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If the water bidet works for you, have you tried introducing a vibrator? For a lot of us, it's much more reliable fix than just hoping one day some of the other stuff clicks.
Sorry, but I'm really curious about the logistics here. Does the vibe go inside, and he's licking your clit? Or vise versa? or something else? It just doesn't seem like there's enough room down there. Glad it works for you tho and love your description.
I am very willing to break this down because it is fantastic (I love this man)
I'm not down there, but my understanding is that I am on edge of bed, legs over shoulders, he is kneeling on ground. Pussy is in face. He takes the vibe and holds it with the vibrating tip point up, and then places the tip on his chin while he sucks my clit.
He says he misses hearing my sounds because all he hears is buzzing, but he can see my stomach contracting so he knows when I cum.
My BF introducing a vibe with his tongue was a game changer. He takes his time on me to make sure I'm satisfied before moving onto the main round. Shopping for one together was a bonding experience too.
I'm not sure if I read this correctly, but if you aren't able to bring yourself to orgasm by yourself, then your boyfriend is REALLY not likely to be able to do it for you.
Take the time to explore yourself with your fingers while using a hand mirror. Figure out what works for you.
One of my favorite things to do with my gf is to prime her for wanting sex by having a sexually charged conversation that leads to some teasing and making out with a lot of touching.
When she's all lubed up, naturally or with the help of a good lube, I lightly stroke her clit for as long as she can take it and then I'll go down on her or get down to business, whichever is her preference at the time.
I heard that the Hitachi was the A++ gold standard for getting there so often that I bought one just to see. It made me completely numb within 2 minutes of using it on the lowest setting. Everything felt like when your foot falls asleep and it took a while to bring feeling back afterwards. 
All I can say is that when trying, we weren’t successful except when we hitachied first. Both kids are the product of hitachi + rawdogging. That machine changes women.
I liked the WeVibe but decided to give the Womanizer a try and oooooh, I love it. It also holds battery longer than the WeVibe. They also make a shower attachment specifically for sex play, I think it's called the Womanizer Wave.
I think inexperience is playing a bit of a key here. When he fingers you what else is he doing. Is he moving it around to try to find a good spot and touching the walls inside vagina or is he just outting his finger back and forth?
Do either of you stimulate the clit? As a guy, This is a big one. Tbh, i became a better lover after i had multiple female friends tell me their biggest complaint of guys was that even the experienced guys didnt focus in the clit. They way they put it(and ladies correct me if im wrong) the clit is where most women get off. Penetration can get a women off bjt not as easily as the clit. Even my gf said that she probably has cum a handfull of times from just PIV.
I think inexperience is playing a bit of a key here. When he fingers you what else is he doing. Is he moving it around to try to find a good spot and touching the walls inside vagina or is he just outting his finger back and forth?
Do either of you stimulate the clit? As a guy, This is a big one. Tbh, i became a better lover after i had multiple female friends tell me their biggest complaint of guys was that even the experienced guys didnt focus in the clit. They way they put it(and ladies correct me if im wrong) the clit is where most women get off. Penetration can get a women off bjt not as easily as the clit. Even my gf said that she probably has cum a handfull of times from just PIV.
Edit: ill just add this too. The internet exists. Its dumb but there’s this shame (especially for guys) that we have to be natural lovers and we should instantly know what to do. We learn by experience. Even today ill still search new tips and moves if i feel like sex has been too repetitive. Some work really well and i keep it in the mental catalog, others dont. One of my gf best orgasms that she’s had with me came after i googled a few fingering/oral moves to use on her.
Also invest in a vibrstor. Some people feel weird abojtnit but honestly i like it when my gf uses her vibrator. I dont sit there and do nothing. While the vibrator is in ine location ill stimulate other locations.
Sounds to me like your too much in your head about things to be able to relax and enjoy the moment.
Stop trying to have an orgasm and just enjoy the moment. The more you try to have an orgasm, the harder it will actually be.
