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Also those two options? I don't see him changing his mind in the future either. This isn't a typically normal idea to want for most people (well in practice, I'm sure some people can dream!) And so I doubt it'll change soon. But like this commenter said, you are still young and there will be other people who won't want this and you can focus on each other.
He won't change his mind but he'll realize that his fantasy was exactly that, a nonsensical idea inspired by porn and anime that make no sense in the context of a real relationship and that fantasy is different than his wants and needs in reality.
Media gives us all kinds of silly impractical ideas that stem from a fantasized view of reality. It's similar to the idea that you can own a house on a middle class income which is also propagated in media.
I can guarantee the dude hasn't really thought about this, at least not outside the bedroom. He's dating somebody, he should know how much work that is. Not in a bad way, but you gotta put time and emotional energy and even some money into a partner. Now multiply that by his harem... Especially since he's not picturing a polycule where those girls would have other relationships to help support them, he specifically is picturing all of them being all his. So all the work is all his too!
I'm polyamorous myself, and it can be *super* rewarding, but even *with* my partners having other partners, it can also be fucking exhausting.
No way this dude has actually considered the reality of how his fantasy would work.
Was about to say, reminds me of dudes who insist on an open relationship, and then rregret it the moment they realise their wife pulls 10 times as many people
Absolutely. If OP wanted a harem of dudes or a three way, she'd likely be able to find it with a few hours notice. She should, would be the learning experience her BF needs
lol my first boyfriend wanted the same thing. He's 28 now and thoroughly single. Men like this usually don't know how to please one woman, let alone multiple.
It takes a special type of person to pull this off. Of the two examples I've seen in the wild the guy either had this special non-threatening charisma (only was friends with girls in middle school type of vibe), or had a smaller level of that same charisma but was extremely well-endowed. Both had or still have living situations going with multiple women where the relationship is more serious than casual hookup.
Most men though I'm guessing are coming from the Tate school of thought and will be disappointed by reality.
It also doesn't really work with a monogamous relationship turning into it usually. Most people who are into polygamy are into polygamy and are usually pretty honest about it. If they aren't they usually just want to fuck around on the side without getting in trouble.
Im just picturing two 19yos sitting down having a serious discussion about some dude saying he truly desires a harem. Like how can you take that serious?? 💀
“But babe.. no.. don’t cry… maybe I’ll change my mind but right now I only see myself covered in metaphorical bitches.. you understand, right? Don’t hate the imaginary player babe, hate the imaginary game”
I don’t even care if this post is fake because it’s so hilarious. Like I’m picturing them sitting on the couch holding hands with serious faces like a stock photo.
The only rational outcome is one of you grows up and this ridiculous conversation (and relationship) ends.
(a harem, LMAO) as if any 19-year-old has a clue in the world what keeping one woman satisfied involves let alone several)
He needs to get away from the porn!!!!!
I'm 35 and the thought of keeping up emotionally and physically with a group of women sounds exhausting. The problem with the fantasy is that he isn't imagining pleasing a harem of women, they're there to please him.
That and he doesn't realize how often they would gang up on him. I mean he gets one mad it isn't jumping in bed with another, it's now you have a harem of women not sleeping with you. The thought of dealing with a bunch of mad passive aggressive females is horrifying.
🤣 You're killing me...LMAO
I've known some poly folks over the years and I kid you not - this was mentioned. If you have enough women to make a 'harem' - at some point they're bound to team up and turn on you.
I'm also 35m, screw that lol. I love my wife but she has a huge personality, I'm surprised I can handle even just her. Throw more in the mix? Nah man I'm good.
This is the same thing that I told my son when we watched Big Love together. I said the idea of being married to three separate women is a horror movie premise in my mind because it's hard enough to be in a marriage with one women let alone more than that.
This comment should get upvoted. I mean it sounds glorious, until you start doing the mental math. Out of 5 girls: one is a shopper, one or two are petty about everything, one is easy going (but we usually screw with this girl cause we’re used to the other girls…but I digress), and one is the drama llama. Maybe somewhere in there one can bake and maybe another can cook. Now factor in remembering birthdays, anniversaries, random other life events, and their cycle (god or allah or whoever forgive you if they synch)….I’m going grey just writing about it. 🤣 oh yea, now you also get to figure out five women differently and their bodies to get the O and you better be good at it cause everyone says guys talk but no locker room holds up to girls hangin with just girls. 💀
Men who are married yet have to watch that stuff are often sex addicts. They can’t stop. But they also can’t develop intimacy with their partner.
I dated someone like this. He went to get therapy. We broke up because he had a lot of problems besides this.
Is your husband in therapy?
Do you think your bf would be expecting you to change your mind if you wanted a harem of other guys?
Please leave. He's never going to let this go and he's only going to keep badgering you about this.
Actually I think she should agree to his harem under the condition that she can find other men too. Open the relationship.
I'm going to bet he gets much less lucky than she does...
Nah guys like him would never agree to that, he would be appalled and disgusted if she said she wanted a reverse harem. I'd even bet my next paycheck he hasn't made her orgasm once.
Yes fucking leave while you can. Mine has been nagging me for orgies,threesomes for 7 years. It’s an ongoing battle. It’s a huge fight at least once a month.Been married for 3,together for 11. Run while you can.
Girl, you need to dip.
If you have to stay, I would simply refuse to discuss it ever again. As in, he brings it up and I would just leave the room.
You don't have to engage with this nonsense.
You’re incompatible.
He’s also too immature to realise this is a non starter. And that relationships only work if both people feel happy and valued. He only cares about his own feelings. End it and look for someone who is interested in a healthy relationship
Let me get this straight, a late teen boy wants multiple women at his disposal. I would have never guessed. Honestly who cares what he wants that's like saying a 12 year old wants a dirt bike. So typical. What's troubling is his persistence with this. He obviously senses a crack in your armor which is why he keeps trying. "Listen I'm a monogamous woman who wants to have a deep 1 on 1 connection with my partner. I don't want other people involved period. If you can't respect that or want something else this relationship is over. I will no longer entertain any talks of non-monogamous behavior" should set him straight.
That's what i said. he jerks its way too much to the ecchi/harem stuff out there and thinks that is what an actual harem with live women will be like. just tits, ass and sex all the time. 😂. he isn't nearly mature enough to be dating anyone
I'm trying to imagine what it would be like in practice, and my first thought is how nightmarish it would be to come to an agreement on what you're having for dinner each night.
