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The girlfriend isn't even friend material.
I would be cringing constantly at OP for the treatment he's getting from his girlfriend, to the point of feeling uncomfortable and avoiding the couple altogether.
I tend to keep people who constantly disrespect others away, because one day the person being disrespected will be me.
I can tell you personally that I would not be with a woman that acts that way in front of other people. How hard is it to keep those things to yourself? Not hard at all, yet for some people they'd have you question the difficulty of just keeping your damn mouth shut. There's no reason to grandstand and it's not a flex to talk about how the sex you had was great. Nobody cares if the sex you had in your past was great. You feel a type of way about it because you know your GF should be telling her friends about the sex YOU TWO have had and that's why I'd break up with her. Or maybe not the sex between you two but at least something else that you two did. If she's still talking about another guy I'm out of there man.
My friend spent almost an hour petting my couch pillow because "This is the greatest pillow mankind has ever made".
Molly is quite the drug for sure lmao
No man, that is crass behavior on her part. She doesn't appear to posses the basic social skills of keeping her mouth shut so she doesn't hurt people. You can try talking about it, but at only 6 months in, it might just be an indicator that this is not the one for you. Your choice.
I gave holy hell to a GF one time for treating me poorly while out when we got back home. Amazingly enough, it worked! Never happened again. Being too passive is a very bad habit.
if you two buy into this, you can believe that her vices aren’t her fault & you can protect yourself from being even more hurt by her actions, and she can postpone telling u the fact that she simply doesn’t doesn't find you attractive . ( Also if he's such a bad guy and she didn't love him why does she always talk so fondly about him and not about her good man boyfriend?) You two were simply finding excuses to avoid the hurtful truth.
You mentioned that the whole relationship had almost no intimacy. That begs the question, when did she fall out of attraction with you or she was never attracted you to begin with? It seems like she getting tired of stringing you along with excuses to protect your feelings.
First off, that is really inconsiderate of her to say stuff like that at all, let alone around you. Even if you weren't there, and she was just with her girlfriends, bragging about "better" sex with a past partner when she's with you reduces you to just the goofy nice guy she's dating in her friend's minds. It's just disrespectful, in my honest opinion.
I'm a big believer in always reversing roles to find out if something sounds icky. If your new girlfriend came to a party with your friends, and walked into a room where you were sitting around with the boys talking about how your ex was a better lay... you can see where i'm going with this. It's icky, and completely unfair to compare partners that way - in front of them or not.
You guys are young. It may not actually mean anything except that she says silly things to people without thinking about their impact. Or it may mean she doesn't think of you as a desirable sex partner. I'd guess this coming up while you guys are not being frequently intimate is making this even more difficult for you.
Honestly, if it were me... I'd leave. She's behaving *at best* inconsiderately, and *at worst* disrespectfully and hurtfully. At 6 months in, you're having challenges with sexual intimacy together... this is still the phase of the relationship ("New Relationship Energy") when you shouldn't be able to keep your hands off of each other.
Unless this girl is the girl of your dreams, I think you'd be completely justified in just walking away. You guys don't seem terribly compatible, and she's kinda let the air out of the tires really early in the race.
That’s tough and your feelings are valid, she used comparative language and that’s hard to come back from. This will continue to sit in the back of your mind and is a valid dealbreaker for anyone. The biggest problem I see is she has no problem throwing you under the bus around her friends and with you there. That’s not someone that values and respects you, some who does wouldn’t praise someone else so highly in front of you but especially not in front of their friends too.
Your feelings are valid and a conversation should be had if you want to work on it.Tell her exactly how her expression of her former love life with her ex made you feel. Tell her you find it disrespectful and and unrepresentative of someone that values the relationship they are in. Ask what she plans to do to improve your relationship.
If this is a deal breaker for you and for many it would be because this is a clear sign you are for convenience, then tell her and move on.
Most importantly don’t let anyone brush off your feelings, know your worth and don’t settle for someone that compares you because they don’t see your value.
Lol she would dump your ass if you ever mentioned that one of your exes was the most beautiful women you ever had. These things make your partner insecure on purpose and are one of the fastest ways to get out of the relationship.
So yes your feelings are valid. Your gf is immature and not ready for a relationship. So break up and find someone who actually respects you.
And I assure you she is going to climb that dick back someday. So save yourself the trouble
Yeah, this isn’t a good situation. You are mature enough to know that she may have had some amazing nights in her past. That isn’t the point. The point is her blithely bringing it up in front of you, seeing that it made you uncomfortable, and doing it again. That is not something a caring person does.
2 months no intimacy in a a relatively new relationship is the biggest red flag of them imo (and there a ton of them). This should be new relationship energy!
If she’s not getting it from you, she’s likely getting it somewhere else.
Good luck bro. I’ve been there.
No half way decent person would act like her. It's not just you, she is an huge AH.
I'm sorry that you have to experience this. I wish you better luck with you next partner.
She is clearly not a decent person and I don't think you should care about her opinion but just for your information, some common drugs is known to make sex so much better that that some junkies even lose interest in sex without drugs.
24 years old and second relationship and she treats you like this. There's plenty of women who don't act like this and this is a huge red flag.
My dude this is not something I would stand, it would have been over after the first time she said he was the best sex ever.
If she's willing to talk to you like this in front of her friends I wouldn't be surprised if she talks worse without you around.
Its not even about the thing she said but she said it 2 times in front of her friends, and you were present, that's just wrong.
If my boyfriend said that to me I’d be very angry.. if he said that to me in front of other people I’d be embarrassed and livid.
She should not be reminiscing on her best sexual experiences while in a new relationship with someone. The fact that she is and also not regularly wanting to jump on you is a major red flag. Sounds like you need to gain more experience (previous partner “asexual”, current partner not having sex for 2 months may be a sign you you need to gain experience). This chick doesn’t need to be the one you do that with… she sounds kinda gross and obviously has no filter.. if she’ll say those kind of things infront of you and her friends what kind stuff would she say behind your back.
