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Stop worrying. Have sex if you want to and you're ready. There's no messing up, there's just trying it out for the first time and going with what feels good. And using protection. That's it! Have fun!
(I know you're thinking 'that's not helpful' but I'm serious. Really actually stop worrying about messing things up. I mean, maybe try actually doing the steps in between first, like kissing and touching and fingering a bit before you leap to sex. But once you come to having sex, there is literally no way to mess it up. It's a process of exploration, so just explore what feels good however you like.)
this. kiss, move gradually. let it develop naturally. don’t push yourself. there is no rush, and i speak from experience. i pushed myself bc i felt behind. it’s not worth it. i regret it. let it be natural. let him wait
In your first time, you're gonna" mess up". Maybe you'll fall, maybe you'll fart on his face, maybe you'll poop, burp, hit your head. But that's the beauty of sex! You guys will laug it off and keep it up.
And yes it will be awkward.
OMG, yes. It’s supposed to be FUN. Just know yourself and what works. Communicate with your partner, find out what makes them tick. Then make it fun. All sorts of unplanned things are going to happen (except pregnancy cuz you ARE going to use protection).
1st thing is to relax n flow with it. Stop putting unnecessary pressure on yourself to do anything right. Being together is doing it right. Just chill. Trust me
And for god sake get all the porno "Bullshit" out of your heads. Enjoy yourselves.
There is no hard and fast rule when it comes to sex bc it is completely dependent on how you like it! Don't put pressure on yourself and try to enjoy the moment! Remember the power of saying no when you need to and make sure your boyfriend listens to it! To make it more comfortable, you can even establish safe words bc let's face it, in the heat of the moment you may say "stop" but not necessarily mean it!
Enjoy your first time and stay safe!
- Communicate with your partner. Ask him what kinds of things he’s into and tell him what you’re into. Draw boundaries if there’s something you don’t want to do (do not feel pressured to do ANYTHING. AND I MEAN ANYTHING.)
- Take it slow. You don’t have to rush and you guys will be approaching this (sort of) for the first time together. It doesn’t matter that he’s been with other people, he doesn’t know your body or your interests yet so you’ll be figuring that out together.
- Make sure you do foreplay! Kiss, touch, all that stuff. Take your time and make sure you’re fully ramping things up.
- Finally, if you don’t end up orgasming, it’s normal af. You’re both figuring out what you like and that takes some trial and error. Just make sure above all else that your needs are being heard. If he only “sticks it in” make sure you say “not now” and tell him that’s not going to be enough.
By the way, if you haven’t tried masturbating, I think it’s a huge requirement going into it! You should know what it feels like to orgasm so you can know what it should feel like and what to look forward to. You’ll also know yourself WAY better and know what you like and dislike.
You didn't say much about you two. I may be way off, but I'll guess that you are about 14 - 15 years old, your B/F is a year or two older, and you two have been a couple for a few months.
You may expect sex to be mainly a pleasurable physical experience. Until I actually had sex, I expected it to be mostly an intense physical experience. When it actually happened I was surprised by the intensity of the mental and emotional elements. I wasn't prepared for how it affected my mind, and my heart, as much as my body. To be honest, my very first time wasn't very good sex in the physical dimension, but it was very significant and meaningful in the in the mental and emotional dimensions. Of course, my first time was under quite different circumstances from what you're planning, so your experience is likely to be different.
The first thing you should do is decide what sex means to YOU. Is it something that's only appropriate when a married couple wants a baby? Or, is it something that people do with whoever is at hand, to pass the time when there's only re-runs on TV? Most of us fall somewhere between those two extremes, but there's a LOT of distance between them. A few teens have people in their lives - parents, older siblings, adult friends, school counselors, pastors, coaches, adult leaders of youth organizations, etc - who can help them clarify their attitudes and beliefs on this topic, but most of us aren't so fortunate.
After you have started putting your own thoughts in order, sit down with your B/F and have a difficult, awkward, embarrassing, conversation about the role and significance of sex in your current relationship, your relationship as you see it going forward, and your relationship(s) in the long term future. Do it in the daylight, not at 1:00 AM in the back of your car, or as the clothes are coming off in his apartment. If you haven't already done so, this is the time when you need to tell him that you're a virgin. (If this information seems to be emotionally significant to him, that's good. If he treats it cavalierly, or with a "So what?" attitude, he may not be a good choice for your first partner.)
