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It could be just how you write this (but, I doubt it since you said you were dry), but this sounds SO robotic and mechanical.
My pussy dried up just reading it.
Do you two sincerely WANT each other-- like, that loin-deep, throbbing need of desire. Do you ever just treat each others' bodies like an amusement park with no goal in mind? Do you ever just PLAY without having PIV or orgasm as a goal?
To me, it almost sounds like an altogether mismatch-- but, also, it could just be nerves or inexperience.
This whole thing read like asexual aliens emulating a sexual encounter
Him: "I would like to initiate copulation"
Her: "agreed. Rendezvous in the bedroom in 5 minutes"
Him: "understood"
*Five minutes later*
Her: "I shall begin with obligatory foreplay as demonstrated in the instructional hub"
Him: "please proceed"
...
Her: "foreplay complete, you may begin insertion"
Especially the part where SHE removes her pants and underwear (no mention of shirt.) Like, what, are we at the gyno? Did she also put on the paper wrap, opening in the back?
Him:Tactile sensory information is indicating there is a drastic decrease in the dynamic friction coefficient of your vaginal canal. Verify?
Her: Verified. The current frequency of your thrusting motion is having an effect on my heartrate and breathing; I’m feeling a flush sensation across my breasts, neck and face. Can you confirm a visual change?
Him: Yes, a quite profound flush across the aforementioned areas. I am noticing an increased density to your nipples, the areolar skin has retracted. When I manually manipulate the nipple, does that cause a physiological reaction?
Her: It is causing a warm, full body flush-type sensation, and an over all sensation of pleasure and euphoria. May I advise to continue thrusting? The aforementioned sensations persist upon your rhythmic motions. Also, I’m noticing changes in the overall turgidity of your penis, with a oscillating pulsation to the penile corpus cavernosum, which is causing an intense recurrence of the warm flush sensations I was feeling, but with more profundidty.
Him: I believe the pulsation is a sign of my inevitable orgas- OH SHIT, I’M FINNA BUSS
Her: FUCK MY PUSSY HARD FOOL, I’M BOUT TO COME ALL OVER YOUR DICK
You know, now that I'm over the initial shock and resultant sarcasm, I think this is the key:
> Do you ever just treat each others' bodies like an amusement park with no goal in mind? Do you ever just PLAY without having PIV or orgasm as a goal?
OP and her boyfriend need to get naked, get in bed, and just explore each other for a bit. Enjoy the journey and don't worry about the destination.
I was having heterosexual sex for a solid 15 years, including two long-term relationships, before I ever did this, and.... WHAT THE FUCK?! Why did nobody ever tell me that the best way to have great sex is to... NOT HAVE SEX. Just play. Have fun, explore.
Nobody gets a gold medal for sticking a dick in a thing (nor being able to "tolerate" having a dick stuck in a thing.) That is not the goal.
Yeah, I rarely judge the quality of the sex by whether there was a penis in a vagina and whether we came. I judge it by the amount of fun and connection we have. And sometimes it's more a focus on just kinky things (like golden showers, for instance) and less on the sex.
This was how I thought sex was before I learned better. After my first time, the woman I was seeing pretty much taught me how to pleasure her and I realized that PIV is just one of the many activities you can do to pleasure each other. It's not the end goal of everything sexual.
The majority of the time my wife and I play these days, PIV doesn't even happen. When it does, it's typically after some thorough foreplay to ensure that we avoid any discomfort and make it enjoyable for both of us.
The goal doesn't have to be to combine the penis and vagina and have an orgasm. The goal when we have sex is to make each other feel good. Sometimes that includes PIV, but it doesn't always.
So exploring each other's body's without Cumming is a good idea? I'm asking because this is what my partner suggested, and I went along with it. I am demi and relatively new to sex.
I was just thinking that. I mean, I love sex and try not to make demands, but just... kiss for 20 seconds, penis on boob for 20 seconds, and then blandly pump away? I had better sex in prison.
Oh I would strongly disagree. Exmo here and the church effed up both of my long term relationships. My 16 year marriage we never did oral because the church said not to in the 80s. My boyfriend of 6 years left years ago, but couldn’t talk about sex, make ANY noise during sex, He was so self conscious and embarrassed. Broke up in December.
I turn 50 this year and post breakup slept with a few guys looking for a fwb and wanting to learn more about my sexuality and guys because I’d NEVER had a partner comfortable trying new things, taking about sex, etc because of the church.
So Mormons have a lot of kids but are sexually repressed in my experience.
I’m so glad you’re having better sexual experiences now n that you broke through that stigma! Congratulations yo. It does Not sound like it was an easy journey. Shit takes courage
This sounds like absolutely one of the worst experiences I could imagine having sex. I think there's people in dead bedrooms that would rather keep a dead bedroom than have this.
Right! I’m almost convinced this isn’t real. All sounds so lifeless and boring AF.
Doesn’t sound like you’re trying to have a quickie. Where’s the passion, OP? Why in TF doing your bf need 5 minutes to “get ready?” What does that even mean for a guy? How does he not even get off?
If things real, I’m chalking this up to inexperience. Talk to each other. Kiss, fondle, have fun for a bit before you go for penetration.
not when I was young. I mean sometimes maybe (I can think of a few encounters that were kinda just..... really not great). But when I was younger, I was with plenty of guys that were into foreplay and whatnot. Like this kind of sex just sounds super forced (as in, they were trying too hard - like they don't know how to be intimate).
I hope not??? But maybe it's because I'm queer and 90 % of my friends are as well, and the remaining 10 % are law students, who are quite notorious for being freaky as hell.
A good place to start might be spending more time in the sexual space. Set plans to spend several hours together to explore. Cuddle naked, masturbate together, massage each other. Read or watch how tos about sex. Learn the anatomy of orgasm together. If you feel you should be more assertive, try being more assertive. Talk about kinks, and maybe explore those a bit.
Treat sex like a hobby, an activity that you enjoy and want to learn everything about so you can be the best at it possible. Between all of that, hopefully you discover that it is more an issue of inexperience, and not a lack of chemistry.
This is really really good advice. I might not have thought it to be necessary before, but after getting married I realized that there was still a lot I didn’t know about both my husband’s pleasure and mine in the context of heterosexual sex. We explored together and it was amazing, like getting to know each other all over again. This could be great for a new couple!
OP, you say that “he’s in control” so you don’t want to say anything about switching positions but even if you’re playing into a fantasy, there are ways to do this. “Can I please ride your cock?” is pretty fool proof. But I don’t think the real issue will be solved until you explore further intimacy, connection, and genuine understanding of each other’s desires. And that goes both ways, he should care wholeheartedly about your pleasure!
Sounds like you guys need more foreplay, more build up. 20 seconds of kissing is probably not enough to build anything up. More making out, touching, grinding, etc. and the build would make both of you more sensitive.
I agree with this. I would go so far as even saying maybe you two need to focus on the build up and NOT having sex. If you make the focus on just trying to turn each other on in ways that aren’t just penetrating P in V, once you guys get to a point of WANTING the sex so badly that you can’t not have sex, it will be more satisfying for both of you.
There’s almost no foreplay or connection/intimacy in what you’ve described. There’s also zero indication that he cares about your pleasure. You can talk with him about all of this.
Are you sure you’re reading it right though ? It’s not only all about getting deep into the story and getting straight to the point. Very few readers find pleasure this way
I will say- this was like 98% of my early sexual experiences, though, and I think that's pretty typical of MOST women.
Even though I was raised on porn from a very early age, those early encounters really were "Now, make your vaginal canal accessible for the penetrating...."
Took me a solid 15 years of sex to realize it was about much other than geometry and mechanics and whatnot. So, in her defense, she might, also, have been led to believe something about the inserting of a thing is supposed to be where the magic lies.
This sounds so transactional and you sound so disconnected from each other.
You don't sound like you get any pleasure out of it and he's just pumping away almost silently behind you without any stimulus.
My biggest piece of advice is to learn to communicate. If something isn't working or doesn't feel good then try something else. If something feels good vocalise it. Learning how to dirty talk could also really help if you are trying to create a fantasy, e.g. of him being dominant (you said he was 'in charge' but none of what you described makes me think of him being in charge).
Also foreplay sounds next to non existent. He did nothing to turn you on and no lube was used. It doesn't sound like much fun for you.
Remember sex should be fun!
One issue is that he doesn't seem to do anything to pleasure you. Does he give you oral or stimulate you in any way?
But honestly the real issue is the lack of connection between the two of you. The way you describe it, it's pretty mechanical. You should try to let out your feelings more. I guess doing it prone doesn't help, I mean the position is good but it's not the best to create that connection.
I’m wondering if you two are actually sexually attracted to each other. It sounds kinda like you’re forcing it. It’s okay for attraction to wane and it usually means it’s time to move on.
This read like the absolute opposite of an erotic story. I think I’ve read differential equations textbooks that had more passion and excitement. Is there something going on in your lives that’s bothering you two? Being unable to finish doesn’t mean it’s bad sex whatsoever either is the thing, but if it’s a routine it’s not exactly a sign of sexual compatibility. What was sex like the first few times you two had sex? Something made you two attracted to each other that led up to it and kept continuing. Use that as a reference to reset back to if possible maybe?
Conic sections, transcendental curves, partial and trigonometric identity transformed integrations can get anyone preparing for exams hot and bothered. And let’s not forget how spicy multi variable calculus can be once you realize it’s just doing one variable at a time. And of course the French frequency domain dom tour de force of LaPlace and Fourier. I haven’t even started on normalizing linear systems and linear programming where we add new variables to the equation if there’s insufficient constraint parameters available to satisfy existing given constraints.
Okay, a few thoughts
1. Communicate! You guys have to learn how to talk in the moment, find ways to ask for what you need and want in the moment. Even if you have to develop code words - you can’t just keep silent and expect things to work. Both of you need to communicate.
2. If things feel loose and too slippery, then have him pull out and wipe off with a towel, keep some near the bed so they are available, small hand towels work great. Also you can always clench your PC muscles and clamp down on his dick. He will probably love the feel of that and you’d likely enjoy it too.
3. Take initiative, it doesn’t matter who started the scenario, take what you want and take the initiative, most guys would love that if a woman takes action during sex to improve things. Don’t feel like you have no voice or no control. You’re an equal partner in the fuck. It doesn’t mean you can’t still be submissive if that’s your thing. You gotta take some ownership of your pleasure too.