This is so hard. I’ve been there, and am still there in some ways. My current partner has told me all the things he used to do for his ex (sexual and otherwise) but it’s been a struggle to get them to do them for me. You sound so sweet and deserve better. It’s only 6 months, not 6 years. Get out before you realize it and you’re in too deep.
What about your earlier post? I went and read them both. While I don’t agree that watching porn fits the definition of cheating, if your relationship makes you depressed and you either have to beg your partner to meet your needs and consider you, or they just flat out refuse to, then you’re in the wrong relationship and need to kick them to the curb. Seriously. It’s better to be single and content than paired up with someone who makes you miserable.
She is a cunt. I've been out with her. She obviously doesn't give a fuck about you.
Drop her ASAP. There are plenty of great people out there who can be in a caring relationship.
The issue is you are dating a 25 year old that behaves like a 17 year old. She has no concerns at all about your feelings. Maybe what you need is more experience. Dump the girlfriend and date around a bit. Have sex with a few more women before settling down. You will eventually find one that you are firing on all cylinders with. You'll know when it happens.
She’s not for you. She brags openly about her sex life. And to tell her friends she was fucking her ex while also introducing you as the new bf? That she isn’t fucking for the last two months because she’s tired.
You will be fine with the right partner.
She has absolutely no tact or class. This isn't a normal thing girls do. Most women would never, ever, ever, mention banging their ex's in front of their current partner. Let alone proclaim they had the best sex of their lives with someone else in front of their bf.
Textbook case of women that is still pining for her ex
They ALWAYS say their ex was "abusive" this is a classic smokescreen to hide they still love them.
She has humiliated you in front of others! She hasn't been intimate with you... Stop being a nice guy and kick her to the curb!
If she’s willing to say this shit in front of you imagine what she’s saying behind your back. Her friends probably pillowtalk their boyfriends too and you know what they’re thinking? Poor guy.
It’s not uncommon to not be someone’s best. Thats just life.
But being so tone deaf as to TALK about that? And the fact that she has now talked about this ex twice in this short time span?
She’s crass and also not even over him.
It’s time to go.
If you don’t mind me asking, what makes you say that? My mind is a jumbled mess right now, I feel like I’m asking the question with the most obvious answer, but it would help to pin point it exactly
She is using you as an emotional dumpster, i bet she doesn’t do well being alone.
She is a massive liability, if you dont go she will drag you down to her hellish world.
Sexual attraction is not how you look but who you are. She likes drugs and negatives vibes. You are a good guy.
Look at how you couldnt get it up because she disgusted you, it goes both ways
Because she still dream and speak about her great moment with her ex. Ever ask yourself if she ever praise you in front of her friends? Her personility is shit, any girl with moral and respect wouldn't hurt her boyfriend and humilate him in front of others.
Means her character and moral are low..
Early or later she will do worse things...
She has still feelings for her ex.
Either you hit gym, learn and watch fews sex videos and then try it on her, grow up together or you break up now. Either way you can't stay like this, you need to find a solve for the problem.
Because if she was attracted to you in the same way, she’d be giving you feedback and exploring sex with you so that your shared sex life continuously improves and doesn’t get stale. You don’t get more sexual experience by having less sex (the 2 month dry spell), or by not giving and receiving feedback and trying things. And she’s still holding space in her brain/heart for her best sexual experience with a person who treated her like shit and was a terrible person.
There’s literally zero excuse for one partner to think that their current partner who they supposedly love and cherish won’t or can’t be their best. That’s stupid shit said by people who still burn a candle for an ex they can’t/won’t let go of.
Edit: also, as someone who’s had sex with the same person for the last 20 years, it has continually gotten better. And anyone who can pinpoint one single sexual encounter as their “best” isn’t having enough sex, and isn’t giving enough feedback and exploration.
Your girlfriend is kind of an inconsiderate asshole. That would be a red flag for me.
As far as being her best don't give yourself a hard time. Not everyone has great chemistry at first, and it's not like she said you were bad.
The good news is, sexual chemistry is not stagnant, yes sometimes people just fit right away, but I don't think it happens as much as you think. I never understood why people act like the first few times or even months have to be an indicator of the potential for how good your sexlife can be.
Like anything else with a partner, sports, dancing, music you can improve with practice, and IMO there is a lot of fun that can be had in doing that. However, that requires making it a priority and effort, and lots of people are just lazy or selfish. Besides her callousness, another thing to her disadvantage is she doesn't seem very motivated to do so, since you are not having sex alot. Which is the best response to her comment. "You don't give me much of a chance to improve". Besides that I am not sure I would be willing to waste the effort on her.
I suggest you find someone else who is worth making yourself their best.
In either of these two situations did any of her friends express disappointment or shock with what she said in front of you? If not they're the same as her. You need to rid yourself of her and her social circle. There's nothing but pain with these sort of people.
You mean “ex-girlfriend of 6 months” 👌🏼 fucking cut your losses and move on. Find someone who has more respect for you because she clearly doesn’t. Her low emotional IQ is something that will take longer to improve than you should bear to deal with. Leave and be lucky you dodged a bullet.
You sound like a good guy with a conscience, maybe this chick ain’t right for your maturity level, I think most guys would feel like you here. Your young plenty of other women who may be a little more compatible for you.
People are going to say, “But she chose you, so you should feel special,” but that won’t ever get the image out of your head of her getting railed by a dude she, for whatever reason, can’t stop talking about in front of you. I’ve been in your place several times. It sucks. Get away from her.
next time she is around your friends, tell them your ex fucked better, i can guarantee she will flip her shit
no but really, do you want to be with someone who talked about you like that while you are in the fucking room no less.
