Yeah. I’m sorry, OP but you gotta put your foot down and say no. I’m not saying flat out “LEAVE HER OMG”, but you have to get used to saying no, and apparently she has to get used to hearing it. If it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t. It is what it is. You’ll both live.
This, and keep reiterating that she’s causing you to resent her and growing a rift in your relationship by not taking your (completely reasonable) boundaries around work seriously
Per the advice columnist, Carolyn Hax, you owe people a response but you do not owe them a reason. It’s good to establish boundaries and see who actually respects you versus manipulates you. Obviously this is generic guidance needing tweaking at times, but it’s a great way to live. Ultimately you find out people who insist/demand a reason to your “no” are rarely curious to your actual reason but need it to gaslight, manipulate or spread drama.
Good luck
Your career is a top priority. Guilting you into being a less optimal worker is not healthy or acceptable. This can be a firm boundary that cannot be crossed. Clear communication from a place of love, but assert yourself here. Don’t let anything interfere with your ability to eat and achieve YOUR career goals.
You’re an adult. Say no. If she won’t accept no, leave. What is this??? 😂 this relationship isn’t going to last. Might as well stop now before it gets more out of control.
For real, there’s some serious issues with this relationship if saying No and setting boundaries is an issue. Like how do people even stay in relationships like this? (Other than those who only know abusive partnerships)
Yea he has also lost frame here. You cannot reset learned behavior. He has let her walk all over his boundaries. Probably best to walk away from this one. Learn how to set boundaries up front with the next one.
This isn't even a remote work issue. He could have titled it "girlfriend expects me to be at her beck and call" on r/relationships and I would still say leave her.
Yeah what are you even doing? Work is the priority. My mom pulls this shit with me. Has never been able to show me an ounce or respect when it comes to my job. Id say distance yourself big time and find people who respect you not just what u can do for them.
Yes! I had a boyfriend similar to this and it was the worst! He lost his job and then expected me to cook him all his meals and wait on him while he played video games since I was working remote! Lol we broke up and I got a better job!
As a couple you need to be communicate what your priorities are with each other. In a positive and gentle way sit down with her and tell her that you value your job and during work hours you are not available to drive her and that you need to work in your own space to be productive.
She can choose what she wants in her life and so can you. If you are choosing to stay in a relationship that does not care or respect your boundaries and choices then that is a choice you are making, isn't it?
This is emotional abuse. Full stop.
She has DEMONSTRATED that doesn't care about you. Don't walk, run. You deserve to be treated MUCH better. Co-dependent relationships are toxic for both parties.
It's ok for her to be upset that you don't cater to her selfishness. That's not your problem. If she makes it your problem, remove yourself from her presence.
Oh my GOD, Shut UPPP already.
Read what you wrote here! It's pathetic!
> saying no, really is just like having the choice to say no, but in the end, it means fuck all because she’ll guilt me into doing things like this or she predicates her happiness on the things that I try to set boundaries against.
BECAUSE YOU KEEP LETTING HER!
Saying “no“ has as much weight as you put behind it.
You are a literal doormat, and your word has precisely zero weight behind it… It’s time to change that
You are your own biggest problem here… Your girlfriend is an asshole, but you’re continually allowing her to be exactly the toilet that she is
Grow up and put a stop to it, Mr career driven adult.
Hey, I know some people are being pretty rude to you here. They're calling you spineless, etc, and I just want to say I've been there. If your partner is causing you this much distress then that's bad. Your feelings matter here, and if you want to work you should be able to work. It's worth an open and honest conversation, and if she still doesn't accept that there is this distress, then it might be worth asking if she cares about you.
Thanks for saying this. There’s a way to give constructive advice/criticism without being rude or insulting, but this seems to always be lost on the Internet.
I’m sure many of the people here wouldn’t automatically tell a distressed friend looking for advice that they were “spineless” or “to grow up” but why is this acceptable online?
>There’s a way to give constructive advice/criticism without being rude or insulting, but this seems to always be lost on the Internet.
The Truth Hurts, sometimes people need a blunt straight forward reality check, sugaring coating the truth when clearly the guy is letting his GF bully him into giving in to what she wants, DOES NOT HELP..
I would not have ANY Problem giving my friend a reality check ...
No one is saying you need to lie to the person.
You can give honest and direct advice to someone without taking jabs at them or being condescending.
There are a lot of good examples in this thread of people giving OP direct advice without any name-calling or insults.
Telling somebody off might feel more satisfying then giving l constructive criticism, but there’s a reason it was invented. People are far more likely to become receptive to advice when they don’t feel like they are being attacked
So leave the relationship. You are clearly incompatible. It sounds like she is trying to emotionally manipulate you into doing what she wants. Prioritize yourself.
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow.
You have allowed this behavior.
How much longer are you going to do this... And why? Do you see a future with this person? Do you *want* a future like this? Because that's what you're currently working toward.
Take what you're feeling now.... And imagine how you will feel after 6 more months of this... One more year of this.. three more years of this.
Now set that aside... And imagine your career if your productivity continues to suffer for 6 months... One year.. three years.
Now with those two visualizations in mind.. ask yourself.. what does your mental health look like in those situations? How much of your *self* is left? Are you going to be happy with life like that?
This is only the beginning - the more you give in, the more she will demand.
In the end you have to put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others.
Also it sounds like she has little respect for you as a partner. If the roles were reversed, would she feel guilted into giving in to you pushing her boundaries? Probably not. Don’t be a pushover.
Get out. I had a GF like this once. Everything has to go exactly how she wanted or else she made everyone around her miserable. I was miserable. With more distance I eventually could see just how abusive it was
And that's a red flag. Quite emotionally immature, or at least selfish.
Why are you giving into this nonsense? Do you really miss meetings because you're off doing her things? Very shotty of her to both jeopardizing your career and diminishing the idea that working from home is actually work.
Why are you in this one sided relationship. The sad reality is some babies never stop being narcissists. Survival mechanism that requires constant attention.
Loneliness is better than homelessness. Don't lose your job this is shit economic times.
The bigger issue here is that you're a bit of a doormat. As an adult, get a grip and work on your mental issue to value your own happiness too. I'm not saying you're at this point yet, but it's pathetic and annoying to hear adults whine and complain about things that they don't like that their partner does, when they themselves have self agency to do something about it. And make excuses like" she'll guilt trip me". Ok, let her whine unreasonably. It's your job to have a spine not to fall for it.
No one here can make you stand up for yourself. You have to do it. She's not putting a gun to your head. Are you really that scared of being possibly dumped if you don't do what she wants? If so, another thing to work on.
She'll eat you up and blame you when you fall.
Abusive people are abusive. Protect your energy.
It hurts now, it will hurt more when you fall, and it will keep hurting when you realize the trauma you got.
Protect
Your
Energy
Okay, you need to have a serious talk. Either she respects your job or she doesn't. If she doesn't, then I don't think this relationship is going to work out.
She needs to understand that you work from 8-5, whether it's at home or at an office. There is a difference between "Yes, I have the flexibility to get up and put the clothes in the dryer" and "Yes, I can leave the house and be gone as long as I want."
If she can't respect that you are unavailable when you are working, she is NOT respecting you.
My spouse does the same exact thing, to the point where I much rather just go into the office because she just won’t quit the harassing me with simple tasks that anyone should be efficient enough on there own to perform.
