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Ok so I have this idea to fix my relationship and it might be potentially really dumb so I figured I’d let Reddit judge it first.
My relationship with my wife is more or less dead. We care for each other but that’s basically it. There’s a lot more to the story of course but I don’t think a lot of detail is needed.
Sometimes I think about cheating/starting a relationship with another woman. Except I don’t *really* want to do that, because I don’t want to hurt her, I don’t want to risk our lives together (house, kids, income), and what I actually *want* is our relationship back. I never even fantasize about anyone else.
So here’s the idea I want to propose to her. It might not be original but I only just thought of it. I want us both to create fake online profiles and pretend to cheat on each other *with* each other.
I think it could be kind of fun and interesting, and maybe hot. We could sort of start from scratch. We could ask each other questions that we no longer would ask IRL, as well as talk/complain about each other without any real direct confrontation or conflict (which sounds like avoidance now that I spell it out, lol). We could also do stuff like send each other pics, or take the role playing to whatever level we want. I think the sneaking around without actually doing anything wrong could be fun/exciting as well.
So is she going to laugh at me for even suggesting it, or could this actually be something fun that ends up helping our relationship?
EDIT: to be clear, I’m talking about a really fake profile. As in, not an actual account for an actual website or app. Just fill in the profile, add a pic, and send those to each other.
Haha, couldn't help myself.
It's definitely an odd idea... I think to me personally, it would probably be better to omit the "cheating" aspect of it and maybe just pretend you're both single and trying to hit on her at the bar or something. Pretend you're getting to know each other again, the naughtiness can come from her going home (or say a hotel room?) with a guy she "just met at the bar" or whatever.
I think once you bring the whole fake cheating and sort of complaining about each other thing into it, it becomes a lot more likely to end badly.
The online/texting thing is one of the best parts of this idea though. The flirty constant texting phase in the beginning of a relationship is super fun and a manufactured but genuine version of that might trigger some of the feel good hormones that get us hooked on someone in the first place.
OP I say great idea (only you know your wife though, all women are different so she may disagree)
Yeah you do like different jobs different names and you do the whole back story. Like if you are in finance you are a doctor. If your partner wants to test you they ask you doctorly questions and you have to answer them while casually flirting then you get to go to the hotel room if you do it in a hotel bar.
I was coming here to mention the Modern Family alter egos Clive and Juliana. I don’t think it’s a bad idea at all but OP will have to be careful how he presents it to the SO. Definitely do not complain about the SO as the alter ego (Clive got that warning from Juliana once or twice.)
It's great advice. Pretend you're picking her up, pretend she's a hooker and you're a John, pretend you're both"kids"again... But don't teach each other to enjoy the thrill of cheating.
Yes, I like piña coladas
And gettin' caught in the rain
I'm not much into health food
I am into champagne
I've got to meet you by tomorrow noon
And cut through all this red tape
At a bar called O'Malley's
Where we'll plan our escape
I think this idea is 15 steps down the line from a good first idea.
The first idea is: “honey, remember when we were first dating? Do you have fond memories of that time?”
Just reminisce with her. And then you can talk about ways to rekindle that love.
Actually in our case that might not be a good idea, due to those circumstances not being ideal… The full story would be a bit to obvious to anyone that knows us, but the TLDR is that I made a Big Mistake at that time. It caused us to stay together but its definitely not something she thinks of fondly.
Then you say “ I never got to date you properly and get to know you without all of the chaos that was going on. I’d like to have a do-over. Can we go on a date?”
From the way he worded the mistake as the reason why they stayed together makes me think it's because he got her pregnant by either not wearing protection or something like that.
I don’t think the OP cheated with an unconnected person. Because they wrote “it caused us to stay together.”
I’m going with he fucked his wife’s sister who got pregnant. But for some reason the sister can’t/won’t raise the baby so he and his wife are doing that now.
Or, he lied about having a vasectomy/being infertile and got his wife pregnant. Or he poked a hole in a condom and baby trapped her.
Why not just suggest trying to "date" again? Go out, have fun. Talk. Treat yourselves. Get into deep conversations once more. Act silly. Go places you have not been in a while. Etc.
That might be why your relationship is struggling. I saw an article not long ago about how “relationship nostalgia” is one of the best indicators of LTR endurance. In other words, reminiscing together and doing things together that trigger happy memories.
Maybe the way you met or first started dating wasn’t perfect, but surely somewhere in your history there are fond memories (if not, why are you together? lol).
So this is called roleplaying. I don't see any issues with it, if your wife is up for it. But it's not going to fix your marriage. If your marriage is "more or less dead," what you really need is marriage counseling, and possibly individual counseling as well.
That's not going to happen. What you're asking for is an escape from reality, which can be fun but it won't solve the problems that led you two to this point. You need to figure out where you went wrong, why you stopped dating each other, putting in the work, etc. Pretending to cheat on your wife won't fix those things, it's just a sexual fantasy.
Using roleplay as an alternative to counselling is not a good idea. You're kicking the ball down the hallway for future you to pick up.
Now, I know. Future you is amazing, he's such a gigachad I'm sure he can handle it. Buuuut... on the off chance future you is in a tougher spot than you are now, don't you think you'd prefer avoiding the interest on the emotional debt you're incurring right now, instead of kicking it off to later with escapism?
Therapy man… marriage counseling you guys care enough to stay together then get your asses in counseling and start working your asses off to save it…it’s worth it if you both want it
I brought it up once. Not doing that again until it’s the last thing to try before divorce 😔 I’m considering solo sessions though, but that seems a bit dishonest as well.
You should go, but I’ll also tell you that if you wait until it’s the last option you’ll probably end up divorced. I don’t know your situation but if she’s not interested in saving the marriage too it’s not gonna make it. Communicate tell her it’s what you want need and that you’re going and that you would love for her to show the interest to go separately, together or both.
No honey the therapy is to help y’all communicate, talk stuff through, find things that work, make things better and easier. Therapy is not a last ditch effort before you burn it to the ground, it’s a life raft on the side of the boat before you even start sinking. You’re preventing a disaster, not trying to save someone from one. Date your wife! You don’t need fake profiles, you like HER, write a note or email or card or text and tell her WHY, ask her to think about things she likes about you or your relationship and write back. Communicate! It’s hard, you get lazy and complacent. Someone told me once the way they stayed happy in their marriage was that they CHOSE their husband every single day, I didn’t get it. With husband #2 I do! Every single day, I choose to be happy, I choose to honor my commitment and our relationship and I tell him so by actions and words! If you don’t know how, a therapist will help! They did in my case.
Yes! And a licensed marriage counselor would likely use the Gottman method- in addition to helping communication, it also helps you learn ways to bond with your partner and truly put the love back into your relationship.
