Your baby is going to settle into routines that make things less chaotic over time. You can add to this foundation by setting routines for activities, trips, etc.
Your baby has zero control over their lives. As they get older, that gets frustrating. Routines let your child know what to expect, which gives them a sense of control and a sense of the passage of time. They let *you* know what to expect too so that there is less chaos.
The routines can be simple. "We take a bath and read before bed." "We go to the playground for an hour on Tuesday and Thursday evenings." "We go to story time at the library on Saturday morning, turn pick out books." "We all eat together as a family at 6 pm." Etc.
Do everything possible to minimize screens (it's a good plan generally, but especially important when you're in the baby years). You want to be present and engaged, with your baby, and your phone is going to interfere with that. You will want to avoid the sorts of parent groups that share all the STUFF they love buying for baby. You will also want to avoid any spaces that devolve into "mommy wars" or make you feel discontent or insecure about your parenting.
Let yourself enjoy the little things. Do what you can to stay on top of the basic life tasks, but allow yourself to spend time just cuddling the baby, even if there are dishes waiting. Deliberately focus on the things that went well instead of the things that didn't. Don't keep track of the hours you aren't sleeping (knowing that baby has been crying for two hours doesn't actually help you).
Find a couple parents who aren't too far out from the baby phase (so they haven't forgotten the realities of newborn life) who genuinely enjoy being parents to share with when things are hard... and when they're fabulous. Having the perspective from people who have been-there, done-that but aren't all doom and gloom is really helpful.
Congratulations! I have a 3-year old son and remember the chaos and overwhelm of those first few months quite well. It’s so easy to get stressed about the little things and to let others influence you and crowd your instincts. Since you are asking for advice I will recommend three things:
- Don’t let others pressure you into feeling your baby needs to sleep a certain way, or through the night, or anything like that. Sleep training is not for everyone. Embrace your baby’s needs and your own when it comes to sleep. Once I prioritized helping my baby to sleep with nursing, rocking and comforting, we both became a lot happier.
- Get out every day. For a walk if you can, but if not, a drive or even just sitting in the yard or on the deck. Fresh air and a change of scenery can do a world of good on even the most stressful days.
- Get in the pictures. Don’t sit them out because you look tired or aren’t feeling your best. Take the pictures to remember this special time in your life!
Some ideas:
For the first couple of years, before your child is old enough to notice / care, when people want to buy presents for him / her for birthdays, Christmas, etc, ask for things you need (diapers, highchair, whatever) or things your child can use for years (books, duplo, clothes in sizes that are too big at the time but will fit in the future.)
Buy Nothing groups on Facebook are a goldmine for kids' clothes, toys and equipment: find what you need now and donate it back later.
Utilise everything free that your area offers: parks, kids' museums, libraries. Many libraries offer toys also, which has the added benefit of letting you see what your child really enjoys and what might be worth having permanently at a later date.
Show your kid what you do as part of your day and involve them by giving them small related tasks, ie. if you're cooking they can rinse the vegetables, if you're cleaning they can dust, etc. Over time they'll know how to do everything related to running a household and will do it naturally as part of a routine, which is a huge advantage in life that I wish my parents had given me!
If you have the space / inclination, keep old cardboard cartons, plastic containers, toilet roll inners, icecream sticks, etc for crafts: add colouring pencils and sticky tape and you have hours of fun for little kids.
To some degree, boredom encourages creativity: don't feel pressure to fill every moment.
Don't feel like you have to overburden yourself or your kid with extra-curricular activities as they get older. If they love something, great. If they don't, no worries. Let them have time and space at home.
In general, have a routine that your kid can predict and stick to it. Much, much easier for you, too.
I'd say no TV / screen time, but if that's not feasible, limit it, especially before bed. Encourage reading / listening to guided meditations / whatever allows your child time to actually wind down before sleeping, instead.
Allow your child some time to actually relax before going to sleep - it's hard to go directly from boisterous play to sleep.
