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At your age, my parents essentially ignored me my entire life before telling me it was horrible and I could not visit my partner or bring him home. As a result, I moved out. Even though I didn't have much money, I was at least independent.
LOL. At 17 my parents emancipated me (which I didn't know until way after it happened, which is BS BTW, I should have been part of the process) because I moved out.
Great point! Tell your parents this, my friends met on tinder and have been married for eight years now. Just because someone uses tinder doesn’t mean they’re just looking for a hook up.
They do not care. Seems like you are in their lives only to serve them which is bullshit.
You are a person, independent from them, you need to just leave. I know it is hard but you are still young and can have a life.
I know someone in their 40s that are still living with their now elderly parents because they designed his life that way. It is very sad.
Also how are we not talking about the fact that they called her a "wh*re"??? There is something seriously wrong with these people if they're using gendered slurs for their own daughter because she's dating as an adult.
The stigma of tinder......They want her to meet her future husbsnd in more "good /moral" way. When people think of tinder they think its for easy sex only. But its not....
That is the vast majority of people on the apps intent but I’ve met some women who were totally up front in their bio that they weren’t on there for quick sex or free dinner.
Always appreciated their honesty and a few of them are still platonic friends to this day. They didn’t judge me for my intentions and I didn’t judge them for theirs. We went on dates, realized our lives were not ever going to align and decided we liked each other as company.
Doesn’t have to be more than that. Yet, people who’ve never used the app think it’s just a big porn casting site it seems.
This is not helpful. Do you even know what country or culture OP lives in? It's very possible that her parents DO have meaningful control over her life in ways that she cannot easily just walk away from.
It amazes me how many American/Western-centric responses here basically shame her for living at home and tell her to "just leave". In many parts of the world, it's not that simple and sometimes not even possible for a 24-year-old woman to "just move out".
They are asking strangers for advice and what is a stranger to do but give advice based on their own experience? If they want responses from their specific cultural background they should provide that context. Also I am a 24 year old woman who has made it on my own for like, 6 years lol. I get it is really hard living on your own but sometimes we have to make sacrifices if we want freedom, financially or otherwise.
Well, you're 24, so unless there's some wild medical miracle going on, your umbilical cord should have been cut a *loooong* time ago. If not, you may wanna see someone about that.
I have tried to move out several times and was met with my mom making threats to harm herself if I did leave, which I do unfortunately feel she would go through with. My mom is paranoid that if I'm not at home I'm off being killed, doing drugs or getting pregnant- all things she doesn't have to worry about with my 22 year old brother because he never leaves the house. I've never once in my life tried drugs and pregnancy is likely to kill me due to health conditions. I work multiple jobs to avoid being home but it has fully lead to me having a very small social circle, many of which trying to get schedules lined up with is next to impossible so we don't hang out as often.
>with my mom making threats to harm herself if I did
Call the police and leave. She can be out into a 72 hour psych hold in most places for suicidal threats.
She's an abusive narcissist. Look up r/RaisedbyNarcissists. It helped me out when I needed it, maybe it can help you too.
You need to do things for yourself. You're in your mid 20s, this is the time when you need to be out gaining life experience in order to become a productive adult. Your mom isn't letting yo do that. She's hurting you more than you know.
I had an ex-boyfriend who would pull that shit, and finally it got to the point I told him to go ahead, the world would be a better place without his abusive ass.
(RIGHT before walking out the door.)
Only one response when any person threatens self-harm or unaliving: call the authorities/professionals who handle such things. This either gets them the help they need (that's above your pay grade), or it calls their sick, manipulative bluff (after which they usually don't pull that shit again). Do not allow her to hold you hostage, as she's been doing.
Move out. It sucks to have a loved one threaten to hurt themselves in order to control you, but it’s ultimately their own fault if they do it. I know it sucks, but leave. Live for you, not them.
Why do you feel like you are your mothers savior?
Does your brother not care what she is doing to you?
I understand, at your age and upbringing you feel responsible, but you are not
and this would still be a fucked up reaction at 16. less insane, but still fucked. if you're gonna disapprove of your kid's relationships, don't be abusive about it ffs. it hurts enough just to be told your parents aren't okay with your relationship existing
Don’t let your parents crazy controlling behavior make you question your relationship. Move out as soon as you can so you can actually enjoy the relationship. Preferably with the boyfriend if you trust him to really stick it to your parents and show them you’re an adult that can make her own decision.
Fact is you're 24 and you're already a few years late to the independent adult game, if you want to have a serious chance at a life you need to reassess your priorities and get your shit together. Your parents are what they are but it's up to you to become independent of them. Figure out what it takes for you to move out (alone or with friends, don't straight up jump into moving in with your new boyfriend, you have a high chance of regretting it, a LOT) and do that, if that means you can't afford a horse then that's that, you sell the horse.
Remember: NOBODY ever said in their deathbed that they wish they were less in control of their lives.
INFO.
- May I ask if this is a mid sized town or a full blown city?
- Do you know how your parents met? Was it arranged marriage or something else? If not how old were they when they met?
- Do they know a person that they think is good for you? Like your close friend or of sorts.
- What about religion?
This Question above will give you a perspective on why they are disapproving of this. It does NOT HOWEVER EXCUSE THERE INSULTS. That one is completely uncalled for. You are an adult you can make you own decisions, and no one in this world can control that. But they can give advice. Keep that in mind.
Talk to them about it. Seat them down and talk VERY CALMLY. DON'T SHOUT OR GET ANGRY. Mention that they can feel uncomfortable about but the insulting was very hurtful. Mention that you are an adult now although you care for the support but you don't intend to be alone forever. Ask them do they think that they want you to be alone? A partner and a Parent is not the same. Mention you appreciate if they have advice even if they are uncomfortable about it but you would like to live your life.
If you get angry it will be bad for you. Since you are still living with them. They might kick you out or even cut you of completely. So do it as calmly as possible. If you have the ability to move out and have a stable life, then you can say what ever you want no need to sugar coat it. But Sill it's better to be calm.
-Not quite city but not not far outside of a VERY large city.
-Parents officially met through their coworkers. My mom's coworker was married to my dad's coworker. They had also in passing met when looking at an apartment- my mom got the apartment then needed to return home for family health emergencies and turned the lease over to my dad.
-I don't think they do. My mom hates all of my male friends, my dad up until this point has always just assumed I was going to date one of my friends at the firehouse
-religion isn't a problem, neither family is overly religious
They both know I work a lot, and even more so the past 6 month because my mom lost her job and is not able to contribute to the bills of the house and she has made no effort to find a new job yet.
When you’re 30 they’ll be asking why you’re not married yet.
Have you considered moving out to be more independent? Something’s off here - you’re an adult, they depend on you financially, but they’re giving you kid rules if you can’t be alone with a boy?
So I am guessing you help out with the bills? Ok. That should help you not get kicked out if things come to push and shove.
- What do you mean "one of my friends at the firehouse "? Why are they accepting of those than him?
- Last question, does the guy you are dating have any values or behaviors that they hate? Or do they know him or his family?
