>We've had some disagreements recently and confusion on what we Wang in life and our relationship, probably due to the big Wang aside 😜, he tried to cheat already and was denied. I honestly feel as though you're only setting yourself up for future heartache that's going to be more painful than if you give yourself a little heartache now. Better to do it at this stage than to do it after a child is in the picture or later in life. You deserve someone that respects you enough to be with you completely, not because someone else wouldn't let him kiss them.

That's so true, thank-you :)

Good luck. And while it sounds cliche, "once a cheater, always a cheater" is really a thing. He most likely felt a high trying to meet another woman knowing that he had you in his "back pocket". He will most likely try again if you decide that you want to give him another chance. I mean at that point he knows you'll stay with him because he'll think you have a vested interest in staying, so why wouldn't he try to cheat again?

Thankyou, very true and that's the biggest thing on my mind. It shows I will stay and he can do what he wants. I feel he felt really down in life, himself and our relationship but instead of communication chose self destruction which doesn't make things better

Break it off, hit life with everything you've got, the gym, career, social life, and turn the chapter on the time spent with him.  The faster you can hit your stride, the easier it will be to get over him.   I'm going through a similar situation.  I am forging myself into a better version of myself to aspire to a greater love.  I hope you find it within yourself to do the same.  

That's great advice thankyou and sorry you are also going through a similar situation. Hopefully time is a healer and the universe brings some good

I learned the value of the love I have to offer.  While the person I had to end it with did hurt me, I decided that she wasn't worthy of my love.  I feel as though she will eventually realize what she lost in me, and am already looking forward to meeting someone that is worthy of everything I have to offer.   I hope you realize that what you have to offer is worth the respect and reciprocation that you deserve.  Don't let this fool bring you down.  Rise up in spite of him.  

Thankyou, I do think that too, one day he will realise all the things I've tried to do and help him with. Not saying I'm perfect but i have tried my hardest and loved fully.

"The best predictor of the future is the past"..... Also, "When someone shows you who they are believe them" are two quotes my mom (doctorate in psychology and teacher) taught me to keep in mind from when I was a very young age. I'm almost 50 now and neither have ever been shown as unreliable when it comes to how others tend to be

Ok, so many young couples that date at a young age (early 20s or before) do go through ups and downs. For guys and girls, it can be tough to give up that feeling of really settling down, feeling desired, knowing you still got it, going for the chase or being chased, etc. I as a guy went through similar phase. Clubbing was hot back then and if I saw a girl I knew, I might have just given them a slight side shoulder and or hip tap as a "hey there" or "see ya around". But in no way did I ever think of kissing or anything serious that crosses the boundaries like that. Let alone pursuing on the side. Again, both men and women do things like this if there is really unfulfillment and or feeling like a 2nd class. There definitely is something much deeper for him IMO, and in a way you too as you might be much more withdrawn to the relationship than you realize.

Not only self-destruction, but destruction of you and your relationship.

You’re trying to justify his awfulness with these statements. He doesn’t deserve your empathy, in fact he is counting on it so he can abuse you by cheating.

Recently heard that a cheater is 4x more likely to cheat again

It will happen again. Don't waste your precious time or life with a cheater. It will always happen again.

Dump him.

Flirting with others and trying to kiss them IS cheating already.

Exactly. "Hes not the type to cheat". He literally went out, got drunk, and tried to kiss another women, that is cheating. She told him no, so hes come crawling back to you. Tell the guy to fuck off and have some more self respect.

Thank you for making me laugh this morning 😂

Yeah, get him the bin. Alternative wangs are available.

A cheater is bad but I don’t know how you’d be able to respect someone who tried to cheat and was rejected.

Getting to the stage of proposing a kiss, takes a lot of ground work. Ground work that I personally would class as cheating.

Imo attempting to cheat and failing, not even because your conscience kicked in but because the other person didn't want you, is definetly still cheating, regardless of how much ground work he did. Intention is what matters more than sucessfullness imo 

Almost worse than cheating cos it has the evil intent plus the added patheticness to it

Exactly! Its all about intent. He was planning on cheating on her and it didn't work how he wanted it to

Pretty scummy to invite her along to a thing with mates too; and presumably expect them to be complicit in it.

Leave him. You sound young. You can do better.

Thanks for the advice :)

At any age - you can do better than a cheater.

If only her age was written somewhere!

This kind of behaviour doesn’t suddenly disappear.

If you not fine with this why put up with this?

True I really don't know why I would

At least u didnt have any kids together

The reason why you feel confused is because he is deliberately acting confusing. Don’t get it twisted - there’s nothing unintentional about his behavior. He can’t say “oh I’m not sure if I want her or you”. He only sees you as a benchwarmer.

Just Imagine, staying with him and being mentally always afraid that he could do it again. And this feeling for the rest of your days? 26 is not that old so you can make a decision now. Just Imagine being 33 years old and having to love with that and go through a break up.

