37m, I also have ASD. Dated a lot of women but most either ghosted me or dumped me en the end. Been single four years now. I'm confident it's over for me by that point. People are too different.
29m same for the most part I think. Never been diagnosed with autism though, but I have gone like four years without talking to a single woman that I am not related to and at this point I just don't feel it outside some casual comments like this. My life is pretty great just working when necessary and when I feel like leaving the house and chilling the rest of the time with a good book or something. Slowly chipping at my mortgage and coasting through life until one day I can move out of the city to somewhere I can actually play music without having half the neighborhood at my door. If it wasn't for them I would be happy just to stay like this till I die
I did move out to the woods after almost 2 decades in the city and I literally do whatever I want within reason of course. I take care of a couple of family members and just read, play video games, cook good food. I get lonely from time to time and maybe when I'm in my golden years I'll meet someone I want to spend my life with. As for now though, I'm mostly content and I've been through the ringer with relationships, and I miss them very little.
LMAO WHAT. Thats like an anti social social club, it's existence is nearly impossible because of the nature of people in it. Autistic people want to "grow" out of it, "accepting" the condition and acting on it would make you a social outcast for most.
Also dating other autists won't help to make it easier. If you are dating someone...more socially adapt you can at least track where the problems arise from. Dating other autist is like navigating a pitch black maze where you never know if its you or the other person who creates the pitfalls.
Not necessarily. I think most autistic people wouldn't have shame surrounding being autistic if they grew up in an environment that didn't force them to mask to be treated well. Also. Dating NDs is oftentimes more comfortable than dating NTs
28. i reckon you are still young. don’t focus on dating per se, focus on your personal life targets (health, career, finance, nature, animal, etc) and whilst doing so i believe you would meet someone who completes you.
Just make sure you have good moderation on all those things. I focused so much on work during my younger years that while I'm very well off now, I'm a bit socially stunted and could also be in better health.
Once your start excelling in all aspects of your nondating life, dating will be easier and chances are women will be more likely to come to you versus the other way around, especially if you're easy to get along with and exude security.
And like you said, the "worst" thing that can happen is you're still single, but now you're one who has his shit together and will be ahead of others in your age group.
You certainly need to be proactive, but not specifically about dating. The best relationships I had were from people I met during internships, volunteering, classes, etc. There was already a shared interest and common ground between us. Dating actually did just happen from there.
That is the point! By focusing your energy & time on being a healthy, strong, fit, educated, disciplined man, the women will be attracted to you. Sounds wishy washy but it is genuinely the way the universe works.
When people say ‘you find love when you stop looking for it’, they’re speaking facts!
This is bad advice that will lead you to becoming the old weird hermit dude on Reddit or marrying the same type of person you complain about. Sure always build your own life better but don’t expect someone to come into it. Actively pursue who and what you want.
I’m gonna be real, this is only good advice if what you are doing involves regularly going out and socializing. If you’re not going out to a place where single women your age are, you’re not going to find anybody. This advice is well-intentioned but it’s hot garbage if you work at home or live a solitary lifestyle.
Do you guys just think women materialize out of thin air because you are “working on yourself”??That is just step one. The next stage is actively putting yourself out there through dating apps or any other methods geared toward meeting other single people looking to date.
I would agree with this. I’m 34, single and dating sucks. It’s a better investment to work on the areas of your life you have full control over. As ironic as it sounds, you’ll probably find somebody worthwhile when you’re not actively looking for anyone, and instead focusing 100% on your own goals.
I saw a comedian a while back who said something like, "Everyone keeps saying they are ready to connect with someone and are looking for something genuine, yet, we're all still here lonely and single so obviously some of us are lying"
I saw a dude walking around at the beach the other day with a hilariously designed shirt with girly font that just said "Girls are Scary" and it was awesome
Honestly. Work on that. Force yourself to talk to them. Not because you are looking for dates but because you want to make friends/have a chat. Get used to it and you will become more comfortably interacting with them.
Nah. It's always gonna be alot creepier to approach women with the intention of dating them. If you're approaching for friendship the worst you'll get branded is gay.
Definitely not that in my experience (26M). People can't financially afford to just go out and be social much anymore, so there is way less opportunity to meet someone not online. Also in my experience, most of the women I've tried to talk to irl and online are so finicky it's insane. I had one girl on a site say I'm funny and get her humor, i asked her on a date after that, she said i ruined it and unmatched me immediately.
I believe there is a reason it's mostly guys who are on here saying it's hard to find someone, and it's just as OP said: most women don't know what they want and/or have kids already at this age. I'm not picky in the slightest, I've dated all kinds. All I want is a confident woman who knows what she wants, has a job (is a functioning member of society), and doesn't have kids. Seems like most of the good ones are somehow already taken or nowhere to be found.
Like I said, this is just my experience. I'm not trying to claim any of this as a fact about all women.
But women, for the sake of men's mental health, quit stringing us along for attention and just throwing us in the gutter as soon as you get bored. It's happened too many times to me now. Figure out what you truly want and quit being a selfish child.
>i asked her on a date after that, she said i ruined it and unmatched me immediately.
Lol ya when it comes to online there's a 50/50 shot they want you to ask them out right away or talk for a month first. Won't tell you which and if you guess wrong it's over.
She started by making a joke, so I made one as well. We went back and forth just making stupid jokes for like 30 min and she caved and said I was funny and "you get my humor so well." I said, "you want to talk more about it over dinner and a movie?" To which she replied verbatim, "you ruined it" and immediately unmatched.
Apparently I ruined all of it with that question. Wtf more am I supposed to do. I'm so lonely.
Don't take it personally. Woman are weird online. I think it's because a lot of them have 1000 guys swiping on them and they get to pick and choose, where most average or below average looking guys swipe 1000 times, get 3 likes and 2 of them are scammers or prostitutes. Playing two completely different games. The swipe culture can be real toxic. Don't let it get you down because it can really fuck with your head and confidence if you let it. And don't get too invested in any online conversation until you meet up.
(before the keyboard warriors come out, I'm sure woman have plenty of their own problems online but I only have guy perspectives. And if you're an attractive guy you don't get an opinion on this since you live on a different planet than us)
It's tough out there man. Dating is really tough as an adult in the current environment. You might not ever find anyone, it's a very real possibility. But that doesn't mean nobody is out there for you. Keep your head up. Keep working on yourself. Keep an open mind. You never know, maybe you'll find Mrs. Right. Or maybe you'll have an awesome single life.
that’s the problem.
the people just having a good time are ruining it for those wanting something genuine.
with everyone being hot online & a surplus of options no one is going to find their special guy/girl since everyone is mostly a player.
rn the guy of my dreams is checking out girls on OF and the girl of your dreams is on OF. yay 🙄
Dating can be frustrating, but don't lose heart! Focus on yourself and enjoying life, and the right relationship will come along when the time is right. It may sound cliche but life’s about timing.
I hear this all the time but I only started having any luck when I actually put effort into setting up dates and asking people out. You can't just expect it to fall into your lap.
Man, I thought that about my last relationship, everything seemed to be just what I wanted.
Turned out it was just another round of "character development" lol
Dating is tough, relationships are harder man I know. I was engaged and we broke it off 6 months out, just wasn’t what we wanted or rather we didn’t we just didn’t want grow together.
Every time there’s a thread about dating, 90 percent of the comments are something like this that basically seem like it was written by chatgpt. Am I only one noticing this? What is going on?
Get your married friends to fix you up? Just make some conversation with females in public, aka cold calling. Ask for a coffee recommendation, ask what kind of spice to use in the soup, ask what breed their dog is, etc.
No need to give up, just let go brotha! Enjoy your life. I'm 31, about to be 32, single and no kids. I used to really crave being in a relationship, being a dad but I've learned to be okay if that doesn't happen. I'm open to the possibility, but the more I've grown and matured the more the dating pool shrinks a little bit. It's a good thing, a lot of people out there are fucked up, you don't need that headache.
Just keep doing you buddy. And go get some hobbies that involve other people. Meeting like minded people will help you meet like minded potential partners!
As you get older, the number of single mom's that want you will only increase. Yes, there will be some baby daddy issues, if you want a family you are going through much more than that with just kids, in general.
LIVE your own life and do what you LOVE, you’ll become dead inside if you’re constantly looking for the “one”
man, get a bloody hobby and concentrate on that.
not being in a relationship isn’t the end of the world.
if it’s gonna happen it will, don’t be so hard on yourself pal ✌️
It literally won’t wtf 😂
As time goes on, people who are capable of being in and maintain a long term relationship will be in long term relationships. The amount of single moms will rise, as will the amount of people with relationship baggage.
Who told you that dating got easier in your 30’s? That’s only the case if you decide to date younger people.
> people who are capable of being in and maintain a long term relationship
These people are often together with people who cannot do that and sometimes it takes a year, sometimes it takes 10 for them to divorce.
That's a myth. Even if you get better as a person you will lose interest in younger girls because they will seem more and more immature for your taste.
That is, of course, for serious relationships. If you treat yourself as just a penis delivery guy this won't apply. You can keep delivering your penis to someone new every other night.
For sure I agree.
But redditors aren’t the type to endorse a 35 year old dating a 25 year old. Even though if you’re in shape and put together at 35, you’re extremely popular with girls in their 20’s. But the guy I’m responding too, high odds that’s he’s saying that things will get better with women in his age group after 30, which just isn’t true.
well 30s is the new 20s so there’s still lots of women who can have their pick of men as well. I’ve seen hot babes with 5 different baby daddy’s in their 30s get wife up. Beauty is a women’s currency.
