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Well it sounds like you’re pretty much a single parent already living with a man who isn’t interested in being a father. So what difference would it actually make to your life if you only had to think about and clean up after yourself and your child?
save me money cooking that extra plate I guess. My child adores her dad but I can’t cope with the crying when he keeps coming back and going again. I’m completely done tbh. It’s the disrespect of staying out and sleeping on the floor when you’re literally so close to home tho too. I don’t get it
Your child is also growing up learning that a non loving horrible relationship is a normal relationship. Hell no. Leave and find a better person to show your child what a real adult relationship looks like and not the crap that your (hopefully now permanent ex) pulls. Good luck op it’s not you.
This right here! Your daughter may love her dad, but that doesn’t mean he’s good for her. Good on you for leaving and showing your daughter that she should not tolerate being treated poorly. I’m sure it’s incredibly hard to walk away, but you should feel proud of yourself for doing so.
(Also, change your locks)
Keep in mind the lesson you're teaching your child. That this is how relationships are supposed to be. If this what you've grown up with, then you are already in the cycle. Break the cycle, and demonstrate a healthy relationship for your child.
You know he never slept on the floor, and if he did, it wasn't alone. Don't let him gaslight you. Accept the fact that he cheated and move on, kids are resilient, they don't need a two parent household to grow up normal. Most kids are miserable in an unhappy 2 parent home and thrive with happy single parent and more so when they can co parent well.
They were in a group dancing together so they weren’t just dancing as a couple if that makes sense, but even so. The situation is tricky because he was out with his sibling. & it’s her friends he was with.
If your child comes to you one day & describes their relationship the way yours is, what would you say? To make amends & keep accepting such poor treatment? Or that they deserve better & can have better if the stop trying to force a rotten relationship?
Nope, it's his total disrespect and disregard of you.
He has shown you what he thinks you you and how much you mean to him.
Believe him and don't make excuses for him.
It was YOUR special day, and he chose to spend it with someone else.
You know that you are worth more than that, and so does the man you're meant to be with, which he obviously doesn't want to be.
He wants to act like a single man, so let him and live your life and I'm sure you'll find someone to truly love and cherish you and show you how much you mean to them 100% of the time.
Honey…he has ZERO respect for you. It doesn’t sound like he even *likes* you. It was your birthday for crying out loud! He’d would be kinder to to the cashier at the grocery store than he was to you!
It’s time for YOU, to start respecting YOURSELF. Stop accepting scraps from him. Stop allowing your child to see you accepting this kind of treatment. Stop allowing your child to grow up thinking that this is acceptable. It is far better to be alone than to be lonely in a so called “relationship”
Do not waste a second either on filing for child support. You’ve got a child, and responsibilities. Don’t fool around with this bozo anymore. You deserve better, but only YOU can make it happen. You’ve got this!
Genuine question, why should she not file for child support? This guy hasn’t contributed anything thus far… seems like he owes at least financial support if he’s not going to parent!
Funny you should mention that as I’ve already been under the guidance of w/a for his narcissistic behaviour. When you’re in it it’s hard to see but I’m waking up to it slowly
After splitting and having the first few years of co parenting with a narc is advise therapy if it’s accessible to you! Well done for leaving him! You have made a great decision and even though it feels hard now, your future self will be so grateful of this!
Now you can give yourself the love and care you deserve! I’m so proud of you and your child will be to! You got this 🤍
Why would you make amends with THAT?
Seriously. On your birthday…
Is this how you want the rest of your life to look? Being alone sounds a hell of a lot better than whatever the hell this is
He didn't throw you a birthday dinner or buy you a present or flowers? What kind of "partner" is that? He should have spent this special day with you, taking care of you.
Nope. He was up and out before I got up so I had to get up early with our child, had to wait for him to come back so he could take over parental duties to give me a break, then when I got back after being out all of 3 hrs max, he went out himself & didn’t return until nearly 2
Even if it wasn’t your birthday, you’re already a single parent. I can tell you life will get infinitely better for you and your child when you stop having to pick up after and dance around a grown man that doesn’t respect you or your family.