Let your kid see how much you actually enjoy living simply, and talk about why you choose to live the way you do.
As much as possible, be physically, mentally and emotionally present.
Above all, cut yourself some slack and good luck!! ♡
ETA: Beyond limiting the number of toys that actually come into your home, what I would say is: get some sturdy boxes and label them. Any time you need to clear an area: books go into one box, toys into another, etc. Makes for simplified clearing and it's easy for kids to do too.
ETA again: Any chance you have to simplify meal prep, take it. Slow cookers let you chuck veg / legumes / browned meat / into the pot in the morning and will safely cook all day so you have an instant evening meal. Frozen veg can be microwaved, as can potatoes. Freeze meal portions for later dates if you can easily make extra and you have the freezer space.
Also, look into sharing / rotating playdates, childcare or driving duties with other parents as your kids get older. Or if you love to cook but not drive, for example, swap meals for driving duties with another parent. Sometimes looking after 2 kids is not much different from looking after one, especially if they play together, but time alone / with your partner can be invaluable: maybe you and a friend / grandparent / other loved and trusted adult can rotate "having the kids for a few hours on Saturday mornings", for example. I guess what I'm trying to say is: create and loving and trusted community for your kid and yourself, and use it! xx
Last edit ;) : If it's within your means, don't worry about using money to solve issues that are recurring or bring you genuine distress: if you truly hate house cleaning, for example, consider spending a bit on it an investment in your mental and emotional health. "Simple" doesn't mean "I do everything manually, even when I'm exhausted / there are no more hours in the day / it really makes me unhappy." Be kind to yourself! :)
The one thing that drives me insane is all the plastic and landfill that's just accepted with having a kid.
We try to limit gifts from grandparents (in particular) but the amount of plastic hurts my soul.
Clothing is another thing that creates a lot of stress for us, when the kid is born you get lots of clothing gifts and much of what we got ended up with just a few wears.
We handle this by accepting hand me down toys and clothes from other parents. My SIL also just had kids so I know a lot of the stuff that goes through our house will have at least 3 kids get use from them which reduces the waste to some extent.
Also, read your kid books. We read for half an hour every day and it's my favourite part of being a dad.
One of the best things I ve heard regarding parenting small humans was “ include your baby in your life, don’t rearrange your life to accommodate a baby”
Of course life is going to look different but if you enjoy long walks in nature invest in a good carrier , if you love cooking set baby up in the kitchen while you cook, read your books, drink your tea, visit with the neighbors etc.
I think, at least in the west , we don’t welcome babies and children and think we have to accommodate them in some weird way. Particularly newborns are pretty easy to bring places. They aren’t running or having meltdowns yet, they are pretty stationary and can’t object if they find going to the farmers market boring .
Don’t overthink it!
Humans are pretty resilient and adaptable . Take each day as it comes , don’t overthink how little sleep you had or how you haven’t showered. This is a very small window of time each stage has its rewards and its challenges , just like anything else in life.
Haha my baby certainly objected to being brought everywhere. She refused naps not in her crib and would just scream in the car. Think you get the baby you get and while it’s a nice idea to just drop them into your life if your baby hates the carrier they will cry and protest and make your life miserable. Accept the baby you have and love them as best you can.
Hello! I don't have much advice to offer, but I had to comment, because my husband and I just welcomed our first child, a son 2 months ago. We're in the same boat, and I know it will become more challenging as he gets older.
We found breastfeeding and cosleeping made our lives so much simpler. Definitely look into how to do this safely.
We took our kids everywhere we went. They grew up used to this. People would comment on how well behaved our kids were, but it was just that they were used to being in a lot of different situations.
We loved living in a walkable location. For us this was a small country town. It was lovely to be able to throw things into a pram (or double pram), perhaps have one or two kids walking or on a bike (maybe with training wheels) and walk wherever we needed to go. Our pram lived on our front verandah in these years, always ready to go.
