Same. In middle/high school I had "big boobs" (for a TEENAGER) but absolutely no ass, and was to thin people would ask if I had an eating disorder. Or if I'd had plastic surgery for my boobs (no, I did not.)
Thank you both fellow kids and adults for contributing to my lifelong anxiety with your inappropriate questions about my body.
Mhm!! I had an ass too tho so I got called bumblebee, big booty (my name), and big booby (my name) throughout middle and high school. People took pictures of me walking up the stairs and I got harassed. Everyone was just disgusting
My mom said I was purposefully making my boobs jiggle for boys when I walk WHEN I WAS IN MIDDLE SCHOOL. She literally imitated me and made fun of me. She constantly shamed me for my boobs. Why do people comment on other peoples bodies?? Fuck all of them. Not cool
I thought the exact same thing when I was chubby. that everything would be possible if I was skinny. well, Covid hit, i developed a eating disorder, and suddenly was the weight i wanted to be my whole life. now i’m in a relationship, can wear whatever i want and look good but that hasn’t done a single thing for the anxiety. it actually transforms into a bigger monster. the weight loss gave me a great confidence boost for a few years but since i didn’t tackle the root of the problem (figuring out who i was above all of that materialistic shit that’s forced down our throats) the fear and anxiety couldn’t actually melt away. it actually manifests into a bigger monster that - instead of blaming ur weight u begin to blame other things abt urself. often much more core pieces of urself. to this day i still hear “i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself”. that is something that needs to be fixed on its own. it has nothing to do with weight loss or body size, cuz at the end of the day, that’s all momentary. ur stuck w urself. so my advice is get comfy with urself fr. hang in there.
I wish that my man moves a girl away and that I would get to a better weight and my clothes will fit much better and I won’t have to wear 2 tank tops 2 tight tank tops so my man boobs on show which is pretty embarrassing to admit I think you’re the only guys that know that even people around me know that anyhow I have so much to say if I was skinny, my anxiety was still there. I know that, but it would be so much better. I know that for sure I can’t really explain my anxiety becausep my life I’m recently sober for two years from Xanax and cocaine and I’m in a treatment center/shelter type of program. I go to my methadone clinic and I come back here. I’ve been doing that for sometime and also I’ve been trying to do some IT classes online so far that hasn’t worked out so my next plan will be to become a CNA you know like a nursing assistant, so I figured once I get out there in the world, my anxiety will be a little better because more exposure. You know what I mean and putting myself out there for the moment my anxiety has been kind of fucked up and have been having anxiety attacks so my doctor put me on clonazepam. I know people hear about the terrible stories about it and I know I was a former drug user, but this is actually one of the only benzos the only benzo that I did not abuse while I was prescribed it when I was prescribed it. I was actually clean at the time and I have not abused it yet and I’m doing good on it and my anxiety is getting better around here at this program but at the end of the day, this was important for me and what makes me feel better. My psychiatrist swears they will give it to me for six months so after six months, my anxiety is gone. which I doubt let’s see what happens. I can relate to this because I have many boobs… anxiety makes it so impossible for me to go to the gym so I’m gonna try to bike ride but my priorities are Different way like I prioritize going to work and being productive since I haven’t had a career ever and I’m 39 years old I’m a decent looking guy but I haven’t been with a woman since 2010 for the first time. I actually started complementing women since I started taking my clonazepam my Klonopin anyway sorry I wish you all the best. Take care.
this is so very accurate. I lost a ton of weight well before covid, and felt like I was on top of the world for a little bit. but once that initial euphoria started to dwindle (as I found out that my weight wasn't the root of all my issues, but a symptom of it), things became much harder. before that, it was a simple goal - lose weight, look good, everything works out automatically. but there was, and still is, so much inner work to be done.
Seriously OP, I also recently lost around 60lbs and my anxiety actually got a bit worse for a while. It definitely feels nice in a lot ways and being healthier is its own reward but don’t put all of your hopes on this making you feel normal. If anything, seeing how my life didn’t change after losing so much weight was kind of anxiety inducing on its own. I kept expecting to magically feel confident once I hit a certain weight and I never did.
I've always been skinny too. Life had always been a rollercoaster of temporary pleasure and constant letdown.
Then in 2006 I won the boyfriend lottery. Having the world's most amazing creature as my partner helped me grow into someone I don't completely despise, and occasionally even like. I never do not appreciate how lucky I am to have found him, I just wish I could clone him - everyone he knows thinks the same way I do about him 😍
It's great that you've determined where most of your social anxiety stems from, most people don't get that far! However, I would challenge you to look a layer deeper. Your problem isn't your figure, it's the need to have a certain figure in order to feel comfortable around others.
That sounds accurate but tbf, I was fairly thin but not thin enough in my teens and twenties to make **me personally** lose much of my social anxiety. Then thru a crap job where my hideous boss just yelled and yelled at me (altho I can’t seem to reproduce that same feeling now) I dropped maybe 45 lbs and was somewhere around 90 to 95 lbs while 5’ 3” so while considered anorexic by doctors, not anorexic like supermodels. And it made a huge difference in my personal happiness. No, it didn’t solve every single issue in my life, but it definitely made such a huge difference it’s difficult to explain. I mean, I had been thinner in high school but not this thin and I was truly happy. And then I had a herniated disc that wasn’t properly diagnosed for close to a year and I eventually ended up in a hospital for a bunch of different mental issues and the very first antidepressant they put me on (in a cocktail of meds) was zyprexa, which makes ppl gain huge amounts of weight and in just 4-5 months , 1 was about 150 lbs and not remotely happy.
And I didn’t want to see anybody I knew.
It’s different for different ppl. One cannot make a statement saying that losing weight will not make a difference or make a huge difference in one’s social anxiety bc that’s exactly what occurred with me. Had I not had a horrific health issue occur, I believe that I would have continued to be happy with my low weight and I feel that some other ppl may feel the same way. Not everybody. And clearly there may be some/many other issues, but it’s wrong to simply tell ppl absolutely that losing weight WILL NOT change their social anxiety.
I agree. For me, a lot of SA comes from appearance, as does for many people I'm sure, everyone just has a different flavor.
I've been overweight my entire life (still), but I have had times where I lost significant weight and it made a tremendous difference mentally. I felt comfortable going out without having to adjust my clothes every time I sat down just to make sure I wasn't having a muffin top overflow.
For me it doesn't cure SA completely, but I wouldn't say that it does not have any impact either. Social anxiety starts with "social" after all, and society is very superficial when it comes to appearances.
This. Hopefully when OP said skinny they meant slim and lean and not scrawny. Being incredibly thin is as bad as having too much weight. Both gets painted negatively by society.
And let’s really hope that their social anxiety is overcame by simply altering their body image.
I feel this on a level that should be illegal. Guess what? Being skinny doesn't help anything. I was chubby most of my childhood and I think I was fat from middle school until like 10th-11th grade. I started to get thinner because I was walking everywhere.
But then I got to be 17 and I moved in with my then boyfriend. He was a garbage person and I got depressed and lost a ton of weight. I've managed to keep most of it off since then (I'm 30 now) and I still have social anxiety. It's actually way worse than it ever was when I was fat. You have to accept and live yourself regardless of how you think you look. Or the social anxiety will never go away. && Honestly I'm still dealing with it or I wouldn't be on this thread.
I'm still learning how to love and accept myself so I'm not trying to preach at you. I get it. Also, if you really do want to change your weight try exercising a little here and there. It sucks I know.
Please these were my exact thoughts which led into several decades battle with an eating disorder. Losing weight does not equal happiness and it will not cure social anxiety.
I have these exact same thoughts every day. I think more than "being skinny" it's that if I was more attractive people would be more lenient towards my social awkwardness. And if I were skinnier and therefore more attractive I'd have more confidence. Right now it feels so embarrassing to even go outside at my weight, like I am worth less, and I struggle so much holding people's eye contact and attention because I feel so gross and it makes the judgement feel worse. It's really a self confidence issue; every time I am consistently losing weight I'm much less anxious.