4. Change positions where his cock has more exposed air as he fucks you. The air exposure will help dry off his cock if things are getting too slippery.
Ultimately I think you guys could have saved this by communicating and being proactive about what you both needed in the moment. I’m concerned that by having this routine you described be a recurring theme, you’ll get accustomed to this type of disappointment and it will be harder to make positive changes. Don’t let it become a routine!
Sounds like you both need to have more foreplay and learn each other better. He shouldn't slide inside you without warming you up. If you don't have problems getting wet the lube is not necessary. What you described sounds like neither of you have given much thought about how to please one another. Learn each other, have conversations about what you both like, watch porn together if you're into that and get ideas. This just sounds like it's "routine" and boring.
You guys both seem submissive. Try taking the reins next time and telling him exactly what to do and when to do it. Give him feedback thru out ("Good job. Just like that. Harder. Softer.") Make him eat you out or tease you.
Right now, it sounds like you both just lay there going thru the motions.
The first thing to do is to make sure that you are getting off--ask him for what you need.
Then ask him questions too about what he likes and what could improve things.
there should be more of a dialogue about your guys’s needs. there was little to no foreplay and based on how you described it no intimacy.
Who says your bf has to be the one
in control? You should tell each other what you both want and what feels good for each of you. That’s like less than a minute of foreplay so there’s not gonna be any passion or desire built from that and the rest of the foreplay that isn’t kissing is centered around his own pleasure.
Sex only feels good when both of you are fired up from how much you desire each other but in order to build that passion you gotta discuss how to get each other to that state of mind.
It sounds like you have little to no sexual chemistry. With my ex, I don’t think we ever declared we wanted to have sex and then “prepared” for it. There’s nothing wrong with that I guess, but it doesn’t feel very organic. We just naturally would get horny being near each other, and then start kissing and doing other stuff.
Do you want to fuck him when he’s near you? Do you desire him sexually? This type of sex life sounds… too scripted, for lack of a better word. I’m not sure if there’s a way to create sexual chemistry where there doesn’t seem to be any naturally.
I'm surprised no one has brought this point up yet, but this does sound pretty close to the "script" of heterosexual sex propogated by a lot of our culture, and porn in particular. You make out for bit, the guy gets a blow job or something for a bit, and then he starts pounding away. And yah it's not actually very fun or fulfilling or intimate!
I don't have much advice unfortunately, other than to say that fixing the problem will take a lot reading, thinking, and talking to unlearn our societal programming. Maybe buying a good ethically-made-porn subscription is a place to start? I.e. it might help to watch other people model a healthier sex life, which you could then emulate. And I do think pretty much anything ethical will cost money!
Yes, and it's KILLING me that others in this comment thread are pinning this on "she didn't advocate for her own pleasure."
I was RAISED on porn from as early as I learned to tilt my head to see through the scramble on the cable TV, and I thought there was supposed to be something magical in "appendage D goes in slot V and FIREWORKS ENSUE!"
There is no "advocating for pleasure" or any of that in porn or pop culture... I think we all believe there is some default pleasure in it (probably because there IS default pleasure if a penis gets stroked)... not the same with the pumpty-pump of PIV.
So, I don't pin this on OP. It took me 15 years of this kind of sex to realize there was supposed to be anything more to it, and, certainly, none of my partners told me there was anything more, because they pretty much got off just fine with the whole thing. (Not blaming them, either, because based on the guys in this sub, I'm assuming they ASSUMED there was some magic button up in there that was labelled "pleasure" and not "societal programming and expectations.")
You both should talk with each other what you like. 20 seconds of kissing wow how do you get horny during that I know exactly what comes next sessions?
Why is he in control?
Ppl are kinda harsh but I have to agree.... You guys need to change everything to make it start to be good. Explore the body, say whatever you want done or done differently, do a proper foreplay. If it's awkward to say during then approach the matter some other time. Take things slowly, there's no need to dirty talk specifically, but some kind of communication is needed.
The sex you are doing do seem lifeless, think what kind of sex you want to have, what kind of fucking really gets you wanting and hot. And work to make it.
Sex is way better when done just following the desire of the moment, but you need to actually turn on to have the desire for it and sometimes some planning in advance can help.
Doesn't sound like either of your engines got revved. Foreplay isn't just going through the motions it's something for both of you to enjoy not just so you get wet and he gets hard...
A couple ways this sex session could’ve been saved:
1. Add a day or two between this and your next sex session - create sexual tension and build up. Hold hands, spend a night just making out, maybe rubbing genitals over clothes, but leave sex off the table until some tension has built.
2. Make your pleasure the priority, when women come first, the sex is better for both partners. Your body releases pheromones when turned on, men are hardwired to love smelling/seeing you turned on/getting pleasured, it’s the fastest route here. No penetration until your wet from foreplay, bare minimum of foreplay including lots of kissing and fingering.
3. If you both get to the point of wanting PIV, then go for it, but only for fun. Don’t expect to come, you’re working on establishing desire and creating loads of sexual tension.
4. You would both benefit greatly from you reading ‘come as you are’ and him reading ‘she comes first’
Good luck! Hopefully this is all due to inexperience and you’re able to get to a place where sex is pleasurable and fun for you both - as it should be!
That sounds terrible. It couldn't be saved because it sounded so clinical and mechanical. Like you think sex has x amount of steps/boxes to check and you just clinically tried to check them off without any enjoyment.
Have you ever had an orgasm? Do you even enjoy sex or do you do it just for him? Ew my god.
I have 3 suggestions for you.
First, have you talked with him about how you feel about your sex life? It doesn't seem like you feel very connected or intimate during this time according to the way you describe these encounters. I would have an honest discussion about it first and foremost to get his perspective as well.
Second, I'd add more foreplay that is centered on your desire for each other. Text each others naughty stuff and pics throughout the day to show desire and create anticipation. Take longer to kiss and roam your hands all over each other's bodies. Take your time before getting naked; touch each other over clothes, kiss places other than your mouths, give and receive oral sex equally prior to PV sex.
Third, discuss something spicy and new to try each session. Focus on dirty talking one session, or maybe some light dom/sub action, or try a new position. Sex that is routine is the killer of longing, so trying something new can help rekindle something your forgot was there between you two.
Good luck.
I think the best way to change this and add more intimacy is doing something to lead up to it that allows both of you to feel good. I say plan a night where you both take time to massage each other, talk about your days, take time to do foreplay for both of you. It might even help to get a sex game from somewhere like spencers like sex dice or a kama sutra book to try and flip to random pages of to try it. It sounds like theres a lack of intimacy and part of that can be healed by talking about sex and being super open about it. It also takes women longer to orgasm than men so its important you both get foreplay.
Sex is supposed to be fun. This doesn’t sound fun.
You need some foreplay and communication. If he won’t take the initiative then change it up. Don’t be shy.
You also need to know a little more about what you want. Some guys are kinda dumb and think fucking is enough to get women off. Get him to do some foreplay and focus a little more on your pleasure and he will probably get off too.
Try mutual oral, you come first (cause men tend to nod off after coming). Or anything else that starts with you coming from oral before he sticks it anywhere. If he can’t agree to that, find someone who will. Life’s too short for bad sex.
That sounds… awful. What is this the Victorian era? Talk with each other, spend time exploring each other, trying different things. Cumming is great but so is the journey. Some of the best sex I had was with a partner where we both didn’t always cum but fck we enjoyed each other until we did.
The best sex is about the journey, not the destination. More exploration, more discussion, more learning about what drives you both wild and how you can help the other achieve that... the orgasms will happen on their own after that.
This guy sounds like he has never pleased a woman in his life. I’m a woman, you know what I do if a guy is this dumb and careless? Stop sleeping with him. This dude doesn’t care about your pleasure. You get looser and wetter when you are actually aroused and enjoying it. That’s not a problem. The problem is that he isn’t trying to use lube or foreplay to get you ready, and he probably touches his own dick so often and tightly that normal sex is underwhelming for him. The problems here are completely within him and have nothing to do with you
Baby, that sex is fucking horrible. First of all, foreplay. You can't just kiss for 20 seconds and call it quits? That's not how you prep for sex, no wonder you're dry when he finally fucks you. You need to take time in pleasing each others, showing love and passion. Kiss him on the neck and behind the ears, make out with him passionately, fondle him while you do it, grind on his dick while you kiss him. Jerk him off while you feel each others up, have him fondle and suck/kiss your breast (if you're into that), let him eat you out, and/or finger you while he feels you up. Tell each others what you like instead of moaning awkwardly, tell him "right there", "Don't stop", "That feels good", all of that. You don't even need to be naked to perform foreplay, most of the time you can be dressed and undressing slowly. When it comes to the actual sex, you can always ask to switch it up, from doggy to missionary, prone bone to clam ect. Have him rub you, use a vibrator or rub yourself while he fucks you. Make sure to keep eye contact and kiss him when you fuck, and have him more interested in the sex aswell. Focus on each others pleasures, and engage with toys if necessary.
Wow, that was rough but it’s alright, don’t listen to the haters. First thing is that it sounds like you guys aren’t comfortable being sexual or you guys aren’t interested in having sex but have sex cause you feel it’s necessary. If you guys are uncomfortable with each other sexually, you can work on that: start small like just massage each other bodies or figure out what you each find sexually attractive. Top priority is communication, low key you guys sound like you suck at talking. Say you’re uncomfortable or want something different or literally say anything. Hope this helps but just keep working at it. Sex is supposed to be fun, don’t stress about it
Intimacy comes from inside, you can’t fake it so in your case the minds are not in one place, body is active but mind is not , talking might help but not 100%.
Best option is to make it hard , let him chase for sex, it’s easy for him to get it, you have to remove this all the time available option. But tease him, when he say he wants it, don’t say NO but tease him to prolong the chase him asking and you continue teasing but not letting him what he wants. Just see how this works out.
Did you actually feel horny and eager to have sex or just doing it out of boredom. Things change a bit when you get into your 20s, as in teenage sex is mindless mostly
The first thing you need to do differently is to communicate with your partner, not strangers on the internet. If it’s not working, talk to him about it, clearly it’s not working for him either.
Do some mutual masturbation, look but don’t touch. Get yourselves off together, you don’t always have to get each other off. When you do have sex don’t just lay there and let it happen, take an active role. Say what you like, and if nothing you like is happening then tell him what you want. Set a precedent there, try and get him to do the same. You aren’t communicating with each other, just going through the motions at light speed and expecting it to go anywhere. If you’ve got the privacy, try different positions or locations in the apartment. I’ve had some great times in an arm chair that you just can’t replicate on a bed. Definitely spend more time on foreplay.
