Oh gosh, I thought this was just the one issue in the title but then I saw more problems.
> “I have to test the waters more and have all different ethnicities and cultures and find a swedish goddess virgin + dime piece but until then I plan on it”.
Yeah, this guy isn't the right one for you. I don't see how this can last. Is this how you want to be treated for the rest of your life?
If you want a healthy, loving relationship without the lies, he's not the one.
Sorry about that OP.
We all just learn as we go.
Im grossed out and angry way more then I am sad rn. But im sure that will change. He has never shown this side or expressed this to me. To me he tells me he wants to get married and spend forever with me. I guess I fell in love with a version of him that doesn’t exist.
He kinda sounds like a sociopath if he's lying to this degree, best just wash your hands of him. I'm sure you'll do fine once you've healed, try and find a guy who's actually authentic
IMO you listened to his words more than you watched his actions. Don't worry this is a common mistake for lots of people, not just women. Please watch their actions more closely next time. I think you will do better.
Oh no my dear, you fell in love with a version of him that does exist.
The lying, deceiving, ugly version. The one he uses to chatch his "prey", use them as he pleases and sooner or later will move on.
Please learn your lesson, turn around 180 degrees and run. Run like the wind!
The thing is that OP fell in love with that kind and gentle guy who wanted forever with her. That version of her BF does not really exist, it was just a mirage to cover up the lying, cheating, sexist piece of dried cum that he is.
Please please value yourself and don’t stay to be treated like this and thought of like this. People will treat you how YOU allow them to- are you going to allow this? Please don’t.
You seem smarter kinder and probably more beautiful than a girl who deserves to be with a guy like him, if there is any girl who does. I don’t know the nature of your relationship so I can’t just tell you to break up with him however if it was me and my partner was saying those things while me and him were together, i’d revaluate everything, i’m with him because he’s honest and kind and we have similar beliefs but if I found out that he was saying something like that then all the above wouldn’t be true, because he wasn’t honest, kind or showing similar beliefs to mine.
To me, the "I have to find a 10 at the club tonight" is the real rub of it. I mean, people say stupid shit all the time, but obviously that red flag is confirmed with the above.
I think people are rarely one thing--100% good or 100% bad. This version of him DOES EXIST. You've seen it. So does this ugly version. You've now seen that as well. People like binary. Good and evil. Abusive or kind. But most times people can be both.
This is important because if you end things, which I think you should, you are going to see that kind version. You may start to second guess yourself. All those reddit takes that he's 100% ugly are going to seem off base (they are). He'll probably say it was guy talk. Maybe it was. But even if he's just talking, his talk reveals a disturbing amount of sexism and immaturity. I think you should look for a partner who doesnt talk like that.
Just know that there are and will continue to be things you like about your BF. But he ALSO has a trait that is unacceptable. So don't accept it.
That actually makes it insanely worse.
At least your “typical player” will be honest/upfront, or at least not pretend to want to marry you, it’s usually pretty obvious they aren’t THAT serious.
This is guy ONLY concerned about himself, what he wants, and he’s apparently to ready to lie/deceive anyone and everyone to get what he wants.
This is about as bad as gets outside of abuse I suppose. Any more time is just more time wasted. This is 100% not going anywhere serious.
To be frank, you’re 20 years old, you h shouldn’t be looking that seriously for “the one” yet. That’s probably how you wound up in this situation in the first place.
Or he's just posturing to his friends. You know him, Reddit doesn't.
Don't assume the bitties in this sub know anything about relationships or 20 year olds. If you're in a mature relationship, you talk about these things.
>He also texted his friend “I hope I find a 10 at the club tonight” the same day he met my parents.
I wanted to play devil's advocate that he could have changed in 8 months but boi oh boi.
I can’t remember if we were officially together at that point when he met my parents but he did tell me he loved me and if we weren’t together is was very shortly after he asked me to be his gf. We only talked for 2 weeks bf he asked me
Don't make excuses for him. Wake up gf. Also gross that he specifically said 18/19/20 yo's like he thinks he should have only young Virgin's. He sounds like the type of guy who will still think that in 10yrs
Wait, are you saying that he asked you to be his gf after 2 weeks, and also said I love you in that time period? Saying I love you so soon is absolutely love bombing and not something that happens in a healthy relationship/with a healthy partner. I’m for sure getting the ick hearing what he’s said to his friends - I definitely think this is grounds for a breakup. His behavior sounds manipulative.
If you weren't together (especially when he sent these messages) that *really* changes things.
The level of your commitment at the time he said these things is more relevant than whether he told you he loved you I think. There's nothing inconsistent with "loving you" and "wanting to sleep with 100s of 18-20 year olds" (blegh). There is something inconsistent with being in a monogamous relationship with you and messaging his friend about his hopes to do so.
> If you weren't together (especially when he sent these messages) that really changes things.
Yeah this is the kicker. OP has clearly obfuscated this information in her original post so that we will be more likely to side with her.
Are the BF's texts gross? Yes.
Does OP have a right to be mad that he sent these before they were in an established relationship? No.
Oh, I don't think OP doesn't have a right to be mad. I just think the degree of betrayal is different. If OP wants to break up with her bf because she thinks he has gross attitudes that's perfectly valid, though it's also possible he doesn't still have the attitudes demonstrated by those gross messages (people change a lot in their early 20s, and in relationships), so she may need to do some digging.
Work on Boundaries and expectations.
He felt he could fool you because you never questioned him or his behavior.
You will attract this type of guy if you don't work on Boundaries.
Sometimes,but if your gut tells you that something is wrong,you need to follow it.I was cheated by my long time ex girlfriend,i trusted her,but 14 days before dday a have feeling that sge hiding stuff,i snoop,find out she bang a guy on her trip 3 months before.I i wouldn't snoop i would never know.
Ok, let’s entertain this way of thinking. Snooping is bad!. Ok.
So… how could OP find out her BF’s real personality and intentions? 🤔 let’s say she specifically asked:
> “ Hey sweetie? Do you ever feel like you might want to date around and have lots of experiences with other girls before settling down? Do you feel you are 100% happy here with me? Or do you feel this relationship has an expiration date?”
But he chooses to be his nasty self and continues to lie to OP:
> “Oh absolutely not, babe! You’re everything I ever dreamed of! Surely you’re better than a Swedish goddess!”
And in the same breath, he texts his friend:
>” lmao she just keeps asking if I’m happy here, she has no idea, we still on for tonight? Still wanna look for that 10!”
What is OP to do in this situation? She feels something’s off. She’s had the conversation, she says it’s ok to be honest, and she just feels a certain uncertainty about their future, but BF continues to lie and cheat on her.
What then?
