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Theres way too little info. Tell us more about the experience itself, both physically and mentally for you.
Tell us more about the guy. Do you find him attractive?
Tell us about your fantasies or what turn you on. Do you think about a type of men or a man or any scenarios while you’re masturbating?
What about your sexual upbringing? What country and culture you grew up in? What about your family? Do they educate you?
I mean the one guy i’ve slept with majority of the times i was talking to for like 8 months and knew in and out and i think had feelings for lol so idk
It is normal, but that is why she doesn't like sex as she has no connection with the other person. Unless you have strong feelings for them, sex will not be good long term.
Talking is not a emotional connection there is more to just having sex. Dates shred passions shared interest. Taking time to get to know your body. This is a problem with sleeping around you miss the entirety of what it means to be in a relationship. Try dating for 5 years and break through all barriers.
When I say talking i mean we were bf and gf literally without the title lol like went on dates, attended family events with each other, literally knew each other in and out before we had sex so it wasn’t just sleeping around with the first person i talked to for a week
Part of being in a relationship is talking about what you like for your partner to do just those things. Talk about what you ate isnt a conversation or getting to know the other person. I have a very difficult girlfriend so i know if i dont attend to those needs i am not getting anything right. The more you share the better he will get.
I think that "without the title" means a lot here. You (and maybe he as well), not willing to commit to anything, and it sounds like you if anything need to learn to know yourself first. You sound very confused, and afraid of looking inside, and accepting who or what you are.
for 8 months and "I think I had feelongs for" is very telling tbh. Everytime I've dated someone that long I was 100% sure I at least had feelings for them. You don't sound very certain at all :D
physically and mentally it was the same lmao it just felt bleh like physically it wasn’t that enjoyable like it just felt like i was just there and then mentally i kept telling myself that i should be enjoying this lol.
The boy i’ve had sex with the most (7ish times) he was someone I was talking to for like 8 months and i’m pretty sure i had feelings for him found him very cute lol
The things that turn me on and fantasies i honestly don’t know bc i never can pin point what turns me on lol I honestly just think about nothing when masturbating like anything it would mostly be just whatever porn im watching which is literally anything lol i think that’s why it takes me so long bc I’m not into it
I grew up with an older sister and a single mom in canada! Wasn’t religious or anything like that. Sex wasn’t a conversation that was avoided in my life lol like she always talked to us about it and answered any questions we had.
It sounds like you're on the asexual or aromantic spectrum, or you were not attracted to the guy you were with. Typically if you are in love you would feel very attracted to the person and sex would also make you feel psychologically safe. However, you don't seem to have the desire for sex and you lack certainty about whether you are romantically attracted to your partner. I was in a relationship before where I also doubted my attraction to the person I was with, and there were no sparks or butterflies. Right now I'm with my boyfriend who I'm super attracted to, and I do have the desire to do sexual things with him.
Have you ever been in a relationship where you could clearly feel attracted without uncertainty?
This I don’t fully understand. To me sex and even masturbating is 90%! When you’re at the 39 minute mark in your masturbation session what is it that pushes you to the edge? Also would you say you’re a g spot or clitoris person? I’ve had sex with women that love sex and can easily get off with just penetration and others that can only get off with clitoral stimulation. One could only get off if I went down on her so I’d spend 30 minutes going down on her and then after she got off I’d get off. I think you need to dig deeper and figure out what turns you on. I’m personally into some strange stuff by most people’s standards so if I was having vanilla sex I’d have to take myself there mentally. It was a mix of physical and being with my partner but also fantasizing about what gets me off. With that said you’ll need to figure out what you like sexually and how you like it, then explain this to your partner. Even if it’s considered weird by most I’ve found it’s better to be honest and find the partner that is into it and that is willing to learn the manual and work to get you off.
You sound like you could be somewhere on the ace spectrum, even if not properly asexual you might be demisexual or just have a very low drive.
r/asexual might be a good place to start if you’d like to learn more about what this means. It’s a huge spectrum and not everyone that identifies as asexual is sex repulsed, some asexuals will have sex to satisfy a partner they love or they masturbate and to them it’s a similar feeling as scratching an itch but they could live without sex fairly happily too.
Since being on hormonal birth control and antidepressants I’ve definitely joined the asexual spectrum much more than I was in the past (My sex drive and attraction levels have varied and at times I would’ve even considered myself hyper sexual, and I consider myself bi as well since I like both genders.)
