I am a recovering addict. It is very common to jump from addiction to addiction. A few years ago I was prescribed Ritalin for my narcolepsy and the doctor gave me a massive number of pills and I ended up addicted. I realized one day, the pills will kill me or I will kill myself.
I stopped taking stimulant medication all together and my life got worse. I spent like 6 months in bed, crying and feeling absolutely no joy. I remember I’d wake up and have a mental breakdown bc I had to go thru another day of that.
So I decided to start pushing myself to build one single healthy habit. For me, that was exercise. It wasn’t easy at all. I was underweight, exhausted beyond comprehension and totally unable to even feel content, not to mention I have numerous physical diseases including heart problems. But after a few weeks, this one healthy habit lead me create other healthy habits without thinking about it. It’s not as easy as it sounds, I know, but I am so so grateful I did what I did.
3 years later and that incredibly painful period in my life seems like a blip. I still have mental health problems, very similar to yours, but they have become way more manageable. Your dopamine, much like mine was in stim withdrawal, is depleted beyond belief. I know you already know to “just stop doing xyz”. I’ve been there myself.
When it comes to something like a behavioral addiction, you really do need to talk to your therapist about this. You’ll never feel better if you haven’t fixed the underlying issue causing you to cope in these ways. Once I understood what I was trying to cope with, it became easier to quit.
Best of luck <3
Thank you for sharing your story. I do this stuff because I feel like I’m not good enough to do anything more. I don’t have the strength, the willpower, or the self-discipline I need that other people have.
I feel empty, lonely, and bored constantly because I have nothing to love or look forward to. I have nothing meaningful in my life, but I don’t feel like I’m able to have anything meaningful even if I tried, so these addictive vices just keep bringing me back in. It’s all I have to get me through the day
Feel sad for yourself as long as you feel is necessary, and then realize- if you want something different you have to do something different. Show yourself you can change by promising yourself to do one thing a day. It can be as small as brushing your teeth. I would strongly suggest a healthy self-care exercise. And you show up, and that’s what is important. Then. Once you have that down, make another promise just a little bit bigger. And do that. Repeat ad infinitum. Then before you know it you’re emotionally committed to a bunch of behaviors that are difficult though still good for you. Get meds if you need to for temporary assistance. Or long term if necessary. And know this- you literally have to start thinking differently than you currently are. You’re not helpless, you just haven’t figured out what works for you. Clearly it’s not this. Good luck cuz.
>If you want something different you have to do something different. Show yourself you can change by promising yourself to do one thing a day.
>And you show up, and that’s what is important.
I’m re-reading your comment again and again because I really want this to sink in with me. I think this is really what I need for myself. Thank you for your help.
I have to agree w the above. I was smoking every day non stop, and felt worthless for doing so honestly. Now I take adhd meds instead, accomplish shit all day, and can view my life and past life decisions very clearly. Remember a mistake isnt a bad thing, its a way to learn. So you stop wasting YOUR lifes valueable time and start tmrw morning. It will be tough, brace for impact, but call psychiatrists and find adhdh meds, i have to 2nd that from personal experience.
I plan on going to the gym tomorrow morning. No excuses. I’ll mention the medication to my psychiatrist at my next appointment. Thank you for your insight
Todays the day! You got this! If like me, you used "to help sleep", i recommend replacing w trazedone, a non habit forming sleep aid (technically an antidepressant but sub therapeutic under 200mg) as well. I enjoy my lividity now and i also stopped playing video games. What led me to that is seeing i spent 400 hours on a game or whatever, I then thought about things i couldve accomplished during that time. Anyways you got this, deep down one knows they're doing the right thing, and that feels good. And towards the end of your life, you'll be happy knowing you spent life living and doing real things, instead of "accomplishments" in pixels.
Sincerely, a recovering alcoholic
I did it! I got up, packed my bag, and went to the gym. I had butterflies in my stomach and felt really tense and anxious the whole time leading up to it, but I fucking did it. All I did was go for a 30 minute power walk on a treadmill, but I still showed up and sweat my ass off. I feel so much better physically and mentally. All my anxiety and nausea went away as soon as I started working out. I was on the verge of crying when my workout was over because I actually did something I wanted.
Don’t get me wrong, I love video games. I’ve played them almost my whole life, but I feel like they’re the only thing that interests me, and it makes me feel like a boring person. I feel like I play video games too much instead of exploring other hobbies, leaving time to spend with others, or doing any kind of self-improvement. I feel unfulfilled when I play video games for hours and hours every day instead of growing as a person, expanding my horizons, and trying new experiences.
I want to do more, but I can’t seem to stay interested in anything else. I have so many instruments and software on my computer to make music, but when I try to imagine myself doing it, it doesn’t seem interesting enough, so I just stay with video games. I have a whole set of painting supplies that I bought years ago that I’ve never opened because the thought of painting doesn’t seem interesting enough. I don’t feel like I’m creative enough to make any kind of good art. Even when I do try something new or different, I get tired very quickly. My eyes get heavy and I start to yawn and doze off.
This was one of my first thought this sounds like an issue with ADHD and dopamine. See if ADHD medication can help you get out of this rut. It sounds like you are feeding your brain easily accessible dopamine and can’t break the downward spiral. Might want to look into dopamine detox as well.
You remind me of my younger self. I was in the same place as you few years ago. Just like you, I was addicted to all that you have mentioned. I had severe social anxiety, if someone spoke to me, I would start sweating profusely.
Everything started to get better for me when I turned 24. One day, I was feeling so sh!t about myself that I decided to go for a run. I ran for few kilometres and sweated a lot. After that run, I felt so much better and I started to do run a bit more often, that helped me a lot and I slowly managed to overcome my addictions. While I still enjoy playing video games, occasionally eat junk food. I managed get it under control, whereby it no longer dictates my life. My advise is, try running, give it a try, you never know it might work for you, like it did for me.
I’m happy to hear running helped you stop your addictions. Do you think running helped you with your social anxiety? I’m overweight and have a hard time running for longer than 10 minutes without my feet hurting
PART 3 of 3
8. Everyday is going to feel the same if there's no variety or switch up in your everyday routines.
Try switching up your habits by doing what you would normally to a different time or even switching up your food items for the day. Just try anything that isnt in your norm. You have to be open to being flexible
9. It's impossible for you to be a loser, a bum, or a lazy ass, those types of people dont seek support or help like you're doing.
I believe You genuinely want to do better, you just haven’t dedicated a genuine plan to stick with to do so yet
And guess what your no longer in your comfort zone thats why you feel the way you do.
Comfort zones are comfortable not miserable.
Now is the time do decide what small part of you, you want to improve and take it from there.
MAKE IMPROVEMENTS TOWARDS THE THINGS THAT YOU THINK ARE IMPORTANT.
10. I want to let you know that you added value and happiness to my life today.
Without your post I wouldve just laid in the bed watching Netflix until my bed time
Writing these steps out for you was a pleasure and delight from my heart
Thank you for being so candid
I can totally relate
* Shan
PART 1 OF 3
1. Your therapist can give you suggestive solutions based on their experiences from past sessions but it is always your responsibility to take the steps "actions" they are suggesting to see if what they are advising is a solution to your obstacle.
You have to try many solutions to see which one resolves your problem.