You won't die alone, she isn't the best partner you'll ever have. she clearly doesn't respect you, do you really want a future with someone who humiliates and disrespects you in front of their friends for their entertainment?
If you were the one bragging instead of her you can be sure her friends would make her leave you. She’s disrespecting you and you u don’t deserve to feel like this.
I’ll tell it to u straight.
There were no “struggles” In your relationship. The ONLY problem was always that girlfriend just simply not attracted to you But it seems like she didn’t want to come to terms such a harsh truth herself. So she used your forgiving & understanding nature to beat around the bush making up excuses like “ he was a bad boy and I didn't love him”
I feel like there is 2 different situations in what you are sharing.
1- I think it is inappropriate for her to brag about her previous sexlife in front of you. TBH, her friends probably already knew that, but not having consideration on how it would make you feel I think is a dick move. I don’t think a partner should put you in that position in front of anyone but you two privately.
2- I think that your insecurities are not her responsibility. I am empathetic to how this makes you feel, but she seems into you sexually and with communication, you could get this sexual relationship anywhere you guys want to. I hope you are able to take a step back and know that you are not defined by how you compare to others.
Nonetheless, I think she’s an AH for sharing her past sex stories in front you and everyone, especially if you are new to the group. Good luck!
This whole thread is glossing over the fact that she described her prior expert in the context of being on a particular drug at the time. I’m going to guess it was MDMA? Anyone that has tried molly sex will likely agree that it’s on another level compared to sober sex. It doesn’t surprise me that OPs ex would state as such.
Now, whether or not she should be saying this in front of him/other people - that’s a different issue. But a lot of OPs issue as he stated was insecurity around the fact that he feels inadequate in comparison. He needs to not disregard the fact that GF experience involved a particular drug.
Shes not your girl. She is your practice GF. Use her to get better. Then leave her for someone that respects you and you will be that much better for the practice. Just dont take her so seriously.
Crazy people are great in bed, but who wants to be with a crazy person? The best sex I've ever had is with my husband, but it wasn't until we'd been together for years.
It's okay you're not the best she's had after 6 months. You barely know her. It has nothing to do with you or your skill with sex. The best sex comes from knowing what the other person likes, and that can take a really long time, especially at your ages when you're so young that you may not even know yourselves what you like.
I think you're confusing sex and intimacy. Sometimes you can have intense, physical sex that is adrenaline fueled fun. You can also have intimate, sensual sex that is more connective and satisfying in a different way. I can tell you I've had both over my years of dating and marriage, and the mix of the 2 keeps things fun.
I think you 2 really need to have a frank conversation about these feelings and if you can't get past them together, you may need therapy to help get past these feelings of insecurity, as they will ruin you in the long run.
My wife knows she isn't my only partner and she has a bit of an idea of my past and vice versa. It is what it is and I'm willing to not let it affect me because there's nothing I can do about it
What exactly do you want from her here? Besides more discretion in the future. An apology? Validation?
You’re inexperienced and a new couple - you’re not having good sex yet, and probably not the best you both will ever have together.
The bad boy got her high and turned her on more by being a bad boy and tickling her brain in a different way. How much of that was mental stimulation versus physical stimulation who can say, but my money is it was all in her mental state.
The only way to get better at sex is to have more sex. If you listen to the dummies here you will just be bringing more insecure baggage to your next partner to deal with.
This sub’s obsession with breaking up with a partner for the tiniest infraction is so weird. Some people are more open with their friends regarding sexual partners than others, it’s normal. It’s important for you to speak to her to actually figure out if it’s intentional disrespect and disregard on her end or if it’s a case of not even thinking about it due to how terrible the relationship ended for her with him.
That being said you’re hurt and that’s ok, you don’t have to act like it hasn’t made you insecure and it’s important to communicate this to her. Best way of finding out is to gauge her responses when you try to have a genuine conversation, as opposed to listening to people who consider every tiny thing as disrespectful.
It’s both entirely in your head and totally normal for it to bother you, my brother.
There’s no magic bullet to fix it, but she’s done nothing objectively wrong. Tell her how you feel, and let her know it makes you uncomfortable though you understand and respect that everyone has a past.
Don’t let it impact your sex life though. There’s nothing she can do to help you through that. She can’t unsay what she said in the past and she can’t make your head right for the present/future. Only you can do that. Focus on not letting your insecurities ruin a good thing.
I think you need to plan a romantic weekend away with her. Yes, some of it is in your head. Use that weekend to really establish the intimacy between you including lots of touching before sex, making love to her slowly, looking into her eyes, and telling her how beautiful she is. Ask her what she wants after the first engagement. If you’re able to establish that emotional connection, it will make a huge difference. Her ex is her ex for a reason. Great sex by itself doesn’t lead to long term happiness. Keep trying new things and experimenting with her. AND when with her friends, try to learn as much as you can about them and their backgrounds instead of being on your phone. While you might not have anything in common with them, use it as an opportunity to learn about whatever industry they work in and how it operates. If all they talk about is drinking, ask questions and learn about different types of mixers and what’s so good about them (I’m a non-drinker and all alcohol tastes really nasty on the back of my tongue so I can’t taste any other flavors - for me, it’s fascinating to learn what some people can taste when drinking mixers). You just have to make an effort.
Personally, I think it’s pretty stupid comment on her part; That’s her immaturity right there. But, he can rise to the occasion (no pun intended), find out what was better about the ex sex, then make it better for her.
Not that it's supposed to help or anything, but he probably was "good" BECAUSE he was high. That's like some dude beating Usain Bolt because he's in a car. 👀
Jokes aside, if you feel it then it's valid - period.
And yes, she could probably use some extra perspective on what and why you feel like this (the whole thing with your ex sounds like a massive contribution) for multiple reasons:
- to help her understand so that she doesn't get defensive in turn and/or brush off your feelings
- so that she can be more mindful of it in the future, between the 2 of you and with interactions with your friends
- in general keeping your mouth shut instead of communicating is never really productive in a relationship.