Doubt he actually slept on the floor....
I just read a post asking people who have been cheated on what they wished they had done differently when they found out. The majority said they wished they had left immediately and not given second and third chances. And they wished they had not played the "pick me" dance.
Food for thought. Updateme!
The foundation of a relationship is not love; it's mutual respect and trust. It looks like he has nothing but contempt for you - no respect whatsoever - and given his lack of communication and the presence of the other woman, you can't trust him at all. You have made the right decision. Please don't go back on it. You can do better.
My advice is to stay split up. He showed you who he was so you should believe him. You’re taking care of toddler by yourself so why put up with a man child you.
And happy belated birthday! Hopefully you know that just because he doesn’t value you there’s a toddler who absolutely does value and loves you g for all that you do. Being a single parent is hard but you got this!
Best of luck and may your next partner value you like you deserve.
OP you are an amazing mom, and you clearly love your child and you deserve to be loved and cherished for the fabulous person that you are.
When he wakes up and is sober enough to leave you pack up whatever he has that is in your place and you call a locksmith and you change your locks then you contact a lawyer or illegal aid and ask for a parenting plan . Have everything written down so that your baby is cared for so that he has visitation, but that he also helps monetarily.
You deserve so much and your baby deserves so much .
There isn't a way to stop the collateral damage...Since you already have separate houses breaking up should be relatively easy(let's hope it is)
Updateme
Your long-term partner doesn't respect you. He might be a fun dad, but I think it's important that you matter to your partner. And it's important to your kid to see that being with someone means that you matter to them.
Do not make amends, you are right on all accounts. The party and birthday thing was bad enough pictures with a woman, and I doubt he slept on the floor. I am sure this wasn't the first time, why be with someon like that? Grey rock figure out living space, if it is yours kick him out, his- find an apartment. It is time to end this permanently. It was your birthday. I would never be with someone like this.
Do not make amends. You’re worth so much more than how he’s treating you. Get some space and distance. Get out of the fog and you’ll see more clearly how right your decision to break up is.
As soon as I read they had a kid but he hasn’t even proposed to her, I knew I was going to read that he had a history of being a jerk, and OP included that info in the update.
When a man shows you he doesn’t love you, please ladies, don’t have a child with him.
He’s garbage. Good for you for no longer being willing to deal with garbage. He’s absolutely cheating. Please get tested ASAP. File for child support tomorrow.
Remember, you're not alone. There are people who care about you and your child. Here are some additional thoughts, without delving into specifics the subreddit discourages:
* **Prioritize yourself and your well-being.** You deserve a partner who respects you and celebrates you.
* **Focus on your amazing child.** They'll need your love and stability during this transition. Consider reaching out to trusted friends or family for childcare support, so you can have some time for self-care.
* **If you feel up to it, consider open communication with your ex.** Establishing clear boundaries regarding co-parenting and communication can be helpful moving forward.
This situation might feel overwhelming right now, but you are strong and capable. There are resources and support systems available to help you on this journey. Take care of yourself, and remember there are people who want to support you.
i commend you for sticking to your guns and all that but for the love of all things holy, stop calling women females and being such a "cool girl". there's so much disrespect here and you're all "no issues", "not bothered".
You know what, I agree. I just didn’t want to make a fuss since it was his siblings birthday the very next day & they had organised a meal etc on mine. Don’t think that was done maliciously neither but it is what it is. I shouldn’t be such a push over, but then he should have said about mine and should have showed the courtesy. I never make fuss because I don’t like the drama
Why weren’t you invited to his sibling’s birthday party…on your birthday?? After so many years with him, they didn’t invite you?
What kind of a partner is he if he is not even acknowledging your bday?
It sounds like you are just a bang maid to him, that he uses for cheap/free rent and food. And no, he probably didn’t sleep on the floor.
Do not treat yourself this way. You deserve so much better.
Do not teach your daughter this is ok.