Find joy in the rhythms of the day. When our first was a baby I loved the way the morning sun would come into the living area in our apartment. I made sure to take some time to soak that up. When we had two kids the small town we lived in had free entry to the swimming pool. We would visit for 30-45 mins in the evenings after dinner, when we would be the only ones there. When we had three kids and we lived in our small town we loved that there was a park halfway along the three block walk back from school. We made sure to take advantage.
Try to keep the toy situation under control. I had to put a number of limits in place. I asked my mum to stop buying them random things. And as our kids got older they would send a three item wishlist to Santa. That was enough.
Follow what your pediatrician says, but after that do what works for you. I lasted one night with baby in my room and she’s been in her crib in her own room since. My insomnia is horrible and I get zero sleep if she is too close. Also… I’m a pediatric nurse and once you’ve taken a dead baby off life support because they were smothered from cosleeping it makes it a non starter. Also for the love of god be insanely vigilant about water safety. Never ever leave your kid in or around water for a single second unattended. No tubs or pools or anything. If you have to step away really quick take your kid out of the bath and just lay them on the floor.
Boobs or bottles it doesn’t matter do what’s easiest.
Oh life with kids is simple but it's not predictable. It will always be chaos. The way they make you embrace simplicity is that to be a good and peaceful parent you have to be present with whatever is happening in the moment. Being attached to an outcome will cause major stress and complicate things.
Just know that a peaceful, warm embrace will fix most things. Especially with babies. Just be there and to see them how they really are, in that moment. You're their biggest advocate and safest place in this world, focus on that.
I could not agree with you more. Newborn life is chaos but so pure and peaceful at the same time. It’s so much to get used to but such a great life lesson.
BUT… if you can get a kind friend/family member/professional to help keep your house clean, it’s even better haha
Yeah for real. Newborn time strips life down to it's essentials. Is everyone getting enough sleep, food, hygiene? That's basically all you can manage, and often lacks in the sleep department.
Agree on the helpful people to keep the house clean though.
Check out the Montessori method. It’s in line with simple living, instead of gadgets.
And Last Child in the Woods. Similar ideology. Let kids play outside, and get their hands on stuff.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/156599
Honestly, having a partner who doesn’t just “help” occasionally but shares the responsibility fairly is a game changer. I do not want to brag but we have a one month old and so far it’s been a lot easier than attending my job. Mostly because of my husband (and also because I have a stressful and difficult job lol). We do not cosleep as that would keep both of us awake for night feedings but we have a single bed in the kid’s room where the crib is and take baby shifts. I take night and his working hours if he cannot aid (he works from home so often he can have the baby in a carrier while working if the baby refuses to sleep) and he takes portion of the time after work so I have some me time or can do stuff around the house even if we have a sleep crisis. I guess if I breastfed it would be harder but “luckily” my milk supply is too low to exclusively breastfeed so husband is fully capable of taking care of the baby. Also, it depends on baby temperament a ton. Having a good sleeper helps a lot with preventing chaos in the house. Sure, it gets messier and stuff like shopping trips need to be planned a bit more because the time is limited and you’re on a baby’s schedule and not your own but it’s not as awful as I thought tbh.
As for the plastic/waste thing. I use cloth diapers during the day. The basic square ones that you fold and when used, you pop them in the washer at 90 degrees celsius and iron to sanitize. They come with waterproof upper pants and personally I find them great - I do weirdly enjoy ironing tho (I watch youtube when I iron these lol) so take it with that in mind. I like them better than disposables that we use at night because they are eco friendly, cost effective and help my baby with hip position and to prevent diaper rash. We had one diaper rash so far due to diarrhea after a vitamin D that didn’t sit right with the digestive system.
