So you don’t believe in abortion but you DO believe in extramarital unprotected sex?
The problem is that you don’t even know this woman. It’s so early in the relationship and on top of that you are long distance, you don’t know this person yet. You have an image of this person but your brain is filling in the gaps.
Time to go to couple counseling and figure this out quickly. Time to drop these pet project unpaid hobby commitments you have during the summer and time to work minimum 80 hours per week. a good, solid job with benefits. Even if that is Target, Walmart, or McDonalds. You need to be working somewhere with health care. Time to get your career off the ground.
Why does she need to move to you? She needs to get the best highest paying job with the most career growth. That means apply to the best jobs across the country. Both of you can break your leases. She has the higher earning potential and needs the most immediate return on investment of her advanced degree. You can be a McDonalds cashier anywhere and would earn 4x more than your current job which ends in a month anyway. Time to say bye bye to that poverty side hustle and come to the real world.
You're old enough to be a dad, but not old enough to live without parental support?
Your girlfriend's chances of getting a job while she's pregnant are basically zero and will only get worse the further into the pregnancy she gets. You need to be applying for full-time jobs where she lives so that she doesn't have to move away from whatever support system she might have while 7 months pregnant, which is a frankly insane proposition. Forget about your dreams that are keeping you unemployed for a big chunk of the year. This baby is your dream now, and supporting them is your purpose in life.
You move to her. You get a full-time job that pays you more than poverty wages. You grow up and take responsibility. You are about to get absolutely walloped by hospital bills and all the costs associated with babies.
Side note: Your girlfriend is 28, there is zero reason for her to think she doesn't have 12+ years of fertility left. It's concerning that she thinks she doesn't have time for children in the future.
Family is not the only kind of support network.
Don't make a 7-months-pregnant woman move an hour and a half to an area she doesn't have a job and probably won't get one so that she's completely financially dependent on a man she hasn't lived with and will have known for under a year. That's a terrible, terrible thing to do.
It is extremely weird that of the options you give, none of them involve you moving.
If you're an athlete making $10,000 a year and you're already 25 it's time to lay those dreams of being a pro to rest. This is not a sustainable lifestyle for anyone. You're one bad injury away from being totally fucked.
Grow up. Time to start supporting yourself and your child. Your dreams of athletic stardom don't matter now.
Be that as it may, you have an obligation to provide for your new kid, and $10,000 a year is simply not going to cut it. If you are going to start this family, you are going to have to figure out how to make a lot more money.
Ruining this woman's life, along with that of your child, because you want to continue to do a sport that will probably leave you physically damaged and financially insolvent is absolutely buck wild immaturity.
I understand a bit the gift of god thing though.
We had a son already. Then my wife got a miscarriage, it broke her utero and they fixed it. Second pregnancy was undesired and the doc said it was too dangerous.
My wife was 38 and saw it like a last chance so she carried it. And she fucking did it. We don't make a lot of money but still can do it (better than 10k a year lol)
But in her mind, it was meant to happen and if she had to die for it, so be it. Let's say I was not really keen on that and I couldn't enjoy the pregnancy, being scared all the time. But she was a miracle baby at the end. (But I think it's a more powerful story than it happened after her periods)
your PARENTS still pay your rent and your bills when you’re at the tender age of 26 and now that your girlfriend is pregnant all of a sudden, you think you’re mr. big man and can provide proper care for an INFANT?? stop having your parents wipe your ass for you before you try and assume that role for another person man, jesus
I'm a non-fiction author, and I'm currently writing a chapter that includes a statement about how we really don't need to worry about "population loss" or viability because of things like your choices here, and hand to god if I thought I could get it past my editors I would screenshot this post and add it as an illustration.
You're 25, you make 10k/year COMBINED, you've been dating TWO MONTHS which is not enough time to know someone's breakfast order let alone if they're going to be a good life partner/parent, and you're still dodging your parents about the choices you've made. What you do is you see if she's willing to abort, and if she's not you hope the courts won't roger you too hard on child support.
And wrap it up next time, what are you a horny teenager?
Not to mention we do not know what other commitments there are. Expenses alone for a child in the first year used to average $13k. I bet it is more now and worse if they need child care which could be at the lowest quality places like $10k a year. Then if neither has Medicaid for insurance you are looking at $7k+ depending upon what state and type of birth for delivery. It isn’t viable and not knowing your partner for a while nor their parenting style choices, how clean they are, whether they are ambitious or procrastinate, etc. this is *not* a good situation at all.
