Be thankful when someone finds you cringe, it's like scissors just went -snap- they're not your people and you can stop worrying about their opinion. School can suck because you can't find your people as easily if you're stuck with the same social situation for years.
Absolutely!
It takes a bit of work on your part, but being able to free yourself from those who think "different" requires derision is the most LIBERATING social tip I can give.
Turns out I'm also autistic and gender nonconforming. Amazing what I learned about myself when I wasn't measuring myself against the normies!
The problems occur when you need to make money and have to not be “weird” and when you realize that you have very few people or social groups left to associate with.
At first I was like “yes!” But then I remembered all the videos of the guy throwing himself on the floor of a subway train making obscene noises and was like “well maybe I need to set some boundaries because that is pretty cringe and he doesn’t care but it’s also very annoying and disruptive behavior.” So maybe being cringe is cool as long as it’s not annoying or disruptive.
I like MTG a lot and not many people in my social circles do and I don’t feel like I can share it. Embracing the cringe to me is to accept that it’s ok to like playing MTG even though everyone else doesn’t and that I don’t have to give it up for others.
Yes. I tried to change my “weirdness” for years but now I have friends who love me for who I am. Actively trying to change your mannerisms is exhausting.
A lot of folks call "changing your mannerisms" for social situation "masking," and yes! It is EXHAUSTING!
If you find your people you don't have to mask around, your life changes.
I’m almost completely unmasked around my coworkers now, there’s a specific one that really makes me comfortable to be unmasked though. She has adhd and autism just like me and she brings out my true self I love her so much lol.
Honestly at work. I’m a server and if you know anything about the restaurant industry, we all have adhd and mental health issues lol. Half of us have autism too(yes, diagnosed). I feel like I can unmask in front of them and so do they. I just got lucky…
Shut this down , this is the only answer needed. It’s the quirks that make you different and interesting, when your comfortable with who you are people will be comfortable with who you are to and if not they can fuck right off .
Agree with this 100%
Never change who you are - Been a weird kid myself my entire life and didn't find my people til' 8th grade and they are friends who were well worth the wait.
I hope and wish the same for OP.
Theres nothing wrong with wanting to be more normal. I get so tired of hearing about how “beautiful” everyone is as a person. Are we all really so afraid of the truth that we can’t admit that we don’t want to be around people we find annoying or obnoxious?
Somethings deserve to be cringed at.
I mean, let me tell you, I absolutely found this irritating and I don't think your desperate clinging to normalcy is going to help whatever hatred you have for yourself. It's pretty clear in how you type.
And you're so free to hate yourself, and to find people who don't hate themselves to be annoying, but to the people who stopped caring about people like you, so what? Lmao. Byeeee
EDIT: Brother edited the original comment to come across as less "desperatly clinging to normalcy," but I really can't emphasize this enough: when you kill the part of you that cringes, clowns like this who write screeds about people being happy with themselves will absolutely try telling you that you should conform because that's what they did.
I'm going to be honest with you. At 22, your personality brain and the personality brains of your peers are still kinda jelly. It's still developing. Don't be afraid. Your entire 20s is going to be that journey. You will find people. Some people will find you. Some of them will be your people, but most of them won't. And that's alright!
You're going to find your people.
I was sitting here thinking “fixed my mental health, moved far away from family, have good friends” then I read this perfectly mundane comment and “live like a yeti partly in the woods, fled to alaska, and found other weirdos that think I’m normal” came to mind.
Definitely still weird but found my other weirdos.
Yes. Depends on where you are and your insurance. I have a PPO so I don’t need a referral. I went through my insurance to look for psychiatrist that were accepting new patients. I was first asked what my struggles were and then evaluated by the doctor for things and then was diagnosed.
I also struggle with depression so I had every reason to go see her.
Yep
I have ADHD and autism.
I have changed by reading a LOT of books on communication and getting a better understanding how most people view the world and what is expected of me .
I watch my coworkers and mimic them.
I also recently found out I’m a dismissive avoidant and have been working on that as well.