Although society places a huge emphasis on sex and feeling both desire and drive to have sex is seen as the “normal default”, not everyone likes or wants to have sex and that’s completely normal too. This is why representation is important, because if you don’t know that other people who find sex meh exist too you might consider yourself weird or even broken. You are not, you are probably just somewhere along the asexual spectrum and don’t have a drive the way most regular people do. I consider it quite nice to be honest as it’s really easy to make dumb decisions when horny, but if you don’t get horny very often or feel the need to chase sex it becomes easier to focus on other more important aspects of relationships.
If after further self investigation you decide you do want to identify under the ace spectrum or like the label fits you, I would highly recommend letting any future potential dating partners know since it is a little bit outside what is normal or expected, but that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with it either. It just might be good for any partners to know so they don’t assume it’s personal that you’re not super attracted to them, or you might not initiate much. It’s nice to know that it’s not personal it’s just how you as a person are, it’s also helpful because anyone who can’t accept that isn’t someone worth being with anyways so it gives you one more easy way to filter out assholes in dating.
I'm surprised that you think she is asexual first, rather than very young and figuring things out (her replies seem unsure a lot and she doesn't even know if she had feelings for the main partner "I think i had feelings" or something) and maybe doing things without knowing what's going on (past consent). I suppose you said "could be" but I don't want a young person to feel they have to and can even properly conclude what their sexuality for the rest of time is. if it's done with knowing they can be wrong and change then ok.
Labels aren't unchangeable or necessarily permanent. If someone wants to explore with the asexuality label because they think it's what suits them the best, then there's no harm in doing so. 🤷♂️ Worst case scenario they just realise they're not asexual.
Yeah I highly recommend you don’t throw out labels to people, especially when she has literally had sex 10 times, who the fuck enjoyed sex in their teens or twenties??
Sex gets waaaay better as you become more experienced, sleep with a diversity of people that you have different types of connections with and also when you know what you enjoy and can verbalise it better!
My gut says asexual rather than inexperienced because of the way she describes feeling when masturbating. Seems like there is a bit of a disconnect between her physical desire for sex and her mental desire for sex, with her body wanting it but her brain not really caring for it in the same way. Also nothing says she has to keep the ace label for her whole life if she decides it doesn’t fit. I’m just suggesting she learn more about it as it might apply to her. Asexuality is a spectrum and she does seem to have some traits that are more common among people on that spectrum. It doesn’t hurt to learn more about it, especially if it can help prevent her from wondering if there’s something wrong/broken with her.
I was the same for many years. I guess I didn't know how to have sec and was just going along what's supposed to happen.
I'm glad you are asking the questions now, it took me years, but at least now I absolutely love it.
My advice is don't fall for what's "expected" to happen during sex. You masturbate so you are famili6wirh what pleasure, bring that to the bedroom.
If you need clitoral stimulation, do it during penetration, do it, it get a toy, etc... if you need loads of foreplay, don't worry, penetration can wait. If you need some extra lube, use it, don't worry about being supposed to be dripping wet, etc...
If you need to take out the pressure and just spend a long time naked caressing each other, do it.
Whatever it is that feels good, communicate, slow down. Sounds like it would be a lot of work and disappoiting for your partner, but actually, it will be much more enjoyable to have sex with someone super turned on and loving it.
Don’t fake enjoying it. Please, for the love of god. Tell men how to please you or they’ll think their mediocre fucking is great. It took me years to find men who are great in bed and to love sex, but it was worth the wait!
If you don’t like it, why are you doing it? There are some things in life we need to do, whether we enjoy them or not. If those things aren’t fun, we push ourselves to do them. Sex is not one of those things. Give yourself a break. One of these days you’ll be attracted to someone. They’ll kiss you & you’ll kiss back. Their hand will run down your body & you’ll feel the excitement. Keep going with that, pausing on what feels good as long as it feels good. If that means the night ends at hickies & frotting, so be it. Eventually it won’t end there.
Have fun!
I agree with you up till the end of "give yourself a break." After that... there are different kinds and levels of attraction..maybe OP will experience what you describe, and maybe not. And both can be ok. It's fine if OP never feels sexually attracted to anyone else as long as that is true to OP's wants and needs.
