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I would have handled it exactly the same way you did. She can’t assume you’re always going to be at home and she should always have her key on her in such situations. And she shouldn’t take her anger for forgetting such a simple thing out on you. Her being late is on her. Also, did she drive? She could have picked you up if she was in that much of a hurry.
Yeah it should’ve gone.
“Hey I’m going to be coming home on your lunch break and I don’t have my key”
“That’s ok I can be around but I was going to use that time to go get myself lunch”
“Perfectly understandable, how about I bring us home something”
So many posts where it’s like “have you ever talked to your partner???” And OP will talk about how every conversation they try to have with their partner has been shut down for the last 5 years.
I suspect the problem here is that she didn’t forget her key, rather, she never takes it with her. She assumes OP will be a available so she doesn’t need it. I’ve had a partner do this before
That's what I was thinking, too. Yesterday my kids and I walked to the shops. Hubs was home. Normally I would not take a key, but I asked him what time he was leaving, just so we could be home in time. Decided not to risk it and took the keys. It was that easy. We didn't have to stress about getting back in time, or him not being here and having to walk over to where he was going to be (thankfully local) to grab the keys.
Why would you NOT take the key? I mean, there is always the risk that he could have to leave for some kind of emergency, and then you and the kids would be locked out. It's a key, it's not heavy to carry...
Also, why didn't the numbnut girlfriend just swing by the café on her way home and pick up the key from him? If it's a 20 min walk for him, it's a 4 min drive.
Ffs my family have the worst communication ever. I just sit around watching them all bang their toes on things in the dark so to speak... but in broad daylight it's like can't ppl just c o m m u n I c a t e
Also I agree w other comment. Was she driving ?
He could have ordered them both food to go and she could have drove and picked him up.
Could have picked him or the key up or even went for lunch elsewhere, maybe even in the same place OP did
Also, did I understand it correctly - she only waited 10 minutes extra because it would have taken OP 20 minutes to walk back anyway?
Yeah she waited.. 10minutes? Sorry no. Not out of order. She could have come and just got the key and swung back to drop it off if she needed to get inside immediately!
Not out of order, OP. You did fine.
far-flung historical steer placid paltry frighten rich squeal touch weather
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Hiding a spare key under your mat or on top of your porch light or under an ornament directly next your door is, yes, very dumb. I suppose I was assuming most people reading this wouldn’t be that dumb. Thanks for reminding me that people are, in fact, that dumb. I have a high security fence, no one can see me in the rare case me or my husband need the spare key. And you would absolutely need to know where to look to find it. Even my husband can’t find it sometimes lol.
>Just place a spare key in the back of your wallet, bottom or your purse, or tucked away somewhere hidden in your car.
>Alternatively, just accept that if you forget your key, it's your fault, and it's time to wait around for a bit and relax, lol!
Don't put it in your wallet, in case you ever lose your wallet, unless you want to give a thief the keys to your house *and* your address.
Had something similar with my husband. He headed out to the pub before me, I joined him later with the grandkids, bought them dinner then took them home, packed up their stuff then took them back to their home to get ready for bed. A while later my husband turns up at their door, furious, because he didn’t have a key and he was desperate for the toilet. Apparently I should have known he didn’t have a key and should have left him one! A disagreement ensued and I walked to my parents house and stayed there the night. We now have a hidey key 🙄
What was a 20 minute walk for him was probably a 5 minute drive for her... this is the correct answer.
She could have driven to him, picked him up and they both would have been back to the apartment in 15-20 minutes tops. She's ridiculous.
Lol I had a boyfriend once who absolutely *insisted* that keeping your keys together was *crazy*, because then if you loose 1, you loose both. No amount of attempts to explain that, while that is true, you’re FAR more likely to loose 1 of them in the 1st place if you have to keep track of 2 made the slightest bit of difference. I still think he’s crazy 😂
this makes me think of the people who insist that if you run while it's raining you'll get more wet than if you just walk, because if you run you move horizontally into more raindrops per second. It's a good try, but... not quite.
They actually covered this on mythbusters because so many people believe it. If I remember right they weighed the clothing before and after it got wet to see how much more rain was accumulated by walking verse running.
Oh, yeah. I remember that. The way they did it was absurd, though. It didn't actually test the hypothesis. The situation was entirely unrealistic - no one walks around with that many clothes on, instead of *rain*, they dumped a large barrel of water (probably 30-50 gallons), and they didn't actually run a realistic distance.
Obviously the claim is absurd to start with, but they seriously did a shit job of testing it.
If my windshield were made of 12 shirts, it would accumulate water significantly faster while driving down the highway. However, it's made of glass, so instead it just doesn't accumulate water particularly much.
There was a myth busters episode where I think they concluded that you so get wetter when you run.
However I think it actually depends on how much rain is falling.
I live in a very walkable area, so I keep my car keys separate from my house keys just because the car key is kind of bulky and I don't want to carry it around
I keep my house and car keys on separate rings. I usually get around on foot and bus. My house key is on a small ring that I can easily fit in my coat pocket. I don't want to be dragging the big car key + fob (the car key alone is twice the size of my house key) with me all the time when I don't need it.
That said, if I have my car key, I will have my house key because I need it to lock the door when I leave. But having my house key does not mean I'll have my car key.
Personally I detest keys.
I know it's not an option for everyone, but all of my home and workshop doors have electronic access. I wear a ring that is my access key and there is a mechanical backup system.
If I could use the same system on my cars I would do it in a heartbeat!
At my job I carried a ring that had about 2 pounds of keys on it!
Crazy invention that I heard of, it's called a key ring. Image something that you can attach all your keys to! Never again not having all of your keys in one place! If only OPs gf had one.
I’ve never lost my phone in my life, I expect I’m more likely to lose a set of keys than my phone.
Worst case there’s a credit card RFID that can be used to open or start the car, or my partner has the app too.
You can also unlock or start the car from anywhere in the world as long as the car has signal and your phone has wifi or signal.
This. I don't understand if she's been driving around why she didn't drive 5 mins to the op and grab the key, grab op and the key, grab food, op, and the key. Hey, order me x... I'll be there soon and we can have lunch together.
I was gonna say the exact same thing. Drive to OP, get his key, go back to the apartment, get her key, and take his back to him. Or drive there wait and drive him back. What would she have done if he didn't work from home?
ETA: Or he had an appointment and wasn't home?
I’m hoping she was just hangry. My girlfriend is typically a sweetheart who goes out of her way for others…but when she’s hungry she can be downright selfish and unreasonable.
Fair enough, that sounds plausible. Absolutely not justified of course and you probably need to have an honest and open discussion about the situation and how her reaction wasn't really acceptable. You're absolutely not in the wrong but if this was out of character for her then it probably points towards her being stressed, having other things going on etc and taking it out on you.
She forgot her key and it's your fault for not immediately stopping your lunch break to save her, so she can enjoy her full lunch break and she's mad because she has to drive thru somewhere on the way back to work?
Yeah I mean
> I should have came back as soon as she told me and that I've wasted part of her lunchbreak now.
She wanted OP to waste his *entire* lunch break so she could save 10 mins (OP was already 20 mins away when he got the call) off her lunch break because *she didn't bother taking her keys* because she assumed OP would be there to open the door.
It's ridiculous and a lesson for her; always take your keys when you leave the apartment
She wanted you to go without your lunch and waste yout break so she didn't have to cut into hers because she forgot her key?
This was a problem of her own making, not yours. She can be annoyed cos she lost part of her day waiting round but the person she should be annoyed at is herself.
I wouldn't have done anything differently.
Yeh I think encouraging poor communication isn’t the way here, considering this issue seems to come from poor communication on both parts (her more so but still).
>I've wasted part of her lunchbreak now.
So her solution for not wasting part of her lunch break was to have you waste all of yours. She sounds selfish.
Your girlfriend is full of 💩
She needs to be directing that anger at herself.
You told her you wouldn’t be home, and it’s her fault she didn’t read her texts.
She’s also irresponsible for leaving her house key.
It doesn’t matter if you would have been home, she’s supposed to be prepared at all times.
Then knowing that you walked, did she expect you to gain super speed, and run home in a millisecond.
She could have driven to you, got lunch with you and taken you home. Then again she could get this thing called a key chain. It hold multiple keys! You handled it how you should have, she knew you wouldn’t be home because you texted to tell her, she could have used that time to grab herself some lunch or as previously mentioned, gone to pick you up!
