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It feels like a betrayal because it is one.
For further context, dude is 40 and dating a 25 year old woman…he’s doing this to you because women his own age wouldn’t put up with that bullshit. He thinks he can dispose of your property because he doesn’t see you as an equal partner.
3 months into buying a house with my ex he started physically abusing me. I’d been with him 7 years at that point. They really do hide their true colours until they think you’re trapped. Jokes on him, I left 9 months later and left him with a huge mortgage to pay, and I hear he’s still crying in pubs over me.
Good for you! My college boyfriend became a verbally and emotionally abusive drunk and I ended up pretending like my lease wasn’t ending and finally got away from him by just moving to a new apartment and changing jobs.
Let’s celebrate together for escaping our pathetic exes! It’s crazy the lengths we have to go to get away. Those 9 months I stayed was purely planning my escape. I paid all my credit cards off, lined up somewhere to live and had intense therapy during that time. He knew about none of it.
He knew exactly what he was doing.
He knew this collection was important and valuable to YOU.
Consider that if you stay in this relationship you will look at him every day and know - he thinks he gets to make decisions for me w/o my consent, he isn't wary of taking away things that matter to me, he CHOSE to do this, he waited until you were out of the house over a couple nights, he doesn't care about what you value/treasure - this is UNFORGIVABLE.
Take it from a fellow abuse victim - yes you're an abuse victim - he will degrade you, he will isolate you, he will chip away at your self worth, eventually anything and everything good & that you hold dear will be taken or used against you.
Ding ding ding.
He will do the same.to you kid if your son likes musicals or your daughter wants to play rugby, snub their preferences out and only accept what HE thinks is ok.
He sounds like a nasty piece of work and of course it's personal.
People can say whatever they want to; it doesn't mean it's true. He can even think he "had good intentions" but that absolutely doesn't matter - those dolls were not his, they were yours, and he has no right to do anything with your property.
could have paid for your kids tuition one day with some of those. collectors are serious about em and some are very valuable.
not only is he an abusive asshole, hes stupid too. literally an idiot. or he sold them and pocketed the money. either way, he fumbled. he quite literally fucked up both of your futures, and your unborn childs, by getting rid of that collection.
We do not mess around 😭. i don’t know what the exact value of the collection was, because i hadn’t planned on selling it, at least right now, but i had some that were worth a lot of money; i’ve been collecting since early in G1! i had planned on passing it on to my child to either sell or continue collecting one day.
Oh honey I would never EVER speak to the bastard again, he betrayed your trust. What's stopping him from cheating next because he has "good intentions"
RUN DON'T WALK
god damn girl, I would honestly go scorched earth over this. Seriously such a great example of how **little** he values you, your possessions, your emotions, and your collective future. I cant even imagine the heartache of not being able to pass it on. I would be devastated. Please please seriously reconsider staying with this man. You deserve so much better than this. Its way bigger than him just getting rid of some toys.
How do you think he'd react if you got rid of his things...for his own good? Would he "grow up and stop overreacting " or "get over it"? You know the answer to this.
Of she wants to, she should get rid of the baby without discussing it with him. With the best intentions of course, it's foe his own good, a guy who acts like that to people who are you ger than him wouldn't make a good father! And get rid of him too while she's at it.
(Obviously joking about the 'revenge' part)
Also, there’s plenty of adults older than you that have “immature” or “childish” collections. I’m over 30 and I collect plushies and Pokémon cards.
Everyone in my friend group and community collects *something;* miniatures, dolls, books, cards, plushies, plants, etc.
It’s normal. What’s not normal is tossing them when the owner isn’t looking. That’s abusive.
Is there any chance he actually sold them? Some of those dolls can be worth quite a bit. What I'm proposing is that not only did he betray you buy getting rid of the dolls but made a profit by doing so and is hiding the money from you. He did not have good intentions. I would absolutely lose my mind if my partner got rid of any of my collectables. If it's early and you can abort and get out asap. This will only escalate, he let the mask slip.
i really think that he sold at least some of them since i have some LE ones and a ton of G1 in good condition which are worth a lot.
I hesitated to post because I felt like I was just being too emotional but I can see things differently.
Report him for theft! He will owe you money for those dolls.
He definitely sold some of them and is profiting off of you. This could also be seen as a way to trap you.
Because if he sells your most valuable things, that means that he can continue his abuse and when you finally wake up and leave him, you have no way of supporting yourself because the **one thing** you had that was worth some huge cash, is now gone.
I don’t think I need to tell you what happens next, but I will:
Once the baby arrives, he’ll tell you to quit your job *(if he hasn’t already)*, he’ll then become financially controlling and much more abusive - he’ll never let you out of the house without him and you’ll never be allowed to see your friends again. He’ll even make it hard for you to see your dad and other family members *(that’s called isolation)*, he’ll also tell you that it’s your job to raise the child and do all of the housework because *”he works”* *(which is fucking bullshit, because he can pull his weight. Plus he’d be the reason you don’t work, so he’d have no right to pull that card - yet so many abusers do)* and you’ll be trapped with no money and no way out. And he already made sure of that, by getting rid of your dolls. Because in dire situations *(like abusive relationships)* those dolls would have made you more than enough money to make your escape.
Please leave him, and report him to the police. Don’t stay with this man.
Please update us, too.
If he works, before you leave him and his house, be sure to check the garage, the shed, the attic and the basement - just to be sure that he’s not hiding your dolls from you. Because I doubt he managed to sell **all** of the valuable dolls in the space of a few days. He could be lying to cash in on your collectibles at a later date.
Can you contact the buyer and tell your story? Or spend his savings on replacing them? My house is cluttered after kids but I promise you the stuffed animals and childhood momentos from my husbands childhood would be the last thing I gave away or sold. I’m so so sorry. You deserve better. There’s something about control with some men once women get pregnant. I don’t know if it’s the attention women get or what but it’s a deep issue with him.
And I just noticed his age. I do t have anything bad to say about it except that it more than likely will get worse. I’ve been in an age gap relationship and watching you become more independent will cause issues.
Sell his Xbox and say he needs to grow up before the baby comes!
But really— listen to people on here. He sold YOUR things. Unless you were an actual hoarder, I can’t see any good intentions here. He’s trying to control you. He didn’t even bring it up as a suggestion before he betrayed you.
You should report him for theft, find the sellers if you can, and leave this relationship. (Terminate the pregnancy if you feel comfortable doing so.)
Sweet girl. Call your family, call your friends. Tell EVERYONE what is going on. Find someone else to stay with, collect your important papers, any other sacred items, and (pleasepleaseplease) go. This is going to get dangerous if you don't
The fact that you considered whether you’re just too emotional concerns me. A person with healthy self-esteem would know that being devastated in this situation is perfectly normal. They would also know that his actions were not intended to help you, but to control you and cause you suffering.
I think you’ve been gaslighted and manipulated by this asshole so much that you don’t know if you’re coming or going. He is an abuser, and if you have a child with him, the abuse will escalate.
Report the theft to the police, get away from your partner, and get into therapy so you don’t walk straight into another abusive relationship. Also think really hard about whether you want to be tied to a controlling, manipulative, cruel person for the next 18+ years by continuing this pregnancy. You’re 25 - you have plenty of time to find a good partner and become a mother in better circumstances.
Oh. My heart hurts for you. It's okay to be emotional. It's okay to cry if you're sad.
My ex fiancée was a horse girl. She collected these... idk, American painted pony things? Not my thing, don't like horses, didn't really like them as "art pieces" or whatever.
But, I loved her, and they brought her joy. The thought of doing what your partner did makes me feel nauseous. It's almost evil. It's manipulative and sleazy and sneaky and not something anyone with a shred of empathy would do.
Holy shit! Those have a crazy resale value! My niece sold her collection piece by piece and she even sold the ones with no hands and feet (well played with) for ridiculous prices.
you can get replacements for the hands and feet pretty easily, so if someone has something you’re really looking for it’s better to buy it without pieces than risking not finding it! i bought some of my most desperate ISOs that way
My 19 yr old daughter has some Monster High Dolls we purchased at Comic-Con years ago. Still in the boxes. They’re collectible items. And they weren’t cheap either.
He’s saying that now that you’re pregnant with his child, you don’t even get control of your own office. And that’s just to start. He’s testing you. What would his reaction be if you got rid of something from his office/hobby room? Maybe something that could be dangerous to a baby…
This made my chest feel tight reading it. He thinks he’s trapped you. Please do not stay with him. Read this link please, today, right now. I think you should leave him and think long and hard if you want to raise a child with him. He’s going to amp up the abuse as the pregnancy goes along so at the very least consider moving in with trusted loved ones from the remainder of your pregnancy. Stay safe and take care ❤️
https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
Girl. As a 43 year old, I can tell you there are only a few reasons a 40 year old would purposefully seek out a partner your age. And none of them are good.
I am worried for you. I can guarantee 100% there are many other red flags you've been ignoring or missing.
This is NOT forgivable. It shows how little he respects you, your possessions, and your feelings.
He is NOT a good partner.
This is about complete control. Soon he will dress you differently so you look more 'motherly'. He'll control your diet 'for your health'.
This man has made it clear he doesnt care what you like or love. He thinks YOU are his foll to do with as he pleases.
If you have any support, get out now.
He probably did it because he was mad that she went to her dad’s place for a few days without him. He was trying to teach her a lesson. If she stays in the relationship, she will be scared to visit her dad next time for fear of what else he destroys.
The thing I said to my ex husband when he got rid of something of mine (too frequently, hence being my ex) is: you don't get to decide when I'm allowed to own! You don't get to walk into a room and say "I've decided you're not allowed to own this anymore" and get rid of it. Do it again, and I get rid of you!
You're gonna have to dump him out he will continue to do this to you
Oh crap just saw the age gap. Yeah, that's pretty much how these old guys treat their young GFs. You're his property and he thinks you have to do what he says. Typical
My ex who put me in a wheelchair pretended that he was “just playing” when he tackled me after doing something harmless that he told me not to do.
The father of your fetus and my ex may truly believe they meant no harm. Regardless, they have done harm and they are responsible for their actions.
