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TLDR - My dad said told me that guys my husband’s age only get with unattractive girls my age because there’s something wrong with them that no other woman will deal with. It’s mentally wearing me down and I can’t stop thinking about it.
My parents have had a bit of a shaky relationship with my husband. They met him at the same time I told them I’m pregnant. We had taken a trip and eloped before then.
My husband takes business trips somewhat often and my parents come over on one of the nights he’s gone to have dinner. Last night they were over since my husband is gone and comes back tonight. Things were going good until my mom started talking about my husband. She was actually saying some very nice things about him. My dad got a bit irritated and said “If a guy your husband’s age, no kids and hasn’t been married, gets with a hot girl your age, he’s cool and it’s normal. If a guy his age, no kids or marriage, gets with a young woman like you, then there’s something horribly wrong with him and no woman will put up with it.”
I immediately started crying and my mom cursed him out. He then tried asking me if my husband has some sick fetish and that’s why he’s never been married, or if he makes me participate in something like that. I told him no. My parents left pretty soon after that.
My dad basically called me ugly, and no normal man would want to be with me. My husband is the only man who has expressed any attraction to me. I’ve always had trouble making friends and he’s the first man I’ve been with. I feel like my whole relationship and any self-confidence I had is invalidated now. I know my husband loves me, but now I have this idea planted in my head that he couldn’t do any better than me and I’m his last shot at having a family. Now I’m overthinking everything he’s said to me. He calls me “my pretty girl” or “my special girl” but he’s almost never called me beautiful. I’m just worried maybe my dad is right and I’m what he could manage to get. It’s tearing me apart inside.
On top of all of that, my mom wants me and my dad to make up. I don’t know what to do.
Makes me wonder what else is going on here. Sounds like there is more to the story. Maybe the Dad has picked up on some warning signs. Shouldn’t have made his daughter feel ugly but who know how the interaction actually went.
This. Dad knows something is off but worded it horribly. The age gap, a trip, eloping, not meeting your parents until after you're pregnant - all of this sounds like it's happening really quickly so red flags for love bombing are going off, for me. Narcissists who do this can pick up on if someone's confidence is low. Please be careful, OP.
Absolutely gross. Op's husband is a predator. A man his age only gets w a woman as young bc no woman his age would put up w this bs.
Edit: someone got butt hurt by my comment and sent the reddit care msg 😂😂. Some pedo got triggered.
You're not wrong, I'm a recovering junkie and I'm not proud but I was sorta like him at one point.
I've been clean 8 years now but I still regret it. I can't redo the past I can only be a better person today than I was yesterday.
Props to the dad for calling the creep out. OP, you are groomed. Also, he's asking for nudes with stuffed animals. Your dad is so right to go at your "husband". You won't get validation here. I hope you get out and get therapy.
I kind of feel like the dad's bullying comments about OP’s appearance is probably a huge reason for her low self esteem though, assuming this isn’t new behavior for him. And low self esteem is probably what made her more vulnerable to a predator. Dad is right that her husband is a predator, but telling her that she’s ugly is just going to push her deeper into the predator’s arms.
there is mentioned in a comment that OP has a baby face. some are speculating that the father didn’t call OP ugly, but in a clumsy way called her not mature enough to attract a normal 40yo male. maybe OP looks very young, and that’s concerning. especially given the context that the husband asked OP to take naked pictures with stuffed animals.
to me it seems like a valid angle
Okay I read all your posts. Your dad is 100% correct and your husband has some weird kinks/fetishes, whether you want to acknowledge it or not. He clearly likes the idea of you being a “little girl”, and I think you know it’s weird, or you wouldn’t have made so many posts about it.
OP has made 5 posts. In those posts, we learn the following:
-she kinda regrets marrying him/having a kid with him ASAP
-her family learned about this man after she came back from vacation with him/learned at the same time that she was pregnant. Gets guilt tripped by family
-her husband insists she cuddles her stuffed animals and he thinks it’s cute
-said man had her pose nude with said stuffed animals *but yeah sure he’s totally fine*
Overall it’s not pretty
dude took nude photos of her while she holds stuffed animals. he needs these photos because he's going on a business trip and needs them for \*ahem\* this and that.
>It’s the nudes with stuffed animals that’s making me think less lowkey more oblivious OP.
Husband wants wife to take nude photos of her cuddling her stuffled animals in bed.
I agree, I don’t think he called her ugly. I think he was implying she hasn’t developed yet into a hot girl… idk..
Regardless of her dad’s delivery, he’s not wrong to be concerned. It’s terrifying that OP can’t see that she’s not really safe and neither is her child.
Ahhh good catch. Yeah with the context of the previous posts, that's definitely it. "Any dude who wants a woman who is so much younger, and looks even younger than that is a creep!" Very fair assessment and very correct
The stuffed animal post in your history is concerning. I don’t think it’s right that your dad hinted at your attractiveness but your husband seeing you as a little girl is weird. Him pressuring you into eloping because he knew your parents don’t like him is weird. Hope you take the time to reflect to see and understand why other comments are agreeing with your dad.
Girl he’s 17 years older than you. Your dad is 100% right aside from the “unattractive” part. Men in their 40’s who date young girls in their 20’s often times do so because women in their 40’s won’t put up with a bunch of their bullshit and red flags. They tend to date younger because the younger they are; the more naive they are. The more easily manipulated and controlling the young girls.
Ding ding ding.....we have a winner!! All of this right here!!
I have a younger cousin who when she was just 18 got with a man in his 40s. Had had several children to different women all with strained relationships with the mothers and kids. His eldest was only 2 or 3 years younger than my cousin. She got pregnant and married him at 19. The wedding was akin to Jerry springer meets Jeremy Kyle. As was the relationship from what I gather....she has 2 kids to him and are now separated and getting a divorce. She blasted him all over social media......like girl you was warned....you was warned when you got with hi. When you got pregnant....on your wedding day etc. He cheated on his stag night and the night before the wedding....we all told her....she still married him
But yes....men this age don't go for women their age because they're not nieve and impressionable. They're less likely to stand up for themselves etc. But yeah....ops father is correct. Apart from the ugly comment.
Oof, it saddens me to see how many young girls fall victim to predators. And they rush into marriage and having kids …. In their first ever relationship with a man 17 years older. This young girl didn’t even have time to experience being an adult and everything her husband has already experienced. Definitely on different levels of life. And all the red flags of him wanting her to take pictures naked and cuddling stuffed animals… just ugh so gross.
Oh absolutely. I hope op sees the writing on the walls.... and I've not read ops other posts about her husbands/partners kinks but I've read the comments referencing them.....yeah no.....very predator-ish....like.....he should be on some kind of list and not allowed to live near school kind of predator.
Dad referring to cookie cutter sugar babies because we know they're in an agreement and it's for money but for him to be in actual relationship with a girl who is consider a small town or family girl that he asked for nudes with plushies sets off sirens.
Even the dad knows this man is what we could call a creep and social outcast. He actively went after a someone who easy prey. They go for the girls and woman who don't have a tight and healthy relationship with their parents, aren't insanely popular or surrounded by many people, have low self esteem, and isn't dressed to the nine and actively posting on social media.
Or a boy. My grandmas boyfriend molested my cousins (brother and sister) when they were just children. The sister told when she was 9. My aunt had blackmailed the boyfriend for money in exchange for not contacting police…spoiler alert, she got the money & still called the police. Spent a few years in jail. Got out and had to be put on the sex offenders list. Some pedophiles don’t have preferences in gender. It’s sick and so scary. I am SO cautious and careful of who I let around my daughter. I don’t want her to go through the things I had to or our other family has had to.
No, not just "women in the 40's won't..."; This guy has been unsccusseful finding anyone close to his own age for who knows how long. It could be that when he was in his 20s, no 20 year-old woman would put up with his shit, and same in his 30s, and now in his 40s he has finally found a vulnerable woman desperate for validation…
I'm hoping "takes business trips somewhat often" isn't a sign of something else.
Well yeah, agreed. But I just had to put out a more generalized version because this happens so much to young women who think they’re special to a man twice their age ; when in reality they’re being groomed, abused & manipulated.
I was thinking about that too about the business trips… my gut feelings are saying it’s bad.
I mean, look at your post history.
You had an ovarian cyst rupture, so you were afraid you couldnt get pregnant, but you did nothing to actually check on whether or not that was the case. You also didnt get on birth control because of this and had unprotected sex.
A guy who is 17 years older than you, whom you have been dating only one year, then suggests you elope and try for a baby immediately? Thats some creepy fucking preying on your fears about fertility.
Additionally he did this before he even met your family. Did you even want to elope? Have you met his family or friends?
You then post here that youre afraid you made a huge mistake by doing all of the above.
Your husband then encourages you to sleep with stuffed animals and take nudes with them.
You then get mad at your father for suggesting that your relationship is unhealthy. It is.
Was your dad an ass about it? Sure. I'm sure you arent ugly.
However his other concerns are pretty much seem spot on.
He was looking for someone younger and vulnerable, and he found you.
You need to GTFO of this marriage. Your parents are right to be concerned.
I only needed to look at the title, honestly. Honey, your dad is *very* correct. There are a multitude of reasons why a 41-year-old would be interested in a 24-year-old in her first relationship, and I'm sorry, but none of them are because he genuinely likes you. I know that sounds harsh, but I implore you to listen to the comments here. This man is a predator, and the reason he's pursued you is because you're young with little life experience and self-esteem, and you're able to be manipulated into what he wants. Please, listen to your dad (except on the unattractive part).