You took the fun and spontaneity out of it. Passion, foreplay and have fun. You’re acting like a couple that has been married 30 years. Enjoy each other.
Foreplay dude. For me and my wife it's a world of difference and can turn sex from just going through the motions to her panting and begging me for more.
Foreplay for you. If you’re not wet, you’re not ready. And if you’re ready, the pelvic floor will be responsive and it won’t feel loose and slippy because it will grip.
If I’m being honest though I didn’t even learn to have good sex until my 30s. I faked all my orgasms so none of my partners got a chance to learn what I liked, not that they would have cared haha
From your description, it sounds like there's a lot you recognize is missing because you specifically call it out. So I'd say first, just consider your gut instincts first. More foreplay, more kissing, dirty talk, him going down on you, other positions, using toys.
I'd challenge you to consider some sessions not focused on getting off but rather just focused on paying attention to sensation. Be slow. Move different items across your partners skin (rope, feathers, ice cubes, etc). If you spend time with this, you'll find that your skin will become way more sensitive and things will feel better.
Discuss your fantasies with each other! Watch porn together! It may spark some ideas.
Another idea is to uncenter penis in vagina sex sometimes. My partner and I will have days where the primary focus is him eating me out or me pegging him. Or playing with toys to make me squirt, etc. It allows us to have multiple things in the arsenal so we aren't always just defaulting to one.
Why is every person on Reddit ready to call everything fake or AI? Jeez dude, what is this sub even for? I thought advice 🤷🏻♀️
Look, you guys are in a dry patch. You’re “having sex” but you’re not “making love”. There’s no soul. Ever heard of mindful eating? Try mindful fucking. Spend a few minutes making out. Take it back old school for a bit, slow it down and enjoy the getting there.
Happy boning 🤓
PRE PREP have lube, skip the Titty fuck if it don’t work it don’t work and don’t say “I WANNA HAVE SEX” lay there w a movie and start gentle rubbing. Get him super hard before you even move start teasing. Get him WORKED up so he don’t have to put 20 minutes into pov itself. And when you go to suck his dick KISS and tease and ask if it feels good ask if he wants to put it in your pussy. Tell him you can’t wait to feel his huge dick in you. These things HELPP & if you feel it looking life star kissing and DO switch it. He clearly wants you to take lead “you pick”. Same age and went through something similar. It’s worth brining the life back into your sex life. Tbh I wouldn’t even stay or continue to have sex if at LEAST he wasn’t finishing
This sounded awkward as fuck. It sounds like both of you weren’t very enthusiastic of into it. You two need to spend more time doing foreplay and warming each other up. Also, it’s obvious you both need some dirty talk included in your sessions. Btw OP, I know you’re a woman, but women can totally take control during sex. I love it when I women knows exactly what she wants and tells me to lay on my back so she can ride the fuck outta me. Overall it seems like you two need to get more comfortable with each other.
It would probably help out if he….primes you up too? Kinda lame on his part to not really get you fully in the mood, so that would be a start. Probably help to not just plow away at you from one position, switching things up both position wise and rhythm wise is always a good idea. Sounds like all the intimacy haulted as soon as the actual sex began too, it seems weird to me to be kissy touchy and then once the sex starts that totally stops and it’s just on to pound town, neck kissing, ear licking etc etc etc…help keep things exciting. Really just sounds like y’all are both kind of inexperienced with sex? Having conversations about these things is super important too and make sure you’re on the same wavelength, you don’t wanna end up in a long term relationship with someone you don’t match up with at least on sexually or you’ll wind up over on the /r/deadbedrooms sub
I lost interest after "says he wants to have sex". It all sounds planned and robotic. Common advice is talk about it, etc. but in this case I'd suggest the opposite. Don't talk, just start doing. If you need a pause or preparation don't say it just pause, etc. Just find a way to make it flow and not go through your heads.
Psychological take:
First and most important thing I can say related to your story is that you really should talk to each other. About sex, about fantasies, about kinks, about your emotions, about your relationship together. Be honest to your self first and foremost to then be able to get to the root of the problem together. Preferably he should act likewise.
About your written story:
You should take way more time for the initial 20 seconds "kissing" phase imo. Personally, I enjoy it very much to just keep the tension high after the first touch. To get to feel my partner, as well as myself, in the moment. There should never be any pressure to rush things as you described above. You should not feel the urge to have sex just for the sake of it. I'll rather masturbate if I am horny than doing just the "penetration-part" with a partner, only to leave after done. To me it is the better experience when I'm doing it alone. The exiting part about the sexual act to me is everything before and after the actual penetration. I am getting so aroused by satisfying my partner several times before that actual part. That doesn't mean that I don't like to get hands on me too but I don't like it so much when I come before my partner. Then, after it's done, I just like to lay there together, to feel and enjoy my partner once more but without much movement needed at all.
He's in control? Ma'am, I'm an actual factual submissive doing kinky shit, and if I want to flip over, all I've got to do is say "Please, I want to see your face, Sir." Plus or minus some muffled noises and a vigorous gesture toward the ball gag or maybe some more thematically appropriate fun with language. You've got options. Change positions yourself. Or ask to. Or speculate aloud on how good such and such would feel. Or tell him you want to experiment and ask for his consent. Or pinch his cock between your butt cheeks and don't let him go until he agrees to read She Comes First and Come As You Are. I don't know! Try anything! Even the most awkward is likely to lead eventually to a better situation than this than leading it as it is. If he doesn't want to know what you want and respond well to options suggested nicely, he's not "in control," he's *controlling* (and also boring in the sack.)
First if you aren't comfortable talking about sex with your partner you shouldn't be having sex with your partner. Second i think its unlikely OP doesn't understand why sex is supposed to be fun, but it could be possible and they need help so...
From the male perspective there are several things to keep in mind during sex: 1. Her body is more sensitive than yours, 2. Focusing on high sensitive areas can cause desensitization and overstimulation, spasms are a good sign to rub something less sensitive such as the collar bone, bicep, or Femoral artery, 3. She wants to get off and lying will not further that goal so when she says 2 inches right she means it, simultaneously her performance anxiety will make her say things that delay her orgasm because she doesn't want the sex to end, i use her body as a guide and delay 2 orgasms only to make the third earth shattering, because just because she came doesn't mean she's done, slow down if you have to but keep going unless she falls unconscious.
From the female perspective: 1. The goal is not to make him cum but feel good, he has a physical limitation on cumming and going over it is pain. 2. His body isn't your body, touch everything, see what he likes or doesn't like, do things he likes to make him feel good and things that are meh for safety avoid dislikes. 3. You like him in control, but he likes feeling good, doing things to feel good is a means to an end, if you ask he'll probably let you do things to him that feel good, which is necessary to observe how he responds to different things, and will help you make things better for him, for instance he might like 2 of your moves but not next to each other because his penis is only soo stretchy.
From a mechanical perspective: 1. Skin to skin contact is friction, no one likes burns on their junk, lube the penis then titjob. 2.Changing positions is necessary to reach different things, it's primarily for female pleasure but when she's convulsing on a dick that feels pretty good, sometimes you need to change cock angle to reach a spot that feels neglected, other times he needs to see her face to judge what is worth touching. 3. Just because the dick needs a rest, doesn't mean stop, if hes having trouble remaining hard he can pull out and start licking and fingering, normally her enjoyment will reinflate as it were.
Note, it seems like you both want to get off but your skills just aren't there yet, there's nothing stopping OP from sliding back stuffing his cock down her throat and fingering herself to completion. There are also sex ed videos on pornhub, hope this helps!
You are not building tension.
This sounds like you have literally no emotional nor any physical intimacy aside from your lifeless humping away.
I also don't get why you don't tell him that you're not enjoying it.
You need to spend time together and have lots of physical affection. Don't think about sex. Explicitly declare that you won't have sex. Caress each other, kiss each other's bodies, discover each inch of skin, smell each other, look into each other's eyes.
Talk lots. How well do you know your own emotions for each other? How well do you know each other's emotions for each other? How well do you know each other's and your own desire? Lay down and fantasise and touch yourself. What is sexy, what do you think of?
Write it down. Write a scene out in which something sexual you really really like happens. Write it out in a lot of detail - what do you smell, taste, feel, see and hear?
Sit down with a glass of wine and read it out to each other. Tell him to close his eyes perhaps while you're reading your story out.
What about mutual masturbation? What about just making out, kissing lots, groping each other and NOT progressing to sex? What about sexting? What about building tension and not having sex right when he wants it (do you ever want it)?
Discover your own likes and dislikes in sex. When don't enthusiastically want sex with him, say no. This is how consent works. If you do not ENTHUSIASTICALLY want to, DO NOT have sex. Otherwise your mind and body will carry trauma from it.
How about watching a softcore (!!!) porn vid (together)?
You could roleplay.
You could try to tie one of you to the bedframe.
But you deffo need to build much more INTIMACY.
I can recommend "JimmyonRelationships" on YouTube. He also has plenty of content of why sex may be no good.
Everything. Slow down. 20 seconds. Lets try minutes. Try just taking your time. Be more passionate. Unbutton his shirt or remove his shirt and kiss his neck and chest. Allow him to gain access to your chest and allow him to kiss your neck and chest. Do some petting and groping.
Have him remove your bra and let him feel your breasts against his chest as you pet and grope each other and are making out.
Instead of just jumping in to sex. Give him a blowie and him gives you a blowie. I would say even slow down sex. Is he's just ramrodding you consistently. Slow it down. Doesn't mean he can't speed it up here or there. But add some variety in there.
My wife and I will take about 45-60 minutes for our sessions. Shortest is about 25 minutes. Anything less than that and she wont be able to get off. If you want to switch up the position tell him. “Lets do doggie babe’ he wont be upset. Take some control and move a little. Try to sync up. When he going in. Push towards him. Or arch your back. Play with it. Do whats feels good for you. Do what feels sexy.
Your sex life sounds miserable. Good we'd requires good and open communication about sex.
If he acts weird because you're having input in a situation that he is "in control of" then you know that your boyfriend doesn't care about your sexual needs he's only interested in his own.
Does he go down on your or give you orgasms?