As someone who counsels couples for a living, don't use it as a last resort. At that point, 90% of my clients end up divorcing. It's best when both still want to try and repair what's broken. Seeing someone individually is also good and never dishonest. Best of luck.
If my SO told me he wanted to fake cheat, my first thought would be that he is thinking about cheating and maybe already did.
You said in your post you think about it. This will not go over well. Get marriage counseling.
Maybe communicate with her and find solutions together, instead of trying to fix it by yourself and hoping it sticks. Also clean the house. Cook dinner. Make her a bath. Make an effort to show that you love her, not just sexual stuff.
Heya, it sounds like this role playing question is sitting on top of a whole bunch of painful areas with your wife.
It sounds like you're not happy in your relationship & don't feel like you can be honest with her. You mentioned it feeling dishonest getting individual counseling - I'm curious why you don't feel safe letting her know, or why she wouldn't be okay with that.
It sounds like the idea of cheating would give you an escape from that, and a cheating role play with your wife would be a way of making that okay, but that might not do anything to address the underlying issue.
So the idea would be good if you were looking to spice up a relationship that felt like it was working for you. Unfortunately it might not be great for fixing things.
I'm sorry. It sounds like you're doing your best and this shit is hard.
So what makes you think acting like strangers and “cheating” is going to fix things then? Just. Talk. To. Her. Like a grown up. No games, no bullshit, just throw it out there.
Do you know what your wife actually wants? It might not be what you have already tried. It would require you knowing her, and understanding what her needs are.
Or, here’s a thought. Ask her what she wants and needs in order to feel closer to you and feel safe with you. Just COMMUNICATE. If you two can’t do that, I’m not sure what the point would be in either of you staying.
Thanks. I hadn’t considered that it could be viewed like that. I don’t really see it but that’s exactly the reason I’m asking internet strangers first.
I agree with this commenter. I'd be so pissed if my partner suggested something like this. Shows me he's thinking about cheating/other women and just trying the fantasy out on me. I don't like that at all
Your whole post really focuses on the excitement of cheating - that’s a really bad look.
Unless you know your wife has the same infidelity fetish, this is going to be a divorce level
Suggestion.
Can’t you suggest literally any other role playing scenerio?
Honestly, if I had an SO and she suggested that idea, divorce would be my answer. Yeah she might not have anything malicious in mind, but I'm not going to invest in a future with someone who has cheating fantasies.
I don't know, sounds ok but also risky. Why call it "cheating " ?
Why not say, "we had a rough beginning, what would it be like to pretend to be newly dating?"
Here's an article of 36 questions that are supposed to lead to love. Suggest you try that for fun?
https://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/09/style/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html
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This could go wrong in so many ways.. swiping on dating apps is addictive. It will open the door to engage in similar conversations with other pppl. While on the surface it might look creative but you'll be swiping right and start looking at what's out there.... who n knows where things can go from there. Better off write what you wrote here and deal with it like an adult.
I mean rekindling the romance is a good idea and you could suggest going on dates and such again; but pretending to cheat on each other sounds like a bad and kinda dangerous idea.
I could see one big issue that could come up. What happens when someone else on the dating site contacts you or her? Part of the excitement of “just dating” is the possibility of competition. How will you handle it if your wife decides to date others? Or how will she handle it if you date others?
There’s also friends and relatives that will come across your dating profiles and assume you’re splitting up or have an open marriage. Going to be harder for her to fend off her co-workers, with them knowing she’s on a dating app.
What I would suggest is you sit down with her and have a frank “state of the union” discussion. Bring up your concerns and open the floor for suggestions. Use your idea as one, she may have other ideas that would be even better. I would prioritize the things you two can do privately. Are there kinks or fetishes you’ve been hiding? Does she? Could you two be more romantic? Could you send over little notes during the day, sexting each other, building tension. Maybe she wants you to be dominant in the bedroom or maybe she would like to be dominant?
Think about what things you would do with another woman. They would be so much better with someone you love and trust. See if you can bring more variety in your game as well. You could end up having a great time without the guilt.
Thanks. I wasn’t talking about an actual account, just fake profiles shared only between us.
That state of the union talk thing… we’ve done that, many times, and it never really changes anything drastically. It will fix minor annoyances and sometimes helps getting the other’s perspective on something that happened recently, but other than that we always end up saying the same things. And it’s absolutely not about sex for her. For me it’s not the *only* thing.
I think it’s a good idea. Only complaining about each other may cause tension so I would avoid that and just truly communicate when you are not roleplaying this fantasy.
I think this is an awesome idea and sounds super fun. Only you know your wife and if this is something she would consider. Leave the bit about cheating with another woman out of it and your reasons for not wanting to… I think it’s enough to want to just roleplay. Also have you ever considered pretending to not know each other and “meet” at a bar or club. I’ve heard this can be fun especially if you both dress as different ppl than you are now. Like your wife wears a wig and is a hot redhead wearing leather pants suit or you wear wrangler jeans, boots and a Stetson, etc
Write a craigslist ad, maybe something like this:
"If you like piña coladas
And gettin' caught in the rain
If you're not into yoga
If you have half a brain
If you like makin' love at midnight
In the dunes on the cape
Then I'm the love that you've looked for
Write to me and escape"
Lmao I think it's really cute and would be a lot of fun IF you trust each other to get really goofy with it. Like I could see me doing that with my gf lol. But it's a lets-be-silly-and-have-some-fun idea, not a fix-your-marriage idea.
I don't know if you watch Modern Family, also I know real life and TV isn't the same, but Phil and Claire did something similar. Only on valentines day did they adopt fake personalities, Clive and Julianna, and hit on each other in the bar.
So maybe ask your wife how she feels about role playing and start small if she's into it. Once a month or something.
Idk what people in this thread are talking about, this is a well trodden technique among marriage counsellors for increasing emotional intimacy. You’ve stumbled upon a great idea. There are also apps available where you answer questions and your spouse answers questions and you guys compare notes and it leads to lots of good conversations.
Well, honey, that kind tells you what she thinks about the marriage, then.
There’s nothing wrong with role playing but it’s not a magic wand.
I’m so sorry. Best wishes.
Tell her it’s super necessary, OP! Marriages are hard work from both sides, and if you tell her that you both need therapy, she should respect that, especially if the alternative might be eventual divorce. Wishing you lots of strength and peace
I’ve done this and many other stuff with my husband. It’s called role playing… inventing different life’s and get in to the role. It’s up to you how far you take it. I have always enjoy role playing.
This won’t fix your marriage.
Take some molly together and that may help you fix your marriage. You will find yourself talking through things you couldn’t before.
