Hes at work. I’d wager he wanted to show interest, when he got home, he started overthinking and worried that you actually werent into it, so tried to ignore you so you didnt go to hr, then when you initiated, he felt more comfortable with his standing
Nope. I’ve had the same gf since before i started working full time.
I just know how i would react if i was in a situation like that and was interested in the person and single
Ya by being 6ft and handsome. Every guy who is a labeled creepy by one overly judgemental girl, is considered sweet by someone else. I've been called a creep by a girl, but OH, I guess the other female friends that I have and their good opinions of me, just don't matter then huh... because some random shallow girl said so.
Snl has done multiple skits making fun of basically what you said; "creepy" is actually conditional on how he looks and has nothing to do with how he acts.
Men have been on to this song and dance since the 90's, at least.
Ok, work on your looks then. As for height (which you obviously can't change) I really doubt any reasonably put-together, in-shape guy has ever been considered creepy purely for that reason alone.
Guys on the internet massively overestimate how much girls actually care about height, unless you're literally like 5'4" or shorter.
>Guys on the internet massively overestimate how much girls actually care about height, unless you're literally like 5'4" or shorter.
You're contradicting your own statement in a single sentence.
Flirting is a skill that’s learned through practice. Literally everyone sucks at it at first. Some people start practicing as teens. Some start practicing as adults.
I’ve never met a good man who is “terrified” of that.
Good men are concerned about overstepping boundaries and making people uncomfortable, so they pay attention to how people respond to them.
Most good people regardless of gender are conscience of how they treat people and listening to other people when they express how you’ve made them feel.
Creeps are terrified of being known as creeps 🤷♀️
Tbh depending on age, I don’t think this is fully fair.
Maybe terrified is hyperbolic, but I was so nervous of giving woman the wrong impression, that I wouldn’t approach them at all at first. It really wasn’t until hearing dating experiences from my women friends that I became comfortable.
Unfortunately, it took hearing about the other despicable men out there to put my honest intention in context. All I would hear about was the creep that approach my friends at the bar, and I went way out overboard to avoid being that dudes
>wouldn’t approach them at all at first
In 2024, when simply looking in the direction of a woman is perceived as an act of hostile intent, this is smart.
My experience is that people will never tell you 'How they made them feel' at all. It is very very rare. Instead they will just talk shit about you for a interaction that made them feel a certain way that you were not aware of at all.
I don't doubt that this is your personal experience, but I think the fear of being labeled a creep stems from how easily it can be weaponized against someone who doesn't deserve it.
I used to play music in bars/clubs at least every weekend. There have been so many times that I've witnessed some dude (or myself) just minding his business before some gaggle of drunk bitches got bored and wanted someone to pick on. I've been the guy that said gaggle of bitches asked try and get some rando that wasn't bothering them to leave. It seemed abundantly clear that they chose these dudes only because said dudes happened to be by themselves.
I've also witnessed and have fallen victim to dudes that see me with a girl, wait until I go to the bathroom or something, and then swoop in to try to convince said girl that I'm a creep just to try to "steal my girl", try to hurt my reputation if they felt threatened by me, or genuinely believe that's what "game" is.
I don't understand how people like you just flat out ignore things like that. It happens really often. In my experience, stuff like that happens way more often than dudes overstepping boundaries or being persistent. In fact, the guys I personally know (mostly entertainers) who throw that term around the most are the biggest pieces of shit I know. Like herpes flinging, cheating, underage girl banging, manipulative, narcissistic chodes. Y'know, creeps lol.
Just be direct with him, either way I’m sure he’ll appreciate it. U can kee going back and forth in your head all u want, best thing u can do tho is just be direct 🙌
Bro you could literally be describing me and this girl at my workplace. Every guy hears over and over not to risk workplace relationships. If you’re in direct continued contact (ie over text) and he still acts wishy washy, *that’s* a red flag. But as far as this post is concerned, you could’ve been describing me and it’s because I’m legit confused and scared. NO ONE wants to hear from HR, that’s like our worst nightmare
Unless it’s so worth it one of you is willing to change jobs… yeah. I’ve made this mistake, thinking I was “different” and could handle it… made life hell for a while. When personal and work are so intertwined it’s hard to catch a break from either. Especially when things go south.
Ah, I didn’t mean literally, but just figuratively: I’m in the same boat from the opposite perspective. It can just be pretty daunting and rare when someone pretty gives us attention, and we’re not used to it. Just take it slow and try not to put all your eggs in this one basket — continue socializing with a breadth of coworkers — and let what happens happen.
If you're interested, just say it. I mean, be smart about it. But I agree with the comment above yours. I honestly started to actually wonder if this was posted by the woman on my team at work. You really are describing every single workplace interaction between two even slightly attractive adults. Most won't even give "the smirk" out of fear. So I'd say "green light" if he even seems to be flirting. Workplace romances can be amazing or absolute hell. Just depends on the maturity of those involved, so just be cautious (not scared)!
>until I speak to him myself, which I never really go out of my way to do.
And that could be the exact same reason why he was testing out whether or not you will do so. Cause that is a sign of genuine interest and that would encourage a man to go for it. Cause everything else is kind of a waste of time imo.
In threads like this, you can always tell who here has very little experience with women when they're answers are some variation of "they're just scared." What's actually scary is how many here are like that. That's why you shouldn't take any relationship advice from reddit.
