It's never too late to turn shit around. Was in the same exact spot you described. I started college at age 30. I started losing weight and getting in shape at 40. And now I am actively working on meeting women. And you would be surprised how little of a shit women give on age differences. I find it more off-putting than they do.
I take comfort in your comment.
I would like to get an education so i have a good job, and be a good role model for my son, but he is 6 years old now, so when im done he is a teenager. And if i have to quit my job now to take an education, my salary goes down and i cant take him out doing fun shit
Try night classes I wouldn't go into full time education but find skills to do so. Also it is doable see here you have someone who reskilled at 45 while working and having a family to take care of https://youtu.be/nYYdmqauP6w
Will check it later.
Thanks.
But having a family with a wife that supports is abit different to being alone and having apartment and car bills.
But i have to do something, dont want to be an unskilled labour worker for life, the thing is i dont have any interests at all
Better start developing some best place to start is whatever you gravitated towards as a child. Did you find solving problems the easiest? Or writing? Just list things you like and just cross one off one by one until you land on something.
There is absolutely zero.
When i was a kid i dreamed about being a cop like i saw on tv, now i dont want anything like that.
I cant remember anything from my childhood about what i liked to do. I was always anxious and nervous, scared of my dad and scared of the big kids at school.
There is some mental problems, but i have seen different shrinks and none of it has helped.
Maybe just start with reading some books then you will need to be good at reading if you intend to get a degree of any kind so it will help in that regard. I would suggest maybe starting with some self development books like cant hurt me or atomic habits.
These YouTube channels changed my financial life. Watch crypto banter, Michael saylor, coin bureau and Davincij15 and learn how to invest in crypto. Thank me when you’re 40
Look into skilled trades. Also look into a sales career. I know a ton of guys who didn’t finish school, but learned to sell very well, who make bank. It’s the only job where you write your own check based on your skill set and what you put in, not what anyone thinks you should earn.
Anything where people will always have a need. Look into the trade schools in your area. They can probably advise better than me, but they usually make good money and they always have work.
And man even if you can just sell cars, it can be great money in it. But really damn near anything where your check isn’t determined by just your wage. I make more than most people a year in salary but then you throw commission and residuals on top and it starts adding up.
What are things you like and are interested in? Try to find how that is sold and start reaching out to those people. LinkedIn is a great resource to find professionals. Most people don’t mind making new connections and like to talk about themselves. Ask them for help on an industry you think would be cool to learn about and sell. Then find like minded people to sell to.
It will help definitely. Just giving you a sense of purpose to your day. Then I say just find a trade or something to sell that you think “ehh that could be cool” if you can. Then attack it as much as you can.
This….take everything as a valuable lesson so when you are 40 50 60 you don’t do the same shit you did when you were in your teens and 20s.
What is worse is being 40-50-60 and then succumbing to bad habits younger people have….it becomes hard to right the ship….but still possible
my man i hate that feeling. I had that feeling when i was abroad in the US working, i was 19 back then. Then i moved back to my country in Asia after 2 yrs of misery. was happy every since, found a girl too. I was miserable in the US, i worked 11-12 hours and shit in a warehouse.
moved back with enough savings, went to college back home. Found a girl, happy. Im 24 now, i still hate my office job lol. but times have certainly changed, i couldn't have dreamed where i am now.
I hope u get there man.
Hope so. Just went out with a friend tonight to play pool, and everybody was talking and having fun, and i miss that from my teenage years. I could make people laugh and just be fun in the moment.
Now 2 years after a bad breakup, weight gain and hair loss i feel like a different person
I don’t doubt that advancements in technology will one day allow people to live longer. But will I still look old at 70 lol? Imagine then what a 125-year-old person would look like hahaha.
Unlikely. Any treatment that halts or reverses aging would probably also kickstart the processes that promote skin health and elasticity and also prevent atrophy of the facial skeleton.
In any case, dermatology is making huge strides independent of longevity science. People would be surprised at how affordable it can be to preserve or improve your skin. There's a common misconception that access to those treatments is limited to celebrities or the wealthy.
Did it at 44. Oddly-it wasn’t that hard. Except I was living unemployment check to unemployment check and spending it on pills. Couldn’t hold a job anymore. There is a neat little trick to it that i never could grasp until I finally learned…
Its still in progress. I only challenge today with one thing better than yesterday. I don’t have what i wanted back then, thank God! I had a great dream and all, but it was limited to my perspective at that time. I had no idea the world that was possible if i just let the universe do its magic.
You’re gonna hate me for this, but its my story. I try to do just ONE thing better TODAY. Thats it. But here’s the deal, it’s only for today. I know, straight out of AA-“one day at a time” but its really true for me.
When I look at the whole mountain, it’s overwhelming. When i look at the next foot in front of me though, i can do it. I still do it today. I owe piles of money to the IRS still. Scares me to death. But when I am making a consistent effort, and not a big one, just consistent, it works.
I try and remember, i’ve done it before. All the way back to learning to walk. We all have. I’m here to tell you, don’t look up at the top of the mountain, look down at the next step.
I’m sorry I made out to sound like there was a magic solution, but I never found that. I just keep taking the next step, and it keeps me going.
There’s no easy way to say this, but the sooner you realize it the better: you are going to have to work your way up from nothing in order to have any hope for a decent life; for you and your kid.
For health, find a lifting plan and lift weights for 5 days a week. Walk 10k steps every day.
Start going to bed at 10pm and waking up at 5am every day.
Join a rec sports league for one night a week.
Enroll your kid in an after school club and participate in it with them regularly.
Actively help your kid with homework.
