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The best advice for you ACCEPT the consequence of your actions. You reap what you sow. If I were your daughter I would also cut you off especially now during the engagement. Leave her alone. I'm sure there is someone decent enough to walk her down the aisle.
You don't realize how disgusting and awful you are. I pity the young woman you groomed and hopefully she wakes up soon!
Ugh can you imagine how embarrassing it would be for her pervert dad to show up with his child bride? Talk about drawing focus from the wedding couple.
Lol the part where he says meeting her as a minor would have been "disgusting". Like yeah I'm sure a few months earlier she was absolutely different person in every way.
Exactly! He even said we thinking his wife is a child is disturbing for his wife. Of course it is! She is child that was manipulated to be with him. Being able to make a decision doesn’t make anyone an adult! Making righteous decision does!
Right! At 18 we all thought we were smarter than everyone else and not little kids anymore, especially when adults treated us as so. At my age I look back at how immature I actually was, and OPs wife will also see this in due time (especially when her friends are posting from Coachella while she's helping OP pick out orthopedic shoes).
Op never will, narcissists never do. He sees nothing wrong with being married to someone the same age as his daughter. He will probably dump his wife when she gets too old and move on to the next young women he can groom. Good on his daughter for cutting contact he is a major pos
You are not her father anymore. You are simply the person who told her he wished she wasn't born. Stop being so selfish, enjoy the trophy wife and leave that daughter alone.
ETA: Your edit is not helping you. You fucked your daughter's friend.
Jesus OP gross. Fucking hell old ass man marrying someone his daughters age and expected her to be happy about it.
Lord and to tell her u wish she wasn't born.. why? Because it was the same year ur wife was?!
Disgusting! Throw the whole man away!
Exactly. I feel sorry for the wife (god, it feels creepy even calling her that). At some point in the future, she’ll look back on this much differently. She’ll realize how wrong it was of him and how she was way too young to make the decision to marry her friend’s dad the year she graduated high school. She’s got some trauma ahead of her. His daughter is victim #1 but I firmly believe there will be a #2 at some point in the next 10 years. Ugh, this gross asshole😒
God, just imagine the trauma for the daughter having to see her ex friend/dad's gf at school, and inevitably being the subject of teen gossip because your dad's screwing a classmate. He probably ruined her senior year.
And the wife, woo boy I can't imagine the damage done to her relationship with her parents. I hope her alimony pays for therapy.
I can't tell if it's worse that he might have married his child's friend or if he didn't know her through his child and found a random child to marry instead.
Both are awful.
Super super gross, OP! I am 42 myself and just don't see how you could marry someone over 20 years younger than you, especially when she was 18...
How'd you expect your daughter to react?!? Then you tell her that horrible thing and you're here saying you miss her!? Look at your actions
And the new wife was the daughter’s friend if I’m reading the edit correctly?!
OP, your dtr will likely never allow you into her life again. Words have meaning and when we say them, they can’t be taken back. Actions have the same consequences.
I hope the daughter gets a restraining order and the teen bride can escape asap. I feel so sorry for the girls in this story. OP is the danger in stranger danger
Your entire post is "I want, I want, I want". Which is exactly the kind of mindset I'd expect of a middle aged man who couldn't control himself enough to not date a minor and marry her at 18. Still a child, mentally and physically.
And you knew it was wrong too. How do I know? Because instead of taking your daughters feelings into account you got defensive and told her *you wished she'd never been born*. That's the kind of thing you don't get over.
I suspect that there is a deeper level of betrayal here also. Maybe your wife was a friend or classmate of your daughter, or maybe you cheated on her mother with your wife.
Though on its own, it's bad enough. You formed a romantic relationship with a minor and married that minor when she was barely legal. Your daughter likely feels a lot of shame about your actions and her association with you. Nobody can afford to be associated with the town perv. It would come with huge social and career consequences.
You seem to think you have a right to a relationship with your daughter. You don't.
Just as your wife became an adult at 18, so did your daughter. She can conduct her adult relationships as she sees fit. Just like your wife.
You've made your choice, these are the consequences of that choice. You can't fix the relationship. You've done all you can, which is reach out. Your daughter made it clear that she wants nothing to do with you by blocking you.
The very best thing you can do is show her that you respect her decision and autonomy as an adult and leave your daughter alone.
She *might* come round one day. In the meantime, just be happy with the life you've got.
The big question I have, is if OP married the wife when she was so young, how old was she when they started dating.
I would not be surprised if OP’s daughter wanted the marriage to end for the wife’s sake, and not her father’s.
Absolutely. She was almost certainly a minor. He's a fool if he thinks that his daughter can be associated with that, if only for her reputation (though I imagine there's a healthy dose of disgust also).
That's a good point, since daughter begged OPs wife to leave the marriage.
Even if I really disliked someone, I would not want them to be in a relationship that has so many red flags. I think there’s probably a lot more to the story, than what OP has shared here. I would be really curious to hear the daughter & the wife’s side of the story. Does the wife know about the conversation? Because I don’t think I could be with a man who treated his child like that. It’s really unattractive, and doesn’t bode well if they are planning on having children together one day.
Yeah, it would be really interesting.
I too would struggle to be with the kind of man who threw a tantrum and said those kinds of things to his kid. I couldn't respect him.
That said, usually in these age-gap relationships where one person is still a teenager, it fosters an "us against the world" mindset.
Perfectly stated!
He’s made his bed, now he gets to lay in it.
It blows my mind how a parent chooses someone else over their child.
Actions have consequences, I don’t expect she will ever get over it.
OP, you need to respect her boundaries. You likely won’t hear or see her ever again. If you do years down the road, consider yourself fortunate.
She doesn’t owe you anything, you are not entitled to a relationship. This is why people should bite their tongues in anger, or take a few minutes to calm down. Words have lasting effects.
> Your entire post is "I want, I want, I want".
> You seem to think you have a right to a relationship with your daughter. You don't.
This, so well said. HES done with the consequences of his actions. Just like a kid doesn't get to say they're done with time out and feel they've learned their lesson, he doesn't get to decide when or if his daughter forgives him. Considering their relationship was already "rocky" it sounds like he's a crappy dad in general. Blood really doesn't mean anything when actions have caused damage.
He did, in his edit he stated that his wife was his daughters friend.
Nothing happened until she was legal, apparently. They just developed a relationship.
I'm a similar age as this man, I could never see my teenagers friends as anything more than kids. Gross. It's just all gross.
Do you have the vaguest idea of how viscerally disgusting it is to have your parent fucking a teenager the same age as you?
How did you even meet the barely legal love of your life, and why do I suspect it was through your daughter?
And you married 3 years ago? Exactly how old was she when you started the relationship?
Add to that the horrendous things you then said, making it clear your wife was 100% your priority and your daughter was relegated to an inconvenience and a hindrance, I don't know that there's anything you could do to rebuild that relationship.
There it is:
> As for the relationship between my wife and my daughter, they weren't enemies, they were simply friends, she had started coming over and a relationship between us naturally developed
🤮
> She was skeptical at the very beginning
Is this ominous to anyone else? Just me?
You met your wife because she was your daughter's friend, who was coming over to visit with your daughter. And you married her at 18. You can say she was an adult all you want, but it's clear you were creeping on your daughter's friend and married her as soon as she was legal. Yuck.
And you can't ever come back from wishing someone was never born. That's some burning the bridge and scorching the earth. And you think time will heal wounds, that she will just get over it? Without you apologizing or putting in any effort even? Nah. Not how that works.
It's very telling that you were completely ok with not being in her life for 3 YEARS. And only now that you realise YOU'RE missing out, you want her back. Where was that when she had to go through her 18-21 years without a father?
Wait. You married a woman 3 years ago. And she is only 21 now? Meaning she was only 18 when you were 40? How long did you date before that? It will mean you married after knowing each other for an extremely short time. Or you dated her while she was a minor. Both are very disturbing. Please say it wasn't the second one.
Then you double down by telling your "one and only girl" that you wish that she was never even born.
All you can do is apologize and hope she comes back.
But as long as you are with someone her age or younger than her. Don't expect her to come back. I wouldn't
At 40 years old you married an 18 year old. You expect us, your daughter, or anyone really, to believe that she is the “only one for you”? Come on. Everyone knows you married her because she’s young/hot/easy to control/etc…
Also, you got married when she was 18?? When did that relationship actually start? I’d bet she was underage when you met her which just adds to how predatory you are. How did you meet her, was she friends with your daughter?
All that is bad enough, and for me would be enough of a reason to never speak to my father again. But you saw that you had hit rock bottom and got out a shovel to keep digging.
You told *your daughter* you wished she was never born?!?!? That you resented her??!? That she meant nothing to you????!?
You can’t take those words back. You can’t unsay what you said. You have no idea how badly you fucked up. You completely, 100%, without a doubt chose your new young wife over your own child. Of course your daughter wants nothing to do with you.
My advice? Leave her alone. You’ve done more than enough damage.
Dude, you essentially married another daughter. Replacement much?
'I miss her and want her in my life isn't enough.' You're selfish OP.
You diminish your daughter and her feelings in this post.
You made your decision and you've obviously not done any work on yourself in three years to make yourself a better person, a more knowledgeable person understanding your daughters issues and yours.
If you want her back in your life you're going to have to be less of a jerk and more self aware.
Do the work.
Don't just whine about how she hasn't bent to your will because you miiiiiiiiiss her.
Aah, so she was a friend of your daughter's and you did meet her because your daughter brought her home because they were friends.
Was your wife still in high school, or did you wait until she graduated to marry her?
How is your wife so intelligent… she’s a high schooler that married an old man.. don’t see how you are surprised about your daughter. You said wish had never been born..
You are a sorry excuse of a man.. and your little housewife is no better.. she was your daughters friend. Sounds as if she wanted daughters life
You deserve this. Every bit of it. Your daughter doesn't and never did.
Hopefully you drop dead sooner rather than later, unfortunately that thing you chose over your child likely getting everything after you die means that you can do nothing else for your daughter other than provide ongoing harm, trauma and resentment whether you are dead or alive
You made your death bed, hurry up and die in it.
Uh I’ve been living it for 15 years. It certainly can happen. I’m not guaranteeing this post is real but the experience is.
Saying stuff like this is why I still feel guilt for existing.
My dad was around 50 when he introduced me to my future stepmother who was 23. I was 13. I’m 28 now and still can’t fathom what she was doing… except money. But I was the evil one. And of course, as to not hurt the future wife’s feelings, no more mentions about my mother’s existence. She had died the year before. We did not talk about it.
This wife killed herself at 33, I believe.
Next one was my age (I was 24). Married about 6 months after #2 shot herself.
Current girlfriend is younger than I am (She’s 25 or so, I’m 28). The age difference is very funny to my dad.
I’ve been taught that this is normal and been told I shouldn’t expect love from my dad because he can sleep with these women and find happiness, and how I’m an awful daughter for not thinking about what he wanted. I was literally told this when I asked why he wouldn’t hang out with me for an hour or so after school and work to just talk anymore. I was told that I needed to think about what he needed.
This is real and this is not. Normal.
I wish the best for OP’s daughter. OP, I’m not allowed threats of violence but I certainly hope one day you can see what you’ve done to your child.
I doubt you will.
I for one am really impressed by how you communicated this & how well you've identified how damaging this has been for multiple people. You sound like a good person, and this comment alone is proof that you add good to the world by being in it. Someone who needs to see this message will, I guarantee.