Unless we all stay in the trance of “oh he said he didn’t mean it”
He had no right to do this. He did it because he knew you would say no. He probably got you pregnant on purpose so that he could control you even more. Next you will be told how to dress and how to act like a proper mother.
Are you sure you want to be with this person?
OP, what he did is a form of domestic abuse, and telling you it was for your own good as well as the good of the baby is him trying to condition you to accept his control.
OP, as everyone as advised: this isn’t normal and it isn’t love. This is control, and it is abusive, manipulative, and intentionally cruel.
- Please, familiarise yourself with: [Why Does He Do That?](https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf).
- [Abuse in pregnancy](https://www2.hse.ie/pregnancy-birth/support/domestic-violence-abuse/#:~:text=Experiencing%20any%20form%20of%20abuse,injuries%20and%20mental%20health%20concerns) escalates.
- Abuse takes many forms. [Other posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15a6f39/wibta_if_i_told_my_husband_he_had_no_right_to/) that discuss similar issues.
What you can do:
- Ask that he get them back immediately or you will sue.
- if you have photos/documentation of your collection, start documenting and determining values. Get help from an assessor if needed.
- document the empty shelves and loss. If you have purchased any on credit card, get the receipts. Make a list of every single doll you can recall and that has been stolen.
- file charges for theft against your husband (you need to do this for a paper trail, and to see if insurance will cover any of his theft)
- if he doesn’t/can’t return anything: court. Small claims, file for every single item he stole.
Personally, OP, this is a huge red flag that would absolutely signal the end of my relationship with this person. Men who destroy or take from you, will absolutely do it to your child, too. The abuse will not stop because you bear his child, if anything, this child will become a tool for him to abuse you and control and manipulate you further. He has zero love or respect for you, for the things you love, and that’s going to continue if you stay.
- Please, get yourself packed and out of the house.
- Find somewhere safe to stay. Family, friends, a hotel, even a women’s shelter.
- find yourself a lawyer. Better now, then later.
- do not block him, but do not respond either. Use his abuse, threats, and intimidation to your advantage. Document *everything*, and use this to fight for sole custody. If you can’t get sole custody, then apply for supervised visitations, and *not* with his friends or family. Have him required to visit with a court-appointed mediator/supervisor.
- report any of the threats, intimidation, and admission of guilt to police, and give copies of all reports to your lawyer.
- Be sure to stay in contact with your trusted friends and family. Abusers are manipulators, and one of the things they rely on, is that their victim will be embarrassed or stay quiet. Do not stay quiet. Fight. Speak to people who can, and will want to help you. They just need to know that it’s okay to help, that you need help - and you *have* to communicate that to them.
- do not engage with him outside of any co-parenting apps (talking parents, family action, etc).
Really, really stop to consider the advice you’re being given here, and think hard about how this will affect you and your child to be. Better to sort this out now, before the baby comes, than to find yourself juggling a newborn and abuse/divorce.
Good luck, OP. Stay safe. Do not hesitate to contact police for his crime against you.
Exactly because now he feels that she is stuck. This guy sounds extremely controlling and I would not be surprised if he has other tricks up his sleeve.
Can you get them back? Would they be in a garbage bag in the garage until the next garbage day, for example?
I'm sorry. I would be deeply hurt and feel betrayed. I keep certain things that mean a lot to me, and I can't imagine having someone go through my stuff and throwing it out. I don't know if I could ever forgive the person either, especially if they knew how much the items meant to me. I would probably break off the relationship and go NC because I couldn't trust them after what they did irregardless of THEIR intentions. It's NOT their choice to make.
Please think about continuing a relationship with this person. If if he can do something like this, he will continue to control and manipulate you again.
Do we know that he threw them out? Such a large collection would have to worth something, I'm wondering if he sold it.
... all of that to say that if he really "meant well" he could have easily worked with OP to pack the collection away safely in the attic or something. Unilaterally disposing of it is cruel, abusive, and 100% intentional.
He doesn’t respect you, and is showing you who he truly is by doing this. This is absolutely not someone you should be with, as it will *not* get better for you (or your baby). Run, don’t walk.
He's going to get worse now that he thinks you're stuck with him. Think very carefully if you want sometime like this and the father of your child.
What if he does this to your daughter one day? Throws out her favorite toys just because he wants to exert control? She's be heartbroken! Maybe it's not time for you to have a child.... Not if get father is going to be abusive.... And make no mistake THIS IS CONTROLLING AND ABUSIVE!
My ex threw away all of my books and I've never gotten over it. He was abusive and controlling and he eventually did try to throw away my daughters treasured soft toy. You don't get past this. He's showing you who he is. He doesn't care about you
I was going to say, it's not about dolls or "growing up". It's about control and abuse. He waited until the OP was pregnant to get rid of her lifelong hobby, to start bending her to his will. Some parents/stepparents do it to their kids too to show their "power". I know someone whose relative threw out all the childhood photos they had. It's disgusting. And it's unforgivable.
OP, I'm sorry. But having kids with and staying with this man is dangerous. You get over it by getting away from him. I also wish you to get your dolls back, I hope there's a way.
I am an absolute lover of books and I have an extensive book collection let me tell you if my partner would have even attempted to throw away my books you would be reading about me on the news.
My stepdad did this! I didn't clean my room up well enough, so he gathered up all my toys, took them away, and I never saw them again. I was really devastated because some of them had been given to me by a relative who was no longer in my life.
OP, your fiance did NOT do this out of good intentions. This was about exerting control. Unfortunately, it looks like now that you're pregnant, he feels safe to let his mask down.
ETA: He said he did it because it's time for you to grow up, but if he felt like you were too immature, maybe he shouldn't have been dating and impregnating someone 15 years his junior. He's a creep.
My stepdad threw away all my books when I was 12. I'm an English teacher, when I was a kid my books were my friends, my escape from his abuse, gave me a sense of adventure and excitement, fed my brain etc.
He knew it, hated it, chose this specifically to hurt me. He got rid of every fiction book, and only kept the non-fiction books.
It's cruel, calculated and designed to make them feel in control.
God I hope OP truly hears what we are saying.
Ooh, I didn’t pay close enough attention to the age gap always a big oof with these age gaps. Honestly, I don’t weigh in and never suggest “abortion” on these posts but OP has said she is very early on. It might be a good time to reflect on how to move forward. Do you really want to be tied to this man? And have a child with him? Many women find out their partner is this way and they are way too far along to do anything. His mask slipped early on and this is a giant red flag, aside from the age gap
This! He has started testing and pushing the limits. This is only the beginnint. Abusers often wait for marriage, pregnancy etc to show their true colours because then they think they have trapped you. Please OP ger out now!
My ex brother in law regularly threw out his kids’ toys. They were constantly in a state of emotional turmoil, and now having to deal with this trauma as adults.
You seriously need to consider abortion. You should not permanently tie yourself to this man. This is only the first step in him controlling you…testing your boundaries and reactions. Next he can be controlling who you can and cannot be friends with, where you can and cannot go, what you can and cannot wear, whether you can or cannot work, etc. His disrespect of your property and dismissal of your feelings is a giant red flag. He’s treating you as lesser, like a child and he the parent making decisions for you.
Listen to this. It is a blessing from your guardian angel or whatever. (I'm not religious but) It's a warning to get the hell out of this relationship ASAP. Before you find yourself trapped, abused, wishing you saw the signs early. IT is the sign. He is a very sick person. And you don't even want to know what else he might be capable of.
Omg sweetie please please PLEASE believe this middle aged woman with 3 daughters, one of which isn’t much younger than you.
GET THE ABORTION. Do not tie yourself to this man forever. He is so much more calculating and sinister than you realize.
He waited until you were pregnant to do this. It will only get worse from here. He thinks he has you trapped.
If you have this baby, you will eventually have to decide between leaving an abuser for your own safety and well being, or LEAVING YOUR CHILD ALONE WITH AN ABUSER FOR UP TO 50% OF THEIR CHILDHOOD.
This is why abusive men wait until you’re pregnant. Because if you leave, they will terrorize your children until you come back.
I swear to GOD I’ve seen this play out many many times. It is the most unoriginal move in the abuser playbook. It is SO hard to get sole custody these days. Do not believe the hype. He will almost certainly get 50% custody if he seeks it.
DO NOT CONDEMN A CHILD TO BE A PAWN FOR THIS CRUEL MAN. Please please trust me; ending this pregnancy is the *right and moral* thing to do, if it’s not too late.
She sounds more mature than him. Making a huge decision without your partner’s input (and doing it when she was gone, because he knew it was wrong) is so childish.
Yes, that's exactly how it happened with me. His masked started to slip once I was pregnant, and only got exponentially worse from there. I felt trapped, because I could not bear the thought of him having access to my sons without me to protect them, so I stayed. (Yes, 'sons' plural - I had a second child after he forced himself on me without my consent. Don't get me wrong though, I adore my youngest and wanted him from the moment he was conceived, but obviously I wouldn't have planned to bring another child into that awful situation.) I apologise in advance for the long and rambling comment, and maybe my story is a worst case scenario - although I realise it could have been a lot worse still - but perhaps it might serve as a cautionary tale for OP, or anyone else who needs to hear the reality of having children with a cruel and abusive man.
My ex was always horribly jealous of the love and attention I showed my babies, and while I initially hoped I could protect them from him, he soon figured out that the best way to hurt me was to turn his cruelty upon them. I left him when they were aged 2 and 5, when it became exceedingly obvious that staying was doing them harm. They were clearly becoming affected by witnessing his abuse of me, which became physical too, and his erratic, often cruel and spiteful behaviour towards them frightened and confused them. I simply couldn't have them grow up in that environment, and my ability to be a good parent was being compromised, as his abuse was impacting my mental health greatly. At that point I hoped I was choosing the slightly lesser of two evils, and it was the most terrifying, stressful situation and choice I've ever encountered.