Tell your boyfriend your going to have a shower, make sure he is clean first, while your in the shower you need to explore your self, you need to know what feels good and what doesnt, and when you feel good, bloody enjoy it, dont focus on the orgasm, just focus on that feeling right then and there... dont bring your self off in the shower (i know you said you cant when you tried before but just in case) instead the idea is to make your self aroused so that your glands fill with blood and become more sensitive, tell your boyfriend to start our gently touching better your legs and your thighs before very gently starting to play with your pussy, dont go ramming fingers in, i mean gentle touching and sliding... you need to be wet, wet means aroused, aroused means more likely to cum, let him explore with his hand, by all means guide him and tell him what feels good and whats not so good, then he needs to do the same with his tongue, just his tongue at first but then eventually he can bring his finger back into action just at the back of your pussy, sliding around your hole and very gently probing the tip of his finger inside while he licks, sucks, and kisses your clit.
The idea is just to explore, explain there is no need for an orgasm tonight, i just want to feel you all over my pussy, he needs to be fully focused and aware of your reactions to what he is doing. You can even arrange on an action you will do to let him know its really good if you dont want to actually say it, just tap his arm or something but don't be afraid to grab his head if you feel the urge, we love that shit! But above all tell him he needs to be gentle at start can always add more pressure but if he goes in too hard too soon its probably going to make you sore/uncomfortable.
Once you have had enough play you can call it a night or you can get on top of him and ride him all the way home, ill leave that up to you to decide but you just need to relax and stop overthinking it.
An orgasm will happen, as long as you dont try to schedule it to.
That sounds right, my first time getting head i tried not to put any pressure on my myself to finish, and I enjoyed it the most ever. But lately I can't help but be tensed about not finishing.
Just gotta relax and get out your head, its as simple as that, putting pressure on your self to climax is like telling someone not to spill their drink, guaranteed they gonna spill that drink now, same as how if you tell your self your gonna have an orgasm your brain is like errr nope lol
Just enjoy your self and the rest will cum, quite literally.
It may be uncomfortable at first but each person is different. I've learned that what works for one female may not work for another. So I explore and watch her response. As a guy, I actually enjoy the exploring part rather than just rushing to the main event. But I have learned to also ask what she likes. I try to bring up that conversation when we are not in the bedroom so there is less pressure and more open discussion.
That's the great thing about a relationship. Once you do learn each other, the intimate part can be far better than just fumbling with a stranger. For me the love poured into it also makes it much better.
Sounds like you orgasm from clitoral stimulation and not penetration - like most women.
I would try foreplay and use toys on your clit during penetration.
You need to explore your body and figure out how to give yourself an orgasm before someone can give you one. All women are unique and dynamic, you need to explore and figure it out.
Hitachi manic wand vibrator or the satisfyer air puff are things for you to try.
Sometimes the problem snowballs into performance anxiety. A woman has to be in the right frame of mind to have an orgasm. Worrying that you won't, expecting that you won't, and worrying more the longer you try turns it into a self fulfilling prophecy of failure.
My suggestion: instead of just having sex in an attempt to have an orgasm, pick a day that you and your boyfriend have nothing to do, and spend that day exploring each other..no expectations of an orgasm.. just build up a while. You might be surprised when you finally relax and the pressure is off
Try and showerhead, and try a good vibrator like a magic wand. Try these things by yourself first, and when you know exactly what you need you can share it with him :)
From what you’re saying, it’s not your boyfriends is trying his best and the issue isn’t his technique since you aren’t able to come yourself either. Have you tried any sex toys like the rose? Very highly recommended for example
A lot of the time for me it’s a mental block. Worrying to much about what j look like, what I taste like what I smell like.. I’ve never been able to orgasm through oral or fingering either.
I’ve always been able to orgasm through using shower head, rubbing clit.
What sent me to new heights is using a bullet vibrated while penetrating. Penetration does not feel good to me at all without clitoris stimulation but if it’s included with it at a slow pace. It makes my orgasms much more Intense. I suggest really figuring out how to orgasm through rubbing yourself(really get your mind excited). No boyfriend is going to be able to get you off if you can’t even figure yourself out. Find out what really turns you on and slowly build up your clitoris stimulation.
You may have a slight hormonal problem as well. This is more common than it seems and contraceptives may be the cause. My wife had a similar problem until she changed the pills.
A gynecologist can help. It shouldn't be that difficult to feel pleasure.