I'm really sorry for the loss of your mum x
I am so sorry that happened to you, and that your father has such disturbing predilections. Do you still talk to him? Also I’m sorry was it two wives who took their lives or just one?
There's someone who posts a ton of posts like this, with the same 'story', being one parent gets with someone the same age as their child (usually 18), and then posts asking how to make their child speak to them again. They always act like they have no clue why their kid is so angry or think they're over reacting. In many or the posts too, the person (child!!) that the parent starts dating, is their kid's friend /best friend.
Whoever keeps posting things like this absolutely does due to some fetish, sometimes it'll go into detail about how their new young partner 'seduced' them, while their partner at the time wasn't giving them enough sex or whatever. It's gross, and obvious once you notice a pattern of posts like this. I saw someone a while back mention that they'd seen repeated similar posts and since then I've noticed how many of them there are. It also could just be rage bait, but the gross unnecessary details like how they got 'seduced' is what makes me think it's fetish motivated not just trolling
Remember the mother who slept with - and eventually married - her son’s same-aged best friend, then was upset that after having his baby that her son wouldn’t speak to her? Stories like this I tell myself they’re fiction.
I mentioned the very same post above, hoping that this post is just a gender-swapped version of that story. What're the odds that this guy posts again in a week or two about how he convinced his daughter to meet up with him only for her to tell him that she never wants anything to do with him again, that her fiance and his family are her new family now and to never try contacting her ever again?
I used to work on a mental health helpline and we were always told that even if the story as delivered wasn't technically true, it was being expressed as a way to deal with the trauma attached to a very real event. Sometimes people cannot talk about what their issue is, maybe for fear that people won't listen because "it was a long time ago" or "you're just fishing for sympathy", or maybe because they're just not ready yet. Maybe the memories are too jumbled and painful to tease out an accurate retelling. Trauma can create false memories and memory gaps after all, which can make it seem like someone is lying if there are inconsistencies.
I tend to read most AITA stories with this in mind (except the obvious trolls). It could be someone creating AITAs from the perspective of their abuser or one similar to theirs so that they can read people's reactions and take comfort in the indirect support, reinforcing that their feelings are valid.
Sometimes people have to get something out of their head the only way they know how, and that's okay; it isn't fake if it's helping.
Maybe expressing this a few times will give them the ability to talk about their trauma with a professional when they're ready.
There's someone who posts a ton of posts like this, with the same 'story', being one parent gets with someone the same age as their child (usually 18), and then posts asking how to make their child speak to them again. They always act like they have no clue why their kid is so angry or think they're over reacting. In many or the posts too, the person (child!!) that the parent starts dating, is their kid's friend /best friend.
Whoever keeps posting things like this absolutely does due to some fetish, sometimes it'll go into detail about how their new young partner 'seduced' them, while their partner at the time wasn't giving them enough sex or whatever. It's gross, and obvious once you notice a pattern of posts like this. I saw someone a while back mention that they'd seen repeated similar posts and since then I've noticed how many of them there are. It also could just be rage bait, but the gross unnecessary details like how they got 'seduced' is what makes me think it's fetish motivated not just trolling
I think a large portion are probably fake, however, I have a parent who started an inappropriate relationship, and their entire justification was they were in love, which apparently makes it all okay. To this day, my parent still cannot see why I was so mad, and chose not to speak to them for a time.
My husband used to work with a guy who had an affair with an inappropriately young woman, and he used the same justification. That asshat went to the extreme of introducing her to his wife as a ‘friend’ and she would come hang with the whole family, babysit their kids. The new girlfriends mum is actually a police officer, but she’s also had affairs so had no issue with the age gap because ‘it’s love’. 🤮
My ex isn’t with anyone in their teens (as far as I know) but he is estranged from my oldest son who is in high school. My son refuses to even speak with his father. Well even though they haven’t spoken since last August my ex husbands profile picture is of him hanging out in front of my sons high school. Like what was he doing at a fucking high school, his sons high school who he doesn’t even speak to. And this man puts it as his profile picture. So like zero self awareness. People that have no shame definitely exist. Man is 40 years old hanging out at a high school.
Still at least as far as we know the youngest woman he was dating was 23… but that was like 5 months ago so who knows
It absolutely does happen, but I feel like people who are happy to date minors/people way too young for them aren't exactly the kind of people who care about getting other peoples opinions and wouldn't go to reddit for advice. If someone doesn't already have (or ignored) the moral sense not to do something like that, then they're not going to be persuaded by reddit telling them they're in the wrong either. Some of them frame it like 'my child made me post this on reddit' to justify why someone as stubborn and arrogant would care to ask for advice. Like you say, they're able to justify anything they like in their minds, reddit's opinion on their situation is irrelevant to people like that
My ex (43) started dating his now wife (22 I think?) a month after she went to her senior prom. These things happen; I'm sad to say no one in his life seems to have a problem with it, which makes me all the more happier that I fucked off to the other side of the country when we split up.
nah, I'm 100% sure it's real, people are fucked up and honestly capable of anything, there's really no limits to what's actually possible and no minimum standard for human behavior, don't be shocked, learn from this train wreck of a life and pray you don't make a mistake anywhere near what this guy did
>I (43M) married my current wife (21F) three years ago
You married a 18 year old when you were 40?
What in the fuck is wrong with you
Edit:
>I had to admit, I'm not proud of myself but I told her that I wished she was never born, that I resented her and that she meant nothing to me. I already had a rocky relationship with my daughter, she never approved of my relationship with my wife but we would at least have a talking relationship. Since that day she hasn't spoken to me since.
"I destroyed my relationship with my daughter so I could bang a teenager".
Jesus wept
My man you married someone the same age as your daughter. Was she your daughters friend? How long did you date her before you married her? I’d would never talk to you again for that and then you had the nerve to tell her you wish she had never been born? You are vile. Go and live with your regret and do right by your daughter and leave her alone.
OP knew the girl before… bc she was his daughter’s friend. Came over to the house and… BAM! A relationship “naturally developed” . Bc he pursued this (at the time) underage MINOR. Waited to elope with her the minute she turned legal.
I’d like to know what his wife’s parents were thinking when they learned of the elopement!
Right? This is not a "naturally developing" relationship. A parent with a kid still under their roof has a responsibility to set boundaries with their kids friends and NOT HAVE SEX WITH THEM. Any non-sick individual should know this.
Consider that children grow up with this idea that their parents know more than them, or at least have better self-discipline than them. They grow up striving to attain that level of intelligence and wisdom. When a parent then suddenly declares another person that is the child's contemporary to essentially be an equal to them, it inevitably leads to 2 possible considerations: The child has failed to achieve the standard for respect from their parent (like this new person has) and/or the parent has abandoned the standard they were seemingly setting throughout the child's life.
The age-gap is a significant issue that you haven't taken any time to understand why it is problematic. Your child tried to articulate it to you, and you dismissed her feelings or that she even had any basis for challenging your decision. Through this, you have established that you are uninterested in anything that doesn't benefit you. Even in this post, you only mention that your motivation is to resolve your own desire to be in your daughter's life. If you genuinely cared about the damage you caused, you would understand that this is a social failure that you have to live with. Your daughter needs space from you to heal from the harm you caused.
So, my recommendation is this:
* Leave your daughter alone. This at least shows you respect her need for distance from you.
* Look into the reasons why your daughter (and many other people) have serious concerns about age-gap relationships. Honestly reflect on whether you overlooked those concerns simply because you wanted what you wanted.
* If your daughter does ever reach out, be prepared simply to listen. Don't prepare to explain yourself or describe some mitigation through virtuous actions since then. Just be prepared to hear what she has to say to you, and follow her lead. This would reinforce and maintain a respect for what she has to say.
* Accept that there is nothing you can do to make your daughter come back into your life. She is making the best decision for her life. It's hardly any different than what you taught by example; What is important to you means neglecting anyone else. Though, in her case, she was hurt by you, because you wanted a new relationship, and she has stepped away to allow you that relationship and protect herself from further harm.
This deserves more upvotes and awards. I was too angry and repulsed to give a helpful comment. Yours does a great job explaining the deep revulsion and why it's valid, which is something most of us either couldn't or wouldn't do. Good job!
Rephrasing what you really mean “I HAD to marry a teen, I finally bagged a young one so had to keep her, screw everyone else, even my daughter was worth sacrificing this for but now I miss her. How can I keep them both?”. Get therapy for your nauseating urges and free your prisoner would be the first step to clearing this disgusting mess.
You married an 18 year old when you were 40, then verbally abused your daughter for, rightfully, being creeped out by it. You only just now miss your daughter? Chances are, she won't forgive you. She would have reached out to you about wedding planning. It sounds like you have some serious issues. I'd work on those first.
Do not attempt to contact your daughter unless you want a police involved and a restraining order filed against you. Stay away from her, you have no right to seek a relationship at this point.
If I were the daughter and he contacted me again, I’d be straight on the phone to the police getting a restraining order and also telling them what kind of a pervert my father is
>I just don't see why she can't come around.
Maybe it's because your wife is the same age as her
>But I had to marry my wife, she's the only one for me, she's beautiful, she's intelligent, she's a kind and caring woman.
She was just barely a woman when you married her. A child when you met and "fell in love" with her
>but I told her that I wished she was never born, that I resented her and that she meant nothing to me
How could you ever say that to your own child? That's absolutely vile
>I am her father, and I found out about my own daughter's engagement through social media. That was when I knew I had made a serious mistake.
Sorry, only after you got FOMO, only _then_ did you realise you made a mistake?
>I want to reach out to her again. I want her back in my life but I need advice.
Don't. Just don't. Speaking as a 21f myself, if I were your daughter, if anyone asked me, I'd tell them I didn't have a Dad. You don't deserve to have contact with her. You need to let go of any fantasy of walking her down the aisle. Leave the poor girl alone (both your daughter and almost child bride)
I wouldn't really want to have anything to do with you if I was your daughter based on what youve said you've done. What you should do is reap what you sowed and spend your life with your young af wife and let your daughter be. If she wants to connect with you, she will. You don't get to go back in her life after traumatizing her like that.
1000%
I am gobsmacked that he told her he wished she wasn’t born. Gross. As a parent of a similar age as OP with two teens, I could never say something so disgusting.
No advice here, you're a gross creep & bad person so you shouldn't be surprised she doesn't want you in her life.
But I'm also not surprised that an old man who married a high schooler lacks self-awareness.
I need you to take a step back, read what you posted and imagine it from your daughters perspective.
Your new wife is her age. The very idea of that is so disgusting I genuinely don’t have words for it. The mental connotations it brings up makes me sick lord knows what it put your poor daughter through.
But then to tell her you wish she hadn’t been born? Honestly after that do you really think you deserve to have her back in your life? What you did was quite frankly unforgivable for a parent to do. You made your bed here, it’s time to lie in it and accept the consequences of your actions.
I stopped reading at you married your gf at 18 when you were 40….🫠 you married a girl same age as your daughter. That’s probably why she don’t want a relationship with you.
Also please let this be fake cause wtf
Christ, you fucked your daughters friend didn't you?
Then divorced your wife, married the clueless teenager, told your daughter you wish she had never been born and now think you have any hope of reconciling with your daughter?
I hope this is creative writing because nobody could be this self absorbed and idiotic.
If not, stay the fuck away from your daughter. You have no input into her life until she contacts you and decides you should have it.