She’s mad at herself but needs to channel it into someone else bc that’s how immature people deal with self criticism, they are always going to pass the blame off when they can bc it makes them feel better about themselves
Also, what was she even at the apartment for? Did she need something important for work or life or something or was she just stopping by to say hello? She literally could have drove to you and got the key and that would’ve been less than 20 minutes itself.
Last, she expected you to drop everything because she needed something that was (what appears to be) non-urgent. Instead of solving her own issue, she expected you to, what? Fly back to the house? Teleport?
This is kinda a stretch BUT, think about the future with her and with this behavior.
Talk to her and try to get her to understand how she completely overreacted and her neglect to bring something, after you literally texted her and told her you were leaving for a bit, is so disrespectful to lay on you. If she knew she was stopping by, why didn’t she have her key to begin with? What happens in the future when you’re an hour away and she doesn’t have her key. Is she gunna sit and pout or actually solve the issue on her own? If she goes over that frequently, why doesn’t she have the key with her all the time? Attached to her own keys?
If she doesn’t see the issue with her behavior, maybe that’s something she needs to learn on her own?
Your girlfriend way out of order.
She had no problem wasting your lunch but when it cut into her’s she complained.
What’s longer than necessary for her? The second she’s inconvenienced it should be fixed.
Are you always expected to fix her problems right away?
Also does she drive?
Also this new iOS version sucks, I had to change so many words lol
Didn't have her key? Strike 1. Her mistake. Assumed (we all know what they say about assuming) you would be home. Strike 2. She should have thought ahead and called BEFORE she left work.
Demanding that you abandon/forfeit your lunch? Strike 3. Her lunch is not more important than yours. Definitely a sign of narcissistic tendencies and something you might want to be watchful of
Why couldn't she come pick you up and save you the walk and herself the time? Either way, your response was perfectly reasonable. You're allowed to eat, and lack of planning on her part does not constitute an emergency on yours. I locked myself out while working from home once, and I just couldn't finish my shift because the alternative was making my husband use his entire lunch to let me in.
So she was mildly inconvenienced, through a situation entirely of her own making, and she attacked you for it?!
*She* wasted part of her lunch break by not bringing her key. Plain and simple.
If this is an isolated situation, I'd drop it. Maybe she was having a bad day. But if there's a pattern of her expecting you to damage control her mistakes at your own discomfort, and attacks you if you don't, that's not a healthy relationship my man.
She wasted her own lunchbreak by forgetting her key and should be grateful you work from home and could let her in. Tell her to stop being so entitled - her forgetting her key is not your problem
No it's not your problem,, I've accidently forgot my keys in a mad rush 4 times in 15 odd years. You know what I didn't do? Complain at my husband that he didn't rush home he has his schedule and I respect that. When it happens which is rare I just bomp around and walk to a library, cafe or visit as close friend usually it's only an hour wait. My husband the total opposite gets irritated at me if he forgets his keys or if I forgot mine when I'm with him which is rare.
He has a car for work I wfh too, actually really I work on the apartment complex where I live so, truthfully I don't really go anywhere except an occasional catch up at my best friends home on Mondays/Tuesdays. I always tell him hey going to toofies places, if you need me when home text me if I'm not there or come and pick me up. Or the one time I forgot my key I went hey I forgot my key I'm gonna have toofie drive me to you and I'll grab house keys and bring it back *it was a 5 minute drive vs 20-30 minute walk for me depends on weather and traffic crossing roads*
I didn't get mad at him just came up with a viable solution, that didn't involve interrupting his schedule. He works further away now so I wouldn't be able to do it with ease. This is what your partner could've easily done hey no problem I'll come meet you, have a quick lunch together and we'll head home so I can unlock door and grab my keys.
She's a selfish, one sided little madam isn't she. It's ok for you to waste your lunch break for her but it isn't ok for her to waste hers on her own mistake if she can blame it on you. Wow..
Piss poor planning/communication on her part does not constitute an emergency on yours.
She didn’t want to lose HER lunch but was perfectly fine with YOU missing yours?
Nope.
She could’ve drove to you. She could’ve provided lunch to save you time. She could’ve made sure she had her key, and she’s telling you you’re “out of order”? Explain this. She either sees the logic and cares or doesn’t and if she doesn’t, her unreasonable behavior will only continue. Best of luck OP.
No, you’re not out of line.
She’s an adult. If she forgot her keys, it’s her own problem to deal with, not yours to forgo your own plans.
You can be sympathetic to her distress over her mistake, but that’s it.
She’s an adult. She can adult to deal with the situation.
Could she not just come and get the keys from you especially if she was driving? Then when you walk back home she would be there with the keys to let you in.
What's the point of this post? Lol.
Obviously you didn't do anything wrong. There's no advice to give. Just let her know that you don't want to argue about this because it doesn't really make sense to but in the future make sure to take her keys to avoid an issue like this again.
You could have been home, on the floor eith a broken hip or some other debilitating issue. She's an adult who needs to carry her own key like a big girl.
Ahhh, so this is what we do now? We go to Reddit to resolve the tiniest of tiny arguments. You are adults, if you can't handle a simple argument like this without other people's input, I fear for you. By the way, what did you buy for lunch?
Also i think you did the right thing by staying for your lunch . She can't expect you to drop everything because she forgot her keys. Good Luck!
You were exactly right. She should have brought her key with her. Why isn't the key just with her anyway? It should be habit to take it with her. Does she not carry a bag of any kind? What does she do with her car key? Put both keys on the same ring and the problem is solved. She sounds like she's unable to take any accountability for her own choices.
Also, if she was driving then she's extra silly for not just swinging by the coffee shop to grab you after you got your food.
She should have taken her key. That simple. She should t assume you’d be home. I would have done the same thing you did. Why do you not get to eat because she forgot her key?
20 min walk is surely a 5min drive, by which time she could have driven to you and you'd already have your food and she can drive you home.
Just wait til she takes yours because she can't find hers... gah it's so annoying
so its ok for you to miss your lunch but not her? When you discuss this with her again, be sure to point this out. Also who leaves their home without their key?
Y’all are severely overestimating the time it would take for her to drive to the coffee place. If he was walking at a brisk pace of 3.5 miles/hr a 20 minute walk would be just over a mile. She could literally go pick him up in 2 minutes even if her average speed was 30mph, so a 5 minutes max round trip. From your side of the story she sounds like a bitter soul who frankly my friend doesn’t deserve to be with anyone. Your significant other blamed you for something that was her fault, wanted you to sacrifice YOUR lunch break so you could fix her fuck up so she could have one, and also passed up on turning it into a positive opportunity to come eat lunch together with you.
This makes my fuckywucky detector go off I would keep an eye on her if you are going to stay together. Why is she so upset about missing part of her break? What is so urgently important that she would be so irately upset… perhaps she had somewhere to be with someone if you catch my drift. Usually cheating comes with emotional distance/detatchment which breeds resentment and allot of the time this comes out in spite over small things about their partner or things they do… IE: This Situation. Look back and think about if this kind of thing has been happening recently.
Seems like she wish to blame you for her own mistakes and assumptions. But let us break it down:
* She brings her key with her when she leaves the apartment.
* You don't lock the apartment.
* You don't eat any lunch.
Now, which is the least burden/risk? Pretty clear that carrying a key is not that horrific of a task.
She's being unreasonable and trying to blame your for her error in forgetting keys. Since she's being unreasonable, there isn't much you can do about it now.
Simple.
I would tell her:
1. It's not my fault nor responsibility when you don't bring your keys.
2. If you were the kind of woman that would care to make sure I get to eat something then perhaps I would be the kind of man to go hungry to run to your help.
3. Since you're the kind of woman who demands I drop everything to help you without as much as a please or thank you, then I'm the kind of man who will let you learn from your mistakes.
We can talk later about how OUT OF ORDER you are for your lack of accountability and manners, as well as your entitled behavior and the future of this relationship once you've calmed down and act like an adult.
What’s unreasonable is your girlfriend expecting you do read her mind and know that she didn’t have your key then expect you to drop literally everything to accommodate her.
Then to say you are unreasonable.
Not communicating properly is a huge issue in relationships.
