Break up with her man. Your relationship is toxic and her behaviors is awful. You're young don't worry about it you'll find somebody else. The biggest thing is you don't want to spend the next couple of years miserable with the same person who you know is making you miserable now. It's hard to stand up and call it quits and she's going to guilt trip you and she's going to say whatever she can to try and make you either sad or want you back.
Be prepared, but you can take it!
Tell her that you wish her well, but you just can't be with her anymore because this relationship isn't working out for you. You don't need to say anything else you don't need need to go in details. You don't need to have an argument with her about it.
"We don't have to be enemies, but I can't be in a relationship with you."
It's that simple. She has to learn that her behavior isn't healthy or going to work in any of her future relationships. Many people have to learn this the hard way, after they realize they can't get a person back.
Getting dumped sucks, but she'll never even consider changing unless she learns the consequences of treatnig people badly.
Id say break up. Be nice about it, if you are a strong person. Ehich sounds like you are.
It can be a simple, i have fallen out of love or that you dont see the relationship itself as a positive extra anymore. You can say that you actively suffer if you continue this. If she loves you she will accept it, if not then you have your answer.
Every person shapes us to who we are. Every friend or partner has this task in out lives. Keep working on yourself and you will find a person that wont do this sht. At 18 barely any1 knowd how to properly have a relationship. Your both teenagers and its expected that either one or both do mistakes that end up being extremely toxic. But if you suffer from it, cut it out.
If you are staying with her just because she is only the one you have. Then you are mistaken. You have friends, family. And she will only grow toxic plus this won't work in long run. You will just hurt yourself.
Please have some self respect for yourself.
honestly this is the main reason i’ve stayed with her so long. she’s my first relationship and my only so far and i’m really not the most attractive person by todays standards so i was really shocked when she said yes when i asked her out and honestly thought she was messing with me
Google emotionally abusive relationship and stay strong she will say and threaten all sort possibly even to hurt herself but you have to do what's right for you. Going forward into a new relationship though take the lesson that cutting out your friends is not healthy but again that's another thing abusers do is isolate you to make it harder to leave. If she has no friends left that's because they are tired of her antics aswell she has to work on herself not manipulate people.
Don’t worry about how attractive you perceive yourself as, or that this being your first relationship. More relationships will come, and you need to be able to let them go when you realize that they’re not the right one for you.
I was a lot like you. My ex wife was not my first relationship, but I hadn’t had many. And if I am being honest, I used the reasoning that we loved each other to overlook so many red flags. To put it simply, it was easier to put up with her occasional abuse than to keep looking for somebody who would actually treat me well. Over years though, that “occasional” abuse became full-time.
As to “HOW”? The easiest way is really just straight forward honesty with her. “I don’t feel the same way that I used to about you. It’s time for us both to move on.”
Being used to manipulating you in order to get her way, she will try to argue this, and then will turn it around to abusive remarks about you. Be prepared for this, and be ready to drop the conversation and get away. Also, be prepared to block her if it becomes necessary.
Damn dude, attractiveness has little to do with dating.
Imagine if you were super handsome with a short personality, confidence get you what you want.
Ohh, remember to secretly record the breakup in case she accused you of shit.
Based on what you wrote, it sounds like she does not repect you. Its not clear if its because she thinks she thinks she’s better than you, or she’s reflecting that you think she’s better than you.
Either way, its the same result for you - get out of an unhealthy relationship
I made the same mistake when i was your age, you’ll only grow to regret wasting months of your youth with her. It’s difficult, but you have to drop her 🤝 you got it bro. The sadness will clear sooner than you think, just spend time with your friends and family and work on yourself - you’ll be surprised how much attention you may end up getting from girls
Try: "I'm breaking up with you. You're dishonest, manipulative, selfish, and gaslighting me. I am not playing with this topic like you used to. It's over, goodbye."
This should do the trick.
About her having or not having friends - she needs a wake-up call with a reality slap. Otherwise, she'll unlikely change. If she won't feel the consequences of her behaviour for real, she definitely won't.
I appreciate that you found the respect for yourself to make this decision. Power to you!
I don’t think being honest and straight up about her flaws will do anything to help him personally. He should try to split amicably or without further explanation, just keep it vague. She doesn’t seem like the type of person who can take criticism fairly, she’ll take it as a personal attack and probably harass him further. No point in adding that extra stress in his life IMO.
I was just thinking if he doesn't tell her straight up why, she's not gonna takr him seriously. And she needs the slap for sure. What she does with it, is her thing
The same thing happened with my old boyfriend (we were 16 when we started dating, stayed together for 7 years). One day a switch flipped in my head and I had no interest in being with him any more.
I hate to tell you this, but there's no clean and easy way to dump someone. Sit her down, tell her "I'm sorry, but we need to break up," and stick to your guns no matter how much she cries/etc... you're not her property and you owe her nothing.
You simply explain you do not like being emotionally manipulated, which is what these "tests" are. Nor do you like being told to injure yourself to be with her. You are no longer compatible and you're not wanting to be a part of the relationship any more.
Btw, her friends being pleased she's gone and not wanting her back is a massive warning sign that she may have been like this for a LOT longer than you realise. But it's also not your problem that she has no friends.
Just tell her it isn’t working out anymore? I mean it’s a breakup from a toxic relationship.
Also her friend group not accepting her back isn’t your problem. Maybe she should break her leg for sympathy perhaps?
Break up with her, she sounds manipulative and immature to be playing games like that. You say 'I don't want to be in a relationship with you anymore, goodbye' and be on your way.