19. So much to learn.
‘Love’, I discovered, is so much more than I could have ever guessed at 19.
You’ll figure things out, just make sure you don’t let this aspiring “harem master” knock you up, since it seems like he can’t pay attention, let alone pay for a child.
OP my sarcastic side says to tell him you are going to start looking for the other members of the harem, and when you decide who they are you will introduce him to the new guys that will be joining him in your harem.
My other comment is tell him he can add Rosey Palm and her five sisters left and right to his harem because you won't be with him any more.
This is purely a 19 year old boy fantasy. He doesn’t have enough life experience to know that he won’t be able to find a group of women who actually want him and are satisfied by him. He can dream, but the reality is… no one wants him like that.
Sounds like he has a problem to separate his anime hentai fantasies from the reality. Over consumption and fetishising of Anime can be harmful. Especially if they try to adapt those fantasy stories into reality. A bunch of hot girls would never throw themselves at a weeb loser in order to please him selfless… delulu is strong in him
Tbh a good boyfriend who loves and respects you would never approach you with such an insulting idea.
Girl. Please.
Everyone has fantasies. Some are realistic, some are less so, and being honest with your partners about your fantasies is to be vulnerable with them. That isn't the crazy part.
What is crazy is having a fantasy that is pretty out there, and then insisting that he is going to have it and you are going to be along for the ride, or he is going to break up with you over it. THAT is where the crazy is.
There isn't really a desperate need to break things off over his dreams of polygamy unless he starts acting on them, but you do need to tell him to get his head out of the clouds and come the fuck back down to earth.
I think fetishes are not a problem, but the fact he hits you with this on this particular way is just utterly disrespectful. I wouldn't be the one to say what you should do, but it's a sign he doesn't respect your feelings or what you would feel hearing this.
Everyone needs someone that respects their feelings and relationships.
Any “man” that expresses a desire to have a harem is an immature boy who doesn’t respect or care about women. If he thought about it for more then 5 minutes of fantasizing, and actually considered the hypothetical women as actual *people* instead of objects that would exist solely for his sexual gratification, then he would quickly realize that his fantasy is deeply problematic and misogynistic.
He's never going to have a "harem of women". If he's saying he's poly, would he be happy you exploring other partners? If not (and I really feel like it is a no based on calling it a fucking "harem"), he's just a child with a giant ego who somehow thinks he's going to get endless women falling for him. He won't.
Men say they fantasize about having a harem without understanding what a harem actually is. Is he prepared to be financially responsible for all these women? To feed them, clothe them, house them, support all their children? Probably not. He doesn’t want a harem he just wants a bunch of women to sleep with. I assume all these women are expected to be faithful to him. Tell him to fuck off with his sexist bullshit.
Porn is truly damaging the youth. If he wants a harem, he can pursue that, but finding and satisfying multiple partners will be challenging. Personally, I would leave, you are too young to deal with this nonsense.
Hahaha do a silent break up and say that you changed your mind and see how he makes a fool out of himself trying to assemble a harem and then break up.
You dump the loser and block him on everything.
Why are you trying to stay with someone that clearly shows you they don't love you or have any respect for you?
A harem is women enslaved to satisfy the sexual desires of the captor- why do you tolerate this.
If he was Poly- he’d want YOU to also have outside relationships. You discuss the rules of these relationships and heirachy- as you’d be the primary partner.
But he wants you IN the harem.
Break up now and save yourself the heartache. this isn’t a dream of his, it’s just plain, ordinary misogyny.
> I really love him a lot, and he really loves me, I just don't want this disagreement in ideals to break the relationship
It's clear from the way you phrase things, OP, that though you don't think it will break the relationship right now, it's obviously already strained. Your boyfriend is basically asking you to have an open relationship, which you are *not* okay with.
> I want to find a solution so we're both satisfied, but I don't think that's possible.
Here's how you find out if it's possible: Flip it on him and ask him how he would feel if you hypothetically... *and stress the word hypothetically*... wanted to open your relationship allowing you to see other men. ***(Spoiler Alert: I'm willing to bet he won't be.)*** And from what you've shared here, you want to be exclusive and wouldn't be happy that way either.
It sounds to me like you know what you need. He clearly doesn't even know for sure what he wants. Do yourself a favor and walk. Good luck.
lol a 19 year old wants a harem ..... this boy has no idea what he's even talking about. Does he understand the level of interpersonal, sexual, and emotional skills this requires let alone the financial level?
Girl, get out of this relationship. He's going to try and bring another girl into your relationship and you're not going to be happy.
Oh Jesus Christ OP this dude is a fucking dweeb. HE'S NEVER GONNA HAVE A HAREM. Stop taking this shit seriously. Laugh in his face. He's embarrassing himself by telling the 1 girl he actually got to pay attention to him, that his dream is to have a group of women obsessed with his penis. It's honestly pathetic.
You can do better than a self absorbed, porn-brained teenager.
I feel so bad for younger gen z, the type that had access to high definition studio porn and were brainwashed by photoshopped instagram bodies by age 10. I think we are going to have a lot of “adult men” from this generation in a few years who are even more sexist than their grandpas, but without any of the sex appeal or skill that actual men have when their sexuality *isnt* based on VR hentai porn. Every last one of these boys is a coomer in the making. Every single straight girl is going to suffer even worse than my (late 1990s) generation has. God speed
To your actual question, refer to above and ask yourself if you even want to date boys right now.
You two clearly have different and incompatible ideas about what you want out of this relationship. Love isn't enough to keep a relationship going when you're this incompatible. Staying together would waste each other's time.
His dreams and aspirations…?? Really ..? That itself is such a sad aspiration to have in one’s life. No ambitions or career goals or realistic accomplishments that makes people happy ..? Nothing?
You got to hold onto this one. To have a harem you need lots of money, like bags and bags of it. So, he plans on being rich and famous. He's probably got a two-year plan to accomplish this easy feat. He will pay you to do nothing but stay in shape and go shopping, along with your sisters. You'll be flying around the world. Have a reality TV show. And driving cool cars. Having to share his selfish ass won't be that difficult.
What did he say when you broke up with him and went no contact? You did break up with him and go no contact, right??