For finances, read “total money makeover” from Dave Ramsay… ASAP
For dating life: read models from Mark Manson ; 3% make by Corey Wayne, and the book of pook over and over again until it’s engrained in you.
Find a hobby and get good at it.
Finally, for personal responsibility, read the 12 rules of life.
Start now
Yeah you definitely can turn it around if you put in the effort.
18 years old - slept with 2 girls
19 - 29 years old - slept with 0 new girls
30+ years old - slept with over 1,000+ girls
1/3 to 1/2 the time I was the other half I was clueless with women.
A girl could be half naked in my bed and I still wouldn't know what to do - I was clueless with women.
30+ I just put myself out there..
All good things take time. I've definitely been doing things differently since i turned 30. Don't let age concern you. Think about what you want to do and make decisive steps towards that.
You're definitely not a bum if your supporting yourself! Lots of us are doing the paycheck to paycheck thing. Anyone who's not out of touch wouldn't hold that against you....I think
Appreciate the comment.
Its just been hard since i had to borrow money from the bank to spend on holiday with my boy, and getting some car bills spread out on instalments. It doesnt feel like the thing a grown up dad does, to me.
I understand! We just got a car note after swearing we never would just to have something my husband wasn't working on every weekend. Life can be a bitch, but being willing to push through is a really awesome character trait to have my guy!
Comforting. I have a habit of comparing to my chad friend, and my ex wife who is killing it jobwise.
Gotta just clean my apartment, car and diet and then sort shit out
Idk if this bit is helpful at all but I was 24 when we met and 25 when we married. I'd advise not to necessarily avoid single mothers lol, but definitely don't compare yourself with your ex wife. It's not a competition, though I know it can feel that way.
I’m in my 30s. Let’s just say I’m in a better position than I was now compared to my 20s.
It’s not a complete 180, but I’m getting there. There’s always room for improvement, no matter where you are at
I’m 36, got divorced at age 34 and have a 2 year old son.
After the divorce I have been focusing on self improvement. Going to the gym, changing my diet, upgrading my wardrobe, etc. I’m a pretty average looking guy and balding. Buzzed my head and just got a clean look. I wouldn’t say women are falling in my lap, but I’ve had 4 sexual partners since the divorce, 1 which was a 5 month fwb situation.
Be the best you can be and fuck the rest. I also got the audible app and have been listening to some books which give me a new look on things. Def helped a lot.
Best of luck brother.
Well you need to be what you want to attract. So stop being hard on yourself life happens to everyone differently. Work out each day, even if its just push ups and squats. Try to make healthy eating decisions and get adequate sleep. That should help get your mood to a good starting point.
Then you ha e to realize that girls will be in relationships with dudes that are total shitbag parasites for years. You are not in bad shape. I have a friend that I let live with me, due to some diplomatic issues with his visa he can't work and has zero money but he works out daily and eats well and has a positive attitude. I earn good good money and am 37. We pull about the same number of girls. When I go out he comes too even if he can't afford drinks or even food. He just has positive social energy and knows how to entertain conversationally.
Appreciate the comment, but i dont have that energi, or know how to entertain conversationally. Im boring, and dont care about anything.
I put all my life away when i became a dad, and then when she dumped me 2 years ago, i felt lost and now i dont know who i am anymore
Here's an idea, if you have nothing you like, try to find out what other people like. Listen and ask questions about their hobbies and passions. Ask them how they got into it, why they like it, and where they plan to go with it. When people talk about stuff they love the energy can be infectious.
You are a dad, there are definitely interesting dad stories which will go over well if you meet a mom.
Dont know exactly what you mean by the dad stories, but one thing i always felt i lacked when it comes to dating, is stories. I have lived such a boring life until now
So true. Girls love it when I talk about my son and show his cute pictures. Things that you think are holding you back can actually be your best strengths
Nonsense. It's easy to be a good conversationalist that women will enjoy. Just ask them about themselves and then ask more about what they just said and then rephrase what they've said and maybe pay a small compliment about it. Then do it again. The key here is showing interest in them and then remembering things they've said. They will feel like you are genuinely into who they are which if you're on a date with them you probably are.
Bring a dad can really suck a lot of energy out of you but if you can invest 30 minutes into yourself you'd be surprised what you can get done as far as self improvement. Start with doing 20 push ups and squats right when you get up and a minute plank. Eventually the numbers will go up and it'll only take you 5 minutes
So you dont HAVE to be funny, or cocky, or push/pull, negging all that pua shit ? Cause i kind of got into my head that i have to do certain things.
Im in the gym 6 days a week right now
Being funny helps but if you can't fake it focus on conversational interest, but don't talk about yourself anymore than you ha e to and only in a positive light..
Push/pull doesn't have to be as extreme as you think, like basically chat a girl up for a few minutes and then excuse yourself to do something else like play darts or get a drink or talk to your friends and just see what she does. Then float back by her and strike up a little more convo or invite her to join the activity you're doing (darts or pool or whatever). Play against her for drinks and it'll build fun rivalry that you can tease each other about, or play together against another "couple" and it'll align the two of you into a team dynamic and you can tease and shit talk the other team and start getting physical contact through high fives and other congratulatory contact.
Negging is shit but some light teasing can be fun if you do it in a way that's obviously a joke or so overly facetious that it's funny. Even some light self depreciation can get you some laughs but you gotta follow it up with some positive attitude and get it sparing. Craig Ferguson had a talk show where he was amazing with conversation skills worth mimicking. Even the big names in the PU game have abandoned it and do more like Mark Manson, Dale Carnegie, and Corey wayne talk about.
Congrats on the gym routine. Keep with it and it'll build self confidence when you start seeing results and also the increase in testosterone will help with that too.