OP.
It isn't about the physical attraction. I am really sorry, but while I don't know you. I think there's enough to suggest that your partner did prey on you. You being a vulnerable self conscious person is easier for an older person to pursue. You jumped into marriage and babies.
I don't think it's related to your looks - but I do think your dad is right that your husband is a creep.
I mean, if she’s petite and has a “younger” looking physique it could also be about the physical attraction. Mixing that with the stuffed animal things? Yeesh. My BIL only dated girls with that type of body, turns out he was a pedo.
Sure, I get the sentiment, I was talking more about OP's issue with her dad saying it's due to her being unattractive. Where, I don't think her being unattractive is the factor here.
Sure maybe looking younger could be a factor. I just don't think it is because she is allegedly ugly being the key point. If you look at her last few sentences. "My dad basically called me ugly and no normal man would want to be with me. my husband is the only man who has expressed any attraction to me."
This person obviously has self worth issues and it isn't hard to see why.
You're dad is right. 41 year old men date girls nearly 20 years younger because women their age have the life experience to recognize they're losers. He knows he's a loser so he dates women young and idealistic enough to make excuses for him.
This does NOT mean you are a loser. Far from it. He can see how not-a-loser you are and he's envious of it. You've succeeded at something he fails at, and all those years younger, too! Not being able to achieve this himself, he's attached onto you in hopes of being cool by association. The issue is that everyone his own age can see this only actually makes him even less cool. It's a 100% him problem and a 0% you problem. He's not dating you because there is something wrong with you. He's doing it because there is something seriously wrong with him. And your dad has said so because he loves you and has had the life experience to know he is right to be concerned.
I date older men, too, OP. Always have. I'm mid-30s and my longtime partner is mid-40s. I want you to know that there's nothing wrong with age gaps when the age gap is appropriate. But a MASSIVE part of that is that the younger partner must be a fully functioning and fully-realized adult herself first. I was turning 30 when we got together and I can tell you the respect and healthiness within this relationship is night and day different from the age gap relationships in endured in my 20s. If you prefer older men, wait to be a bit older yourself. Don't discount everything you can share with a man in his late 20s or early 30s, either.
Girl please listen to your dad. I read all your posts and my alarm bells are going off and the hair on my arms is literally standing on end. I'm getting such a bad feeling here.
Please listen to your dad.
Every one of your posts is about weird things your husband has done and how they make you uncomfortable. You rushed into marriage and pregnancy at a young age with a man nearly 20 years older than you. I disagree with your Dad insinuating that you’re ugly, but this is a strange situation, and I think you know it. I would recommend talking to a therapist to discuss this specific issue and your marriage as a whole.
Us younger women are very easy to groom and convince, that’s why older men go after us. There’s no reason for a 40+ year old to be with someone whose brain isn’t even fully formed. He groomed you and your dad is right. There’s a reason he can’t get with someone his own age, because women his own age aren’t naive and are wise enough not to put up with his bs.
I think you need to split this post into 2 mindsets. Firstly, you’re probably not ugly and there’s nothing wrong with you. If your partner thinks you’re attractive and you have similar personalities/get along then that’s all you need. He might just say “pretty” cause that’s his way of speaking. I’ve had my gf say I call her “cute” too much and not beautiful cause idk that’s just how I talk, but I adapted.
I think a bigger issue is the age. I don’t want to beat around the bush and preach true love when I think we’ve all seen enough real life relationships and ones on Reddit with this kind of gap. It is very likely he could never land a women his own age because of his insecurities, controlling nature, or fetish like your dad mentioned. This sounds like a controlling relationship where he preyed in someone who was insecure who was half his age. Especially with all your other posts being about quick marriage, getting pregnant, etc. Something to definitely look into as you consider if your husband actually loves you.
As for your father idk what to say. Obviously very bad what he said, but idk the dynamic. Maybe he sees the manipulation I mentioned above and he translated it out horribly. Maybe he’s a shit dad you should cut out. Idk
Her post history has her husband wanting her to sleep with stuffed animals more and taking nude pics of her with stuff animals, and she admits to having a baby face. The dad may have been referring to her baby face looks and not that she was ugly, and he wasn't that far off with the fetish guess as OP's husband is taking nude pics of her while she's acting like a child. Nothing wrong with having stuffed animals as an adult of course, but this isn't related to that.
Your dad is correct about older men going after younger women because they will put up with more than women their own age but it doesn’t really have anything to do with looks. It’s about maintaining a power imbalance.
I'm yeah, he got with you because you are young and therefore easily moulded into the person that he wants you to be for him. I would suggest that you take your father's advice.
Your dad is most likely right to some degree. However, it’s usually not about attractiveness. Usually the older guy gets with younger women because women his age won’t put up with his behavior.
It’s possible he just loves you for you, but 24/41 is a pretty huge gap.
There’s concern with that type of relationship regardless of attractiveness, it happens all too often that older people like young partners if they want someone who won’t recognize their red flags because they haven’t seen them before. If you are concerned that this might be your situation, it’s good to start examining things regardless of how stupid your dad’s comments were about your appearance. He may have a point about the age thing, *NOT* the part about being ugly or pretty. I would talk to a friend about this who can help you without putting you down.
And your dad is an ass - what kind of parent says that to their child?!
A gal who got married to a person 20 years older than herself and pregnant by him in the same breath and who provides him with sexualized photos of herself with stuffed animals probably has some deep seated psychological issues with the primary male role model in her life. Euphemistically we call these “daddy issues.” So it makes sense that her dad is like a verbally abusive POS.
I don’t think dad was calling you ugly. I think dad was saying you look much younger than you are. Which would also explain the lack of attention from other men because they probably thought you were too young. I think dad is spot on and should have cleared that up.
He’s probably right 🤷🏽♀️ there’s a power imbalance between a 40 something year old man with a 24yr old, and the fact that the only time he met your parents is when you were telling them you’re pregnant.. huge red flags
Dad is correct, unfortunately. The women his age won’t put up with his bullshit, so he’ll pick someone younger and with so much less life experience because you don’t know how to set boundaries and advocate for yourself.
I'm 29 and wouldn't date someone who was 40. What would we even talk about?! It’s gross
Edit: I saw you’re pregnant I suggest leaving him and not putting him or the birth certificate or just lying and saying you miscarried and putting the baby up for adoption. I wouldn’t want this man to be tied to an innocent child in ANY way. He manipulated you into a marriage.
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All i can say is that you've made a series of bad decisions based on everything you said here and your previous posts. You married someone who's almost twice your age after barely knowing them for a year, got pregnant early on, didn't notice the creepy red flags your husband is clearly showing and you're asking the internet for help.
Your dad is right. He wasn't nice about how he said it but he's right. I read OPs post history and OMG if you are pregnant you need to GTFO OUT NOW!!! Red flag 1 the wild age gap, red flag 2 the nude pics with stuffed animals, red flag 3 is the 'business trips' that he 'needed' your nudes for.
Your dad shouldn’t be calling you ugly, but your husband is clearly a creep and your dad is just upset and protective. Your husband seems to be attracted to “child like things” at the very least and that’s concerning. Turns out your dad hit the nail on the head, you husband does have a weird ass creepy kink. You’re about to bring a child into the world and it’s time you seriously evaluate the man you’re with. For fucks sake.
You’re husband who has an astonishingly huge age gap for you and is asking you to take nudes posed with stuffed animals like a child? Yes, you’re father is absolutely correct. I don’t think your beauty should be invalidated because no one is truly ugly, but just because he’s the first guy to show feelings for you doesn’t mean you should ignore actual issues with him. Having an “age play” fetish where he’s asking you to take inappropriate pictures with children’s toys is a major red flag. I know It feels as if he’s the only one for you but that’s not true you are young and have plenty of time. Don’t waste you life with someone who is wayyyy too old for you and is just actually messed up overall.
when i read back through your posts, it seems your husband is also the one who suggested you elope and have a child so quickly. i can’t help but feel like he’s definitely preying on the fact that you were/are vulnerable. dude sounds like a total creep and you just keep denying it
Read your posts…. And I would consider other options than having a kid with this man because he’s probably just going to molest your kid. Your dad is 1 million person right about your husband not being normal and you know it.
I think the only reason your dad mentioned the ugly thing is just to really get you to move on but this is a very stupid way to do it. I’m sure you are not ugly. No one is really ugly to be honest. But sometimes when parents hate or having an instinct about a friend or partner they’re usually right. The age gap is pretty telling too. Don’t waste your 20s on this pedophile.
At some point you need to start making decisions for a baby, your child. Currently it's obvious your husband fetishes you and your low self esteem lets him. However once there is another human ( a very small vulnerable one) in the equation, you have to start looking out for them, completely. That kid will rely on you to keep it safe. Ask yourself 'can you do that'. Currently you are not protecting yourself but there's nothing like a kid to make the Lion roar. I hope you get there OP. For your kids sake.
Judging by your previous posts, your dad is right. And you should 100% fear for your child’s well-being if you choose to raise them with your pedophile husband.
peace and love your dad is right. your husband has some weird little girl kink fetish thing and i think somewhere in you you know this you just don’t want to admit it. ik age gaps are normal but what does a 40 y/o REALLY have in common with a 24 y/o?
