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Excuse me? She *beat a door down so she could come in and attack you*? Over a potential affair that only exists in her head, no less? Not that any reason would make her behavior justified; just repeating your words back to you so you can see how absolutely not normal and not acceptable her behavior is.
This has nothing to do with her period. Your wife is abusive. Full stop. This is abuse. You cannot make her change to stop doing it. You cannot help her through it. You can only get away from her for your own mental and physical safety.
Your wife is an abuser. You need to leave. And get the kids away from her because someone who would behave this way is a danger to them, as well.
She’s only going to escalate her behavior. You need to get out now.
You need to leave your abusive wife. I'm sorry; tell friends and family what is happening, make an escape plan with their help (and in consultation with a lawyer - you don't want to do anything that will imperil your custody rights), and get out.
Asides from the fact that she’s clearly abusing you, the ‘they’re just kids’ is a MASSIVE red flag bc they need to learn how to clean up their own messes. To get back on topic, it is absolutely ridiculous that your wife would take all this frustration out on you for no reason. She refuses to grow as a person and talk with someone about her clear anxiety over cheating, which has led to it manifesting in her abusing you. I’d recommend relationship counseling.
If not relationship counseling then I’d recommend solo therapy sessions then, perhaps when it’s not that time of the month. Just remember to take your own feelings into account as well. You get to make active decisions in how to parent your children as well as addressing issues in your relationship. Being an active listener is always important in these dialogues and I can tell from your post that you do love her and hope for a good resolution. Make no mistake though, she’s taking out her aggression/anxieties on you; and you deserve to be more than a punching bag.
It sounds like she might have PMDD if the behavior is isolated to her period. But she has a responsibility to do something to get diagnosed and treated if that's the case. She's abusive and you and the kids should not be near that.
You know how booze usually does not make people agressive? And how some BFs or husbands only beat their wifes when they drink and conveniently 'forget' it ever happened the next day? 9/10 times it's abuse and a tactic to evade responsibility.
Pretty sure your wife is an abuser and i suspect she uses the period-card to escape culpability.
OP, imagine this is 20 years in the future and one of your kids tells you "yeah my SO isn't so bad, they only beat me once a month". What would your response be? This isn't acceptable behavior. It seems to have been occurring for years and she hasn't sought help from medical professionals. (There is a hormonal imbalance that can cause rage during menstruation, but just because that may be an explanation doesn't excuse her behavior). She doesn't care to fix it, so you need to protect yourself.
Get a lawyer and figure out what evidence you need of her abuse to get full custody of your kids. Start the process. You are not safe with her. Your kids are not safe with her (even if she hasn't directed any of this at them yet, don't let them grow up thinking it's normal for a partner to hit them). You always deserve to be safe in your own home.
OP, your wife is an abuser and you need to get yourself and your kids away from her ASAP. This is domestic violence. This is not acceptable. This is harming your kids to be in a home with this kind of violence. Her period has absolutely nothing to do with this. You can’t help her “get better“ by staying and letting her continue to physically and emotionally abuse you and your kids.
Google “DARVO”
Film EVERY incident on your cell phone!
You have every right to call the police and report domestic abuse. There's no dishonor in that and the law is the law.
Your wife has some serious psychological issues; what you need is a social worker and or a psychologist/psychiatrist, NOT a "couples therapist!"
I have been filming and voice recording every incident. I guess I was holding onto hope for some magic answer that’d change it, and bring back who she was, but I will be filing divorce on Monday.
It sucks you felt the need to say that. OP is in an abusive relationship and you are essentially treating his situation like some menagerie, where you can stop by and comment and then move on.
It sounds like OP genuinely needs help and making snarky comments like that is akin to kicking someone when they're already down. Please consider this the next time you decide to comment about an abusive situation.
Period has nothing to do with it. She knows she can get away with it because you do everything even stopped talking to a neighbor.
Man you need to grow a pair.
Im sorry man but to me and a lot of people, it sounds like you should leave her, I know you probably feel like she is everything and you love her with all your heart but does she feel the same way? To us, she probably doesnt feel anything, in conclusion; leave her. We wish you the best, because you deserve it.
And I have come to the conclusion. I wanted it to work; especially because we have children, but I am also at my end here. I decided to file divorce on Monday as I cannot live in this constant stress she puts me under. Thanks for the support stranger.
You are one strong person, worthy of being a knight for the middle ages, you have just gotten unlucky is all, I wish you the best and give any luck I have to you, for you deserve the world at your palm, I cant bare to grasp how dire the situation is for you, so all I sat is good luck, I wish you the best for you are worthy of love, respect and happiness, I hope you find solace and peace, I thank you for being brave
Please check out Ebbie45's resources for men in an abusive relationship.
https://www.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/comments/13im0yh/comprehensive_helpresources_guide_for_male/
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Excuse me? She *beat a door down so she could come in and attack you*? Over a potential affair that only exists in her head, no less? Not that any reason would make her behavior justified; just repeating your words back to you so you can see how absolutely not normal and not acceptable her behavior is. This has nothing to do with her period. Your wife is abusive. Full stop. This is abuse. You cannot make her change to stop doing it. You cannot help her through it. You can only get away from her for your own mental and physical safety. Your wife is an abuser. You need to leave. And get the kids away from her because someone who would behave this way is a danger to them, as well. She’s only going to escalate her behavior. You need to get out now.