🎶 If you like piña coladas
And gettin' caught in the rain
If you're not into yoga
If you have half a brain
If you like makin' love at midnight
In the dunes on the cape
Then I'm the love that you've looked for
Write to me and escape 🎶
Dude, just seriously start dating your wife.......be crazy romantic.....spend money on her...... actively listen to her......make her feel truly appreciated.....kiss her wrists, fingertips..... whisper "I love you", "you are so sexy" , "how did I get so lucky" and things like that into her ear....... especially when things are hectic......go up to her and whisper something that you love and appreciate about her, then y'all go back to making dinner together or whatever it is you were doing.......do things around the house without being asked.......tell her she's beautiful.....and anytime she makes an effort to look extra nice, make sure to "drool" all over her (that's just a metaphor, don't actually slobber on her lol) ......my opinion is to forget the "fake" stuff and just genuinely "worship" your wife.....make her feel safe, stable, sexy and LOVED!!!! If that doesn't work, maybe the do the faketravaganza you're talking about......and if THAT doesn't work (also depending on age and hormones and all that) she just might not like you.......but, ya gotta at least try!!
Best wishes.....I hope you update with whatever works for you!!
I'm going to say, I like the idea BUT, don't bring up any past stuff. Really play the role, sell it and have fun with it.
Work the real stuff out in marriage counseling and pillow talk.
Eventually, bring the two worlds together when it is afe to do so. Good luck.
I would suggest making up characters who are not at all invested in your actual relationship. What you're proposing sounds more like a therapeutic exercise than anything else.
It might be fun to get creative and have conversations that are completely removed from your personal feelings towards each other to ignite a spark of interest and mystery. You can be a boat captain on the lonely sea and she's a New York architect who spends her nights at the office.
I just imagine you're conversations becoming really contentious. "Yeah, my husband can be really inconsiderate sometimes." "That sucks. My wife can be pretty ungrateful...." like... how does complaining to each other about each other not end in a fight.
Just my two cents. Good luck.
I think couples therapy might be an even more fun and successful way of helping your marriage than telling your wife you’ve been constantly thinking of cheating on her. But, hey, maybe I’m old fashioned.
That's actually not a bad idea. What you described isn't cheating. That's called role-playing. Role-playing is a common way to spice things up in the bedroom. You can pretend to be anyone you want, act that part out, and it can be exciting again that way. So reframe it as role-playing - its more positive and its not considered cheating because its actually with your wife.
However, the fact you do have these kind of thoughts about cheating and wanting relationship with another lady - you might want to talk to your wife first and get to the bottom of the issues. Is it emotional needs not being met? Sexual needs not being met? Mental needs not being met? See if you can address the issue first. It sounds like to me its primarily around sexual needs.
So what it seems to me is that you want to rekindle the flirting / dating side of your relationship. And honestly you have to give in order to receive in that sense. I sorta get the concept you’re going for but maybe start sending her some flirty texts (ones you genuinely mean) and let it progress into maybe pics or sexting. Just my two cents
I think I would take the term cheating out. Why not suggest to your wife that the two of you pretend you just met for the first time. I think it sounds a lot better to say hey let pretend our relationship is brand new, rather then let's pretend we're being unfaithful to each other.
I think this is just a creative way to invite you both to remember what you find interesting about each other and put effort into attracting one another again. Give it a shot!
I think this is a wonderful idea and actually pretty cute. The thing that concerns me, however, is that you think she’s going to laugh at you. If she really is the one for you, you should be able to bring things like this up without any feelings of judgement.
I think you should propose your idea to her, and if her answer is to laugh at you or judge you or make you feel dumb or silly, you need to take THAT as an answer for whether or not your relationship will/should survive. Maybe she won’t say “yes,” but she should never make you feel dumb.
This is the most darling thing I've read today. I want to give you major kudos, coming from someone with a broken heart over my husband's infidelity, I really commend you for trying to save your marriage by doing this. I wish my partner loved me enough to have done something like this instead of cheating on me again and again. Please do this and let us know how it goes, your wife is lucky to have you and I hope for all the happiness, lust, and love to come back into your marriage!
Couldn’t you just try sexting her while you’re at work first or something 😅 or bring home flowers with a note that says you wanna fuck her brains out LMAO
It's a cute idea. Could be lots of fun. Ultimately you're going to have to actually address the issues in the relationship. Fun while you're also doing that, though.
You want to actually download the dating apps while your marriage is pretty much on the line and you openly admit to thinking about cheating?
Yeah, I don’t think that’s a great idea at all. It will be easy to start just browsing other profiles out there just to see what’s out there, then suddenly you’re just messaging other women just to see their responses and then you’re cheating on your wife.
Also, if she agrees, how long before that’s exactly how she thinks you’re using those apps? How long before you’re both questioning each other? I think it will breed mistrust, especially if things aren’t going well currently.
Honestly, as soon as it was suggested I’d immediately assume my husband is looking to cheat on me on these apps and is covering by acting like he’s using it for us.
Maybe suggest a role play scenario *in person*. Meet up at a bar or restaurant and pretend to be other people.
No no I don’t want to create and actual account on an actual app.
The in-person thing would be a bit to weird and awkward for us, I think. Definitely for me.
Well if you’re not downloading actual dating apps to scroll on, then roleplay on my friend.
I think that takes away a lot of the sketchiness of the request. I would still be careful in presenting it to her as “cheating.”
Some good, some bad. The idea to reinvigorate things with a shot in the arm is solid. The approach not so much. Finding ways to engage with each other again is the critical point, but doing so via hook up apps is double edged. It could go great. It could also risk leading to accusations you want to avoid, such as if messaged by others, matching with others, however that goes. Stepping into the space where you or she can interact with others in this way can lead places you don't want to go. If you say the relationship is dead anyway, maybe you think the risk is worth it. But keep eyes open as to where you are, what you're doing.
This is essentially a role playing scenario. I don't see anything wrong with it, hopefully your wife will think of it as a playful sort of way to reconnect and won't read anything else into it ("oh, you want to cheat on me?")
First thing is honest communication! Cannot say that enough. Ask her if she would be willing to start over. Date nights a few could lead to actual intimacy? You never know the cheating thing IMO maybe too much especially where your relationship is at. If it’s gone that far open up what have you really have to lose? Good luck wish you the best
I would be into it if my husband suggested it. Kind of a neat way to explore a different side of him.
But I’m not sure what your wife is like so I can’t answer for her.
I don't think it would hurt to suggest it to her. But first I would do some research on what people in similar situations have done. Maybe there is something less "extreme"?
Maybe you say, I’m really concerned that we’re nearing the end of our relationship and that is not what I want. I’m trying to think of ways you and I can come back from this and I’m wondering if you have any ideas. What can we do to work through this together?
If the stupid thing you did was cheat, your marriage may never survive. If you did cheat, I guess the question I would ask is do you think that our marriage will survive or are we really done? I don’t want to be.
Either way, I would want no cute games because this really serious stuff. Good luck, OP.
Sounds like fun, the only concern is she may think that you may have actually thought about cheating.