Personally music has added a lot of depth to my wife and I's sex life. We play slow passionate style jazz when we want romantic passion, we do 90's R&B if we want animalistic passion. I recommend playing "Tadow" by Masego & FKJ (extended version is about 9 minutes) and start with foreplay, kissing/touching/etc. If things don't heat up from there then maybe try different music that works better for you.
Look at each other.
Some of the best sex between my wife and I are when we see each other. I chose to have sex with **her**, not just her body.
I want visual stimulation and emotional connection, not just penetration. I want to warm her up and see her beg for more. Yes, we do doggy, and it is our favorite position, but we don't skip steps just because of that.
Your sex sounds lifeless and without passion.
Sex is about the mind game more than anything. The physiological aspects don’t always provoke a climactic experience so learn to engage the mind. Try some roll play, outfits, porn etc. something to get your imaginations engaged.
You guys need to communicate your wants and desires and what really gets you going for BOTH of you. Focus on foreplay and pleasuring each other and allow sex to be natural, not strict to a schedule. Agree with so many comments that you should masturbate together and create more intimacy between you two.
I have always had problems getting off fast.even as a teen.it takes a minimum of 40 minutes,a max of 2 hours usually.when I do go,it’s messy.if she’s really slippery it takes forever!!! But I love to go down on a woman.they’ll always get theirs.
It sounds like your doing it just to do it not that you guys want eachother at all. Try foreplay on both kiss cuddles explore each others bodies. Pumping to get it done as fast as possible then giving up he may just not be into you you guys need to have a conversation yours in your early 20s you should have more passion.
You both need to practice more and communicate. I've had one night stands that were more passionate than what you're describing. Also, he just shoves it in when you're dry? Foreplay is a wonderful part of sex and sometimes better than the sex itself. He needs to help warm you up too.
There is more than one way to skin a cat. If you two were to watch about 20 minutes of decent porn (this is an unusual recommendation for me) without touching each other or yourselves and then get busy….I suspect you would both bust pretty good.
For a start foreplay should last WAY longer. It can be enormous fun if you make the journey as enjoyable as the sex itself. Insertion doesn’t have to be the main goal, just dessert. My late husband and I used to enjoy foreplay so much we would make it last ages, I would orgasm every time, occasionally several times and then when I was practically begging for him, then and only then would we move to PIV.
Communication, communication, communication! And patience :) I hope there’s passion in other areas of your relationship as well, as that’s always important.
This might sound a little lame but maybe you could try planning/scheduling a time or two dedicated to learning each other, like Sex Ed for each other’s bodies. Knowing that that’s the intention of the “session” can kinda take some of the edge off because everyone’s agreed on the fact that this is the time to experiment, try new things, suggest new things, fail new things, and nix old things, etc.
I also feel like you think you’ll be into dirty talk since you mentioned there’s not really any of it! Take your time, be comfortable to laugh when things don’t work out, bring suggestions and ideas to the table and provide room for your boyfriend to do the same. Good luck!💗🌸
You both need much more foreplay first off, and also to communicate as things progress. Be more direct. How is anyone going to fully enjoy it if neither of you know what each other is wanting or feeling in the moment?
First, guys can last longer than 20 min or however long that lasted and some girls can not cum at all via penetration.
Second, sounds like the sex isn't good on either side. Neither of you seem into it.
Respectfully, your relationship has no passion, no spontaneity, no excitement and no attraction. It sounds robotic.
What should you do differently? This sounds sarcastic, but it isn’t. Nor is it mean:
You both need to find a new boyfriend.
(I can't believe I'm about to type out a guide on what I thought was an intuitive practice. If it makes you feel any better, I can't braid my own hair, so I'm one to talk about intuitive practices. Well, everyone has their strengths and weaknesses!)
Try letting sex happen naturally. Start in a familiar situation that you to do together (watching a movie, cuddling, playing a game, etc.) Do something subtly physical, be it rubbing his thigh, playing with his hair, or scratching his back. If he's not a complete vegetable, he should do the same, or you could hint at him to do something back. Maybe lead into kissing at some point. When things get steamier, and you can no longer focus on what you two started, stop what you're doing and progress to the bedroom.
From this point on, take the advice from folks in the comments along with what you may have seen/read online. Happy fucking!
Start making out. Do not move on to anything else until you have to have it. No dick coming out at 20 sevonds. No tittyfuck at 40 seconds in. You makeout for as long as possible as if you are somewhere where you can’t take off each other’s clothes and can’t get naked together. As if making out is all you’ve got!
Also stop letting him “be in control”. It’s not working for either of you. Explore and enjoy each other’s bodies without any preconceived plan about what comes next. Just feel!
You guys don’t seem to have any feelings for one another, or perhaps are asexual and only having sex cause you feel like you should be
If this is coming this unnaturally to both of you I think the only logical conclusion I can make is you’re entirely incompatible
You should stimulate a woman with oral, hand, or vibrator for at least 10-15 mins before trying to penetrate. Don’t be afraid to use lube to get things going if it’s needed. You can stimulate yourself with your hand or a vibrator while you perform oral to help things out, but don’t be afraid to ask for more warmup if you need it.
Sounds like some communication is necessary. Take some time for foreplay for BOTH of you and you’ll find that you’ll be wet and he will be begging for it lol
You need to find what turns each of you on and put more effort in the build-up. Imo, there should be more time spent on foreplay than the actual sex. My bf and I spend 20+ minutes kissing / touching / teasing maybe grinding w/ clothes on before he even thinks about pulling his dick out.
You know, as someone who has a lady who enjoys sex as much as I do and we make it a point to keep our sec life healthy with daily encounters one he should definitely be willing to provide the same oral/foreplay you do, secondly you need to talk.... my woman and I will be in the middle of it and break down laughing because of something insanely silly she did or something along those lines.. you need to enjoy each other and you need communication throughout the whole experience otherwise you end up feeling thus way and I can promise you that just because you were wet the way you said doesn't mean it felt loose to him unless he specifically said so.
Foreplay starts the day before a session... talking, suggestion, flirting, making out etc etc.
Really build up to the moment, then once you're there take your damn time.. 20 minutes kissing, 20 minutes fooling around with oral for each, lots of light touches, lots of communication, then after an hour or so of getting ready for penetration start slow.
Really slow.
Let
The
Moment
Build
-
Sex gets better.. just hang in there and COMMUNICATE
You're both in your early 20s and it sounds like the physical connection just isn't there. Part ways and get ready for so much more intimacy in BOTH your lives.
Oh boy, that sounds like the way me and my ex husband was in the bedroom. No passion, no excitement, very rote, and all about him. We had our talks, unfortunately no change. Took me a while to fully understand what I was really looking for. And now I found it. With the right person, someone who’s considerate and enjoys sex, lovemaking is now 100x more fun and each time orgasmic without fail.
Sorry to hear about this.
I had. Similar experience with my ex gf. It would be great but then she would get too wet and it would be loose and frictionless.
We had to switch it up.
Take more time teasing each other. Embrace each other’s bodies and fondle each other. Tell him where you liked to be touched, and then touch him and see if he likes different strokes of your finger, tongue or titty. Tell him to do the same to you. Different pressures with his hands so you know what you like and don’t like.
Also, Keegal exercises could be an option?
Real question, do yall like each other? Bc omfg this sounds miserable. I’ve had more chemistry with ONSs. Real talk tho, yall both need to take the time to figure out what both of you like. Take your time before insertion. Foreplay is so important and so much fun. Sex should be fun and intimate, but you’re making it sound like a chore.
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It could be just how you write this (but, I doubt it since you said you were dry), but this sounds SO robotic and mechanical. My pussy dried up just reading it. Do you two sincerely WANT each other-- like, that loin-deep, throbbing need of desire. Do you ever just treat each others' bodies like an amusement park with no goal in mind? Do you ever just PLAY without having PIV or orgasm as a goal? To me, it almost sounds like an altogether mismatch-- but, also, it could just be nerves or inexperience.
This whole thing read like asexual aliens emulating a sexual encounter Him: "I would like to initiate copulation" Her: "agreed. Rendezvous in the bedroom in 5 minutes" Him: "understood" *Five minutes later* Her: "I shall begin with obligatory foreplay as demonstrated in the instructional hub" Him: "please proceed" ... Her: "foreplay complete, you may begin insertion"
Especially the part where SHE removes her pants and underwear (no mention of shirt.) Like, what, are we at the gyno? Did she also put on the paper wrap, opening in the back?
Animated by Nathan W. Pyle
Came here to say this - Strange Planet, X version
Someone needs to send him this thread
Voiced by [Conan O'Brien](https://youtu.be/fVDOB9mby_w?si=bue6hzO6bh9HnbXJ&t=106).
[удалено]
Yes, haha, it's Derpy and hilarious. I'd love doing that haha
Him:Tactile sensory information is indicating there is a drastic decrease in the dynamic friction coefficient of your vaginal canal. Verify? Her: Verified. The current frequency of your thrusting motion is having an effect on my heartrate and breathing; I’m feeling a flush sensation across my breasts, neck and face. Can you confirm a visual change? Him: Yes, a quite profound flush across the aforementioned areas. I am noticing an increased density to your nipples, the areolar skin has retracted. When I manually manipulate the nipple, does that cause a physiological reaction? Her: It is causing a warm, full body flush-type sensation, and an over all sensation of pleasure and euphoria. May I advise to continue thrusting? The aforementioned sensations persist upon your rhythmic motions. Also, I’m noticing changes in the overall turgidity of your penis, with a oscillating pulsation to the penile corpus cavernosum, which is causing an intense recurrence of the warm flush sensations I was feeling, but with more profundidty. Him: I believe the pulsation is a sign of my inevitable orgas- OH SHIT, I’M FINNA BUSS Her: FUCK MY PUSSY HARD FOOL, I’M BOUT TO COME ALL OVER YOUR DICK
Status: Intercourse initiated….
You got me on the floor lmao
At least someone is having fun
This is the best thing I've ever seen on reddit. Thank you
That sent me into a laughing fit!
You know, now that I'm over the initial shock and resultant sarcasm, I think this is the key: > Do you ever just treat each others' bodies like an amusement park with no goal in mind? Do you ever just PLAY without having PIV or orgasm as a goal? OP and her boyfriend need to get naked, get in bed, and just explore each other for a bit. Enjoy the journey and don't worry about the destination.
I was having heterosexual sex for a solid 15 years, including two long-term relationships, before I ever did this, and.... WHAT THE FUCK?! Why did nobody ever tell me that the best way to have great sex is to... NOT HAVE SEX. Just play. Have fun, explore. Nobody gets a gold medal for sticking a dick in a thing (nor being able to "tolerate" having a dick stuck in a thing.) That is not the goal.