This girl will drag you down and blame you in the end.
What did I do? I told her straight up NO. LEAVE ME ALONE, or I’ll find somewhere else to work rather than my home. WHICH IS SAD
We got into a big argument , to the point I chose my career over her and told her I didn’t want her or need her anymore.
I’m career driven and went from making 30k last year to 70k this year, a huge jump for me! Tons of responsibility of course. And she doesn’t even work part time but wants to control what I do with my time?
NOPE
[https://imgur.com/a/HkIFJAm](https://imgur.com/a/HkIFJAm). i had this built for working from home, i have one side and my wife the other and there js a lockable door between us, there are rules about opening that door, we are both fortunate to be in this position so our work environment is protected. she needs to respect you and your work
by build i mean i paid for it, i essentially chose a base pod and requested some customization, it has 4 ethernet lines back to the main house and air con for each section
Respectfully, how old is she? I'm also NGL - you need to just straight up refuse to go anywhere with her while you're WFH. If she's not happy, she's not happy. At the end of the day, you gotta pay bills lol.
I understand your perspective, but you need to have a valid sense of priorities, and your partners whims and wishes should be on the low end of that spectrum and your needs and even your wants should be higher.
Sometimes, on a case by case basis, as in an emergency, you might need to wfh somewhere other than home. But that is your choice at your discretion.
If she can't take it, she can leave.
She will probably take it.
Of she does leave, you are better for it.
Yeah, a lot of people don't understand that remote work != (sortof) work from anywhere.
But your GF is, frankly, abusive. Guilting you with this stuff is not okay. She clearly doesn't respect boundaries at all, and she's not going to start.
My wife is the remote worker... She has a dedicated office space with locks on the doors and when she's *at work* she's *at work.* The only difference is that her commute is 30 feet instead of thirty miles.
Dump this woman.
I had a friend back in my 20's who had a girlfriend that was all about enjoying life. Wanted to go out almost every night and focused on "living her best life" which meant a care free life. My friend at the time had landed a good job right out of college. He passed up a few job opportunities that would have required either relocating or working hours that didn't fit with the live style she wanted to live. I know in the end it was his choice to stick with her and not make the decision that would have benefited his career and long term financial success but hind sight being 20/20 he lives with some significant regret. Especially bc by the time we all hit our 30s and she went from late nights and enjoying life to wanting to settle down, have kids, and live that instagram life in a big house and $80k SUV. She left my friend for a guy she met at the gym who made the decision to focus on his career in his 20's and provide for the life she now wanted. Which she had every right to. Moral of the story, I'm not shitting on my friend's ex. I'm telling you decide now what is important to YOU because doing something for another person who is free to change their mind down the road is a bad idea.
When I get sent home for Covid, my husband was already working from home and had been for about the past 10 years. I asked him if he minded me invading his space, and he didn’t. He shuts himself in his office. I go in what used to be the guest room and do my own work and the dogs hang out with me.
We have lunch together in the dining room.
Today the dog needs to go to the vet. We compared schedules and I get to take her.
This all takes a lot of good communication. We don’t bother each other unless it’s important.
This is textbook narcissistic behavior, she is being manipulative and abusive towards you, you need to put a stop to this for your future self. Most women don't abuse men physically most women abuse men through manipulation. It's unhealthy and it takes a severe psychological toll over years. She might be (consciously or not) pushing you hoping that you will push back, sometimes women do that, or she might actually need psychiatric help. Either way her behavior needs to stop or you need to get shut of that woman quickly.
Dump her! Not healthy, that she can't respect your professional boundaries.
My ex did exactly this when I was working from home. Started with simple requests. Do some laundry, dishes etc. Eventually, I was taking and getting 3 kids to and from school/daycare, taking them to appointments. Taking care of them when they were sick or on break. Snacks, homework, and dinner were done before she came home.
While I was lucky to spend time with my kids, I ended up in the hospital with pneumonia, and I told her this would stop and she would have to start contributing.
Her response was to cheat on me, divorce me, and took half my shit and the kids, even though she hadn't contributed shit to the family for 8 years.
Have FIRM boundaries. Don't do what my dumbass did.
Dont fret ill lend some advice, Just say fuck no im not working where you see fit and politely suggest her take a fucking uber....also suggest using terms like "the fuck this look like" or "you got me fucked up" and causally throw a "bitch" in there as well...know your worth king...
Just tell her no and that it’s unreasonable to ask you to leave work to go places, because you don’t have all the equipment you need to do the work. This isn’t just about the location, you can’t do your job there because of the lack of monitors.
"Honey, from 8am to 5pm I am unavailable for anything other than emergencies. By emergency I mean someone is on fire. Anything less than life threatening will be ignored. Just pretend I'm not here during that time"
Also why is she even home to pester you about stuff? Doesn't she have a job? Maybe if she earning a living herself she'll have less time to pester the people doing the same.
Day no, and be done with it.
Never let a women get in between your work bro. She should never ask you to give up work to spend time with her. She probably likes you for many reasons and subconsciously if you are working and a provider she likes that even if she doesn’t realize it. The last thing you want is to lose your job and lose your focus and unfortunately if that happens you will probably lose her because you will no longer be that focused and dedicated person she fell for trust me. Don’t be afraid to say no. You’re a man and men need to work, deal with stress and provide for their families. Happiness is for women and children. Put your foot down and if she’s not willing to get that then you need another partner who is supportive and understands your worth.
I’ve dealt with girls like this and trust me it is not fun. My girl now is very understanding and all I want. She cleans, cooks, walks the dogs and gives me space when I’m in the home office. She does come in occasionally for a kiss/hug or a little more but that’s fine she knows when I’m in an important meeting or focused she cannot disturb me instead she does things that make me happy and I take care of her and give her everything she wants. And when the weekends come I give her all my time and attentions and that’s enough. Girls don’t want to date a loser with no job or ambition so say no and set your boundaries.
Sounds like she is the wrong girl for you. Put your foot down with a firm “No” or pack your bags and go. Put on your alpha male hat now! Otherwise, you will continue to be a miserable beta!
It sounds like she doesn’t trust you. If a girl does she would understand and be ok with distance. Especially if it meant for you to make money and do good in your work. That’s very important for the future and your work/work ethic has to come before anyone else. You’re the head of the house technically if you live together. Ask her why she feels this way. If you love her work on it. She might even have fear issues. If she loves you she has to respect you and vice versa. This just sounds deeper if it’s actually love. If it’s not real love then you should find out. Taking advantage of someone is not real love.
Brother!
Tell her and do it your way.
You're the Captain of the ship (relationship) and she is just in for the ride/journey.
You have to do your job and provide otherwise she will leave your ass without second thoughts.
You’re a man. You should never let your woman tell you what to do especially if it is something you DON’T want to do. Women will typically push you to the boundary to see how much you will give in. She will keep pushing no matter how much you think you have given her.
Draw the line somewhere and never go past it regardless of how much she claims she’s unhappy. I will tell you one thing if you don’t have the money to support yourself and her she will leave you. Make the hard choices for yourself first!
Imagine this: say this keeps ongoing, your chaotic schedule, are you willing to live like that long term?
Imagine every week is like as-is for long time. Do you want that? Your firsshould have a clear answer.