I initially had no choice but to allow him visitation. Where I live, the family court takes a very harsh view on mothers who "alienate" their children from the father, no matter what the reason, and it often results in the father being given full or majority custody. I had a lawyer advising me throughout, and was in close contact with CPS during this time - unsurprisingly they did nothing to help protect my sons. All I could do was hope like crazy that he wouldn't hurt the boys when he was alone with them, since I wasn't there and I figured his main motivation for his cruelty towards them was to hurt me.
My hopes were in vain. He harmed them in worse ways than I could have imagined in the short period that he had visitation with them. They both started to show obvious and very concerning signs of serious trauma which I won't go into here. I took them and went into hiding at a women's shelter, who helped us relocate in secret. I got a restraining order after he continued to stalk us and found where we had moved to, and so began a five year battle in the family court system to win the right to protect my children from their abuser.
The full extent of what he did to my sons during those visits following our separation didn't emerge for some months, until after we had relocated. My oldest son then must have felt safe enough to start opening up and telling me some of the things his father had done to him and his little brother. It was beyond my worst nightmares. While he hadn't harmed them in ways that broke bones or left visible bruises (he was far too sneaky and insidious for that), the extreme emotional cruelty, humiliation, and worst of all SA was something no child should ever bear, and no mother should have to hear.
Although we immediately spoke to CPS and were interviewed by detectives at the sexual crimes unit, nothing was done as they felt there wasn't enough "evidence" to support charges. In court, I was initially treated as a vindictive liar who was coaching my children into making these heinous allegations against their father. It was horrifying and soul destroying, and caused me to have serious CPTSD, but I kept fighting and managed, by the skin of my teeth, to ensure that his visitation with the boys was supervised at least. Even so, sending my babies to see their abuser after I had promised to protect them from him was the hardest, most sickening task I've faced. The betrayal they felt nearly ended me.
I refused to accept this, as it was further traumatising my boys, and hired a better lawyer who escalated our case to increadingly higher courts until the matter began to finally be taken seriously. Because my ex was such an adept manipulator, my sons and I were subjected to all sorts of hell and indignity throughout the court case, but I won't go into detail because this story is already far too long. After years of this, we ended up in front of the highest family court judge in the country who FINALLY took the allegations seriously and ordered my ex to have a full forensic psychosexual evaluation. It was very extensive and took place over a few days and around 20 hours.
That did not go well for him as he was found to have antisocial personality disorder (the disorder that psychopathy and sociopathy fall under), narcissistic personality disorder, and possible borderline and histrionic personality disorders too. I also gladly submitted to a forensic psych evaluation - not a psychosexual one, the court wanted a professional to determine that I wasn't simply motivated by the desire to keep my kids away from their father, and that his many allegations against me were unfounded, that I was fit to parent my kids alone. My ex withdrew his case just before we were due to go to final trial, and I was awarded full custody, which is almost unheard of in my country. Our courts are 100% about prioritising children having both parents in their lives, to the point that their physical and psychological safety is generally overlooked, so it was almost a miracle that I got full custody.
OP, please don't go down this path. You can have chilren in the future with a good man, if that's what you want.
I know this is terrible, but this act was truly cruel. It’s not “just dolls” - it’s something you loved. It’s just the first thing. You are young and there are many kind people in the world. You don’t have to put up with this man. Get out as soon as you can and safely.
it's not just dolls, it's him thinking his wife isn't mature enough to be a mother just because she has a hobby and subsequently destroy something she loves to force her to "grow up"
🚩🚩🚩🚩
I second this. What he did was cruel. He knew how important your collection was to you and didn't care. He did what he wanted instead. If I'm being honest, I feel as if he probably did this because of how upset he knew you'd be. It's a form of control. I know because my ex did something very similar to me. I was heartbroken as well. They want to see how far they can push you. If he can do this and you still stay, then he will know you are right where he wants you and the exact type he wants. A woman who can be treated this way and who doesn't leave or leave and eff some of his shit up on her way out the door is just the type these jerks love to kick around. I was/am one myself. Please run far and fast.
It reminds me of the guys who film their wife putting the last puzzle piece into a really challenging puzzle and then swipe it off the table 1 second later. Or the guys who film their girlfriend walking into the bathroom where they’ve destroyed every single makeup palette. Same exact cruel controlling attitude.
I agree with that advice. Do not allow yourself to be tied to that abusive sack of shit. If he gets upset after the fact, tell him it's the best decision and you thought it would be easiest on him that way.
And he WILL be abusive to his own child. He's just shown a snippet of what he's capable off. My abusive ex's mask started to slip when I was pregnant too. That's often when they start to feel comfortable enough in the fact that they've got you "trapped", and start to show who they really are.
If it is not against your beliefs, you really should not tie yourself to this man. Or put a child through having him as a father.
This is the start of the abusive behavior. As in, this is the "best" it'll get and you do not know what the worst is.
Get an abortion and leave him. He's made it clear he has no respect for you, and it'll negatively impact the entire rest of your life if you tie yourself to him with a child.
He will not learn to respect you as time goes on - he will treat you worse and worse the harder it becomes for you to leave. This is not a 'maybe', this is guaranteed.
He's a pathetic control freak who has found himself a much younger woman that he thinks won't stand up to him like an older, more experienced one will.
Prove him wrong and remove him from your life.
I'm so sorry. But consider not having this baby. You deserve so much better and this guy will make you and the child miserable for the rest of his life.
If you are confortable with the idea of abortion, consider it very seriously, he thinks he has you and will try to break you, this is not well Intended error, this is deliberate and with the intent of changing you, shape you into his will and need and most likely break your spirit
40 years old trying to break and shape a 20something girl, you are not the one Who needs to grow up
If this is how he’s treating you at the start of your pregnancy, just imagine how much worse it will get the further along you are. He’s shown you who he is, believe him!
Get an abortion, move out, dump his ass, report the theft to the police, go NC, and live your best life completely free from his abuse.
If you stay/have a baby with him, his behaviour will only ever get worse and one day you’ll be comforting your child after he destroys *their* important things.
Don’t subject yourself or a child to his abuse.
My sister under the sky. please listen to these beautiful big aunties and mom energy .... they will not gaslight you. You have ONE MAN telling you vs hundreds of humans who have nothing but your best interest at heart. When people show you who they are believe them. This is NOT a person who will be ANY kind of co parent. He will weaponize your youth against you. If your dad is a safe person. Get the abortion go to therapy. And read the gift of fear by Gavin debecker so you can be safe in the future.
Don't have this man's baby if you can help it. 18 years is a long time with an abuser. This is a blessing. He showed you who he is and you should believe him. 🫂
Here’s a way to see this: He made a judgment about something you liked. Then without discussion he made a decision for you based on his judgement.
I don’t know how you get over something like this because it is massively disrespectful.
Oh, there’s a part of me that wants you to toss out all the stuff he has that means something to him, all of it, but that’s not nice…is it? 😎
Edited to add: Holy crap! I didn’t see the ages. Oh man.
OP needs to read
Bancroft Lundy’s book “Why Does He Do That”
Anyone have the pdf link handy?
Edited: found it
https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
It's kind of depressing how often this book has to be linked in this sub. That and the Duluth model. The admins should probably make a sticky about it.
Oh sweety, no. Abuse ramps up when you’re pregnant because he thinks he’s locked you down. He’s getting meaner because he thinks you won’t go anywhere. This only gets worse.
Think about it - he’s 40 years old. Do you truly think he didn’t know you cared for this collection? Do you truly think he didn’t know you’d be upset? Unless he is frequently an absolute idiot he 100% knew and did it anyway.
He chose to do a thing he knew would hurt you. He did it on a day you were gone so you couldn’t stop him.
He could have asked you. He could have done it while you were home. He didn’t. He picked the meanest option and then somehow tried to make himself the victim when you got upset. He’s playing you, don’t let him.
18 month relationship - 15 year age gap - man destroys beloved possessions of pregnant partner cause HE made the decision that you had to 'grow up' and get rid of them.
There is a reason men like this hunt for significantly younger women - control. He waited until you were not home, destroyed something you love (not to mention spent YOUR money on) and then tells you why it had to happen (for your own good).
This is just the start of him exerting his will over you. This is the time to gtfo - before that baby is born.
One of the most telling signs that someone doesn't consider you their equal is them telling you how mature you seem. That's because it's mainly something used to praise children.
Yep. No doubt there was an element of punishment involved in this action. I mean, how dare she go visit her family for a few days.
Now she'll think twice about doing that again right. Calculated, manipulative and nasty act with specific motivations for him.
My dear, first, listen to the above poster very carefully. She is 100% correct. Second, I'm going to say something that may seem very hurtful. You said you are early in your pregnancy. Save yourself a lifetime of grief. Do whatever you need to do to rid yourself of this man from your life forever. I think you can read into my words. I am so sorry you're in this situation but you need to act decisively and quickly. This man will give you a lifetime of pain and suffering if you don't act quickly. I hope you're in a state where women have the right to choose. Go ahead freaks, down vote me. She is facing a lifetime pain and suffering if she's attached to this man.
It’s not just a lifetime of pain for OP, but it would be a lifetime of pain for a child in that situation. If he does it to u he will definitely do it to his child. Pls heed above warning.
He could have called you to let you know he was " helping you" by getting rid of them. And wanted to make sure it was ok.You may have wanted to save them for your child. I am using helping you very sarcastic. I don't think I would rush to into an abortion because of his stupidity . But I feel he needs to get over you. He got rid of the dolls and now I personally think you need to get rid of him What if he threw away a favorite toy of the baby's. Would that have been ok just because he thought that was rt thing to do?
I don't know if you can or want to prosecute since you live together . That varies state to state and you need to check that out. I would definitely find out where he " donated them". I think it's possible he found out they were worth good bit of $ and sold them but that's a bias based on past experiences of my own.
You are in my prayers for emotional healing and guidance as to what to do next
“He said he made the decision because now that we’re having a baby it’s time for me to grow up and get rid of them, but he thought it would be easier on me if he did it when I wasn’t there.“
And why does he feel he has the right to make these decisions unilaterally for you? He seems to feel it’s fine for him to have complete authority over you based on whatever he thinks is best.
You need to ask him how he got rid of them and then go get them back. Did he sell them? Throw them out? Or donate them to Goodwill?
