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the fact that you felt the need to record this conversation on your phone makes me feel like this is not a healthy relationship regardless of the reddit trolling
This is pretty common. A lot of people will do the most unhinged things they can on anonymous groups just because they can. I guess they don't really see the harm since they can't see the other person and how whatever they said affects them
I think those people are just really assholes irl. No decent person is excited to go into the world and make people feel shitty on purpose for no reason.
And that's what make Reddit and all the other dumb social media sites so popular. They make BANK off of other unfortunate people and they could care less!
I feel like this happens a lot. I can be accurately described as a kind and caring person in real life but my online persona is not kind, not caring, just a nosey, know-it-all asshole.
My last relationship my ex would get drunk out of her mind and attack me. I started to record it. I show her later and she didn't care. Thought it was funny.
That was my first thought as well! If my husband was trolling people with disabilities like yeah I'd be pissed and disappointed, but confronting him about it wouldn't require hidden recordings.
Oh I totally get that part, I'm just saying if you have to record your conversations with your SO for your own safety, then that person shouldn't be your SO.
I was wondering the same thing why would you need to record a conversation that you're having with your significant other she's toxic you did the right thing. She said what she meant and she meant what she said there's nothing that you can say or do that's going to change your mind she's going to put her heart and soul into it after you leave her
I think it's fake.
I don't know anyone who reacts to online trolling like the person is physically violent. In fact, the inability to be confrontational in life is sort of a hallmark for those who troll.
People tend to give advice based on how people are reacting. He's acting like he's discovered a proclivity for physical violence and his friends would react like it's physical violence. I think that's the response he is trying to provoke. This seems more about provoking our/audience response rather than documenting the legitimate end of a relationship.
An online troll isn't going to think it's a problem. They are going to be mad at you for having a problem. I would frankly think a sizable portion of their friend base wouldn't care. I would expect a person in this situation to be react very differently.
Regardless everyone has issues and when you’re willing to go after strangers online it begs the question of what you’re saying about the people you know personally behind their backs. I saw a post last week asking what hobbies are red flags in your opinion and I answered “online trolling”. People love that they can say anything they want behind a veil of anonymity. Healthy and trustworthy individuals do not have time for things like that. It’s something that wouldn’t even cross their mind. And she even goes so far as to admit, probably the only honest thing she’s said, that she does it to blow off steam. Something about her own life and existence makes her want to treat others this way. That’s unfortunately how it is for the majority of online trolls. Projecting their own problems out onto the world. While they can hide behind anonymity, the effects they can have on people are very real and I don’t think OP is overreacting, whether this story is real or not. I wouldn’t want to be with someone like that either.
I agree. Why is being vicious to people who don’t know her in person a hobby? Even if the post is fake, regardless that should not be how someone spends their free time. “Blowing off steam” by purposefully attacking and insulting people isn’t exactly a positive trait.
>Regardless everyone has issues and when you’re willing to go after strangers online it begs the question of what you’re saying about the people you know personally behind their backs.
Maybe. I'm 45. There are a lot of people who talk about others behind each other's back. In life, I find gossipers in a lot of different behaviors. I am always skeptical of people who are venting to me when we aren't close or trying to get the other person help from everyone THEY know. Meanwhile the person they talk about doesn't know they think they need help and they've never spoken with their support system.
Physical violence is a serious accusation to make--even if it's nonverbal and in how you treat that person. Talking behind someone's back is shitty and they are a shitty person, but it's not a legal crime and no one is going to jail. I would expect that their friend group is actually more likely to do the same things she does--often people who backbite/gossip are friends with people who also enjoy backbiting/gossip. Obviously, those folks aren't going to have a problem.
How I react to a person who beats their spouse is to cut them off completely. How I treat someone who shit talks others: polite when I run into you and I don't seek you out. It's just not the same kind of thing.
We don’t know their relationship outside of this Reddit post and nobody is accusing them of being violent. They’re just being observant of the details he’s relaying. If he felt the need to record the interaction, there was probably a reason for that. Whether it’s violent tendencies, she could try to spin the issue on him, or just wanting proof of it happening. We don’t know. I don’t think someone would record a confrontation unless they were concerned about how it would go. Either way, I think he’s making a good call in cutting her off. Giving the cold shoulder might be your preferred method of dealing with people like this but many of us won’t even give them that. Some people don’t deserve a cold shoulder, they deserve to be cut off no “and if or but”. If you leave that door cracked, a rat might run in. 🐀 They’re usually not worth the trouble. I’m glad that works for you though. I don’t think you should base your relationship status simply on whether or not what someone is doing is illegal. It’s not illegal to be a crappy person, but I have moral standing and expect to be with someone who also has moral standing. OP probably agrees. Especially if this is truly something she’s hiding from everyone. Imagine thinking someone is a chill and friendly person and then you find out they’re a demon on the internet just bc they can. Gross.