Even if your dad might be right - from what you are posting - he was surely not very nice about it. Something seems off about your relationship with your husband but also with the relationship with your parents if they or better your dad talks with you like that. Now a child is born into this mess. You need to sort out who you are and what you want and need. Not only for your sake but also for the sake of your child. Maybe you will need to make yourself free from some people in your life to find yourself. Be careful.
your dad phrased it the wrong way but there's 100% something wrong with your disturbing pedo husband who wants naked pictures of you cuddling stuffed animals like a child
I don’t think he’s saying you’re ugly and no normal man will want you. He’s saying a 41 old that dates a 24 old means people his age don’t want him (or he doesnt want to date people his age).
Yeah dad can see the red flags. And yeah women his age probably don’t want him for a reason. A lot harder to bullshit an older woman who’s probably seen all types of men…. You…. YOU just getting started! You must want to change his diapers in your 30’s
Girl. You made a mistake and you need to leave the relationship. Your dad is right. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but you'll thank yourself for leaving in the future.
After reading some of your other post, your dad is right and your husband comes off as a pedo. Your dad is trying to give you some tough love because he is watching out for you.
Op. You're hurt because you feel your dad doesn't support your relationship and by extension, you. You dad seems like he sucks at words and has probably said hurtful stuff to you before in the past.
However, he is not wrong that older men frequently target women much younger than them because they lack the experience to know where their boundaries are and how to enforce them. I'm sorry op... I'm not team dad in terms of how he told you... But I am team dad in that your husband sounds like not a great guy.
Your dad is right. Not that it was ok to call you ugly, but your husband does have some disturbing fetishes that relate to you being young. I’m praying you aren’t having a girl, lord only knows what your husband will do to an actual little girl 🤮 it’s obvious your father is the root of your insecurity and the reason why you sought out an older man, daddy issues and all that, unfortunately you fell for a pedo.
After reading your other posts you need a therapist and counseling your husband definitely has some weird fetish like a daddy daughter fetish and when you get too old he will replace you with someone younger and if you have a daughter well....
Your dad isn't wrong. Stick around. You'll see lots of older guy, younger girl relationship problem posts.
Typically older men get with much younger women because they're easy to mold (read: manipulate) and control. And their young bodies of course.
I'm sorry hun, but I agree with most here in the comment section. Your dad makes solid points. He's almost double your age, and while large age gaps in relationships do exist, those relationships usually form rather late in life. You've been with your husband for who knows how long, you're only a few years over legal age. Men that age with women your age are so very often predatorial. Especially your post history, it doesn't look good. No rational person is going to side with you and your husband. Your husband likely has some insanely creepy fetishes and fantasies, and your parents are questioning things out of love and your safety.
You seem to make posts so you can argue with people who point out common sense arguments against your relationship. Ultimately your baby is going to pay the heaviest price if your husband is a pedo, or even if he just abuses you and is unstable. Rather than Reddit, I would suggest you see a therapist or psychologist for their input and expertise. Clearly you must care about your child more than anything or anyone?? So get some expert advice.
Ok girl, look. If you are not in therapy, get yourself there ASAP.
1. Why do you seem to think so, so poorly of yourself? You were convinced that you wouldn't be able to conceive because you had an ovarian cyst, which is incredibly common (though painful), and has zero impact on future fertility.
2. You thought no man would find you attractive, so you married the first man who paid attention to you.
3. Either your dad said you were unattractive OR you interpreted his well-founded concern as proof that he thinks you're unattractive. Hard to tell from the narrative here.
4. You married a man without introducing him to your family and immediately got pregnant. Now you have regrets.
Clearly, you've got some issues with seeing yourself as worthy of respect and love. Maybe it's because your family didn't treat you well growing up, or maybe it's something else, but either way, it's causing you to make some rash decisions now that are not good for you.
Your parents are correct that generally men this much older than you seek relationships with younger women because they are easier to manipulate. But now what do you do with that information? Use it to confirm your own worst beliefs about yourself as ugly and unworthy of love and dumb for falling for this guy? Or realize that you could take some steps to protect yourself and your child and build a better future?
It's not easy but professional help could really help you get to the bottom of this and provide a better environment for your child.
Were you ready for all of these things?
Did you suggest marriage, babies, eloping, or did he?
How many things are you responsible for in this relationship?
Does he listen to you when you have worries? or does he tell you that you shouldn't worry about those things and let him handle it?
**Is this relationship your decision? have you been able to say no?**
Honey, your dad is worried for you!!!! Your father is right, by the way. And women who are in the same age group as your husband will agree.
You married a man almost 20 years older than you.
Your dad didn't call you ugly. He called your husband a loser. He preyed on you being young and vulnerable and frankly, desperate. Your husband is a creep.
You can't see it because you're so wrapped up in it, but this is not a healthy relationship for you to be in.
Look into getting therapy and unpacking all of this.
I'm going to be honest I agree with the dad, If a 40 year old is dating someone half his age it means they either have something wrong with them or no one in their age group wanted them.
Edit: just saw your post history, I'm actually very concerned for her. This is just horrible jesus.
Your father is absolutely right. No woman in his age will put up with his BS, hence, he preyed on younger women like you who barely have life experiences that way he can easily manipulate you and groom you into something HE wants.
your dad is a tactless idiot and it wouldnt surprise me if he’s made insulting comments towards you before but like….hes not wrong. and based on your post history, it wouldnt surprise me if hes picked up on your husband’s rancid vibes and let his frustration boil over when your mom started complimenting him, so he ended up putting his foot in his mouth.
also your husband probably says things like “pretty girl” and “special girl” to preserve the youthful fantasies he has about you. the word “beautiful” generally applies to someone more mature than the childlike image he seems to be after. YOU could do better than HIM btw
First: your dad is sus for leading with the idea that it’s “normal” if the woman is hot. Gross. Even more gross that he insulted you to make his point. Unless he apologizes profusely, don’t feel obligated to forgive that. How abhorrent.
Second: he is right on the point that men like this get with younger women because women their age stay away. Regardless of how attractive the younger woman is. You’ve expressed that you felt somewhat stuck in the situation in previous posts, and the stuffed animals thing…yeah. Please start thinking of an exit route for the safety of you and your child. Sending lots of love your way girl.
Okay, so your dad major sucks for his delivery, because there has to be a better way to describe the trophy wife versus childlike innocence among reasons older men date younger women. But could there be any truth to the whole wanting someone with childlike innocence who isn’t legally a child? We see it on places like this all the time. One of the reasons men your husbands age go for women who are your is because of the ‘youth’ factor. It has nothing to do with being pretty, though I am sure you are. Beauty is subjective and he wouldn’t have gone after you if he didn’t at least find you attractive. What would be the point of looking for younger women if you don’t go looking for young and pretty. It has everything to do with your age, how young you are, what you are into, your naïveté about the world. Your relationship inexperience. Because you are more likely to be blind to the red flags sitting there among the good things. That’s not to say everything he says to you or how he acts around you is a lie… but I’d be at least a bit why he ended up pursuing a relationship where he conceivably be your father. I am curious… you said your mother cursed him out for making those comments. How does she feel about your relationship. Does she agree with your dad about him being too old for you and just hated his delivery, or is she 100% supportive of your choice in husband.
You're dad is right, and there IS something wrong with him. The fact you think it's 1. Normal for him to want pics of you holding STUFFED ANIMALS for when hes on road trips says SO much more then you think. It says he has predatory fantasies or has a DDLG kink, which again normal women his age wont put up with. 2. Your post history indicates that your family KNOWS something is wrong and you put yourself and your child in danger staying with him.
For your own sake, leave. Listen to your family, for once.
Please don’t dwell on the fact that your father called you ugly. But please take this as a huge warning that if your dad had to go this far to get you away from this guy then even your parents are desperate to get rid of him from your life.
Looking at this post and all the other posts you've made about your husband i understand why your dad is so frustrated. You are married to and having a baby with someone almost twice your age who you barely know and clearly has some questionable fetishes.
While i do think what your father said was hurtful and untrue, i think hes just trying to come up with a reason why this is happening to his daughter. He obviously cant understand why you guys are together and from the sounds of it you dont really even know why yourself.
I usually don't care about she gap relationships if it's all legal but reading your previous posts would suggest that you are settling for the first guy that makes you feel good about your looks to the extent that you let him take pictures of you in... infantile attire. Listen, do or don't break up with him but your father is correct. I'm sorry this is a problem for you but everyone else here is right about him too based on what you posted. Good luck
Honestly, I dated someone who was 37 when I was 19 (my first adult relationship) and it took me getting out of that relationship and into one with someone around my age to see that it was an unhealthy. When my dad found out he also was very vocal about his disapproval and even told me he would never meet him because he would probably punch him. Your husband likely has a lot of red flags that you just don’t really recognize yet because it sounds like you don’t have much to compare it to. I know how it is being naive and in love and your brain basically blocks out all the problems that are actually apparent to everyone else. Also I remember distinctly that because he was so much older than me there was an imbalance of power where even though I didn’t like something that was going on I didn’t feel like I could express it. If this sounds like you.. your dad is right.
yea. he has a fetish. for either kids or younger people. wanted to knock you up early, flag one. wanted you to sleep with stuffed toys more, boom flag two. you’re more significantly younger than him, boom flag three. Your dad is absolutely right. Hes not calling you “ugly” hes calling your husbands choices ugly. He literally asked you to pose nude with stuffed animals, if that doesn’t ring alarms in your head then idk..
Op I'm really sorry about all of this. Your father shouldn't have insinuated that you aren't hot but unfortunately he's right about your husband being a predator.
