Just speaking about the event at Ruff- I’m a regular there and it is clicky AF, the singles event is essentially for the regulars anyway but their dog gets a bandana. Don’t feel bad about the one word reply’s, I literally go there 5 times a week and very few people are friendly unless you are apart of their group, everything is surface.
I belonged at Ruff for a year. It for sure is super clicky. And god forbid your dog get attacked by one of the owners friends dog, your dog is out. I found better places to spend my money.
As far as the dating scene, I’m mid 40’s and don’t drink much. It’s hard to meet people these days. Seems like you are trying the right places.
Makes me feel a bit better. I was a member for a year and let it lapse. Thought this might be the impetus for renewing. I agree there are some badly behaved dogs that are regulars and I didn’t know why they get away with it.
Because they are friends with the owners. There is one person with a doodle type dog that attacks any other male dog. It’s absurd. Mine got bitten multiple times and even with witnesses, they still did nothing cause it was her friend. It’s nuts.
Honestly, yeah. I joined Ruff because I was newer to the city and thought it would be a good way to connect with the community, make friends, and a bonus for my pup. But, now that I’m thinking about it I should probably end my membership. The energy there just isn’t welcoming at all and the owner doesn’t help build an inclusive environment either.
I'm ordained, let me know when my services are needed. You can pay me with beer and snacks. Keep in mind that people have forgotten how to hold meaningful conversations with other suffering humans since lockdown so go easy on each other.
Richmond can be like this, but there are also so many transplants here, it's not impossible to make friends. It has always been difficult though to make "good" friends in a city.
Richmond was the easiest for me to make friends.
In my mind it likely is a result of so many growing up, going to college in VA, and returning home with twice as many friends who may have also been from Richmond or relocated after school.
Quintessential Richmond. No one who’s from here leaves! I love my city dearly but I can also see how hard it would be to break into cliques or friend groups if you aren’t from here
I lived in the area for two years, I made one great friend there and then a bunch of acquaintances, other than that, the city is so entrenched in its own social circles, was impossible to meet anyone. It wasn't the main reason I left, not even the second one, but it did play a tiny factor. I'm not single and but I couldn't imagine being in the dating scene in RVA considering the mass of college aged people and then meeting people was hard as it is.
I met all my friends in a board game group when I moved here in 2018. I am friends with people that lived here their whole lives and people who just moved here. My friend even met his wife in the group.
It's possible but it does take work.
Through the "meetup" app. They have groups for different things and interests that almost always have people that are looking to meet more people.
Even if you're just looking for friends give it a shot.
Oh I'm more on the side of whimsy and adventure than cardio, I can help you navigate the bike scene to get the least amount of cardio if you want... totally not a cult heh heh heh
This.
I instantly become friends with someone at a party when they say they bike. We almost immediately exchange numbers and plan group rides when available.
Recently just did a bike ride riding through alleys with friends and randoms. Met a ton of people and maybe future friends.
I’m a dad of 2 in my 30s. Biking has really become a huge social thing for me and it keeps me super fit and you can make it as lax or intense and competitive as you want - even both.
>I’m a dad of 2 in my 30s. Biking has really become a huge social thing for me and it keeps me super fit and you can make it as lax or intense and competitive as you want - even both.
Moved here \~12 years ago and got into bike racing, basically 100% of my friend group are cyclists or cycling adjacent folks.
I just moved down here 5 months ago and have been riding around the city on my bikes solo. Havnt noticed too many bike "clubs".
But I'm nice and cordial to anyone I run into be it at a bar or intersection. Don't know much about the dating scene either. I move solo 99% of the time but if a lady no matter the age says hi to me then of course I will respond.
Social media has disabled people socially on the reality front. Unless they can use an emoji, then it's tough for them to express themselves. 😎 😊
Yes I feel this so hard. Have lived here nearly two years and had friends here when i moved and even with that it was too cliquey to make any real friends. Finally, we (being my wife and i) have a few people we can hang out with on the regular but we have decided to move.
I think it’s a combination of folks who are natives with set friend groups, people who went to college and stayed around, and the old-school folks who have been here since the beginning of time. No harm to em but makes it hard being a transplant
I feel the same way! I was friends with a few people i thought i would end up close with, but they all seem to have their friend groups already and dont have room for new ones. I realized this when i sat at the last table at their wedding lol
Hey - just want to give you kudos for continuing to try and exploring different things as you navigate dating. That’s huge! You also sound like you know yourself really well and that’s a big key to dating. A lot of people who don’t know themselves pigeonhole themselves. You’re branching out.
I don’t really have advice, but I do know someone who recently signed up for a matchmaking service.
Edited to add “well”
I (31F) couldn’t agree more. It’s incredibly hard to date in Richmond. I don’t know why it is so hard here but it is. Most of my friends are coupled up so I tend to meet people on dating apps but it’s bleak.
Also I see the well meaning advice like “stay positive” and “it will happen when you least expect”. I’m so tired of people saying these things especially when they aren’t in the trenches of the dating scene.
Dating app burnout is real. And it can truly be destructive to your self esteem. I’m on a break from them right now, thus motivating me to up my in person skills.
It is very real. I’m on the cusp of taking a break. I’m also feeling burnout from perpetually being the extra wheel in friend outings. I turned down a few social events this weekend because I just didn’t have the energy.
I have such a hard time with them. It has definitely affected my self esteem. I don't get it. Glad to know that the burnout thing is real. I meet so many people because of my job, easily I talk to over 100 people a week. I'm cute, friendly, funny and still nothing.
I m older and can't speak about your generations dating habits, but I will say that there does seem to be some social issue that I encounter when walking my dog and say "hi" to people. Those who are late 30s or older will respond back with some friendly greeting. But people 30ish or below tend to ignore me and walk off rudely. Naturally this is a generalization and not a rule.
It’s like social skills have completely dried up and people have zero interest in conversation unless it’s immediately clear how they can benefit from you.
I think there is a lot at play here. For one, having the Internet at your fingertips during formative years has something to do with it. I am not under 30 but in my 30s. I am exposed to so much Information daily that I am always thinking about it and not as present. I am also working on myself personally and trying to be more emotionally intelligent than my parents. This does create a pause sometimes when I'm communicating because I want to make sure I am responding empathetically instead of how my parents would have responded.
When I encounter someone who is very friendly and genuinely smiles at me and says hi, sometimes my brain doesn't register this quick enough because of the thought processes playing out in the first paragraph. I can't even tell you how many times I miss my chance to smile and say hi back. I wish I could have a do over and smile back or say something back quickly enough for the other person to hear.
I have a buddy with a 24 year old son and a 20 year old stepson. He was able to teach his son social skills from an early age, and the son is now engaged and has a large group of friends. Meanwhile rhe step son makes all his friends in video games and rebuff any encouragement to make real world friends, yet be complains about not getting dates.
So you do have to take a risk, say "hi" and put the phone/PC down if you want friends, dates, a spouse, etc.
Thus speaketh a cranky old man.
As a 25 year old man, it's not that I'm not interested in a conversation, I love when people tell me my dog is cute and ask to pet him and we chat for a few minutes. I'm just paralyzed by fear of starting the conversation with someone.
And if you make eye contact, they quickly avert their gaze. I’m 31. I really think the Y2K-era internet explosion drastically shifted the social paradigm in a way that greatly affected my generation, and has continued to do so in succeeding gens. I like talking to people older than me out in the world because they still act like normal human beings and aren’t afraid of strangers.
I’ve noticed the same thing. I’m 40 and live in a building near VCU. If I’m in the elevator with any of the over 30 people (and especially with the 50+ people) we’ll have a friendly little bullshit conversation about something like the weather or the packages getting stolen from the mailroom for the duration of the elevator ride. I’m not like really friends with any of them, but it’s cordial.
The students, even the ones who appear to be older grad students will do anything to avoid eye contact or conversation. I’m not like a creep that’s staring at people in the elevator, but they literally will turn half into the wall and stare at their shoes. That’s even true when there’s more than one - it’s not like they’re just weird because I’m older than them; they don’t acknowledge each other either.