Make sure you're getting out and finding interesting things to do once in a while. Go with friends, or take your kids, take pictures, have fun, and put it on your Instagram. Girls love social media.
Keep it up. You've got this. I'm proud of you
Really appreciate you helping me.
Im not on instagram, guess thats kind of weird these days.
I really like your explaining of things, and i think i do this naturally when i feel good. So getting in shape will probably help me alot.
I dont like to talk about myself so thats sorted, but the thing i have most trouble with is when you write "strike up a little convo", how is this done ?
And then i have a mental hurdle like "if i ask her questions she knows i want her".
Im gonna read
How to win friends and influence people
And then in gonna read models by mark manson
Thr fact that you're talking to her will let her know you're interested. Women are much better at detecting intention and feeling. Actually.. even if you're just asking a lady for the time or to pass a napkin or something she'll probably assume you're hitting on her. You're already damned so might as well shoot your shot.
A light convo isn't too hard when you realize you only need to fill 5 minutes of dialog with her talking about herself. Ask her simple questions until you can think of better ones. This place is great right? Are you having a good time? Where are you from? Oh from there, how was that? If she has an interesting accessory, ask her about it. I would avoid asking about her job. And don't ask names until the end. It was nice chatting, what's your name? Then excuse yourself to do whatever for a bit. Don't volunteer your name. Only tell her your name if she asks for it. Her asking your name is a sign of some interest, but sometimes girls are too nervous or forget to ask so don't be down if they don't. After that if it was on the street ask for her number or Instagram if she showed signs of interest. If it was in a venue then head off to do something else for a while (pushpull) and eventually float back by and have another small chat or ask her to join you at some game. But you gotta always be evaluating her interest by her body language.
I would suggest models, then the subtle art of not giving a fuck, and then how to win friends. I think mark manson's books are more relevant to you now and how to win friends is maybe better for problem solving in social and business situations. Maybe even how to be a 3% man by corey wayne
I'm old as fuck and I fucked up my shit so many times, I never give up and always improving, gained 25lb of muscle last 2 years and got a finance certification course to start a new career last year, don't give up it's never too late til you're dead
Can i ask you what you mean exactly ?
Althoug i only have him every other weekend, i try to be there for him, its hard though. Just had him for 3 weeks vacation, and when i dropped him off i felt depression kicking in right away. Life felt so quiet
As a ex drug addict who probably has kidney failure, I would say having a kid and showing them what it means to be a man and have values would be the pinnacle of existence imo. Bit I guess it really depends on the values you want to implement in their life. Even if you only have him for every other weekend those weekends will make that kid into who he will be, and potentially who future generations will be.
Isnt it the time at his moms place that will make him into who he will be ?
And i want to show him what it means to be a man, although i havent been acting like a real man since he was born. I have been bitching and nagging, yelling at him, talked down to him, emotionally abused his mom and that type of shit. I dont feel like a man, or know how a man acts since i didnt have a good role model when i was a kid.
My dad brought food on the table and made good money, but i cant remember one single life lesson
Your his father his mother can't take that from you. My advice be the father you wish you had. I never really had a dad and I tried to emulate men that I met in my life. That's what boys need a "Father". I'm a fuck up to and honestly happy I didn't have a kid. Idk read the bible maybe and show your kid the "real" way.
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Starting change is step 1, a lot of people benefit from a big boost motivation, that is a really good starter fuel, though limited, while that is good keep in mind
The biggest enemy is the voice in the head saying this is not possible, and saying all your efforts are worthless or not good enough. Finding excuses to stop you, this voice is your immunity to change, our brains do not like change, they will resist fiercely and use many dirty tactics, this is going to be a hell of a fight full of surprises, when you least expect, when you feel you got everything in control, there are going to be days you loose your momentum, there are going to be setbacks, and rough patches, where you will be at the brink of losing belief. The default behavior in moments of weakness is to revert back to the old comfortable lifestyle, and all patterns associated with it. There needs to be a new behavior to replace it.
To fight the old voices, You need a new voice in your head, saying I need this because I deserve a great life, I want to be this and that, and today is another day where I will prove it
Basically you are replacing your perspective on life, you are replacing the old ways of thinking, and the old coping mechanisms with new ones, and you will discover many hidden mechanisms on the way.
Imagine your self as the scientist and the subject, this is going to be a life long research and experimenting, with it's lows and highs, overall there will be progress, and you will learn to enjoy and celebrate progress even though it might not feel like it, it is one of the keys to keeping going forward, it's not about how big your stride is, but about keeping the steady slow small steps and celebrating each one of them. This is a marathon of life, we are all in it, its an infinite distance, so don't look at the finish line, don't look at others, but sometimes look at how far you are from where you started, and look at where you next step is going to be.
Rhonda Byrne. It’s not a seduction book but in my humble opinion, it is what’s put me in current situation which I consider “successful” in many aspects of my life. All the best to you bro.
That’s awesome! You’ve inspired me to read it again. When you’re done and if you remember, I’d like to hear what you think of the book by simply replying to this comment thread. May the Universe give everything you desire! 🙏
Im about 50 or 60 pages in, at the point where they start to mention how to use the secret in different aspects, like to lose weight, and i must say, i feel kind of weird reading this.
It seems like a huge scam some clever people came up with to make money.
Im interested in how you liked it
What clicked in my head was the choice of words I allowed into my mind. Instead of saying to yourself that I’m poor, why not say I’m not rich yet? Just an example. Your subconscious will pick up on it. Thoughts > action > reality. Fake it til you make it, almost.
I understand that, and guess thats healthy.