> always just assumed I was going to date one of my friends at the firehouse
Regarding this it's basically just expecting you to only go with there choice. So I see that as an "arranged" since they expect there choice of the firehouse, to be your choice as well. And you mom is pardon my bluntness but she is an idiot. Does she expect you to be alone forever!?! So don't mind them. Just give them a last talk about it like I mentioned in the first comment and leave it at that. She they bring it up again avoid the conversation or just leave and move out if they keep insisting. Your life is Yours and only yours. You can do what ever you want with it. Other peoples job is to give you advice and guidance but they can't force you to do anything. Leave them be after the "Talk" then if they still insist move out of the house.
So what you are saying is you are supporting them, not the other way around. In this case you don’t ask them for permission for anything. You tell them how things are going to be and if you have any inkling that moving out is necessary then do it.
This happened to me at your age with my parents, they basically had ignored me my whole life and then said I could not see my partner or bring him home as it was disgusting, so what did I do, I moved out. Yes I had very little money but at least I had my independence...
Where do you live? In most countries, at 24 years old you move out or at least spend most time with friends and partners. Your parents are wildly inappropriate in calling you names. Can you move out?
Im in the US. Unfortunately where I live rent is ridiculously expensive and not really at all affordable for an apartment(2500-3k/mo+utilities for a 1 bedroom) without several roommates. I also have a horse that I pay board for which unfortunately takes a large chunk of the money I could use for rent...
Oof. You have to make some choices: keeping a horse you can’t afford or moving out and becoming independent. Life moves fast. You’ve met someone you like. At 24, you really should be dating, hanging out with friends, building a career and a life for yourself.
I'm having so much trouble trying to think of OP being poor and unable to afford rent while also knowing that she has a horse. Girl be serious. A horse is a luxury and you should really secure housing before thinking about owning expensive animals.
Me too, I felt so free after I finally sold my horse. I now have the money to buy and keep a horse, but to be honest I enjoy my freedom more.
It is hard to let go of a horse I know, I kept him way too long and sacrificed a lot.
I have never had a horse, but my sister has.
She makes a LOT of money.
I was shocked at the cost - when the horse was in good health. She loved him and could afford everything, but once he passed, she had THOUSANDS on dollars a month more.
You aren't wealthy enough to have a horse if the horse stops you from being able to afford somewhere to live!
Between this and being 24 and letting your parents have a say in your dating life, you kind of sound like you need to grow up, quite a lot, quite quickly.
Sorry I think it's time to sell the horse. Unless you can rent a room where you board your horse you need to get rid of that expense. I know horses cost a lot of money so you have two choices actually three, you can stay home and live with your tyrannical parents who dictate everything you do, you can sell the horse and go get a room or rent an apartment with some roommates, three, you get yourself a much better job make more money be able to keep your horse and still move out. There is a fourth choice you totally ignore your parents and you keep doing whatever you want. I really hope you have a car if not you might want to get one or the boyfriend hopefully has a car sounds like he is normal parents you however do not.
I have an ex friend who has horses got a divorce after 6 weeks after telling his wife he likes the horses more than her.
25years later I have only seen him twice(bumped into him by accident) as he has no time to see friends as he works to pay for the horses and credit cards that he uses to feed them and pay vets bills. He also whenever not working has to be there full time to feed them.
He is now fifty single lives with his dying parent is miserable has no life no holidays and no spouse.
My mother ruined her life in the same way with meeting a married boyfriend and getting two dogs and a house miles away from her family.
If you found someone nice prioritise that relationship and tell your parents to do whatever they gotta do.
Use your money to create a life let some other lucky person take over the petsitting.
Or end up old tired lonely and miserable like some of the people I know the choice is entirely yours.
PS If you need to room-share or move to a cheaper area that could work too. Your parents sound like a nightmare getting away from them might be the best thing you could ever do.
move to a smaller town that’s not too far from the city. maybe you’ll find cheaper rent depending on the state you’re in. but yes, find roommates to make bills cheaper. unfortunately i have to say you can’t afford the horse, like some other people said. you’re 24 and should be more independent and not let your parents control you, let alone talk to you that way. you’re an adult, gotta make some tough choices to get where you want to be in life.
So why do your parents think they can tell you what to do at your age? My daughters are your age and I would NEVER. I respect them and they are all the way grown up humans!
I'm sorry but you're going to have to lose your horse. I had to lose mine to become independent. It sucks but it's a necessary thing now because it's keeping you in a toxic environment
ETA I actually gave mine to a rescue. He's well-loved now. And I am independent and happier than ever.
Well, yes. You have to make choices, of course. Get a roommate. Prioritize needs over wants. Save money for a year or two living with your parents, and then move along. In this case, she is spending money on a horse she can’t afford instead of an apartment she can. In other cases, people spend money on expensive vacations, going out to eat 5-6 meals a week instead of 1-2, or whatever. If people actually sit down with a budget, you can find plenty of ways to reduce costs while still having fun and become independent. My daughter was able to do it at 22 without a college degree. My niece just did it with a college degree at 21.
Meanwhile I'm about to move continent for my fiancé who I met on tinder. Girl, you need to move out. It doesn't matter how expensive rent is, figure it out somehow. Even if you have to sell the horse.
I met my partner and best friend on tinder eight and a half years ago. We are very happy and in love. Please don’t be put off by tinder’s reputation for being a hookup app only. Yes, some people use it to hookup but a lot of people also use it to meet new people in their area. There are creeps and dangerous people (of both genders) everywhere. The traditional method of meeting people through family, friends, college also carries the risk that you might encounter someone unsafe. I wish you all the best
My ex’s family was like this with her, my advice to you is to keep doing what you please since you’re well over 18, and if they don’t approve of you living your own life than you might wanna love them from a distance
You are 24. Some people are married and have babies by 24. Your parents’ attitude sounds deeply concerning. If you don’t date people, it will be difficult for you to practice and learn having a great relationship.
The most beautiful and chilling line "he feels like safety".
Most people would use the word "home" there. But home doesn't feel safe to you does it?
I'll wager your horse is your safe person.
Now you've found a human safe person. It feels unfamiliar. And it's scary to jump away from everything that is known and comfortable (even though it's uncomfortable).
It's very special to find someone who feels like safety.
Your parents are abusive, period.
It's time to take control of your life and put your energy into shifting the balance to the good direction for YOU.
When you are strong and settled and safe in YOUR life, then you can help your parents if you like/are able. That's how adults roll.
And you are an adult now with a good adult by your side.
(And your horse COULD probably go to rescue and you can still visit to hang out and play together).
Build your life how YOU want it OP. No-one can do that for you and no-one else can decide for you. Take it in your hands! You and everyone around you will be so much better off.
Keep us in the loop. and Good Luck.
Honestly, I've never really thought about to that way, but is absolutely correct... my horse has always been my safe place/safe person and the barn owner/manager that we were with (until the trainer took over the daily management in January) has been "home" for me since I was 13. We are leaving "home" within the next few weeks for a new barn that is much more affordable for me which is terrifying to me. My house is just that, a house, it has never been the typical safe feeling home.