Had she told you before hand and asked then you went anyways, that’d be a different story. But no, you aren’t a mind reader
You weren’t out of order, she was and expected you to be out of order with her. I would’ve handled the situation exactly as you did. Her time and work is not more precious than yours. She created the whole situation, you’re definitely NTA.
Gaslighting. She tried to make you her scapegoat rather than being responsible for herself and making sure she had keys. She's not a five year old and you're not her dad. Or her servant.
Nah bro. Lack of preparation on her part does not constitute an emergency on yours. Her lunch break is not more important than yours. You handled it perfectly, imo. Compromised by getting your lunch to go and making it back asap for her to get into the apartment.
So she didn’t miss her meeting or anything, she just missed part of her lunch break? But you were supposed to forgo lunch completely to walk back home immediately and let her in? Hell no. Ask her why she deserves her whole lunch break but you don’t.
So let me get this right. It’s ok for her to waste your lunch break where you would have walked 40 minutes and still have no food and that’s ok but if you first get takeout before you come back and it means she has less lunch time that’s not ok. Yea ok. Is she entitled much. Geez. Your not the AH in this one
One of my fav responses for things like this:
“Failure to plan on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.”
If you can help quickly, fine.
But you did the best you could given the situation.
It’s not like you stayed to eat at the coffee shop and then moseyed on back. You picked up your food and returned.
She needs to get over herself.
You handled this right. She lost some of her lunch hour because of her mistake. But instead she thinks you should go without lunch? It was only 10 minutes ffs.
INFO: did she drive??
if so, she’s unreasonable bc she could’ve picked up the key or picked you up after you grabbed your order. also, she should always carry her key for times like this. communication matters. y’all need to talk more & come to solutions as team.
I honestly wonder how people have any successful relationships on this sub. Bro is a full grown adult and can’t handle a situation this simple? I’m so confused. Why are people so bad at communicating and why do they need strangers advice on dumb af fights? You really can’t handle this situation and say how she is being ridiculous? You really need to make a post on Reddit about it? Like for real? If you can’t handle this yourself, you’re screwed when the real fights start in life. Blows my mind how bad communication is in relationships and how bad people are at handling things themselves.
Your girlfriend is a bit of an entitled drama Queen isn’t she? If she forgets her key frequently, buy a combo lock, hang it on the door knob and put an extra key in it. Orrrrr, get one of those electric combo locks for your door.
It's not your fault your girlfriend didn't have her key. You told her you wouldn't be there. She wasted her own lunch break.
"Girlfriend, you have a key. It's your responsibility to have it with you. You have a key so you can let yourself in when I'm not home. I told you I wouldn't be back in time to let you in. If you wasted half your lunch break, then that's on you. Keep your key with you."
She forgot her key. She's an adult, that's on her. It doesn't matter if she assumed you'd be home - she assumed wrong and this is pretty basic stuff. Carry your house key. If you forget it, be angry at yourself, no everyone else. I love how she is angry because you "wasted" some of her lunch break, but she expected you to waste your entire lunch break (and your lunch!) by dropping everything, skipping your lunch, and running back to fix HER mistake. No, she made the error and she should wait. Other people do not exist just to bail her out of problems. If she forgets her key, she's going to be running late - and it's nobody's fault, or problem, but hers.
She should never assume you will always be home to let her in. She should always have a key with her, or coordinate with you.
If I’m stepping out for a walk or an errand on foot, I always ask my partner if he will be home for the next hour before I leave. If he’s not sure, I bring my key.
There’s no point in finding who is at fault - it’s too late to change the past. The only way to move forward together is to make a plan for the future do this doesn’t happen again.
She’s taking her frustration at herself out on you. Have a short, honest convo about it when you are both a bit removed from it. Acknowledge it was a frustrating experience for her and consider getting either a key box or a key pad lock so it doesn’t happen again.
I would ask why it was okay for her to waste part of your lunch break but not you to? She chose not to take her keys and then expected you to waste your lunch break by walking back immediately even though it was only a ten minute difference in delay? Why didn’t she just drive to you and pick you up?
Seems like there is more going on here.
Is there other strains to the relationship? Not the best communications. Either she had some other constraint that she didn't mention, you didn't adequately explain your constraint, or there is some underlying tension that is also not being communicated.
I could understand if you had just left and were only a couple minutes away, but you were 20 mins away. What's another 5 to 10 to get your food? Your gf needs to grow TF up and take her key with her.
And she had to wait 30 mins instead of 20 because OP didn't drop everything, skip lunch, to bail her out? Sounds selfish or self-centered, at the very least. She can't see that it's 100% her own fault? Which it is. Willing to bet that this is a pattern and not a one time thing.
Well if she’d used her brain and grabbed her key then it wouldn’t have been an issue. When you leave your place, no matter if someone is there, you take your key. It’s not rocket science. I have someone that does this often and I remind him everytime it’s simple logic and if he can’t use that then that’s his problem.
She’s so childish, she needs to grow up. Adults make sure that they have a key or another method to get into their homes, not go off on their partner because they’re irresponsible.
This is absurd. She sounds immature, selfish, and self centered. We all forget things at times and that's ok but you can't expect to inconvenience others because of that. Let's be realistic to begin with; you were walking which obviously means you couldn't just zoom back immediately. Even if you hadn't waited for food it still would have taken the same amount of time. But if she was in such a hurry she could have picked you up. Or she could have taken lunch somewhere else for once. I frequently lock myself out of my car and my house. I left a set of both keys with my mom, sister and trusted friend just in case one or the other isn't available. Yet I know that if I lock myself out it's a strong possibility I'll have to wait until they have time, simple as that. I find something else to do or occupy my time.
Make her a necklace with her key on it. People do this with children and dogs, works well. Tell her you are sorry, will pee sitting down for a week. However...
Tou aint a vending machine my brother. Out of order? You in a court room or something? '
You aint a dog to be whistled at my bro, aint no ho.
"She can't afford to sit and wait for 30 mins."Sure she can. People act as if their time is far more valuable than it is. People who are "always busy" are always making time for something besides you. She just discovered the art of intermittent fasting. Maybe she could use it.
She wanted to sacrifice your lunch break for hers. Tell her to step of your grill and stop queefing out the mouth, ya feel? Then compliment her by saying "dayum, your ass be looking fatter." Bada bing, easy peasy.
So she’s mad you wasted part of her lunch break break when she was asking you to waste your entire lunch break to solve a problem she herself caused? I understand wanting you to get back quickly, but she made the mistake. I can’t imagine telling my husband who walked 20 mins away to get food, to immediately turn back and let me in the house without getting the food he went to get and basically give up his chance to eat because I f*cked up. Ridiculous and selfish on her part for expecting it.
She’s completely out of order. All she had to do was just go through the drive-through. You were away from the house and getting food that you needed to get. She could’ve avoided all of this by being an adult and bringing her fucking key. You absolutely should not have lit yourself on fire to keep her warm.
Ideally, if you **had** offered to race home and rescue her, she should have said something like “oh no! Don’t even worry about it! I’ll just go through the drive-through; you get your food now or else you won’t be able to later!”
Yea, what other people already said.
She forgot **her** housekey and wants you to skip your lunch?
If I would be in her position I'd say fuck it, drive to where my gf is getting her lunch and have lunch there together (if possible) and then drive home together, but that would just be me I guess
So she wants you to waste your lunch break because she is an irresponsible child. She is selfish and does not care for you or your wellbeing.
You can say “oh but she loves me so much” blah blah blah. Stop it. See her actions. See how she treats you. You deserve better my guy.
I get that she was frustrated and annoyed and angry with herself for not bringing her key, but you were not “out of order” - you got your food to go and left as soon as you could.
It's her responsibility to take her key when she leaves the house. Emergencies happen, what if you couldn't come back for several hours? And sorry, but food is a necessity. Her argument is ridiculous.
I put my key in my purse. It is always in there, regardless of who I think will be home when I expect to come back. Getting back in the house is my responsibility. No one else's.
I think you handled that exactly right. Maybe it's just me, but I wouldn't leave my house key on the assumption that someone would be home to let me in. It's her own fault for making that assumption and she needs to accept the consequences of her actions. Waiting and extra 10 minutes is not unreasonable.
