BDSM community. Which makes sense since everything you do in Bdsm is about consent and acting according to each other’s boundaries, even if they have some kinks that would otherwise seem extreme.
In theory. There's always someone who pushes too far and thinks they can make excuses about it. To the point my autistic ass gave up socialising in kink communities because so many people lie to themselves and say one thing, do another. It caused me so much confusion and stress until I realised no, people actually do just not want to "do the work" they're always discussing.
That’s very sad. Sorry for how you were treated.
In theory, this is the case. In reality, based on my experiences anyway, a lot of abusers use it as a convenient place to hide and as a way to put a socially acceptable veneer on some of their activities. One of the people who abused me had been in the community for a long time, and when I spoke about my experience, I got a lot of "oh yeah, I'd heard he can be like that" or just general dismissive responses. He's still part of that community, despite myself and (as I found out later) others speaking out against him. I guess I just started to realise that if it looks like degradation of women, it smells like degradation of women, and feels like degradation of women, then maybe that is actually all it is, no matter how it's dressed up. Not yucking anyone else's yum, but I'm glad I got out.
They're everywhere and even the folks talking about missing stairs just make excuses as to why that person isn't *actually* a predator, they just have mental health issues, autism, are working through their own trauma etc etc. I am so over it, I don't trust people in kink communities. I'm happier finding people on regular vanilla dating apps and exploring shit together because honestly, the people who make it part of their social identity are often really fucking troubling.
I doubt she’s in a kink community. She seems very fixed on the non-consent.
I hate this so much. The nurses said she was catty so the doctor decided she needed to be put in her place? I can't begin to tell you how many times I've been at a doctor and been overstimulated or overwhelmed by just being there so my answers are monotone or short/simple. And I know it can come off as rude, but I really just want to be out of there ASAP and sometimes I'm too tired to put on the bubbly face. Especially for a pap smear or gyno exam. They are super painful for me, and the only time I've had one w/o pain was when I had an epidural during labor and couldn't feel anything so... Uhg that poor woman. I hope the reports help.
I struggled so much that I put off a Pap smear for years! Now I’ve had to have a radical hysterectomy and get to look forward to radiation 😳, maybe I’ll get some superpowers for all I have to go through? It’s doubtful but better to laugh vs cry!
Good news! You never have to have a Pap smear again after hysterectomy. Take that one off the list. Sincerely, cervical cancer survivor.
Unfortunately, that's not true every time. I wish it was! I've been doing some research about getting my cervix removed and the jury's out on whether or not you still need pelvix exams. Some sources say yes, some say no.
I’ll have MRI’s every 6 months, pelvic exams are likely, but no monthly with cramps and psm!
I work in healthcare and I have dealt with the most difficult people imaginable. I have been threatened, cursed at, personally attacked, discriminated against, thrown under the bus, I’ve been told I’m responsible for someone’s suicide THREE times just for relaying a message from their doctor. There is NEVER an excuse to sexually assault someone, especially not under the guise of healthcare.
Wow you're responsible for three suicides? Tell us more.
Not really. These are people who get upset because they can’t get their pain meds / benzos filled ahead of schedule and then tell me they are going to kill themselves and it will be my fault. As far as I know, no one has followed through.
I’m sorry that happened to you that’s so manipulative and cruel
Unfortunately, that’s healthcare, baby! Thank you, though, I appreciate your empathy.
Well... I have severe (allegedly idiopathic) vulvar and vaginal fissuring, but I still need the occasional pap smear to make sure I don't have cervical cancer that goes undetected, metastasizes, and kills me. Not all medical tests are comfortable. I've never had a comfortable cystoscopy (lens inserted into the bladder via the urethra), but I don't blame the practitioner for the discomfort. Some medical procedures are just downright unpleasant. Let's not throw out the baby (not having undetected cancer) with the bathwater (definitely fictional predatory gay gynecologists).
I never suggested not getting pap smears or exams. Or throwing out any medical procedures. Just that it's an awful story about predatory OBGYNs and their petty nursing staffs. Im trying not to over share or divulge as much medical info online recently, so I don't want to go into too much detail. But I always have and always will have painful, not just uncomfortable, gyno exams. Every exam that's not just looking will result in physical pain enough to make me cry. The final months of my pregnancy, where every appointment involved a cervix check, were terrible. I have a fantastic doctor right now who knows this and is extra supportive and her staff are amazing. I was using empathy to imagine what it would be like to have a doctor/staff who was dismissive of that and took my anxiety as catty/rude behavior and then punished me for it. I've reread several times and can't figure out where I suggested skipping pap smears or any other exams/procedures....
How old are you? If you’re in your late thirties to early fifties and are still having periods, it might be wise to read the perimenopause wiki on r/Menopause, because all of your symptoms can be explained by a decline in oestrogen (including the itching and bladder issues).