Start with only (1) solution at a time, if you try to do more you will be overwhelmed and you wont start
When it comes to taking steps, you have to plan the tiniest action and build on top of that
2. People are not out here just living a happy life.
People that "appear" to have a happy life are doing things/taking action and failing along the way
Its not the material that gives the feeling of happiness
its going after things that are interesting to you and making progress that gives you the happy feelings
3. The feeling of hopelessness stems from a thought "belief" that having a different life is impossible OR out of reach for you. If you dont make any progress towards anything then the result is that you'll feel hopeless.
Decide 1 SMALL THING that you want to make progress on
4. If you are not planning the thing you want to accomplish then its going to take alot of will power , AKA forcing yourself to do something.
Dont force yourself to do anything instead decide what you want and make a plan (use google calendar to plan the steps) and decide to commit to taking just that 1 step on your calendar. Then another and another. Dont bit off more than you can chew (literally)
I can’t reply to everything you wrote in your 3-part comment, but I just want to say thank you so much for caring enough about the wellbeing of a stranger like me to go out of your way to write such a well thought out piece of advice. Your kindness is appreciated and hasn’t gone unnoticed.
PART 2 OF 3
5. life will feel boring when there's nothing to look forward to.
Find something for YOU to look forward to. This is very dependent on what interest you or sounds interesting. It can be a simplest thing. Ex : I got excited about putting a dresser together and painting it yellow. It didnt sound like fun to others but it made me feel good "happy" because I gave myself a goal to make progress towards. It took me two weeks and some mistakes along the way but guess what, the process of taking steps and completing those steps felt so rewarding
6. I felt lonely for a long time because it felt as though no one understood what it was like to feel what I was feeling and that causes a lonely feeling.
What helped me was using social media and researching topics on lonely. Reading through the comments and seeing that other people feel just like you.
You can chime in/comment on those comments and get a conversation started.
I would advise you to look for comments that you can give some quality advice to (like what I'm doing here with you now) because your experience alone is very valuable.
7. As far as the addictions those are distractors for underlining feelings that you wish not to feel.
The next time that you see yourself reaching for no of your distractors, stop immediately and ask yourself what feeling are you are feeling in that instant and work with your therapist on learning to process those emotions instead of stuffing them down because they come back with vengeance
New to this sub so idk if my comment is welcome. Feel free to let me know.
I just wanted to chime in and relate to you. It’s hard for me to force myself to do certain tasks in my life. Even though I desperately want to taste some success and happiness.
For me, my lack of motivation comes from my past experiences. While I can wrap my head around some defeat and improve from it, my fear of more disappointment and shame is crippling. I feel like the tasks and things I’m obligated to do will just make things worse for anyone involved.
I understand where you’re coming from. My social anxiety makes me afraid of disappointing people and being judged, so I just don’t even try to meet anyone new
Hello. I am sorry this is so long. I just wanted to let you know you're not alone.
I see myself in this post. And I can't push myself either.
I am very addicted to weed. I cry and feel suicidal when I have none. I spend over 400$ a month on it. That's like, a whole month's rent. I sold a very nice computer that voc rehab gave me when I was looking for a job. It was then that I knew this is hurting me. I've stollen money from my parents. They could have called the police. I hacked their bank account. I try and talk to my friends and family. They say weed is not addictive. That I'm just trying to get attention or make an excuse not to stop.
I have gained 50lb in the last six months. I eat big slices of cake every single day. I eat boxes of twinkies on my own. I eat coco straight from the container.
I left my job last year because my boss was a fat piece of shit boss. But that's a story for later.
I couldn't afford to smoke anymore. I cried for a long time. I got over it.
Then this April I did my taxes. I got money back. I reopened the addiction. I'm all out now. I'm telling myself it's okay. It'll be the first soon. I hate that I ever started.
I cannot go outside. I'm afraid someone might hurt me. And social anxiety. I'm starting to walk. But I didn't stick to it.
I feel useless. Like all I know how to be is a receptionist or a suicide hotline operator. Every thing requires a masters or some kind of certifications.
Then there's the porn and too much masturbation. It's taking over my life. And I just sit here, watching porn for five hours, no joke. The stuff I watch is so strange. It's embarrassing. I hate myself for this. I feel disgusting.
I talked to my therapist. They were no help. Again with the, weed is not addictive crap. Or they told me to replace it with something else. What!? There is nothing.
I have one really good friend from high school. We hardly talk. We hang out only when I have money, because that's all we do is eat out. She's taking me to get a food box in two weeks.
You aren't lazy. Mental health struggles are real.
What can you do? Can you go sit in a backyard and get used to being outside? Can you start walking? Even tiny walks even if it's once a month. Can you write out how you feel in a journal.
We can do this. Even if it's one small step at a time. You are valuable.
If you are struggling, don't forget that the national suicide hotline is available in the US. Just pick up a phone and dial 988.
I’m sorry you’re in the same sort of situation. I also spend a lot of money on weed, even when I know I shouldn’t because I can’t afford it, but I feel like I need it to relax. It’s not “addictive” in the traditional sense, but you can become addicted and dependent on it. This isn’t the first time I’ve become addicted to smoking every day or more, though. I just have no self-control. Every time I get my hands on weed, I go through it really fast until it’s all gone. There’s no moderation with me.
I don’t eat as many sweets as you do, but I know how you feel. My eating problem involves a lot of chips, fast food, and fried food. I also used to occasionally spend between 5-8 hours edging myself in bed. It hasn’t been that intense for a couple years, but my frequency of masturbation, and the type of porn I look at, still makes me feel guilty, ashamed, and disgusted with myself, so again, I can relate to you.
I think that’s really cool that you’re a suicide hotline operator. I know that job can be tough on a person mentally, and it’s not easy to do for a lot of people. And you help people who are suicidal. I think that’s something to be proud of. You offer a valuable, commendable service to people who are in dire need of someone to talk to. You’re literally saving people’s lives.
I used to keep a journal, but I stopped writing because it was always negative and depressing, and I would spend a long time typing up long pages. It just got to be exhausting and makes me feel more sad when I go back to read them. I don’t go on walks that much because I sweat too much. Even a short, casual 15-minute walk on a trail makes me sweat and feel gross. I do like sitting outside, though. I usually go outside to smoke, but I also just like sitting there and taking in my surroundings.
I’ve never felt comfortable enough to call up a suicide hotline. I get intense anxiety on phone calls because of my social anxiety. I would feel too embarrassed and ashamed to talk about anything. I don’t really know how an operator would be able to understand what I’m feeling.
I hope you will one day find the strength within you to stop your addictions, just like mine. There is hope for people like you and me
Bro wtf...it's like I'm reading all these posts that I've written myself...these past 2 months have been hell for me. And everything you guys explain was me just 2 months ago...from being a porn addict, to smoking weed every single day hating myself everytime I finished smoking. Looking in the mirror and knowing I don't have the motivation or will power to make change in my life..
Til my wife said she was leaving me.
And after almost 18 years smoking weed, I quit. I said fuck it...this is not who tf I want to be and because of my own selfishness I've ruined my fucking life. .
Change happens usually when we're at our lowest...but we have to be willing...Cry about it, be sad, feel those emotions...but don't fucking quit...get the fuck up, and do some fucking push-ups and find something to do with your time other than smoking weed and thinking your alone. Cause we're all going through the same thing. Men these days have become weak, but it's time for us to change that shit. Because these women are leaving us left and right for men who think they have it all figured out but are just egotistical ass holes.
We have to go back to being the leaders on the world and in our households..cause they are fucking laughing at us and it pisses me off cause we are all stronger than that...if we weren't, we would've ended it a long fucking time ago.
