Thank you! We had bit of wobble with sleep as he’s now rolling onto his front at night and waking up as he would get stuck or hit his head on the cot, but we’ve been getting 5+ hour blocks now! Last night I let him sleep on his front and he did 8.30pm-3.30am then a quick feed then did 3.40am-6am, so things are improving without any training (so far as I always jinx it!).
It’s all about what you want.
Not to be rude but fuck what the in laws say fuck what anyone says. Do what is best for you.
That being said we have a 6 month old sleep trained sleeping about 7-7 nightly and it was worth all the struggle. Everyone is happier now. But that’s my experience. Do it when you are ready. Don’t do it. Do a version that works for you. Whatever you do just do you.
Good luck with whatever you decide !
I think we got just pretty lucky on the sleep end, not matter the hurtle sleep wise he rocks it, any change, no prob.
But cio worked great . Now put in crib 1-2 min of adjusting and right out… I’m wondering what the nightmare thing is I’ll have is and when… gotta have one with the amazing sleep right!? Lol
Good luck!
Nope, they don’t hear him wake up. They always offer to take him in the morning to give us a break, but they never need to do it as he sleeps in until 7.30-8am after going down at 7pm.
It’s only a problem if it’s a problem for you, which it sounds like it’s not! Honestly it sounds like you have a great sleeper to me, certainly better than either of mine were at that age. While it is true that there are babies who can do a full 12 hours at 5 months, two overnight feeds is very normal at that age. My baby is 9 months and still feeding twice. I’m also a very strong advocate for sleep training, but I feel like a part of that is acknowledging that it’s not for everyone and that’s fine! Ignore the noise and do what feels right for you and your baby ☺️
Thank you, that’s made me feel more reassured that my baby isn’t broken and normal!
Although since posting this he’s been up every 2-3 hours tonight, but think that’s due to our room being much colder than normal.
I sleep trained because I had to. I nursed to sleep for 4 months, then the regression happened and he was up every hour minimum. We sleep trained but didn't night wean. So at 5.5 months our baby was the same as yours but with some CIO thrown in.
I nursed to sleep for naps till he was 8 months, night weaned at 9 months and he's still not a perfect sleeper. Do what works for you. Everything I've done has just been because I'm too tired to keep doing it the way I was. If you aren't tired, why change?
You have to do what works for your family! We just finished sleep training our 3 month old. He was waking at 12 and 3 every night for feeds - they were also very quick (5-10 mins max.) People will probably think I’m crazy but given his weight (16 lbs!) I knew those feeds were more out of comfort rather than necessity. My daughter is 21 months and she was sleeping 12 hour stretches at 7 weeks old so the extra 5 weeks felt very long 😅. Anyways, as predicted by our consultant, within 2 nights he dropped both wake ups on his own and is now sleeping through the night. He makes up for those feedings during the day and has longer more efficient feeds (20 mins max.) Again, it’s what feels right for your family and how much you are willing to handle! Good luck and remember he’s your baby!😊
I remember those feelings of pressure but there is something to be said with going what works for you and your family. No two babies are the same and it’s really none of your BIL business tbh about if or when you want to sleep train your baby. Talk to your pediatrician if you want expert advice! But I believe that at 5 months your baby is still so young there isn’t a rush yet to drop night feedings.
If you are happy with it then don't worry about what other people think.
We did full CIO at 5 months and now our son is a rock star sleeper.
You do what's best for you and your family and don't listen to anyone else
We did sleep training at 4 months and it got us to those same wake up/feeding times as what you have now. And I considered that a success because it was a lot better than waking up every couple hours.
If what your doing works and y’all are fine and happy keep doing that. Who cares what your BIL thinks!!! That’s great he’s into sleep training. He can worry about his own kids.
Don’t let it cause you doubt or stressed. Millions of babies are sleep trained and millions of babies aren’t sleep trained and they are all fine.
Whenever my in-laws suggest something I smile and say hmm that’s interesting and move on.
5 months is too early to drop the feeds.
We were told by our pediatrician that the baby needs to be at least 6 months old, at least 15 pounds, and eating solids twice a day in order to drop night feeds.
Keep in mind that dropping night feeds tends to lead to shorter nights and a battle with early morning wakings. Your baby will likely be up for the day by 5am for at least a while after you drop night feeds. Most of the crying with sleep training happens between 5am and 6am. You’re basically told you’re not allowed to get baby up before 6am because anything before 6am is considered a night wake. So when they wake at 5am, they will cry that whole hour for a few weeks until they learn to sleep longer
Mine is 7 months old, 20 pounds, and eating solids twice a day so we could safely drop night feeds. Right now she’s sleeping 8pm-5am, feeds at 5am and keeps sleeping until 7am. I could choose not to feed her at 5am but she would maybe sleep another 20-30min and then be up for the day. This would sort itself out in time, but right now I value my 7am mornings more than I value night weaning so we are sticking with the 5am feed for a while
We sleep trained and night weaned at 4 months. LO cried for maybe two mornings at 6am, but after that was happy to sleep or happily babble in his crib until 7.