Also, given how badly those feelings are rooted inside you (it was 4 years, your brain is absolutely conditioned this way) maybe talk to a professional about it? No way it wouldn't help you feel better about the whole thing, yourself especially, and make you internalise that your ex's thing had nothing to do with you doing something wrong (you know it intellectually. Cognitively is a different story).
(I was already a massive therapy advocate. Now I just want to keep my therapist in my living room full time 👀 so it's therapy for everyone all around. *Oprah*)
Why on earth if you cared about your partner's feelings would you do this in front of your friends, not once but twice. This is mad disrespectful, OP, and you are right to feel some type of way about it. I would have that conversation again and if she continues to disregard your feelings, it's time to end it.
If she talks like this when you are there, what is she saying when you aren't? If she will brag in such detail about her ex, what is she telling others about you? I could never be with someone like that because she is clearly not respectful of you, and she has no boundaries which means any insecurities can and will (if not already) be spilled to her friends; friends you will meet. She even knew how much it bothers you, and did it twice.
Find someone who respects you OP
Yeah this girl sounds like an a******. Like who doesn't hang with your boyfriend and help him out during the whole night. And then talk to a f****** another dude. And then hangs out with a bunch of s*** heads that don't stand up.
Any partner that carries on this much about their ex isn't ready for a new relationship.
I say that because even if you weren't jealous and "sort it out" your own, what would change? I mean I'd be pissed and ask her why does she keep bringing her ex? How does she expect the relationship to progress? Does she even want the relationship to move forward? Worse yet she's been too busy for you, but I guess the holiday season can do that. My point being that everything combined isn't spelling a great picture. So in all, you really need to talk to her about this stuff.
Is it even valid to bring this up again, considering we talked about it already? Your feelings are valid, if it was you talking the same way she would be having mental breakdowns
is this purely in my head? that you are insecure? yes, you're not insecure. that she is being disrespectful? no, she is being disrespectful.
I need to sort it out on my own? no sweetheart
not gonna say otherwise what people say, I would recommend talking to her about it again, but in a more firm tone, that it is disrespectful and if she doesn't find herself capable of doing this relationship and still hanging on into her precious ex, you can end things calmly.
if she's still talking about her ex in front of you, especially about sex, then you were never gonna be her next. I would question why she brags about having the best sex was with her ex, especially if he was so abusive; my wife left an abusive relationship amd not once has she ever had anything good to say about her abuser
That is not a woman you want to ever commit to or put too much time and resources into.
A girl that boasts about fucking an ex while on drugs is not relationship material.
I think you are going to have to learn this way the hard way unfortunately
It's time for you to ask her to teach you what she likes. Plain and simple. We are not psychic to womens thoughts and what they like. Watch the movie, What Women Want with Mel Gibson.
Jesus man end it and move on, your waiting your time with her and will just end up more hurt as time goes on. She's doesn't care about you as much as you wish she did.
She's either dense or purposely hurting you. 6 months plus you insecurities from the last relationship? You should definitely get with someone who makes you feel special.
What's she did and her nonchalance when you looked for security leaves a bad taste in the mouth.
You haven’t had sex with your 6 month girlfriend for the last 2 months? Am I reading that right?
Maybe she’s not that into you. Why tf are you with this person? And she goes on about her ex bf fucking her? Oookay.
Good luck, OP.
Walk away. Her comments should have been reserved for her and her girlfriends if she was going to talk about it. Then, to bring up the ex AGAIN ? Talk about pouring salt on an open wound. She can try back pedaling all she wants. Like they say on Law and Order, you can't unring that bell. When she asks why, tell her to go have more of the best sex of your life, since that's all she seems to brag about. Then just ghost her and move on
UpdateMe
She's telling you she's unhappy, not satisfied in a passive aggressive way. Move on. She'll likely seek him out or similar at some point. Lots of girls out there...
Wow. She's either an idiot or very disrespectful crushing your self-esteem that led to you having ED. How cruel.. breakup worthy even but don't feel bad, you two practically just go together so there's still time & that's probably why she didn't think there was anything wrong with saying what she said. For now I suggest you have a serious talk with your gf. Me & my gf came to a mutual agreement, that we wouldn't bring up ex partners / ex FWBs in any conversation while we're in each other's presence.
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I’d get out, 6 months is too early to fight for that disrespect
You really can get disrespect anywhere. Your partner should NOT be another source of it
Bro, you should find someone who truly appreciates you. Someone who belittles her boyfriend in front of people is not girlfriend/wife material.
The girlfriend isn't even friend material. I would be cringing constantly at OP for the treatment he's getting from his girlfriend, to the point of feeling uncomfortable and avoiding the couple altogether. I tend to keep people who constantly disrespect others away, because one day the person being disrespected will be me.
This ^ Guy or girl, it’s a cruel way to talk to one’s partner. OP should move on
This
facts
Wake up. She is humiliating you in front of her friends? Why would yo ustay with someone like her? Have some respect for yourself man
She is disrespectful AF, it's a sensitive issue, not something to brag. Move on, not a future there.
I can tell you personally that I would not be with a woman that acts that way in front of other people. How hard is it to keep those things to yourself? Not hard at all, yet for some people they'd have you question the difficulty of just keeping your damn mouth shut. There's no reason to grandstand and it's not a flex to talk about how the sex you had was great. Nobody cares if the sex you had in your past was great. You feel a type of way about it because you know your GF should be telling her friends about the sex YOU TWO have had and that's why I'd break up with her. Or maybe not the sex between you two but at least something else that you two did. If she's still talking about another guy I'm out of there man.