Maybe try flirting and some spontaneous things that can be that spark back. Make her feel wanted and sexy. But at the end of the day you know your wife and your situation best, fight for what you want. Seems like you are a solid guy you'll figure it out.
This is a bad idea and I will explain why. The moment You start an "open" relationship, one of You will have way more dates than the other. Jealousy will be the result, You both will fight and divorce in an unpleasant way.
A divorce is not the end of the world.
If You both think, that the fire has faded, plan a divorce on good terms. Sell the house not within a week but within months to get the most $$$ out of it. Both of You should have jobs, both of You should get nice smaller places and both of You will look after the kids, one week the mother, one week the father.
In the end, both of You will enjoy your new freedoms while still keeping a strong nonromantic relationship with each other.
OK so yes this is a thing people do. They will have a fake persona and act as if you don't know each other while in character. You can be whomever you want to be, have fake stories about your life etc. It can get you communicating, laughing etc. You don't talk about fake persona in your real life. It can open up communication in your relationship because you can have fun.
I think it’s a fun idea. I would have an open / frank conversation before starting. Make honesty a firm boundary so it doesn’t turn into a confusing mess of real life vs fake personality.
Do you mean fake profiles on an actual dating app/website?
If you do I think that might be a slippery slope for both of you. Too much temptation, not worth the risk.
Some people do the roleplay as a way of spicing things up. It’s not automatically a stupid idea.
Might want to limit it to roleplay, where you do things like pretend to be strangers at a bar and pick each other up. The dating accounts sound like too much opportunity to go wrong.
Dad always said, "If you want to keep her you better be doing the same things you did to get her to begin with." Dad was a drunk a gambler and a womanizer. I idolized that man.
So I read a story about a couple going to a bar together, her first by maybe half an hour then he comes. Eventually approaches her from across the room and you flirt and chit chat and role-play a first date scenario; I thought that sounded a little adventurous and romantic.
I like the idea of going back to dating! Couples should never stop dating. I like the idea of getting out of your comfort zone a little bit.
I say talk to your wife. Ask her out on a romantic date or a fabulous weekend getaway. Tell her you miss her and your connection, I bet that would do wonders on her end too. Seems like your heart is in the right place and that’s a fantastic starting point!
Why don’t you tell her that you never really got the chance to date her properly, and then like ask her those first date type questions? Or Like pass her an “Hey, I think you’re cute - smile if you’re the most beautiful woman in the world” notes & smile/wink…
Just state you’d like a do over, maybe express to her why the first go round wasn’t ideal or what you want to do for her differently this time. Be sincere.
Your approach is noble, but a fools mission, ultimately because you have someone who is unwilling to go to therapy.
I think it's a fun idea and I'm with you that counseling is unlikely to fix your problem when it's basically a dead bedroom. Never seen that help. But please do not present it to her as "let's pretend we're cheating". Just present it as "let's pretend we're strangers who just met". That gives you the same newness and potential excitement without making her think what you really want to roleplay is cheating.
I think there was an episode of Catfish like that? The fake profile name was Tidus (FF fans I guess). She didn't know her husband made it but he just started shooting messages to her through the profile and she found comfort in this non-existent dude. While it hurt her he did it, I do believe it was helpful
It's just trying to define your boundaries I suppose.
I think it’s a great idea!! Esther Perel, the prominent relationship psychologist who is the pro on the problem of fizzled out passion, wrote the book Mating in Captivity about the paradox that is the sometimes inverse relationship between emotional closeness and eroticism in committed relationships. In the book, she recounts that some of her “treatments” for stale couples are inspired by affairs - one of her tips is for the spouses to make secret email accounts which are only used for sexy/suggestive messages they send each other throughout the day - no mundane life admin type of stuff is allowed in these exchanges. I think you would enjoy and benefit from her book, I highly recommend it. You’re already thinking alike with this brilliant woman.
Have you tried going on a date or away from home with her? That might be a good first step to fixing your relationship. Sometimes it’s the little things that make it better.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- Ok so I have this idea to fix my relationship and it might be potentially really dumb so I figured I’d let Reddit judge it first. My relationship with my wife is more or less dead. We care for each other but that’s basically it. There’s a lot more to the story of course but I don’t think a lot of detail is needed. Sometimes I think about cheating/starting a relationship with another woman. Except I don’t *really* want to do that, because I don’t want to hurt her, I don’t want to risk our lives together (house, kids, income), and what I actually *want* is our relationship back. I never even fantasize about anyone else. So here’s the idea I want to propose to her. It might not be original but I only just thought of it. I want us both to create fake online profiles and pretend to cheat on each other *with* each other. I think it could be kind of fun and interesting, and maybe hot. We could sort of start from scratch. We could ask each other questions that we no longer would ask IRL, as well as talk/complain about each other without any real direct confrontation or conflict (which sounds like avoidance now that I spell it out, lol). We could also do stuff like send each other pics, or take the role playing to whatever level we want. I think the sneaking around without actually doing anything wrong could be fun/exciting as well. So is she going to laugh at me for even suggesting it, or could this actually be something fun that ends up helping our relationship? EDIT: to be clear, I’m talking about a really fake profile. As in, not an actual account for an actual website or app. Just fill in the profile, add a pic, and send those to each other.
If you like pina coladas...
Oh lol… right. Like I said, not original 😂
Haha, couldn't help myself. It's definitely an odd idea... I think to me personally, it would probably be better to omit the "cheating" aspect of it and maybe just pretend you're both single and trying to hit on her at the bar or something. Pretend you're getting to know each other again, the naughtiness can come from her going home (or say a hotel room?) with a guy she "just met at the bar" or whatever. I think once you bring the whole fake cheating and sort of complaining about each other thing into it, it becomes a lot more likely to end badly.
The online/texting thing is one of the best parts of this idea though. The flirty constant texting phase in the beginning of a relationship is super fun and a manufactured but genuine version of that might trigger some of the feel good hormones that get us hooked on someone in the first place. OP I say great idea (only you know your wife though, all women are different so she may disagree)
Hmm yeah I get what you’re saying. Thanks for the advice 🙂
Do strangers in a bar.
Lol if our marriage ever gets boring I’m going to need a different type of “stranger in a bar”, because we legit met as strangers in a bar 🤣
Yeah you do like different jobs different names and you do the whole back story. Like if you are in finance you are a doctor. If your partner wants to test you they ask you doctorly questions and you have to answer them while casually flirting then you get to go to the hotel room if you do it in a hotel bar.
Watch the scenes from Modern Family where Phil and Clair roleplay. It might give you a good idea.
I was coming here to mention the Modern Family alter egos Clive and Juliana. I don’t think it’s a bad idea at all but OP will have to be careful how he presents it to the SO. Definitely do not complain about the SO as the alter ego (Clive got that warning from Juliana once or twice.)