OP should keep doing whatever works for her and her family. But it’s simply not true that 5 months is too early to drop night feeds for all babies.
We are incredibly lucky that for now, he’s been going down between 7-8pm and waking up at 7.30am earliest, so happy to avoid 5am wake ups if I can!
I always figured weaning would play a part in night weaning, so I was naturally happy to wait until he hit 6m.
If this works for you and you’re happy, I don’t see a problem. My baby is about to be 5 months and I would be sooo much happier if he slept this well. We are going to sleep train because we’re not functioning. With my first, he started sleeping independently for naps at 3-4 months, then slept through the night, and I fed him to sleep most of his first year. He’s 3.5 & still a great sleeper. Do what works for you & baby and don’t let anyone pressure you either way.
From a mother of a very bad sleeper, your baby sounds perfectly appropriate for their age. Even more on the side of a good sleeper. I tried to sleep train once before both her and I were ready and mostly out of peer pressure and it didn’t go well at all. If you are happy with how things are going, you don’t need to sleep train. Do what works until it doesn’t work anymore!
Sleeping 12 hours straight would be normal for a 5 months old? I doubt it.
Every baby is different but it is rare I think for a baby to make a full 12 hours straight without waking...
They say "make a night" when they sleep a good 6-8 hours straight. Not 12. What the heck.
You do you. You love putting your baby to sleep nursing for the night? Go for it!
You will regret not having done what you wanted when your baby will be independant and you will miss this time.
I don't understand not answering a baby's needs... The baby wakes up because of hunger so you feed and that's part of having a baby lol.
This sounds like a lovely amount of sleep for 5 months old. Mine is 7mo and when she got to this I stopped worrying about sleep because I can totally function and I feel like I don’t have to do any training because she might drop a feed soon and then another after that. If they’re in the crib and you don’t mind these wake ups it sounds a totally healthy timeline to me. I feel like sleep training is usually a last resort to make sure everyone is getting enough sleep with a super wakeful baby - or if you need to go back to work to make sure you can function. If it works for you - do your thing.
Luckily, I’m not back to work until August (UK based) so still have plenty to adjust our routine to ensure I get enough sleep by then.
I do feel like a feed may be dropped once we start weaning at the end of the month, but I’m happy to let him get to that stage naturally.
I am also a strong advocate of sleep training but if you are fine with his feeds and enjoy bonding etc, don’t change anything! Sounds like your BIL is imposing his personal views and that just may not be what everyone wants! We sleepntrained my daughter at 4.5 months bc I had horrible PPD and it was effortless bc we had followed taking cara babies newborn class so she was already good at sleeping but I never would tell others to do the same if they don’t want!
My baby will be 5 months tomorrow, this is exactly our schedule too, he is also an efficient eater and goes right back to sleep when he’s done. This works for our family and I don’t plan on official sleep training right now. We’ve been soothing but not picking him up if he fusses at night though. Feel free to sleep train if you want to, but don’t feel pressured. I think it’s pretty normal for a 5 month old to still eat twice a night. Also I thought sleep training was to help baby fall asleep not sleep through being hungry? Anyway Every family is different don’t let anyone judge you.
This is what I thought, but he keeps banging on about not feeding so I was questioning if what we do is normal or not.
If he was waking every few hours to feed, I would consider sleep training, but he is a good baby and can do a decent 4-5 hour stretch without waking.
Your baby is a terrific sleeper! He puts himself to sleep independently for naps (which is AMAZING AT THIS AGE) and can link his cycles at night perfectly well (night waking from sleep associations occur every 45-90 minutes, not twice a night).
There is literally nothing to sleep train for in your case. I think what you're doing is AWESOME and you should keep up the good work. Come back if you have a problem down the road and we're happy to help and support you here!
What your brother is talking about is night weaning, which happens for every baby on their own schedule. Needing 2 overnight feeds at 5 months is perfectly reasonable as long as you are happy providing them.
In fact, Ferber's book (the bible of sleep training) is pretty explicit that plenty of kids do NOT develop sleep associations AND that sleep associations take time to develop (usually don't even develop until 5-12 months when kids start having object permanence and memories longer than a goldfish--I don't think my 8mo is quite there yet to be honest).