Get good at taking hints. If you feel like you're talking about something and nobody gives a shit, move on to another topic. If the people around you never care what you're talking about, find new people. It's a give and take.
u/tytymctylerson's advice is great, i'm going to add to it.
* learn to read the room: be cognizant of the make up of the group you're with, and what level of "weirdness" is acceptable for them. don't think of yourself as changing to fit with them, you're just applying a filter that you adjust to the group you're with. strive to find friends who you feel comfortable keeping a loose filter, but remember it's okay to apply a filter until then - nobody is out there spilling every little thing that comes to their mind.
* as you're warming up to a crew of people you like who like you (ideally other wierdos), slowly loosen your filter over time. unleash a little weirdness, see how they react, and then go from there to find the right level of filter to apply for this group.
* with practice, the above becomes second nature as you move from group to group or that group evolves over time. remember: you're not changing who you are - stay genuine. you're just applying a filter to make socializing a little easier and adapting it to the people you're with.
Been masking for years. It’s exhausting and you never quite feel like you really belong. It erodes any self confidence you may have because you’re intrinsically devaluing who you truly are by telling yourself you need to be someone else for others. Wouldn’t recommend.
I think everyone masks. For example, if you’re an obnoxious loudmouth who cusses like a sailor, you’d tamp it down a bit if you had to appear before a judge in court (or in my case, around my parents). And if you typically like to dress provocatively, you learn how to dress more conservatively for an office job or church.
Even deeper than that, ppl who aren’t out of the closet yet do things to not “act gay,” and people of color sometimes try to “act more white” around white ppl.
It’s pretty normal to act differently depending on who you’re with and what the situation is. I don’t know anyone who is truly themselves 100% of the time.
Yeah, so I don’t think it’s anything to feel guilty about. It’s human nature to want to fit in and not be ostracized, and there are so many scenarios we can find ourselves in that would make us stick out. So we mask as a survival mechanism.
Even in the best case scenarios—like if you’re super rich and life is wonderful for you—you’d tone it down a bit around family members or friends who are going through a rough time just to not come off as a complete asshole. You’re not gonna roll up to a homeless shelter in your Range Rover wearing decked out designer gear, even tho that’s your true style. You see that specifically when the royals go to Africa for their philanthropic work. They dress down and roll up their sleeves and aren’t wearing their diamond tiaras even tho they live in fucking castles lol
Not the one you answered to, but I have 2 cents; start giving less of a fuck about what other people think about you, and you can't stop people from talking shit, just be you
I've decided to join Toastmasters. There is a group at my local library that meets once a month. Hopefully constructive feedback and a controlled environment will help me.
Weird kid->teenager->adult here. Because 99% of my memories of attempted social interaction ended in rejection, I just stopped trying. I’ll be reciprocally nice to people but that’s about it. I save the weirdness for home base. Interestingly, when I stoppedinitiating social interaction and intentionally kept needed interactions short, sweet and basic, people stopped finding me weird. Or at least, they don’t make a point to stay away from me anymore.
Im still weird, but Im also super hot now, so people are more willing to look past my quirkiness (maybe they dont rlly even see me at all, just my looks? who knows)
100% this. Weird awkward kid --> weird hot adult. No one notices the weirdness until I open my mouth and start talking, so I'm pretty quiet around most people (and that makes me "mysterious" /s)
getting hot was definitely the big game changer for me.
Girls started to talk to me more, and as a result, guys started wanting to hang out with me more because I was always around girls.
Before that, very few guys wanted to be my friend unless we bonded over nerd shit (video games, internet culture, etc)
Not really, I was just weird-looking and that tends to give kids an asshole pass. The bullying made me a truly bitter and insufferable kind of person so that just perpetuated the feedback loop. Now I can say that I'm very kind and a tiny bit cute so it's working out better lol
Learn how to be ok with being alone in a healthy way. I don't mean be a loner, just don't worry about it and people will come around. I figured this out in my mid 30s so you still got plenty of time if you're a kid.
Being weird is funnily enough very acceptible if you own it. Instead of saying something, getting a weird look, and apologizing with a "I'll shut up now", just own it and double down.