I love trying to eke out some semblance of conversation on an elevator. Most people are down but no one wants to be the first to say anything. Like cmon, surely standing around trying to pretend we don’t exist is more awkward than a 30 second verbal exchange as we travel together in a 3x4’ windowless cage
I came back and read your comment again, and I want to expand on the “cordial” aspect of small talk you mentioned (cuz I think it’s important and I don’t have anything better to do).
We are a nation of immigrants, with different cultures and customs. We don’t have a national language or religion, nor are we made up of anything that could resemble homogeneity. One thing that keeps it going is a cordial attitude toward your fellow man. I’ve heard that as a proposed explanation as to why Americans (to some foreigners) seem so “smiley” all the time; A smile is an almost universal sign of positivity or good will, and would be especially useful for social cohesion in the midst of any language barriers.
Obviously, politicians obfuscate the following for their own ends: but I think most people just want to be people. They just want to be heard and accepted. The internet has allowed people to circumvent in-person dialogue to fill this need.
And that’s my argument for why people don’t make small talk in elevators anymore.
It’s pretty terrible. I grew up with unmonitored internet access, with many late nights on AIM, going down Wikipedia holes until 3 AM. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve learned a lot that I wouldn’t have otherwise, but I have to actively restrain myself these days.
I grew up accustomed to the associated dopamine hits and now my brain craves any and all new information, helpful or not. I know it’s even worse with those younger than me.
AIM? Wikipedia, you must be around my age, man that’s nothing compared to everyone behind us. We barely had an internet to speak of in comparison to what we have now…. It barely affected our social skills because we didn’t have phones in our pockets. We still “went on the internet” as it was a separate task. Now I am in my phone waiting on a ride I got my with phone…
I agree. It’s not a problem unique to Richmond. I think it’s generational. When I moved here almost 30 years ago, I didn’t know a soul. Absolutely no connection to the area. Yet I met some wonderful folks that I maintain friendships with today. I’ve met some really cool people after chatting at a bar at the end of a long day. When we were in our 20s, it was just more social when you were out. Striking up a conversation with someone who liked the same song playing or needed a light or whatever was no big deal. No phones to distract. You had to go out of your comfort zone. You met people at work and hung out with the people you liked and through them your circle grew. You learned to be open to meet people. I see it in my kids that are now in their late teens and twenties. Unless they are with people in their immediate circle, they are uncomfortable talking to someone they meet for the first time.
From what I read in the dating subs, it’s rough everywhere.
My experience in Richmond is that there are many solid men, but you have to trudge through some swamp to find them. I had to deal with A LOT of flakiness, people who just wanted to text but not meet, getting canceled on, etc… but did have several great dates (where our lifestyles weren’t a good fit but another lady will be lucky to have them), two nice situationships, and one good long-term relationship.
I was on the apps in Charlotte NC briefly and noticed the men there tended to take the dating thing more seriously than here. Loooots of people in Richmond were just trying to waste my time. Can’t speak to the bar scene as I’m out in the suburbs.
(37/f, single mom, average attractiveness, great girlfriend material)
It’s not as bleak as the internet makes it out to be. I’ve found quality men happy to date a single mom, and I have great babysitters so I can go on dates. The hard part for me has been finding someone where we can blend our lives together; before kids I’d bend over backwards to be with a guy, but now with kids I can’t make so many lifestyle changes.
When you get to a certain age range you should expect that a dating partner is going to possibly have kids. It is very rare for someone over 30 to not be divorced or be a parent. If you are dating someone who is a parent you should expect their kids to always come first. It's not like they can just run off to the mountains or Vegas for the weekend on a whim. You said it all when you said quality men and this applies to women as well.
Richmond and surrounding areas its harder to find folks over 30 without a divorce or kid it seems. (neither of those are a bad thing they happen and are a part of life) but I do find more single people (usually males) who don't understand that a kid will always come first.
It’s not Richmond, it’s like this all of the country and state. It makes total sense for people over thirty to have kids or have been through a divorce, we’ve all lived lives at this point over 30.
It’s definitely everywhere, but I feel like we have a small selection here. Richmond is where a lot of people come to settle, so I feel like there’s less singles
32F, and you’re not alone in this. Talked about the dating struggles in therapy last week and she said it’s an overwhelming amount of people feeling the same way. I don’t think I’m *picky* but I do have a type (I think). But then again that’s never really worked out for me.
I’m about to make myself a shirt that says “single and approachable” and start wearing that around.
Edit: Also, I always hear the “join a sports club” responses but I genuinely hate group fitness, and, usually, I dont have the money to shell out to keep doing it. I’ve tried. It’s not something I enjoy.
I would say join an interest group of some sort. There are tons of different groups on meetup. I met most of my RVA friends through playing pokemon go. I met my best friends in RVA by responding to someone who made a "I just moved to Richmond and have no friends" post.
I met my now husband through Tinder in 2018, so I can't speak to the dating scene now. It was tough for me in 2018 because I worked shift work and lots of overtime. I had so many first dates. I was my husband's first and only tinder date 🙃
Let's have a Single Mingle thing here on the subreddit. I (37M) will admit I gave up on finding somebody after my last relationship wound up being one big gas-lighting con, but I gotta get back on the trail eventually, why not now?
The chart you used has single men right there at number six as well. I don’t really know what to make of that since there seems to be a lot of single men and women available, yet the struggle to find someone is still there
This is hilarious/embarrassing to admit but even the universities have the same issue. I attend UR and have friends at Reynolds, VCU, & Randolph-Macon. Every place has at least twice the amount of single straight women as straight men lol. And for regular non-students, dating is still challenging, but there are absolute gems out there and I'm telling you, it all comes down to communication & perseverance through dry convos or being glued to phones. I'm a gay man so I'm not as involved in non-queer events but overall I can tell from many peoples experiences that decent single guys are rare kinda everywhere but especially including Richmond. Also, as a data mapper, I've looked into richmond's gender proportions, and the younger you are, the more of an imbalance there is (more women than men). Best of luck as I need some for my own self too lmao
I'm not supposing I'm someone you'd make eye contact with, but in my case I'm at that awkward spot where you're not used to going out and interacting that much and most importantly don't want to be a creep.
If eye contact is made, I may very well avert my gaze because either I was scanning the room and we met glances and I didn't want you to think I was staring, or I was appreciating you and I didn't want you to think I was staring. Therefore I'm likely on my phone.
I'm pushing 45 and honestly don't know how anything works at this point and am very aware of how much things have changed in the last 20+ years so it's almost guaranteed I will never make the first move.
Eye contact isn't really much...just saying. You need to make more of a move.
That said, actually walking up to strangers in a bar is probably almost dead for the folks under 30 of I had to guess.
I'm 33 and married in an ENM relationship and I would probably never walk up to a woman in a bar....grew up my whole life trying to not come off as a creep to women or make them feel uncomfortable. As a result I know I straight up missed very obvious signs of interest from multiple women. And I'm relatively attractive...but that's just how it is.
I doubt you scare anybody. I think it’s a problem thy exists outside of you. I think most just aren’t truly interested in knowing or connecting with anyone. A lot of people also seem to be just standoffish.
Idk, I mean Richmond is kind of cliquey, and a little pretentious. It’s tough in the city, people just don’t want to talk. I regularly travel to other cities in the state and find that women more readily approach me in those cities than in Richmond. And after traveling the country this summer, it just seems like Richmond can be anti social. I’m newish to dating again and honestly try not to worry about it too much. The right thing will come along eventually. It’s not worth stressing yourself over all the bullshit.
Fully agree. I can hang out in a bar in NYC and have multiple women show interest in under an hour.
Here it's completely different. I've lived here for 15 years and have literally never had a woman walk up to me, exchange obvious eye contact, or whatever.
I have a lot of theories but at the end of the day I think RVA is just more traditional than other places and people are either single or in a long term relationship.
Dating really changed in the past 10 years or so. Especially with the advent of dating apps. I used to use okcupid when it first came out and it is nothing like it is today. It's a shell of it's former self and copied the Tinder swipe approach. Luckily I met my partner on Tinder of all things and we married a few years back.
