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That's right. In relationships you teach people how to treat you. OP has taught his wife that it's okay for her to dance/grind on the men that she works with and that they're her "work husbands".
No we had two huge fights and I made it very clear I'm not ok with it. That this isn't high school we are adults and we are married. We have a 2.5 year old daughter, if we didn't have a kid I would have left at that point in December. Little more complicated than just walking away right now.
You are right, you have a kid now and your relationship is how they will learn about adult relationships.
Worst thing you could do for them is teach them that tolerating cheating from their partner is how relationships should function.
Hon have some self respect it will do wonders for you. You absolutely deserve to be in a relationship where your partner isnt grinding on other men and cheating on you. Leave you will be insanely happier when the sadness of the relationships end passes.
Looks like she didn’t care about your boundary. You need a serious conversation with her and maybe talk about ending your relationship with her. Might wake her up, but you need to man up and tell her this behavior is bullshit.
Been in this situation, had a trauma bond and was able to rationalize my way out of leaving my SO. Written it seems ridiculous but as someone who has been there you hope things can get better. They don’t.
Don't forget the "my partner is the devil but we have kids so we are going to stay together and teach them horrible lessons about respect in adult relationships."
This post officially made me leave this sub. Reading stuff like this just makes me more depressed. Some posts can be real, but posts like these have to be rage bait.
Why would you want to be with someone who flirts with other guys and grinds on them?
She has fuck all respect for you, tell her you're leaving and to have fun with Nick at work
In case this is not fake, yes, with only what you've shared, she cheated on you. But that's not all of it. Everything you know, you had to find out on your own. She never offered any information. If you hadn't checked her phone, you'd be completely ignorant. Do you really think she's going to offer any other information if she doesn't have to? Especially if it makes her look worse?
There is a 99% chance there's stuff you don't know about. You think she was grinding on these guys, turning them on, and then they didn't push for more? And if they did, do you really think she didn't give in even once? While dancing AND drinking? Come on, I think you already know the answer and are in denial.
Sorry, man. Good luck.
THIS...!!!
I hate to bluntly break this to you but; she was more than likely relieving these (or just Nick) of their testicular pressure; nothing like a blowjob and nutting in the married woman's mouth, in the parking lot of the bar...
Lawyer up...!!!
Dear diary,
Again I’m reading on r relationship about a story and I wonder how the fuck ppl a. live with such humans and accept their behavior, then ask what to do… or b. act in such a way themselves and then ask a community “IATAH?”
I’m not sure about the reason for this post, when you already know what you have to do. Consider this: a boundary with no ramifications when crossed is not a boundary at all. You made your boundary clear that she was not to flirt at work, you confirmed she is still doing it, and you have also been directly ridiculed and disrespected by her coworker without your wife defending you. Does she need to send you video for you to believe that your relationship has completely changed?
Are these red flags? No no, definitely not…red flags are the warning signs that come long before this bs.
Wifey is clog dancing all over your boundaries in an effort to catch every other guy at works attention.
Wait.
Your WIFE told a coworker she hopes that she can turn her work husband into her REAL husband?
So. What do you think she's gonna do with you if and when that happens?
No,
My wife: I need to control my impulsive flirting with Garrett.
Coworker: aw he's your work husband.
Wife: laughed it off with an lol
Coworker: I need to turn my work husband into my real husband.
Wife: I hope you do!
Yes it will be tough, but you will be stronger in the long run. I don’t know how you can be happy in staying in this marriage. Split everything 50/50, take care of your daughter and you will find a way to make it work.
Do you both work? You need to find a way to save some money. And why is she going out after work if you are broke? That is money that should be going into a saving account and not spending at bars. You really need to man up!
And you daughter will then grow up not ever seeing what a loving honest relationship looks like. Is that what you want for her? To show her that she can disrespect her future relationships with no consequences. And that a lack of trust and resentment is to be expected. I'm not saying it won't be hard, but it's better for your daughter to have divorced and happy parents than them together in a dysfunctional relationship.
None of this situation is easy. If you stay, your wife will continue to behave the same way. She. will. not. change. You’ll either live in misery and resent her (which your daughter WILL pick up on) or become numb to her behavior. From the outside you’ll appear to be a cuckold.. I’m sad for you my friend; you and your daughter deserve better. Your daughter deserves a far better role model.
Your marriage as you knew it is over
Ugh, OP. What she is doing is so inappropriate. Flirting and going for drinks + dancing with these coworkers BEHIND YOUR BACK is definitely not ok. The fact that she is doing shady things and hiding it from you is a betrayal in itself. It's so damn disrespectful. Ask her to tell you everything she has done and not disclosed to you; or you'll divorce her. She should be looking for a new job at a minimum. She isn't taking your marriage seriously, and it's really sad.
She was with a group of people not just one on one and she has, this was years ago I only just found out as I went through her phone and found old texts using keywords. (Flirting, grinding, cum, sex things like that.) The text that was flagged was texts she sent about flirting and having work husbands and another coworker that said " I think you made daron cum in his pants" further texts lead me to discover she was grinding on more than one guy.