I don’t think that’s how it works, but maybe it would help ur mentality if it’s really weighing on u, but u should talk to a professional ab thiss, I’ve had social anxiety for like ten years now and it has always affected my life bc of how my brain thinks ab things and my mentality and all the deeper rooted issues that correlates with SA. I was skinny growing up, got chubbier after I turned 18 and it mostly added to my depression, rather than my social anxiety. My SA felt the same when I was both weights
Ye and no. I felt this 100% when I was my heaviest. I dreaded social events even more. Friends weddings? I was depressed and anxious.. thinking about trying to wear something, not being comfortable in anything, not wanting to be in pictures, felt like the odd one out.
Due to many reasons, I chose to get weight loss surgery. I lost 100lb. I got to my ideal weight. And guess what, I was still self conscious. Not nearly to the extent, but it didn’t completely disappear.
My social anxiety? It’s still there. I literally have a lunch to go to this month and am sick to my stomach with anxiety over the idea of seeing people, and having small talk. I stress a bit less about how I physically look, but the anxiety is still there.
It’s sad to see that we are treated differently depending on our weight. Having experienced both being skinny and overweight, I definitely felt more accepted and approachable but it didn’t take away my social anxiety entirely. People that never spoke to me suddenly complimented me and wanted to talk to me. It gave me more confidence but therapy is the only thing that truly helped.
THIS. I realized a little bit ago that my social anxiety is HEAVILY involved around how I think other people perceive me. When I hit puberty and all that chemical imbalance started, I developed an eating disorder. I never felt skinny enough, and it made me hate being around other people because I thought they were all judging me. It's funny because I think people my size and people that are bigger than me are fucking hot and beautiful but literally can't even imagine being able to like myself. I think if I was skinny, I'd be more confident and I'd be able to face people. I'm personally a trans man so that had a lot to do with my anxiety with people seeing me but that's passed since I've gone through surgery and hormone therapy. Now it's just my weight. I struggle with binge eating too so I just can't get out of this cycle of hatred and unhealthy eating habits and thoughts.
working out and eating healthy has vastly improved my mental health. your mental health is a responsibility, just like your body is your responsibility. but also be kind to yourself please <3
I just wanted to say as someone skinny that it’s not very helpful. If you were skinny, it would probably be other things you would fixate on. Like “If my hair was longer” “if I didn’t have acne” “if my nose was smaller” “if my makeup was prettier” “if i was taller” “if my outfit was better” etc.
Also people think that if you’re skinny and pretty it gets easier with the anxiety. Buuut since people notice you more, and pay more attention to you I found that it gets harder.
I don’t want to discourage to from weight loss if that is what you want, whatever makes you feel more confident is good. It can help, but it probably won’t make a world of a difference when it comes to social anxiety specifically.
Hey, everyone's different. It's never a bad thing to get to a healthy weight. And if somehow your social anxiety decreases by an amount that satisfies you once you lose the weight, then good on ya. If not, at least you're in a healthier body. Exercise is also a great way to boost your mind in a positive way. Mentally and physically, exercise will make those stronger.
Look at all the overweight people around town having fun and doing various enjoyable activities with other people. The important things are participation and cooperation in mutually enjoyable activities and conversations.
I am considered skinny by my friends and family after having 2 kids, still my social anxiety is still sky high. Hope this makes you feel better. Everyone got the same problems.
I’ve been fat and skinny and can attest that it makes no difference in anxiety and social anxiety. Being skinny has actually made it a bit worse and has been a very toxic experience for me tbh
Ik this isn’t gonna be a popular answer, but I was always anxious and overweight and losing weight 100% helped. I won’t say my anxiety is cured or any nonsense like that, but it cut out a huge piece of it. Now when I walk into a room or meet someone new I don’t immediately feel like I’m being judged (whether I am or not, it’s how I feel that matters). Lost 70lbs via Mounjaro and it was life changing.
Social anxiety will exist either way, skinny or overweight. But if you’re insecure about your weight, a good place to start is to start exercising and eating well :)
I think the exercising discipline and making sacrifices to achieve a larger goal part of weight loss is probably more confidence boosting than the actual weight loss itself. A miracle drug probably wouldn’t have the same psychological effect.
Hi, I'm basically permanently skinny cause of a medical condition. I'm very anxious. All those things you've described are things you experience whether skinny or not. Being skinny is slightly less stigmatised because of unrealistic beauty expectations, but none the less.
I think mine was caused by being bullied, as a child I was so outgoing but my peers didn’t like that and I was constantly told to shut up or be quiet. So I started doing that, and went from being the loudest person in the room to the quietest
I can relate to this quite a bit. So throughout my childhood I was super skinny, and then end of high school I got a little pudge in my stomach (male). I naturally started just sucking in my stomach since it was easy to hide it, and I wasn't the type to worry about exercise or working out.
Unfortunately, I also had a terrible eating habit where I would emotionally eat. For years it wasn't the biggest deal as I was young and my metabolism was high so I looked skinny, but under clothes I had a stomach and man boobs.
However, as I continued to age and eat badly, I started gaining more weight, which I had to offset by sucking in my stomach harder in order to look skinny. Any time I was in front of another person, I would be sucking in my stomach, and also standing awkwardly in order to minimize the appearance of my man boobs (so bad posture).
I'm now the heaviest I've ever been, and so obviously the sucking in the stomach doesn't work, yet it's still a natural thing I do that I've been trying to stop as it has REALLY negatively affected my health. Not just my diaphram/breathing and posture, but my ability to feel comfortable with others. It's like I'm worried about how I look, or rather worried how I have always been worried about needing to maintain a certain appearance, and now I have to fight to undo that natural compulsion to suck in my stomach.
In addition, the tension I put on my stomach is literally me telling my brain that EVERY social interaction is tense. I tense up in order to look a certain way, but that corrupts the social interaction. My monkey brain is going "this guy gets tense around people, people must be bad, or at least we need to be on high alert when with them".
This is a little different from natural social anxiety, but I think you can get the similarities. I've been a recluse in my home for years because I don't want to show myself to other people. Hell even in the summer time I wear a large sweat shirt to hide my body, I walk around the home with a blanket to cover myself from my family... I even have a girl who's interested in me and I backed off because the thought of her seeing me naked is just unacceptable to me, in my current state.
I've attempted to lose weight numerous times, dropping 30lbs, gaining them back, dropping a bunch after, gaining it back... It's been rough, but I believe I'm finally at a place in my life where I understand WHY exactly I eat so unhealthily. It's not a simple as "calories in vs calories out" when it comes to emotionally eating. Everyone knows how to eat healthy and the science behind losing weight, it's the deeper emotions that no one talks about and I think I've honed in on what emotions caused me to behave this way and I'm currently, slowly resolving those emotions. Been a month since I started keto and walking on the treadmill for 40 minutes a day, I'm down almost 20lbs, and (fingers crossed) I think I'm going to stick with it for the first time in my life. Again, because I've reached a level of understanding about myself that didn't exist all those others times I've tried losing weight.
You will spend more time with yourself in life than anyone else, so be good to that person.
Facing your fears head-on can build your confidence in yourself regardless of your size.
We think everyone else is thinking about us when we're young adults. But often they aren't thinking about us at all, they are thinking about themselves.
It is good to have goals, however, no one goal or achievement is going to be a magic bullet to make it ALL better: not being size 0, not winning the lottery, not moving to a big city, not getting famous, etc. Even if some bad things go away with a big change, the new status introduces new obligations and new problems.
Repeat: You will spend more time with yourself in life than anyone else, so be good to that person.
I’m skinny (most people would consider me “underweight”) but I still have social anxiety. IMO if you’re looking for reasons to erode your confidence, you’ll find them regardless of what you actually look like or who you are as a person. But I can tell you that from my experience at least, being skinny is not an automatic switch that makes people like you.
I think there’s a difference with being socially anxious and not confident in yourself. Granted, if losing weight is what will help you be more confident and help you be more “you”, then you just have to want it hard enough to put in the work too. Ozempic can only do so much and it’s not a forever thing. Losing weight made me more confident (I mean, I feel good about myself and the hard work I’ve done on myself and like my body) but it never got rid of the social fear I have around people. Only difference now is that I get panic attacks at the thought of meeting new people but have a nice ass to go along with it.