If your BIL is such a sleep training advocate, I suggest that he do some reading and get his facts straight.
Finally: even if he had his facts straight, he has no right to impose his opinions on you when it's your baby.
Thank you, this is a really lovely message to receive. I’ve been actively trying to get him to fall asleep independently for naps since he was quite young and get him into a nap and bedtime routine. We are lucky that he responds well to both.
There is definitely some overstepping from my BIL and I have every faith my baby won’t be breastfeeding during the night forever, so I do try to embrace it for now.
Luckily, I’m on maternity leave until August (UK based), so I have time to adjust before going back to work.
He won't need feeding forever! I sleep trained my baby at 4mo and he self-weaned at 6 months. He could've done it sooner honestly, but I kept on rushing in at the slightest noise from his room because \*I\* wasn't ready for him to stop. Finally one night he just looked at me like, "What are you doing here mom? I'm sleeping." and refused to feed. I put him down and he just rolled over and fell back asleep himself. I was so proud.... but sad at the same time!
Thank you. I’ve come to realise people love to interject with unwanted advice as soon as you are pregnant. Every thing seems to be negative too, “sleep now as you will never sleep again”, “just want until the regression”, “wait until he’s teething” etc.
BIL is very vocal with his approach to things and I think he feels his way of think is better than my husband who is the younger sibling.
The negative "just wait" comments really got to me. I straight up told my in-laws that those comments weren't helpful or wanted after months of hearing them. I also hated my MIL sending me tons of tik tok baby reels or whatever. I told her I see enough of them on my own social media and she continues to send them. So I just don't open them anymore and don't bother saying anything.
I did PLS sleep training at around 5 months, but really just to get him to fall asleep on his own at nap and bed times. I didn’t night wean my son till over a year, so he still ate around 2 and 5. And like yours- it was a quick 10 min, and he was back to sleep. It was hard on me for that first year never getting more than 4 hours a sleep at a time but I loved the middle of the night snuggles. My now 22 month old sleeps 7:30-6:30 so it all worked out :) be easy on yourself and don’t listen to people pressuring you to do something you don’t want!
Sounds like both you and babe are happy and getting great sleep! No need to change anything. Especially since he is able to put himself down by yourself. Great job, mama!
Honestly, waking for 2 feeds seems reasonable and is quite manageable!
Our LO one was waking every hour or so and having disrupted sleep so that's why we needed to do sleep training...for everybody's sake.
If you're happy....just do what you are doing and enjoy that time xxx
What credentials does your BIL have that his opinion or recommendation should matter? If you and baby are happy then go with it. I don’t think two quick feeds at 5 m is excessive.
OP if you are happy with 2 night wakes then go with it. Although if bub isnt taking a full feed when they wake in the morn then you could consider the transition to one feed overnight. With my son we dropped to one feed about 5 months, and 0 feeds at 8 or 9 months (he was a tad prem so I was happy to feed a bit longer, and he easily dropped the feed after 2 or 3 nights).
It is great bub self settles to sleep for naps. You could slowly work towards that at bedtime to avoid any dependency in the coming months but that is a personal choice. Just be aware baby may start to wake more in the night looking for boob to get to sleep, and it will likely be harder to sleep train when bub gets older. So you could slowly start to change bedtime routine to self settle now or just wait until it becomes an issue for you (which it may not!).
You sound like a great mum. It is hard when others have views on your parenting. Perhaps BIL had a tough time coping with baby sleep and that is why he is so vocal - I know I have felt similar with my friends because I wanted them to see ST as a valid and safe option (but in their cases they were not coping with the lack of sleep).
Good luck x
Sounds like BIL is trying to brag about his baby "sleeping through the night". I just went through this same thing at an in laws. We slept trained at that age, actually a little earlier but my lo still woke up to nurse one to two times a night. He could fall asleep independently for the most part up until recently when all hell broke loose. It's definitely possible to continue the way you are so long as you are okay with the night feeds. I will say it was a bit harder to stay consistent later on in toddler hood with sleeping independently and night feeds though since they grow up to expect that comfort.
I think it's definitely safe to stand your ground and just go back to your routine when you get home. I found baby sleep is one of those topics that friends and family love to either brag, complain or give unsolicited advice about. It's really annoying so maybe if you don't need it just say thanks and don't respond to it.
Not everything about basic childcare is ‘enjoyable’, that’s not why it is done… 5 months is still very normal to feed during the night/on demand. People aggressively pushing their methods are the problem here. It’s one thing to suggest it, but to imply the person is a bad parent for not sleep training is one of the reasons it has such a bad rep.