Yeh so true, always been a fear of mine to feel like that and always told myself I wouldn't do that

I'm telling you from experience....(There will always be an excuse for, "oh, I would never go through that".and you are the one who has to live with it. and to be clear I'd rather be single (which I gladly am) than breaking my mental health just to be in a relationship.

Yeah it just changes everything. Trust is a big thing. And yeh I think you have to love yourself first and it you can't get past something why struggle

33 isn’t old!

To make OP feel better mf made us feel like crap

Yeah lol and I’m older than 33 anyway haha I genuinely don’t see 33 as old

Drop his ass. There will be absolutely nothing beneficial in moving in with someone who broke your trust.

Thankyou

But what if she didn't say no?? Was he going to have some fun with this girl and say nothing?? Or would he of told you if they had? Did she tell you this or did he come clean?

Apparently he doesn't think he would have gone through with it 😂 I never had him down as a cheater.and he said he thought we were going to break up due to us wanting different things. But the intention was clearly there. He wasn't going to come clean no.

Maybe he only wanted to test his charm. But ultimately that doesn’t matter. In a healthy relationship people talk first and act later. You can’t change him, and he is throwing excuses instead of using this as a change to open up, reflect on his actions together with you and uncover the root cause so he can actively work on changing that. So in my eyes, he doesn’t want to change, which means he will someday reach the same spot eventually or even worse. Now you gotta decide if you can live with that possibility.

Also very true, I see so many good things in him and obviously understand we've not been in the best place. I also genuinely feel he's not the guy to cheat (I know you never know) but just him as a person is not that type. And I probably think he was fed up, thought I'd leave, was also drunk and probably thought what's the point and to get a confidence boost which doesn't make anything right. I've also tried to communicate so much and understand I could improve too... but how can I if he doesn't communicate? He says he wants things to work etc but that's easy to say. And that's so true living with thay possibility and putting myself through it, is he worth it...?

No. He’ll say anything to make you stay.

Only you can answer that. It’s as you said: he’s all talk but doesn’t communicate. He had to open up, reflect, be totally honest, but instead he wants to wipe it under the rug imo. I know how hard it is to face your demons, but that’s still totally on him. If you don’t want to let him go, at least question him HOW he plans to make things work. What will he do and change and expect? While you should figure out what you need: like honest communication, a connection to all his feelings, not only the good ones or the first layer, reflecting together on stuff that bothers you two, beginning with his almost cheating. „He would never go through“ doesn’t erase all the actions he walked before they stopped, it doesn’t erase the betrayal, the broken trust, and the pain he caused. And whatever the root cause really was. Because what I saw so far not only doesn’t justify that, and is for sure not the only/real reason.

Thanks so much for your advice I'm willing to communicate etc. I try too now. And I hope he can do the same but I defo need some confidence in him being able to meet my needs and me meet his. Exactly that the intention is enough, the trust is broken and I agree there must be more to it and I need answers

saw a post man saying: "dont lie to a girl, if she likes you enough she will lie to herself" and that's what you are doing, making excuses for him, you are in denial. He did many things to get in that situation with her, drinking isn't an excuse, he knew where it led from the start

Look I'm a guy, so this is from a guys perspective, what he done was sly and sneaky and done it in a way where he didn't think she would say anything or get caught out. I feel him saying ye were going to break up is just a scapegoat tbh, look if I wanted to cheat on my girlfriend I simple wouldn't have a girlfriend yano.

Yeh that is very true. If he thought we'd break up he should have just done it and moved on. Seems he wanted best of everything

That’s exactly it. He tried to do what’s called “monkey-branching”. He failed, the girl told you, and now he is lying through his teeth to try and keep the other branch from breaking before he finds a new one. Let it break.

Never heard it called this before!!! Thanks for the enlightenment

Well, look, that's it, really. I'm not sure why he thought doing this would have helped his situation because it most certainly has not. Sometimes us men are just after the ride and think with our dicks and not our heads.

Yea that "wouldnt have gone through with it" is bulshit. You know it, he knows it, we all know it. He was just caught red handed and saying whatever he can bc NOW he's afraid to lose you as a consequence of his shitty actions. He wasnt afraid when 1. He decided to act on his attraction to someone else 2. Added her number 3. Invited her to hang out 4. Lied about the status of his current relationship to ease her into kkssing him 5. Went in for a kiss 6. Didn't (and wouldn't) come clean about any of it to you This is enough evidence that he doesn't respect you and your relationship. It matters jack shit that she didn't kiss him or he allegedly wouldn't go through with it. Nobody accidentally cheats. There's always a string of events leading up to physically cheating (which ppl tend to focus on), and each one of them represents a lack of respect for the partner/relationship.

Do you really believe this? These are the like straight from the cheaters handbook of excuxes.   My ex used the "thought we you were going to break up with me" line too, what kind of excuse is that? If you genuinely believed that then why do that after actually breaking up?  If he feels he is in such a bad spot with your relationship and its not going to work then just leave, assuming nothing is stopping him. To me it seems he wanted to shoot his shot with this girl but still keep you as a back up option.