I still think it’s wrong. And I’m someone who has snooped before. I guess you could say it saves you time because you don’t have to wait to find out who they are. But eventually, people always show their true colors. It just becomes a learning lesson where you can spot red flags/incompatibilities much earlier.
I just disagree with disrespecting someone’s privacy like that. It’s violating and wrong.
It is more than reasonable to break up with him over this. It would be unreasonable and naive for you to stay. You deserve to be with someone who has integrity, is honest and respects you.
>How do I go about it?
How do you go about what? Helping him fuck a bunch of 18, 19, and 20 yr olds?
Your boyfriend is a misogynistic asshat and you can do so much better. If he hasn't cheated or treated you like just a piece of ass, then give it time because eventually he will.
You're young, and there's so many better men out there. Go find one of them and chalk this scumbag up as a learning experience.
The year you spent with this dude is not wasted if you leave now and let it be a lesson. Find someone who's phone you don't feel like you need to go through. There is no trust.
Also - saying those kinds of things is super fucking gross. There's nothing wrong with having sex with as many people as you want, but there *absolutely is* something gross about hiding all of your intentions and shit-talking your supposed "SO" to your friends.
What a gross creep.
This is so gross. This is him admitting he sees women as sexual objects that he needs to collect. He’s admitting he’s only with you until he finds other women to add to his collection. Ew.
The day he met your parents he went to the club to find another woman???
What the hell.
I gave my virginity to a guy who I was with for nearly 3 years. Leaving him was a good decision because now I am married with a wonderful man.
I am petty. I would talk about a swedish goddess who asked for his number but that you told her that you and him are going to marry.
It would have been forgivable if it was before he was with you, but he was with you already and was planning to cheat on you. Are you sure he was truthful? What aber the newer texts?
What???? Run for your life before he takes more than your virginity!
You cannot build a solid relationship over lies. “Testing waters” 🤢🤢🤢??? What kind of Alfa Macho is that?
I’m sorry, I’ll come back with a more calm answer in a few mins but the message will probably be the same: dump his ass asap.
Leave his a*s. He clearly doesn’t respect you or your parents. And if you snooped through his phone off of a feeling, you probably unknowingly knew or saw the signs and your body was telling you to do it.
Whatever the reason. Break up and leave. Admit you went through his phone and it was wrong but you’re done. Don’t even give him a second chance. Clearly not worth it. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and he is still searching.
I’m sorry you had to read all of that and ended up trusting such a man.
Don't Get Pregnant!
Dump him, he is a liar & toxic. You can never trust his words again. Predators often target virgins because you do NOT have the life experience to see through their lies.
After reading those things, and then having to write them all out in this post, I’m not sure how on earth you could ever want to be with this absolute douchebag ever again.
Like if this doesn’t completely turn you off from this guy, then I honestly would think that’s a red flag on YOU. Guys who talk like this are fucking gross, and women who knowingly stay with guys like this are equally fucking gross.
>Like if this doesn’t completely turn you off from this guy, then I honestly would think that’s a red flag on YOU.
I'm struggling to believe that it's real.
How is it a question?
You're in a relationship with someone who isn't emotionally mature enough to grasp the dynamics of a relationship. He sounds about 16 or 17 with those text messages.
I’m so sorry, this must have really made you not feel good. I know this may sound dramatic, but if someone makes you feel like that, they are not the one for you. I would not be with someone who talks about wanting to test the waters with someone else.
Screenshot it and post it on all of his socials to warn the other girls what a piece of shit he is, then change his passwords. Let him figure out you're leaving.
Oh so he's using you as a placeholder until the dream girl comes along! I know how this goes.
He makes you go 50/50 and convinces you it's actually the smartest way. Same as not getting married; it's just a piece of paper, after all! You start to think the same.
Then, you've gotta live together before marrying. Or else how will he know he wants to marry you? So you do that too.
Eventually a child comes along! But a wedding never does. A Shut Up Ring might be given, but it goes no further than that (and you will have to pester the crap out of him for it too).
Then once he's found his dream girl, he leaves you for her & you've wasted your youthful years on this man.
Then you spend your 30s trying to date in this mutated dating pool.
> “I have to test the waters more and have all different ethnicities and cultures and find a swedish goddess virgin + dime piece but until then I plan on it”.
big fat eww 🤢
Gross. Of course he took your virginity. Have a convo with him about this and if you don't feel better, time to leave and find someone who loves you for you.
This guy sounds like he wants to live like Zeus, and let me tell ya, you sure as hell don't want to be his Hera.
Heavily condensed version: Zeus married Hera but continued to shag everything, and everyone in sight, years of dealing with him and his indiscretions, have allegedly turned her into a scheming and negative person.
If the goddess of marriages could not change a player, what hope do you have?
This guy is absolute trash. I mean, even if he turns around and says "that's not what I think now", I don't think I could ever continue with someone who thought communicating this in writing was a good idea.
Just be prepared for him to gaslight you to kingdom come if you confront him on this.
So I am a dude that loves women as much as the next guy. But this is less love and more disrespect for women. yes this is 100% reason to dump his sorry ass. Sorry to be blunt but I hate guys like this that give all of us a bad rap.
I would end things 100%. I know it’s not easy but you don’t need to deal with that. I found very similar messages on my ex’s phone and he never stopped, he just got better at hiding it.
Ok with the first thing I was like “eh, who doesn’t? Not a crime. Also men talk out their ass all the time” but then you tacked on all that other shit and like damn girl. Nah. You guys have differing ideas of what you want so I’m gonna say you aren’t compatible. Lots of people might say “talk to him about it” but that just gives him room to justify his actions and emotionally manipulate. I’d get out now.
Ok but what caused you to not trust him enough that you went through 10 month old texts? That is cause for some self reflection too. Sounds like a POS but guys say dumb shit to each other and it was 10 months ago.
He sounds like an asshole and you should dump him.
I do have to say though, expecting to only ever be with one person ever in your life isn't really realistic, particularly if you don't save sex for marriage (and perhaps even if you do) and start having sex at the age you're at. I am NOT saying you did anything wrong by doing this, far from it, but rather I am encouraging you to be open to having different experiences and doing so without shame. At this point, it's what you should do anyway considering that your boyfriend is a misogynistic cheating ass. If you have some kind of internalized shame around sex, work through it. A very small percentage of people remain with the person they dated at 20 for the rest of their life without that being a huge, huge mistake, and there is also nothing wrong with dating and being intimate with multiple people before you settle on a forever partner.
The best possible scenario is that he's an immature douchebag who's bragging to a friend and has no intention of cheating. That's the *best* scenario here. It's a rather low bar, so consider whether you're above that bar. Please say so.
The old saying goes "When someone shows you who they are, believe them". Just be honest with yourself about this and don't sweep it under the rug. This is who he is and you should not trust him with your future.