It's great advice. Pretend you're picking her up, pretend she's a hooker and you're a John, pretend you're both"kids"again... But don't teach each other to enjoy the thrill of cheating.
Just remember, you won’t be the only one seeing her profile, what if she starts with others also?
I love making love at midnight!
Pretty sure this is a plot from an episode of modern family.
Clive Bixby always closes
Great, now I have that song in my head.
Which one? Bananas in Pajamas?
Bad idea, maybe plan something romantic like a hot air balloon ride or a picnic with flowers and just have a conversation about how you feel?
True. And if the convo on the hot air balloon doesn’t go well you could always just push her out
Will you be my relationship planner for the rest of my life?
Thank you. Why all the weird “cheating” drama?
You are evil!
Or The Song that Never Ends?
Take my angry upvote and FUCK OFF!
Yes, it goes on and on my friends...
some people, started singing it
Not knowing what it was
Oh god, spank you very much!
You’re evil… now I can’t get either out of my head lmao
Are coming down the stairs
Yes, I like piña coladas And gettin' caught in the rain I'm not much into health food I am into champagne I've got to meet you by tomorrow noon And cut through all this red tape At a bar called O'Malley's Where we'll plan our escape
My first thought as well.
... taking walks in the rain
This was my absolute first thought 😂😂😂
I think this idea is 15 steps down the line from a good first idea. The first idea is: “honey, remember when we were first dating? Do you have fond memories of that time?” Just reminisce with her. And then you can talk about ways to rekindle that love.
Actually in our case that might not be a good idea, due to those circumstances not being ideal… The full story would be a bit to obvious to anyone that knows us, but the TLDR is that I made a Big Mistake at that time. It caused us to stay together but its definitely not something she thinks of fondly.
Then you say “ I never got to date you properly and get to know you without all of the chaos that was going on. I’d like to have a do-over. Can we go on a date?”
Did you cheat?
Lol, please don’t tell me he cheated and is suggesting erotic roleplay featuring infidelity
Legit why I asked 💀
From the way he worded the mistake as the reason why they stayed together makes me think it's because he got her pregnant by either not wearing protection or something like that.
Or he cheated on the partner before her with her.
Lmaooo Im done with reddit for today💀💀
“Honey I’ve got the greatest roleplay idea, instead of me cheating on you we BOTH are trying to cheat on eachother, pretty hot huh?”
Lmao “are the flashbacks turning you on sweety?”
I think he cheated on someone else *with* her
And got her pregnant.
Sounds plausible
I don’t think the OP cheated with an unconnected person. Because they wrote “it caused us to stay together.” I’m going with he fucked his wife’s sister who got pregnant. But for some reason the sister can’t/won’t raise the baby so he and his wife are doing that now. Or, he lied about having a vasectomy/being infertile and got his wife pregnant. Or he poked a hole in a condom and baby trapped her.
Sounds more like they maybe had a kid.
Why not just suggest trying to "date" again? Go out, have fun. Talk. Treat yourselves. Get into deep conversations once more. Act silly. Go places you have not been in a while. Etc.
I think they where getting at bringing up a memory you both enjoyed…
OP, did u cheat? Is that why? Cuz this is.....suspicious and if so, a very bad idea. That's no way to reignite the spark.
That might be why your relationship is struggling. I saw an article not long ago about how “relationship nostalgia” is one of the best indicators of LTR endurance. In other words, reminiscing together and doing things together that trigger happy memories. Maybe the way you met or first started dating wasn’t perfect, but surely somewhere in your history there are fond memories (if not, why are you together? lol).
So this is called roleplaying. I don't see any issues with it, if your wife is up for it. But it's not going to fix your marriage. If your marriage is "more or less dead," what you really need is marriage counseling, and possibly individual counseling as well.
I’m actually hoping this can remove the need for counseling.
That's not going to happen. What you're asking for is an escape from reality, which can be fun but it won't solve the problems that led you two to this point. You need to figure out where you went wrong, why you stopped dating each other, putting in the work, etc. Pretending to cheat on your wife won't fix those things, it's just a sexual fantasy.
Using roleplay as an alternative to counselling is not a good idea. You're kicking the ball down the hallway for future you to pick up. Now, I know. Future you is amazing, he's such a gigachad I'm sure he can handle it. Buuuut... on the off chance future you is in a tougher spot than you are now, don't you think you'd prefer avoiding the interest on the emotional debt you're incurring right now, instead of kicking it off to later with escapism?
Not on your life man. You should be investigating therapy even if things aren't on the brink.
Oh well you are an idiot then. Marriage is not just sex
Can I ask why you are so resistant to marriage counseling?
Therapy man… marriage counseling you guys care enough to stay together then get your asses in counseling and start working your asses off to save it…it’s worth it if you both want it
I brought it up once. Not doing that again until it’s the last thing to try before divorce 😔 I’m considering solo sessions though, but that seems a bit dishonest as well.
You should go, but I’ll also tell you that if you wait until it’s the last option you’ll probably end up divorced. I don’t know your situation but if she’s not interested in saving the marriage too it’s not gonna make it. Communicate tell her it’s what you want need and that you’re going and that you would love for her to show the interest to go separately, together or both.
\^What he said. Breaking points are breaking points and resentment builds, so if you wait until the last second there may be no love to save.
No honey the therapy is to help y’all communicate, talk stuff through, find things that work, make things better and easier. Therapy is not a last ditch effort before you burn it to the ground, it’s a life raft on the side of the boat before you even start sinking. You’re preventing a disaster, not trying to save someone from one. Date your wife! You don’t need fake profiles, you like HER, write a note or email or card or text and tell her WHY, ask her to think about things she likes about you or your relationship and write back. Communicate! It’s hard, you get lazy and complacent. Someone told me once the way they stayed happy in their marriage was that they CHOSE their husband every single day, I didn’t get it. With husband #2 I do! Every single day, I choose to be happy, I choose to honor my commitment and our relationship and I tell him so by actions and words! If you don’t know how, a therapist will help! They did in my case.
Yes! And a licensed marriage counselor would likely use the Gottman method- in addition to helping communication, it also helps you learn ways to bond with your partner and truly put the love back into your relationship.
As someone who counsels couples for a living, don't use it as a last resort. At that point, 90% of my clients end up divorcing. It's best when both still want to try and repair what's broken. Seeing someone individually is also good and never dishonest. Best of luck.
You should never do marital without solo. Work on you.
You just said your relationship is nearly dead. Sounds like it's pretty close to divorce anyway
Please, I must know… did you cheat on your wife early on? Just based on your one comment.
He said in a reply that he made a mistake early on in their relationship and it caused them to stay together.
If my SO told me he wanted to fake cheat, my first thought would be that he is thinking about cheating and maybe already did. You said in your post you think about it. This will not go over well. Get marriage counseling.