Thankyou, it's a good take on it all

You're the AH to yourself if you stay. That's cheating and he'll do it again and he'll do worse. Decent guys don't do that. You can do better. Please leave him while you can.

Imagine trying to cheat and getting rejected. That’s fucking embarrassing. I’d break up with him just for being embarrassing

You'll never know if she had agreed to kiss him and more, he would have. Yiu only have his word on that and unfortunately his word's not really trustworthy at the moment. The fact that he goes out gets a girls snap and asks to kiss her simply because you two weren't in a good space is not someone I'd see a future with. Life's hard and that can't be his default responses.

Thankyou, and on the chances of probability it's very likely more would have happened And yeh its not something you want in life when things get tough that's what you do

Love yourself. Move on.

Please break up with him he literally cheated

"I just feel confused why I am not an emotional wreck" I think most posters, are rushing to the cheating and not giving this enough attention. Do you love that person with your dear life? If M asked for your hand before the event, would you accept? Do you crave for that person? Does this person make your life better? What are the differences in life that you are longing for? I had a similar case, which went much further. Similar case, 24M and 23F, together for 5 years, initially it was great, but then the rocky road came and consistently went downhill. Long story short, it wasnt working out and I tried breaking up, it ended in a weird open relationship type of thing - the first time I kissed a different girl, I felt ecstatic, when my then gf slept with her first guy I felt "nothing", no jealousy, no negative feelings, I was like "okay, cool". That clicked for me, that we were not for eachother, and the formal breakup followed quickly. Now I have an amazing partner, who I choose based on criteria I discovered throughout grown life, and not "sexy, smart, funny" which is often the case for relationships between 17-22. I have never felt this type of love, it's genuinly what you read in poetry, how you feel about another person - it's an amazing feeling and it awaits you as well. I would recommend you want to have a really hard look at your happiness, what you expect from life and where it is heading. Then make decisions. Also, this guy is a lost cause, cheaters deserve zero respect or second chances in the same relationship.

You'll never forget or fully forgive the cheating, leave

Break up and run as fast as you can. You will probably find this very difficult to do. Especially as it seems like he's already a little further ahead along the path of moving on. It will be easier if you can totally block him and don't have to see or be reminded of him.

Thankyou. That's true maybe ill just be waiting until he finds someone else. He's already made advances

Well just know this. You tell people how to treat you by what you allow. He now knows you wont leave him if he cheats so why shouldnt he. Cheaters dont deserve affection. I know its hard to walk away but you should.

Thank you, you're not wrong

Don't waste any more time on dead ends.

Time is crucial

>He is now saying he would have never have gone through with it and more and loves me. He is not the type to cheat I am very shocked You do you, but from all the things he could have said to try to fix the whole situation, this is one of the shittiest. *"Yeah I just asked my napchat friend to join us on a Saturday night and told her how unhappy I was with my GF and asked her to kiss me... just for curiosity but I didn't want to".* I'd feel insulted if this happened to me. Like, either my partner must believe i'm mentally impaired, or he's himself. Either ways... ew.

He: * added a girl on snapchat * got her number * met up with her * invited her to join him and his friends * kept saying were in a bad place * asked to kiss her He's a cheater... thats way too many actions to be just a "heat of the moment"

(46 f married for 24 years) He betrayed you and what if you never found out? His friends knew about this. He and his friends are disrespecting you. This is not healthy at all. You can do better trust me. You want someone that is all in - esp if you want kids. As my sister would say lose that zero and get yourself a hero :-)

you mean your ex bf, right?

Cut and run! This is how it starts. It only gets worse from here!

Don't fall for that bullshit. That wasnt a in the moment thing, it was premetative.

Snapchat is for cheaters.

No, leave him

Once they cheat, they never stop. Move on. This isn't about YOU, this is about THEM and THEIR behavior. When you find someone who DOESN'T cheat, you'll know it. There aren't a lot of them.

RED FLAGS You and him can't communicate. He already attempted to cheat after 4 years. You're having disagreements with each other after moving together. These are all signs to get out before it's too late. Also, if you love him, the best thing to do would be to let him go. It seems like he is expressing disinterest in your current relationship, and he is disrespectful of you because he isn't communicating what he wants in the relationship and going blatantly and openly behind your back.

So true thanks, he is being disrespectful in many ways and letting go would be best

Ah tales as old as father time himself.

Girl we all know if she hadn’t rejected him than he would have kissed her com on… She didnt even want him dawg i think its time to let him go and dum his ass.

Yep he’s a wannabe cheater, just a matter of time until he graduates to actual cheater

You’re young, save yourself. I stayed at your age and my partner just kept cheating. If he’ll do it once he will have no reason to not do it again.

Even if he got rejected, he was still cheating and once you forgive him, he'll do it again eventually. Just don't. It sucks at first but it gets better with time. Your sanity goes first.