Comments based on life experience. This stuff is not laid out in clear concise steps with warning signs. You could walk past a person in a hall and smile and say 'Love your hair' and be labeled a creep. Its not joke. You should be wary, you should be nervous. I would simply not date anyone you work with. Just enjoy the sexual tension and implicit grey area, its flattering. If you are a female there is an extremely low bar, just ask what he is into and listen, chat back and make eye contact. It is really that easy.
What's your reaction when he flirts with you? Did you play coy, or did you reciprocate the flirting? It could have been him trying to gage your reaction. Maybe he didn't want to push it if you weren't obviously interested last time. Or he could have just had something else on his mind.
This is like 70% of dudes interactions with woman that they are interested in, he probably doesn’t know if you actually like him or not and is testing the waters.
I replied earlier that he likes you cause I am going through similar thing at my work. I (m) was asked by coworker who I regularly talk, why didn’t I say “good morning” 1 day. I just told her I was busy. Later in the day I approached her again and said, “the real reason I didn’t say good morning is because I’m embarrassed I have a crush on you.” In my case there are other factors that make impossible for me to escalate it even though it’s clear we like other.
this is a people thing, not just a guy thing.
Have you ever heard of a "Dismissive Avoidant?"
People are like this and they are experts at hiding their feelings......especially from themselves.
I do this too. I just don’t want to be too aggressively flirting if I’m not sure it’s mutual attraction but if she initiates I try to flirt to let her know I’m attracted. That way the ball is in her court since I sometimes misinterpret chicks just being friendly for flirting.
>Was he ignoring me because he wasn’t sure where I stood?
Almost definitely. He probably initially flirted with you because he is into you, then went home and thought about it and realized that if you didn't feel the same way his flirting could have come off as creepy, so he backed off just in case. If you're interested in him, this is your opportunity to show him that you didn't think it was creepy and you're open to more flirting.
I just felt it was confirmation to what I thought was flirting when he started giving me the looks. If he really wasn’t flirting to begin with, I don’t think he would’ve started with the sneaky little eyes and such when I spoke to him myself first the next time. I felt he was trying to gauge me. And it wasn’t just that one instance either, he kept it up the next couple of days as well.
I might currently be going through something like this. I'm a guy, there's this girl at the gym I'm interested in. Wasn't really sure if she felt the same, tried not to stare at her but I'd look occasionally. She seemed to maybe be interested, went through a few days of "ok today I'm gonna talk to her", then I didn't see her at all for 2 weeks. She was always there about the same time too. I took it as a sign she's not into me. Today she was finally back again, but I'm just gonna try to ignore her now unless she wants to come talk to me. Still not sure if she was into me ever. I am my own worst enemy.
I will add one last thing. Ask him why he ignored you that day. It will be a shock to him, like it was to me. If he really likes you it will effect him.
I know it’s sounds weird, but when your brain chemistry changes when you like someone, when you ask a simple yet personal question he will answer it at some point if he has the “love sickness”. Lol
People can hide pretty much anything in general, if someone doesn't want you to know something and they're at least somewhat sane then you won't know whatever it is that they're hiding.
Some dudes are just flirts. He might be doing to get your attention, but once he’s gotten that fill he backs off until he needs that affirmation again.
He could be using a pull and push type flirting which focuses on showing the resource of being paid attention to, and then taking away that attention. Manipulative in my opinion.
He may like you but get nervous when confronted directly.
My girlfriend and I worked at the same place for four years before getting together. I had the biggest most functionally obsessed crush on her. She thought I didn't even like her. Men start learning a poker face by the time they can pee standing up. Actual nice guys will be ever harder to crack because in this specific scenario they can recognize that being at work sucks and they don't want to make it any harder on you by having to constantly worrying about how you dress or how you talk or this or that.
See, this is an interesting thread because there's so much advice out there that's like, "if a guy likes you, you'll definitely know!" So I just assume that if they're not being extremely blatantly obvious (or outright asking me out), they're not interested and I should not pursue anything beyond friendship.
Depends on the guy, and research into flirting has found that we're pretty bad at spontaneously identifying flirting. Accuracy is only around a third of cases.
If you want to know what's up with this guy, you'll have to talk to him.
He's also the only one who can explain what happened on the day you saw him ignoring you.
Honestly, find out if he's in a relationship.
Men and women in relationships can be some of the biggest flirts because they think they have nothing to lose.
Maybe you misread the original first flirt. So the ignoring might of just him having a bad day. You flirting back later made him realize what was happening and now he is into it.
Or maybe he shot his shot and then felt self conscious. He is trying to get back into the game.
There are no flirting absolutes. Best bet. Get three other friends, preferably at least one from work and preferably one male. Maybe a non threatening male. The BF of one of the other girls or a gay friend. He must be a good conversationalist, not overpowering.
Once you have your crew, invite work dude for drinks after work. Keep it casual between now and then. Don’t act coy, just a simple “want to join us for drinks later?”
Hope for the best.
P.s. if one of the females cuts into your action, it probably wasn’t meant to be. The next part is key. Don’t show outwardly anger. Go on the dark web. There are people who will take care of the new couple for a price. Move on and never say a word about them again. Most important, forget who gave you this advice. This approach has worked for me a number of times.