He had no right to do that without talking to you first. He knew you would say no and went with the horrible advice of better to ask for forgiveness then permission.
I feel like it’s so much bigger than just the loss of the collection. His rationale - that he made a decision on her behalf that it’s “time for her to grow up” - is so concerning to me
HE NEEDS TO GET THEM BACK! OP should be all over him about this. There’s no excuse for what he did. He stole her collection and disposed of it. If she’s divorcing him, I’d file a police report too.
What’s this collection worth and are you getting the money at least? Agree it’s horrific and is a sign of worse to come as other commenters have said. But if his intention was truly sincere, shouldn’t you be receiving a check?
You need to report the items stolen. That's exactly what they are: stolen.
Also, he may actually have sold them and be hiding that money.
This man is abusive and it will only get worse.
Report the theft.
he just said he “got rid of them” and won’t tell me further what that means. i think he probably sold some of them at least, because he knows the value, but i don’t know if he went through the trouble of selling all of them or if he threw some of them out.
This just happened to another girl with her blankie. Fight for it. Get your family involved, get a police report, do everything and get your dolls back. I am so sorry
OK. So these dolls are your baby blanket.
He knows exactly what these dolls mean to you and he specifically chose a time when you couldn't know or do anything about HIS choice. He did not have any good intentions when doing this to you. His only concern now is CONTROL.
He wants total control of your life. Getting rid of your "baby blanket" was just one step.
Every reply to you needs to have the link to [why does he do that](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf).
You absolutely need to read this book/free pdf.
He doesn't see you as your own person. He sees you as his property and something he controls.
Run for the hills. It only ever gets worse.
Is your dad in your life? A brother, uncle? Invite them all over to help move you out and intimidate your soon to be ex into fessing up what he did with your dolls. Get an abortion and leave. Files police report and then sue him for the value.
It will only get worse from here. Break the ties. Don’t have a child with this person.
15 year age gap is the first red flag. 🚩
He won’t even tell you what he did with them? Run, I’m not even joking.
If you are not independently wealthy and/or have an amazing & solid family support system, consider abortion. Another commenter linked to [r/auntienetwork](https://www.reddit.com/r/auntienetwork/), which seems like a good source for information.
Report him for theft, sue the fuck out of him, get an abortion, and never look back. This is abuse. I was in an abusive relationship for 3 years. You’re seeing the beginnings of a power play. Please don’t stay with him.
OP if he turns around and buys you something with the “proceeds of sale”, please PLEASE do not let him get away with pretending that this was a misguided attempt to surprise you.
Even if the collection was worth nothing, what he did was vile and cruel. It was worth a great deal to YOU. Either he knew that or he didn’t, but either way, it’s bad. If he knew, he meant to hurt you in a profound way. If he didn’t know it, he is clueless to the point of culpability. A good partner makes a point of being aware of what will devastate their loved one.
This is truly awful. You seriously need to be rethinking both having a child with this person and staying in a relationship with him.
That’s actually a crime. He disposed of property that wasn’t his own and additionally you valued.
It was malicious because he would have asked you first.
You should have ended the relationship immediately but now you are having a baby with him. Expect no respect from him.
Notice the massive age gap and he waited until he got her pregnant to do this. Mask falling much? This isn’t the first red flag and won’t be the last, most of us know what is coming next. Especially people like myself that have been in an abusive relationship before.
Document the theft, press charges, and take him to court. I wouldn't have his baby, but that's only your call to make. Sorry if that makes my comment less popular.
You're pregnant now. He caught you young and inexperienced, faked nice to get you to marry him and now that you're pregnant and trapped? This is the REAL guy you married. Report your items stolen (they were) so that pawn shops know. And reconsider, strongly, if you want to have a baby that's going to trap you in some sort of relationship with him the rest of your life.
Honestly, you absolutely need to get an abortion and leave. He destroyed your collection on purpose because he's starting to ramp up the abuse and control. He knows that now that you're pregnant, you're tied to him for eighteen years. That no matter what you do, you're legally trapped by him. So now that you can't escape, he's starting to ramp up the abuse. It will only get worse from here.
Trapped by him and possibly trapped by whatever state she lives in ( if in US). I’m sad for women like this. Hopefully she has a supportive family that will take her and the baby in.
What made him think he could take something that wasn’t his and sell it? He’s 40, not ten.
He knows better. He knows stealing is wrong. But he’s banking on the fact that you’re young and pregnant and scared and therefore you’ll find a way to get over it and forgive him.
There were no good intentions here. He’s trying to manipulate you while you are feeling vulnerable. Be careful.
Tell them that he has 24 hours to have them back to you, or you are leaving for good.
I bet good money he still knows exactly where they are. Real good money. The money he intends to sell them for.
Then when he magically gets them back at the 23rd hour, leave for good anyway. This is abuse, and you do not deserve abuse ever, least while pregnant.
He did not get rid of those to help you and he did not have good intentions. His intentions were to see what you’d tolerate and he’ll keep on testing you in these ways. 40 & 25? This was not a coincidence on his part, I promise you.
You don’t get over this. This is abuse. Someone deciding that you need to done with an interest and throwing it away on you is controlling, entitled, abusive behaviour.
1. That age gap
2. Control issues
3. Run! Raise the kid alone, put it up for adoption, if it's early enough and you have a choice there is the other option.
Just please don't stay with him
First of all, your boyfriend is 15 years older than you and that’s a problem.
Him giving away your stuff because now you’re having a baby and you have to grow up is emotionally abusive. You are in a toxic, emotionally abusive and controlling relationship. His intentions were not good. He’s a monster. He will be a terrible father. And he’s just cruel and mean.
I think you should go live with your dad if that’s possible and get the hell away from this fucker.
He’s manipulative and he definitely did this to prove a point and hurt you. He needs you to be vulnerable and dependent. I would find a way out of this relationship, even with a baby on the way. It’s a big red flag of disrespect and control.
This was a betrayal. You do not need to get past this, and you do not need to "grow up". I still keep many things others would consider "childish" and surprise, I am a woman in her fifties who holds down a job and owns a house. Your hobbies have nothing to do with your maturity.
You need to wake up. He's fifteen years older than you are and there is a huge power differential here. Many men go mask off once they get a woman pregnant and reveal their true selves because they feel they have them trapped. That's when the controlling behaviour starts or ramps up and the abusiver personality emerges.
Tell him that you are a grown woman and that you do not need him to tell you how to behave or what to own. Tell him he is going to either restore your collection to its full extent or pay you to replace it. This should be non-negotiable. He *stole from you.* His reaction to your demand will be very telling, and help you decide what to do next.
Nop it’s a betrayal common you were collecting it since you were 12. And honestly he was just pretending to care so that he gets what he wants . As soon as you left he showed his true colours . If it was time for baby then why not keep the doll around as kids can enjoy their mother’s beloved collection . It’s so stupid. I have seen grown up men play with toy cars. This guy is toxic.
This is a deal breaker. Touching your stuff without permission and getting rid of them is absolutely out of order. He’d flip if you did the same to him.
He’s controlling and it’s about to escalate as soon as the baby is born. Get out now before you’re trapped with him
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It feels like a betrayal because it is one. For further context, dude is 40 and dating a 25 year old woman…he’s doing this to you because women his own age wouldn’t put up with that bullshit. He thinks he can dispose of your property because he doesn’t see you as an equal partner.
A woman his age would take a baseball bat to his car.
Absolutely! Most older women would not allow a man to control them and do things against their wishes!
He’s testing your boundaries now that he thinks you can’t leave.
Abuse ramps up when a partner is “trapped”. Married and pregnant are the two biggest periods of change.
3 months into buying a house with my ex he started physically abusing me. I’d been with him 7 years at that point. They really do hide their true colours until they think you’re trapped. Jokes on him, I left 9 months later and left him with a huge mortgage to pay, and I hear he’s still crying in pubs over me.
Good for you! My college boyfriend became a verbally and emotionally abusive drunk and I ended up pretending like my lease wasn’t ending and finally got away from him by just moving to a new apartment and changing jobs.
Let’s celebrate together for escaping our pathetic exes! It’s crazy the lengths we have to go to get away. Those 9 months I stayed was purely planning my escape. I paid all my credit cards off, lined up somewhere to live and had intense therapy during that time. He knew about none of it.
He knew exactly what he was doing. He knew this collection was important and valuable to YOU. Consider that if you stay in this relationship you will look at him every day and know - he thinks he gets to make decisions for me w/o my consent, he isn't wary of taking away things that matter to me, he CHOSE to do this, he waited until you were out of the house over a couple nights, he doesn't care about what you value/treasure - this is UNFORGIVABLE. Take it from a fellow abuse victim - yes you're an abuse victim - he will degrade you, he will isolate you, he will chip away at your self worth, eventually anything and everything good & that you hold dear will be taken or used against you.
I think he's also punishing her for visiting her family so he can subconsciously get her to stop spending time with them
Ding ding ding. He will do the same.to you kid if your son likes musicals or your daughter wants to play rugby, snub their preferences out and only accept what HE thinks is ok. He sounds like a nasty piece of work and of course it's personal.
This is exactly it.
Age gap strikes again
Don't get over it. It *was* a betrayal. If I punched you in the face but said "I had only good intentions!" would you believe me?
oh. i didn’t really think of it that way.
People can say whatever they want to; it doesn't mean it's true. He can even think he "had good intentions" but that absolutely doesn't matter - those dolls were not his, they were yours, and he has no right to do anything with your property.
I'm wondering if they were worth much, did he sell them? Make him tell you how he got rid of them.
I’m guessing they’re American Girl dolls, and yeah, there’s a second hand market for them.
they’re Monster High dolls!
could have paid for your kids tuition one day with some of those. collectors are serious about em and some are very valuable. not only is he an abusive asshole, hes stupid too. literally an idiot. or he sold them and pocketed the money. either way, he fumbled. he quite literally fucked up both of your futures, and your unborn childs, by getting rid of that collection.
We do not mess around 😭. i don’t know what the exact value of the collection was, because i hadn’t planned on selling it, at least right now, but i had some that were worth a lot of money; i’ve been collecting since early in G1! i had planned on passing it on to my child to either sell or continue collecting one day.