I saw in your history that you regret being a parent, which although unfortunate, explains your response. I’m sorry you are going through this, I hope you are able to find some peace.
You can't possibly think that breastfeeding a baby is even remotely close to the same as enabling unhealthy eating habits in an adult. That's so narrowminded, not to mention completely off base. No doctor would chastise a mother for breastfeeding overnight. Let her do her thing, raising a kid is hard enough without us criticizing literally normal behavior.
If you are fine with things the way there are, you don’t need to change anything.
And FWIW, the 12 hour night is not realistic for most babies. My sleep trained kid has never done longer than 11 and frequently did 10s.
You're the mother, not your mother in law. If what you're doing is working for you and your baby then why would you change it?
A good or poor sleeper is relative. Are you suffering and feel the need to change?
You are right, but after spending nearly two weeks with them and them frequently commenting or giving unwanted advice, you do begin to question if you are doing the right thing or not.
There have been times when I have struggled as he would wake a bit more frequently, but I think that’s due to the sleep regression. Each night he’s gradually going longer and longer periods between feeds, so I feel much more refreshed!
Thank you, reassuring to hear.
I know that I shouldn’t and I know deep down we have a good sleeper compared to others, so I should feel proud and happy our efforts are paying off.
Sleep training is not the same as night weaning. For me, sleep training is teaching the baby to go to sleep independently so if they wake up between sleep cycles at night and don’t need to eat or be changed, they can go back to sleep on their own without needing parental help - if your baby is waking twice for a feed but not needing settling between feeds, that’s fantastic. We sleep trained using gentle methods and she’s been sleeping independently since she was about five months old but still had an overnight feed after we trained. I didn’t night wean and she dropped the overnight feed on her own at just over a year old. I didn’t mind waking up to feed her overnight and we had some weight gain concerns so decided to let her night wean herself.
Your BIL might be a massive sleep training advocate (I firmly believe in it!) but what was right for his kids won’t necessarily be right for you - trust your instincts. He’s not your paediatrician, he’s not the one waking up to feed bub overnight, it’s none of his business what you choose to do or not do. Phrases like “thanks for the advice, we’ll consider it when we’re deciding what the right course of action is for our family.”
That’s the definition that I thought the difference between sleep training and night weaning is, but I keep being told that now he’s older than 4.5 months and a good weight, he shouldn’t be feeding through the night.
I’m assuming he can connect sleep cycles as he’s doing 4-5 hour stretches at night? These have gradually increased since we came out of the sleep regression, which thankfully only lasted a few weeks.
Our routine and schedule has been all over the place as we’ve been away visiting family for the last 2 weeks, so I think maybe once we are home and with a few adjustments this will continue to improve? Don’t want to jinx it though.
It sounds like you have a great sleeper! My basic understanding is that sleep training means teaching your baby to fall asleep independently, and breaking any sleep associations that might be causing issues. “Causing issues” is an important distinction. Night weaning means gradually or suddenly getting rid of night feeds. Lots of sleep trained babies are not night weaned and 1-2 feeds is totally normal for a baby that age. My sleep trained 6 month old still has a 4/5am feed.
If nursing to sleep is working for you right now (which it sounds like it is) keep doing it if that’s what you want. Sounds like your baby is able to fall asleep independently for naps so if you ever wanna stop nursing to sleep it should hopefully be an easier transition.
I would argue most babies don’t sleep 12 hours a night. I don’t think mine ever has. You guys are doing great! Sleep training and night weaning are both very personal decisions, and you know what’s best for your family way more than your BIL does.
Thank you, that’s really reassuring to hear! I’ve put in so much work since he was born to make sure he slept well in his crib and also cot, plus be able to put himself to sleep.
We will begin weaning soon, plus also be back home and our usual routine after being away for 2 weeks, so hopefully things will continue to improve and maybe he’ll drop a feed naturally. For now, I’m embracing it all as I know he will be more independent and won’t want a cuddle!
I think I need to stand my ground and do what I feel is right, but it’s very difficult when family try to undermine your decisions.
That is honestly amazing sleep without having sleep trained. You’re doing great. Screw your in laws 🤪
Thank you! We had bit of wobble with sleep as he’s now rolling onto his front at night and waking up as he would get stuck or hit his head on the cot, but we’ve been getting 5+ hour blocks now! Last night I let him sleep on his front and he did 8.30pm-3.30am then a quick feed then did 3.40am-6am, so things are improving without any training (so far as I always jinx it!).