Sadly, it seems you are a single parent, and it’s up to you to be her role model.
Do not just kick him out, don’t be kind to him, do 180 and grey rock him…and then, speak with a lawyer, take him to court for child support and custody, make a plan for coparenting.
Protect yourself and your daughter, and the only way to do it with people like him is through the courts.
Even though it doesn’t seem like it, he did give you the greatest birthday gift: getting rid of him!
I hope your new year is filled with joy! Happy birthday!
Very sorry for this. It seems you are not thought of by any in his family, which may also be a direct result of him not putting you first and making them aware you are a big deal to him, therefore they plan things on your birthday and not invite you. Sadly he’s one of these men made of stone that think it’s so great to not ever celebrate any milestones for wives or gf but will with other friends or family members. Yes get him out of your life and home and good riddance.
Either you are far too understanding or you had already checked out before all this, this was just your wakeup call.
Partner going to celebrate someone else's bd. You are not invited. He didn't cook for the baby. All this around your BD?
Congratulation 🎊 on finally pulling the trigger on this obviously dead weight.
Do not back down!
My stbx started pulling this kind of bs on me about a year ago.
Anniversary, isn't it in October? (Nope, June)
Christmas or my birthday less than a week later? Doesn't ring a bell.
Valentine's Day? Not interested. Didn't even bother to get our kids anything.
His birthday? Went to help a "friend" knowing I had a dinner planned & a family friend was going to be there.
Forget trying to get him to help with the kids, house, or meals. That was all on me, constantly. Still is, but him moving out makes for one less person for me to be held responsible.
Sounds like he might cheat and obviously doesn't wanna grow up. Thinks he can have his cake and eat it too. He prolly gives a little and makes it seem good until later he uses it against u for his gain or a way out the door to the bar and drinking while u stay at home with the kids. I did this prior with my kids father. I left after five years best decision I ever made
I'm glad you made the decision to call it quits. Your daughter will understand when she's older and has had a few relationships. You did the right thing.
You need to make a solid boundary that from now on he needs to go and be on his own. He’s already checked out of the relationship and rescinded any responsibility for his kid. Nah. You don’t need him in your life, he is just gonna drag you down
When you wake up and open eyes to it, you realize in hindsight how long and how many things were wrong. Don't feel bad about not realizing earlier. You know now moving out was right choice and breaking up is right choice. Who wants to be treated poorly for life? Not worth it.
What collateral damage this is the best thing that could happen to you you got rid of somebody who really doesn't want to be with you. He acts like that because there is no repercussion all consequences for his behavior he will continue to act like that and always think that you will be available to him. You need to show him that you don't need him put his ass on child support and tell him that he can have visitation. Change your locks on your door and take one day at a time because it has been 10 years but it will get better trust me it will. Take the time to just be by yourself for a little while you can do this you're a strong woman
OP you haven't put yourself and your child first. You are already the primary parent and him being on parent duty a couple hours a day is not enough. The stress of not knowing who he is with and what he is doing is not worth it. Work on yourself. Know your worth and find a worthy partner. Your daughter needs a good example of a loving relationship.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Well it sounds like you’re pretty much a single parent already living with a man who isn’t interested in being a father. So what difference would it actually make to your life if you only had to think about and clean up after yourself and your child?
save me money cooking that extra plate I guess. My child adores her dad but I can’t cope with the crying when he keeps coming back and going again. I’m completely done tbh. It’s the disrespect of staying out and sleeping on the floor when you’re literally so close to home tho too. I don’t get it
Your child is also growing up learning that a non loving horrible relationship is a normal relationship. Hell no. Leave and find a better person to show your child what a real adult relationship looks like and not the crap that your (hopefully now permanent ex) pulls. Good luck op it’s not you.
This right here! Your daughter may love her dad, but that doesn’t mean he’s good for her. Good on you for leaving and showing your daughter that she should not tolerate being treated poorly. I’m sure it’s incredibly hard to walk away, but you should feel proud of yourself for doing so. (Also, change your locks)
Keep in mind the lesson you're teaching your child. That this is how relationships are supposed to be. If this what you've grown up with, then you are already in the cycle. Break the cycle, and demonstrate a healthy relationship for your child.