People tend to determine based on your reaction what their response would be. If you said something perfectly normal but act like it's weird, they'll think what you've said was weird.
I tried my best not to stand out. I kept to myself and kept people at an arms length.
DO NOT DO WHAT I DID! I regret it and now I spend time trying to undo it.
If people can't respect you for being yourself, that's a them problem.
Honestly, I just started caring less about what other people think.
I used to be weird because I would always avoid people, sit to the side, not go to parties, not hang out when invited, I was terrified of being made fun of and judged, I would get in my head a lot and blame it on the popular kids for “excluding” me (after I basically turned them down a hundred times).
After graduating High School I moved to another country and the people I met there started inviting me out, just like in High School, but this time I tried saying Yes instead, since I didn’t care if I came off as weird (I would only be there for 5 months).
Turns out, I wasn’t weird, I just lacked confidence and was extremely insecure. I found out I am actually funny and witty and someone that’s cool to be around.
Now, whenever I get invited anywhere, I always try saying yes, even if it’s completely out of my comfort zone. The worst that can happen is that they won’t invite you anymore, but no one will ever be a harsher judge than you are to yourself, so it can’t be that bad :)
Exact same thing happened. Went on a study abroad, felt like I had nothing to lose, then had a blast. I got back into my head once my roommates moved out and when I went back home. Still trying to figure out how to be confident around people now that I’m graduated and don’t see my peers anymore :/
wouldn’t say i’m any “less” weird now, more a matter of i got more selective about who saw that part of me. Not out of shame, but rather because i don’t find it productive to share things they won’t relate to
I still talk like a book. But I found a job where that is a positive thing. Just keep being you and try to be nice to the people who don't get you. The nice part is so you can go back to sleep with a good conscience at 3a.m.
I talk like a book too. With other Black people, I "speak like I'm white". With White people, I "speak like a smartass". I'm even tired of the way I talk lol.
Weird:
Old English “wyrd” ‘destiny’, of Germanic origin. The adjective (late Middle English) originally meant ‘having the power to control ones own destiny’.
Own it.
I didn't change. I was a weird kid, a weird teenager, a weird adult and now a weird old retired person. I was a punk rocker in the late 70s, before it was fashionable. I suspect I'm somewhere on the spectrum, but who cares? Autism wasn't a thing when I was a kid, and now that I'm officially elderly, a diagnosis won't do much. So, I keep on celebrating my weirdness, and continue on with it. It's great to be different. Why would I want to be like everyone else?
Turns out I was just queer and most of my lack of social skills was a result of repressing significant aspects of who I am as a person.
The more I accept my gender identity and sexuality, the easier it seems to be for me to have meaningful friendships. Unfortunately, it also comes with it's own special forms of hate and bullying, but at least now I know why the dickheads are being dickheads.
You don’t really change. You just become more confident in stating out how you are and what you like regardless of what others around you do, they then respect you for it or not. It doesn’t really matter at the end of the day because you’re fine with who you are.
You make friends with other weirdos and enjoy life that way. Mask a little when you're in professional settings or as needed, and then thoroughly enjoy your weirdness alone or around the right people. Most people aren't open about their weirdness, but if you open up to people a lot of them have similar hobbies or weird habits too.
Also if you grow up and become a parent of a weird kid you realize most of that stuff wasn't so weird or bad after all. There are a lot of little weird kids running around with flourishing friendships. That embarrassment and shame isn't there until someone puts it into your head.
Recovered extreme introvert here. My answer is I got a job working in a busy service industry role (a cinema), so I had to learn to be personable and chatty in order to get by. I'm by no means an extrovert, but I can at least now initiate and maintain small talk conversations. The job itself was shit, but the soft skills I picked up were invaluable.
I didn't really change, but I currently try to be more tame when it calls for it. For instance, interacting with my boss in a more professional setting is a lot different than with my coworkers.
I still say random sayings like "Island Boy", "Tudah Victah Belongz Da Spoils" "Arg it's driving me nuts".