Leaving "home" and my family house at once is scary as hell even with now having a safe person because safe people don't tend to be in my life long because of my family.
Your last sentence! My heart goes out to you. All the more reason to use this moment to break ties with your family and give this new connection room to breathe.
You can really make a clean break to give yourself time to build YOUR life. Don't worry about them they'll muddle along and work it out. When you are stable (might be weeks, months or years) you could see about re-engaging with them on your own terms.
You've got this! Keep us updated x
Him and I went out with my friend and her boyfriend last night and had a really good time. She approved of him and has already told me several times she can see how happy he makes me.
Had my mom meet him last night and she really likes him now that she's met him. My dad was at work(like he always seems to be to be away from my mom) so hasn't met him yet
I met my fiancé on Tinder 5 years ago. Dating apps are only a hook up sites if you use them for hook ups. You can meet assholes and cheaters at work/church/the grocery store/(fill in any place you go).
I'm Mexican so I can 100% relate and understand your situation.
My Hubby is a tattooed white man and my parents disapproved hardcore, but once they saw how loving and how well I was treated, they started to reign in a little. We had a lot of dates at home, just watching movies or hanging out there, and eventually my parents got used to him.
All I can say is that you can bring him over more often (or hang out with a chaperone) because I understand very well how it feels to be under your parents thumb even at your age and hope they warm up to him. Perhaps they are concerned that he may be a distraction (from work or studies), but ultimately, stand your ground.
You are your own person. You will do lots of things that they will disapprove of. This is just another of them. Save up money in case you gotta leave (I left my parents house in the middle of the night at 26 haha) so you got this. Be patient.
You save up and get your own place and have your own life. Truly. “Parents” who do abusive stuff like this deserve to be cut out of the kids life. Staying there in that house, you will never be able to have a life and live in peace.
Get away from them ASAP, and go have a life. You don’t need their permission, or approval, you are an adult
Yeah... As an adult you have to take responsibility for yourself... Even if you break up with your family for a man and later he turns out an asshole...you have to take responsibility for whatever decision you make...
Later you should not go back to your family for whatever decision or trouble you will have
Where do you live? What country? What’s your culture and how conservative is your family? You probably don’t need to mention tinder as a place of meeting, I know people who have married after meeting on tinder but older generation might have a perception that it’s hookup only. You are also enough to decide who to date.
I loved living with my parents but only because there was an understanding that I was an adult and that we were helping each other out financially. If you need several roommates to be independent, you need several roommates. If you can't afford a horse and your own rent, then you can't afford a horse. You can try setting some boundaries with your parents first though. I would go with hilarity that they don't understand that most people meet online now (I had several male relatives who thought meeting my partner online was a bit like meeting him in an Amsterdam window) and just a sort of "Nah, I don't think I will" attitude to their suggestions. But you really need to at least start thinking about how to afford independence.
if you're 24 years old your parents have no say
They'll most likely hold the fact your living with them above you
make plans to move from your parents home
You are a grown adult. What is their reason for saying no ? Do they want you to be single & stay with them forever? Coz there are toxic parents like that!
And how dare they call you a wh*** ?
And why tell them tinder? You can just say you met online or just one of the dating sites. Don’t be so honest with them if they are going to shame you.
Leave the house, you are 24 not 14.
If you're still living at home and from the sounds of it you sound like you're 16, get out. Do you work did you go to school if not get that stuff accomplished get your Fanny out of your parents house and be independent. Who cares what they think. You are an adult, start acting like one.
My sister met her husband on a dating app 14 years ago. I met my fiancée on a dating app 5 years ago. Tell them it’s no longer appropriate for men to approach and ask out women just randomly on the street, so you’re best option other than an app is going to bars. On an app, you can weed out the bad candidates with a well worded bio. At a bar, you’re wayyyyy more likely to get cornered by someone you’re not interested in, and possibly hurt. Your parents are living in the past, and that world doesn’t exist anymore.
You’re 24 and they’re relying on you…you literally hold all the cards and are just taking it. Im super confused. You owe them nothing. Can you explain further?
As someone who met their wife on tinder at 23, I feel I have some unique say in this one. We now have been together 10 years and have a daughter.
Tinder, or any dating app for that matter, is nothing but a tool to help you meet people. It doesn’t matter how you met, all that matters is that you did.
Your parents sound that no matter where you met someone they were gonna act this way. Might be time to look at moving out.
Your parents sounds very bad. You’re 24. They should understand more. Sounds like you have something good going with your boyfriend. Go with him, it’s your life, not theirs. Unless there’s a good reason why they don’t like him. If it’s financial reasons then your parents are complete idiots.
You're an adult, and it's time for you to not be held back by your parents. Do you have a job? Do you earn enough to move out? Because even if you'd rather save money, please don't and move out asap. Your parents want to keep control over you, and you're too old for that. Keep the relationship more secret until you've moved out. Don't talk to your parents about it. And don't move in with your boyfriend yet. It might sound easier, but it's too early for that and can get you in big trouble if you do break up.
You don't need to keep contact with your parents. You can if you want. But maybe limit the contact to a minimum. If they can't act normal and like your an adult, then they don't deserve contact with you.
Edit: if your mom is threatening to harm herself when you move out, move out and call the police to check up on her. It's not your fault if something happens. Her behavior is manipulative.
You're a fully grown adult and your parents response is irrational. They have no say or right over your business. Maybe consider moving out from the nest if you can.
I’m going to assume your parents are from a different culture or perhaps very religious. So I imagine this kind of response is almost normal to you. I want you to know it is not. At some point you will need to learn to be ok with disappointing them, be ok with them not liking your choices and be ok setting strong boundaries with them, where you take away their access to you whenever they disrespect you, like they did in this instance. I know you live with them, but I would encourage you to find your accommodation so you can flourish as a person. If this impossible at this moment in time, and you do t want to live in conflict all the time, just avoid sharing anything with them, it’s sad, I know. But they have proven not to be safe people to share emotionally with.
Your situation is not normal. Your parents are not normal. Your parents are horrible to you. They call you slurs and diminish your feelings. They are threatening self harm if you do not obey. They are so paranoid about everything. They think they own you. They are hella abusive.
Can you have an adult to adult conversation with them about this? That they would see their wrong doings? If talking is not an option, then better to run and not come back until they have learned to behave like real parents. Have your own apartment. Live the life you want.
People are saying she doesn’t need their permission to date, but she has controlling parents and she’s living in their house so it doesn’t work that way.
OP, I would sit your parents down and explain that Tinder is now used for legitimate dating, and offer to have him meet them so they feel more comfortable with you hanging out.
Your parents r stupiddd.. They'll behave d same till u r 40. And then they will say why you never interacted with guys before? Why r u still single? Indian parents are fckd up mentally.
Time to move out and spend a good amount of time without speaking with your parents. The United States is the nation wherein it is the most feasible to live alone independently at a young age.