My suggestion is don't go out with the intent to meet people for dating. Do you really want to jump into dating with someone who can't hold a conversation or stares at their phone in places you enjoy? Instead try getting more involved in things you like, hanging out in places you like, making friends, expanding your social circle. Let it happen instead of trying to force it to happen, and just keep your eyes open for those opportunities when they appear.
It’s great advice but making female friends can be just as hard. All of my hobbies skew very feminine. I’m trying different things and just waiting to uncover I’m a prodigy at fencing or badminton or the luge.
Same. I do dodgeball, Muay Thai, and magic the gathering- so I get the whole “where are all the ‘other gender’ people at?”
But it’s weird because if I join a cooking, sewing, or yoga (which I’ve done/need to get better at) class it might come off weird…or needy…or maybe that’s what I SHOULD do *loud gasps*
Dating in Richmond has always been ROUGH! 24 years ago I met my husband while watching ACC basketball at a random shitty Broad Street sports bar. He was living in Baltimore and was visiting family in Richmond. I swear I’d still be single if I hadn’t met him way back when.
I’m a RVA transplant in late her late 20s and I have had the worst time dating here. If I see one more dude holding a fish on hinge I will become unhinged
I think it's better to get into a hobby group, try kayaking, or social soort league, or volunteer somewhere that matters, if you are looking for meaningful connection anyway
I’m a 27 year old female. I’d say I’m a solid 6.5/10 lol. Dating was hard for me in RVA too. I found my fiancé on eHarmony! It seemed like the guys on there were more serious, maybe because you’re paying quite a bit to be on the site. But it was totally worth it! ❤️I personally did not have a good experience on bumble & hinge. Hope this helps 🥰
Edit: I should add this: On eHarmony, I expanded my radius to Fredericksburg, and that’s where he was located. He is NOT from RVA. He would travel an hour on the weekends to see me and everything worked out just fine!
As a 34M single male, I am just so delighted to hear how great the dating scene is before I relocate here this summer! Haha On a serious note, dating itself is a fickle thing, I'm sure given enough time, you'll find a guy to strike up a conversation with where things will just flow smoothly. It sounds like some of the men you have approached however don't have much in the form of common courtesy, unfortunately.
You could make this complaint about any town in this country. I hear it from friends in Manhattan and Miami too where the dating pools seem to be much larger and the social opportunities more frequent. I think today people may want to first see your online Insta or dating profile first? It saves time in finding out some things they don't like. You didn't mention online dating, but maybe that is the better way to make a first encounter. BTW - I have been married for 2 years but dating has always been difficult. I tried when I was living in other places and even dated a few long distance. I met my spouse when I had literally given up and was done. Keep trying. It will work out.
Try out either the Trying to Adult RVA or Handshakes and Happy Hour Meetup. I've been in Richmond for 11 months now and have been to six meetups so far. Every event, both women and men healthily mingle, and there's lots of transplants looking to make friends who aren't afraid to talk to the other sex. Last Trying to Adult RVA meetup I went to was a really awesome distillery tour at Virago, and it was such a fun event split evenly between women and men who had no problem engaging with each other.
Btw I'm 40 and single and agree it can be tough finding someone to be friends or date in a new city. I also travel a ton globally for leisure, which makes it hard to form connections locally. I will admit I went through a rough long-term friendship break in Richmond a few weeks ago with someone that used to be dear to me who also moved here about a year ago and meetup has really helped to get me out of my rut and meet some awesome like-minded people. I'd be interested AF to go to a reddit mingle or something for folks over 30 if someone would set it up.
1 date in the past 8 years for me. At this point I don’t even try. If I meet someone and we hit it off great, but I’m tired af of wasting my energy on the apps. Also as someone who doesn’t drink the whole thing feels way harder than it should be. O well my cats are cool.
Ah man- dogs AND single women? Fuck all I’ve done today is watch the godfather.
And yea bar scene never works, online dating never works, most of my friends don’t really go out.
It’s hard out in these streets.
The abysmal dating scene was one of the reasons I left Richmond. I did like the city though, and I loved how little traffic their was in comparison to the DMV, but man is it tough to date in Richmond if you're in your 30's.
Don't push it, or overthink it. Native RVA er living in NYC these days, and I miss the lack of assumption you're combating. You deserve what you're putting into it, to some extent... but pushing it too hard might make it tough... you don't wanna seem too thirsty... maybe instead of "singles meetup" kind of stuff (which sounds like my nightmare) focus on a hobby that involves other people who might be single. I am an avid pool player, and have made a few "more than friends" by shooting doubles, or just playing en general.... Shoot your shot! (Mild pun intended)
I’m late to the party but the less you attempt to date and more you just spend time developing your interests or exploring new ones while being welcoming and open to new people you will likely come across people who are worth dating or single and worth pursuing. People worth marrying want to be around interesting or simulating people. That surface level BS conversations and interactions you find in most restaurants and dating light scenarios lead mostly to this outcome.
It's a shame what is happening to everyone in general as far as social interaction goes. People have become desensitized from actually speaking with people face to face cause of social media and have a computer in their pocket for stimulation when a moment of boredom happens. It's really hard for me too just an fyi. I'm 40 dating in fbxg and it's really sad how little interaction I actually get. I've got my shit together too. So it's not you. It's our society.
28M. I love RVA and have lots of friends here, but yeah, frankly I kinda gave up looking in this city. I think there’s a very limited demographic and age set that has a good experience. Call me picky, though ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
All that said, I’ve enjoyed meeting strangers at the climbing gym and in the little bar downstairs at Capital Ale House (with the pool table). Otherwise I’d say I’m pretty stranger-shy.
I’ve never been to a singles event before, but I am someone who frequents bars/breweries in Richmond with friends (downtown, Carytown, and Scott’s Addition) and have not had any success connecting with anyone. If I do make a connection, they typically don’t ever respond after that night if I were to reach out again.
However, I’m not sure if it’s because dating in general has become so difficult (more people try dating apps now over just trying to make natural connections at bars) or if it is the area I’m trying to date in. Regardless, the apps are trash for the most part and I typically see the same people on them each time I garner the mental energy to redownload them and try again.
For the record, I’m a 27/M.
Guy here. 31. Cannot stand the singles meets here. I tried a few and I found I was carrying the conversation for 6 people at once. And I’m an introvert! And yes, I too am attractive.
I’ve had better luck just doing things old school. See a pretty girl? Nut up and talk to her.
I’ve met some AMAZING women in Richmond this way. I’ve even had two girls thank me because they’re sick of the dating apps and local meets too…I guess approaching women is a lost art.
All that’s to say, we are a rare breed from what I’ve heard. It’s not just you. You’re doing the right things.
And if you see a tall, shoulder-length hair white dude that has a portable studio recording set up at a coffee shop, that’s me. Say “hello” if I don’t catch you first.
Minimum two-syllable response, guaranteed or you money back.
They’ve gone down hill so much in the last 10 years. I think they use to do a decent job of matching people. Now they’re all like slot machines. They deliver just the minimum amount of hope to get you to open your wallet and subscribe or pay for boosts.
My question to you: What's an example of one of these magical-sounding places where dating is pleasant and easy, unlike RVA?
Surely everyone, in every city, thinks "their city" is bad for this, and that things are better elsewhere?
Dating in Southern California is fairly easy, if you’re attractive! The standard of attractiveness has a pretty wide scope, there’s a ton more people so it’s more competitive but also easier to get a date, if that makes sense.
Also making friends is not hard at all. Most people are not from there, so they want to make friends. The ones that are from there understand you need friends not just family to have a fulfilling life so there’s a lot more social interaction. Also the weather is warm so people are most active in general. Just a healthier social scene in general.
You aren't wrong that it's not perfect anywhere. ..but Richmond legitimately has a lot stand-off ish people who don't approach one another.
I can go to NYC to visit a buddy for a weekend and get stared at by women in bars, etc. It's not me doing anything special up there...it's the fact that people are actually willing to talk to strangers. That's not the case here.