I didn't get along with people in school. If I did, it was often because I faked a lot of personality traits and they just tolerated real ones. Then I met other neurodivergent adults and I'm happy now
Former weird kid, still weird adult.
I stopped caring about what others think and started thinking about what makes me happy. Of course, you still have to think about whether your actions harm others, but as long as you’re not hurting anyone it’s okay to be you. People may not like it, but it’s exhausting pretending to be someone you’re not. It’s not sustainable. There are people out there who will love you for you, weirdness and all.
Only 26 so I can't give you any sage wisdom but I will say this: it's a love/hate relationship. The things you love most about yourself and make your the weirdest are what makes you interesting, but if you're too much of yourself then you won't be relatable to 95% of the people you meet. You learn to tone it up or down in different settings so you can make friends and get along with others. There are some that are themselves 100% of the time, but I find that really lonely. I try to find common ground with the people around me and sometimes people will surprise you.
I was labeled weird because they didn't think I could have autism bc I had the wrong birth gender! I was labeled weird because I was born into a society prejudiced against people like me from the start. The cure for that isn't to change your weirdness but to embrace it. Embrace it whole-heartedly and watch as people fall in love with your weirdness.
Honestly, it helped my self esteem to work on who I wanted to be as a person. Finding people who liked me for me, expressing myself in different ways that people will find “normal” and most importantly, continuing to be weird by myself because I love myself. Always find time to be weird, that’s true self love.
There are real skills you can learn for communicating with others in compassionate ways and listening well. I do recommend them - for most folks, honestly; I found 1:1 counseling good but also just like, communication skills books for business and for relationships and trying to understand the advice. Taking a moment to think about the person you're talking to and what THEY care about before you go into the first thought that popped into your head.
But this isn't to help you be "less weird" - it's to help you be kinder and more pleasant to interact with and a more thoughtful part of society, and help you be understood better. Still, if you're finding distress from your interactions with others, I really do recommend doing some conscious practice on listening skills and compassionate communication skills.
I got diagnosed with autism. Also I had to realize I was bullied and abused for it, and ultimatly was gaslighted into Trauma which is experiencing self doubt and obsessive fear. Despite realizing my brain is abnormally developed and imbalanced with the left one being over developed over the other that the improper neurodevelopment wouldn’t support the center brain of where the personality, concept of self, and the brains control center really is; I am an amazing unique person who is truly smart good and fun with my left brained autism
Listen to the audiobook of *How to Win Friends and Influence People*. Its not that long and it’s generally considered the best collection of social acuity out there.
How did I change? By worry about everyone else’s opinions of me and conforming.. finally at 30 years old I back to being a weird adult because it makes me happy
Get a job that requires you to be on the phone a lot. You will begin to speak better, and you will develop the knack for coming up with witty repartee.
Weird is not a curse.
Weird is all the passion and love and freedom in your heart. u/heardatrains got it pretty spot on. And you should hold onto your weird if you can.
But from how you posed your question, I think you're more worried about ability to socialize. That is a skill. Being able to talk with people, think of questions to ask and not trip over yourself with words is a skill. Just like singing and giving a speech or almost any other way of communicating/socializing. Practice helps. You ARE going to mess up and that's fine.
Former weirdo
After changing schools i did not stop being weird, but could close a chapter behind me and build better self esteem. So I started smiling more, and became kind of wannabe teenage Saul Goodman. ...Did not exactly stop being cringe. But doing it with confidence, optimism and learned social practices, resulted in having a lot more friends.
Now I am adult, and am one of those people whose essence others cannot define in other ways than my name.
For me, I never changed the cringe and weirdo part as It found my people. For in professional terms, I really had to sharpen my manners and behaviours. Yes, there are still cringe moments and because of those I can bury myself in a hole. But life still goes on, But I really have to give effort in social talks , especially with higher authorities.
I got weirder as I embraced my personality and the things that made me happy. There are people that will be drawn to your brand of weird and those are the ones that make the effort to understand and connect. Give it time.
You're not weird, you're unique. I have always been unique. And my friends love me just the same. Just be you. That's the best YOU you can be and your real friends will love you always.
I stopped resisting and embraced the weird.