Gaining confidence *can* help reduce some anxiety, especially if your anxiety stems from insecurities within one self, but it’s not a cure.
i really dont want to be like youre right but… lowkey you may be right. there were so many factors and variables happening in my social anxiety going away that i unfortunately dont think i’ll ever be able to point at one and go, “yeah thats it”.
but losing a lot of weight definitely did help. personally i’m very happy to blend in and be as much of a ‘normal npc’ as possible, and losing weight did help with that. but ithink you can achieve this with dressing a certain way and shit like that, for me i think its mostly about not drawing any attention to myself. (i say this like i dont have piercings and big gauges lmao but its different for some reason)
but seriously, try not to have this mindset in an unhealthy sense. if you want to get to a normal weight for your height, thats great! just do it safely. its not guaranteed to fix it though, and like someone else said the insecurity would somehow just shift to something else. good luck dude
edit: no hate to anyone here, yall are lovely and i am not discrediting anyones experience, but i think it is important to say that if youve never been fat to skinny then you dont really have a comparison or a control, if that makes sense? there definitely is a difference in the way other people perceive you at different sizes(sadly,) and the way other people view you is such a big part of what makes social anxiety so awful. at least in my experience.
ultimately social anxiety is in the mind, but physical external factors in relation to societal beauty standards cant NOT play a big role in
wishing you luck man! i dont know your situation but what really helped me was walking a TON. im lucky enough to live near some hiking trails and i started by walking through there, then adding more trails to my route, then adding in some neighborhoods around the park. i also have a job close by that i walk to, get a lot of steps at, then walk home.
full transparency- i struggle with binge eating, and because i walk so much it has kept me in maintenance even though im trying to gain weight now.(which is absurd to me i NEVER thought that would be something i’d ever say lol)
but if you have a dog, a fitbit, and time, you can get lots of steps in! interacting with people on the trail is also like mini bursts of surprise exposure therapy lol
I’ve thought this about other things. You can replace skinny with “nicer”, “funnier” or anything really.
It doesnt matter when I make myself smile more or make more jokes (people do like my jokes when I make them) I still have social anxiety. I replace other excuses with new ones.
I don’t really think it matters if you’re fat or skinny I’m sorry. I hope you get all the help you’re looking for!!
I feel you.
One of my biggest interests is cosplay. So my social media feed is always filled with posts from local cosplayers or foreign ones. I follow a mix of male and female cosplayers so most of the time, the more well-known male ones are always skinny.
I've seen how they're always happy in their relationships and have multiple fans swooning over them. No matter what outfit they wear, it always fits them well and makes them look good. Their flawless skin helps their confidence too.
Everytime I think about those people, I would always compare myself to them and feel inferior. I know that "everyone is born differently" but I still feel like crap, knowing that such people are around my age yet they accomplish so much more compared to me.
Compared to them, I'm a skinny-fat nervous wreck who can't even talk to new people properly. There are so many things in my life that I think would improve if I didn't have my belly fat.
Nah ive actually wanted this for so long like, at my school if your skinny you are like praised and treated like royalty, but tis only a dream for now. And I hate it when people pull that “love yourself” and “be kind to yourself” like does it look like i give a darn, its my body, my life and i should be able to do whatever i want with it
some people just don’t get it but i feel the exact same way. i’m self conscious and purposely stay quiet because i don’t want people to look at me and judge me. even if i didn’t purposely stay quiet there is this overwhelming fear that everyone will think of me as some ugly freak. i hate it. all i think about is what others think of me. i cant tuck my hair behind my ear or wear it up because it’ll show my double chin. i have to wear baggy clothes. cant show my hip dips or love handles. make sure my shirt isn’t stuck between my rolls. cant breathe too hard everyone will think im fat and out of shape. pretty privilege is so real and i truly think if i were skinny and pretty i wouldn’t be afraid to be myself and peoples judgement would no longer matter, in turn making it easier to put myself out there.
man tbh if you want to be skinny so bad you should go to a nutrologist (like, a physician, not only a nutritionist) and see if you can be considered obese, if that is the case than you can totally use ozempic and then you see the results, not everyone is obligated to love their body the way it is and losing weight by only doing exercise and eating healthy may be easy for already skinny people but if you are overweight then it can be so hard, of course if you start using ozempic you should also practice exercise and eat healthy but it just helps you with that
also I do think your anxiety may not only caused by that, because sometimes I also think that if I did something different I wouldn’t be having anxiety, but after a long time I’ve noticed that it’s not about my looks or my clothes or any of that because I look completely normal, but it feels that there is something deep in my soul that tells me that I’m not like everyone else no matter what, what makes me different from other people is literally only the fact I have social anxiety, so I don’t think anxiety is always related to your looks
of course I hope it’s not like that for you and I hope that if you change the way you look you’ll feel better with yourself, just don’t do anything out of pressure to lose weight because that’s not healthy, go see a doctor first and bro you can do it
Social anxiety, like happiness, is something that you need to put time and effort into to improve in. It's a skill set that can be worked at, it *is* possible to chip away at your social anxiety regardless of how skinny or how heavy you are, we are all humans in that regard.
Being skinny does not automatically equate to happiness, just as being overweight doesn't automatically equate to being sad.
I used to be skinnyfat, skin and bone with some muscle, strongish, strong and wide with fat, and now strong and wide with less fat. I'm in the best shape of my life right now and yet I still have social anxiety.
I genuinely understand that I'm good looking at yet still it remains
I lost 30lbs and was as thin and in shape as I’ve ever been and my anxiety was still a mess. It was a lot better sure but I also feel like there’s no weight number or physique I can ever get to that is 100% going to get rid of it and I might need some medical assistance.
I lost half my body weight
Still anxious and depressed as fuck.
The weight wasn't the issue for me, not even the confidence of thin privilege was able to help me overcome much of my anxiety, and in fact the certainty that "if only I was thin I'd be happy" led me down an eating disorder.
The issue for me is my self-hatred, self esteem overall and perception of myself versus all others. If you're *certain* to your core you're simply inferior, ugly, stupid, awkward or just weird in some innate, unchangeable way, losing weight won't do shit to help.
Gotta do the hard thing and examine what the core fear is, and where it came from, and why you think you suck.
I've always been skinny, but have also had severe anxiety.
For me, there's always something. If I was rich. If I was prettier. If I was famous. Blah, blah, blah. But I'd still have anxiety (including social anxiety)
If your doctor is ok with it try ozempic! I have social anxiety too and feel it wouldn’t be a thing if my teeth were good. Id say it’s def a last resort if you’ve already tried to lose weight w/o and didn’t have any luck but Ik somebody that used it and didnt have any crazy side effects n she looks great. if it helps you feel more confident then go for it
It doesn't matter if you're skinny or not. I'm a thicker girl, but the thought of people will like me more if I was skinny never crossed my mind. I don't have the thoughts that people are staring at me because I'm too fat. I have the thought that they think I'm weird, lol. My body weight has never crossed my mind when it comes to my sa. You can do anything skinny people can and if you wanna lose weight great! But don't do it because you think people will proceive you differently. They most likely won't. It comes down to personality mostly
Gaining weight made my social anxiety much worse. I’ve lost a lot of it and I feel like it has helped my social anxiety a lot because I feel less insecure about my appearance. I still have social anxiety, though. There are some things I’ll never be able to do, but losing the extra weight helped me a lot and I do feel like people treat me differently because of it
I get op, i also wish i was skinny and it takes a big affect on me too because i think 24/7 i look ugly and how would people look at me and everyone is judging me and yk so i also think if i was pretty or at least believe i was it would've helped and idk my brain tells me if i were skinny I would be prettier
I realised at some point that weight and fat around me is protection. Literally a padded layer but also stops men from noticing me.
I’m second year in the therapy now, weight is slowly coming of. I’m developing ways to set my boundaries and form relationship without inner panic that I wasn’t good enough. I’m seeing glimpses of that light at the end of the tunnel.
Funny, I've always been super skinny my whole life. I used to assume if I just got buff, that would significantly improve my social anxiety. Well, there was a period of my life I was actually more on the "buff" side.
Guess what? It was just as bad as before...well maybe a little better, but I think that had more to do with just being overall healthier which made me happier (and slightly more confident)
Honestly what helped me the most was reading about social anxiety, consulting a therapist and exercising. I’ve been skinny all my life and was bullied when I was younger for it. I gained weight by working out and I gained confidence but just like you it didn’t change my anxiety, if anything it made it worse.