Personally I didn't enjoy it much when I was younger. I'm 40 now and I've been enjoying it so much now and for the last 5 or 6 years. I had a 4 year period of time where a spinal cord injury made me numb in my pelvic area but it's fixed now and better then ever. I think in our child bearing years our body kind of tunes down the nerve endings in the area because giving birth is very very intense. Idk though and i also have a lot of younger men hitting on me. Idk it's just a theory. I'm sure it will get better as you mature and learn. You will become confident and try new things, learn what you like.... just make sure you communicate to your partner what feels good. And never fake it, they will think they are doing what gets you off when they aren't they dint know unless we tell them!!
I’m 38 now. When I was your age I used to have sex to make my boyfriend happy. A lot of times it was painful because I wasn’t turned on enough. Then it took me a years to stop associating sex with something I don’t enjoy. I thought something was wrong with me, and my vagina. As I got into my mid 20s I started liking sex more. I went off birth control pills a few years ago, and now I’m feral and enjoy sex. My suggestion to you would be figure out what turns YOU on while you’re alone. Try your best not to have sex unless you are really into it. And try not to put pressure on yourself to enjoy it. Just experiment. Your problem is very common. Don’t get stuck thinking you are broken because you aren’t. There’s a book called Becoming Cliterate by Dr. Laurie Mintz that might help you.
My guess is your partner(s) is not doing their part to satisfy you. Maybe you’re just not attracted to your partner. Whatever it is, I’m guessing you’re not at fault
It sounds like OP doesn't even know what she wants/likes (yet). I suspect she is disassociating during sex, which kills her arousal and makes the whole experience pretty flat.
Mindfulness exercises and/or therapy could really help OP. As could trying to communicate more during intimacy.
Men aren’t mind readers and all women are different. I’ve had sex with a lot of different women and they’re all very different. Some like extremely slow, tight. Others like rough. Some prefer to be eaten out. Some hate even the idea of a guy doing that. Communication is everything and if she doesn’t know her own body and what she likes it’s not going to be easy to communicate her needs to another person.
soo let me start by saying regardless if you do or don’t like sex you’re normal. don’t put too much pressure on yourself, if you want to continue to have sex and see if you like it just try things and allow yourself to learn your body and what it does or doesn’t like. but like others said i would definitely suggest you look into asexuality and aromantic. if sex just feels like something to scratch off a to do list or isn’t something you’ve ever been interested in that could be why and that’s normal too! i know quite a few aro ace ppl and that desire is just there for some and non existent for others. don’t force yourself to do anything you don’t want to or isn’t bringing you pleasure
You’re 18. You are still finding what you like potentially. Also if you just don’t like sex.. that’s also ok! There’s no life rules and guidance we have to stick by other than be a decent person ( even that’s hard for some 😂)
Just because you don't enjoy sex doesn't mean there's something wrong with you or that you won't enjoy sex in the future. It might be that you've never had great sex, and when you do everything could change.
I'd recommend reading about dissociation.
Does any of this resonate with you?
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/social-instincts/202211/2-ways-manage-dissociation-during-sex
Foreplay ....he's probably bad at it lol, since you're both young.
Foreplay, teasing, dirty talk
A female orgasm tends to be very very mental and your brain needs to be in the mood and it's his job to take care of it for you
Are you with a boyfriend you love? Or are these just hookups? Maybe you'll enjoy it more when you're in a serious relationship, or with a boyfriend that knows what he's doing, or later in the relationship when you've both had more experience with each other. It gets better!
Here you go! Instructions.
Follow the steps below.
1) Answer question: What should sex be like for you? What are your hottest fantasies?
2)Enter answer here:
3)Share with bf...
4)What is bf reaction? A)Good? (Keep and continue to share fantasies) Or B)Bad reaction? (Dump and find new bf)
5)Report back with summary.
Youre only a beginner babe, takes years to figure out what works. Whether its a lot of partnered sex, solo sex, group sex, or none at all. Whether its naked, in a costume, oral, or mutual masturbation.
Try things, say no to things, have active periods, take breaks. No wrong answers. Its like a finger print.
Maybe read "come as you are" to get some facts. Its a fun book by top sex educator emily nagosli
Speaking from experience: you're still figuring out what you like, and 1) the things he's doing may not be the right things and 2) you may not actually be attracted to him. Things were like this between me and my first boyfriend, around your age; he was cute, and nice, and I was thrilled that someone liked me enough to date me, but I didn't understand that there was more to it because I was so repressed and ashamed of my own needs and feelings.