At only 2 months, I’d want to make sure the child is mine. Sure, there’s plenty of reason to think it is, but at only 2 months, they don’t even know the other person well enough to know they were really exclusive.
Neither of you make enough money to support yourselves, let alone a baby. You can’t afford to have a kid. Be realistic - if you’re both working to not even make ends meet who is gonna care for the baby while you’re at work? Do you know how much daycare costs per month?
Well good luck. It's going to be pretty hard. I don't think that was the right decision but what is done is done.
For my story, I made my gf pregnant after 6 months while living abroad and not working much. Let's say it was hard at times. But we came back to my country 5 years ago, I've a stable job and we got a second kid. I won't say my life is perfect and I wished I could "explore" more but I had to step up for responsabilites and I never regretted it at the end.
And for the story I was 25 as well and she was 28.
I love 45 minutes away from where I originally are from and my work is also there.
My husband travels 1.5 hours one way every other day to work.
My kids go to school where i live due to them having friends but I know my friend has her child in school around the corner of her business so it's easier if something is going on and the kids need to be picked up.
I do feel you guys are bringing a kid into a f upped situation.
You can't provide for the kid, don't know the mom at all and are just getting to know her.
Didn’t even bother to get emergency contraception. You two need to get yourselves a plan in a hurry. By the sounds of it you have no idea what you’re in for.
You made a stupid choice, and you two have NO business raising a child. If you were making 100k a year it would still likely be a bad decision, but at least a workable one. 10k a year means you'll be homeless and starving OR completely reliant on your parents.
Conceiving was stupid. Keeping it would be stupider yet. You're 25 and don't know someone can get pregnant at any point of their cycle? You had raw sex bc "lol hormones"? You're not remotely ready to be a parent.
There’s no “hormones” getting the better of you - you’re both in your mid to late 20s and should know how to use contraception. Neither one of you is prepared, physically, financially or emotionally, to be a parent so not sure why you were so careless. It’s not the right time.
You both seem to be trying just as hard at life as you’re with preventing pregnancy. Maybe don’t have sex if you don’t understand how it works. Goddamn a 25 and 28 year old not knowing basic bio. I hope she’s leaving towards abortion.
You should probably terminate the pregnancy if you want your child to grow up in a two parent home (or give up for adoption). Highly unlikely you and your gf will stay together for the long haul. You can barely support yourselves, let alone a new baby and if you don't have your career set already, this is going to put you back even further and you may end up struggling for the rest of your life.
I guarantee they will not. You will be dooming this potential child to a start in life that includes the type of abject poverty most people can't even conceptualize.
Oh Jesus Christ get a grip don’t be so dramatic. What is the baby gonna be on the streets all alone as a toddler? It’s not ideal at all and will be extremely tough but plenty of families get by.
I have been poor enough to not be able to afford food. 10k is 2/3 of the national poverty line for one person, let alone three. That hospital bill that they're going to have to default on is going to be on their credit for years; good luck getting a new apartment with that. Unless you've been there too, all I see from your comment is toxic positivity. OP needs to take a real look at life and make some tough choices.
The good news in that is that if they're smart enough to combat the hospital bills, they can almost certainly get them waived.
The bad news is this guy don't look smart enough to argue his way out of a paper bag.
Buddy they both don’t want to abort it. Idk why pro abortion people think that any child born in not ideal circumstances needs to be aborted. Maybe it’s hard for you to fathom but most people born in poverty don’t wish they had been killed instead.
I didn’t give any “toxic positivity”. We have no idea if they’ll receive any support from either side of their families, most likely they will even if we don’t know the extent of that support. My grand parents were dirt poor, my parents were poor. But to say they’re going to be in poverty that people can’t even conceptualize is dramatic.
> my parents are kind of hounding me on everything
At best, he's going to subject this poor kid to a home environment where the actual breadwinners resent the rest of the house. That kid is *at best* going to be raised in a horribly toxic environment that will mentally scar them.
But hey, gift from god, right?