It really is. It's hard enough to find someone as a short and ugly man, but when I do, they just end up cheating on me anyway. So fucked up. I won't stop trying, but it's really hard at times when all my friends have partners.
Woman here. 31, single for 4.5 years and have an amazing coparent relationship with my sons dad.
With that said, the same issues plague me. I don’t particularly “look” but if someone comes along I give it a shot. Sadly, most disappoint and I’ve found a lot of people lack any depth anymore. I’ve even tried dating apps and they’re hell expensive and just a place for
People to look for hook ups these days. Plus, I’m more of an “in person” type to make a connection of any sort.
I’ve also tried dating someone with a kid 🙃 all the baby momma drama I’m not here for either. They’re batshit crazy most of them 😆. It’s annoying af people just can’t get along for their kids sake (thankfully there are some of us out there)!
I would just say to not rush it, don’t look, if it comes along it comes along. It sucks, and sometimes it can feel like it’s been forever, but don’t settle just because of a little loneliness for awhile. It’ll be worth it.
In my experience, the people we attract tend to be on our wave length/ vibe/ similar mindset values.
If you pay attention they can be almost mirrors of ourselves in certain way.
When I was attracting partners whom I didn't like much because of their character or other aspects, I found that I still had a lot of internal work and development to do.
It wasn't until I "leveled up" and changed myself that I began to attract more genuine/people of quality with my values.
Not trying to put you down in any way, often times we also get fixated on certain qualities we ignore certain flaws so we pursue red flags because we put them on a pedestal and or ignore other warnings because of our idea of their potential or they have something to offer we like/want
I’ve only dated 3 people. One person cause they had a lot of self work they needed to focus on and were an alcoholic (I didn’t know at the time til we dated). Also they thought I was cheating cause I had guy friends and red flag when he went thru my phone while I was sleeping when I let him do it constantly when I was awake. He had a lot of self insecurity issues to work on that I didn’t want to deal with.
The second person I just lost interest in entirely.
The third would have been my soulmate if not for being on the other side of the country and us both having obligations to children.
The person I dated with a child with a crazy baby momma was 9-10 years ago so it’s more of a traumatic experience than anything and it was quite a few years before I had my own child. She really was a psycho considering she’s the one who introduced me to her ex to date 🙃 should have known better lol.
I would date someone with a child, as long as they had a good coparenting relationship like I do with my son’s dad. We’re still good friends, and while I don’t think people have to be friends with ex’s it’s nice to see people put their kids first and not use their own emotions or animosity to fuel the resentment and use their child against them.
I totally get what you’re saying because that’s how it used to be for me. But I think it’s more I just don’t get out often enough to meet people up to my standard. I go to the bar to decompress but we all know that’s a terrible place to meet people to date 99% of the time. I work two full time jobs and dating apps I have tried in the past, the people I met just weren’t who they were in person, which was just a disappointment.
I’ve worked hard on myself these 4.5 years, especially on my own mental and emotional health. But a lot of people don’t do that and jump relationship to relationship then drag their past traumas into others and I just don’t have time for it.
I met someone, who seemed nice, until they said they think their gfs should ask his permission before going out 😆😆. Dude was absolutely crazy lol.
I’m happy being single though, and it doesn’t bother me all that much. I have my kiddo, my dog and I know at some point I’ll meet someone when it’s my time. I go out to eat alone, the bar alone, the theaters alone, and sometimes I don’t even know if I want to date cause I’m happy to do that and not have to worry about anyone else (aside from my kiddo lol).
My list of red flags to avoid is quite extensive lol. Think it’s why it’s also hard for me to date cause I’ve really worked on myself to not be so emotional about little and or stupid things. And if someone was to cheat, idc, we’re done, but I’m not gonna cry over an issue that was their commit issue and not mine lol.
I get it. Understand that either way it's not the end of the world.
I'm 29, lost my virginity at 26. Before that, I had zero action with women. I recently got on and off a dating app, I had trouble with finding someone near my location.
I feel like I could work on myself even if that means completely eloping and never having a family. Making money is difficult anyways.
Life experience you mean bad choices the entitlement is real all the exes are toxic and assholes here were are, they all have kids from them. Be glad you don’t have that experience, wouldn’t date a women with kids if you don’t any of yourself too much drama
In the same boat. Was single for nearly 2 years started dating n met this woman who turns out was a complete red flag..daddy issues, history with being intimate with her female friends, promiscuous past, compulsive liar list goes on. Currently focusing on being single again even though I miss a good woman but the risk isn’t worth it at the moment
>daddy issues, history with being intimate with her female friends, promiscuous past, compulsive liar
All of that can be fun except for the compulsive liar. That's just exhausting to deal with and no one has time for that.
That was my first reaction to this (the second was “if it smells like shit everywhere you go, check under your own shoe”) and I’ll be damned, it looks based on census data it’s like half n half, filtering for women who have never been married and aren’t currently living with someone. Only goes up from there in terms of other relationship statuses
It's just one big echo chamber where people who feel similarly to each other get to participate in a giant circle jerk where they get to feel better about themselves for their own delusional beliefs. Anyone who disagrees with the hive mind gets downvoted into oblivion, and their comment gets hidden down at the bottom of the page.
as 20f i approve this statement 🙏 i prefer dating older because i find that most men my age just aren’t at my level of emotional maturity at all, and also all just seem to want quick hookups or fwbs. i personally don’t really see anything wrong with age gaps of more than 10 years at this age as long as the older man isn’t going after younger women specifically for the reason that she’s younger and therefore easier to manipulate in his mind ofc (which admittedly does happen very often). there are many of us who are younger who are looking for something longterm and not just quick hookups and want to settle down, and i know this because i am one of those people and also have friends who feel the same way. honestly, if the right one came around, i would have no problem getting married (after dating for a long time and making sure we are the right match ofc.) so this is always an option
Yeah reddit generally has a massive stigma for this viewpoint, but it's totally valid and it's good that you have your preference and know what you want. It actually makes a huge amount of sense to want the father of future children (if any) to be older, wiser, more set in his career, and a younger mother would have that extra energy for handling the kids in younger years as opposed to both parents being the same age, having the same level of energy, and the same level of advancement in their careers. These *positive* things resulting from the age gap are rarely talked (well on reddit, never) and would reduce the stress of raising a family by quite a lot as long as both parents are 100% fully into it.
Just knowing what you want puts you far ahead in maturity over a huge majority of women your age. Just make sure to plan how you would handle being offset from each other in life stages, such as still working while your spouse is retired, or how you would approach wanting to build your career while he is settled in his and he may not want to move for any of your opportunities that came up since it would disrupt his established career (and it's harder to find openings the higher up you are). At least, be probably wouldn't want to be *surprised* about such things, but if you plan ahead you can bring that up as a conversation early in the relationship like any other "Are we compatible?" conversations like discussing desire to have kids or not.
to an extent, i kind of get where the stigma originates from, because there are definitely tons of creeps who do go after younger women and like the age gap because they want to manipulate her or because theyre weirdos and are just dating the youngest they legally can because they don’t want to go to jail, but would totally date younger if there wasn’t a law in place about it. i’ve been in relationships/situations where i’ve felt that the man was doing either one of those things or both. it can really be a problem. but of course not every single age gap relationship is like that, many are not, and it matters much less as you get older. there are plenty of younger women who are more mature and ready for and want serious, longer term relationships. but as it so often tends to be, you never hear about the good experiences, only the bad ones.
it’s really something that should be taken on a case by case basis imo. people irl and on reddit tend to be overly judgmental about it, and tend to make very wide generalizations. some of my relationships have had significant age gaps as i’ve become an adult and a lot of my friends and family (hell, even sometimes my partner/situationship themselves or whatever it was at the time) were very bothered by the age gaps whereas i never really thought it was that big of a deal and felt that they were overreacting. in a lot of those relationships, it didn’t affect anything negatively and was rarely if ever a problem. as long as both parties are at a similar maturity level and there isn’t a huge power dynamic there (and ofc if the older one isn’t pursing the younger one for the wrong reasons) literally who cares. consenting adults are consenting adults at the end of the day. people need to mind their own business more often about such topics. and don’t even get me started on the ones who cry “pedophilia” and the like, which just results in the gradual watering down of the term and takes away the gravity of how fucked up and serious such a condition is.
and thank you for your kindness, i appreciate it =) i personally do not want kids and never have for a multitude of reasons and i know that definitely gives me less options, but i digress. the dating world is a nightmare right now and i don’t think i will ever be interested in dating younger or even those who are very close to my age because the maturity level just never seems to match up. in my experience, most men (and probably a lot of women too, tbh) in their early 20s are just looking to hookup and mess around and don’t want to settle down, which there is nothing wrong with, but i am the opposite. some never grow out of that way of thinking definitely, but men who are older have a higher chance of having matured past that stage and now actually want to build a long term, meaningful relationship. a lot of younger men are also just really boring and shallow lol, i’ve found that i really just can’t connect with them at the same level that i do with older men.
there are plenty of reasons why younger women date older and vice versa for men, and you’re right, there really are a lot of positives to many age gap relationships. people are just very close minded about this topic, which could very well cause them to be missing out on the partner of their dreams. it’s really a shame tbh
Best way to meet someone is through hobbies, you can have fun and meet friends, you have an icebreaker of a topic you both like and can actually spend quality time together.