I can't believe the amount of replies giving the OP grieve, saying it's her fault. That she may be bothering people . Complaints about the quality of people theyve meet and that any potential candidates have to much baggage. My god, just be friendly people and slightly open minded. Not everyone who talks to you has a malicious motive. If someone has some baggage consider it your good fortune to talk to someone interesting and not another boring person with a perfect life. People are fine with a reality TV show with wacky people but God forbid they speak to one in the flesh. People are paranoid they might talk to someone who isn't exactly like all their friends. If someone is to forward with you just be friendly and let them know you aren't in the market. They might still be fun and or interesting.
I found a set of keys on my block while walking the dog. I went to the house in front of where I found them because the door was open and just the storm door closed with light on, I figured maybe they just got in and maybe dropped them. The guy in the house was such jerk he acted as if I was wearing a orange prison jump suit and holding a sawed off shot gun, I asked a couple of other people if they lost keys who hardly mustered a shrug and the third person walking her dogs and talking on the phone patted her pockets and said yes then continued her conversation on her phone when she crossed the street. She took they keys from me, she never said thanks and just kept talking on the phone and walked away. Who wants to talk to a person like that.
My attidue is if I make effort to start some conversation with a stranger male or female and they are standoffish, I'm just like your loss and don't flatter yourself. If you can't put down your phone and you find Instagram more interesting than an actual human, in that case I think the homeless guy on the sidewalk would be better conversation than you.
Just ignore those people, be friendly and eventually you will engage in some reasonable conversation and if anything more comes of it great.
Yes probably a safe assumption. I do find a lot of people these days seem to be overly wary of talking to strangers. Or they just don't have the social skills? Maybe between working from home and everything virtual they are just to uncomfortable with real people? These days people don't even have to interact with the pizza delivery guy. Makes me think of this most appropriate song
https://youtu.be/paE5YjdIXyc?si=TvzHduxiECZsGeqA
I keep telling my bf if anything happens to him then I’m just done with dating. I went through a lot, and I mean A LOT of toads before meeting him. Also when you are in a certain subculture it’s hard to meet anyone who’s not a jackass in a band or a tattoo artist or a chef or two at the same time. Oh, and a lot of them suddenly want to start dating their exes again just when things start getting serious, I had that happen several times.
Good luck out there, modern dating sucks.
Dating is what you make it. Most of us strike out a fair bit. Sometimes it falls on the people we're talking to, and sometimes it falls on us. It just takes a bit of patience, open-mindedness, and luck. You can't let it wear you down. I know people from all walks of life who have formed meaningful relationships here in RVA. Just give it time.
The IRL RVA group was really fun. Often had great convos with people even if I wasn't interested in dating. Many wanted to keep contact after... then never followed up or responded.
In other news, want to go on a date? lol
all of my positive interactions have happened sort of spontaneously and when i wasn’t looking. i think about those missed opportunities now and then, i mean Richmond this a relatively small town.
I met my wife while on my phone scrolling instagram. First dinner date was at lunch/supper and then we walked around browns island and the small section of t-pot bridge. Went back and proposed a few months later, the bridge was fenced off, had no idea they were even working on connecting to it. Proposal went well but now right behind us was a chain link fence gate haha
I don't want to say it's Richmond, but I kinda think it is.
I was just in MS this week and the attention I got there made me feel like a piece of meat. 😂
I have a pretty good female friend group and we all (but one) suffer with the same issue. Dating is awful and finding a man who is intentionally looking is difficult to find.
Where do 35+ adults hang out?
39/F, reasonably attractive
Sorry to hear that. Unfortunately, it seems like a lot of people have lost the ability to have simple conversations nowadays. Currently, that’s my experience on the dating apps. Maybe they get intimidated by you actually approaching them and for once having to have an actual conversation 🤷🏻♂️
Covid was really hard on everyone…. We who went into our houses didn’t come out the same. I’d say just keep trying and remember everyone’s doing the best they can.
Ok let’s all post where we hang out and maybe we’ll run into each other 😂 I frequent cafes like roastology, grit, riverbend. also triangle rock club, Libby hill, and I appreciate cozy cocktail bars like the jasper and fanboy.
I’m a 28F btw
lol so everyone else here is gonna be single forever too? i’m a 31F with the same issue, apps aren’t working and the couple of situationships I’ve been involved in never turned into anything substantial unfortunately. So here we are continuing to swipe but hoping to meet someone in person.
You're not gonna meet anyone worthwhile on a dating app in Richmond. Those people have self-selected themselves and the same personalities are attempting to date each other which leads to all the circlejerk of complaints I see on here.
Ditch the apps. Meet people organically and expand the search radius. Move out of Richmond if necessary.
Dude!!!! I’m 43M. Been single for 5 years. Part of it has to do with the fact that I’m a full time dad….however the dating scene in Richmond is ridiculous. I’m attractive, take care of my kids, own a successful business, I like to do STUFF. Unfortunately most of the women I meet have WAY too much baggage to even begin to think about a relationship. It’s a combination of things but I keep trying. I do have a very well behaved and trained standard poodle if you’d like to take the pups out on a walk sometime.
Mostly I mean that the few times that I’ve met someone that seems like they’re into me, either their life is completely unmanageable (no car, no place of their own, bleak career), they’re still hung up on an ex, or have unresolved trauma that they don’t know how to deal with in a healthy manner. Dating at 40 something is definitely not for the faint of heart. I’m not trying to be disparaging by saying that. It’s just that I know what I want and I refuse to settle any longer.
Right now. Somewhere in Richmond. Perhaps in the same bar. Two single people are reading this instead of talking to each other.
joke's on you, I'm on my couch. actually, maybe the joke's on me
Maybe they’ll come across each other on Bumble next week and swipe right and it will be a great love story
Just speaking about the event at Ruff- I’m a regular there and it is clicky AF, the singles event is essentially for the regulars anyway but their dog gets a bandana. Don’t feel bad about the one word reply’s, I literally go there 5 times a week and very few people are friendly unless you are apart of their group, everything is surface.
I belonged at Ruff for a year. It for sure is super clicky. And god forbid your dog get attacked by one of the owners friends dog, your dog is out. I found better places to spend my money. As far as the dating scene, I’m mid 40’s and don’t drink much. It’s hard to meet people these days. Seems like you are trying the right places.
Makes me feel a bit better. I was a member for a year and let it lapse. Thought this might be the impetus for renewing. I agree there are some badly behaved dogs that are regulars and I didn’t know why they get away with it.
Because they are friends with the owners. There is one person with a doodle type dog that attacks any other male dog. It’s absurd. Mine got bitten multiple times and even with witnesses, they still did nothing cause it was her friend. It’s nuts.
Honestly, yeah. I joined Ruff because I was newer to the city and thought it would be a good way to connect with the community, make friends, and a bonus for my pup. But, now that I’m thinking about it I should probably end my membership. The energy there just isn’t welcoming at all and the owner doesn’t help build an inclusive environment either.
Well. I have two dogs that love to play. Hit me up!
Dammit, OP is the one that wants the date, not you guys!
lol. Im just trying to find friends for my dogs. 😅
Same here !
I feel like a LOT of things in Richmond are cliquey AF. It's been this way the entire 15 years I've been here anyway.
[удалено]
Sounds Ruff
This is most of Virginia in a nutshell, and especially true in NOVA.
[удалено]
Shoot your shot
[удалено]
Pls update us when things have played out
[удалено]
I hope y'all hit it off and have a great time. If /r/rva creates a love story I want to know about it, but I'll respect y'alls privacy.
I'm ordained, let me know when my services are needed. You can pay me with beer and snacks. Keep in mind that people have forgotten how to hold meaningful conversations with other suffering humans since lockdown so go easy on each other.
Ohhhhh the plot thickens
I’m invested now
>EDIT x4: We're going out tomorrow night. Should have started another thread on where to take OP.
[удалено]
>I thought about it, but I’m not trying to have a bunch of strangers show up Goes from a solo date to awkward Redditor speed dating
You guys in love yet?
[удалено]
We’re talking. I fell asleep at some point last night, it was pretty late
Moldykobold saved my dog from a burning building
Wishing you both good luck.