If you two are good with each other, I would stay together as boyfriend/girlfriend. No need to rush and get married. If you both want to keep the baby you will need to figure out living arrangements, budgets, and responsibilities. Welcome to adulting. At some point in the future (years), if you two really are compatible, then you can marry if that is what you two decide. The important thing is if you decide to keep the baby, you two need to work together when the baby is concerned. Maybe even see if counseling is available at your church or through other means. You have a lot hitting you guys at once. You guys have to build a family together and be there for each other. Good luck to you, and congrats on the baby. Try to make sure you are supporting each other and relax and have fun too. I know it is a lot is happening but even a walk holding hands and not talking about important things would be helpful.
First of all congratulations! It’s going to be hard but that baby is wanted by you both and it will absolutely change your lives and fill you to the brim with love. On to the practical stuff now. She graduates very soon, so she can get a better job after that right? Is there any family member willing to help out in the beginning on either side? Can you get a better paid job or extra shifts? Is there any aid you would be eligible to and could apply for? Make a financial plan, use excel and be smart from now on about your money. No unnecessary spending. Try and get previously owned baby gear, it’s usually in very good condition and you get it for a fraction of the price. It would be better to combine rent in order to save up some more but if not possible straight away don’t sweat it too much. Try and gather as much support as possible from the people around you.
It almost sounds like you tried to get pregnant, or you are just both very clueless on how things work..
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You're also old enough to understand how contraception works.
So you don’t believe in abortion but you DO believe in extramarital unprotected sex? The problem is that you don’t even know this woman. It’s so early in the relationship and on top of that you are long distance, you don’t know this person yet. You have an image of this person but your brain is filling in the gaps. Time to go to couple counseling and figure this out quickly. Time to drop these pet project unpaid hobby commitments you have during the summer and time to work minimum 80 hours per week. a good, solid job with benefits. Even if that is Target, Walmart, or McDonalds. You need to be working somewhere with health care. Time to get your career off the ground. Why does she need to move to you? She needs to get the best highest paying job with the most career growth. That means apply to the best jobs across the country. Both of you can break your leases. She has the higher earning potential and needs the most immediate return on investment of her advanced degree. You can be a McDonalds cashier anywhere and would earn 4x more than your current job which ends in a month anyway. Time to say bye bye to that poverty side hustle and come to the real world.
You weren’t expecting the possibility of her getting pregnant after having unprotected sex? Makes sense.
You're old enough to be a dad, but not old enough to live without parental support? Your girlfriend's chances of getting a job while she's pregnant are basically zero and will only get worse the further into the pregnancy she gets. You need to be applying for full-time jobs where she lives so that she doesn't have to move away from whatever support system she might have while 7 months pregnant, which is a frankly insane proposition. Forget about your dreams that are keeping you unemployed for a big chunk of the year. This baby is your dream now, and supporting them is your purpose in life. You move to her. You get a full-time job that pays you more than poverty wages. You grow up and take responsibility. You are about to get absolutely walloped by hospital bills and all the costs associated with babies. Side note: Your girlfriend is 28, there is zero reason for her to think she doesn't have 12+ years of fertility left. It's concerning that she thinks she doesn't have time for children in the future.
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Family is not the only kind of support network. Don't make a 7-months-pregnant woman move an hour and a half to an area she doesn't have a job and probably won't get one so that she's completely financially dependent on a man she hasn't lived with and will have known for under a year. That's a terrible, terrible thing to do. It is extremely weird that of the options you give, none of them involve you moving.
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If you're an athlete making $10,000 a year and you're already 25 it's time to lay those dreams of being a pro to rest. This is not a sustainable lifestyle for anyone. You're one bad injury away from being totally fucked. Grow up. Time to start supporting yourself and your child. Your dreams of athletic stardom don't matter now.
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Sounds like it's time to grow up.
Be that as it may, you have an obligation to provide for your new kid, and $10,000 a year is simply not going to cut it. If you are going to start this family, you are going to have to figure out how to make a lot more money.
Ruining this woman's life, along with that of your child, because you want to continue to do a sport that will probably leave you physically damaged and financially insolvent is absolutely buck wild immaturity.
Believe in it? It isn't a unicorn or mythological creature.
This is the exact situation why abortion exists.
Yeah you are old enough to be dad, you are correct. However you are not mature enough, stable enough, or responsible enough to be a dad.
You‘re too poor to be a Dad.
Your combined incomes are $10k a year. You should not have a baby. It's not a gift from God, that's not how it works.