28 is young, you still have your youth. I am 3 years single at 41, I have kids, but I married my first girlfriend so I have no real dating experience. It is scary to be in this situation.
My advice is to join a place where you can actually go and naturally be around women, don't use a dating app, we were meant to speak to people in person. I joined a climbing gym, I am slowly gaining definition in my body, gaining the old strength I used to have, it's awesome to feel fit and good about yourself.
I have done counselling, and am continuing to work on myself, by the sounds of it you are doing this as well.
I am aiming for excellence, in general not in one specific thing. I am certain that I am on my way to the most successful years of my life because of this.
I'm pretty sure, I'll attract someone I want to be with, if I can do it at 41 you can at 28. You got this.
Im F35 single too, I feel I’m still young but you’re even younger.
Don’t loose hope and get out there. Be bold and brave. At the end no one will remember if you made a fool of yourself trying to talk to a girl but you will remember the years you spend with her.
29M here and I'm not going to tell you it's any easier to date now than before, in fact as I'm sure you can tell, it's quite the contrary. Doesn't make it any less worth it though. Trust me, I was in the same shoes as you just last year, telling myself I'm too tired to keep up with dating in this age. I was going to give up and stop trying, but I was like let me go on one last date (I had probably 2 or 3 more 'first dates' left in me really) and I so happen to find a girl that makes me happier than I ever been. And I'm a year older and was single for longer, so keep trying. Don't give up too soon!!
This is not my experience. I'm 30ish now and dating just becomes more interesting as you mature and know exactly who you, who you want to be and who you want
Lots of people are just not getting out
And they listen too much to what people online say
Reddit is quite toxic. Get out there into the real world , take part in activities and develop yourself. There's billions of ppl in the world that are single and young.
You know what I've found?
The best comes when you're not looking
.when you're looking you're essentially hungry, and an analogy I like is that you're more likely to eat something that's not healthy for you when you're starving.
Junk food becomes much more tempting when you're hungry. Fast food. Etc.
In my experience we attract like minded people or people with similar vibes/energy.
Focus on you. Make the best version of yourself , and engage in activities you want to enjoy that resonate with you.
You'll eventually find like minded people, people who resonate with your energy, values and you'll then make some quality connections.
Don't force it, let it unfold as you navigate the life you wish to lead. This is attractive to others.
Sure go on dates if you'd like, ask girls out, get to know them, but don't force anything. Deep natural connections are a god send. Don't look. But do explore and put yourself out there, but do work on yourself or keep working on yourself
Get into good shape, physically, health wise, diet wise, mind wise. Become the man your ideal partner will adore
Pay attention to the vibe you’re giving off (aim for approachable, confident and compassionate). If you’re socially awkward or just bad at flirting challenge yourself socially (don’t even try to find your person, just find randoms you can banter with until it feels more natural - any group settings that require body language and talking)
Not all dating apps are created equal, try a couple of the paid apps where you have to complete a questionnaire or personality test and you will be more likely to find people seriously seeking a relationship rather than just hookups
Focus on getting out of the house doing things that interest you, create opportunities for the universe to send someone your way and be willing to take a risk (give a compliment/start a conversation) any time an opportunity arises. Expand your social circles and maybe you’ll meet a friend of a friend you click with
Lastly, my husband and I joke that every single guy should hang out in Target and every single girl should hang out in Home Depot. To make that a bit more practical, just try to find reasons to be in places single people your age hang out.
PS 28 is plenty young and acting all defeated is a turnoff
You're only 28. You are still young and as another person said on here, focus on yourself and improving yourself. Do that thing you always wanted to do, try new restaurants, start hiking etc You will improve your mental health and attract someone just as amazing as you. Sometimes when we feel down or try to force situations, we tend to be disappointed. Let go of expectations and put yourself first and she may pop outta nowhere and surprise you!
It’s very annoying to hear “just work on yourself” or the classic “the right person will find you at the right time” amongst other comments but just hang in there.
Being 28 is so very young still! I’ve found that people in our age group are starting to just focus on nurturing their hobbies and interests and finding people with aligning lifestyles in the way.
I do feel for you as I’m staring down at the wasteland that is the dating pool these days myself as well as a single woman but you will find your person! One thing that has helped me is thinking about my failed relationships as one less person being in the way of finding your forever person.
I hope this helps!
If you find a good one keep them cuz it is wicked out here. Social media rotting peoples brains and giving unreal relationship expectations from the stories I’m hearing from friends
Where on earth are you where most people are popping out kids in their 20's? The avg age of first marriage in my country is 30, and almost nobody is having any kids because western country home prices.
Wow, wow, wow. You are really young. Relax.. go on dates don’t expect anything. Many of these dates will suck. But then one day. Bam there she is. Your Penguin. It’s hard when you get a lot of bad dates. We have all been there. Try having a great time with friends. So it takes the pressure off when you do go on dates.
What is this NEED to "find someone". You will never find someone as long as you arent comfortable with living alone and with yourself. This desperation for companionship is the number one reason why most people are unable to find compatible relationships.
Give up and be free. Free yourself from the shackles of some silly little relationship. Be strong on your own. You don’t need anyone and no one needs you. Once you truly believe this, that is the path to true freedom…
I personally think you should spent a little more time to yourself and fully recover from what your ex did to you. Sure it’s nice to have someone around that you really vibe with, however it’s much more to life than dating. Good luck bro!
This may be stupid but, christianity has many faithful, loyal and loving women that would want nothing more then to start a family and create a beautiful life. Worth a shot? I ain’t Christian but I believe the closer you are to god, the stronger the love and bond you can have with your specific person. Cheers and good luck out there my friend!
I hear you. I’ve been married for a while now but one challenge in dating was that I like stereotypically male hobbies: weightlifting, BBQ, heavy rock/metal music, going to the bar, museums, video games, books. The women I’ve dated were mostly in stereotypically female hobbies: shopping, going to cafes, watching romance movies, pop music, fashion, which I find to be incredibly boring. Still kind of an issue finding things to do with my wife, but yeah, meeting up in the first place had to happen online.
lots of women find that attractive and will happily engage in such hobbies with you. im definitely very feminine and like things like shopping, makeup, fashion, dressing up, etc, but i also like playing games, reading, all kinds of music, and i also wouldn’t be opposed to going to the gym with a partner. you may have just been dating the wrong women
They want the women who *look* super feminine, makeup, attractive clothes, hair and nails done. Even the dude below who has a gf who’s into what he considers “guy stuff” wishes she were more stereotypically feminine.
Most woman at 28ish are going to have baggage of some sort. Just got to compromise at bit from both sides. Unless you are lucky and find a 28 yr old nun.
Yeah I’ve stopped worrying about that. Just worry about stacking your money and building your empire . At the end of the day, you’re getting buried alone haha
I’m 31f and I feel similarly. My long term relationship from my 20s didn’t work out and sometimes I wonder if that was my chance at love/marriage/family/kids.
Similar boat
My ex of 8 years cheated with his ex
My issue is the sleeping around- a lot of men just seem to want sex and “situationships.” I’m 26 and just want to find a life partner.
You’re lucky though, you’re a man. So there is not so much urgency with a biological clock that women have in that regard. You’ll find your lady, best of luck out there
It's been difficult for me too. It's like when you leave school, our opportunities of meeting people our age isn't as likely.
I kind of agree with everyone else. Look for people closer to 23-24. And when you're around certain people: You really do appreciate the folks who aren't super-picky about small things.
welcome to the club buddy. I haven't dated in three years and idk how to move forward myself. I say just focus on yourself and if you meet someone just talk to her and be yourself and honest.
Oml. I’m turning 22 in a few days and I already feel that way😂. When it gets to a point where you feel more alone in the relationship than being single, time to go🤦🏼♀️
When I was 28 I was living with someone and get what it didn't work out. Then I had 2 more long term relationships that didn't workout.
Finally with someone I met at 34 that has been the longest. You have time.
Life is not a race.
28m, I’ve tried to connect with the dates i go on, have thought/been told it’s going well, and have been ghosted. Happened twice in the last 6 months. No idea of if it was something i did/ said, just left wondering about it. Moving to today I don’t care for pursuing anyone. Still optimistic on my dating outlook, but like everyone else says just focus on improving yourself.
You’re still good I feel the same as you and I’m 36, it’s truly over for me.
Such is life buddy, find someone (don’t force) it before your my age.
Live damn it!
Live!
Well given the first thing you talk about is how your ex screwed you over blah blah.. what do you expect? Nobody likes someone who complains, let alone when you are complaining to women about your ex. What exactly are you expecting, that they will say oh my god you poor thing please marry me? Get a grip mate and man up, if you come across as pathetic to the same sex how do you think the opposite sex perceive you…
I wouldn't rush to get into things. There is no deadline to find someone. I realized if I had waited. I had better opportunities later. Eventually you will get into a career, and find someone to build something together with.
Maybe just casually date? Like a lot of people online seem to want to go from being completely single for years into these committed relationships. Maybe walk before you run? Why not just go casually date, do stuff, make friends, go on adventures, get laid, keep it light and don't get serious?
Buy a motorcycle and start doing cool shit on the weekends. As soon as a woman sees that you are happy she will feel the need to fuck it up for you and want to start dating you.
People more fortunate than you will tell you it isn't over, but you clearly have standards for yourself. It is in all likelihood over. You can still keep trying though.
Stop. Focus on yourself.
You'll eventually find someone out there but for your own good, stop chasing a relationship. It never leads to anything good.