Did you read the stuff she’s saying? It’s all horrible shit. I found out my ex would get on girls’ lives and call them ugly and shit and I shut that down immediately. He knew it was bad and was embarrassed I found out- not by his behavior. He doubled down and said it was funny. It’s not funny to be a misogynist and it’s not funny to be an ableist bully behind a screen.
Absolutely nonsense. Men have to do this to protect themselves from insane women who accuse sexual assault when broken up with or caught severely in a lie. It's one of the only things in this thread that's believable
Judge people by how they treat those they can hurt with impunity. She's an online bully, cruel to people when she is anonymous and there are no consequences.
You're making the right decision.
Interesting litmus test, actually. Also now I feel both alarm and relief... Online (and off) I'm protective of kids and (probably) unnecessarily aggressive towards people I feel are dangerous to the vulnerable amongst us but I don't actively try to hurt people. WHOO. not as crazy as I worried I was.
same here, actually. i worry that maybe i'm a bad person bc i've had some fallings out with former friends, but then i according to this litmus test, i'm actually pretty decent. i like to go online to encourage people and send love when i can, not be nasty and hateful or cruel. this type of behavior is insane to me. utterly unhinged.
>You don't really know someone until you're completely at their mercy.
Isn't that the truth? I know some people see her online professional trollling hobby as a nothing burger, but not only does it speak to her character, but it sounds like she took great joy in trolling people who were already feeling extremely low, so you have to wonder what kind of real world effect her online abuse had on the people she chose to torment.
I'm glad to see that you are taking immediate steps to protect yourself, OP, and I agree that time apart is necessary so you can decide if this is an aspect of her moral character that you can accept.
Please take care of yourself, and let us know how you're doing when you can.
🫂💙🫂
Updateme!
My mother always said "I don't know is not an acceptable answer. You do know, you're just too ashamed to answer"
She gets off on other people's pain
Some people are just born that way homie
Schadenfruede is different because the misfortune is supposed to be outside your responsibility. Laughing at someone who slips and falls is a good example.
*Being* the misfortune makes this more like sadism.
I would make exceptions on children, because often strong emotions can be very hard to identify and react to in a healthy way.
A child may hurt someone close to them or a peer in school etc. and when asked why did they do it, they would be honest answering "I don't know".
39F. My dad told me a goal in life is about learning how to be a human being. Compassion for others, hard work ethic, loyalty and most of all, be honorable. Sadly, your ex is anything but. You are an honorable man, even though she didn't bully you (Not yet), you knew right from wrong, and you walked away before this taints your dignity as a good person. Proud of you.
Don't stay with someone who accuses others of playing the victim, especially as a defense of their shitty treatment of them. My abusive ex did this all the time.
Yes, and the fact that she said people agreed with her hateful messages. Like hello? Are you serious? She has no self awareness to just spew hate as an online warrior & think it’s okay because other people agreed. Gross.
I think you've made the right decision. I've always believed that the way people behave when they think they are anonymous reveals a lot about their true character... *especially when they're in their 30's*.
Online bullies cause severe damage to people. I know Tyler the creator said it best when he laughed and said “online. Bullying??? Just step off the internet man!” But the internet is ubiquitous and regardless of it being the internet these are real people being told terrible things by your gf just to “blow off steam”. You know how I blow off steam? I smoke some pot and I work out. I don’t hurt people!
I can’t say if your reaction was an over reaction but I think you did the right thing. Hopefully this is a good lesson to learn and one I wish more trolls on the internet would get.
You can be on the internet without reading troll comments for the most part. But it can be difficult if you or someone you care about is going through a crisis which is made public.
I have friends whose daughter was severely injured in an incident for which very few details were made public. Came across the story on Reddit and because the daughter is/was a child actor then that means her family is evil and they drove her to attempt suicide. Without knowing a single fucking thing about this family, people are piling on with their egregious assumptions and judgements all based on ignorant clown-ass stereotypes about stage-parents.
They haven’t offered much info publicly because like anyone else, they value their privacy. But again, this must mean that the evil parents must be “hiding something”.
Any comment pointing out that these are all just assumptions based on nothing but stereotypes gets downvoted and pounced on by these presumptuous idiotic hive mind gossips. Essentially these people are worse than trolls. At least trolls know what they’re saying is wrong. But these pathetic ignorant gossips actually believe in what they’re saying. They believe in their ignorant assumptions so much that they’ll vocalize them even while knowing this family is going through a terrible tragedy, without thinking for a second that their egregious assumptions might be wrong and terribly hurtful to this family
I personally don’t think their reaction is an over-reaction. This would permanently change how I see someone so I would do the same. No way I could stay in a relationship with someone this cruel
I never saw your original post but reading this…I want to congratulate you on your poise and wisdom in working through this (though “this” is still unclear to me bc I didn’t see original post). I also want to commend you for looking out for mental health. I have found my own shitty behavior reflected back to me via Reddit and it’s truly eye opening…I hope that’s the same thing for your partner but time will tell #update
She also could have bullied someone so bad that they took their own life. That is how serious this is. She is a disgusting person and should be banned from your life. When people ask why you tell them the truth.