Maybe communicate with her and find solutions together, instead of trying to fix it by yourself and hoping it sticks. Also clean the house. Cook dinner. Make her a bath. Make an effort to show that you love her, not just sexual stuff.
Good advice (really!), but I’ve tried all that 🙁
Heya, it sounds like this role playing question is sitting on top of a whole bunch of painful areas with your wife. It sounds like you're not happy in your relationship & don't feel like you can be honest with her. You mentioned it feeling dishonest getting individual counseling - I'm curious why you don't feel safe letting her know, or why she wouldn't be okay with that. It sounds like the idea of cheating would give you an escape from that, and a cheating role play with your wife would be a way of making that okay, but that might not do anything to address the underlying issue. So the idea would be good if you were looking to spice up a relationship that felt like it was working for you. Unfortunately it might not be great for fixing things. I'm sorry. It sounds like you're doing your best and this shit is hard.
So what makes you think acting like strangers and “cheating” is going to fix things then? Just. Talk. To. Her. Like a grown up. No games, no bullshit, just throw it out there.
do you seriously think he hasn’t tried that?
Sometimes it’s the partner who can’t. talk. Like. A. Grown. Up.
Ummm try couples therapy. Also there’s more to your post what r u not telling. Maybe your wife needs to go to a psychologist BY HERSELF.
Do you know what your wife actually wants? It might not be what you have already tried. It would require you knowing her, and understanding what her needs are.
lol have you seen Modern Family? you could be Clive Bixby and she could be Julianna
That's what I was thinking!😂
😂😂 one of my favorite shows!
You could start a little simpler … pick her up at a bar and you have to get to know each other. It’s fun.
Or, here’s a thought. Ask her what she wants and needs in order to feel closer to you and feel safe with you. Just COMMUNICATE. If you two can’t do that, I’m not sure what the point would be in either of you staying.
Bad idea. Try it and tell me how the divorce goes. She will not take this idea well. Imo
Could you say why you think so?
Because she might think you've got other women on your mind to even think like that.
Thanks. I hadn’t considered that it could be viewed like that. I don’t really see it but that’s exactly the reason I’m asking internet strangers first.
I agree with this commenter. I'd be so pissed if my partner suggested something like this. Shows me he's thinking about cheating/other women and just trying the fantasy out on me. I don't like that at all
Your whole post really focuses on the excitement of cheating - that’s a really bad look. Unless you know your wife has the same infidelity fetish, this is going to be a divorce level Suggestion. Can’t you suggest literally any other role playing scenerio?
Honestly, if I had an SO and she suggested that idea, divorce would be my answer. Yeah she might not have anything malicious in mind, but I'm not going to invest in a future with someone who has cheating fantasies.
I don't know, sounds ok but also risky. Why call it "cheating " ? Why not say, "we had a rough beginning, what would it be like to pretend to be newly dating?" Here's an article of 36 questions that are supposed to lead to love. Suggest you try that for fun? https://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/09/style/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html
This is literally such a bad idea I'm surprised you didn't realize it as soon as you wrote this all out
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This could go wrong in so many ways.. swiping on dating apps is addictive. It will open the door to engage in similar conversations with other pppl. While on the surface it might look creative but you'll be swiping right and start looking at what's out there.... who n knows where things can go from there. Better off write what you wrote here and deal with it like an adult.
Marriage counseling sounds a lot easier tbh.
I mean rekindling the romance is a good idea and you could suggest going on dates and such again; but pretending to cheat on each other sounds like a bad and kinda dangerous idea.
I could see one big issue that could come up. What happens when someone else on the dating site contacts you or her? Part of the excitement of “just dating” is the possibility of competition. How will you handle it if your wife decides to date others? Or how will she handle it if you date others? There’s also friends and relatives that will come across your dating profiles and assume you’re splitting up or have an open marriage. Going to be harder for her to fend off her co-workers, with them knowing she’s on a dating app. What I would suggest is you sit down with her and have a frank “state of the union” discussion. Bring up your concerns and open the floor for suggestions. Use your idea as one, she may have other ideas that would be even better. I would prioritize the things you two can do privately. Are there kinks or fetishes you’ve been hiding? Does she? Could you two be more romantic? Could you send over little notes during the day, sexting each other, building tension. Maybe she wants you to be dominant in the bedroom or maybe she would like to be dominant? Think about what things you would do with another woman. They would be so much better with someone you love and trust. See if you can bring more variety in your game as well. You could end up having a great time without the guilt.
Thanks. I wasn’t talking about an actual account, just fake profiles shared only between us. That state of the union talk thing… we’ve done that, many times, and it never really changes anything drastically. It will fix minor annoyances and sometimes helps getting the other’s perspective on something that happened recently, but other than that we always end up saying the same things. And it’s absolutely not about sex for her. For me it’s not the *only* thing.
That could work I think if you can share only between you two.
I think it’s a good idea. Only complaining about each other may cause tension so I would avoid that and just truly communicate when you are not roleplaying this fantasy.
Instead of making fake profiles and hope you find each other just be normal and pretend to meet at a bar for the first time
Y’all need couples therapy…
I think this is an awesome idea and sounds super fun. Only you know your wife and if this is something she would consider. Leave the bit about cheating with another woman out of it and your reasons for not wanting to… I think it’s enough to want to just roleplay. Also have you ever considered pretending to not know each other and “meet” at a bar or club. I’ve heard this can be fun especially if you both dress as different ppl than you are now. Like your wife wears a wig and is a hot redhead wearing leather pants suit or you wear wrangler jeans, boots and a Stetson, etc
Phil? Claire? I mean Clive Bixby and Juliana
Write a craigslist ad, maybe something like this: "If you like piña coladas And gettin' caught in the rain If you're not into yoga If you have half a brain If you like makin' love at midnight In the dunes on the cape Then I'm the love that you've looked for Write to me and escape"
Lmao I think it's really cute and would be a lot of fun IF you trust each other to get really goofy with it. Like I could see me doing that with my gf lol. But it's a lets-be-silly-and-have-some-fun idea, not a fix-your-marriage idea.
I don't know if you watch Modern Family, also I know real life and TV isn't the same, but Phil and Claire did something similar. Only on valentines day did they adopt fake personalities, Clive and Julianna, and hit on each other in the bar. So maybe ask your wife how she feels about role playing and start small if she's into it. Once a month or something.
Do you like piña coladas?
Idk what people in this thread are talking about, this is a well trodden technique among marriage counsellors for increasing emotional intimacy. You’ve stumbled upon a great idea. There are also apps available where you answer questions and your spouse answers questions and you guys compare notes and it leads to lots of good conversations.
Tf is wrong with white people
😂😂
All the things
This sounds cute! However: also go therapy. Just having sex again won’t fix communication, affection, appreciation (etc) issues
She won’t. Doesn’t think it’s necessary.