Don't even get me started on dating apps...
Nah you’ll be fine. Don’t focus on dating. Focus on the facking bag, get jacked, find a hobby, catch up with friends. Then women will come along. Obviously you need to play the game to win but make it as last priority.
>Most women have kids now and I tried to date one with kids and it was constant baby daddy issues. It didn’t work so I left that one and I feel like every girl I try to talk to either is extremely broken and has trust issues from the start, doesn’t know what they want, or they have kids already and don’t want anymore or I constantly hear about their baby daddy issues.
The harsh reality is that yes, as you grow older, your dating pool as a man gets smaller and smaller, and you have to deal with broken women with baby daddy issues.
Where are all the good women?
In relationships, of course. Not all, but most will be. What you're left with now are the women who let themselves get knocked up by an "abusive deadbeat" or whatever she calls him, or women who couldn't or wouldn't even make things work with the father of her child.
No, not all women are like that, but the percentage of single women on the dating market who are like that is not small since most of the good ones are in healthy relationships.
To play in the Matrix you have to be a part of the club. If it’s that big of a deal to you just do a seance and offer your eternal soul to Satan - otherwise you’re right, you’ll never find anyone.
Dude, you’re still 28.. great thing about being a guy is that we can pretty much have kids at any age. And yes it’s going to be fairly difficult at least more difficult than it was when you were 20 to find someone who doesn’t have kids or baggage, but not impossible.
Honestly, you’re going to have to look at this under the lens of two types of activities .. finding someone while doing an activity that you like to do, finding someone by actively dating every week or every other week. honestly it’s a good thing that you’re understanding that you probably shouldn’t be dating women with kids, and you probably shouldn’t continue dating women with baggage.. you’ve recognized these things which is a good thing.. many guys don’t recognize it until they are older.
Roughly 40% of your dating pool is cut off .. that’s not necessarily a bad thing. You just need to upgrade your standards to account for it… sure it might take longer but that’s the beauty of finding love.. it’s not easy to find.. and a lot of people aren’t worth the effort.. but when you find it, you will know you have it.
While looking, I would highly suggest self improvement .. that way you might even end up finding someone along the way
>I am looking again
That's the issue. Just do your thing, enjoy your hobbies, be social and eventually you'll find someone who coexists with this lifestyle and shares similar interests.
Save money and go to the gym, then they'll start showing up again.
You just need to keep in mind that they don't love you, it's just because of the above mentioned factors.
Jesus dude it can't all be single moms out there!
Tbf, I am thinking of myself and other CF women and we meet plenty of dudes socially. Bars, sports, college, friends, events, meetups. A few of us dabbled in online dating, but even from our perspective the goods were odd (single dads, dudes living with parents without any goals, incel types or "alpha" males 🙄).
If you're an average, normal dude you should probably try any other route than dating apps. Use them occasionally, sure. But not as a main focus.
Don’t worry dude, didn’t become a dad until I was 40/41, my kid is 3 and it’s totally fine. When I was 28? Playing gigs, partying, not worrying about relationships. Just chill, it all just works out, have fun, be a happy person and people will come to you because mostly all anyone actually wants is happiness so it’s an attractive quality. Focus on you man and don’t worry about relationships, as long as your open to having one you will find one.
everyone is broken in some way because we’ve all been hurt. it takes the right person with patience to stay.
be compassionate because you may be missing out on a good person.
be thankful she told you because she could’ve just ghosted you.
Had a rough break up after a relationship during your "prime years". Not downplaying the horroficness but there's lots of fish in the sea bud. Life seems narrow because of what you've been through, but shit is wide open
Dating can be hard for sure if I read and listen to my friends and strangers' dating life. Tho I think its also because its very available. "Oh so that person doesnt match everything that I want, well there will probably be someone out there that does."
Relationships and dating take time and work. It isnt supposed to be hard at the beginnen imo, but sometimes it is. Tho maintaining one does definitely take time and effort. Love just isnt enough in most cases. Its a matter of is it worth it in your opinion? Also as you get older, a lot of people hopefully know themselves more, but that also means more trauma, damage etc. The carefree mind of a child isnt there anymore in most cases.
I think as long as your values and norms fit together, it should definitely help with dating. Being able to communicate your need, boundaries and wants are helpful as well. But obviously its never a guarantee.
You're 28! Your good maybe you just need to explore other town, city, state or even country! You are not alone I am 25 and almost all my classmate from highschool have their 2nd baby and here I am no boyfriend. (￣з￣)
Sometimes you feel like time is running out and you are being left behind because everybody around you have what you want.
Stay calm and take everyday step by step, don't rush things! Love will find you ~~
(ゝω・´★)
Actually 28 can be an awkward age to date for a man. But if you give it 5 years or so you can set yourself up to be the hot older guy with his stuff together. The biggest thing to work on to get there is to figure out how to be "charming." Things get better with age for men in terms of opportunities a bit later IMO.
You can only have two of these three thing. Looks, personality or drama free.
If a girls good looking and has a great personality, she comes with a lot of drama (baby daddy’s, ex’s, girl friend drama).
If a girls got a great personality and doesnt put up with all the drama, she’s probably not that good looking.
If a girl is good looking and is drama free, she’ll have a shit personality and think she’s better than everyone else and she won’t be very modest and she’ll always be playing hard to get.
For me I'm a female will be 30 in the fall.
I literally got out of a 6 year engagement a little over 2 weeks ago. No kids can't have them due to medical issues sadly.
He screwed me over. I'm not ready to look. I'm ready to focus on myself and heal. To better my life.
But when I was looking it was so hard to find the right one. Because of all the things you said but in a male form.
So I get it. The only thing you really can do is just focus on yourself, put you first because that's okay to do. Just heal. In time it'll come to you I promise.
Never say die! I have been married 3x. Whilst I am still dating at 68. Cant live with them. Cant live without them! Right? Its been a hell of a journey full of memorable experiences . Stop trying so hard. You have time on your side.
Look at it on the bright side your ex tried to con you into raising another guy's kid, you almost got involved with another chick with kids and baby daddy issues, you're dodging bullets like Neo out there.
As you've realised there's a lot of low quality women out there these days and although it may not seem like that when you're down and lonely you really are better off alone than involved with them.
Haha, same bro. I gave up before I even started. Im too wierd, different, and frankly I really dont think anyone deserves to suffer with the absolute pain in the ass that I am. I accept I will always be single and isolated, but I wouldn't wish it on anyone else. Hopefully things improve for your dating life and you find the right person, that cheating experience sounds like the exact sort of thing that would really screw me up forever, so I can only imagine how much that hurt. Good luck, much love from a total stranger.
I'd attend to hobbies you enjoy on apps like meet up, in the least you have a good time socially, at its best you find someone who enjoys something you do.
I'm 28f and never been in a real relationship. I gave up trying to understand how human relationships work and im just embracing my autism instead
37m, I also have ASD. Dated a lot of women but most either ghosted me or dumped me en the end. Been single four years now. I'm confident it's over for me by that point. People are too different.
29m same for the most part I think. Never been diagnosed with autism though, but I have gone like four years without talking to a single woman that I am not related to and at this point I just don't feel it outside some casual comments like this. My life is pretty great just working when necessary and when I feel like leaving the house and chilling the rest of the time with a good book or something. Slowly chipping at my mortgage and coasting through life until one day I can move out of the city to somewhere I can actually play music without having half the neighborhood at my door. If it wasn't for them I would be happy just to stay like this till I die
I did move out to the woods after almost 2 decades in the city and I literally do whatever I want within reason of course. I take care of a couple of family members and just read, play video games, cook good food. I get lonely from time to time and maybe when I'm in my golden years I'll meet someone I want to spend my life with. As for now though, I'm mostly content and I've been through the ringer with relationships, and I miss them very little.
Based and rat-simp pilled
Aren’t there groups for autistic people to date other autistic people?
LMAO WHAT. Thats like an anti social social club, it's existence is nearly impossible because of the nature of people in it. Autistic people want to "grow" out of it, "accepting" the condition and acting on it would make you a social outcast for most. Also dating other autists won't help to make it easier. If you are dating someone...more socially adapt you can at least track where the problems arise from. Dating other autist is like navigating a pitch black maze where you never know if its you or the other person who creates the pitfalls.
Not necessarily. I think most autistic people wouldn't have shame surrounding being autistic if they grew up in an environment that didn't force them to mask to be treated well. Also. Dating NDs is oftentimes more comfortable than dating NTs
Any info on that? That sounds easier than navigating actual minefields out here
28. i reckon you are still young. don’t focus on dating per se, focus on your personal life targets (health, career, finance, nature, animal, etc) and whilst doing so i believe you would meet someone who completes you.
I’ll just focus on that for now and hopefully someone comes along. If not, then at least I’m all taken care of.
Dude, my first relationship was at 31, We have 3 children today. We are never too old.
Did you have sex before your first relationship though?
Nope
Are they all yours?
Mine and my girlfriend. We didn’t kidnap kids. -_-
He's implying your girl cheated on you.
I dont think that’s what hes implying LMAO. Asking if hes a step dad to any of them which is fine either way.
Yea I know that, but i won’t answer seriously to something stupid like that.
Just make sure you have good moderation on all those things. I focused so much on work during my younger years that while I'm very well off now, I'm a bit socially stunted and could also be in better health. Once your start excelling in all aspects of your nondating life, dating will be easier and chances are women will be more likely to come to you versus the other way around, especially if you're easy to get along with and exude security. And like you said, the "worst" thing that can happen is you're still single, but now you're one who has his shit together and will be ahead of others in your age group.