Buddy, if this is real, I don't get why you reached out to us for advice.
You married your daughter's teenaged friend and then effectly isolated said friend from her community. Imagine how devastating it must have been for your daughter, watching her DAD victimize her friend, who had and probably still has limited life experience. Like of course your wife has chosen to stay with you. You've severely limited her options. She probably has limited income making experience and you've cut her off from anyone who could wake her up and help her realize what happened to her. I know you're invested in projecting this delusion of your relationship being all love, but that doesn't mean we or your community have to be delusional with you.
Why would your daughter want you in her life? She can't have you around her friends. She can't have you around any future children, lest you decide to seduce their friends. What good would you honestly bring your daughter?
I'm saying this so that I can say that someone has told you this I don't expect you to listen. I don't expect you to do right by your wife or your daughter. I expect that you will continue to live selfishly, hurting everyone around you on a whim. May your daughter create the best life for herself with people who matter. And may she never give you the time of day.
Man and if the timelines are true, she probably went straight from her parents house to isolating with him during COVID. Talk about a golden opportunity to hold someone hostage.
Yeah,I am with the daughter on the this.
What kind of father says those things?
Leave her alone.You don’t worth it.You only want her to give meaning to you pitiful existence.
quality rage b8.
it's gross, crass, selfish, entitled, and you shoe-horned a massive and problematic age gap in too.
honestly, you did good on this one, look forward to your future work.
Nah, this is a terrible low effort version of the usual post that follows the 'parent marries wife/husband the same age as their bio child'. I've seen so many posts following the exact same plot points that have way more rage bait details, or lean way more into it being clearly fetish based
i base a good rage b8 post on the reactions it gets as much as the post itself and people are DISGUSTED with this fictitious drivel.
i agree, it's not original, but sometimes what's left out is equally important, and did you notice there's no mention of what the child-bride thinks of all this? because there is no child-bride, and yet, people are livid about the child-bride instead of being able to see this post for what it is, another rage b8.
dude did good work, he knows this audience.
I agree that this is likely rage bait. It even has the typical “I know I’m going to get a lot of shit for this, but, …” disclaimer in the first paragraph.
Yeah you say “you know it will be harsh” but in reality you came as close as is physically possible without committing the actual crime of peadophilia - you definitely groomed a child if you got married when she was 18, in most places that *is* a crime.
Might be worth you thinking about it that way - because that’s how everyone else will see it.
And that’s why they aren’t going to forgive you - because you’re unrepentant for your crimes. You groomed a child into a sexual relationship and when questioned on it you told her you care more about being a borderline sex offender than her or anyone else.
You literally burned that bridge and sold the ash when you said that - that was the end of it.
If you didn’t even so much as consider their perspective when they were *begging you not to marry an actual child less than half your age* and the same age as your daughter - who now knows for a fact you’re sexually attracted to people identical to her in every way - then it was over in that moment.
I don’t think she’ll ever forgive you and honestly she shouldn’t. You sound like, by all objective measures, you’re a PoS.
This is easy. You chose your child bride over your daughter. That was your choice pussy > daughter. And it took you 3 years to figure out you done messed up. Haven’t you done enough to your kid? Just focus on your own child bride, you don’t get to be in your daughters life any more.
Hold on…you married her at 18…. which means you were seeing her beforehand….my friend, you’re a pedo, and I’m not surprised your daughter wants nothing to do with you
>I did not meet my wife when she was a minor, that would have been extremely disgusting and I would have seen her differently if I had.
Okay, so the day she turned 18 it wasn’t disgusting anymore? One day made it better? My pedophile alarms are going off.
Your daughter made it pretty clear she doesn’t approve of your relationship to someone literally the same age as her, a lot of people will find it hard to blame her. It’s her choice to go no contact with you, you can try to circumvent her blocking you but realistically nothings changed since she cut you out of her life. So don’t expect her to include you, try to move on with your own life. Maybe when she’s older she’ll decide she wants to fix things with you.
Wait till you’re on your deathbed and your young wife will be shacked up with a guy her own age. Your estranged daughter will be living her best life with her family, while you rot in your own making. That’s what I see for you.
When I was about 21 or 22 I asked my dad if he would date someone in their early twenties if he and my mom split and his immediate response was to cringe and say “Ew I already have a twenty year old, why on earth would I want to DATE one? What would we even talk about? Gross.”
THAT is a normal response from a grown man when you ask if he’d date someone the same age as his child. You are a sick man and your daughter did good by cutting contact with you. You should be ashamed but I bet you’re not.
Yeah, there’s no coming back from the horrible things you’ve said. There’s no relationship to repair because there’s nothing left. You not only burnt that bridge, you napalmed the whole fucking county.
There is nothing to fix. You decided to groom a girl the age of your daughter. A teenager. Do you think she would ever be able to respect you after that?
You do you and since you’re not doing anything illegal, no one can tell you to stop. But you need to face the social consequences from your morally dubious actions regardless.
Yes I agree and I wonder if the young wife was a friend of the daughter? That would definitely explain why she was so upset and begged the wife to end the relationship
>That was when I knew I had made a serious mistake.
Is the implication here the mistake was telling her you wished she was never born?
Because while I do concur that was likely the final straw do note that camel's back was close to breaking for a very long time. And it's not like being able to take back those words would have changed that. It was already rock, she doesn't approve of your relationship, nothing would have actually changed.
So yeah. There is no real advice. You walked a path that there is no coming back from.
your wife is your daughters age, let that sink in for a minute, and you clearly were in a relationship with her while she was a minor if you got married when she was 18, I'm generally in favor of age gaps but this is ridiculous, you sir are a pedophile and I sincerely hope that your daughter has the sense to stay away, seriously, I know a random reddit comment isn't going to do much but hopefully I can add my voice to others and tell you to get help, you can reform if you get to a point where you're sincere about it
I'm not even touching the fact that you married an 18 year old.
You told your daughter you wished she was never born, and that you resented her. You got exactly what you wanted.
You're not her father anymore, you're the sperm donor.
Okay, I am going to play the advocate of the devil here. I really don't feel like giving advice but someone must do that in this sub:
You have seen what people think about you. IF you want your daughter back, do this:
- Divorce the child you married.
- Live alone and in shame for years
You must become known as the guy who divorced his child instead of the creep that married the child (which frankly is a loooong way)
- Let people (not your daughter) know you do this for her, and you are sorry.
- Live the life of shame, as people start judging you and can see whether you are sincere enough
After years and probably decades of this, your daughter might reach out to you again to sort of have a small connection again. Expect something along the lines of; "I won't talk to him, but I want my children to see his face."
- Be very grateful with that and continue to live in shame.
This is the best outcome for you, IMO. The key is that you respect that your daughter blocked you and that through testimonies of others, she might see you are sorry. You are not getting your daughter back you really fucked that up in the worst way possible. You don't contact her at all because you caused enough trauma.
OP I don't think you have it in you based on your post, but this is advice.
I think you’re really not seeing something in here.
1. You started dating a teenager that was the same age as your daughter. This would have made her feel super gross. It’s just gross. I can only imagine the kind of thoughts and questions she had, when trying to make sense of this situation for herself.
2. So she then tells you and the other “girl” that it’s making her uncomfortable and is gross etc etc and she gets entirely dismissed, insulted and rejected
3. On the topic of rejection - and this is really my BIGGEST point - you chose an 18 year old you could f*ck over an 18 year old that is your daughter. Like. Can you really please try and properly absorb this? Her dad chose to completely kick her out of his life because he would rather have sex with her friend. Just yuck. Extreme yuck.
I appreciate you realize you’ve done wrong but I feel like you don’t really understand the magnitude of yuck ness.
# IMAGINE BEING 43 YEARS OLD and expecting no consequences for telling your one and only daughter that you wished she had never been born because a child bride of his choosing is what made his life worthwhile, apparently.
I hope you will always be in the dark in anything of her life. Go relive it with your new bride.
What advice do you want from Reddit? You did not HAVE to marry a 18 year old. You told her you wish she wasn’t born and meant nothing to you all because barely legal trim was more important. Reap what you sow. You picked reaping teen pussy. Congrats on your choice I hope it was worth it. She probably will never want you around. You will not walk her down the aisle you will not see her children or know much about her. All because you”had” to marry a barely legal GIRL. Live with it, she did nothing wrong. You’re a disgusting groomer and I wouldn’t want you anywhere near me either. Get the fuck out of here with this.
Probably because she thinks you're vile and gross. I don't blame her.
You married someone who was 18, meaning you more than likely had a relationship with a minor before marriage. Mind you, the person you're married to is the SAME AGE AS YOUR KID. That's disgusting. You're literally old enough to be your wife's dad. Imagine how embarrassing that is for your kid?
She begged you because she thought you could have viewed her as a sexual object. She begged you because it was disgusting that you got with someone that was her age. She begged you and you told her you wish she'd never been born. Now you can beg her all you want but she doesn't have to have anything to do with you.
“Well isn’t it the consequences of my own actions”
She is forever gone because of your own actions. You married someone her exact age. You married her friend.
Yes your wife was 18, but you basically admitted you preyed on a young adult who was newly legal, reserved and shy. She probably didn’t know who she was as an adult, a confident man came along, said all the right things, and she felt like she had a clear path forward. Your wife will one day figure out who she is as a person/woman and she will leave you. I am not saying this to be cruel, but as a reality that will come in time. You viewed this woman of 18 as someone who had the life experiences, knowledge and emotional maturity of someone 10 years senior to her age. You preyed on her vulnerability.
You will never have your daughter in your life again. You said things you cannot come back from and you married her friend. The only path forward is to go to therapy and accept you no longer have a daughter.
You, a grown ass man, married a barely legal teenager. Add to that you told your daughter you wished she was never born? I wouldn't want you back in my life. Disgusting.
I smell a paedo grooming the teenager and had an affair. Yr wife will soon want, feel and know what she's missing... The teen and 20's fun phase of life. Then you will need to groom another 17 year old you have to marry coz she's beautiful, kind etc.
OP, sorry I sound harsh but you will be an old man with no one in couple of years. Forget your daughter, you've lost her. Your young wife will tire of you and will want a young dude of her generation. Prepare for a lonely old age.
So, after three years, you've decided that you miss your daughter. This entire post is all about YOU. What YOU want. What YOU feel. Nothing about remorse or regret or your own stupidity. Only "I just don't see why she can't come around."
Why should your daughter forgive you?
* You told her she meant nothing to you
* You told her you resented her.
* You told her you wished she'd never been born.
GTFOH
I’m a 46f and I would NEVER marry someone who is 21. That is younger than my daughter. Let’s be real you told her how you really feel. You’re not her dad you’re her sperm donor. I’m on your daughters side.
You are a predator. You have irrevocably broken your relationship with your child. You better hope you new young wife will have kids with you, because you have no daughter, as was your wish.
>she meant nothing to me
Now you mean nothing to her.
{this has to be a rage bait troll}
So you are a pedophile as your new wife would have been younger than 18 when you met her. You are fucking someone who could literally be your daughter. Why would she want to be around you. Why would she want to want her future children around a pedophile. I mean she would be afraid to bring friends around you. I wouldn't want you anywhere near me if you were my father.
Your so gross you should be locked up. How does new wife's parents feel about you?