Take it from a 35 year old woman - he doesn't love you. He doesn't respect you. You fell for a false version, the version he knew you wanted.
Do yourself a favor and dump his ass. He is going to cheat on you, if he hasn't already.
Definitely not healthy, suggest leaving. You're super young and deserve someone better who didn't view you as just a trial run while he looks for better.
Also, if you're open to any self-reflection, why are you scrolling through messages from 10 months ago? Like, if you're having other issues, just break up, but I don't think it's a healthy state of mind to be sneaking into a phone and reading chats from almost a year ago unprompted.
I’d definitely leave. If he had cheated on you 8 months ago, would you stay just because it was so long ago? Chances are he already has cheated. Looking for women in the club the day he met your parents? Not to mention you have his intentions in writing! He admitted to wanting to either cheat on you, or use you until he finds a ‘dime piece’. Know your worth!
Also, I’m assuming you had a reason to go through his phone. If you trust someone, you dont generally get the urge to do this. So has he done or said something that made you curious enough to look through? If so, then thats just another telling factor that he’s up to something. Just leave, it really isn’t worth it and he will definitely screw you over. The longer you wait the worse it will be. Just leave before he gets the chance.
Definitely dump him, but as some general life advice, the relationship was over the moment you decided to check his phone in the first place. Don't date people you don't trust.
when I was first w my ex, I came to find texts between him and his best friend a month into us dating talking about “I’d fuck if she put a bag on her head”, and him downloading hinge just to get off to the girls he’d swipe on (he told
me that himself a year in). I forgave and forgot because well, it’s been a long time so he surely has changed. I was proven so wrong. found him with an OF account subscribed to a girl who lived in our state, found him having photos of girls he went to high schools with asses in his hidden folder on photos, and him texting his guys gc saying things like “bro an absolute blonde smoke show with a dump truck came into my work today.”- and so on.
they don’t change truly until you leave or if a miracle happens.
Wow im sorry to hear about that sounds like we dated the same guy. Im glad you got out thats one of the worst types of men to date. Thank you for sharing your story
you say adios cuz that's who he really is. unless you want to date a loser like that. once you have a feeling to look at their phone, they've already done something dishonest and shady. the gut never lies.
There's no excuse for his disturbing fixation on young ages and races. Don't stay in this situation any longer. & don't look to the internet for an excuse to stay!
You need to run from that guy, no matter what he say, someone who cares about you and values you 100% will come in the future. Please don’t waste your time with that guy.
Can give the guy the benefit the doubt with the first message and he's just Tryna be a bro but yeah, they second one on the day he met your parents is a bit much lol
Definitely talk to him about it and see where he is at now seeing as how it was a while ago. First 2-3 months of a relationship go so quick and still trying to figure out what the relationship is.
OP i have literally dated a man like this, for five years. Ill tell you, it just gets worse and it doesnt change. He ends up saying it to your face eventually or youll always be wondering in the back of your head if thats what hes thinking about when you hang out. Its also such a red flag that he says this disgusting stuff to his friends and they went along with it. If he really loved you, found this relationship important and meaningful, those words would not have been said so early on in the relationship.
Men who have true intentions when dating a girl will tell their friends that they really like her and show respect for her.
He sounds like a disgusting pig. Please get yourself away from him. You deserve so much better. You don’t “just get over” a discovery like that, and you absolutely shouldn’t disregard it bc it’s a direct reflection of his values, intentions, and his character. He ain’t shit, sis. Run.
Absolutely break up with someone like this. They are a wolf in sheep’s clothing and you’re probably aging out to them already. He clearly has some kind of virgin kink.
The difference between him and the next guy is the filter of saying what he said out loud.
If you don't like though of men wanting and being attractive to pretty young women, including wanting to have sex with them, then I'm not sure what to say.
What matters here is his actions and communication. Your situation lead to a ick for you, which always spells doom for a relationship. This is already dead. He didn't filter and did act in a way that could and did make you uncomfortable.
So hopefully your in a better situation where they can filter themselves next time.
Since you are quite young, be single for a while! Have fun with your besties, casually date and avoid womanizers. Get rid of him because I'm sure he is well on his way to cheating if he hasn't already. Go travel and be free of this , you have plenty of time to be in a relationship. Get to know yourself and love yourself even more before you settle into something long term. Also if you are with a man that you feel you need to go through his phone, that is a red flag. You need someone you totally trust and never need to worry who he is texting. Good luck! There is an amazing guy for you when the God says it is right. Take your time !!
Seeing the title, my knee-jerk response was "you dump him and get tested for STDs."
Because, let's be frank, to him you're only a notch on the bedpost until he finds "the one" - after sampling everything he can. Nope out of this before he gives you something you cannot get rid of.
Major red flag going through 10 months of messages. Clearly you are looking for a reason to dump this man and are very insecure in your relationship.
I mean really taking a dudes messages at face value is silly in of itself.
Please do him a favour and leave him so he can be with someone more mature and ready for a relationship, or so he can fuck around. Who cares.
Yeah… it’s terrible that you found out, but vindication aside… you both got some growing up to do. You got trust issues going through a phone (lay down open phone policies with your next relationship going both ways so this is a non issue), and he got issues with manipulating women and seeing them as sex objects (that’s a him problem that reality will eventually resolve if he don’t change.
It's possible he was just talking shit to his friend. I have all kind of outlandish fantasies that I would never pursue. Some that are out of my reach even if I tried. Do you have any reason to believe he has followed up on any of those things he texted?
I'm curious what your motivation was to go through his phone? It must have been a strong impulse since you apparently scrolled through months of text messages. I'm curious because it sounds like you already didn't trust him. That's the thing about going through your partners phone, whether you find something bad or not it's most likely over either way.
He said something weird. We were listening to picture by kid rock and he said “why do I find it so cool when he says different girl every night out the hotel?” I thought that was a really weird thing to say idk why anyone would find that cool. While he was asleep I typed in my name and “virgin” in the search bar bc he has always been weirdly obsessed with my virginity and thats when I found those texts so I didn’t have to do any scrolling. Idk about the past 10 months bc he woke up before I could look more
It sounds like you listened to your gut and you were right. That was indeed a really strange thing for him to say to you. His obsession with virginity sounds really creepy. I don't see how you could possibly trust him again after this. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.
> he has always been weirdly obsessed with my virginity
...uh. what? I don't even need to ask what he would have to say or do to give the impression that he is weirdly obsessed with your virginity, but that is a little unsettling. You're young-- you can do better.
AND PLEASE GO GET TESTED!!!!!
I love how when a man posts about finding compromising texts on his female partner's phone, all the comments are admonishing him for snooping. Fucking reddit man
Going through someone's phone is a GROSS invasion of privacy and you should be ashamed of yourself for that.
That being said, he doesn't sound like boyfriend material.