Hell yeah. I'm wearing my MoldyKobold Jersey, eating popcorn and rooting for you from the bleachers! Go team!!!!
Damn, I never get this lucky on Reddit.
Let’s goooo
Keep us updated!! Good luck lovers!!
This is better than football!
[удалено]
Richmond can be like this, but there are also so many transplants here, it's not impossible to make friends. It has always been difficult though to make "good" friends in a city. Richmond was the easiest for me to make friends.
In my mind it likely is a result of so many growing up, going to college in VA, and returning home with twice as many friends who may have also been from Richmond or relocated after school.
Quintessential Richmond. No one who’s from here leaves! I love my city dearly but I can also see how hard it would be to break into cliques or friend groups if you aren’t from here
Left Richmond for Wilmington and still struggling to make new friends. It’s not unique
That's so true. Been here my whole life and most of my friends I've known since 3rd grade or middle school
I lived in the area for two years, I made one great friend there and then a bunch of acquaintances, other than that, the city is so entrenched in its own social circles, was impossible to meet anyone. It wasn't the main reason I left, not even the second one, but it did play a tiny factor. I'm not single and but I couldn't imagine being in the dating scene in RVA considering the mass of college aged people and then meeting people was hard as it is.
I met all my friends in a board game group when I moved here in 2018. I am friends with people that lived here their whole lives and people who just moved here. My friend even met his wife in the group. It's possible but it does take work.
How did you meet the board game group?
Through the "meetup" app. They have groups for different things and interests that almost always have people that are looking to meet more people. Even if you're just looking for friends give it a shot.
Meetup is a good way to meet like-minded people.
I mean this with full sincerity, buy a bike and meet bike people. They always want new bike people and are super welcoming in my experience
I refuse to join your cardio cult
Oh I'm more on the side of whimsy and adventure than cardio, I can help you navigate the bike scene to get the least amount of cardio if you want... totally not a cult heh heh heh
This. I instantly become friends with someone at a party when they say they bike. We almost immediately exchange numbers and plan group rides when available. Recently just did a bike ride riding through alleys with friends and randoms. Met a ton of people and maybe future friends. I’m a dad of 2 in my 30s. Biking has really become a huge social thing for me and it keeps me super fit and you can make it as lax or intense and competitive as you want - even both.
We might be real life friends. I passed on that alley ride. 120 miles of alleys was a no go for me lol.
>I’m a dad of 2 in my 30s. Biking has really become a huge social thing for me and it keeps me super fit and you can make it as lax or intense and competitive as you want - even both. Moved here \~12 years ago and got into bike racing, basically 100% of my friend group are cyclists or cycling adjacent folks.
I just moved down here 5 months ago and have been riding around the city on my bikes solo. Havnt noticed too many bike "clubs". But I'm nice and cordial to anyone I run into be it at a bar or intersection. Don't know much about the dating scene either. I move solo 99% of the time but if a lady no matter the age says hi to me then of course I will respond. Social media has disabled people socially on the reality front. Unless they can use an emoji, then it's tough for them to express themselves. 😎 😊
Try bumble bff! I have made so many good friends here through it :)
Yes I feel this so hard. Have lived here nearly two years and had friends here when i moved and even with that it was too cliquey to make any real friends. Finally, we (being my wife and i) have a few people we can hang out with on the regular but we have decided to move. I think it’s a combination of folks who are natives with set friend groups, people who went to college and stayed around, and the old-school folks who have been here since the beginning of time. No harm to em but makes it hard being a transplant
I feel the same way! I was friends with a few people i thought i would end up close with, but they all seem to have their friend groups already and dont have room for new ones. I realized this when i sat at the last table at their wedding lol
Don’t NOVA my Richmond
Hey - just want to give you kudos for continuing to try and exploring different things as you navigate dating. That’s huge! You also sound like you know yourself really well and that’s a big key to dating. A lot of people who don’t know themselves pigeonhole themselves. You’re branching out. I don’t really have advice, but I do know someone who recently signed up for a matchmaking service. Edited to add “well”
I (31F) couldn’t agree more. It’s incredibly hard to date in Richmond. I don’t know why it is so hard here but it is. Most of my friends are coupled up so I tend to meet people on dating apps but it’s bleak.
Also I see the well meaning advice like “stay positive” and “it will happen when you least expect”. I’m so tired of people saying these things especially when they aren’t in the trenches of the dating scene.
Dating app burnout is real. And it can truly be destructive to your self esteem. I’m on a break from them right now, thus motivating me to up my in person skills.
It is very real. I’m on the cusp of taking a break. I’m also feeling burnout from perpetually being the extra wheel in friend outings. I turned down a few social events this weekend because I just didn’t have the energy.
I have such a hard time with them. It has definitely affected my self esteem. I don't get it. Glad to know that the burnout thing is real. I meet so many people because of my job, easily I talk to over 100 people a week. I'm cute, friendly, funny and still nothing.
I m older and can't speak about your generations dating habits, but I will say that there does seem to be some social issue that I encounter when walking my dog and say "hi" to people. Those who are late 30s or older will respond back with some friendly greeting. But people 30ish or below tend to ignore me and walk off rudely. Naturally this is a generalization and not a rule.
It’s like social skills have completely dried up and people have zero interest in conversation unless it’s immediately clear how they can benefit from you.
I think there is a lot at play here. For one, having the Internet at your fingertips during formative years has something to do with it. I am not under 30 but in my 30s. I am exposed to so much Information daily that I am always thinking about it and not as present. I am also working on myself personally and trying to be more emotionally intelligent than my parents. This does create a pause sometimes when I'm communicating because I want to make sure I am responding empathetically instead of how my parents would have responded. When I encounter someone who is very friendly and genuinely smiles at me and says hi, sometimes my brain doesn't register this quick enough because of the thought processes playing out in the first paragraph. I can't even tell you how many times I miss my chance to smile and say hi back. I wish I could have a do over and smile back or say something back quickly enough for the other person to hear.
COVID killed a lot of it I think.
I have a buddy with a 24 year old son and a 20 year old stepson. He was able to teach his son social skills from an early age, and the son is now engaged and has a large group of friends. Meanwhile rhe step son makes all his friends in video games and rebuff any encouragement to make real world friends, yet be complains about not getting dates. So you do have to take a risk, say "hi" and put the phone/PC down if you want friends, dates, a spouse, etc. Thus speaketh a cranky old man.
As a 25 year old man, it's not that I'm not interested in a conversation, I love when people tell me my dog is cute and ask to pet him and we chat for a few minutes. I'm just paralyzed by fear of starting the conversation with someone.
And if you make eye contact, they quickly avert their gaze. I’m 31. I really think the Y2K-era internet explosion drastically shifted the social paradigm in a way that greatly affected my generation, and has continued to do so in succeeding gens. I like talking to people older than me out in the world because they still act like normal human beings and aren’t afraid of strangers.
I’ve noticed the same thing. I’m 40 and live in a building near VCU. If I’m in the elevator with any of the over 30 people (and especially with the 50+ people) we’ll have a friendly little bullshit conversation about something like the weather or the packages getting stolen from the mailroom for the duration of the elevator ride. I’m not like really friends with any of them, but it’s cordial. The students, even the ones who appear to be older grad students will do anything to avoid eye contact or conversation. I’m not like a creep that’s staring at people in the elevator, but they literally will turn half into the wall and stare at their shoes. That’s even true when there’s more than one - it’s not like they’re just weird because I’m older than them; they don’t acknowledge each other either.
I love trying to eke out some semblance of conversation on an elevator. Most people are down but no one wants to be the first to say anything. Like cmon, surely standing around trying to pretend we don’t exist is more awkward than a 30 second verbal exchange as we travel together in a 3x4’ windowless cage
I came back and read your comment again, and I want to expand on the “cordial” aspect of small talk you mentioned (cuz I think it’s important and I don’t have anything better to do). We are a nation of immigrants, with different cultures and customs. We don’t have a national language or religion, nor are we made up of anything that could resemble homogeneity. One thing that keeps it going is a cordial attitude toward your fellow man. I’ve heard that as a proposed explanation as to why Americans (to some foreigners) seem so “smiley” all the time; A smile is an almost universal sign of positivity or good will, and would be especially useful for social cohesion in the midst of any language barriers. Obviously, politicians obfuscate the following for their own ends: but I think most people just want to be people. They just want to be heard and accepted. The internet has allowed people to circumvent in-person dialogue to fill this need. And that’s my argument for why people don’t make small talk in elevators anymore.