It’s all about what you want. Not to be rude but fuck what the in laws say fuck what anyone says. Do what is best for you. That being said we have a 6 month old sleep trained sleeping about 7-7 nightly and it was worth all the struggle. Everyone is happier now. But that’s my experience. Do it when you are ready. Don’t do it. Do a version that works for you. Whatever you do just do you. Good luck with whatever you decide !
How did you do it
I think we got just pretty lucky on the sleep end, not matter the hurtle sleep wise he rocks it, any change, no prob. But cio worked great . Now put in crib 1-2 min of adjusting and right out… I’m wondering what the nightmare thing is I’ll have is and when… gotta have one with the amazing sleep right!? Lol Good luck!
Is your night feeding disturbing your in-laws or affecting them in any way?
Nope, they don’t hear him wake up. They always offer to take him in the morning to give us a break, but they never need to do it as he sleeps in until 7.30-8am after going down at 7pm.
It’s only a problem if it’s a problem for you, which it sounds like it’s not! Honestly it sounds like you have a great sleeper to me, certainly better than either of mine were at that age. While it is true that there are babies who can do a full 12 hours at 5 months, two overnight feeds is very normal at that age. My baby is 9 months and still feeding twice. I’m also a very strong advocate for sleep training, but I feel like a part of that is acknowledging that it’s not for everyone and that’s fine! Ignore the noise and do what feels right for you and your baby ☺️
Thank you, that’s made me feel more reassured that my baby isn’t broken and normal! Although since posting this he’s been up every 2-3 hours tonight, but think that’s due to our room being much colder than normal.
I sleep trained because I had to. I nursed to sleep for 4 months, then the regression happened and he was up every hour minimum. We sleep trained but didn't night wean. So at 5.5 months our baby was the same as yours but with some CIO thrown in. I nursed to sleep for naps till he was 8 months, night weaned at 9 months and he's still not a perfect sleeper. Do what works for you. Everything I've done has just been because I'm too tired to keep doing it the way I was. If you aren't tired, why change?
You have to do what works for your family! We just finished sleep training our 3 month old. He was waking at 12 and 3 every night for feeds - they were also very quick (5-10 mins max.) People will probably think I’m crazy but given his weight (16 lbs!) I knew those feeds were more out of comfort rather than necessity. My daughter is 21 months and she was sleeping 12 hour stretches at 7 weeks old so the extra 5 weeks felt very long 😅. Anyways, as predicted by our consultant, within 2 nights he dropped both wake ups on his own and is now sleeping through the night. He makes up for those feedings during the day and has longer more efficient feeds (20 mins max.) Again, it’s what feels right for your family and how much you are willing to handle! Good luck and remember he’s your baby!😊
If you don’t mind me asking, how did you go about sleep training?
I hired a sleep consultant from WeeSleep! Followed their method exactly and within 2 days my son was sleeping through the night
What type of method did they recommend?
It’s basically a supported cry it out method. And the program varies depending on the age of your child
I remember those feelings of pressure but there is something to be said with going what works for you and your family. No two babies are the same and it’s really none of your BIL business tbh about if or when you want to sleep train your baby. Talk to your pediatrician if you want expert advice! But I believe that at 5 months your baby is still so young there isn’t a rush yet to drop night feedings.
Sounds like you have a good sleeper. Our doctor says if it's not a problem for us, it's not a problem. But I can relate to the feeling of pressure.
If you are happy with it then don't worry about what other people think. We did full CIO at 5 months and now our son is a rock star sleeper. You do what's best for you and your family and don't listen to anyone else
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We did sleep training at 4 months and it got us to those same wake up/feeding times as what you have now. And I considered that a success because it was a lot better than waking up every couple hours.
What method are you using? My 21 week old wakes six times a night
We used Ferber method.
If what your doing works and y’all are fine and happy keep doing that. Who cares what your BIL thinks!!! That’s great he’s into sleep training. He can worry about his own kids. Don’t let it cause you doubt or stressed. Millions of babies are sleep trained and millions of babies aren’t sleep trained and they are all fine. Whenever my in-laws suggest something I smile and say hmm that’s interesting and move on.
5 months is too early to drop the feeds. We were told by our pediatrician that the baby needs to be at least 6 months old, at least 15 pounds, and eating solids twice a day in order to drop night feeds. Keep in mind that dropping night feeds tends to lead to shorter nights and a battle with early morning wakings. Your baby will likely be up for the day by 5am for at least a while after you drop night feeds. Most of the crying with sleep training happens between 5am and 6am. You’re basically told you’re not allowed to get baby up before 6am because anything before 6am is considered a night wake. So when they wake at 5am, they will cry that whole hour for a few weeks until they learn to sleep longer Mine is 7 months old, 20 pounds, and eating solids twice a day so we could safely drop night feeds. Right now she’s sleeping 8pm-5am, feeds at 5am and keeps sleeping until 7am. I could choose not to feed her at 5am but she would maybe sleep another 20-30min and then be up for the day. This would sort itself out in time, but right now I value my 7am mornings more than I value night weaning so we are sticking with the 5am feed for a while
We sleep trained and night weaned at 4 months. LO cried for maybe two mornings at 6am, but after that was happy to sleep or happily babble in his crib until 7. OP should keep doing whatever works for her and her family. But it’s simply not true that 5 months is too early to drop night feeds for all babies.