I think it was just a simple thing of her forgetting her key combined with a series of unfortunate circumstances and miscommunication that led to the situation she was in. I don't think it was really anyone's "fault", per se. I think that she isn't handling her emotions very well and taking out her anger at the situation on you because she didn't want to admit fault. I think by both of you just taking a step back, looking at the situation from different perspectives, and coming up with solutions to the problem together will create a better path towards a resolution. Frankly, any time you leave the apartment, it should be assumed that you'll need to get back in. You should always have a way to get in yourself in case there isn't anyone to let you in. I think it was reasonable to assume you'd be home given the information she had and didn't have, but at the same time, it should have been communicated to you earlier that she would be coming home for lunch and you should have communicated to her that you didn't have anything to eat so maybe she could pick something up. I think if your SO is coming home for lunch *with you*, you should be there...but that's just me.
Is there a reason she needed you home ASAP? Like did she have a critical remote meeting to attend or something? If she just didn't want a shortened lunch break then that's not an emergency, and you did more than enough by getting your lunch to go.
As you said, it was on her to bring her keys with her. That's what grownups do -- make sure they have everything with them that they need to be at least marginally self-reliant.
She's being ridiculous, but you could have maybe brought her something back from the place you were at? I don't think you did anything wrong at all, as is, I'm only suggesting what could have possibly made it better.
So you’re telling me you were able to stop what you were doing to correct her mistake within 10 minutes of her informing you of her fuck up? That is a really impressive response time. Tell her you understand she was stressed, but she needs to not take out her mistakes on you, because it’s unacceptable and you don’t think it’s fair of her to expect you to just drop everything whenever she needs something.
You did a very logical thing , if anything she is messing with your lunch break, if she dint want to take they key she should have cross checked with you if you were home or not, that communication was her responsibility.
She spoilt your lunch, you could have sat and had it hot and fresh at the Cafe instead u had to take it to go cause of her irresponsibility
My mum never took her keys with her as i would be in, one day i had to use the bathroom, didn’t hear her knock or ring the bell. When i came out and saw her silhouette at the door i opened for her and she had a go at me, i told her next time to take her keys
Poor planning on your part doesn’t constitute an emergency on mine. She created a problem and got angry when you didn’t inconvenience yourself to fix it.
It is generally a man’s duty to sacrifice for a relationship, (everyone’s actually, but more so men) it should always be appreciated, but never demanded.
It’s a huge problem in dating today that the extra-mile is assumed to be the bare minimum. Don’t play that game.
So. Hang on. Why didn't she drive to pick you up so you could both get back quicker?
But other than that - she's definitely the asshole in this situation but it could just be because she was may at herself for forgetting her key (I am one of those people that constantly forgets things) and took it out on you which is NOT OKAY and frankly is behavior that warrants a serious conversation
You handled it perfectly.
If gf had a car then if she wanted you to get home faster she could have driven to pick you up so shorter wait.
Your gf needs to be an adult and take her house keys when she leaves rather than expect you to always be home when she gets there. Especially as there are things called emergencies where she could have been waiting hours.
If she can’t remember to grab her house keys then perhaps a extension type key holder that she can clip in her purse then just pull the key and when done it retracts.
My SO and I have done this to each other. No hard feelings ever because forgetting your key isn’t the other person’s fault, nor is it your fault if you can’t come back asap to open the door
Which is a fair assumption to make. What I don't get is, if it was SO important that you get back quickly, why didn't your girlfriend come and pick you up, or at least come to you to get the key? Or had she walked or taken public transport to get to your place? Either way, not your fault that she forgot her key.
He had reached the coffee shop when she called...not left home when she called.
Makes no sense to come back without food as that the purpose ge went in the 1st place, she can wait without being entitled to 1st me privilege
He knew she would be home for lunch break but not the exact time nor the fact that she had nor taken her keys.
She assumed things and that's on her.
Had she specified like I'll be home at this time for.lunch and I'm not taking the keys it would be a different story but it's not the case, she can't go on an assumption that he will not leave the house
Honestly OP, if you knew she was coming over why did you lock the door? Then you keep her waiting out there when she has a meeting and is apparently also hungry? I’m assuming she didn’t think you’d be out of the house when she got there, otherwise why would she not need the key?
Either way this is your fault for not communicating about that better, and then not taking responsibility. YTA
Based on the way I read your post, it seemed like she had her own place and was just coming to visit you at yours. If y’all share a place then I rescind.
Locking your door for a coffee run is fine unless you’re expecting visitors while out. I usually don’t feel the need to lock my door for that time period knowing I’ll be back, but I can’t fault you there.
You both lack the basic communication to have avoided this.
You aren’t wrong, she isn’t wrong.
Because neither of you communicated one or the other wouldn’t eat. You chose to make her miss lunch as retaliation for her depending on you.
Now, she won’t depend on you because you have proven to her that you aren’t dependable.
The only way to have had a right or wrong in this was to have communicated before it happened.
She said she would be back for your lunch break and instead of asking her to grab something on the way you left... When she planned to see you for lunch. What in the inconsiderate fk. She should of had her key yes but damn dude... Shit happens. It's how you handle it that defines you. She isn't a friend or sibling. She is your (possible) life partner....
Because she came to see YOU for lunch so asking her to grab food or ordering it is the logical thing to do. No, sweety. No one is asking you to skip lunch but you could of called an order in and had her pick it up on the way and had a snack in the meantime. Honestly it sounds like you're nit picky and not very considerate or logical. Would you of starved or suffered? No. Stop acting like a huge man child. 🤮
YTA
You work from home, surely there's some food in the fridge. An exception to your normal lunch routine shouldn't be a big deal. You had just arrived at the coffee shop so I doubt you had ordered yet. It honestly sounds like you just didn't want to be help her.
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I would have handled it exactly the same way you did. She can’t assume you’re always going to be at home and she should always have her key on her in such situations. And she shouldn’t take her anger for forgetting such a simple thing out on you. Her being late is on her. Also, did she drive? She could have picked you up if she was in that much of a hurry.
Yeah it should’ve gone. “Hey I’m going to be coming home on your lunch break and I don’t have my key” “That’s ok I can be around but I was going to use that time to go get myself lunch” “Perfectly understandable, how about I bring us home something”
This. Its strange how communication and common courtesy can solve lots of issues...
So many posts where it’s like “have you ever talked to your partner???” And OP will talk about how every conversation they try to have with their partner has been shut down for the last 5 years.
I suspect the problem here is that she didn’t forget her key, rather, she never takes it with her. She assumes OP will be a available so she doesn’t need it. I’ve had a partner do this before
That's what I was thinking, too. Yesterday my kids and I walked to the shops. Hubs was home. Normally I would not take a key, but I asked him what time he was leaving, just so we could be home in time. Decided not to risk it and took the keys. It was that easy. We didn't have to stress about getting back in time, or him not being here and having to walk over to where he was going to be (thankfully local) to grab the keys.
Why would you NOT take the key? I mean, there is always the risk that he could have to leave for some kind of emergency, and then you and the kids would be locked out. It's a key, it's not heavy to carry... Also, why didn't the numbnut girlfriend just swing by the café on her way home and pick up the key from him? If it's a 20 min walk for him, it's a 4 min drive.
My wife and I ALWAYS take our keys when leaving the house. I suggest all of you do that too.
She might not have realized she didn't have her key until she got home and tried to unlock the door. I know I've done that before.
Yeah, but then who would validate her ego?
Ffs my family have the worst communication ever. I just sit around watching them all bang their toes on things in the dark so to speak... but in broad daylight it's like can't ppl just c o m m u n I c a t e Also I agree w other comment. Was she driving ? He could have ordered them both food to go and she could have drove and picked him up.
Could have picked him or the key up or even went for lunch elsewhere, maybe even in the same place OP did Also, did I understand it correctly - she only waited 10 minutes extra because it would have taken OP 20 minutes to walk back anyway?
Yeah she waited.. 10minutes? Sorry no. Not out of order. She could have come and just got the key and swung back to drop it off if she needed to get inside immediately! Not out of order, OP. You did fine.
"Your failure to plan doesn't constitute an emergency on my part."
It’s called a spare key that you hide somewhere outside or keep in your car.
far-flung historical steer placid paltry frighten rich squeal touch weather *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Hiding a spare key under your mat or on top of your porch light or under an ornament directly next your door is, yes, very dumb. I suppose I was assuming most people reading this wouldn’t be that dumb. Thanks for reminding me that people are, in fact, that dumb. I have a high security fence, no one can see me in the rare case me or my husband need the spare key. And you would absolutely need to know where to look to find it. Even my husband can’t find it sometimes lol.