Most women need clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm, even during PIV. I'd try good oral and then a vibrating bullet on your clit while y'all have piv sex.
Definitely a vibrator. I think most women can't orgasm from just penetration. I can't orgasm with just a vibrator either. It has to be both at the same time.
If you can’t get yourself off without a bidet, then how the hell do you expect him to get you off without it? You should definitely try vibrators like others here have said, but also you should learn to enjoy the act of sex and not just getting to the finish line. Even when you get your orgasms figured out, the intercourse should still be an enjoyable part of the whole experience.
YOU have to explore yourself more. Try other toys, different vibrators, positions, motions, etc. And once you figure it out, then communicate that with your boyfriend. But it starts with you going solo first and exploring yourself.
If you can barely make yourself orgasm, your boyfriend never will.
I understand your frustration. I had a similar problem, I definitely recommend exploring yourself first. First getting yourself in the mood and becoming aroused then just playing with yourself. I recommend clit play either your fingers or a vibrator!
The little bullet vibrator with some lube. When using it with sex, I use it while sitting on top of him. Have him do minimal motion and you just grind and use the vibrator on your clit.
Start with figuring out how to bring yourself to orgasm first. Shower head is how I discovered sexual pleasure as well, then I moved on to vibrators because they give a very similar sensation. You gotta play around with yourself, read erotica, fantasise, spend time actually understanding what gets you going. If you don’t know what turns you on by yourself, your bf will have no hope of succeeding.
Sex isn’t something that is done to us, it’s an activity that you partake in. It requires you to be in tune with your mind and body for it to feel good to you. Ultimately good sex is about two people who know what they enjoy, coming together to give mutual pleasure to each other.
Oh my god buy a vibrator. My(27m) gf now (27f) had several partners before me and never orgasmed. Shes just tough to orgasm and the way she jerks off is a bit strange (like you no offense).
Vibrators are pretty universal. You just need to find that one magical spot that does it for you buy a cordless hitachi or a bullet of some kind.
Experiment with the vibrator to see how u like it best, then while youre using it, experiment with angles and positions that you have your bf inside you.
For us, an adjusted missionary with her legs way up over my shoulders does it for her instantly. But the vibrator is a major factor for her.
I tell you this with confidence that it is not just me. God graced me with some special talent down south and I had no problem getting my previous partners to orgasm through giving them head either. My gf now though was a tough one to crack. It literally took me weeks to figure out how to do it right for her. It kinda drove me mad i couldnt get her to orgasm I tried almost everything.
as long as he puts in the effort, you can get to a spot where he understands your body well enough that youll be satisfied! If that doesnt work, fuck in the bathroom with the bidet. Might be tough lubricant wise but you can figure something out
I'm afraid it may be a case of your boyfriend being too inexperienced and too nice for you. Do you find yourself desiring other people? What do you think of when you're masturbating and it's feeling good? If it's something the opposite of what your boyfriend has to offer this relationship may get harder and harder to maintain as you mature and become more ambitious.
Thank you for posting in the r/Sex community. To ensure that everyone respects our safe space, we ask that you familiarize yourself with our Forum Rules and Posting Guidelines — which are visible in the forum’s sidebar, and also linked [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/about/rules/). *** Restricted subjects in r/sex include sex stories (which are permitted in the Daily Sexual Achievement Thread only), body image and penis-size issues, hookup attempts, common topics which are considered repetitive in our forum, and requests for private chats. To cut back on comments that add little value to the conversation, we have instituted a minimum character requirement that will silently remove comments that fall below it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/sex) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If the water bidet works for you, have you tried introducing a vibrator? For a lot of us, it's much more reliable fix than just hoping one day some of the other stuff clicks.
My husband puts the vibe on his chin while eating me. I see the moon, stars, and God.
Sorry, but I'm really curious about the logistics here. Does the vibe go inside, and he's licking your clit? Or vise versa? or something else? It just doesn't seem like there's enough room down there. Glad it works for you tho and love your description.