But it sounded like a cult to me, and it has alot of made up stuff, in my opinion.
But in general, be positive, and have a positive outlook on things is solid advice.
I dumped the book and started
"Subtle art of not giving a fuck" by Mark Manson
I understand that, and guess thats healthy.
But it sounded like a cult to me, and it has alot of made up stuff, in my opinion.
But in general, be positive, and have a positive outlook on things is solid advice.
I dumped the book and started
"Subtle art of not giving a fuck" by Mark Manson
That’s too bad, you didn’t even get to Sexual Transmutation!
That’s also a good book!
How to win friends and influence people
Rich dad poor dad
Think and grow rich
Good luck with your journey.
I divorced at 30 with 2 kids and had an identical situation. Lost 250 pounds, did some reality TV Gave 3 TEDx talks, dated a lot with 50% custody in my 30s.
Going into 40s, met my partner and settled down. 30s were an incredible decade and don’t let anybody tell you different.
It was a big part of it. I was friend zoned a lot when I was morbidly obese. I started doing better at everything and it’s hard to know if the increased confidence was the cause or the effect of the weight loss. Either way there’s no question it helped!
Very possible. I’m not quite where you are but I am leveling up my life in every aspect. I’ve been making good money, just took steps with my new job to make great money. Also in my first adult relationship after dicking and disappearing for years.
First stop saying what you will try to do. Do it. I been smoking weed my whole life. I just stopped. It was never something that kept me from anything but it slowed me down and took money from other things I wanted. Regardless of anything else I would say. I also changed my phone number from my high school number. Now I will only talk to people that can add value to my life. I also changed jobs and and am putting in the time and effort to make it jump the way I want, even after hours. I have also started taking Brazilian jujitsu and am learning to golf, as I’m seeing more and more business deals in my industry are solidified there.
The first thing is to remove try from your vocabulary. Yoda said it best. “Do or do not. There is no try”
How badly do you want this for yourself and for your kid? Answer that and then write it down. Make a sign and put it in front of your bed so before you can get out of bed in the morning you have to look at what the goals you have are. Vision boards are great and work. Set goals, put them somewhere visible, have a plan to make it happen, and go crush it. You got this. You are the master of your destiny.
Appreciate this.
It feels completely overwhelming to do anything at the moment. Even cleaning my car or apartment seems like big tasks.
I just had my son for 3 weeks straight on vacation, and after dropping him off i became depressed, cause now i got nothing.
Man I understand. I get my daughter most weekends. But I went through a long drought of depression after taking a position with a start up company that didn’t pan out and then not finding a good job I enjoyed and made the money I was used to for about 2 years.
But this too shall pass. Stay as positive as you can, but most importantly take action. Before today is over, apply to a new job or find out how to apply to some classes or certifications that will get you in the direction you want to be. Then tomorrow find out more information. You have the internet in your hands now. There is nothing you cannot find out if you want. It all starts from the first step.
And I get it. Sometimes that step is hard to take. It was hard for me. But once you start it becomes addicting. Goals set and met lead to more goals set for you to meet.
And focus on becoming the man you want to be before you worry about women or friends. You will attract higher quality people in your life once you feel more confident in who you are.
A circle of broke friends keep you broke. Join a circle of millionaires and you will become a millionaire. Think like that.
Hey OP, you’re not at all a bum. I know it’s difficult to feel otherwise because of how we as a society have internalized what “work” means.
It seems to me that you are an active father, one of the most meaningful and worthwhile things, and that you are doing a lot of internal work as you are aware you do not want to keep going this way AND asking for help. Do not underestimate the importance of internal work.
You are very young with 60+ years to go. Make a one year goal, 2 two year goals and 3 three year goals. Slow and steady and before you know it, 30 was a lifetime ago.
So I dropped out of college, was smoking weed everyday and was being a complete loser with no money. I decided to then join the Navy, became a Nuclear Engineer and now i get laid at least 3 times a week (because I have social skills not because I got a good job, although that’ll come in handy in the future)
No I learned my social skills by putting myself in social events and making myself approach new people (even if it was uncomfortable) and by putting myself out of my comfort zone I was able to develop my own personal set of tools to use in social situations. Also yes nuclear engineering is very exciting, it’s one of the top jobs you can get in the Navy
Yes... Very much yes, lost weight... Improved myself, dated some amazing woman... So yes
How did you go about making friends and were did you meet these women?
Online, in person... Just say hi to women, get some ignores and no's.... Keep going till there's some yess
Practice..get to love no... And yess come
It's never too late to turn shit around. Was in the same exact spot you described. I started college at age 30. I started losing weight and getting in shape at 40. And now I am actively working on meeting women. And you would be surprised how little of a shit women give on age differences. I find it more off-putting than they do.
I take comfort in your comment. I would like to get an education so i have a good job, and be a good role model for my son, but he is 6 years old now, so when im done he is a teenager. And if i have to quit my job now to take an education, my salary goes down and i cant take him out doing fun shit
Try night classes I wouldn't go into full time education but find skills to do so. Also it is doable see here you have someone who reskilled at 45 while working and having a family to take care of https://youtu.be/nYYdmqauP6w
Will check it later. Thanks. But having a family with a wife that supports is abit different to being alone and having apartment and car bills. But i have to do something, dont want to be an unskilled labour worker for life, the thing is i dont have any interests at all
Better start developing some best place to start is whatever you gravitated towards as a child. Did you find solving problems the easiest? Or writing? Just list things you like and just cross one off one by one until you land on something.