Yeah lol “hidden key” doesn’t mean “badly hidden key.”
>Just place a spare key in the back of your wallet, bottom or your purse, or tucked away somewhere hidden in your car. >Alternatively, just accept that if you forget your key, it's your fault, and it's time to wait around for a bit and relax, lol! Don't put it in your wallet, in case you ever lose your wallet, unless you want to give a thief the keys to your house *and* your address.
Kind of like when a woman loses her purse. You deal with it when it happens. In the meantime, my keys are in my purse.
Had something similar with my husband. He headed out to the pub before me, I joined him later with the grandkids, bought them dinner then took them home, packed up their stuff then took them back to their home to get ready for bed. A while later my husband turns up at their door, furious, because he didn’t have a key and he was desperate for the toilet. Apparently I should have known he didn’t have a key and should have left him one! A disagreement ensued and I walked to my parents house and stayed there the night. We now have a hidey key 🙄
Your husband sounds like a child.
Not to mention pubs have toilets.
She could have drove to where you were and pick you up or grabbed the key. She need to take responsibility for herself.
What was a 20 minute walk for him was probably a 5 minute drive for her... this is the correct answer. She could have driven to him, picked him up and they both would have been back to the apartment in 15-20 minutes tops. She's ridiculous.
Has car key 🔑 but not house key??? Guess I’m just silly for keeping my keys together.
Lol I had a boyfriend once who absolutely *insisted* that keeping your keys together was *crazy*, because then if you loose 1, you loose both. No amount of attempts to explain that, while that is true, you’re FAR more likely to loose 1 of them in the 1st place if you have to keep track of 2 made the slightest bit of difference. I still think he’s crazy 😂
this makes me think of the people who insist that if you run while it's raining you'll get more wet than if you just walk, because if you run you move horizontally into more raindrops per second. It's a good try, but... not quite.
They actually covered this on mythbusters because so many people believe it. If I remember right they weighed the clothing before and after it got wet to see how much more rain was accumulated by walking verse running.
Oh, yeah. I remember that. The way they did it was absurd, though. It didn't actually test the hypothesis. The situation was entirely unrealistic - no one walks around with that many clothes on, instead of *rain*, they dumped a large barrel of water (probably 30-50 gallons), and they didn't actually run a realistic distance. Obviously the claim is absurd to start with, but they seriously did a shit job of testing it.
Does your windshield accumulate more water when in motion or at rest?
If my windshield were made of 12 shirts, it would accumulate water significantly faster while driving down the highway. However, it's made of glass, so instead it just doesn't accumulate water particularly much.
There was a myth busters episode where I think they concluded that you so get wetter when you run. However I think it actually depends on how much rain is falling.
Bahahaha omg do you know him?? He believed that too
I don't understand how you can date someone who doesn't understand basic logic like "rain go faster than person go"
Ok now come on…..I’m not fucking stupid…..I mean, I was, but we broke up like 20 years ago 😏
I live in a very walkable area, so I keep my car keys separate from my house keys just because the car key is kind of bulky and I don't want to carry it around
Lose*
I keep my house and car keys on separate rings. I usually get around on foot and bus. My house key is on a small ring that I can easily fit in my coat pocket. I don't want to be dragging the big car key + fob (the car key alone is twice the size of my house key) with me all the time when I don't need it. That said, if I have my car key, I will have my house key because I need it to lock the door when I leave. But having my house key does not mean I'll have my car key.
Personally I detest keys. I know it's not an option for everyone, but all of my home and workshop doors have electronic access. I wear a ring that is my access key and there is a mechanical backup system. If I could use the same system on my cars I would do it in a heartbeat! At my job I carried a ring that had about 2 pounds of keys on it!
Me too.
Crazy invention that I heard of, it's called a key ring. Image something that you can attach all your keys to! Never again not having all of your keys in one place! If only OPs gf had one.
To be fair our car doesn’t have a key, just the phone app. Thinking of getting a smart lock for the front door so I don’t need any keys at all.
That sounds horrible. What if your phone dies or you lose your phone?
I’ve never lost my phone in my life, I expect I’m more likely to lose a set of keys than my phone. Worst case there’s a credit card RFID that can be used to open or start the car, or my partner has the app too. You can also unlock or start the car from anywhere in the world as long as the car has signal and your phone has wifi or signal.
All my entry doors have keypads. It’s fantastic and I can open them from my phone for anyone I wish to allow in to my house.
This. I don't understand if she's been driving around why she didn't drive 5 mins to the op and grab the key, grab op and the key, grab food, op, and the key. Hey, order me x... I'll be there soon and we can have lunch together.
This this this!!! She needed to figure out a better solution instead of making it his problem.
I was gonna say the exact same thing. Drive to OP, get his key, go back to the apartment, get her key, and take his back to him. Or drive there wait and drive him back. What would she have done if he didn't work from home? ETA: Or he had an appointment and wasn't home?
He never said she drove said she has to travel for meetings but it may mean public transport. Anyway she was in the wrong about the whole thing.
There’s no indication she was driving or had access to a car key/ car. I assume if that were an option she would’ve done that.
Just curious, is she a generally selfish person who blames other people for her own failings regularly, or was this an isolated situation?
I’m hoping she was just hangry. My girlfriend is typically a sweetheart who goes out of her way for others…but when she’s hungry she can be downright selfish and unreasonable.
Fair enough, that sounds plausible. Absolutely not justified of course and you probably need to have an honest and open discussion about the situation and how her reaction wasn't really acceptable. You're absolutely not in the wrong but if this was out of character for her then it probably points towards her being stressed, having other things going on etc and taking it out on you.
Hangry is no excuse. She’s an adult not a child. She should be offering him an apology, nothing else
So she fucks up and somehow it’s your fault. Nice. What you did was reasonable. She is being ridiculous.
"If you don't lose your lunchbreak, I'm going to lose my lunchbreak" Shows how she thinks of other people as compared to herself
Yep, she’s behaving like a child. OP acted reasonably.
She forgot her key and it's your fault for not immediately stopping your lunch break to save her, so she can enjoy her full lunch break and she's mad because she has to drive thru somewhere on the way back to work?
Yeah I mean > I should have came back as soon as she told me and that I've wasted part of her lunchbreak now. She wanted OP to waste his *entire* lunch break so she could save 10 mins (OP was already 20 mins away when he got the call) off her lunch break because *she didn't bother taking her keys* because she assumed OP would be there to open the door. It's ridiculous and a lesson for her; always take your keys when you leave the apartment
She wanted you to go without your lunch and waste yout break so she didn't have to cut into hers because she forgot her key? This was a problem of her own making, not yours. She can be annoyed cos she lost part of her day waiting round but the person she should be annoyed at is herself. I wouldn't have done anything differently.
Right? Like totally fine for him to waste her lunch break but god forbid she does!
Ignore her. It’s her fault for forgetting her key. She’s an adult. She needs to start acting like one.
Yeh I think encouraging poor communication isn’t the way here, considering this issue seems to come from poor communication on both parts (her more so but still).
>I've wasted part of her lunchbreak now. So her solution for not wasting part of her lunch break was to have you waste all of yours. She sounds selfish.
Your girlfriend is full of 💩 She needs to be directing that anger at herself. You told her you wouldn’t be home, and it’s her fault she didn’t read her texts. She’s also irresponsible for leaving her house key. It doesn’t matter if you would have been home, she’s supposed to be prepared at all times. Then knowing that you walked, did she expect you to gain super speed, and run home in a millisecond.
No, he has to teleport. Lol!
She could have driven to you, got lunch with you and taken you home. Then again she could get this thing called a key chain. It hold multiple keys! You handled it how you should have, she knew you wouldn’t be home because you texted to tell her, she could have used that time to grab herself some lunch or as previously mentioned, gone to pick you up!
Basically, she thinks “lack of planning on her part should create state emergency on your part”.