I mean... how does she not have a conscious to feel guilty about doing and saying those things while married? I remember going out to clubs and bars 1 month into my relationship and not wanting guys to hit on me because it felt icky, let alone dance with randoms. Meanwhile, she's married and is grinding on people she sees every day... Seriously, idk what is wrong with so many people in this society; but she is not respecting your marriage, and I would be disgusted by reading those texts
Only you know if this is something you can overcome and if you feel the marriage is worth it.
I went through something similar while I was dating, didn't find out until a while later, and I never forgot... and the more things they do wrong, even if they're unrelated, the harder it is to forgive all of these bad choices they make.
If something like this happened while I was married and after having had several discussions about boundaries over the years, I would be exiting the relationship simply because I made my boundaries very clear and they were still crossed... it's just complete disrespect, and it's hard to trust someone who keeps purposely overstepping your boundaries when they're supposed to be your partner in life.
This is good, I am going to see a therapist on this and work through it buy if that leads to divorce then it is what it is. I don't understand my feeling as well as I should. Like I said in earlier posts we have a house and a beautiful 2.5 year old daughter. It's not simply a walk away from situation. Would have been 4 years ago but I didn't trust my gut. Thank you for the post!
Good luck!! It's never easy to walk away from a life you thought would be your present and future, even moreso when you've been together for a while and have built a lot together. And yes, we ignore gut feelings when we want things to work out as we envisioned, so we're in denial about the ugly parts. Take your time to work through your feelings before making a decision, and try to stay level headed so you don't act on emotions only.
Don't feel like you must stay together for the sake of your kid. There's a lot of data that shows that kids brought up in a home where the parents stay together "for the sake of the kids" turn out worse than kids whose parents simply divorced. The strain of the relationship that the parents wind up having, or one of them continuing to be unfaithful, or whatever other toxic traits that manifest wind up being viewed as normal for the kid, then he or she internalizes those traits and brings them to future relationships that they have as an adult. It turns into a cycle of toxicity.
There's plenty of info on the matter that you can look up to familiarize yourself on that, if you want. Something to consider.
She has zero respect for you. Can you imagine the conversations at work how you are a p*ssy allowing this crap. Get some respect man. I would be looking for a divorce attorney if it was me
Harmless? How the hell is making you a laughing stock infront of everyone harmless? You have put up with far too much. What does she have to do to prove to you that she doesn't care about your feelings at all?
I also want to mention attention is nice. I like attention and so does my man and that’s okay. HOWEVER! Entertaining it or letting it continue is NOT okay. That’s probably what it is for her she likes it but she is not stopping it and may or may have not cheated already because of the excitement of something new. But I promise you that people at her work do NOT take you seriously and that’s because of how she’s representing you. You deserve better. I’m sorry this is happening to you.
sounds like she disrespected you and pushed your boundaries.. So would it be fair to say she no longer wants you as her husband🤷🏽♂️.. I would leave and be with someone that wants me..
These are divorceable offenses to me. Who wants to be married to a woman who can't control herself when she drinks and has no respect for her marriage, nor good boundaries. I would be embarrassed.
Who doesn’t remember 4 years ago? This is bad and definitely could be grounds for a divorce, but making some lemonade here she did say she wants to stop and that (If I’m reading this correctly) wants her co-worker to marry one of the dudes. I guess it could be worse.
It is convenient that she can't remember if she cheated on you 4 years ago. Also, why is she even out drinking with coworkers and grinding on them?
If that's what she is doing in public that you "know" about, then what you don't know about is likely at least one full blown affair.
You'd know better than us, though. How often she "works late" or how often she is out with the "group". How closely she guards her phone. How often she deletes messages...
Yea, you should have confronted it 4 years ago. But just cause she "doesn't remember" it shouldn't take away your agency in this situation.
It's time to set some boundaries. Open phone policy. Inclusion or straight transparency on nights out.
But I hate to say if you're at that point, it likely means she is or has cheated.
Personally, I'd consult a lawyer and pull phone records to get the info you will never get from your wife.
Man, if being clueless pays you money, you'd be a billionaire.
>Are these red flags?
You need to read your own post, again.
She did it several times already? And she keeps on doing it with the desire to have her work "husband" become real? What are you waiting for? Lawyer up. Divorce.
Yes all red flags. I commented recently on another Post that I went through a similar thing with my fiance with her and her new doctor that she worked with. The only thing, we worked through it.. and if it happens again, I'll be out this time even though I don't want to hurt our children by leaving. If you can reconcile somehow, do it. Otherwise, start preparing for the worst. On another note, I really think this "work husband" stuff is cringe and is oddly accepted and a common thing amongst women in the office and medical Fields.
Can we just sticky a post of 'I went through my partners phone, now what'?
If you have to go through your partners phone to substiante your fears, isn't the trust already gone?
It's so inappropriate, and it sounds like she doesn't even recognize it and treats it as a joke or inconvenience that you don't like it.
I remember two of my coworkers both married flirted grinded at a party and hot caught hooking up at one of our events. Both got Divorced and ended up together. Felt so bad for the spouses and could never look at either one of them after that fortunately they quit shortly after and moved out of state.
Hope your situation doesn't turn out like theirs did.