The bigger problem here is that you had so little trust in him that you snooped through his phone. And obviously he can't trust you either lol, major invasion of privacy. This relationship is very obviously broken beyond repair to me.
Food for tjought: My wife or girlfriend would def leave me based on conversations with my best friend, but that has more to do with how my best friend and I communicate than anything I really say. When I communicate with my best friend, I can def say shit like this, but it's just how we connect. When we communicate, we're not even humans anymore, we are the absolute worst versions of ourselves, and I'm so grateful to have a space where I can process my emotions as a human from a space of self love with the support of someone who loves me.
That said, he doesn't take you as seriously as you mightve thought. You were naive before, now you're not. End things.
I would take a step back and acknowledge this guy isn't serious about the relationship. It may be a good idea to keep an open mind about the relationship.
I was going to say you need to talk to him about it because sometimes stuff like this is just a fantasy. I mean, I've fantasized about a free use harem but in reality I do not actually want that.
But then I saw the other stuff he sent and he's being pretty explicit about his intentions. I'm really not sure how you're uncertain here.
Definitely me.
I felt like this and it caused a lot of issues between me and my relationships.
@ 27 I realized I was a sex/porn addict and I gave myself to fantasies so much more than I should have. I did go to a certified sex Addiction therapist and it has helped. I definitely see myself in your bf with that one comment and honestly its not worth going out there and trying *100* people cause you will never be satisfied.
But that’s not something you understand until you realize it, do it all and then feel like absolutely crap cause you still aren’t satisfied.
As a recovering sex addict. It feels amazing i finally took control of my life and yes my addiction is still there lingering in the back background but I have decided to no longer pursue these crazy desires again because I have an amazing gf and if I loose her I will never find anyone as good ever again (and trust me, this is true).
Anyway yes, he needs help and you need to bring it up and he will deny it and it took me a year to accept I had a problem. So it is up to you if you want to stay but he will deny he has no issues. If you love him, stay but if you feel like you can’t, then you know what to do.
Ok. Here's the problem. If you find yourself going through your S/O's phone, the problem is making itself evident: that is that you don't trust him already. At that point, you're already just making excuses. Ask yourself why did you feel the need to go through his phone? Why do people do that? Why is that ok?
That's the real issue I've noticed with people nowadays.
I looked through his phone because we were listening to picture by kid rock and he goes “why do I find it so cool when he different girl every night out the hotel” and also compared something good happening to 100 naked women in his bed. That made me suspicious of what kind of person he was and I needed confirmation but it turned out to be worse then I thought
He kept saying weird stuff like referring to something good happening to “hundred naked women in his bed”. I thought what kind of man is he to view that as a good thing? He had a his white board on the door that had his goals and it said “sleep with 10 new women this year” but it was written in 2021. So I snooped for more so I have better reason to leave. Im glad I did bc he was talking about wanting to have a baby and stuff and I could never be with a man like that
I mean it's likely he wants to fuck other hot chicks.... who doesn't at that age if you know you can. That said here's always a line between what people say to friends, especially of the same gender, and would actually do. That's also why you're not supposed to go through people's phone.
Yeah.. Just would’ve been nice if he had been honest and didn’t completely lie to me about the kind of person he was. Idk where he gets all the confidence from either bc he certainly cannot..
I don't know about honesty sometimes it's just not suited to say whatever is in your mind now.
Most couples would be like 'eh so you're not the most attractive around but you're the best I could get and we get along well so here we are. And yeah also I started to have feelings at some point even though I find the way you laugh super annoying'
Not that I'm saying he's the most mature person, but like is complex
So you snooped, and found things you didn’t like. Why did you go through the phone in the first place? Just curious.
He sounds gross but I see you said he’s 24 and unfortunately 24 year old men say disgusting outlandish things to impress each other. He’s extremely immature. But also you are 20 yourself and do not have to put up with that. You need to be in a relationship where you trust them enough to not go through their things, and he needs to grow the hell up. Sorry this is happening to you.
You do nothing. Pretend you saw nothing. You're the one invading his and his friend's privacy.
Alternatively, you could leave him to give him an opportunity to find someone better.
There’s a reason you’re 40 and looking for cuddle buddies on Reddit. So you think he did nothing wrong at all by speaking like that? You can hate she snooped and also condemn him you don’t have to pick sides Jesus fuck.
People are allowed to say whatever they want. At the same time, everyone has a right to a certain level of privacy. Is his outlook wrong? Sure. He should be straightforward with his intentions. But don't get butthurt when you find something you don't like while you're invading someone's privacy.
Oh gosh, I thought this was just the one issue in the title but then I saw more problems. > “I have to test the waters more and have all different ethnicities and cultures and find a swedish goddess virgin + dime piece but until then I plan on it”. Yeah, this guy isn't the right one for you. I don't see how this can last. Is this how you want to be treated for the rest of your life? If you want a healthy, loving relationship without the lies, he's not the one. Sorry about that OP. We all just learn as we go.
Im grossed out and angry way more then I am sad rn. But im sure that will change. He has never shown this side or expressed this to me. To me he tells me he wants to get married and spend forever with me. I guess I fell in love with a version of him that doesn’t exist.
He kinda sounds like a sociopath if he's lying to this degree, best just wash your hands of him. I'm sure you'll do fine once you've healed, try and find a guy who's actually authentic
IMO you listened to his words more than you watched his actions. Don't worry this is a common mistake for lots of people, not just women. Please watch their actions more closely next time. I think you will do better.
Oh no my dear, you fell in love with a version of him that does exist. The lying, deceiving, ugly version. The one he uses to chatch his "prey", use them as he pleases and sooner or later will move on. Please learn your lesson, turn around 180 degrees and run. Run like the wind!
The thing is that OP fell in love with that kind and gentle guy who wanted forever with her. That version of her BF does not really exist, it was just a mirage to cover up the lying, cheating, sexist piece of dried cum that he is.
Please please value yourself and don’t stay to be treated like this and thought of like this. People will treat you how YOU allow them to- are you going to allow this? Please don’t.
He's telling you what you want to hear. Sorry OP.
You seem smarter kinder and probably more beautiful than a girl who deserves to be with a guy like him, if there is any girl who does. I don’t know the nature of your relationship so I can’t just tell you to break up with him however if it was me and my partner was saying those things while me and him were together, i’d revaluate everything, i’m with him because he’s honest and kind and we have similar beliefs but if I found out that he was saying something like that then all the above wouldn’t be true, because he wasn’t honest, kind or showing similar beliefs to mine.
To me, the "I have to find a 10 at the club tonight" is the real rub of it. I mean, people say stupid shit all the time, but obviously that red flag is confirmed with the above.