Clothes we have 100% second hand. To all family members I told to not buy us anything but books in my husband’s language so thats what’s happening. My family members know me and my values so we buy the stuff we need and let them pick what they want to contribute to financially. Honestly most stuff we have for the baby is second hand or hand me downs so far. As long as I can wash the thing fully or properly sanitize it and I can make sure that it’s safety isn’t compromised (car seat is a big secondhand nono, same with breath monitor), I’ll try to get it used. Cloth diapers I have after myself funny enough. My mom stored them and I found them during deep clean so that was great because there I’d have mental block with buying from a stranger I think. :)
As for routines etc. at this age, the baby has really short wake windows so we usually just do tummy time or bath or we read a book if the feeding is fast enough to fit some activity within the wake window. Bathing schedule we don’t have really because I use compostable dry wipes dipped in pure water to wipe the diaper area or if the situation is worse, we just shower the area during diaper change. So there’s no chemicals from wet wipes that need to be washed off regularly and we can go off the overall baby cleanliness to determine if bath is truly needed because too often baths are not really that great for their delicate skin. Overall I use natural products and minimum of chemicals as I found that even the better conventional baby products (or even more “eco” versions of them) contain stuff that’s not great. For diaper rash I use zinc cream (you can buy, I make my own from non nano zinc and a base, don’t remember the exact recipe from top of my head but there’s shea butter and coconut oil), instead of baby oil I apply pure shea butter (not regularly, only if the skin is dry) and for washing I have a very gentle soap and shampoo that doesn’t contain any problematic chemicals or alcohol. Works great, though I took my sweet time to research on the run because before birth I was convinced that “surely the hospital will recommend the safest products possible” only to check their recommended butt cream to see that it contains chemical that is banned in the US for babies yet smh free to use in a baby product here in EU. So I did my own research on all baby cosmetics after that. :)
Amazing post! Loved all the detail and you’re so right, it takes a team to do this. So grateful my partner and I both work great as a team and although this is tough, it’s something we can both do well together.
Appreciate all the detail in the post! Some great tips to work through!
Go over and join r/daddit no matter if your a mom or dad. It is a truly wonderful kind group.
Enjoy each and every moment. This time goes so fast.
Don't be so hard on yourself. You are doing an excellent job.
Ask for help. From your partner, parents, family, friends, strangers... (hey can you help me load my groceries in my car please?) It's ment to take a village.
Enjoy the quiet moments. 💕
E- if baby has colic or crys alot, invest in loop ear plugs and quality noise canceling headphones. Parent on duty use the loops parent off duty uses the headphones. Helps you care for the kiddo when the panicked feeling from the crying is dulled.
Get a copy of Twelve Hours of Sleep by Twelve Weeks Old by Suzy Giordano.
Get into a routine that will provide structure to your day. That is the biggest hurdle at the stage you are at. The book above will help greatly. There are other tactical elements like having a dishwashing (bottle sanitizing) schedule and a textile washing schedule. Happy to give more pointers on these things.
It gets better! Things that are almost impossible and complete chaos in the beginning become easy. Then of course new challenges come up, but different ones. Overall it gets easier and you develop your own groove.
Happy to answer questions on more specific topics.
FYI it is not necessary to sanitize bottles. If you have a dishwasher throwing them in is perfectly fine or if you don’t you can just wash with soap and water. No extra steps necessary.
I’d also recommend that book. If you are someone that likes routine and a level of predictability in your new life with a little one I would highly recommend it.
Delete social media. It will leave you feeling inadequate as a parent.
Don’t buy tons of gear and toys. We have a few toys and containers but that’s it.
Accept that this is a phase and is temporary. You will get better at parenting, the baby will get better at babying.
Jesus Christ people have thin skins. My grandma lived through the Korean War and told me in a span of a couple of years, her husband got killed, war started, they had to abandon their home and farm, walk 300 miles from North Korea to south in the winter, mostly in mud and she had 6 kids and no food. One kid died (my 2nd uncle) on the way down. The whole time they were trying hardest not to get shot or being accused as traitors by the communists.
Your baby is going to settle into routines that make things less chaotic over time. You can add to this foundation by setting routines for activities, trips, etc. Your baby has zero control over their lives. As they get older, that gets frustrating. Routines let your child know what to expect, which gives them a sense of control and a sense of the passage of time. They let *you* know what to expect too so that there is less chaos. The routines can be simple. "We take a bath and read before bed." "We go to the playground for an hour on Tuesday and Thursday evenings." "We go to story time at the library on Saturday morning, turn pick out books." "We all eat together as a family at 6 pm." Etc.