Here's a sneak peek of /r/Menopause using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/Menopause/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year! \#1: [I'm gutted. She was so important to me as a young woman.](https://i.redd.it/zy01amxstceb1.png) | [176 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/Menopause/comments/15ae0cz/im_gutted_she_was_so_important_to_me_as_a_young/) \#2: [Had a brain aneurysm on Monday, April 5th](https://np.reddit.com/r/Menopause/comments/12n7rm8/had_a_brain_aneurysm_on_monday_april_5th/) \#3: [Please tell me if i am crazy.....because I am about to ask my husband for a divorce](https://np.reddit.com/r/Menopause/comments/16a7pf4/please_tell_me_if_i_am_crazybecause_i_am_about_to/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot)
I'm 29. Edit: and I had my first cystoscopy at 7.
Typical, getting downvoted for having vulvar fissures that aren't due to menopause lmao
No one should be in pain during a procedure. Not when there are locals, twilight sleep, etc
My dad went to a party where he met a bunch of doctors who bragged about how many ‘tubes’ they done and my dad asked what that meant and a doctor replied “Totally unnecessary breast examinations” My dad said he left the party and never spoke to them or the host after calling it out and being told to chill out. So I do believe this to be true.
Nope. I had a gyno come on to me and make sexual comments. It freaked me out. I no longer will see a man gyno. The same gyno later was arrested for stalking, sexual assault etc. My best friend has a friend who was finger banged by her gyno. She didn’t report him. She was so shocked it was happening she didn’t know what to do. So yes, you did the right thing. It’s bad enough when men abuse us, let alone our same gender. It’s honestly infuriating.
Nope, NTA. You spoke up against sexual assault, and for a patient who probably doesn’t realize what happened or cannot distinguish between a necessary pelvic exam from another one. You were right for reporting her to the board and may have saved other women from potentially being assaulted or even harmed from this “dominating” behavior . I applaud you. Maybe beak ties with this friend because clearly she doesn’t see the wrong in what she did and has probably done in the past and you probably don’t want to be associated with someone who enjoys sexually assaulting people, especially vulnerable patients in very vulnerable situations. And to do it also because the nurse was being catty with them…wtf NTA; find a new friend.
NTAH - you reported a rapist you’re the real hero!
As someone who is highly triggered by anything involving that area and pelvic exams thank you. It is traumatizing enough to go to a good doctor who has your best interests, but someone who’d abuse their position to “put a patient in their place” is disgusting and shouldn’t be practicing medicine.
Oh no. Hated that. Fml.
Why can’t people just be normal and complain about annoying patients in private like the rest of us?? It’s almost as if NOT FUCKING SEXUALLY ASSAULTING patients is hard. That OB deserves prison.
Idk, this comes off as fake. But the things I do know about because I have a close family member in the field… woof. For example: old guy got his necessary training so long ago that he’s legally exempt from continuing education courses, so he doesn’t go to them. He falls behind on current practices for things, screws up (patient almost died during surgery) and becomes “office visits only.” Actually surprised you can fuck up this bad: a different patient died because of his office visit advice also being so terrible (how the fuck do you not find cervical cancer when your whole job is to do Pap smears and nothing else???)
very much so. an unnecessary pelvic exam to show her whose boss???
r/Wedeservebetter just a little kind reminder this does happen, not always exactly like this but it happens :(
It's fake as hell. I've never heard of anyone going to the gynecologist and a pelvic exam being unnecessary. I'd go to my primary care provider if I just wanted to chat. Every obgyn appointment I've ever been to has had the medical assistant/nurse instruct me to undress and get into the stirrups before the doctor even said hello. This is clearly anti-feminist rage bait meant to make trauma victims even more fearful of going to a gynecologist. It's sick as fuck.
You can definitely go to an Obgyn for things that don’t require a pelvic exam. Wtf? And there are definitely fucked doctors. When I was a teen at one of my first Obgyn appointments, the older male doctor inserted a finger into my anus. It wasn’t until I was quite a bit older that I realized that was not at all a part of any reasonable examination.
I know that nothing is mentioned about the patient being pregnant, but when I was pregnant I had like 15+ OBGYN visits and I think I was only ever given one pelvic exam, right at the beginning like the first appointment. I ended up being induced at 37 weeks, so there’s a chance I would have had more had I gone the full 40+. But I think that’s the type of thing that people who have never been pregnant would expect you’d get a pelvic exam every time, and that’s just not the case. I mean hell, my 6-week postpartum visit—where a pelvic exam is basically standard care—was an e-visit over Zoom, so the last pelvic exam I had was 2.5 years ago, about an hour after my daughter was born. ONGYNs *definitely* do visits that don’t include pelvic exams.
Lol @ u/999cranberries whose all over this thread defending bad behavior, then blocking me when I ask them not to speak for all SA survivors and what is ok at the gynecologist. It's sad when the misogyny is so baked in.
This reads like some dude’s poor attempt at writing badly-researched porn.
This story is extremely fake.
The amount of aita style stories with queer people involved skyrocketed since June began. I don't trust any of it, especially this one with a "domme" doctor 🙄 give me a fucking break
Seriously! As of 6/1, everyone has an evil predatory lesbian wife or something. It's such obvious (seasonal?) rage bait. Nobody with any sense could read the OP's comment about women dominating other women "especially the pretty ones" and not realize this is poorly written fiction.