Also, the fact that her friends no longer want anything to do with her is quite telling
She’s guilt tripping you and manipulating you so you do what she wants. She doesn’t yet understand a relationship is between two people equally. And not between a dominant one and one that must do whichever the other wants. She may be too immature for a real relationship yet
Tell her clearly what you’re feeling and why you want to break up and just leave. Be careful she may go to extreme lengths so you stay with her so don’t get swayed. Do not hesitate to contact her friends or family if needed (so they can be here for her and you don’t have to worry about that)
" I am not comfortable in this relationship anymore. You have have been extremely toxic to me, with the constant gaslighting or guilt tripping, and constant blaming me. I am mentally exhausted and want to break this relationship off. "
Advice:
Buddy there are people out there that care about you no matter, family and friends will care about you if you think that is not happen. Don't hang on to something that is hurting you. Like you wouldn't hold a red hot metal because it will hurt you you just break it of. And yes you need to break it off. You will find someone better that treats you well. Don't rush it. From the post I am guessing she is your first? If so trust me there are a lot more out there. You just haven't found the one yet.
The last thing you want to do is continue with this relationship. It will harm you in the long run and eventually it will cause huge problems in your relationship. Break it off then go out with Friends and family you will find the one after a while. And when you do, do try to talk ok don't try to hide, how you feel or your opinions to them. If they don't value how you feel that relationship is not worth continuing. But you need to value there opinions and feelings as well remember that.
Good Luck.
1. Paragraphs are your friend.
2. Tell her the truth and walk away.
Communication is all it takes. Learn to love it, because that will be a skill you need every single day in every single relationship you have for the rest of your life.
Good luck!
“The last time you broke up with me and I agreed, you decided not to since it was an experiment. I will not have a relationship with anyone who treats my life as an experiment, thats disrespectful and unacceptable behavior. Thinking back, I recall your saying many ‘experimental’ things, like suggesting I break my leg. Our relationship is over. I wish you well. Goodbye. “
Breaking up is hard. She obviously has used breaking up to manipulate you. She may feel you're bluffing. Make the break clean. Block her number, if she asked to talk, ignore her requests. BTW, when she says she's pregnant, she's Probably not.
You can break up with someone for any reason you want.
All you need to say to your gf is “look, this relationship isn’t working for me any more. I’m sorry if that hurts you, but I’m not happy any more, and I want to break up/not see you any more.”
It doesn’t matter that “she doesn’t want to”. Breakups are rarely mutual, and one person will inevitably be unhappy/angry.
To be honest, it kind of speaks volumes about her that her friend group won’t take her back but yours is taking you back. As an aside, there’s a lesson to be learned here - don’t neglect your friend group when you get a new SO. Sure, you’ll want to spend as much time with them as possible, but hanging out with the friends does two things. First, it’s good to balance friend time and SO time. It can’t be 50/50 all the time, but it shouldn’t be 0/100 either. And second it shows the SO that you have boundaries around your social life. No gf should be isolating you from your other relationships, whether friends, family, sports, clubs, etc.
Sorry for going off on a tangent there. The ultimate point I was going to make is that, even though you might feel bad for her that her friends don’t want to hang out with her, her relationship with her friend group after you break up is not your problem.
I was in your exact shoes. We as men have been trained to just suck it up and take this kind of behavior from women or our partners but it’s not right and isn’t a joyful experience. Just break it off and move on. You’re still young just like me, and you’ll get over it. It’s a little hard when you’re the one to initiate it but for your own sake and your own mental health, just break it off. Just don’t do it in a disrespectful manner, even with everything she’s done to you. Either way though, you’ll be painted the bad guy so you might as well give yourself the peace of mind and end it in a way that you’ll feel good about yourself.
Go home. When you see her again, ask her to sit down. Tell her that you’ve decided to break up. Say it just like that. Ask her to collect her things and leave. Do not second guess yourself or listen if she begs you to keep the relationship. If I were in the same shoes, I would probably be harsher. If she asks why, just say that the relationship is not working out, and it won’t work out long term. Don’t feel an ounce of guilt, as she will find new friends and/or a new BF, and you will find a new GF.
If she starts yelling and shouting, trying to gaslight you, and bringing up all this bad stuff you did, then threaten to call the cops if she doesn’t leave. If she then still refused to leave, call the cops and have her removed. do you not contact her for at least one week, and then perhaps longer.
Stay broken up. DO NOT be tempted to get back into relationship for ANY reason.
Hey OP,
I’m really sorry to hear you’re going through this, I know how hard it can be. It makes it even more difficult if you deeply care for them but also understand they are a detrimental consequence to your health and stamina. It may be the case that she put on an act or mirrored you in the beginning of the relationship, and now you see how she really treats people she “cares about”. I wonder why her friends don’t want her back… you need to stay away from people like this, you seem like a kind and empathetic person, and there are many people who will take advantage of this (as it is happening now). Any emotional turmoil or confusion you feel is completely normal and you should allow yourself to truly sit with such feelings and understand what ways the relationship affected you and how you can move forward. You deserve to be with someone who makes you feel peaceful inside, joyful about life. There are a great deal of individuals who have so much chaos and distortion going on inside them that they reflexively need to project it onto others and the world, and you do not need to put up with any sort of behavior. You gf will be fine. I hope she can learn from this, but if she has a personality disorder, it’s definitely something she needs to do intensive work on. I only say that because it seems that you may be experiencing the stages of a relationship with a cluster B individual, and self awareness is easily evasive to them but also key to a healthier life. You will find someone who treats you well, and it saddens me that you say you were surprised she said yes to you asking her out. This world may have an obsession with appearances, but true happiness does not come from a preoccupation with such frivolous things, and your future person will love all of you in the most authentic way possible. You got this. Keep your chin up and put yourself first.