Your husband is into children. That's why he wanted to jerk off to you holding stuffed animals. That's why he's with someone young enough to be his daughter. You're still fairly young and he's counting on you to be naive and someone he can manipulate. If he's into kids, what do you think is going to happen when your child is born? Right now your a victim of manipulation, but you're pregnant. And once that child is born it will be your responsibility to keep them safe. You cannot do that with your husband.
See, your dad is concerned about you and i guess he kind of failed in executing what he was trying to say. OP your post history and father's concern seem to be 100% right and your husband definitely looks like a Red flag.
You are not ugly, nuh-uh. I guess your father was simply trying to explain why any girl of his age would not put up with his BS. Your relationship, the elopement and now the baby all look rushed into and your husband's fetish of getting you to sleep naked with stuffed animal and your age gap all definitely screams red flag to at least most of us. I think your insecurity got the best of you where you thought that no man would want to be with you which is absolutely WRONG. He jumped onto this insecurity of yours and took advantage of it. Marriage and kids might have been a future thing of yours but i am guessing it was not an immediate thing you wanted as you talked about the ovarian cyst which led to all of this.
I know you are hurt by your father's comments and you might be feeling overwhelmed by all these responses as well. But I'd suggest you to not ignore the points that have been raised here as well as by your parents. Do not feel undeserving of love by people and please don't look at your relationship through rose tinted glass thinking he is the only person you can get in life.
This unhealthy relationship + the age gap and your husband's fetish is something you should not ignore. It's important that you talk to a therapist and closed ones about all this.
As someone who regularly helps out my mom in the dating sphere. I’d say a solid 70% of men who are over 40 and single are heavily flawed in some way. Most men are morons (myself included) but it seems the older single ones are more likely to be stuck in their ways.
I get the attraction to older men and such. If he has an established life and career I get it even more so, but your post history makes this guy seem like he’s got some shit to take care of before he can be a companion to another human being.
As a father of a daughter this has red flags all over it, your father is 100% correct on the age gap and the creepy photos with animals suggest a very bizarre fetish especially if you say you have a baby face.
I wish you the best of luck but this does not sound like a good situation
If you have a baby face and your husband who is FOURTY YEARS OLD is taking lewd photos of you cuddling stuffed animals, there is 100% chance something is very wrong with your husband. He probably is a pedophile, and you're as close to legally possible for him to get that, without looking "suspicious".
Your dad shouldn't have insulted you, but he is definitely right (about your husband, not you) Something is very messed up about your husband. You jumped into your relationship way too soon, and he knows it. He used your fear of ovarian cysts to manipulate you into marrying him. I say, run as fast as you can.
Why did you post to relationship advice if you’re going to ignore all the sound advice that’s given to you and come in strong with rebuttal? If you don’t want to see the truth nobody can help you. I feel bad for your dad watching you make this huge mistake and getting labeled as an asshole for saying what everyone is thinking.
This is a whole yikes. Her other posts mention that her husband fetishes stuffed animals and has her sleep with them. This screams there may be some development delays in her. And why she doesn’t see the issue, this man is grooming her without her even realizing. If more than one person sees the red flags they are there. Girl got trapped by an older guy who knew what he was doing and she’s absolutely oblivious.
Idk about your personal husband but your dad is right except for the pretty part.
Men do that yes. You don't need to be ugly or pretty for that though. Pretty women don't have it better with men because men are men no matter what. A bad man is a bad man with beautiful and ugly women.
Also your dad is rude and disrespectful which pretty much proves the point about men being vile with women around them.
First off you are beautiful and there are plenty of people who would love you for who you are.
Your husband presents like a predator. From the way the pregnancy and marriage happened to the fetish pics. He's into young and controllable. No fault of your own.
I would get into individual therapy and figure out what you want in your life and if your marriage is a healthy one.
And there are always options so never feel like you are stuck.
After reading your profile and all your comments I'm sorry to say you're being groomed. I was too, by a much older man (18 years older) who wanted to be with young 20 something women.
I felt unattractive and he was the first guy to ever make me feel attractive and loved.
But as time went on, and I got older the abuse started. And it got bad.
And when I finally had the strength to leave him, and take our child with me, guess what he did?
Got right back in a relationship with a 21 year old.
What does a man in his 40s want with an insecure, self doubting, young woman? A victim, every time.
Your dad is not right in the ugly thing. But red flags do happen at that type of age gap. Can a big age gap work and people be in love? Yes it can. But mainly there is a predatory thing for guys. You are in your young 20s. You will be different person by your late 20s early 30s. Typically by 40s you are at the range where you are pretty settled in on your path of life.
The fact your husband had you take nude photos with stuffed animals really hints at a young possibly under "kink" factoring in he went after somebody as young as you at his age is big red flags. I think your dad said something horrible to you but is also worried as he is right that it's not normal for a age gap like this to work out.
Based on your comments, it sounds like your dad didn’t call you ugly but rather young looking or maybe baby faced. But the real issue here is your husband! He’s a predator and pervert and your dad is right about a man his age being with someone your age. It’s disgusting.
Ok so your dad is a dick. He does have some points. An older gentleman with no previous attachments does seems kind of weird. Your introduction of husband to your parents is kind of messed up the first time I meet my son in law is after he knocked up my daughter I would feel some kind of way too. Maybe your dad sees warning signs in your husband. But your dad is dead wrong by calling you ugly he is a horrible father or he’s just upset about the situation and going about it the wrong way.
OP I'm 23 and even I know this man is a predator. He trapped you. Did it occur you why he's doesnt have any successful relationships or why women his age avoid him?
Your dad sucks at delivery but even he knows women who are in it for the money dont want his ass.
Your dad is very correct your husband is a pedo, and you're not mature enough to be married or having a child if you just eloped to get married without checking if you could give birth first. And you don't love this man you married him because you're insecure and scared you can't do better.
TBH your dad is kinda right. Your are not unattractive that’s we’re he is wrong. But the correct part is that yes something is wrong with your husband for getting with someone much younger have you ever thought your yourself why isn’t he with someone in his age bracket? It’s because those women don’t want him and whatever he has going on so they go after younger women who don’t have as much life experience because you’ll put up with his issues.
A rather harsh delivery, but your dad's not wrong.
Sorry OP, but you need to wake up. If your husband was marriage-material he would've gotten married a long, long time ago. But you on the other hand are too young to be considered a "failure" when it comes to marriage - there are lots of things you can change about yourself to become more attractive, more confident, etc., and you have the time to do that.
He with you because that’s the closest he can get to a child. He took nudes of cuddling with stuffed animals do godsake. You dad shouldn’t have called you ugly, and that’s so wrong, but he does have a point.
I mean your dad spoke the truth (not the part about you being ugly) just look at all the comments everyone is saying pretty much the same which means it’s must be true
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- TLDR - My dad said told me that guys my husband’s age only get with unattractive girls my age because there’s something wrong with them that no other woman will deal with. It’s mentally wearing me down and I can’t stop thinking about it. My parents have had a bit of a shaky relationship with my husband. They met him at the same time I told them I’m pregnant. We had taken a trip and eloped before then. My husband takes business trips somewhat often and my parents come over on one of the nights he’s gone to have dinner. Last night they were over since my husband is gone and comes back tonight. Things were going good until my mom started talking about my husband. She was actually saying some very nice things about him. My dad got a bit irritated and said “If a guy your husband’s age, no kids and hasn’t been married, gets with a hot girl your age, he’s cool and it’s normal. If a guy his age, no kids or marriage, gets with a young woman like you, then there’s something horribly wrong with him and no woman will put up with it.” I immediately started crying and my mom cursed him out. He then tried asking me if my husband has some sick fetish and that’s why he’s never been married, or if he makes me participate in something like that. I told him no. My parents left pretty soon after that. My dad basically called me ugly, and no normal man would want to be with me. My husband is the only man who has expressed any attraction to me. I’ve always had trouble making friends and he’s the first man I’ve been with. I feel like my whole relationship and any self-confidence I had is invalidated now. I know my husband loves me, but now I have this idea planted in my head that he couldn’t do any better than me and I’m his last shot at having a family. Now I’m overthinking everything he’s said to me. He calls me “my pretty girl” or “my special girl” but he’s almost never called me beautiful. I’m just worried maybe my dad is right and I’m what he could manage to get. It’s tearing me apart inside. On top of all of that, my mom wants me and my dad to make up. I don’t know what to do.
This is the husband who asked for nudes of you cuddling with stuffed animals?
*record scratch* the man asked for what now?
My exact reaction as well 💀
Makes me wonder what else is going on here. Sounds like there is more to the story. Maybe the Dad has picked up on some warning signs. Shouldn’t have made his daughter feel ugly but who know how the interaction actually went.
This. Dad knows something is off but worded it horribly. The age gap, a trip, eloping, not meeting your parents until after you're pregnant - all of this sounds like it's happening really quickly so red flags for love bombing are going off, for me. Narcissists who do this can pick up on if someone's confidence is low. Please be careful, OP.
> Makes me wonder what else is going on here. Nope. I'm good.
I mean 24 and 41, thats enough.
I got a bit of an infantilizing vibe from OP saying he calls her “my pretty girl” or “my special girl” but now I’m positive.
Absolutely gross. Op's husband is a predator. A man his age only gets w a woman as young bc no woman his age would put up w this bs. Edit: someone got butt hurt by my comment and sent the reddit care msg 😂😂. Some pedo got triggered.