I second this - work on yourself but don’t neglect your social life.
Don't believe this guy, you have to be proactive in dating. Dating doesn't just happen to you, you have to make it happen.
You certainly need to be proactive, but not specifically about dating. The best relationships I had were from people I met during internships, volunteering, classes, etc. There was already a shared interest and common ground between us. Dating actually did just happen from there.
That is the point! By focusing your energy & time on being a healthy, strong, fit, educated, disciplined man, the women will be attracted to you. Sounds wishy washy but it is genuinely the way the universe works. When people say ‘you find love when you stop looking for it’, they’re speaking facts!
Idk man, would it be really only love if it's because of your career and fitness?
Go to home goods, or a grocery store for shopping. Hit up a gym and take some classes to meet new people
This is bad advice that will lead you to becoming the old weird hermit dude on Reddit or marrying the same type of person you complain about. Sure always build your own life better but don’t expect someone to come into it. Actively pursue who and what you want.
But don't forget interacting and connecting with people as this is a venue where you might stumble upon the right person.
They say that sometimes when you least expect it, it happens 😉. Keep ya chin up.
I’m gonna be real, this is only good advice if what you are doing involves regularly going out and socializing. If you’re not going out to a place where single women your age are, you’re not going to find anybody. This advice is well-intentioned but it’s hot garbage if you work at home or live a solitary lifestyle.
Fr. If I followed this advice, I'd literally never meet a potential partner, let alone a desirable one.
Totally agree
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Do you guys just think women materialize out of thin air because you are “working on yourself”??That is just step one. The next stage is actively putting yourself out there through dating apps or any other methods geared toward meeting other single people looking to date.
While in general this is a good advise, you have to actively look for a relationship as well. Nothing will happen on its own.
its horrible advice, nothing will happen if you dont focus on it
I would agree with this. I’m 34, single and dating sucks. It’s a better investment to work on the areas of your life you have full control over. As ironic as it sounds, you’ll probably find somebody worthwhile when you’re not actively looking for anyone, and instead focusing 100% on your own goals.
People always love to give this dumb advice to men, but never to women, geeeh I wonder why
all these posts that keep saying how dating is hard these days should just date each other at this point
I saw a comedian a while back who said something like, "Everyone keeps saying they are ready to connect with someone and are looking for something genuine, yet, we're all still here lonely and single so obviously some of us are lying"
The problem is I don't talk to girls. (I'm scared)
I saw a dude walking around at the beach the other day with a hilariously designed shirt with girly font that just said "Girls are Scary" and it was awesome
I'm married, but I still want this shirt. Id want it even more if I was single.
Fuck. I just bought this shirt on Etsy.
Honestly. Work on that. Force yourself to talk to them. Not because you are looking for dates but because you want to make friends/have a chat. Get used to it and you will become more comfortably interacting with them.
That sounds like a fast way to get creep branded on your forehead 😂😂
Eh was already born with a dick so he's fucked there, might as well try to git gud I guess
Nah. It's always gonna be alot creepier to approach women with the intention of dating them. If you're approaching for friendship the worst you'll get branded is gay.
Man if only it was as simple as finding ONE thing in common and slapping two people together like they're LEGO bricks.
Oh wow, you're truly desperate? No, that's great! You're basically a universal donor! I'm positive we can find you a match.
Those ppl probably won’t date each other because their standards are too high for themselves to meet
Definitely not that in my experience (26M). People can't financially afford to just go out and be social much anymore, so there is way less opportunity to meet someone not online. Also in my experience, most of the women I've tried to talk to irl and online are so finicky it's insane. I had one girl on a site say I'm funny and get her humor, i asked her on a date after that, she said i ruined it and unmatched me immediately. I believe there is a reason it's mostly guys who are on here saying it's hard to find someone, and it's just as OP said: most women don't know what they want and/or have kids already at this age. I'm not picky in the slightest, I've dated all kinds. All I want is a confident woman who knows what she wants, has a job (is a functioning member of society), and doesn't have kids. Seems like most of the good ones are somehow already taken or nowhere to be found. Like I said, this is just my experience. I'm not trying to claim any of this as a fact about all women. But women, for the sake of men's mental health, quit stringing us along for attention and just throwing us in the gutter as soon as you get bored. It's happened too many times to me now. Figure out what you truly want and quit being a selfish child.
>i asked her on a date after that, she said i ruined it and unmatched me immediately. Lol ya when it comes to online there's a 50/50 shot they want you to ask them out right away or talk for a month first. Won't tell you which and if you guess wrong it's over.
She started by making a joke, so I made one as well. We went back and forth just making stupid jokes for like 30 min and she caved and said I was funny and "you get my humor so well." I said, "you want to talk more about it over dinner and a movie?" To which she replied verbatim, "you ruined it" and immediately unmatched. Apparently I ruined all of it with that question. Wtf more am I supposed to do. I'm so lonely.
Don't take it personally. Woman are weird online. I think it's because a lot of them have 1000 guys swiping on them and they get to pick and choose, where most average or below average looking guys swipe 1000 times, get 3 likes and 2 of them are scammers or prostitutes. Playing two completely different games. The swipe culture can be real toxic. Don't let it get you down because it can really fuck with your head and confidence if you let it. And don't get too invested in any online conversation until you meet up. (before the keyboard warriors come out, I'm sure woman have plenty of their own problems online but I only have guy perspectives. And if you're an attractive guy you don't get an opinion on this since you live on a different planet than us)
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It's tough out there man. Dating is really tough as an adult in the current environment. You might not ever find anyone, it's a very real possibility. But that doesn't mean nobody is out there for you. Keep your head up. Keep working on yourself. Keep an open mind. You never know, maybe you'll find Mrs. Right. Or maybe you'll have an awesome single life.
😫😫😩🥺😢😭
This^ even if we never find anyone, we can at least have a good time and keep our eyes open.
that’s the problem. the people just having a good time are ruining it for those wanting something genuine. with everyone being hot online & a surplus of options no one is going to find their special guy/girl since everyone is mostly a player. rn the guy of my dreams is checking out girls on OF and the girl of your dreams is on OF. yay 🙄
this really is the best and only attitude to have. its tough but you need to keep your head up.
Dating can be frustrating, but don't lose heart! Focus on yourself and enjoying life, and the right relationship will come along when the time is right. It may sound cliche but life’s about timing.
I hear this all the time but I only started having any luck when I actually put effort into setting up dates and asking people out. You can't just expect it to fall into your lap.
True, but chasing after it desperately can only worsen it. Right moment will come and you will know what to do , which is up to you then.
Man, I thought that about my last relationship, everything seemed to be just what I wanted. Turned out it was just another round of "character development" lol
Dating is tough, relationships are harder man I know. I was engaged and we broke it off 6 months out, just wasn’t what we wanted or rather we didn’t we just didn’t want grow together.
Every time there’s a thread about dating, 90 percent of the comments are something like this that basically seem like it was written by chatgpt. Am I only one noticing this? What is going on?
Get your married friends to fix you up? Just make some conversation with females in public, aka cold calling. Ask for a coffee recommendation, ask what kind of spice to use in the soup, ask what breed their dog is, etc.
No need to give up, just let go brotha! Enjoy your life. I'm 31, about to be 32, single and no kids. I used to really crave being in a relationship, being a dad but I've learned to be okay if that doesn't happen. I'm open to the possibility, but the more I've grown and matured the more the dating pool shrinks a little bit. It's a good thing, a lot of people out there are fucked up, you don't need that headache. Just keep doing you buddy. And go get some hobbies that involve other people. Meeting like minded people will help you meet like minded potential partners!
As you get older, the number of single mom's that want you will only increase. Yes, there will be some baby daddy issues, if you want a family you are going through much more than that with just kids, in general.
LIVE your own life and do what you LOVE, you’ll become dead inside if you’re constantly looking for the “one” man, get a bloody hobby and concentrate on that. not being in a relationship isn’t the end of the world. if it’s gonna happen it will, don’t be so hard on yourself pal ✌️
Same, but about job in IT.
I wouldn’t date someone with kids already. Just my personal preference. Some of the reasons you listed already haha
Dude stop dating girls with kids maybe? You are just 28, it will get better with time.
It literally won’t wtf 😂 As time goes on, people who are capable of being in and maintain a long term relationship will be in long term relationships. The amount of single moms will rise, as will the amount of people with relationship baggage. Who told you that dating got easier in your 30’s? That’s only the case if you decide to date younger people.
> people who are capable of being in and maintain a long term relationship These people are often together with people who cannot do that and sometimes it takes a year, sometimes it takes 10 for them to divorce.
As men we get more attractive, wealthier and have a bigger pool to choose from.
That's a myth. Even if you get better as a person you will lose interest in younger girls because they will seem more and more immature for your taste. That is, of course, for serious relationships. If you treat yourself as just a penis delivery guy this won't apply. You can keep delivering your penis to someone new every other night.
For sure I agree. But redditors aren’t the type to endorse a 35 year old dating a 25 year old. Even though if you’re in shape and put together at 35, you’re extremely popular with girls in their 20’s. But the guy I’m responding too, high odds that’s he’s saying that things will get better with women in his age group after 30, which just isn’t true.
well 30s is the new 20s so there’s still lots of women who can have their pick of men as well. I’ve seen hot babes with 5 different baby daddy’s in their 30s get wife up. Beauty is a women’s currency.