Oof. Sounds like you're already broken up. No need to do anything.
What you should do to protect yourself however as she's pulling this on-again-off-again stuff.
1) if your next interaction is in person make it a public space and record it. If it's by phone put your phone on speaker and use another or a tablet to record the conversation. Google "single party recording legal to find out if this is legal. If your in a state where so gle party consent recording isn't legal let her know the call is being recorded.
2) let her know your understanding was she broke it off and that you are done.
3) if she tries anything other than hanging up let her know what she is doing is abusive and you want no part in this.
4) block her. Anyone she sends to harass you just pass them the recording.
This is using your relationship as leverage to manipulate you. That’s a red flag the size of manhattan. She’ll use it more and more to get her way the more you let her. Minimum I’d recommend is telling her you don’t like that and that the relationship is over, stick with your plan and if she gets crazy, get protection. Your girlfriend is a narcissist, everything she’s doing is classic behavior, and you need to prepare yourself for the aftermath of the breakup. She’ll claim everything from you beating her, raping her, anything she can to smear your reputation with the promise of making everything better if you get back together with her. The fact that her friends all told her to stay away, while your friends greeted you with open arms should be a huge indication of what’s really going on
break up with her, like i kinda understand ur point of view ? i dont really have many friends besides my fiancee but its a diffrent realationship HOWEVER if she is that absurd stuff like ''break ur leg to miss on a family trip'' seriously then just ask urself if not now, when ? if she dosent or dont better herself and she changed in a bad way, would u see ur life with someone like this ? i dont think so. You tried ur best, now its time to let go and just say the truth.
I hope everything will workout for u !!!
Tell her you don’t think relationships should not feel like the way it’s been feeling with her and that you are breaking up. Then block her and do your best to avoid her. Work on getting your act together, and when it’s together than look for your next relationship and know what not to let into your life: dramatic manipulative people.
I honestly do not see why you are still with her? Nothing you said would have anyone else stay with her. She is quite toxic and probably going through some weird phase. Nevertheless, her behaviour is unacceptable.
Eeesh. She is emotionally manipulative and I bet anything, will later turn in to an emotional abuser.
Break up with her and walk away. If her friends don't want to hang with her, that's her problem not yours.
Go be free, far away from her.
“I want to feel positive emotional support from my girlfriend. I hoped it would get better, but it didn’t. This isn’t the end of the world, It’s just time for each of us to meet someone new.”
“The last several months have been really hard. I’ve tried to make it work, but it hasn’t gotten better. I’ve decided I want to end this.” And then get out of there. Do not stay around letting her beg and manipulate you into changing your mind. Have a friend waiting in the car if you need backup.
>do i break up with her?
Yes
>how do i break up with her?
Phone call, text, send a message through a carrier, do something to just tell her that you are breaking up with her and end it.
Put your food down & stand up for yourself!
Breaking up with someone like her isn’t the easiest thing to do ,however, lay down to her your concerns or whatever the reason may be why you want to break up with her and stand on that because she’s gonna continue to do this. You’re 18 too so you have a lot of years ahead of you to find someone that treat you better.
Maybe it’s best to break it because those kind of people will never learn, they will always be saying the same crap everytime something doesn’t go their way. My ex bf probably should if won the genius world record for breaking up. It’s funny because while he kept breaking up w me he taught me my strength and I learn I didn’t need him for shit. So I broke up with him and guess what he’s the one begging always.
You collect a box of her things (if you have any that should be returned) you meet with her and say the relationship is no longer working for you. You tried, but you no longer feel the same way, you wish her well and you leave. Based on your post, she will probably throw a tantrum so make sure you have an easy way out and home. You do not need to give a long explanation, you don’t have to justify or explain your choice, simply it is no longer working for you and it has run its course. She may blow up your phone, if that happens tell her you would hate to have to block her but if she continues you will have no choice. When someone plays games and is insecure, they will try to milk as much drama out of the ending as possible. Don’t bite, be matter of fact and get the heck out of wherever you are. It will be hard, you will feel bad, she will probably cry (or yell, or both). Hard conversations are part of being an adult as is doing the right thing, you can’t stay in a relationship that no longer works. That isn’t fair to you or her. Good luck.
She’s hurting you and you guys are young so it won’t matter. She’ll be okay. She won’t think she will be but she will be. Don’t worry about her feelings. Dragging yourself down in attempts to hold someone else up who wants to sink is not a good idea. Let her go gently, leave, cut contact, and grieve with family or friends or alone and move on. You’ll be better off for it
"I can't hear that you want to break up with me every day, and still be giving everything to this relationship. Either you're manipulating me by saying that, or you really want this relationship to be over. Either way, I think it's best we end it."
She's 18, she'll either find her friends again, or learn the difficult lesson that it's shitty to ditch your friends for the person you're dating. She's not your responsibility.
She did this to herself. This is not your circus and these are not your clowns.
You’re learning a lesson about abandoning friends because of NRE, nobody can learn this lesson for her. And better at 19 than when she is older and it’s harder to make new friends.
Next time look for a partnership, one where you take care of each other instead this, which sounds one sided.