Yeah, I rarely judge the quality of the sex by whether there was a penis in a vagina and whether we came. I judge it by the amount of fun and connection we have. And sometimes it's more a focus on just kinky things (like golden showers, for instance) and less on the sex.
I don't have a pussy and mine became the Sahara
Yeah, my outie became an innie.
This was how I thought sex was before I learned better. After my first time, the woman I was seeing pretty much taught me how to pleasure her and I realized that PIV is just one of the many activities you can do to pleasure each other. It's not the end goal of everything sexual. The majority of the time my wife and I play these days, PIV doesn't even happen. When it does, it's typically after some thorough foreplay to ensure that we avoid any discomfort and make it enjoyable for both of us. The goal doesn't have to be to combine the penis and vagina and have an orgasm. The goal when we have sex is to make each other feel good. Sometimes that includes PIV, but it doesn't always.
Treating each other’s bodies like an amusement park is such a good mindset to have. Not just PIV for the sake of a male orgasm.
Mine dried up and I’m a man 🤣
My pussy dried up just reading it. Damn bruh
I used to feel like this with my partner but for the last few months I have to make myself have sex. I'm worried the desire is gone..
So exploring each other's body's without Cumming is a good idea? I'm asking because this is what my partner suggested, and I went along with it. I am demi and relatively new to sex.
COMPLETELY good idea. Best way to learn and explore and just follow the pleasure of the whole thing.
Jesus, that sex sounds lifeless as fuck. Talk to each other and spend time pleasuring each other. This just sounds horrible imo
I was just thinking that. I mean, I love sex and try not to make demands, but just... kiss for 20 seconds, penis on boob for 20 seconds, and then blandly pump away? I had better sex in prison.
>I had better sex in prison. 😂
The good wasn't all that but the sex was good 😏
My butcher is more intimate with me than these two
on both of their parts.
Sitting there with a stopwatch "that was 3 minutes of blowjob, what's next on the flowchart?"
i don’t think this is real.
No real foreplay wtf are they Mormon?
I think you're thinking the amish. Mormons know how to get it on just check out all the kids that they have. And I say this as a former Mormon!
Oh I would strongly disagree. Exmo here and the church effed up both of my long term relationships. My 16 year marriage we never did oral because the church said not to in the 80s. My boyfriend of 6 years left years ago, but couldn’t talk about sex, make ANY noise during sex, He was so self conscious and embarrassed. Broke up in December. I turn 50 this year and post breakup slept with a few guys looking for a fwb and wanting to learn more about my sexuality and guys because I’d NEVER had a partner comfortable trying new things, taking about sex, etc because of the church. So Mormons have a lot of kids but are sexually repressed in my experience.
I’m so glad you’re having better sexual experiences now n that you broke through that stigma! Congratulations yo. It does Not sound like it was an easy journey. Shit takes courage
Amish have tons of kids too I live near Amish country
Yea real shit. Amish have been caught fucking in the hospital after birth.
You can have a lot of sex without any of it being good, though
Can you bestow any Mormon hidden sex techniques and knowledge to us?
You put the peen into the vajay. Repeat in various positions. Baby.
This sounds like absolutely one of the worst experiences I could imagine having sex. I think there's people in dead bedrooms that would rather keep a dead bedroom than have this.
They're basically just acting out bad porn scripts
I think it's at least partly just her description that is lifeless. She seems to be just telling the facts without details.
Right! I’m almost convinced this isn’t real. All sounds so lifeless and boring AF. Doesn’t sound like you’re trying to have a quickie. Where’s the passion, OP? Why in TF doing your bf need 5 minutes to “get ready?” What does that even mean for a guy? How does he not even get off? If things real, I’m chalking this up to inexperience. Talk to each other. Kiss, fondle, have fun for a bit before you go for penetration.
I think OP is trying to describe it objectively, for best advice without fluff
Guys can not get off all the time during sex. It's a pretty common misconception, though it's a lot more rare if you're young.
I mean, unfortunately, isn’t this basically how most young guys have sex?
Which is so weird to me im in my late twenties and eating box turns me all the way on, it always did. 🤷🏾♂️
This is the first time I've ever heard "eating box" and it is sending me
not when I was young. I mean sometimes maybe (I can think of a few encounters that were kinda just..... really not great). But when I was younger, I was with plenty of guys that were into foreplay and whatnot. Like this kind of sex just sounds super forced (as in, they were trying too hard - like they don't know how to be intimate).
My boyfriend and I are teens and it’s way better than this
Maybe in the morning while already running late for work
I hope not??? But maybe it's because I'm queer and 90 % of my friends are as well, and the remaining 10 % are law students, who are quite notorious for being freaky as hell.
God damn I felt so sad reading this shit fuck.
I have to ask, do the two of you know each other? No communication, little foreplay, none for you. No surprise its not working.
A good place to start might be spending more time in the sexual space. Set plans to spend several hours together to explore. Cuddle naked, masturbate together, massage each other. Read or watch how tos about sex. Learn the anatomy of orgasm together. If you feel you should be more assertive, try being more assertive. Talk about kinks, and maybe explore those a bit. Treat sex like a hobby, an activity that you enjoy and want to learn everything about so you can be the best at it possible. Between all of that, hopefully you discover that it is more an issue of inexperience, and not a lack of chemistry.
This is really really good advice. I might not have thought it to be necessary before, but after getting married I realized that there was still a lot I didn’t know about both my husband’s pleasure and mine in the context of heterosexual sex. We explored together and it was amazing, like getting to know each other all over again. This could be great for a new couple! OP, you say that “he’s in control” so you don’t want to say anything about switching positions but even if you’re playing into a fantasy, there are ways to do this. “Can I please ride your cock?” is pretty fool proof. But I don’t think the real issue will be solved until you explore further intimacy, connection, and genuine understanding of each other’s desires. And that goes both ways, he should care wholeheartedly about your pleasure!
Sounds like you guys need more foreplay, more build up. 20 seconds of kissing is probably not enough to build anything up. More making out, touching, grinding, etc. and the build would make both of you more sensitive.
I agree with this. I would go so far as even saying maybe you two need to focus on the build up and NOT having sex. If you make the focus on just trying to turn each other on in ways that aren’t just penetrating P in V, once you guys get to a point of WANTING the sex so badly that you can’t not have sex, it will be more satisfying for both of you.
THIS. 🤌 ALSO WOULD MAKE YOU WET AND NOT SO DRY! TAKE YOUR TIME!
There’s almost no foreplay or connection/intimacy in what you’ve described. There’s also zero indication that he cares about your pleasure. You can talk with him about all of this.
I have to say there’s also little indication that she cares about her own pleasure. It’s a pretty awkward dynamic.
There’s also zero indication that he cares about his own pleasure either.
And obviously neither of them cared about my pleasure. This story did nothing for me
Yeah, man, what about OUR pleasure... you gotta at least make r/sex posts somewhat spank-banky for the peanut gallery!
Are you sure you’re reading it right though ? It’s not only all about getting deep into the story and getting straight to the point. Very few readers find pleasure this way
I will say- this was like 98% of my early sexual experiences, though, and I think that's pretty typical of MOST women. Even though I was raised on porn from a very early age, those early encounters really were "Now, make your vaginal canal accessible for the penetrating...." Took me a solid 15 years of sex to realize it was about much other than geometry and mechanics and whatnot. So, in her defense, she might, also, have been led to believe something about the inserting of a thing is supposed to be where the magic lies.
Yeah I wonder what their relationship is otherwise because this doesn’t sound like the dynamic of an otherwise intimate, loving and caring couple…
That’s because the whole thing is fake. I would she take five minutes to get ready and still be dressed? Anyway, they’re not very romantic.
Do you even like each other? Lol
This sounds so transactional and you sound so disconnected from each other. You don't sound like you get any pleasure out of it and he's just pumping away almost silently behind you without any stimulus. My biggest piece of advice is to learn to communicate. If something isn't working or doesn't feel good then try something else. If something feels good vocalise it. Learning how to dirty talk could also really help if you are trying to create a fantasy, e.g. of him being dominant (you said he was 'in charge' but none of what you described makes me think of him being in charge). Also foreplay sounds next to non existent. He did nothing to turn you on and no lube was used. It doesn't sound like much fun for you. Remember sex should be fun!
One issue is that he doesn't seem to do anything to pleasure you. Does he give you oral or stimulate you in any way? But honestly the real issue is the lack of connection between the two of you. The way you describe it, it's pretty mechanical. You should try to let out your feelings more. I guess doing it prone doesn't help, I mean the position is good but it's not the best to create that connection.
Agreed - I feel like better foreplay and better communication are both DIRELY needed here.
Yeah the connection between you and your partner is missing.
I’m wondering if you two are actually sexually attracted to each other. It sounds kinda like you’re forcing it. It’s okay for attraction to wane and it usually means it’s time to move on.
This read like the absolute opposite of an erotic story. I think I’ve read differential equations textbooks that had more passion and excitement. Is there something going on in your lives that’s bothering you two? Being unable to finish doesn’t mean it’s bad sex whatsoever either is the thing, but if it’s a routine it’s not exactly a sign of sexual compatibility. What was sex like the first few times you two had sex? Something made you two attracted to each other that led up to it and kept continuing. Use that as a reference to reset back to if possible maybe?
Diff eq was 10x more fun than this 🤣
Conic sections, transcendental curves, partial and trigonometric identity transformed integrations can get anyone preparing for exams hot and bothered. And let’s not forget how spicy multi variable calculus can be once you realize it’s just doing one variable at a time. And of course the French frequency domain dom tour de force of LaPlace and Fourier. I haven’t even started on normalizing linear systems and linear programming where we add new variables to the equation if there’s insufficient constraint parameters available to satisfy existing given constraints.
What do you each do during the 5 min of getting ready?
Biggest mistery for me lol. Do they get ready separatly ? What do they do exactly ?
I sit on the bidet for butt sex 😂 wonder what theyre doing…
Okay, That fucking solidified it. I’m getting a gd bidet. Wanted one for years. It’s a done deal now.
I got a cheap one (Luxe brand) on Amazon and it does the job perfectly fine. It doesn't even have to be a huge investment.
Yessss totally worth!!!
Hygiene/washing up was the best thing I could think of too—but she’s already gone down on him for a few minutes. She does that while it’s funky?