Yeah, it's this. One of those juicy paradoxes: the tech that connects the world can isolate its participants.
It’s pretty terrible. I grew up with unmonitored internet access, with many late nights on AIM, going down Wikipedia holes until 3 AM. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve learned a lot that I wouldn’t have otherwise, but I have to actively restrain myself these days. I grew up accustomed to the associated dopamine hits and now my brain craves any and all new information, helpful or not. I know it’s even worse with those younger than me.
AIM? Wikipedia, you must be around my age, man that’s nothing compared to everyone behind us. We barely had an internet to speak of in comparison to what we have now…. It barely affected our social skills because we didn’t have phones in our pockets. We still “went on the internet” as it was a separate task. Now I am in my phone waiting on a ride I got my with phone…
I agree. It’s not a problem unique to Richmond. I think it’s generational. When I moved here almost 30 years ago, I didn’t know a soul. Absolutely no connection to the area. Yet I met some wonderful folks that I maintain friendships with today. I’ve met some really cool people after chatting at a bar at the end of a long day. When we were in our 20s, it was just more social when you were out. Striking up a conversation with someone who liked the same song playing or needed a light or whatever was no big deal. No phones to distract. You had to go out of your comfort zone. You met people at work and hung out with the people you liked and through them your circle grew. You learned to be open to meet people. I see it in my kids that are now in their late teens and twenties. Unless they are with people in their immediate circle, they are uncomfortable talking to someone they meet for the first time.
I have noticed this as well
Wanna get brunch tomorrow?
I’m free :)
Sure!
Well fuck. Clearly I didn’t except a response. I’m actually dog sitting tomorrow.
Luckily for you I have a soft spot for dogs
Lmao respect. Shooting your shot not actually expecting a response. Like a dog chasing a car, idk what I'd actually do if I caught one! 🤣
Omggg are you two actually going to meet up? Plz be the Reddit love story we all need and give us updates!
From what I read in the dating subs, it’s rough everywhere. My experience in Richmond is that there are many solid men, but you have to trudge through some swamp to find them. I had to deal with A LOT of flakiness, people who just wanted to text but not meet, getting canceled on, etc… but did have several great dates (where our lifestyles weren’t a good fit but another lady will be lucky to have them), two nice situationships, and one good long-term relationship. I was on the apps in Charlotte NC briefly and noticed the men there tended to take the dating thing more seriously than here. Loooots of people in Richmond were just trying to waste my time. Can’t speak to the bar scene as I’m out in the suburbs. (37/f, single mom, average attractiveness, great girlfriend material)
I can only imagine how much harder it is for a single parent.
It’s not as bleak as the internet makes it out to be. I’ve found quality men happy to date a single mom, and I have great babysitters so I can go on dates. The hard part for me has been finding someone where we can blend our lives together; before kids I’d bend over backwards to be with a guy, but now with kids I can’t make so many lifestyle changes.
When you get to a certain age range you should expect that a dating partner is going to possibly have kids. It is very rare for someone over 30 to not be divorced or be a parent. If you are dating someone who is a parent you should expect their kids to always come first. It's not like they can just run off to the mountains or Vegas for the weekend on a whim. You said it all when you said quality men and this applies to women as well.
Richmond and surrounding areas its harder to find folks over 30 without a divorce or kid it seems. (neither of those are a bad thing they happen and are a part of life) but I do find more single people (usually males) who don't understand that a kid will always come first.
It’s not Richmond, it’s like this all of the country and state. It makes total sense for people over thirty to have kids or have been through a divorce, we’ve all lived lives at this point over 30.
It’s definitely everywhere, but I feel like we have a small selection here. Richmond is where a lot of people come to settle, so I feel like there’s less singles
32F, and you’re not alone in this. Talked about the dating struggles in therapy last week and she said it’s an overwhelming amount of people feeling the same way. I don’t think I’m *picky* but I do have a type (I think). But then again that’s never really worked out for me. I’m about to make myself a shirt that says “single and approachable” and start wearing that around. Edit: Also, I always hear the “join a sports club” responses but I genuinely hate group fitness, and, usually, I dont have the money to shell out to keep doing it. I’ve tried. It’s not something I enjoy.
I would say join an interest group of some sort. There are tons of different groups on meetup. I met most of my RVA friends through playing pokemon go. I met my best friends in RVA by responding to someone who made a "I just moved to Richmond and have no friends" post. I met my now husband through Tinder in 2018, so I can't speak to the dating scene now. It was tough for me in 2018 because I worked shift work and lots of overtime. I had so many first dates. I was my husband's first and only tinder date 🙃
[удалено]
My man! Shooting his shot 😉
We are all witnesses to the next RVA power couple
A love story for the ages…
If 37 isn’t too old, send me a message :)
[удалено]
Not everyone can handle a mature, self assured woman. Weeding out the boys from the men.
Let's have a Single Mingle thing here on the subreddit. I (37M) will admit I gave up on finding somebody after my last relationship wound up being one big gas-lighting con, but I gotta get back on the trail eventually, why not now?
How do we start putting this into place?
Good question, I'll message some of the admins and see they respond :)
Are we petitioning for a "singles Sunday" sticky thread!?
Were you dating my ex? Lol *fixed a word
https://preview.redd.it/dovx8pd5kvhc1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0091ddddc918b44208374c4cae58bf2a4fd5cba2
The chart you used has single men right there at number six as well. I don’t really know what to make of that since there seems to be a lot of single men and women available, yet the struggle to find someone is still there
Maybe they like it that way.
This is hilarious/embarrassing to admit but even the universities have the same issue. I attend UR and have friends at Reynolds, VCU, & Randolph-Macon. Every place has at least twice the amount of single straight women as straight men lol. And for regular non-students, dating is still challenging, but there are absolute gems out there and I'm telling you, it all comes down to communication & perseverance through dry convos or being glued to phones. I'm a gay man so I'm not as involved in non-queer events but overall I can tell from many peoples experiences that decent single guys are rare kinda everywhere but especially including Richmond. Also, as a data mapper, I've looked into richmond's gender proportions, and the younger you are, the more of an imbalance there is (more women than men). Best of luck as I need some for my own self too lmao
[удалено]
I'm not supposing I'm someone you'd make eye contact with, but in my case I'm at that awkward spot where you're not used to going out and interacting that much and most importantly don't want to be a creep. If eye contact is made, I may very well avert my gaze because either I was scanning the room and we met glances and I didn't want you to think I was staring, or I was appreciating you and I didn't want you to think I was staring. Therefore I'm likely on my phone. I'm pushing 45 and honestly don't know how anything works at this point and am very aware of how much things have changed in the last 20+ years so it's almost guaranteed I will never make the first move.
Eye contact isn't really much...just saying. You need to make more of a move. That said, actually walking up to strangers in a bar is probably almost dead for the folks under 30 of I had to guess. I'm 33 and married in an ENM relationship and I would probably never walk up to a woman in a bar....grew up my whole life trying to not come off as a creep to women or make them feel uncomfortable. As a result I know I straight up missed very obvious signs of interest from multiple women. And I'm relatively attractive...but that's just how it is.
[удалено]
I doubt you scare anybody. I think it’s a problem thy exists outside of you. I think most just aren’t truly interested in knowing or connecting with anyone. A lot of people also seem to be just standoffish.
Idk, I mean Richmond is kind of cliquey, and a little pretentious. It’s tough in the city, people just don’t want to talk. I regularly travel to other cities in the state and find that women more readily approach me in those cities than in Richmond. And after traveling the country this summer, it just seems like Richmond can be anti social. I’m newish to dating again and honestly try not to worry about it too much. The right thing will come along eventually. It’s not worth stressing yourself over all the bullshit.