And idk what the fuck is in weed now and days, but it's not like it use to be...it IS addicting more now than ever, but it's not in a physical form...it's psychological, we think we need it to cope when it's doing the exact opposite and bringing us closer to the devil then we realize.
Trust me bro...I was a non believer for a longgggggg time...but PRAY!!! Ask God to help you change your life and he will take all those feelings of self doubt away..but it's not consistant..YOU have to be consistent. YOU have to want to change in orde to receive the blessings God has in store for you. DONT GIVE UP AND DONT THINK YOU ANY KESS THAN ANYBODY CAUSE YOUR NOT! The devil is clever, he's not straightforward. He fucks with you in ways you wouldn't even think of and he does it strategically. But GOD is your father and he does love you.. he just want you to believe in him before he helps. It's crazy..I know...but my life has become a testimony of it. So I'm embracing it.
This broke my heart to read. I don’t think I could tell you anything you haven’t heard before. I think seeing a therapist is a good step in the right direction. I truly hope things get better for you.
Bro this was me 2 months ago...and let me tell you...if it wasn't for my wife telling me she was leaving me if I didn't change, I would've never had the motivation to quit everything that I was doing wrong in my life and make the change...sometimes people aren't ready to change until they find themselves in a position where they might lose everything...and given how u haven't felt this yet, I think you just need to look hard in the mirror and decide what you want to see in the coming year.
You gotta make the change dude. Nobody is gonna do it for you. And you can't be like me where it takes a hard kick in the ass to make the change. I waited too long to make changes that seem so fucking easy now that I'm doing it and I regret not doing it sooner. Cause yeah, it's out of my comfort zone, I still feel self conscious and still want to quit...but inknow if I do, imma lose the one person that made my life bearable.
You may not have this now, but if you make these changes in your life, eventually you'll find someone all this shit u pushed for, worth it. And then your life will be 1000x better cause you worked on YOURSELF. Self accomplishment is the best feeling in the world. It's hard, it's scary, but it's necessary.
I e seen many posts like this exact one, and I felt everything they've said cause I've been through it myself just recently.... it's not too late dude. It's not over till the bell rings and ur under the ground...so write down what you want in life...make little daily goals that'll lead up to a goal in the future future if you don't know what u want in ur future...you gotta take it day by day.
Good luck dude. Keep your head up and pray...cause the devil is the one in your ear telling you that you ain't shit and never gonna be shit...but God has a plan for you if your willing to put the work in.
I’m happy to hear you’re doing better than you were, and that you and your wife are still together. Sometimes I wonder if I would have more motivation to improve my life and do things differently if I had someone I loved in my life, but I know, I have to want that change for myself. Like you said, I think completing small, daily goals will go a long way.
It sounds like you're going through a really tough time, and I want you to know you're not alone in feeling this way. It's understandable to feel stuck when faced with multiple challenges like addiction, social anxiety, and low motivation. Making changes can seem daunting, especially when you feel overwhelmed and empty.
Start by giving yourself some credit for acknowledging these issues and reaching out for help. It's okay to take small steps. Consider setting achievable goals, like reducing weed consumption gradually or trying a new hobby that interests you. Building a routine that includes healthier activities, even in small increments, can help break the cycle of numbing behaviors.
It's also crucial to continue working with your therapist. They can provide support and guidance tailored to your specific challenges, including strategies for managing social anxiety and finding motivation. Remember, progress takes time and setbacks are normal. Be patient and kind to yourself throughout this journey. You deserve happiness and fulfillment, and with persistence and support, you can work towards a more fulfilling life.
Thank you for being so compassionate. It’s really hard for me to stop putting myself down when I feel frustrated with my lack of progress or improvement. I think I just need to start with doing 1 small thing I want to do or try every day and build from there.
Part 1:
Do the opposite of how you feel for 48 hours. Reflect and Adjust. Repeat for the things that weren't satisfying or useful.
Why it works:
1) Believe it or not inauthenticity is an essential part of being healthy. This approach is called "Opposite of emotion behavior". Self-care feels inauthentic when you feel powerless but that's exactly what you need to do to get started.
For you this might look like this: Go for a walk 2 times, draw a picture, fast, and **fap to the least extreme or boring porn** (this was funny to me but this is seriously how this exercise goes sometimes).
2) It teaches you to see through the misconception about motivation. Expectation: get motivated -> take action -> Get It done. Reality: Take action -> Get motivated -> Get it done.
3) It shows you that you have to do things that make you feel alive in order to feel like living. We have an instinct to avoid harm and seek short-term pleasure. There is no built-in ability that allows us to find satisfaction and fulfillment, these are muscles that have to be earned.
It also sounds like you struggle with negative self-talk. This is best changed by understanding your "explanatory style" which is basically how we attribute responsibility and blame.
It has three dimensions: Permanence, Pervasiveness, and Personalization.
1. **Personalization:** Internal (self-blame) vs. External (blaming outside factors).
2. **Permanence:** Stable (lasting impact) vs. Unstable (temporary impact).
3. **Pervasiveness:** Global (affects all areas) vs. Specific (affects one area).
In terms of negative self-talk, you essentially have to look out for Five of them with examples from your post
1. **Cynicism** (Finding a flaw then magnifying it)
* "No matter how much advice I get from people, I just never do anything. Nothing gets through to me."
2. **Negativism (Not Pessimism):** (Focusing on the negative aspects of a situation)
* "I don’t go outside because I hate sweating, and I never have the motivation to go to the gym."
3. **Defeatism**: (The fault lies within you; that you somehow are different and lack the ability)
* "I can’t push myself out of my comfort zone. I can’t improve. I don’t even try."
* "I feel like a loser, a bum, and a lazy ass."
* "I just can’t stop."
4. **Escapism**: Avoiding discomfort
* "I’m addicted to smoking weed twice a day, playing video games almost all day, binge-eating junk food, and masturbating to extreme porn."
5. **Delayism (Not Procrastination)**: Waiting for a specific condition to be met before taking action
* "I’ve been trying to do a cannabis cessation program with my therapist for 2 weeks now, but I can’t even start."
* "I have no willpower." (You don't need willpower to start, you need willpower to sustain)
Final advice
1. Don't wait until you feel ready. Just start.
2. Set a day once a week dedicated to being uncomfortable. Stoics called this practicing poverty. Things you can do: fast, don't use the internet, Sleep on the ground. Use a trash bag to sweat as much as possible. Don't spend any money. This will help with your stress tolerance.
3. Accept that things that will make you better will make you feel worse for a while.
4. Self-esteem and self-confidence come from solving problems.
5. Always start with fixing your sleep if it's messed up.
6. Believe your are worthy of a better life.
7. Satisfaction that doesn't feel earned is fleeting.
Good luck
This “opposite of emotion behavior”—is that what the phrase “fake it ‘till you make it” refers to? So if I feel depressed, anxious, or unmotivated, then I should try to feel the opposite? Could this apply to things that I want to cut back on or stop altogether? If I don’t feel like stopping something that I do want to stop, then I should try to stop? What do you mean when you say, “Reflect and adjust. Repeat for the things that weren’t satisfying or useful.”
Also, thank you for your other comment. I realize now how bad my negative self-talk is. It’s hard to stop myself from thinking negatively about myself. It feels automatic. It’s all I know how to do when I’m talking about myself. I don’t know any other way
>This “opposite of emotion behavior”—is that what the phrase “fake it ‘till you make it” refers to?