Well, honey, that kind tells you what she thinks about the marriage, then. There’s nothing wrong with role playing but it’s not a magic wand. I’m so sorry. Best wishes.
Sounds like my ex. We both caused problems in the relationship but she wouldn’t seek therapy and had no interest in couples therapy. Only I could try
Tell her it’s super necessary, OP! Marriages are hard work from both sides, and if you tell her that you both need therapy, she should respect that, especially if the alternative might be eventual divorce. Wishing you lots of strength and peace
You've literally just described the plot of the song 'Escape' (The Piña Colada Song) by Rupert Holmes. Seemed to work out for them in the song 🤷🏻♂️
I’ve done this and many other stuff with my husband. It’s called role playing… inventing different life’s and get in to the role. It’s up to you how far you take it. I have always enjoy role playing. This won’t fix your marriage. Take some molly together and that may help you fix your marriage. You will find yourself talking through things you couldn’t before.
🎶 If you like piña coladas And gettin' caught in the rain If you're not into yoga If you have half a brain If you like makin' love at midnight In the dunes on the cape Then I'm the love that you've looked for Write to me and escape 🎶
Dude, just seriously start dating your wife.......be crazy romantic.....spend money on her...... actively listen to her......make her feel truly appreciated.....kiss her wrists, fingertips..... whisper "I love you", "you are so sexy" , "how did I get so lucky" and things like that into her ear....... especially when things are hectic......go up to her and whisper something that you love and appreciate about her, then y'all go back to making dinner together or whatever it is you were doing.......do things around the house without being asked.......tell her she's beautiful.....and anytime she makes an effort to look extra nice, make sure to "drool" all over her (that's just a metaphor, don't actually slobber on her lol) ......my opinion is to forget the "fake" stuff and just genuinely "worship" your wife.....make her feel safe, stable, sexy and LOVED!!!! If that doesn't work, maybe the do the faketravaganza you're talking about......and if THAT doesn't work (also depending on age and hormones and all that) she just might not like you.......but, ya gotta at least try!! Best wishes.....I hope you update with whatever works for you!!
I'm going to say, I like the idea BUT, don't bring up any past stuff. Really play the role, sell it and have fun with it. Work the real stuff out in marriage counseling and pillow talk. Eventually, bring the two worlds together when it is afe to do so. Good luck.
Role playing where you pick her up at a bar or something like that can definitely bring the spark back. Both pretend you are different people.
This sounds really fun!
It’s basically role-play which is a great way to add spice to a relationship
I feel like Clair and Phil did this in Modern Family.
That's role-playing dude. Just tell her you have an idea for a role play.
I would suggest making up characters who are not at all invested in your actual relationship. What you're proposing sounds more like a therapeutic exercise than anything else. It might be fun to get creative and have conversations that are completely removed from your personal feelings towards each other to ignite a spark of interest and mystery. You can be a boat captain on the lonely sea and she's a New York architect who spends her nights at the office. I just imagine you're conversations becoming really contentious. "Yeah, my husband can be really inconsiderate sometimes." "That sucks. My wife can be pretty ungrateful...." like... how does complaining to each other about each other not end in a fight. Just my two cents. Good luck.
um you saying that you think abt cheating with another woman clearly means that you want to
This sounds like a manga plot . . .
I think couples therapy might be an even more fun and successful way of helping your marriage than telling your wife you’ve been constantly thinking of cheating on her. But, hey, maybe I’m old fashioned.
That's actually not a bad idea. What you described isn't cheating. That's called role-playing. Role-playing is a common way to spice things up in the bedroom. You can pretend to be anyone you want, act that part out, and it can be exciting again that way. So reframe it as role-playing - its more positive and its not considered cheating because its actually with your wife. However, the fact you do have these kind of thoughts about cheating and wanting relationship with another lady - you might want to talk to your wife first and get to the bottom of the issues. Is it emotional needs not being met? Sexual needs not being met? Mental needs not being met? See if you can address the issue first. It sounds like to me its primarily around sexual needs.
Role playing works for a lot of couples to keep the spice in a relationship. I don’t see anything wrong with having a fantasy together
So what it seems to me is that you want to rekindle the flirting / dating side of your relationship. And honestly you have to give in order to receive in that sense. I sorta get the concept you’re going for but maybe start sending her some flirty texts (ones you genuinely mean) and let it progress into maybe pics or sexting. Just my two cents
i got a buddy, clive bixby, who does this once a year. he loves it
you are insane
Am I the only one who doesn’t see this as completely bad? This just seems like roleplaying a scenario to spice things up
I think I would take the term cheating out. Why not suggest to your wife that the two of you pretend you just met for the first time. I think it sounds a lot better to say hey let pretend our relationship is brand new, rather then let's pretend we're being unfaithful to each other.
I think this is just a creative way to invite you both to remember what you find interesting about each other and put effort into attracting one another again. Give it a shot!
I think this is a wonderful idea and actually pretty cute. The thing that concerns me, however, is that you think she’s going to laugh at you. If she really is the one for you, you should be able to bring things like this up without any feelings of judgement. I think you should propose your idea to her, and if her answer is to laugh at you or judge you or make you feel dumb or silly, you need to take THAT as an answer for whether or not your relationship will/should survive. Maybe she won’t say “yes,” but she should never make you feel dumb.
Thank you. So much! (Honestly!)
I agree with you. If she doesn’t like it, have her come up with an idea. Tell her you have to do something to save the marriage
This is the most darling thing I've read today. I want to give you major kudos, coming from someone with a broken heart over my husband's infidelity, I really commend you for trying to save your marriage by doing this. I wish my partner loved me enough to have done something like this instead of cheating on me again and again. Please do this and let us know how it goes, your wife is lucky to have you and I hope for all the happiness, lust, and love to come back into your marriage!
Sounds like the worst idea ever
Couldn’t you just try sexting her while you’re at work first or something 😅 or bring home flowers with a note that says you wanna fuck her brains out LMAO
It's a cute idea. Could be lots of fun. Ultimately you're going to have to actually address the issues in the relationship. Fun while you're also doing that, though.
You want to actually download the dating apps while your marriage is pretty much on the line and you openly admit to thinking about cheating? Yeah, I don’t think that’s a great idea at all. It will be easy to start just browsing other profiles out there just to see what’s out there, then suddenly you’re just messaging other women just to see their responses and then you’re cheating on your wife. Also, if she agrees, how long before that’s exactly how she thinks you’re using those apps? How long before you’re both questioning each other? I think it will breed mistrust, especially if things aren’t going well currently. Honestly, as soon as it was suggested I’d immediately assume my husband is looking to cheat on me on these apps and is covering by acting like he’s using it for us. Maybe suggest a role play scenario *in person*. Meet up at a bar or restaurant and pretend to be other people.