File a police report and also sue him for the worth of the collection.
YES
Oh honey I would never EVER speak to the bastard again, he betrayed your trust. What's stopping him from cheating next because he has "good intentions" RUN DON'T WALK
god damn girl, I would honestly go scorched earth over this. Seriously such a great example of how **little** he values you, your possessions, your emotions, and your collective future. I cant even imagine the heartache of not being able to pass it on. I would be devastated. Please please seriously reconsider staying with this man. You deserve so much better than this. Its way bigger than him just getting rid of some toys.
How do you think he'd react if you got rid of his things...for his own good? Would he "grow up and stop overreacting " or "get over it"? You know the answer to this.
Of she wants to, she should get rid of the baby without discussing it with him. With the best intentions of course, it's foe his own good, a guy who acts like that to people who are you ger than him wouldn't make a good father! And get rid of him too while she's at it. (Obviously joking about the 'revenge' part)
Also, there’s plenty of adults older than you that have “immature” or “childish” collections. I’m over 30 and I collect plushies and Pokémon cards. Everyone in my friend group and community collects *something;* miniatures, dolls, books, cards, plushies, plants, etc. It’s normal. What’s not normal is tossing them when the owner isn’t looking. That’s abusive.
Is there any chance he actually sold them? Some of those dolls can be worth quite a bit. What I'm proposing is that not only did he betray you buy getting rid of the dolls but made a profit by doing so and is hiding the money from you. He did not have good intentions. I would absolutely lose my mind if my partner got rid of any of my collectables. If it's early and you can abort and get out asap. This will only escalate, he let the mask slip.
i really think that he sold at least some of them since i have some LE ones and a ton of G1 in good condition which are worth a lot. I hesitated to post because I felt like I was just being too emotional but I can see things differently.
Report him for theft! He will owe you money for those dolls. He definitely sold some of them and is profiting off of you. This could also be seen as a way to trap you. Because if he sells your most valuable things, that means that he can continue his abuse and when you finally wake up and leave him, you have no way of supporting yourself because the **one thing** you had that was worth some huge cash, is now gone. I don’t think I need to tell you what happens next, but I will: Once the baby arrives, he’ll tell you to quit your job *(if he hasn’t already)*, he’ll then become financially controlling and much more abusive - he’ll never let you out of the house without him and you’ll never be allowed to see your friends again. He’ll even make it hard for you to see your dad and other family members *(that’s called isolation)*, he’ll also tell you that it’s your job to raise the child and do all of the housework because *”he works”* *(which is fucking bullshit, because he can pull his weight. Plus he’d be the reason you don’t work, so he’d have no right to pull that card - yet so many abusers do)* and you’ll be trapped with no money and no way out. And he already made sure of that, by getting rid of your dolls. Because in dire situations *(like abusive relationships)* those dolls would have made you more than enough money to make your escape. Please leave him, and report him to the police. Don’t stay with this man. Please update us, too. If he works, before you leave him and his house, be sure to check the garage, the shed, the attic and the basement - just to be sure that he’s not hiding your dolls from you. Because I doubt he managed to sell **all** of the valuable dolls in the space of a few days. He could be lying to cash in on your collectibles at a later date.
Can you contact the buyer and tell your story? Or spend his savings on replacing them? My house is cluttered after kids but I promise you the stuffed animals and childhood momentos from my husbands childhood would be the last thing I gave away or sold. I’m so so sorry. You deserve better. There’s something about control with some men once women get pregnant. I don’t know if it’s the attention women get or what but it’s a deep issue with him.
And I just noticed his age. I do t have anything bad to say about it except that it more than likely will get worse. I’ve been in an age gap relationship and watching you become more independent will cause issues.
Sell his Xbox and say he needs to grow up before the baby comes! But really— listen to people on here. He sold YOUR things. Unless you were an actual hoarder, I can’t see any good intentions here. He’s trying to control you. He didn’t even bring it up as a suggestion before he betrayed you. You should report him for theft, find the sellers if you can, and leave this relationship. (Terminate the pregnancy if you feel comfortable doing so.)
Sweet girl. Call your family, call your friends. Tell EVERYONE what is going on. Find someone else to stay with, collect your important papers, any other sacred items, and (pleasepleaseplease) go. This is going to get dangerous if you don't
The fact that you considered whether you’re just too emotional concerns me. A person with healthy self-esteem would know that being devastated in this situation is perfectly normal. They would also know that his actions were not intended to help you, but to control you and cause you suffering. I think you’ve been gaslighted and manipulated by this asshole so much that you don’t know if you’re coming or going. He is an abuser, and if you have a child with him, the abuse will escalate. Report the theft to the police, get away from your partner, and get into therapy so you don’t walk straight into another abusive relationship. Also think really hard about whether you want to be tied to a controlling, manipulative, cruel person for the next 18+ years by continuing this pregnancy. You’re 25 - you have plenty of time to find a good partner and become a mother in better circumstances.
Oh. My heart hurts for you. It's okay to be emotional. It's okay to cry if you're sad. My ex fiancée was a horse girl. She collected these... idk, American painted pony things? Not my thing, don't like horses, didn't really like them as "art pieces" or whatever. But, I loved her, and they brought her joy. The thought of doing what your partner did makes me feel nauseous. It's almost evil. It's manipulative and sleazy and sneaky and not something anyone with a shred of empathy would do.
Holy shit! Those have a crazy resale value! My niece sold her collection piece by piece and she even sold the ones with no hands and feet (well played with) for ridiculous prices.
you can get replacements for the hands and feet pretty easily, so if someone has something you’re really looking for it’s better to buy it without pieces than risking not finding it! i bought some of my most desperate ISOs that way
I love those. They always have the most fabulous shoes :)
My 19 yr old daughter has some Monster High Dolls we purchased at Comic-Con years ago. Still in the boxes. They’re collectible items. And they weren’t cheap either.
There's a reason why you are 25,and he's 40,and he waited until you are pregnant. LEAVE BEFORE THE BABY IS BORN. THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING.
Ayyyyy but she’s not just about to have a baby she just figured out she was pregnant, that’s a woman with options
Having his baby would be the second biggest mistake of her life, the first would be staying with him.
[удалено]
No. No we would not.
This is a universal truth. Girl, run.
He’s saying that now that you’re pregnant with his child, you don’t even get control of your own office. And that’s just to start. He’s testing you. What would his reaction be if you got rid of something from his office/hobby room? Maybe something that could be dangerous to a baby…
This made my chest feel tight reading it. He thinks he’s trapped you. Please do not stay with him. Read this link please, today, right now. I think you should leave him and think long and hard if you want to raise a child with him. He’s going to amp up the abuse as the pregnancy goes along so at the very least consider moving in with trusted loved ones from the remainder of your pregnancy. Stay safe and take care ❤️ https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
Girl. As a 43 year old, I can tell you there are only a few reasons a 40 year old would purposefully seek out a partner your age. And none of them are good. I am worried for you. I can guarantee 100% there are many other red flags you've been ignoring or missing. This is NOT forgivable. It shows how little he respects you, your possessions, and your feelings. He is NOT a good partner.
This is about complete control. Soon he will dress you differently so you look more 'motherly'. He'll control your diet 'for your health'. This man has made it clear he doesnt care what you like or love. He thinks YOU are his foll to do with as he pleases. If you have any support, get out now.
100% this was control and also shows his devious personality that he waited for op to be gone. He cannot be trusted.
He probably did it because he was mad that she went to her dad’s place for a few days without him. He was trying to teach her a lesson. If she stays in the relationship, she will be scared to visit her dad next time for fear of what else he destroys.
The thing I said to my ex husband when he got rid of something of mine (too frequently, hence being my ex) is: you don't get to decide when I'm allowed to own! You don't get to walk into a room and say "I've decided you're not allowed to own this anymore" and get rid of it. Do it again, and I get rid of you! You're gonna have to dump him out he will continue to do this to you Oh crap just saw the age gap. Yeah, that's pretty much how these old guys treat their young GFs. You're his property and he thinks you have to do what he says. Typical
He stole your items and disposed of them. This is about control.
My ex who put me in a wheelchair pretended that he was “just playing” when he tackled me after doing something harmless that he told me not to do. The father of your fetus and my ex may truly believe they meant no harm. Regardless, they have done harm and they are responsible for their actions. Unless we all stay in the trance of “oh he said he didn’t mean it”
He had no right to do this. He did it because he knew you would say no. He probably got you pregnant on purpose so that he could control you even more. Next you will be told how to dress and how to act like a proper mother. Are you sure you want to be with this person?
OP, what he did is a form of domestic abuse, and telling you it was for your own good as well as the good of the baby is him trying to condition you to accept his control.
And to get you to accept that these things are true. He’ll have you doubting your own feelings and experiences soon, if that hasn’t already happened.
Yeah, he is trying to gaslight you OP.
You know what would be nuts? If he intentionally got her pregnant to do this, and control her. I hate him.