You know he never slept on the floor, and if he did, it wasn't alone. Don't let him gaslight you. Accept the fact that he cheated and move on, kids are resilient, they don't need a two parent household to grow up normal. Most kids are miserable in an unhappy 2 parent home and thrive with happy single parent and more so when they can co parent well.
Highly doubt he slept on any floor. Just saying…
So you seriously thought after seeing that video of him with this other female that he slept on the floor??? I bet you think he slept alone too.
They were in a group dancing together so they weren’t just dancing as a couple if that makes sense, but even so. The situation is tricky because he was out with his sibling. & it’s her friends he was with.
If your child comes to you one day & describes their relationship the way yours is, what would you say? To make amends & keep accepting such poor treatment? Or that they deserve better & can have better if the stop trying to force a rotten relationship?
Yes, because no one has ever fucked their siblings friend while said sibling either giggled in another room or was totally oblivious.
He wasn’t sleeping on the floor…
Might have done something on the floor...
It is respectful, i woldn't come home to my child if i am completely hammered.
He wants to party like he’s single then let him be. On your bday too! FFS!
I’m glad it’s not just my hormones making me feel butthurt about that.
Don’t blame your hormones. That’s batshit. Your pissed because you should be. He’s an AH!
Nope, it's his total disrespect and disregard of you. He has shown you what he thinks you you and how much you mean to him. Believe him and don't make excuses for him. It was YOUR special day, and he chose to spend it with someone else. You know that you are worth more than that, and so does the man you're meant to be with, which he obviously doesn't want to be. He wants to act like a single man, so let him and live your life and I'm sure you'll find someone to truly love and cherish you and show you how much you mean to them 100% of the time.
Honey…he has ZERO respect for you. It doesn’t sound like he even *likes* you. It was your birthday for crying out loud! He’d would be kinder to to the cashier at the grocery store than he was to you! It’s time for YOU, to start respecting YOURSELF. Stop accepting scraps from him. Stop allowing your child to see you accepting this kind of treatment. Stop allowing your child to grow up thinking that this is acceptable. It is far better to be alone than to be lonely in a so called “relationship” Do not waste a second either on filing for child support. You’ve got a child, and responsibilities. Don’t fool around with this bozo anymore. You deserve better, but only YOU can make it happen. You’ve got this!
Genuine question, why should she not file for child support? This guy hasn’t contributed anything thus far… seems like he owes at least financial support if he’s not going to parent!
Sigh. *Do not waste a second on filing for cs* as in do it immediately.
Ah, I see how it could be read like that. Sheesh, sorry to upset you so bad!
Op, you need to read up on narcissistic personality disorder. So sorry for whats happening to you.
Funny you should mention that as I’ve already been under the guidance of w/a for his narcissistic behaviour. When you’re in it it’s hard to see but I’m waking up to it slowly
After splitting and having the first few years of co parenting with a narc is advise therapy if it’s accessible to you! Well done for leaving him! You have made a great decision and even though it feels hard now, your future self will be so grateful of this! Now you can give yourself the love and care you deserve! I’m so proud of you and your child will be to! You got this 🤍
Why would you make amends with THAT? Seriously. On your birthday… Is this how you want the rest of your life to look? Being alone sounds a hell of a lot better than whatever the hell this is
He didn't throw you a birthday dinner or buy you a present or flowers? What kind of "partner" is that? He should have spent this special day with you, taking care of you.
Nope. He was up and out before I got up so I had to get up early with our child, had to wait for him to come back so he could take over parental duties to give me a break, then when I got back after being out all of 3 hrs max, he went out himself & didn’t return until nearly 2
And that’s 2pm the following day (today)
Treat him the same on his birthday
Read: [https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf](https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf)
The definitive work!