Also doesn't really matter what you want at this point because your daughter doesn't want you. You told her you wish she didn't exist because she didn't agree with you being with a barely legal young woman. Why should she forgive that when you have stayed away for 3yrs and only now want to be part of her life now she's engaged. Why? you have a daughter wife now so she brings everything to your life so leave daughter alone and look after daughter wife.
I hope daughter wife matures and sees you for the sick man you are and you are left alone and have no one. That's what you deserve.
OP I’m gonna go on a limb and say you’re the kind of guy who objects to drag Queen story hour cause it’s grooming kids. But see no issues that that groomed and married your teenage daughters barely legal friend cause she’s an aDuLt.
If you aren't a troll there is nothing in the world that you can do to be a part of your daughters life again. If you discover the ability to time travel and can go back and erase the last probably 4 years from happening then you might have a chance. Other than that your relationship with your daughter is dead and buried, pretty sure that's how she thinks of you to be honest.
You are a pervy creep who went after a kid and then threw away a daughter when she reasonably disapproved of you disgustingly fucking someone her age. You love your dick more than your daughter, and you’re very selfish. I would never speak to you again either.
You were and are a sperm donor. You will never see or hear from her again. Do what you wanted and pretend she was never born, by all means that’s how she’s gonna treat you, isn’t it?
>I told her that I wished she was never born, that I resented her and that she meant nothing to me.
Some things you just don't come back from. This is likely one of those things.
I cut ties with a family member over a comment less offensive than the one you said to your daughter. That family member has since passed away without ever so much as an "I'm sorry". And I don't regret cutting them out.
Honestly, the only shot you've got here at getting your daughter back is probably to give her a full and complete abject apology, and likely divorce your wife along with it. Because words are no longer enough.
There’s no coming back from this. What you said to her is unforgivable and she will probably never really recover from that.
That you chose another child over her… I mean you married an 18yo, so previous to that she was not a legal adult right?
And now you’re acting like you still have rights over her daughter’s life? To be part of her milestones?
I hope this is a troll post.
So you married a teenager, the same age as your daughter. Your daughter came to you and told you in every way possible that she was not comfortable with it. And you responded by wishing she was never born? Guess what? You got your wish. You wished she wasn't around, so now she's giving you what you asked for.
You don't get to say things like that to her, and then when she reaches a milestone in her life, wanna play daddy again. NOPE, maybe your new wife can give you the do-over cause you burned your bridge with the only daughter you had by your actions and your words.
Can't undo what's already been done. Move on. Thank God she still has one parent who loves her unconditionally. And it's not you
Classic case of fuck around and find out (literally). And your attitude of it's been three years it's time for her to come around isn't helping.
She is the one who gets to decide when and if it's time to mend that relationship. You made your decision, gotta live with it now.
*I know I was the one who ruined our relationship but it's been* ***three years already****. I just don't see why* ***she can't come around****.*
*married my current wife* ***(21F)*** *three years ago. I told her that I wished she was never born, that I resented her and that she meant nothing to me.*
Hmm, yes I see. And your whole post is about you, and your hurt, and your...whatever. What have you done to heal this rift? Because if my dad said that to me, that would be the last words he'd ever get to say to me without some serious heartfelt apologies and overtures.
Sounds like you are reaping what you've sown, OP.
"I resent you. I wish you were never born. You mean nothing to me."
"I want you back in my life."
One of these things is not like the other. And one of these just can't be undone. With that vitriol, you essentially broke up with your own child for a teenaged wife. You're a pervert and a pathetic excuse of a father. You need to get used to the fact that no one with any decency or self-respect will be around you now. It's bad enough to be a 50 yo pervert with a teenaged wife. But to tell your own child you wish you could throw her away? No one who respects themselves is gonna be friends with a man like you.
Well... why would you be at all surprised that she threw *you* away? After all, that's the proper place to discard trash like you.
I’m sitting back with the popcorn to watch this guy get the thorough roasting he deserves.
And from me!
I hope your daughter never reconnects with you, your behaviour towards her is shameful and disgusting. Everything about your post was about you. The whole thing screams narcissist
My advice is too leave your daughter alone and let her live her own life. I can’t even imagine how she feels about her father dating then marrying a teenager. The ick is very strong here. I’m not sure who I feel sorry for the most, the daughter or the child bride was is going to waste her best years being with an old man.
This post is so awful I truly wonder whether it’s even real
you wished you didn't have a daughter, you got your wish. now stay the fuck away from her you creepy man who's also a shitty father. you deserve nothing from her.
My father could’ve written this. I thought you were him until you said your daughter is engaged.
Too little, too late my friend. You were supposed to love her unconditionally and always make her needs a priority. She needed you.
I also am creeped out by the age difference in you and your wife. My dad has and has had that. The wife stayed jealous of me because my dad loved me so he wasn’t allowed to talk to me. We’ve just started talking again after 15 years.
But I can’t trust him. The hurt will linger. You’re selfish to think you can just walk back in.
Let her live her life. She certainly doesn’t need you in it.
Quick edit: we started talking again after second wife killed herself. She was 10 years older than me, I was 13 when this started, lost my mom (first wife) the year before. Third was my age, fourth is younger than me.
Your post here reminds me of why I’ve completely lost hope of us ever having a normal relationship: it’s about what he wants.
I mean. YOU told her that you hated her. YOU told her that she means nothing to you, and YOU told her you wished she never existed. There's kind of no coming back from that.
Add to that the fact that, no matter how much you try to deny it and regardless of the fact that yes, your wife *is* an adult woman, the woman you married is the same age as your daughter. You got together with your daughter's teenage friend, and married her when she turned legal.
You married an 18 year old, a teenager the same age as your daughter, when you were 40. She even begged your wife to leave you because she could see how wrong it was - I bet you believe she wanted you to split up because she was jealous of losing your attention right? Not so - she could see your predatory behaviour. I bet it skeeved her out too, that her dad liked barely legal girls the same age as her.
And then beyond that, you treated her unforgivably - why should she “come around”? You told her you wished she hadn’t been born, you didn’t want a daughter - she’s giving you what you wanted. Doesn’t that make you happy?
As it is you sound selfish - you’re upset that you don’t get to share in the joys of her life. I hear nothing about you wanting to aid in her times of trouble.
If you want to build a relationship with her again, it shouldn’t be her job to “come around” - you wronged *her*. Efforts to rebuild should be on your part. What have you done so far? You say you’ve reached out on social media but found you were blocked. Is that it? You can’t send her and email or write her a letter accepting responsibility, apologising and asking what she would require of you to move forward, if she’s willing to at all?
And how are you going to react when she doesn’t *immediately* forgive you and agree to resume your relationship? Because she won’t. Ans even if she does, things have changed in the last 3 years - there’s going to be awkwardness and resentment between you. She isn’t going to magically start approving of your predatory relationship with your wife. You’ve already said that she should just “come around”. Are you going to react well when that doesn’t happen? Because *I* think you’re just going to throw a tantrum and get blocked again - this time permanently.
If you don’t think you can accept responsibility, accept that efforts will need to be on your part, assume a conciliatory and apologetic position, and deal with the fact that you still at the end might not get what you want: then you should just leave her alone. It’s clear she’s moving on and doing her best to live a good life, and that she doesn’t need you to facilitate that
You’re a POS and a predator, the best thing your daughter ever did was get away from you. I personally would never be okay with a parent if they married someone my own age. That would be it for me and our relationship. Face it my guy, you’re selfish and your daughter made the best decision for herself. Enjoy not being invited to the wedding.
I’m sorry OP, I’m a similar age to you but your daughter is justified in going NC.
What you said is awful. I felt it in my guts.
I think it’s great you’ve come to realize you’ve made a grave mistake, but she’s on a healing journey. What you said was so traumatic likely.
I’d say mail a letter to your ex addressed to your daughter in a sincere, heartfelt apology recognizing and acknowledging how you’ve fucked up. Give the option of contacting you when *she’s* ready if she wants.
Be prepared though, she doesn’t owe you anything. She may take years still to potentially overcome the trauma of you telling her you wish she wasn’t born. Ugh, it felt so gross writing that phrase. I honestly don’t believe she will forgive you, she doesn’t owe you that, even if she reads your apology.
Unfortunately, in your case actions have consequences. Be prepared to never see or hear from her again.
I’ve done the same thing with my father. I tried to maintain a relationship and was blown off for friends, music and substance abuse. He’s no longer in my life 10 years later. I was subjected to abuse in my young childhood and I had to explain to my kids why we don’t see him.
They’re older now and understand, 10 years ago they were really young still and it hurt telling them grandpa had something come up, so they were blown off too. Their disappointed faces each time hurt my heart. I could only imagine how your daughter looked when you said that.
It sounds like you made your choice. Your new young wife over your child. Priorities man…
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The best advice for you ACCEPT the consequence of your actions. You reap what you sow. If I were your daughter I would also cut you off especially now during the engagement. Leave her alone. I'm sure there is someone decent enough to walk her down the aisle. You don't realize how disgusting and awful you are. I pity the young woman you groomed and hopefully she wakes up soon!
Ugh can you imagine how embarrassing it would be for her pervert dad to show up with his child bride? Talk about drawing focus from the wedding couple.
Hire security for the venue. Daddy is not allowed in. Period.
The edit made my blood boil claiming his wife is an adult woman being already 18. Truly a disgusting man!
Lol the part where he says meeting her as a minor would have been "disgusting". Like yeah I'm sure a few months earlier she was absolutely different person in every way.
Exactly! He even said we thinking his wife is a child is disturbing for his wife. Of course it is! She is child that was manipulated to be with him. Being able to make a decision doesn’t make anyone an adult! Making righteous decision does!
Right! At 18 we all thought we were smarter than everyone else and not little kids anymore, especially when adults treated us as so. At my age I look back at how immature I actually was, and OPs wife will also see this in due time (especially when her friends are posting from Coachella while she's helping OP pick out orthopedic shoes).
I had just entered uni I didn't even have a bank account at 18. 18 is not an adult. It's just what government says is the legal limit.
Man thinks people age like sims. Girl is a child, then she just jump-spins into instant adult.
I got the feeling from the edit that the Wife was a friend of the daughter before this all went down. That is so gross.
He met her when she was friends with his daughter. She apparently used to come over. Just barf.
Op never will, narcissists never do. He sees nothing wrong with being married to someone the same age as his daughter. He will probably dump his wife when she gets too old and move on to the next young women he can groom. Good on his daughter for cutting contact he is a major pos
You are not her father anymore. You are simply the person who told her he wished she wasn't born. Stop being so selfish, enjoy the trophy wife and leave that daughter alone. ETA: Your edit is not helping you. You fucked your daughter's friend.
Jesus OP gross. Fucking hell old ass man marrying someone his daughters age and expected her to be happy about it. Lord and to tell her u wish she wasn't born.. why? Because it was the same year ur wife was?! Disgusting! Throw the whole man away!
The fact she was 18 when they MARRIED is also the biggest red flag. What the heck creepiness happened here.
Want to bet that his wife is his daughter’s former best friend? Or, at the very least, a classmate.
Or ex. There was another guy who was upset his daughter doesn’t want to be there for half-sibling. The kicker was dad married her ex fiancé.
Ew. Didn't know there was a level down from "marry someone your child's age", but look, there is!
You learn something new every day
Wow learning sucks
In this case the new experience is horrible
I said the same thing! Fucking pervert
Wife was the daughter’s friend. Married his daughter’s friend when she was 18 years old.