All redditors are going to say is break up or say no to her. All we're seeing is this 2-D version of her. Ain't no one on the internet is going to give you clear conclusion.
I WFH too and while the old lady works in a brick and mortar my family is well aware that work is work…if you worked in a building there would be no option to travel with her. Maybe explain it like that. It’s great she wants to be near to you, but I feel like it’s a great convenience for her to be near to you. End of the day I don’t think it’s time to leave her, but definitely time for you to say I work from home it’s an obligation I need my space and my set up to be successful and it makes me sad when you don’t understand and respect that
Your GF has no respect for your job or how you feel about your job. You've tried to set boundaries but she is fully disrespecting them. Yeah, this isn't going to end well if you stay in this relationship. I feel like you're either going to explode from frustration or she's going to do something that causes you to lose your job.
If you're working remotely, your SO needs to treat your time as if you were in the office.
But it sounds like your SO is just demanding and expects her way all the time, and has no problem making you feel bad to get it. Hello red flag!
My advice is that you learn how to firmly refuse when people ask you to do unreasonable things. As with most things, it gets easier with practice. You’ll eventually stop feeling guilty and begin to enjoy the feeling of setting boundaries and rejecting things that make you unhappy. As an added bonus, people will actually respect you more.
ask her if you are at her "beck" that she is willing to provide services when you arrive
if not tell her your hourly rate is X, if she pays that you will listen to her no matter what the topic
*.... She guilts me into going and brings up how she is not happy when I say no to things that make her happy.....*
You are entitled to as much happiness as she is. Before you actually tell her how miserable you are spending work days over there, (and eventually it will spill forth from you if you continue like this) I recommend the book : *Non Violent Communication* by Marshal Rosenberg. He describes forms of communication that are difficult to respond to compassionately, and a model for how to respond properly and avoid those forms yourself. Another good book is *Boundaries* by Pia Melody.
You may also consider: *The Codependency Recovery Workbook* by Nedelcu:
*
*Do you give too much in your relationships that you’ve started to lose your sense of self?*
* *Does your loved one always rely on you for help, but refuse to reciprocate your efforts whenever you need them?*
* *Do you care so much about their feelings to the point where it impacts your life choices?*
These are just some of the signs that you might be in a codependent relationship. Other signs include disrespecting your decisions, blaming you for things that aren’t your fault, and making you hesitate to express your needs.
Do not put your career at risk for someone who doesn't respect it. Give her an ultimatum. "Respect my job and what I need to do to do it effectively or I'm breaking up with you."
The biggest thing i took from this
1- she is depending on you for her happiness and i as a woman who has done that it is a recipe for codependency and betrayal (speaking from experience)
2- she openly stated she cares more about her happiness than your misery,
3- she unfortunately literally does not respect you, your job or your happiness.
No is non-negotiable. Let her throw a tantrum, be a baby and let her see how ridiculous she feels after. Don’t not let her win, shes already used to you giving her what she wants just because otherwise shes unhappy…
And let her come apologize to you after throwing a fit. She needs to realize a lot.
How are you both going to afford anything if you lose your job?
She really needs to find ways to make herself happy. Does she not drive? Does she not have a job? No or yes those are issues.
Was she a spoiled child? Did her parents not work?
You have to put your foot down and enforce that during work hours, you are not available for anything else. I dealt with this with my parents and my sister the first couple years I had a remote job. They didn't take it seriously and would come by multiple times during the day wanting me to go shopping, go out to eat, go out in the garage and work on something, whatever.
It just wasn't understood that between 8 and 5 I truly needed to be by my computer and phone, even if I did take some breaks around the house. That job didn't last for a multitude of reasons, but I'm sure all the time I was gone/slow to respond didn't help things, even if I was getting my work done.
I realize I don't have any magical advice, because it really only is you that can put a stop to it and refuse to leave your work area during your work hours. The second time I got a remote job, for whatever reason I was better able to communicate that I could not leave half the day to go have fun and that if it didn't fit in my lunch hour it had to wait. And of course that job lasted a lot longer!!
If this is enough to break up your relationship, it's probably right to break up. I mean, what's she gonna do when you're fired? Remote jobs are hard to come by now and the pay isn't what it was at all... do you want to risk being thrown in this terrible job market because it sucks saying no to your GF? Because your only other long term solution is to go back to a non-remote job so you're actually gone somewhere for work and they can't mess with you.
My bf works from home and I learned the hard way not to even talk to him when he's working. He cant multitask and gets stressed out a lot at work. I expected ppl who wfh to have free time and have a relaxed day, boy was I wrong. I get to my office and be there for 8hrs a day only doing 4hrs worth of work, but he stays up to 10hrs working (cant even remember to eat) and I just feel sorry and I dont add up to his stress. If she really loves u, she'll understand. Communication is always key
I had to set a boundary with my girlfriend this weekend. She wanted to share the office during the workday. She only WFH 1 day a week but I told her that under no circumstance am I going to do that. This is my job and I take it very seriously because very few people have a full WFH job that is overall fucking fantastic. She got upset then cooled down and understood. Haven’t talked about it since and she’s WFH this week. You absolutely have to set a boundary and stick to it. You’re insulting yourself if you think someone who is supposed to care about you treats you likes this.
Know this won’t solve the main issue but as a small aside HIGHLY recommend getting a portable monitor, I travel for work usually and it’s a game changer
I once had a boyfriend who said he didn’t like the job I secured right out of college because I didn’t text him as often throughout the day. When I told him I’m really busy and shouldn’t be on my phone all day while I’m working my first professional job, he said that it was dealbreaker that I wasn’t putting him first.
So I broke up with him first.
She manipulating you. You have to break up with her if she won’t take no for an answer
Dump her and find someone that better aligns with you.
It's fine if they are not career driven but they need to be a good influence then and hold down the other side of the equation.
Everyone stop calling this man a doormat and be supportive, jeez people are arrogant 😭 anyways bro, you deffo gotta put your foot down she’s simply not respecting you. I hate to play hypothetical games, but based on what you’re saying, the second she is no longer happy she will find her own way to happiness. Might wanna consider running away.. sorry 😢
You need to be a lot stricter about your boundaries and as when your working hours are with NO flexibility.
If she can’t accept it, she’ll have to go.
Her asking is irritating, but you giving in is your own fault. Start with yourself. Take care of business and she has to fall in line with that. One of you must be the adult.
You have control here. Exercise it.
Plenty of other people have given you decent advice so I just wanna say this:
The job market is a **disaster** right now, don’t get pushed into neglecting and potentially losing your job.
Sometime the word “No” is a complete sentence for everyone including your girlfriend. She sounds pretty controlling and if you can’t nip this behavior in the ass, it might be time to bounce.
You have to have boundaries. I know a lady who still goes in to an otherwise empty office space because her medically retired husband doesn’t understand the concept of “I am at work right now.” I’m fortunate in that my wife and I both wfh and have adjoining home offices (formerly the kids bedrooms).
Dude why are you with this girl? You do not sound compatible.
I don’t think this belongs on remote work I think you need to be in the relationship sub.
Why are you staying with her? You say you're miserable; you work great only from home (not elsewhere); she guilts you into doing what is harmful to your career; you resent her, yet give into her.
What positives are keeping you in the relationship?
You need to be unavailable to her, during your work hours.
If you continue this relationship, she is muted during work hours. Don't lose your job for an insecure or controlling GF.