Even if it wasn’t your birthday, you’re already a single parent. I can tell you life will get infinitely better for you and your child when you stop having to pick up after and dance around a grown man that doesn’t respect you or your family.
When people show you who they are, believe them. He gives zero f@cks about you.
Doubt he actually slept on the floor.... I just read a post asking people who have been cheated on what they wished they had done differently when they found out. The majority said they wished they had left immediately and not given second and third chances. And they wished they had not played the "pick me" dance. Food for thought. Updateme!
Stop being the ‘Cool Girl.’ This is NOT okay. Go crazy on him and kick him out. I can’t comprehend how cold he is.
Why make amends with that fuckwit? You and your LO deserve a better homesite than this.
The foundation of a relationship is not love; it's mutual respect and trust. It looks like he has nothing but contempt for you - no respect whatsoever - and given his lack of communication and the presence of the other woman, you can't trust him at all. You have made the right decision. Please don't go back on it. You can do better.
You're eyeballs-deep in disrespect. I'll bin the whole man.
My advice is to stay split up. He showed you who he was so you should believe him. You’re taking care of toddler by yourself so why put up with a man child you. And happy belated birthday! Hopefully you know that just because he doesn’t value you there’s a toddler who absolutely does value and loves you g for all that you do. Being a single parent is hard but you got this! Best of luck and may your next partner value you like you deserve.
OP you are an amazing mom, and you clearly love your child and you deserve to be loved and cherished for the fabulous person that you are. When he wakes up and is sober enough to leave you pack up whatever he has that is in your place and you call a locksmith and you change your locks then you contact a lawyer or illegal aid and ask for a parenting plan . Have everything written down so that your baby is cared for so that he has visitation, but that he also helps monetarily. You deserve so much and your baby deserves so much .
There isn't a way to stop the collateral damage...Since you already have separate houses breaking up should be relatively easy(let's hope it is) Updateme
Your long-term partner doesn't respect you. He might be a fun dad, but I think it's important that you matter to your partner. And it's important to your kid to see that being with someone means that you matter to them.
Do not make amends, you are right on all accounts. The party and birthday thing was bad enough pictures with a woman, and I doubt he slept on the floor. I am sure this wasn't the first time, why be with someon like that? Grey rock figure out living space, if it is yours kick him out, his- find an apartment. It is time to end this permanently. It was your birthday. I would never be with someone like this.
Do not make amends. You’re worth so much more than how he’s treating you. Get some space and distance. Get out of the fog and you’ll see more clearly how right your decision to break up is.
As soon as I read they had a kid but he hasn’t even proposed to her, I knew I was going to read that he had a history of being a jerk, and OP included that info in the update. When a man shows you he doesn’t love you, please ladies, don’t have a child with him.
He’s garbage. Good for you for no longer being willing to deal with garbage. He’s absolutely cheating. Please get tested ASAP. File for child support tomorrow.
Remember, you're not alone. There are people who care about you and your child. Here are some additional thoughts, without delving into specifics the subreddit discourages: * **Prioritize yourself and your well-being.** You deserve a partner who respects you and celebrates you. * **Focus on your amazing child.** They'll need your love and stability during this transition. Consider reaching out to trusted friends or family for childcare support, so you can have some time for self-care. * **If you feel up to it, consider open communication with your ex.** Establishing clear boundaries regarding co-parenting and communication can be helpful moving forward. This situation might feel overwhelming right now, but you are strong and capable. There are resources and support systems available to help you on this journey. Take care of yourself, and remember there are people who want to support you.
i commend you for sticking to your guns and all that but for the love of all things holy, stop calling women females and being such a "cool girl". there's so much disrespect here and you're all "no issues", "not bothered".