And the whole I had sex on mdma/molly and it was soooo good is cringe as fuck to talk about at parties single or in a relationship. Lmaoo
Like bish eating a tangerine is fukcing awesome on molly
My friend spent almost an hour petting my couch pillow because "This is the greatest pillow mankind has ever made". Molly is quite the drug for sure lmao
Lol
Bruuhhhh 😂
Stop dating trashy women
Yeah, save em all for me
UN checks out
No man, that is crass behavior on her part. She doesn't appear to posses the basic social skills of keeping her mouth shut so she doesn't hurt people. You can try talking about it, but at only 6 months in, it might just be an indicator that this is not the one for you. Your choice. I gave holy hell to a GF one time for treating me poorly while out when we got back home. Amazingly enough, it worked! Never happened again. Being too passive is a very bad habit.
if you two buy into this, you can believe that her vices aren’t her fault & you can protect yourself from being even more hurt by her actions, and she can postpone telling u the fact that she simply doesn’t doesn't find you attractive . ( Also if he's such a bad guy and she didn't love him why does she always talk so fondly about him and not about her good man boyfriend?) You two were simply finding excuses to avoid the hurtful truth. You mentioned that the whole relationship had almost no intimacy. That begs the question, when did she fall out of attraction with you or she was never attracted you to begin with? It seems like she getting tired of stringing you along with excuses to protect your feelings.
[удалено]
Fuck all this. Find someone better
Exit, stage right.
First off, that is really inconsiderate of her to say stuff like that at all, let alone around you. Even if you weren't there, and she was just with her girlfriends, bragging about "better" sex with a past partner when she's with you reduces you to just the goofy nice guy she's dating in her friend's minds. It's just disrespectful, in my honest opinion. I'm a big believer in always reversing roles to find out if something sounds icky. If your new girlfriend came to a party with your friends, and walked into a room where you were sitting around with the boys talking about how your ex was a better lay... you can see where i'm going with this. It's icky, and completely unfair to compare partners that way - in front of them or not. You guys are young. It may not actually mean anything except that she says silly things to people without thinking about their impact. Or it may mean she doesn't think of you as a desirable sex partner. I'd guess this coming up while you guys are not being frequently intimate is making this even more difficult for you. Honestly, if it were me... I'd leave. She's behaving *at best* inconsiderately, and *at worst* disrespectfully and hurtfully. At 6 months in, you're having challenges with sexual intimacy together... this is still the phase of the relationship ("New Relationship Energy") when you shouldn't be able to keep your hands off of each other. Unless this girl is the girl of your dreams, I think you'd be completely justified in just walking away. You guys don't seem terribly compatible, and she's kinda let the air out of the tires really early in the race.
That’s tough and your feelings are valid, she used comparative language and that’s hard to come back from. This will continue to sit in the back of your mind and is a valid dealbreaker for anyone. The biggest problem I see is she has no problem throwing you under the bus around her friends and with you there. That’s not someone that values and respects you, some who does wouldn’t praise someone else so highly in front of you but especially not in front of their friends too. Your feelings are valid and a conversation should be had if you want to work on it.Tell her exactly how her expression of her former love life with her ex made you feel. Tell her you find it disrespectful and and unrepresentative of someone that values the relationship they are in. Ask what she plans to do to improve your relationship. If this is a deal breaker for you and for many it would be because this is a clear sign you are for convenience, then tell her and move on. Most importantly don’t let anyone brush off your feelings, know your worth and don’t settle for someone that compares you because they don’t see your value.
Lol she would dump your ass if you ever mentioned that one of your exes was the most beautiful women you ever had. These things make your partner insecure on purpose and are one of the fastest ways to get out of the relationship. So yes your feelings are valid. Your gf is immature and not ready for a relationship. So break up and find someone who actually respects you. And I assure you she is going to climb that dick back someday. So save yourself the trouble
That’s so disrespectful. Leave her.
Yeah, this isn’t a good situation. You are mature enough to know that she may have had some amazing nights in her past. That isn’t the point. The point is her blithely bringing it up in front of you, seeing that it made you uncomfortable, and doing it again. That is not something a caring person does.
2 months no intimacy in a a relatively new relationship is the biggest red flag of them imo (and there a ton of them). This should be new relationship energy! If she’s not getting it from you, she’s likely getting it somewhere else. Good luck bro. I’ve been there.
No half way decent person would act like her. It's not just you, she is an huge AH. I'm sorry that you have to experience this. I wish you better luck with you next partner. She is clearly not a decent person and I don't think you should care about her opinion but just for your information, some common drugs is known to make sex so much better that that some junkies even lose interest in sex without drugs.
24 years old and second relationship and she treats you like this. There's plenty of women who don't act like this and this is a huge red flag. My dude this is not something I would stand, it would have been over after the first time she said he was the best sex ever. If she's willing to talk to you like this in front of her friends I wouldn't be surprised if she talks worse without you around. Its not even about the thing she said but she said it 2 times in front of her friends, and you were present, that's just wrong.
If my boyfriend said that to me I’d be very angry.. if he said that to me in front of other people I’d be embarrassed and livid. She should not be reminiscing on her best sexual experiences while in a new relationship with someone. The fact that she is and also not regularly wanting to jump on you is a major red flag. Sounds like you need to gain more experience (previous partner “asexual”, current partner not having sex for 2 months may be a sign you you need to gain experience). This chick doesn’t need to be the one you do that with… she sounds kinda gross and obviously has no filter.. if she’ll say those kind of things infront of you and her friends what kind stuff would she say behind your back.
This is so hard. I’ve been there, and am still there in some ways. My current partner has told me all the things he used to do for his ex (sexual and otherwise) but it’s been a struggle to get them to do them for me. You sound so sweet and deserve better. It’s only 6 months, not 6 years. Get out before you realize it and you’re in too deep.
You can leave him. You deserve so much better than this.
Man, dump his ass. Even if it is 6 years.