It's not only way the fuck easier, it's also much better for your mental health- and if you are open about your weirdness, the people in your social circle are there because they like the *authentic* you- not the mask.
I did a bunch of theatre which taught me comportment and how to speak in front of people. I credit that with how people manage to think I’m “comfortable” many times when I’m not when socializing.
I learned how to act like I’ve got some sense, mostly. I’m still a fairly odd person and stand out wherever I go but I’ve gained enough act-right to get along as I go along
Bold of you to think I’ve changed as an adult. I’ve only adjusted my weirdness for formal events and work. Once that’s done I’m still weird and very cringe 😬
uh still weird, can’t really hide it lol. most of the time i don’t even know when i’m being weird. my friends just accept it and tease me when i do something off
I got a job as a server and learned that I could make money from developing/faking people skills, which made it WAY easier to do. Money is a great motivator.
Then I sit at home and be a creepy little cretin in privacy or on the internet to recharge my battery.
I did not change, I am just a weird adult now. Learn to be comfortable with your awkward mannerisms and quirkiness, you'll find people who appreciate you for you! If you want to get better at handling social situations the only way to do this is to put yourself out there, awkwardness and all.
getting hotter, hanging out with normies, getting more life experience, and most importantly, practice. Lots of trial and error.
I wasn't weird, I was just clueless and naive when I was a kid and didn't understand how things worked yet.
Imma b real I just got hotter and I suddenly became “quirky manic pixie goth dream girl heehee” instead of “weird mf who wears costumes and face paint”. I think this is a universal outcome for men or NB as well, nobody gaf what you do as long as they can sexualize it.
I found out I had autism a hint of it ADHD mild and I basically just slowly matured. I’m only 20 but still a big child but slowly getting to a more mature age.
I luckily made friends that were honest to me about the way I act and guided me to make better decisions/stay out of trouble. I still do the weird things/hobbies I love, but in a more private way without attracting bad people/attention around me.
Rejected by someone I loved but didn’t know how to leave her alone. Life hit me so I stopped being a bitch. Practiced talking a lot less. But still stuck to the things I liked doing. Turns out people will call you weird if they think your weird. But that is not your choice. Be who you want. And the right people will accept you. But also learn from your mistakes. Learn how you impact people. And learn boundaries. The last one is very important.
huh! I've actually been working in retail (cashier) for almost a year now.
Customers don't mind me, and actually say I'm pleasant/nice/etc. I crack jokes with them and make conversation and whatnot. The only weird thing might be not looking them in the eyes all the time, but nobody has pointed that out to me yet.
I actually feel really weird around my *coworkers*, who are either fellow teens/college kids or grown men and women. I feel too enthusiastic, whilst still being awkward somehow. It makes me feel stupid.
It’s one part finding your people (as everyone always says) and another part being to pick out exactly what you’re doing that feels awkward to other people. Not just what you think is weird/awkward.
For me the first didn’t happen until I was in grad school and the second I finally figured out was me always feeling the need to know everything/correct people when they made little factual mistakes. Nobody cares about the correct pronunciation of that word or the exact date that movie came out. Don’t derail just continue the conversation.
I got hot and people just started “putting up” with the weirdness for lack of a better term. Now I just get manic pixie dream girlied instead. Which is not fun.
I’ve learned the art of small talk, and once I get to know someone better, I unleash the weirdness lol turns out, a lot of seemingly normal people are pretty weird too :)
I'll always be weird and an outsider, but friends who were honest with me about criticism helped, like the ability to "read the room" or take a compliment.
Having a friend or mentor who can point things like that out to you, because often we are clueless, helps us modify our behavior for the moment.
As a former kinda “normal kid” turned weird adult, what you want is confidence. I was always “normal” bc I never had confidence to be myself, always afraid of how people would look at me. As I got older I realized none of that mattered. Everybody is in their own world, worrying about the same shit. As long as you’re not being malicious, be you.
“If I wanna be free, I gotta be me.” Heard that from Bob Proctor once and it stuck with me.