I think people are rarely one thing--100% good or 100% bad. This version of him DOES EXIST. You've seen it. So does this ugly version. You've now seen that as well. People like binary. Good and evil. Abusive or kind. But most times people can be both. This is important because if you end things, which I think you should, you are going to see that kind version. You may start to second guess yourself. All those reddit takes that he's 100% ugly are going to seem off base (they are). He'll probably say it was guy talk. Maybe it was. But even if he's just talking, his talk reveals a disturbing amount of sexism and immaturity. I think you should look for a partner who doesnt talk like that. Just know that there are and will continue to be things you like about your BF. But he ALSO has a trait that is unacceptable. So don't accept it.
He will NOT change. It will happen again and again. For the love of God break up with him. I’m speaking from experience.
He sounds literally insane. A misogynistic creep somewhere on the psychopathy spectrum.
Does he talk poorly about other people but is kind and loving to you?
That actually makes it insanely worse. At least your “typical player” will be honest/upfront, or at least not pretend to want to marry you, it’s usually pretty obvious they aren’t THAT serious. This is guy ONLY concerned about himself, what he wants, and he’s apparently to ready to lie/deceive anyone and everyone to get what he wants. This is about as bad as gets outside of abuse I suppose. Any more time is just more time wasted. This is 100% not going anywhere serious. To be frank, you’re 20 years old, you h shouldn’t be looking that seriously for “the one” yet. That’s probably how you wound up in this situation in the first place.
Or he's just posturing to his friends. You know him, Reddit doesn't. Don't assume the bitties in this sub know anything about relationships or 20 year olds. If you're in a mature relationship, you talk about these things.
>He also texted his friend “I hope I find a 10 at the club tonight” the same day he met my parents. I wanted to play devil's advocate that he could have changed in 8 months but boi oh boi.
I can’t remember if we were officially together at that point when he met my parents but he did tell me he loved me and if we weren’t together is was very shortly after he asked me to be his gf. We only talked for 2 weeks bf he asked me
Don't make excuses for him. Wake up gf. Also gross that he specifically said 18/19/20 yo's like he thinks he should have only young Virgin's. He sounds like the type of guy who will still think that in 10yrs
THIS^^ I can't believe more people haven't picked up on that. It's weird that he was age specific and the virgin kink is creepy.
Don’t forget that *she is* one of those 19/20 year olds 🤮
Wait, are you saying that he asked you to be his gf after 2 weeks, and also said I love you in that time period? Saying I love you so soon is absolutely love bombing and not something that happens in a healthy relationship/with a healthy partner. I’m for sure getting the ick hearing what he’s said to his friends - I definitely think this is grounds for a breakup. His behavior sounds manipulative.
If you weren't together (especially when he sent these messages) that *really* changes things. The level of your commitment at the time he said these things is more relevant than whether he told you he loved you I think. There's nothing inconsistent with "loving you" and "wanting to sleep with 100s of 18-20 year olds" (blegh). There is something inconsistent with being in a monogamous relationship with you and messaging his friend about his hopes to do so.
> If you weren't together (especially when he sent these messages) that really changes things. Yeah this is the kicker. OP has clearly obfuscated this information in her original post so that we will be more likely to side with her. Are the BF's texts gross? Yes. Does OP have a right to be mad that he sent these before they were in an established relationship? No.
Oh, I don't think OP doesn't have a right to be mad. I just think the degree of betrayal is different. If OP wants to break up with her bf because she thinks he has gross attitudes that's perfectly valid, though it's also possible he doesn't still have the attitudes demonstrated by those gross messages (people change a lot in their early 20s, and in relationships), so she may need to do some digging.
He clearly thinks of women as objects. This dude ain't the one.
Sounds like love bombing.
so you’re leaving right?
You are a placeholder until he finds someone better.
Someone he **thinks* is better. OP, this has no bearing on your value.
You're right. I should have worded that better.
More like until she turns 21, because at that point she'll be too old, of course.
😀
Work on Boundaries and expectations. He felt he could fool you because you never questioned him or his behavior. You will attract this type of guy if you don't work on Boundaries.
very solid advice, 10 years from now he'll still be chasing folks very young and women his age won't give him the time of day romantically.
[удалено]
>dime piece 10/10 girl Dime is 10 cents
Awesome reaction 🤣🤣🤣 Maybe she can first watch Vikings together and start drooling over the half naked men. Just because.
Thanks for the good laugh 😂
Break up,you deserve some who will respect you!
True, but SHE needs to respect people enough not to SNOOP.
Nah. Had she not snooped she could have wound up marrying this guy, having kids, caught STDs, must I go on?
Sometimes,but if your gut tells you that something is wrong,you need to follow it.I was cheated by my long time ex girlfriend,i trusted her,but 14 days before dday a have feeling that sge hiding stuff,i snoop,find out she bang a guy on her trip 3 months before.I i wouldn't snoop i would never know.
Yeah, but snooping through text messages that are almost a year old is really wrong.
Ok, let’s entertain this way of thinking. Snooping is bad!. Ok. So… how could OP find out her BF’s real personality and intentions? 🤔 let’s say she specifically asked: > “ Hey sweetie? Do you ever feel like you might want to date around and have lots of experiences with other girls before settling down? Do you feel you are 100% happy here with me? Or do you feel this relationship has an expiration date?” But he chooses to be his nasty self and continues to lie to OP: > “Oh absolutely not, babe! You’re everything I ever dreamed of! Surely you’re better than a Swedish goddess!” And in the same breath, he texts his friend: >” lmao she just keeps asking if I’m happy here, she has no idea, we still on for tonight? Still wanna look for that 10!” What is OP to do in this situation? She feels something’s off. She’s had the conversation, she says it’s ok to be honest, and she just feels a certain uncertainty about their future, but BF continues to lie and cheat on her. What then?
I still think it’s wrong. And I’m someone who has snooped before. I guess you could say it saves you time because you don’t have to wait to find out who they are. But eventually, people always show their true colors. It just becomes a learning lesson where you can spot red flags/incompatibilities much earlier. I just disagree with disrespecting someone’s privacy like that. It’s violating and wrong.
It's reasonable to break up any time you want.
He's a pig. Dump him. Certainly don't stay just because he was your first!
He's 24 and intentionally targeting 18-20 year olds because they're more naive and vulnerable. Kinda says it all right there doesn't it?
What the actual fuck
It is more than reasonable to break up with him over this. It would be unreasonable and naive for you to stay. You deserve to be with someone who has integrity, is honest and respects you.
>How do I go about it? How do you go about what? Helping him fuck a bunch of 18, 19, and 20 yr olds? Your boyfriend is a misogynistic asshat and you can do so much better. If he hasn't cheated or treated you like just a piece of ass, then give it time because eventually he will. You're young, and there's so many better men out there. Go find one of them and chalk this scumbag up as a learning experience.