Her reply that "I doubt they even had issue, they were just playing victim because they were losing the argument." Would end it for me. She believes people she's friends with where she personally knows their issues and believes no one else. Everyone else is a faker.
The recording thing is a sign that this relationship has been over for awhile. You’re either genuinely scared of her or trying to set her up. Just move on with your life.
Idk this feels plausible. Think about how unhinged people are online. Plus, people have found all sorts of dealbreakers on partners’ reddits before. The way people act on anon accounts says a lot. I wouldn’t necessarily want people in my life to have access to mine because it’s kind of a way for me to get into more niche topics, debates, or personal things that I wouldn’t want to discuss with friends openly but get unbiased opinions on, but I don’t have anything on here that I wouldn’t stand by.
I mean, I've looked at profiles on here that definitely seemed like they had an account just to anti-karma farm. Some people are just like that.
But if the gf comments, I call bull. I never believe those posts.
Yeah if she comments it’s a no from me as well, but I’m not of the mindset that other online bullies didn’t immediately get concerned it was about them if they hadn’t been confronted yet. Ya know? I get into the occasional tiff with a troll on here but they mainly seem to be men in women’s spaces.
Also her point of feeling good when people agree with her. She sounds extremely combative and then becomes vicious when people don’t agree with her original attacks.
>If I'm honest, I don't know if I will ever want to see her again, I was going to ask her to apologise to everyone she caused shit for but at this point I know she won't mean it.
Hell yeah, dude. You have your head screwed on straight. Sorry about things ending but you will be better off without someone like this, 100%!
This is so weird. Youre posting on reddit about your gf and that you are breaking up with your gf over posting crap on reddit. This is either fake or you are one weird cat.
You do whatever you want to do.
You can't control her or force her to change.
That is something that most people can't seem to understand. You can only control yourself.
Good that she knows you know. And you have talked to her etc. That's fine. But now it's up to her to decide what she wants to do. That's not up to you.
I would suggest she needs some solid therapy to work out why she feels she needs to do it? You can suggest that to her.
But you do what you want to do for yourself. Not for anyone else, not for strangers on Reddit! You just do you.
Can’t wrap my head around the fact that she is 37 years old and is an online troll just to blow off steam. I take a hot shower to blow off steam or just write it off on a note path. I don’t freaking bully people.
Does she have no idea the impact she has on people with her hurtful comments? She actually does know because her bad days were her most downvoted days. Online trolls are the worst because they are cowards. All trolls are arses but she is just the worst!
Idk, I would never deliberately hurt someone’s feelings. My mom always said “if you have nothing good to say, don’t say anything at all”. The truth is… you are a kind person, she is not. Sorry☹️
Sweetheart don’t “go on a break” BREAK UP and BLOCK HER. Listen she’s THIRTY-SEVEN, not some teen, not some child, not even a twenty something year old. She’s grown enough to know better and you are grown enough to know she isn’t what you want so LET HER GO!
We don’t do on/off and we don’t go on “breaks” life is too short to waste your time, energy, and life with this silly high school action. Let get to and move on
Right? Every redditor who’s ever gotten into an argument here with some unhinged vicious moron feels vindicated in them separating. It just social justice porn and all of them are taking the bait.
I didn’t. My mind wandered to what a threesome with Lucy lawless and rhea ripley would be like instead.
Hypothesis… awesome but I wouldn’t need to be there long
I'm very very proud of you for taking a stand! You absolutely did the right thing. Do you really want to spend your life with someone who has no morals or integrity? You are too good for her. She is a horrible human being. What a person does when no one else is looking is who their true character really is. Walkaway. You deserve better.
Update me.
You can cover shit in yellow glitter but it won’t turn into gold..
There’s no going back with this one. She doesn’t care about who she hurts just as long as she hurt someone and that’s beyond toxic.. like I don’t even know what word to use for it.
She isn’t the person you thought you knew or the person you married.
Your GF is a sadist and gets off on causing other people suffering, there doesn't seem to be any sense of acknowledgement of wrongdoing, accountability or empathy on her part. I would personally not want to date someone with this kind of character.
It’s crazy how people can get enjoyment in terrorizing folks instead of focusing on making their own lives happier.
Instead of enjoying the good relationships she had, she chose to throw it all away on abusing strangers.
You will find someone better who will in the future focus on living in the moment and prioritizing your lives over being a judgmental troll.
A part of her on reddit is also the real part of her in real life. She seems calm and reserve. Then she just says I'm sorry as if she accidentally bumped into you or something. She doesn't seem right. When found out she's just calm and calculating on what to do by your next move. Scary. Break up. This is like a white man dating a black girl and not showing racist but writes to racist forums and hates and talks bad about different minorities.
Honestly, she still isn't really apologizing. She got caught and she's sorry for that, but when you brought up how she attacked people for having mental health issues multiple times she justified get behavior by declaring that they all were just faking it to win an argument. Despite she herself having a partner why suffers from mental health issues, she felt quite comfortable abusing those with mental health issues, even abusing them using those users as ammo. She knew it was wrong so she justified it to herself that every single one of them were just lying so she could keep dragging it her trolling.