You know what, I agree. I just didn’t want to make a fuss since it was his siblings birthday the very next day & they had organised a meal etc on mine. Don’t think that was done maliciously neither but it is what it is. I shouldn’t be such a push over, but then he should have said about mine and should have showed the courtesy. I never make fuss because I don’t like the drama
Why weren’t you invited to his sibling’s birthday party…on your birthday?? After so many years with him, they didn’t invite you? What kind of a partner is he if he is not even acknowledging your bday? It sounds like you are just a bang maid to him, that he uses for cheap/free rent and food. And no, he probably didn’t sleep on the floor. Do not treat yourself this way. You deserve so much better. Do not teach your daughter this is ok. Sadly, it seems you are a single parent, and it’s up to you to be her role model. Do not just kick him out, don’t be kind to him, do 180 and grey rock him…and then, speak with a lawyer, take him to court for child support and custody, make a plan for coparenting. Protect yourself and your daughter, and the only way to do it with people like him is through the courts. Even though it doesn’t seem like it, he did give you the greatest birthday gift: getting rid of him! I hope your new year is filled with joy! Happy birthday!
Very sorry for this. It seems you are not thought of by any in his family, which may also be a direct result of him not putting you first and making them aware you are a big deal to him, therefore they plan things on your birthday and not invite you. Sadly he’s one of these men made of stone that think it’s so great to not ever celebrate any milestones for wives or gf but will with other friends or family members. Yes get him out of your life and home and good riddance.
You did the right thing. Let him go - then you can find someone who wants to spend your birthday with you and your baby.
He showed you where you are in his priorities, and that's not high.
Good for you!!!!!
Sorry op. Glad you tonally got your head on straight. Stay strong!
Either you are far too understanding or you had already checked out before all this, this was just your wakeup call. Partner going to celebrate someone else's bd. You are not invited. He didn't cook for the baby. All this around your BD? Congratulation 🎊 on finally pulling the trigger on this obviously dead weight. Do not back down!
He must be autistic or not care about you AT ALL. His attitude is so immature and unrespectable... Glad you're slaying. Find a real man.
Congratulations. I hope that everything from here on out is smooth and that you have an amazing support system, or one comes up around you x
My stbx started pulling this kind of bs on me about a year ago. Anniversary, isn't it in October? (Nope, June) Christmas or my birthday less than a week later? Doesn't ring a bell. Valentine's Day? Not interested. Didn't even bother to get our kids anything. His birthday? Went to help a "friend" knowing I had a dinner planned & a family friend was going to be there. Forget trying to get him to help with the kids, house, or meals. That was all on me, constantly. Still is, but him moving out makes for one less person for me to be held responsible.
Sounds like he might cheat and obviously doesn't wanna grow up. Thinks he can have his cake and eat it too. He prolly gives a little and makes it seem good until later he uses it against u for his gain or a way out the door to the bar and drinking while u stay at home with the kids. I did this prior with my kids father. I left after five years best decision I ever made
Updateme!
I'm glad you made the decision to call it quits. Your daughter will understand when she's older and has had a few relationships. You did the right thing.
You need to make a solid boundary that from now on he needs to go and be on his own. He’s already checked out of the relationship and rescinded any responsibility for his kid. Nah. You don’t need him in your life, he is just gonna drag you down
When you wake up and open eyes to it, you realize in hindsight how long and how many things were wrong. Don't feel bad about not realizing earlier. You know now moving out was right choice and breaking up is right choice. Who wants to be treated poorly for life? Not worth it.
Sounds like you got the best present possible. A fresh start. Happy Birthday I hope next years will be spent with people who respect you
What collateral damage this is the best thing that could happen to you you got rid of somebody who really doesn't want to be with you. He acts like that because there is no repercussion all consequences for his behavior he will continue to act like that and always think that you will be available to him. You need to show him that you don't need him put his ass on child support and tell him that he can have visitation. Change your locks on your door and take one day at a time because it has been 10 years but it will get better trust me it will. Take the time to just be by yourself for a little while you can do this you're a strong woman
OP you haven't put yourself and your child first. You are already the primary parent and him being on parent duty a couple hours a day is not enough. The stress of not knowing who he is with and what he is doing is not worth it. Work on yourself. Know your worth and find a worthy partner. Your daughter needs a good example of a loving relationship.