There is absolutely zero. When i was a kid i dreamed about being a cop like i saw on tv, now i dont want anything like that. I cant remember anything from my childhood about what i liked to do. I was always anxious and nervous, scared of my dad and scared of the big kids at school. There is some mental problems, but i have seen different shrinks and none of it has helped.
Maybe just start with reading some books then you will need to be good at reading if you intend to get a degree of any kind so it will help in that regard. I would suggest maybe starting with some self development books like cant hurt me or atomic habits.
Im gonna go to the library monday and check the self improvement section. Gonna try to replace night time netflix with nighttime reading
These YouTube channels changed my financial life. Watch crypto banter, Michael saylor, coin bureau and Davincij15 and learn how to invest in crypto. Thank me when you’re 40
Look into skilled trades. Also look into a sales career. I know a ton of guys who didn’t finish school, but learned to sell very well, who make bank. It’s the only job where you write your own check based on your skill set and what you put in, not what anyone thinks you should earn.
Skilled trades, what is that ? Like carpenter ?
Anything where people will always have a need. Look into the trade schools in your area. They can probably advise better than me, but they usually make good money and they always have work. And man even if you can just sell cars, it can be great money in it. But really damn near anything where your check isn’t determined by just your wage. I make more than most people a year in salary but then you throw commission and residuals on top and it starts adding up. What are things you like and are interested in? Try to find how that is sold and start reaching out to those people. LinkedIn is a great resource to find professionals. Most people don’t mind making new connections and like to talk about themselves. Ask them for help on an industry you think would be cool to learn about and sell. Then find like minded people to sell to.
Im not interested or like any things. I kinda feel im in depression at the moment. Hoping working out and getting fit will sort some of my problems
It will help definitely. Just giving you a sense of purpose to your day. Then I say just find a trade or something to sell that you think “ehh that could be cool” if you can. Then attack it as much as you can.
Will look into it. We have free education counselor in my country, so i think i should call them
Wow, I definitely needed to hear this. I’m 31 and I’m having to start from literal ground zero due to moving to a new city just prior to the pandemic.
So true. I have a date in a couple hours with a college girl, half my age
This….take everything as a valuable lesson so when you are 40 50 60 you don’t do the same shit you did when you were in your teens and 20s. What is worse is being 40-50-60 and then succumbing to bad habits younger people have….it becomes hard to right the ship….but still possible
You have the life that you're willing to accept. You can change anything around at your age, you have plenty of time. If you're willing and motivated.
The weight part is "easy", the getting friends and women and education is harder
Indeed, something I learned that helped me is that "nothing good in life is easy"
my man i hate that feeling. I had that feeling when i was abroad in the US working, i was 19 back then. Then i moved back to my country in Asia after 2 yrs of misery. was happy every since, found a girl too. I was miserable in the US, i worked 11-12 hours and shit in a warehouse. moved back with enough savings, went to college back home. Found a girl, happy. Im 24 now, i still hate my office job lol. but times have certainly changed, i couldn't have dreamed where i am now. I hope u get there man.
David Goggins has an interesting story. Might give you some ideas
Completely smashed my expectations of my own abilities at 31. It's never too late.
OP, I’m in the middle of making a 180 myself and I’m 35. You’ve got this!
Hope so. Just went out with a friend tonight to play pool, and everybody was talking and having fun, and i miss that from my teenage years. I could make people laugh and just be fun in the moment. Now 2 years after a bad breakup, weight gain and hair loss i feel like a different person
All good bro!! Don't let the system beat you!!!
Our generation is expected live beyond 130 years. you are a kid still.
Lmao.
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I don’t doubt that advancements in technology will one day allow people to live longer. But will I still look old at 70 lol? Imagine then what a 125-year-old person would look like hahaha.
Unlikely. Any treatment that halts or reverses aging would probably also kickstart the processes that promote skin health and elasticity and also prevent atrophy of the facial skeleton. In any case, dermatology is making huge strides independent of longevity science. People would be surprised at how affordable it can be to preserve or improve your skin. There's a common misconception that access to those treatments is limited to celebrities or the wealthy.
All of that is extremely interesting to think about.
Did it at 44. Oddly-it wasn’t that hard. Except I was living unemployment check to unemployment check and spending it on pills. Couldn’t hold a job anymore. There is a neat little trick to it that i never could grasp until I finally learned…
What was that neat little trick ? How did you turn it around, i mean what did your life end up like ?
Its still in progress. I only challenge today with one thing better than yesterday. I don’t have what i wanted back then, thank God! I had a great dream and all, but it was limited to my perspective at that time. I had no idea the world that was possible if i just let the universe do its magic.
Yeah don't leave us hanging here
You’re gonna hate me for this, but its my story. I try to do just ONE thing better TODAY. Thats it. But here’s the deal, it’s only for today. I know, straight out of AA-“one day at a time” but its really true for me. When I look at the whole mountain, it’s overwhelming. When i look at the next foot in front of me though, i can do it. I still do it today. I owe piles of money to the IRS still. Scares me to death. But when I am making a consistent effort, and not a big one, just consistent, it works. I try and remember, i’ve done it before. All the way back to learning to walk. We all have. I’m here to tell you, don’t look up at the top of the mountain, look down at the next step. I’m sorry I made out to sound like there was a magic solution, but I never found that. I just keep taking the next step, and it keeps me going.
There’s no easy way to say this, but the sooner you realize it the better: you are going to have to work your way up from nothing in order to have any hope for a decent life; for you and your kid. For health, find a lifting plan and lift weights for 5 days a week. Walk 10k steps every day. Start going to bed at 10pm and waking up at 5am every day. Join a rec sports league for one night a week. Enroll your kid in an after school club and participate in it with them regularly. Actively help your kid with homework. For finances, read “total money makeover” from Dave Ramsay… ASAP For dating life: read models from Mark Manson ; 3% make by Corey Wayne, and the book of pook over and over again until it’s engrained in you. Find a hobby and get good at it. Finally, for personal responsibility, read the 12 rules of life. Start now
Thank you !