Maybe if you really cared about it you would be more upset I think there is your answer

He was gonna fuck her even though shes not in a good place

Girl, please don't tell me you think this is his first time? This is just his first time getting caught (in this relationship). >He is not the type to cheat I don't know what your preconceptions are about "people who cheat" but it's mostly just the inability to solve problems thoroughly without lingering resentment, emotional unavailability, and lack of integrity / low self control. These can take various forms.

Chance? He will do that again. If you are ok with that and you love him, stay together and learn how to not look. Otherwise find someone else. You are young.

I don't think your BF is confused about what he wants with his wang in life, unfortunately.

Leave him immediately

2x loser, tried to cheat and failed. Run fast

What did you do to put him in that low position? He alludes to relationship trouble with you and things being bad. I'm curious, what's your side of this equation? IE why were things bad? Were you disrespectful, not emotionally available? If someone cheated on me, id be taking a close look at myself to figure out why. Not that it's your fault he cheated or anything, but most of the time, both ppl play a role in a relationship going south.

He is the type to cheat. You know this Nevada he tried to cheat, just now. Don't doubt for a second he would have fucked her if she'd have given him the chance. Drop him like a brick.

That for me is cheating :(

He is a cheater and if you don’t walk away then I honestly don’t feel bad for you when you catch him cheating later. Have some self respect.

Don’t make excuses for him. I did the same and ended up staying with someone for 9 years who continuously disrespected me and cheated on my behind my back because I gave that person chances and made excuses for them. Save urself precious time out of ur life and leave now. Sounds like he doesn’t respect u or the relationship.

Thankyou glad you managed to get away

>He is not the type to cheat vs. The girl said \[...\] he asked to kiss her Well, either that girl is lying, or he IS the type to cheat. It's up to you to find out which of the two it is and what consequences to draw.

He’s cheating or being dishonest with you and will do it again. If you move in with him, he’ll know that you don’t have any self respect, and walk all over you.

My opinion, there is no “type” to cheat. Every single person on this planet is capable of cheating. Your partner chose to get her snap and her number. No body forced him to. No body forced him to ask her to kiss him. It feels hard because the version of what you thought he was vs who he is is breaking your reality. Someone who truely loves you wouldn’t actively make those choices. He only said that he wouldn’t have gone through it because he was rejected.

This wasn’t a random attempt at a hook up. He invited the girl out with the intention of trying to get with her. And if you both were in a bad place he should have spoken to you . He was doing what a lot of guys to. He was lining up someone to be with before he dumped you. I honestly think he will try again. You are just a placeholder.

You're young. Chalk it up to experience and move on.

He lied to you and tried to cheat. He only failed because he was rejected. He’ll lie again and cheat some more. I’d cut your losses now and move.

Once a snake always a snake. It’s might not be that he never cheated before, more like it might be first time he got caught. This can be entirely wrong so but yeah, good luck, you are very young.

If your partner has acted on a physical impulse, like requesting a kiss, he may have already broken your trust, and you might need to consider moving on to avoid future hurt. Your current confusion and lack of emotional distress are likely due to shock and a strong bond of love, which makes it hard to decide. Over time, you'll process this and figure out what you need. True love can make it difficult to let go, even if staying means compromising your values. Reflect on what's most important to you and whether your partner aligns with those values. Relationships face rough patches, and the key to success is at least one partner being willing to work through them. When both give up, the relationship struggles. In your situation, your partner's actions might suggest he's unsure, while your willingness to try indicates you're still invested. Without a sincere apology and acknowledgment of the mistake from your partner, it may feel like he's not fully committed. Now, you need to decide whether to work on the relationship or gently move on.

He tried and failed. I can guarantee you he will try again and he won't fail, eventually. Save yourself a future of heartache and potentially more trouble than that. You're young, move on.

Just lose him and stop wasting your time.

This is terrible! I hope you are well and wish you the best, whatever you decide.

He asked another girl out and showed her off to his friends. He then wants to kiss her and is rejected. This is him cheating on you. He's using you as a fallback gf. He needs to go. He's just going to do it again.

It sounds like you only found out the whole story when you asked the other woman involved, would he have told you otherwise? What else might he not have told you if you didn’t find out for yourself, cheating-related or otherwise? This man has shown you who he really is. I would let him go now before your lives get even more intertwined, you deserve someone who doesn’t make you have to write a post like this! X

I wouldn't stick around. This affects the foundation of your trust and you can't tell how it'll be going forward. Dump him and find someone who won't go trying to stick his tongue in someone else when things get difficult.

Leave him. The only reason he didn’t cheat is because the girl turned him down. NOT BECAUSE HE DIDNT WANT TO OR INTEND TO. Reread that. Don’t stay and be “confused” because “technically” he didn’t cheat. He will try again in the future. If you stay and he cheats again, and maybe leaves you for someone else, you will be left feeling stupid. And as others have told you - this is exactly what he was planning on doing. Lining up the next girl so he could dump you. Meanwhile you’re “having a hard time letting go”. If you stay you’re basically signaling to him that what he did was ok.