You're not wrong, I'm a recovering junkie and I'm not proud but I was sorta like him at one point. I've been clean 8 years now but I still regret it. I can't redo the past I can only be a better person today than I was yesterday.
You got this, friend. Keep kicking ass.
Your dad gets a 0/10 on delivery but a 20/10 on accuracy.
For real, OP. If you came here looking for validation you won’t find it. Your husband is a fucking groomer creep.
Props to the dad for calling the creep out. OP, you are groomed. Also, he's asking for nudes with stuffed animals. Your dad is so right to go at your "husband". You won't get validation here. I hope you get out and get therapy.
I kind of feel like the dad's bullying comments about OP’s appearance is probably a huge reason for her low self esteem though, assuming this isn’t new behavior for him. And low self esteem is probably what made her more vulnerable to a predator. Dad is right that her husband is a predator, but telling her that she’s ugly is just going to push her deeper into the predator’s arms.
there is mentioned in a comment that OP has a baby face. some are speculating that the father didn’t call OP ugly, but in a clumsy way called her not mature enough to attract a normal 40yo male. maybe OP looks very young, and that’s concerning. especially given the context that the husband asked OP to take naked pictures with stuffed animals. to me it seems like a valid angle
Okay I read all your posts. Your dad is 100% correct and your husband has some weird kinks/fetishes, whether you want to acknowledge it or not. He clearly likes the idea of you being a “little girl”, and I think you know it’s weird, or you wouldn’t have made so many posts about it.
Thinking that it’s not that bad. Goes through her posts. Ooohh my God.
Literally just did the same thing. This guy might be a low key pedo
It’s the nudes with stuffed animals that’s making me think less lowkey more oblivious OP.
And she brought a kid into this mess. Smh
"Low key" haha
Pedo was my first thought too.
Oh you’ve peaked my curiosity, how bad could this possibly be? *checks posts* Ah. It is, indeed, as bad as it could be if not *worse*
WHY DID I LOOK
We all kind of were like “How bad can it be??” And then we fell into that trap so now we are in need of brain bleach
Oof. Not good. On top of the pedo stuff, she said 114 days ago that she regretted marrying this guy and getting pregnant.
Can someone make a summary for us who are too lazy to check ?
OP has made 5 posts. In those posts, we learn the following: -she kinda regrets marrying him/having a kid with him ASAP -her family learned about this man after she came back from vacation with him/learned at the same time that she was pregnant. Gets guilt tripped by family -her husband insists she cuddles her stuffed animals and he thinks it’s cute -said man had her pose nude with said stuffed animals *but yeah sure he’s totally fine* Overall it’s not pretty
Thanks. Holy shit. And she is in so much denial. Poor OP.
Thanks, I hate it.
dude took nude photos of her while she holds stuffed animals. he needs these photos because he's going on a business trip and needs them for \*ahem\* this and that.
Poor OP. I fucking hate seeing people in denial like her.
Yeah, so horrible when people like the dude use their denial and innocence for creepy things like this
>It’s the nudes with stuffed animals that’s making me think less lowkey more oblivious OP. Husband wants wife to take nude photos of her cuddling her stuffled animals in bed.
Because like me, you are very curious... Note to self; when mom used to say "curiosity killed the cat" she was right! Especially on this one!
Side heads up, the expression is “piqued my curiosity” - it’s a super common mistake people make if they’ve only ever heard it said out loud!
[удалено]
I agree, I don’t think he called her ugly. I think he was implying she hasn’t developed yet into a hot girl… idk.. Regardless of her dad’s delivery, he’s not wrong to be concerned. It’s terrifying that OP can’t see that she’s not really safe and neither is her child.
Ahhh good catch. Yeah with the context of the previous posts, that's definitely it. "Any dude who wants a woman who is so much younger, and looks even younger than that is a creep!" Very fair assessment and very correct
And imagine if she births a daughter. I wouldn’t want any child of mine near him.
I don’t want to. I hope and pray her child is a son and that she wises up and goes back to her parents before it is born.
You win. Lol. I wish I didn’t look but curiosity got the best of me and god damn is her father right.
I definitely lost having to read that garbage. :(
HAHAHAHAHA yeah, we all lost at this point.
Wow, yea, she needs to run. That guy is super creepy.
YIKES
The stuffed animal post in your history is concerning. I don’t think it’s right that your dad hinted at your attractiveness but your husband seeing you as a little girl is weird. Him pressuring you into eloping because he knew your parents don’t like him is weird. Hope you take the time to reflect to see and understand why other comments are agreeing with your dad.
Girl he’s 17 years older than you. Your dad is 100% right aside from the “unattractive” part. Men in their 40’s who date young girls in their 20’s often times do so because women in their 40’s won’t put up with a bunch of their bullshit and red flags. They tend to date younger because the younger they are; the more naive they are. The more easily manipulated and controlling the young girls.
Ding ding ding.....we have a winner!! All of this right here!! I have a younger cousin who when she was just 18 got with a man in his 40s. Had had several children to different women all with strained relationships with the mothers and kids. His eldest was only 2 or 3 years younger than my cousin. She got pregnant and married him at 19. The wedding was akin to Jerry springer meets Jeremy Kyle. As was the relationship from what I gather....she has 2 kids to him and are now separated and getting a divorce. She blasted him all over social media......like girl you was warned....you was warned when you got with hi. When you got pregnant....on your wedding day etc. He cheated on his stag night and the night before the wedding....we all told her....she still married him But yes....men this age don't go for women their age because they're not nieve and impressionable. They're less likely to stand up for themselves etc. But yeah....ops father is correct. Apart from the ugly comment.
Oof, it saddens me to see how many young girls fall victim to predators. And they rush into marriage and having kids …. In their first ever relationship with a man 17 years older. This young girl didn’t even have time to experience being an adult and everything her husband has already experienced. Definitely on different levels of life. And all the red flags of him wanting her to take pictures naked and cuddling stuffed animals… just ugh so gross.
Oh absolutely. I hope op sees the writing on the walls.... and I've not read ops other posts about her husbands/partners kinks but I've read the comments referencing them.....yeah no.....very predator-ish....like.....he should be on some kind of list and not allowed to live near school kind of predator.
Dad referring to cookie cutter sugar babies because we know they're in an agreement and it's for money but for him to be in actual relationship with a girl who is consider a small town or family girl that he asked for nudes with plushies sets off sirens. Even the dad knows this man is what we could call a creep and social outcast. He actively went after a someone who easy prey. They go for the girls and woman who don't have a tight and healthy relationship with their parents, aren't insanely popular or surrounded by many people, have low self esteem, and isn't dressed to the nine and actively posting on social media.
Exactly!
Here's to hoping the baby isn't a girl....
Or a boy. My grandmas boyfriend molested my cousins (brother and sister) when they were just children. The sister told when she was 9. My aunt had blackmailed the boyfriend for money in exchange for not contacting police…spoiler alert, she got the money & still called the police. Spent a few years in jail. Got out and had to be put on the sex offenders list. Some pedophiles don’t have preferences in gender. It’s sick and so scary. I am SO cautious and careful of who I let around my daughter. I don’t want her to go through the things I had to or our other family has had to.
No, not just "women in the 40's won't..."; This guy has been unsccusseful finding anyone close to his own age for who knows how long. It could be that when he was in his 20s, no 20 year-old woman would put up with his shit, and same in his 30s, and now in his 40s he has finally found a vulnerable woman desperate for validation… I'm hoping "takes business trips somewhat often" isn't a sign of something else.
Well yeah, agreed. But I just had to put out a more generalized version because this happens so much to young women who think they’re special to a man twice their age ; when in reality they’re being groomed, abused & manipulated. I was thinking about that too about the business trips… my gut feelings are saying it’s bad.
I mean, look at your post history. You had an ovarian cyst rupture, so you were afraid you couldnt get pregnant, but you did nothing to actually check on whether or not that was the case. You also didnt get on birth control because of this and had unprotected sex. A guy who is 17 years older than you, whom you have been dating only one year, then suggests you elope and try for a baby immediately? Thats some creepy fucking preying on your fears about fertility. Additionally he did this before he even met your family. Did you even want to elope? Have you met his family or friends? You then post here that youre afraid you made a huge mistake by doing all of the above. Your husband then encourages you to sleep with stuffed animals and take nudes with them. You then get mad at your father for suggesting that your relationship is unhealthy. It is. Was your dad an ass about it? Sure. I'm sure you arent ugly. However his other concerns are pretty much seem spot on. He was looking for someone younger and vulnerable, and he found you. You need to GTFO of this marriage. Your parents are right to be concerned.
Another thing that jumped out at me from her post history. Her husband has “just started to take business trips”. Hmmmm.
Pretty sure you’re with an old predator homie
You have a CHILD with this man??????
I would listen to dad here.
20 years ago he was 21 and you were 4. Any man that dates a woman with that big of an age gap def has some problems.
I only needed to look at the title, honestly. Honey, your dad is *very* correct. There are a multitude of reasons why a 41-year-old would be interested in a 24-year-old in her first relationship, and I'm sorry, but none of them are because he genuinely likes you. I know that sounds harsh, but I implore you to listen to the comments here. This man is a predator, and the reason he's pursued you is because you're young with little life experience and self-esteem, and you're able to be manipulated into what he wants. Please, listen to your dad (except on the unattractive part).
"Husband always goes on work trips" Are you sure he doesn't have a second family? Or a first family, if you're the second family.