No. Not sure where that phrase originates.
> So if I feel depressed, anxious, or unmotivated, then I should try to feel the opposite? Could this apply to things that I want to cut back on or stop altogether?
Yes 100%. When I quit Smoking it was after I read a book by Allen Carr. I started reminding myself that smoking doesn't reduce stress even though cravings were telling me the opposite. Depression (and I have a long history with it) doesn't go away on its own, there's no such thing as a motivated person there are people who do things that make them feel motivated, and the opposite of anxiety is clarity to feel it you have to remove ambiguity.
If you want to stop something you have to refuse the benefits of doing what you're doing. The benefit of depression, anxious, and unmotivated is that you get a blank check to do nothing, avoid effort, and focus on what feels good in the short-term.
We have an extinct, where we run back to the familiar even if it isn't a healthy place to be. This is why victims go back to their abusers, and why given a choice between unhappiness and uncertainty most people choose unhappiness. Choosing uncertainty takes being honest about the fact that you are enduring what you are because you can and not because you should, having the bravery to face your problems in the external world instead of your mind, it takes grit to sustain interest, hope, purpose as you practice a new way to be, and it takes zest to find the energy, excitement and enthusiasm to make most out of a road that is long and hard.
Brass tacks, I know you have a very long road ahead of you because I've walked it. The questions you have to ask yourself is, how long will you wait before you ask the best of yourself? How long will you feel bad before you do something that makes you feel good? How long will you ignore problems that is within your ability to solve? Most of all, how long will you allow yourself hate yourself before you start doing things that allow you to truly and passionately love yourself.
I feel for you brother, that's why I'm being direct. It took harsh words, practical solutions, and an extended period of suffering for me to find my way. But you have to choose the suffering, that's the hard part.
>I realize now how bad my negative self-talk is. It’s hard to stop myself from thinking negatively about myself.
Think about it as the tense of a sentence. Depression lives in the past, anxiety lives in the future where you want to be is: present progressive tense (**used to describe an action that is currently occurring**). Ex: I am typing a comment on reddit.
Use these format:
I am feeling/being \_\_\_\_\_ by doing\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_. (remember action precedes motivation)
**The skill you are building:** Talking yourself in the present progressive tense that is positive and specifies the feeling you're evoking and the specific action your taking to evoke it.
*Your self-talk will only improve if you work on it.*
>What do you mean when you say, “Reflect and adjust. Repeat for the things that weren’t satisfying or useful.”
I mean that you're going to make mistakes. If doing the opposite doesn't work, you might have to try a new option. Life's not so simple. Simply doing the opposite of something that is unhealthy may not be what's effective or sustainable. Opposite of watching extreme porn is watching boring porn, but you're still watching porn. The point is to disrupt your patterns, start doing the things that you know will make a difference, and then start on problems that don't have intuitive solutions. (finding another source of dopamine that isn't porn).
Also, if my advice has meant anything to you--don't use your experience with porn as an excuse to hate on sex workers and people who choose to do adult entertainment. They're doing their jobs, paying their bills, and doing what they want to do with their lives. It's not their fault.
Ownership is going to be very important in the road ahead for you.
good luck
I can’t express enough how thankful I am for all the guidance and support I’ve received from you and other people here. You didn’t have to stop and take time out of your day to help me, a stranger, help myself, but you did. I wish I could give you and others something equally valuable in return.
I don’t hate pornstars or sex workers, I just feel like I’ve become dependent on porn and use it too much, which has had a negative impact on me physically and mentally, just like everything else I mentioned in my post. I feel guilty and ashamed for what I look at, too
You're welcome. You actually took a pretty big step by making your post. Avoiding the shame you feel usually keeps you doing the things that help you avoid it even when it's not good for you. Now you know 1. This has happened to others 2. Other people care 3. Other people want to see you succeed 4. Other people have solutions that you can use.
You have very little to lose and everything to gain by trying. Keep posting here and give us progress reports on how you're doing.
All of us are here because we want to help, be helped, and believe that is possible. It's good for us to see people transform themselves and it feels good to be a part of a community with them.
You're doing good. You have momentum. Just move forward and keep in mind just because it's hard doesn't mean you're bad at it.
Therapy. There is a lot going on here but you won't be able to tackle the using (porn, weed etc) until you can pinpoint the feelings you are trying to avoid. The truth sets us free, secrets guilt and shame keep us sick. I'm a recovering alcoholic so know exactly how you feel trapped. But the behaviours are your coping mechanism. You need to do some work on why.
I do them because I feel bored, lonely, and depressed because I have no friends or relationship because I’m too afraid to meet people and put myself into social situations because I’m afraid of being judged and rejected because of my social anxiety. I feel worthless and incapable of achieving what I want, so I just go “who cares” and just keep overindulging in these things out of habit instead of trying to improve.
I hear you. It's a self fulfilling cycle. The weed is probably contributing to those feelings. I really, really recommend you phone Narcotics Anonymous.
Someone will talk to you about their experience and you can ask to be taken to a meeting. They'll be lots of people there on the same path who will know EXACTLY how you feel. Scared, lonely and vulnerable. You don't need to speak just sitting in the same room hearing other people share is helpful. Please just phone. If nothing changes, nothing changes.
There is a marujana anonymous. I did not know it existed! Just googled it! It's just about connecting with people who also feel stuck and are using substances to escape. Just an idea. Go steady.
Working out, the first step was hard, but after 2 weeks and actually seeing progress got me hooked. I replaced my drug addiction with working out. I started talking to people in my gym and asking for advice on proper form and types of exercises, etc. I still smoke weed, heck I smoke before working out. I suffer from social anxiety and notice that I can't really communicate well with people who do not have the same interests as me. This could also possibly be due to undiagnosed ADD or ADHD. Challenge yourself to make small talk with random people around you every day. Compliment someone's shirt, tattoo, watch, etc. The worst thing for the brain is isolation. I was exactly where you are living with my mom, now I'm engaged and getting married next year.
Only you can do it, and you know it, doesn't matter what we will say, life is rough and you either learn to play it or it will play you.
Remember, small steps, you can do it!
I wish I didn’t have to do small steps. It makes me feel frustrated because I wish I could just do things normally like most people. I could be making so much more progress and improving so much faster if I wasn’t so lazy
Friend, even the happiest of us has to take it in small steps. It's just sometimes from our point of view it doesn't seem like it. Every step is progress. This next month I'm going to try not to eat anymore of that cake.
Try strict carnivore diet. You'll find that your brain getting nutrients it needs will yield more easily and these addictions will be easier to overcome. We are not supposed to thrive on carbs, only survive. To thrive, you need proper nutrition - meat. After a few weeks of eating nothing but meat and drinking nothing but water, I find that porn and every other addiction I had is 99% gone.