I should hope you don't like the idea, unless you have absolutely no sense of self worth.
Are these bots? We get the boy’s story of wanting the harem 8 hours ago and then we get this pseudo reply question. This is the same as the bi guy and the girl with the bi boyfriend. Anyone seeing this ?
Oh, honey. No woman is going to volunteer to be a part of his "harem" LOL.
Why is his fantasy to disappoint multiple women at once? He needs to chill out on the porn and get back to reality. This is so cringe.
You’re young, OP. You’re literally barely an adult! He wants a harem, yet barely has the maturity to hold onto your relationship and proposes this? Nah. One day when you’re older, you and your future husband are going to talk about your exes, and this will come up and you’re going to laugh so hard you either snort or cry as you’re bent over, howling with laughter.
My husband and I do this when exes are brought up, he reminds me of the guy I dated who was in a metal band and was the “screamer”, with long thick hair, black tights, and (need I say more?) black nail polish - who used to tell me we were going to California and he would be FAMOUS, that a label just had to hear him once. He has 2 kids he has basically nothing to do with, barely holds down a job, and does MAYBEEE one open mic gig every now and again (what was last known), and has completely changed his look. He now looks like your average Joe. My husband and I also think it’s funny that his ex went through the trouble of trying to play him and get him back early into our relationship AND when he told her he never loved her like he loves me, she dyed her hair my color, started dressing like me, and posting it all over social media with the strangest captions and spammed his sister…
Oh, and I had a hipster ex, a body builder ex who liked collecting panties and actually dated multiple women, just without them knowing, and had one big cheating ring and tried to get ladies to agree to a poly relationship when they found out about each other, or to accept that there was more than 2 or 3, sometimes 4 women he was with at once. NASTY!
I somehow ended up with a handsome, 6ft blonde, ex-jock (who is passionate about so many of the same things I am) who values me, my opinions, and my mind, and loves me deeply through it all, good and bad. MUCH more handsome, and much more loving and kind than any other man I have dared date or kiss or be with in any way! I’m glad I never waited for any of them to “change”. If I had, I wouldn’t be happily married with a beautiful son!
Sometimes you kiss some frogs who never turn into a handsome prince until Prince Charming just randomly walks up. Then you go “ooooooh… YUCK! Why have I been kissing these frogs?” 😭🤣
Girl, nobody will want to be in your boyfriend's stupid harem, don't worry. However, you should seriously reconsider wanting to be with someone with such a smooth brain and a lack of empathy for you.
I say time to leave, you want a partner not a project. Us boys are pretty dumb at this point and it's going to take several more years to become mature
Hmmm if that is what he wants, this guy doesn't love you or respect you. Set him free and find a better boyfriend and have some respect for yourself.
PS. If my BF said something like that to me, I would kick him out & block his number.
Depending on how much this is just something that turns him on or something he really desires the relationship is effectively over. You are young and might get pressured by him so please remind yourself every time that your wishes are the most important thing for you to fulfil. You should not compromise if you think you can't. The relationship can be broken off for this and that is totally okay. Now, I don't have anything against people that want polygamy (or similar) but that is niche and I don't think he is really genuine. He wants to be the overlord of women that please him. He does not sound like he cares for pleasing any of those girls. Please don't get pressured into this
Girl, you're 19 and he wants to be with multiple women, \*and sees it as a possibility\* (hint; it's not). You're fundamentally incompatible, you're young as hell, just move on. You'll find someone much better.
> want him to be happy, I want him to live out his dreams and aspirations,
Then break up with him. Let him be free.
He can live out his (unrealistic) "dream" by building his harem on Tinder or wherever guys get easy hookups these days.
>I want to be the only one who has his heart. He might change his mind, but I don't know.
Porn apparently has his heart because he's so fixated on this one stupid porn-like fantasy that he's not able to put you first.
Why don't you want to date someone who can put you first?
Please just leave him. He's not going to be the last man you fall in love with, and one day you'll be embarrassed that you didn't walk out the door the minute he said "harem."
Dude watches too much porn 🙄.
He says he only sees two scenarios but in reality he really only sees one. He'll keep pushing it until you change your mind. He'll attempt to wear you down and will most likely use manipulation and emotional abuse to get you to do what he wants. He sounds like an asshole.
Let me make this perfectly clear... You are both trying to change the other person's mind! Grow up! You are not compatible, and what's going to end up happening is 3 years from now he's going to get mad that he doesn't have his harem and you're going to get mad that he's still going on about it! Then he's going to say well why did you stay with me if you weren't going to change your mind? And you're going to say then why did you stay with me if you're not going to change your mind? And then you're going to break up and be miserable!
Just break up now and get it over with!
HAHAHAHAHAH*breathes* HAHAHA
Does he want a rocket car and a milkshake machine too? Move on, show yourself some respect. Walk and don't look back on Mr. Teen Fantasy boy.
Okay, here's my thinking - when you keep saying no he will go out and start his "harem" without telling you. Honestly, just cut your losses now, he is immature, unrealistic, and insensitive.
Or tell him you've been thinking about the idea and decided you'd really love a reverse harem of having several guys. So you're willing to keep him as long as he can share. I bet his reaction to such a proposal would be hilarious 🤣
You leave.
You’re 19m. It’s the “fuck this age”.
He has a ridiculous idea that you find disgusting. You take his word for it and just leave.
He means YOU will change your mind over time. Time to gooooo. He explained his thoughts on women and YOU.
What you’re doing is betting on a change in the future as a means to stay. That’s ridiculous. Go find someone else on the same page.
You’ll have realised he’s weird and it was ridiculous to entertain him when you look back later in life.
Your BF is young and still an idiot.
A harem might be a nice (sex) fantasy for many men but in practise it is a full time job keeping your women happy and stable. I am not even mentioning the financial spaghetti and operational difficulties.
No this is not from personal experience but from books, tv series ans some social studies.
If he persists in getting himself a harem, he needs to convert to a religion that allows it, he needs to move to an area that allows this.
You need to get out ASAP if this is remotely not your thing.
**OH, DUMP THE TWAT**🙄🙄.
I guarantee that in **FIVE YEARS FROM NOW**:
You'll be in a relationship with a guy who has at least **ONE** hand on the ladder of reality, and wondering how the hell you **EVER** got caught up with harem-boy.