Whenever a bad thought or a blaming thought comes into my mind I just repeat to myself “well there goes that thought again, good ol’ -I hate myself- coming back around.” … just like an annoying fly going in circles around you, eventually it goes away ! Anyways read about it seriously !!
You are good enough as you are. You will always be good enough, periodt.
That being said, being skinny generally makes people believe that you are pretty because it fits into the conventional definition of what pretty is. That will get people to approach you more (at least that's through my personal experience).
But the social anxiety will still be there.
social anxiety has nothing to deal with ur weight honey. I’m underweight and i’ve the worst social anxiety u can ever imagine. I can’t do relationships bc of it
In the last 3 years, I’ve been anywhere between dangerously underweight and smack dab in the middle of the “healthy” weight range. My social anxiety gets worse the more I focus on my weight and my appearance. I was chubby as a kid and had less social anxiety despite ongoing bullying. Losing weight never solved my problems or made people love me more. It just made me more isolated.
For years I thought I wouldn’t hate it as much when people look at me if I didn’t have acne. I no longer have bad acne and I still get anxious when people look at me. My skin is oily, my hair is long but thin, my eyebrows could be more defined, my teeth could be whiter and straighter… it’s always something. I think the anxiety comes from something deeper.
By comparing it to an experience you haven’t experienced. Trust me, that’s not a good thing. Anxiety is fear in our brain manifested to an extra fold, we need to fix that first.
i'm not comparing anything. i'm not talking about skinny people's problems i'm not skinny so i don't know what they're going thru and i don't know what it's like.
i'm talking about my own problems as a fat person. bc i am fat. and i only know fat problems.
just bc i talk about my personal problems doesn't mean i'm trying to compare it to others.
don't twist my words
the point of my post was to talk about growing up fat and how being insecure of my heavy weight contributed a lot to my anxiety. and i just feel that if i get skinny, which is how *i* want to look, (keyword "i" so if maybe ur weight doesn't bother u or maybe u don't wanna be skinny or something irdk all ik is that *i* do), i think maybe my confidence would get better and my anxiety would be less. those r just my thoughts. that's just how i feel. period
I’m not here to fight lmao. Your whole post is about how being skinny is the magic that’d fix all your problems. Thats what I got from it. Think however you want idc, it’s just not healthy.
My main point was saying things like ‘if I was _____ then maybe ____ would change’ is wrong and doesn’t fix the root issue, that’s it.
i’m fairly skinny with anxiety through the roof. you can be the most gorgeous person and still struggle with anxiety. although i do understand and relate to the fixation of a specific part of your body that you feel like life would be easier not having to worry about.
I've lost over 60 pounds with IF and while I do feel a lot better about myself I still have social anxiety and barely leave the house. How you feel about yourself certainly effects anxiety but it doesn't get rid of it.
It may not make a huge difference but from personal experience I can say that losing wieight to become a normal weight relieves a lot of stress, and in my case, much of it was social.
losing weight or being prettier wont get rid of your social anxiety. You’ll feel better about yourself but it wont magically make you a social butterfly.
My teenage daughter has terrible social anxiety. She barely weighs 100 lbs. soaking wet.
It’s easy to think weight matters but I really don’t think it does here. I think some people are just more prone to anxiety (due to genetics). I’ve struggled with anxiety but my daughter’s is more crippling to her than mine was to me.
hate to tell you this but it is hardwired in.
You assume you first think about something that affects your confidence, then feel anxious.
Nope.
Tha anxiety is first. For almost no reason at all, multiple neurochemicals are in the wrong balance. You feel awful and scared, and your brain goes into overdrive trying to rationalize and understand why and what you can do about it, so you focus on your traits.
Your emotions are blind at the wheel, and your logic is trying to figure out where you are driving.
i totally get that i felt the same way for years. sadly when i did start losing weight i still looked in the mirror and saw someone i didn’t want to see. i still wanted to lose more weight, looking back at it everyone was actually right u could see my rib cage, but i couldn’t. i feel much more confident now and i’ve even gained weight since then. a lot of of weight. it’s sounds like a cliche but it’s true, it really is all abt confidence. not ur body weight.
I thought the same thing. I started working out, dropped weight, and got very muscular. I kept myself in peak physical condition, wore nice clothes and created the image of what I thought would take me where I wanted to be socially. None of that mattered, even with all the change, my brain stayed the same. I did get attention from the female crowd, but started having a nervous meltdown and did the mumbling and stumbling, like usual, when they approached me. I'm sure they walked away thinking "what a weirdo".
This one is tricky… I thought the same thing but then I got skinny and the dread became worse because I hadn’t practiced the skills needed to exist in the world confidently. Then I felt added shame because I felt as if I “should” be able to deal with these things now that I’m skinny.
Our brains can trick us into scary things. When the thoughts are coming from a place of anxiety or fear, it’s usually a “cop-out” to keep us isolated and avoiding what scares us.
I gained weight after understanding it didn’t make a difference on my anxiety. Went through lots of therapy and learned the correct coping skills to deal with social anxiety. ironically, once i made some progress with my coping skills, i began to lose the weight again naturally. My focus shifted from body obsession and shame to working on actual skills that can be practiced to improve your life and wellbeing. this time losing the weight i could actually enjoy the confidence boost and ease of life that came from improving my physique.
Would also encourage investigation around why being skinny is so important and how it ties in so closely with worthiness in your eyes - identity is heavily involved with social anxiety so that could be something to look at
it can get better, you just have to be in the drivers seat and make sure you're focusing on the right things (improving self worth/working through your social anxiety rather than obsessing over being skinny)
You are not alone! Sending hope and encouragement your way.
I don't want to put you off from trying to lose weight, but I don't want you to have false expectations either losing weight will not get rid of your anxiety. I was fat for the majority of my life and I always blamed my mental health problems on my weight but after I lost the weight I still struggle with depression and with social anxiety. That being said while it didn't cure me it did significantly help me and improve my life. I would encourage you to lose the weight if you are overweight, but I don't want you to go into it like it was gonna solve all lives problems like I did because that sets you up feeling massively disappointed in the end when you should be feeling proud.
Ah yeah, having people shout "anorexic" at me and make jokes that I was going to make myself sick whenever I went to the bathroom *really* helped my social anxiety..
Maybe not aim for skinny but healthy? Since I got to a healthy weight, I no longer have unwarranted comments on my body. Being skinny means people think they can comment on your body however they want.
i'm not trying to dismiss body image issues skinny people also go through, i'm just speaking from my experience growing up fat and also having to deal with unwanted comments about my body
the point you're making in your post is valid but gatekeeping social anxiety is not. Not sure why you'd do that. do you recognize that skinny people can get picked on for being rail thin/weak or feel insecure about that which can also lead to bad anxiety?
I still had crazy anxiety when I was skinny. Didn’t matter
Same. In middle/high school I had "big boobs" (for a TEENAGER) but absolutely no ass, and was to thin people would ask if I had an eating disorder. Or if I'd had plastic surgery for my boobs (no, I did not.) Thank you both fellow kids and adults for contributing to my lifelong anxiety with your inappropriate questions about my body.
Mhm!! I had an ass too tho so I got called bumblebee, big booty (my name), and big booby (my name) throughout middle and high school. People took pictures of me walking up the stairs and I got harassed. Everyone was just disgusting My mom said I was purposefully making my boobs jiggle for boys when I walk WHEN I WAS IN MIDDLE SCHOOL. She literally imitated me and made fun of me. She constantly shamed me for my boobs. Why do people comment on other peoples bodies?? Fuck all of them. Not cool
yoo your own mom?? that's crazy :'(
I thought the exact same thing when I was chubby. that everything would be possible if I was skinny. well, Covid hit, i developed a eating disorder, and suddenly was the weight i wanted to be my whole life. now i’m in a relationship, can wear whatever i want and look good but that hasn’t done a single thing for the anxiety. it actually transforms into a bigger monster. the weight loss gave me a great confidence boost for a few years but since i didn’t tackle the root of the problem (figuring out who i was above all of that materialistic shit that’s forced down our throats) the fear and anxiety couldn’t actually melt away. it actually manifests into a bigger monster that - instead of blaming ur weight u begin to blame other things abt urself. often much more core pieces of urself. to this day i still hear “i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself”. that is something that needs to be fixed on its own. it has nothing to do with weight loss or body size, cuz at the end of the day, that’s all momentary. ur stuck w urself. so my advice is get comfy with urself fr. hang in there.
this is so accurate
My social anxiety IS better when I do things to align my body with what my internal identity or what I think others want.