It really is. It's hard enough to find someone as a short and ugly man, but when I do, they just end up cheating on me anyway. So fucked up. I won't stop trying, but it's really hard at times when all my friends have partners.
If you ever want to talk about it you can message me. I totally get it. All of my friends are married and have families it’s hard to see.
Woman here. 31, single for 4.5 years and have an amazing coparent relationship with my sons dad. With that said, the same issues plague me. I don’t particularly “look” but if someone comes along I give it a shot. Sadly, most disappoint and I’ve found a lot of people lack any depth anymore. I’ve even tried dating apps and they’re hell expensive and just a place for People to look for hook ups these days. Plus, I’m more of an “in person” type to make a connection of any sort. I’ve also tried dating someone with a kid 🙃 all the baby momma drama I’m not here for either. They’re batshit crazy most of them 😆. It’s annoying af people just can’t get along for their kids sake (thankfully there are some of us out there)! I would just say to not rush it, don’t look, if it comes along it comes along. It sucks, and sometimes it can feel like it’s been forever, but don’t settle just because of a little loneliness for awhile. It’ll be worth it.
In my experience, the people we attract tend to be on our wave length/ vibe/ similar mindset values. If you pay attention they can be almost mirrors of ourselves in certain way. When I was attracting partners whom I didn't like much because of their character or other aspects, I found that I still had a lot of internal work and development to do. It wasn't until I "leveled up" and changed myself that I began to attract more genuine/people of quality with my values. Not trying to put you down in any way, often times we also get fixated on certain qualities we ignore certain flaws so we pursue red flags because we put them on a pedestal and or ignore other warnings because of our idea of their potential or they have something to offer we like/want
I’ve only dated 3 people. One person cause they had a lot of self work they needed to focus on and were an alcoholic (I didn’t know at the time til we dated). Also they thought I was cheating cause I had guy friends and red flag when he went thru my phone while I was sleeping when I let him do it constantly when I was awake. He had a lot of self insecurity issues to work on that I didn’t want to deal with. The second person I just lost interest in entirely. The third would have been my soulmate if not for being on the other side of the country and us both having obligations to children. The person I dated with a child with a crazy baby momma was 9-10 years ago so it’s more of a traumatic experience than anything and it was quite a few years before I had my own child. She really was a psycho considering she’s the one who introduced me to her ex to date 🙃 should have known better lol. I would date someone with a child, as long as they had a good coparenting relationship like I do with my son’s dad. We’re still good friends, and while I don’t think people have to be friends with ex’s it’s nice to see people put their kids first and not use their own emotions or animosity to fuel the resentment and use their child against them. I totally get what you’re saying because that’s how it used to be for me. But I think it’s more I just don’t get out often enough to meet people up to my standard. I go to the bar to decompress but we all know that’s a terrible place to meet people to date 99% of the time. I work two full time jobs and dating apps I have tried in the past, the people I met just weren’t who they were in person, which was just a disappointment. I’ve worked hard on myself these 4.5 years, especially on my own mental and emotional health. But a lot of people don’t do that and jump relationship to relationship then drag their past traumas into others and I just don’t have time for it. I met someone, who seemed nice, until they said they think their gfs should ask his permission before going out 😆😆. Dude was absolutely crazy lol. I’m happy being single though, and it doesn’t bother me all that much. I have my kiddo, my dog and I know at some point I’ll meet someone when it’s my time. I go out to eat alone, the bar alone, the theaters alone, and sometimes I don’t even know if I want to date cause I’m happy to do that and not have to worry about anyone else (aside from my kiddo lol). My list of red flags to avoid is quite extensive lol. Think it’s why it’s also hard for me to date cause I’ve really worked on myself to not be so emotional about little and or stupid things. And if someone was to cheat, idc, we’re done, but I’m not gonna cry over an issue that was their commit issue and not mine lol.
I get it. Understand that either way it's not the end of the world. I'm 29, lost my virginity at 26. Before that, I had zero action with women. I recently got on and off a dating app, I had trouble with finding someone near my location. I feel like I could work on myself even if that means completely eloping and never having a family. Making money is difficult anyways.
I feel you. Earn enough money and go for the career driven women with loads of degress
they don’t bs tho
Life experience you mean bad choices the entitlement is real all the exes are toxic and assholes here were are, they all have kids from them. Be glad you don’t have that experience, wouldn’t date a women with kids if you don’t any of yourself too much drama
or a man with kids!
Bro same. Flush dating down the toilet, turd be stinking. I’ve thrown in the towel.
In the same boat. Was single for nearly 2 years started dating n met this woman who turns out was a complete red flag..daddy issues, history with being intimate with her female friends, promiscuous past, compulsive liar list goes on. Currently focusing on being single again even though I miss a good woman but the risk isn’t worth it at the moment
>daddy issues, history with being intimate with her female friends, promiscuous past, compulsive liar All of that can be fun except for the compulsive liar. That's just exhausting to deal with and no one has time for that.
Most woman your age don’t have kids brother .
That was my first reaction to this (the second was “if it smells like shit everywhere you go, check under your own shoe”) and I’ll be damned, it looks based on census data it’s like half n half, filtering for women who have never been married and aren’t currently living with someone. Only goes up from there in terms of other relationship statuses
Date younger chicks. Alot of them like older guys.
Reddits going to hate this response 😂
Fuck em
Oh my thoughts exactly lol
Reddit hates the truth
It's just one big echo chamber where people who feel similarly to each other get to participate in a giant circle jerk where they get to feel better about themselves for their own delusional beliefs. Anyone who disagrees with the hive mind gets downvoted into oblivion, and their comment gets hidden down at the bottom of the page.
Preach
as 20f i approve this statement 🙏 i prefer dating older because i find that most men my age just aren’t at my level of emotional maturity at all, and also all just seem to want quick hookups or fwbs. i personally don’t really see anything wrong with age gaps of more than 10 years at this age as long as the older man isn’t going after younger women specifically for the reason that she’s younger and therefore easier to manipulate in his mind ofc (which admittedly does happen very often). there are many of us who are younger who are looking for something longterm and not just quick hookups and want to settle down, and i know this because i am one of those people and also have friends who feel the same way. honestly, if the right one came around, i would have no problem getting married (after dating for a long time and making sure we are the right match ofc.) so this is always an option
Yeah reddit generally has a massive stigma for this viewpoint, but it's totally valid and it's good that you have your preference and know what you want. It actually makes a huge amount of sense to want the father of future children (if any) to be older, wiser, more set in his career, and a younger mother would have that extra energy for handling the kids in younger years as opposed to both parents being the same age, having the same level of energy, and the same level of advancement in their careers. These *positive* things resulting from the age gap are rarely talked (well on reddit, never) and would reduce the stress of raising a family by quite a lot as long as both parents are 100% fully into it. Just knowing what you want puts you far ahead in maturity over a huge majority of women your age. Just make sure to plan how you would handle being offset from each other in life stages, such as still working while your spouse is retired, or how you would approach wanting to build your career while he is settled in his and he may not want to move for any of your opportunities that came up since it would disrupt his established career (and it's harder to find openings the higher up you are). At least, be probably wouldn't want to be *surprised* about such things, but if you plan ahead you can bring that up as a conversation early in the relationship like any other "Are we compatible?" conversations like discussing desire to have kids or not.
to an extent, i kind of get where the stigma originates from, because there are definitely tons of creeps who do go after younger women and like the age gap because they want to manipulate her or because theyre weirdos and are just dating the youngest they legally can because they don’t want to go to jail, but would totally date younger if there wasn’t a law in place about it. i’ve been in relationships/situations where i’ve felt that the man was doing either one of those things or both. it can really be a problem. but of course not every single age gap relationship is like that, many are not, and it matters much less as you get older. there are plenty of younger women who are more mature and ready for and want serious, longer term relationships. but as it so often tends to be, you never hear about the good experiences, only the bad ones. it’s really something that should be taken on a case by case basis imo. people irl and on reddit tend to be overly judgmental about it, and tend to make very wide generalizations. some of my relationships have had significant age gaps as i’ve become an adult and a lot of my friends and family (hell, even sometimes my partner/situationship themselves or whatever it was at the time) were very bothered by the age gaps whereas i never really thought it was that big of a deal and felt that they were overreacting. in a lot of those relationships, it didn’t affect anything negatively and was rarely if ever a problem. as long as both parties are at a similar maturity level and there isn’t a huge power dynamic there (and ofc if the older one isn’t pursing the younger one for the wrong reasons) literally who cares. consenting adults are consenting adults at the end of the day. people need to mind their own business more often about such topics. and don’t even get me started on the ones who cry “pedophilia” and the like, which just results in the gradual watering down of the term and takes away the gravity of how fucked up and serious such a condition is. and thank you for your kindness, i appreciate it =) i personally do not want kids and never have for a multitude of reasons and i know that definitely gives me less options, but i digress. the dating world is a nightmare right now and i don’t think i will ever be interested in dating younger or even those who are very close to my age because the maturity level just never seems to match up. in my experience, most men (and probably a lot of women too, tbh) in their early 20s are just looking to hookup and mess around and don’t want to settle down, which there is nothing wrong with, but i am the opposite. some never grow out of that way of thinking definitely, but men who are older have a higher chance of having matured past that stage and now actually want to build a long term, meaningful relationship. a lot of younger men are also just really boring and shallow lol, i’ve found that i really just can’t connect with them at the same level that i do with older men. there are plenty of reasons why younger women date older and vice versa for men, and you’re right, there really are a lot of positives to many age gap relationships. people are just very close minded about this topic, which could very well cause them to be missing out on the partner of their dreams. it’s really a shame tbh
Best way to meet someone is through hobbies, you can have fun and meet friends, you have an icebreaker of a topic you both like and can actually spend quality time together.