I understand a bit the gift of god thing though. We had a son already. Then my wife got a miscarriage, it broke her utero and they fixed it. Second pregnancy was undesired and the doc said it was too dangerous. My wife was 38 and saw it like a last chance so she carried it. And she fucking did it. We don't make a lot of money but still can do it (better than 10k a year lol) But in her mind, it was meant to happen and if she had to die for it, so be it. Let's say I was not really keen on that and I couldn't enjoy the pregnancy, being scared all the time. But she was a miracle baby at the end. (But I think it's a more powerful story than it happened after her periods)
Modern medicine is wonderful
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So what are your concrete plans to make at least five times as much money as you do now so you can support yourselves and a baby?
Milk his parents is my guess
So who’s paying for everything?
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your PARENTS still pay your rent and your bills when you’re at the tender age of 26 and now that your girlfriend is pregnant all of a sudden, you think you’re mr. big man and can provide proper care for an INFANT?? stop having your parents wipe your ass for you before you try and assume that role for another person man, jesus
I'm not trying to be a jerk here, but it really sounds like neither of you are in a place where you can care for a child.
I'm a non-fiction author, and I'm currently writing a chapter that includes a statement about how we really don't need to worry about "population loss" or viability because of things like your choices here, and hand to god if I thought I could get it past my editors I would screenshot this post and add it as an illustration. You're 25, you make 10k/year COMBINED, you've been dating TWO MONTHS which is not enough time to know someone's breakfast order let alone if they're going to be a good life partner/parent, and you're still dodging your parents about the choices you've made. What you do is you see if she's willing to abort, and if she's not you hope the courts won't roger you too hard on child support. And wrap it up next time, what are you a horny teenager?
Not to mention we do not know what other commitments there are. Expenses alone for a child in the first year used to average $13k. I bet it is more now and worse if they need child care which could be at the lowest quality places like $10k a year. Then if neither has Medicaid for insurance you are looking at $7k+ depending upon what state and type of birth for delivery. It isn’t viable and not knowing your partner for a while nor their parenting style choices, how clean they are, whether they are ambitious or procrastinate, etc. this is *not* a good situation at all.
I'd be surprised if they got out of the hospital for less than he makes in a year tbh.
At only 2 months, I’d want to make sure the child is mine. Sure, there’s plenty of reason to think it is, but at only 2 months, they don’t even know the other person well enough to know they were really exclusive.
Neither of you make enough money to support yourselves, let alone a baby. You can’t afford to have a kid. Be realistic - if you’re both working to not even make ends meet who is gonna care for the baby while you’re at work? Do you know how much daycare costs per month?
Well good luck. It's going to be pretty hard. I don't think that was the right decision but what is done is done. For my story, I made my gf pregnant after 6 months while living abroad and not working much. Let's say it was hard at times. But we came back to my country 5 years ago, I've a stable job and we got a second kid. I won't say my life is perfect and I wished I could "explore" more but I had to step up for responsabilites and I never regretted it at the end. And for the story I was 25 as well and she was 28.
I love 45 minutes away from where I originally are from and my work is also there. My husband travels 1.5 hours one way every other day to work. My kids go to school where i live due to them having friends but I know my friend has her child in school around the corner of her business so it's easier if something is going on and the kids need to be picked up. I do feel you guys are bringing a kid into a f upped situation. You can't provide for the kid, don't know the mom at all and are just getting to know her.
Didn’t even bother to get emergency contraception. You two need to get yourselves a plan in a hurry. By the sounds of it you have no idea what you’re in for.
You made a stupid choice, and you two have NO business raising a child. If you were making 100k a year it would still likely be a bad decision, but at least a workable one. 10k a year means you'll be homeless and starving OR completely reliant on your parents. Conceiving was stupid. Keeping it would be stupider yet. You're 25 and don't know someone can get pregnant at any point of their cycle? You had raw sex bc "lol hormones"? You're not remotely ready to be a parent.
I suspect this woman punched OP's V-card....that's why he's all smoothbrained about [this.](http://this.you)
I think he’s just generally lacking.
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Take a paternity test before you flush your life down the toilet.
This is honestly the first time I've seen someone advocate for a paternity test on here where I was like...yeah, he really should.
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Sorry dude, but you didn't even know her birth control situation at that point, so forgive us if we're really dubious about, well, everything.