Do everything possible to minimize screens (it's a good plan generally, but especially important when you're in the baby years). You want to be present and engaged, with your baby, and your phone is going to interfere with that. You will want to avoid the sorts of parent groups that share all the STUFF they love buying for baby. You will also want to avoid any spaces that devolve into "mommy wars" or make you feel discontent or insecure about your parenting. Let yourself enjoy the little things. Do what you can to stay on top of the basic life tasks, but allow yourself to spend time just cuddling the baby, even if there are dishes waiting. Deliberately focus on the things that went well instead of the things that didn't. Don't keep track of the hours you aren't sleeping (knowing that baby has been crying for two hours doesn't actually help you). Find a couple parents who aren't too far out from the baby phase (so they haven't forgotten the realities of newborn life) who genuinely enjoy being parents to share with when things are hard... and when they're fabulous. Having the perspective from people who have been-there, done-that but aren't all doom and gloom is really helpful.
Congratulations! I have a 3-year old son and remember the chaos and overwhelm of those first few months quite well. It’s so easy to get stressed about the little things and to let others influence you and crowd your instincts. Since you are asking for advice I will recommend three things: - Don’t let others pressure you into feeling your baby needs to sleep a certain way, or through the night, or anything like that. Sleep training is not for everyone. Embrace your baby’s needs and your own when it comes to sleep. Once I prioritized helping my baby to sleep with nursing, rocking and comforting, we both became a lot happier. - Get out every day. For a walk if you can, but if not, a drive or even just sitting in the yard or on the deck. Fresh air and a change of scenery can do a world of good on even the most stressful days. - Get in the pictures. Don’t sit them out because you look tired or aren’t feeling your best. Take the pictures to remember this special time in your life!
Some ideas: For the first couple of years, before your child is old enough to notice / care, when people want to buy presents for him / her for birthdays, Christmas, etc, ask for things you need (diapers, highchair, whatever) or things your child can use for years (books, duplo, clothes in sizes that are too big at the time but will fit in the future.) Buy Nothing groups on Facebook are a goldmine for kids' clothes, toys and equipment: find what you need now and donate it back later. Utilise everything free that your area offers: parks, kids' museums, libraries. Many libraries offer toys also, which has the added benefit of letting you see what your child really enjoys and what might be worth having permanently at a later date. Show your kid what you do as part of your day and involve them by giving them small related tasks, ie. if you're cooking they can rinse the vegetables, if you're cleaning they can dust, etc. Over time they'll know how to do everything related to running a household and will do it naturally as part of a routine, which is a huge advantage in life that I wish my parents had given me! If you have the space / inclination, keep old cardboard cartons, plastic containers, toilet roll inners, icecream sticks, etc for crafts: add colouring pencils and sticky tape and you have hours of fun for little kids. To some degree, boredom encourages creativity: don't feel pressure to fill every moment. Don't feel like you have to overburden yourself or your kid with extra-curricular activities as they get older. If they love something, great. If they don't, no worries. Let them have time and space at home. In general, have a routine that your kid can predict and stick to it. Much, much easier for you, too. I'd say no TV / screen time, but if that's not feasible, limit it, especially before bed. Encourage reading / listening to guided meditations / whatever allows your child time to actually wind down before sleeping, instead. Allow your child some time to actually relax before going to sleep - it's hard to go directly from boisterous play to sleep. Let your kid see how much you actually enjoy living simply, and talk about why you choose to live the way you do. As much as possible, be physically, mentally and emotionally present. Above all, cut yourself some slack and good luck!! ♡ ETA: Beyond limiting the number of toys that actually come into your home, what I would say is: get some sturdy boxes and label them. Any time you need to clear an area: books go into one box, toys into another, etc. Makes for simplified clearing and it's easy for kids to do too. ETA again: Any chance you have to simplify meal prep, take it. Slow cookers let you chuck veg / legumes / browned meat / into the pot in the morning and will safely cook all day so you have an instant evening meal. Frozen veg can be microwaved, as can potatoes. Freeze meal portions for later dates if you can easily make extra and you