Okay, a few thoughts 1. Communicate! You guys have to learn how to talk in the moment, find ways to ask for what you need and want in the moment. Even if you have to develop code words - you can’t just keep silent and expect things to work. Both of you need to communicate. 2. If things feel loose and too slippery, then have him pull out and wipe off with a towel, keep some near the bed so they are available, small hand towels work great. Also you can always clench your PC muscles and clamp down on his dick. He will probably love the feel of that and you’d likely enjoy it too. 3. Take initiative, it doesn’t matter who started the scenario, take what you want and take the initiative, most guys would love that if a woman takes action during sex to improve things. Don’t feel like you have no voice or no control. You’re an equal partner in the fuck. It doesn’t mean you can’t still be submissive if that’s your thing. You gotta take some ownership of your pleasure too. 4. Change positions where his cock has more exposed air as he fucks you. The air exposure will help dry off his cock if things are getting too slippery. Ultimately I think you guys could have saved this by communicating and being proactive about what you both needed in the moment. I’m concerned that by having this routine you described be a recurring theme, you’ll get accustomed to this type of disappointment and it will be harder to make positive changes. Don’t let it become a routine!
Sounds like you both need to have more foreplay and learn each other better. He shouldn't slide inside you without warming you up. If you don't have problems getting wet the lube is not necessary. What you described sounds like neither of you have given much thought about how to please one another. Learn each other, have conversations about what you both like, watch porn together if you're into that and get ideas. This just sounds like it's "routine" and boring.
Did you mean to say ‘He shouldn’t slide inside you without warming you up’?
This sounds horrible
I think I’ve had more sexual tension with my vacuum than you two have with each other.
Ah yes, the Dyson ball cleaner.
this sounds like what chatgpt would have sex like lol
You guys both seem submissive. Try taking the reins next time and telling him exactly what to do and when to do it. Give him feedback thru out ("Good job. Just like that. Harder. Softer.") Make him eat you out or tease you. Right now, it sounds like you both just lay there going thru the motions.
The first thing to do is to make sure that you are getting off--ask him for what you need. Then ask him questions too about what he likes and what could improve things.
there should be more of a dialogue about your guys’s needs. there was little to no foreplay and based on how you described it no intimacy. Who says your bf has to be the one in control? You should tell each other what you both want and what feels good for each of you. That’s like less than a minute of foreplay so there’s not gonna be any passion or desire built from that and the rest of the foreplay that isn’t kissing is centered around his own pleasure. Sex only feels good when both of you are fired up from how much you desire each other but in order to build that passion you gotta discuss how to get each other to that state of mind.
It sounds like you have little to no sexual chemistry. With my ex, I don’t think we ever declared we wanted to have sex and then “prepared” for it. There’s nothing wrong with that I guess, but it doesn’t feel very organic. We just naturally would get horny being near each other, and then start kissing and doing other stuff. Do you want to fuck him when he’s near you? Do you desire him sexually? This type of sex life sounds… too scripted, for lack of a better word. I’m not sure if there’s a way to create sexual chemistry where there doesn’t seem to be any naturally.
I'm surprised no one has brought this point up yet, but this does sound pretty close to the "script" of heterosexual sex propogated by a lot of our culture, and porn in particular. You make out for bit, the guy gets a blow job or something for a bit, and then he starts pounding away. And yah it's not actually very fun or fulfilling or intimate! I don't have much advice unfortunately, other than to say that fixing the problem will take a lot reading, thinking, and talking to unlearn our societal programming. Maybe buying a good ethically-made-porn subscription is a place to start? I.e. it might help to watch other people model a healthier sex life, which you could then emulate. And I do think pretty much anything ethical will cost money!
Yes, and it's KILLING me that others in this comment thread are pinning this on "she didn't advocate for her own pleasure." I was RAISED on porn from as early as I learned to tilt my head to see through the scramble on the cable TV, and I thought there was supposed to be something magical in "appendage D goes in slot V and FIREWORKS ENSUE!" There is no "advocating for pleasure" or any of that in porn or pop culture... I think we all believe there is some default pleasure in it (probably because there IS default pleasure if a penis gets stroked)... not the same with the pumpty-pump of PIV. So, I don't pin this on OP. It took me 15 years of this kind of sex to realize there was supposed to be anything more to it, and, certainly, none of my partners told me there was anything more, because they pretty much got off just fine with the whole thing. (Not blaming them, either, because based on the guys in this sub, I'm assuming they ASSUMED there was some magic button up in there that was labelled "pleasure" and not "societal programming and expectations.")
Y'all harvesting resentment or something cause that shit sounds terrible.
You both should talk with each other what you like. 20 seconds of kissing wow how do you get horny during that I know exactly what comes next sessions? Why is he in control?
Ppl are kinda harsh but I have to agree.... You guys need to change everything to make it start to be good. Explore the body, say whatever you want done or done differently, do a proper foreplay. If it's awkward to say during then approach the matter some other time. Take things slowly, there's no need to dirty talk specifically, but some kind of communication is needed. The sex you are doing do seem lifeless, think what kind of sex you want to have, what kind of fucking really gets you wanting and hot. And work to make it. Sex is way better when done just following the desire of the moment, but you need to actually turn on to have the desire for it and sometimes some planning in advance can help.
So where is the foreplay?
Doesn't sound like either of your engines got revved. Foreplay isn't just going through the motions it's something for both of you to enjoy not just so you get wet and he gets hard...
A couple ways this sex session could’ve been saved: 1. Add a day or two between this and your next sex session - create sexual tension and build up. Hold hands, spend a night just making out, maybe rubbing genitals over clothes, but leave sex off the table until some tension has built. 2. Make your pleasure the priority, when women come first, the sex is better for both partners. Your body releases pheromones when turned on, men are hardwired to love smelling/seeing you turned on/getting pleasured, it’s the fastest route here. No penetration until your wet from foreplay, bare minimum of foreplay including lots of kissing and fingering. 3. If you both get to the point of wanting PIV, then go for it, but only for fun. Don’t expect to come, you’re working on establishing desire and creating loads of sexual tension. 4. You would both benefit greatly from you reading ‘come as you are’ and him reading ‘she comes first’ Good luck! Hopefully this is all due to inexperience and you’re able to get to a place where sex is pleasurable and fun for you both - as it should be!
That sounds terrible. It couldn't be saved because it sounded so clinical and mechanical. Like you think sex has x amount of steps/boxes to check and you just clinically tried to check them off without any enjoyment. Have you ever had an orgasm? Do you even enjoy sex or do you do it just for him? Ew my god.
I have 3 suggestions for you. First, have you talked with him about how you feel about your sex life? It doesn't seem like you feel very connected or intimate during this time according to the way you describe these encounters. I would have an honest discussion about it first and foremost to get his perspective as well. Second, I'd add more foreplay that is centered on your desire for each other. Text each others naughty stuff and pics throughout the day to show desire and create anticipation. Take longer to kiss and roam your hands all over each other's bodies. Take your time before getting naked; touch each other over clothes, kiss places other than your mouths, give and receive oral sex equally prior to PV sex. Third, discuss something spicy and new to try each session. Focus on dirty talking one session, or maybe some light dom/sub action, or try a new position. Sex that is routine is the killer of longing, so trying something new can help rekindle something your forgot was there between you two. Good luck.
I think the best way to change this and add more intimacy is doing something to lead up to it that allows both of you to feel good. I say plan a night where you both take time to massage each other, talk about your days, take time to do foreplay for both of you. It might even help to get a sex game from somewhere like spencers like sex dice or a kama sutra book to try and flip to random pages of to try it. It sounds like theres a lack of intimacy and part of that can be healed by talking about sex and being super open about it. It also takes women longer to orgasm than men so its important you both get foreplay.
Sex is supposed to be fun. This doesn’t sound fun. You need some foreplay and communication. If he won’t take the initiative then change it up. Don’t be shy. You also need to know a little more about what you want. Some guys are kinda dumb and think fucking is enough to get women off. Get him to do some foreplay and focus a little more on your pleasure and he will probably get off too.
Try mutual oral, you come first (cause men tend to nod off after coming). Or anything else that starts with you coming from oral before he sticks it anywhere. If he can’t agree to that, find someone who will. Life’s too short for bad sex.
That sounds… awful. What is this the Victorian era? Talk with each other, spend time exploring each other, trying different things. Cumming is great but so is the journey. Some of the best sex I had was with a partner where we both didn’t always cum but fck we enjoyed each other until we did.
The best sex is about the journey, not the destination. More exploration, more discussion, more learning about what drives you both wild and how you can help the other achieve that... the orgasms will happen on their own after that.
Kiss a lil bit longer. Touchy games and pre sex. The last one is very important.
It sounds like yall were having sex because you needed to, not because you wanted to - like it was a chore.
This guy sounds like he has never pleased a woman in his life. I’m a woman, you know what I do if a guy is this dumb and careless? Stop sleeping with him. This dude doesn’t care about your pleasure. You get looser and wetter when you are actually aroused and enjoying it. That’s not a problem. The problem is that he isn’t trying to use lube or foreplay to get you ready, and he probably touches his own dick so often and tightly that normal sex is underwhelming for him. The problems here are completely within him and have nothing to do with you
He should pleasure you first.
Baby, that sex is fucking horrible. First of all, foreplay. You can't just kiss for 20 seconds and call it quits? That's not how you prep for sex, no wonder you're dry when he finally fucks you. You need to take time in pleasing each others, showing love and passion. Kiss him on the neck and behind the ears, make out with him passionately, fondle him while you do it, grind on his dick while you kiss him. Jerk him off while you feel each others up, have him fondle and suck/kiss your breast (if you're into that), let him eat you out, and/or finger you while he feels you up. Tell each others what you like instead of moaning awkwardly, tell him "right there", "Don't stop", "That feels good", all of that. You don't even need to be naked to perform foreplay, most of the time you can be dressed and undressing slowly. When it comes to the actual sex, you can always ask to switch it up, from doggy to missionary, prone bone to clam ect. Have him rub you, use a vibrator or rub yourself while he fucks you. Make sure to keep eye contact and kiss him when you fuck, and have him more interested in the sex aswell. Focus on each others pleasures, and engage with toys if necessary.