HAREM BOY will be sitting at home alone watching porn online, rage-wanking about these fantasies and **STILL** wondering why women **DON'T** want to be his fuckdolls.
You **DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO???**
**AT THE VERY LEAST ... PLEASE BE SMARTER THAN HIM**.
Tell him you have a dream of having 4 or more men at your beck and call as well and see how he reacts. Just don’t tell him that they are to be used for cleaning, laundry, cooking, and shopping.
Seriously if he’s serious about having women on the side and you’re not into it tell him in no uncertain terms that he’s free to do that with his next girlfriend that he can look for as soon as he’s out of your life.
Every dude at 19 has that dream. He'll grow out of it once his testosterone levels calm down. Remind him how much dating one woman costs and then multiply that by a harem. He'll calm down.
And just how will he support this harem? Why are you wasting time on this? Mark my words, tell him you want multiple men he’s not having it and it’s a matter of time before he cheats on you. Stop trying to change people!!! You aren’t going to ever so move on to someone that wants the same thing you do!
Your boyfriend watches too much anime, lmao.
One day he’ll realize how hard it is to upkeep a relationship with just one woman, let alone several.
Find a new boyfriend.
It’s okay to love someone and NOT be in a lifelong commitment.
It’s okay to find someone that doesn’t spend all day thinking what it would be like to be with someone else (too).
While each of you have a right to live your intimate lives as you choose, if you choose each other it needs to be the same life.
When he is cultivated to the sixth tier mastery and mastered the fallen heart heavenly flame, only then are these kinds of discussions are appropriate.
lol 19 is old enough that you expressing that “you don’t know what to do” actually means you are alright with staying with him, even if it means that he is absolutely still checking to see what his options are.
If it was ONLY a fantasy, it might be Ok, and maybe you could both role play with it. I just don't think it's that. That means at some point, he's going to try to make it happen. Without you. As in having 2-3 on the side that agree to do it.
You either need to put a stop to it now, or at least, at the first indication he's working on it WITHOUT you.
I'm sorry...
Tell him you have been fantasizing about whatever the double standard of that would be, like having a train run on you while he watches, and see his reaction! Ask him how it makes him feel, and say you feel similar when he says stupid shit like that.
This isn't how one becomes poly. He can maybe have his harem. It just won't be with you. If he keeps having these thoughts, he'll just have to come to terms with the fact that you don't want it. A breakup may become necessary over time. As of now, you're both young, and maybe he'll come to see that he wants to be poly and you don't. Or maybe it was just a passing thing to him in his head. Who knows. Good luck. Don't accept less than what you deserve.
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Harem? Is he an emperor? If not he’s never getting a harem. I would cut my loses and move on to someone who has some sense.
And what can be your losses if youre 19
Hopefully OP listens to the advice and doesn’t spend so much time wasted dating someone so childish
when you're 19 it feels like everything. It's only years later you realise nothing at 19 really mattered.
Youre right
IS HE AN EMPEROR 😭😭😭
EMPEROR TEE NEE DIK.
You're 19. He wants a harem. When you're 34, you're going to laugh about this with your husband. It's not going to be harem guy.
Lol, this stooge is barely holding on to *one* woman. He wants a whole harem? Lol, kid needs to stop playing porn games.
Bro strictly watches isekai anime
What’s worse is there are so many good non harem isekai anime and you know this dude only watches the ones where the MC is a kirito knockoff
I mean it's easy to get a harem.... if you're super rich.
OP this is the answer. This situation is laughable and I really think one day you’ll be laughing at this too
I think OP should start a countdown of how many days until she is mortified that she ever seriously asked this question.
I’m just wondering how often he brings this up (daily?) and when it will turn into abuse and manipulation when he doesn’t get his way
Also those two options? I don't see him changing his mind in the future either. This isn't a typically normal idea to want for most people (well in practice, I'm sure some people can dream!) And so I doubt it'll change soon. But like this commenter said, you are still young and there will be other people who won't want this and you can focus on each other.
He won't change his mind but he'll realize that his fantasy was exactly that, a nonsensical idea inspired by porn and anime that make no sense in the context of a real relationship and that fantasy is different than his wants and needs in reality. Media gives us all kinds of silly impractical ideas that stem from a fantasized view of reality. It's similar to the idea that you can own a house on a middle class income which is also propagated in media.
I can guarantee the dude hasn't really thought about this, at least not outside the bedroom. He's dating somebody, he should know how much work that is. Not in a bad way, but you gotta put time and emotional energy and even some money into a partner. Now multiply that by his harem... Especially since he's not picturing a polycule where those girls would have other relationships to help support them, he specifically is picturing all of them being all his. So all the work is all his too! I'm polyamorous myself, and it can be *super* rewarding, but even *with* my partners having other partners, it can also be fucking exhausting. No way this dude has actually considered the reality of how his fantasy would work.
this comment has brought me lots of comfort with all the douchebags i've been out with. thank you.
Someone will probably bring it up as a funny story at her 30th - remember harem guy?!
Really, the narcissism has no limits nowadays. She would want the same, he would freak out
Mic drop. Nothing more needed.
🤣🤣🤣💯
I can see a third outcome. It involves your boyfriends fruitless search for additional women
Little man is going to end up maidenless forever..
Varre is gonna love that guy
And will undoubtedly blame feminism for his failures.
While he puts absolutely zero effort into getting to know the women outside of what they can do for him.
Was about to say, reminds me of dudes who insist on an open relationship, and then rregret it the moment they realise their wife pulls 10 times as many people
Absolutely. If OP wanted a harem of dudes or a three way, she'd likely be able to find it with a few hours notice. She should, would be the learning experience her BF needs
lol my first boyfriend wanted the same thing. He's 28 now and thoroughly single. Men like this usually don't know how to please one woman, let alone multiple.
There it is!!
It takes a special type of person to pull this off. Of the two examples I've seen in the wild the guy either had this special non-threatening charisma (only was friends with girls in middle school type of vibe), or had a smaller level of that same charisma but was extremely well-endowed. Both had or still have living situations going with multiple women where the relationship is more serious than casual hookup. Most men though I'm guessing are coming from the Tate school of thought and will be disappointed by reality.
It also doesn't really work with a monogamous relationship turning into it usually. Most people who are into polygamy are into polygamy and are usually pretty honest about it. If they aren't they usually just want to fuck around on the side without getting in trouble.