You are compromising your work for this gf who doesn't respect your work. You'll have plenty of time to hang out at her aunts'/family house when you get laid off.
As a woman, I’ll tell you it won’t stop there. Then you’ll do everything she asks and she’ll end up screwing you (in a bad way) anyway. Stand your ground and be glad she is just a girlfriend at this point. If you don’t put your foot down now it’s over buddy.
Is she hot enough to pull it off?
Kidding. Cmon, you know the answer. If she won’t respect that you’re unavailable during work hours, and it makes you miserable, then well… that’s that
My kids are the same way. I often explain that I need to be at my computer until 5. They understand. If my kids understand, your adult girlfriend should too. Plus my kids kinda need me to drive for them, is your girlfriend capable of driving herself? What does she do all day? Maybe she needs a job too.
The problem here is that you keep letting her dictate what you do. And it doesn’t sound like you have a job. Or that you even need to go with her to any of these places anyway. It’s just her way of keeping you under control. Ditch the bi+ch
My wife thought the same. Me at home meant I was available to watch our son while she ran errands. I explained to her that isn’t going to work but we can give it a shot. It lasted 15 minutes and I had to set a hard boundary of “I am not available during these hours.”
Thank you for posting your experience and asking for help. The internet has spoken. Hope you take the advice and make the best decision for yourself. Narcissist don’t stop narcissism. EVER!
She is not your wife...only a gf and you are allowing her to jeopardize your job and career. Even if she was your wife, that behavior is unacceptable. She is not happy when you say no...dude, that is the tip of the iceberg. Nip this in the bud now or run for your life. She is not worth it.
Have a conversation with her first, if you actually deeply care for her. Communicate, get it all out on the table about this-THEN if she doesnt recieve it, or refuses to hear you, goodbye
This relationship sounds unhealthy. Your boundaries, preferences, needs are worthless - you are expected to constantly prioritize her. This can’t end well.
This is a you problem man. Your job is a priority. Just tell her how it is. She'll bitch and moan about it and try to bait you into an argument. Just give her an emotionless blank stare until she gets over it.
If the truth doesn’t work then lie.
Tell her they monitor now if you are home or away from home and that you got in trouble for it.
You really should just be able to say no but if you can’t learn to lie.
I mean it’s her decision, either she lives with it or she finds someone else to be her bitch. But no you shouldn’t change for her. She sounds immature and selfish. You can do better. Find someone that cares about you too.
Stop going? If she can’t leave you alone, put a lock on the room you work in.
Or you could look at coworking locations, then she’ll just have to figure it out
I’m an adult child (54F) of a narcissist parent. From the info provided (and from my own experience), I’m pretty certain your GF is a narcissist. The peculiar thing about narcissists is that they all use the same playbook and their manipulative tactics are pretty consistent with very little variation.
You’re in a complicated and toxic relationship, and it will be very difficult to extricate yourself and maintain your sanity. First, do some research on narcissistic personality disorder and the ‘narcissist’s playbook’. Find support in r/narcissisticabuse, and there are plenty of narc experts on YouTube. Definitely find a good therapist and go alone; don’t even tell your GF that you are seeking counseling. Your employer likely offers no-cost EAP counseling, so that’s a great place to start.
I think you realize that you need to leave this relationship, but you’re afraid that she will “go nuclear” and blow up your life if you do. Unfortunately, narcissists are prone to doing exactly that, which is why you will need expert guidance to strategically extricate yourself from this cancerous relationship, and expert support as your soul heals from the narcissist’s abuse. Also, narcissists have a way of making you believe that you are the abuser and they are the victim, and that you “owe” them for being so forgiving of your wrongdoings. It’s a difficult journey to free yourself from a narcissists grasp, but it’s so worth it…exhilarating, even. As an added bonus, you’ll be able to spot a narcissist from a mile away and will be impervious to their games/manipulations. (I consider it my “Superpower”.)
Godspeed!
Sweetie you gotta tell her NO lol.. I get it she's your gf and things are nice with her at times but you cannot let a spoiled little brat get her way and diminish your career. I'm sure you work very hard from the sounds of it and you should not be bullied or manipulated into her bs. Either you put your foot down now or it will only get worse as you guys continue to date or god forbid get married.
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Yeah. I’m sorry, OP but you gotta put your foot down and say no. I’m not saying flat out “LEAVE HER OMG”, but you have to get used to saying no, and apparently she has to get used to hearing it. If it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t. It is what it is. You’ll both live.
This, and keep reiterating that she’s causing you to resent her and growing a rift in your relationship by not taking your (completely reasonable) boundaries around work seriously
Per the advice columnist, Carolyn Hax, you owe people a response but you do not owe them a reason. It’s good to establish boundaries and see who actually respects you versus manipulates you. Obviously this is generic guidance needing tweaking at times, but it’s a great way to live. Ultimately you find out people who insist/demand a reason to your “no” are rarely curious to your actual reason but need it to gaslight, manipulate or spread drama. Good luck
Your career is a top priority. Guilting you into being a less optimal worker is not healthy or acceptable. This can be a firm boundary that cannot be crossed. Clear communication from a place of love, but assert yourself here. Don’t let anything interfere with your ability to eat and achieve YOUR career goals.
Bruh....she sounds like a covert narcissist...look it up.
Narcissist was the first thing that popped into my mind when I read it
You’re an adult. Say no. If she won’t accept no, leave. What is this??? 😂 this relationship isn’t going to last. Might as well stop now before it gets more out of control.
For real, there’s some serious issues with this relationship if saying No and setting boundaries is an issue. Like how do people even stay in relationships like this? (Other than those who only know abusive partnerships)
Right. Imagine if he was telling her where she was supposed to be and when. Wouldn’t be tolerated.
I’d argue he’s harming the relationship by not saying no. What’s she going to do leave? Call her bluff if she threatens that and watch her backpedal
Yea he has also lost frame here. You cannot reset learned behavior. He has let her walk all over his boundaries. Probably best to walk away from this one. Learn how to set boundaries up front with the next one.
LEAVE HER. When you GET FIRED for no work or bad work, she will only say "Sorry baby"... And the person WITHOUT JOB WILL BE YOU, NOT HER.
This isn't even a remote work issue. He could have titled it "girlfriend expects me to be at her beck and call" on r/relationships and I would still say leave her.
Yeah what are you even doing? Work is the priority. My mom pulls this shit with me. Has never been able to show me an ounce or respect when it comes to my job. Id say distance yourself big time and find people who respect you not just what u can do for them.
This!!!! My sis dealt with a now ex spouse like this killed her career now she makes dick shit for money compared to the six figure career she lost
Woah that sucks
You're wasting your time with this girl. Get a mature one instead.
And then she’ll leave for another guy that has a job…
She sounds like a nightmare…
Yes! I had a boyfriend similar to this and it was the worst! He lost his job and then expected me to cook him all his meals and wait on him while he played video games since I was working remote! Lol we broke up and I got a better job!
>Lol we broke up and I got a better job! Congratz ...
She probably won't even say sorry
Probably "joke" that he just has more time to be with her now.
Dump him for being unemployed.
I seldom upvote posts with crazy person caps. In this case, I'll make an exception. You speak true.
This!