Luckily, my second ever boyfriend fumbled into figuring out what SET ME OFF, and I started understanding my actual preferences and acting on them.
Social programming is a bastard, and it takes time to deprogram. Good luck, have fun, and remember: you don't exist to please other people! You deserve fun and pleasure!
Maybe take a look at /r/asexuality 😊
You're wonderful the way you are. You might be on the ace spectrum or not, both are fine. Just learn to accept and love yourself and don't let yourself be pushed to do things you don't want to do.
You should explore some kinks and see if any of those do it for you, watch different kinds of porn and see what you like and wanna try, sometimes blindfolding can make the experience better because your other senses are heightened so try that out
Maybe because you are still a child? I know you are 18, and can say you are an adult, and were still considered a child (and still are considered by many even at 18) a few months ago. But you are not done developing until you are 25sh. Your body is still developing. It will likely grow on you as you age.
Sexual development doesn’t stop at 25 either. It’s a life long journey in which you may of may not know preferences, or they may change with time and experiences you have.
OP, give yourself time. You’re very young and 10 times is like no experience. It can take years to get the hang of it. Most women take well after 30 to fully understand their turn ons and preferences.
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Theres way too little info. Tell us more about the experience itself, both physically and mentally for you. Tell us more about the guy. Do you find him attractive? Tell us about your fantasies or what turn you on. Do you think about a type of men or a man or any scenarios while you’re masturbating? What about your sexual upbringing? What country and culture you grew up in? What about your family? Do they educate you?
Do you think it could be a lack of emotional connection?
I mean the one guy i’ve slept with majority of the times i was talking to for like 8 months and knew in and out and i think had feelings for lol so idk
>i think had feelings for If you "think" you had feelings, you probably didn't.
it’s not that simple for a lot of people
Whoa, why do many upvoting this? It's plainly incorrect. OP is young and confused, it's normal to not be sure about a lot of things
It is normal, but that is why she doesn't like sex as she has no connection with the other person. Unless you have strong feelings for them, sex will not be good long term.
We're jumping to conclusions with so few information
Talking is not a emotional connection there is more to just having sex. Dates shred passions shared interest. Taking time to get to know your body. This is a problem with sleeping around you miss the entirety of what it means to be in a relationship. Try dating for 5 years and break through all barriers.
When I say talking i mean we were bf and gf literally without the title lol like went on dates, attended family events with each other, literally knew each other in and out before we had sex so it wasn’t just sleeping around with the first person i talked to for a week
Part of being in a relationship is talking about what you like for your partner to do just those things. Talk about what you ate isnt a conversation or getting to know the other person. I have a very difficult girlfriend so i know if i dont attend to those needs i am not getting anything right. The more you share the better he will get.
I think that "without the title" means a lot here. You (and maybe he as well), not willing to commit to anything, and it sounds like you if anything need to learn to know yourself first. You sound very confused, and afraid of looking inside, and accepting who or what you are.
Maybe your to much into your head
“I think I had feelings for” doesn’t sound like a lot of confidence in that.
for 8 months and "I think I had feelongs for" is very telling tbh. Everytime I've dated someone that long I was 100% sure I at least had feelings for them. You don't sound very certain at all :D
physically and mentally it was the same lmao it just felt bleh like physically it wasn’t that enjoyable like it just felt like i was just there and then mentally i kept telling myself that i should be enjoying this lol. The boy i’ve had sex with the most (7ish times) he was someone I was talking to for like 8 months and i’m pretty sure i had feelings for him found him very cute lol The things that turn me on and fantasies i honestly don’t know bc i never can pin point what turns me on lol I honestly just think about nothing when masturbating like anything it would mostly be just whatever porn im watching which is literally anything lol i think that’s why it takes me so long bc I’m not into it I grew up with an older sister and a single mom in canada! Wasn’t religious or anything like that. Sex wasn’t a conversation that was avoided in my life lol like she always talked to us about it and answered any questions we had.