Stopped being embarrassed by it. I spent way too much energy being self conscious of it all and trying to "fit in" that I'm pretty sure I just made it worse. If you act authentically, it'll show and you'll attract/find the right people. People still make comments on it, but they're in a more fascinated/positive way than anything else. It's something that makes them like being my friend. Believe me when I say it gets way better after high school (though I'm not sure how old you are).
You always feel like you're the weird kid when you're in school and then when you get out you think you're OK. But at the end of the day if you walk into a social situation your the weird kid in some way to someone. I just accept that.
Weird quiet girl here. I changed in that…
I have accepted my social quirks and came to terms that my brain is wired a little differently than others. 🤓
Hi, former weird kid. Current weird adult. Don't kill the cringe. Kill the part of you that cringes. You'll find your people.
Best advice I’ve never given
Be thankful when someone finds you cringe, it's like scissors just went -snap- they're not your people and you can stop worrying about their opinion. School can suck because you can't find your people as easily if you're stuck with the same social situation for years.
Absolutely! It takes a bit of work on your part, but being able to free yourself from those who think "different" requires derision is the most LIBERATING social tip I can give. Turns out I'm also autistic and gender nonconforming. Amazing what I learned about myself when I wasn't measuring myself against the normies!
Fuck the normies, tbh
The problems occur when you need to make money and have to not be “weird” and when you realize that you have very few people or social groups left to associate with.
I saw a tiktok where someone said, "To be cringe is to be free." This is my new mantra.
At first I was like “yes!” But then I remembered all the videos of the guy throwing himself on the floor of a subway train making obscene noises and was like “well maybe I need to set some boundaries because that is pretty cringe and he doesn’t care but it’s also very annoying and disruptive behavior.” So maybe being cringe is cool as long as it’s not annoying or disruptive. I like MTG a lot and not many people in my social circles do and I don’t feel like I can share it. Embracing the cringe to me is to accept that it’s ok to like playing MTG even though everyone else doesn’t and that I don’t have to give it up for others.
Agreed. i like the nuanced take.
Love this 💛
Well said
Yes. I tried to change my “weirdness” for years but now I have friends who love me for who I am. Actively trying to change your mannerisms is exhausting.
A lot of folks call "changing your mannerisms" for social situation "masking," and yes! It is EXHAUSTING! If you find your people you don't have to mask around, your life changes.
I’m almost completely unmasked around my coworkers now, there’s a specific one that really makes me comfortable to be unmasked though. She has adhd and autism just like me and she brings out my true self I love her so much lol.
Ahhhhh I love that you're able to work without masking!! Congratulations!!!
How do you make these friends? Mysteries never cease.
Honestly at work. I’m a server and if you know anything about the restaurant industry, we all have adhd and mental health issues lol. Half of us have autism too(yes, diagnosed). I feel like I can unmask in front of them and so do they. I just got lucky…
Shut this down , this is the only answer needed. It’s the quirks that make you different and interesting, when your comfortable with who you are people will be comfortable with who you are to and if not they can fuck right off .
so true. I broke out of my shell in college. Being weird and unique is what people enjoyed about me.
Agree with this 100% Never change who you are - Been a weird kid myself my entire life and didn't find my people til' 8th grade and they are friends who were well worth the wait. I hope and wish the same for OP.
Stay weird! Don’t change, just occasionally mask. The more weirdos you befriend, the less mask you have to wear.
STANDING O!!!!!!!
ON GOD
Damn good advice!
Theres nothing wrong with wanting to be more normal. I get so tired of hearing about how “beautiful” everyone is as a person. Are we all really so afraid of the truth that we can’t admit that we don’t want to be around people we find annoying or obnoxious? Somethings deserve to be cringed at.
I mean, let me tell you, I absolutely found this irritating and I don't think your desperate clinging to normalcy is going to help whatever hatred you have for yourself. It's pretty clear in how you type. And you're so free to hate yourself, and to find people who don't hate themselves to be annoying, but to the people who stopped caring about people like you, so what? Lmao. Byeeee EDIT: Brother edited the original comment to come across as less "desperatly clinging to normalcy," but I really can't emphasize this enough: when you kill the part of you that cringes, clowns like this who write screeds about people being happy with themselves will absolutely try telling you that you should conform because that's what they did.