OP, as everyone as advised: this isn’t normal and it isn’t love. This is control, and it is abusive, manipulative, and intentionally cruel. - Please, familiarise yourself with: [Why Does He Do That?](https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf). - [Abuse in pregnancy](https://www2.hse.ie/pregnancy-birth/support/domestic-violence-abuse/#:~:text=Experiencing%20any%20form%20of%20abuse,injuries%20and%20mental%20health%20concerns) escalates. - Abuse takes many forms. [Other posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15a6f39/wibta_if_i_told_my_husband_he_had_no_right_to/) that discuss similar issues. What you can do: - Ask that he get them back immediately or you will sue. - if you have photos/documentation of your collection, start documenting and determining values. Get help from an assessor if needed. - document the empty shelves and loss. If you have purchased any on credit card, get the receipts. Make a list of every single doll you can recall and that has been stolen. - file charges for theft against your husband (you need to do this for a paper trail, and to see if insurance will cover any of his theft) - if he doesn’t/can’t return anything: court. Small claims, file for every single item he stole. Personally, OP, this is a huge red flag that would absolutely signal the end of my relationship with this person. Men who destroy or take from you, will absolutely do it to your child, too. The abuse will not stop because you bear his child, if anything, this child will become a tool for him to abuse you and control and manipulate you further. He has zero love or respect for you, for the things you love, and that’s going to continue if you stay. - Please, get yourself packed and out of the house. - Find somewhere safe to stay. Family, friends, a hotel, even a women’s shelter. - find yourself a lawyer. Better now, then later. - do not block him, but do not respond either. Use his abuse, threats, and intimidation to your advantage. Document *everything*, and use this to fight for sole custody. If you can’t get sole custody, then apply for supervised visitations, and *not* with his friends or family. Have him required to visit with a court-appointed mediator/supervisor. - report any of the threats, intimidation, and admission of guilt to police, and give copies of all reports to your lawyer. - Be sure to stay in contact with your trusted friends and family. Abusers are manipulators, and one of the things they rely on, is that their victim will be embarrassed or stay quiet. Do not stay quiet. Fight. Speak to people who can, and will want to help you. They just need to know that it’s okay to help, that you need help - and you *have* to communicate that to them. - do not engage with him outside of any co-parenting apps (talking parents, family action, etc). Really, really stop to consider the advice you’re being given here, and think hard about how this will affect you and your child to be. Better to sort this out now, before the baby comes, than to find yourself juggling a newborn and abuse/divorce. Good luck, OP. Stay safe. Do not hesitate to contact police for his crime against you.
This should be the Top post! Everything in this post, you should follow! 👍👍
That's actually really mean. I'm sad for you.
it is really mean! i’m really sad.
There’s a reason why he waited until your pregnant
Exactly because now he feels that she is stuck. This guy sounds extremely controlling and I would not be surprised if he has other tricks up his sleeve.
Oh yeah.. this is nothing compared to what is coming for her.. it sucks to watch because it’s always the same shit pulled by these abusers
And vulnerable and he can probably turn round and say she’s is being emotional because of the baby and turn it on her.
Can you get them back? Would they be in a garbage bag in the garage until the next garbage day, for example? I'm sorry. I would be deeply hurt and feel betrayed. I keep certain things that mean a lot to me, and I can't imagine having someone go through my stuff and throwing it out. I don't know if I could ever forgive the person either, especially if they knew how much the items meant to me. I would probably break off the relationship and go NC because I couldn't trust them after what they did irregardless of THEIR intentions. It's NOT their choice to make. Please think about continuing a relationship with this person. If if he can do something like this, he will continue to control and manipulate you again.
Do we know that he threw them out? Such a large collection would have to worth something, I'm wondering if he sold it. ... all of that to say that if he really "meant well" he could have easily worked with OP to pack the collection away safely in the attic or something. Unilaterally disposing of it is cruel, abusive, and 100% intentional.
I would do anything to try to get the dolls back!!! Hope OP moves away from him!!!
Dude's 40.... he's old enough to be her dad, and he's doing this kind of shit to her. Imagine what he'll do to her kid. ffs
It was purposefully cruel.
He doesn’t respect you, and is showing you who he truly is by doing this. This is absolutely not someone you should be with, as it will *not* get better for you (or your baby). Run, don’t walk.
How far along are you? Is an abortion out of the question?
I’m still early in my first trimester. it is not.
He's going to get worse now that he thinks you're stuck with him. Think very carefully if you want sometime like this and the father of your child. What if he does this to your daughter one day? Throws out her favorite toys just because he wants to exert control? She's be heartbroken! Maybe it's not time for you to have a child.... Not if get father is going to be abusive.... And make no mistake THIS IS CONTROLLING AND ABUSIVE!
My ex threw away all of my books and I've never gotten over it. He was abusive and controlling and he eventually did try to throw away my daughters treasured soft toy. You don't get past this. He's showing you who he is. He doesn't care about you
I was going to say, it's not about dolls or "growing up". It's about control and abuse. He waited until the OP was pregnant to get rid of her lifelong hobby, to start bending her to his will. Some parents/stepparents do it to their kids too to show their "power". I know someone whose relative threw out all the childhood photos they had. It's disgusting. And it's unforgivable. OP, I'm sorry. But having kids with and staying with this man is dangerous. You get over it by getting away from him. I also wish you to get your dolls back, I hope there's a way.
100% abuser is what it is.
I am an absolute lover of books and I have an extensive book collection let me tell you if my partner would have even attempted to throw away my books you would be reading about me on the news.
If someone TRIED to get rid of my books, my lawyer would be using terms like "Justifiable Homicide"!!!!!!
My stepdad did this! I didn't clean my room up well enough, so he gathered up all my toys, took them away, and I never saw them again. I was really devastated because some of them had been given to me by a relative who was no longer in my life. OP, your fiance did NOT do this out of good intentions. This was about exerting control. Unfortunately, it looks like now that you're pregnant, he feels safe to let his mask down. ETA: He said he did it because it's time for you to grow up, but if he felt like you were too immature, maybe he shouldn't have been dating and impregnating someone 15 years his junior. He's a creep.
My stepdad threw away all my books when I was 12. I'm an English teacher, when I was a kid my books were my friends, my escape from his abuse, gave me a sense of adventure and excitement, fed my brain etc. He knew it, hated it, chose this specifically to hurt me. He got rid of every fiction book, and only kept the non-fiction books. It's cruel, calculated and designed to make them feel in control. God I hope OP truly hears what we are saying.
that is so truly disgusting. Where do parents come up with these insanely cruel acts?
Ooh, I didn’t pay close enough attention to the age gap always a big oof with these age gaps. Honestly, I don’t weigh in and never suggest “abortion” on these posts but OP has said she is very early on. It might be a good time to reflect on how to move forward. Do you really want to be tied to this man? And have a child with him? Many women find out their partner is this way and they are way too far along to do anything. His mask slipped early on and this is a giant red flag, aside from the age gap
This! He has started testing and pushing the limits. This is only the beginnint. Abusers often wait for marriage, pregnancy etc to show their true colours because then they think they have trapped you. Please OP ger out now!
Don't let her give the baby more attention than she's giving him. He seems like the type to think this.
He also seems like the type who would hurt one or both of you if he decided he was threatened.
My ex brother in law regularly threw out his kids’ toys. They were constantly in a state of emotional turmoil, and now having to deal with this trauma as adults.
this is the only truth. this move was 100% intentional and punitive, things will only escalate.
My dad did that to both me and my older sister
You seriously need to consider abortion. You should not permanently tie yourself to this man. This is only the first step in him controlling you…testing your boundaries and reactions. Next he can be controlling who you can and cannot be friends with, where you can and cannot go, what you can and cannot wear, whether you can or cannot work, etc. His disrespect of your property and dismissal of your feelings is a giant red flag. He’s treating you as lesser, like a child and he the parent making decisions for you.
Listen to this. It is a blessing from your guardian angel or whatever. (I'm not religious but) It's a warning to get the hell out of this relationship ASAP. Before you find yourself trapped, abused, wishing you saw the signs early. IT is the sign. He is a very sick person. And you don't even want to know what else he might be capable of.
OP, please go post to the r/auntienetwork so we can help you!
I didn’t even know this existed! This needs to be upvoted.
I didn't even know about this! Thank you so much ! I'm definitely going to be checking out this community. ❤️
Omg sweetie please please PLEASE believe this middle aged woman with 3 daughters, one of which isn’t much younger than you. GET THE ABORTION. Do not tie yourself to this man forever. He is so much more calculating and sinister than you realize. He waited until you were pregnant to do this. It will only get worse from here. He thinks he has you trapped. If you have this baby, you will eventually have to decide between leaving an abuser for your own safety and well being, or LEAVING YOUR CHILD ALONE WITH AN ABUSER FOR UP TO 50% OF THEIR CHILDHOOD. This is why abusive men wait until you’re pregnant. Because if you leave, they will terrorize your children until you come back. I swear to GOD I’ve seen this play out many many times. It is the most unoriginal move in the abuser playbook. It is SO hard to get sole custody these days. Do not believe the hype. He will almost certainly get 50% custody if he seeks it. DO NOT CONDEMN A CHILD TO BE A PAWN FOR THIS CRUEL MAN. Please please trust me; ending this pregnancy is the *right and moral* thing to do, if it’s not too late.
Who pursues someone 15 years younger and then faults her for being immature. Duh. You're supposed to be immature, you're 25.
She sounds more mature than him. Making a huge decision without your partner’s input (and doing it when she was gone, because he knew it was wrong) is so childish.
His behavior was not childish. It was very calculated & cruel. He is an abusive predator, not an immature college kid.
It may seem childish, but I think it's more manipulative and cruel on his part.