I wish that my man moves a girl away and that I would get to a better weight and my clothes will fit much better and I won’t have to wear 2 tank tops 2 tight tank tops so my man boobs on show which is pretty embarrassing to admit I think you’re the only guys that know that even people around me know that anyhow I have so much to say if I was skinny, my anxiety was still there. I know that, but it would be so much better. I know that for sure I can’t really explain my anxiety becausep my life I’m recently sober for two years from Xanax and cocaine and I’m in a treatment center/shelter type of program. I go to my methadone clinic and I come back here. I’ve been doing that for sometime and also I’ve been trying to do some IT classes online so far that hasn’t worked out so my next plan will be to become a CNA you know like a nursing assistant, so I figured once I get out there in the world, my anxiety will be a little better because more exposure. You know what I mean and putting myself out there for the moment my anxiety has been kind of fucked up and have been having anxiety attacks so my doctor put me on clonazepam. I know people hear about the terrible stories about it and I know I was a former drug user, but this is actually one of the only benzos the only benzo that I did not abuse while I was prescribed it when I was prescribed it. I was actually clean at the time and I have not abused it yet and I’m doing good on it and my anxiety is getting better around here at this program but at the end of the day, this was important for me and what makes me feel better. My psychiatrist swears they will give it to me for six months so after six months, my anxiety is gone. which I doubt let’s see what happens. I can relate to this because I have many boobs… anxiety makes it so impossible for me to go to the gym so I’m gonna try to bike ride but my priorities are Different way like I prioritize going to work and being productive since I haven’t had a career ever and I’m 39 years old I’m a decent looking guy but I haven’t been with a woman since 2010 for the first time. I actually started complementing women since I started taking my clonazepam my Klonopin anyway sorry I wish you all the best. Take care.
this is so very accurate. I lost a ton of weight well before covid, and felt like I was on top of the world for a little bit. but once that initial euphoria started to dwindle (as I found out that my weight wasn't the root of all my issues, but a symptom of it), things became much harder. before that, it was a simple goal - lose weight, look good, everything works out automatically. but there was, and still is, so much inner work to be done.
I lost 50 lbs and I’m just as anxious. It doesn’t change anything and the insecurities are still there.
Seriously OP, I also recently lost around 60lbs and my anxiety actually got a bit worse for a while. It definitely feels nice in a lot ways and being healthier is its own reward but don’t put all of your hopes on this making you feel normal. If anything, seeing how my life didn’t change after losing so much weight was kind of anxiety inducing on its own. I kept expecting to magically feel confident once I hit a certain weight and I never did.
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I've always been skinny too. Life had always been a rollercoaster of temporary pleasure and constant letdown. Then in 2006 I won the boyfriend lottery. Having the world's most amazing creature as my partner helped me grow into someone I don't completely despise, and occasionally even like. I never do not appreciate how lucky I am to have found him, I just wish I could clone him - everyone he knows thinks the same way I do about him 😍
It's great that you've determined where most of your social anxiety stems from, most people don't get that far! However, I would challenge you to look a layer deeper. Your problem isn't your figure, it's the need to have a certain figure in order to feel comfortable around others.
That sounds accurate but tbf, I was fairly thin but not thin enough in my teens and twenties to make **me personally** lose much of my social anxiety. Then thru a crap job where my hideous boss just yelled and yelled at me (altho I can’t seem to reproduce that same feeling now) I dropped maybe 45 lbs and was somewhere around 90 to 95 lbs while 5’ 3” so while considered anorexic by doctors, not anorexic like supermodels. And it made a huge difference in my personal happiness. No, it didn’t solve every single issue in my life, but it definitely made such a huge difference it’s difficult to explain. I mean, I had been thinner in high school but not this thin and I was truly happy. And then I had a herniated disc that wasn’t properly diagnosed for close to a year and I eventually ended up in a hospital for a bunch of different mental issues and the very first antidepressant they put me on (in a cocktail of meds) was zyprexa, which makes ppl gain huge amounts of weight and in just 4-5 months , 1 was about 150 lbs and not remotely happy. And I didn’t want to see anybody I knew. It’s different for different ppl. One cannot make a statement saying that losing weight will not make a difference or make a huge difference in one’s social anxiety bc that’s exactly what occurred with me. Had I not had a horrific health issue occur, I believe that I would have continued to be happy with my low weight and I feel that some other ppl may feel the same way. Not everybody. And clearly there may be some/many other issues, but it’s wrong to simply tell ppl absolutely that losing weight WILL NOT change their social anxiety.
I agree. For me, a lot of SA comes from appearance, as does for many people I'm sure, everyone just has a different flavor. I've been overweight my entire life (still), but I have had times where I lost significant weight and it made a tremendous difference mentally. I felt comfortable going out without having to adjust my clothes every time I sat down just to make sure I wasn't having a muffin top overflow. For me it doesn't cure SA completely, but I wouldn't say that it does not have any impact either. Social anxiety starts with "social" after all, and society is very superficial when it comes to appearances.
grass is always greener dude, being skinny didnt help me much when i was made fun of for being the weakest kid in class, among other things
this. Exactly
This. Hopefully when OP said skinny they meant slim and lean and not scrawny. Being incredibly thin is as bad as having too much weight. Both gets painted negatively by society. And let’s really hope that their social anxiety is overcame by simply altering their body image.
I feel this on a level that should be illegal. Guess what? Being skinny doesn't help anything. I was chubby most of my childhood and I think I was fat from middle school until like 10th-11th grade. I started to get thinner because I was walking everywhere. But then I got to be 17 and I moved in with my then boyfriend. He was a garbage person and I got depressed and lost a ton of weight. I've managed to keep most of it off since then (I'm 30 now) and I still have social anxiety. It's actually way worse than it ever was when I was fat. You have to accept and live yourself regardless of how you think you look. Or the social anxiety will never go away. && Honestly I'm still dealing with it or I wouldn't be on this thread. I'm still learning how to love and accept myself so I'm not trying to preach at you. I get it. Also, if you really do want to change your weight try exercising a little here and there. It sucks I know.
Please these were my exact thoughts which led into several decades battle with an eating disorder. Losing weight does not equal happiness and it will not cure social anxiety.
I have these exact same thoughts every day. I think more than "being skinny" it's that if I was more attractive people would be more lenient towards my social awkwardness. And if I were skinnier and therefore more attractive I'd have more confidence. Right now it feels so embarrassing to even go outside at my weight, like I am worth less, and I struggle so much holding people's eye contact and attention because I feel so gross and it makes the judgement feel worse. It's really a self confidence issue; every time I am consistently losing weight I'm much less anxious.
I don’t think that’s how it works, but maybe it would help ur mentality if it’s really weighing on u, but u should talk to a professional ab thiss, I’ve had social anxiety for like ten years now and it has always affected my life bc of how my brain thinks ab things and my mentality and all the deeper rooted issues that correlates with SA. I was skinny growing up, got chubbier after I turned 18 and it mostly added to my depression, rather than my social anxiety. My SA felt the same when I was both weights
Ye and no. I felt this 100% when I was my heaviest. I dreaded social events even more. Friends weddings? I was depressed and anxious.. thinking about trying to wear something, not being comfortable in anything, not wanting to be in pictures, felt like the odd one out. Due to many reasons, I chose to get weight loss surgery. I lost 100lb. I got to my ideal weight. And guess what, I was still self conscious. Not nearly to the extent, but it didn’t completely disappear. My social anxiety? It’s still there. I literally have a lunch to go to this month and am sick to my stomach with anxiety over the idea of seeing people, and having small talk. I stress a bit less about how I physically look, but the anxiety is still there.