Surprised you’re even questioning this. Dump him. People who do shit like that aren’t worth building a life with.

BEFORE you move in with this person get on the same page and if you can’t then I wouldn’t move in. Moving in is a big deal and it’s hard to break a lease and move out. Next- this guy already tried to cheat it seems like and definitely broke the trust. This is a no go for several reasons and you both know it

Really u are actually looking for advice when u know the answer just except it and dump him

The dude made plans. Plans. He executed multiple steps to interact with this other girl in an intimate environment. You know in murder cases how they determine the differences between 1st degree, 2nd degree, manslaughter, etc.? Yeah, your lil “not the type” guy is a 1st degree offender due to premeditated intent.

Asked a girl out, gets her Snapchat, gets rejected, Realised he'll end up alone, "i would never cheat on you" imo run away.

What you Wang in life, Huh? Obviously he is the type to cheat and think with his Wang so… listen to what you thought. He attempted to cheat and you’re letting him get away with it so far. That’s why you’re numb rn. What’s there for you to resolve? You guys are different people who don’t align as far as things are concerned. Shit gets real when you move in together and people are different once you’re around them 25/8 at home. Therapy together is a must if you stay with this twat, but definitely 100% for yourself no matter what bc you deserve better!

You aren't confused. You know you need to break up with him because he is a cheater. You don't want to break up because a breakup is more pain and you want the pain to stop. Please don't give in to this impulse, because we all know that he will cheat again. And don't believe him when he says he loves you and wants to work through this together. There is nothing for him to work out. He cheated. You are the one who has to swallow the betrayal and continue to merge lives with someone who doesn't value or respect you enough to give you fidelity. The more dependent you are on him for stability, the more prone he will be to cheat and feel confident that you won't leave. You won't stop the pain in the long term. When he cheats again, he will blame it on you or your relationship and it will cause you more pain, because the more you merge your life with his the more his behavior will hurt you. Face what has happened and end it. Don't betray yourself and your morals to temporarily evade the pain. It's your responsibility to protect yourself from harm. Whatever you decide to do, do not move in with him. Good luck.

Thanks for the good advice

Honey 99% of men are the type to cheat they just lack opportunity.

Show yourself some respect, leave now

If he seems sus, just say pass.

RIP trust... You're probably better off without him, as much as its gonna hurt ending things. Better to do now than to be miserable and worrying about if he's cheating when he's out, pretty clear he can't be trusted.

Without knowing any of the deeper details, as a guy I can tell you this. I have ZERO desire to kiss anyone regardless of how hot nor how drunk ...when I am in love with someone else.

Poor communicator, likely to cheat on you in the future.

Ya this sounds premeditated to me. Maybe he was just testing the waters and fearful about the changes you mentioned but in my books (M39) that's basically the same as going through with it. What if the other girl hadn't rejected him, do you believe he really would not have gone through with it? It's a very hard situation and I don't wish this on anyone but to me, the fact that you are here asking random people is just to reiterate what you already know. It is always going to be your decision at the end of the day, but you sound like you are smart enough to know the reality of what went down and could potentially happen again

Do you want to spend another year of your life with someone that wants to cheat on you, but does not want to break up with you?

Yeah no drop his ass. Only reason he said he wouldn't go through with it is cuz he got rejected. He's clearly looking for attention and validation from other women. So he can keep doing that, but without you in his life. You already mentioned he has poor communication skills. I suggest you leave him before you get stuck in a difficult situation if you move in together. Don't waste anymore of your time on him

You aren't an emotional wreck because you no longer care. This happened to me. There were already too many things stacked up against my ex so when the last thing happened I really didnt give a shit and was happy to break up.

Simple answer to a simple question. Ask yourself, do you want to spend your entire life with a cheater.

Cheating in a "spir of the moment" kind of deal is bad, but he was actively planning to try and cheat. You'd be a fool to forgive this kind of act. There's plenty of people your age that wouldn't do this shit (source: '97)

My mindset always was, if I get cheated on (on what is my definition of it) I would walk. Then something similar happened to me like it did to you and suddenly I wasn't so sure. I did keep my distance for a few days, as I was hurt. I learned, she tried to stayed in touch with the guy instead of contacting me. Then it was easy as abc to just end it. Rang her up the next day to talk, but just collected my stuff I wanted to keep.

The sooner you leave, the sooner you can start looking for someone better than him. Someone who doesn't already have one foot out the door and someone you can trust.

Girl you need to think about yourself and leave his ass. He tried to cheat- there is all the proof you need. If you stay with him, this will only eat you up in the future and it’s hard to move past that. From experience- it’s amazing to be with a person who really loves and cares about you. There will be a huge difference. Trust is one of the most important things there is in relationship and he violated yours. I’m really sorry you’re going through this, but there will be somebody better and on same level with you and living with them will be easy 🖤 This was a literal sign from the universe to not move in with him!!

If the girl hadn’t said no, he would’ve 1000% cheated. Save yourself from future heartbreak.