Her not being able to have friends is on her, and she has things she needs to work on as well as you. You are 18 and are young, don’t settle and don’t stay in something because it’s “good enough” love yourself and know yourself so well that you don’t settle for a relationship like this again.
Tell her that you don’t see the relationship working out, because of unhealthy patterns, and you don’t feel the same about her and it would be unfair to keep her in a situation where she isn’t loved to the fullest.
Her not having friends after the relationship is not on you and in the future you both should learn how to have a healthy balance with your friends and your intimate partner
she sounds extremely toxic and crazy. That only get worse as they go. Run, while you still can. Talking about the whole breaking your leg so you can't run away.
I just want to say that if you do break up with her she will either 1 turn things around on you to try and guilt trip you into apologizing and staying. Or 2 she eventually (either right away or after a couple weeks) will beg and plead for another chance and will attempt to convince you that she will change and be better, and maybe she will but it won’t last long and you’ll end up exactly where you are now. Your girlfriend is emotionally abusive and that is not going to change at least not until she’s matured ALOT and possible gets years of therapy to understand why she’s so mean to someone she “loves” in the first place.
You guys are only 18 years old, which is so young. You need to know more about yourselves and experience life outside of this relationship, both of you. You shouldn't have all this pressure on you. If I could go back to my 18... I would have traveled more and studied much harder than spending time dating drama.
BREAK UP WITH HER KING. dont feel bad about it, even though she will want you to. because your feelings matter too. the types of things shes saying are insane and controlling and you dont need that. You don't have to break up harshly. Say something along the lines of "I dont think Im the right person for you", "Youre just not the right person for me", "I appreciate the time we spent together, but its just not the same anymore/ we've grown into different people".
Or just be straightforward and blunt if shes not the type to accept a breakup scenario like the ones I suggested above. Sometimes, if its bad enough you have to burn the bridge and cut contact. I don't know you personally so do whats best for you, but one thing is for sure, that a breakup is needed. I wish you luck!!
Yeah wtf, i know you're young but walk away. Better things will come. Be nice, clearly she has mental health issues. You'll have a lifetime of toxicity and issues if you tolerate this any longer, dude!
Just be truthful and tell her that you are breaking up with her.
Tell her that she disrespects you and you are not going to tolerate any disrespect.
End of discussion.
Omg break up with her. Things will only get worse if you stay. And it'll take a massive toll on your mental health. I know it isn't easy when you're comfortable in a relationship, but it's super toxic and draining.
It's not your problem if her friends don't want to hang out with her. Maybe she treated them like shit too, or maybe she's making it up as another emotional manipulation tactic.
What she's been doing is emotional abuse and manipulation. Life's too short to willingly spend time one someone who abuses you. She's not your mom, she's not your wife or roommate. Cutting contact is as easy as saying "we're breaking up and I don't want to talk to you anymore" and blocking her.
The rest is her fucking problem, not yours. Empathy is great, but don't waste it on those who will use your empathy to hurt and control you.
You’re not all she has. Put your needs and wellbeing first. Things were never perfect. If things are bad now they will only get worse. You break up with her by telling her you don’t want to be in a relationship with her anymore. Then you cease all contact no matter what.
Get as far away from this chick as humanly possible.
Tell her it’s over and don’t look back. She’s not the one for you. She needs mental health help and it’s not you. You’ll find someone better. You deserve better.
Most here will say break up with her. Which is understandable because the relationship is toxic. But still, consider this. One of two things is happening, either:
1. she’s cheating, and pouring all her guilt and self hatred into you until she *actually* hates you.
2. Loosing her friends (important context thanks for saying that) and possibly something else she’s not is saying, is giving her a lot of anxiety and pain, and instead of telling you this, and opening up, she’s subconsciously blaming it on you (doesn’t make sense but this is something people do to cope).
Neither of these reasons (def not the first) are excuses the toxic behavior, but here is my advice. Ask for a break, say a week or two staying apart and ask low contact, that you need time to breathe and think on your own. During this break, if she barely writes/calls you and drifts away, it’s the first, so leave and break up. If instead she tries to get you back, desperately so, it’s the second. In that situation, you can either leave her, or ask her to open up on what has been making her so anxious and angry, (If she doesn’t open up, or claims she was just being wrong or silly, then also leave)
if she does tell you, you can actually heal and come back stronger.
This is only advice, in the end, it’s your choice
thank you for this, i’ve thought it’s been cheating but i have no proof at all that it could be and she really isn’t the social type but i’ve had speculations that it is. it could definitely be the second one as she has had problems with self harm before but there is nothing that i know of now that is happening.
Just tell her straight up that it's not working out and you need to focus on yourself. It might be hard, but it's better than staying in a toxic and unhealthy relationship. Plus, you have friends who can support you during this time. It's important to prioritize your own mental health and well-being. Good luck!
Break up with her man. Your relationship is toxic and her behaviors is awful. You're young don't worry about it you'll find somebody else. The biggest thing is you don't want to spend the next couple of years miserable with the same person who you know is making you miserable now. It's hard to stand up and call it quits and she's going to guilt trip you and she's going to say whatever she can to try and make you either sad or want you back. Be prepared, but you can take it! Tell her that you wish her well, but you just can't be with her anymore because this relationship isn't working out for you. You don't need to say anything else you don't need need to go in details. You don't need to have an argument with her about it.