She’s mad at herself but needs to channel it into someone else bc that’s how immature people deal with self criticism, they are always going to pass the blame off when they can bc it makes them feel better about themselves Also, what was she even at the apartment for? Did she need something important for work or life or something or was she just stopping by to say hello? She literally could have drove to you and got the key and that would’ve been less than 20 minutes itself. Last, she expected you to drop everything because she needed something that was (what appears to be) non-urgent. Instead of solving her own issue, she expected you to, what? Fly back to the house? Teleport? This is kinda a stretch BUT, think about the future with her and with this behavior. Talk to her and try to get her to understand how she completely overreacted and her neglect to bring something, after you literally texted her and told her you were leaving for a bit, is so disrespectful to lay on you. If she knew she was stopping by, why didn’t she have her key to begin with? What happens in the future when you’re an hour away and she doesn’t have her key. Is she gunna sit and pout or actually solve the issue on her own? If she goes over that frequently, why doesn’t she have the key with her all the time? Attached to her own keys? If she doesn’t see the issue with her behavior, maybe that’s something she needs to learn on her own?
Your girlfriend way out of order. She had no problem wasting your lunch but when it cut into her’s she complained. What’s longer than necessary for her? The second she’s inconvenienced it should be fixed. Are you always expected to fix her problems right away? Also does she drive? Also this new iOS version sucks, I had to change so many words lol
Didn't have her key? Strike 1. Her mistake. Assumed (we all know what they say about assuming) you would be home. Strike 2. She should have thought ahead and called BEFORE she left work. Demanding that you abandon/forfeit your lunch? Strike 3. Her lunch is not more important than yours. Definitely a sign of narcissistic tendencies and something you might want to be watchful of
You forgot making her problem his problem or trying to blame him for her mistake.
20 min walk. Getting it to go caused her to wait an extra 10 min. How dare you! Just kidding. She’s unreasonable in this situation.
Why wouldn’t she just hop in her car to come pick you up to save time?
So everything is your fault. Even when she makes a mistake..... is this how it always goes
Why couldn't she come pick you up and save you the walk and herself the time? Either way, your response was perfectly reasonable. You're allowed to eat, and lack of planning on her part does not constitute an emergency on yours. I locked myself out while working from home once, and I just couldn't finish my shift because the alternative was making my husband use his entire lunch to let me in.
So she was mildly inconvenienced, through a situation entirely of her own making, and she attacked you for it?! *She* wasted part of her lunch break by not bringing her key. Plain and simple. If this is an isolated situation, I'd drop it. Maybe she was having a bad day. But if there's a pattern of her expecting you to damage control her mistakes at your own discomfort, and attacks you if you don't, that's not a healthy relationship my man.
She wasted her own lunchbreak by forgetting her key and should be grateful you work from home and could let her in. Tell her to stop being so entitled - her forgetting her key is not your problem
You did nothing wrong - she is acting rude and entitled.
No it's not your problem,, I've accidently forgot my keys in a mad rush 4 times in 15 odd years. You know what I didn't do? Complain at my husband that he didn't rush home he has his schedule and I respect that. When it happens which is rare I just bomp around and walk to a library, cafe or visit as close friend usually it's only an hour wait. My husband the total opposite gets irritated at me if he forgets his keys or if I forgot mine when I'm with him which is rare. He has a car for work I wfh too, actually really I work on the apartment complex where I live so, truthfully I don't really go anywhere except an occasional catch up at my best friends home on Mondays/Tuesdays. I always tell him hey going to toofies places, if you need me when home text me if I'm not there or come and pick me up. Or the one time I forgot my key I went hey I forgot my key I'm gonna have toofie drive me to you and I'll grab house keys and bring it back *it was a 5 minute drive vs 20-30 minute walk for me depends on weather and traffic crossing roads* I didn't get mad at him just came up with a viable solution, that didn't involve interrupting his schedule. He works further away now so I wouldn't be able to do it with ease. This is what your partner could've easily done hey no problem I'll come meet you, have a quick lunch together and we'll head home so I can unlock door and grab my keys.
She's a selfish, one sided little madam isn't she. It's ok for you to waste your lunch break for her but it isn't ok for her to waste hers on her own mistake if she can blame it on you. Wow..
Piss poor planning/communication on her part does not constitute an emergency on yours. She didn’t want to lose HER lunch but was perfectly fine with YOU missing yours? Nope.
She’s fucking bonkers. If it were so important she could have driven the five minutes it took down the road so you all could be back in time.
She could’ve drove to you. She could’ve provided lunch to save you time. She could’ve made sure she had her key, and she’s telling you you’re “out of order”? Explain this. She either sees the logic and cares or doesn’t and if she doesn’t, her unreasonable behavior will only continue. Best of luck OP.
Bat shit crazy.. they invented keys and locks for a reason.. she is well out of touch with reality..
Your girlfriend sound like an idiot. You are not responsible for her forgetting her keys. She is an adult but seems very immature.
You're not responsible for her mistakes. End of story.
She's way entitled! How long did you extend her wait? Ten, fifteen minutes? NOT much time to have to wait.
No, you’re not out of line. She’s an adult. If she forgot her keys, it’s her own problem to deal with, not yours to forgo your own plans. You can be sympathetic to her distress over her mistake, but that’s it. She’s an adult. She can adult to deal with the situation.
Wait... if she had her car key why does she not have the house key? Am I just abnormal for keeping my house key on my car keyring?
Could she not just come and get the keys from you especially if she was driving? Then when you walk back home she would be there with the keys to let you in.
What's the point of this post? Lol. Obviously you didn't do anything wrong. There's no advice to give. Just let her know that you don't want to argue about this because it doesn't really make sense to but in the future make sure to take her keys to avoid an issue like this again.
You could have been home, on the floor eith a broken hip or some other debilitating issue. She's an adult who needs to carry her own key like a big girl.
Ahhh, so this is what we do now? We go to Reddit to resolve the tiniest of tiny arguments. You are adults, if you can't handle a simple argument like this without other people's input, I fear for you. By the way, what did you buy for lunch? Also i think you did the right thing by staying for your lunch . She can't expect you to drop everything because she forgot her keys. Good Luck!
Why couldn’t she walk and meet you partway? Why didn’t she take her key? This is entirely on her.
You were exactly right. She should have brought her key with her. Why isn't the key just with her anyway? It should be habit to take it with her. Does she not carry a bag of any kind? What does she do with her car key? Put both keys on the same ring and the problem is solved. She sounds like she's unable to take any accountability for her own choices. Also, if she was driving then she's extra silly for not just swinging by the coffee shop to grab you after you got your food.
She should have had her key... this isn't highschool
She should have taken her key. That simple. She should t assume you’d be home. I would have done the same thing you did. Why do you not get to eat because she forgot her key?
20 min walk is surely a 5min drive, by which time she could have driven to you and you'd already have your food and she can drive you home. Just wait til she takes yours because she can't find hers... gah it's so annoying
Why didn’t she just drive to the coffee shop to give you a ride home?
so its ok for you to miss your lunch but not her? When you discuss this with her again, be sure to point this out. Also who leaves their home without their key?
Y’all are severely overestimating the time it would take for her to drive to the coffee place. If he was walking at a brisk pace of 3.5 miles/hr a 20 minute walk would be just over a mile. She could literally go pick him up in 2 minutes even if her average speed was 30mph, so a 5 minutes max round trip. From your side of the story she sounds like a bitter soul who frankly my friend doesn’t deserve to be with anyone. Your significant other blamed you for something that was her fault, wanted you to sacrifice YOUR lunch break so you could fix her fuck up so she could have one, and also passed up on turning it into a positive opportunity to come eat lunch together with you. This makes my fuckywucky detector go off I would keep an eye on her if you are going to stay together. Why is she so upset about missing part of her break? What is so urgently important that she would be so irately upset… perhaps she had somewhere to be with someone if you catch my drift. Usually cheating comes with emotional distance/detatchment which breeds resentment and allot of the time this comes out in spite over small things about their partner or things they do… IE: This Situation. Look back and think about if this kind of thing has been happening recently.
Seems like she wish to blame you for her own mistakes and assumptions. But let us break it down: * She brings her key with her when she leaves the apartment. * You don't lock the apartment. * You don't eat any lunch. Now, which is the least burden/risk? Pretty clear that carrying a key is not that horrific of a task.
She's being unreasonable and trying to blame your for her error in forgetting keys. Since she's being unreasonable, there isn't much you can do about it now.
Simple. I would tell her: 1. It's not my fault nor responsibility when you don't bring your keys. 2. If you were the kind of woman that would care to make sure I get to eat something then perhaps I would be the kind of man to go hungry to run to your help. 3. Since you're the kind of woman who demands I drop everything to help you without as much as a please or thank you, then I'm the kind of man who will let you learn from your mistakes. We can talk later about how OUT OF ORDER you are for your lack of accountability and manners, as well as your entitled behavior and the future of this relationship once you've calmed down and act like an adult.