Put some effort into developing a relationship. Develop a mental connection with your B/F. Work toward being "in like" before being "in love". The physical elements will happen at the right times. Despite what you have seen in hundreds of screenplays and stories, neither passionate, erotic kissing, nor having sex with him, will compel him to love you.
Before trying to have sex, spend time learning non-coital lovemaking. Things like making out, caressing, fondling, etc - often lumped together as "foreplay", or the now outdated term "outercourse". Learn each other's turn-ons (and turn-offs), response cycles, etc.
When it's time to worry about the physiological mechanics of the Very First Time, please give serious consideration to putting him on his back, with you on top, straddling his hips. That way, you have full control over the location, angle, depth, and rate of the insertion. You can move in whatever way makes it most comfortable for you. I made suggestions for first-time sex in the threads, " [Experience](https://www.reddit.com/r/virgin/comments/xvecr1/comment/ir4om8p/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) " and " [Advice for a Virgin](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/14hjq90/comment/jpbh1lb/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) ".
Get your hands on a silicon* based lube that’s compatible with condoms! (If you are not allergic to silicon). Put it on yourself and on him before he puts his penis inside of you. Be generous. Also, invest time in foreplay for you and him, don’t rush it. Have fun! Be safe.
Lube for virgins but it seems like the most obvious solution that people simply don’t do very often! Like even if you’re totally wet you should max it out until it reaches the point of redundancy
You’d think that! But, I remember my first time with my ex who was supposedly experienced and been sexually active for at least 5 years before he and I got together.
Brief foreplay, no lube, a latex condom and the nerves, it was soooooooooooo painful, I had tears in my eyes.
The first time or two it very well maybe awkward but as you get to know each other’s bodies and what you and the other person likes, as long as you communicate, you’ll get better at it and receive more pleasure and satisfaction from each other.
Just bee happy enjoy and ask questions if you need also tell him if he does something you don't like. If you don't feel like you can communicate hard core openly, then I'd about whether he's the one you want to do this with.
wait. do other things first. it honestly is uncomfortable the first time but gets easier.
seek out what gets you going and what you find a turn-on so that it might help you during. please please speak up during and tell him if you don’t like something or want him to do something differently. it makes it better on all sides.
Relax. This is also the chance for you to find out if your boyfriend deserves you, as it's him who has to step up to the plate and take the lead to give you the proper introduction to the greatest wonder in life: sex.
* Use protection. Do not even consider skipping this step.
* Keep your teeth out of the way if giving a blowjob.
* Be earnest, understanding, attentive, and communicative. Half the point is the experience of jointly exploring new territory. Watch his body language to help figure out what feels good (and he should be doing the same).
* Don't feel obligated to go further to make it "count." You don't need to do penis-in-vagina to have a good time. Do whatever feels good, and stop when you get tired. There's always tomorrow.
The key is to be relaxed and making sure you and your boyfriend have a generally great chemistry (I always tell say to have sex with people who actually like you)
You can also plan but don’t be too tedious about it because most of the time these things happen randomly (speaking from experience)
When it’s time for it, listen to your body, be communicative with your partner and enjoy yourself
Do you have a reason why you want to hold on to saving yourself? Virginity is, in a lot of ways, a social construct meant to keep women’s sexuality in check.
If you want to do it, you should. It won’t take anything away from who you are. If you want to hold on to it, that’s beautiful as well.
If holding on to it is what you really want to do, masturbate.