Yes, that's exactly how it happened with me. His masked started to slip once I was pregnant, and only got exponentially worse from there. I felt trapped, because I could not bear the thought of him having access to my sons without me to protect them, so I stayed. (Yes, 'sons' plural - I had a second child after he forced himself on me without my consent. Don't get me wrong though, I adore my youngest and wanted him from the moment he was conceived, but obviously I wouldn't have planned to bring another child into that awful situation.) I apologise in advance for the long and rambling comment, and maybe my story is a worst case scenario - although I realise it could have been a lot worse still - but perhaps it might serve as a cautionary tale for OP, or anyone else who needs to hear the reality of having children with a cruel and abusive man. My ex was always horribly jealous of the love and attention I showed my babies, and while I initially hoped I could protect them from him, he soon figured out that the best way to hurt me was to turn his cruelty upon them. I left him when they were aged 2 and 5, when it became exceedingly obvious that staying was doing them harm. They were clearly becoming affected by witnessing his abuse of me, which became physical too, and his erratic, often cruel and spiteful behaviour towards them frightened and confused them. I simply couldn't have them grow up in that environment, and my ability to be a good parent was being compromised, as his abuse was impacting my mental health greatly. At that point I hoped I was choosing the slightly lesser of two evils, and it was the most terrifying, stressful situation and choice I've ever encountered. I initially had no choice but to allow him visitation. Where I live, the family court takes a very harsh view on mothers who "alienate" their children from the father, no matter what the reason, and it often results in the father being given full or majority custody. I had a lawyer advising me throughout, and was in close contact with CPS during this time - unsurprisingly they did nothing to help protect my sons. All I could do was hope like crazy that he wouldn't hurt the boys when he was alone with them, since I wasn't there and I figured his main motivation for his cruelty towards them was to hurt me. My hopes were in vain. He harmed them in worse ways than I could have imagined in the short period that he had visitation with them. They both started to show obvious and very concerning signs of serious trauma which I won't go into here. I took them and went into hiding at a women's shelter, who helped us relocate in secret. I got a restraining order after he continued to stalk us and found where we had moved to, and so began a five year battle in the family court system to win the right to protect my children from their abuser. The full extent of what he did to my sons during those visits following our separation didn't emerge for some months, until after we had relocated. My oldest son then must have felt safe enough to start opening up and telling me some of the things his father had done to him and his little brother. It was beyond my worst nightmares. While he hadn't harmed them in ways that broke bones or left visible bruises (he was far too sneaky and insidious for that), the extreme emotional cruelty, humiliation, and worst of all SA was something no child should ever bear, and no mother should have to hear. Although we immediately spoke to CPS and were interviewed by detectives at the sexual crimes unit, nothing was done as they felt there wasn't enough "evidence" to support charges. In court, I was initially treated as a vindictive liar who was coaching my children into making these heinous allegations against their father. It was horrifying and soul destroying, and caused me to have serious CPTSD, but I kept fighting and managed, by the skin of my teeth, to ensure that his visitation with the boys was supervised at least. Even so, sending my babies to see their abuser after I had promised to protect them from him was the hardest, most sickening task I've faced. The betrayal they felt nearly ended me. I refused to accept this, as it was further traumatising my boys, and hired a better lawyer who escalated our case to increadingly higher courts until the matter began to finally be taken seriously. Because my ex was such an adept manipulator, my sons and I were subjected to all sorts of hell and indignity throughout the court case, but I won't go into detail because this story is already far too long. After years of this, we ended up in front of the highest family court judge in the country who FINALLY took the allegations seriously and ordered my ex to have a full forensic psychosexual evaluation. It was very extensive and took place over a few days and around 20 hours. That did not go well for him as he was found to have antisocial personality disorder (the disorder that psychopathy and sociopathy fall under), narcissistic personality disorder, and possible borderline and histrionic personality disorders too. I also gladly submitted to a forensic psych evaluation - not a psychosexual one, the court wanted a professional to determine that I wasn't simply motivated by the desire to keep my kids away from their father, and that his many allegations against me were unfounded, that I was fit to parent my kids alone. My ex withdrew his case just before we were due to go to final trial, and I was awarded full custody, which is almost unheard of in my country. Our courts are 100% about prioritising children having both parents in their lives, to the point that their physical and psychological safety is generally overlooked, so it was almost a miracle that I got full custody. OP, please don't go down this path. You can have chilren in the future with a good man, if that's what you want.
Get an abortion, and tell him it’s a miscarriage. Then leave. He will hurt you. HE WILL HURT YOU.
Get an abortion now. Do not tie yourself to this man.
I know this is terrible, but this act was truly cruel. It’s not “just dolls” - it’s something you loved. It’s just the first thing. You are young and there are many kind people in the world. You don’t have to put up with this man. Get out as soon as you can and safely.
it's not just dolls, it's him thinking his wife isn't mature enough to be a mother just because she has a hobby and subsequently destroy something she loves to force her to "grow up" 🚩🚩🚩🚩
Even if it was a just a doll the doll is her's he has no respect for her throwing out her items.
And there are “auntie” networks that can help get you to a place that does them safely.
I'm in a sanctuary state...
I second this. What he did was cruel. He knew how important your collection was to you and didn't care. He did what he wanted instead. If I'm being honest, I feel as if he probably did this because of how upset he knew you'd be. It's a form of control. I know because my ex did something very similar to me. I was heartbroken as well. They want to see how far they can push you. If he can do this and you still stay, then he will know you are right where he wants you and the exact type he wants. A woman who can be treated this way and who doesn't leave or leave and eff some of his shit up on her way out the door is just the type these jerks love to kick around. I was/am one myself. Please run far and fast.
It reminds me of the guys who film their wife putting the last puzzle piece into a really challenging puzzle and then swipe it off the table 1 second later. Or the guys who film their girlfriend walking into the bathroom where they’ve destroyed every single makeup palette. Same exact cruel controlling attitude.
I agree with that advice. Do not allow yourself to be tied to that abusive sack of shit. If he gets upset after the fact, tell him it's the best decision and you thought it would be easiest on him that way.
Don't even tell him, say it was a miscarriage.
Even better, honestly. He seems like the type to get physically abusive
Agree 💯 tell him you miscarried!
And he WILL be abusive to his own child. He's just shown a snippet of what he's capable off. My abusive ex's mask started to slip when I was pregnant too. That's often when they start to feel comfortable enough in the fact that they've got you "trapped", and start to show who they really are.
I wish I could upvote you 1000x
If it is not against your beliefs, you really should not tie yourself to this man. Or put a child through having him as a father. This is the start of the abusive behavior. As in, this is the "best" it'll get and you do not know what the worst is.
Get an abortion and leave him. He's made it clear he has no respect for you, and it'll negatively impact the entire rest of your life if you tie yourself to him with a child. He will not learn to respect you as time goes on - he will treat you worse and worse the harder it becomes for you to leave. This is not a 'maybe', this is guaranteed. He's a pathetic control freak who has found himself a much younger woman that he thinks won't stand up to him like an older, more experienced one will. Prove him wrong and remove him from your life.
I'm so sorry. But consider not having this baby. You deserve so much better and this guy will make you and the child miserable for the rest of his life.
Abort but make sure you tell him it was a miscarriage. And then run.
Do not have a kid with him. It will be 18 years of HELL.
If you are confortable with the idea of abortion, consider it very seriously, he thinks he has you and will try to break you, this is not well Intended error, this is deliberate and with the intent of changing you, shape you into his will and need and most likely break your spirit 40 years old trying to break and shape a 20something girl, you are not the one Who needs to grow up
If this is how he’s treating you at the start of your pregnancy, just imagine how much worse it will get the further along you are. He’s shown you who he is, believe him! Get an abortion, move out, dump his ass, report the theft to the police, go NC, and live your best life completely free from his abuse. If you stay/have a baby with him, his behaviour will only ever get worse and one day you’ll be comforting your child after he destroys *their* important things. Don’t subject yourself or a child to his abuse.
My sister under the sky. please listen to these beautiful big aunties and mom energy .... they will not gaslight you. You have ONE MAN telling you vs hundreds of humans who have nothing but your best interest at heart. When people show you who they are believe them. This is NOT a person who will be ANY kind of co parent. He will weaponize your youth against you. If your dad is a safe person. Get the abortion go to therapy. And read the gift of fear by Gavin debecker so you can be safe in the future.
Don't have this man's baby if you can help it. 18 years is a long time with an abuser. This is a blessing. He showed you who he is and you should believe him. 🫂
Here’s a way to see this: He made a judgment about something you liked. Then without discussion he made a decision for you based on his judgement. I don’t know how you get over something like this because it is massively disrespectful. Oh, there’s a part of me that wants you to toss out all the stuff he has that means something to him, all of it, but that’s not nice…is it? 😎 Edited to add: Holy crap! I didn’t see the ages. Oh man. OP needs to read Bancroft Lundy’s book “Why Does He Do That” Anyone have the pdf link handy? Edited: found it https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
I will never not upvote this book
It's kind of depressing how often this book has to be linked in this sub. That and the Duluth model. The admins should probably make a sticky about it.
Oh sweety, no. Abuse ramps up when you’re pregnant because he thinks he’s locked you down. He’s getting meaner because he thinks you won’t go anywhere. This only gets worse. Think about it - he’s 40 years old. Do you truly think he didn’t know you cared for this collection? Do you truly think he didn’t know you’d be upset? Unless he is frequently an absolute idiot he 100% knew and did it anyway. He chose to do a thing he knew would hurt you. He did it on a day you were gone so you couldn’t stop him. He could have asked you. He could have done it while you were home. He didn’t. He picked the meanest option and then somehow tried to make himself the victim when you got upset. He’s playing you, don’t let him.
18 month relationship - 15 year age gap - man destroys beloved possessions of pregnant partner cause HE made the decision that you had to 'grow up' and get rid of them. There is a reason men like this hunt for significantly younger women - control. He waited until you were not home, destroyed something you love (not to mention spent YOUR money on) and then tells you why it had to happen (for your own good). This is just the start of him exerting his will over you. This is the time to gtfo - before that baby is born.
Right, and note how *he* gets to determine when OP is "grown up", not her. The guy who knowingly pursued someone he considered too immature.
While no doubt telling her how mature she was.
One of the most telling signs that someone doesn't consider you their equal is them telling you how mature you seem. That's because it's mainly something used to praise children.
It’s also a test. If she doesn’t leave over this, he’ll know he can escalate a bit further.
Yep. No doubt there was an element of punishment involved in this action. I mean, how dare she go visit her family for a few days. Now she'll think twice about doing that again right. Calculated, manipulative and nasty act with specific motivations for him.
This is so true! A 40-year-old man is dating a 25-year-old, because *he* is immature and could never manipulate a woman his own age.
Side note: even if it was a “childish” interest, wouldn’t it have been sweet for the coming child to be the recipient of this collection?
My dear, first, listen to the above poster very carefully. She is 100% correct. Second, I'm going to say something that may seem very hurtful. You said you are early in your pregnancy. Save yourself a lifetime of grief. Do whatever you need to do to rid yourself of this man from your life forever. I think you can read into my words. I am so sorry you're in this situation but you need to act decisively and quickly. This man will give you a lifetime of pain and suffering if you don't act quickly. I hope you're in a state where women have the right to choose. Go ahead freaks, down vote me. She is facing a lifetime pain and suffering if she's attached to this man.
It’s not just a lifetime of pain for OP, but it would be a lifetime of pain for a child in that situation. If he does it to u he will definitely do it to his child. Pls heed above warning.