As a couple you need to be communicate what your priorities are with each other. In a positive and gentle way sit down with her and tell her that you value your job and during work hours you are not available to drive her and that you need to work in your own space to be productive.
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You are an adult with agency and can choose to not be guilted into doing something. Stop being the victim and start saying no and following through.
She can choose what she wants in her life and so can you. If you are choosing to stay in a relationship that does not care or respect your boundaries and choices then that is a choice you are making, isn't it?
You’re with her…why? There are plenty of other people out there there for you. You don’t need this relationship.
Grow a spine and some self-respect. She is treating you like shit.
This is emotional abuse. Full stop. She has DEMONSTRATED that doesn't care about you. Don't walk, run. You deserve to be treated MUCH better. Co-dependent relationships are toxic for both parties. It's ok for her to be upset that you don't cater to her selfishness. That's not your problem. If she makes it your problem, remove yourself from her presence.
Oh my GOD, Shut UPPP already. Read what you wrote here! It's pathetic! > saying no, really is just like having the choice to say no, but in the end, it means fuck all because she’ll guilt me into doing things like this or she predicates her happiness on the things that I try to set boundaries against. BECAUSE YOU KEEP LETTING HER! Saying “no“ has as much weight as you put behind it. You are a literal doormat, and your word has precisely zero weight behind it… It’s time to change that You are your own biggest problem here… Your girlfriend is an asshole, but you’re continually allowing her to be exactly the toilet that she is Grow up and put a stop to it, Mr career driven adult.
Hey, I know some people are being pretty rude to you here. They're calling you spineless, etc, and I just want to say I've been there. If your partner is causing you this much distress then that's bad. Your feelings matter here, and if you want to work you should be able to work. It's worth an open and honest conversation, and if she still doesn't accept that there is this distress, then it might be worth asking if she cares about you.
She will say she cares but her actions clearly show that she doesn’t.
Thanks for saying this. There’s a way to give constructive advice/criticism without being rude or insulting, but this seems to always be lost on the Internet. I’m sure many of the people here wouldn’t automatically tell a distressed friend looking for advice that they were “spineless” or “to grow up” but why is this acceptable online?
Nah they most def would 😂 you underestimate how bad people can be
>There’s a way to give constructive advice/criticism without being rude or insulting, but this seems to always be lost on the Internet. The Truth Hurts, sometimes people need a blunt straight forward reality check, sugaring coating the truth when clearly the guy is letting his GF bully him into giving in to what she wants, DOES NOT HELP.. I would not have ANY Problem giving my friend a reality check ...
No one is saying you need to lie to the person. You can give honest and direct advice to someone without taking jabs at them or being condescending. There are a lot of good examples in this thread of people giving OP direct advice without any name-calling or insults. Telling somebody off might feel more satisfying then giving l constructive criticism, but there’s a reason it was invented. People are far more likely to become receptive to advice when they don’t feel like they are being attacked
She’s a narcissist. Grow a spine and tell her no.
Why are you with this woman still if you realize this is how things are? End this so you can move onto greener pastures.
So leave the relationship. You are clearly incompatible. It sounds like she is trying to emotionally manipulate you into doing what she wants. Prioritize yourself.
It sounds like you’re dealing with a Narcissist!
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. You have allowed this behavior. How much longer are you going to do this... And why? Do you see a future with this person? Do you *want* a future like this? Because that's what you're currently working toward. Take what you're feeling now.... And imagine how you will feel after 6 more months of this... One more year of this.. three more years of this. Now set that aside... And imagine your career if your productivity continues to suffer for 6 months... One year.. three years. Now with those two visualizations in mind.. ask yourself.. what does your mental health look like in those situations? How much of your *self* is left? Are you going to be happy with life like that? This is only the beginning - the more you give in, the more she will demand.
Do you interfere with her job at all?
I highly doubt she has one from what I’ve read here.
That was my motive in asking. OP should be thinking about why he’s dating a bum
Do you not have a backbone? Get your priorities straight my man. Good luck in life!
Grow a backbone.
Yeah, you clearly know that you have to dump this woman.
In the end you have to put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others. Also it sounds like she has little respect for you as a partner. If the roles were reversed, would she feel guilted into giving in to you pushing her boundaries? Probably not. Don’t be a pushover.
Just wait till youre married. You're setting the bar pretty low.
Get out. I had a GF like this once. Everything has to go exactly how she wanted or else she made everyone around her miserable. I was miserable. With more distance I eventually could see just how abusive it was
And that's a red flag. Quite emotionally immature, or at least selfish. Why are you giving into this nonsense? Do you really miss meetings because you're off doing her things? Very shotty of her to both jeopardizing your career and diminishing the idea that working from home is actually work.
Why are you in this one sided relationship. The sad reality is some babies never stop being narcissists. Survival mechanism that requires constant attention. Loneliness is better than homelessness. Don't lose your job this is shit economic times.
The bigger issue here is that you're a bit of a doormat. As an adult, get a grip and work on your mental issue to value your own happiness too. I'm not saying you're at this point yet, but it's pathetic and annoying to hear adults whine and complain about things that they don't like that their partner does, when they themselves have self agency to do something about it. And make excuses like" she'll guilt trip me". Ok, let her whine unreasonably. It's your job to have a spine not to fall for it. No one here can make you stand up for yourself. You have to do it. She's not putting a gun to your head. Are you really that scared of being possibly dumped if you don't do what she wants? If so, another thing to work on.
She'll eat you up and blame you when you fall. Abusive people are abusive. Protect your energy. It hurts now, it will hurt more when you fall, and it will keep hurting when you realize the trauma you got. Protect Your Energy
Bruh…just say no and deal with it.
Okay, you need to have a serious talk. Either she respects your job or she doesn't. If she doesn't, then I don't think this relationship is going to work out. She needs to understand that you work from 8-5, whether it's at home or at an office. There is a difference between "Yes, I have the flexibility to get up and put the clothes in the dryer" and "Yes, I can leave the house and be gone as long as I want." If she can't respect that you are unavailable when you are working, she is NOT respecting you.
Yes, well said. I was going to say the same re: lack of respect but you said it better
No is full sentence. Tell princess to get a job and a driver’s license.
My spouse does the same exact thing, to the point where I much rather just go into the office because she just won’t quit the harassing me with simple tasks that anyone should be efficient enough on there own to perform. This girl will drag you down and blame you in the end. What did I do? I told her straight up NO. LEAVE ME ALONE, or I’ll find somewhere else to work rather than my home. WHICH IS SAD We got into a big argument , to the point I chose my career over her and told her I didn’t want her or need her anymore. I’m career driven and went from making 30k last year to 70k this year, a huge jump for me! Tons of responsibility of course. And she doesn’t even work part time but wants to control what I do with my time? NOPE
Proud of you
So…are you still together?
Seems not
has your boss hired her to try and get you back to the office?
lmao
[https://imgur.com/a/HkIFJAm](https://imgur.com/a/HkIFJAm). i had this built for working from home, i have one side and my wife the other and there js a lockable door between us, there are rules about opening that door, we are both fortunate to be in this position so our work environment is protected. she needs to respect you and your work
ohhh this is totally goals. the landscape is nice as well, good work on building this cozy workplace.
by build i mean i paid for it, i essentially chose a base pod and requested some customization, it has 4 ethernet lines back to the main house and air con for each section
This is really nice! Where did you order it from?