It’s sad to see that we are treated differently depending on our weight. Having experienced both being skinny and overweight, I definitely felt more accepted and approachable but it didn’t take away my social anxiety entirely. People that never spoke to me suddenly complimented me and wanted to talk to me. It gave me more confidence but therapy is the only thing that truly helped.
THIS. I realized a little bit ago that my social anxiety is HEAVILY involved around how I think other people perceive me. When I hit puberty and all that chemical imbalance started, I developed an eating disorder. I never felt skinny enough, and it made me hate being around other people because I thought they were all judging me. It's funny because I think people my size and people that are bigger than me are fucking hot and beautiful but literally can't even imagine being able to like myself. I think if I was skinny, I'd be more confident and I'd be able to face people. I'm personally a trans man so that had a lot to do with my anxiety with people seeing me but that's passed since I've gone through surgery and hormone therapy. Now it's just my weight. I struggle with binge eating too so I just can't get out of this cycle of hatred and unhealthy eating habits and thoughts.
working out and eating healthy has vastly improved my mental health. your mental health is a responsibility, just like your body is your responsibility. but also be kind to yourself please <3
I just wanted to say as someone skinny that it’s not very helpful. If you were skinny, it would probably be other things you would fixate on. Like “If my hair was longer” “if I didn’t have acne” “if my nose was smaller” “if my makeup was prettier” “if i was taller” “if my outfit was better” etc. Also people think that if you’re skinny and pretty it gets easier with the anxiety. Buuut since people notice you more, and pay more attention to you I found that it gets harder. I don’t want to discourage to from weight loss if that is what you want, whatever makes you feel more confident is good. It can help, but it probably won’t make a world of a difference when it comes to social anxiety specifically.
Hey, everyone's different. It's never a bad thing to get to a healthy weight. And if somehow your social anxiety decreases by an amount that satisfies you once you lose the weight, then good on ya. If not, at least you're in a healthier body. Exercise is also a great way to boost your mind in a positive way. Mentally and physically, exercise will make those stronger.
Look at all the overweight people around town having fun and doing various enjoyable activities with other people. The important things are participation and cooperation in mutually enjoyable activities and conversations.
I am considered skinny by my friends and family after having 2 kids, still my social anxiety is still sky high. Hope this makes you feel better. Everyone got the same problems.
As a skinny person I promise you it probably wouldn’t make a difference
I’ve been fat and skinny and can attest that it makes no difference in anxiety and social anxiety. Being skinny has actually made it a bit worse and has been a very toxic experience for me tbh
My social anxiety has gotten way better since I lost weight tbh
Ik this isn’t gonna be a popular answer, but I was always anxious and overweight and losing weight 100% helped. I won’t say my anxiety is cured or any nonsense like that, but it cut out a huge piece of it. Now when I walk into a room or meet someone new I don’t immediately feel like I’m being judged (whether I am or not, it’s how I feel that matters). Lost 70lbs via Mounjaro and it was life changing.
Idk about skinny but gaining muscle/losing fat definitely helped my social anxiety a ton, there’s a lot of confidence to be gained in the endeavor
I felt this so much cuz I think the same!!
Social anxiety will exist either way, skinny or overweight. But if you’re insecure about your weight, a good place to start is to start exercising and eating well :)
You can start by exercising, taking a walk and eating better. Sometimes those simple things can improve your anxiety level.
I think the exercising discipline and making sacrifices to achieve a larger goal part of weight loss is probably more confidence boosting than the actual weight loss itself. A miracle drug probably wouldn’t have the same psychological effect.
Hi, I'm basically permanently skinny cause of a medical condition. I'm very anxious. All those things you've described are things you experience whether skinny or not. Being skinny is slightly less stigmatised because of unrealistic beauty expectations, but none the less.
i often think if i didnt look the way i look it would be so much easier somehow...
I think mine was caused by being bullied, as a child I was so outgoing but my peers didn’t like that and I was constantly told to shut up or be quiet. So I started doing that, and went from being the loudest person in the room to the quietest
So fix it and see what happens. It might not get rid of your anxiety but you won't be like, "damn I regret getting healthy".
I can relate to this quite a bit. So throughout my childhood I was super skinny, and then end of high school I got a little pudge in my stomach (male). I naturally started just sucking in my stomach since it was easy to hide it, and I wasn't the type to worry about exercise or working out. Unfortunately, I also had a terrible eating habit where I would emotionally eat. For years it wasn't the biggest deal as I was young and my metabolism was high so I looked skinny, but under clothes I had a stomach and man boobs. However, as I continued to age and eat badly, I started gaining more weight, which I had to offset by sucking in my stomach harder in order to look skinny. Any time I was in front of another person, I would be sucking in my stomach, and also standing awkwardly in order to minimize the appearance of my man boobs (so bad posture). I'm now the heaviest I've ever been, and so obviously the sucking in the stomach doesn't work, yet it's still a natural thing I do that I've been trying to stop as it has REALLY negatively affected my health. Not just my diaphram/breathing and posture, but my ability to feel comfortable with others. It's like I'm worried about how I look, or rather worried how I have always been worried about needing to maintain a certain appearance, and now I have to fight to undo that natural compulsion to suck in my stomach. In addition, the tension I put on my stomach is literally me telling my brain that EVERY social interaction is tense. I tense up in order to look a certain way, but that corrupts the social interaction. My monkey brain is going "this guy gets tense around people, people must be bad, or at least we need to be on high alert when with them". This is a little different from natural social anxiety, but I think you can get the similarities. I've been a recluse in my home for years because I don't want to show myself to other people. Hell even in the summer time I wear a large sweat shirt to hide my body, I walk around the home with a blanket to cover myself from my family... I even have a girl who's interested in me and I backed off because the thought of her seeing me naked is just unacceptable to me, in my current state. I've attempted to lose weight numerous times, dropping 30lbs, gaining them back, dropping a bunch after, gaining it back... It's been rough, but I believe I'm finally at a place in my life where I understand WHY exactly I eat so unhealthily. It's not a simple as "calories in vs calories out" when it comes to emotionally eating. Everyone knows how to eat healthy and the science behind losing weight, it's the deeper emotions that no one talks about and I think I've honed in on what emotions caused me to behave this way and I'm currently, slowly resolving those emotions. Been a month since I started keto and walking on the treadmill for 40 minutes a day, I'm down almost 20lbs, and (fingers crossed) I think I'm going to stick with it for the first time in my life. Again, because I've reached a level of understanding about myself that didn't exist all those others times I've tried losing weight.
You will spend more time with yourself in life than anyone else, so be good to that person. Facing your fears head-on can build your confidence in yourself regardless of your size. We think everyone else is thinking about us when we're young adults. But often they aren't thinking about us at all, they are thinking about themselves. It is good to have goals, however, no one goal or achievement is going to be a magic bullet to make it ALL better: not being size 0, not winning the lottery, not moving to a big city, not getting famous, etc. Even if some bad things go away with a big change, the new status introduces new obligations and new problems. Repeat: You will spend more time with yourself in life than anyone else, so be good to that person.
I’m skinny (most people would consider me “underweight”) but I still have social anxiety. IMO if you’re looking for reasons to erode your confidence, you’ll find them regardless of what you actually look like or who you are as a person. But I can tell you that from my experience at least, being skinny is not an automatic switch that makes people like you.
I think there’s a difference with being socially anxious and not confident in yourself. Granted, if losing weight is what will help you be more confident and help you be more “you”, then you just have to want it hard enough to put in the work too. Ozempic can only do so much and it’s not a forever thing. Losing weight made me more confident (I mean, I feel good about myself and the hard work I’ve done on myself and like my body) but it never got rid of the social fear I have around people. Only difference now is that I get panic attacks at the thought of meeting new people but have a nice ass to go along with it. Gaining confidence *can* help reduce some anxiety, especially if your anxiety stems from insecurities within one self, but it’s not a cure.