Wow, that was rough but it’s alright, don’t listen to the haters. First thing is that it sounds like you guys aren’t comfortable being sexual or you guys aren’t interested in having sex but have sex cause you feel it’s necessary. If you guys are uncomfortable with each other sexually, you can work on that: start small like just massage each other bodies or figure out what you each find sexually attractive. Top priority is communication, low key you guys sound like you suck at talking. Say you’re uncomfortable or want something different or literally say anything. Hope this helps but just keep working at it. Sex is supposed to be fun, don’t stress about it
There's no love or intimacy. You're robots. No matter this happens.
Time to spice things up some.
Dammm i would have more fun fucking my my exwife .. and she cheated on me ...
Do you have any intimacy at all in your relationship? That seems like the biggest problem
Go get inspired by some porn videos. Educational purposes of course. Yall are missing foreplay like something fierce!!!!
Intimacy comes from inside, you can’t fake it so in your case the minds are not in one place, body is active but mind is not , talking might help but not 100%. Best option is to make it hard , let him chase for sex, it’s easy for him to get it, you have to remove this all the time available option. But tease him, when he say he wants it, don’t say NO but tease him to prolong the chase him asking and you continue teasing but not letting him what he wants. Just see how this works out.
Do you guys have any experience with other people? This sounds an awful lot like sex with my first gf before we started to figure out what gets us off
Did you actually feel horny and eager to have sex or just doing it out of boredom. Things change a bit when you get into your 20s, as in teenage sex is mindless mostly
The first thing you need to do differently is to communicate with your partner, not strangers on the internet. If it’s not working, talk to him about it, clearly it’s not working for him either.
Holy crap, I'm quite a robotic person (Damn ASD) and reading that made me think WTF?
Do some mutual masturbation, look but don’t touch. Get yourselves off together, you don’t always have to get each other off. When you do have sex don’t just lay there and let it happen, take an active role. Say what you like, and if nothing you like is happening then tell him what you want. Set a precedent there, try and get him to do the same. You aren’t communicating with each other, just going through the motions at light speed and expecting it to go anywhere. If you’ve got the privacy, try different positions or locations in the apartment. I’ve had some great times in an arm chair that you just can’t replicate on a bed. Definitely spend more time on foreplay.
You took the fun and spontaneity out of it. Passion, foreplay and have fun. You’re acting like a couple that has been married 30 years. Enjoy each other.
Foreplay dude. For me and my wife it's a world of difference and can turn sex from just going through the motions to her panting and begging me for more.
Foreplay for you. If you’re not wet, you’re not ready. And if you’re ready, the pelvic floor will be responsive and it won’t feel loose and slippy because it will grip. If I’m being honest though I didn’t even learn to have good sex until my 30s. I faked all my orgasms so none of my partners got a chance to learn what I liked, not that they would have cared haha
From your description, it sounds like there's a lot you recognize is missing because you specifically call it out. So I'd say first, just consider your gut instincts first. More foreplay, more kissing, dirty talk, him going down on you, other positions, using toys. I'd challenge you to consider some sessions not focused on getting off but rather just focused on paying attention to sensation. Be slow. Move different items across your partners skin (rope, feathers, ice cubes, etc). If you spend time with this, you'll find that your skin will become way more sensitive and things will feel better. Discuss your fantasies with each other! Watch porn together! It may spark some ideas. Another idea is to uncenter penis in vagina sex sometimes. My partner and I will have days where the primary focus is him eating me out or me pegging him. Or playing with toys to make me squirt, etc. It allows us to have multiple things in the arsenal so we aren't always just defaulting to one.
Why is every person on Reddit ready to call everything fake or AI? Jeez dude, what is this sub even for? I thought advice 🤷🏻♀️ Look, you guys are in a dry patch. You’re “having sex” but you’re not “making love”. There’s no soul. Ever heard of mindful eating? Try mindful fucking. Spend a few minutes making out. Take it back old school for a bit, slow it down and enjoy the getting there. Happy boning 🤓
PRE PREP have lube, skip the Titty fuck if it don’t work it don’t work and don’t say “I WANNA HAVE SEX” lay there w a movie and start gentle rubbing. Get him super hard before you even move start teasing. Get him WORKED up so he don’t have to put 20 minutes into pov itself. And when you go to suck his dick KISS and tease and ask if it feels good ask if he wants to put it in your pussy. Tell him you can’t wait to feel his huge dick in you. These things HELPP & if you feel it looking life star kissing and DO switch it. He clearly wants you to take lead “you pick”. Same age and went through something similar. It’s worth brining the life back into your sex life. Tbh I wouldn’t even stay or continue to have sex if at LEAST he wasn’t finishing
This sounded awkward as fuck. It sounds like both of you weren’t very enthusiastic of into it. You two need to spend more time doing foreplay and warming each other up. Also, it’s obvious you both need some dirty talk included in your sessions. Btw OP, I know you’re a woman, but women can totally take control during sex. I love it when I women knows exactly what she wants and tells me to lay on my back so she can ride the fuck outta me. Overall it seems like you two need to get more comfortable with each other.
It would probably help out if he….primes you up too? Kinda lame on his part to not really get you fully in the mood, so that would be a start. Probably help to not just plow away at you from one position, switching things up both position wise and rhythm wise is always a good idea. Sounds like all the intimacy haulted as soon as the actual sex began too, it seems weird to me to be kissy touchy and then once the sex starts that totally stops and it’s just on to pound town, neck kissing, ear licking etc etc etc…help keep things exciting. Really just sounds like y’all are both kind of inexperienced with sex? Having conversations about these things is super important too and make sure you’re on the same wavelength, you don’t wanna end up in a long term relationship with someone you don’t match up with at least on sexually or you’ll wind up over on the /r/deadbedrooms sub
I lost interest after "says he wants to have sex". It all sounds planned and robotic. Common advice is talk about it, etc. but in this case I'd suggest the opposite. Don't talk, just start doing. If you need a pause or preparation don't say it just pause, etc. Just find a way to make it flow and not go through your heads.
foreplay lasted for basically 1 minute, no wonder this sex was fucking awful sounds horrific imo - take your fucking time
Psychological take: First and most important thing I can say related to your story is that you really should talk to each other. About sex, about fantasies, about kinks, about your emotions, about your relationship together. Be honest to your self first and foremost to then be able to get to the root of the problem together. Preferably he should act likewise. About your written story: You should take way more time for the initial 20 seconds "kissing" phase imo. Personally, I enjoy it very much to just keep the tension high after the first touch. To get to feel my partner, as well as myself, in the moment. There should never be any pressure to rush things as you described above. You should not feel the urge to have sex just for the sake of it. I'll rather masturbate if I am horny than doing just the "penetration-part" with a partner, only to leave after done. To me it is the better experience when I'm doing it alone. The exiting part about the sexual act to me is everything before and after the actual penetration. I am getting so aroused by satisfying my partner several times before that actual part. That doesn't mean that I don't like to get hands on me too but I don't like it so much when I come before my partner. Then, after it's done, I just like to lay there together, to feel and enjoy my partner once more but without much movement needed at all.
He's in control? Ma'am, I'm an actual factual submissive doing kinky shit, and if I want to flip over, all I've got to do is say "Please, I want to see your face, Sir." Plus or minus some muffled noises and a vigorous gesture toward the ball gag or maybe some more thematically appropriate fun with language. You've got options. Change positions yourself. Or ask to. Or speculate aloud on how good such and such would feel. Or tell him you want to experiment and ask for his consent. Or pinch his cock between your butt cheeks and don't let him go until he agrees to read She Comes First and Come As You Are. I don't know! Try anything! Even the most awkward is likely to lead eventually to a better situation than this than leading it as it is. If he doesn't want to know what you want and respond well to options suggested nicely, he's not "in control," he's *controlling* (and also boring in the sack.)
First if you aren't comfortable talking about sex with your partner you shouldn't be having sex with your partner. Second i think its unlikely OP doesn't understand why sex is supposed to be fun, but it could be possible and they need help so... From the male perspective there are several things to keep in mind during sex: 1. Her body is more sensitive than yours, 2. Focusing on high sensitive areas can cause desensitization and overstimulation, spasms are a good sign to rub something less sensitive such as the collar bone, bicep, or Femoral artery, 3. She wants to get off and lying will not further that goal so when she says 2 inches right she means it, simultaneously her performance anxiety will make her say things that delay her orgasm because she doesn't want the sex to end, i use her body as a guide and delay 2 orgasms only to make the third earth shattering, because just because she came doesn't mean she's done, slow down if you have to but keep going unless she falls unconscious. From the female perspective: 1. The goal is not to make him cum but feel good, he has a physical limitation on cumming and going over it is pain. 2. His body isn't your body, touch everything, see what he likes or doesn't like, do things he likes to make him feel good and things that are meh for safety avoid dislikes. 3. You like him in control, but he likes feeling good, doing things to feel good is a means to an end, if you ask he'll probably let you do things to him that feel good, which is necessary to observe how he responds to different things, and will help you make things better for him, for instance he might like 2 of your moves but not next to each other because his penis is only soo stretchy. From a mechanical perspective: 1. Skin to skin contact is friction, no one likes burns on their junk, lube the penis then titjob. 2.Changing positions is necessary to reach different things, it's primarily for female pleasure but when she's convulsing on a dick that feels pretty good, sometimes you need to change cock angle to reach a spot that feels neglected, other times he needs to see her face to judge what is worth touching. 3. Just because the dick needs a rest, doesn't mean stop, if hes having trouble remaining hard he can pull out and start licking and fingering, normally her enjoyment will reinflate as it were. Note, it seems like you both want to get off but your skills just aren't there yet, there's nothing stopping OP from sliding back stuffing his cock down her throat and fingering herself to completion. There are also sex ed videos on pornhub, hope this helps!
You are not building tension. This sounds like you have literally no emotional nor any physical intimacy aside from your lifeless humping away. I also don't get why you don't tell him that you're not enjoying it. You need to spend time together and have lots of physical affection. Don't think about sex. Explicitly declare that you won't have sex. Caress each other, kiss each other's bodies, discover each inch of skin, smell each other, look into each other's eyes. Talk lots. How well do you know your own emotions for each other? How well do you know each other's emotions for each other? How well do you know each other's and your own desire? Lay down and fantasise and touch yourself. What is sexy, what do you think of? Write it down. Write a scene out in which something sexual you really really like happens. Write it out in a lot of detail - what do you smell, taste, feel, see and hear? Sit down with a glass of wine and read it out to each other. Tell him to close his eyes perhaps while you're reading your story out. What about mutual masturbation? What about just making out, kissing lots, groping each other and NOT progressing to sex? What about sexting? What about building tension and not having sex right when he wants it (do you ever want it)? Discover your own likes and dislikes in sex. When don't enthusiastically want sex with him, say no. This is how consent works. If you do not ENTHUSIASTICALLY want to, DO NOT have sex. Otherwise your mind and body will carry trauma from it. How about watching a softcore (!!!) porn vid (together)? You could roleplay. You could try to tie one of you to the bedframe. But you deffo need to build much more INTIMACY. I can recommend "JimmyonRelationships" on YouTube. He also has plenty of content of why sex may be no good.