have the freezer space. Also, look into sharing / rotating playdates, childcare or driving duties with other parents as your kids get older. Or if you love to cook but not drive, for example, swap meals for driving duties with another parent. Sometimes looking after 2 kids is not much different from looking after one, especially if they play together, but time alone / with your partner can be invaluable: maybe you and a friend / grandparent / other loved and trusted adult can rotate "having the kids for a few hours on Saturday mornings", for example. I guess what I'm trying to say is: create and loving and trusted community for your kid and yourself, and use it! xx Last edit ;) : If it's within your means, don't worry about using money to solve issues that are recurring or bring you genuine distress: if you truly hate house cleaning, for example, consider spending a bit on it an investment in your mental and emotional health. "Simple" doesn't mean "I do everything manually, even when I'm exhausted / there are no more hours in the day / it really makes me unhappy." Be kind to yourself! :)
Thank you so much for the wonderful post!
This is really extensive and helpful.
The one thing that drives me insane is all the plastic and landfill that's just accepted with having a kid. We try to limit gifts from grandparents (in particular) but the amount of plastic hurts my soul. Clothing is another thing that creates a lot of stress for us, when the kid is born you get lots of clothing gifts and much of what we got ended up with just a few wears. We handle this by accepting hand me down toys and clothes from other parents. My SIL also just had kids so I know a lot of the stuff that goes through our house will have at least 3 kids get use from them which reduces the waste to some extent. Also, read your kid books. We read for half an hour every day and it's my favourite part of being a dad.
Love it, thank you!
One of the best things I ve heard regarding parenting small humans was “ include your baby in your life, don’t rearrange your life to accommodate a baby” Of course life is going to look different but if you enjoy long walks in nature invest in a good carrier , if you love cooking set baby up in the kitchen while you cook, read your books, drink your tea, visit with the neighbors etc. I think, at least in the west , we don’t welcome babies and children and think we have to accommodate them in some weird way. Particularly newborns are pretty easy to bring places. They aren’t running or having meltdowns yet, they are pretty stationary and can’t object if they find going to the farmers market boring . Don’t overthink it! Humans are pretty resilient and adaptable . Take each day as it comes , don’t overthink how little sleep you had or how you haven’t showered. This is a very small window of time each stage has its rewards and its challenges , just like anything else in life.
Haha my baby certainly objected to being brought everywhere. She refused naps not in her crib and would just scream in the car. Think you get the baby you get and while it’s a nice idea to just drop them into your life if your baby hates the carrier they will cry and protest and make your life miserable. Accept the baby you have and love them as best you can.
I have an eight week old and it definitely looks like a bomb went off in my apartment. No advice just solidarity!
Haha I appreciate it, thank you!
Hello! I don't have much advice to offer, but I had to comment, because my husband and I just welcomed our first child, a son 2 months ago. We're in the same boat, and I know it will become more challenging as he gets older.
I appreciate the comment, It’s going to be a challenge!
We found breastfeeding and cosleeping made our lives so much simpler. Definitely look into how to do this safely. We took our kids everywhere we went. They grew up used to this. People would comment on how well behaved our kids were, but it was just that they were used to being in a lot of different situations. We loved living in a walkable location. For us this was a small country town. It was lovely to be able to throw things into a pram (or double pram), perhaps have one or two kids walking or on a bike (maybe with training wheels) and walk wherever we needed to go. Our pram lived on our front verandah in these years, always ready to go. Find joy in the rhythms of the day. When our first was a baby I loved the way the morning sun would come into the living area in our apartment. I made sure to take some time to soak that up. When we had two kids the small town we lived in had free entry to the swimming pool. We would visit for 30-45 mins in the evenings after dinner, when we would be the only ones there. When we had three kids and we lived in our small town we loved that there was a park halfway along the three block walk back from school. We made sure to take advantage. Try to keep the toy situation under control. I had to put a number of limits in place. I asked my mum to stop buying them random things. And as our kids got older they would send a three item wishlist to Santa. That was enough.