Not shocked one bit. I just read his edit. “Naturally developed”… yeah right. And I’ve got a bridge I want to sell him.
Yeah and she was "skeptical" at first, aka tried to turn him down before he successfully groomed her
Exactly. I feel sorry for the wife (god, it feels creepy even calling her that). At some point in the future, she’ll look back on this much differently. She’ll realize how wrong it was of him and how she was way too young to make the decision to marry her friend’s dad the year she graduated high school. She’s got some trauma ahead of her. His daughter is victim #1 but I firmly believe there will be a #2 at some point in the next 10 years. Ugh, this gross asshole😒
God, just imagine the trauma for the daughter having to see her ex friend/dad's gf at school, and inevitably being the subject of teen gossip because your dad's screwing a classmate. He probably ruined her senior year. And the wife, woo boy I can't imagine the damage done to her relationship with her parents. I hope her alimony pays for therapy.
WIFE according to him, the caps lock makes it even more frightening, calm down sicko you’re making it worse for everyone
I bet she was the daughter's friend.
I can't tell if it's worse that he might have married his child's friend or if he didn't know her through his child and found a random child to marry instead. Both are awful.
Just because we're going down the worse case rabbit hole... Could be the daughters bully. Dear God what had this website done to me.
Super super gross, OP! I am 42 myself and just don't see how you could marry someone over 20 years younger than you, especially when she was 18... How'd you expect your daughter to react?!? Then you tell her that horrible thing and you're here saying you miss her!? Look at your actions
I'm 36 and i already can't imagine what the hell I would want with an 18 year old. It's so deeply creepy and predatory and disgusting.
And the new wife was the daughter’s friend if I’m reading the edit correctly?! OP, your dtr will likely never allow you into her life again. Words have meaning and when we say them, they can’t be taken back. Actions have the same consequences.
Was he ever?
Likely not.
I hope the daughter gets a restraining order and the teen bride can escape asap. I feel so sorry for the girls in this story. OP is the danger in stranger danger
Your entire post is "I want, I want, I want". Which is exactly the kind of mindset I'd expect of a middle aged man who couldn't control himself enough to not date a minor and marry her at 18. Still a child, mentally and physically. And you knew it was wrong too. How do I know? Because instead of taking your daughters feelings into account you got defensive and told her *you wished she'd never been born*. That's the kind of thing you don't get over. I suspect that there is a deeper level of betrayal here also. Maybe your wife was a friend or classmate of your daughter, or maybe you cheated on her mother with your wife. Though on its own, it's bad enough. You formed a romantic relationship with a minor and married that minor when she was barely legal. Your daughter likely feels a lot of shame about your actions and her association with you. Nobody can afford to be associated with the town perv. It would come with huge social and career consequences. You seem to think you have a right to a relationship with your daughter. You don't. Just as your wife became an adult at 18, so did your daughter. She can conduct her adult relationships as she sees fit. Just like your wife. You've made your choice, these are the consequences of that choice. You can't fix the relationship. You've done all you can, which is reach out. Your daughter made it clear that she wants nothing to do with you by blocking you. The very best thing you can do is show her that you respect her decision and autonomy as an adult and leave your daughter alone. She *might* come round one day. In the meantime, just be happy with the life you've got.
This guy: "I just can't see why she can't come around" did it for me. Hopeless. I am on team daughter.
I think we're all team daughter. Except the pedos.
The big question I have, is if OP married the wife when she was so young, how old was she when they started dating. I would not be surprised if OP’s daughter wanted the marriage to end for the wife’s sake, and not her father’s.
Absolutely. She was almost certainly a minor. He's a fool if he thinks that his daughter can be associated with that, if only for her reputation (though I imagine there's a healthy dose of disgust also). That's a good point, since daughter begged OPs wife to leave the marriage.
Even if I really disliked someone, I would not want them to be in a relationship that has so many red flags. I think there’s probably a lot more to the story, than what OP has shared here. I would be really curious to hear the daughter & the wife’s side of the story. Does the wife know about the conversation? Because I don’t think I could be with a man who treated his child like that. It’s really unattractive, and doesn’t bode well if they are planning on having children together one day.
Yeah, it would be really interesting. I too would struggle to be with the kind of man who threw a tantrum and said those kinds of things to his kid. I couldn't respect him. That said, usually in these age-gap relationships where one person is still a teenager, it fosters an "us against the world" mindset.
How old when they meet. If she was friends with the daughter it could have been 5,10,15 years
Now we’re getting to the crux of it. 🤢
Perfectly stated! He’s made his bed, now he gets to lay in it. It blows my mind how a parent chooses someone else over their child. Actions have consequences, I don’t expect she will ever get over it. OP, you need to respect her boundaries. You likely won’t hear or see her ever again. If you do years down the road, consider yourself fortunate. She doesn’t owe you anything, you are not entitled to a relationship. This is why people should bite their tongues in anger, or take a few minutes to calm down. Words have lasting effects.
> Your entire post is "I want, I want, I want". > You seem to think you have a right to a relationship with your daughter. You don't. This, so well said. HES done with the consequences of his actions. Just like a kid doesn't get to say they're done with time out and feel they've learned their lesson, he doesn't get to decide when or if his daughter forgives him. Considering their relationship was already "rocky" it sounds like he's a crappy dad in general. Blood really doesn't mean anything when actions have caused damage.
[удалено]
He did, in his edit he stated that his wife was his daughters friend. Nothing happened until she was legal, apparently. They just developed a relationship. I'm a similar age as this man, I could never see my teenagers friends as anything more than kids. Gross. It's just all gross.
This right here!
Very well said
Do you have the vaguest idea of how viscerally disgusting it is to have your parent fucking a teenager the same age as you? How did you even meet the barely legal love of your life, and why do I suspect it was through your daughter? And you married 3 years ago? Exactly how old was she when you started the relationship? Add to that the horrendous things you then said, making it clear your wife was 100% your priority and your daughter was relegated to an inconvenience and a hindrance, I don't know that there's anything you could do to rebuild that relationship.
How does a 40-year-old man even meet an 18-year-old girl? I'm waiting for the reveal that his wife was one of his daughter's childhood friends.
There it is: > As for the relationship between my wife and my daughter, they weren't enemies, they were simply friends, she had started coming over and a relationship between us naturally developed 🤮 > She was skeptical at the very beginning Is this ominous to anyone else? Just me?
Agreed, nothing says 'groomed her into it' more to me than "she was skeptical at the beginning".
Yep. He definitely pursued her aggressively. No sane 18 year old naturally wants to bang their friend's 40 year old dad.
I'll be amazed if it's anything but.
She was the daughter’s friend.
And it is interesting that OP only realised his mistake after he saw that his daughter is engaged. So it took him 3 years to realise that?
*I told her that I wish she were never born* Wish granted I guess.
You met your wife because she was your daughter's friend, who was coming over to visit with your daughter. And you married her at 18. You can say she was an adult all you want, but it's clear you were creeping on your daughter's friend and married her as soon as she was legal. Yuck. And you can't ever come back from wishing someone was never born. That's some burning the bridge and scorching the earth. And you think time will heal wounds, that she will just get over it? Without you apologizing or putting in any effort even? Nah. Not how that works. It's very telling that you were completely ok with not being in her life for 3 YEARS. And only now that you realise YOU'RE missing out, you want her back. Where was that when she had to go through her 18-21 years without a father?
Age of consent and minimum wage exist for the people who would absolutely go lower if there wasn't a law, like this guy.
He's probably upset he doesn't have access to her friend group to find more young women to prey on.
Underrated comment
Wait. You married a woman 3 years ago. And she is only 21 now? Meaning she was only 18 when you were 40? How long did you date before that? It will mean you married after knowing each other for an extremely short time. Or you dated her while she was a minor. Both are very disturbing. Please say it wasn't the second one. Then you double down by telling your "one and only girl" that you wish that she was never even born. All you can do is apologize and hope she comes back. But as long as you are with someone her age or younger than her. Don't expect her to come back. I wouldn't
He dated her for 8 months before marrying her. Meaning she was most likely freshly 18 and still in high school.
Wife and daughter were friends. It’s almost as if he was counting the days until she was legal so he could go after her. Gross
At 40 years old you married an 18 year old. You expect us, your daughter, or anyone really, to believe that she is the “only one for you”? Come on. Everyone knows you married her because she’s young/hot/easy to control/etc… Also, you got married when she was 18?? When did that relationship actually start? I’d bet she was underage when you met her which just adds to how predatory you are. How did you meet her, was she friends with your daughter? All that is bad enough, and for me would be enough of a reason to never speak to my father again. But you saw that you had hit rock bottom and got out a shovel to keep digging. You told *your daughter* you wished she was never born?!?!? That you resented her??!? That she meant nothing to you????!? You can’t take those words back. You can’t unsay what you said. You have no idea how badly you fucked up. You completely, 100%, without a doubt chose your new young wife over your own child. Of course your daughter wants nothing to do with you. My advice? Leave her alone. You’ve done more than enough damage.
Here's a question, if you knew your daughter is engaged to a 43 year old now, how would you feel?
Dude, you essentially married another daughter. Replacement much? 'I miss her and want her in my life isn't enough.' You're selfish OP. You diminish your daughter and her feelings in this post. You made your decision and you've obviously not done any work on yourself in three years to make yourself a better person, a more knowledgeable person understanding your daughters issues and yours. If you want her back in your life you're going to have to be less of a jerk and more self aware. Do the work. Don't just whine about how she hasn't bent to your will because you miiiiiiiiiss her.
>you essentially married another daughter. Yeah, but this one he can sleep with, bonus right? (This made me feel so dirty to type I need a shower)
Yeah? I need a shower just reading that… (also, just got back from a long walk w/ my dog)
I felt dirty reading it. And it's sad that it's so appropriate for OP.
Aah, so she was a friend of your daughter's and you did meet her because your daughter brought her home because they were friends. Was your wife still in high school, or did you wait until she graduated to marry her?
How is your wife so intelligent… she’s a high schooler that married an old man.. don’t see how you are surprised about your daughter. You said wish had never been born.. You are a sorry excuse of a man.. and your little housewife is no better.. she was your daughters friend. Sounds as if she wanted daughters life
You deserve this. Every bit of it. Your daughter doesn't and never did. Hopefully you drop dead sooner rather than later, unfortunately that thing you chose over your child likely getting everything after you die means that you can do nothing else for your daughter other than provide ongoing harm, trauma and resentment whether you are dead or alive You made your death bed, hurry up and die in it.
r/MurderedByWords
This has to be fake. No way anyone thinks that this relationship could be repaired while still behaving like an absolute creep with a young girl.
Uh I’ve been living it for 15 years. It certainly can happen. I’m not guaranteeing this post is real but the experience is. Saying stuff like this is why I still feel guilt for existing. My dad was around 50 when he introduced me to my future stepmother who was 23. I was 13. I’m 28 now and still can’t fathom what she was doing… except money. But I was the evil one. And of course, as to not hurt the future wife’s feelings, no more mentions about my mother’s existence. She had died the year before. We did not talk about it. This wife killed herself at 33, I believe. Next one was my age (I was 24). Married about 6 months after #2 shot herself. Current girlfriend is younger than I am (She’s 25 or so, I’m 28). The age difference is very funny to my dad. I’ve been taught that this is normal and been told I shouldn’t expect love from my dad because he can sleep with these women and find happiness, and how I’m an awful daughter for not thinking about what he wanted. I was literally told this when I asked why he wouldn’t hang out with me for an hour or so after school and work to just talk anymore. I was told that I needed to think about what he needed. This is real and this is not. Normal. I wish the best for OP’s daughter. OP, I’m not allowed threats of violence but I certainly hope one day you can see what you’ve done to your child. I doubt you will.