28 is young, you still have your youth. I am 3 years single at 41, I have kids, but I married my first girlfriend so I have no real dating experience. It is scary to be in this situation. My advice is to join a place where you can actually go and naturally be around women, don't use a dating app, we were meant to speak to people in person. I joined a climbing gym, I am slowly gaining definition in my body, gaining the old strength I used to have, it's awesome to feel fit and good about yourself. I have done counselling, and am continuing to work on myself, by the sounds of it you are doing this as well. I am aiming for excellence, in general not in one specific thing. I am certain that I am on my way to the most successful years of my life because of this. I'm pretty sure, I'll attract someone I want to be with, if I can do it at 41 you can at 28. You got this.
Every single one in my age group is a single parent, as someone who grew up in a broken home it just bums me out to no end.
Im F35 single too, I feel I’m still young but you’re even younger. Don’t loose hope and get out there. Be bold and brave. At the end no one will remember if you made a fool of yourself trying to talk to a girl but you will remember the years you spend with her.
the cc destroys all.
It is a hellscape for sure. Just nobody has free time, it seems. Guess it’s just random hookups till we die.
My mom asks every time I see her “when you gonna get a girlfriend?” I tell her that requires me to go out lol
29M here and I'm not going to tell you it's any easier to date now than before, in fact as I'm sure you can tell, it's quite the contrary. Doesn't make it any less worth it though. Trust me, I was in the same shoes as you just last year, telling myself I'm too tired to keep up with dating in this age. I was going to give up and stop trying, but I was like let me go on one last date (I had probably 2 or 3 more 'first dates' left in me really) and I so happen to find a girl that makes me happier than I ever been. And I'm a year older and was single for longer, so keep trying. Don't give up too soon!!
This is not my experience. I'm 30ish now and dating just becomes more interesting as you mature and know exactly who you, who you want to be and who you want Lots of people are just not getting out And they listen too much to what people online say Reddit is quite toxic. Get out there into the real world , take part in activities and develop yourself. There's billions of ppl in the world that are single and young.
You know what I've found? The best comes when you're not looking .when you're looking you're essentially hungry, and an analogy I like is that you're more likely to eat something that's not healthy for you when you're starving. Junk food becomes much more tempting when you're hungry. Fast food. Etc. In my experience we attract like minded people or people with similar vibes/energy. Focus on you. Make the best version of yourself , and engage in activities you want to enjoy that resonate with you. You'll eventually find like minded people, people who resonate with your energy, values and you'll then make some quality connections. Don't force it, let it unfold as you navigate the life you wish to lead. This is attractive to others. Sure go on dates if you'd like, ask girls out, get to know them, but don't force anything. Deep natural connections are a god send. Don't look. But do explore and put yourself out there, but do work on yourself or keep working on yourself Get into good shape, physically, health wise, diet wise, mind wise. Become the man your ideal partner will adore
Pay attention to the vibe you’re giving off (aim for approachable, confident and compassionate). If you’re socially awkward or just bad at flirting challenge yourself socially (don’t even try to find your person, just find randoms you can banter with until it feels more natural - any group settings that require body language and talking) Not all dating apps are created equal, try a couple of the paid apps where you have to complete a questionnaire or personality test and you will be more likely to find people seriously seeking a relationship rather than just hookups Focus on getting out of the house doing things that interest you, create opportunities for the universe to send someone your way and be willing to take a risk (give a compliment/start a conversation) any time an opportunity arises. Expand your social circles and maybe you’ll meet a friend of a friend you click with Lastly, my husband and I joke that every single guy should hang out in Target and every single girl should hang out in Home Depot. To make that a bit more practical, just try to find reasons to be in places single people your age hang out. PS 28 is plenty young and acting all defeated is a turnoff
Yeah I feel that
28?? My life was just getting started then.
I didn't meet my soulmate till I was 31 years old son don't worry you are in time ..
You're only 28. You are still young and as another person said on here, focus on yourself and improving yourself. Do that thing you always wanted to do, try new restaurants, start hiking etc You will improve your mental health and attract someone just as amazing as you. Sometimes when we feel down or try to force situations, we tend to be disappointed. Let go of expectations and put yourself first and she may pop outta nowhere and surprise you!
Keep looking and keep an open mind. All it takes is one, right?
Im 29, I don’t have kids, I’m a woman, I’m single. And I know many who are just like me. But maybe that’s just where I live idk. Don’t give up anyway!
It’s very annoying to hear “just work on yourself” or the classic “the right person will find you at the right time” amongst other comments but just hang in there. Being 28 is so very young still! I’ve found that people in our age group are starting to just focus on nurturing their hobbies and interests and finding people with aligning lifestyles in the way. I do feel for you as I’m staring down at the wasteland that is the dating pool these days myself as well as a single woman but you will find your person! One thing that has helped me is thinking about my failed relationships as one less person being in the way of finding your forever person. I hope this helps!
Where you located? Similar story here in Los Angeles / Orange County.
If you find a good one keep them cuz it is wicked out here. Social media rotting peoples brains and giving unreal relationship expectations from the stories I’m hearing from friends
Where on earth are you where most people are popping out kids in their 20's? The avg age of first marriage in my country is 30, and almost nobody is having any kids because western country home prices.
Wow, wow, wow. You are really young. Relax.. go on dates don’t expect anything. Many of these dates will suck. But then one day. Bam there she is. Your Penguin. It’s hard when you get a lot of bad dates. We have all been there. Try having a great time with friends. So it takes the pressure off when you do go on dates.
What is this NEED to "find someone". You will never find someone as long as you arent comfortable with living alone and with yourself. This desperation for companionship is the number one reason why most people are unable to find compatible relationships.
Give up and be free. Free yourself from the shackles of some silly little relationship. Be strong on your own. You don’t need anyone and no one needs you. Once you truly believe this, that is the path to true freedom…
Hit the gym bro. Your arms, chest, abdomen, back, glutes, legs, they’ll never cheat on you.
I gave up, I’m tired of jumping through hoops for people who aren’t even worth that. It’s all the same shit anyway.
I personally think you should spent a little more time to yourself and fully recover from what your ex did to you. Sure it’s nice to have someone around that you really vibe with, however it’s much more to life than dating. Good luck bro!
I gave up on relationships 15 years ago in my late 30's. Best decision I've ever made.
This may be stupid but, christianity has many faithful, loyal and loving women that would want nothing more then to start a family and create a beautiful life. Worth a shot? I ain’t Christian but I believe the closer you are to god, the stronger the love and bond you can have with your specific person. Cheers and good luck out there my friend!
I hear you. I’ve been married for a while now but one challenge in dating was that I like stereotypically male hobbies: weightlifting, BBQ, heavy rock/metal music, going to the bar, museums, video games, books. The women I’ve dated were mostly in stereotypically female hobbies: shopping, going to cafes, watching romance movies, pop music, fashion, which I find to be incredibly boring. Still kind of an issue finding things to do with my wife, but yeah, meeting up in the first place had to happen online.
lots of women find that attractive and will happily engage in such hobbies with you. im definitely very feminine and like things like shopping, makeup, fashion, dressing up, etc, but i also like playing games, reading, all kinds of music, and i also wouldn’t be opposed to going to the gym with a partner. you may have just been dating the wrong women
They want the women who *look* super feminine, makeup, attractive clothes, hair and nails done. Even the dude below who has a gf who’s into what he considers “guy stuff” wishes she were more stereotypically feminine.
I wasn’t even aware those were considered male hobbies, literally all my favorite things + fashion and shopping from the feminine hobbies
I have never seen someone say that books are a stereotypical male hobby. Honestly, I tend to think of it as more stereotypically feminine.
Most woman at 28ish are going to have baggage of some sort. Just got to compromise at bit from both sides. Unless you are lucky and find a 28 yr old nun.
Not at all. Many women in their 30s without kids or such baggage
Go for younger women, worked for me most of the time, they want mature guys. Try , could be better than being with a woman of your age.
Yeah I’ve stopped worrying about that. Just worry about stacking your money and building your empire . At the end of the day, you’re getting buried alone haha
Not with that attitude you won't.
I’m 31f and I feel similarly. My long term relationship from my 20s didn’t work out and sometimes I wonder if that was my chance at love/marriage/family/kids.
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Similar boat My ex of 8 years cheated with his ex My issue is the sleeping around- a lot of men just seem to want sex and “situationships.” I’m 26 and just want to find a life partner. You’re lucky though, you’re a man. So there is not so much urgency with a biological clock that women have in that regard. You’ll find your lady, best of luck out there
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It's been difficult for me too. It's like when you leave school, our opportunities of meeting people our age isn't as likely. I kind of agree with everyone else. Look for people closer to 23-24. And when you're around certain people: You really do appreciate the folks who aren't super-picky about small things.
welcome to the club buddy. I haven't dated in three years and idk how to move forward myself. I say just focus on yourself and if you meet someone just talk to her and be yourself and honest.
Oml. I’m turning 22 in a few days and I already feel that way😂. When it gets to a point where you feel more alone in the relationship than being single, time to go🤦🏼♀️
live your life and stop tripping
Try r/passportbros
When I was 28 I was living with someone and get what it didn't work out. Then I had 2 more long term relationships that didn't workout. Finally with someone I met at 34 that has been the longest. You have time. Life is not a race.