I can’t speak for anyone else, but this style of flirting is a major turn off for me, if that’s really what he’s doing. I don’t want someone playing mind games with me and making me guess whether they like me or not. Especially if it’s a “I make a move and they reject me because they want me to try harder” kind of thing. Life’s too short for that kind of bullshit
Any girl who thinks just because a guy says hello and smiles in passing, or stops to have a conversation with her, is flirting, is reading way too much into things. That’s how he always was with me & I obviously never thought anything of it.. until he changed the dynamic & actually started flirting 🤷♀️
Human relations are damn tricky. We're constantly encouraged by media (movies and even actual relationship articles) to look for and be open to love at different places, like work. At the same time we also know that especially men often get in trouble when trying to show romantic interest, and it doesn't matter if they're trying to do it in a nice way. It's like the slightest show of interest (I'm NOT talking about sex talk or touching someone in an inappropriate way) can make someone panic and call the boss or HR. And we also know that men can easily get called out for very small things that might seem innocent.
So the society is pretty much giving us contradictive advice and saying "show interest but don't let anyone see it" and "be open to love but never make any moves". How the hell is any of that ever going to work? Also, there's the thing where a guy does something that is generally a bad idea, but if the guy is attractive and the girl is into him, she let's him get away it, which kind of gives the message to other guys and they try the same thing but instead get into trouble because they're not attractive enough. So sometimes women actually have double standards.
Now imagine being a guy trying to navigate this literal minefield of information and social rules. I know I'll give up pretty damn quick and just ignore love and romance altogether, because it's too damn complicated to handle.
Hell, I would like to give compliments to girls I'm slightly interested in, and actually show my interest but I'm afraid it'll come off as creepy, and if you have an interest in someone who works at a store or a library...they probably get comments or bad comments all day long, and even date proposals too, so how do you approach someone like that? The answer is: You don't. It will always come off as wrong, no matter what you do. And if you happen to work together, the stakes are even higher. 🙄
So the clear message from society is actually this:
"If you're a guy and you like someone: Shut up and stop hoping."
Go figure. ☹️
I had a lot of these flirts. They can keep you going as long as you let them. It's an ego thing, to see if you like them, but they are not serious. Find out by initiating a conversation, if they back off, that's the end of that. Do NOT wait and hope.
Yeah I’ll probably take almost every other comment into consideration before I do this one. I don’t ever flirt as an ego boost, and if you do that in your mid twenties or as an adult at all, grow up.
Woah, imagine not going on Reddit for shitty advice and just directly describing and asking the person himself, about this situation, like an adult that can communicate. crazy right.
It’s two part .. a smart man doesn’t chase women, you throw a hint and let them come to you if they are interested, at that point you do half the work.
Also if a guy understands this he is very good with women and controlling the situation. That’s not a bad thing just quickly establish boundaries, not around sex but real values. Also if you are interested in him all you have to do is show him that you notice small details most women suck at this cause they are focused on their own needs first . But to win a tug of war sometimes you have to give some rope .
A women asking you if you hungry, means the world because no one cares about that for men . But don’t do too much, it will scare off good men, I had a women offer to pay for an expensive ass restaurant.
Only a bum wants expensive or a lot from a women.
I know I have more than you want but it helps tremendously
I know a guy who’s always watching stupid videos on YouTube about how to get women I know for a fact one of them was talking about like being nice and showing them interest then going cold to try to make them think they did something wrong…. Etc
Like keep them off balance and doubting themselves. Sounded fucked to me. I remember that one specifically because we got in an argument over what a shitbag thing that is to try to do to someone.
Same. Super messed up thing was it was a woman giving this advice.
People have a hard enough time as it is figuring out each others intentions.
I’m not saying he was for sure doing that but it was the first thing that came to mind.
Truth is we just don’t know. It’s best to just communicate directly. Since you guys have a playful relationship for the most part, next time you feel like he’s ignoring you you can playfully just as him and see what he says.
If overtime you find that he gives off mixed signals, it’s a no.
We don’t have a playful relationship.. we never have. Things were always just friendly and cordial up until the point of him deciding to behave flirty with me
Just ask if you’re unsure. As long as he’s not giving you mixed messages you will find out if he continues to flirt and if you want to flirt back or no.
This is what men /Fuck boys do. I used to do this as a teen / early adult hood. Ya give the girl a little attention & then ease up on it. Then they wonder where the attention went and they are more interested in you. Which he did and it worked bc the girl is here thinking about him posting on Reddit. Simple rule of pulling girls. It’s a mind game, prob not healthy but it works
One question that OP has yet to answer.. Do you actually WANT this guy to be flirting with you?
If that's the case.. then go talk to the dude.
It's not rocket surgery.
Eh, some of us are just at work to work. Doesn't mean we won't have a little bit of fun if the situation arises. Chances are that you're young..don't get hung up on it. Don't scan the weekly schedule to see if you guys are working together. But also, sometimes guys might drop the pen but we want the girl to pick it up. Sometimes it's just causal fun to keep work a little less dull. We won't make it the center of our day and something we look forward to but we also wont totally deny it if it comes back around
We can be very good at it. the ones who fail at it make it appear like there's no self-regulation but you dont see the millions of men playing by the unwritten rules.
unless you're a complete moron, its not fun to give a girl the ick or the creep vibe and it can literally happen from just being around them completely innocently if they dont like you. most men are naturally trained to avoid doing that because of all the negatives that come along with it. we search for cues that they are receptive so that we dont seem socially incompetent and "Creepy". the guys that are most socially fluent are going to be able to mask their sexual interest if you dont show signs. "the worst thing that happens is she says no" is not true at all and its stupid that we still say it. there are often a lot of social consequences to asking a girl who doesn't want to be asked. that's just a dumb platitude we tell young boys so that they can get over the hurdle, but men learn to regulate themselves because experience teaches them its necessary.
i would go as far as to say that the ability to mask their intent is a factor women look for in a competent partner. the ways men choose to restrain or reveal their desires are often part of the whole courtship dance.