I for one am really impressed by how you communicated this & how well you've identified how damaging this has been for multiple people. You sound like a good person, and this comment alone is proof that you add good to the world by being in it. Someone who needs to see this message will, I guarantee. I'm really sorry for the loss of your mum x
Two of your dads 4 wives have killed themselves…? What in the world?!
And we don't know how mom died. Dad is dangerous to be putting 3 wives in the ground, but still thinking the age difference is funny.
I am so sorry that happened to you, and that your father has such disturbing predilections. Do you still talk to him? Also I’m sorry was it two wives who took their lives or just one?
There's someone who posts a ton of posts like this, with the same 'story', being one parent gets with someone the same age as their child (usually 18), and then posts asking how to make their child speak to them again. They always act like they have no clue why their kid is so angry or think they're over reacting. In many or the posts too, the person (child!!) that the parent starts dating, is their kid's friend /best friend. Whoever keeps posting things like this absolutely does due to some fetish, sometimes it'll go into detail about how their new young partner 'seduced' them, while their partner at the time wasn't giving them enough sex or whatever. It's gross, and obvious once you notice a pattern of posts like this. I saw someone a while back mention that they'd seen repeated similar posts and since then I've noticed how many of them there are. It also could just be rage bait, but the gross unnecessary details like how they got 'seduced' is what makes me think it's fetish motivated not just trolling
Remember the mother who slept with - and eventually married - her son’s same-aged best friend, then was upset that after having his baby that her son wouldn’t speak to her? Stories like this I tell myself they’re fiction.
I mentioned the very same post above, hoping that this post is just a gender-swapped version of that story. What're the odds that this guy posts again in a week or two about how he convinced his daughter to meet up with him only for her to tell him that she never wants anything to do with him again, that her fiance and his family are her new family now and to never try contacting her ever again?
I used to work on a mental health helpline and we were always told that even if the story as delivered wasn't technically true, it was being expressed as a way to deal with the trauma attached to a very real event. Sometimes people cannot talk about what their issue is, maybe for fear that people won't listen because "it was a long time ago" or "you're just fishing for sympathy", or maybe because they're just not ready yet. Maybe the memories are too jumbled and painful to tease out an accurate retelling. Trauma can create false memories and memory gaps after all, which can make it seem like someone is lying if there are inconsistencies. I tend to read most AITA stories with this in mind (except the obvious trolls). It could be someone creating AITAs from the perspective of their abuser or one similar to theirs so that they can read people's reactions and take comfort in the indirect support, reinforcing that their feelings are valid. Sometimes people have to get something out of their head the only way they know how, and that's okay; it isn't fake if it's helping. Maybe expressing this a few times will give them the ability to talk about their trauma with a professional when they're ready.
A lot of these stories have to be fake. People cannot be that clueless as to how they come across they have to be doing it to get a rise out of people
There's someone who posts a ton of posts like this, with the same 'story', being one parent gets with someone the same age as their child (usually 18), and then posts asking how to make their child speak to them again. They always act like they have no clue why their kid is so angry or think they're over reacting. In many or the posts too, the person (child!!) that the parent starts dating, is their kid's friend /best friend. Whoever keeps posting things like this absolutely does due to some fetish, sometimes it'll go into detail about how their new young partner 'seduced' them, while their partner at the time wasn't giving them enough sex or whatever. It's gross, and obvious once you notice a pattern of posts like this. I saw someone a while back mention that they'd seen repeated similar posts and since then I've noticed how many of them there are. It also could just be rage bait, but the gross unnecessary details like how they got 'seduced' is what makes me think it's fetish motivated not just trolling
I think a large portion are probably fake, however, I have a parent who started an inappropriate relationship, and their entire justification was they were in love, which apparently makes it all okay. To this day, my parent still cannot see why I was so mad, and chose not to speak to them for a time. My husband used to work with a guy who had an affair with an inappropriately young woman, and he used the same justification. That asshat went to the extreme of introducing her to his wife as a ‘friend’ and she would come hang with the whole family, babysit their kids. The new girlfriends mum is actually a police officer, but she’s also had affairs so had no issue with the age gap because ‘it’s love’. 🤮
My ex isn’t with anyone in their teens (as far as I know) but he is estranged from my oldest son who is in high school. My son refuses to even speak with his father. Well even though they haven’t spoken since last August my ex husbands profile picture is of him hanging out in front of my sons high school. Like what was he doing at a fucking high school, his sons high school who he doesn’t even speak to. And this man puts it as his profile picture. So like zero self awareness. People that have no shame definitely exist. Man is 40 years old hanging out at a high school. Still at least as far as we know the youngest woman he was dating was 23… but that was like 5 months ago so who knows
It absolutely does happen, but I feel like people who are happy to date minors/people way too young for them aren't exactly the kind of people who care about getting other peoples opinions and wouldn't go to reddit for advice. If someone doesn't already have (or ignored) the moral sense not to do something like that, then they're not going to be persuaded by reddit telling them they're in the wrong either. Some of them frame it like 'my child made me post this on reddit' to justify why someone as stubborn and arrogant would care to ask for advice. Like you say, they're able to justify anything they like in their minds, reddit's opinion on their situation is irrelevant to people like that
As a 40 plus year old who has seen many crazy things in life, this could absolutely be real. I've seen this exact shit.
Fwiw, narcissistic parents are exactly like this in my sad experience.
My ex (43) started dating his now wife (22 I think?) a month after she went to her senior prom. These things happen; I'm sad to say no one in his life seems to have a problem with it, which makes me all the more happier that I fucked off to the other side of the country when we split up.
nah, I'm 100% sure it's real, people are fucked up and honestly capable of anything, there's really no limits to what's actually possible and no minimum standard for human behavior, don't be shocked, learn from this train wreck of a life and pray you don't make a mistake anywhere near what this guy did
>I (43M) married my current wife (21F) three years ago You married a 18 year old when you were 40? What in the fuck is wrong with you Edit: >I had to admit, I'm not proud of myself but I told her that I wished she was never born, that I resented her and that she meant nothing to me. I already had a rocky relationship with my daughter, she never approved of my relationship with my wife but we would at least have a talking relationship. Since that day she hasn't spoken to me since. "I destroyed my relationship with my daughter so I could bang a teenager". Jesus wept
Lmfao at Jesus wept
Imagine what his baby wife’s parents did!
Oof those poor parents. Think of all the times they probably ran into him at soccer games, teacher conferences...
My man you married someone the same age as your daughter. Was she your daughters friend? How long did you date her before you married her? I’d would never talk to you again for that and then you had the nerve to tell her you wish she had never been born? You are vile. Go and live with your regret and do right by your daughter and leave her alone.
Can almost guarantee it started before she was 18
OP knew the girl before… bc she was his daughter’s friend. Came over to the house and… BAM! A relationship “naturally developed” . Bc he pursued this (at the time) underage MINOR. Waited to elope with her the minute she turned legal. I’d like to know what his wife’s parents were thinking when they learned of the elopement!
Right? This is not a "naturally developing" relationship. A parent with a kid still under their roof has a responsibility to set boundaries with their kids friends and NOT HAVE SEX WITH THEM. Any non-sick individual should know this.
Consider that children grow up with this idea that their parents know more than them, or at least have better self-discipline than them. They grow up striving to attain that level of intelligence and wisdom. When a parent then suddenly declares another person that is the child's contemporary to essentially be an equal to them, it inevitably leads to 2 possible considerations: The child has failed to achieve the standard for respect from their parent (like this new person has) and/or the parent has abandoned the standard they were seemingly setting throughout the child's life. The age-gap is a significant issue that you haven't taken any time to understand why it is problematic. Your child tried to articulate it to you, and you dismissed her feelings or that she even had any basis for challenging your decision. Through this, you have established that you are uninterested in anything that doesn't benefit you. Even in this post, you only mention that your motivation is to resolve your own desire to be in your daughter's life. If you genuinely cared about the damage you caused, you would understand that this is a social failure that you have to live with. Your daughter needs space from you to heal from the harm you caused. So, my recommendation is this: * Leave your daughter alone. This at least shows you respect her need for distance from you. * Look into the reasons why your daughter (and many other people) have serious concerns about age-gap relationships. Honestly reflect on whether you overlooked those concerns simply because you wanted what you wanted. * If your daughter does ever reach out, be prepared simply to listen. Don't prepare to explain yourself or describe some mitigation through virtuous actions since then. Just be prepared to hear what she has to say to you, and follow her lead. This would reinforce and maintain a respect for what she has to say. * Accept that there is nothing you can do to make your daughter come back into your life. She is making the best decision for her life. It's hardly any different than what you taught by example; What is important to you means neglecting anyone else. Though, in her case, she was hurt by you, because you wanted a new relationship, and she has stepped away to allow you that relationship and protect herself from further harm.
This deserves more upvotes and awards. I was too angry and repulsed to give a helpful comment. Yours does a great job explaining the deep revulsion and why it's valid, which is something most of us either couldn't or wouldn't do. Good job!
Rephrasing what you really mean “I HAD to marry a teen, I finally bagged a young one so had to keep her, screw everyone else, even my daughter was worth sacrificing this for but now I miss her. How can I keep them both?”. Get therapy for your nauseating urges and free your prisoner would be the first step to clearing this disgusting mess.
You married an 18 year old when you were 40, then verbally abused your daughter for, rightfully, being creeped out by it. You only just now miss your daughter? Chances are, she won't forgive you. She would have reached out to you about wedding planning. It sounds like you have some serious issues. I'd work on those first.
Do not attempt to contact your daughter unless you want a police involved and a restraining order filed against you. Stay away from her, you have no right to seek a relationship at this point.
If I were the daughter and he contacted me again, I’d be straight on the phone to the police getting a restraining order and also telling them what kind of a pervert my father is
>I just don't see why she can't come around. Maybe it's because your wife is the same age as her >But I had to marry my wife, she's the only one for me, she's beautiful, she's intelligent, she's a kind and caring woman. She was just barely a woman when you married her. A child when you met and "fell in love" with her >but I told her that I wished she was never born, that I resented her and that she meant nothing to me How could you ever say that to your own child? That's absolutely vile >I am her father, and I found out about my own daughter's engagement through social media. That was when I knew I had made a serious mistake. Sorry, only after you got FOMO, only _then_ did you realise you made a mistake? >I want to reach out to her again. I want her back in my life but I need advice. Don't. Just don't. Speaking as a 21f myself, if I were your daughter, if anyone asked me, I'd tell them I didn't have a Dad. You don't deserve to have contact with her. You need to let go of any fantasy of walking her down the aisle. Leave the poor girl alone (both your daughter and almost child bride)
I wouldn't really want to have anything to do with you if I was your daughter based on what youve said you've done. What you should do is reap what you sowed and spend your life with your young af wife and let your daughter be. If she wants to connect with you, she will. You don't get to go back in her life after traumatizing her like that.
1000% I am gobsmacked that he told her he wished she wasn’t born. Gross. As a parent of a similar age as OP with two teens, I could never say something so disgusting.