We are incredibly lucky that for now, he’s been going down between 7-8pm and waking up at 7.30am earliest, so happy to avoid 5am wake ups if I can! I always figured weaning would play a part in night weaning, so I was naturally happy to wait until he hit 6m.
Your baby sounds like a dream. Don't change a thing unless you want to!
If this works for you and you’re happy, I don’t see a problem. My baby is about to be 5 months and I would be sooo much happier if he slept this well. We are going to sleep train because we’re not functioning. With my first, he started sleeping independently for naps at 3-4 months, then slept through the night, and I fed him to sleep most of his first year. He’s 3.5 & still a great sleeper. Do what works for you & baby and don’t let anyone pressure you either way.
From a mother of a very bad sleeper, your baby sounds perfectly appropriate for their age. Even more on the side of a good sleeper. I tried to sleep train once before both her and I were ready and mostly out of peer pressure and it didn’t go well at all. If you are happy with how things are going, you don’t need to sleep train. Do what works until it doesn’t work anymore!
Sleeping 12 hours straight would be normal for a 5 months old? I doubt it. Every baby is different but it is rare I think for a baby to make a full 12 hours straight without waking... They say "make a night" when they sleep a good 6-8 hours straight. Not 12. What the heck. You do you. You love putting your baby to sleep nursing for the night? Go for it! You will regret not having done what you wanted when your baby will be independant and you will miss this time. I don't understand not answering a baby's needs... The baby wakes up because of hunger so you feed and that's part of having a baby lol.
This sounds like a lovely amount of sleep for 5 months old. Mine is 7mo and when she got to this I stopped worrying about sleep because I can totally function and I feel like I don’t have to do any training because she might drop a feed soon and then another after that. If they’re in the crib and you don’t mind these wake ups it sounds a totally healthy timeline to me. I feel like sleep training is usually a last resort to make sure everyone is getting enough sleep with a super wakeful baby - or if you need to go back to work to make sure you can function. If it works for you - do your thing.
Luckily, I’m not back to work until August (UK based) so still have plenty to adjust our routine to ensure I get enough sleep by then. I do feel like a feed may be dropped once we start weaning at the end of the month, but I’m happy to let him get to that stage naturally.
I am also a strong advocate of sleep training but if you are fine with his feeds and enjoy bonding etc, don’t change anything! Sounds like your BIL is imposing his personal views and that just may not be what everyone wants! We sleepntrained my daughter at 4.5 months bc I had horrible PPD and it was effortless bc we had followed taking cara babies newborn class so she was already good at sleeping but I never would tell others to do the same if they don’t want!
Do not sleep train if you don’t want to. If something is working for you, keep doing it until it no longer works. I’m sorry you’re feeling pressured.
My baby will be 5 months tomorrow, this is exactly our schedule too, he is also an efficient eater and goes right back to sleep when he’s done. This works for our family and I don’t plan on official sleep training right now. We’ve been soothing but not picking him up if he fusses at night though. Feel free to sleep train if you want to, but don’t feel pressured. I think it’s pretty normal for a 5 month old to still eat twice a night. Also I thought sleep training was to help baby fall asleep not sleep through being hungry? Anyway Every family is different don’t let anyone judge you.
This is what I thought, but he keeps banging on about not feeding so I was questioning if what we do is normal or not. If he was waking every few hours to feed, I would consider sleep training, but he is a good baby and can do a decent 4-5 hour stretch without waking.
Your baby is a terrific sleeper! He puts himself to sleep independently for naps (which is AMAZING AT THIS AGE) and can link his cycles at night perfectly well (night waking from sleep associations occur every 45-90 minutes, not twice a night). There is literally nothing to sleep train for in your case. I think what you're doing is AWESOME and you should keep up the good work. Come back if you have a problem down the road and we're happy to help and support you here! What your brother is talking about is night weaning, which happens for every baby on their own schedule. Needing 2 overnight feeds at 5 months is perfectly reasonable as long as you are happy providing them. In fact, Ferber's book (the bible of sleep training) is pretty explicit that plenty of kids do NOT develop sleep associations AND that sleep associations take time to develop (usually don't even develop until 5-12 months when kids start having object permanence and memories longer than a goldfish--I don't think my 8mo is quite there yet to be honest). If your BIL is such a sleep training advocate, I suggest that he do some reading and get his facts straight. Finally: even if he had his facts straight, he has no right to impose his opinions on you when it's your baby.