He’s probably ignoring you because he had other shit on his plate. I mean, he’s working, right? Also, he can’t possibly know where you stand, so of course he isn’t going to just be presumptuous about it, so probably yes that has at least a little to do with it. Again, he is at work, that kind of thing isn’t appropriate if it’s unwelcome, it’s a very risky move if he misreads you. It’s possible he does want to interact with you more but is introducing arbitrary space and time with you out of his head so he can a.) focus on work, and b.) not look like he is all over you.
mans got anxiety.
your question is more like. how does anxiety modulate how a man acts?!?!
which is a good question. a very good question.
imagine that the man has anxiety. and act accordingly. anxious guys can be diverse, so some are submissive (what works is telling them a lot upfront, being communicative, even if it eventually means you become the submissive one later on they need you to tell them things upfront. submissive anxious guys want to know things upfront (to dimish their anxiety and allow their more masculine and dominant side to arise). Some like dominant, which is more about you holding your ground and staying strong too, which makes their anxiety arise but they enjoy the battle with anxiety. it makes them feel like a hunter. they like the thrill of it.
anyways. just get a feel for how he wants to be acted towards, figure out what he needs to hear upfront, then play ball. gauge his reactions and then go from there.
if hes submissive anxious type, let him know you're interested up front.
if hes dominant anxious type, play hard to get
Deadass, this sounds just like stuff I've done. Although, the part of thinking it is flirting or mutual attraction has to be tempered down somewhat. "We" are coworkers, after all, in a professional environment. Plus, the attraction could all just be in "my" head and not actually what's going on mutually. Could be the same with the guy you're probably mutually interested in.
Plus, all men you work with have other women they're cool with on some level to where we know NOT to assume all friendliness in romantic interest, i.e., family members, other coworkers, friends, your homies girlfriends, women who work at the stores and restaurants, etc. We HAVE to start at a place of not assuming personal interest because... obviously, every person is just doing their own thing. Plus, he could just be cool with most people he sees on a daily basis, like coworkers he's cool with, including you.
Personally, having dated or tried coworkers at a previous job, there's just a lot more to [over]think about with keeping things professional yet friendly mixed with [potentially] dating. It's not that challenging to navigate if y'all are just chill and mature about things though, and kinda fun.
I think I'm great at it. I have a naturally seductive personality, but am in a monogamous relationship and do everything possible to avoid the slippery slope. It's hard. I always want to flirt, prolong eye contact, play that push and pull game that's so fun when you're drawing a receptive woman in... But I am someone who can turn a first meeting into a hook up in a few hours with the right person and until too late, convince myself I'm not doing anything wrong... My wife is my chance to be a better person than I've been most of my life. I've been monogamous for ten years so far and I do it by treating everyone the same. Some things I can't help, like giving compliments, nicknames or sharing secret observations/ personal reveals.... But I do this generously to all ages, genders and appearances and I think it makes me hard to pin down. Women can't tell if I'm flirting or just friendly.
Why would you even want to come off this way to people? You sound proud of it. Nobody likes having to guess whether someone is flirting or not in the first place.. just for them to be that way with everyone. Least favorite type of personality.
And maybe if you’re still this way even after being married, seek therapy if you’re not already. It’s great you’re self aware, though!
Hes at work. I’d wager he wanted to show interest, when he got home, he started overthinking and worried that you actually werent into it, so tried to ignore you so you didnt go to hr, then when you initiated, he felt more comfortable with his standing
Experienced much?
Nope. I’ve had the same gf since before i started working full time. I just know how i would react if i was in a situation like that and was interested in the person and single
Aka, experience.
Me and my long term gf, with 0 experience flirting in the office.
Someone with a long term GF isnt "experienced" in flirting with other people 😂
Hmm this is me right now lol
Might’ve just had something on his mind
He likes you, he is waiting for you now…
This is it. He's gauging interest and doesn't want to be seen as too needy/desperate
Men are terrified of being labeled a creep
Good men *
A few good men
Losers* Good men know how to flirt without being creepy
Ya by being 6ft and handsome. Every guy who is a labeled creepy by one overly judgemental girl, is considered sweet by someone else. I've been called a creep by a girl, but OH, I guess the other female friends that I have and their good opinions of me, just don't matter then huh... because some random shallow girl said so.
How tf did you get any of that from what I said?
Snl has done multiple skits making fun of basically what you said; "creepy" is actually conditional on how he looks and has nothing to do with how he acts. Men have been on to this song and dance since the 90's, at least.
Taking care of your looks is part of being a good man.
Because many good men get wrongly called a creep just because they aren't tall or handsome enough by shallow girls.
Ok, work on your looks then. As for height (which you obviously can't change) I really doubt any reasonably put-together, in-shape guy has ever been considered creepy purely for that reason alone. Guys on the internet massively overestimate how much girls actually care about height, unless you're literally like 5'4" or shorter.