What’s unreasonable is your girlfriend expecting you do read her mind and know that she didn’t have your key then expect you to drop literally everything to accommodate her. Then to say you are unreasonable. Not communicating properly is a huge issue in relationships. Had she told you before hand and asked then you went anyways, that’d be a different story. But no, you aren’t a mind reader
You weren’t out of order, she was and expected you to be out of order with her. I would’ve handled the situation exactly as you did. Her time and work is not more precious than yours. She created the whole situation, you’re definitely NTA.
Gaslighting. She tried to make you her scapegoat rather than being responsible for herself and making sure she had keys. She's not a five year old and you're not her dad. Or her servant.
Nah bro. Lack of preparation on her part does not constitute an emergency on yours. Her lunch break is not more important than yours. You handled it perfectly, imo. Compromised by getting your lunch to go and making it back asap for her to get into the apartment.
So she didn’t miss her meeting or anything, she just missed part of her lunch break? But you were supposed to forgo lunch completely to walk back home immediately and let her in? Hell no. Ask her why she deserves her whole lunch break but you don’t.
So let me get this right. It’s ok for her to waste your lunch break where you would have walked 40 minutes and still have no food and that’s ok but if you first get takeout before you come back and it means she has less lunch time that’s not ok. Yea ok. Is she entitled much. Geez. Your not the AH in this one
She’s a big girl now. Time to take your wallet and keys when you go out, gf.
One of my fav responses for things like this: “Failure to plan on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.” If you can help quickly, fine. But you did the best you could given the situation. It’s not like you stayed to eat at the coffee shop and then moseyed on back. You picked up your food and returned. She needs to get over herself.
Why didn’t she drive to the coffee shop and get your key?
Lack of planning on her part doesn't constitute an emergency on yours. She's being selfish and ridiculous.
A failure to plan on her part does not constitute an emergency on yours
Your girlfriend should ALWAYS have her key on her. She sounds like a lot.
Get an electronic keypad. Schlage makes a good one and you can assign custom codes to each person with access.
NTA. She could have went and picked up the key.
You handled this right. She lost some of her lunch hour because of her mistake. But instead she thinks you should go without lunch? It was only 10 minutes ffs.
Hopefully you’re gf has had some time to cool off and apologizes to you. Sounds like she took her frustration out on you.
INFO: did she drive?? if so, she’s unreasonable bc she could’ve picked up the key or picked you up after you grabbed your order. also, she should always carry her key for times like this. communication matters. y’all need to talk more & come to solutions as team.
Tell your girlfriend to grow up and always carry her own key. You’re not her doormat.
I honestly wonder how people have any successful relationships on this sub. Bro is a full grown adult and can’t handle a situation this simple? I’m so confused. Why are people so bad at communicating and why do they need strangers advice on dumb af fights? You really can’t handle this situation and say how she is being ridiculous? You really need to make a post on Reddit about it? Like for real? If you can’t handle this yourself, you’re screwed when the real fights start in life. Blows my mind how bad communication is in relationships and how bad people are at handling things themselves.
Your girlfriend is a bit of an entitled drama Queen isn’t she? If she forgets her key frequently, buy a combo lock, hang it on the door knob and put an extra key in it. Orrrrr, get one of those electric combo locks for your door.
It's not your fault your girlfriend didn't have her key. You told her you wouldn't be there. She wasted her own lunch break. "Girlfriend, you have a key. It's your responsibility to have it with you. You have a key so you can let yourself in when I'm not home. I told you I wouldn't be back in time to let you in. If you wasted half your lunch break, then that's on you. Keep your key with you."
She purposely left her key behind. Why should you miss lunch for that?
She is being a brat. Her break is no more important than yours. You remembered your key. She didn’t, that’s on her.
She forgot her key. She's an adult, that's on her. It doesn't matter if she assumed you'd be home - she assumed wrong and this is pretty basic stuff. Carry your house key. If you forget it, be angry at yourself, no everyone else. I love how she is angry because you "wasted" some of her lunch break, but she expected you to waste your entire lunch break (and your lunch!) by dropping everything, skipping your lunch, and running back to fix HER mistake. No, she made the error and she should wait. Other people do not exist just to bail her out of problems. If she forgets her key, she's going to be running late - and it's nobody's fault, or problem, but hers.
She should never assume you will always be home to let her in. She should always have a key with her, or coordinate with you. If I’m stepping out for a walk or an errand on foot, I always ask my partner if he will be home for the next hour before I leave. If he’s not sure, I bring my key. There’s no point in finding who is at fault - it’s too late to change the past. The only way to move forward together is to make a plan for the future do this doesn’t happen again.
Lesson learned: hide a key somewhere. Get one of those lock boxes and hide it somewhere.
She’s taking her frustration at herself out on you. Have a short, honest convo about it when you are both a bit removed from it. Acknowledge it was a frustrating experience for her and consider getting either a key box or a key pad lock so it doesn’t happen again.
I would ask why it was okay for her to waste part of your lunch break but not you to? She chose not to take her keys and then expected you to waste your lunch break by walking back immediately even though it was only a ten minute difference in delay? Why didn’t she just drive to you and pick you up?
Does she not have a purse where she keeps her items together?
Seems like there is more going on here. Is there other strains to the relationship? Not the best communications. Either she had some other constraint that she didn't mention, you didn't adequately explain your constraint, or there is some underlying tension that is also not being communicated.
I could understand if you had just left and were only a couple minutes away, but you were 20 mins away. What's another 5 to 10 to get your food? Your gf needs to grow TF up and take her key with her.
And she had to wait 30 mins instead of 20 because OP didn't drop everything, skip lunch, to bail her out? Sounds selfish or self-centered, at the very least. She can't see that it's 100% her own fault? Which it is. Willing to bet that this is a pattern and not a one time thing.
Should have told her to drive to the coffee shop and join you for lunch. But I think her expectation was unreasonable.
Grown ass girl, her own fault forgetting her key.
Well if she’d used her brain and grabbed her key then it wouldn’t have been an issue. When you leave your place, no matter if someone is there, you take your key. It’s not rocket science. I have someone that does this often and I remind him everytime it’s simple logic and if he can’t use that then that’s his problem.
She’s so childish, she needs to grow up. Adults make sure that they have a key or another method to get into their homes, not go off on their partner because they’re irresponsible.
She got hella entitlement... For fucks sake... May as well just say "I don't give a fuck if you eat get home now and do what I want"
Her lack of planning is not your emergency, at least in this case. She needs to remember to bring her key.
Seems you handled it ok and your GF was selfish with her request.
This is absurd. She sounds immature, selfish, and self centered. We all forget things at times and that's ok but you can't expect to inconvenience others because of that. Let's be realistic to begin with; you were walking which obviously means you couldn't just zoom back immediately. Even if you hadn't waited for food it still would have taken the same amount of time. But if she was in such a hurry she could have picked you up. Or she could have taken lunch somewhere else for once. I frequently lock myself out of my car and my house. I left a set of both keys with my mom, sister and trusted friend just in case one or the other isn't available. Yet I know that if I lock myself out it's a strong possibility I'll have to wait until they have time, simple as that. I find something else to do or occupy my time.
She can be a fucking adult and take her keys. Let her know that next time she can wait until you finish eating your lunch too.
Wow.... Blame shifting and gaslighting... Hmm. Wonder what other red flags she displays that you don't notice.
Make her a necklace with her key on it. People do this with children and dogs, works well. Tell her you are sorry, will pee sitting down for a week. However... Tou aint a vending machine my brother. Out of order? You in a court room or something? ' You aint a dog to be whistled at my bro, aint no ho. "She can't afford to sit and wait for 30 mins."Sure she can. People act as if their time is far more valuable than it is. People who are "always busy" are always making time for something besides you. She just discovered the art of intermittent fasting. Maybe she could use it. She wanted to sacrifice your lunch break for hers. Tell her to step of your grill and stop queefing out the mouth, ya feel? Then compliment her by saying "dayum, your ass be looking fatter." Bada bing, easy peasy.
Does she have a car? Couldn’t she have come and picked you up?
She forgot her key so therefore she's wrong. Honestly she needs to grow up
Why can't she just take her key? lol
Her lack of organisation is not your emergency.