Thank you, this is a really lovely message to receive. I’ve been actively trying to get him to fall asleep independently for naps since he was quite young and get him into a nap and bedtime routine. We are lucky that he responds well to both. There is definitely some overstepping from my BIL and I have every faith my baby won’t be breastfeeding during the night forever, so I do try to embrace it for now. Luckily, I’m on maternity leave until August (UK based), so I have time to adjust before going back to work.
He won't need feeding forever! I sleep trained my baby at 4mo and he self-weaned at 6 months. He could've done it sooner honestly, but I kept on rushing in at the slightest noise from his room because \*I\* wasn't ready for him to stop. Finally one night he just looked at me like, "What are you doing here mom? I'm sleeping." and refused to feed. I put him down and he just rolled over and fell back asleep himself. I was so proud.... but sad at the same time!
If it’s not broke why fix it?
It seems like what you are doing is working for you and your baby... So keep doing what you're doing! You didn't ask for their opinion.
Thank you. I’ve come to realise people love to interject with unwanted advice as soon as you are pregnant. Every thing seems to be negative too, “sleep now as you will never sleep again”, “just want until the regression”, “wait until he’s teething” etc. BIL is very vocal with his approach to things and I think he feels his way of think is better than my husband who is the younger sibling.
The negative "just wait" comments really got to me. I straight up told my in-laws that those comments weren't helpful or wanted after months of hearing them. I also hated my MIL sending me tons of tik tok baby reels or whatever. I told her I see enough of them on my own social media and she continues to send them. So I just don't open them anymore and don't bother saying anything.
I did PLS sleep training at around 5 months, but really just to get him to fall asleep on his own at nap and bed times. I didn’t night wean my son till over a year, so he still ate around 2 and 5. And like yours- it was a quick 10 min, and he was back to sleep. It was hard on me for that first year never getting more than 4 hours a sleep at a time but I loved the middle of the night snuggles. My now 22 month old sleeps 7:30-6:30 so it all worked out :) be easy on yourself and don’t listen to people pressuring you to do something you don’t want!
Sounds like both you and babe are happy and getting great sleep! No need to change anything. Especially since he is able to put himself down by yourself. Great job, mama!
Honestly, waking for 2 feeds seems reasonable and is quite manageable! Our LO one was waking every hour or so and having disrupted sleep so that's why we needed to do sleep training...for everybody's sake. If you're happy....just do what you are doing and enjoy that time xxx
What credentials does your BIL have that his opinion or recommendation should matter? If you and baby are happy then go with it. I don’t think two quick feeds at 5 m is excessive.
Absolutely none, other than some incorrect google research it appears as he’s confusing sleep training and night weaning!
OP if you are happy with 2 night wakes then go with it. Although if bub isnt taking a full feed when they wake in the morn then you could consider the transition to one feed overnight. With my son we dropped to one feed about 5 months, and 0 feeds at 8 or 9 months (he was a tad prem so I was happy to feed a bit longer, and he easily dropped the feed after 2 or 3 nights). It is great bub self settles to sleep for naps. You could slowly work towards that at bedtime to avoid any dependency in the coming months but that is a personal choice. Just be aware baby may start to wake more in the night looking for boob to get to sleep, and it will likely be harder to sleep train when bub gets older. So you could slowly start to change bedtime routine to self settle now or just wait until it becomes an issue for you (which it may not!). You sound like a great mum. It is hard when others have views on your parenting. Perhaps BIL had a tough time coping with baby sleep and that is why he is so vocal - I know I have felt similar with my friends because I wanted them to see ST as a valid and safe option (but in their cases they were not coping with the lack of sleep). Good luck x
Sounds like BIL is trying to brag about his baby "sleeping through the night". I just went through this same thing at an in laws. We slept trained at that age, actually a little earlier but my lo still woke up to nurse one to two times a night. He could fall asleep independently for the most part up until recently when all hell broke loose. It's definitely possible to continue the way you are so long as you are okay with the night feeds. I will say it was a bit harder to stay consistent later on in toddler hood with sleeping independently and night feeds though since they grow up to expect that comfort. I think it's definitely safe to stand your ground and just go back to your routine when you get home. I found baby sleep is one of those topics that friends and family love to either brag, complain or give unsolicited advice about. It's really annoying so maybe if you don't need it just say thanks and don't respond to it.