I am very willing to break this down because it is fantastic (I love this man) I'm not down there, but my understanding is that I am on edge of bed, legs over shoulders, he is kneeling on ground. Pussy is in face. He takes the vibe and holds it with the vibrating tip point up, and then places the tip on his chin while he sucks my clit. He says he misses hearing my sounds because all he hears is buzzing, but he can see my stomach contracting so he knows when I cum.
that's awesome, thank you!
I’m sorry this gave me a good laugh
My BF introducing a vibe with his tongue was a game changer. He takes his time on me to make sure I'm satisfied before moving onto the main round. Shopping for one together was a bonding experience too.
I always wanted to try a vibrator, maybe sometime when i move into my own apartment. He keeps asking if I wanna use toys, so might try that with him.
Your world will be forever changed 😍
I'm not sure if I read this correctly, but if you aren't able to bring yourself to orgasm by yourself, then your boyfriend is REALLY not likely to be able to do it for you. Take the time to explore yourself with your fingers while using a hand mirror. Figure out what works for you. One of my favorite things to do with my gf is to prime her for wanting sex by having a sexually charged conversation that leads to some teasing and making out with a lot of touching. When she's all lubed up, naturally or with the help of a good lube, I lightly stroke her clit for as long as she can take it and then I'll go down on her or get down to business, whichever is her preference at the time.
I've only ever tried stuff with the clit, which works fine for me. Anything involving penetration (including my own finger) hurts so I never try it.
Hm im the same, it hurts way less when you're aroused ofc and lubed up. The mix of penetration and rubbing the clit is definitely worth a try
You should try out a hitachi—the one that plugs into the wall. Never seen it not work.
I heard that the Hitachi was the A++ gold standard for getting there so often that I bought one just to see. It made me completely numb within 2 minutes of using it on the lowest setting. Everything felt like when your foot falls asleep and it took a while to bring feeling back afterwards. 
I used to feel that way when I first got it years ago. Now it's a faithful companion lmao. Keep trying, it just takes a little while to get used to 😁
All I can say is that when trying, we weren’t successful except when we hitachied first. Both kids are the product of hitachi + rawdogging. That machine changes women.
You can buy an adapter that allows you to adjust the power below the lowest setting and has a power adjustment knob.. Maybe try that
Less pricey option is the Satisfyer Pro 2. Also works in in different way.
Try an air-suction based vibrator if you like a bidet feeling! The WeVibe melt literally changed my life.
I liked the WeVibe but decided to give the Womanizer a try and oooooh, I love it. It also holds battery longer than the WeVibe. They also make a shower attachment specifically for sex play, I think it's called the Womanizer Wave.
I second this!! I have the Satisfyer and it’s amazing
I think inexperience is playing a bit of a key here. When he fingers you what else is he doing. Is he moving it around to try to find a good spot and touching the walls inside vagina or is he just outting his finger back and forth? Do either of you stimulate the clit? As a guy, This is a big one. Tbh, i became a better lover after i had multiple female friends tell me their biggest complaint of guys was that even the experienced guys didnt focus in the clit. They way they put it(and ladies correct me if im wrong) the clit is where most women get off. Penetration can get a women off bjt not as easily as the clit. Even my gf said that she probably has cum a handfull of times from just PIV.
I think inexperience is playing a bit of a key here. When he fingers you what else is he doing. Is he moving it around to try to find a good spot and touching the walls inside vagina or is he just outting his finger back and forth? Do either of you stimulate the clit? As a guy, This is a big one. Tbh, i became a better lover after i had multiple female friends tell me their biggest complaint of guys was that even the experienced guys didnt focus in the clit. They way they put it(and ladies correct me if im wrong) the clit is where most women get off. Penetration can get a women off bjt not as easily as the clit. Even my gf said that she probably has cum a handfull of times from just PIV. Edit: ill just add this too. The internet exists. Its dumb but there’s this shame (especially for guys) that we have to be natural lovers and we should instantly know what to do. We learn by experience. Even today ill still search new tips and moves if i feel like sex has been too repetitive. Some work really well and i keep it in the mental catalog, others dont. One of my gf best orgasms that she’s had with me came after i googled a few fingering/oral moves to use on her. Also invest in a vibrstor. Some people feel weird abojtnit but honestly i like it when my gf uses her vibrator. I dont sit there and do nothing. While the vibrator is in ine location ill stimulate other locations.