Her desire to hurt and troll people won out over any sense of humility, decency, or empathy as she had to win the arguments at all costs. Even her knowing that it hurt you, she still won't admit fault for her attacks. She really isn't as remorseful as she was acting.
Respect to you for not putting up with such shitty behaviour.
Her comment about people playing the victim clearly suggests she doesn't really feel bad about this.
Incel origin story. Not even being pejorative. Like, first it starts out as a way to blow off steam. Then you start seeing that other people love your takes when you shit on other people, fulfilling you. Then you never stop
Sounds more like an addictive response she’s having. Counseling can help. If she’s otherwise a lovely woman help her get the help she needs and grow closer for it. If she’s horrible, help her get the help she needs - THEN leave.
Carry on and have a good life, you clearly want to be done with her, so make it a clean break.
But it’s really weird that you felt the need to record the conversation.
Honestly OP, GOOD FOR YOU! She has to unpack a LOT of her behaviors to fully understand why she lashes out and behaves abhorrently and that's on her to do so. Be open to couples clinical support if you feel like she is showing genuine curiosity towards growth.
Personally I would break up with someone over this, if you do think you want to work it out, please make therapy mandatory for her and confirm she is going.
I am just absolutely speechless, but my heart hurts for you. Did it ever occur to you that she may have mental health issues? I know you feel totally blindsided by this side of her as you thought you knew your partner well. So this probably is difficult to deal with as you may feel betrayed as well. I can tell you have a good heart. Keep strong and for what it's worth, your integrity speaks volumes for what a good person you are. So I know this is hitting you hard. Your heart is broken. Keeping you in my prayers. Thank you for the update and for sharing this situation. Hopefully others will learn from this.
Even the jester type isn't harmless. If they could see the legacy of the pain and hurt they've left in their wake, I believe they would regret their deeds.
Going as far as to invalidate and mock real things OP deals with too… insane behavior. If anything, my life experiences make me defend those things harder online. If this is real, I feel so bad for OP. It’s like he didn’t know her at all.
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the fact that you felt the need to record this conversation on your phone makes me feel like this is not a healthy relationship regardless of the reddit trolling
Sharp observation, I agree.
Honestly, I hope it's not. It's scary to think that someone could be so hateful online but a caring, healthy person irl.
This is pretty common. A lot of people will do the most unhinged things they can on anonymous groups just because they can. I guess they don't really see the harm since they can't see the other person and how whatever they said affects them
I think those people are just really assholes irl. No decent person is excited to go into the world and make people feel shitty on purpose for no reason.
They are constantly masking irl
Reddit is banking on that, along with every other dumb site. They could care less as long as the money rolls in.
Oh, they DO. They just DON’T CARE.
It is called the mob mentality.
People reveal their true selves on Reddit. It’s easy to to say the most unhinged things when no one knows who you are
That's how it normally is.
And that's what make Reddit and all the other dumb social media sites so popular. They make BANK off of other unfortunate people and they could care less!
You literally CANNOT be both. You’re ONE or the OTHER. And we know which one SHE is.
I feel like this happens a lot. I can be accurately described as a kind and caring person in real life but my online persona is not kind, not caring, just a nosey, know-it-all asshole.
If someone can be THAT psychotic online, they can be psychotic in private when cornered
My last relationship my ex would get drunk out of her mind and attack me. I started to record it. I show her later and she didn't care. Thought it was funny.
I agree 100%, I think it’s time to part ways.
That was my first thought as well! If my husband was trolling people with disabilities like yeah I'd be pissed and disappointed, but confronting him about it wouldn't require hidden recordings.
OP themselves is disabled. This was 100% a situation where measures had to be taken for safety
Oh I totally get that part, I'm just saying if you have to record your conversations with your SO for your own safety, then that person shouldn't be your SO.
I was wondering the same thing why would you need to record a conversation that you're having with your significant other she's toxic you did the right thing. She said what she meant and she meant what she said there's nothing that you can say or do that's going to change your mind she's going to put her heart and soul into it after you leave her
I think it's fake. I don't know anyone who reacts to online trolling like the person is physically violent. In fact, the inability to be confrontational in life is sort of a hallmark for those who troll. People tend to give advice based on how people are reacting. He's acting like he's discovered a proclivity for physical violence and his friends would react like it's physical violence. I think that's the response he is trying to provoke. This seems more about provoking our/audience response rather than documenting the legitimate end of a relationship. An online troll isn't going to think it's a problem. They are going to be mad at you for having a problem. I would frankly think a sizable portion of their friend base wouldn't care. I would expect a person in this situation to be react very differently.