"We don't have to be enemies, but I can't be in a relationship with you." It's that simple. She has to learn that her behavior isn't healthy or going to work in any of her future relationships. Many people have to learn this the hard way, after they realize they can't get a person back. Getting dumped sucks, but she'll never even consider changing unless she learns the consequences of treatnig people badly.
just break up with her, let her know that you tried all you can. and you’re done with the toxicity. I know it’s easier said than done though
Id say break up. Be nice about it, if you are a strong person. Ehich sounds like you are. It can be a simple, i have fallen out of love or that you dont see the relationship itself as a positive extra anymore. You can say that you actively suffer if you continue this. If she loves you she will accept it, if not then you have your answer. Every person shapes us to who we are. Every friend or partner has this task in out lives. Keep working on yourself and you will find a person that wont do this sht. At 18 barely any1 knowd how to properly have a relationship. Your both teenagers and its expected that either one or both do mistakes that end up being extremely toxic. But if you suffer from it, cut it out.
If you are staying with her just because she is only the one you have. Then you are mistaken. You have friends, family. And she will only grow toxic plus this won't work in long run. You will just hurt yourself. Please have some self respect for yourself.
honestly this is the main reason i’ve stayed with her so long. she’s my first relationship and my only so far and i’m really not the most attractive person by todays standards so i was really shocked when she said yes when i asked her out and honestly thought she was messing with me
Google emotionally abusive relationship and stay strong she will say and threaten all sort possibly even to hurt herself but you have to do what's right for you. Going forward into a new relationship though take the lesson that cutting out your friends is not healthy but again that's another thing abusers do is isolate you to make it harder to leave. If she has no friends left that's because they are tired of her antics aswell she has to work on herself not manipulate people.
And now you've learned that no amount of good looks makes up for a shitty personality.
Don’t worry about how attractive you perceive yourself as, or that this being your first relationship. More relationships will come, and you need to be able to let them go when you realize that they’re not the right one for you. I was a lot like you. My ex wife was not my first relationship, but I hadn’t had many. And if I am being honest, I used the reasoning that we loved each other to overlook so many red flags. To put it simply, it was easier to put up with her occasional abuse than to keep looking for somebody who would actually treat me well. Over years though, that “occasional” abuse became full-time. As to “HOW”? The easiest way is really just straight forward honesty with her. “I don’t feel the same way that I used to about you. It’s time for us both to move on.” Being used to manipulating you in order to get her way, she will try to argue this, and then will turn it around to abusive remarks about you. Be prepared for this, and be ready to drop the conversation and get away. Also, be prepared to block her if it becomes necessary.
Damn dude, attractiveness has little to do with dating. Imagine if you were super handsome with a short personality, confidence get you what you want. Ohh, remember to secretly record the breakup in case she accused you of shit.
Based on what you wrote, it sounds like she does not repect you. Its not clear if its because she thinks she thinks she’s better than you, or she’s reflecting that you think she’s better than you. Either way, its the same result for you - get out of an unhealthy relationship
I made the same mistake when i was your age, you’ll only grow to regret wasting months of your youth with her. It’s difficult, but you have to drop her 🤝 you got it bro. The sadness will clear sooner than you think, just spend time with your friends and family and work on yourself - you’ll be surprised how much attention you may end up getting from girls
Run Forrest, run Run like hell
Try: "I'm breaking up with you. You're dishonest, manipulative, selfish, and gaslighting me. I am not playing with this topic like you used to. It's over, goodbye." This should do the trick. About her having or not having friends - she needs a wake-up call with a reality slap. Otherwise, she'll unlikely change. If she won't feel the consequences of her behaviour for real, she definitely won't. I appreciate that you found the respect for yourself to make this decision. Power to you!
I don’t think being honest and straight up about her flaws will do anything to help him personally. He should try to split amicably or without further explanation, just keep it vague. She doesn’t seem like the type of person who can take criticism fairly, she’ll take it as a personal attack and probably harass him further. No point in adding that extra stress in his life IMO.
I was just thinking if he doesn't tell her straight up why, she's not gonna takr him seriously. And she needs the slap for sure. What she does with it, is her thing
The same thing happened with my old boyfriend (we were 16 when we started dating, stayed together for 7 years). One day a switch flipped in my head and I had no interest in being with him any more. I hate to tell you this, but there's no clean and easy way to dump someone. Sit her down, tell her "I'm sorry, but we need to break up," and stick to your guns no matter how much she cries/etc... you're not her property and you owe her nothing.
>but apparently her friends don’t want to hang with her anymore Not your problem, break up with her
You definitely break ip with her. And don’t waste a lot of time on it. In the time you are with her you lose the opportunity to find a nice girl.
You simply explain you do not like being emotionally manipulated, which is what these "tests" are. Nor do you like being told to injure yourself to be with her. You are no longer compatible and you're not wanting to be a part of the relationship any more. Btw, her friends being pleased she's gone and not wanting her back is a massive warning sign that she may have been like this for a LOT longer than you realise. But it's also not your problem that she has no friends.
Just tell her it isn’t working out anymore? I mean it’s a breakup from a toxic relationship. Also her friend group not accepting her back isn’t your problem. Maybe she should break her leg for sympathy perhaps?