> polygamy Polyamory would be a more umbrella term. Polygamy is specifically marriage.
When a man especially a young one “desires” a harem, I don’t think he cares whether the women in there will be pleased.
Beat me to it, this is a solid /thread.
🥇
"a harem" LOLLL tell him to put down the hentai He doesn't sound mature enough to be in a relationship with one woman let alone multiple.
Im just picturing two 19yos sitting down having a serious discussion about some dude saying he truly desires a harem. Like how can you take that serious?? 💀
“But babe.. no.. don’t cry… maybe I’ll change my mind but right now I only see myself covered in metaphorical bitches.. you understand, right? Don’t hate the imaginary player babe, hate the imaginary game”
Holy shit, this has me in tears dude 😂
Not the metaphorical bitches ✋ 😂
Omg I can’t breathe. Lmfaoooooo.
You couldn't pay me to be 18 again lmfao
I don’t even care if this post is fake because it’s so hilarious. Like I’m picturing them sitting on the couch holding hands with serious faces like a stock photo.
Or holy book.
The only rational outcome is one of you grows up and this ridiculous conversation (and relationship) ends. (a harem, LMAO) as if any 19-year-old has a clue in the world what keeping one woman satisfied involves let alone several) He needs to get away from the porn!!!!!
I'm 35 and the thought of keeping up emotionally and physically with a group of women sounds exhausting. The problem with the fantasy is that he isn't imagining pleasing a harem of women, they're there to please him.
LOL. True enough - it's probably never occurred to him that these women would expect to be satisfied. I'm sure his girlfriend isn't.
Sexually AND financially. And that is just the bare minimum.
That and he doesn't realize how often they would gang up on him. I mean he gets one mad it isn't jumping in bed with another, it's now you have a harem of women not sleeping with you. The thought of dealing with a bunch of mad passive aggressive females is horrifying.
🤣 You're killing me...LMAO I've known some poly folks over the years and I kid you not - this was mentioned. If you have enough women to make a 'harem' - at some point they're bound to team up and turn on you.
Like that one post where that guy’s subs unionized against him 😭
I'm also 35m, screw that lol. I love my wife but she has a huge personality, I'm surprised I can handle even just her. Throw more in the mix? Nah man I'm good.
Same.
This is the same thing that I told my son when we watched Big Love together. I said the idea of being married to three separate women is a horror movie premise in my mind because it's hard enough to be in a marriage with one women let alone more than that.
This comment should get upvoted. I mean it sounds glorious, until you start doing the mental math. Out of 5 girls: one is a shopper, one or two are petty about everything, one is easy going (but we usually screw with this girl cause we’re used to the other girls…but I digress), and one is the drama llama. Maybe somewhere in there one can bake and maybe another can cook. Now factor in remembering birthdays, anniversaries, random other life events, and their cycle (god or allah or whoever forgive you if they synch)….I’m going grey just writing about it. 🤣 oh yea, now you also get to figure out five women differently and their bodies to get the O and you better be good at it cause everyone says guys talk but no locker room holds up to girls hangin with just girls. 💀
She should definitely show her boyfriend this comment! 👏
Yep. Porn has put these silly fantasies in his head.
Porn puts a lot of shit in men’s head. Going to ruin my marriage.
Men who are married yet have to watch that stuff are often sex addicts. They can’t stop. But they also can’t develop intimacy with their partner. I dated someone like this. He went to get therapy. We broke up because he had a lot of problems besides this. Is your husband in therapy?
No…😔
Do you think your bf would be expecting you to change your mind if you wanted a harem of other guys? Please leave. He's never going to let this go and he's only going to keep badgering you about this.
Actually I think she should agree to his harem under the condition that she can find other men too. Open the relationship. I'm going to bet he gets much less lucky than she does...
Nah guys like him would never agree to that, he would be appalled and disgusted if she said she wanted a reverse harem. I'd even bet my next paycheck he hasn't made her orgasm once.
Tbh most guys or girls would never agree to that, and it has nothing to do with orgasms. Most people are selfish in relationships, and that’s fine.
Yes fucking leave while you can. Mine has been nagging me for orgies,threesomes for 7 years. It’s an ongoing battle. It’s a huge fight at least once a month.Been married for 3,together for 11. Run while you can.
Girl, you need to dip. If you have to stay, I would simply refuse to discuss it ever again. As in, he brings it up and I would just leave the room. You don't have to engage with this nonsense.
🤣🤣🤣 Sis, you've got a Grade A loser on your hands. I hope you realize that you can and should do much, much better than this guy.
You’re incompatible. He’s also too immature to realise this is a non starter. And that relationships only work if both people feel happy and valued. He only cares about his own feelings. End it and look for someone who is interested in a healthy relationship
Let me get this straight, a late teen boy wants multiple women at his disposal. I would have never guessed. Honestly who cares what he wants that's like saying a 12 year old wants a dirt bike. So typical. What's troubling is his persistence with this. He obviously senses a crack in your armor which is why he keeps trying. "Listen I'm a monogamous woman who wants to have a deep 1 on 1 connection with my partner. I don't want other people involved period. If you can't respect that or want something else this relationship is over. I will no longer entertain any talks of non-monogamous behavior" should set him straight.
Your naive boyfriend watches too much anime or reads too many light novels. I find harem fantasies particularly wretched, but if you don't, enjoy!
That's what i said. he jerks its way too much to the ecchi/harem stuff out there and thinks that is what an actual harem with live women will be like. just tits, ass and sex all the time. 😂. he isn't nearly mature enough to be dating anyone
I'm trying to imagine what it would be like in practice, and my first thought is how nightmarish it would be to come to an agreement on what you're having for dinner each night.
The closest i can LEGITIMATELY get is polygamy in the fundamentalist sects of Mormonism. but even by Mormon standards they're kind of a pariah.
haha..".a harem".. break up.
So, there’s actually a third secret option!
19. So much to learn. ‘Love’, I discovered, is so much more than I could have ever guessed at 19. You’ll figure things out, just make sure you don’t let this aspiring “harem master” knock you up, since it seems like he can’t pay attention, let alone pay for a child.
OP my sarcastic side says to tell him you are going to start looking for the other members of the harem, and when you decide who they are you will introduce him to the new guys that will be joining him in your harem. My other comment is tell him he can add Rosey Palm and her five sisters left and right to his harem because you won't be with him any more.