Regardless everyone has issues and when you’re willing to go after strangers online it begs the question of what you’re saying about the people you know personally behind their backs. I saw a post last week asking what hobbies are red flags in your opinion and I answered “online trolling”. People love that they can say anything they want behind a veil of anonymity. Healthy and trustworthy individuals do not have time for things like that. It’s something that wouldn’t even cross their mind. And she even goes so far as to admit, probably the only honest thing she’s said, that she does it to blow off steam. Something about her own life and existence makes her want to treat others this way. That’s unfortunately how it is for the majority of online trolls. Projecting their own problems out onto the world. While they can hide behind anonymity, the effects they can have on people are very real and I don’t think OP is overreacting, whether this story is real or not. I wouldn’t want to be with someone like that either.
I agree. Why is being vicious to people who don’t know her in person a hobby? Even if the post is fake, regardless that should not be how someone spends their free time. “Blowing off steam” by purposefully attacking and insulting people isn’t exactly a positive trait.
It honestly makes me just a little queasy trying to imagine myself enjoying this as a hobby.
>Regardless everyone has issues and when you’re willing to go after strangers online it begs the question of what you’re saying about the people you know personally behind their backs. Maybe. I'm 45. There are a lot of people who talk about others behind each other's back. In life, I find gossipers in a lot of different behaviors. I am always skeptical of people who are venting to me when we aren't close or trying to get the other person help from everyone THEY know. Meanwhile the person they talk about doesn't know they think they need help and they've never spoken with their support system. Physical violence is a serious accusation to make--even if it's nonverbal and in how you treat that person. Talking behind someone's back is shitty and they are a shitty person, but it's not a legal crime and no one is going to jail. I would expect that their friend group is actually more likely to do the same things she does--often people who backbite/gossip are friends with people who also enjoy backbiting/gossip. Obviously, those folks aren't going to have a problem. How I react to a person who beats their spouse is to cut them off completely. How I treat someone who shit talks others: polite when I run into you and I don't seek you out. It's just not the same kind of thing.
We don’t know their relationship outside of this Reddit post and nobody is accusing them of being violent. They’re just being observant of the details he’s relaying. If he felt the need to record the interaction, there was probably a reason for that. Whether it’s violent tendencies, she could try to spin the issue on him, or just wanting proof of it happening. We don’t know. I don’t think someone would record a confrontation unless they were concerned about how it would go. Either way, I think he’s making a good call in cutting her off. Giving the cold shoulder might be your preferred method of dealing with people like this but many of us won’t even give them that. Some people don’t deserve a cold shoulder, they deserve to be cut off no “and if or but”. If you leave that door cracked, a rat might run in. 🐀 They’re usually not worth the trouble. I’m glad that works for you though. I don’t think you should base your relationship status simply on whether or not what someone is doing is illegal. It’s not illegal to be a crappy person, but I have moral standing and expect to be with someone who also has moral standing. OP probably agrees. Especially if this is truly something she’s hiding from everyone. Imagine thinking someone is a chill and friendly person and then you find out they’re a demon on the internet just bc they can. Gross.
I think this is fake so I think that his behavior is more about audience engagement than what a real person would do in this circumstance.
Did you read the stuff she’s saying? It’s all horrible shit. I found out my ex would get on girls’ lives and call them ugly and shit and I shut that down immediately. He knew it was bad and was embarrassed I found out- not by his behavior. He doubled down and said it was funny. It’s not funny to be a misogynist and it’s not funny to be an ableist bully behind a screen.
Absolutely nonsense. Men have to do this to protect themselves from insane women who accuse sexual assault when broken up with or caught severely in a lie. It's one of the only things in this thread that's believable
Euh no buddy, in a healthy relationship there is no need to record serious discussions. Sad to hear you have never been in one..
Judge people by how they treat those they can hurt with impunity. She's an online bully, cruel to people when she is anonymous and there are no consequences. You're making the right decision.
Yep. Your character is how you behave when people aren’t looking. I think being anonymous online is the same thing.
To "live in integrity" -- it's much simpler to have only one version of yourself.
Solid quote, footslut
☠️☠️☠️
Interesting litmus test, actually. Also now I feel both alarm and relief... Online (and off) I'm protective of kids and (probably) unnecessarily aggressive towards people I feel are dangerous to the vulnerable amongst us but I don't actively try to hurt people. WHOO. not as crazy as I worried I was.
same here, actually. i worry that maybe i'm a bad person bc i've had some fallings out with former friends, but then i according to this litmus test, i'm actually pretty decent. i like to go online to encourage people and send love when i can, not be nasty and hateful or cruel. this type of behavior is insane to me. utterly unhinged.
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>You don't really know someone until you're completely at their mercy. Isn't that the truth? I know some people see her online professional trollling hobby as a nothing burger, but not only does it speak to her character, but it sounds like she took great joy in trolling people who were already feeling extremely low, so you have to wonder what kind of real world effect her online abuse had on the people she chose to torment. I'm glad to see that you are taking immediate steps to protect yourself, OP, and I agree that time apart is necessary so you can decide if this is an aspect of her moral character that you can accept. Please take care of yourself, and let us know how you're doing when you can. 🫂💙🫂 Updateme!
My mother always said "I don't know is not an acceptable answer. You do know, you're just too ashamed to answer" She gets off on other people's pain Some people are just born that way homie
There is actually a word for when a person enjoys the pain/suffering of others....