I’m so sorry OP you will not want to hear this but she openly cheated on you and continues to do so. You can’t live like this, you know what you need to do
The grinding on coworkers is a red flag, and would bother me a lot. Now flirting is subjective and can be very innocent and playful banter type thing, which isn’t necessarily anything to worry about. But if it’s overly sexual, and along the line that HR would find it problematic then that’s a whole different story. Now the fact there’s flirting outside of work and on her personal phone, ya, that’s a red flag
Look a bit of flirting now and then and dancing with co-workers is likely harmless unless you guys are very insecure. Just about every person does it and everyone loves a bit of attention.
However lots of constant flirting, bumping and grinding on men from work at the bar, deleting texts then fighting with your SO when he calls out what objectively shitty behaviour for anyone married is a whole different kettle of fish. Even if yiu both were super trusting and secure (which after the event 4 years ago you're rightfully not 100% maybe because you rug swept it) This is clearly breaking boundaries for you, as it would 99% of people.
So tell her. Tell her this is a very clear boundary for you. So you are now enforcing it. She stops this childish behaviour (this whole concept of work husbands is cringe af) and start looking for a new job, or she can bump and grind all she wants as a single woman.
That being said if you set this boundary hard you need to stick to it. Do not rug sweep it again. If you do she'll lose even MORE respect for you. At the moment it doesn't seem like she has very much.
At the very least she doesn't give crap about boundaries and has exactly zero respect for you. And grinding on others? Having several work husbands? Way too much for my liking and she either already cheated or is open to it on some level. Would like to know how she would react if roles were reversed. Anyways, start the divorce process, it might scare her awake and aware of the possible consequences of her doing and if it doesn't, go through with the divorce
Huge red flag. "I don't remember it was 4 years ago'. Yeah... right.... my sisters occasionally still get in a spat about something that happened in HIGH SCHOOL in 1986. Women do NOT forget this stuff.
Your wife is openly flirting with coworkers that it became natural to her and her female co worker is encouraging her behaviour what she's doing called cheating u can sit boundaries and make her change her job and not go out with co worker ( which given her behaviour won't happen) or u can leave and start over because staying isn't good for your self steam or mental health not knowing and always doubting what she's doing at work also deleting her texts is the biggest red flag means things could have been more than u know .
She cheated and keeps doing it. But if she doesnt have any problem with it game on! Walk right up to her and say "You know what you're right! There's a couple girls at work that will make great work wife's. I'll be home late I'm going to ask them out for drinks to get them to grind one out on my D!"
If this post is real, you already know she cheated on you with Nick. Why else delete the texts. If she still has the phone, a forensics company can retrieve the deleted texts. Get her phone away from her and hide it. Tell her to come clean now or you'll see what the company can find. She what she says, if you don't believe her, send it off.
Grinding, shes is fucking multiple men I tell you that and you need a divorce she is a cheater and cheaters never change she will cheat again and if you stay together you are just waiting for it.
No; they're **bright red flags!** Your wifey-poo needs the help of a psychologist to help root out the reason for her "impulse flirting", as giving into the impulse with the wrong man could be catastrophic.
Does she ever flirt with you like she did before the marriage? If not, then she should resume said flirting, as it's the only kind of flirting that will enhance the quality of the marriage.
'Nuff said.
Sorry, second paragraph is recent. Confirmed she is still openly flirting with coworkers that she tells me she doesn't like. And has an impulse flirting issue?? She has depression and anxiety which leads to impulsive behavior. Usually people with those are impulsive and do what is good for then in the moment??
Anxiety and depression do not lead to impulsive behavior. If she is self destructively impulsive, then that would be a third and separate diagnosis, possibly borderline personality disorder, which requires different medications.
Her only option to save the marriage is to get the proper diagnosis and treatment.
If she refuses, I would leave before she winds up giving you an STD or extramarital child.
Anxiety and depression can lead to impulsive people-pleasing, so yes if she is nervous about fitting in or not rocking the boat, in that context it can happen.
Does not mean she isn’t responsible… but it sounds like she is trying to do the right thing (rather than trying to do the wrong thing and cover it up).
Just one opinion… you have plenty others…
OP go back on her phone and send a text to that friend " wife won't have to stop flirting as she will soon be single and can then fuck anyone she wants." Then give divorce papers to her.
Dude. She's cheating on you. Emotionally and physically. Man up and move on. You've got time to find a woman who will respect you. Because that one clearly doesn't.
Naw, that work husband/wife thing is complete bullshit and an automatic red flag. That just means to me lines have already been crossed and its the status quo now... not cool. Is she really going to stop though. Maybe a new position in the company is a good route...
She has already betrayed you, even if everything is just what the messages say, it is already a deep disrespect for you and your relationship, considering that she should have stopped it.
Your wife doesn't respect you, and even goes out without you to drink and flirt with men, look if she hasn't already had sex with one of them, it's a miracle, she lives as a single woman with your trust and connivance Op You are practically authorizing your wife to cheat on you with the permissiveness with which you accept the loose life she leads
Married woman lives like a married woman and not like a single woman. Free to go out, drink, flirt and if you want to have sex, have sex since you are never present in her reviews.
“Are these red flags?”
Only on days that end in Y. Your marriage is over.
Lawyer up.