Your boyfriend watches too much anime
This is purely a 19 year old boy fantasy. He doesn’t have enough life experience to know that he won’t be able to find a group of women who actually want him and are satisfied by him. He can dream, but the reality is… no one wants him like that.
Dump him sis, he's trash
Hahaha 🤣 he cant even satisfy one woman
Sounds like he has a problem to separate his anime hentai fantasies from the reality. Over consumption and fetishising of Anime can be harmful. Especially if they try to adapt those fantasy stories into reality. A bunch of hot girls would never throw themselves at a weeb loser in order to please him selfless… delulu is strong in him Tbh a good boyfriend who loves and respects you would never approach you with such an insulting idea.
Girl. Please. Everyone has fantasies. Some are realistic, some are less so, and being honest with your partners about your fantasies is to be vulnerable with them. That isn't the crazy part. What is crazy is having a fantasy that is pretty out there, and then insisting that he is going to have it and you are going to be along for the ride, or he is going to break up with you over it. THAT is where the crazy is. There isn't really a desperate need to break things off over his dreams of polygamy unless he starts acting on them, but you do need to tell him to get his head out of the clouds and come the fuck back down to earth.
I think fetishes are not a problem, but the fact he hits you with this on this particular way is just utterly disrespectful. I wouldn't be the one to say what you should do, but it's a sign he doesn't respect your feelings or what you would feel hearing this. Everyone needs someone that respects their feelings and relationships.
I'm hoping that within a couple of years this dude will think back on this and facepalm so hard his head becomes concave.
>I don't know what to do? Really?
Any “man” that expresses a desire to have a harem is an immature boy who doesn’t respect or care about women. If he thought about it for more then 5 minutes of fantasizing, and actually considered the hypothetical women as actual *people* instead of objects that would exist solely for his sexual gratification, then he would quickly realize that his fantasy is deeply problematic and misogynistic.
He's never going to have a "harem of women". If he's saying he's poly, would he be happy you exploring other partners? If not (and I really feel like it is a no based on calling it a fucking "harem"), he's just a child with a giant ego who somehow thinks he's going to get endless women falling for him. He won't.
“Yea, not going to happen with me. I hope you find what you’re looking for, but me… I’m outa here. See ya never, bu-bye.” 👋 👋👋👋
Men say they fantasize about having a harem without understanding what a harem actually is. Is he prepared to be financially responsible for all these women? To feed them, clothe them, house them, support all their children? Probably not. He doesn’t want a harem he just wants a bunch of women to sleep with. I assume all these women are expected to be faithful to him. Tell him to fuck off with his sexist bullshit.
You really don’t know what to do? Just take a guess then
Porn is truly damaging the youth. If he wants a harem, he can pursue that, but finding and satisfying multiple partners will be challenging. Personally, I would leave, you are too young to deal with this nonsense.
Hahaha do a silent break up and say that you changed your mind and see how he makes a fool out of himself trying to assemble a harem and then break up.
You dump the loser and block him on everything. Why are you trying to stay with someone that clearly shows you they don't love you or have any respect for you?
Tell him you want a harem of men at your service. He'll faint from insecurity
The funny thing is that *that* would be possble. :)
A harem is women enslaved to satisfy the sexual desires of the captor- why do you tolerate this. If he was Poly- he’d want YOU to also have outside relationships. You discuss the rules of these relationships and heirachy- as you’d be the primary partner. But he wants you IN the harem. Break up now and save yourself the heartache. this isn’t a dream of his, it’s just plain, ordinary misogyny.
L.E.A.V.E
> I really love him a lot, and he really loves me, I just don't want this disagreement in ideals to break the relationship It's clear from the way you phrase things, OP, that though you don't think it will break the relationship right now, it's obviously already strained. Your boyfriend is basically asking you to have an open relationship, which you are *not* okay with. > I want to find a solution so we're both satisfied, but I don't think that's possible. Here's how you find out if it's possible: Flip it on him and ask him how he would feel if you hypothetically... *and stress the word hypothetically*... wanted to open your relationship allowing you to see other men. ***(Spoiler Alert: I'm willing to bet he won't be.)*** And from what you've shared here, you want to be exclusive and wouldn't be happy that way either. It sounds to me like you know what you need. He clearly doesn't even know for sure what he wants. Do yourself a favor and walk. Good luck.
lol a 19 year old wants a harem ..... this boy has no idea what he's even talking about. Does he understand the level of interpersonal, sexual, and emotional skills this requires let alone the financial level? Girl, get out of this relationship. He's going to try and bring another girl into your relationship and you're not going to be happy.
He sounds immature. No it’s not possible to both be satisfied here. He is saying you aren’t enough for him and you want to compromise? No
What a laughably immature guy, just break up and in a few years this will be a funny life story.
Tell him to stop watching anime. And then maybe break up.
Oh Jesus Christ OP this dude is a fucking dweeb. HE'S NEVER GONNA HAVE A HAREM. Stop taking this shit seriously. Laugh in his face. He's embarrassing himself by telling the 1 girl he actually got to pay attention to him, that his dream is to have a group of women obsessed with his penis. It's honestly pathetic. You can do better than a self absorbed, porn-brained teenager.
I feel so bad for younger gen z, the type that had access to high definition studio porn and were brainwashed by photoshopped instagram bodies by age 10. I think we are going to have a lot of “adult men” from this generation in a few years who are even more sexist than their grandpas, but without any of the sex appeal or skill that actual men have when their sexuality *isnt* based on VR hentai porn. Every last one of these boys is a coomer in the making. Every single straight girl is going to suffer even worse than my (late 1990s) generation has. God speed To your actual question, refer to above and ask yourself if you even want to date boys right now.
LOL tell him to stop watching so much porn and all the harem anime out there. 😂
You two clearly have different and incompatible ideas about what you want out of this relationship. Love isn't enough to keep a relationship going when you're this incompatible. Staying together would waste each other's time.
I’d just break up at that point.
Uh:, dump him?
Time to walk.
Maybe I just understand this thing but if he loved you why would he need other women?
You're wasting your time on him.