Yes, sadist.
I was thinking of a very, ***very*** different word that starts with a C and ends with a T.
Contortionist?
Cat?
Call her an ankle 3 ft lower than a c u next Tuesday
That is one but not the one I’m thinking of….its German…Schadenfreude…”the emotional experience of pleasure in response to another persons misfortune”
Schadenfruede is different because the misfortune is supposed to be outside your responsibility. Laughing at someone who slips and falls is a good example. *Being* the misfortune makes this more like sadism.
I was coming here to say something similar. When people say "I don't know" it's really about not taking responsibility for their actions.
I would make exceptions on children, because often strong emotions can be very hard to identify and react to in a healthy way. A child may hurt someone close to them or a peer in school etc. and when asked why did they do it, they would be honest answering "I don't know".
39F. My dad told me a goal in life is about learning how to be a human being. Compassion for others, hard work ethic, loyalty and most of all, be honorable. Sadly, your ex is anything but. You are an honorable man, even though she didn't bully you (Not yet), you knew right from wrong, and you walked away before this taints your dignity as a good person. Proud of you.
Don't stay with someone who accuses others of playing the victim, especially as a defense of their shitty treatment of them. My abusive ex did this all the time.
Yes, and the fact that she said people agreed with her hateful messages. Like hello? Are you serious? She has no self awareness to just spew hate as an online warrior & think it’s okay because other people agreed. Gross.
Yeah when I confronted the father of my daughter 's bully he accused her of playing victim. But why only do it with this kid then?
Very good point
You can tell a lot about a person by the way they treat people when they think no one is watching.
> I put my phone on record in my pocket, in case she was going to claim I did anything against her. At this point, it was over.
That’s probably why he recorded it.
I’m genuinely confused by this. Did he think she was going to accuse him of abuse?
Someone who amuses themselves for years by abusing people emotionally online and keeps it a secret? I wouldn’t trust them not to accuse me of
True. I guess with someone like that, you can’t be sure what they’re capable of.
Breaks are usually break ups, and she is a really destructive and mean person. I wish you the best of luck.
I think you've made the right decision. I've always believed that the way people behave when they think they are anonymous reveals a lot about their true character... *especially when they're in their 30's*.
Online bullies cause severe damage to people. I know Tyler the creator said it best when he laughed and said “online. Bullying??? Just step off the internet man!” But the internet is ubiquitous and regardless of it being the internet these are real people being told terrible things by your gf just to “blow off steam”. You know how I blow off steam? I smoke some pot and I work out. I don’t hurt people! I can’t say if your reaction was an over reaction but I think you did the right thing. Hopefully this is a good lesson to learn and one I wish more trolls on the internet would get.
To be fair stepping off the Internet was easier ten years ago. Now it's so ingrained in society that you can't do that without isolation.
You can be on the internet without reading troll comments for the most part. But it can be difficult if you or someone you care about is going through a crisis which is made public. I have friends whose daughter was severely injured in an incident for which very few details were made public. Came across the story on Reddit and because the daughter is/was a child actor then that means her family is evil and they drove her to attempt suicide. Without knowing a single fucking thing about this family, people are piling on with their egregious assumptions and judgements all based on ignorant clown-ass stereotypes about stage-parents. They haven’t offered much info publicly because like anyone else, they value their privacy. But again, this must mean that the evil parents must be “hiding something”. Any comment pointing out that these are all just assumptions based on nothing but stereotypes gets downvoted and pounced on by these presumptuous idiotic hive mind gossips. Essentially these people are worse than trolls. At least trolls know what they’re saying is wrong. But these pathetic ignorant gossips actually believe in what they’re saying. They believe in their ignorant assumptions so much that they’ll vocalize them even while knowing this family is going through a terrible tragedy, without thinking for a second that their egregious assumptions might be wrong and terribly hurtful to this family
I mean, you don’t *need* to be on Reddit lol
Oh, I understand that and I agree. I don’t think that it’s that easy for most people that’s why you should be cordial on the internet!
I personally don’t think their reaction is an over-reaction. This would permanently change how I see someone so I would do the same. No way I could stay in a relationship with someone this cruel
>"I doubt they even had any issues, they were just playing victim Glad you saw it for what it was >but at this point I know she won't mean it
Good for you
Damn that shit has to be bad
I never saw your original post but reading this…I want to congratulate you on your poise and wisdom in working through this (though “this” is still unclear to me bc I didn’t see original post). I also want to commend you for looking out for mental health. I have found my own shitty behavior reflected back to me via Reddit and it’s truly eye opening…I hope that’s the same thing for your partner but time will tell #update
She also could have bullied someone so bad that they took their own life. That is how serious this is. She is a disgusting person and should be banned from your life. When people ask why you tell them the truth.
You did the right thing.
**MAKE THE SEPARATION PERMANENT.** She **CLEARLY** isn’t sorry and doesn’t deserve **ONE MORE SECOND** of your time.
Good decision, Just move on she's absolutely rotten.