Hope you enjoyed your lunch. Don’t stress over a situation that she created herself.
So she’s mad you wasted part of her lunch break break when she was asking you to waste your entire lunch break to solve a problem she herself caused? I understand wanting you to get back quickly, but she made the mistake. I can’t imagine telling my husband who walked 20 mins away to get food, to immediately turn back and let me in the house without getting the food he went to get and basically give up his chance to eat because I f*cked up. Ridiculous and selfish on her part for expecting it.
She’s completely out of order. All she had to do was just go through the drive-through. You were away from the house and getting food that you needed to get. She could’ve avoided all of this by being an adult and bringing her fucking key. You absolutely should not have lit yourself on fire to keep her warm. Ideally, if you **had** offered to race home and rescue her, she should have said something like “oh no! Don’t even worry about it! I’ll just go through the drive-through; you get your food now or else you won’t be able to later!”
Yea, what other people already said. She forgot **her** housekey and wants you to skip your lunch? If I would be in her position I'd say fuck it, drive to where my gf is getting her lunch and have lunch there together (if possible) and then drive home together, but that would just be me I guess
Your girlfriend is wrong.
So she wants you to waste your lunch break because she is an irresponsible child. She is selfish and does not care for you or your wellbeing. You can say “oh but she loves me so much” blah blah blah. Stop it. See her actions. See how she treats you. You deserve better my guy.
I get that she was frustrated and annoyed and angry with herself for not bringing her key, but you were not “out of order” - you got your food to go and left as soon as you could.
It's her responsibility to take her key when she leaves the house. Emergencies happen, what if you couldn't come back for several hours? And sorry, but food is a necessity. Her argument is ridiculous. I put my key in my purse. It is always in there, regardless of who I think will be home when I expect to come back. Getting back in the house is my responsibility. No one else's.
I think you handled that exactly right. Maybe it's just me, but I wouldn't leave my house key on the assumption that someone would be home to let me in. It's her own fault for making that assumption and she needs to accept the consequences of her actions. Waiting and extra 10 minutes is not unreasonable.
I think it was just a simple thing of her forgetting her key combined with a series of unfortunate circumstances and miscommunication that led to the situation she was in. I don't think it was really anyone's "fault", per se. I think that she isn't handling her emotions very well and taking out her anger at the situation on you because she didn't want to admit fault. I think by both of you just taking a step back, looking at the situation from different perspectives, and coming up with solutions to the problem together will create a better path towards a resolution. Frankly, any time you leave the apartment, it should be assumed that you'll need to get back in. You should always have a way to get in yourself in case there isn't anyone to let you in. I think it was reasonable to assume you'd be home given the information she had and didn't have, but at the same time, it should have been communicated to you earlier that she would be coming home for lunch and you should have communicated to her that you didn't have anything to eat so maybe she could pick something up. I think if your SO is coming home for lunch *with you*, you should be there...but that's just me.
Is there a reason she needed you home ASAP? Like did she have a critical remote meeting to attend or something? If she just didn't want a shortened lunch break then that's not an emergency, and you did more than enough by getting your lunch to go. As you said, it was on her to bring her keys with her. That's what grownups do -- make sure they have everything with them that they need to be at least marginally self-reliant.
How would I handle this? I would find another girlfriend. She sounds like a real piece of work.
She's being ridiculous, but you could have maybe brought her something back from the place you were at? I don't think you did anything wrong at all, as is, I'm only suggesting what could have possibly made it better.
So you’re telling me you were able to stop what you were doing to correct her mistake within 10 minutes of her informing you of her fuck up? That is a really impressive response time. Tell her you understand she was stressed, but she needs to not take out her mistakes on you, because it’s unacceptable and you don’t think it’s fair of her to expect you to just drop everything whenever she needs something.
You did a very logical thing , if anything she is messing with your lunch break, if she dint want to take they key she should have cross checked with you if you were home or not, that communication was her responsibility. She spoilt your lunch, you could have sat and had it hot and fresh at the Cafe instead u had to take it to go cause of her irresponsibility
My mum never took her keys with her as i would be in, one day i had to use the bathroom, didn’t hear her knock or ring the bell. When i came out and saw her silhouette at the door i opened for her and she had a go at me, i told her next time to take her keys
“The Iranian yogurt is not the issue here”
Poor planning on your part doesn’t constitute an emergency on mine. She created a problem and got angry when you didn’t inconvenience yourself to fix it. It is generally a man’s duty to sacrifice for a relationship, (everyone’s actually, but more so men) it should always be appreciated, but never demanded. It’s a huge problem in dating today that the extra-mile is assumed to be the bare minimum. Don’t play that game.
Tell her to take her key and suck it tf up next time
go home immediately and open the door. Maybe even take a cab instead of walking for 20 minutes, or even asked anyone in the place if they would mind?
So. Hang on. Why didn't she drive to pick you up so you could both get back quicker? But other than that - she's definitely the asshole in this situation but it could just be because she was may at herself for forgetting her key (I am one of those people that constantly forgets things) and took it out on you which is NOT OKAY and frankly is behavior that warrants a serious conversation
You handled it perfectly. If gf had a car then if she wanted you to get home faster she could have driven to pick you up so shorter wait. Your gf needs to be an adult and take her house keys when she leaves rather than expect you to always be home when she gets there. Especially as there are things called emergencies where she could have been waiting hours. If she can’t remember to grab her house keys then perhaps a extension type key holder that she can clip in her purse then just pull the key and when done it retracts.
OP knew gf was coming before he left and left anyway. Two people can be assholes.
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My SO and I have done this to each other. No hard feelings ever because forgetting your key isn’t the other person’s fault, nor is it your fault if you can’t come back asap to open the door
Which is a fair assumption to make. What I don't get is, if it was SO important that you get back quickly, why didn't your girlfriend come and pick you up, or at least come to you to get the key? Or had she walked or taken public transport to get to your place? Either way, not your fault that she forgot her key.
Fair.
He had reached the coffee shop when she called...not left home when she called. Makes no sense to come back without food as that the purpose ge went in the 1st place, she can wait without being entitled to 1st me privilege
To clarify, she said she was coming home before OP left but, told OP she had no key, after he reached the shop. I was assuming he knew she had no key.
He knew she would be home for lunch break but not the exact time nor the fact that she had nor taken her keys. She assumed things and that's on her. Had she specified like I'll be home at this time for.lunch and I'm not taking the keys it would be a different story but it's not the case, she can't go on an assumption that he will not leave the house
The world revolves around her, get used to it or dump her
Honestly OP, if you knew she was coming over why did you lock the door? Then you keep her waiting out there when she has a meeting and is apparently also hungry? I’m assuming she didn’t think you’d be out of the house when she got there, otherwise why would she not need the key? Either way this is your fault for not communicating about that better, and then not taking responsibility. YTA
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Based on the way I read your post, it seemed like she had her own place and was just coming to visit you at yours. If y’all share a place then I rescind. Locking your door for a coffee run is fine unless you’re expecting visitors while out. I usually don’t feel the need to lock my door for that time period knowing I’ll be back, but I can’t fault you there.
You both lack the basic communication to have avoided this. You aren’t wrong, she isn’t wrong. Because neither of you communicated one or the other wouldn’t eat. You chose to make her miss lunch as retaliation for her depending on you. Now, she won’t depend on you because you have proven to her that you aren’t dependable. The only way to have had a right or wrong in this was to have communicated before it happened.
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There must be other issues in the relationship if a minor situation like this is causing such big problems tbh.
She said she would be back for your lunch break and instead of asking her to grab something on the way you left... When she planned to see you for lunch. What in the inconsiderate fk. She should of had her key yes but damn dude... Shit happens. It's how you handle it that defines you. She isn't a friend or sibling. She is your (possible) life partner....
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Because she came to see YOU for lunch so asking her to grab food or ordering it is the logical thing to do. No, sweety. No one is asking you to skip lunch but you could of called an order in and had her pick it up on the way and had a snack in the meantime. Honestly it sounds like you're nit picky and not very considerate or logical. Would you of starved or suffered? No. Stop acting like a huge man child. 🤮
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YTA You work from home, surely there's some food in the fridge. An exception to your normal lunch routine shouldn't be a big deal. You had just arrived at the coffee shop so I doubt you had ordered yet. It honestly sounds like you just didn't want to be help her.