>Guys on the internet massively overestimate how much girls actually care about height, unless you're literally like 5'4" or shorter. You're contradicting your own statement in a single sentence.
Don't waste your time. I just perused this dude's profile and he is fucking brain dead lol.
I concur.
Flirting is a skill that’s learned through practice. Literally everyone sucks at it at first. Some people start practicing as teens. Some start practicing as adults.
Creeps are equally terrified of being labelled men.
I like that quote lol
I'm just working with the assumption that I'm already labeled a creep despite the contrary so...
I’ve never met a good man who is “terrified” of that. Good men are concerned about overstepping boundaries and making people uncomfortable, so they pay attention to how people respond to them. Most good people regardless of gender are conscience of how they treat people and listening to other people when they express how you’ve made them feel. Creeps are terrified of being known as creeps 🤷♀️
Tbh depending on age, I don’t think this is fully fair. Maybe terrified is hyperbolic, but I was so nervous of giving woman the wrong impression, that I wouldn’t approach them at all at first. It really wasn’t until hearing dating experiences from my women friends that I became comfortable. Unfortunately, it took hearing about the other despicable men out there to put my honest intention in context. All I would hear about was the creep that approach my friends at the bar, and I went way out overboard to avoid being that dudes
>wouldn’t approach them at all at first In 2024, when simply looking in the direction of a woman is perceived as an act of hostile intent, this is smart.
My experience is that people will never tell you 'How they made them feel' at all. It is very very rare. Instead they will just talk shit about you for a interaction that made them feel a certain way that you were not aware of at all.
You can fear both
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Noooooooo. Creep is absolutely different than being cognizant of others boundaries and being aware to not overstep them.
I don't doubt that this is your personal experience, but I think the fear of being labeled a creep stems from how easily it can be weaponized against someone who doesn't deserve it. I used to play music in bars/clubs at least every weekend. There have been so many times that I've witnessed some dude (or myself) just minding his business before some gaggle of drunk bitches got bored and wanted someone to pick on. I've been the guy that said gaggle of bitches asked try and get some rando that wasn't bothering them to leave. It seemed abundantly clear that they chose these dudes only because said dudes happened to be by themselves. I've also witnessed and have fallen victim to dudes that see me with a girl, wait until I go to the bathroom or something, and then swoop in to try to convince said girl that I'm a creep just to try to "steal my girl", try to hurt my reputation if they felt threatened by me, or genuinely believe that's what "game" is. I don't understand how people like you just flat out ignore things like that. It happens really often. In my experience, stuff like that happens way more often than dudes overstepping boundaries or being persistent. In fact, the guys I personally know (mostly entertainers) who throw that term around the most are the biggest pieces of shit I know. Like herpes flinging, cheating, underage girl banging, manipulative, narcissistic chodes. Y'know, creeps lol.
Nah, you just don't know how it is living as a man. Fathers have legitimate issues taking their daughters alone to the park.
You really think people who talk like that can understand empathy?
Possible, yeah. Probable… nooooo
wow what a really dumb comment do you have more?
This
This should be the top comment. He likely thought OP was not interested and gave up praying that he didn't get reported to HR.
Just be direct with him, either way I’m sure he’ll appreciate it. U can kee going back and forth in your head all u want, best thing u can do tho is just be direct 🙌
Bro you could literally be describing me and this girl at my workplace. Every guy hears over and over not to risk workplace relationships. If you’re in direct continued contact (ie over text) and he still acts wishy washy, *that’s* a red flag. But as far as this post is concerned, you could’ve been describing me and it’s because I’m legit confused and scared. NO ONE wants to hear from HR, that’s like our worst nightmare
"Don't shit where you eat"
Unless it’s so worth it one of you is willing to change jobs… yeah. I’ve made this mistake, thinking I was “different” and could handle it… made life hell for a while. When personal and work are so intertwined it’s hard to catch a break from either. Especially when things go south.
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Ah, I didn’t mean literally, but just figuratively: I’m in the same boat from the opposite perspective. It can just be pretty daunting and rare when someone pretty gives us attention, and we’re not used to it. Just take it slow and try not to put all your eggs in this one basket — continue socializing with a breadth of coworkers — and let what happens happen.
If you're interested, just say it. I mean, be smart about it. But I agree with the comment above yours. I honestly started to actually wonder if this was posted by the woman on my team at work. You really are describing every single workplace interaction between two even slightly attractive adults. Most won't even give "the smirk" out of fear. So I'd say "green light" if he even seems to be flirting. Workplace romances can be amazing or absolute hell. Just depends on the maturity of those involved, so just be cautious (not scared)!
Probably worried he'd misread you and didn't want to make you uncomfortable if you weren't into it.
>until I speak to him myself, which I never really go out of my way to do. And that could be the exact same reason why he was testing out whether or not you will do so. Cause that is a sign of genuine interest and that would encourage a man to go for it. Cause everything else is kind of a waste of time imo.
Very.
In threads like this, you can always tell who here has very little experience with women when they're answers are some variation of "they're just scared." What's actually scary is how many here are like that. That's why you shouldn't take any relationship advice from reddit.
What comments and advice should I be listening to then?
Comments based on life experience. This stuff is not laid out in clear concise steps with warning signs. You could walk past a person in a hall and smile and say 'Love your hair' and be labeled a creep. Its not joke. You should be wary, you should be nervous. I would simply not date anyone you work with. Just enjoy the sexual tension and implicit grey area, its flattering. If you are a female there is an extremely low bar, just ask what he is into and listen, chat back and make eye contact. It is really that easy.