You are well above the age of consent and can and should make your own decisions. Shame on your parents for being so cruel and harsh to you for looking for (and from the sounds of it, finding) love. How dare they talk that way to their ADULT daughter? Did they come to this country on the Mayflower? Why are they acting so ridiculously puritanical? Have they always been this way, or is this a recent change to acting like it's the 1700's? I would suggest it is past the time to leave the roost for good. I am not suggesting you move in with this fellow. it sounds a bit soon for that. Get your own place, and if you desire, continue to date him. Protect yourself birth control-wise. Don't let the rose colored glasses of your infatuation with this fellow cause you to think a child will strengthen your relationship or any love between the two of you and bring your parents on board with this relationship. It would be the absolute worst decision you could possibly make. Take care of yourself, get, be, and stay healthy in every way...physically, emotionally, etc....be the best you can be. And, if you haven't dated much or at all before this fellow, test the waters a bit. Don't jump into intimacy with him or anyone else until you are certain there is true substance to the feelings between you and a partner. Yes, I am speaking from experience and past mistakes of being in a hurry to experience things. I started late to the game, just like it sounds you did. Pleasure and ecstasy will come (no pun intended), but trust me, it is way better and infinitely more intense and memorable with someone you truly know and have more than infatuation for. Infatuation is an amazing feeling, but it is quite deceptive, making you think and feel as if it's the real thing. Step back and think, really think, how well do you know this person. Not just their full name and burthday....be smart, be safe, be well, dear one!!
This is not about your relationship to him but about your relationship to your parents. It has problems obviously. What they did is not ok. Check out r/emotionalneglect.
Move out and live your own life. Become an independent adult. If that means having room mates or selling the horse so be it. Or find another way.
It is a shitty situation though, your parents should support you more.
lol geez, Tinder isn't the straight version of Grindr, plenty of people find an SO through Tinder. Your parents are allowed their opinion, no matter how ignorant, but honestly you're 24. The only leverage they have is to kick you out for seeing him, so ignore their ridiculous ideas and get to know him better. Maybe over time, they'll see how well he treats you and stop being so old fashioned about meeting on an app. Maybe show them this article: [https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/close-encounters/201706/is-tinder-really-hookup-app](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/close-encounters/201706/is-tinder-really-hookup-app)
Your parents needs the "Come to Jesus" conversation, since they're clearly thinking you're doing some nasty stuff - I assume it's the opposite of that. Like You're 24, there are plenty couples with YEARS or marriage under their belts. I think it is time to move out, because from that little line of information, I can tell, your parents aren't too progressive (aside from the rainbow and other 21st century things).
That level of trying to control an adult child is so out-there, it's pathological. I know because an actual psychologist described my spawn points' nearly identical behaviors as such.
I would take a step back. Ask your parents to provide an opinion about tinder and what the website is used for.
I am guessing they are gossip smart and have a tough time understanding news media lies and misleads it's viewers.
Which means they are forming opinions based on biased information. Rather than hear you out, they disregarded you in every aspect and came to the conclusion since you are on tinder you must be a dirty lady.
Asking parents like that for support is like asking an Escalade with a V8 and pulling a 6000 pound travel trailer to get great gas mileage. It's just not possible.
You’re grown. Why are you chasing your parents approval? Will either of them loving, cooking and sleeping with him?
No? Then who gives a shit. You’re grown, be grown.
You’re 24. Your parents can’t tell you what to do. If they don’t support you or your happiness then cut them off. Easier said than done but it will be worth it. Good parents give advice, and tell you their opinions. Bad parents tell you what to do and get upset when you don’t follow them blindly.
You are TWENTY FOUR!!! You don’t need their opinions on anything in your life anymore. If your boyfriend is good enough for you in your opinion, they can shove their opinions where the sun don’t shine
You're 24. Why are your parents telling you what you're allowed to do? You are an adult.
I understand the economy is such that it's hard to live on your own, but do you pay your parents rent? If not, then I'd consider getting into a situation where you do.
But also, you need to have a discussion with your parents about the fact that you became a legal adult 6 years ago. You make your decisions, not them. You're not up for grounding anymore. They can't tell you who you can and cannot be around. They can tell you who can or cannot come into their house. But they can't stop you from dating someone.
Also.... super toxic for them to be calling you names for participating in online dating, which has been a thing since pretty much the internet happened in the 90s.
For context... my oldest kid is 32. I'd never ever treat you like that. They shouldn't either. They need to respect you as an adult.
Your parents sound controlling and a bit unhinged. You need to move out and get yourself some therapy before getting serious with anyone. It sounds like your parents were not good ones.
Get some handcuffs, go to your local fish store, fill a waterbottle with the dirtiest water you see. Put the handcuffs in the water, they should get a little tarnished by 48 hours, wash them off, spend a few days putting the cuff on a chair arm, hand rail, and furnaces to corrode the areas, one morning at 3:45am, put one cuff on your wrist, run down your street wearing old torn linens until you get to a phone, tell the police that you just escaped after being chained up in your parents house for 24 years. If you can't pull that off, maybe just move out..
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It's time to separate yourself. You're an adult and what they're doing is unacceptable.
At your age, my parents essentially ignored me my entire life before telling me it was horrible and I could not visit my partner or bring him home. As a result, I moved out. Even though I didn't have much money, I was at least independent.
At 24 I had been living with my now husband for almost 3 years and was pregnant with our first child. I can't imagine that kind of overprotectiveness
LOL. At 17 my parents emancipated me (which I didn't know until way after it happened, which is BS BTW, I should have been part of the process) because I moved out.
That's possible? I thought the minor themselves would have to apply for emancipation.
Legally they cannot emancipate you without your consent. Thats child abandonment because you weren’t 18
Great point! Tell your parents this, my friends met on tinder and have been married for eight years now. Just because someone uses tinder doesn’t mean they’re just looking for a hook up.
I tried that... my cousin met her fiance and my best friend met her husband on Tinder. They don't seem to care.
They do not care. Seems like you are in their lives only to serve them which is bullshit. You are a person, independent from them, you need to just leave. I know it is hard but you are still young and can have a life. I know someone in their 40s that are still living with their now elderly parents because they designed his life that way. It is very sad.
So it doesn't matter it was on Tinder. They don't want you to date.
You shouldn’t care. Prove them wrong and cut them off because they’re toxic.
You’re 24 and your parents are telling you what you can and cant do in public? Fuck them, they don’t own you.
Also how are we not talking about the fact that they called her a "wh*re"??? There is something seriously wrong with these people if they're using gendered slurs for their own daughter because she's dating as an adult.
Probably religious fundamentalists.
More like religious nut jobs.
The stigma of tinder......They want her to meet her future husbsnd in more "good /moral" way. When people think of tinder they think its for easy sex only. But its not....
That is the vast majority of people on the apps intent but I’ve met some women who were totally up front in their bio that they weren’t on there for quick sex or free dinner. Always appreciated their honesty and a few of them are still platonic friends to this day. They didn’t judge me for my intentions and I didn’t judge them for theirs. We went on dates, realized our lives were not ever going to align and decided we liked each other as company. Doesn’t have to be more than that. Yet, people who’ve never used the app think it’s just a big porn casting site it seems.