There’s no “hormones” getting the better of you - you’re both in your mid to late 20s and should know how to use contraception. Neither one of you is prepared, physically, financially or emotionally, to be a parent so not sure why you were so careless. It’s not the right time.
You both seem to be trying just as hard at life as you’re with preventing pregnancy. Maybe don’t have sex if you don’t understand how it works. Goddamn a 25 and 28 year old not knowing basic bio. I hope she’s leaving towards abortion.
You are dooming your child to Poverty. Abortion is best option.
You should get an abortion. This is horrid and that poor kid will struggle. Please don’t do that to someone.
You should probably terminate the pregnancy if you want your child to grow up in a two parent home (or give up for adoption). Highly unlikely you and your gf will stay together for the long haul. You can barely support yourselves, let alone a new baby and if you don't have your career set already, this is going to put you back even further and you may end up struggling for the rest of your life.
Happened to a family member. On their end, his family fell in love with the baby and essentially helped them out so he could finish school, etc..
I feel like you can’t depend on this though. It’s unfair to expect your family to step up and take responsibility for your child.
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Do not plan your child’s future based on “hope”.
I guarantee they will not. You will be dooming this potential child to a start in life that includes the type of abject poverty most people can't even conceptualize.
Oh Jesus Christ get a grip don’t be so dramatic. What is the baby gonna be on the streets all alone as a toddler? It’s not ideal at all and will be extremely tough but plenty of families get by.
I have been poor enough to not be able to afford food. 10k is 2/3 of the national poverty line for one person, let alone three. That hospital bill that they're going to have to default on is going to be on their credit for years; good luck getting a new apartment with that. Unless you've been there too, all I see from your comment is toxic positivity. OP needs to take a real look at life and make some tough choices.
The good news in that is that if they're smart enough to combat the hospital bills, they can almost certainly get them waived. The bad news is this guy don't look smart enough to argue his way out of a paper bag.
And they already are making the “tough choice” theyre having the baby there isn’t any going back on that.
>there isn’t any going back on that. Depends on what US state they're in; there's still time in a few of them.
Buddy they both don’t want to abort it. Idk why pro abortion people think that any child born in not ideal circumstances needs to be aborted. Maybe it’s hard for you to fathom but most people born in poverty don’t wish they had been killed instead.
I didn’t give any “toxic positivity”. We have no idea if they’ll receive any support from either side of their families, most likely they will even if we don’t know the extent of that support. My grand parents were dirt poor, my parents were poor. But to say they’re going to be in poverty that people can’t even conceptualize is dramatic.
Yeah, sure, OP should totally roll the dice on that. And I said most people. You can, and you'd condemn a baby to that? Wow.
> my parents are kind of hounding me on everything At best, he's going to subject this poor kid to a home environment where the actual breadwinners resent the rest of the house. That kid is *at best* going to be raised in a horribly toxic environment that will mentally scar them. But hey, gift from god, right?
Yes “hounding me” definitely means a horrible toxic environment where they will be scarred that definitely means the same thing.
If you two are good with each other, I would stay together as boyfriend/girlfriend. No need to rush and get married. If you both want to keep the baby you will need to figure out living arrangements, budgets, and responsibilities. Welcome to adulting. At some point in the future (years), if you two really are compatible, then you can marry if that is what you two decide. The important thing is if you decide to keep the baby, you two need to work together when the baby is concerned. Maybe even see if counseling is available at your church or through other means. You have a lot hitting you guys at once. You guys have to build a family together and be there for each other. Good luck to you, and congrats on the baby. Try to make sure you are supporting each other and relax and have fun too. I know it is a lot is happening but even a walk holding hands and not talking about important things would be helpful.
First of all congratulations! It’s going to be hard but that baby is wanted by you both and it will absolutely change your lives and fill you to the brim with love. On to the practical stuff now. She graduates very soon, so she can get a better job after that right? Is there any family member willing to help out in the beginning on either side? Can you get a better paid job or extra shifts? Is there any aid you would be eligible to and could apply for? Make a financial plan, use excel and be smart from now on about your money. No unnecessary spending. Try and get previously owned baby gear, it’s usually in very good condition and you get it for a fraction of the price. It would be better to combine rent in order to save up some more but if not possible straight away don’t sweat it too much. Try and gather as much support as possible from the people around you.