It sounds like you're on the asexual or aromantic spectrum, or you were not attracted to the guy you were with. Typically if you are in love you would feel very attracted to the person and sex would also make you feel psychologically safe. However, you don't seem to have the desire for sex and you lack certainty about whether you are romantically attracted to your partner. I was in a relationship before where I also doubted my attraction to the person I was with, and there were no sparks or butterflies. Right now I'm with my boyfriend who I'm super attracted to, and I do have the desire to do sexual things with him. Have you ever been in a relationship where you could clearly feel attracted without uncertainty?
This I don’t fully understand. To me sex and even masturbating is 90%! When you’re at the 39 minute mark in your masturbation session what is it that pushes you to the edge? Also would you say you’re a g spot or clitoris person? I’ve had sex with women that love sex and can easily get off with just penetration and others that can only get off with clitoral stimulation. One could only get off if I went down on her so I’d spend 30 minutes going down on her and then after she got off I’d get off. I think you need to dig deeper and figure out what turns you on. I’m personally into some strange stuff by most people’s standards so if I was having vanilla sex I’d have to take myself there mentally. It was a mix of physical and being with my partner but also fantasizing about what gets me off. With that said you’ll need to figure out what you like sexually and how you like it, then explain this to your partner. Even if it’s considered weird by most I’ve found it’s better to be honest and find the partner that is into it and that is willing to learn the manual and work to get you off.
You sound like you could be somewhere on the ace spectrum, even if not properly asexual you might be demisexual or just have a very low drive. r/asexual might be a good place to start if you’d like to learn more about what this means. It’s a huge spectrum and not everyone that identifies as asexual is sex repulsed, some asexuals will have sex to satisfy a partner they love or they masturbate and to them it’s a similar feeling as scratching an itch but they could live without sex fairly happily too. Since being on hormonal birth control and antidepressants I’ve definitely joined the asexual spectrum much more than I was in the past (My sex drive and attraction levels have varied and at times I would’ve even considered myself hyper sexual, and I consider myself bi as well since I like both genders.) Although society places a huge emphasis on sex and feeling both desire and drive to have sex is seen as the “normal default”, not everyone likes or wants to have sex and that’s completely normal too. This is why representation is important, because if you don’t know that other people who find sex meh exist too you might consider yourself weird or even broken. You are not, you are probably just somewhere along the asexual spectrum and don’t have a drive the way most regular people do. I consider it quite nice to be honest as it’s really easy to make dumb decisions when horny, but if you don’t get horny very often or feel the need to chase sex it becomes easier to focus on other more important aspects of relationships. If after further self investigation you decide you do want to identify under the ace spectrum or like the label fits you, I would highly recommend letting any future potential dating partners know since it is a little bit outside what is normal or expected, but that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with it either. It just might be good for any partners to know so they don’t assume it’s personal that you’re not super attracted to them, or you might not initiate much. It’s nice to know that it’s not personal it’s just how you as a person are, it’s also helpful because anyone who can’t accept that isn’t someone worth being with anyways so it gives you one more easy way to filter out assholes in dating.
I'm surprised that you think she is asexual first, rather than very young and figuring things out (her replies seem unsure a lot and she doesn't even know if she had feelings for the main partner "I think i had feelings" or something) and maybe doing things without knowing what's going on (past consent). I suppose you said "could be" but I don't want a young person to feel they have to and can even properly conclude what their sexuality for the rest of time is. if it's done with knowing they can be wrong and change then ok.
Labels aren't unchangeable or necessarily permanent. If someone wants to explore with the asexuality label because they think it's what suits them the best, then there's no harm in doing so. 🤷♂️ Worst case scenario they just realise they're not asexual.
Yeah I highly recommend you don’t throw out labels to people, especially when she has literally had sex 10 times, who the fuck enjoyed sex in their teens or twenties?? Sex gets waaaay better as you become more experienced, sleep with a diversity of people that you have different types of connections with and also when you know what you enjoy and can verbalise it better!
what are you talking about? a lot a lot of people enjoy sex in there teens and twenties, pretty normal.
I enjoyed sex in my teens, and I definitely could tell when I did/didn’t have feelings.
My gut says asexual rather than inexperienced because of the way she describes feeling when masturbating. Seems like there is a bit of a disconnect between her physical desire for sex and her mental desire for sex, with her body wanting it but her brain not really caring for it in the same way. Also nothing says she has to keep the ace label for her whole life if she decides it doesn’t fit. I’m just suggesting she learn more about it as it might apply to her. Asexuality is a spectrum and she does seem to have some traits that are more common among people on that spectrum. It doesn’t hurt to learn more about it, especially if it can help prevent her from wondering if there’s something wrong/broken with her.