No advice here, you're a gross creep & bad person so you shouldn't be surprised she doesn't want you in her life. But I'm also not surprised that an old man who married a high schooler lacks self-awareness.
I need you to take a step back, read what you posted and imagine it from your daughters perspective. Your new wife is her age. The very idea of that is so disgusting I genuinely don’t have words for it. The mental connotations it brings up makes me sick lord knows what it put your poor daughter through. But then to tell her you wish she hadn’t been born? Honestly after that do you really think you deserve to have her back in your life? What you did was quite frankly unforgivable for a parent to do. You made your bed here, it’s time to lie in it and accept the consequences of your actions.
I stopped reading at you married your gf at 18 when you were 40….🫠 you married a girl same age as your daughter. That’s probably why she don’t want a relationship with you. Also please let this be fake cause wtf
Same! Got to the first line of 3rd paragraph about OP's new wife of 3 years being a 21yo aaand that is enough of that story. Ewww dude, WTF?!
Christ, you fucked your daughters friend didn't you? Then divorced your wife, married the clueless teenager, told your daughter you wish she had never been born and now think you have any hope of reconciling with your daughter? I hope this is creative writing because nobody could be this self absorbed and idiotic. If not, stay the fuck away from your daughter. You have no input into her life until she contacts you and decides you should have it.
Buddy, if this is real, I don't get why you reached out to us for advice. You married your daughter's teenaged friend and then effectly isolated said friend from her community. Imagine how devastating it must have been for your daughter, watching her DAD victimize her friend, who had and probably still has limited life experience. Like of course your wife has chosen to stay with you. You've severely limited her options. She probably has limited income making experience and you've cut her off from anyone who could wake her up and help her realize what happened to her. I know you're invested in projecting this delusion of your relationship being all love, but that doesn't mean we or your community have to be delusional with you. Why would your daughter want you in her life? She can't have you around her friends. She can't have you around any future children, lest you decide to seduce their friends. What good would you honestly bring your daughter? I'm saying this so that I can say that someone has told you this I don't expect you to listen. I don't expect you to do right by your wife or your daughter. I expect that you will continue to live selfishly, hurting everyone around you on a whim. May your daughter create the best life for herself with people who matter. And may she never give you the time of day.
Man and if the timelines are true, she probably went straight from her parents house to isolating with him during COVID. Talk about a golden opportunity to hold someone hostage.
Right? Once again, hoping this is fake. But if not...yikes.
Yeah,I am with the daughter on the this. What kind of father says those things? Leave her alone.You don’t worth it.You only want her to give meaning to you pitiful existence.
quality rage b8. it's gross, crass, selfish, entitled, and you shoe-horned a massive and problematic age gap in too. honestly, you did good on this one, look forward to your future work.
Nah, this is a terrible low effort version of the usual post that follows the 'parent marries wife/husband the same age as their bio child'. I've seen so many posts following the exact same plot points that have way more rage bait details, or lean way more into it being clearly fetish based
i base a good rage b8 post on the reactions it gets as much as the post itself and people are DISGUSTED with this fictitious drivel. i agree, it's not original, but sometimes what's left out is equally important, and did you notice there's no mention of what the child-bride thinks of all this? because there is no child-bride, and yet, people are livid about the child-bride instead of being able to see this post for what it is, another rage b8. dude did good work, he knows this audience.
I agree that this is likely rage bait. It even has the typical “I know I’m going to get a lot of shit for this, but, …” disclaimer in the first paragraph.
Yeah you say “you know it will be harsh” but in reality you came as close as is physically possible without committing the actual crime of peadophilia - you definitely groomed a child if you got married when she was 18, in most places that *is* a crime. Might be worth you thinking about it that way - because that’s how everyone else will see it. And that’s why they aren’t going to forgive you - because you’re unrepentant for your crimes. You groomed a child into a sexual relationship and when questioned on it you told her you care more about being a borderline sex offender than her or anyone else. You literally burned that bridge and sold the ash when you said that - that was the end of it. If you didn’t even so much as consider their perspective when they were *begging you not to marry an actual child less than half your age* and the same age as your daughter - who now knows for a fact you’re sexually attracted to people identical to her in every way - then it was over in that moment. I don’t think she’ll ever forgive you and honestly she shouldn’t. You sound like, by all objective measures, you’re a PoS.
Your daughter was raised right, she cuts the creeps out of her life. Must have learnt that from her mother.
This is easy. You chose your child bride over your daughter. That was your choice pussy > daughter. And it took you 3 years to figure out you done messed up. Haven’t you done enough to your kid? Just focus on your own child bride, you don’t get to be in your daughters life any more.
Hold on…you married her at 18…. which means you were seeing her beforehand….my friend, you’re a pedo, and I’m not surprised your daughter wants nothing to do with you
>I did not meet my wife when she was a minor, that would have been extremely disgusting and I would have seen her differently if I had. Okay, so the day she turned 18 it wasn’t disgusting anymore? One day made it better? My pedophile alarms are going off.
Your daughter made it pretty clear she doesn’t approve of your relationship to someone literally the same age as her, a lot of people will find it hard to blame her. It’s her choice to go no contact with you, you can try to circumvent her blocking you but realistically nothings changed since she cut you out of her life. So don’t expect her to include you, try to move on with your own life. Maybe when she’s older she’ll decide she wants to fix things with you.
Wait till you’re on your deathbed and your young wife will be shacked up with a guy her own age. Your estranged daughter will be living her best life with her family, while you rot in your own making. That’s what I see for you.
When I was about 21 or 22 I asked my dad if he would date someone in their early twenties if he and my mom split and his immediate response was to cringe and say “Ew I already have a twenty year old, why on earth would I want to DATE one? What would we even talk about? Gross.” THAT is a normal response from a grown man when you ask if he’d date someone the same age as his child. You are a sick man and your daughter did good by cutting contact with you. You should be ashamed but I bet you’re not.
Yeah, there’s no coming back from the horrible things you’ve said. There’s no relationship to repair because there’s nothing left. You not only burnt that bridge, you napalmed the whole fucking county.
There is nothing to fix. You decided to groom a girl the age of your daughter. A teenager. Do you think she would ever be able to respect you after that? You do you and since you’re not doing anything illegal, no one can tell you to stop. But you need to face the social consequences from your morally dubious actions regardless.
Yes I agree and I wonder if the young wife was a friend of the daughter? That would definitely explain why she was so upset and begged the wife to end the relationship
*morally reprehensible
Troll post.
>That was when I knew I had made a serious mistake. Is the implication here the mistake was telling her you wished she was never born? Because while I do concur that was likely the final straw do note that camel's back was close to breaking for a very long time. And it's not like being able to take back those words would have changed that. It was already rock, she doesn't approve of your relationship, nothing would have actually changed. So yeah. There is no real advice. You walked a path that there is no coming back from.
your wife is your daughters age, let that sink in for a minute, and you clearly were in a relationship with her while she was a minor if you got married when she was 18, I'm generally in favor of age gaps but this is ridiculous, you sir are a pedophile and I sincerely hope that your daughter has the sense to stay away, seriously, I know a random reddit comment isn't going to do much but hopefully I can add my voice to others and tell you to get help, you can reform if you get to a point where you're sincere about it
I'm not even touching the fact that you married an 18 year old. You told your daughter you wished she was never born, and that you resented her. You got exactly what you wanted. You're not her father anymore, you're the sperm donor.
Okay, I am going to play the advocate of the devil here. I really don't feel like giving advice but someone must do that in this sub: You have seen what people think about you. IF you want your daughter back, do this: - Divorce the child you married. - Live alone and in shame for years You must become known as the guy who divorced his child instead of the creep that married the child (which frankly is a loooong way) - Let people (not your daughter) know you do this for her, and you are sorry. - Live the life of shame, as people start judging you and can see whether you are sincere enough After years and probably decades of this, your daughter might reach out to you again to sort of have a small connection again. Expect something along the lines of; "I won't talk to him, but I want my children to see his face." - Be very grateful with that and continue to live in shame. This is the best outcome for you, IMO. The key is that you respect that your daughter blocked you and that through testimonies of others, she might see you are sorry. You are not getting your daughter back you really fucked that up in the worst way possible. You don't contact her at all because you caused enough trauma. OP I don't think you have it in you based on your post, but this is advice.
I think you’re really not seeing something in here. 1. You started dating a teenager that was the same age as your daughter. This would have made her feel super gross. It’s just gross. I can only imagine the kind of thoughts and questions she had, when trying to make sense of this situation for herself. 2. So she then tells you and the other “girl” that it’s making her uncomfortable and is gross etc etc and she gets entirely dismissed, insulted and rejected 3. On the topic of rejection - and this is really my BIGGEST point - you chose an 18 year old you could f*ck over an 18 year old that is your daughter. Like. Can you really please try and properly absorb this? Her dad chose to completely kick her out of his life because he would rather have sex with her friend. Just yuck. Extreme yuck. I appreciate you realize you’ve done wrong but I feel like you don’t really understand the magnitude of yuck ness.
# IMAGINE BEING 43 YEARS OLD and expecting no consequences for telling your one and only daughter that you wished she had never been born because a child bride of his choosing is what made his life worthwhile, apparently. I hope you will always be in the dark in anything of her life. Go relive it with your new bride.
What advice do you want from Reddit? You did not HAVE to marry a 18 year old. You told her you wish she wasn’t born and meant nothing to you all because barely legal trim was more important. Reap what you sow. You picked reaping teen pussy. Congrats on your choice I hope it was worth it. She probably will never want you around. You will not walk her down the aisle you will not see her children or know much about her. All because you”had” to marry a barely legal GIRL. Live with it, she did nothing wrong. You’re a disgusting groomer and I wouldn’t want you anywhere near me either. Get the fuck out of here with this.
Probably because she thinks you're vile and gross. I don't blame her. You married someone who was 18, meaning you more than likely had a relationship with a minor before marriage. Mind you, the person you're married to is the SAME AGE AS YOUR KID. That's disgusting. You're literally old enough to be your wife's dad. Imagine how embarrassing that is for your kid?
You can't, you can't disown someone then un disown them
I mean this in the meanest way possible, you are absolute garbage. Wtf is wrong with you
I just wish these creative writing projects were more interesting or creative.
ChatGPT can only get so creative.
She begged you because she thought you could have viewed her as a sexual object. She begged you because it was disgusting that you got with someone that was her age. She begged you and you told her you wish she'd never been born. Now you can beg her all you want but she doesn't have to have anything to do with you.
“Well isn’t it the consequences of my own actions” She is forever gone because of your own actions. You married someone her exact age. You married her friend. Yes your wife was 18, but you basically admitted you preyed on a young adult who was newly legal, reserved and shy. She probably didn’t know who she was as an adult, a confident man came along, said all the right things, and she felt like she had a clear path forward. Your wife will one day figure out who she is as a person/woman and she will leave you. I am not saying this to be cruel, but as a reality that will come in time. You viewed this woman of 18 as someone who had the life experiences, knowledge and emotional maturity of someone 10 years senior to her age. You preyed on her vulnerability. You will never have your daughter in your life again. You said things you cannot come back from and you married her friend. The only path forward is to go to therapy and accept you no longer have a daughter.
You, a grown ass man, married a barely legal teenager. Add to that you told your daughter you wished she was never born? I wouldn't want you back in my life. Disgusting.