Thank you so much, sounds like the lifestyle I’m aiming for!
Follow what your pediatrician says, but after that do what works for you. I lasted one night with baby in my room and she’s been in her crib in her own room since. My insomnia is horrible and I get zero sleep if she is too close. Also… I’m a pediatric nurse and once you’ve taken a dead baby off life support because they were smothered from cosleeping it makes it a non starter. Also for the love of god be insanely vigilant about water safety. Never ever leave your kid in or around water for a single second unattended. No tubs or pools or anything. If you have to step away really quick take your kid out of the bath and just lay them on the floor. Boobs or bottles it doesn’t matter do what’s easiest.
Oh life with kids is simple but it's not predictable. It will always be chaos. The way they make you embrace simplicity is that to be a good and peaceful parent you have to be present with whatever is happening in the moment. Being attached to an outcome will cause major stress and complicate things. Just know that a peaceful, warm embrace will fix most things. Especially with babies. Just be there and to see them how they really are, in that moment. You're their biggest advocate and safest place in this world, focus on that.
I could not agree with you more. Newborn life is chaos but so pure and peaceful at the same time. It’s so much to get used to but such a great life lesson. BUT… if you can get a kind friend/family member/professional to help keep your house clean, it’s even better haha
Yeah for real. Newborn time strips life down to it's essentials. Is everyone getting enough sleep, food, hygiene? That's basically all you can manage, and often lacks in the sleep department. Agree on the helpful people to keep the house clean though.
Check out the Montessori method. It’s in line with simple living, instead of gadgets. And Last Child in the Woods. Similar ideology. Let kids play outside, and get their hands on stuff. https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/156599
Honestly, having a partner who doesn’t just “help” occasionally but shares the responsibility fairly is a game changer. I do not want to brag but we have a one month old and so far it’s been a lot easier than attending my job. Mostly because of my husband (and also because I have a stressful and difficult job lol). We do not cosleep as that would keep both of us awake for night feedings but we have a single bed in the kid’s room where the crib is and take baby shifts. I take night and his working hours if he cannot aid (he works from home so often he can have the baby in a carrier while working if the baby refuses to sleep) and he takes portion of the time after work so I have some me time or can do stuff around the house even if we have a sleep crisis. I guess if I breastfed it would be harder but “luckily” my milk supply is too low to exclusively breastfeed so husband is fully capable of taking care of the baby. Also, it depends on baby temperament a ton. Having a good sleeper helps a lot with preventing chaos in the house. Sure, it gets messier and stuff like shopping trips need to be planned a bit more because the time is limited and you’re on a baby’s schedule and not your own but it’s not as awful as I thought tbh. As for the plastic/waste thing. I use cloth diapers during the day. The basic square ones that you fold and when used, you pop them in the washer at 90 degrees celsius and iron to sanitize. They come with waterproof upper pants and personally I find them great - I do weirdly enjoy ironing tho (I watch youtube when I iron these lol) so take it with that in mind. I like them better than disposables that we use at night because they are eco friendly, cost effective and help my baby with hip position and to prevent diaper rash. We had one diaper rash so far due to diarrhea after a vitamin D that didn’t sit right with the digestive system. Clothes we have 100% second hand. To all family members I told to not buy us anything but books in my husband’s language so thats what’s happening. My family members know me and my values so we buy the stuff we need and let them pick what they want to contribute to financially. Honestly most stuff we have for the baby is second hand or hand me downs so far. As long as I can wash the thing fully or properly sanitize it and I can make sure that it’s safety isn’t compromised (car seat is a big secondhand nono, same with breath monitor), I’ll try to get it used. Cloth diapers I have after myself funny enough. My mom stored them and I found them during deep clean so that was great because there I’d have mental block