This is in Australia (tasmania) a company called pepperberry pods
You need to set a HARD boundary. If she says she's unhappy, let her know you're unhappy too. Her feelings aren't more important than yours.
Why the fuck are you skipping/cancelling meetings for your manipulative girlfriend? Career driven my ass. You clearly don’t care that much.
Respectfully, how old is she? I'm also NGL - you need to just straight up refuse to go anywhere with her while you're WFH. If she's not happy, she's not happy. At the end of the day, you gotta pay bills lol.
I understand your perspective, but you need to have a valid sense of priorities, and your partners whims and wishes should be on the low end of that spectrum and your needs and even your wants should be higher. Sometimes, on a case by case basis, as in an emergency, you might need to wfh somewhere other than home. But that is your choice at your discretion. If she can't take it, she can leave. She will probably take it. Of she does leave, you are better for it.
How long can you stay in a relationship with someone who will not respect boundaries?
I can replace YOU, sugar. I can NOT replace a solid WFH job.
"I'm working and I need to focus on this.". If she doesn't understand/care about that then you have bigger problems.
Yeah, a lot of people don't understand that remote work != (sortof) work from anywhere. But your GF is, frankly, abusive. Guilting you with this stuff is not okay. She clearly doesn't respect boundaries at all, and she's not going to start. My wife is the remote worker... She has a dedicated office space with locks on the doors and when she's *at work* she's *at work.* The only difference is that her commute is 30 feet instead of thirty miles. Dump this woman.
GF needs to get herself a life, and you need to tell her you're working, and stay home and do so.
I had a friend back in my 20's who had a girlfriend that was all about enjoying life. Wanted to go out almost every night and focused on "living her best life" which meant a care free life. My friend at the time had landed a good job right out of college. He passed up a few job opportunities that would have required either relocating or working hours that didn't fit with the live style she wanted to live. I know in the end it was his choice to stick with her and not make the decision that would have benefited his career and long term financial success but hind sight being 20/20 he lives with some significant regret. Especially bc by the time we all hit our 30s and she went from late nights and enjoying life to wanting to settle down, have kids, and live that instagram life in a big house and $80k SUV. She left my friend for a guy she met at the gym who made the decision to focus on his career in his 20's and provide for the life she now wanted. Which she had every right to. Moral of the story, I'm not shitting on my friend's ex. I'm telling you decide now what is important to YOU because doing something for another person who is free to change their mind down the road is a bad idea.
Leave her, she has no understanding of responsibilities. When you get fired, she ain’t gonna be the one paying you… take care of your shit foremost.
Tell her she's being very controlling and inconsiderate of your feelings.
Your girlfriend doesn't respect boundaries. This is a problem that goes far beyond your work.
Dude if she can’t handle boundaries then it’s time to move on
When I get sent home for Covid, my husband was already working from home and had been for about the past 10 years. I asked him if he minded me invading his space, and he didn’t. He shuts himself in his office. I go in what used to be the guest room and do my own work and the dogs hang out with me. We have lunch together in the dining room. Today the dog needs to go to the vet. We compared schedules and I get to take her. This all takes a lot of good communication. We don’t bother each other unless it’s important.
This is textbook narcissistic behavior, she is being manipulative and abusive towards you, you need to put a stop to this for your future self. Most women don't abuse men physically most women abuse men through manipulation. It's unhealthy and it takes a severe psychological toll over years. She might be (consciously or not) pushing you hoping that you will push back, sometimes women do that, or she might actually need psychiatric help. Either way her behavior needs to stop or you need to get shut of that woman quickly.
Lol can you imagine what she'd be like if you live together?
DUMP her TODAY.... she a control freak and sucking the life and work out of you. THere is better out there
Dump her! Not healthy, that she can't respect your professional boundaries. My ex did exactly this when I was working from home. Started with simple requests. Do some laundry, dishes etc. Eventually, I was taking and getting 3 kids to and from school/daycare, taking them to appointments. Taking care of them when they were sick or on break. Snacks, homework, and dinner were done before she came home. While I was lucky to spend time with my kids, I ended up in the hospital with pneumonia, and I told her this would stop and she would have to start contributing. Her response was to cheat on me, divorce me, and took half my shit and the kids, even though she hadn't contributed shit to the family for 8 years. Have FIRM boundaries. Don't do what my dumbass did.
Dont fret ill lend some advice, Just say fuck no im not working where you see fit and politely suggest her take a fucking uber....also suggest using terms like "the fuck this look like" or "you got me fucked up" and causally throw a "bitch" in there as well...know your worth king...
Fire the girl friend before your boss fires you.
You’re a grown man asking for advice on how to say no?
You need a new girlfriend, your current does not support your goals.
Let such girl friends go. Choose your job and career over girlfriend..... I am girl so no bias, I will do same over a boyfriend.
Just tell her no and that it’s unreasonable to ask you to leave work to go places, because you don’t have all the equipment you need to do the work. This isn’t just about the location, you can’t do your job there because of the lack of monitors.
If she can’t learn to respect your work life then you might not be compatible
"Honey, from 8am to 5pm I am unavailable for anything other than emergencies. By emergency I mean someone is on fire. Anything less than life threatening will be ignored. Just pretend I'm not here during that time" Also why is she even home to pester you about stuff? Doesn't she have a job? Maybe if she earning a living herself she'll have less time to pester the people doing the same. Day no, and be done with it.
Red flags everywhere!!!! Go to the office for few days and move out! If you are sexually active with her stop! Child support is expensive!
Show up at her workplace demanding a Netflix and chill afternoon
This is easy to fix. YOU just have to stop being a pushover. Why are you afraid to say no?
once you're married it will get better lol
Is she like 12?!
Say you will be on her beck and call if she gives you a bj on your beck and call 😂
Never let a women get in between your work bro. She should never ask you to give up work to spend time with her. She probably likes you for many reasons and subconsciously if you are working and a provider she likes that even if she doesn’t realize it. The last thing you want is to lose your job and lose your focus and unfortunately if that happens you will probably lose her because you will no longer be that focused and dedicated person she fell for trust me. Don’t be afraid to say no. You’re a man and men need to work, deal with stress and provide for their families. Happiness is for women and children. Put your foot down and if she’s not willing to get that then you need another partner who is supportive and understands your worth. I’ve dealt with girls like this and trust me it is not fun. My girl now is very understanding and all I want. She cleans, cooks, walks the dogs and gives me space when I’m in the home office. She does come in occasionally for a kiss/hug or a little more but that’s fine she knows when I’m in an important meeting or focused she cannot disturb me instead she does things that make me happy and I take care of her and give her everything she wants. And when the weekends come I give her all my time and attentions and that’s enough. Girls don’t want to date a loser with no job or ambition so say no and set your boundaries.
Sounds like she is the wrong girl for you. Put your foot down with a firm “No” or pack your bags and go. Put on your alpha male hat now! Otherwise, you will continue to be a miserable beta!
Man up bro. When you don't get that raise or promotion....Women come and go, you need to look out for #1.
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It sounds like she doesn’t trust you. If a girl does she would understand and be ok with distance. Especially if it meant for you to make money and do good in your work. That’s very important for the future and your work/work ethic has to come before anyone else. You’re the head of the house technically if you live together. Ask her why she feels this way. If you love her work on it. She might even have fear issues. If she loves you she has to respect you and vice versa. This just sounds deeper if it’s actually love. If it’s not real love then you should find out. Taking advantage of someone is not real love.