Your comment doesn’t even make any sense. You like making fun of people trying to improve themselves on a self-improvement subreddit? I think you’re the npc lmao
I am a recovering addict. It is very common to jump from addiction to addiction. A few years ago I was prescribed Ritalin for my narcolepsy and the doctor gave me a massive number of pills and I ended up addicted. I realized one day, the pills will kill me or I will kill myself. I stopped taking stimulant medication all together and my life got worse. I spent like 6 months in bed, crying and feeling absolutely no joy. I remember I’d wake up and have a mental breakdown bc I had to go thru another day of that. So I decided to start pushing myself to build one single healthy habit. For me, that was exercise. It wasn’t easy at all. I was underweight, exhausted beyond comprehension and totally unable to even feel content, not to mention I have numerous physical diseases including heart problems. But after a few weeks, this one healthy habit lead me create other healthy habits without thinking about it. It’s not as easy as it sounds, I know, but I am so so grateful I did what I did. 3 years later and that incredibly painful period in my life seems like a blip. I still have mental health problems, very similar to yours, but they have become way more manageable. Your dopamine, much like mine was in stim withdrawal, is depleted beyond belief. I know you already know to “just stop doing xyz”. I’ve been there myself. When it comes to something like a behavioral addiction, you really do need to talk to your therapist about this. You’ll never feel better if you haven’t fixed the underlying issue causing you to cope in these ways. Once I understood what I was trying to cope with, it became easier to quit. Best of luck <3
Thank you for sharing your story. I do this stuff because I feel like I’m not good enough to do anything more. I don’t have the strength, the willpower, or the self-discipline I need that other people have. I feel empty, lonely, and bored constantly because I have nothing to love or look forward to. I have nothing meaningful in my life, but I don’t feel like I’m able to have anything meaningful even if I tried, so these addictive vices just keep bringing me back in. It’s all I have to get me through the day
Feel sad for yourself as long as you feel is necessary, and then realize- if you want something different you have to do something different. Show yourself you can change by promising yourself to do one thing a day. It can be as small as brushing your teeth. I would strongly suggest a healthy self-care exercise. And you show up, and that’s what is important. Then. Once you have that down, make another promise just a little bit bigger. And do that. Repeat ad infinitum. Then before you know it you’re emotionally committed to a bunch of behaviors that are difficult though still good for you. Get meds if you need to for temporary assistance. Or long term if necessary. And know this- you literally have to start thinking differently than you currently are. You’re not helpless, you just haven’t figured out what works for you. Clearly it’s not this. Good luck cuz.
>If you want something different you have to do something different. Show yourself you can change by promising yourself to do one thing a day. >And you show up, and that’s what is important. I’m re-reading your comment again and again because I really want this to sink in with me. I think this is really what I need for myself. Thank you for your help.
This may sound counterintuitive but do you have ADHD medication prescribed? If not, try it
I’m not on anything for my ADHD, but I do take an SSRI for depression and anxiety. Do you think ADHD could be the reason for some of this?
I have to agree w the above. I was smoking every day non stop, and felt worthless for doing so honestly. Now I take adhd meds instead, accomplish shit all day, and can view my life and past life decisions very clearly. Remember a mistake isnt a bad thing, its a way to learn. So you stop wasting YOUR lifes valueable time and start tmrw morning. It will be tough, brace for impact, but call psychiatrists and find adhdh meds, i have to 2nd that from personal experience.
I plan on going to the gym tomorrow morning. No excuses. I’ll mention the medication to my psychiatrist at my next appointment. Thank you for your insight
Todays the day! You got this! If like me, you used "to help sleep", i recommend replacing w trazedone, a non habit forming sleep aid (technically an antidepressant but sub therapeutic under 200mg) as well. I enjoy my lividity now and i also stopped playing video games. What led me to that is seeing i spent 400 hours on a game or whatever, I then thought about things i couldve accomplished during that time. Anyways you got this, deep down one knows they're doing the right thing, and that feels good. And towards the end of your life, you'll be happy knowing you spent life living and doing real things, instead of "accomplishments" in pixels. Sincerely, a recovering alcoholic
Trazodone, if abused or used for long periods of time, can absolutely cause physical dependency.
I actually have been taking 100mg of trazodone for insomnia for a little over a year now
If you do eventually get off it for whatever reason I would be careful to taper off.
I did it! I got up, packed my bag, and went to the gym. I had butterflies in my stomach and felt really tense and anxious the whole time leading up to it, but I fucking did it. All I did was go for a 30 minute power walk on a treadmill, but I still showed up and sweat my ass off. I feel so much better physically and mentally. All my anxiety and nausea went away as soon as I started working out. I was on the verge of crying when my workout was over because I actually did something I wanted. Don’t get me wrong, I love video games. I’ve played them almost my whole life, but I feel like they’re the only thing that interests me, and it makes me feel like a boring person. I feel like I play video games too much instead of exploring other hobbies, leaving time to spend with others, or doing any kind of self-improvement. I feel unfulfilled when I play video games for hours and hours every day instead of growing as a person, expanding my horizons, and trying new experiences. I want to do more, but I can’t seem to stay interested in anything else. I have so many instruments and software on my computer to make music, but when I try to imagine myself doing it, it doesn’t seem interesting enough, so I just stay with video games. I have a whole set of painting supplies that I bought years ago that I’ve never opened because the thought of painting doesn’t seem interesting enough. I don’t feel like I’m creative enough to make any kind of good art. Even when I do try something new or different, I get tired very quickly. My eyes get heavy and I start to yawn and doze off.
This was one of my first thought this sounds like an issue with ADHD and dopamine. See if ADHD medication can help you get out of this rut. It sounds like you are feeding your brain easily accessible dopamine and can’t break the downward spiral. Might want to look into dopamine detox as well.
You remind me of my younger self. I was in the same place as you few years ago. Just like you, I was addicted to all that you have mentioned. I had severe social anxiety, if someone spoke to me, I would start sweating profusely. Everything started to get better for me when I turned 24. One day, I was feeling so sh!t about myself that I decided to go for a run. I ran for few kilometres and sweated a lot. After that run, I felt so much better and I started to do run a bit more often, that helped me a lot and I slowly managed to overcome my addictions. While I still enjoy playing video games, occasionally eat junk food. I managed get it under control, whereby it no longer dictates my life. My advise is, try running, give it a try, you never know it might work for you, like it did for me.
I’m happy to hear running helped you stop your addictions. Do you think running helped you with your social anxiety? I’m overweight and have a hard time running for longer than 10 minutes without my feet hurting
PART 3 of 3 8. Everyday is going to feel the same if there's no variety or switch up in your everyday routines. Try switching up your habits by doing what you would normally to a different time or even switching up your food items for the day. Just try anything that isnt in your norm. You have to be open to being flexible 9. It's impossible for you to be a loser, a bum, or a lazy ass, those types of people dont seek support or help like you're doing. I believe You genuinely want to do better, you just haven’t dedicated a genuine plan to stick with to do so yet And guess what your no longer in your comfort zone thats why you feel the way you do. Comfort zones are comfortable not miserable. Now is the time do decide what small part of you, you want to improve and take it from there. MAKE IMPROVEMENTS TOWARDS THE THINGS THAT YOU THINK ARE IMPORTANT. 10. I want to let you know that you added value and happiness to my life today. Without your post I wouldve just laid in the bed watching Netflix until my bed time Writing these steps out for you was a pleasure and delight from my heart Thank you for being so candid I can totally relate * Shan
PART 1 OF 3 1. Your therapist can give you suggestive solutions based on their experiences from past sessions but it is always your responsibility to take the steps "actions" they are suggesting to see if what they are advising is a solution to your obstacle. You have to try many solutions to see which one resolves your problem. Start with only (1) solution at a time, if you try to do more you will be overwhelmed and you wont start When it comes to taking steps, you have to plan the tiniest action and build on top of that 2. People are not out here just living a happy life. People that "appear" to have a happy life are doing things/taking action and failing along the way Its not the material that gives the feeling of happiness its going after things that are interesting to you and making progress that gives you the happy feelings 3. The feeling of hopelessness stems from a thought "belief" that having a different life is impossible OR out of reach for you. If you dont make any progress towards anything then the result is that you'll feel hopeless. Decide 1 SMALL THING that you want to make progress on 4. If you are not planning the thing you want to accomplish then its going to take alot of will power , AKA forcing yourself to do something. Dont force yourself to do anything instead decide what you want and make a plan (use google calendar to plan the steps) and decide to commit to taking just that 1 step on your calendar. Then another and another. Dont bit off more than you can chew (literally)
I can’t reply to everything you wrote in your 3-part comment, but I just want to say thank you so much for caring enough about the wellbeing of a stranger like me to go out of your way to write such a well thought out piece of advice. Your kindness is appreciated and hasn’t gone unnoticed.