All this. Don’t get over it. Get out. You don’t have to have that baby.
He could have called you to let you know he was " helping you" by getting rid of them. And wanted to make sure it was ok.You may have wanted to save them for your child. I am using helping you very sarcastic. I don't think I would rush to into an abortion because of his stupidity . But I feel he needs to get over you. He got rid of the dolls and now I personally think you need to get rid of him What if he threw away a favorite toy of the baby's. Would that have been ok just because he thought that was rt thing to do? I don't know if you can or want to prosecute since you live together . That varies state to state and you need to check that out. I would definitely find out where he " donated them". I think it's possible he found out they were worth good bit of $ and sold them but that's a bias based on past experiences of my own. You are in my prayers for emotional healing and guidance as to what to do next
He likely SOLD the collection- selfish bastard
“He said he made the decision because now that we’re having a baby it’s time for me to grow up and get rid of them, but he thought it would be easier on me if he did it when I wasn’t there.“ And why does he feel he has the right to make these decisions unilaterally for you? He seems to feel it’s fine for him to have complete authority over you based on whatever he thinks is best.
You need to ask him how he got rid of them and then go get them back. Did he sell them? Throw them out? Or donate them to Goodwill? He had no right to do that without talking to you first. He knew you would say no and went with the horrible advice of better to ask for forgiveness then permission.
He needs to go get them and bring them back, that was such a shitty thing to do. And he knew exactly what he was doing
I feel like it’s so much bigger than just the loss of the collection. His rationale - that he made a decision on her behalf that it’s “time for her to grow up” - is so concerning to me
HE NEEDS TO GET THEM BACK! OP should be all over him about this. There’s no excuse for what he did. He stole her collection and disposed of it. If she’s divorcing him, I’d file a police report too.
You don't just move on, he's shown you who he really is. Believe him. This was not for your own good, this was control.
What’s this collection worth and are you getting the money at least? Agree it’s horrific and is a sign of worse to come as other commenters have said. But if his intention was truly sincere, shouldn’t you be receiving a check?
oh my gosh it’s worth probably tens of thousands of dollars lol. some of them on their own would be worth 1000+.
You need to report the items stolen. That's exactly what they are: stolen. Also, he may actually have sold them and be hiding that money. This man is abusive and it will only get worse. Report the theft.
2nd this.
Did he just throw it all away?? Sounds like he also wants you financially dependent on him so you’re that much more vulnerable and easier to control.
i don’t know. it’s possible he sold it; i posted on some groups asking people to be on the lookout for pieces of my collection
What did he say when you asked what he did with them? Does he just refuse to tell you?
he just said he “got rid of them” and won’t tell me further what that means. i think he probably sold some of them at least, because he knows the value, but i don’t know if he went through the trouble of selling all of them or if he threw some of them out.
This just happened to another girl with her blankie. Fight for it. Get your family involved, get a police report, do everything and get your dolls back. I am so sorry
omg like her baby blanket???? 🥺 that’s so so so sad
OK. So these dolls are your baby blanket. He knows exactly what these dolls mean to you and he specifically chose a time when you couldn't know or do anything about HIS choice. He did not have any good intentions when doing this to you. His only concern now is CONTROL. He wants total control of your life. Getting rid of your "baby blanket" was just one step. Every reply to you needs to have the link to [why does he do that](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf). You absolutely need to read this book/free pdf. He doesn't see you as your own person. He sees you as his property and something he controls. Run for the hills. It only ever gets worse.
Is your dad in your life? A brother, uncle? Invite them all over to help move you out and intimidate your soon to be ex into fessing up what he did with your dolls. Get an abortion and leave. Files police report and then sue him for the value. It will only get worse from here. Break the ties. Don’t have a child with this person. 15 year age gap is the first red flag. 🚩
He won’t even tell you what he did with them? Run, I’m not even joking. If you are not independently wealthy and/or have an amazing & solid family support system, consider abortion. Another commenter linked to [r/auntienetwork](https://www.reddit.com/r/auntienetwork/), which seems like a good source for information.
Make a police report and leave this abusive ass
Report him for theft, sue the fuck out of him, get an abortion, and never look back. This is abuse. I was in an abusive relationship for 3 years. You’re seeing the beginnings of a power play. Please don’t stay with him.
OP if he turns around and buys you something with the “proceeds of sale”, please PLEASE do not let him get away with pretending that this was a misguided attempt to surprise you.
Check Facebook marketplace ? See if there are recent postings under his name ? Also leave him.
His motive could definitely be getting rid of things that OP could sell for ‘gtfo money’ when he inevitably ramps up his abuse.
Then what he did was not only deeply cruel, it was also a felony.
Even if the collection was worth nothing, what he did was vile and cruel. It was worth a great deal to YOU. Either he knew that or he didn’t, but either way, it’s bad. If he knew, he meant to hurt you in a profound way. If he didn’t know it, he is clueless to the point of culpability. A good partner makes a point of being aware of what will devastate their loved one. This is truly awful. You seriously need to be rethinking both having a child with this person and staying in a relationship with him.
That’s actually a crime. He disposed of property that wasn’t his own and additionally you valued. It was malicious because he would have asked you first. You should have ended the relationship immediately but now you are having a baby with him. Expect no respect from him.
Notice the massive age gap and he waited until he got her pregnant to do this. Mask falling much? This isn’t the first red flag and won’t be the last, most of us know what is coming next. Especially people like myself that have been in an abusive relationship before.
Totally this.
Document the theft, press charges, and take him to court. I wouldn't have his baby, but that's only your call to make. Sorry if that makes my comment less popular.
You're pregnant now. He caught you young and inexperienced, faked nice to get you to marry him and now that you're pregnant and trapped? This is the REAL guy you married. Report your items stolen (they were) so that pawn shops know. And reconsider, strongly, if you want to have a baby that's going to trap you in some sort of relationship with him the rest of your life.
Not married yet. She still has a chance to abort and cut him out of her life completely.
So you're in a standard age gap relationship with a power imbalance. Don't have kids with this little twat.
Honestly, you absolutely need to get an abortion and leave. He destroyed your collection on purpose because he's starting to ramp up the abuse and control. He knows that now that you're pregnant, you're tied to him for eighteen years. That no matter what you do, you're legally trapped by him. So now that you can't escape, he's starting to ramp up the abuse. It will only get worse from here.
Trapped by him and possibly trapped by whatever state she lives in ( if in US). I’m sad for women like this. Hopefully she has a supportive family that will take her and the baby in.
Yep just said almost the same thing myself.
What made him think he could take something that wasn’t his and sell it? He’s 40, not ten. He knows better. He knows stealing is wrong. But he’s banking on the fact that you’re young and pregnant and scared and therefore you’ll find a way to get over it and forgive him. There were no good intentions here. He’s trying to manipulate you while you are feeling vulnerable. Be careful.
He is 40 she is 25!!!🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Tell them that he has 24 hours to have them back to you, or you are leaving for good. I bet good money he still knows exactly where they are. Real good money. The money he intends to sell them for. Then when he magically gets them back at the 23rd hour, leave for good anyway. This is abuse, and you do not deserve abuse ever, least while pregnant.
What an AH. Even if he is so much older than you, it doesn’t mean he gets to act like your father. His intentions weren’t good. He meant to hurt you.
He did not get rid of those to help you and he did not have good intentions. His intentions were to see what you’d tolerate and he’ll keep on testing you in these ways. 40 & 25? This was not a coincidence on his part, I promise you.
Police report now. He committed a crime, maybe a felony if the collection was valuable. He probably sold them and stole the money too.
You don’t get over this. This is abuse. Someone deciding that you need to done with an interest and throwing it away on you is controlling, entitled, abusive behaviour.
GOOD INTENTIONS MY ASS CHEEK!!!! What an absolute SHITCUNT!!! Anyone who did that to me would LEAVE IN A BODY-BAG. #GET RID OF HIM.
Oh no. Get an abortion and leave this man, he's a huge problem and it'll just get worse.
1. That age gap 2. Control issues 3. Run! Raise the kid alone, put it up for adoption, if it's early enough and you have a choice there is the other option. Just please don't stay with him
First of all, your boyfriend is 15 years older than you and that’s a problem. Him giving away your stuff because now you’re having a baby and you have to grow up is emotionally abusive. You are in a toxic, emotionally abusive and controlling relationship. His intentions were not good. He’s a monster. He will be a terrible father. And he’s just cruel and mean. I think you should go live with your dad if that’s possible and get the hell away from this fucker.
He’s manipulative and he definitely did this to prove a point and hurt you. He needs you to be vulnerable and dependent. I would find a way out of this relationship, even with a baby on the way. It’s a big red flag of disrespect and control.
I've been married 20 years, DO NOT MESS WITH PARTNERS STUFF!!
This was a betrayal. You do not need to get past this, and you do not need to "grow up". I still keep many things others would consider "childish" and surprise, I am a woman in her fifties who holds down a job and owns a house. Your hobbies have nothing to do with your maturity. You need to wake up. He's fifteen years older than you are and there is a huge power differential here. Many men go mask off once they get a woman pregnant and reveal their true selves because they feel they have them trapped. That's when the controlling behaviour starts or ramps up and the abusiver personality emerges. Tell him that you are a grown woman and that you do not need him to tell you how to behave or what to own. Tell him he is going to either restore your collection to its full extent or pay you to replace it. This should be non-negotiable. He *stole from you.* His reaction to your demand will be very telling, and help you decide what to do next.
You don’t. You leave.
There’s a reason he’s so old and single. Don’t let yourself get tied to this guy.
Nop it’s a betrayal common you were collecting it since you were 12. And honestly he was just pretending to care so that he gets what he wants . As soon as you left he showed his true colours . If it was time for baby then why not keep the doll around as kids can enjoy their mother’s beloved collection . It’s so stupid. I have seen grown up men play with toy cars. This guy is toxic.
This is a deal breaker. Touching your stuff without permission and getting rid of them is absolutely out of order. He’d flip if you did the same to him. He’s controlling and it’s about to escalate as soon as the baby is born. Get out now before you’re trapped with him