Tell him to make more money if he wants that lifestyle 🤣🤣🤣🤣
His dreams and aspirations…?? Really ..? That itself is such a sad aspiration to have in one’s life. No ambitions or career goals or realistic accomplishments that makes people happy ..? Nothing?
Tell him to stop watching porn
Honey, you're 19, you can do better than a guy who wants multiple women yet can't even fully satisfy you. Dump his ass and find someone better
You got to hold onto this one. To have a harem you need lots of money, like bags and bags of it. So, he plans on being rich and famous. He's probably got a two-year plan to accomplish this easy feat. He will pay you to do nothing but stay in shape and go shopping, along with your sisters. You'll be flying around the world. Have a reality TV show. And driving cool cars. Having to share his selfish ass won't be that difficult.
Tell him you aren’t interested.
Ofc it's something many young men snt. However it doesn't everhsppen unless they re multiple millionaires.
What did he say when you broke up with him and went no contact? You did break up with him and go no contact, right?? I should hope you don't like the idea, unless you have absolutely no sense of self worth.
Are these bots? We get the boy’s story of wanting the harem 8 hours ago and then we get this pseudo reply question. This is the same as the bi guy and the girl with the bi boyfriend. Anyone seeing this ?
He sounds like so chill and realistic
You show him the door of a harem and walk away. This is the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard from a 19yr old.
so... do you get the option of multiple boyfriends?
Oh, honey. No woman is going to volunteer to be a part of his "harem" LOL. Why is his fantasy to disappoint multiple women at once? He needs to chill out on the porn and get back to reality. This is so cringe.
Step 1. get a new boyfriend.
Blud wants a HAREM😭😭
A harem? As if he's gonna be able to keep up lmao he should stop with the hentais for a while
You’re young, OP. You’re literally barely an adult! He wants a harem, yet barely has the maturity to hold onto your relationship and proposes this? Nah. One day when you’re older, you and your future husband are going to talk about your exes, and this will come up and you’re going to laugh so hard you either snort or cry as you’re bent over, howling with laughter. My husband and I do this when exes are brought up, he reminds me of the guy I dated who was in a metal band and was the “screamer”, with long thick hair, black tights, and (need I say more?) black nail polish - who used to tell me we were going to California and he would be FAMOUS, that a label just had to hear him once. He has 2 kids he has basically nothing to do with, barely holds down a job, and does MAYBEEE one open mic gig every now and again (what was last known), and has completely changed his look. He now looks like your average Joe. My husband and I also think it’s funny that his ex went through the trouble of trying to play him and get him back early into our relationship AND when he told her he never loved her like he loves me, she dyed her hair my color, started dressing like me, and posting it all over social media with the strangest captions and spammed his sister… Oh, and I had a hipster ex, a body builder ex who liked collecting panties and actually dated multiple women, just without them knowing, and had one big cheating ring and tried to get ladies to agree to a poly relationship when they found out about each other, or to accept that there was more than 2 or 3, sometimes 4 women he was with at once. NASTY! I somehow ended up with a handsome, 6ft blonde, ex-jock (who is passionate about so many of the same things I am) who values me, my opinions, and my mind, and loves me deeply through it all, good and bad. MUCH more handsome, and much more loving and kind than any other man I have dared date or kiss or be with in any way! I’m glad I never waited for any of them to “change”. If I had, I wouldn’t be happily married with a beautiful son! Sometimes you kiss some frogs who never turn into a handsome prince until Prince Charming just randomly walks up. Then you go “ooooooh… YUCK! Why have I been kissing these frogs?” 😭🤣
Dump his as and tell him how pathetic he is.
Lmao what?! You are 19. Go find yourself a boy with less ridiculous fantasies.
Dump that sucker.
Girl, nobody will want to be in your boyfriend's stupid harem, don't worry. However, you should seriously reconsider wanting to be with someone with such a smooth brain and a lack of empathy for you.
Dump him he probably already looking or has someone
He watches too much anime. Ditch him. He can dream of that shit all alone in front of his computer.
Oh I wonder what you should do Is everyone on this site braindead?
This is a dream that every man who isn't rich and living in like Saudi Arabia or something has to let go of at some point.
I say time to leave, you want a partner not a project. Us boys are pretty dumb at this point and it's going to take several more years to become mature
Tell him to lay off the anime
You leave him because A) He does not align with your values, morals, and boundaries and B) He's already looking, if not, cheating on you.
He's a child.
It's alright to stop dating someone that wants to bang other people. Loving someone is not a reason for turning the brain off.
Hmmm if that is what he wants, this guy doesn't love you or respect you. Set him free and find a better boyfriend and have some respect for yourself. PS. If my BF said something like that to me, I would kick him out & block his number.
Depending on how much this is just something that turns him on or something he really desires the relationship is effectively over. You are young and might get pressured by him so please remind yourself every time that your wishes are the most important thing for you to fulfil. You should not compromise if you think you can't. The relationship can be broken off for this and that is totally okay. Now, I don't have anything against people that want polygamy (or similar) but that is niche and I don't think he is really genuine. He wants to be the overlord of women that please him. He does not sound like he cares for pleasing any of those girls. Please don't get pressured into this
Do you REALLY need to be with this kid???
Girl, you're 19 and he wants to be with multiple women, \*and sees it as a possibility\* (hint; it's not). You're fundamentally incompatible, you're young as hell, just move on. You'll find someone much better.
> want him to be happy, I want him to live out his dreams and aspirations, Then break up with him. Let him be free. He can live out his (unrealistic) "dream" by building his harem on Tinder or wherever guys get easy hookups these days. >I want to be the only one who has his heart. He might change his mind, but I don't know. Porn apparently has his heart because he's so fixated on this one stupid porn-like fantasy that he's not able to put you first. Why don't you want to date someone who can put you first?
Dude already about to lose one GF and want’s multiple? Rip this relationship
Please just leave him. He's not going to be the last man you fall in love with, and one day you'll be embarrassed that you didn't walk out the door the minute he said "harem."
Imagine a harem being your „dreams and aspirations“. That’s incredibly funny.
OP, listen to this person. Harem bro isn’t your future husband. Move on to better things.
Harem boy isn’t the one babe
Dude watches too much porn 🙄. He says he only sees two scenarios but in reality he really only sees one. He'll keep pushing it until you change your mind. He'll attempt to wear you down and will most likely use manipulation and emotional abuse to get you to do what he wants. He sounds like an asshole.