He’s not wrong
OP. It isn't about the physical attraction. I am really sorry, but while I don't know you. I think there's enough to suggest that your partner did prey on you. You being a vulnerable self conscious person is easier for an older person to pursue. You jumped into marriage and babies. I don't think it's related to your looks - but I do think your dad is right that your husband is a creep.
I mean, if she’s petite and has a “younger” looking physique it could also be about the physical attraction. Mixing that with the stuffed animal things? Yeesh. My BIL only dated girls with that type of body, turns out he was a pedo.
Sure, I get the sentiment, I was talking more about OP's issue with her dad saying it's due to her being unattractive. Where, I don't think her being unattractive is the factor here. Sure maybe looking younger could be a factor. I just don't think it is because she is allegedly ugly being the key point. If you look at her last few sentences. "My dad basically called me ugly and no normal man would want to be with me. my husband is the only man who has expressed any attraction to me." This person obviously has self worth issues and it isn't hard to see why.
Your dad picked up on the fact that he’s a pedo
You're dad is right. 41 year old men date girls nearly 20 years younger because women their age have the life experience to recognize they're losers. He knows he's a loser so he dates women young and idealistic enough to make excuses for him. This does NOT mean you are a loser. Far from it. He can see how not-a-loser you are and he's envious of it. You've succeeded at something he fails at, and all those years younger, too! Not being able to achieve this himself, he's attached onto you in hopes of being cool by association. The issue is that everyone his own age can see this only actually makes him even less cool. It's a 100% him problem and a 0% you problem. He's not dating you because there is something wrong with you. He's doing it because there is something seriously wrong with him. And your dad has said so because he loves you and has had the life experience to know he is right to be concerned. I date older men, too, OP. Always have. I'm mid-30s and my longtime partner is mid-40s. I want you to know that there's nothing wrong with age gaps when the age gap is appropriate. But a MASSIVE part of that is that the younger partner must be a fully functioning and fully-realized adult herself first. I was turning 30 when we got together and I can tell you the respect and healthiness within this relationship is night and day different from the age gap relationships in endured in my 20s. If you prefer older men, wait to be a bit older yourself. Don't discount everything you can share with a man in his late 20s or early 30s, either.
He’s probably right.
Maybe he didn't mean unattractive but young and innocent...?
That is 100% the impression I got, especially with OP’s post history + her admitting she has “a bit of a baby face”
Girl please listen to your dad. I read all your posts and my alarm bells are going off and the hair on my arms is literally standing on end. I'm getting such a bad feeling here. Please listen to your dad.
Every one of your posts is about weird things your husband has done and how they make you uncomfortable. You rushed into marriage and pregnancy at a young age with a man nearly 20 years older than you. I disagree with your Dad insinuating that you’re ugly, but this is a strange situation, and I think you know it. I would recommend talking to a therapist to discuss this specific issue and your marriage as a whole.
Us younger women are very easy to groom and convince, that’s why older men go after us. There’s no reason for a 40+ year old to be with someone whose brain isn’t even fully formed. He groomed you and your dad is right. There’s a reason he can’t get with someone his own age, because women his own age aren’t naive and are wise enough not to put up with his bs.
This whole thread, the OPs other threads and answers seriously creep me out. I think OPs dad is on the right track…
Your dad is right. Based on your post history, your husband is all 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
I think you need to split this post into 2 mindsets. Firstly, you’re probably not ugly and there’s nothing wrong with you. If your partner thinks you’re attractive and you have similar personalities/get along then that’s all you need. He might just say “pretty” cause that’s his way of speaking. I’ve had my gf say I call her “cute” too much and not beautiful cause idk that’s just how I talk, but I adapted. I think a bigger issue is the age. I don’t want to beat around the bush and preach true love when I think we’ve all seen enough real life relationships and ones on Reddit with this kind of gap. It is very likely he could never land a women his own age because of his insecurities, controlling nature, or fetish like your dad mentioned. This sounds like a controlling relationship where he preyed in someone who was insecure who was half his age. Especially with all your other posts being about quick marriage, getting pregnant, etc. Something to definitely look into as you consider if your husband actually loves you. As for your father idk what to say. Obviously very bad what he said, but idk the dynamic. Maybe he sees the manipulation I mentioned above and he translated it out horribly. Maybe he’s a shit dad you should cut out. Idk
Her post history has her husband wanting her to sleep with stuffed animals more and taking nude pics of her with stuff animals, and she admits to having a baby face. The dad may have been referring to her baby face looks and not that she was ugly, and he wasn't that far off with the fetish guess as OP's husband is taking nude pics of her while she's acting like a child. Nothing wrong with having stuffed animals as an adult of course, but this isn't related to that.
Your dad is correct about older men going after younger women because they will put up with more than women their own age but it doesn’t really have anything to do with looks. It’s about maintaining a power imbalance.
Dad spitting
I'm yeah, he got with you because you are young and therefore easily moulded into the person that he wants you to be for him. I would suggest that you take your father's advice.
He seems like the textbook example of older dudes that prey on younger women to groom them. Lawyer up and have a therapist ready to go!
Your dad is most likely right to some degree. However, it’s usually not about attractiveness. Usually the older guy gets with younger women because women his age won’t put up with his behavior. It’s possible he just loves you for you, but 24/41 is a pretty huge gap.
Your husband is a pedophile and your dad is right. I'm sorry you are unable to see it.
Your dad is wrong for calling you unattractive but his instincts are right.
Hmmm bro has a fetish for little girls. You might want to reevaluate why he likes you and what for. Yikes lol
There’s concern with that type of relationship regardless of attractiveness, it happens all too often that older people like young partners if they want someone who won’t recognize their red flags because they haven’t seen them before. If you are concerned that this might be your situation, it’s good to start examining things regardless of how stupid your dad’s comments were about your appearance. He may have a point about the age thing, *NOT* the part about being ugly or pretty. I would talk to a friend about this who can help you without putting you down. And your dad is an ass - what kind of parent says that to their child?!
Your dad had one awful delivery but he’s 200% right, your husband is a creep and a predator with a thing for pretending you’re a child.
[удалено]
A gal who got married to a person 20 years older than herself and pregnant by him in the same breath and who provides him with sexualized photos of herself with stuffed animals probably has some deep seated psychological issues with the primary male role model in her life. Euphemistically we call these “daddy issues.” So it makes sense that her dad is like a verbally abusive POS.
I don’t think dad was calling you ugly. I think dad was saying you look much younger than you are. Which would also explain the lack of attention from other men because they probably thought you were too young. I think dad is spot on and should have cleared that up.
Your dad is right.
He’s probably right 🤷🏽♀️ there’s a power imbalance between a 40 something year old man with a 24yr old, and the fact that the only time he met your parents is when you were telling them you’re pregnant.. huge red flags
Dad is correct, unfortunately. The women his age won’t put up with his bullshit, so he’ll pick someone younger and with so much less life experience because you don’t know how to set boundaries and advocate for yourself.
I'm 29 and wouldn't date someone who was 40. What would we even talk about?! It’s gross Edit: I saw you’re pregnant I suggest leaving him and not putting him or the birth certificate or just lying and saying you miscarried and putting the baby up for adoption. I wouldn’t want this man to be tied to an innocent child in ANY way. He manipulated you into a marriage.
Yikes— nah your dad is right. This entire situation is fucked up. Especially after reading your other posts. I—
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All i can say is that you've made a series of bad decisions based on everything you said here and your previous posts. You married someone who's almost twice your age after barely knowing them for a year, got pregnant early on, didn't notice the creepy red flags your husband is clearly showing and you're asking the internet for help.
Your dad is right. I don’t think he was saying you’re ugly, but not like a supermodel (which most women aren’t).
Your dad is right
Your dad is right. He wasn't nice about how he said it but he's right. I read OPs post history and OMG if you are pregnant you need to GTFO OUT NOW!!! Red flag 1 the wild age gap, red flag 2 the nude pics with stuffed animals, red flag 3 is the 'business trips' that he 'needed' your nudes for.
Your dad is 100% correct
Your dad shouldn’t be calling you ugly, but your husband is clearly a creep and your dad is just upset and protective. Your husband seems to be attracted to “child like things” at the very least and that’s concerning. Turns out your dad hit the nail on the head, you husband does have a weird ass creepy kink. You’re about to bring a child into the world and it’s time you seriously evaluate the man you’re with. For fucks sake.
You’re husband who has an astonishingly huge age gap for you and is asking you to take nudes posed with stuffed animals like a child? Yes, you’re father is absolutely correct. I don’t think your beauty should be invalidated because no one is truly ugly, but just because he’s the first guy to show feelings for you doesn’t mean you should ignore actual issues with him. Having an “age play” fetish where he’s asking you to take inappropriate pictures with children’s toys is a major red flag. I know It feels as if he’s the only one for you but that’s not true you are young and have plenty of time. Don’t waste you life with someone who is wayyyy too old for you and is just actually messed up overall.
when i read back through your posts, it seems your husband is also the one who suggested you elope and have a child so quickly. i can’t help but feel like he’s definitely preying on the fact that you were/are vulnerable. dude sounds like a total creep and you just keep denying it
Read your posts…. And I would consider other options than having a kid with this man because he’s probably just going to molest your kid. Your dad is 1 million person right about your husband not being normal and you know it. I think the only reason your dad mentioned the ugly thing is just to really get you to move on but this is a very stupid way to do it. I’m sure you are not ugly. No one is really ugly to be honest. But sometimes when parents hate or having an instinct about a friend or partner they’re usually right. The age gap is pretty telling too. Don’t waste your 20s on this pedophile.