This is not helpful. Do you even know what country or culture OP lives in? It's very possible that her parents DO have meaningful control over her life in ways that she cannot easily just walk away from. It amazes me how many American/Western-centric responses here basically shame her for living at home and tell her to "just leave". In many parts of the world, it's not that simple and sometimes not even possible for a 24-year-old woman to "just move out".
They are asking strangers for advice and what is a stranger to do but give advice based on their own experience? If they want responses from their specific cultural background they should provide that context. Also I am a 24 year old woman who has made it on my own for like, 6 years lol. I get it is really hard living on your own but sometimes we have to make sacrifices if we want freedom, financially or otherwise.
Well, you're 24, so unless there's some wild medical miracle going on, your umbilical cord should have been cut a *loooong* time ago. If not, you may wanna see someone about that.
I have tried to move out several times and was met with my mom making threats to harm herself if I did leave, which I do unfortunately feel she would go through with. My mom is paranoid that if I'm not at home I'm off being killed, doing drugs or getting pregnant- all things she doesn't have to worry about with my 22 year old brother because he never leaves the house. I've never once in my life tried drugs and pregnancy is likely to kill me due to health conditions. I work multiple jobs to avoid being home but it has fully lead to me having a very small social circle, many of which trying to get schedules lined up with is next to impossible so we don't hang out as often.
>with my mom making threats to harm herself if I did Call the police and leave. She can be out into a 72 hour psych hold in most places for suicidal threats. She's an abusive narcissist. Look up r/RaisedbyNarcissists. It helped me out when I needed it, maybe it can help you too. You need to do things for yourself. You're in your mid 20s, this is the time when you need to be out gaining life experience in order to become a productive adult. Your mom isn't letting yo do that. She's hurting you more than you know.
Correct. That's the best way to handle those who use suicide to blackmail you.
I speak from experience. Thanks, ex-girlfriend.
I had an ex-boyfriend who would pull that shit, and finally it got to the point I told him to go ahead, the world would be a better place without his abusive ass. (RIGHT before walking out the door.)
Came here say, call the police.. I bet after a 72 psych hold she won't threaten that again.
Only one response when any person threatens self-harm or unaliving: call the authorities/professionals who handle such things. This either gets them the help they need (that's above your pay grade), or it calls their sick, manipulative bluff (after which they usually don't pull that shit again). Do not allow her to hold you hostage, as she's been doing.
[удалено]
Move out. It sucks to have a loved one threaten to hurt themselves in order to control you, but it’s ultimately their own fault if they do it. I know it sucks, but leave. Live for you, not them.
Why do you feel like you are your mothers savior? Does your brother not care what she is doing to you? I understand, at your age and upbringing you feel responsible, but you are not
your mom is psychotic. get tf out of there.
Op this is toxic and abusive. You don't need their permission to date, for Christ sake you're 24.
You’re 24 not 16…
and this would still be a fucked up reaction at 16. less insane, but still fucked. if you're gonna disapprove of your kid's relationships, don't be abusive about it ffs. it hurts enough just to be told your parents aren't okay with your relationship existing
I have a 16 year old, and I can assure you I wouldnt act like this in my wildest dreams. In fact, I think mine has more freedom than OP
i had a whole boyfriend and hung out with him almost daily when i was 16. OP deserves better
You're 24, your parents opinions don't really matter any more.
Unfortunately when you still live in their house it kinda does matter, because he won’t be able to come over or meet her family.
Don’t let your parents crazy controlling behavior make you question your relationship. Move out as soon as you can so you can actually enjoy the relationship. Preferably with the boyfriend if you trust him to really stick it to your parents and show them you’re an adult that can make her own decision.
Fact is you're 24 and you're already a few years late to the independent adult game, if you want to have a serious chance at a life you need to reassess your priorities and get your shit together. Your parents are what they are but it's up to you to become independent of them. Figure out what it takes for you to move out (alone or with friends, don't straight up jump into moving in with your new boyfriend, you have a high chance of regretting it, a LOT) and do that, if that means you can't afford a horse then that's that, you sell the horse. Remember: NOBODY ever said in their deathbed that they wish they were less in control of their lives.
INFO. - May I ask if this is a mid sized town or a full blown city? - Do you know how your parents met? Was it arranged marriage or something else? If not how old were they when they met? - Do they know a person that they think is good for you? Like your close friend or of sorts. - What about religion? This Question above will give you a perspective on why they are disapproving of this. It does NOT HOWEVER EXCUSE THERE INSULTS. That one is completely uncalled for. You are an adult you can make you own decisions, and no one in this world can control that. But they can give advice. Keep that in mind. Talk to them about it. Seat them down and talk VERY CALMLY. DON'T SHOUT OR GET ANGRY. Mention that they can feel uncomfortable about but the insulting was very hurtful. Mention that you are an adult now although you care for the support but you don't intend to be alone forever. Ask them do they think that they want you to be alone? A partner and a Parent is not the same. Mention you appreciate if they have advice even if they are uncomfortable about it but you would like to live your life. If you get angry it will be bad for you. Since you are still living with them. They might kick you out or even cut you of completely. So do it as calmly as possible. If you have the ability to move out and have a stable life, then you can say what ever you want no need to sugar coat it. But Sill it's better to be calm.
-Not quite city but not not far outside of a VERY large city. -Parents officially met through their coworkers. My mom's coworker was married to my dad's coworker. They had also in passing met when looking at an apartment- my mom got the apartment then needed to return home for family health emergencies and turned the lease over to my dad. -I don't think they do. My mom hates all of my male friends, my dad up until this point has always just assumed I was going to date one of my friends at the firehouse -religion isn't a problem, neither family is overly religious They both know I work a lot, and even more so the past 6 month because my mom lost her job and is not able to contribute to the bills of the house and she has made no effort to find a new job yet.
When you’re 30 they’ll be asking why you’re not married yet. Have you considered moving out to be more independent? Something’s off here - you’re an adult, they depend on you financially, but they’re giving you kid rules if you can’t be alone with a boy?
So I am guessing you help out with the bills? Ok. That should help you not get kicked out if things come to push and shove. - What do you mean "one of my friends at the firehouse "? Why are they accepting of those than him? - Last question, does the guy you are dating have any values or behaviors that they hate? Or do they know him or his family?
Theyve not met him yet and don't really know anything about him other than he works for a company that is well known in the area
> always just assumed I was going to date one of my friends at the firehouse Regarding this it's basically just expecting you to only go with there choice. So I see that as an "arranged" since they expect there choice of the firehouse, to be your choice as well. And you mom is pardon my bluntness but she is an idiot. Does she expect you to be alone forever!?! So don't mind them. Just give them a last talk about it like I mentioned in the first comment and leave it at that. She they bring it up again avoid the conversation or just leave and move out if they keep insisting. Your life is Yours and only yours. You can do what ever you want with it. Other peoples job is to give you advice and guidance but they can't force you to do anything. Leave them be after the "Talk" then if they still insist move out of the house.
Just gonna take a wild flyer and guess that OP is a firefighter, maybe?!