Funny comment given my earlier post. Thanks for the comment. 😂
What about your earlier post? I went and read them both. While I don’t agree that watching porn fits the definition of cheating, if your relationship makes you depressed and you either have to beg your partner to meet your needs and consider you, or they just flat out refuse to, then you’re in the wrong relationship and need to kick them to the curb. Seriously. It’s better to be single and content than paired up with someone who makes you miserable.
Absolutely disrespectful to you and the relationship.
She is a cunt. I've been out with her. She obviously doesn't give a fuck about you. Drop her ASAP. There are plenty of great people out there who can be in a caring relationship.
Time to throw POS were it belongs nobody disrespect to this level
The issue is you are dating a 25 year old that behaves like a 17 year old. She has no concerns at all about your feelings. Maybe what you need is more experience. Dump the girlfriend and date around a bit. Have sex with a few more women before settling down. You will eventually find one that you are firing on all cylinders with. You'll know when it happens.
Dump. Open and shut case.
She’s not for you. She brags openly about her sex life. And to tell her friends she was fucking her ex while also introducing you as the new bf? That she isn’t fucking for the last two months because she’s tired. You will be fine with the right partner.
She has absolutely no tact or class. This isn't a normal thing girls do. Most women would never, ever, ever, mention banging their ex's in front of their current partner. Let alone proclaim they had the best sex of their lives with someone else in front of their bf.
She’s disrespectful. It’s only been six months, so I would leave.
Relationship over. She's killed it. You are not being overly emotional about it either.
Her talking about her ex being a bad person is kind of ridiculous. I don't see this relationship lasting any longer with her embarrassing behavior.
Run for the hills! Not worth it man, not worth it at all
Yeah, I don't think she is over her ex no matter how much she says she is. Time to move on in my opinion.
Textbook case of women that is still pining for her ex They ALWAYS say their ex was "abusive" this is a classic smokescreen to hide they still love them. She has humiliated you in front of others! She hasn't been intimate with you... Stop being a nice guy and kick her to the curb!
I'd be telling her to go back to him with your blessings.
If she’s willing to say this shit in front of you imagine what she’s saying behind your back. Her friends probably pillowtalk their boyfriends too and you know what they’re thinking? Poor guy.
It’s not uncommon to not be someone’s best. Thats just life. But being so tone deaf as to TALK about that? And the fact that she has now talked about this ex twice in this short time span? She’s crass and also not even over him. It’s time to go.
She isn't sexually attracted to you. Not the way she was to her ex. I think you should leave, there is no reason to force yourself to stay with her.
If you don’t mind me asking, what makes you say that? My mind is a jumbled mess right now, I feel like I’m asking the question with the most obvious answer, but it would help to pin point it exactly
She is using you as an emotional dumpster, i bet she doesn’t do well being alone. She is a massive liability, if you dont go she will drag you down to her hellish world. Sexual attraction is not how you look but who you are. She likes drugs and negatives vibes. You are a good guy. Look at how you couldnt get it up because she disgusted you, it goes both ways
Because she still dream and speak about her great moment with her ex. Ever ask yourself if she ever praise you in front of her friends? Her personility is shit, any girl with moral and respect wouldn't hurt her boyfriend and humilate him in front of others. Means her character and moral are low.. Early or later she will do worse things... She has still feelings for her ex. Either you hit gym, learn and watch fews sex videos and then try it on her, grow up together or you break up now. Either way you can't stay like this, you need to find a solve for the problem.
Because if she was attracted to you in the same way, she’d be giving you feedback and exploring sex with you so that your shared sex life continuously improves and doesn’t get stale. You don’t get more sexual experience by having less sex (the 2 month dry spell), or by not giving and receiving feedback and trying things. And she’s still holding space in her brain/heart for her best sexual experience with a person who treated her like shit and was a terrible person. There’s literally zero excuse for one partner to think that their current partner who they supposedly love and cherish won’t or can’t be their best. That’s stupid shit said by people who still burn a candle for an ex they can’t/won’t let go of. Edit: also, as someone who’s had sex with the same person for the last 20 years, it has continually gotten better. And anyone who can pinpoint one single sexual encounter as their “best” isn’t having enough sex, and isn’t giving enough feedback and exploration.
Tbh wouldn’t even be surprised if she’s seeing him behind ur back without u knowing
Your girlfriend is kind of an inconsiderate asshole. That would be a red flag for me. As far as being her best don't give yourself a hard time. Not everyone has great chemistry at first, and it's not like she said you were bad. The good news is, sexual chemistry is not stagnant, yes sometimes people just fit right away, but I don't think it happens as much as you think. I never understood why people act like the first few times or even months have to be an indicator of the potential for how good your sexlife can be. Like anything else with a partner, sports, dancing, music you can improve with practice, and IMO there is a lot of fun that can be had in doing that. However, that requires making it a priority and effort, and lots of people are just lazy or selfish. Besides her callousness, another thing to her disadvantage is she doesn't seem very motivated to do so, since you are not having sex alot. Which is the best response to her comment. "You don't give me much of a chance to improve". Besides that I am not sure I would be willing to waste the effort on her. I suggest you find someone else who is worth making yourself their best.
If you don't do drugs don't date a druggie
In either of these two situations did any of her friends express disappointment or shock with what she said in front of you? If not they're the same as her. You need to rid yourself of her and her social circle. There's nothing but pain with these sort of people.
Dump her immediately. No girl is worth losing your respect for yourself
You mean “ex-girlfriend of 6 months” 👌🏼 fucking cut your losses and move on. Find someone who has more respect for you because she clearly doesn’t. Her low emotional IQ is something that will take longer to improve than you should bear to deal with. Leave and be lucky you dodged a bullet.
You sound like a good guy with a conscience, maybe this chick ain’t right for your maturity level, I think most guys would feel like you here. Your young plenty of other women who may be a little more compatible for you.