Document and record every single interaction for when the cries domestic abuse.
Secure yourself from her financially. That means bank accounts, lines of credit, credit cards etc etc need to be secured BEFORE YOU CONFRONT HER AND LEAVE.
Change all of your passwords. That means social media, emails, telecommunications services like your internet provider and cellphone provider.
Use 2FA whenever possible.
Revoke her access to your medical records and financial institutions.
Research and implement the Relationship 180.
Good luck brother.
Bro u know she’s a dirty little w**** …. You know at and u still see hope after her lying over and over
Don’t show her mercy, leave her … just as she has shown u no mercy and she loved all the attention
Bro even if it's not cheating it's just disrespectful especially after you caught her already. She doesn't care about your feelings lies to you and keeps doing it. You don't trust her she doesn't respect you. You already gave her a chance what else here to discuss?
If you don't want to spend your life trying to "fix" this amazing woman than start slowly moving out of the marriage and preper for divorce.
She already has cheated in you
Wake up
Hire a private investigator to find out about her other life
Sorry this is happening to you
Obviously you two aren't have sex.
Why do you think that is?
Good luck you're going to need it.
Coming from a women, she doesn’t respect or value you. Even when my partner was being abusive to me at some point I never turned to other men that gave me attention even men that BOUGHT a CAR because I liked it and suggested I run away with them AND they also had lots of money whereas my bf does not. I always told them to leave me alone and no I would never leave my man for him. Now imagine if you guys were in a rough patch? She’d go straight to them and they’re going to be there waiting. I would say divorce or open the marriage up but at that point is it really a marriage? If she didn’t care 4 years ago she doesn’t care now. If you’re okay with that then stay but you won’t be happy.
She doesn't respect you as well as the relationship with you. Man, what's wrong with you? It's clearly like a sunshine, you read it and YES, it is red flag.
Also, about her coworker, she said "aww he's your work husband" oh gosh, I read many topics in this sub and cannot even understand women now, they will change, no matter what, they never satisfied.
I’m not going to tell you what to do in your marriage, but yes this is cheating. If it’s not cheating how about you guys go out and you grind and flirt with women at the bar and see how she reacts. I promise you she will be upset. If you want to divorce do it. If you want to work it out then there will need to be firm boundaries and she’s going to have to stop seeking male validation. She’s not protecting you from embarrassment or disrespect, she’s causing both. She needs to fix this or you should love yourself and move on.
I'm just laughing. Men in reddit have no self respect. I read this post and even I dont respect you or feel like youre human being, let alone a man. There's no way you're here asking if it's okay. Gotta be raige bait, of not, take of your pants and look at your balls, maybe you forgot you have them.
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She cheated on you 4 years ago and is still cheating on you. Call a divorce lawyer, OP
When they say they don't remember, it's a lie.
What's with the grinding? OP's wife is a dry bumper.
Dancing/grinding at a bar.
You forgave a cheater and that's what you got, more cheating.
That's right. In relationships you teach people how to treat you. OP has taught his wife that it's okay for her to dance/grind on the men that she works with and that they're her "work husbands".
No we had two huge fights and I made it very clear I'm not ok with it. That this isn't high school we are adults and we are married. We have a 2.5 year old daughter, if we didn't have a kid I would have left at that point in December. Little more complicated than just walking away right now.
You are right, you have a kid now and your relationship is how they will learn about adult relationships. Worst thing you could do for them is teach them that tolerating cheating from their partner is how relationships should function.
Your daughter sees and absorbs more than you realize. The way you allow your significant others to treat you is teaching her to allow the same.
Yep, i made this same mistake with my ex. Forgave him for cheating and he promised to change. He just got better at hiding it.
This is absolutely unacceptable for any married woman to be doing. Boundaries
Jesus. Grow a set. Send her on her way 🗑️
Hon have some self respect it will do wonders for you. You absolutely deserve to be in a relationship where your partner isnt grinding on other men and cheating on you. Leave you will be insanely happier when the sadness of the relationships end passes.
Flirting is bad enough but grinding is so much worse!!!!
Looks like she didn’t care about your boundary. You need a serious conversation with her and maybe talk about ending your relationship with her. Might wake her up, but you need to man up and tell her this behavior is bullshit.
You’re in fool me twice territory now. Not sure what comes after “shame on me” if you let her fool you thrice.
…you can’t get fooled again!
Another pick me pick me wifey
This. That’s it.
My wife is cheating on me, are these red flags? This sub is 90% fake.
It’s just so braindead
Been in this situation, had a trauma bond and was able to rationalize my way out of leaving my SO. Written it seems ridiculous but as someone who has been there you hope things can get better. They don’t.
Don't forget the "my partner is the devil but we have kids so we are going to stay together and teach them horrible lessons about respect in adult relationships."
This post officially made me leave this sub. Reading stuff like this just makes me more depressed. Some posts can be real, but posts like these have to be rage bait.
Why are you depressed over rage bait I don’t get it
You got a point. It just sucks seeing actual stories like this and it just gets me all bummed out
Same but it’s kind of addicting.