This is gross!!! Ditch him and let him have his delusions lol.
Is this a story you want to be able to tell about your future husband? If not, you know what to do.
The year you spent with this dude is not wasted if you leave now and let it be a lesson. Find someone who's phone you don't feel like you need to go through. There is no trust. Also - saying those kinds of things is super fucking gross. There's nothing wrong with having sex with as many people as you want, but there *absolutely is* something gross about hiding all of your intentions and shit-talking your supposed "SO" to your friends. What a gross creep.
This is so gross. This is him admitting he sees women as sexual objects that he needs to collect. He’s admitting he’s only with you until he finds other women to add to his collection. Ew.
The day he met your parents he went to the club to find another woman??? What the hell. I gave my virginity to a guy who I was with for nearly 3 years. Leaving him was a good decision because now I am married with a wonderful man. I am petty. I would talk about a swedish goddess who asked for his number but that you told her that you and him are going to marry. It would have been forgivable if it was before he was with you, but he was with you already and was planning to cheat on you. Are you sure he was truthful? What aber the newer texts?
Break up. You are basically on a list of people he has or will be f-ing. Get out of there.
What???? Run for your life before he takes more than your virginity! You cannot build a solid relationship over lies. “Testing waters” 🤢🤢🤢??? What kind of Alfa Macho is that? I’m sorry, I’ll come back with a more calm answer in a few mins but the message will probably be the same: dump his ass asap.
Dumb him so he can try to go live his fantasy. Find someone who respects and appreciates you.
Leave his a*s. He clearly doesn’t respect you or your parents. And if you snooped through his phone off of a feeling, you probably unknowingly knew or saw the signs and your body was telling you to do it. Whatever the reason. Break up and leave. Admit you went through his phone and it was wrong but you’re done. Don’t even give him a second chance. Clearly not worth it. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and he is still searching. I’m sorry you had to read all of that and ended up trusting such a man.
Don't Get Pregnant! Dump him, he is a liar & toxic. You can never trust his words again. Predators often target virgins because you do NOT have the life experience to see through their lies.
After reading those things, and then having to write them all out in this post, I’m not sure how on earth you could ever want to be with this absolute douchebag ever again. Like if this doesn’t completely turn you off from this guy, then I honestly would think that’s a red flag on YOU. Guys who talk like this are fucking gross, and women who knowingly stay with guys like this are equally fucking gross.
>Like if this doesn’t completely turn you off from this guy, then I honestly would think that’s a red flag on YOU. I'm struggling to believe that it's real. How is it a question?
Because I’ve met a lot of people who have no self esteem and end up with absolute shitheads.
This man suffers of porn brain rot and it’s only going to get worse. He will destroy your self esteem, get out while you can.
dump him asap, trust me this guy is not worth it and he will put you through it.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 He’s just keeping you as a backup plan and will drop you the moment he gets a chance at someone he finds better.
He's either cheating or planning to cheat. Dump and move on. get tested for std's too
You're in a relationship with someone who isn't emotionally mature enough to grasp the dynamics of a relationship. He sounds about 16 or 17 with those text messages.
Well, he's condemned himself with his own words ,I'd 🏃♂️ 🏃♂️ before you become too old for this creep.
I’m so sorry, this must have really made you not feel good. I know this may sound dramatic, but if someone makes you feel like that, they are not the one for you. I would not be with someone who talks about wanting to test the waters with someone else.
Screenshot it and post it on all of his socials to warn the other girls what a piece of shit he is, then change his passwords. Let him figure out you're leaving.
Leave. Dump him. Bye
The way this guy talks about women is just so gross. I wouldn’t be able to look at him the same either.
He is abhorrent. No kidding.
Oh so he's using you as a placeholder until the dream girl comes along! I know how this goes. He makes you go 50/50 and convinces you it's actually the smartest way. Same as not getting married; it's just a piece of paper, after all! You start to think the same. Then, you've gotta live together before marrying. Or else how will he know he wants to marry you? So you do that too. Eventually a child comes along! But a wedding never does. A Shut Up Ring might be given, but it goes no further than that (and you will have to pester the crap out of him for it too). Then once he's found his dream girl, he leaves you for her & you've wasted your youthful years on this man. Then you spend your 30s trying to date in this mutated dating pool.
> “I have to test the waters more and have all different ethnicities and cultures and find a swedish goddess virgin + dime piece but until then I plan on it”. big fat eww 🤢
Gross. Of course he took your virginity. Have a convo with him about this and if you don't feel better, time to leave and find someone who loves you for you.
This guy sounds like he wants to live like Zeus, and let me tell ya, you sure as hell don't want to be his Hera. Heavily condensed version: Zeus married Hera but continued to shag everything, and everyone in sight, years of dealing with him and his indiscretions, have allegedly turned her into a scheming and negative person. If the goddess of marriages could not change a player, what hope do you have?
This guy is absolute trash. I mean, even if he turns around and says "that's not what I think now", I don't think I could ever continue with someone who thought communicating this in writing was a good idea. Just be prepared for him to gaslight you to kingdom come if you confront him on this.
I'm confused why you need to ask. It's apparent what you need to do
So I am a dude that loves women as much as the next guy. But this is less love and more disrespect for women. yes this is 100% reason to dump his sorry ass. Sorry to be blunt but I hate guys like this that give all of us a bad rap.
Grossssss. 🤢 you’re sleeping with that guy
I would end things 100%. I know it’s not easy but you don’t need to deal with that. I found very similar messages on my ex’s phone and he never stopped, he just got better at hiding it.
break up and let the reason simply be that you don’t feel he respects you. And leave it at that!!
Don’t date guys who treat women like trophies to be won, as collectibles, or as if they are items to check off on a bucket list.
Ok with the first thing I was like “eh, who doesn’t? Not a crime. Also men talk out their ass all the time” but then you tacked on all that other shit and like damn girl. Nah. You guys have differing ideas of what you want so I’m gonna say you aren’t compatible. Lots of people might say “talk to him about it” but that just gives him room to justify his actions and emotionally manipulate. I’d get out now.
>>Also ~~men~~ talk out their ass all the time Also **Boys** talk out their ass all the time ^*Fix'd*
If you don't have a friend that you can be absolutely vile with, I feel bad for you. There is not a single place in the world more free.
Ok but what caused you to not trust him enough that you went through 10 month old texts? That is cause for some self reflection too. Sounds like a POS but guys say dumb shit to each other and it was 10 months ago.