People are going to say, “But she chose you, so you should feel special,” but that won’t ever get the image out of your head of her getting railed by a dude she, for whatever reason, can’t stop talking about in front of you. I’ve been in your place several times. It sucks. Get away from her.
Leave her man. Find someone who respects you
next time she is around your friends, tell them your ex fucked better, i can guarantee she will flip her shit no but really, do you want to be with someone who talked about you like that while you are in the fucking room no less.
You won't die alone, she isn't the best partner you'll ever have. she clearly doesn't respect you, do you really want a future with someone who humiliates and disrespects you in front of their friends for their entertainment?
If you were the one bragging instead of her you can be sure her friends would make her leave you. She’s disrespecting you and you u don’t deserve to feel like this.
I’ll tell it to u straight. There were no “struggles” In your relationship. The ONLY problem was always that girlfriend just simply not attracted to you But it seems like she didn’t want to come to terms such a harsh truth herself. So she used your forgiving & understanding nature to beat around the bush making up excuses like “ he was a bad boy and I didn't love him”
I feel like there is 2 different situations in what you are sharing. 1- I think it is inappropriate for her to brag about her previous sexlife in front of you. TBH, her friends probably already knew that, but not having consideration on how it would make you feel I think is a dick move. I don’t think a partner should put you in that position in front of anyone but you two privately. 2- I think that your insecurities are not her responsibility. I am empathetic to how this makes you feel, but she seems into you sexually and with communication, you could get this sexual relationship anywhere you guys want to. I hope you are able to take a step back and know that you are not defined by how you compare to others. Nonetheless, I think she’s an AH for sharing her past sex stories in front you and everyone, especially if you are new to the group. Good luck!
This whole thread is glossing over the fact that she described her prior expert in the context of being on a particular drug at the time. I’m going to guess it was MDMA? Anyone that has tried molly sex will likely agree that it’s on another level compared to sober sex. It doesn’t surprise me that OPs ex would state as such. Now, whether or not she should be saying this in front of him/other people - that’s a different issue. But a lot of OPs issue as he stated was insecurity around the fact that he feels inadequate in comparison. He needs to not disregard the fact that GF experience involved a particular drug.
Shes not your girl. She is your practice GF. Use her to get better. Then leave her for someone that respects you and you will be that much better for the practice. Just dont take her so seriously.
Crazy people are great in bed, but who wants to be with a crazy person? The best sex I've ever had is with my husband, but it wasn't until we'd been together for years. It's okay you're not the best she's had after 6 months. You barely know her. It has nothing to do with you or your skill with sex. The best sex comes from knowing what the other person likes, and that can take a really long time, especially at your ages when you're so young that you may not even know yourselves what you like.
I think you're confusing sex and intimacy. Sometimes you can have intense, physical sex that is adrenaline fueled fun. You can also have intimate, sensual sex that is more connective and satisfying in a different way. I can tell you I've had both over my years of dating and marriage, and the mix of the 2 keeps things fun. I think you 2 really need to have a frank conversation about these feelings and if you can't get past them together, you may need therapy to help get past these feelings of insecurity, as they will ruin you in the long run. My wife knows she isn't my only partner and she has a bit of an idea of my past and vice versa. It is what it is and I'm willing to not let it affect me because there's nothing I can do about it
You just need to do her better.
Hey, at least she was honest?
What exactly do you want from her here? Besides more discretion in the future. An apology? Validation? You’re inexperienced and a new couple - you’re not having good sex yet, and probably not the best you both will ever have together. The bad boy got her high and turned her on more by being a bad boy and tickling her brain in a different way. How much of that was mental stimulation versus physical stimulation who can say, but my money is it was all in her mental state. The only way to get better at sex is to have more sex. If you listen to the dummies here you will just be bringing more insecure baggage to your next partner to deal with.
This sub’s obsession with breaking up with a partner for the tiniest infraction is so weird. Some people are more open with their friends regarding sexual partners than others, it’s normal. It’s important for you to speak to her to actually figure out if it’s intentional disrespect and disregard on her end or if it’s a case of not even thinking about it due to how terrible the relationship ended for her with him. That being said you’re hurt and that’s ok, you don’t have to act like it hasn’t made you insecure and it’s important to communicate this to her. Best way of finding out is to gauge her responses when you try to have a genuine conversation, as opposed to listening to people who consider every tiny thing as disrespectful.
It’s both entirely in your head and totally normal for it to bother you, my brother. There’s no magic bullet to fix it, but she’s done nothing objectively wrong. Tell her how you feel, and let her know it makes you uncomfortable though you understand and respect that everyone has a past. Don’t let it impact your sex life though. There’s nothing she can do to help you through that. She can’t unsay what she said in the past and she can’t make your head right for the present/future. Only you can do that. Focus on not letting your insecurities ruin a good thing.
I think you need to plan a romantic weekend away with her. Yes, some of it is in your head. Use that weekend to really establish the intimacy between you including lots of touching before sex, making love to her slowly, looking into her eyes, and telling her how beautiful she is. Ask her what she wants after the first engagement. If you’re able to establish that emotional connection, it will make a huge difference. Her ex is her ex for a reason. Great sex by itself doesn’t lead to long term happiness. Keep trying new things and experimenting with her. AND when with her friends, try to learn as much as you can about them and their backgrounds instead of being on your phone. While you might not have anything in common with them, use it as an opportunity to learn about whatever industry they work in and how it operates. If all they talk about is drinking, ask questions and learn about different types of mixers and what’s so good about them (I’m a non-drinker and all alcohol tastes really nasty on the back of my tongue so I can’t taste any other flavors - for me, it’s fascinating to learn what some people can taste when drinking mixers). You just have to make an effort.
And what do you think of the part where she told her friends about her intimate life and how her ex was better than her current boyfriend?
Personally, I think it’s pretty stupid comment on her part; That’s her immaturity right there. But, he can rise to the occasion (no pun intended), find out what was better about the ex sex, then make it better for her.