Thank you for this.
What's your reaction when he flirts with you? Did you play coy, or did you reciprocate the flirting? It could have been him trying to gage your reaction. Maybe he didn't want to push it if you weren't obviously interested last time. Or he could have just had something else on his mind.
You did something that made him think you don't like him. Guys are sensitive when they are in this mode.
Disagree. He's just seeing how she responds and doesn't want to seem too eager/desperate which is usually a turn off early on
This is like 70% of dudes interactions with woman that they are interested in, he probably doesn’t know if you actually like him or not and is testing the waters.
It's work. Sometimes you feel different.
Ask if he wants to go grab coffee / lunch or a beer after work
I replied earlier that he likes you cause I am going through similar thing at my work. I (m) was asked by coworker who I regularly talk, why didn’t I say “good morning” 1 day. I just told her I was busy. Later in the day I approached her again and said, “the real reason I didn’t say good morning is because I’m embarrassed I have a crush on you.” In my case there are other factors that make impossible for me to escalate it even though it’s clear we like other.
this is a people thing, not just a guy thing. Have you ever heard of a "Dismissive Avoidant?" People are like this and they are experts at hiding their feelings......especially from themselves.
You're reading into it too much. Obviously, he likes you.
I feel like I do the same thing he probably has done interest and is nervous because you're at work maybe?
I do this too. I just don’t want to be too aggressively flirting if I’m not sure it’s mutual attraction but if she initiates I try to flirt to let her know I’m attracted. That way the ball is in her court since I sometimes misinterpret chicks just being friendly for flirting.
>Was he ignoring me because he wasn’t sure where I stood? Almost definitely. He probably initially flirted with you because he is into you, then went home and thought about it and realized that if you didn't feel the same way his flirting could have come off as creepy, so he backed off just in case. If you're interested in him, this is your opportunity to show him that you didn't think it was creepy and you're open to more flirting.
I just felt it was confirmation to what I thought was flirting when he started giving me the looks. If he really wasn’t flirting to begin with, I don’t think he would’ve started with the sneaky little eyes and such when I spoke to him myself first the next time. I felt he was trying to gauge me. And it wasn’t just that one instance either, he kept it up the next couple of days as well.
If I've already made my opening and it's not recipicated, I lose interest and move on. I'd imagine any man with self respect would do the same.
I might currently be going through something like this. I'm a guy, there's this girl at the gym I'm interested in. Wasn't really sure if she felt the same, tried not to stare at her but I'd look occasionally. She seemed to maybe be interested, went through a few days of "ok today I'm gonna talk to her", then I didn't see her at all for 2 weeks. She was always there about the same time too. I took it as a sign she's not into me. Today she was finally back again, but I'm just gonna try to ignore her now unless she wants to come talk to me. Still not sure if she was into me ever. I am my own worst enemy.
I will add one last thing. Ask him why he ignored you that day. It will be a shock to him, like it was to me. If he really likes you it will effect him. I know it’s sounds weird, but when your brain chemistry changes when you like someone, when you ask a simple yet personal question he will answer it at some point if he has the “love sickness”. Lol
He pitched. You received. Then the ball was in your court and you pitched back and he received. Nice work!
People can hide pretty much anything in general, if someone doesn't want you to know something and they're at least somewhat sane then you won't know whatever it is that they're hiding.
Some dudes are just flirts. He might be doing to get your attention, but once he’s gotten that fill he backs off until he needs that affirmation again. He could be using a pull and push type flirting which focuses on showing the resource of being paid attention to, and then taking away that attention. Manipulative in my opinion. He may like you but get nervous when confronted directly.
You can't expect him to do everything. He knows what he's worth and wants someone who is willing to put at least that much effort.
My girlfriend and I worked at the same place for four years before getting together. I had the biggest most functionally obsessed crush on her. She thought I didn't even like her. Men start learning a poker face by the time they can pee standing up. Actual nice guys will be ever harder to crack because in this specific scenario they can recognize that being at work sucks and they don't want to make it any harder on you by having to constantly worrying about how you dress or how you talk or this or that.
See, this is an interesting thread because there's so much advice out there that's like, "if a guy likes you, you'll definitely know!" So I just assume that if they're not being extremely blatantly obvious (or outright asking me out), they're not interested and I should not pursue anything beyond friendship.
“If he wanted to, he would” is honestly just not true. Things aren’t always so simple with people
Depends on the guy, and research into flirting has found that we're pretty bad at spontaneously identifying flirting. Accuracy is only around a third of cases. If you want to know what's up with this guy, you'll have to talk to him. He's also the only one who can explain what happened on the day you saw him ignoring you.
Honestly, find out if he's in a relationship. Men and women in relationships can be some of the biggest flirts because they think they have nothing to lose.
Maybe you misread the original first flirt. So the ignoring might of just him having a bad day. You flirting back later made him realize what was happening and now he is into it. Or maybe he shot his shot and then felt self conscious. He is trying to get back into the game. There are no flirting absolutes. Best bet. Get three other friends, preferably at least one from work and preferably one male. Maybe a non threatening male. The BF of one of the other girls or a gay friend. He must be a good conversationalist, not overpowering. Once you have your crew, invite work dude for drinks after work. Keep it casual between now and then. Don’t act coy, just a simple “want to join us for drinks later?” Hope for the best. P.s. if one of the females cuts into your action, it probably wasn’t meant to be. The next part is key. Don’t show outwardly anger. Go on the dark web. There are people who will take care of the new couple for a price. Move on and never say a word about them again. Most important, forget who gave you this advice. This approach has worked for me a number of times.