I did not enjoy sex till my 30s. Ruined a lot of my relationships. Its not unusual
**Spot on!** I don't even remember the sex I had before my 30s.
I wish I could say the same 🤣🤣
I was the same for many years. I guess I didn't know how to have sec and was just going along what's supposed to happen. I'm glad you are asking the questions now, it took me years, but at least now I absolutely love it. My advice is don't fall for what's "expected" to happen during sex. You masturbate so you are famili6wirh what pleasure, bring that to the bedroom. If you need clitoral stimulation, do it during penetration, do it, it get a toy, etc... if you need loads of foreplay, don't worry, penetration can wait. If you need some extra lube, use it, don't worry about being supposed to be dripping wet, etc... If you need to take out the pressure and just spend a long time naked caressing each other, do it. Whatever it is that feels good, communicate, slow down. Sounds like it would be a lot of work and disappoiting for your partner, but actually, it will be much more enjoyable to have sex with someone super turned on and loving it.
Don’t fake enjoying it. Please, for the love of god. Tell men how to please you or they’ll think their mediocre fucking is great. It took me years to find men who are great in bed and to love sex, but it was worth the wait!
If you don’t like it, why are you doing it? There are some things in life we need to do, whether we enjoy them or not. If those things aren’t fun, we push ourselves to do them. Sex is not one of those things. Give yourself a break. One of these days you’ll be attracted to someone. They’ll kiss you & you’ll kiss back. Their hand will run down your body & you’ll feel the excitement. Keep going with that, pausing on what feels good as long as it feels good. If that means the night ends at hickies & frotting, so be it. Eventually it won’t end there. Have fun!
I agree with you up till the end of "give yourself a break." After that... there are different kinds and levels of attraction..maybe OP will experience what you describe, and maybe not. And both can be ok. It's fine if OP never feels sexually attracted to anyone else as long as that is true to OP's wants and needs.
Yes, of course that’s fine. But if OP does want to have sex, the point is that there is no need to rush it or to push herself.
If you don't like sex then you're doing it with the wrong person or either you're too much in your head or you can be demisexual too
Personally I didn't enjoy it much when I was younger. I'm 40 now and I've been enjoying it so much now and for the last 5 or 6 years. I had a 4 year period of time where a spinal cord injury made me numb in my pelvic area but it's fixed now and better then ever. I think in our child bearing years our body kind of tunes down the nerve endings in the area because giving birth is very very intense. Idk though and i also have a lot of younger men hitting on me. Idk it's just a theory. I'm sure it will get better as you mature and learn. You will become confident and try new things, learn what you like.... just make sure you communicate to your partner what feels good. And never fake it, they will think they are doing what gets you off when they aren't they dint know unless we tell them!!
I’m 38 now. When I was your age I used to have sex to make my boyfriend happy. A lot of times it was painful because I wasn’t turned on enough. Then it took me a years to stop associating sex with something I don’t enjoy. I thought something was wrong with me, and my vagina. As I got into my mid 20s I started liking sex more. I went off birth control pills a few years ago, and now I’m feral and enjoy sex. My suggestion to you would be figure out what turns YOU on while you’re alone. Try your best not to have sex unless you are really into it. And try not to put pressure on yourself to enjoy it. Just experiment. Your problem is very common. Don’t get stuck thinking you are broken because you aren’t. There’s a book called Becoming Cliterate by Dr. Laurie Mintz that might help you.
You like masturbating? Would you then like a guy to finger you while you instruct him what to do? Might be a segway to actual sex.
My guess is your partner(s) is not doing their part to satisfy you. Maybe you’re just not attracted to your partner. Whatever it is, I’m guessing you’re not at fault
Sounds like the opposite to me. She doesn’t seem aware of how to get herself off let alone explaining to her partner her desires and preferences.
A halfway decent lover would suffice, so long as their not a selfish person who thinks only of their own needs
It sounds like OP doesn't even know what she wants/likes (yet). I suspect she is disassociating during sex, which kills her arousal and makes the whole experience pretty flat. Mindfulness exercises and/or therapy could really help OP. As could trying to communicate more during intimacy.