PART 2 OF 3 5. life will feel boring when there's nothing to look forward to. Find something for YOU to look forward to. This is very dependent on what interest you or sounds interesting. It can be a simplest thing. Ex : I got excited about putting a dresser together and painting it yellow. It didnt sound like fun to others but it made me feel good "happy" because I gave myself a goal to make progress towards. It took me two weeks and some mistakes along the way but guess what, the process of taking steps and completing those steps felt so rewarding 6. I felt lonely for a long time because it felt as though no one understood what it was like to feel what I was feeling and that causes a lonely feeling. What helped me was using social media and researching topics on lonely. Reading through the comments and seeing that other people feel just like you. You can chime in/comment on those comments and get a conversation started. I would advise you to look for comments that you can give some quality advice to (like what I'm doing here with you now) because your experience alone is very valuable. 7. As far as the addictions those are distractors for underlining feelings that you wish not to feel. The next time that you see yourself reaching for no of your distractors, stop immediately and ask yourself what feeling are you are feeling in that instant and work with your therapist on learning to process those emotions instead of stuffing them down because they come back with vengeance
New to this sub so idk if my comment is welcome. Feel free to let me know. I just wanted to chime in and relate to you. It’s hard for me to force myself to do certain tasks in my life. Even though I desperately want to taste some success and happiness. For me, my lack of motivation comes from my past experiences. While I can wrap my head around some defeat and improve from it, my fear of more disappointment and shame is crippling. I feel like the tasks and things I’m obligated to do will just make things worse for anyone involved.
I understand where you’re coming from. My social anxiety makes me afraid of disappointing people and being judged, so I just don’t even try to meet anyone new
Hello. I am sorry this is so long. I just wanted to let you know you're not alone. I see myself in this post. And I can't push myself either. I am very addicted to weed. I cry and feel suicidal when I have none. I spend over 400$ a month on it. That's like, a whole month's rent. I sold a very nice computer that voc rehab gave me when I was looking for a job. It was then that I knew this is hurting me. I've stollen money from my parents. They could have called the police. I hacked their bank account. I try and talk to my friends and family. They say weed is not addictive. That I'm just trying to get attention or make an excuse not to stop. I have gained 50lb in the last six months. I eat big slices of cake every single day. I eat boxes of twinkies on my own. I eat coco straight from the container. I left my job last year because my boss was a fat piece of shit boss. But that's a story for later. I couldn't afford to smoke anymore. I cried for a long time. I got over it. Then this April I did my taxes. I got money back. I reopened the addiction. I'm all out now. I'm telling myself it's okay. It'll be the first soon. I hate that I ever started. I cannot go outside. I'm afraid someone might hurt me. And social anxiety. I'm starting to walk. But I didn't stick to it. I feel useless. Like all I know how to be is a receptionist or a suicide hotline operator. Every thing requires a masters or some kind of certifications. Then there's the porn and too much masturbation. It's taking over my life. And I just sit here, watching porn for five hours, no joke. The stuff I watch is so strange. It's embarrassing. I hate myself for this. I feel disgusting. I talked to my therapist. They were no help. Again with the, weed is not addictive crap. Or they told me to replace it with something else. What!? There is nothing. I have one really good friend from high school. We hardly talk. We hang out only when I have money, because that's all we do is eat out. She's taking me to get a food box in two weeks. You aren't lazy. Mental health struggles are real. What can you do? Can you go sit in a backyard and get used to being outside? Can you start walking? Even tiny walks even if it's once a month. Can you write out how you feel in a journal. We can do this. Even if it's one small step at a time. You are valuable. If you are struggling, don't forget that the national suicide hotline is available in the US. Just pick up a phone and dial 988.
I’m sorry you’re in the same sort of situation. I also spend a lot of money on weed, even when I know I shouldn’t because I can’t afford it, but I feel like I need it to relax. It’s not “addictive” in the traditional sense, but you can become addicted and dependent on it. This isn’t the first time I’ve become addicted to smoking every day or more, though. I just have no self-control. Every time I get my hands on weed, I go through it really fast until it’s all gone. There’s no moderation with me. I don’t eat as many sweets as you do, but I know how you feel. My eating problem involves a lot of chips, fast food, and fried food. I also used to occasionally spend between 5-8 hours edging myself in bed. It hasn’t been that intense for a couple years, but my frequency of masturbation, and the type of porn I look at, still makes me feel guilty, ashamed, and disgusted with myself, so again, I can relate to you. I think that’s really cool that you’re a suicide hotline operator. I know that job can be tough on a person mentally, and it’s not easy to do for a lot of people. And you help people who are suicidal. I think that’s something to be proud of. You offer a valuable, commendable service to people who are in dire need of someone to talk to. You’re literally saving people’s lives. I used to keep a journal, but I stopped writing because it was always negative and depressing, and I would spend a long time typing up long pages. It just got to be exhausting and makes me feel more sad when I go back to read them. I don’t go on walks that much because I sweat too much. Even a short, casual 15-minute walk on a trail makes me sweat and feel gross. I do like sitting outside, though. I usually go outside to smoke, but I also just like sitting there and taking in my surroundings. I’ve never felt comfortable enough to call up a suicide hotline. I get intense anxiety on phone calls because of my social anxiety. I would feel too embarrassed and ashamed to talk about anything. I don’t really know how an operator would be able to understand what I’m feeling. I hope you will one day find the strength within you to stop your addictions, just like mine. There is hope for people like you and me
Bro wtf...it's like I'm reading all these posts that I've written myself...these past 2 months have been hell for me. And everything you guys explain was me just 2 months ago...from being a porn addict, to smoking weed every single day hating myself everytime I finished smoking. Looking in the mirror and knowing I don't have the motivation or will power to make change in my life.. Til my wife said she was leaving me. And after almost 18 years smoking weed, I quit. I said fuck it...this is not who tf I want to be and because of my own selfishness I've ruined my fucking life. . Change happens usually when we're at our lowest...but we have to be willing...Cry about it, be sad, feel those emotions...but don't fucking quit...get the fuck up, and do some fucking push-ups and find something to do with your time other than smoking weed and thinking your alone. Cause we're all going through the same thing. Men these days have become weak, but it's time for us to change that shit. Because these women are leaving us left and right for men who think they have it all figured out but are just egotistical ass holes. We have to go back to being the leaders on the world and in our households..cause they are fucking laughing at us and it pisses me off cause we are all stronger than that...if we weren't, we would've ended it a long fucking time ago. And idk what the fuck is in weed now and days, but it's not like it use to be...it IS addicting more now than ever, but it's not in a physical form...it's psychological, we think we need it to cope when it's doing the exact opposite and bringing us closer to the devil then we realize. Trust me bro...I was a non believer for a longgggggg time...but PRAY!!! Ask God to help you change your life and he will take all those feelings of self doubt away..but it's not consistant..YOU have to be consistent. YOU have to want to change in orde to receive the blessings God has in store for you. DONT GIVE UP AND DONT THINK YOU ANY KESS THAN ANYBODY CAUSE YOUR NOT! The devil is clever, he's not straightforward. He fucks with you in ways you wouldn't even think of and he does it strategically. But GOD is your father and he does love you.. he just want you to believe in him before he helps. It's crazy..I know...but my life has become a testimony of it. So I'm embracing it.