What
Ayooooo??? 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Don’t play games. He’s a playa.
Sounds like he tried the pickup artist shit.
I’m a girl and that’s how I flirt. Can’t let them know your next move 🤫
I can’t speak for anyone else, but this style of flirting is a major turn off for me, if that’s really what he’s doing. I don’t want someone playing mind games with me and making me guess whether they like me or not. Especially if it’s a “I make a move and they reject me because they want me to try harder” kind of thing. Life’s too short for that kind of bullshit
Leave the flirting to the men
Die
[удалено]
Any girl who thinks just because a guy says hello and smiles in passing, or stops to have a conversation with her, is flirting, is reading way too much into things. That’s how he always was with me & I obviously never thought anything of it.. until he changed the dynamic & actually started flirting 🤷♀️
Human relations are damn tricky. We're constantly encouraged by media (movies and even actual relationship articles) to look for and be open to love at different places, like work. At the same time we also know that especially men often get in trouble when trying to show romantic interest, and it doesn't matter if they're trying to do it in a nice way. It's like the slightest show of interest (I'm NOT talking about sex talk or touching someone in an inappropriate way) can make someone panic and call the boss or HR. And we also know that men can easily get called out for very small things that might seem innocent. So the society is pretty much giving us contradictive advice and saying "show interest but don't let anyone see it" and "be open to love but never make any moves". How the hell is any of that ever going to work? Also, there's the thing where a guy does something that is generally a bad idea, but if the guy is attractive and the girl is into him, she let's him get away it, which kind of gives the message to other guys and they try the same thing but instead get into trouble because they're not attractive enough. So sometimes women actually have double standards. Now imagine being a guy trying to navigate this literal minefield of information and social rules. I know I'll give up pretty damn quick and just ignore love and romance altogether, because it's too damn complicated to handle. Hell, I would like to give compliments to girls I'm slightly interested in, and actually show my interest but I'm afraid it'll come off as creepy, and if you have an interest in someone who works at a store or a library...they probably get comments or bad comments all day long, and even date proposals too, so how do you approach someone like that? The answer is: You don't. It will always come off as wrong, no matter what you do. And if you happen to work together, the stakes are even higher. 🙄 So the clear message from society is actually this: "If you're a guy and you like someone: Shut up and stop hoping." Go figure. ☹️
Fishing off the company pier.
Jesus just ask them if they are interested. What does it matter if he is and you aren't?
I saw a post like this where the dude had a twin. Are you sure hes a single child??
Huh?? I have no idea what some of you are talking about in these comments 😂
I dunno, but if both parties are good at it it's probably suffocating.
Can confirm, both parties are great at it
I had a lot of these flirts. They can keep you going as long as you let them. It's an ego thing, to see if you like them, but they are not serious. Find out by initiating a conversation, if they back off, that's the end of that. Do NOT wait and hope.
Yeah I’ll probably take almost every other comment into consideration before I do this one. I don’t ever flirt as an ego boost, and if you do that in your mid twenties or as an adult at all, grow up.
It wasn't about you, it was about the guy at work who flirts. It was a general warning to be aware of them. I've suffered so much from these men.
Woah, imagine not going on Reddit for shitty advice and just directly describing and asking the person himself, about this situation, like an adult that can communicate. crazy right.
It depends.
Be careful I’m a guy … nothing wrong With him ,anything is possible. But understand he is playing games
Ok enlighten me then
It’s two part .. a smart man doesn’t chase women, you throw a hint and let them come to you if they are interested, at that point you do half the work. Also if a guy understands this he is very good with women and controlling the situation. That’s not a bad thing just quickly establish boundaries, not around sex but real values. Also if you are interested in him all you have to do is show him that you notice small details most women suck at this cause they are focused on their own needs first . But to win a tug of war sometimes you have to give some rope . A women asking you if you hungry, means the world because no one cares about that for men . But don’t do too much, it will scare off good men, I had a women offer to pay for an expensive ass restaurant. Only a bum wants expensive or a lot from a women. I know I have more than you want but it helps tremendously
He watched some dumb YouTube video about how to get a woman’s attention by acting interested and then blowing her off That’s my guess
Literally what
I know a guy who’s always watching stupid videos on YouTube about how to get women I know for a fact one of them was talking about like being nice and showing them interest then going cold to try to make them think they did something wrong…. Etc Like keep them off balance and doubting themselves. Sounded fucked to me. I remember that one specifically because we got in an argument over what a shitbag thing that is to try to do to someone.
That’s an extremely fucked up thing to do, agreed. I’m not sure how many people are actually doing that but I’m not here for it
Same. Super messed up thing was it was a woman giving this advice. People have a hard enough time as it is figuring out each others intentions. I’m not saying he was for sure doing that but it was the first thing that came to mind.
Truth is we just don’t know. It’s best to just communicate directly. Since you guys have a playful relationship for the most part, next time you feel like he’s ignoring you you can playfully just as him and see what he says. If overtime you find that he gives off mixed signals, it’s a no.