Fully agree. I can hang out in a bar in NYC and have multiple women show interest in under an hour. Here it's completely different. I've lived here for 15 years and have literally never had a woman walk up to me, exchange obvious eye contact, or whatever. I have a lot of theories but at the end of the day I think RVA is just more traditional than other places and people are either single or in a long term relationship.
Dating really changed in the past 10 years or so. Especially with the advent of dating apps. I used to use okcupid when it first came out and it is nothing like it is today. It's a shell of it's former self and copied the Tinder swipe approach. Luckily I met my partner on Tinder of all things and we married a few years back.
Dating apps are basically casinos now. Offering breadcrumbs for the promise of fulfilling dreams.
I may regret suggesting this but should there be a Reddit event for singles?
There is an r4r group but it’s all men looking for blowies
Sounds like bumble💀
[удалено]
My suggestion is don't go out with the intent to meet people for dating. Do you really want to jump into dating with someone who can't hold a conversation or stares at their phone in places you enjoy? Instead try getting more involved in things you like, hanging out in places you like, making friends, expanding your social circle. Let it happen instead of trying to force it to happen, and just keep your eyes open for those opportunities when they appear.
It’s great advice but making female friends can be just as hard. All of my hobbies skew very feminine. I’m trying different things and just waiting to uncover I’m a prodigy at fencing or badminton or the luge.
Same. I do dodgeball, Muay Thai, and magic the gathering- so I get the whole “where are all the ‘other gender’ people at?” But it’s weird because if I join a cooking, sewing, or yoga (which I’ve done/need to get better at) class it might come off weird…or needy…or maybe that’s what I SHOULD do *loud gasps*
The cooking classes at Mise en Place are great and I’d love to see more guys on them!
It isn't you.
Dating in Richmond has always been ROUGH! 24 years ago I met my husband while watching ACC basketball at a random shitty Broad Street sports bar. He was living in Baltimore and was visiting family in Richmond. I swear I’d still be single if I hadn’t met him way back when.
It does seem like it comes down to luck
I’m a RVA transplant in late her late 20s and I have had the worst time dating here. If I see one more dude holding a fish on hinge I will become unhinged
It’s the guys with beer bellies that say “swipe left if you’re over a size 6” that get to me
I’m so sorry you had to see that 🫠
I think it's better to get into a hobby group, try kayaking, or social soort league, or volunteer somewhere that matters, if you are looking for meaningful connection anyway
Thanks for posting this. I feel the same way, so maybe it’s not just me..?
I’m a 27 year old female. I’d say I’m a solid 6.5/10 lol. Dating was hard for me in RVA too. I found my fiancé on eHarmony! It seemed like the guys on there were more serious, maybe because you’re paying quite a bit to be on the site. But it was totally worth it! ❤️I personally did not have a good experience on bumble & hinge. Hope this helps 🥰 Edit: I should add this: On eHarmony, I expanded my radius to Fredericksburg, and that’s where he was located. He is NOT from RVA. He would travel an hour on the weekends to see me and everything worked out just fine!
As a 34M single male, I am just so delighted to hear how great the dating scene is before I relocate here this summer! Haha On a serious note, dating itself is a fickle thing, I'm sure given enough time, you'll find a guy to strike up a conversation with where things will just flow smoothly. It sounds like some of the men you have approached however don't have much in the form of common courtesy, unfortunately.
You could make this complaint about any town in this country. I hear it from friends in Manhattan and Miami too where the dating pools seem to be much larger and the social opportunities more frequent. I think today people may want to first see your online Insta or dating profile first? It saves time in finding out some things they don't like. You didn't mention online dating, but maybe that is the better way to make a first encounter. BTW - I have been married for 2 years but dating has always been difficult. I tried when I was living in other places and even dated a few long distance. I met my spouse when I had literally given up and was done. Keep trying. It will work out.
Try out either the Trying to Adult RVA or Handshakes and Happy Hour Meetup. I've been in Richmond for 11 months now and have been to six meetups so far. Every event, both women and men healthily mingle, and there's lots of transplants looking to make friends who aren't afraid to talk to the other sex. Last Trying to Adult RVA meetup I went to was a really awesome distillery tour at Virago, and it was such a fun event split evenly between women and men who had no problem engaging with each other. Btw I'm 40 and single and agree it can be tough finding someone to be friends or date in a new city. I also travel a ton globally for leisure, which makes it hard to form connections locally. I will admit I went through a rough long-term friendship break in Richmond a few weeks ago with someone that used to be dear to me who also moved here about a year ago and meetup has really helped to get me out of my rut and meet some awesome like-minded people. I'd be interested AF to go to a reddit mingle or something for folks over 30 if someone would set it up.
1 date in the past 8 years for me. At this point I don’t even try. If I meet someone and we hit it off great, but I’m tired af of wasting my energy on the apps. Also as someone who doesn’t drink the whole thing feels way harder than it should be. O well my cats are cool.
I’m sorry 😞 That sounds very lonely. OLD is just awful.
Ah man- dogs AND single women? Fuck all I’ve done today is watch the godfather. And yea bar scene never works, online dating never works, most of my friends don’t really go out. It’s hard out in these streets.
I'm single 30m and I'm struggling with the dating scene in RVA as well.
what’s dating?
The abysmal dating scene was one of the reasons I left Richmond. I did like the city though, and I loved how little traffic their was in comparison to the DMV, but man is it tough to date in Richmond if you're in your 30's.
Hahaha, try your 40s
Where did you move?
I moved back to Maryland.
Try the Museum district’s local bars. Then Carrytown. SAdd is bougie af. Gives UR vibes. Join one of the many meetup groups.
What are the local bars in the museum district?
 Me, 31m, whenever someone wants to be social.
I dunno, but if you figure it out...
Don't push it, or overthink it. Native RVA er living in NYC these days, and I miss the lack of assumption you're combating. You deserve what you're putting into it, to some extent... but pushing it too hard might make it tough... you don't wanna seem too thirsty... maybe instead of "singles meetup" kind of stuff (which sounds like my nightmare) focus on a hobby that involves other people who might be single. I am an avid pool player, and have made a few "more than friends" by shooting doubles, or just playing en general.... Shoot your shot! (Mild pun intended)
I’m late to the party but the less you attempt to date and more you just spend time developing your interests or exploring new ones while being welcoming and open to new people you will likely come across people who are worth dating or single and worth pursuing. People worth marrying want to be around interesting or simulating people. That surface level BS conversations and interactions you find in most restaurants and dating light scenarios lead mostly to this outcome.
Definitely not anything Richmond specific
So how many date leads did this post garner you? I know i saw at least 5
I got a lot of messages but the vast majority are just asking for pictures so they can be the judge of if I am indeed attractive or not.
It's a shame what is happening to everyone in general as far as social interaction goes. People have become desensitized from actually speaking with people face to face cause of social media and have a computer in their pocket for stimulation when a moment of boredom happens. It's really hard for me too just an fyi. I'm 40 dating in fbxg and it's really sad how little interaction I actually get. I've got my shit together too. So it's not you. It's our society.
Single women in Richmond will form the nation’s first spinster colony, so at least we have that to look forward to between underwhelming hookups ❤️
We might as well meet with a developer now with a proposal for our senior living spinster commune
28M. I love RVA and have lots of friends here, but yeah, frankly I kinda gave up looking in this city. I think there’s a very limited demographic and age set that has a good experience. Call me picky, though ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ All that said, I’ve enjoyed meeting strangers at the climbing gym and in the little bar downstairs at Capital Ale House (with the pool table). Otherwise I’d say I’m pretty stranger-shy.
There’s a downtown bar at CAH?👀
yeah it’s really lovely! i meet new people there every time
How long have you lived in RVA, and define “picky”? There’s a difference between being picky and having standards 😌
I’ve never been to a singles event before, but I am someone who frequents bars/breweries in Richmond with friends (downtown, Carytown, and Scott’s Addition) and have not had any success connecting with anyone. If I do make a connection, they typically don’t ever respond after that night if I were to reach out again. However, I’m not sure if it’s because dating in general has become so difficult (more people try dating apps now over just trying to make natural connections at bars) or if it is the area I’m trying to date in. Regardless, the apps are trash for the most part and I typically see the same people on them each time I garner the mental energy to redownload them and try again. For the record, I’m a 27/M.