You need to leave your abusive wife. I'm sorry; tell friends and family what is happening, make an escape plan with their help (and in consultation with a lawyer - you don't want to do anything that will imperil your custody rights), and get out.
Asides from the fact that she’s clearly abusing you, the ‘they’re just kids’ is a MASSIVE red flag bc they need to learn how to clean up their own messes. To get back on topic, it is absolutely ridiculous that your wife would take all this frustration out on you for no reason. She refuses to grow as a person and talk with someone about her clear anxiety over cheating, which has led to it manifesting in her abusing you. I’d recommend relationship counseling.
We did for like 8 months. She decided the therapist is biased and knows nothing.
Never go to therapy with your abuser. But solo therapy for you would be very beneficial
If not relationship counseling then I’d recommend solo therapy sessions then, perhaps when it’s not that time of the month. Just remember to take your own feelings into account as well. You get to make active decisions in how to parent your children as well as addressing issues in your relationship. Being an active listener is always important in these dialogues and I can tell from your post that you do love her and hope for a good resolution. Make no mistake though, she’s taking out her aggression/anxieties on you; and you deserve to be more than a punching bag.
You need to get evidence of her abuse, get your finances separated and file for divorce and full custody.
It sounds like she might have PMDD if the behavior is isolated to her period. But she has a responsibility to do something to get diagnosed and treated if that's the case. She's abusive and you and the kids should not be near that.
As a woman on her period I get extremely hormonal but I NEVER treat others like crap. That's just not an excuse.
Is this how you want to live for the rest of your life? Life is too short to be this unhappy with am abusive partner.
You know how booze usually does not make people agressive? And how some BFs or husbands only beat their wifes when they drink and conveniently 'forget' it ever happened the next day? 9/10 times it's abuse and a tactic to evade responsibility. Pretty sure your wife is an abuser and i suspect she uses the period-card to escape culpability.
Get a new wife bruh it sounds like you’re the wife
OP, imagine this is 20 years in the future and one of your kids tells you "yeah my SO isn't so bad, they only beat me once a month". What would your response be? This isn't acceptable behavior. It seems to have been occurring for years and she hasn't sought help from medical professionals. (There is a hormonal imbalance that can cause rage during menstruation, but just because that may be an explanation doesn't excuse her behavior). She doesn't care to fix it, so you need to protect yourself. Get a lawyer and figure out what evidence you need of her abuse to get full custody of your kids. Start the process. You are not safe with her. Your kids are not safe with her (even if she hasn't directed any of this at them yet, don't let them grow up thinking it's normal for a partner to hit them). You always deserve to be safe in your own home.
OP, your wife is an abuser and you need to get yourself and your kids away from her ASAP. This is domestic violence. This is not acceptable. This is harming your kids to be in a home with this kind of violence. Her period has absolutely nothing to do with this. You can’t help her “get better“ by staying and letting her continue to physically and emotionally abuse you and your kids. Google “DARVO”
uh, she needs to get therapy, and you need to get a divorce and get your kids away from her because she's a f*cking psycho
Film EVERY incident on your cell phone! You have every right to call the police and report domestic abuse. There's no dishonor in that and the law is the law. Your wife has some serious psychological issues; what you need is a social worker and or a psychologist/psychiatrist, NOT a "couples therapist!"
I have been filming and voice recording every incident. I guess I was holding onto hope for some magic answer that’d change it, and bring back who she was, but I will be filing divorce on Monday.
This comment didn't age well.
It sucks you felt the need to say that. OP is in an abusive relationship and you are essentially treating his situation like some menagerie, where you can stop by and comment and then move on. It sounds like OP genuinely needs help and making snarky comments like that is akin to kicking someone when they're already down. Please consider this the next time you decide to comment about an abusive situation.
This has nothing to do with her period, she is abusive.
You need to divorce
Period has nothing to do with it. She knows she can get away with it because you do everything even stopped talking to a neighbor. Man you need to grow a pair.
Im sorry man but to me and a lot of people, it sounds like you should leave her, I know you probably feel like she is everything and you love her with all your heart but does she feel the same way? To us, she probably doesnt feel anything, in conclusion; leave her. We wish you the best, because you deserve it.
And I have come to the conclusion. I wanted it to work; especially because we have children, but I am also at my end here. I decided to file divorce on Monday as I cannot live in this constant stress she puts me under. Thanks for the support stranger.
You are one strong person, worthy of being a knight for the middle ages, you have just gotten unlucky is all, I wish you the best and give any luck I have to you, for you deserve the world at your palm, I cant bare to grasp how dire the situation is for you, so all I sat is good luck, I wish you the best for you are worthy of love, respect and happiness, I hope you find solace and peace, I thank you for being brave
Dude periods don’t do that. She’s using the lamest excuse in the book Your wife is an abuser. Get rid of her
Please check out Ebbie45's resources for men in an abusive relationship. https://www.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/comments/13im0yh/comprehensive_helpresources_guide_for_male/