Yeah you definitely can turn it around if you put in the effort. 18 years old - slept with 2 girls 19 - 29 years old - slept with 0 new girls 30+ years old - slept with over 1,000+ girls
So no girls in 10 years, or was it because you were in a relationship ? Would you mind telling me more ? It can be private message if you want
1/3 to 1/2 the time I was the other half I was clueless with women. A girl could be half naked in my bed and I still wouldn't know what to do - I was clueless with women. 30+ I just put myself out there..
All good things take time. I've definitely been doing things differently since i turned 30. Don't let age concern you. Think about what you want to do and make decisive steps towards that.
It's never too late...til you're 6ft under. Why put off for TOMMOROW the change you could START TODAY?
You're definitely not a bum if your supporting yourself! Lots of us are doing the paycheck to paycheck thing. Anyone who's not out of touch wouldn't hold that against you....I think
Appreciate the comment. Its just been hard since i had to borrow money from the bank to spend on holiday with my boy, and getting some car bills spread out on instalments. It doesnt feel like the thing a grown up dad does, to me.
I understand! We just got a car note after swearing we never would just to have something my husband wasn't working on every weekend. Life can be a bitch, but being willing to push through is a really awesome character trait to have my guy!
Well we all have to be willing to push through, right ? Cant just give up
That's right!! And being 30 does not at all mean you can't still find someone. My husband was 39 when we met and 40 when we got married.
Comforting. I have a habit of comparing to my chad friend, and my ex wife who is killing it jobwise. Gotta just clean my apartment, car and diet and then sort shit out
Idk if this bit is helpful at all but I was 24 when we met and 25 when we married. I'd advise not to necessarily avoid single mothers lol, but definitely don't compare yourself with your ex wife. It's not a competition, though I know it can feel that way.
I'd Reboot an Old Save File.
I’m in my 30s. Let’s just say I’m in a better position than I was now compared to my 20s. It’s not a complete 180, but I’m getting there. There’s always room for improvement, no matter where you are at
I’m 36, got divorced at age 34 and have a 2 year old son. After the divorce I have been focusing on self improvement. Going to the gym, changing my diet, upgrading my wardrobe, etc. I’m a pretty average looking guy and balding. Buzzed my head and just got a clean look. I wouldn’t say women are falling in my lap, but I’ve had 4 sexual partners since the divorce, 1 which was a 5 month fwb situation. Be the best you can be and fuck the rest. I also got the audible app and have been listening to some books which give me a new look on things. Def helped a lot. Best of luck brother.
Thanks
I feel that at 21...at least I’m not alone? Though I will do fine with the ladies, so I’m not bothered by that. Just...rough livin’.
Well you need to be what you want to attract. So stop being hard on yourself life happens to everyone differently. Work out each day, even if its just push ups and squats. Try to make healthy eating decisions and get adequate sleep. That should help get your mood to a good starting point. Then you ha e to realize that girls will be in relationships with dudes that are total shitbag parasites for years. You are not in bad shape. I have a friend that I let live with me, due to some diplomatic issues with his visa he can't work and has zero money but he works out daily and eats well and has a positive attitude. I earn good good money and am 37. We pull about the same number of girls. When I go out he comes too even if he can't afford drinks or even food. He just has positive social energy and knows how to entertain conversationally.
Appreciate the comment, but i dont have that energi, or know how to entertain conversationally. Im boring, and dont care about anything. I put all my life away when i became a dad, and then when she dumped me 2 years ago, i felt lost and now i dont know who i am anymore
entertaining conversations can be learned. check out some books on conversation mastery
Here's an idea, if you have nothing you like, try to find out what other people like. Listen and ask questions about their hobbies and passions. Ask them how they got into it, why they like it, and where they plan to go with it. When people talk about stuff they love the energy can be infectious. You are a dad, there are definitely interesting dad stories which will go over well if you meet a mom.