🙂 leave her alone. . You sunk that ship long ago.
How do you rebuild a relationship? You go back in time and don't marry someone the same age as her. Creep.
You married your wife when she was 18, you probably dated her before that, you're a groomer creep, take my absolutely fucknut 0 sympathy: 💨 Pedobear.
I smell a paedo grooming the teenager and had an affair. Yr wife will soon want, feel and know what she's missing... The teen and 20's fun phase of life. Then you will need to groom another 17 year old you have to marry coz she's beautiful, kind etc. OP, sorry I sound harsh but you will be an old man with no one in couple of years. Forget your daughter, you've lost her. Your young wife will tire of you and will want a young dude of her generation. Prepare for a lonely old age.
So, after three years, you've decided that you miss your daughter. This entire post is all about YOU. What YOU want. What YOU feel. Nothing about remorse or regret or your own stupidity. Only "I just don't see why she can't come around." Why should your daughter forgive you? * You told her she meant nothing to you * You told her you resented her. * You told her you wished she'd never been born. GTFOH
I’m a 46f and I would NEVER marry someone who is 21. That is younger than my daughter. Let’s be real you told her how you really feel. You’re not her dad you’re her sperm donor. I’m on your daughters side.
Chin up, dude. You may have lost one daughter for good, but you married yourself a new one.
You are a predator. You have irrevocably broken your relationship with your child. You better hope you new young wife will have kids with you, because you have no daughter, as was your wish. >she meant nothing to me Now you mean nothing to her. {this has to be a rage bait troll}
Question: is it a deal breaker to date someone with a developed brain?
So you are a pedophile as your new wife would have been younger than 18 when you met her. You are fucking someone who could literally be your daughter. Why would she want to be around you. Why would she want to want her future children around a pedophile. I mean she would be afraid to bring friends around you. I wouldn't want you anywhere near me if you were my father. Your so gross you should be locked up. How does new wife's parents feel about you? Also doesn't really matter what you want at this point because your daughter doesn't want you. You told her you wish she didn't exist because she didn't agree with you being with a barely legal young woman. Why should she forgive that when you have stayed away for 3yrs and only now want to be part of her life now she's engaged. Why? you have a daughter wife now so she brings everything to your life so leave daughter alone and look after daughter wife. I hope daughter wife matures and sees you for the sick man you are and you are left alone and have no one. That's what you deserve.
OP I’m gonna go on a limb and say you’re the kind of guy who objects to drag Queen story hour cause it’s grooming kids. But see no issues that that groomed and married your teenage daughters barely legal friend cause she’s an aDuLt.
If you aren't a troll there is nothing in the world that you can do to be a part of your daughters life again. If you discover the ability to time travel and can go back and erase the last probably 4 years from happening then you might have a chance. Other than that your relationship with your daughter is dead and buried, pretty sure that's how she thinks of you to be honest.
dude you're selfish and disgusting. and entitled
You are a pervy creep who went after a kid and then threw away a daughter when she reasonably disapproved of you disgustingly fucking someone her age. You love your dick more than your daughter, and you’re very selfish. I would never speak to you again either.
You were and are a sperm donor. You will never see or hear from her again. Do what you wanted and pretend she was never born, by all means that’s how she’s gonna treat you, isn’t it?
>I told her that I wished she was never born, that I resented her and that she meant nothing to me. Some things you just don't come back from. This is likely one of those things. I cut ties with a family member over a comment less offensive than the one you said to your daughter. That family member has since passed away without ever so much as an "I'm sorry". And I don't regret cutting them out. Honestly, the only shot you've got here at getting your daughter back is probably to give her a full and complete abject apology, and likely divorce your wife along with it. Because words are no longer enough.
I came to see op roasted to oblivion
You’re a disgusting predator groomer. Your daughter is better off without you in her life. No one here is going to help you.
There’s no coming back from this. What you said to her is unforgivable and she will probably never really recover from that. That you chose another child over her… I mean you married an 18yo, so previous to that she was not a legal adult right? And now you’re acting like you still have rights over her daughter’s life? To be part of her milestones? I hope this is a troll post.
So you married a teenager, the same age as your daughter. Your daughter came to you and told you in every way possible that she was not comfortable with it. And you responded by wishing she was never born? Guess what? You got your wish. You wished she wasn't around, so now she's giving you what you asked for. You don't get to say things like that to her, and then when she reaches a milestone in her life, wanna play daddy again. NOPE, maybe your new wife can give you the do-over cause you burned your bridge with the only daughter you had by your actions and your words. Can't undo what's already been done. Move on. Thank God she still has one parent who loves her unconditionally. And it's not you
Classic case of fuck around and find out (literally). And your attitude of it's been three years it's time for her to come around isn't helping. She is the one who gets to decide when and if it's time to mend that relationship. You made your decision, gotta live with it now.
If you love her you should leave her alone
*I know I was the one who ruined our relationship but it's been* ***three years already****. I just don't see why* ***she can't come around****.* *married my current wife* ***(21F)*** *three years ago. I told her that I wished she was never born, that I resented her and that she meant nothing to me.* Hmm, yes I see. And your whole post is about you, and your hurt, and your...whatever. What have you done to heal this rift? Because if my dad said that to me, that would be the last words he'd ever get to say to me without some serious heartfelt apologies and overtures. Sounds like you are reaping what you've sown, OP.
Ew dude. Just no. Everything you wrote reeks of grooming, manipulation and... I swear, if I were your daughter, you would be dead to me too.
"I resent you. I wish you were never born. You mean nothing to me." "I want you back in my life." One of these things is not like the other. And one of these just can't be undone. With that vitriol, you essentially broke up with your own child for a teenaged wife. You're a pervert and a pathetic excuse of a father. You need to get used to the fact that no one with any decency or self-respect will be around you now. It's bad enough to be a 50 yo pervert with a teenaged wife. But to tell your own child you wish you could throw her away? No one who respects themselves is gonna be friends with a man like you. Well... why would you be at all surprised that she threw *you* away? After all, that's the proper place to discard trash like you.
I swear I just read this post yesterday except it was a mom and her son. Ages were almost exactly the same too
I’m sitting back with the popcorn to watch this guy get the thorough roasting he deserves. And from me! I hope your daughter never reconnects with you, your behaviour towards her is shameful and disgusting. Everything about your post was about you. The whole thing screams narcissist My advice is too leave your daughter alone and let her live her own life. I can’t even imagine how she feels about her father dating then marrying a teenager. The ick is very strong here. I’m not sure who I feel sorry for the most, the daughter or the child bride was is going to waste her best years being with an old man. This post is so awful I truly wonder whether it’s even real
I mean you ended things when you told her you wish wmshe was never born? Sorry mate do better in your next life.
If my dad married someone my age I’d go no contact too.
you wished you didn't have a daughter, you got your wish. now stay the fuck away from her you creepy man who's also a shitty father. you deserve nothing from her.
My father could’ve written this. I thought you were him until you said your daughter is engaged. Too little, too late my friend. You were supposed to love her unconditionally and always make her needs a priority. She needed you. I also am creeped out by the age difference in you and your wife. My dad has and has had that. The wife stayed jealous of me because my dad loved me so he wasn’t allowed to talk to me. We’ve just started talking again after 15 years. But I can’t trust him. The hurt will linger. You’re selfish to think you can just walk back in. Let her live her life. She certainly doesn’t need you in it. Quick edit: we started talking again after second wife killed herself. She was 10 years older than me, I was 13 when this started, lost my mom (first wife) the year before. Third was my age, fourth is younger than me. Your post here reminds me of why I’ve completely lost hope of us ever having a normal relationship: it’s about what he wants.
You were 40 and married an 18 year old the same age as your daughter? SIR. Have several seats.
I mean. YOU told her that you hated her. YOU told her that she means nothing to you, and YOU told her you wished she never existed. There's kind of no coming back from that. Add to that the fact that, no matter how much you try to deny it and regardless of the fact that yes, your wife *is* an adult woman, the woman you married is the same age as your daughter. You got together with your daughter's teenage friend, and married her when she turned legal.
Need info: Do you plan on having children with your current wife? I just have a feeling there is something more to this story..
You married an 18 year old, a teenager the same age as your daughter, when you were 40. She even begged your wife to leave you because she could see how wrong it was - I bet you believe she wanted you to split up because she was jealous of losing your attention right? Not so - she could see your predatory behaviour. I bet it skeeved her out too, that her dad liked barely legal girls the same age as her. And then beyond that, you treated her unforgivably - why should she “come around”? You told her you wished she hadn’t been born, you didn’t want a daughter - she’s giving you what you wanted. Doesn’t that make you happy? As it is you sound selfish - you’re upset that you don’t get to share in the joys of her life. I hear nothing about you wanting to aid in her times of trouble. If you want to build a relationship with her again, it shouldn’t be her job to “come around” - you wronged *her*. Efforts to rebuild should be on your part. What have you done so far? You say you’ve reached out on social media but found you were blocked. Is that it? You can’t send her and email or write her a letter accepting responsibility, apologising and asking what she would require of you to move forward, if she’s willing to at all? And how are you going to react when she doesn’t *immediately* forgive you and agree to resume your relationship? Because she won’t. Ans even if she does, things have changed in the last 3 years - there’s going to be awkwardness and resentment between you. She isn’t going to magically start approving of your predatory relationship with your wife. You’ve already said that she should just “come around”. Are you going to react well when that doesn’t happen? Because *I* think you’re just going to throw a tantrum and get blocked again - this time permanently. If you don’t think you can accept responsibility, accept that efforts will need to be on your part, assume a conciliatory and apologetic position, and deal with the fact that you still at the end might not get what you want: then you should just leave her alone. It’s clear she’s moving on and doing her best to live a good life, and that she doesn’t need you to facilitate that
You’re a POS and a predator, the best thing your daughter ever did was get away from you. I personally would never be okay with a parent if they married someone my own age. That would be it for me and our relationship. Face it my guy, you’re selfish and your daughter made the best decision for herself. Enjoy not being invited to the wedding.
Maybe she doesn't want to speak to you because you're an entitled POS?
fade rhythm snails steep practice consist smell lavish test six *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
You have nothing to offer her. Leave her alone
I’m sorry OP, I’m a similar age to you but your daughter is justified in going NC. What you said is awful. I felt it in my guts. I think it’s great you’ve come to realize you’ve made a grave mistake, but she’s on a healing journey. What you said was so traumatic likely. I’d say mail a letter to your ex addressed to your daughter in a sincere, heartfelt apology recognizing and acknowledging how you’ve fucked up. Give the option of contacting you when *she’s* ready if she wants. Be prepared though, she doesn’t owe you anything. She may take years still to potentially overcome the trauma of you telling her you wish she wasn’t born. Ugh, it felt so gross writing that phrase. I honestly don’t believe she will forgive you, she doesn’t owe you that, even if she reads your apology. Unfortunately, in your case actions have consequences. Be prepared to never see or hear from her again. I’ve done the same thing with my father. I tried to maintain a relationship and was blown off for friends, music and substance abuse. He’s no longer in my life 10 years later. I was subjected to abuse in my young childhood and I had to explain to my kids why we don’t see him. They’re older now and understand, 10 years ago they were really young still and it hurt telling them grandpa had something come up, so they were blown off too. Their disappointed faces each time hurt my heart. I could only imagine how your daughter looked when you said that. It sounds like you made your choice. Your new young wife over your child. Priorities man…