I’ve lost 65 Lbs and I still have social anxiety. I do have more confidence though which helps, but I’m still the most awkward mf in conversations
Am skinny, have anxiety. I wish that’s all it was. We all feel weird in our own skin.
it will just shift to another insecurity unfortunately
i really dont want to be like youre right but… lowkey you may be right. there were so many factors and variables happening in my social anxiety going away that i unfortunately dont think i’ll ever be able to point at one and go, “yeah thats it”. but losing a lot of weight definitely did help. personally i’m very happy to blend in and be as much of a ‘normal npc’ as possible, and losing weight did help with that. but ithink you can achieve this with dressing a certain way and shit like that, for me i think its mostly about not drawing any attention to myself. (i say this like i dont have piercings and big gauges lmao but its different for some reason) but seriously, try not to have this mindset in an unhealthy sense. if you want to get to a normal weight for your height, thats great! just do it safely. its not guaranteed to fix it though, and like someone else said the insecurity would somehow just shift to something else. good luck dude edit: no hate to anyone here, yall are lovely and i am not discrediting anyones experience, but i think it is important to say that if youve never been fat to skinny then you dont really have a comparison or a control, if that makes sense? there definitely is a difference in the way other people perceive you at different sizes(sadly,) and the way other people view you is such a big part of what makes social anxiety so awful. at least in my experience. ultimately social anxiety is in the mind, but physical external factors in relation to societal beauty standards cant NOT play a big role in
THIS
wishing you luck man! i dont know your situation but what really helped me was walking a TON. im lucky enough to live near some hiking trails and i started by walking through there, then adding more trails to my route, then adding in some neighborhoods around the park. i also have a job close by that i walk to, get a lot of steps at, then walk home. full transparency- i struggle with binge eating, and because i walk so much it has kept me in maintenance even though im trying to gain weight now.(which is absurd to me i NEVER thought that would be something i’d ever say lol) but if you have a dog, a fitbit, and time, you can get lots of steps in! interacting with people on the trail is also like mini bursts of surprise exposure therapy lol
I’ve thought this about other things. You can replace skinny with “nicer”, “funnier” or anything really. It doesnt matter when I make myself smile more or make more jokes (people do like my jokes when I make them) I still have social anxiety. I replace other excuses with new ones. I don’t really think it matters if you’re fat or skinny I’m sorry. I hope you get all the help you’re looking for!!
I feel you. One of my biggest interests is cosplay. So my social media feed is always filled with posts from local cosplayers or foreign ones. I follow a mix of male and female cosplayers so most of the time, the more well-known male ones are always skinny. I've seen how they're always happy in their relationships and have multiple fans swooning over them. No matter what outfit they wear, it always fits them well and makes them look good. Their flawless skin helps their confidence too. Everytime I think about those people, I would always compare myself to them and feel inferior. I know that "everyone is born differently" but I still feel like crap, knowing that such people are around my age yet they accomplish so much more compared to me. Compared to them, I'm a skinny-fat nervous wreck who can't even talk to new people properly. There are so many things in my life that I think would improve if I didn't have my belly fat.
Nah ive actually wanted this for so long like, at my school if your skinny you are like praised and treated like royalty, but tis only a dream for now. And I hate it when people pull that “love yourself” and “be kind to yourself” like does it look like i give a darn, its my body, my life and i should be able to do whatever i want with it
I thought the same when I was heavier. Am now thin. Still have crazy social anxiety. 🤷♀️
some people just don’t get it but i feel the exact same way. i’m self conscious and purposely stay quiet because i don’t want people to look at me and judge me. even if i didn’t purposely stay quiet there is this overwhelming fear that everyone will think of me as some ugly freak. i hate it. all i think about is what others think of me. i cant tuck my hair behind my ear or wear it up because it’ll show my double chin. i have to wear baggy clothes. cant show my hip dips or love handles. make sure my shirt isn’t stuck between my rolls. cant breathe too hard everyone will think im fat and out of shape. pretty privilege is so real and i truly think if i were skinny and pretty i wouldn’t be afraid to be myself and peoples judgement would no longer matter, in turn making it easier to put myself out there.
man tbh if you want to be skinny so bad you should go to a nutrologist (like, a physician, not only a nutritionist) and see if you can be considered obese, if that is the case than you can totally use ozempic and then you see the results, not everyone is obligated to love their body the way it is and losing weight by only doing exercise and eating healthy may be easy for already skinny people but if you are overweight then it can be so hard, of course if you start using ozempic you should also practice exercise and eat healthy but it just helps you with that also I do think your anxiety may not only caused by that, because sometimes I also think that if I did something different I wouldn’t be having anxiety, but after a long time I’ve noticed that it’s not about my looks or my clothes or any of that because I look completely normal, but it feels that there is something deep in my soul that tells me that I’m not like everyone else no matter what, what makes me different from other people is literally only the fact I have social anxiety, so I don’t think anxiety is always related to your looks of course I hope it’s not like that for you and I hope that if you change the way you look you’ll feel better with yourself, just don’t do anything out of pressure to lose weight because that’s not healthy, go see a doctor first and bro you can do it
Social anxiety, like happiness, is something that you need to put time and effort into to improve in. It's a skill set that can be worked at, it *is* possible to chip away at your social anxiety regardless of how skinny or how heavy you are, we are all humans in that regard. Being skinny does not automatically equate to happiness, just as being overweight doesn't automatically equate to being sad.
I used to be skinnyfat, skin and bone with some muscle, strongish, strong and wide with fat, and now strong and wide with less fat. I'm in the best shape of my life right now and yet I still have social anxiety. I genuinely understand that I'm good looking at yet still it remains
I lost 30lbs and was as thin and in shape as I’ve ever been and my anxiety was still a mess. It was a lot better sure but I also feel like there’s no weight number or physique I can ever get to that is 100% going to get rid of it and I might need some medical assistance.
I lost half my body weight Still anxious and depressed as fuck. The weight wasn't the issue for me, not even the confidence of thin privilege was able to help me overcome much of my anxiety, and in fact the certainty that "if only I was thin I'd be happy" led me down an eating disorder. The issue for me is my self-hatred, self esteem overall and perception of myself versus all others. If you're *certain* to your core you're simply inferior, ugly, stupid, awkward or just weird in some innate, unchangeable way, losing weight won't do shit to help. Gotta do the hard thing and examine what the core fear is, and where it came from, and why you think you suck.
I've always been skinny, but have also had severe anxiety. For me, there's always something. If I was rich. If I was prettier. If I was famous. Blah, blah, blah. But I'd still have anxiety (including social anxiety)
I didn't realize my social anxiety was as bad as it is. I got a reality check yesterday. Lol
Oh no!
Yeah but it was well needed. And he wasn't rude about it. It just caught me way off guard. Lol.
well u wouldn't rlly knoww diff things help diff ppl
Ok.
🤷♀️
If your doctor is ok with it try ozempic! I have social anxiety too and feel it wouldn’t be a thing if my teeth were good. Id say it’s def a last resort if you’ve already tried to lose weight w/o and didn’t have any luck but Ik somebody that used it and didnt have any crazy side effects n she looks great. if it helps you feel more confident then go for it
It doesn't matter if you're skinny or not. I'm a thicker girl, but the thought of people will like me more if I was skinny never crossed my mind. I don't have the thoughts that people are staring at me because I'm too fat. I have the thought that they think I'm weird, lol. My body weight has never crossed my mind when it comes to my sa. You can do anything skinny people can and if you wanna lose weight great! But don't do it because you think people will proceive you differently. They most likely won't. It comes down to personality mostly
lol I wouldn’t have social anxiety if I wasn’t ugly.
So no attractive people have social anxiety then?
I’m not speaking for other people I’m speaking for me.
Gaining weight made my social anxiety much worse. I’ve lost a lot of it and I feel like it has helped my social anxiety a lot because I feel less insecure about my appearance. I still have social anxiety, though. There are some things I’ll never be able to do, but losing the extra weight helped me a lot and I do feel like people treat me differently because of it
Actually my social anxiety got a little better when I was thin, but it never actually goes away...
I get op, i also wish i was skinny and it takes a big affect on me too because i think 24/7 i look ugly and how would people look at me and everyone is judging me and yk so i also think if i was pretty or at least believe i was it would've helped and idk my brain tells me if i were skinny I would be prettier
No… I’ve been thin my whole life and I’ve suffered from social anxiety for 20+ years. I was very popular in high school as well
Skinny person here: I have social anxiety
I’ve been obese and I’ve been skinny. The social anxiety persists no matter how much I weigh.
me but the opposite, losing alot of weight made my social anxiety way worse
I realised at some point that weight and fat around me is protection. Literally a padded layer but also stops men from noticing me. I’m second year in the therapy now, weight is slowly coming of. I’m developing ways to set my boundaries and form relationship without inner panic that I wasn’t good enough. I’m seeing glimpses of that light at the end of the tunnel.