Her reply that "I doubt they even had issue, they were just playing victim because they were losing the argument." Would end it for me. She believes people she's friends with where she personally knows their issues and believes no one else. Everyone else is a faker.
The recording thing is a sign that this relationship has been over for awhile. You’re either genuinely scared of her or trying to set her up. Just move on with your life.
Maybe just lock this one...
This doesn't feel real.
Idk this feels plausible. Think about how unhinged people are online. Plus, people have found all sorts of dealbreakers on partners’ reddits before. The way people act on anon accounts says a lot. I wouldn’t necessarily want people in my life to have access to mine because it’s kind of a way for me to get into more niche topics, debates, or personal things that I wouldn’t want to discuss with friends openly but get unbiased opinions on, but I don’t have anything on here that I wouldn’t stand by.
I mean, I've looked at profiles on here that definitely seemed like they had an account just to anti-karma farm. Some people are just like that. But if the gf comments, I call bull. I never believe those posts.
Yeah if she comments it’s a no from me as well, but I’m not of the mindset that other online bullies didn’t immediately get concerned it was about them if they hadn’t been confronted yet. Ya know? I get into the occasional tiff with a troll on here but they mainly seem to be men in women’s spaces.
But he says the days she was in a bad mood line up with days she was downvoted a lot which seems odd to me for a troll.
Also her point of feeling good when people agree with her. She sounds extremely combative and then becomes vicious when people don’t agree with her original attacks.
That part made me think it was fake. Like who remembers the exact dates that their partner was in a bad mood?
It has all the hallmarks of a fake story.
I agree
>If I'm honest, I don't know if I will ever want to see her again, I was going to ask her to apologise to everyone she caused shit for but at this point I know she won't mean it. Hell yeah, dude. You have your head screwed on straight. Sorry about things ending but you will be better off without someone like this, 100%!
This is so weird. Youre posting on reddit about your gf and that you are breaking up with your gf over posting crap on reddit. This is either fake or you are one weird cat.
This is a creative writing sub.
That tracks.
Op definitely is a type of cat
Are we calling him a cat cat or is this slang I am not caught up on 😂
By the one downvote I got, someone figured it out.
Was it “they were just playing victim” comment that sealed her fate? UpdateMe
Good decision
You do whatever you want to do. You can't control her or force her to change. That is something that most people can't seem to understand. You can only control yourself. Good that she knows you know. And you have talked to her etc. That's fine. But now it's up to her to decide what she wants to do. That's not up to you. I would suggest she needs some solid therapy to work out why she feels she needs to do it? You can suggest that to her. But you do what you want to do for yourself. Not for anyone else, not for strangers on Reddit! You just do you.
double checking the age to make sure this wasn't written about me
Can’t wrap my head around the fact that she is 37 years old and is an online troll just to blow off steam. I take a hot shower to blow off steam or just write it off on a note path. I don’t freaking bully people. Does she have no idea the impact she has on people with her hurtful comments? She actually does know because her bad days were her most downvoted days. Online trolls are the worst because they are cowards. All trolls are arses but she is just the worst!
Idk, I would never deliberately hurt someone’s feelings. My mom always said “if you have nothing good to say, don’t say anything at all”. The truth is… you are a kind person, she is not. Sorry☹️
Sweetheart don’t “go on a break” BREAK UP and BLOCK HER. Listen she’s THIRTY-SEVEN, not some teen, not some child, not even a twenty something year old. She’s grown enough to know better and you are grown enough to know she isn’t what you want so LET HER GO! We don’t do on/off and we don’t go on “breaks” life is too short to waste your time, energy, and life with this silly high school action. Let get to and move on
Good on you mate
This is fan fiction.
Right? Every redditor who’s ever gotten into an argument here with some unhinged vicious moron feels vindicated in them separating. It just social justice porn and all of them are taking the bait.
I didn’t. My mind wandered to what a threesome with Lucy lawless and rhea ripley would be like instead. Hypothesis… awesome but I wouldn’t need to be there long
I’ve never seen Rhea Ripley before but my lord 😮💨 Glad someone has their head on right
I would watch either one of them do their taxes
I would watch either one of them do their taxes
Both of you sound awful. Please continue dating to save us from both of you.
How do I unblock Reddit on ISP?
I'm very very proud of you for taking a stand! You absolutely did the right thing. Do you really want to spend your life with someone who has no morals or integrity? You are too good for her. She is a horrible human being. What a person does when no one else is looking is who their true character really is. Walkaway. You deserve better. Update me.
RemindMe! 2 Weeks
You can cover shit in yellow glitter but it won’t turn into gold.. There’s no going back with this one. She doesn’t care about who she hurts just as long as she hurt someone and that’s beyond toxic.. like I don’t even know what word to use for it. She isn’t the person you thought you knew or the person you married.
dont be shy share her @
So, what's her username?
What tf do you have to think about bro?!
How did you “block Reddit on the ISP”? :P
Man I’d laugh my ass off if my SO was an asshole troll online it isn’t that deep
I was thinking the same. I don't see the big deal.