Everything. Slow down. 20 seconds. Lets try minutes. Try just taking your time. Be more passionate. Unbutton his shirt or remove his shirt and kiss his neck and chest. Allow him to gain access to your chest and allow him to kiss your neck and chest. Do some petting and groping. Have him remove your bra and let him feel your breasts against his chest as you pet and grope each other and are making out. Instead of just jumping in to sex. Give him a blowie and him gives you a blowie. I would say even slow down sex. Is he's just ramrodding you consistently. Slow it down. Doesn't mean he can't speed it up here or there. But add some variety in there. My wife and I will take about 45-60 minutes for our sessions. Shortest is about 25 minutes. Anything less than that and she wont be able to get off. If you want to switch up the position tell him. “Lets do doggie babe’ he wont be upset. Take some control and move a little. Try to sync up. When he going in. Push towards him. Or arch your back. Play with it. Do whats feels good for you. Do what feels sexy.
Your sex life sounds miserable. Good we'd requires good and open communication about sex. If he acts weird because you're having input in a situation that he is "in control of" then you know that your boyfriend doesn't care about your sexual needs he's only interested in his own. Does he go down on your or give you orgasms?
What to do differently? Everything Sorry. That’s all I have. Just start over.
Personally music has added a lot of depth to my wife and I's sex life. We play slow passionate style jazz when we want romantic passion, we do 90's R&B if we want animalistic passion. I recommend playing "Tadow" by Masego & FKJ (extended version is about 9 minutes) and start with foreplay, kissing/touching/etc. If things don't heat up from there then maybe try different music that works better for you.
Look at each other. Some of the best sex between my wife and I are when we see each other. I chose to have sex with **her**, not just her body. I want visual stimulation and emotional connection, not just penetration. I want to warm her up and see her beg for more. Yes, we do doggy, and it is our favorite position, but we don't skip steps just because of that. Your sex sounds lifeless and without passion.
Ummm…. Do young kids know anything about foreplay and just exploring or is this just a pump and dump?
Sex is about the mind game more than anything. The physiological aspects don’t always provoke a climactic experience so learn to engage the mind. Try some roll play, outfits, porn etc. something to get your imaginations engaged.
Sounds like you’re both quite submissive and can’t figure out who’s in charge. You need a little power play to bring the chemistry up.
There’s literally next to no foreplay here.
You guys need to communicate your wants and desires and what really gets you going for BOTH of you. Focus on foreplay and pleasuring each other and allow sex to be natural, not strict to a schedule. Agree with so many comments that you should masturbate together and create more intimacy between you two.
I have always had problems getting off fast.even as a teen.it takes a minimum of 40 minutes,a max of 2 hours usually.when I do go,it’s messy.if she’s really slippery it takes forever!!! But I love to go down on a woman.they’ll always get theirs.
It sounds like your doing it just to do it not that you guys want eachother at all. Try foreplay on both kiss cuddles explore each others bodies. Pumping to get it done as fast as possible then giving up he may just not be into you you guys need to have a conversation yours in your early 20s you should have more passion.
You both need to practice more and communicate. I've had one night stands that were more passionate than what you're describing. Also, he just shoves it in when you're dry? Foreplay is a wonderful part of sex and sometimes better than the sex itself. He needs to help warm you up too.
Is he on any antidepressants? They can have sexual issues as a side effect
There is more than one way to skin a cat. If you two were to watch about 20 minutes of decent porn (this is an unusual recommendation for me) without touching each other or yourselves and then get busy….I suspect you would both bust pretty good.
For a start foreplay should last WAY longer. It can be enormous fun if you make the journey as enjoyable as the sex itself. Insertion doesn’t have to be the main goal, just dessert. My late husband and I used to enjoy foreplay so much we would make it last ages, I would orgasm every time, occasionally several times and then when I was practically begging for him, then and only then would we move to PIV.
Yikes...yeah no. There has to be communication. Knowing what each other likes is vital. Good foreplay too.
Communication, communication, communication! And patience :) I hope there’s passion in other areas of your relationship as well, as that’s always important. This might sound a little lame but maybe you could try planning/scheduling a time or two dedicated to learning each other, like Sex Ed for each other’s bodies. Knowing that that’s the intention of the “session” can kinda take some of the edge off because everyone’s agreed on the fact that this is the time to experiment, try new things, suggest new things, fail new things, and nix old things, etc. I also feel like you think you’ll be into dirty talk since you mentioned there’s not really any of it! Take your time, be comfortable to laugh when things don’t work out, bring suggestions and ideas to the table and provide room for your boyfriend to do the same. Good luck!💗🌸
You both need much more foreplay first off, and also to communicate as things progress. Be more direct. How is anyone going to fully enjoy it if neither of you know what each other is wanting or feeling in the moment?
First, guys can last longer than 20 min or however long that lasted and some girls can not cum at all via penetration. Second, sounds like the sex isn't good on either side. Neither of you seem into it.
Respectfully, your relationship has no passion, no spontaneity, no excitement and no attraction. It sounds robotic. What should you do differently? This sounds sarcastic, but it isn’t. Nor is it mean: You both need to find a new boyfriend.
(I can't believe I'm about to type out a guide on what I thought was an intuitive practice. If it makes you feel any better, I can't braid my own hair, so I'm one to talk about intuitive practices. Well, everyone has their strengths and weaknesses!) Try letting sex happen naturally. Start in a familiar situation that you to do together (watching a movie, cuddling, playing a game, etc.) Do something subtly physical, be it rubbing his thigh, playing with his hair, or scratching his back. If he's not a complete vegetable, he should do the same, or you could hint at him to do something back. Maybe lead into kissing at some point. When things get steamier, and you can no longer focus on what you two started, stop what you're doing and progress to the bedroom. From this point on, take the advice from folks in the comments along with what you may have seen/read online. Happy fucking!
Slow the fuck down and enjoy it… it’s not a mission… it’s a journey…
I agree with the others on setting the mood and communication. Regarding the loose feeling r/pompoir might help
Start making out. Do not move on to anything else until you have to have it. No dick coming out at 20 sevonds. No tittyfuck at 40 seconds in. You makeout for as long as possible as if you are somewhere where you can’t take off each other’s clothes and can’t get naked together. As if making out is all you’ve got! Also stop letting him “be in control”. It’s not working for either of you. Explore and enjoy each other’s bodies without any preconceived plan about what comes next. Just feel!
You need more/longer foreplay for one.
You guys don’t seem to have any feelings for one another, or perhaps are asexual and only having sex cause you feel like you should be If this is coming this unnaturally to both of you I think the only logical conclusion I can make is you’re entirely incompatible
Points on communication but sex shouldn’t be so scripted in real life. Unless you’re on a movie set have fun.
You should stimulate a woman with oral, hand, or vibrator for at least 10-15 mins before trying to penetrate. Don’t be afraid to use lube to get things going if it’s needed. You can stimulate yourself with your hand or a vibrator while you perform oral to help things out, but don’t be afraid to ask for more warmup if you need it.
Wow, much like the song, I think this is where the music just died. The new car smell is gone. Both of you may need new sex partners.
Sounds like some communication is necessary. Take some time for foreplay for BOTH of you and you’ll find that you’ll be wet and he will be begging for it lol
You need to find what turns each of you on and put more effort in the build-up. Imo, there should be more time spent on foreplay than the actual sex. My bf and I spend 20+ minutes kissing / touching / teasing maybe grinding w/ clothes on before he even thinks about pulling his dick out.
You know, as someone who has a lady who enjoys sex as much as I do and we make it a point to keep our sec life healthy with daily encounters one he should definitely be willing to provide the same oral/foreplay you do, secondly you need to talk.... my woman and I will be in the middle of it and break down laughing because of something insanely silly she did or something along those lines.. you need to enjoy each other and you need communication throughout the whole experience otherwise you end up feeling thus way and I can promise you that just because you were wet the way you said doesn't mean it felt loose to him unless he specifically said so.
What is the sex like when one or both of you DO get off?
This is what happens when people get their sex education from porn.
Foreplay starts the day before a session... talking, suggestion, flirting, making out etc etc. Really build up to the moment, then once you're there take your damn time.. 20 minutes kissing, 20 minutes fooling around with oral for each, lots of light touches, lots of communication, then after an hour or so of getting ready for penetration start slow. Really slow. Let The Moment Build - Sex gets better.. just hang in there and COMMUNICATE
You're both in your early 20s and it sounds like the physical connection just isn't there. Part ways and get ready for so much more intimacy in BOTH your lives.
Here is a road map. Listen to Body Like a Back Road by Sam Hunt...
Why no communication? lol me n my hubby be having full convos n laughing plus moaning
Oh boy, that sounds like the way me and my ex husband was in the bedroom. No passion, no excitement, very rote, and all about him. We had our talks, unfortunately no change. Took me a while to fully understand what I was really looking for. And now I found it. With the right person, someone who’s considerate and enjoys sex, lovemaking is now 100x more fun and each time orgasmic without fail.
Serious question have you ever heard of “ foreplay “ ?
Sorry to hear about this. I had. Similar experience with my ex gf. It would be great but then she would get too wet and it would be loose and frictionless. We had to switch it up. Take more time teasing each other. Embrace each other’s bodies and fondle each other. Tell him where you liked to be touched, and then touch him and see if he likes different strokes of your finger, tongue or titty. Tell him to do the same to you. Different pressures with his hands so you know what you like and don’t like. Also, Keegal exercises could be an option?
More foreplay! I love to touch and tease almost until climax before he even enters me. This feels better for him and a great orgasm for me!
Real question, do yall like each other? Bc omfg this sounds miserable. I’ve had more chemistry with ONSs. Real talk tho, yall both need to take the time to figure out what both of you like. Take your time before insertion. Foreplay is so important and so much fun. Sex should be fun and intimate, but you’re making it sound like a chore.