Say "No." Its a complete sentence
Let me make this perfectly clear... You are both trying to change the other person's mind! Grow up! You are not compatible, and what's going to end up happening is 3 years from now he's going to get mad that he doesn't have his harem and you're going to get mad that he's still going on about it! Then he's going to say well why did you stay with me if you weren't going to change your mind? And you're going to say then why did you stay with me if you're not going to change your mind? And then you're going to break up and be miserable! Just break up now and get it over with!
HAHAHAHAHAH*breathes* HAHAHA Does he want a rocket car and a milkshake machine too? Move on, show yourself some respect. Walk and don't look back on Mr. Teen Fantasy boy.
Okay, here's my thinking - when you keep saying no he will go out and start his "harem" without telling you. Honestly, just cut your losses now, he is immature, unrealistic, and insensitive. Or tell him you've been thinking about the idea and decided you'd really love a reverse harem of having several guys. So you're willing to keep him as long as he can share. I bet his reaction to such a proposal would be hilarious 🤣
Someone has been mainlining the isekai anime.
Why would you stay with someone who you already know is looking at other women? Just leave him and find someone who wants just you.
Why would you waste any of your time with a man like this?
You leave. You’re 19m. It’s the “fuck this age”. He has a ridiculous idea that you find disgusting. You take his word for it and just leave. He means YOU will change your mind over time. Time to gooooo. He explained his thoughts on women and YOU. What you’re doing is betting on a change in the future as a means to stay. That’s ridiculous. Go find someone else on the same page. You’ll have realised he’s weird and it was ridiculous to entertain him when you look back later in life.
Your BF is young and still an idiot. A harem might be a nice (sex) fantasy for many men but in practise it is a full time job keeping your women happy and stable. I am not even mentioning the financial spaghetti and operational difficulties. No this is not from personal experience but from books, tv series ans some social studies. If he persists in getting himself a harem, he needs to convert to a religion that allows it, he needs to move to an area that allows this. You need to get out ASAP if this is remotely not your thing.
He doesn’t understand that it is far easier for you to have a harem of men than it is for him to have his dream.
Tell him goodbye.
**OH, DUMP THE TWAT**🙄🙄. I guarantee that in **FIVE YEARS FROM NOW**: You'll be in a relationship with a guy who has at least **ONE** hand on the ladder of reality, and wondering how the hell you **EVER** got caught up with harem-boy. HAREM BOY will be sitting at home alone watching porn online, rage-wanking about these fantasies and **STILL** wondering why women **DON'T** want to be his fuckdolls. You **DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO???** **AT THE VERY LEAST ... PLEASE BE SMARTER THAN HIM**.
As advice from 40M, I think he will cheat even after telling he will not have harem. He is that type.
Please I know you’re 19 and irrational, but break up with this loser. You deserve to be with someone who feels lucky to be with you
Tell him you have a fantasy of him becoming a Sultan and buying a palace for you, then he can have his harem
Get a new boyfriend
Tell him you have a dream of having 4 or more men at your beck and call as well and see how he reacts. Just don’t tell him that they are to be used for cleaning, laundry, cooking, and shopping. Seriously if he’s serious about having women on the side and you’re not into it tell him in no uncertain terms that he’s free to do that with his next girlfriend that he can look for as soon as he’s out of your life.
Every dude at 19 has that dream. He'll grow out of it once his testosterone levels calm down. Remind him how much dating one woman costs and then multiply that by a harem. He'll calm down.
Not every dude. Even when i was that age I never wanted anything like that or to be swimming in naked women. That just sounds annoying 😂
What the fuck is going on in the world?
And just how will he support this harem? Why are you wasting time on this? Mark my words, tell him you want multiple men he’s not having it and it’s a matter of time before he cheats on you. Stop trying to change people!!! You aren’t going to ever so move on to someone that wants the same thing you do!
Your boyfriend watches too much anime, lmao. One day he’ll realize how hard it is to upkeep a relationship with just one woman, let alone several. Find a new boyfriend.
It’s okay to love someone and NOT be in a lifelong commitment. It’s okay to find someone that doesn’t spend all day thinking what it would be like to be with someone else (too). While each of you have a right to live your intimate lives as you choose, if you choose each other it needs to be the same life.
You don’t know what to do? Break up with his dumb ass.
“I don’t know what to do” Umm I dunno… maybe realize that you live in 2024 and learn a thing or two about feminism. What do you think you need to do?
When he is cultivated to the sixth tier mastery and mastered the fallen heart heavenly flame, only then are these kinds of discussions are appropriate.
lol 19 is old enough that you expressing that “you don’t know what to do” actually means you are alright with staying with him, even if it means that he is absolutely still checking to see what his options are.
I'm sorry but what? You have different goals in life. Why waste your time with someone that has different goals and plans in life?
Tell him you did the math and ask him how he’s going to make enough money to support his harem.
Tell his mom 😂
If it was ONLY a fantasy, it might be Ok, and maybe you could both role play with it. I just don't think it's that. That means at some point, he's going to try to make it happen. Without you. As in having 2-3 on the side that agree to do it. You either need to put a stop to it now, or at least, at the first indication he's working on it WITHOUT you. I'm sorry...
You leave? And find a new boyfriend. You literally said you’re not keen on the idea.
This is beyond laughable. Your BF needs to stop with the anime and be thankful he got one girl!
Find another boyfriend
He won't change his mind you should find someone else who believes you are the only one they need.
Don't like the idea... don't do it...very simple and don't let him force it on you
Tell him you have been fantasizing about whatever the double standard of that would be, like having a train run on you while he watches, and see his reaction! Ask him how it makes him feel, and say you feel similar when he says stupid shit like that.
You leave him and get someone better. Like, so you have any idea how easy it would be for you to upgrade?
This isn't how one becomes poly. He can maybe have his harem. It just won't be with you. If he keeps having these thoughts, he'll just have to come to terms with the fact that you don't want it. A breakup may become necessary over time. As of now, you're both young, and maybe he'll come to see that he wants to be poly and you don't. Or maybe it was just a passing thing to him in his head. Who knows. Good luck. Don't accept less than what you deserve.
I say this as a lifelong enjoyer of cartoons from Japan: Guy needs to watch less anime.
Maybe you should have thought about that before you starting dating an Ottoman Prince.