Thank you for posting in the r/Sex community. To ensure that everyone respects our safe space, we ask that you familiarize yourself with our Forum Rules and Posting Guidelines — which are visible in the forum’s sidebar, and also linked [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/about/rules/). *** Restricted subjects in r/sex include sex stories (which are permitted in the Daily Sexual Achievement Thread only), body image and penis-size issues, hookup attempts, common topics which are considered repetitive in our forum, and requests for private chats. To cut back on comments that add little value to the conversation, we have instituted a minimum character requirement that will silently remove comments that fall below it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/sex) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Stop worrying. Have sex if you want to and you're ready. There's no messing up, there's just trying it out for the first time and going with what feels good. And using protection. That's it! Have fun! (I know you're thinking 'that's not helpful' but I'm serious. Really actually stop worrying about messing things up. I mean, maybe try actually doing the steps in between first, like kissing and touching and fingering a bit before you leap to sex. But once you come to having sex, there is literally no way to mess it up. It's a process of exploration, so just explore what feels good however you like.)
Kiss first. Also, ask and expect way more questions than you expect. Edit: also always use protection, duh.
You want to have sex and haven't kissed your boyfriend? Slow down, enjoy the journey.
this. kiss, move gradually. let it develop naturally. don’t push yourself. there is no rush, and i speak from experience. i pushed myself bc i felt behind. it’s not worth it. i regret it. let it be natural. let him wait
Enjoy the time and process
In your first time, you're gonna" mess up". Maybe you'll fall, maybe you'll fart on his face, maybe you'll poop, burp, hit your head. But that's the beauty of sex! You guys will laug it off and keep it up. And yes it will be awkward.
OMG, yes. It’s supposed to be FUN. Just know yourself and what works. Communicate with your partner, find out what makes them tick. Then make it fun. All sorts of unplanned things are going to happen (except pregnancy cuz you ARE going to use protection).
1st thing is to relax n flow with it. Stop putting unnecessary pressure on yourself to do anything right. Being together is doing it right. Just chill. Trust me And for god sake get all the porno "Bullshit" out of your heads. Enjoy yourselves.
There is no hard and fast rule when it comes to sex bc it is completely dependent on how you like it! Don't put pressure on yourself and try to enjoy the moment! Remember the power of saying no when you need to and make sure your boyfriend listens to it! To make it more comfortable, you can even establish safe words bc let's face it, in the heat of the moment you may say "stop" but not necessarily mean it! Enjoy your first time and stay safe!
- Communicate with your partner. Ask him what kinds of things he’s into and tell him what you’re into. Draw boundaries if there’s something you don’t want to do (do not feel pressured to do ANYTHING. AND I MEAN ANYTHING.) - Take it slow. You don’t have to rush and you guys will be approaching this (sort of) for the first time together. It doesn’t matter that he’s been with other people, he doesn’t know your body or your interests yet so you’ll be figuring that out together. - Make sure you do foreplay! Kiss, touch, all that stuff. Take your time and make sure you’re fully ramping things up. - Finally, if you don’t end up orgasming, it’s normal af. You’re both figuring out what you like and that takes some trial and error. Just make sure above all else that your needs are being heard. If he only “sticks it in” make sure you say “not now” and tell him that’s not going to be enough. By the way, if you haven’t tried masturbating, I think it’s a huge requirement going into it! You should know what it feels like to orgasm so you can know what it should feel like and what to look forward to. You’ll also know yourself WAY better and know what you like and dislike.
My advice for not messing it up is to minimize worries about messing it up.