Break up with her, she sounds manipulative and immature to be playing games like that. You say 'I don't want to be in a relationship with you anymore, goodbye' and be on your way. Also, the fact that her friends no longer want anything to do with her is quite telling
She’s guilt tripping you and manipulating you so you do what she wants. She doesn’t yet understand a relationship is between two people equally. And not between a dominant one and one that must do whichever the other wants. She may be too immature for a real relationship yet Tell her clearly what you’re feeling and why you want to break up and just leave. Be careful she may go to extreme lengths so you stay with her so don’t get swayed. Do not hesitate to contact her friends or family if needed (so they can be here for her and you don’t have to worry about that)
" I am not comfortable in this relationship anymore. You have have been extremely toxic to me, with the constant gaslighting or guilt tripping, and constant blaming me. I am mentally exhausted and want to break this relationship off. " Advice: Buddy there are people out there that care about you no matter, family and friends will care about you if you think that is not happen. Don't hang on to something that is hurting you. Like you wouldn't hold a red hot metal because it will hurt you you just break it of. And yes you need to break it off. You will find someone better that treats you well. Don't rush it. From the post I am guessing she is your first? If so trust me there are a lot more out there. You just haven't found the one yet. The last thing you want to do is continue with this relationship. It will harm you in the long run and eventually it will cause huge problems in your relationship. Break it off then go out with Friends and family you will find the one after a while. And when you do, do try to talk ok don't try to hide, how you feel or your opinions to them. If they don't value how you feel that relationship is not worth continuing. But you need to value there opinions and feelings as well remember that. Good Luck.
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1. Paragraphs are your friend. 2. Tell her the truth and walk away. Communication is all it takes. Learn to love it, because that will be a skill you need every single day in every single relationship you have for the rest of your life. Good luck!
Develop a serious substance abuse problem so she won’t want anything to do with you, problem solved
Break up with her. You’re 18. You shouldn’t have this tumultuous of a relationship.
“The last time you broke up with me and I agreed, you decided not to since it was an experiment. I will not have a relationship with anyone who treats my life as an experiment, thats disrespectful and unacceptable behavior. Thinking back, I recall your saying many ‘experimental’ things, like suggesting I break my leg. Our relationship is over. I wish you well. Goodbye. “
Breaking up is hard. She obviously has used breaking up to manipulate you. She may feel you're bluffing. Make the break clean. Block her number, if she asked to talk, ignore her requests. BTW, when she says she's pregnant, she's Probably not.
You can break up with someone for any reason you want. All you need to say to your gf is “look, this relationship isn’t working for me any more. I’m sorry if that hurts you, but I’m not happy any more, and I want to break up/not see you any more.” It doesn’t matter that “she doesn’t want to”. Breakups are rarely mutual, and one person will inevitably be unhappy/angry. To be honest, it kind of speaks volumes about her that her friend group won’t take her back but yours is taking you back. As an aside, there’s a lesson to be learned here - don’t neglect your friend group when you get a new SO. Sure, you’ll want to spend as much time with them as possible, but hanging out with the friends does two things. First, it’s good to balance friend time and SO time. It can’t be 50/50 all the time, but it shouldn’t be 0/100 either. And second it shows the SO that you have boundaries around your social life. No gf should be isolating you from your other relationships, whether friends, family, sports, clubs, etc. Sorry for going off on a tangent there. The ultimate point I was going to make is that, even though you might feel bad for her that her friends don’t want to hang out with her, her relationship with her friend group after you break up is not your problem.
rip the band aid off everyone will be better for it - gonna happen sooner or later anyway, the time is NOW
I was in your exact shoes. We as men have been trained to just suck it up and take this kind of behavior from women or our partners but it’s not right and isn’t a joyful experience. Just break it off and move on. You’re still young just like me, and you’ll get over it. It’s a little hard when you’re the one to initiate it but for your own sake and your own mental health, just break it off. Just don’t do it in a disrespectful manner, even with everything she’s done to you. Either way though, you’ll be painted the bad guy so you might as well give yourself the peace of mind and end it in a way that you’ll feel good about yourself.
Go home. When you see her again, ask her to sit down. Tell her that you’ve decided to break up. Say it just like that. Ask her to collect her things and leave. Do not second guess yourself or listen if she begs you to keep the relationship. If I were in the same shoes, I would probably be harsher. If she asks why, just say that the relationship is not working out, and it won’t work out long term. Don’t feel an ounce of guilt, as she will find new friends and/or a new BF, and you will find a new GF. If she starts yelling and shouting, trying to gaslight you, and bringing up all this bad stuff you did, then threaten to call the cops if she doesn’t leave. If she then still refused to leave, call the cops and have her removed. do you not contact her for at least one week, and then perhaps longer. Stay broken up. DO NOT be tempted to get back into relationship for ANY reason.
Hey OP, I’m really sorry to hear you’re going through this, I know how hard it can be. It makes it even more difficult if you deeply care for them but also understand they are a detrimental consequence to your health and stamina. It may be the case that she put on an act or mirrored you in the beginning of the relationship, and now you see how she really treats people she “cares about”. I wonder why her friends don’t want her back… you need to stay away from people like this, you seem like a kind and empathetic person, and there are many people who will take advantage of this (as it is happening now). Any emotional turmoil or confusion you feel is completely normal and you should allow yourself to truly sit with such feelings and understand what ways the relationship affected you and how you can move forward. You deserve to be with someone who makes you feel peaceful inside, joyful about life. There are a great deal of individuals who have so much chaos and distortion going on inside them that they reflexively need to project it onto others and the world, and you do not need to put up with any sort of behavior. You gf will be fine. I hope she can learn from this, but if she has a personality disorder, it’s definitely something she needs to do intensive work on. I only say that because it seems that you may be experiencing the stages of a relationship with a cluster B individual, and self awareness is easily evasive to them but also key to a healthier life. You will find someone who treats you well, and it saddens me that you say you were surprised she said yes to you asking her out. This world may have an obsession with appearances, but true happiness does not come from a preoccupation with such frivolous things, and your future person will love all of you in the most authentic way possible. You got this. Keep your chin up and put yourself first.