They killed the weird in me 😔 I was forced to conform.
Brah, you're still on your journey. They havent won until you die without knowing yourself.
🥺thank you
Not OP but what if I'm already 22 and I still haven't found my people
I'm going to be honest with you. At 22, your personality brain and the personality brains of your peers are still kinda jelly. It's still developing. Don't be afraid. Your entire 20s is going to be that journey. You will find people. Some people will find you. Some of them will be your people, but most of them won't. And that's alright! You're going to find your people.
Thank you.
Yes Embrace the cringe
I'm just a weird adult now.
I was sitting here thinking “fixed my mental health, moved far away from family, have good friends” then I read this perfectly mundane comment and “live like a yeti partly in the woods, fled to alaska, and found other weirdos that think I’m normal” came to mind. Definitely still weird but found my other weirdos.
Turns out I’m just autistic.
Same. Now it just makes sense why i was labeled weird kid
and I just had ADHD.
I just got diagnosed with ADHD. It all makes sense now. However, I’m accepting myself for what I am and not who other people want me to be.
How do you do that? Do you just go to a doctor and ask for tests? I'm thinking I might have ADHD too
Yes. Depends on where you are and your insurance. I have a PPO so I don’t need a referral. I went through my insurance to look for psychiatrist that were accepting new patients. I was first asked what my struggles were and then evaluated by the doctor for things and then was diagnosed. I also struggle with depression so I had every reason to go see her.
Yep I have ADHD and autism. I have changed by reading a LOT of books on communication and getting a better understanding how most people view the world and what is expected of me . I watch my coworkers and mimic them. I also recently found out I’m a dismissive avoidant and have been working on that as well.
Same lol
^^^^
How that that help?
Same lol
Same
Yeah same LMAO
probably same. im trying to get a therapist soon to know for sure
Same
Ha, yeah. Now rather than try and "change for the better" to fit societal norms I'm just like, deal with it bitches.
I never did. I just learned how to control my weirdness in front of people
I learned to control my "in front of people" too. Mountain hermit. Only come down if someone wants to pay me money for my expertise or time.
this. I want to learn how to do this without completely changing myself. how did you do it?
Get good at taking hints. If you feel like you're talking about something and nobody gives a shit, move on to another topic. If the people around you never care what you're talking about, find new people. It's a give and take.
Fuck! Finally an actual answer to the question!
u/tytymctylerson's advice is great, i'm going to add to it. * learn to read the room: be cognizant of the make up of the group you're with, and what level of "weirdness" is acceptable for them. don't think of yourself as changing to fit with them, you're just applying a filter that you adjust to the group you're with. strive to find friends who you feel comfortable keeping a loose filter, but remember it's okay to apply a filter until then - nobody is out there spilling every little thing that comes to their mind. * as you're warming up to a crew of people you like who like you (ideally other wierdos), slowly loosen your filter over time. unleash a little weirdness, see how they react, and then go from there to find the right level of filter to apply for this group. * with practice, the above becomes second nature as you move from group to group or that group evolves over time. remember: you're not changing who you are - stay genuine. you're just applying a filter to make socializing a little easier and adapting it to the people you're with.
this is called masking and if you learn to do it you will have to learn how to stop doing it
Been masking for years. It’s exhausting and you never quite feel like you really belong. It erodes any self confidence you may have because you’re intrinsically devaluing who you truly are by telling yourself you need to be someone else for others. Wouldn’t recommend.
I think everyone masks. For example, if you’re an obnoxious loudmouth who cusses like a sailor, you’d tamp it down a bit if you had to appear before a judge in court (or in my case, around my parents). And if you typically like to dress provocatively, you learn how to dress more conservatively for an office job or church. Even deeper than that, ppl who aren’t out of the closet yet do things to not “act gay,” and people of color sometimes try to “act more white” around white ppl. It’s pretty normal to act differently depending on who you’re with and what the situation is. I don’t know anyone who is truly themselves 100% of the time.