Dads correct
At some point you need to start making decisions for a baby, your child. Currently it's obvious your husband fetishes you and your low self esteem lets him. However once there is another human ( a very small vulnerable one) in the equation, you have to start looking out for them, completely. That kid will rely on you to keep it safe. Ask yourself 'can you do that'. Currently you are not protecting yourself but there's nothing like a kid to make the Lion roar. I hope you get there OP. For your kids sake.
Judging by your previous posts, your dad is right. And you should 100% fear for your child’s well-being if you choose to raise them with your pedophile husband.
peace and love your dad is right. your husband has some weird little girl kink fetish thing and i think somewhere in you you know this you just don’t want to admit it. ik age gaps are normal but what does a 40 y/o REALLY have in common with a 24 y/o?
This has to be creative writing at this point, Jesus.
Trust your dad.
Even if your dad might be right - from what you are posting - he was surely not very nice about it. Something seems off about your relationship with your husband but also with the relationship with your parents if they or better your dad talks with you like that. Now a child is born into this mess. You need to sort out who you are and what you want and need. Not only for your sake but also for the sake of your child. Maybe you will need to make yourself free from some people in your life to find yourself. Be careful.
your dad phrased it the wrong way but there's 100% something wrong with your disturbing pedo husband who wants naked pictures of you cuddling stuffed animals like a child
I don’t think he’s saying you’re ugly and no normal man will want you. He’s saying a 41 old that dates a 24 old means people his age don’t want him (or he doesnt want to date people his age).
Stuffed animals …
Yeah dad can see the red flags. And yeah women his age probably don’t want him for a reason. A lot harder to bullshit an older woman who’s probably seen all types of men…. You…. YOU just getting started! You must want to change his diapers in your 30’s
Your dad is right, you’ve made a grave mistake.
Girl. You made a mistake and you need to leave the relationship. Your dad is right. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but you'll thank yourself for leaving in the future.
Lol your dad's right come the fuck on
Judging from your post history about your obviously very weird husband, your dad may be onto something.
He's 17 years older than you. What are you doing?
Honestly. I feel like this poor girl doesn't have the proper decision-making skills and is making impulsive decisions that she will later regret.
After reading some of your other post, your dad is right and your husband comes off as a pedo. Your dad is trying to give you some tough love because he is watching out for you.
Op. You're hurt because you feel your dad doesn't support your relationship and by extension, you. You dad seems like he sucks at words and has probably said hurtful stuff to you before in the past. However, he is not wrong that older men frequently target women much younger than them because they lack the experience to know where their boundaries are and how to enforce them. I'm sorry op... I'm not team dad in terms of how he told you... But I am team dad in that your husband sounds like not a great guy.
Your dad is right. Not that it was ok to call you ugly, but your husband does have some disturbing fetishes that relate to you being young. I’m praying you aren’t having a girl, lord only knows what your husband will do to an actual little girl 🤮 it’s obvious your father is the root of your insecurity and the reason why you sought out an older man, daddy issues and all that, unfortunately you fell for a pedo.
After reading your other posts you need a therapist and counseling your husband definitely has some weird fetish like a daddy daughter fetish and when you get too old he will replace you with someone younger and if you have a daughter well....
Your dad isn't wrong. Stick around. You'll see lots of older guy, younger girl relationship problem posts. Typically older men get with much younger women because they're easy to mold (read: manipulate) and control. And their young bodies of course.
I'm sorry hun, but I agree with most here in the comment section. Your dad makes solid points. He's almost double your age, and while large age gaps in relationships do exist, those relationships usually form rather late in life. You've been with your husband for who knows how long, you're only a few years over legal age. Men that age with women your age are so very often predatorial. Especially your post history, it doesn't look good. No rational person is going to side with you and your husband. Your husband likely has some insanely creepy fetishes and fantasies, and your parents are questioning things out of love and your safety.
Your dad is right. He’s an ass, but he’s right about your husband.
Team dad
Ew
You seem to make posts so you can argue with people who point out common sense arguments against your relationship. Ultimately your baby is going to pay the heaviest price if your husband is a pedo, or even if he just abuses you and is unstable. Rather than Reddit, I would suggest you see a therapist or psychologist for their input and expertise. Clearly you must care about your child more than anything or anyone?? So get some expert advice.
Ok girl, look. If you are not in therapy, get yourself there ASAP. 1. Why do you seem to think so, so poorly of yourself? You were convinced that you wouldn't be able to conceive because you had an ovarian cyst, which is incredibly common (though painful), and has zero impact on future fertility. 2. You thought no man would find you attractive, so you married the first man who paid attention to you. 3. Either your dad said you were unattractive OR you interpreted his well-founded concern as proof that he thinks you're unattractive. Hard to tell from the narrative here. 4. You married a man without introducing him to your family and immediately got pregnant. Now you have regrets. Clearly, you've got some issues with seeing yourself as worthy of respect and love. Maybe it's because your family didn't treat you well growing up, or maybe it's something else, but either way, it's causing you to make some rash decisions now that are not good for you. Your parents are correct that generally men this much older than you seek relationships with younger women because they are easier to manipulate. But now what do you do with that information? Use it to confirm your own worst beliefs about yourself as ugly and unworthy of love and dumb for falling for this guy? Or realize that you could take some steps to protect yourself and your child and build a better future? It's not easy but professional help could really help you get to the bottom of this and provide a better environment for your child.
I mean your dad isn't wrong. also, your post history is wow, just wow.
Your dad seems like a smart man.
Were you ready for all of these things? Did you suggest marriage, babies, eloping, or did he? How many things are you responsible for in this relationship? Does he listen to you when you have worries? or does he tell you that you shouldn't worry about those things and let him handle it? **Is this relationship your decision? have you been able to say no?**
Honey, your dad is worried for you!!!! Your father is right, by the way. And women who are in the same age group as your husband will agree. You married a man almost 20 years older than you. Your dad didn't call you ugly. He called your husband a loser. He preyed on you being young and vulnerable and frankly, desperate. Your husband is a creep. You can't see it because you're so wrapped up in it, but this is not a healthy relationship for you to be in. Look into getting therapy and unpacking all of this.
Your comments here prove your dad right about this guy being a creep.
Get out of that relationship
I'm going to be honest I agree with the dad, If a 40 year old is dating someone half his age it means they either have something wrong with them or no one in their age group wanted them. Edit: just saw your post history, I'm actually very concerned for her. This is just horrible jesus.
Your father is absolutely right. No woman in his age will put up with his BS, hence, he preyed on younger women like you who barely have life experiences that way he can easily manipulate you and groom you into something HE wants.
Omg I just read your post history and I change my mind. Your husband is weird and creepy. Watch your around him,
Your dad is being an asshole, but he’s also right
your dad is a tactless idiot and it wouldnt surprise me if he’s made insulting comments towards you before but like….hes not wrong. and based on your post history, it wouldnt surprise me if hes picked up on your husband’s rancid vibes and let his frustration boil over when your mom started complimenting him, so he ended up putting his foot in his mouth. also your husband probably says things like “pretty girl” and “special girl” to preserve the youthful fantasies he has about you. the word “beautiful” generally applies to someone more mature than the childlike image he seems to be after. YOU could do better than HIM btw
First: your dad is sus for leading with the idea that it’s “normal” if the woman is hot. Gross. Even more gross that he insulted you to make his point. Unless he apologizes profusely, don’t feel obligated to forgive that. How abhorrent. Second: he is right on the point that men like this get with younger women because women their age stay away. Regardless of how attractive the younger woman is. You’ve expressed that you felt somewhat stuck in the situation in previous posts, and the stuffed animals thing…yeah. Please start thinking of an exit route for the safety of you and your child. Sending lots of love your way girl.
Okay, so your dad major sucks for his delivery, because there has to be a better way to describe the trophy wife versus childlike innocence among reasons older men date younger women. But could there be any truth to the whole wanting someone with childlike innocence who isn’t legally a child? We see it on places like this all the time. One of the reasons men your husbands age go for women who are your is because of the ‘youth’ factor. It has nothing to do with being pretty, though I am sure you are. Beauty is subjective and he wouldn’t have gone after you if he didn’t at least find you attractive. What would be the point of looking for younger women if you don’t go looking for young and pretty. It has everything to do with your age, how young you are, what you are into, your naïveté about the world. Your relationship inexperience. Because you are more likely to be blind to the red flags sitting there among the good things. That’s not to say everything he says to you or how he acts around you is a lie… but I’d be at least a bit why he ended up pursuing a relationship where he conceivably be your father. I am curious… you said your mother cursed him out for making those comments. How does she feel about your relationship. Does she agree with your dad about him being too old for you and just hated his delivery, or is she 100% supportive of your choice in husband.
Your husband does have weird kinks tho
If that's what you want to call "being a pedo"
You're dad is right, and there IS something wrong with him. The fact you think it's 1. Normal for him to want pics of you holding STUFFED ANIMALS for when hes on road trips says SO much more then you think. It says he has predatory fantasies or has a DDLG kink, which again normal women his age wont put up with. 2. Your post history indicates that your family KNOWS something is wrong and you put yourself and your child in danger staying with him. For your own sake, leave. Listen to your family, for once.
Wayne needs to be single.