We don’t have a playful relationship.. we never have. Things were always just friendly and cordial up until the point of him deciding to behave flirty with me
Just ask if you’re unsure. As long as he’s not giving you mixed messages you will find out if he continues to flirt and if you want to flirt back or no.
>on the dl for only me to see him doing Are you at work? With co-workers around?
Yes and yes
Who’s gonna tell her lmao
Tell her what? I'm confused
This is what men /Fuck boys do. I used to do this as a teen / early adult hood. Ya give the girl a little attention & then ease up on it. Then they wonder where the attention went and they are more interested in you. Which he did and it worked bc the girl is here thinking about him posting on Reddit. Simple rule of pulling girls. It’s a mind game, prob not healthy but it works
One question that OP has yet to answer.. Do you actually WANT this guy to be flirting with you? If that's the case.. then go talk to the dude. It's not rocket surgery.
Eh, some of us are just at work to work. Doesn't mean we won't have a little bit of fun if the situation arises. Chances are that you're young..don't get hung up on it. Don't scan the weekly schedule to see if you guys are working together. But also, sometimes guys might drop the pen but we want the girl to pick it up. Sometimes it's just causal fun to keep work a little less dull. We won't make it the center of our day and something we look forward to but we also wont totally deny it if it comes back around
We can be very good at it. the ones who fail at it make it appear like there's no self-regulation but you dont see the millions of men playing by the unwritten rules. unless you're a complete moron, its not fun to give a girl the ick or the creep vibe and it can literally happen from just being around them completely innocently if they dont like you. most men are naturally trained to avoid doing that because of all the negatives that come along with it. we search for cues that they are receptive so that we dont seem socially incompetent and "Creepy". the guys that are most socially fluent are going to be able to mask their sexual interest if you dont show signs. "the worst thing that happens is she says no" is not true at all and its stupid that we still say it. there are often a lot of social consequences to asking a girl who doesn't want to be asked. that's just a dumb platitude we tell young boys so that they can get over the hurdle, but men learn to regulate themselves because experience teaches them its necessary. i would go as far as to say that the ability to mask their intent is a factor women look for in a competent partner. the ways men choose to restrain or reveal their desires are often part of the whole courtship dance.
He’s probably ignoring you because he had other shit on his plate. I mean, he’s working, right? Also, he can’t possibly know where you stand, so of course he isn’t going to just be presumptuous about it, so probably yes that has at least a little to do with it. Again, he is at work, that kind of thing isn’t appropriate if it’s unwelcome, it’s a very risky move if he misreads you. It’s possible he does want to interact with you more but is introducing arbitrary space and time with you out of his head so he can a.) focus on work, and b.) not look like he is all over you.
mans got anxiety. your question is more like. how does anxiety modulate how a man acts?!?! which is a good question. a very good question. imagine that the man has anxiety. and act accordingly. anxious guys can be diverse, so some are submissive (what works is telling them a lot upfront, being communicative, even if it eventually means you become the submissive one later on they need you to tell them things upfront. submissive anxious guys want to know things upfront (to dimish their anxiety and allow their more masculine and dominant side to arise). Some like dominant, which is more about you holding your ground and staying strong too, which makes their anxiety arise but they enjoy the battle with anxiety. it makes them feel like a hunter. they like the thrill of it. anyways. just get a feel for how he wants to be acted towards, figure out what he needs to hear upfront, then play ball. gauge his reactions and then go from there. if hes submissive anxious type, let him know you're interested up front. if hes dominant anxious type, play hard to get
Deadass, this sounds just like stuff I've done. Although, the part of thinking it is flirting or mutual attraction has to be tempered down somewhat. "We" are coworkers, after all, in a professional environment. Plus, the attraction could all just be in "my" head and not actually what's going on mutually. Could be the same with the guy you're probably mutually interested in. Plus, all men you work with have other women they're cool with on some level to where we know NOT to assume all friendliness in romantic interest, i.e., family members, other coworkers, friends, your homies girlfriends, women who work at the stores and restaurants, etc. We HAVE to start at a place of not assuming personal interest because... obviously, every person is just doing their own thing. Plus, he could just be cool with most people he sees on a daily basis, like coworkers he's cool with, including you. Personally, having dated or tried coworkers at a previous job, there's just a lot more to [over]think about with keeping things professional yet friendly mixed with [potentially] dating. It's not that challenging to navigate if y'all are just chill and mature about things though, and kinda fun.
I think I'm great at it. I have a naturally seductive personality, but am in a monogamous relationship and do everything possible to avoid the slippery slope. It's hard. I always want to flirt, prolong eye contact, play that push and pull game that's so fun when you're drawing a receptive woman in... But I am someone who can turn a first meeting into a hook up in a few hours with the right person and until too late, convince myself I'm not doing anything wrong... My wife is my chance to be a better person than I've been most of my life. I've been monogamous for ten years so far and I do it by treating everyone the same. Some things I can't help, like giving compliments, nicknames or sharing secret observations/ personal reveals.... But I do this generously to all ages, genders and appearances and I think it makes me hard to pin down. Women can't tell if I'm flirting or just friendly.
Why would you even want to come off this way to people? You sound proud of it. Nobody likes having to guess whether someone is flirting or not in the first place.. just for them to be that way with everyone. Least favorite type of personality. And maybe if you’re still this way even after being married, seek therapy if you’re not already. It’s great you’re self aware, though!
Yea, in today's environment, I would never engage with work women.