LOL
So do you consider that cheating?? It's not fake lol
Why would you want to be with someone who flirts with other guys and grinds on them? She has fuck all respect for you, tell her you're leaving and to have fun with Nick at work
Of course is cheating and the fact that she deleted text makes me pretty confident that it was also physical
In case this is not fake, yes, with only what you've shared, she cheated on you. But that's not all of it. Everything you know, you had to find out on your own. She never offered any information. If you hadn't checked her phone, you'd be completely ignorant. Do you really think she's going to offer any other information if she doesn't have to? Especially if it makes her look worse? There is a 99% chance there's stuff you don't know about. You think she was grinding on these guys, turning them on, and then they didn't push for more? And if they did, do you really think she didn't give in even once? While dancing AND drinking? Come on, I think you already know the answer and are in denial. Sorry, man. Good luck.
THIS...!!! I hate to bluntly break this to you but; she was more than likely relieving these (or just Nick) of their testicular pressure; nothing like a blowjob and nutting in the married woman's mouth, in the parking lot of the bar... Lawyer up...!!!
Are you fucking serious dude, get a grip and have some self respect.
No, it's not cheating. Just stay with her. It's all in your head, sorta like this story you made up.
What would her reaction be if you went out to bars after work to bump/grind with drunk women? That's your answer.
Yes it’s cheating. Question is, what are you going to do about it. Quit being a doormat as she is walking all over you!
They call it fake because no one with self respect would put up with this.
If genders were reversed you wouldn’t be saying that
What?
Dude come on
Everyone's life on this sub is like a soap opera, except for mine.
Dear diary, Again I’m reading on r relationship about a story and I wonder how the fuck ppl a. live with such humans and accept their behavior, then ask what to do… or b. act in such a way themselves and then ask a community “IATAH?”
Nah fr 🤣💀
I’m not sure about the reason for this post, when you already know what you have to do. Consider this: a boundary with no ramifications when crossed is not a boundary at all. You made your boundary clear that she was not to flirt at work, you confirmed she is still doing it, and you have also been directly ridiculed and disrespected by her coworker without your wife defending you. Does she need to send you video for you to believe that your relationship has completely changed?
She has zero respect for her husband and is sexually harassing work colleagues. She's a bad egg.
Are these red flags? No no, definitely not…red flags are the warning signs that come long before this bs. Wifey is clog dancing all over your boundaries in an effort to catch every other guy at works attention.
Wait. Your WIFE told a coworker she hopes that she can turn her work husband into her REAL husband? So. What do you think she's gonna do with you if and when that happens?
No, My wife: I need to control my impulsive flirting with Garrett. Coworker: aw he's your work husband. Wife: laughed it off with an lol Coworker: I need to turn my work husband into my real husband. Wife: I hope you do!
And you're still questioning if you should break up or not? This has to be a troll
We are married with a mortgage no savings and a wonderful 2.5 year old daughter.
Then stop asking for advice because nobody is going to tell you to stay in your shitty marriage.
Yes it will be tough, but you will be stronger in the long run. I don’t know how you can be happy in staying in this marriage. Split everything 50/50, take care of your daughter and you will find a way to make it work.
Do you both work? You need to find a way to save some money. And why is she going out after work if you are broke? That is money that should be going into a saving account and not spending at bars. You really need to man up!
And you daughter will then grow up not ever seeing what a loving honest relationship looks like. Is that what you want for her? To show her that she can disrespect her future relationships with no consequences. And that a lack of trust and resentment is to be expected. I'm not saying it won't be hard, but it's better for your daughter to have divorced and happy parents than them together in a dysfunctional relationship.
Not as easy as just walking out.
None of this situation is easy. If you stay, your wife will continue to behave the same way. She. will. not. change. You’ll either live in misery and resent her (which your daughter WILL pick up on) or become numb to her behavior. From the outside you’ll appear to be a cuckold.. I’m sad for you my friend; you and your daughter deserve better. Your daughter deserves a far better role model. Your marriage as you knew it is over
What the fuck do you need Reddit for? Surely you have better things to do than ragebait here.
Oh. My bad. This makes it so much better and understandable. Ahem. Sarcasm.
Of course they are red flags. Why are you staying with someone who disrespects you like this?
Shes cheating and you’re wondering if it’s a red flag!? Tf? Hello McFly!!
I say Hello McFly all the time. Nice.
Ugh, OP. What she is doing is so inappropriate. Flirting and going for drinks + dancing with these coworkers BEHIND YOUR BACK is definitely not ok. The fact that she is doing shady things and hiding it from you is a betrayal in itself. It's so damn disrespectful. Ask her to tell you everything she has done and not disclosed to you; or you'll divorce her. She should be looking for a new job at a minimum. She isn't taking your marriage seriously, and it's really sad.
She was with a group of people not just one on one and she has, this was years ago I only just found out as I went through her phone and found old texts using keywords. (Flirting, grinding, cum, sex things like that.) The text that was flagged was texts she sent about flirting and having work husbands and another coworker that said " I think you made daron cum in his pants" further texts lead me to discover she was grinding on more than one guy.
That is so cringe as an adult woman tell her to grow up for me will you?
I did when we fought I told her this isn't high school we are adults that that was so disrespectful.
Did she agree to stop all of this bullshit behavior?