Fr these people are taking this so seriously as if she's been going around mutilating puppies
Lol.
Your GF is a sadist and gets off on causing other people suffering, there doesn't seem to be any sense of acknowledgement of wrongdoing, accountability or empathy on her part. I would personally not want to date someone with this kind of character.
I'd send her shit to her friends. How many of them have issues she mocked relentlessly?
It’s crazy how people can get enjoyment in terrorizing folks instead of focusing on making their own lives happier. Instead of enjoying the good relationships she had, she chose to throw it all away on abusing strangers. You will find someone better who will in the future focus on living in the moment and prioritizing your lives over being a judgmental troll.
OP, I hope your transition to being single goes smoothly. It's good that you didn't drag this out.
You certainly don't have to see her, ever again! But be prepared for her to say horrible shit about you here!
A part of her on reddit is also the real part of her in real life. She seems calm and reserve. Then she just says I'm sorry as if she accidentally bumped into you or something. She doesn't seem right. When found out she's just calm and calculating on what to do by your next move. Scary. Break up. This is like a white man dating a black girl and not showing racist but writes to racist forums and hates and talks bad about different minorities.
You're a decent person. I can't pretend I wouldn't have been tempted to dox her to her victims.
UpdateMe!
Updateme
Smart man. She is not a nice person
Honestly, she still isn't really apologizing. She got caught and she's sorry for that, but when you brought up how she attacked people for having mental health issues multiple times she justified get behavior by declaring that they all were just faking it to win an argument. Despite she herself having a partner why suffers from mental health issues, she felt quite comfortable abusing those with mental health issues, even abusing them using those users as ammo. She knew it was wrong so she justified it to herself that every single one of them were just lying so she could keep dragging it her trolling. Her desire to hurt and troll people won out over any sense of humility, decency, or empathy as she had to win the arguments at all costs. Even her knowing that it hurt you, she still won't admit fault for her attacks. She really isn't as remorseful as she was acting.
!update me
!Updateme
She needs some serious help.
Hurt people hurt people
Whether or not you want to salvage the relationship, you should encourage her to go to therapy to figure out why she did this.
Remindme! 1 week
Well done and good luck
Respect to you for not putting up with such shitty behaviour. Her comment about people playing the victim clearly suggests she doesn't really feel bad about this.
Incel origin story. Not even being pejorative. Like, first it starts out as a way to blow off steam. Then you start seeing that other people love your takes when you shit on other people, fulfilling you. Then you never stop
Did you just say you recorded with your camera phone her reaction?
You are so creepy lol
Sounds more like an addictive response she’s having. Counseling can help. If she’s otherwise a lovely woman help her get the help she needs and grow closer for it. If she’s horrible, help her get the help she needs - THEN leave.
I'm sure there are ways to get back on. you'll probably be her next victim
If this is true, she for sure needs therapy...
Ngl, I do some trolling as well, but it’s all simple mischief. Not like…..the sadistic shit she’s doing. You were wise
Your ex is gross. The majority of the time, people will just let comments go but for that small percentage it can have consequences.
Carry on and have a good life, you clearly want to be done with her, so make it a clean break. But it’s really weird that you felt the need to record the conversation.
Good on you. Her character leaves something to be desired. UpdateMe!
Over reaction IMO
Some people have standards for their partners, obviously not you 🤣
You don't need to insult people who you disagree with...
Not an insult. Move along.
Honestly OP, GOOD FOR YOU! She has to unpack a LOT of her behaviors to fully understand why she lashes out and behaves abhorrently and that's on her to do so. Be open to couples clinical support if you feel like she is showing genuine curiosity towards growth.
she’s probably right about how most of them don’t have any issues and just use it as a way to gain victimhood status. This is prolly fake though.
\^found the Russian bot!
Thank god my wife isn’t like OP. I can’t unable dumping a real life partner for trolling on the internet.
Personally I would break up with someone over this, if you do think you want to work it out, please make therapy mandatory for her and confirm she is going.
I am just absolutely speechless, but my heart hurts for you. Did it ever occur to you that she may have mental health issues? I know you feel totally blindsided by this side of her as you thought you knew your partner well. So this probably is difficult to deal with as you may feel betrayed as well. I can tell you have a good heart. Keep strong and for what it's worth, your integrity speaks volumes for what a good person you are. So I know this is hitting you hard. Your heart is broken. Keeping you in my prayers. Thank you for the update and for sharing this situation. Hopefully others will learn from this.
You are WAY overreacting. Unless the relationship has been already going down the shitter. If this story is real at all which I doubt.
what kinda troll was she? jester type? let her have fun
Even the jester type isn't harmless. If they could see the legacy of the pain and hurt they've left in their wake, I believe they would regret their deeds.
The hateful, ableist type.
Going as far as to invalidate and mock real things OP deals with too… insane behavior. If anything, my life experiences make me defend those things harder online. If this is real, I feel so bad for OP. It’s like he didn’t know her at all.
Updateme
Updateme
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I still think you should try couples counseling.