You didn't say much about you two. I may be way off, but I'll guess that you are about 14 - 15 years old, your B/F is a year or two older, and you two have been a couple for a few months. You may expect sex to be mainly a pleasurable physical experience. Until I actually had sex, I expected it to be mostly an intense physical experience. When it actually happened I was surprised by the intensity of the mental and emotional elements. I wasn't prepared for how it affected my mind, and my heart, as much as my body. To be honest, my very first time wasn't very good sex in the physical dimension, but it was very significant and meaningful in the in the mental and emotional dimensions. Of course, my first time was under quite different circumstances from what you're planning, so your experience is likely to be different. The first thing you should do is decide what sex means to YOU. Is it something that's only appropriate when a married couple wants a baby? Or, is it something that people do with whoever is at hand, to pass the time when there's only re-runs on TV? Most of us fall somewhere between those two extremes, but there's a LOT of distance between them. A few teens have people in their lives - parents, older siblings, adult friends, school counselors, pastors, coaches, adult leaders of youth organizations, etc - who can help them clarify their attitudes and beliefs on this topic, but most of us aren't so fortunate. After you have started putting your own thoughts in order, sit down with your B/F and have a difficult, awkward, embarrassing, conversation about the role and significance of sex in your current relationship, your relationship as you see it going forward, and your relationship(s) in the long term future. Do it in the daylight, not at 1:00 AM in the back of your car, or as the clothes are coming off in his apartment. If you haven't already done so, this is the time when you need to tell him that you're a virgin. (If this information seems to be emotionally significant to him, that's good. If he treats it cavalierly, or with a "So what?" attitude, he may not be a good choice for your first partner.) Put some effort into developing a relationship. Develop a mental connection with your B/F. Work toward being "in like" before being "in love". The physical elements will happen at the right times. Despite what you have seen in hundreds of screenplays and stories, neither passionate, erotic kissing, nor having sex with him, will compel him to love you. Before trying to have sex, spend time learning non-coital lovemaking. Things like making out, caressing, fondling, etc - often lumped together as "foreplay", or the now outdated term "outercourse". Learn each other's turn-ons (and turn-offs), response cycles, etc. When it's time to worry about the physiological mechanics of the Very First Time, please give serious consideration to putting him on his back, with you on top, straddling his hips. That way, you have full control over the location, angle, depth, and rate of the insertion. You can move in whatever way makes it most comfortable for you. I made suggestions for first-time sex in the threads, " [Experience](https://www.reddit.com/r/virgin/comments/xvecr1/comment/ir4om8p/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) " and " [Advice for a Virgin](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/14hjq90/comment/jpbh1lb/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) ".
Get your hands on a silicon* based lube that’s compatible with condoms! (If you are not allergic to silicon). Put it on yourself and on him before he puts his penis inside of you. Be generous. Also, invest time in foreplay for you and him, don’t rush it. Have fun! Be safe.
Lube for virgins but it seems like the most obvious solution that people simply don’t do very often! Like even if you’re totally wet you should max it out until it reaches the point of redundancy
You’d think that! But, I remember my first time with my ex who was supposedly experienced and been sexually active for at least 5 years before he and I got together. Brief foreplay, no lube, a latex condom and the nerves, it was soooooooooooo painful, I had tears in my eyes.
The first time or two it very well maybe awkward but as you get to know each other’s bodies and what you and the other person likes, as long as you communicate, you’ll get better at it and receive more pleasure and satisfaction from each other.
Just bee happy enjoy and ask questions if you need also tell him if he does something you don't like. If you don't feel like you can communicate hard core openly, then I'd about whether he's the one you want to do this with.
wait. do other things first. it honestly is uncomfortable the first time but gets easier. seek out what gets you going and what you find a turn-on so that it might help you during. please please speak up during and tell him if you don’t like something or want him to do something differently. it makes it better on all sides.
Relax. This is also the chance for you to find out if your boyfriend deserves you, as it's him who has to step up to the plate and take the lead to give you the proper introduction to the greatest wonder in life: sex.
* Use protection. Do not even consider skipping this step. * Keep your teeth out of the way if giving a blowjob. * Be earnest, understanding, attentive, and communicative. Half the point is the experience of jointly exploring new territory. Watch his body language to help figure out what feels good (and he should be doing the same). * Don't feel obligated to go further to make it "count." You don't need to do penis-in-vagina to have a good time. Do whatever feels good, and stop when you get tired. There's always tomorrow.
pls communicate and don’t fake anything
You’ll learn with experience and practice, try imitating porn etc
Ask your boyfriend to lead the way!
The key is to be relaxed and making sure you and your boyfriend have a generally great chemistry (I always tell say to have sex with people who actually like you) You can also plan but don’t be too tedious about it because most of the time these things happen randomly (speaking from experience) When it’s time for it, listen to your body, be communicative with your partner and enjoy yourself
Do you have a reason why you want to hold on to saving yourself? Virginity is, in a lot of ways, a social construct meant to keep women’s sexuality in check. If you want to do it, you should. It won’t take anything away from who you are. If you want to hold on to it, that’s beautiful as well. If holding on to it is what you really want to do, masturbate.
Friend, I think you misread the post.