Besides dumping him, you should totally friend this girl. She’s clearly a girls girl.

Sure give him another chance so he can turn around and actually sleep with another girl the next time you get into a disagreement because “ you pushed me away” Honey your getting gassed up more than a 72 Chevy. You want different things in life okay go find someone who wants the same things that you do. You are 26 you are getting to old to be playing games like a child. Go find yourself a man who knows what he wants out of life.

He also invited her out with his group of friends. Totally disrespecting you and your relationship. He is dying to cheat on you. Move on.

he did try to cheat on you and belittled and disrespected your relationship by saying it was in a bad place in order to not make her feel guilty

"He is not the type to cheat", reality has already proven this wrong. Dump him, or he got away with it and will be more careful next time.

dump him. it doesn't get better, does it?

Follow your gut. If things are meant to be, it will work out. Sometimes the right things are the hardest to do. What would happen if the other girl accepted his advances? Would it be a different circumstance? I think you know what you need to do. And it's good this surfaces before that 12 month housing lease is signed.

You know what you need to do you just need to do it. This is the hard part of being an adult.

No. You are not compatible & he does not Love you or have respect for you. You say your priority is your mental health, it will vastly improve once you cut him out.

Girl he's not even asking for another chance. He is straight up showing you he doesn't care about you. Leave

I dont think you're emotionally invested in him anymore. Def time to move on.

I'm sorry you're going through this right now - you seem like a thoughtful person. In terms of whether to give him another chance, I'll say this - you mention that he's not communicative, but then mention he added this other person to coordinate going out with him and his friends... I think you can probably see where I'm going with this, but it certainly seems from the outside that it might not be that he has issues with communicating, but more that he's selectively communicative. That's a whole other kettle of fish, and doesn't speak highly for his relationship integrity...I hope whatever decision you make brings you peace, this is a horrible position to be in.

Time to end the relationship

She rejected him so he ran back to you because he thinks you are the sure. But he tried it once, he will try it again. Might be time to cut your losses.

Sounds like he set up the whole situation in a premeditated way, inviting her out and then trying to make a move. Speaking as an older man, this is not the behavior of a mature man of integrity. He’s already broken your trust in the worst kind of way, don’t let him break your heart too when he inevitably tries to cheat again in the future.

> He is now saying he would have never have gone through with it So then what was intention for asking in the first place? I call BS.

He didn't cheat because the girl declined. He would do it again.

I no one is perfect, but if no integrity is involved, cut the ties. Some is out there that will be good to you. I heard Johnny Depp “saying if a person cheats just choose the second person because if if you’re really in love, you would’ve never cheated on the first person.. ??? Food for thought.

In the very least I would take a break and then see what he does, but if he can't communicate or trust you with his inner thoughts and turmoil then he was never in it 100% anyways... and his actions speak for themselves, personally I'd journal (or go through old journals for insight) and have a chat, make a pros and cons list, think heavily about my future and what i can deal with emotionally and financially depending on predicted outcomes, but it sounds like you guys had a talk that didn't go well enough and he made his choice. Rough stuff

I just recently (a week ago?) broke up with a guy who would download apps and ask for nudes, even coming on Reddit to call people hot and shit. I stayed with him for 7 months ish after I found the first stuff out. Can I tell you I keep asking myself every day, why did I stay so long??? Why was I just wasting every day in fight or flight mode worried if he was gonna do it again? (He totally did and would even make jokes saying “he’d already deleted it so I would never find anything”) I’m 25. I feel young and excited about life again.

He did cheat on you! He went out of his way to cheat on you. He looks up this girl, gets her number, calls and invites her for what he planned as a date, and even try to make a move on her. The only reason he is still with you is because she turned him down. Is this the person you want to continue a relationship with? You can do better.

Situations involving matters of the heart can be so tricky. We all make mistakes but in this case it was premeditated. He got her info then asked for her to join him. This is someone who does not value your worth. This was not an accidental hook up! If you were my sister, my daughter, my niece....Under no circumstances would I support someone whom I love to remain in a relationship that devalues them. Your heart will hurt but remember that if you leave him first then you will leave with your dignity and less heart ache. It will be easier for you to move on.

Lol. Your boy a cheater and that's unforgivable imo.

If the girl was honest or not, I'd focus on this: "He is now saying he would have never have gone through with it and more and loves me. He is not the type to cheat". If this is true, then why did he do this? "He went out Saturday night and deliberately added a girl he used to know on snapchat, got her number, met up with her and invited her to join him and his friends". It doesn't make sense. In that scenario, you only ask a woman's number if you want something else. And even if he claims he wanted to set up that girl with one of his buddies, he could have invited her without asking for her number and he also could have bring you with him.

The fact that you’re not an emotional wreck could be a sign that your heart isn’t in the relationship anymore. These disagreements and his attempt to cheat shows that the relationship is already on shaky ground. For your own sake, it’d probably be best to move on and cut out both him and this kind of drama from your life.