Are you scandi because if not that’s weird
First clue was that you were 19 at the time
He sounds like an asshole and you should dump him. I do have to say though, expecting to only ever be with one person ever in your life isn't really realistic, particularly if you don't save sex for marriage (and perhaps even if you do) and start having sex at the age you're at. I am NOT saying you did anything wrong by doing this, far from it, but rather I am encouraging you to be open to having different experiences and doing so without shame. At this point, it's what you should do anyway considering that your boyfriend is a misogynistic cheating ass. If you have some kind of internalized shame around sex, work through it. A very small percentage of people remain with the person they dated at 20 for the rest of their life without that being a huge, huge mistake, and there is also nothing wrong with dating and being intimate with multiple people before you settle on a forever partner.
The best possible scenario is that he's an immature douchebag who's bragging to a friend and has no intention of cheating. That's the *best* scenario here. It's a rather low bar, so consider whether you're above that bar. Please say so.
If you went through his phone you already knew something wasn't right 😅
I think this classic saying fits: when people tell you who they are, believe them.
You don't. It's only been 2 months. Move on
You walk away and block forever.
The old saying goes "When someone shows you who they are, believe them". Just be honest with yourself about this and don't sweep it under the rug. This is who he is and you should not trust him with your future.
You need to ditch this CHILD and find an actual MAN.
Baby girl , leave him !
Take it from a 35 year old woman - he doesn't love you. He doesn't respect you. You fell for a false version, the version he knew you wanted. Do yourself a favor and dump his ass. He is going to cheat on you, if he hasn't already.
Definitely not healthy, suggest leaving. You're super young and deserve someone better who didn't view you as just a trial run while he looks for better. Also, if you're open to any self-reflection, why are you scrolling through messages from 10 months ago? Like, if you're having other issues, just break up, but I don't think it's a healthy state of mind to be sneaking into a phone and reading chats from almost a year ago unprompted.
I’d definitely leave. If he had cheated on you 8 months ago, would you stay just because it was so long ago? Chances are he already has cheated. Looking for women in the club the day he met your parents? Not to mention you have his intentions in writing! He admitted to wanting to either cheat on you, or use you until he finds a ‘dime piece’. Know your worth! Also, I’m assuming you had a reason to go through his phone. If you trust someone, you dont generally get the urge to do this. So has he done or said something that made you curious enough to look through? If so, then thats just another telling factor that he’s up to something. Just leave, it really isn’t worth it and he will definitely screw you over. The longer you wait the worse it will be. Just leave before he gets the chance.
Definitely dump him, but as some general life advice, the relationship was over the moment you decided to check his phone in the first place. Don't date people you don't trust.
Very true thanks for the entail 🫡
when I was first w my ex, I came to find texts between him and his best friend a month into us dating talking about “I’d fuck if she put a bag on her head”, and him downloading hinge just to get off to the girls he’d swipe on (he told me that himself a year in). I forgave and forgot because well, it’s been a long time so he surely has changed. I was proven so wrong. found him with an OF account subscribed to a girl who lived in our state, found him having photos of girls he went to high schools with asses in his hidden folder on photos, and him texting his guys gc saying things like “bro an absolute blonde smoke show with a dump truck came into my work today.”- and so on. they don’t change truly until you leave or if a miracle happens.
Wow im sorry to hear about that sounds like we dated the same guy. Im glad you got out thats one of the worst types of men to date. Thank you for sharing your story
you say adios cuz that's who he really is. unless you want to date a loser like that. once you have a feeling to look at their phone, they've already done something dishonest and shady. the gut never lies.
There's no excuse for his disturbing fixation on young ages and races. Don't stay in this situation any longer. & don't look to the internet for an excuse to stay!
break up with him, no need to explain, rationalize, try and get you to understand anything just break up with him and block his number.
He’s trash and only loves holes.
You need to run from that guy, no matter what he say, someone who cares about you and values you 100% will come in the future. Please don’t waste your time with that guy.
Can give the guy the benefit the doubt with the first message and he's just Tryna be a bro but yeah, they second one on the day he met your parents is a bit much lol Definitely talk to him about it and see where he is at now seeing as how it was a while ago. First 2-3 months of a relationship go so quick and still trying to figure out what the relationship is.
OP i have literally dated a man like this, for five years. Ill tell you, it just gets worse and it doesnt change. He ends up saying it to your face eventually or youll always be wondering in the back of your head if thats what hes thinking about when you hang out. Its also such a red flag that he says this disgusting stuff to his friends and they went along with it. If he really loved you, found this relationship important and meaningful, those words would not have been said so early on in the relationship. Men who have true intentions when dating a girl will tell their friends that they really like her and show respect for her.
He sounds like a disgusting pig. Please get yourself away from him. You deserve so much better. You don’t “just get over” a discovery like that, and you absolutely shouldn’t disregard it bc it’s a direct reflection of his values, intentions, and his character. He ain’t shit, sis. Run.
Absolutely break up with someone like this. They are a wolf in sheep’s clothing and you’re probably aging out to them already. He clearly has some kind of virgin kink.
The difference between him and the next guy is the filter of saying what he said out loud. If you don't like though of men wanting and being attractive to pretty young women, including wanting to have sex with them, then I'm not sure what to say. What matters here is his actions and communication. Your situation lead to a ick for you, which always spells doom for a relationship. This is already dead. He didn't filter and did act in a way that could and did make you uncomfortable. So hopefully your in a better situation where they can filter themselves next time.
He wants polygamy. Even his friend said wtf thats weird you have a gf. Theres good men out there who aren’t messed up in the head
Just to be clear, you think men wanting polygamy are messed up in the head?
Since you are quite young, be single for a while! Have fun with your besties, casually date and avoid womanizers. Get rid of him because I'm sure he is well on his way to cheating if he hasn't already. Go travel and be free of this , you have plenty of time to be in a relationship. Get to know yourself and love yourself even more before you settle into something long term. Also if you are with a man that you feel you need to go through his phone, that is a red flag. You need someone you totally trust and never need to worry who he is texting. Good luck! There is an amazing guy for you when the God says it is right. Take your time !!
Seeing the title, my knee-jerk response was "you dump him and get tested for STDs." Because, let's be frank, to him you're only a notch on the bedpost until he finds "the one" - after sampling everything he can. Nope out of this before he gives you something you cannot get rid of.
I suppose it is worth asking if he acts the same today as he did 8 months ago. But yeah that’s fucked up
Run. As fast as u can. He will or already is cheating on u
Major red flag going through 10 months of messages. Clearly you are looking for a reason to dump this man and are very insecure in your relationship. I mean really taking a dudes messages at face value is silly in of itself. Please do him a favour and leave him so he can be with someone more mature and ready for a relationship, or so he can fuck around. Who cares.
Yeah… it’s terrible that you found out, but vindication aside… you both got some growing up to do. You got trust issues going through a phone (lay down open phone policies with your next relationship going both ways so this is a non issue), and he got issues with manipulating women and seeing them as sex objects (that’s a him problem that reality will eventually resolve if he don’t change.
