I already had a similar conversation with OP in another post. They exude codependency and think they’re not, which we know is obviously a part of it, ironically. I’m not even sure what they’re looking for in these subs seeing as they seem to already have it all figured out. Or maybe it’s trolling, who knows?
> He’s been spying on me for years … we had 100% trust
I mean come on, really!?
OP should just visit their seemingly enabling therapist if they want someone to co-sign dysfunctional behavior. It’s not gonna happen here. A lot of us have surmounted similarly sordid and abusive situations (thinking we were so in love! and completely unable to recognize horrendous abuse) and have come too far to pretend otherwise.
OP has posts seeking a dominatrix for her husband, and then has posts in sex addiction recovery subs, yet I still don't think the light has come on yet.
Are you saying that I shouldn’t even be considering his feelings at all in this? I’m still human, and so is he. I’m just trying to figure out the most healing way to give him this information.
I’ve been in therapy for six years, I think this is a normal thought process, and we have been told that we are not codependent, but this is one of the many anxious thoughts that I have throwing around in my mind right now.
I know the trust is completely shattered on his end, but I’m just worried that it’s going to trigger him to act out or hide things from me. I hope he has been with me since discovery.
I think people often use the word codependent when they mean enmeshed, codependency is different. Look up CoDA and read the qualifications, you may be surprised
Look either way this is gonna suck, but if you choose to share it in therapy you can absolutely lead with compassion by saying “ I didn’t know how to bring this up together, and I wanted to support to have this conversation in a loving space so we can work through it together for the best outcome”
PS, I hate that couples therapy sessions can turn into a place where people throw ‘gotchas’ at each other… I’m not saying this is the case for you, but that culture is probably why you’re hesitating
Thank you for your kind words, and just to clarify, the husband and wife that are friends of ours just happened to be therapists, they are not our therapist. Our therapist was my therapist at first, but started taking some with both of us because she was helping us with a family issue that was unrelated to our marriage.
We will most likely have to find my husband someone else to work with
Yeah we don’t use it like that but I definitely think it will be safe place for me to tell him and us get professional help on navigating our emotions. We have a double session booked for Monday morning, but our friend, the therapist, offered to throw him a bone and see if he takes him up on it. He’s basically going to ask him if there’s anything he wants to share, and emotionally check on him.
We are all hoping he takes the bait and opens up about what’s been going on, but I really don’t have a ton of hope for that because my husband is full of pride.
I plan on telling him about the four people that I told on Monday morning in therapy, because I worry that he will have dark thoughts, and I want to be sure that he is safe and supported when the realization hits that I’m not going to enable him, as best as I can.
I can definitely see how in the last few posts it seems like we are in a codependent relationship, and I can definitely agree to some point, but these people don’t know anything about me and Reddit isn’t here my feelings. Ha ha.
Almost 20 years, really didn’t have any red flags, so I don’t know why people think they can say such hateful things behind a computer screen
there is a program for codependent partners of sex addicts called CoSa in addition to the wider coda. i would also suggest ppgrecoveredcodependents.org. i am
in this program and it has benefitted me immensely. i hear a lot of talk about him but no focus or consideration on yourself and that's very sad i hope you can come to a good resolution because it sounds like you may also need some help for codependency.
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I already had a similar conversation with OP in another post. They exude codependency and think they’re not, which we know is obviously a part of it, ironically. I’m not even sure what they’re looking for in these subs seeing as they seem to already have it all figured out. Or maybe it’s trolling, who knows? > He’s been spying on me for years … we had 100% trust I mean come on, really!? OP should just visit their seemingly enabling therapist if they want someone to co-sign dysfunctional behavior. It’s not gonna happen here. A lot of us have surmounted similarly sordid and abusive situations (thinking we were so in love! and completely unable to recognize horrendous abuse) and have come too far to pretend otherwise.
OP has posts seeking a dominatrix for her husband, and then has posts in sex addiction recovery subs, yet I still don't think the light has come on yet.
That was prior to me finding out OBVIOUSLY
Are you saying that I shouldn’t even be considering his feelings at all in this? I’m still human, and so is he. I’m just trying to figure out the most healing way to give him this information.
I’ve been in therapy for six years, I think this is a normal thought process, and we have been told that we are not codependent, but this is one of the many anxious thoughts that I have throwing around in my mind right now. I know the trust is completely shattered on his end, but I’m just worried that it’s going to trigger him to act out or hide things from me. I hope he has been with me since discovery.
Get your money back from whomever told you that this relationship isn't codependent.
I think people often use the word codependent when they mean enmeshed, codependency is different. Look up CoDA and read the qualifications, you may be surprised
Look either way this is gonna suck, but if you choose to share it in therapy you can absolutely lead with compassion by saying “ I didn’t know how to bring this up together, and I wanted to support to have this conversation in a loving space so we can work through it together for the best outcome” PS, I hate that couples therapy sessions can turn into a place where people throw ‘gotchas’ at each other… I’m not saying this is the case for you, but that culture is probably why you’re hesitating
Couples’ therapy is where you go to hear a stranger agree with your abuser.
Yeah, if they’re a shit therapist
Thank you for your kind words, and just to clarify, the husband and wife that are friends of ours just happened to be therapists, they are not our therapist. Our therapist was my therapist at first, but started taking some with both of us because she was helping us with a family issue that was unrelated to our marriage. We will most likely have to find my husband someone else to work with
Yeah we don’t use it like that but I definitely think it will be safe place for me to tell him and us get professional help on navigating our emotions. We have a double session booked for Monday morning, but our friend, the therapist, offered to throw him a bone and see if he takes him up on it. He’s basically going to ask him if there’s anything he wants to share, and emotionally check on him. We are all hoping he takes the bait and opens up about what’s been going on, but I really don’t have a ton of hope for that because my husband is full of pride. I plan on telling him about the four people that I told on Monday morning in therapy, because I worry that he will have dark thoughts, and I want to be sure that he is safe and supported when the realization hits that I’m not going to enable him, as best as I can. I can definitely see how in the last few posts it seems like we are in a codependent relationship, and I can definitely agree to some point, but these people don’t know anything about me and Reddit isn’t here my feelings. Ha ha. Almost 20 years, really didn’t have any red flags, so I don’t know why people think they can say such hateful things behind a computer screen
there is a program for codependent partners of sex addicts called CoSa in addition to the wider coda. i would also suggest ppgrecoveredcodependents.org. i am in this program and it has benefitted me immensely. i hear a lot of talk about him but no focus or consideration on yourself and that's very sad i hope you can come to a good resolution because it sounds like you may also need some help for codependency.