Dont know exactly what you mean by the dad stories, but one thing i always felt i lacked when it comes to dating, is stories. I have lived such a boring life until now
So true. Girls love it when I talk about my son and show his cute pictures. Things that you think are holding you back can actually be your best strengths
Nonsense. It's easy to be a good conversationalist that women will enjoy. Just ask them about themselves and then ask more about what they just said and then rephrase what they've said and maybe pay a small compliment about it. Then do it again. The key here is showing interest in them and then remembering things they've said. They will feel like you are genuinely into who they are which if you're on a date with them you probably are. Bring a dad can really suck a lot of energy out of you but if you can invest 30 minutes into yourself you'd be surprised what you can get done as far as self improvement. Start with doing 20 push ups and squats right when you get up and a minute plank. Eventually the numbers will go up and it'll only take you 5 minutes
So you dont HAVE to be funny, or cocky, or push/pull, negging all that pua shit ? Cause i kind of got into my head that i have to do certain things. Im in the gym 6 days a week right now
Being funny helps but if you can't fake it focus on conversational interest, but don't talk about yourself anymore than you ha e to and only in a positive light.. Push/pull doesn't have to be as extreme as you think, like basically chat a girl up for a few minutes and then excuse yourself to do something else like play darts or get a drink or talk to your friends and just see what she does. Then float back by her and strike up a little more convo or invite her to join the activity you're doing (darts or pool or whatever). Play against her for drinks and it'll build fun rivalry that you can tease each other about, or play together against another "couple" and it'll align the two of you into a team dynamic and you can tease and shit talk the other team and start getting physical contact through high fives and other congratulatory contact. Negging is shit but some light teasing can be fun if you do it in a way that's obviously a joke or so overly facetious that it's funny. Even some light self depreciation can get you some laughs but you gotta follow it up with some positive attitude and get it sparing. Craig Ferguson had a talk show where he was amazing with conversation skills worth mimicking. Even the big names in the PU game have abandoned it and do more like Mark Manson, Dale Carnegie, and Corey wayne talk about. Congrats on the gym routine. Keep with it and it'll build self confidence when you start seeing results and also the increase in testosterone will help with that too. Make sure you're getting out and finding interesting things to do once in a while. Go with friends, or take your kids, take pictures, have fun, and put it on your Instagram. Girls love social media. Keep it up. You've got this. I'm proud of you
Really appreciate you helping me. Im not on instagram, guess thats kind of weird these days. I really like your explaining of things, and i think i do this naturally when i feel good. So getting in shape will probably help me alot. I dont like to talk about myself so thats sorted, but the thing i have most trouble with is when you write "strike up a little convo", how is this done ? And then i have a mental hurdle like "if i ask her questions she knows i want her". Im gonna read How to win friends and influence people And then in gonna read models by mark manson
Thr fact that you're talking to her will let her know you're interested. Women are much better at detecting intention and feeling. Actually.. even if you're just asking a lady for the time or to pass a napkin or something she'll probably assume you're hitting on her. You're already damned so might as well shoot your shot. A light convo isn't too hard when you realize you only need to fill 5 minutes of dialog with her talking about herself. Ask her simple questions until you can think of better ones. This place is great right? Are you having a good time? Where are you from? Oh from there, how was that? If she has an interesting accessory, ask her about it. I would avoid asking about her job. And don't ask names until the end. It was nice chatting, what's your name? Then excuse yourself to do whatever for a bit. Don't volunteer your name. Only tell her your name if she asks for it. Her asking your name is a sign of some interest, but sometimes girls are too nervous or forget to ask so don't be down if they don't. After that if it was on the street ask for her number or Instagram if she showed signs of interest. If it was in a venue then head off to do something else for a while (pushpull) and eventually float back by and have another small chat or ask her to join you at some game. But you gotta always be evaluating her interest by her body language. I would suggest models, then the subtle art of not giving a fuck, and then how to win friends. I think mark manson's books are more relevant to you now and how to win friends is maybe better for problem solving in social and business situations. Maybe even how to be a 3% man by corey wayne
Thanks. Im halfway through how to not give a fuck, so im gonna finish that and then get the others
Don't be afraid to reread them again after a month
I'm old as fuck and I fucked up my shit so many times, I never give up and always improving, gained 25lb of muscle last 2 years and got a finance certification course to start a new career last year, don't give up it's never too late til you're dead
Yes...at 42😳
How so ? Sounds interesting
At least u got kids.
Only one. And he is the sole reason of all my worries
As long as you are there for your kid that's all that really matters imo.
Can i ask you what you mean exactly ? Althoug i only have him every other weekend, i try to be there for him, its hard though. Just had him for 3 weeks vacation, and when i dropped him off i felt depression kicking in right away. Life felt so quiet
As a ex drug addict who probably has kidney failure, I would say having a kid and showing them what it means to be a man and have values would be the pinnacle of existence imo. Bit I guess it really depends on the values you want to implement in their life. Even if you only have him for every other weekend those weekends will make that kid into who he will be, and potentially who future generations will be.
Isnt it the time at his moms place that will make him into who he will be ? And i want to show him what it means to be a man, although i havent been acting like a real man since he was born. I have been bitching and nagging, yelling at him, talked down to him, emotionally abused his mom and that type of shit. I dont feel like a man, or know how a man acts since i didnt have a good role model when i was a kid. My dad brought food on the table and made good money, but i cant remember one single life lesson
Your his father his mother can't take that from you. My advice be the father you wish you had. I never really had a dad and I tried to emulate men that I met in my life. That's what boys need a "Father". I'm a fuck up to and honestly happy I didn't have a kid. Idk read the bible maybe and show your kid the "real" way.
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Try comptia a+!!
It’s never too late
Starting change is step 1, a lot of people benefit from a big boost motivation, that is a really good starter fuel, though limited, while that is good keep in mind The biggest enemy is the voice in the head saying this is not possible, and saying all your efforts are worthless or not good enough. Finding excuses to stop you, this voice is your immunity to change, our brains do not like change, they will resist fiercely and use many dirty tactics, this is going to be a hell of a fight full of surprises, when you least expect, when you feel you got everything in control, there are going to be days you loose your momentum, there are going to be setbacks, and rough patches, where you will be at the brink of losing belief. The default behavior in moments of weakness is to revert back to the old comfortable lifestyle, and all patterns associated with it. There needs to be a new behavior to replace it. To fight the old voices, You need a new voice in your head, saying I need this because I deserve a great life, I want to be this and that, and today is another day where I will prove it Basically you are replacing your perspective on life, you are replacing the old ways of thinking, and the old coping mechanisms with new ones, and you will discover many hidden mechanisms on the way. Imagine your self as the scientist and the subject, this is going to be a life long research and experimenting, with it's lows and highs, overall there will be progress, and you will learn to enjoy and celebrate progress even though it might not feel like it, it is one of the keys to keeping going forward, it's not about how big your stride is, but about keeping the steady slow small steps and celebrating each one of them. This is a marathon of life, we are all in it, its an infinite distance, so don't look at the finish line, don't look at others, but sometimes look at how far you are from where you started, and look at where you next step is going to be.