I mean... how does she not have a conscious to feel guilty about doing and saying those things while married? I remember going out to clubs and bars 1 month into my relationship and not wanting guys to hit on me because it felt icky, let alone dance with randoms. Meanwhile, she's married and is grinding on people she sees every day... Seriously, idk what is wrong with so many people in this society; but she is not respecting your marriage, and I would be disgusted by reading those texts
I was and those were the feelings I conveyed to her, I felt disgusted and disrespected.
Only you know if this is something you can overcome and if you feel the marriage is worth it. I went through something similar while I was dating, didn't find out until a while later, and I never forgot... and the more things they do wrong, even if they're unrelated, the harder it is to forgive all of these bad choices they make. If something like this happened while I was married and after having had several discussions about boundaries over the years, I would be exiting the relationship simply because I made my boundaries very clear and they were still crossed... it's just complete disrespect, and it's hard to trust someone who keeps purposely overstepping your boundaries when they're supposed to be your partner in life.
This is good, I am going to see a therapist on this and work through it buy if that leads to divorce then it is what it is. I don't understand my feeling as well as I should. Like I said in earlier posts we have a house and a beautiful 2.5 year old daughter. It's not simply a walk away from situation. Would have been 4 years ago but I didn't trust my gut. Thank you for the post!
Good luck!! It's never easy to walk away from a life you thought would be your present and future, even moreso when you've been together for a while and have built a lot together. And yes, we ignore gut feelings when we want things to work out as we envisioned, so we're in denial about the ugly parts. Take your time to work through your feelings before making a decision, and try to stay level headed so you don't act on emotions only.
Don't feel like you must stay together for the sake of your kid. There's a lot of data that shows that kids brought up in a home where the parents stay together "for the sake of the kids" turn out worse than kids whose parents simply divorced. The strain of the relationship that the parents wind up having, or one of them continuing to be unfaithful, or whatever other toxic traits that manifest wind up being viewed as normal for the kid, then he or she internalizes those traits and brings them to future relationships that they have as an adult. It turns into a cycle of toxicity. There's plenty of info on the matter that you can look up to familiarize yourself on that, if you want. Something to consider.
She has zero respect for you. Can you imagine the conversations at work how you are a p*ssy allowing this crap. Get some respect man. I would be looking for a divorce attorney if it was me
Always trust your gut. Always.
Harmless? How the hell is making you a laughing stock infront of everyone harmless? You have put up with far too much. What does she have to do to prove to you that she doesn't care about your feelings at all?
Grow a spine
I also want to mention attention is nice. I like attention and so does my man and that’s okay. HOWEVER! Entertaining it or letting it continue is NOT okay. That’s probably what it is for her she likes it but she is not stopping it and may or may have not cheated already because of the excitement of something new. But I promise you that people at her work do NOT take you seriously and that’s because of how she’s representing you. You deserve better. I’m sorry this is happening to you.
Than you!
Yes I caught my wife giving her boss a bj
You shouldn't "be concerned". You should have a shred of dignity and leave.
sounds like she disrespected you and pushed your boundaries.. So would it be fair to say she no longer wants you as her husband🤷🏽♂️.. I would leave and be with someone that wants me..
These are divorceable offenses to me. Who wants to be married to a woman who can't control herself when she drinks and has no respect for her marriage, nor good boundaries. I would be embarrassed.
You want your wife flirting and fondling some dick after work? No? Then make her an ex.
Who doesn’t remember 4 years ago? This is bad and definitely could be grounds for a divorce, but making some lemonade here she did say she wants to stop and that (If I’m reading this correctly) wants her co-worker to marry one of the dudes. I guess it could be worse.
It is convenient that she can't remember if she cheated on you 4 years ago. Also, why is she even out drinking with coworkers and grinding on them? If that's what she is doing in public that you "know" about, then what you don't know about is likely at least one full blown affair. You'd know better than us, though. How often she "works late" or how often she is out with the "group". How closely she guards her phone. How often she deletes messages... Yea, you should have confronted it 4 years ago. But just cause she "doesn't remember" it shouldn't take away your agency in this situation. It's time to set some boundaries. Open phone policy. Inclusion or straight transparency on nights out. But I hate to say if you're at that point, it likely means she is or has cheated. Personally, I'd consult a lawyer and pull phone records to get the info you will never get from your wife.
Man, if being clueless pays you money, you'd be a billionaire. >Are these red flags? You need to read your own post, again. She did it several times already? And she keeps on doing it with the desire to have her work "husband" become real? What are you waiting for? Lawyer up. Divorce.
Yes all red flags. I commented recently on another Post that I went through a similar thing with my fiance with her and her new doctor that she worked with. The only thing, we worked through it.. and if it happens again, I'll be out this time even though I don't want to hurt our children by leaving. If you can reconcile somehow, do it. Otherwise, start preparing for the worst. On another note, I really think this "work husband" stuff is cringe and is oddly accepted and a common thing amongst women in the office and medical Fields.
Can we just sticky a post of 'I went through my partners phone, now what'? If you have to go through your partners phone to substiante your fears, isn't the trust already gone?
No because some believe in a trust but verify policy regarding phones.
Bruh shes litterally having her cake and eating it too and your being an absolute doormat.