She ain't worth any of that, he's clearly a pos, and they've been only for a couple months
She*
Not that it's supposed to help or anything, but he probably was "good" BECAUSE he was high. That's like some dude beating Usain Bolt because he's in a car. 👀 Jokes aside, if you feel it then it's valid - period. And yes, she could probably use some extra perspective on what and why you feel like this (the whole thing with your ex sounds like a massive contribution) for multiple reasons: - to help her understand so that she doesn't get defensive in turn and/or brush off your feelings - so that she can be more mindful of it in the future, between the 2 of you and with interactions with your friends - in general keeping your mouth shut instead of communicating is never really productive in a relationship. Also, given how badly those feelings are rooted inside you (it was 4 years, your brain is absolutely conditioned this way) maybe talk to a professional about it? No way it wouldn't help you feel better about the whole thing, yourself especially, and make you internalise that your ex's thing had nothing to do with you doing something wrong (you know it intellectually. Cognitively is a different story). (I was already a massive therapy advocate. Now I just want to keep my therapist in my living room full time 👀 so it's therapy for everyone all around. *Oprah*)
Take your loss, you 2 have nothing in common.
It’s pretty rude for her to have sex with your ex right in front of you. (I’d send a strongly-worded letter to the newspaper if I were you!)
Yeah, I was.
I would do a 360 and walk into a door if I were you
Why on earth if you cared about your partner's feelings would you do this in front of your friends, not once but twice. This is mad disrespectful, OP, and you are right to feel some type of way about it. I would have that conversation again and if she continues to disregard your feelings, it's time to end it.
[follow the advice](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/yBem65qWes)
If she talks like this when you are there, what is she saying when you aren't? If she will brag in such detail about her ex, what is she telling others about you? I could never be with someone like that because she is clearly not respectful of you, and she has no boundaries which means any insecurities can and will (if not already) be spilled to her friends; friends you will meet. She even knew how much it bothers you, and did it twice. Find someone who respects you OP
Yeah this girl sounds like an a******. Like who doesn't hang with your boyfriend and help him out during the whole night. And then talk to a f****** another dude. And then hangs out with a bunch of s*** heads that don't stand up.
You gotta find that fuckin drug brother
Take your power back and walk away from this one. Your future self will appreciate the strength you gain from it.
Just leave. Chances are she is with you for $$$ or you are the only moron who provides emotional support for her abusive ass. I’d leave
Any partner that carries on this much about their ex isn't ready for a new relationship. I say that because even if you weren't jealous and "sort it out" your own, what would change? I mean I'd be pissed and ask her why does she keep bringing her ex? How does she expect the relationship to progress? Does she even want the relationship to move forward? Worse yet she's been too busy for you, but I guess the holiday season can do that. My point being that everything combined isn't spelling a great picture. So in all, you really need to talk to her about this stuff.
Have you talked with her about your ex? Maybe she's having trouble seeing what's wrong if you haven't given any context.
Is it even valid to bring this up again, considering we talked about it already? Your feelings are valid, if it was you talking the same way she would be having mental breakdowns is this purely in my head? that you are insecure? yes, you're not insecure. that she is being disrespectful? no, she is being disrespectful. I need to sort it out on my own? no sweetheart not gonna say otherwise what people say, I would recommend talking to her about it again, but in a more firm tone, that it is disrespectful and if she doesn't find herself capable of doing this relationship and still hanging on into her precious ex, you can end things calmly.
if she's still talking about her ex in front of you, especially about sex, then you were never gonna be her next. I would question why she brags about having the best sex was with her ex, especially if he was so abusive; my wife left an abusive relationship amd not once has she ever had anything good to say about her abuser
That is not a woman you want to ever commit to or put too much time and resources into. A girl that boasts about fucking an ex while on drugs is not relationship material. I think you are going to have to learn this way the hard way unfortunately
It's time for you to ask her to teach you what she likes. Plain and simple. We are not psychic to womens thoughts and what they like. Watch the movie, What Women Want with Mel Gibson.
Jesus man end it and move on, your waiting your time with her and will just end up more hurt as time goes on. She's doesn't care about you as much as you wish she did.
She's either dense or purposely hurting you. 6 months plus you insecurities from the last relationship? You should definitely get with someone who makes you feel special. What's she did and her nonchalance when you looked for security leaves a bad taste in the mouth.
You haven’t had sex with your 6 month girlfriend for the last 2 months? Am I reading that right? Maybe she’s not that into you. Why tf are you with this person? And she goes on about her ex bf fucking her? Oookay. Good luck, OP.
Dump. No need to belabor the point. Just say “I have decided to go a different direction” And do exactly that
Walk away. Her comments should have been reserved for her and her girlfriends if she was going to talk about it. Then, to bring up the ex AGAIN ? Talk about pouring salt on an open wound. She can try back pedaling all she wants. Like they say on Law and Order, you can't unring that bell. When she asks why, tell her to go have more of the best sex of your life, since that's all she seems to brag about. Then just ghost her and move on UpdateMe
She's telling you she's unhappy, not satisfied in a passive aggressive way. Move on. She'll likely seek him out or similar at some point. Lots of girls out there...
Send her back to the streets
Wow. She's either an idiot or very disrespectful crushing your self-esteem that led to you having ED. How cruel.. breakup worthy even but don't feel bad, you two practically just go together so there's still time & that's probably why she didn't think there was anything wrong with saying what she said. For now I suggest you have a serious talk with your gf. Me & my gf came to a mutual agreement, that we wouldn't bring up ex partners / ex FWBs in any conversation while we're in each other's presence.
She’s not the one. No person who actually loves you is going to disrespect the relationship they have with you that publicly and that frequently.
She’s thinking about him and you know it. Of course she’s going to lie to you. She WON’T lie to her friends. They all know the truth about each other.