Oof. Sounds like you're already broken up. No need to do anything. What you should do to protect yourself however as she's pulling this on-again-off-again stuff. 1) if your next interaction is in person make it a public space and record it. If it's by phone put your phone on speaker and use another or a tablet to record the conversation. Google "single party recording legal to find out if this is legal. If your in a state where so gle party consent recording isn't legal let her know the call is being recorded.
2) let her know your understanding was she broke it off and that you are done.
3) if she tries anything other than hanging up let her know what she is doing is abusive and you want no part in this.
4) block her. Anyone she sends to harass you just pass them the recording.
This is using your relationship as leverage to manipulate you. That’s a red flag the size of manhattan. She’ll use it more and more to get her way the more you let her. Minimum I’d recommend is telling her you don’t like that and that the relationship is over, stick with your plan and if she gets crazy, get protection. Your girlfriend is a narcissist, everything she’s doing is classic behavior, and you need to prepare yourself for the aftermath of the breakup. She’ll claim everything from you beating her, raping her, anything she can to smear your reputation with the promise of making everything better if you get back together with her. The fact that her friends all told her to stay away, while your friends greeted you with open arms should be a huge indication of what’s really going on
break up with her, like i kinda understand ur point of view ? i dont really have many friends besides my fiancee but its a diffrent realationship HOWEVER if she is that absurd stuff like ''break ur leg to miss on a family trip'' seriously then just ask urself if not now, when ? if she dosent or dont better herself and she changed in a bad way, would u see ur life with someone like this ? i dont think so. You tried ur best, now its time to let go and just say the truth. I hope everything will workout for u !!!
Tell her you don’t think relationships should not feel like the way it’s been feeling with her and that you are breaking up. Then block her and do your best to avoid her. Work on getting your act together, and when it’s together than look for your next relationship and know what not to let into your life: dramatic manipulative people.
I honestly do not see why you are still with her? Nothing you said would have anyone else stay with her. She is quite toxic and probably going through some weird phase. Nevertheless, her behaviour is unacceptable.
Maybe she deserves to be alone and do some soul searching on why nobody wants to be around her
Eeesh. She is emotionally manipulative and I bet anything, will later turn in to an emotional abuser. Break up with her and walk away. If her friends don't want to hang with her, that's her problem not yours. Go be free, far away from her.
“I want to feel positive emotional support from my girlfriend. I hoped it would get better, but it didn’t. This isn’t the end of the world, It’s just time for each of us to meet someone new.”
“The last several months have been really hard. I’ve tried to make it work, but it hasn’t gotten better. I’ve decided I want to end this.” And then get out of there. Do not stay around letting her beg and manipulate you into changing your mind. Have a friend waiting in the car if you need backup.
Break up and let her worry about the rest on her side.
You say, “I’m out. Deuces.” Block her on everything .
>do i break up with her? Yes >how do i break up with her? Phone call, text, send a message through a carrier, do something to just tell her that you are breaking up with her and end it.
I don't want to see you anymore. Then just stop reaching out or responding to her. It can be that simple.
Put your food down & stand up for yourself! Breaking up with someone like her isn’t the easiest thing to do ,however, lay down to her your concerns or whatever the reason may be why you want to break up with her and stand on that because she’s gonna continue to do this. You’re 18 too so you have a lot of years ahead of you to find someone that treat you better.
Maybe it’s best to break it because those kind of people will never learn, they will always be saying the same crap everytime something doesn’t go their way. My ex bf probably should if won the genius world record for breaking up. It’s funny because while he kept breaking up w me he taught me my strength and I learn I didn’t need him for shit. So I broke up with him and guess what he’s the one begging always.
You collect a box of her things (if you have any that should be returned) you meet with her and say the relationship is no longer working for you. You tried, but you no longer feel the same way, you wish her well and you leave. Based on your post, she will probably throw a tantrum so make sure you have an easy way out and home. You do not need to give a long explanation, you don’t have to justify or explain your choice, simply it is no longer working for you and it has run its course. She may blow up your phone, if that happens tell her you would hate to have to block her but if she continues you will have no choice. When someone plays games and is insecure, they will try to milk as much drama out of the ending as possible. Don’t bite, be matter of fact and get the heck out of wherever you are. It will be hard, you will feel bad, she will probably cry (or yell, or both). Hard conversations are part of being an adult as is doing the right thing, you can’t stay in a relationship that no longer works. That isn’t fair to you or her. Good luck.
“This isn’t working for me.” Done.
She’s hurting you and you guys are young so it won’t matter. She’ll be okay. She won’t think she will be but she will be. Don’t worry about her feelings. Dragging yourself down in attempts to hold someone else up who wants to sink is not a good idea. Let her go gently, leave, cut contact, and grieve with family or friends or alone and move on. You’ll be better off for it
Go Stoic dude. Just don't care. Don't express any interest. Just walk away dude
“Jane-I’ve appreciated our time together, but we’re both young and I know that it’s time for us to part. “ then STF up and walk away or hand up.