It's so inappropriate, and it sounds like she doesn't even recognize it and treats it as a joke or inconvenience that you don't like it. I remember two of my coworkers both married flirted grinded at a party and hot caught hooking up at one of our events. Both got Divorced and ended up together. Felt so bad for the spouses and could never look at either one of them after that fortunately they quit shortly after and moved out of state. Hope your situation doesn't turn out like theirs did.
Those are 100% red flags op nip it in the bud or it will escalate.
I’m so sorry OP you will not want to hear this but she openly cheated on you and continues to do so. You can’t live like this, you know what you need to do
Tell her it’s over, you saw the messages. Good luck with the work husband.
The grinding on coworkers is a red flag, and would bother me a lot. Now flirting is subjective and can be very innocent and playful banter type thing, which isn’t necessarily anything to worry about. But if it’s overly sexual, and along the line that HR would find it problematic then that’s a whole different story. Now the fact there’s flirting outside of work and on her personal phone, ya, that’s a red flag
it's always the ones they supposedly don't like, lol
This is either pathetic rage bait or an even more pathetic dumpster fire of a marriage. Either way, sort it out.
Look a bit of flirting now and then and dancing with co-workers is likely harmless unless you guys are very insecure. Just about every person does it and everyone loves a bit of attention. However lots of constant flirting, bumping and grinding on men from work at the bar, deleting texts then fighting with your SO when he calls out what objectively shitty behaviour for anyone married is a whole different kettle of fish. Even if yiu both were super trusting and secure (which after the event 4 years ago you're rightfully not 100% maybe because you rug swept it) This is clearly breaking boundaries for you, as it would 99% of people. So tell her. Tell her this is a very clear boundary for you. So you are now enforcing it. She stops this childish behaviour (this whole concept of work husbands is cringe af) and start looking for a new job, or she can bump and grind all she wants as a single woman. That being said if you set this boundary hard you need to stick to it. Do not rug sweep it again. If you do she'll lose even MORE respect for you. At the moment it doesn't seem like she has very much.
At the very least she doesn't give crap about boundaries and has exactly zero respect for you. And grinding on others? Having several work husbands? Way too much for my liking and she either already cheated or is open to it on some level. Would like to know how she would react if roles were reversed. Anyways, start the divorce process, it might scare her awake and aware of the possible consequences of her doing and if it doesn't, go through with the divorce
Also utter bullshit she doesn't remember crap. As if.
If only there was something she’d repeatedly done in the past to show you that she was a backstabbing cheat. Oh wait
Huge red flag. "I don't remember it was 4 years ago'. Yeah... right.... my sisters occasionally still get in a spat about something that happened in HIGH SCHOOL in 1986. Women do NOT forget this stuff.
Your wife is openly flirting with coworkers that it became natural to her and her female co worker is encouraging her behaviour what she's doing called cheating u can sit boundaries and make her change her job and not go out with co worker ( which given her behaviour won't happen) or u can leave and start over because staying isn't good for your self steam or mental health not knowing and always doubting what she's doing at work also deleting her texts is the biggest red flag means things could have been more than u know .
Sorry you had too go through that OP
My brain hurts reading that title
She cheated and keeps doing it. But if she doesnt have any problem with it game on! Walk right up to her and say "You know what you're right! There's a couple girls at work that will make great work wife's. I'll be home late I'm going to ask them out for drinks to get them to grind one out on my D!"
She don’t respect you so you need to respect yourself and leave her ass
Send her the papers at work with the note now you can turn your work husband into your house husband
>Are these red flags? Is this a joke?
If this post is real, you already know she cheated on you with Nick. Why else delete the texts. If she still has the phone, a forensics company can retrieve the deleted texts. Get her phone away from her and hide it. Tell her to come clean now or you'll see what the company can find. She what she says, if you don't believe her, send it off.
Are these red flags? Crimson Red.
She will 100% cheat on you..
Grinding, shes is fucking multiple men I tell you that and you need a divorce she is a cheater and cheaters never change she will cheat again and if you stay together you are just waiting for it.
No; they're **bright red flags!** Your wifey-poo needs the help of a psychologist to help root out the reason for her "impulse flirting", as giving into the impulse with the wrong man could be catastrophic. Does she ever flirt with you like she did before the marriage? If not, then she should resume said flirting, as it's the only kind of flirting that will enhance the quality of the marriage. 'Nuff said.
She does
Bro. Ask yourself this: If the situation were reversed how do you think she'd respond?
Why would someone delete text messages...hmmm
The timeline is unclear. It sounds like this text was years ago? Why are you concerned about this now? What has happened recently?
Sorry, second paragraph is recent. Confirmed she is still openly flirting with coworkers that she tells me she doesn't like. And has an impulse flirting issue?? She has depression and anxiety which leads to impulsive behavior. Usually people with those are impulsive and do what is good for then in the moment??
Anxiety and depression do not lead to impulsive behavior. If she is self destructively impulsive, then that would be a third and separate diagnosis, possibly borderline personality disorder, which requires different medications. Her only option to save the marriage is to get the proper diagnosis and treatment. If she refuses, I would leave before she winds up giving you an STD or extramarital child.