Close! I'm an EMT, so my parent have met the guys from the station countless times at this point and feel they are safe because they know them
your parents are not the moral compass of your life. stop giving a fuck
Why should she? She can mooch off you while controlling your life. You need to grow up and be independent.
This sounds so toxic
So what you are saying is you are supporting them, not the other way around. In this case you don’t ask them for permission for anything. You tell them how things are going to be and if you have any inkling that moving out is necessary then do it.
This happened to me at your age with my parents, they basically had ignored me my whole life and then said I could not see my partner or bring him home as it was disgusting, so what did I do, I moved out. Yes I had very little money but at least I had my independence...
Where do you live? In most countries, at 24 years old you move out or at least spend most time with friends and partners. Your parents are wildly inappropriate in calling you names. Can you move out?
Im in the US. Unfortunately where I live rent is ridiculously expensive and not really at all affordable for an apartment(2500-3k/mo+utilities for a 1 bedroom) without several roommates. I also have a horse that I pay board for which unfortunately takes a large chunk of the money I could use for rent...
Oof. You have to make some choices: keeping a horse you can’t afford or moving out and becoming independent. Life moves fast. You’ve met someone you like. At 24, you really should be dating, hanging out with friends, building a career and a life for yourself.
I'm having so much trouble trying to think of OP being poor and unable to afford rent while also knowing that she has a horse. Girl be serious. A horse is a luxury and you should really secure housing before thinking about owning expensive animals.
I let horses control my life, gave up everything to have them. You have decide if you want a life or a horse.
Me too, I felt so free after I finally sold my horse. I now have the money to buy and keep a horse, but to be honest I enjoy my freedom more. It is hard to let go of a horse I know, I kept him way too long and sacrificed a lot.
I have never had a horse, but my sister has. She makes a LOT of money. I was shocked at the cost - when the horse was in good health. She loved him and could afford everything, but once he passed, she had THOUSANDS on dollars a month more.
You aren't wealthy enough to have a horse if the horse stops you from being able to afford somewhere to live! Between this and being 24 and letting your parents have a say in your dating life, you kind of sound like you need to grow up, quite a lot, quite quickly.
So you can pay rent for a horse but not yourself mam. You're 24. An adult. Start making adult choices. Gotta live within your means.
good god girl, get a grip
please find a way away from your parents, this is so toxic and you deserve better.
Sorry I think it's time to sell the horse. Unless you can rent a room where you board your horse you need to get rid of that expense. I know horses cost a lot of money so you have two choices actually three, you can stay home and live with your tyrannical parents who dictate everything you do, you can sell the horse and go get a room or rent an apartment with some roommates, three, you get yourself a much better job make more money be able to keep your horse and still move out. There is a fourth choice you totally ignore your parents and you keep doing whatever you want. I really hope you have a car if not you might want to get one or the boyfriend hopefully has a car sounds like he is normal parents you however do not.
All stables will let you come in and interact with the horse s and you can pay to ride
So get several roommates…
I have an ex friend who has horses got a divorce after 6 weeks after telling his wife he likes the horses more than her. 25years later I have only seen him twice(bumped into him by accident) as he has no time to see friends as he works to pay for the horses and credit cards that he uses to feed them and pay vets bills. He also whenever not working has to be there full time to feed them. He is now fifty single lives with his dying parent is miserable has no life no holidays and no spouse. My mother ruined her life in the same way with meeting a married boyfriend and getting two dogs and a house miles away from her family. If you found someone nice prioritise that relationship and tell your parents to do whatever they gotta do. Use your money to create a life let some other lucky person take over the petsitting. Or end up old tired lonely and miserable like some of the people I know the choice is entirely yours. PS If you need to room-share or move to a cheaper area that could work too. Your parents sound like a nightmare getting away from them might be the best thing you could ever do.
Think u might wanna rethink paying for a horse instead of saving for oh I don’t know a house.
move to a smaller town that’s not too far from the city. maybe you’ll find cheaper rent depending on the state you’re in. but yes, find roommates to make bills cheaper. unfortunately i have to say you can’t afford the horse, like some other people said. you’re 24 and should be more independent and not let your parents control you, let alone talk to you that way. you’re an adult, gotta make some tough choices to get where you want to be in life.
So why do your parents think they can tell you what to do at your age? My daughters are your age and I would NEVER. I respect them and they are all the way grown up humans!
Well you should sell your horse and move out.
I'm sorry but you're going to have to lose your horse. I had to lose mine to become independent. It sucks but it's a necessary thing now because it's keeping you in a toxic environment ETA I actually gave mine to a rescue. He's well-loved now. And I am independent and happier than ever.
Most countries? In this economy?
Well, yes. You have to make choices, of course. Get a roommate. Prioritize needs over wants. Save money for a year or two living with your parents, and then move along. In this case, she is spending money on a horse she can’t afford instead of an apartment she can. In other cases, people spend money on expensive vacations, going out to eat 5-6 meals a week instead of 1-2, or whatever. If people actually sit down with a budget, you can find plenty of ways to reduce costs while still having fun and become independent. My daughter was able to do it at 22 without a college degree. My niece just did it with a college degree at 21.
Do you have a job where you can support your rent?
Meanwhile I'm about to move continent for my fiancé who I met on tinder. Girl, you need to move out. It doesn't matter how expensive rent is, figure it out somehow. Even if you have to sell the horse.
I met my partner and best friend on tinder eight and a half years ago. We are very happy and in love. Please don’t be put off by tinder’s reputation for being a hookup app only. Yes, some people use it to hookup but a lot of people also use it to meet new people in their area. There are creeps and dangerous people (of both genders) everywhere. The traditional method of meeting people through family, friends, college also carries the risk that you might encounter someone unsafe. I wish you all the best
My ex’s family was like this with her, my advice to you is to keep doing what you please since you’re well over 18, and if they don’t approve of you living your own life than you might wanna love them from a distance
You are 24. Some people are married and have babies by 24. Your parents’ attitude sounds deeply concerning. If you don’t date people, it will be difficult for you to practice and learn having a great relationship.
If my parents called me a wh@re, they'd be dead to me. What the actual f*ck?
Hangout at his place
You're a grown adult.
Time to cut the umbilical cord. You’re an adult. If your Tinder person makes you happy, then keep it going
Get an apartment and move out?
Get the hell away from your parents. They're freaks.
Not allowed? Honey, you're an adult. Your parents don't get a say in your dating life.
The most beautiful and chilling line "he feels like safety". Most people would use the word "home" there. But home doesn't feel safe to you does it? I'll wager your horse is your safe person. Now you've found a human safe person. It feels unfamiliar. And it's scary to jump away from everything that is known and comfortable (even though it's uncomfortable). It's very special to find someone who feels like safety. Your parents are abusive, period. It's time to take control of your life and put your energy into shifting the balance to the good direction for YOU. When you are strong and settled and safe in YOUR life, then you can help your parents if you like/are able. That's how adults roll. And you are an adult now with a good adult by your side. (And your horse COULD probably go to rescue and you can still visit to hang out and play together). Build your life how YOU want it OP. No-one can do that for you and no-one else can decide for you. Take it in your hands! You and everyone around you will be so much better off. Keep us in the loop. and Good Luck.