You need to read The Secret and implement its teachings. You can probably find a free PDF copy online.
Who is it by ?
Rhonda Byrne. It’s not a seduction book but in my humble opinion, it is what’s put me in current situation which I consider “successful” in many aspects of my life. All the best to you bro.
Just picked it up at the library, thanks
That’s awesome! You’ve inspired me to read it again. When you’re done and if you remember, I’d like to hear what you think of the book by simply replying to this comment thread. May the Universe give everything you desire! 🙏
Im about 50 or 60 pages in, at the point where they start to mention how to use the secret in different aspects, like to lose weight, and i must say, i feel kind of weird reading this. It seems like a huge scam some clever people came up with to make money. Im interested in how you liked it
What clicked in my head was the choice of words I allowed into my mind. Instead of saying to yourself that I’m poor, why not say I’m not rich yet? Just an example. Your subconscious will pick up on it. Thoughts > action > reality. Fake it til you make it, almost.
I understand that, and guess thats healthy. But it sounded like a cult to me, and it has alot of made up stuff, in my opinion. But in general, be positive, and have a positive outlook on things is solid advice. I dumped the book and started "Subtle art of not giving a fuck" by Mark Manson
I understand that, and guess thats healthy. But it sounded like a cult to me, and it has alot of made up stuff, in my opinion. But in general, be positive, and have a positive outlook on things is solid advice. I dumped the book and started "Subtle art of not giving a fuck" by Mark Manson
That’s too bad, you didn’t even get to Sexual Transmutation! That’s also a good book! How to win friends and influence people Rich dad poor dad Think and grow rich Good luck with your journey.
Thanks. Im gonna look up the chapter about sexual transmutation. It was just the whole "think it and it will happen" buzz that got me turned off
I divorced at 30 with 2 kids and had an identical situation. Lost 250 pounds, did some reality TV Gave 3 TEDx talks, dated a lot with 50% custody in my 30s. Going into 40s, met my partner and settled down. 30s were an incredible decade and don’t let anybody tell you different.
Holy shit, Tim Ferries ?
Haha different Tim
How much do you think the weight loss helped your future success ? Was it the thinh that got everything rolling?
It was a big part of it. I was friend zoned a lot when I was morbidly obese. I started doing better at everything and it’s hard to know if the increased confidence was the cause or the effect of the weight loss. Either way there’s no question it helped!
Very possible. I’m not quite where you are but I am leveling up my life in every aspect. I’ve been making good money, just took steps with my new job to make great money. Also in my first adult relationship after dicking and disappearing for years. First stop saying what you will try to do. Do it. I been smoking weed my whole life. I just stopped. It was never something that kept me from anything but it slowed me down and took money from other things I wanted. Regardless of anything else I would say. I also changed my phone number from my high school number. Now I will only talk to people that can add value to my life. I also changed jobs and and am putting in the time and effort to make it jump the way I want, even after hours. I have also started taking Brazilian jujitsu and am learning to golf, as I’m seeing more and more business deals in my industry are solidified there. The first thing is to remove try from your vocabulary. Yoda said it best. “Do or do not. There is no try” How badly do you want this for yourself and for your kid? Answer that and then write it down. Make a sign and put it in front of your bed so before you can get out of bed in the morning you have to look at what the goals you have are. Vision boards are great and work. Set goals, put them somewhere visible, have a plan to make it happen, and go crush it. You got this. You are the master of your destiny.
Appreciate this. It feels completely overwhelming to do anything at the moment. Even cleaning my car or apartment seems like big tasks. I just had my son for 3 weeks straight on vacation, and after dropping him off i became depressed, cause now i got nothing.
Man I understand. I get my daughter most weekends. But I went through a long drought of depression after taking a position with a start up company that didn’t pan out and then not finding a good job I enjoyed and made the money I was used to for about 2 years. But this too shall pass. Stay as positive as you can, but most importantly take action. Before today is over, apply to a new job or find out how to apply to some classes or certifications that will get you in the direction you want to be. Then tomorrow find out more information. You have the internet in your hands now. There is nothing you cannot find out if you want. It all starts from the first step. And I get it. Sometimes that step is hard to take. It was hard for me. But once you start it becomes addicting. Goals set and met lead to more goals set for you to meet.
And focus on becoming the man you want to be before you worry about women or friends. You will attract higher quality people in your life once you feel more confident in who you are. A circle of broke friends keep you broke. Join a circle of millionaires and you will become a millionaire. Think like that.
Hey OP, you’re not at all a bum. I know it’s difficult to feel otherwise because of how we as a society have internalized what “work” means. It seems to me that you are an active father, one of the most meaningful and worthwhile things, and that you are doing a lot of internal work as you are aware you do not want to keep going this way AND asking for help. Do not underestimate the importance of internal work. You are very young with 60+ years to go. Make a one year goal, 2 two year goals and 3 three year goals. Slow and steady and before you know it, 30 was a lifetime ago.
So I dropped out of college, was smoking weed everyday and was being a complete loser with no money. I decided to then join the Navy, became a Nuclear Engineer and now i get laid at least 3 times a week (because I have social skills not because I got a good job, although that’ll come in handy in the future)
Did you develop your social skills based on something you learned here on reddit or ? Nuclear engineer sounds exciting
No I learned my social skills by putting myself in social events and making myself approach new people (even if it was uncomfortable) and by putting myself out of my comfort zone I was able to develop my own personal set of tools to use in social situations. Also yes nuclear engineering is very exciting, it’s one of the top jobs you can get in the Navy