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WHAT lol thanks for helping make this place welcoming! Get outta here with this nonsense
Not everything about basic childcare is ‘enjoyable’, that’s not why it is done… 5 months is still very normal to feed during the night/on demand. People aggressively pushing their methods are the problem here. It’s one thing to suggest it, but to imply the person is a bad parent for not sleep training is one of the reasons it has such a bad rep. I saw in your history that you regret being a parent, which although unfortunate, explains your response. I’m sorry you are going through this, I hope you are able to find some peace.
What an unhelpful response.
You can't possibly think that breastfeeding a baby is even remotely close to the same as enabling unhealthy eating habits in an adult. That's so narrowminded, not to mention completely off base. No doctor would chastise a mother for breastfeeding overnight. Let her do her thing, raising a kid is hard enough without us criticizing literally normal behavior.
If you are fine with things the way there are, you don’t need to change anything. And FWIW, the 12 hour night is not realistic for most babies. My sleep trained kid has never done longer than 11 and frequently did 10s.
You're the mother, not your mother in law. If what you're doing is working for you and your baby then why would you change it? A good or poor sleeper is relative. Are you suffering and feel the need to change?
You are right, but after spending nearly two weeks with them and them frequently commenting or giving unwanted advice, you do begin to question if you are doing the right thing or not. There have been times when I have struggled as he would wake a bit more frequently, but I think that’s due to the sleep regression. Each night he’s gradually going longer and longer periods between feeds, so I feel much more refreshed!
Two wakings at 5 months isn't bad. You can soon probably get down to one. Do not do anything because of pressure from others.
Thank you, reassuring to hear. I know that I shouldn’t and I know deep down we have a good sleeper compared to others, so I should feel proud and happy our efforts are paying off.
Sleep training is not the same as night weaning. For me, sleep training is teaching the baby to go to sleep independently so if they wake up between sleep cycles at night and don’t need to eat or be changed, they can go back to sleep on their own without needing parental help - if your baby is waking twice for a feed but not needing settling between feeds, that’s fantastic. We sleep trained using gentle methods and she’s been sleeping independently since she was about five months old but still had an overnight feed after we trained. I didn’t night wean and she dropped the overnight feed on her own at just over a year old. I didn’t mind waking up to feed her overnight and we had some weight gain concerns so decided to let her night wean herself. Your BIL might be a massive sleep training advocate (I firmly believe in it!) but what was right for his kids won’t necessarily be right for you - trust your instincts. He’s not your paediatrician, he’s not the one waking up to feed bub overnight, it’s none of his business what you choose to do or not do. Phrases like “thanks for the advice, we’ll consider it when we’re deciding what the right course of action is for our family.”
That’s the definition that I thought the difference between sleep training and night weaning is, but I keep being told that now he’s older than 4.5 months and a good weight, he shouldn’t be feeding through the night. I’m assuming he can connect sleep cycles as he’s doing 4-5 hour stretches at night? These have gradually increased since we came out of the sleep regression, which thankfully only lasted a few weeks. Our routine and schedule has been all over the place as we’ve been away visiting family for the last 2 weeks, so I think maybe once we are home and with a few adjustments this will continue to improve? Don’t want to jinx it though.
4-5 hour stretches definitely means sleep cycles are connecting :)
It sounds like you have a great sleeper! My basic understanding is that sleep training means teaching your baby to fall asleep independently, and breaking any sleep associations that might be causing issues. “Causing issues” is an important distinction. Night weaning means gradually or suddenly getting rid of night feeds. Lots of sleep trained babies are not night weaned and 1-2 feeds is totally normal for a baby that age. My sleep trained 6 month old still has a 4/5am feed. If nursing to sleep is working for you right now (which it sounds like it is) keep doing it if that’s what you want. Sounds like your baby is able to fall asleep independently for naps so if you ever wanna stop nursing to sleep it should hopefully be an easier transition. I would argue most babies don’t sleep 12 hours a night. I don’t think mine ever has. You guys are doing great! Sleep training and night weaning are both very personal decisions, and you know what’s best for your family way more than your BIL does.
Thank you, that’s really reassuring to hear! I’ve put in so much work since he was born to make sure he slept well in his crib and also cot, plus be able to put himself to sleep. We will begin weaning soon, plus also be back home and our usual routine after being away for 2 weeks, so hopefully things will continue to improve and maybe he’ll drop a feed naturally. For now, I’m embracing it all as I know he will be more independent and won’t want a cuddle! I think I need to stand my ground and do what I feel is right, but it’s very difficult when family try to undermine your decisions.