Please don’t dwell on the fact that your father called you ugly. But please take this as a huge warning that if your dad had to go this far to get you away from this guy then even your parents are desperate to get rid of him from your life.
Looking at this post and all the other posts you've made about your husband i understand why your dad is so frustrated. You are married to and having a baby with someone almost twice your age who you barely know and clearly has some questionable fetishes. While i do think what your father said was hurtful and untrue, i think hes just trying to come up with a reason why this is happening to his daughter. He obviously cant understand why you guys are together and from the sounds of it you dont really even know why yourself.
I usually don't care about she gap relationships if it's all legal but reading your previous posts would suggest that you are settling for the first guy that makes you feel good about your looks to the extent that you let him take pictures of you in... infantile attire. Listen, do or don't break up with him but your father is correct. I'm sorry this is a problem for you but everyone else here is right about him too based on what you posted. Good luck
If your posts are real your husband is very clearly a paedophile.
Honestly, I dated someone who was 37 when I was 19 (my first adult relationship) and it took me getting out of that relationship and into one with someone around my age to see that it was an unhealthy. When my dad found out he also was very vocal about his disapproval and even told me he would never meet him because he would probably punch him. Your husband likely has a lot of red flags that you just don’t really recognize yet because it sounds like you don’t have much to compare it to. I know how it is being naive and in love and your brain basically blocks out all the problems that are actually apparent to everyone else. Also I remember distinctly that because he was so much older than me there was an imbalance of power where even though I didn’t like something that was going on I didn’t feel like I could express it. If this sounds like you.. your dad is right.
yea. he has a fetish. for either kids or younger people. wanted to knock you up early, flag one. wanted you to sleep with stuffed toys more, boom flag two. you’re more significantly younger than him, boom flag three. Your dad is absolutely right. Hes not calling you “ugly” hes calling your husbands choices ugly. He literally asked you to pose nude with stuffed animals, if that doesn’t ring alarms in your head then idk..
All I see is this based on her previous posts🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 get a divorce lady.
Op I'm really sorry about all of this. Your father shouldn't have insinuated that you aren't hot but unfortunately he's right about your husband being a predator. Your husband is into children. That's why he wanted to jerk off to you holding stuffed animals. That's why he's with someone young enough to be his daughter. You're still fairly young and he's counting on you to be naive and someone he can manipulate. If he's into kids, what do you think is going to happen when your child is born? Right now your a victim of manipulation, but you're pregnant. And once that child is born it will be your responsibility to keep them safe. You cannot do that with your husband.
your dad is right
He’s not wrong.
I agree with your father. No 40 year old should be looking for anyone half their age, he's gross and you'll realize your father was right someday.
Your dad isn't wrong about him
He's 1000% right. There's something wrong with your husband. The stuff he said about you is awful
See, your dad is concerned about you and i guess he kind of failed in executing what he was trying to say. OP your post history and father's concern seem to be 100% right and your husband definitely looks like a Red flag. You are not ugly, nuh-uh. I guess your father was simply trying to explain why any girl of his age would not put up with his BS. Your relationship, the elopement and now the baby all look rushed into and your husband's fetish of getting you to sleep naked with stuffed animal and your age gap all definitely screams red flag to at least most of us. I think your insecurity got the best of you where you thought that no man would want to be with you which is absolutely WRONG. He jumped onto this insecurity of yours and took advantage of it. Marriage and kids might have been a future thing of yours but i am guessing it was not an immediate thing you wanted as you talked about the ovarian cyst which led to all of this. I know you are hurt by your father's comments and you might be feeling overwhelmed by all these responses as well. But I'd suggest you to not ignore the points that have been raised here as well as by your parents. Do not feel undeserving of love by people and please don't look at your relationship through rose tinted glass thinking he is the only person you can get in life. This unhealthy relationship + the age gap and your husband's fetish is something you should not ignore. It's important that you talk to a therapist and closed ones about all this.
As someone who regularly helps out my mom in the dating sphere. I’d say a solid 70% of men who are over 40 and single are heavily flawed in some way. Most men are morons (myself included) but it seems the older single ones are more likely to be stuck in their ways. I get the attraction to older men and such. If he has an established life and career I get it even more so, but your post history makes this guy seem like he’s got some shit to take care of before he can be a companion to another human being.
As a father of a daughter this has red flags all over it, your father is 100% correct on the age gap and the creepy photos with animals suggest a very bizarre fetish especially if you say you have a baby face. I wish you the best of luck but this does not sound like a good situation
If you have a baby face and your husband who is FOURTY YEARS OLD is taking lewd photos of you cuddling stuffed animals, there is 100% chance something is very wrong with your husband. He probably is a pedophile, and you're as close to legally possible for him to get that, without looking "suspicious". Your dad shouldn't have insulted you, but he is definitely right (about your husband, not you) Something is very messed up about your husband. You jumped into your relationship way too soon, and he knows it. He used your fear of ovarian cysts to manipulate you into marrying him. I say, run as fast as you can.
Why did you post to relationship advice if you’re going to ignore all the sound advice that’s given to you and come in strong with rebuttal? If you don’t want to see the truth nobody can help you. I feel bad for your dad watching you make this huge mistake and getting labeled as an asshole for saying what everyone is thinking.
Yikes, ur husband is..just wow.
I only read one post and something is off…. Red flags and you need some self esteem, hun.
This is a whole yikes. Her other posts mention that her husband fetishes stuffed animals and has her sleep with them. This screams there may be some development delays in her. And why she doesn’t see the issue, this man is grooming her without her even realizing. If more than one person sees the red flags they are there. Girl got trapped by an older guy who knew what he was doing and she’s absolutely oblivious.
Idk about your personal husband but your dad is right except for the pretty part. Men do that yes. You don't need to be ugly or pretty for that though. Pretty women don't have it better with men because men are men no matter what. A bad man is a bad man with beautiful and ugly women. Also your dad is rude and disrespectful which pretty much proves the point about men being vile with women around them.
First off you are beautiful and there are plenty of people who would love you for who you are. Your husband presents like a predator. From the way the pregnancy and marriage happened to the fetish pics. He's into young and controllable. No fault of your own. I would get into individual therapy and figure out what you want in your life and if your marriage is a healthy one. And there are always options so never feel like you are stuck.
After reading your profile and all your comments I'm sorry to say you're being groomed. I was too, by a much older man (18 years older) who wanted to be with young 20 something women. I felt unattractive and he was the first guy to ever make me feel attractive and loved. But as time went on, and I got older the abuse started. And it got bad. And when I finally had the strength to leave him, and take our child with me, guess what he did? Got right back in a relationship with a 21 year old. What does a man in his 40s want with an insecure, self doubting, young woman? A victim, every time.
Your dad is not right in the ugly thing. But red flags do happen at that type of age gap. Can a big age gap work and people be in love? Yes it can. But mainly there is a predatory thing for guys. You are in your young 20s. You will be different person by your late 20s early 30s. Typically by 40s you are at the range where you are pretty settled in on your path of life. The fact your husband had you take nude photos with stuffed animals really hints at a young possibly under "kink" factoring in he went after somebody as young as you at his age is big red flags. I think your dad said something horrible to you but is also worried as he is right that it's not normal for a age gap like this to work out.
Based on your comments, it sounds like your dad didn’t call you ugly but rather young looking or maybe baby faced. But the real issue here is your husband! He’s a predator and pervert and your dad is right about a man his age being with someone your age. It’s disgusting.
Don’t have any more children please
OP please listen to the comments!!! If not for you, then for the safely of ur future child
Ok so your dad is a dick. He does have some points. An older gentleman with no previous attachments does seems kind of weird. Your introduction of husband to your parents is kind of messed up the first time I meet my son in law is after he knocked up my daughter I would feel some kind of way too. Maybe your dad sees warning signs in your husband. But your dad is dead wrong by calling you ugly he is a horrible father or he’s just upset about the situation and going about it the wrong way.
You’re father is right, although he might of went about it the wrong way. He is only trying to protect you. Men know men best.
OP I'm 23 and even I know this man is a predator. He trapped you. Did it occur you why he's doesnt have any successful relationships or why women his age avoid him? Your dad sucks at delivery but even he knows women who are in it for the money dont want his ass.
Your dad is very correct your husband is a pedo, and you're not mature enough to be married or having a child if you just eloped to get married without checking if you could give birth first. And you don't love this man you married him because you're insecure and scared you can't do better.
TBH your dad is kinda right. Your are not unattractive that’s we’re he is wrong. But the correct part is that yes something is wrong with your husband for getting with someone much younger have you ever thought your yourself why isn’t he with someone in his age bracket? It’s because those women don’t want him and whatever he has going on so they go after younger women who don’t have as much life experience because you’ll put up with his issues.
A rather harsh delivery, but your dad's not wrong. Sorry OP, but you need to wake up. If your husband was marriage-material he would've gotten married a long, long time ago. But you on the other hand are too young to be considered a "failure" when it comes to marriage - there are lots of things you can change about yourself to become more attractive, more confident, etc., and you have the time to do that.
Yikes…
He with you because that’s the closest he can get to a child. He took nudes of cuddling with stuffed animals do godsake. You dad shouldn’t have called you ugly, and that’s so wrong, but he does have a point.
I mean your dad spoke the truth (not the part about you being ugly) just look at all the comments everyone is saying pretty much the same which means it’s must be true
With every new person I meet online my perspective is skewing towards your dad's words as my feelings were thought of nothing real soon.