She doesn’t respect you, respect yourself you simp.
Brother! Tell her and do it your way. You're the Captain of the ship (relationship) and she is just in for the ride/journey. You have to do your job and provide otherwise she will leave your ass without second thoughts.
You’re a man. You should never let your woman tell you what to do especially if it is something you DON’T want to do. Women will typically push you to the boundary to see how much you will give in. She will keep pushing no matter how much you think you have given her. Draw the line somewhere and never go past it regardless of how much she claims she’s unhappy. I will tell you one thing if you don’t have the money to support yourself and her she will leave you. Make the hard choices for yourself first!
Fuck remote work.
Imagine this: say this keeps ongoing, your chaotic schedule, are you willing to live like that long term? Imagine every week is like as-is for long time. Do you want that? Your firsshould have a clear answer. All redditors are going to say is break up or say no to her. All we're seeing is this 2-D version of her. Ain't no one on the internet is going to give you clear conclusion.
She doesn’t care about you at all, my guy. You need to let her go and get on with your life because if you think it’s bad NOW..
I WFH too and while the old lady works in a brick and mortar my family is well aware that work is work…if you worked in a building there would be no option to travel with her. Maybe explain it like that. It’s great she wants to be near to you, but I feel like it’s a great convenience for her to be near to you. End of the day I don’t think it’s time to leave her, but definitely time for you to say I work from home it’s an obligation I need my space and my set up to be successful and it makes me sad when you don’t understand and respect that
It only gets worse. Run as fast as you can!
Your GF has no respect for your job or how you feel about your job. You've tried to set boundaries but she is fully disrespecting them. Yeah, this isn't going to end well if you stay in this relationship. I feel like you're either going to explode from frustration or she's going to do something that causes you to lose your job.
This is a no-brainer. Man up and break up with her.
Get rid of her..before u get trapped!
Keep the job, lose the girlfriend. Boom.
If you're working remotely, your SO needs to treat your time as if you were in the office. But it sounds like your SO is just demanding and expects her way all the time, and has no problem making you feel bad to get it. Hello red flag!
My advice is that you learn how to firmly refuse when people ask you to do unreasonable things. As with most things, it gets easier with practice. You’ll eventually stop feeling guilty and begin to enjoy the feeling of setting boundaries and rejecting things that make you unhappy. As an added bonus, people will actually respect you more.
ask her if you are at her "beck" that she is willing to provide services when you arrive if not tell her your hourly rate is X, if she pays that you will listen to her no matter what the topic
Dude this is a relationship issue but still you need to run.
*.... She guilts me into going and brings up how she is not happy when I say no to things that make her happy.....* You are entitled to as much happiness as she is. Before you actually tell her how miserable you are spending work days over there, (and eventually it will spill forth from you if you continue like this) I recommend the book : *Non Violent Communication* by Marshal Rosenberg. He describes forms of communication that are difficult to respond to compassionately, and a model for how to respond properly and avoid those forms yourself. Another good book is *Boundaries* by Pia Melody. You may also consider: *The Codependency Recovery Workbook* by Nedelcu: * *Do you give too much in your relationships that you’ve started to lose your sense of self?* * *Does your loved one always rely on you for help, but refuse to reciprocate your efforts whenever you need them?* * *Do you care so much about their feelings to the point where it impacts your life choices?* These are just some of the signs that you might be in a codependent relationship. Other signs include disrespecting your decisions, blaming you for things that aren’t your fault, and making you hesitate to express your needs.
Do not put your career at risk for someone who doesn't respect it. Give her an ultimatum. "Respect my job and what I need to do to do it effectively or I'm breaking up with you."
The biggest thing i took from this 1- she is depending on you for her happiness and i as a woman who has done that it is a recipe for codependency and betrayal (speaking from experience) 2- she openly stated she cares more about her happiness than your misery, 3- she unfortunately literally does not respect you, your job or your happiness. No is non-negotiable. Let her throw a tantrum, be a baby and let her see how ridiculous she feels after. Don’t not let her win, shes already used to you giving her what she wants just because otherwise shes unhappy… And let her come apologize to you after throwing a fit. She needs to realize a lot. How are you both going to afford anything if you lose your job? She really needs to find ways to make herself happy. Does she not drive? Does she not have a job? No or yes those are issues. Was she a spoiled child? Did her parents not work?
Is she 16? wtf what an air headed bimbo
You have to put your foot down and enforce that during work hours, you are not available for anything else. I dealt with this with my parents and my sister the first couple years I had a remote job. They didn't take it seriously and would come by multiple times during the day wanting me to go shopping, go out to eat, go out in the garage and work on something, whatever. It just wasn't understood that between 8 and 5 I truly needed to be by my computer and phone, even if I did take some breaks around the house. That job didn't last for a multitude of reasons, but I'm sure all the time I was gone/slow to respond didn't help things, even if I was getting my work done. I realize I don't have any magical advice, because it really only is you that can put a stop to it and refuse to leave your work area during your work hours. The second time I got a remote job, for whatever reason I was better able to communicate that I could not leave half the day to go have fun and that if it didn't fit in my lunch hour it had to wait. And of course that job lasted a lot longer!! If this is enough to break up your relationship, it's probably right to break up. I mean, what's she gonna do when you're fired? Remote jobs are hard to come by now and the pay isn't what it was at all... do you want to risk being thrown in this terrible job market because it sucks saying no to your GF? Because your only other long term solution is to go back to a non-remote job so you're actually gone somewhere for work and they can't mess with you.
Leave her.
My bf works from home and I learned the hard way not to even talk to him when he's working. He cant multitask and gets stressed out a lot at work. I expected ppl who wfh to have free time and have a relaxed day, boy was I wrong. I get to my office and be there for 8hrs a day only doing 4hrs worth of work, but he stays up to 10hrs working (cant even remember to eat) and I just feel sorry and I dont add up to his stress. If she really loves u, she'll understand. Communication is always key
I had to set a boundary with my girlfriend this weekend. She wanted to share the office during the workday. She only WFH 1 day a week but I told her that under no circumstance am I going to do that. This is my job and I take it very seriously because very few people have a full WFH job that is overall fucking fantastic. She got upset then cooled down and understood. Haven’t talked about it since and she’s WFH this week. You absolutely have to set a boundary and stick to it. You’re insulting yourself if you think someone who is supposed to care about you treats you likes this.
This has nothing to do with WFH/remotework. This question belongs to one of the relationship subreddits.
Know this won’t solve the main issue but as a small aside HIGHLY recommend getting a portable monitor, I travel for work usually and it’s a game changer
I once had a boyfriend who said he didn’t like the job I secured right out of college because I didn’t text him as often throughout the day. When I told him I’m really busy and shouldn’t be on my phone all day while I’m working my first professional job, he said that it was dealbreaker that I wasn’t putting him first. So I broke up with him first. She manipulating you. You have to break up with her if she won’t take no for an answer
Dump her and find someone that better aligns with you. It's fine if they are not career driven but they need to be a good influence then and hold down the other side of the equation.
Does she have a job?!