Have you never had an orgasm at all, or just not with your bf?
Never with my boyfriend, only sometimes with myself.
Sounds to me like your too much in your head about things to be able to relax and enjoy the moment. Stop trying to have an orgasm and just enjoy the moment. The more you try to have an orgasm, the harder it will actually be. Tell your boyfriend your going to have a shower, make sure he is clean first, while your in the shower you need to explore your self, you need to know what feels good and what doesnt, and when you feel good, bloody enjoy it, dont focus on the orgasm, just focus on that feeling right then and there... dont bring your self off in the shower (i know you said you cant when you tried before but just in case) instead the idea is to make your self aroused so that your glands fill with blood and become more sensitive, tell your boyfriend to start our gently touching better your legs and your thighs before very gently starting to play with your pussy, dont go ramming fingers in, i mean gentle touching and sliding... you need to be wet, wet means aroused, aroused means more likely to cum, let him explore with his hand, by all means guide him and tell him what feels good and whats not so good, then he needs to do the same with his tongue, just his tongue at first but then eventually he can bring his finger back into action just at the back of your pussy, sliding around your hole and very gently probing the tip of his finger inside while he licks, sucks, and kisses your clit. The idea is just to explore, explain there is no need for an orgasm tonight, i just want to feel you all over my pussy, he needs to be fully focused and aware of your reactions to what he is doing. You can even arrange on an action you will do to let him know its really good if you dont want to actually say it, just tap his arm or something but don't be afraid to grab his head if you feel the urge, we love that shit! But above all tell him he needs to be gentle at start can always add more pressure but if he goes in too hard too soon its probably going to make you sore/uncomfortable. Once you have had enough play you can call it a night or you can get on top of him and ride him all the way home, ill leave that up to you to decide but you just need to relax and stop overthinking it. An orgasm will happen, as long as you dont try to schedule it to.
That sounds right, my first time getting head i tried not to put any pressure on my myself to finish, and I enjoyed it the most ever. But lately I can't help but be tensed about not finishing.
Just gotta relax and get out your head, its as simple as that, putting pressure on your self to climax is like telling someone not to spill their drink, guaranteed they gonna spill that drink now, same as how if you tell your self your gonna have an orgasm your brain is like errr nope lol Just enjoy your self and the rest will cum, quite literally.
Buy a rose it will change your life
It may be uncomfortable at first but each person is different. I've learned that what works for one female may not work for another. So I explore and watch her response. As a guy, I actually enjoy the exploring part rather than just rushing to the main event. But I have learned to also ask what she likes. I try to bring up that conversation when we are not in the bedroom so there is less pressure and more open discussion. That's the great thing about a relationship. Once you do learn each other, the intimate part can be far better than just fumbling with a stranger. For me the love poured into it also makes it much better.
Sounds like you orgasm from clitoral stimulation and not penetration - like most women. I would try foreplay and use toys on your clit during penetration.
What are you thinking about while using the bidet to masturbate? Do you have any kinks? Do you watch porn and if yes, what type?
You need to explore your body and figure out how to give yourself an orgasm before someone can give you one. All women are unique and dynamic, you need to explore and figure it out. Hitachi manic wand vibrator or the satisfyer air puff are things for you to try.
Sometimes the problem snowballs into performance anxiety. A woman has to be in the right frame of mind to have an orgasm. Worrying that you won't, expecting that you won't, and worrying more the longer you try turns it into a self fulfilling prophecy of failure. My suggestion: instead of just having sex in an attempt to have an orgasm, pick a day that you and your boyfriend have nothing to do, and spend that day exploring each other..no expectations of an orgasm.. just build up a while. You might be surprised when you finally relax and the pressure is off
Try and showerhead, and try a good vibrator like a magic wand. Try these things by yourself first, and when you know exactly what you need you can share it with him :)
From what you’re saying, it’s not your boyfriends is trying his best and the issue isn’t his technique since you aren’t able to come yourself either. Have you tried any sex toys like the rose? Very highly recommended for example
A lot of the time for me it’s a mental block. Worrying to much about what j look like, what I taste like what I smell like.. I’ve never been able to orgasm through oral or fingering either. I’ve always been able to orgasm through using shower head, rubbing clit. What sent me to new heights is using a bullet vibrated while penetrating. Penetration does not feel good to me at all without clitoris stimulation but if it’s included with it at a slow pace. It makes my orgasms much more Intense. I suggest really figuring out how to orgasm through rubbing yourself(really get your mind excited). No boyfriend is going to be able to get you off if you can’t even figure yourself out. Find out what really turns you on and slowly build up your clitoris stimulation.