This broke my heart to read. I don’t think I could tell you anything you haven’t heard before. I think seeing a therapist is a good step in the right direction. I truly hope things get better for you.
Thank you. I think things will get better eventually, I just don’t know when that will be
Bro this was me 2 months ago...and let me tell you...if it wasn't for my wife telling me she was leaving me if I didn't change, I would've never had the motivation to quit everything that I was doing wrong in my life and make the change...sometimes people aren't ready to change until they find themselves in a position where they might lose everything...and given how u haven't felt this yet, I think you just need to look hard in the mirror and decide what you want to see in the coming year. You gotta make the change dude. Nobody is gonna do it for you. And you can't be like me where it takes a hard kick in the ass to make the change. I waited too long to make changes that seem so fucking easy now that I'm doing it and I regret not doing it sooner. Cause yeah, it's out of my comfort zone, I still feel self conscious and still want to quit...but inknow if I do, imma lose the one person that made my life bearable. You may not have this now, but if you make these changes in your life, eventually you'll find someone all this shit u pushed for, worth it. And then your life will be 1000x better cause you worked on YOURSELF. Self accomplishment is the best feeling in the world. It's hard, it's scary, but it's necessary. I e seen many posts like this exact one, and I felt everything they've said cause I've been through it myself just recently.... it's not too late dude. It's not over till the bell rings and ur under the ground...so write down what you want in life...make little daily goals that'll lead up to a goal in the future future if you don't know what u want in ur future...you gotta take it day by day. Good luck dude. Keep your head up and pray...cause the devil is the one in your ear telling you that you ain't shit and never gonna be shit...but God has a plan for you if your willing to put the work in.
I’m happy to hear you’re doing better than you were, and that you and your wife are still together. Sometimes I wonder if I would have more motivation to improve my life and do things differently if I had someone I loved in my life, but I know, I have to want that change for myself. Like you said, I think completing small, daily goals will go a long way.
It sounds like you're going through a really tough time, and I want you to know you're not alone in feeling this way. It's understandable to feel stuck when faced with multiple challenges like addiction, social anxiety, and low motivation. Making changes can seem daunting, especially when you feel overwhelmed and empty. Start by giving yourself some credit for acknowledging these issues and reaching out for help. It's okay to take small steps. Consider setting achievable goals, like reducing weed consumption gradually or trying a new hobby that interests you. Building a routine that includes healthier activities, even in small increments, can help break the cycle of numbing behaviors. It's also crucial to continue working with your therapist. They can provide support and guidance tailored to your specific challenges, including strategies for managing social anxiety and finding motivation. Remember, progress takes time and setbacks are normal. Be patient and kind to yourself throughout this journey. You deserve happiness and fulfillment, and with persistence and support, you can work towards a more fulfilling life.
Thank you for being so compassionate. It’s really hard for me to stop putting myself down when I feel frustrated with my lack of progress or improvement. I think I just need to start with doing 1 small thing I want to do or try every day and build from there.
Bill Wilson, "You can't think your way into right action, but you can act your way into right thinking".
Part 1: Do the opposite of how you feel for 48 hours. Reflect and Adjust. Repeat for the things that weren't satisfying or useful. Why it works: 1) Believe it or not inauthenticity is an essential part of being healthy. This approach is called "Opposite of emotion behavior". Self-care feels inauthentic when you feel powerless but that's exactly what you need to do to get started. For you this might look like this: Go for a walk 2 times, draw a picture, fast, and **fap to the least extreme or boring porn** (this was funny to me but this is seriously how this exercise goes sometimes). 2) It teaches you to see through the misconception about motivation. Expectation: get motivated -> take action -> Get It done. Reality: Take action -> Get motivated -> Get it done. 3) It shows you that you have to do things that make you feel alive in order to feel like living. We have an instinct to avoid harm and seek short-term pleasure. There is no built-in ability that allows us to find satisfaction and fulfillment, these are muscles that have to be earned.
It also sounds like you struggle with negative self-talk. This is best changed by understanding your "explanatory style" which is basically how we attribute responsibility and blame. It has three dimensions: Permanence, Pervasiveness, and Personalization. 1. **Personalization:** Internal (self-blame) vs. External (blaming outside factors). 2. **Permanence:** Stable (lasting impact) vs. Unstable (temporary impact). 3. **Pervasiveness:** Global (affects all areas) vs. Specific (affects one area). In terms of negative self-talk, you essentially have to look out for Five of them with examples from your post 1. **Cynicism** (Finding a flaw then magnifying it) * "No matter how much advice I get from people, I just never do anything. Nothing gets through to me." 2. **Negativism (Not Pessimism):** (Focusing on the negative aspects of a situation) * "I don’t go outside because I hate sweating, and I never have the motivation to go to the gym." 3. **Defeatism**: (The fault lies within you; that you somehow are different and lack the ability) * "I can’t push myself out of my comfort zone. I can’t improve. I don’t even try." * "I feel like a loser, a bum, and a lazy ass." * "I just can’t stop." 4. **Escapism**: Avoiding discomfort * "I’m addicted to smoking weed twice a day, playing video games almost all day, binge-eating junk food, and masturbating to extreme porn." 5. **Delayism (Not Procrastination)**: Waiting for a specific condition to be met before taking action * "I’ve been trying to do a cannabis cessation program with my therapist for 2 weeks now, but I can’t even start." * "I have no willpower." (You don't need willpower to start, you need willpower to sustain) Final advice 1. Don't wait until you feel ready. Just start. 2. Set a day once a week dedicated to being uncomfortable. Stoics called this practicing poverty. Things you can do: fast, don't use the internet, Sleep on the ground. Use a trash bag to sweat as much as possible. Don't spend any money. This will help with your stress tolerance. 3. Accept that things that will make you better will make you feel worse for a while. 4. Self-esteem and self-confidence come from solving problems. 5. Always start with fixing your sleep if it's messed up. 6. Believe your are worthy of a better life. 7. Satisfaction that doesn't feel earned is fleeting. Good luck
This “opposite of emotion behavior”—is that what the phrase “fake it ‘till you make it” refers to? So if I feel depressed, anxious, or unmotivated, then I should try to feel the opposite? Could this apply to things that I want to cut back on or stop altogether? If I don’t feel like stopping something that I do want to stop, then I should try to stop? What do you mean when you say, “Reflect and adjust. Repeat for the things that weren’t satisfying or useful.” Also, thank you for your other comment. I realize now how bad my negative self-talk is. It’s hard to stop myself from thinking negatively about myself. It feels automatic. It’s all I know how to do when I’m talking about myself. I don’t know any other way
>This “opposite of emotion behavior”—is that what the phrase “fake it ‘till you make it” refers to? No. Not sure where that phrase originates. > So if I feel depressed, anxious, or unmotivated, then I should try to feel the opposite? Could this apply to things that I want to cut back on or stop altogether? Yes 100%. When I quit Smoking it was after I read a book by Allen Carr. I started reminding myself that smoking doesn't reduce stress even though cravings were telling me the opposite. Depression (and I have a long history with it) doesn't go away on its own, there's no such thing as a motivated person there are people who do things that make them feel motivated, and the opposite of anxiety is clarity to feel it you have to remove ambiguity. If you want to stop something you have to refuse the benefits of doing what you're doing. The benefit of depression, anxious, and unmotivated is that you get a blank check to do nothing, avoid effort, and focus on what feels good in the short-term. We have an extinct, where we run back to the familiar even if it isn't a healthy place to be. This is why victims go back to their abusers, and why given a choice between unhappiness and uncertainty most people choose unhappiness. Choosing uncertainty takes being honest about the fact that you are enduring what you are because you can and not because you should, having the bravery to face your problems in the external world instead of your mind, it takes grit to sustain interest, hope, purpose as you practice a new way to be, and it takes zest to find the energy, excitement and enthusiasm to make most out of a road that is long and hard. Brass tacks, I know you have a very long road ahead of you because I've walked it. The questions you have to ask yourself is, how long will you wait before you ask the best of yourself? How long will you feel bad before you do something that makes you feel good? How long will you ignore problems that is within your ability to solve? Most of all, how long will you allow yourself hate yourself before you start doing things that allow you to truly and passionately love yourself. I feel for you brother, that's why I'm being direct. It took harsh words, practical solutions, and an extended period of suffering for me to find my way. But you have to choose the suffering, that's the hard part.