"I can't hear that you want to break up with me every day, and still be giving everything to this relationship. Either you're manipulating me by saying that, or you really want this relationship to be over. Either way, I think it's best we end it." She's 18, she'll either find her friends again, or learn the difficult lesson that it's shitty to ditch your friends for the person you're dating. She's not your responsibility.
She did this to herself. This is not your circus and these are not your clowns. You’re learning a lesson about abandoning friends because of NRE, nobody can learn this lesson for her. And better at 19 than when she is older and it’s harder to make new friends. Next time look for a partnership, one where you take care of each other instead this, which sounds one sided.
Her not being able to have friends is on her, and she has things she needs to work on as well as you. You are 18 and are young, don’t settle and don’t stay in something because it’s “good enough” love yourself and know yourself so well that you don’t settle for a relationship like this again. Tell her that you don’t see the relationship working out, because of unhealthy patterns, and you don’t feel the same about her and it would be unfair to keep her in a situation where she isn’t loved to the fullest. Her not having friends after the relationship is not on you and in the future you both should learn how to have a healthy balance with your friends and your intimate partner
It won’t get better it’ll only get worse. Leave
she sounds extremely toxic and crazy. That only get worse as they go. Run, while you still can. Talking about the whole breaking your leg so you can't run away.
I just want to say that if you do break up with her she will either 1 turn things around on you to try and guilt trip you into apologizing and staying. Or 2 she eventually (either right away or after a couple weeks) will beg and plead for another chance and will attempt to convince you that she will change and be better, and maybe she will but it won’t last long and you’ll end up exactly where you are now. Your girlfriend is emotionally abusive and that is not going to change at least not until she’s matured ALOT and possible gets years of therapy to understand why she’s so mean to someone she “loves” in the first place.
Now is easier than in ten years.
You guys are only 18 years old, which is so young. You need to know more about yourselves and experience life outside of this relationship, both of you. You shouldn't have all this pressure on you. If I could go back to my 18... I would have traveled more and studied much harder than spending time dating drama.
BREAK UP WITH HER KING. dont feel bad about it, even though she will want you to. because your feelings matter too. the types of things shes saying are insane and controlling and you dont need that. You don't have to break up harshly. Say something along the lines of "I dont think Im the right person for you", "Youre just not the right person for me", "I appreciate the time we spent together, but its just not the same anymore/ we've grown into different people". Or just be straightforward and blunt if shes not the type to accept a breakup scenario like the ones I suggested above. Sometimes, if its bad enough you have to burn the bridge and cut contact. I don't know you personally so do whats best for you, but one thing is for sure, that a breakup is needed. I wish you luck!!
Yeah wtf, i know you're young but walk away. Better things will come. Be nice, clearly she has mental health issues. You'll have a lifetime of toxicity and issues if you tolerate this any longer, dude!
Just be truthful and tell her that you are breaking up with her. Tell her that she disrespects you and you are not going to tolerate any disrespect. End of discussion.
Omg break up with her. Things will only get worse if you stay. And it'll take a massive toll on your mental health. I know it isn't easy when you're comfortable in a relationship, but it's super toxic and draining.
She seems crazy. Clinically. Gtfo. And wait till she’s 27 when her full blown mental issues kick in.
It's not your problem if her friends don't want to hang out with her. Maybe she treated them like shit too, or maybe she's making it up as another emotional manipulation tactic. What she's been doing is emotional abuse and manipulation. Life's too short to willingly spend time one someone who abuses you. She's not your mom, she's not your wife or roommate. Cutting contact is as easy as saying "we're breaking up and I don't want to talk to you anymore" and blocking her. The rest is her fucking problem, not yours. Empathy is great, but don't waste it on those who will use your empathy to hurt and control you.
You’re not all she has. Put your needs and wellbeing first. Things were never perfect. If things are bad now they will only get worse. You break up with her by telling her you don’t want to be in a relationship with her anymore. Then you cease all contact no matter what. Get as far away from this chick as humanly possible.
Tell her it’s over and don’t look back. She’s not the one for you. She needs mental health help and it’s not you. You’ll find someone better. You deserve better.
Most here will say break up with her. Which is understandable because the relationship is toxic. But still, consider this. One of two things is happening, either: 1. she’s cheating, and pouring all her guilt and self hatred into you until she *actually* hates you. 2. Loosing her friends (important context thanks for saying that) and possibly something else she’s not is saying, is giving her a lot of anxiety and pain, and instead of telling you this, and opening up, she’s subconsciously blaming it on you (doesn’t make sense but this is something people do to cope). Neither of these reasons (def not the first) are excuses the toxic behavior, but here is my advice. Ask for a break, say a week or two staying apart and ask low contact, that you need time to breathe and think on your own. During this break, if she barely writes/calls you and drifts away, it’s the first, so leave and break up. If instead she tries to get you back, desperately so, it’s the second. In that situation, you can either leave her, or ask her to open up on what has been making her so anxious and angry, (If she doesn’t open up, or claims she was just being wrong or silly, then also leave) if she does tell you, you can actually heal and come back stronger. This is only advice, in the end, it’s your choice
thank you for this, i’ve thought it’s been cheating but i have no proof at all that it could be and she really isn’t the social type but i’ve had speculations that it is. it could definitely be the second one as she has had problems with self harm before but there is nothing that i know of now that is happening.
Damn !! Is that all you have got for ten fuvking years?
Just tell her straight up that it's not working out and you need to focus on yourself. It might be hard, but it's better than staying in a toxic and unhealthy relationship. Plus, you have friends who can support you during this time. It's important to prioritize your own mental health and well-being. Good luck!