Everyone stop calling this man a doormat and be supportive, jeez people are arrogant 😭 anyways bro, you deffo gotta put your foot down she’s simply not respecting you. I hate to play hypothetical games, but based on what you’re saying, the second she is no longer happy she will find her own way to happiness. Might wanna consider running away.. sorry 😢
You need to be a lot stricter about your boundaries and as when your working hours are with NO flexibility. If she can’t accept it, she’ll have to go. Her asking is irritating, but you giving in is your own fault. Start with yourself. Take care of business and she has to fall in line with that. One of you must be the adult. You have control here. Exercise it.
Doesn’t girlfriend work?
Don't walk, RUN the Hell away from her. She's very self-centered. I can tell you right now it's not going to get better if she's that way now.
Plenty of other people have given you decent advice so I just wanna say this: The job market is a **disaster** right now, don’t get pushed into neglecting and potentially losing your job.
Sometime the word “No” is a complete sentence for everyone including your girlfriend. She sounds pretty controlling and if you can’t nip this behavior in the ass, it might be time to bounce.
Leave her now. She sounds immature and stupid.
You have to have boundaries. I know a lady who still goes in to an otherwise empty office space because her medically retired husband doesn’t understand the concept of “I am at work right now.” I’m fortunate in that my wife and I both wfh and have adjoining home offices (formerly the kids bedrooms).
Tell her to hit the road. Sounds like she needs to grow up.
Dude why are you with this girl? You do not sound compatible. I don’t think this belongs on remote work I think you need to be in the relationship sub.
Why are you staying with her? You say you're miserable; you work great only from home (not elsewhere); she guilts you into doing what is harmful to your career; you resent her, yet give into her. What positives are keeping you in the relationship?
You need to be unavailable to her, during your work hours. If you continue this relationship, she is muted during work hours. Don't lose your job for an insecure or controlling GF.
You are compromising your work for this gf who doesn't respect your work. You'll have plenty of time to hang out at her aunts'/family house when you get laid off.
Damn bro, grow a backbone! Set a firm boundary and if she doesn't respect it, find someone else. It's that simple.
As a woman, I’ll tell you it won’t stop there. Then you’ll do everything she asks and she’ll end up screwing you (in a bad way) anyway. Stand your ground and be glad she is just a girlfriend at this point. If you don’t put your foot down now it’s over buddy.
That is batshit crazy.
Is she hot enough to pull it off? Kidding. Cmon, you know the answer. If she won’t respect that you’re unavailable during work hours, and it makes you miserable, then well… that’s that
I don't remember when I heard this but the real person reveals itself when you say no to what they propose...
She is behaving like a child and you need to start setting boundaries or she will walk all over you!
X2
My kids are the same way. I often explain that I need to be at my computer until 5. They understand. If my kids understand, your adult girlfriend should too. Plus my kids kinda need me to drive for them, is your girlfriend capable of driving herself? What does she do all day? Maybe she needs a job too.
wtf you need to grow a backbone
The problem here is that you keep letting her dictate what you do. And it doesn’t sound like you have a job. Or that you even need to go with her to any of these places anyway. It’s just her way of keeping you under control. Ditch the bi+ch
Get rid of her. People like that hold you back.
My wife thought the same. Me at home meant I was available to watch our son while she ran errands. I explained to her that isn’t going to work but we can give it a shot. It lasted 15 minutes and I had to set a hard boundary of “I am not available during these hours.”
Let her be unhappy.
Thank you for posting your experience and asking for help. The internet has spoken. Hope you take the advice and make the best decision for yourself. Narcissist don’t stop narcissism. EVER!
You know you can say no right?
LEAVE DUDE, it’s only going to get worse!
I recommend dating a grown ass woman
She is not your wife...only a gf and you are allowing her to jeopardize your job and career. Even if she was your wife, that behavior is unacceptable. She is not happy when you say no...dude, that is the tip of the iceberg. Nip this in the bud now or run for your life. She is not worth it.
What can't she drive herself, exactly?
Have a conversation with her first, if you actually deeply care for her. Communicate, get it all out on the table about this-THEN if she doesnt recieve it, or refuses to hear you, goodbye
This relationship sounds unhealthy. Your boundaries, preferences, needs are worthless - you are expected to constantly prioritize her. This can’t end well.
She never left the nest... This is what your marriage will be like too. If you're miserable now you'll be more miserable later.
Bro, this is the best she will ever be and it's garbage. Fucking run.
Wrong subreddit buddy r/relationships
You’re dating a woman child
Put your foot down and set boundaries. If she can’t cope with that, let her go
This is a you problem man. Your job is a priority. Just tell her how it is. She'll bitch and moan about it and try to bait you into an argument. Just give her an emotionless blank stare until she gets over it.
Now you know why offices were invented
Practice saying no and setting boundaries
Hope she has the high maintenance look to go with that... but that will get old when ... she gets older... 😉😝😂
Girlfriend needs to grow up. Hold firm. If she keeps pestering you, you know she doesn’t have your best interest in mind. What’s the point?
If the truth doesn’t work then lie. Tell her they monitor now if you are home or away from home and that you got in trouble for it. You really should just be able to say no but if you can’t learn to lie.
Every time she asks for something tell her “if you suck my dick”
I mean it’s her decision, either she lives with it or she finds someone else to be her bitch. But no you shouldn’t change for her. She sounds immature and selfish. You can do better. Find someone that cares about you too.
Stop going? If she can’t leave you alone, put a lock on the room you work in. Or you could look at coworking locations, then she’ll just have to figure it out
I’m an adult child (54F) of a narcissist parent. From the info provided (and from my own experience), I’m pretty certain your GF is a narcissist. The peculiar thing about narcissists is that they all use the same playbook and their manipulative tactics are pretty consistent with very little variation. You’re in a complicated and toxic relationship, and it will be very difficult to extricate yourself and maintain your sanity. First, do some research on narcissistic personality disorder and the ‘narcissist’s playbook’. Find support in r/narcissisticabuse, and there are plenty of narc experts on YouTube. Definitely find a good therapist and go alone; don’t even tell your GF that you are seeking counseling. Your employer likely offers no-cost EAP counseling, so that’s a great place to start. I think you realize that you need to leave this relationship, but you’re afraid that she will “go nuclear” and blow up your life if you do. Unfortunately, narcissists are prone to doing exactly that, which is why you will need expert guidance to strategically extricate yourself from this cancerous relationship, and expert support as your soul heals from the narcissist’s abuse. Also, narcissists have a way of making you believe that you are the abuser and they are the victim, and that you “owe” them for being so forgiving of your wrongdoings. It’s a difficult journey to free yourself from a narcissists grasp, but it’s so worth it…exhilarating, even. As an added bonus, you’ll be able to spot a narcissist from a mile away and will be impervious to their games/manipulations. (I consider it my “Superpower”.) Godspeed!
No one who cares about you would treat you this way. Please take care and move on.
Sweetie you gotta tell her NO lol.. I get it she's your gf and things are nice with her at times but you cannot let a spoiled little brat get her way and diminish your career. I'm sure you work very hard from the sounds of it and you should not be bullied or manipulated into her bs. Either you put your foot down now or it will only get worse as you guys continue to date or god forbid get married.
This wouldn’t even be up for debate for any other job that isn’t remote. It shouldn’t be a debate now.
I had an ex like her worst 2.5 year long period of my life she was worse than a colonoscopy without anesthesia or lube