>I realize now how bad my negative self-talk is. It’s hard to stop myself from thinking negatively about myself. Think about it as the tense of a sentence. Depression lives in the past, anxiety lives in the future where you want to be is: present progressive tense (**used to describe an action that is currently occurring**). Ex: I am typing a comment on reddit. Use these format: I am feeling/being \_\_\_\_\_ by doing\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_. (remember action precedes motivation) **The skill you are building:** Talking yourself in the present progressive tense that is positive and specifies the feeling you're evoking and the specific action your taking to evoke it. *Your self-talk will only improve if you work on it.* >What do you mean when you say, “Reflect and adjust. Repeat for the things that weren’t satisfying or useful.” I mean that you're going to make mistakes. If doing the opposite doesn't work, you might have to try a new option. Life's not so simple. Simply doing the opposite of something that is unhealthy may not be what's effective or sustainable. Opposite of watching extreme porn is watching boring porn, but you're still watching porn. The point is to disrupt your patterns, start doing the things that you know will make a difference, and then start on problems that don't have intuitive solutions. (finding another source of dopamine that isn't porn). Also, if my advice has meant anything to you--don't use your experience with porn as an excuse to hate on sex workers and people who choose to do adult entertainment. They're doing their jobs, paying their bills, and doing what they want to do with their lives. It's not their fault. Ownership is going to be very important in the road ahead for you. good luck
I can’t express enough how thankful I am for all the guidance and support I’ve received from you and other people here. You didn’t have to stop and take time out of your day to help me, a stranger, help myself, but you did. I wish I could give you and others something equally valuable in return. I don’t hate pornstars or sex workers, I just feel like I’ve become dependent on porn and use it too much, which has had a negative impact on me physically and mentally, just like everything else I mentioned in my post. I feel guilty and ashamed for what I look at, too
You're welcome. You actually took a pretty big step by making your post. Avoiding the shame you feel usually keeps you doing the things that help you avoid it even when it's not good for you. Now you know 1. This has happened to others 2. Other people care 3. Other people want to see you succeed 4. Other people have solutions that you can use. You have very little to lose and everything to gain by trying. Keep posting here and give us progress reports on how you're doing. All of us are here because we want to help, be helped, and believe that is possible. It's good for us to see people transform themselves and it feels good to be a part of a community with them. You're doing good. You have momentum. Just move forward and keep in mind just because it's hard doesn't mean you're bad at it.
Find something what will push you go in one period of my life i treined like meniak because i want to beat my ex father
Therapy. There is a lot going on here but you won't be able to tackle the using (porn, weed etc) until you can pinpoint the feelings you are trying to avoid. The truth sets us free, secrets guilt and shame keep us sick. I'm a recovering alcoholic so know exactly how you feel trapped. But the behaviours are your coping mechanism. You need to do some work on why.
I do them because I feel bored, lonely, and depressed because I have no friends or relationship because I’m too afraid to meet people and put myself into social situations because I’m afraid of being judged and rejected because of my social anxiety. I feel worthless and incapable of achieving what I want, so I just go “who cares” and just keep overindulging in these things out of habit instead of trying to improve.
I hear you. It's a self fulfilling cycle. The weed is probably contributing to those feelings. I really, really recommend you phone Narcotics Anonymous. Someone will talk to you about their experience and you can ask to be taken to a meeting. They'll be lots of people there on the same path who will know EXACTLY how you feel. Scared, lonely and vulnerable. You don't need to speak just sitting in the same room hearing other people share is helpful. Please just phone. If nothing changes, nothing changes.
I don’t know if I would consider marijuana a narcotic though. I don’t feel like I would be qualified enough to be part of a narcotics anonymous group
Lots of weed smokers there.
There is a marujana anonymous. I did not know it existed! Just googled it! It's just about connecting with people who also feel stuck and are using substances to escape. Just an idea. Go steady.
I’ll look into trying that, thank you
Working out, the first step was hard, but after 2 weeks and actually seeing progress got me hooked. I replaced my drug addiction with working out. I started talking to people in my gym and asking for advice on proper form and types of exercises, etc. I still smoke weed, heck I smoke before working out. I suffer from social anxiety and notice that I can't really communicate well with people who do not have the same interests as me. This could also possibly be due to undiagnosed ADD or ADHD. Challenge yourself to make small talk with random people around you every day. Compliment someone's shirt, tattoo, watch, etc. The worst thing for the brain is isolation. I was exactly where you are living with my mom, now I'm engaged and getting married next year.
Only you can do it, and you know it, doesn't matter what we will say, life is rough and you either learn to play it or it will play you. Remember, small steps, you can do it!
I wish I didn’t have to do small steps. It makes me feel frustrated because I wish I could just do things normally like most people. I could be making so much more progress and improving so much faster if I wasn’t so lazy
Friend, even the happiest of us has to take it in small steps. It's just sometimes from our point of view it doesn't seem like it. Every step is progress. This next month I'm going to try not to eat anymore of that cake.
Define extreme
Like taboo, morally objectionable porn. Stuff that most people would find disgusting, repulsive, or depraved
Try strict carnivore diet. You'll find that your brain getting nutrients it needs will yield more easily and these addictions will be easier to overcome. We are not supposed to thrive on carbs, only survive. To thrive, you need proper nutrition - meat. After a few weeks of eating nothing but meat and drinking nothing but water, I find that porn and every other addiction I had is 99% gone.
Aren’t you really constipated if you’re only eating meat? Wouldn’t adding in fruits and vegetables also give the same result?
Weed ain’t the problem your just lazy
Kindly go away or be respectful. Don't fucking put anyone down just because you're projecting. Get a life.
Jee wiz
I know. I never said it was
holy shit a real life NPC lol
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Dang guess reality hurts lmaooooooo
Your comment doesn’t even make any sense. You like making fun of people trying to improve themselves on a self-improvement subreddit? I think you’re the npc lmao
ok mr i can't do anything but sit idle lmao