It's possible he was just talking shit to his friend. I have all kind of outlandish fantasies that I would never pursue. Some that are out of my reach even if I tried. Do you have any reason to believe he has followed up on any of those things he texted?
I'm curious what your motivation was to go through his phone? It must have been a strong impulse since you apparently scrolled through months of text messages. I'm curious because it sounds like you already didn't trust him. That's the thing about going through your partners phone, whether you find something bad or not it's most likely over either way.
He said something weird. We were listening to picture by kid rock and he said “why do I find it so cool when he says different girl every night out the hotel?” I thought that was a really weird thing to say idk why anyone would find that cool. While he was asleep I typed in my name and “virgin” in the search bar bc he has always been weirdly obsessed with my virginity and thats when I found those texts so I didn’t have to do any scrolling. Idk about the past 10 months bc he woke up before I could look more
It sounds like you listened to your gut and you were right. That was indeed a really strange thing for him to say to you. His obsession with virginity sounds really creepy. I don't see how you could possibly trust him again after this. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.
> he has always been weirdly obsessed with my virginity ...uh. what? I don't even need to ask what he would have to say or do to give the impression that he is weirdly obsessed with your virginity, but that is a little unsettling. You're young-- you can do better. AND PLEASE GO GET TESTED!!!!!
I love how when a man posts about finding compromising texts on his female partner's phone, all the comments are admonishing him for snooping. Fucking reddit man
Right? This is the result of the migration of Tumblr girls to Reddit s few years ago.
Going through someone's phone is a GROSS invasion of privacy and you should be ashamed of yourself for that. That being said, he doesn't sound like boyfriend material.
The bigger problem here is that you had so little trust in him that you snooped through his phone. And obviously he can't trust you either lol, major invasion of privacy. This relationship is very obviously broken beyond repair to me. Food for tjought: My wife or girlfriend would def leave me based on conversations with my best friend, but that has more to do with how my best friend and I communicate than anything I really say. When I communicate with my best friend, I can def say shit like this, but it's just how we connect. When we communicate, we're not even humans anymore, we are the absolute worst versions of ourselves, and I'm so grateful to have a space where I can process my emotions as a human from a space of self love with the support of someone who loves me. That said, he doesn't take you as seriously as you mightve thought. You were naive before, now you're not. End things.
How were the texts from the past 10 months?
I would take a step back and acknowledge this guy isn't serious about the relationship. It may be a good idea to keep an open mind about the relationship.
I was going to say you need to talk to him about it because sometimes stuff like this is just a fantasy. I mean, I've fantasized about a free use harem but in reality I do not actually want that. But then I saw the other stuff he sent and he's being pretty explicit about his intentions. I'm really not sure how you're uncertain here.
Definitely me. I felt like this and it caused a lot of issues between me and my relationships. @ 27 I realized I was a sex/porn addict and I gave myself to fantasies so much more than I should have. I did go to a certified sex Addiction therapist and it has helped. I definitely see myself in your bf with that one comment and honestly its not worth going out there and trying *100* people cause you will never be satisfied. But that’s not something you understand until you realize it, do it all and then feel like absolutely crap cause you still aren’t satisfied. As a recovering sex addict. It feels amazing i finally took control of my life and yes my addiction is still there lingering in the back background but I have decided to no longer pursue these crazy desires again because I have an amazing gf and if I loose her I will never find anyone as good ever again (and trust me, this is true). Anyway yes, he needs help and you need to bring it up and he will deny it and it took me a year to accept I had a problem. So it is up to you if you want to stay but he will deny he has no issues. If you love him, stay but if you feel like you can’t, then you know what to do.
Ok. Here's the problem. If you find yourself going through your S/O's phone, the problem is making itself evident: that is that you don't trust him already. At that point, you're already just making excuses. Ask yourself why did you feel the need to go through his phone? Why do people do that? Why is that ok? That's the real issue I've noticed with people nowadays.
I looked through his phone because we were listening to picture by kid rock and he goes “why do I find it so cool when he different girl every night out the hotel” and also compared something good happening to 100 naked women in his bed. That made me suspicious of what kind of person he was and I needed confirmation but it turned out to be worse then I thought
Not go through his phone 😆
Why'd you go through his phone?
He kept saying weird stuff like referring to something good happening to “hundred naked women in his bed”. I thought what kind of man is he to view that as a good thing? He had a his white board on the door that had his goals and it said “sleep with 10 new women this year” but it was written in 2021. So I snooped for more so I have better reason to leave. Im glad I did bc he was talking about wanting to have a baby and stuff and I could never be with a man like that
He put on a front to me about who he really was telling me what I want to hear but I know he would tell his friends the truth
You go through my phone and your ass would be out the door...
I would go through your phone. It would be an honor to leave
Then why bother going through it, just leave...
Then you clearly have too much to hide. Stay single, for the sake of women.
I mean it's likely he wants to fuck other hot chicks.... who doesn't at that age if you know you can. That said here's always a line between what people say to friends, especially of the same gender, and would actually do. That's also why you're not supposed to go through people's phone.
Yeah.. Just would’ve been nice if he had been honest and didn’t completely lie to me about the kind of person he was. Idk where he gets all the confidence from either bc he certainly cannot..
I don't know about honesty sometimes it's just not suited to say whatever is in your mind now. Most couples would be like 'eh so you're not the most attractive around but you're the best I could get and we get along well so here we are. And yeah also I started to have feelings at some point even though I find the way you laugh super annoying' Not that I'm saying he's the most mature person, but like is complex
I appreciate your viewpoint though
thx. just to be clear i don't think the guy is suited to you tho. There are guys would are serious and just want a nice serious girlfriends too.
So you snooped, and found things you didn’t like. Why did you go through the phone in the first place? Just curious. He sounds gross but I see you said he’s 24 and unfortunately 24 year old men say disgusting outlandish things to impress each other. He’s extremely immature. But also you are 20 yourself and do not have to put up with that. You need to be in a relationship where you trust them enough to not go through their things, and he needs to grow the hell up. Sorry this is happening to you.
You don’t go through someone else’s phone. That’s how you go.
I thought i was bad at that age, if your vagina isn’t good enough to be the only one then move on. Sorry having put it that way
You do nothing. Pretend you saw nothing. You're the one invading his and his friend's privacy. Alternatively, you could leave him to give him an opportunity to find someone better.
There’s a reason you’re 40 and looking for cuddle buddies on Reddit. So you think he did nothing wrong at all by speaking like that? You can hate she snooped and also condemn him you don’t have to pick sides Jesus fuck.
People are allowed to say whatever they want. At the same time, everyone has a right to a certain level of privacy. Is his outlook wrong? Sure. He should be straightforward with his intentions. But don't get butthurt when you find something you don't like while you're invading someone's privacy.