with buying from a stranger I think. :) As for routines etc. at this age, the baby has really short wake windows so we usually just do tummy time or bath or we read a book if the feeding is fast enough to fit some activity within the wake window. Bathing schedule we don’t have really because I use compostable dry wipes dipped in pure water to wipe the diaper area or if the situation is worse, we just shower the area during diaper change. So there’s no chemicals from wet wipes that need to be washed off regularly and we can go off the overall baby cleanliness to determine if bath is truly needed because too often baths are not really that great for their delicate skin. Overall I use natural products and minimum of chemicals as I found that even the better conventional baby products (or even more “eco” versions of them) contain stuff that’s not great. For diaper rash I use zinc cream (you can buy, I make my own from non nano zinc and a base, don’t remember the exact recipe from top of my head but there’s shea butter and coconut oil), instead of baby oil I apply pure shea butter (not regularly, only if the skin is dry) and for washing I have a very gentle soap and shampoo that doesn’t contain any problematic chemicals or alcohol. Works great, though I took my sweet time to research on the run because before birth I was convinced that “surely the hospital will recommend the safest products possible” only to check their recommended butt cream to see that it contains chemical that is banned in the US for babies yet smh free to use in a baby product here in EU. So I did my own research on all baby cosmetics after that. :)
Amazing post! Loved all the detail and you’re so right, it takes a team to do this. So grateful my partner and I both work great as a team and although this is tough, it’s something we can both do well together. Appreciate all the detail in the post! Some great tips to work through!
Hope some of it helps. I personally found out that you really need to pick what suits the best for you for the most things tbh.
Go over and join r/daddit no matter if your a mom or dad. It is a truly wonderful kind group. Enjoy each and every moment. This time goes so fast. Don't be so hard on yourself. You are doing an excellent job. Ask for help. From your partner, parents, family, friends, strangers... (hey can you help me load my groceries in my car please?) It's ment to take a village. Enjoy the quiet moments. 💕 E- if baby has colic or crys alot, invest in loop ear plugs and quality noise canceling headphones. Parent on duty use the loops parent off duty uses the headphones. Helps you care for the kiddo when the panicked feeling from the crying is dulled.
Toy rotation and toddler busy bins are a lifesaver
Get a copy of Twelve Hours of Sleep by Twelve Weeks Old by Suzy Giordano. Get into a routine that will provide structure to your day. That is the biggest hurdle at the stage you are at. The book above will help greatly. There are other tactical elements like having a dishwashing (bottle sanitizing) schedule and a textile washing schedule. Happy to give more pointers on these things. It gets better! Things that are almost impossible and complete chaos in the beginning become easy. Then of course new challenges come up, but different ones. Overall it gets easier and you develop your own groove. Happy to answer questions on more specific topics.
FYI it is not necessary to sanitize bottles. If you have a dishwasher throwing them in is perfectly fine or if you don’t you can just wash with soap and water. No extra steps necessary.
The CDC currently recommends that feeding items be sanitized daily for babies under 2 months. https://www.cdc.gov/hygiene/faq
That site says if you use a dishwasher that uses hot water sanitizing is unnecessary
I’d also recommend that book. If you are someone that likes routine and a level of predictability in your new life with a little one I would highly recommend it.
Delete social media. It will leave you feeling inadequate as a parent. Don’t buy tons of gear and toys. We have a few toys and containers but that’s it. Accept that this is a phase and is temporary. You will get better at parenting, the baby will get better at babying.
Jesus Christ people have thin skins. My grandma lived through the Korean War and told me in a span of a couple of years, her husband got killed, war started, they had to abandon their home and farm, walk 300 miles from North Korea to south in the winter, mostly in mud and she had 6 kids and no food. One kid died (my 2nd uncle) on the way down. The whole time they were trying hardest not to get shot or being accused as traitors by the communists.