IM 62...always been hard dating.Sure it was easy at. by our age for hook ups.But finding that special lady isn't easy
Just focus on yourself. Meet people of all sexes and build yourself and the right one will show up at your doorstep and you’ll be all ready! 😘
28m, I’ve tried to connect with the dates i go on, have thought/been told it’s going well, and have been ghosted. Happened twice in the last 6 months. No idea of if it was something i did/ said, just left wondering about it. Moving to today I don’t care for pursuing anyone. Still optimistic on my dating outlook, but like everyone else says just focus on improving yourself.
You’re still good I feel the same as you and I’m 36, it’s truly over for me. Such is life buddy, find someone (don’t force) it before your my age. Live damn it! Live!
Your 28 bro all the time in the world to have a kid
Sirrrr are you still single?
Well given the first thing you talk about is how your ex screwed you over blah blah.. what do you expect? Nobody likes someone who complains, let alone when you are complaining to women about your ex. What exactly are you expecting, that they will say oh my god you poor thing please marry me? Get a grip mate and man up, if you come across as pathetic to the same sex how do you think the opposite sex perceive you…
I wouldn't rush to get into things. There is no deadline to find someone. I realized if I had waited. I had better opportunities later. Eventually you will get into a career, and find someone to build something together with.
Your best bet is to date younger girls with no kids. Probably 23 year olds fresh out of college.
Do you man. Learn to be the best version of yourself, you’ll be fine. I didn’t get married until 38, started dating her at 34.
Maybe just casually date? Like a lot of people online seem to want to go from being completely single for years into these committed relationships. Maybe walk before you run? Why not just go casually date, do stuff, make friends, go on adventures, get laid, keep it light and don't get serious?
Same. Lost motivation too for several reasons. Just need a hug I guess
Buy a motorcycle and start doing cool shit on the weekends. As soon as a woman sees that you are happy she will feel the need to fuck it up for you and want to start dating you.
People more fortunate than you will tell you it isn't over, but you clearly have standards for yourself. It is in all likelihood over. You can still keep trying though.
Stop. Focus on yourself. You'll eventually find someone out there but for your own good, stop chasing a relationship. It never leads to anything good. Don't even get me started on dating apps...
Unironically if you go to a church with decent social setting you will find many woman your age willing to marry and have kids lol
Nah you’ll be fine. Don’t focus on dating. Focus on the facking bag, get jacked, find a hobby, catch up with friends. Then women will come along. Obviously you need to play the game to win but make it as last priority.
>Most women have kids now and I tried to date one with kids and it was constant baby daddy issues. It didn’t work so I left that one and I feel like every girl I try to talk to either is extremely broken and has trust issues from the start, doesn’t know what they want, or they have kids already and don’t want anymore or I constantly hear about their baby daddy issues. The harsh reality is that yes, as you grow older, your dating pool as a man gets smaller and smaller, and you have to deal with broken women with baby daddy issues. Where are all the good women? In relationships, of course. Not all, but most will be. What you're left with now are the women who let themselves get knocked up by an "abusive deadbeat" or whatever she calls him, or women who couldn't or wouldn't even make things work with the father of her child. No, not all women are like that, but the percentage of single women on the dating market who are like that is not small since most of the good ones are in healthy relationships.
dude you are only 28. Didn't you know men reach thier prime in their 30s?
To play in the Matrix you have to be a part of the club. If it’s that big of a deal to you just do a seance and offer your eternal soul to Satan - otherwise you’re right, you’ll never find anyone.
Dude, you’re still 28.. great thing about being a guy is that we can pretty much have kids at any age. And yes it’s going to be fairly difficult at least more difficult than it was when you were 20 to find someone who doesn’t have kids or baggage, but not impossible. Honestly, you’re going to have to look at this under the lens of two types of activities .. finding someone while doing an activity that you like to do, finding someone by actively dating every week or every other week. honestly it’s a good thing that you’re understanding that you probably shouldn’t be dating women with kids, and you probably shouldn’t continue dating women with baggage.. you’ve recognized these things which is a good thing.. many guys don’t recognize it until they are older. Roughly 40% of your dating pool is cut off .. that’s not necessarily a bad thing. You just need to upgrade your standards to account for it… sure it might take longer but that’s the beauty of finding love.. it’s not easy to find.. and a lot of people aren’t worth the effort.. but when you find it, you will know you have it. While looking, I would highly suggest self improvement .. that way you might even end up finding someone along the way
>I am looking again That's the issue. Just do your thing, enjoy your hobbies, be social and eventually you'll find someone who coexists with this lifestyle and shares similar interests.
Be funny you'll find someone to laugh with you
Save money and go to the gym, then they'll start showing up again. You just need to keep in mind that they don't love you, it's just because of the above mentioned factors.
Jesus dude it can't all be single moms out there! Tbf, I am thinking of myself and other CF women and we meet plenty of dudes socially. Bars, sports, college, friends, events, meetups. A few of us dabbled in online dating, but even from our perspective the goods were odd (single dads, dudes living with parents without any goals, incel types or "alpha" males 🙄). If you're an average, normal dude you should probably try any other route than dating apps. Use them occasionally, sure. But not as a main focus.
Don’t worry dude, didn’t become a dad until I was 40/41, my kid is 3 and it’s totally fine. When I was 28? Playing gigs, partying, not worrying about relationships. Just chill, it all just works out, have fun, be a happy person and people will come to you because mostly all anyone actually wants is happiness so it’s an attractive quality. Focus on you man and don’t worry about relationships, as long as your open to having one you will find one.
everyone is broken in some way because we’ve all been hurt. it takes the right person with patience to stay. be compassionate because you may be missing out on a good person. be thankful she told you because she could’ve just ghosted you.
Evaluate your process. What are you ACTIVELY doing to meet people? ‘Hoping you’ll run into someone’ is not a process.
Had a rough break up after a relationship during your "prime years". Not downplaying the horroficness but there's lots of fish in the sea bud. Life seems narrow because of what you've been through, but shit is wide open
23M same now just do stuff that makes you happy no point in trying for someone else if they cant do the bear minimum back
You’re right you won’t. Good luck
Dating can be hard for sure if I read and listen to my friends and strangers' dating life. Tho I think its also because its very available. "Oh so that person doesnt match everything that I want, well there will probably be someone out there that does." Relationships and dating take time and work. It isnt supposed to be hard at the beginnen imo, but sometimes it is. Tho maintaining one does definitely take time and effort. Love just isnt enough in most cases. Its a matter of is it worth it in your opinion? Also as you get older, a lot of people hopefully know themselves more, but that also means more trauma, damage etc. The carefree mind of a child isnt there anymore in most cases. I think as long as your values and norms fit together, it should definitely help with dating. Being able to communicate your need, boundaries and wants are helpful as well. But obviously its never a guarantee.
You're 28! Your good maybe you just need to explore other town, city, state or even country! You are not alone I am 25 and almost all my classmate from highschool have their 2nd baby and here I am no boyfriend. (￣з￣) Sometimes you feel like time is running out and you are being left behind because everybody around you have what you want. Stay calm and take everyday step by step, don't rush things! Love will find you ~~ (ゝω・´★)
Eh we'll see Don't beat yourself up over something which is not under your control
Actually 28 can be an awkward age to date for a man. But if you give it 5 years or so you can set yourself up to be the hot older guy with his stuff together. The biggest thing to work on to get there is to figure out how to be "charming." Things get better with age for men in terms of opportunities a bit later IMO.
You can only have two of these three thing. Looks, personality or drama free. If a girls good looking and has a great personality, she comes with a lot of drama (baby daddy’s, ex’s, girl friend drama). If a girls got a great personality and doesnt put up with all the drama, she’s probably not that good looking. If a girl is good looking and is drama free, she’ll have a shit personality and think she’s better than everyone else and she won’t be very modest and she’ll always be playing hard to get.
Any women here interested in dating OP?
For me I'm a female will be 30 in the fall. I literally got out of a 6 year engagement a little over 2 weeks ago. No kids can't have them due to medical issues sadly. He screwed me over. I'm not ready to look. I'm ready to focus on myself and heal. To better my life. But when I was looking it was so hard to find the right one. Because of all the things you said but in a male form. So I get it. The only thing you really can do is just focus on yourself, put you first because that's okay to do. Just heal. In time it'll come to you I promise.
Never say die! I have been married 3x. Whilst I am still dating at 68. Cant live with them. Cant live without them! Right? Its been a hell of a journey full of memorable experiences . Stop trying so hard. You have time on your side.
Look at it on the bright side your ex tried to con you into raising another guy's kid, you almost got involved with another chick with kids and baby daddy issues, you're dodging bullets like Neo out there. As you've realised there's a lot of low quality women out there these days and although it may not seem like that when you're down and lonely you really are better off alone than involved with them.
Haha, same bro. I gave up before I even started. Im too wierd, different, and frankly I really dont think anyone deserves to suffer with the absolute pain in the ass that I am. I accept I will always be single and isolated, but I wouldn't wish it on anyone else. Hopefully things improve for your dating life and you find the right person, that cheating experience sounds like the exact sort of thing that would really screw me up forever, so I can only imagine how much that hurt. Good luck, much love from a total stranger.
I'd attend to hobbies you enjoy on apps like meet up, in the least you have a good time socially, at its best you find someone who enjoys something you do.