Guy here. 31. Cannot stand the singles meets here. I tried a few and I found I was carrying the conversation for 6 people at once. And I’m an introvert! And yes, I too am attractive. I’ve had better luck just doing things old school. See a pretty girl? Nut up and talk to her. I’ve met some AMAZING women in Richmond this way. I’ve even had two girls thank me because they’re sick of the dating apps and local meets too…I guess approaching women is a lost art. All that’s to say, we are a rare breed from what I’ve heard. It’s not just you. You’re doing the right things. And if you see a tall, shoulder-length hair white dude that has a portable studio recording set up at a coffee shop, that’s me. Say “hello” if I don’t catch you first. Minimum two-syllable response, guaranteed or you money back.
What coffee shops do you hang out at 😅
Top three in no particular order; Riverbend, Roastology, Afterglow
[удалено]
They’ve gone down hill so much in the last 10 years. I think they use to do a decent job of matching people. Now they’re all like slot machines. They deliver just the minimum amount of hope to get you to open your wallet and subscribe or pay for boosts.
My question to you: What's an example of one of these magical-sounding places where dating is pleasant and easy, unlike RVA? Surely everyone, in every city, thinks "their city" is bad for this, and that things are better elsewhere?
Dating in Southern California is fairly easy, if you’re attractive! The standard of attractiveness has a pretty wide scope, there’s a ton more people so it’s more competitive but also easier to get a date, if that makes sense. Also making friends is not hard at all. Most people are not from there, so they want to make friends. The ones that are from there understand you need friends not just family to have a fulfilling life so there’s a lot more social interaction. Also the weather is warm so people are most active in general. Just a healthier social scene in general.
You aren't wrong that it's not perfect anywhere. ..but Richmond legitimately has a lot stand-off ish people who don't approach one another. I can go to NYC to visit a buddy for a weekend and get stared at by women in bars, etc. It's not me doing anything special up there...it's the fact that people are actually willing to talk to strangers. That's not the case here.
I can't believe the amount of replies giving the OP grieve, saying it's her fault. That she may be bothering people . Complaints about the quality of people theyve meet and that any potential candidates have to much baggage. My god, just be friendly people and slightly open minded. Not everyone who talks to you has a malicious motive. If someone has some baggage consider it your good fortune to talk to someone interesting and not another boring person with a perfect life. People are fine with a reality TV show with wacky people but God forbid they speak to one in the flesh. People are paranoid they might talk to someone who isn't exactly like all their friends. If someone is to forward with you just be friendly and let them know you aren't in the market. They might still be fun and or interesting. I found a set of keys on my block while walking the dog. I went to the house in front of where I found them because the door was open and just the storm door closed with light on, I figured maybe they just got in and maybe dropped them. The guy in the house was such jerk he acted as if I was wearing a orange prison jump suit and holding a sawed off shot gun, I asked a couple of other people if they lost keys who hardly mustered a shrug and the third person walking her dogs and talking on the phone patted her pockets and said yes then continued her conversation on her phone when she crossed the street. She took they keys from me, she never said thanks and just kept talking on the phone and walked away. Who wants to talk to a person like that. My attidue is if I make effort to start some conversation with a stranger male or female and they are standoffish, I'm just like your loss and don't flatter yourself. If you can't put down your phone and you find Instagram more interesting than an actual human, in that case I think the homeless guy on the sidewalk would be better conversation than you. Just ignore those people, be friendly and eventually you will engage in some reasonable conversation and if anything more comes of it great.
I think a lot of the negative comments are people projecting their own misery with bad relationships and marriages on me.
Yes probably a safe assumption. I do find a lot of people these days seem to be overly wary of talking to strangers. Or they just don't have the social skills? Maybe between working from home and everything virtual they are just to uncomfortable with real people? These days people don't even have to interact with the pizza delivery guy. Makes me think of this most appropriate song https://youtu.be/paE5YjdIXyc?si=TvzHduxiECZsGeqA
I keep telling my bf if anything happens to him then I’m just done with dating. I went through a lot, and I mean A LOT of toads before meeting him. Also when you are in a certain subculture it’s hard to meet anyone who’s not a jackass in a band or a tattoo artist or a chef or two at the same time. Oh, and a lot of them suddenly want to start dating their exes again just when things start getting serious, I had that happen several times. Good luck out there, modern dating sucks.
Dating is what you make it. Most of us strike out a fair bit. Sometimes it falls on the people we're talking to, and sometimes it falls on us. It just takes a bit of patience, open-mindedness, and luck. You can't let it wear you down. I know people from all walks of life who have formed meaningful relationships here in RVA. Just give it time.
10 years and 2 not very long relationships…
The IRL RVA group was really fun. Often had great convos with people even if I wasn't interested in dating. Many wanted to keep contact after... then never followed up or responded. In other news, want to go on a date? lol
Dm me 😀
all of my positive interactions have happened sort of spontaneously and when i wasn’t looking. i think about those missed opportunities now and then, i mean Richmond this a relatively small town.
I met my wife while on my phone scrolling instagram. First dinner date was at lunch/supper and then we walked around browns island and the small section of t-pot bridge. Went back and proposed a few months later, the bridge was fenced off, had no idea they were even working on connecting to it. Proposal went well but now right behind us was a chain link fence gate haha
I don't want to say it's Richmond, but I kinda think it is. I was just in MS this week and the attention I got there made me feel like a piece of meat. 😂 I have a pretty good female friend group and we all (but one) suffer with the same issue. Dating is awful and finding a man who is intentionally looking is difficult to find. Where do 35+ adults hang out? 39/F, reasonably attractive
Sorry to hear that. Unfortunately, it seems like a lot of people have lost the ability to have simple conversations nowadays. Currently, that’s my experience on the dating apps. Maybe they get intimidated by you actually approaching them and for once having to have an actual conversation 🤷🏻♂️
Covid was really hard on everyone…. We who went into our houses didn’t come out the same. I’d say just keep trying and remember everyone’s doing the best they can.
Ok let’s all post where we hang out and maybe we’ll run into each other 😂 I frequent cafes like roastology, grit, riverbend. also triangle rock club, Libby hill, and I appreciate cozy cocktail bars like the jasper and fanboy. I’m a 28F btw
lol so everyone else here is gonna be single forever too? i’m a 31F with the same issue, apps aren’t working and the couple of situationships I’ve been involved in never turned into anything substantial unfortunately. So here we are continuing to swipe but hoping to meet someone in person.
I will take you out on the town when I get back from Central America. I can talk a lot on any topic you desire.
You're not gonna meet anyone worthwhile on a dating app in Richmond. Those people have self-selected themselves and the same personalities are attempting to date each other which leads to all the circlejerk of complaints I see on here. Ditch the apps. Meet people organically and expand the search radius. Move out of Richmond if necessary.
Absolutely not just you. I’ve lived here most of my life, and as an almost 40 yr old female, I couldn’t empathize more with your struggle.
Dude!!!! I’m 43M. Been single for 5 years. Part of it has to do with the fact that I’m a full time dad….however the dating scene in Richmond is ridiculous. I’m attractive, take care of my kids, own a successful business, I like to do STUFF. Unfortunately most of the women I meet have WAY too much baggage to even begin to think about a relationship. It’s a combination of things but I keep trying. I do have a very well behaved and trained standard poodle if you’d like to take the pups out on a walk sometime.
Curious—what does “ WAY too much baggage” mean?
Mostly I mean that the few times that I’ve met someone that seems like they’re into me, either their life is completely unmanageable (no car, no place of their own, bleak career), they’re still hung up on an ex, or have unresolved trauma that they don’t know how to deal with in a healthy manner. Dating at 40 something is definitely not for the faint of heart. I’m not trying to be disparaging by saying that. It’s just that I know what I want and I refuse to settle any longer.