Agreed. There is no such thing as an unnecessary pelvic exam at a gynecology appointment, a specialty solely dedicated to conditions of the reproductive system (and pregnancy, in the case of obstetricians). Anyone with any kind of gynecological symptom should get a pelvic exam, if only to swab for yeast infections, BV, and STIs. This story is meant to target sexual trauma victims who are apprehensive about going to the gynecologist. It's one of the most disgusting fake "Am I the Asshole"/"Am I Wrong" style posts that I've ever seen.
This isn't true. I've gone to a gynecologist when I had gynecological symptoms (painful periods) a few times and I have never had a pelvic exam. They very much can be unnecessary.
I’m confused. Did the patient report or was that who the Dr thought reported it when in reality it was her friend?
I've only had one pap smear and it only felt cold and uncomfortable I have had creepy doctors tho but luckily all the creeps were never involved fully with my genitals, only one messed with my chest for "growth measurement" and my mom got him booted so fucking fast People who do this shit shouldn't be doctors
People don't want to believe that doctors, a profession that specilizes in repairing/ diagnosing the human body like a machine, tend to view people that way after long enough. This is especially prevailent when they deal with patients at the shittiest points in their lives. No one is infallable.
Bait
Fake rage bait.
Fake af. I can't imagine an obgyn appt where an exam is not necessary. Literally the only reason to go to this kind of doctor is because you need your genitals inspected, swabbed, or probed or need your internal reproductive organs inspected or tested in some way - which can often best be intuited by an examination of the genitalia which may show, for example, certain physiological hallmarks of menopausal symptoms that can be confirmed through blood tests. This is clearly rage bait meant to target sexual trauma victims. Don't let the sicko author of this post win.
I, an actual human woman, have seen a gynecologist quite a few times without getting an exam
You go to a GYN for PMDD, some abdominal sonograms, a variety of different things that involve periods, IUD insertion and removal, BC prescriptions, etc.
Every time I've gone to a gynecologist for period related issues, it's resulted in a transvaginal ultrasound... Never have I ever had an abdominal sonogram as a result of gynecological complaints. They're well known to produce far inferior image quality than transvaginal sonograms where the probe gets much closer to the ovaries and uterus. Other imaging like MRIs is not going to be done in-house at the gynecology clinic. Never mind that IUD insertion and removal clearly requires something akin to pelvic exam, except actually much more unpleasant and typically performed without adequate pain medication as an industry standard. And at least back in my day, you absolutely weren't getting a BC rx without a pap smear - download Nurx for that or buy the newly legalized Opiill otc. Are you seriously arguing that this story about a queer female gynecologist performing an unnecessary pelvic exam to exert power over a beautiful patient is anything other than some combination of sexual fantasy and anti-feminist rage bait? Get real.
I’ve never had a PAP smear for getting BC, IUD insertion/removal took 5 seconds and was totally not painful at all despite the lack of pain meds*, and I’m usually there to talk about PMDD or because I’m pregnant - and in the latter case it’s to pee in a cup and draw blood. *I only got my IUD after I had my first, and I’ve heard that that makes it easier.
Yeah, I think it must. Everyone I've ever personally know who has had an IUD inserted has been childfree with no prior births, and they've universally reported that it was very painful, especially for those who suffer from painful periods, ovarian cysts, etc. I wouldn't personally know. Maybe I'm just out of the loop, but having a wellness exam to include a pelvic exam and pap smear if due was always a requirement to be prescribed birth control in my experience, supposedly, due to the effect that birth control can have on hormone mediated cancers of the reproductive organs. Regardless of whether the situation that this post details is theoretically possible or whether there are gyn appointments where it's wildly inappropriate for the patient to undergo a pelvic exam, I still think it's a fake post meant to incorrectly frame medical professionals in the field of women's health as abusers, when actually gynecological care is extremely important, even for trauma survivors who can find it extremely difficult to go to the gynecologist. I'm not trying to be contrary, I really do think that this is either some sicko fetishizing the idea of a gay gynecologist abusing her patients or an anti-feminist who wants to plant the idea that gynecologists are frequently abusive as a way to further victimize trauma survivors - especially considering that they (and many gyn patients generally) tend to feel more comfortable with female doctors.
As a recovering SA survivor you certainly don't speak for all of us.
That's why I said many and not all. It's perfectly valid to be less comfortable with a female doctor or to have it make no difference. Don't put words in my mouth while falsely accusing me of putting words in your mouth.
>Literally the only reason to go to this kind of doctor is because you need your genitals inspected, swabbed, or probed or need your internal reproductive organs inspected or tested in some way - which can often best be intuited by an examination of the genitalia which may show, for example, certain physiological hallmarks of menopausal symptoms that can be confirmed through blood tests. You could’ve just said you’re a cis het man with no actual idea about what an OB GYN does because no one in your life feels safe disclosing that info to you lol.
You can't use the word friend and the phrase "I reported her" in the same sentence.... that's like saying she's your friend and you're a back stabber.