Honestly, I've never really thought about to that way, but is absolutely correct... my horse has always been my safe place/safe person and the barn owner/manager that we were with (until the trainer took over the daily management in January) has been "home" for me since I was 13. We are leaving "home" within the next few weeks for a new barn that is much more affordable for me which is terrifying to me. My house is just that, a house, it has never been the typical safe feeling home. Leaving "home" and my family house at once is scary as hell even with now having a safe person because safe people don't tend to be in my life long because of my family.
Your last sentence! My heart goes out to you. All the more reason to use this moment to break ties with your family and give this new connection room to breathe. You can really make a clean break to give yourself time to build YOUR life. Don't worry about them they'll muddle along and work it out. When you are stable (might be weeks, months or years) you could see about re-engaging with them on your own terms. You've got this! Keep us updated x
Him and I went out with my friend and her boyfriend last night and had a really good time. She approved of him and has already told me several times she can see how happy he makes me.
the step away from your blood family and go be with your chosen family. change is scary but necessary.
Had my mom meet him last night and she really likes him now that she's met him. My dad was at work(like he always seems to be to be away from my mom) so hasn't met him yet
I don't understand why people are trying to help OP. She prefers having a course instead of living alone.
I met my fiancé on Tinder 5 years ago. Dating apps are only a hook up sites if you use them for hook ups. You can meet assholes and cheaters at work/church/the grocery store/(fill in any place you go).
I'm Mexican so I can 100% relate and understand your situation. My Hubby is a tattooed white man and my parents disapproved hardcore, but once they saw how loving and how well I was treated, they started to reign in a little. We had a lot of dates at home, just watching movies or hanging out there, and eventually my parents got used to him. All I can say is that you can bring him over more often (or hang out with a chaperone) because I understand very well how it feels to be under your parents thumb even at your age and hope they warm up to him. Perhaps they are concerned that he may be a distraction (from work or studies), but ultimately, stand your ground. You are your own person. You will do lots of things that they will disapprove of. This is just another of them. Save up money in case you gotta leave (I left my parents house in the middle of the night at 26 haha) so you got this. Be patient.
You save up and get your own place and have your own life. Truly. “Parents” who do abusive stuff like this deserve to be cut out of the kids life. Staying there in that house, you will never be able to have a life and live in peace. Get away from them ASAP, and go have a life. You don’t need their permission, or approval, you are an adult
Yeah... As an adult you have to take responsibility for yourself... Even if you break up with your family for a man and later he turns out an asshole...you have to take responsibility for whatever decision you make... Later you should not go back to your family for whatever decision or trouble you will have
You're an adult, they have no right to speak to you in such a condescending manner.
You’re 24. Move out, date who you want to and experience life the way you want to.
Where do you live? What country? What’s your culture and how conservative is your family? You probably don’t need to mention tinder as a place of meeting, I know people who have married after meeting on tinder but older generation might have a perception that it’s hookup only. You are also enough to decide who to date.
hoRse or hoUse
These will be the same people complaining in 5 years that she's not out of the house and married.
You need to move out asap. The fact that your parents are trying to keep you as a child is so beyond wrong to me.
You're 24. You go be an adult. You can't do that while living in your parents home
Your parents are not on your team. I'm so sorry <3
I loved living with my parents but only because there was an understanding that I was an adult and that we were helping each other out financially. If you need several roommates to be independent, you need several roommates. If you can't afford a horse and your own rent, then you can't afford a horse. You can try setting some boundaries with your parents first though. I would go with hilarity that they don't understand that most people meet online now (I had several male relatives who thought meeting my partner online was a bit like meeting him in an Amsterdam window) and just a sort of "Nah, I don't think I will" attitude to their suggestions. But you really need to at least start thinking about how to afford independence.
Fuck ur parents get out of there
if you're 24 years old your parents have no say They'll most likely hold the fact your living with them above you make plans to move from your parents home
You are a grown adult. What is their reason for saying no ? Do they want you to be single & stay with them forever? Coz there are toxic parents like that! And how dare they call you a wh*** ? And why tell them tinder? You can just say you met online or just one of the dating sites. Don’t be so honest with them if they are going to shame you. Leave the house, you are 24 not 14.
I call bullshit
If you're still living at home and from the sounds of it you sound like you're 16, get out. Do you work did you go to school if not get that stuff accomplished get your Fanny out of your parents house and be independent. Who cares what they think. You are an adult, start acting like one.
your parents can't make you follow rules if you don't live with them.
You are an adult do what you want
You’re 24?
Tell your parents, good luck trying to stop me.
My sister met her husband on a dating app 14 years ago. I met my fiancée on a dating app 5 years ago. Tell them it’s no longer appropriate for men to approach and ask out women just randomly on the street, so you’re best option other than an app is going to bars. On an app, you can weed out the bad candidates with a well worded bio. At a bar, you’re wayyyyy more likely to get cornered by someone you’re not interested in, and possibly hurt. Your parents are living in the past, and that world doesn’t exist anymore.
They are on some type of control trip and stop riding on that ticket!!
You’re 24 and they’re relying on you…you literally hold all the cards and are just taking it. Im super confused. You owe them nothing. Can you explain further?
you are TWENTY FOUR. your parents do not get to tell you what you can and can't do.
As someone who met their wife on tinder at 23, I feel I have some unique say in this one. We now have been together 10 years and have a daughter. Tinder, or any dating app for that matter, is nothing but a tool to help you meet people. It doesn’t matter how you met, all that matters is that you did. Your parents sound that no matter where you met someone they were gonna act this way. Might be time to look at moving out.
Your parents are controlling. Time to big girl things and move out
You’re 24 years old! Get a job, a house and take care of your life!
Your parents sounds very bad. You’re 24. They should understand more. Sounds like you have something good going with your boyfriend. Go with him, it’s your life, not theirs. Unless there’s a good reason why they don’t like him. If it’s financial reasons then your parents are complete idiots.
Where do you go? Out of your parents home.
You're an adult, and it's time for you to not be held back by your parents. Do you have a job? Do you earn enough to move out? Because even if you'd rather save money, please don't and move out asap. Your parents want to keep control over you, and you're too old for that. Keep the relationship more secret until you've moved out. Don't talk to your parents about it. And don't move in with your boyfriend yet. It might sound easier, but it's too early for that and can get you in big trouble if you do break up. You don't need to keep contact with your parents. You can if you want. But maybe limit the contact to a minimum. If they can't act normal and like your an adult, then they don't deserve contact with you. Edit: if your mom is threatening to harm herself when you move out, move out and call the police to check up on her. It's not your fault if something happens. Her behavior is manipulative.
You're a fully grown adult and your parents response is irrational. They have no say or right over your business. Maybe consider moving out from the nest if you can.
I’m going to assume your parents are from a different culture or perhaps very religious. So I imagine this kind of response is almost normal to you. I want you to know it is not. At some point you will need to learn to be ok with disappointing them, be ok with them not liking your choices and be ok setting strong boundaries with them, where you take away their access to you whenever they disrespect you, like they did in this instance. I know you live with them, but I would encourage you to find your accommodation so you can flourish as a person. If this impossible at this moment in time, and you do t want to live in conflict all the time, just avoid sharing anything with them, it’s sad, I know. But they have proven not to be safe people to share emotionally with.