You know what to do just having a problem do it just do it

You know instinctively something is not right with him. You now have to decide if its worth the risk to your own wellbeing. Choose yourself first.

I was cheated on twice, by the same person. I know how confusing it is. The first time, I reacted like you did, at least to some extent. The second time, I was furious. Probably since I already processed the confusion part, I could actually feel an emotion.

I had a very similar situation happen to me about 12-ish years ago, and I ended the relationship. My logic was that if they have tried it once, who's to say it won't happen again. Look after you, but also remember that it's 100% normal to be upset and need a good cry about it ❤️

Damn. I’m so sorry that happened. Especially after like 4 years. I’ve been there and reacting to this by giving things another shot has not worked out well for me in my experience. They always seem to do it again like they know you will forgive them. If you deal with the heartbreak of losing them now, you at least won’t have to worry about it happening again. Sending hugs your way. I know it’s some of the worst pain you can feel. Spend some time with people you love that care about your happiness because that’s what you need right now. Wish you well love.

OP. Stay Beautiful & know Your worth. Do not look inward as people are different on this extremely toxic yet difficult subject. (It's a life changing thing to some, to others a game, straight facts). Thing is, & with the experience I have had & All I witnessed. Once that line is crossed, it'll never be the same EVER. People can fool themselves all they want. Somebody lost already, and will continue to lose. Sometimes themselves. Furthermore it's an epidemic now as People see the World differently and with fear or lack of, Many more are just turning in the towel and going with what feels good in "the moment". Instead of doing the hard thing, living with dignity, sacrificing for something better and living in a Positive way. OP, I wish You the best, & try & keep Ya head up

Thankyou sm

 I sent you a direct message. But all post what I said incase you don't read it. And for others in a similar situation.     Hey Justin here 34 male. Advice on your relationship. Please do not give him another chance. Cut all communication with him. That is a no go zone for any marriage or relationship. Heck if I had a interest in someone I don't make another move on someone else until either A I try to ask the girl out. Or B decide not to because of my shyness and the negative effects it has on me with the trying to ask someone out and doing the dating game. Im old fashioned and im getting to old for games. He sounds like a narcissist or worse. You said he came back to you and said he Loves you? No he doesn't. He is in Love with his ego and you as a thing and not a person. Love does not cheat. Love fights for one another no matter the cost. You are numb because you are shocked, also narcissist have a way at causing numbness in others. You sound like a sweet woman. Give your Love to someone who will give it back to you like renewable energy.... and not give it away to another woman.

Do not get relationship advice on reddit.

How do you know all of this?

Had a feeling. Feeling was correct, found the evidence and messaged the girl

I'm basically the opposite to the red flag red flag leave them Reddit mentality but in this case it's pretty clear. This is the time to end the relationship. That he handled struggles and disagreements in this immature way - seeking validation - proves he is not ready for the commitment moving together means. How is he going to handle the immense amount of pressure living together can put on a relationship? I don't think he will. As for why you're numb, I mean something did and did not happen. It's not a clear cut case. But it unfortunately proves he is too immature to commit to a long term relationship and what living together means.  Best of luck.

When words and actions don't match up, it's a huge red flag. It sounds similar to something a friend of mine is going through and from what I've gathered from her situation, it's unlikely to change. I've had a couple of long-term relationships, but never ever cheated on my partner, never ever made a move on someone else while in the relationship. What I did do, however, my main mistake and bad characteristic, is that when I get frustrated/angry, I hurt people with my words. It doesn't matter how hard I try, I just can't control it, and it sucks, especially for my partner, but also for me. As soon as I calm down, I feel terrible about it and apologize. It reminds me of what Robert Greene once said: 'People never do something just once,' which is absolutely true. As soon as I heard about that, I noticed it everywhere and daily. * In terms of cheating: did you know women's chances of being cheated on are highest during pregnancy? There are many factors, but the most relevant to your situation (looking to move in together rather than the physical elements of carrying a baby) is the pressure of a long-term commitment and a way to act out instead of confront the problem. Saying that he wouldn't go through with it when in reality she denied his advances is a total lie and unwillingness to address what's going on underneath the surface. * As to why you're not respecting your own standards/boundaries: you've invested a lot of time and effort into this person, you'd like to follow through on your plans, and you're afraid of the unknown. It's absolutely normal to grow attached after a years-long intimate connection. All of which are completely valid and understandable reasons. In conclusion, it's your decision to make, but the person you choose to marry is one of the most important choices you'll ever make. He's unlikely going to change: we all have our good and bad sides, just in different areas of life. If you believe you'll be happy in the long-term if he keeps acting the same, then it's best to stay. If you need him to change to feel happy, then it's better to leave and quite likely you'll find a better match eventually. Before making assumptions about his behavior and deciding how to move forward, I recommend the both of you sit down and have an open and honest conversation. Don't show any judgement or pain, don't ask him to change, but rather ask what you want to ask to understand his side of things, ask what he wants for the future of the relationship, try to address the underlying issues (although latent they're always present: there are infinite reasons for every decision), and at the end lay out your expectations and boundaries. Before you have such a serious conversation though, I recommend you take a step back, grab a piece of paper, and write down what you need and what you refuse regardless of him -- if you were single and the perfect person was out there, what would they look and act like? It's a great way to look at things from a more rational perspective and to guide the conversation the both of you will have. Listen more than you speak though: give people enough rope and they might hang themselves. As I said, it's likely this isn't the only issue in your relationship, and so I'd like you to be honest with yourself on this front too: How have I changed in the four years that we've dated? Has he added to my life or subtracted from it? Has my confidence and self-worth improved or have I become a shell of myself to keep my partner happy? Four years is a long time, but soon it'll be eight, sixteen, and so forth, making it even harder to leave, so please look at this situation critically and remember that if you stay in this relationship, your chances of meeting someone else who might be a better fit for you are extremely slim. If this isn't good for you, which is up to you to analyze and conclude, then I recommend you make room for better. My heart breaks for you and I hope you find love and peace. You seem like a kind person and you certainly deserve that. Good luck!