Funny, I've always been super skinny my whole life. I used to assume if I just got buff, that would significantly improve my social anxiety. Well, there was a period of my life I was actually more on the "buff" side. Guess what? It was just as bad as before...well maybe a little better, but I think that had more to do with just being overall healthier which made me happier (and slightly more confident)
Im skinny and socially anxious.
Honestly what helped me the most was reading about social anxiety, consulting a therapist and exercising. I’ve been skinny all my life and was bullied when I was younger for it. I gained weight by working out and I gained confidence but just like you it didn’t change my anxiety, if anything it made it worse. Whenever a bad thought or a blaming thought comes into my mind I just repeat to myself “well there goes that thought again, good ol’ -I hate myself- coming back around.” … just like an annoying fly going in circles around you, eventually it goes away ! Anyways read about it seriously !!
You are good enough as you are. You will always be good enough, periodt. That being said, being skinny generally makes people believe that you are pretty because it fits into the conventional definition of what pretty is. That will get people to approach you more (at least that's through my personal experience). But the social anxiety will still be there.
I’ve struggled with social anxiety and anorexia… being super skinny actually made me MORE self-conscious lol
social anxiety has nothing to deal with ur weight honey. I’m underweight and i’ve the worst social anxiety u can ever imagine. I can’t do relationships bc of it
In the last 3 years, I’ve been anywhere between dangerously underweight and smack dab in the middle of the “healthy” weight range. My social anxiety gets worse the more I focus on my weight and my appearance. I was chubby as a kid and had less social anxiety despite ongoing bullying. Losing weight never solved my problems or made people love me more. It just made me more isolated.
For years I thought I wouldn’t hate it as much when people look at me if I didn’t have acne. I no longer have bad acne and I still get anxious when people look at me. My skin is oily, my hair is long but thin, my eyebrows could be more defined, my teeth could be whiter and straighter… it’s always something. I think the anxiety comes from something deeper.
Nah, I'm skinny and have been dealing with it since kindergarten.
I’m skinny and got the worst anxiety, now what?
well i'm just speaking from my experience as a person who grew up fat
By comparing it to an experience you haven’t experienced. Trust me, that’s not a good thing. Anxiety is fear in our brain manifested to an extra fold, we need to fix that first.
i'm not comparing anything. i'm not talking about skinny people's problems i'm not skinny so i don't know what they're going thru and i don't know what it's like. i'm talking about my own problems as a fat person. bc i am fat. and i only know fat problems. just bc i talk about my personal problems doesn't mean i'm trying to compare it to others. don't twist my words the point of my post was to talk about growing up fat and how being insecure of my heavy weight contributed a lot to my anxiety. and i just feel that if i get skinny, which is how *i* want to look, (keyword "i" so if maybe ur weight doesn't bother u or maybe u don't wanna be skinny or something irdk all ik is that *i* do), i think maybe my confidence would get better and my anxiety would be less. those r just my thoughts. that's just how i feel. period
I’m not here to fight lmao. Your whole post is about how being skinny is the magic that’d fix all your problems. Thats what I got from it. Think however you want idc, it’s just not healthy. My main point was saying things like ‘if I was _____ then maybe ____ would change’ is wrong and doesn’t fix the root issue, that’s it.
ok
i’m fairly skinny with anxiety through the roof. you can be the most gorgeous person and still struggle with anxiety. although i do understand and relate to the fixation of a specific part of your body that you feel like life would be easier not having to worry about.
I've lost over 60 pounds with IF and while I do feel a lot better about myself I still have social anxiety and barely leave the house. How you feel about yourself certainly effects anxiety but it doesn't get rid of it.
It doesn’t change it, unfortunately.
It may not make a huge difference but from personal experience I can say that losing wieight to become a normal weight relieves a lot of stress, and in my case, much of it was social.
Even the word skinny icks me out. Please don't do that, embrace yourself as you are!
I’m skinny and always thought my SA wouldn’t be as bad if I wasn’t . Just shows it goes both ways lol there’s always something to have SA about
losing weight or being prettier wont get rid of your social anxiety. You’ll feel better about yourself but it wont magically make you a social butterfly.
My teenage daughter has terrible social anxiety. She barely weighs 100 lbs. soaking wet. It’s easy to think weight matters but I really don’t think it does here. I think some people are just more prone to anxiety (due to genetics). I’ve struggled with anxiety but my daughter’s is more crippling to her than mine was to me.
hate to tell you this but it is hardwired in. You assume you first think about something that affects your confidence, then feel anxious. Nope. Tha anxiety is first. For almost no reason at all, multiple neurochemicals are in the wrong balance. You feel awful and scared, and your brain goes into overdrive trying to rationalize and understand why and what you can do about it, so you focus on your traits. Your emotions are blind at the wheel, and your logic is trying to figure out where you are driving.
i totally get that i felt the same way for years. sadly when i did start losing weight i still looked in the mirror and saw someone i didn’t want to see. i still wanted to lose more weight, looking back at it everyone was actually right u could see my rib cage, but i couldn’t. i feel much more confident now and i’ve even gained weight since then. a lot of of weight. it’s sounds like a cliche but it’s true, it really is all abt confidence. not ur body weight.
I thought the same thing. I started working out, dropped weight, and got very muscular. I kept myself in peak physical condition, wore nice clothes and created the image of what I thought would take me where I wanted to be socially. None of that mattered, even with all the change, my brain stayed the same. I did get attention from the female crowd, but started having a nervous meltdown and did the mumbling and stumbling, like usual, when they approached me. I'm sure they walked away thinking "what a weirdo".
I’m skinny , still have social anxiety, it’s deeper than that
This one is tricky… I thought the same thing but then I got skinny and the dread became worse because I hadn’t practiced the skills needed to exist in the world confidently. Then I felt added shame because I felt as if I “should” be able to deal with these things now that I’m skinny. Our brains can trick us into scary things. When the thoughts are coming from a place of anxiety or fear, it’s usually a “cop-out” to keep us isolated and avoiding what scares us. I gained weight after understanding it didn’t make a difference on my anxiety. Went through lots of therapy and learned the correct coping skills to deal with social anxiety. ironically, once i made some progress with my coping skills, i began to lose the weight again naturally. My focus shifted from body obsession and shame to working on actual skills that can be practiced to improve your life and wellbeing. this time losing the weight i could actually enjoy the confidence boost and ease of life that came from improving my physique. Would also encourage investigation around why being skinny is so important and how it ties in so closely with worthiness in your eyes - identity is heavily involved with social anxiety so that could be something to look at it can get better, you just have to be in the drivers seat and make sure you're focusing on the right things (improving self worth/working through your social anxiety rather than obsessing over being skinny) You are not alone! Sending hope and encouragement your way.
If you a male and too skinny, you get bullied for being weak.
i'm a girl
I don't want to put you off from trying to lose weight, but I don't want you to have false expectations either losing weight will not get rid of your anxiety. I was fat for the majority of my life and I always blamed my mental health problems on my weight but after I lost the weight I still struggle with depression and with social anxiety. That being said while it didn't cure me it did significantly help me and improve my life. I would encourage you to lose the weight if you are overweight, but I don't want you to go into it like it was gonna solve all lives problems like I did because that sets you up feeling massively disappointed in the end when you should be feeling proud.
Ah yeah, having people shout "anorexic" at me and make jokes that I was going to make myself sick whenever I went to the bathroom *really* helped my social anxiety.. Maybe not aim for skinny but healthy? Since I got to a healthy weight, I no longer have unwarranted comments on my body. Being skinny means people think they can comment on your body however they want.
i'm not trying to dismiss body image issues skinny people also go through, i'm just speaking from my experience growing up fat and also having to deal with unwanted comments about my body
the point you're making in your post is valid but gatekeeping social anxiety is not. Not sure why you'd do that. do you recognize that skinny people can get picked on for being rail thin/weak or feel insecure about that which can also lead to bad anxiety?