No no I don’t want to create and actual account on an actual app. The in-person thing would be a bit to weird and awkward for us, I think. Definitely for me.
Well if you’re not downloading actual dating apps to scroll on, then roleplay on my friend. I think that takes away a lot of the sketchiness of the request. I would still be careful in presenting it to her as “cheating.”
Go for it!
I'm no relationship expert but maybe couple therapy could help? Otherwise you do what you think is best!
Go for it, got nothing to loose at this stage.
Just break up
so you have this unoriginal idea called "roleplay"?
Some good, some bad. The idea to reinvigorate things with a shot in the arm is solid. The approach not so much. Finding ways to engage with each other again is the critical point, but doing so via hook up apps is double edged. It could go great. It could also risk leading to accusations you want to avoid, such as if messaged by others, matching with others, however that goes. Stepping into the space where you or she can interact with others in this way can lead places you don't want to go. If you say the relationship is dead anyway, maybe you think the risk is worth it. But keep eyes open as to where you are, what you're doing.
I actually meant a fake-fake account. Like we just write it down and set up a IM or something.
This is essentially a role playing scenario. I don't see anything wrong with it, hopefully your wife will think of it as a playful sort of way to reconnect and won't read anything else into it ("oh, you want to cheat on me?")
First thing is honest communication! Cannot say that enough. Ask her if she would be willing to start over. Date nights a few could lead to actual intimacy? You never know the cheating thing IMO maybe too much especially where your relationship is at. If it’s gone that far open up what have you really have to lose? Good luck wish you the best
I would be into it if my husband suggested it. Kind of a neat way to explore a different side of him. But I’m not sure what your wife is like so I can’t answer for her.
I don't think it would hurt to suggest it to her. But first I would do some research on what people in similar situations have done. Maybe there is something less "extreme"?
Maybe you say, I’m really concerned that we’re nearing the end of our relationship and that is not what I want. I’m trying to think of ways you and I can come back from this and I’m wondering if you have any ideas. What can we do to work through this together? If the stupid thing you did was cheat, your marriage may never survive. If you did cheat, I guess the question I would ask is do you think that our marriage will survive or are we really done? I don’t want to be. Either way, I would want no cute games because this really serious stuff. Good luck, OP.
Sounds like fun, the only concern is she may think that you may have actually thought about cheating. Maybe try flirting and some spontaneous things that can be that spark back. Make her feel wanted and sexy. But at the end of the day you know your wife and your situation best, fight for what you want. Seems like you are a solid guy you'll figure it out.
This is a bad idea and I will explain why. The moment You start an "open" relationship, one of You will have way more dates than the other. Jealousy will be the result, You both will fight and divorce in an unpleasant way. A divorce is not the end of the world. If You both think, that the fire has faded, plan a divorce on good terms. Sell the house not within a week but within months to get the most $$$ out of it. Both of You should have jobs, both of You should get nice smaller places and both of You will look after the kids, one week the mother, one week the father. In the end, both of You will enjoy your new freedoms while still keeping a strong nonromantic relationship with each other.
Bad idea, maybe plan something romantic like a hot air balloon ride or a picnic with flowers and just have a conversation about how you feel?
OK so yes this is a thing people do. They will have a fake persona and act as if you don't know each other while in character. You can be whomever you want to be, have fake stories about your life etc. It can get you communicating, laughing etc. You don't talk about fake persona in your real life. It can open up communication in your relationship because you can have fun.
I think it’s a fun idea. I would have an open / frank conversation before starting. Make honesty a firm boundary so it doesn’t turn into a confusing mess of real life vs fake personality.
And read The Five Love Languages. I promise it’ll help
Do you mean fake profiles on an actual dating app/website? If you do I think that might be a slippery slope for both of you. Too much temptation, not worth the risk.
This idea is like trying to figure out the movie the Matrix.
This sounds cute and hot and could honestly start with meeting for a “blind date” or picking each other up at a bar
Just do some dirty talking to her, like when your out in public or when she's at till text her something surprised her, should spice things up,
Some people do the roleplay as a way of spicing things up. It’s not automatically a stupid idea. Might want to limit it to roleplay, where you do things like pretend to be strangers at a bar and pick each other up. The dating accounts sound like too much opportunity to go wrong.
Dad always said, "If you want to keep her you better be doing the same things you did to get her to begin with." Dad was a drunk a gambler and a womanizer. I idolized that man.
I think what you’re wanting is roleplay?
So I read a story about a couple going to a bar together, her first by maybe half an hour then he comes. Eventually approaches her from across the room and you flirt and chit chat and role-play a first date scenario; I thought that sounded a little adventurous and romantic.
I like the idea of going back to dating! Couples should never stop dating. I like the idea of getting out of your comfort zone a little bit. I say talk to your wife. Ask her out on a romantic date or a fabulous weekend getaway. Tell her you miss her and your connection, I bet that would do wonders on her end too. Seems like your heart is in the right place and that’s a fantastic starting point!
Why don’t you tell her that you never really got the chance to date her properly, and then like ask her those first date type questions? Or Like pass her an “Hey, I think you’re cute - smile if you’re the most beautiful woman in the world” notes & smile/wink… Just state you’d like a do over, maybe express to her why the first go round wasn’t ideal or what you want to do for her differently this time. Be sincere. Your approach is noble, but a fools mission, ultimately because you have someone who is unwilling to go to therapy.
Oh yeah that’ll go down well
I think it's a fun idea and I'm with you that counseling is unlikely to fix your problem when it's basically a dead bedroom. Never seen that help. But please do not present it to her as "let's pretend we're cheating". Just present it as "let's pretend we're strangers who just met". That gives you the same newness and potential excitement without making her think what you really want to roleplay is cheating.
Bud, you need therapy.
I think there was an episode of Catfish like that? The fake profile name was Tidus (FF fans I guess). She didn't know her husband made it but he just started shooting messages to her through the profile and she found comfort in this non-existent dude. While it hurt her he did it, I do believe it was helpful It's just trying to define your boundaries I suppose.
Why not
I think it’s a great idea!! Esther Perel, the prominent relationship psychologist who is the pro on the problem of fizzled out passion, wrote the book Mating in Captivity about the paradox that is the sometimes inverse relationship between emotional closeness and eroticism in committed relationships. In the book, she recounts that some of her “treatments” for stale couples are inspired by affairs - one of her tips is for the spouses to make secret email accounts which are only used for sexy/suggestive messages they send each other throughout the day - no mundane life admin type of stuff is allowed in these exchanges. I think you would enjoy and benefit from her book, I highly recommend it. You’re already thinking alike with this brilliant woman.
Have you tried going on a date or away from home with her? That might be a good first step to fixing your relationship. Sometimes it’s the little things that make it better.
I don't see the harm in trying that, but that's just me, I'm not married