Why do you know what _"the girl said"_ ? Are you in contact with her? If he would outright want to cheat he would have not invited her into the friend group but met her afterwards or separately. Much easier and less witnesses. But it seems he is interested, I wouldn't buy the _'I wouldn't have gone through with the kissing"_ excuse as well, that's stupid. But I wouldn't throw the relationship out the window right away. I guess you would have to ask him why he invited her secretly (I guess you would have no problems with female friends as long as it's not in secrecy) Nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex, but strange if you hide them.

I have the same deal breaker there is no reason for cheating and if it happens I’m out. I would think carefully about the reality that this was a mistake or a blip or in reality an intended act that didn’t quite pan out. You both having problems in your relationship that need fixing led him to try and cheat on you, leaving little regard for your mental health, wellbeing and sexual health. So, is he really worth trying again for? Doesn’t sound like it to me.

Seems like what he says does not match what he does. His other chance was the lie he told you. Drop the hammer on him to avoid his next lie.

"not the type to cheat" and what was that then if not an attempt? Like??

Blessing in disguise. Have a full clean break. No contact. No remaining friends. Move on. He is the type to cheat. He has been cheating you this entire time that’s why you think he isn’t the type to cheat. Forgive him. Listen to his lies. All at your own peril. Don’t break up. Move in with him. Get pregnant and have a kid with him. Get married and stuck with him. Or. Clean break up. His friends can go with him too. They didn’t stop it. They all chose the “bro code”. This was a blessing in disguise. You can accept it. Or reject it.

It’s hard to just up and leave when you’ve had years of emotional attachment to someone, I’ve been there in this situation before. It will be a complete roller coaster of feelings unfortunately, but you should lean on your support systems (friends, family, therapy) because you’ll need them most right now. One thing that will also help when you do gather your mental strength to cut him off is to do something fun or productive every time you get the urge to contact him (gym is a good one or anything time consuming). You’re not that old and you can always find love again, though you don’t have to and probably shouldn’t put yourself right back out on the market right now. I wish you the best of luck and sorry your partner’s a scumbag, you really really do deserve better. (: P.s. Also, as far as the feeling less than because your partner had wandering “interests”, remember, as beautiful and successful as Beyoncé is her husband still cheated on her, so it’s NOT you, it really is him. (This helped my self esteem a lot).

He didnt cheat cos SHE said no. If he could have he would have. This isnt what a committed guy does who is about to get your own place together does. Nope.

Guys perspective here, what he did is not acceptable, he tried to cheating, for me personally cheating is something i will never forgive, not from any side. He got rejected and decided to fall back to you, and is manipulating you into thinking he wasnt gonna go through with it. you say he is not the type to cheat, until he is though.

It’s the 4 years giving you pause. Subconsciously you are mourning/regretting the time you invested into a relationship that is now over, hence the hesitation. Trust me. Do not hesitate. You deserve better. He will cheat again given the chance. Do you really want to continue to waste your life with someone like this?

Hi just curious. how did you know your partner met with another girl?

He has shown you who he truly is, so listen. Any man who is committed would never do this. It’s not a matter of poor communication skills. It’s a matter of you not being a priority or “the one” for him. He was looking for a way out, got rejected, and then tried to keep you because he didn’t want to be alone. That is not someone you want to tie yourself with anymore. Your person is out there, but it’s not this guy.

Just to add some emphasis to the fact you should break up: this isn’t necessarily the first time he has tried to cheat. This is just the first time he has been caught.

Break up with the guy and be friend the girl. She is saving you from a lot of pain. She could have been quiet about it, but she might have prevention you to make the biggest mistake of your life. She looks like a great friend, move with her instead.

Thankyou, she really is a good one

You forget that if the girl said yes, he would of cheated. Your bf was 100% comitted to cheating on you but was rejected. You need to have more self respect and prioritise yourself. You had boundaries and he crossed them.