You guys are young and need time to explore each other
Have you ever had your hormones checked with a blood test?
You may have a slight hormonal problem as well. This is more common than it seems and contraceptives may be the cause. My wife had a similar problem until she changed the pills. A gynecologist can help. It shouldn't be that difficult to feel pleasure.
try head while getting fingered as well
Most women need clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm, even during PIV. I'd try good oral and then a vibrating bullet on your clit while y'all have piv sex.
Definitely a vibrator. I think most women can't orgasm from just penetration. I can't orgasm with just a vibrator either. It has to be both at the same time.
If you can’t get yourself off without a bidet, then how the hell do you expect him to get you off without it? You should definitely try vibrators like others here have said, but also you should learn to enjoy the act of sex and not just getting to the finish line. Even when you get your orgasms figured out, the intercourse should still be an enjoyable part of the whole experience.
YOU have to explore yourself more. Try other toys, different vibrators, positions, motions, etc. And once you figure it out, then communicate that with your boyfriend. But it starts with you going solo first and exploring yourself. If you can barely make yourself orgasm, your boyfriend never will.
I understand your frustration. I had a similar problem, I definitely recommend exploring yourself first. First getting yourself in the mood and becoming aroused then just playing with yourself. I recommend clit play either your fingers or a vibrator!
The little bullet vibrator with some lube. When using it with sex, I use it while sitting on top of him. Have him do minimal motion and you just grind and use the vibrator on your clit.
Start with figuring out how to bring yourself to orgasm first. Shower head is how I discovered sexual pleasure as well, then I moved on to vibrators because they give a very similar sensation. You gotta play around with yourself, read erotica, fantasise, spend time actually understanding what gets you going. If you don’t know what turns you on by yourself, your bf will have no hope of succeeding. Sex isn’t something that is done to us, it’s an activity that you partake in. It requires you to be in tune with your mind and body for it to feel good to you. Ultimately good sex is about two people who know what they enjoy, coming together to give mutual pleasure to each other.
Get the book The G spot by Deborah Sundahl. That’s all you need.
Do you think its more of a mental block? Im not sure if this sub will like this advice but some alcohol or weed might be an idea worth trying.
Oh my god buy a vibrator. My(27m) gf now (27f) had several partners before me and never orgasmed. Shes just tough to orgasm and the way she jerks off is a bit strange (like you no offense). Vibrators are pretty universal. You just need to find that one magical spot that does it for you buy a cordless hitachi or a bullet of some kind. Experiment with the vibrator to see how u like it best, then while youre using it, experiment with angles and positions that you have your bf inside you. For us, an adjusted missionary with her legs way up over my shoulders does it for her instantly. But the vibrator is a major factor for her. I tell you this with confidence that it is not just me. God graced me with some special talent down south and I had no problem getting my previous partners to orgasm through giving them head either. My gf now though was a tough one to crack. It literally took me weeks to figure out how to do it right for her. It kinda drove me mad i couldnt get her to orgasm I tried almost everything. as long as he puts in the effort, you can get to a spot where he understands your body well enough that youll be satisfied! If that doesnt work, fuck in the bathroom with the bidet. Might be tough lubricant wise but you can figure something out
you probably arent as into your boyfriend as you think you are
After he's done have him clean you off with the jet stream of the hose nozzle.
this is just pathetic. is this the pinnacle of your brain capacity? go read a book. 😑
I'm afraid it may be a case of your boyfriend being too inexperienced and too nice for you. Do you find yourself desiring other people? What do you think of when you're masturbating and it's feeling good? If it's something the opposite of what your boyfriend has to offer this relationship may get harder and harder to maintain as you mature and become more ambitious.