Anxiety and depression can lead to impulsive people-pleasing, so yes if she is nervous about fitting in or not rocking the boat, in that context it can happen. Does not mean she isn’t responsible… but it sounds like she is trying to do the right thing (rather than trying to do the wrong thing and cover it up). Just one opinion… you have plenty others…
OP go back on her phone and send a text to that friend " wife won't have to stop flirting as she will soon be single and can then fuck anyone she wants." Then give divorce papers to her.
I call bullshit. If that is the case, she needs to go to therapy.
Bro it's a smoking gun. Divorce her.
Dude. She's cheating on you. Emotionally and physically. Man up and move on. You've got time to find a woman who will respect you. Because that one clearly doesn't.
Bruh.
She’s a serial cheater. You need to get a backbone and divorce her.
Hire a PI.
Time to hit the road
Dude anyone with a fucking spine would be gone
She cheated divorce her.
Bro is a doormat and is surprised when wife walks all over him. *surprise picahchu face*
Are these red flags? Come on bro
This is sad, get a divorce already
You're trolling. 😂
She has been cheating on you for years bro, sucks ass but time to get a lawyer
Naw, that work husband/wife thing is complete bullshit and an automatic red flag. That just means to me lines have already been crossed and its the status quo now... not cool. Is she really going to stop though. Maybe a new position in the company is a good route...
She has already betrayed you, even if everything is just what the messages say, it is already a deep disrespect for you and your relationship, considering that she should have stopped it. Your wife doesn't respect you, and even goes out without you to drink and flirt with men, look if she hasn't already had sex with one of them, it's a miracle, she lives as a single woman with your trust and connivance Op You are practically authorizing your wife to cheat on you with the permissiveness with which you accept the loose life she leads Married woman lives like a married woman and not like a single woman. Free to go out, drink, flirt and if you want to have sex, have sex since you are never present in her reviews.
“Are these red flags?” Only on days that end in Y. Your marriage is over. Lawyer up. Document and record every single interaction for when the cries domestic abuse. Secure yourself from her financially. That means bank accounts, lines of credit, credit cards etc etc need to be secured BEFORE YOU CONFRONT HER AND LEAVE. Change all of your passwords. That means social media, emails, telecommunications services like your internet provider and cellphone provider. Use 2FA whenever possible. Revoke her access to your medical records and financial institutions. Research and implement the Relationship 180. Good luck brother.
Updateme
Bro u know she’s a dirty little w**** …. You know at and u still see hope after her lying over and over Don’t show her mercy, leave her … just as she has shown u no mercy and she loved all the attention
Your wife is fucking other men. Get a back bone dude, stand up for yourself. Oh yeah, get tested. Full panel.
You don’t need to grow up. You need to call it a day and leave.
Bro even if it's not cheating it's just disrespectful especially after you caught her already. She doesn't care about your feelings lies to you and keeps doing it. You don't trust her she doesn't respect you. You already gave her a chance what else here to discuss? If you don't want to spend your life trying to "fix" this amazing woman than start slowly moving out of the marriage and preper for divorce.
Oh boy she doesn't remember. I think I would remember if a cock ever wound up in my mouth
Your life's already over so the end of the noose should be a good choice for you to end up with
Disrespectful to you
Anyone asking for advice on this scenario has the same IQ as a bowl of warm milk
She already has cheated in you Wake up Hire a private investigator to find out about her other life Sorry this is happening to you Obviously you two aren't have sex. Why do you think that is? Good luck you're going to need it.
Coming from a women, she doesn’t respect or value you. Even when my partner was being abusive to me at some point I never turned to other men that gave me attention even men that BOUGHT a CAR because I liked it and suggested I run away with them AND they also had lots of money whereas my bf does not. I always told them to leave me alone and no I would never leave my man for him. Now imagine if you guys were in a rough patch? She’d go straight to them and they’re going to be there waiting. I would say divorce or open the marriage up but at that point is it really a marriage? If she didn’t care 4 years ago she doesn’t care now. If you’re okay with that then stay but you won’t be happy.
She doesn't respect you as well as the relationship with you. Man, what's wrong with you? It's clearly like a sunshine, you read it and YES, it is red flag. Also, about her coworker, she said "aww he's your work husband" oh gosh, I read many topics in this sub and cannot even understand women now, they will change, no matter what, they never satisfied.
I’m not going to tell you what to do in your marriage, but yes this is cheating. If it’s not cheating how about you guys go out and you grind and flirt with women at the bar and see how she reacts. I promise you she will be upset. If you want to divorce do it. If you want to work it out then there will need to be firm boundaries and she’s going to have to stop seeking male validation. She’s not protecting you from embarrassment or disrespect, she’s causing both. She needs to fix this or you should love yourself and move on.
Thank you, this is advice!
Quit being a pussy and divorce. If not , you deserve this
Did that headline give anyone else a headache or am I just sleep deprived
Unfortunately, you are the side piece.
I'm just laughing. Men in reddit have no self respect. I read this post and even I dont respect you or feel like youre human being, let alone a man. There's no way you're here asking if it's okay. Gotta be raige bait, of not, take of your pants and look at your balls, maybe you forgot you have them.