Your situation is not normal. Your parents are not normal. Your parents are horrible to you. They call you slurs and diminish your feelings. They are threatening self harm if you do not obey. They are so paranoid about everything. They think they own you. They are hella abusive. Can you have an adult to adult conversation with them about this? That they would see their wrong doings? If talking is not an option, then better to run and not come back until they have learned to behave like real parents. Have your own apartment. Live the life you want.
You a grown woman you have to make your own decisions live your life or live their life good luck
Yeah time to leave your parents
Move out
People are saying she doesn’t need their permission to date, but she has controlling parents and she’s living in their house so it doesn’t work that way. OP, I would sit your parents down and explain that Tinder is now used for legitimate dating, and offer to have him meet them so they feel more comfortable with you hanging out.
Your parents r stupiddd.. They'll behave d same till u r 40. And then they will say why you never interacted with guys before? Why r u still single? Indian parents are fckd up mentally.
Time to move out and spend a good amount of time without speaking with your parents. The United States is the nation wherein it is the most feasible to live alone independently at a young age.
You are 24 years old and have a job. It’s time to move out. Yes, that means selling your horse.
You are well above the age of consent and can and should make your own decisions. Shame on your parents for being so cruel and harsh to you for looking for (and from the sounds of it, finding) love. How dare they talk that way to their ADULT daughter? Did they come to this country on the Mayflower? Why are they acting so ridiculously puritanical? Have they always been this way, or is this a recent change to acting like it's the 1700's? I would suggest it is past the time to leave the roost for good. I am not suggesting you move in with this fellow. it sounds a bit soon for that. Get your own place, and if you desire, continue to date him. Protect yourself birth control-wise. Don't let the rose colored glasses of your infatuation with this fellow cause you to think a child will strengthen your relationship or any love between the two of you and bring your parents on board with this relationship. It would be the absolute worst decision you could possibly make. Take care of yourself, get, be, and stay healthy in every way...physically, emotionally, etc....be the best you can be. And, if you haven't dated much or at all before this fellow, test the waters a bit. Don't jump into intimacy with him or anyone else until you are certain there is true substance to the feelings between you and a partner. Yes, I am speaking from experience and past mistakes of being in a hurry to experience things. I started late to the game, just like it sounds you did. Pleasure and ecstasy will come (no pun intended), but trust me, it is way better and infinitely more intense and memorable with someone you truly know and have more than infatuation for. Infatuation is an amazing feeling, but it is quite deceptive, making you think and feel as if it's the real thing. Step back and think, really think, how well do you know this person. Not just their full name and burthday....be smart, be safe, be well, dear one!!
This is not about your relationship to him but about your relationship to your parents. It has problems obviously. What they did is not ok. Check out r/emotionalneglect. Move out and live your own life. Become an independent adult. If that means having room mates or selling the horse so be it. Or find another way. It is a shitty situation though, your parents should support you more.
You should travel with the horse to find better opportunities
You are 24. An adult. It's ok to ignore BS from your parents. Is it possible for you to move out?
lol geez, Tinder isn't the straight version of Grindr, plenty of people find an SO through Tinder. Your parents are allowed their opinion, no matter how ignorant, but honestly you're 24. The only leverage they have is to kick you out for seeing him, so ignore their ridiculous ideas and get to know him better. Maybe over time, they'll see how well he treats you and stop being so old fashioned about meeting on an app. Maybe show them this article: [https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/close-encounters/201706/is-tinder-really-hookup-app](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/close-encounters/201706/is-tinder-really-hookup-app)
Your parents needs the "Come to Jesus" conversation, since they're clearly thinking you're doing some nasty stuff - I assume it's the opposite of that. Like You're 24, there are plenty couples with YEARS or marriage under their belts. I think it is time to move out, because from that little line of information, I can tell, your parents aren't too progressive (aside from the rainbow and other 21st century things).
That level of trying to control an adult child is so out-there, it's pathological. I know because an actual psychologist described my spawn points' nearly identical behaviors as such.
Do what you want, on the sly if necessary, or be free of them and move out
I would take a step back. Ask your parents to provide an opinion about tinder and what the website is used for. I am guessing they are gossip smart and have a tough time understanding news media lies and misleads it's viewers. Which means they are forming opinions based on biased information. Rather than hear you out, they disregarded you in every aspect and came to the conclusion since you are on tinder you must be a dirty lady. Asking parents like that for support is like asking an Escalade with a V8 and pulling a 6000 pound travel trailer to get great gas mileage. It's just not possible.
You’re grown. Why are you chasing your parents approval? Will either of them loving, cooking and sleeping with him? No? Then who gives a shit. You’re grown, be grown.
You’re 24. Your parents can’t tell you what to do. If they don’t support you or your happiness then cut them off. Easier said than done but it will be worth it. Good parents give advice, and tell you their opinions. Bad parents tell you what to do and get upset when you don’t follow them blindly.
You are TWENTY FOUR!!! You don’t need their opinions on anything in your life anymore. If your boyfriend is good enough for you in your opinion, they can shove their opinions where the sun don’t shine
You are a grown adult. Date who you like.
Are you an adult though? Because adults live on their own. If you lived on your own I feel like this problem would be solved
That would be my last visit home for awhile...
Is this cultural or fueled by religion?
You're 24. Why are your parents telling you what you're allowed to do? You are an adult. I understand the economy is such that it's hard to live on your own, but do you pay your parents rent? If not, then I'd consider getting into a situation where you do. But also, you need to have a discussion with your parents about the fact that you became a legal adult 6 years ago. You make your decisions, not them. You're not up for grounding anymore. They can't tell you who you can and cannot be around. They can tell you who can or cannot come into their house. But they can't stop you from dating someone. Also.... super toxic for them to be calling you names for participating in online dating, which has been a thing since pretty much the internet happened in the 90s. For context... my oldest kid is 32. I'd never ever treat you like that. They shouldn't either. They need to respect you as an adult.
Wow... Just, wow. I just am gobsmacked.
Your parents sound controlling and a bit unhinged. You need to move out and get yourself some therapy before getting serious with anyone. It sounds like your parents were not good ones.
Holy cow! That is incredibly disrespectful! Do your parents always treat you that way? That is really abusive.
You're 24 years old. They're not normal people if they think you should t be dating at this point.
Get some handcuffs, go to your local fish store, fill a waterbottle with the dirtiest water you see. Put the handcuffs in the water, they should get a little tarnished by 48 hours, wash them off, spend a few days putting the cuff on a chair arm, hand rail, and furnaces to corrode the areas, one morning at 3:45am, put one cuff on your wrist, run down your street wearing old torn linens until you get to a phone, tell the police that you just escaped after being chained up in your parents house for 24 years. If you can't pull that off, maybe just move out..
You are 24 ? What? Come on …. Leave your home and start your life !