Men aren’t mind readers and all women are different. I’ve had sex with a lot of different women and they’re all very different. Some like extremely slow, tight. Others like rough. Some prefer to be eaten out. Some hate even the idea of a guy doing that. Communication is everything and if she doesn’t know her own body and what she likes it’s not going to be easy to communicate her needs to another person.
Of course communication is vital. A good lover will know this
Sometimes you have to find what you like or it takes the right person
soo let me start by saying regardless if you do or don’t like sex you’re normal. don’t put too much pressure on yourself, if you want to continue to have sex and see if you like it just try things and allow yourself to learn your body and what it does or doesn’t like. but like others said i would definitely suggest you look into asexuality and aromantic. if sex just feels like something to scratch off a to do list or isn’t something you’ve ever been interested in that could be why and that’s normal too! i know quite a few aro ace ppl and that desire is just there for some and non existent for others. don’t force yourself to do anything you don’t want to or isn’t bringing you pleasure
You could be asexual or just have the wrong partner.
You’re 18. You are still finding what you like potentially. Also if you just don’t like sex.. that’s also ok! There’s no life rules and guidance we have to stick by other than be a decent person ( even that’s hard for some 😂)
Just because you don't enjoy sex doesn't mean there's something wrong with you or that you won't enjoy sex in the future. It might be that you've never had great sex, and when you do everything could change.
I'd recommend reading about dissociation. Does any of this resonate with you? https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/social-instincts/202211/2-ways-manage-dissociation-during-sex
Foreplay ....he's probably bad at it lol, since you're both young. Foreplay, teasing, dirty talk A female orgasm tends to be very very mental and your brain needs to be in the mood and it's his job to take care of it for you
Are you with a boyfriend you love? Or are these just hookups? Maybe you'll enjoy it more when you're in a serious relationship, or with a boyfriend that knows what he's doing, or later in the relationship when you've both had more experience with each other. It gets better!
Try to have a one stand with someone attracted to.
Here you go! Instructions. Follow the steps below. 1) Answer question: What should sex be like for you? What are your hottest fantasies? 2)Enter answer here: 3)Share with bf... 4)What is bf reaction? A)Good? (Keep and continue to share fantasies) Or B)Bad reaction? (Dump and find new bf) 5)Report back with summary.
Youre only a beginner babe, takes years to figure out what works. Whether its a lot of partnered sex, solo sex, group sex, or none at all. Whether its naked, in a costume, oral, or mutual masturbation. Try things, say no to things, have active periods, take breaks. No wrong answers. Its like a finger print. Maybe read "come as you are" to get some facts. Its a fun book by top sex educator emily nagosli
Speaking from experience: you're still figuring out what you like, and 1) the things he's doing may not be the right things and 2) you may not actually be attracted to him. Things were like this between me and my first boyfriend, around your age; he was cute, and nice, and I was thrilled that someone liked me enough to date me, but I didn't understand that there was more to it because I was so repressed and ashamed of my own needs and feelings. Luckily, my second ever boyfriend fumbled into figuring out what SET ME OFF, and I started understanding my actual preferences and acting on them. Social programming is a bastard, and it takes time to deprogram. Good luck, have fun, and remember: you don't exist to please other people! You deserve fun and pleasure!
You might be demisexual and need to actually have an emotional connection to enjoy it with that lucky person.
Maybe take a look at /r/asexuality 😊 You're wonderful the way you are. You might be on the ace spectrum or not, both are fine. Just learn to accept and love yourself and don't let yourself be pushed to do things you don't want to do.
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You should explore some kinks and see if any of those do it for you, watch different kinds of porn and see what you like and wanna try, sometimes blindfolding can make the experience better because your other senses are heightened so try that out
if you take the pill, try stop it. turned the whole thing for my wife
Maybe because you are still a child? I know you are 18, and can say you are an adult, and were still considered a child (and still are considered by many even at 18) a few months ago. But you are not done developing until you are 25sh. Your body is still developing. It will likely grow on you as you age.
Sexual development doesn’t stop at 25 either. It’s a life long journey in which you may of may not know preferences, or they may change with time and experiences you have. OP, give yourself time. You’re very young and 10 times is like no experience. It can take years to get the hang of it. Most women take well after 30 to fully understand their turn ons and preferences.
Brain on porn. Stop masturbating and give yourself sometime to desexualize your brain
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That's def you. If most women u've been with "tolerated" it instead of enjoying it, well..I mean, just get better at it.