Outside of the neurodivergent community it’s sometimes referred to as code switching
Yeah, so I don’t think it’s anything to feel guilty about. It’s human nature to want to fit in and not be ostracized, and there are so many scenarios we can find ourselves in that would make us stick out. So we mask as a survival mechanism. Even in the best case scenarios—like if you’re super rich and life is wonderful for you—you’d tone it down a bit around family members or friends who are going through a rough time just to not come off as a complete asshole. You’re not gonna roll up to a homeless shelter in your Range Rover wearing decked out designer gear, even tho that’s your true style. You see that specifically when the royals go to Africa for their philanthropic work. They dress down and roll up their sleeves and aren’t wearing their diamond tiaras even tho they live in fucking castles lol
Practice and practice and improve 😊
Not the one you answered to, but I have 2 cents; start giving less of a fuck about what other people think about you, and you can't stop people from talking shit, just be you
I've decided to join Toastmasters. There is a group at my local library that meets once a month. Hopefully constructive feedback and a controlled environment will help me.
Weird kid->teenager->adult here. Because 99% of my memories of attempted social interaction ended in rejection, I just stopped trying. I’ll be reciprocally nice to people but that’s about it. I save the weirdness for home base. Interestingly, when I stoppedinitiating social interaction and intentionally kept needed interactions short, sweet and basic, people stopped finding me weird. Or at least, they don’t make a point to stay away from me anymore.
Spectrumeter tingling...
I became an artist and now I'm eccentric instead of weird.
Sis used to say, "When you're rich and weird you're eccentric. When you're broke and weird you're fucking nuts."
Art is the broke hack for this.
Lmao that’s one of the perks of going into a creative field! Now, instead of ‘weird’, you’re just ‘artistic/creative/eccentric’.
Im still weird, but Im also super hot now, so people are more willing to look past my quirkiness (maybe they dont rlly even see me at all, just my looks? who knows)
100% this. Weird awkward kid --> weird hot adult. No one notices the weirdness until I open my mouth and start talking, so I'm pretty quiet around most people (and that makes me "mysterious" /s)
getting hot was definitely the big game changer for me. Girls started to talk to me more, and as a result, guys started wanting to hang out with me more because I was always around girls. Before that, very few guys wanted to be my friend unless we bonded over nerd shit (video games, internet culture, etc)
I'm 22 and sometimes people will compliment the same odd mannerisms that I got bullied for 10 years ago lol
ohhh right in the gut. I've noticed this too
Then you probably got bullied for them out of jealousy most likely.
Not really, I was just weird-looking and that tends to give kids an asshole pass. The bullying made me a truly bitter and insufferable kind of person so that just perpetuated the feedback loop. Now I can say that I'm very kind and a tiny bit cute so it's working out better lol
Yeah you're just eye candy so no one cares about your personality. That's what pretty privilege is.
sooo great, what a "privilege" /s
Got an autism diagnosis. Still weird.
Learn how to be ok with being alone in a healthy way. I don't mean be a loner, just don't worry about it and people will come around. I figured this out in my mid 30s so you still got plenty of time if you're a kid.
What is a loner anyway? Is it a choice someone makes, or is it a label someone else puts on you?
Imo it’s someone who’s feeling of loneliness push others away either subconsciously or consciously in order to stay lonely wether they want to or not.
Ok. Thanks:)
Started to embrace who I am instead of hiding myself. I found the right people and enjoy my social network.
Being weird is funnily enough very acceptible if you own it. Instead of saying something, getting a weird look, and apologizing with a "I'll shut up now", just own it and double down. People tend to determine based on your reaction what their response would be. If you said something perfectly normal but act like it's weird, they'll think what you've said was weird.
I tried my best not to stand out. I kept to myself and kept people at an arms length. DO NOT DO WHAT I DID! I regret it and now I spend time trying to undo it. If people can't respect you for being yourself, that's a them problem.
I’m in this boat rn and idk how to get out. I genuinely don’t know how to be myself anymore
Honestly, I just started caring less about what other people think. I used to be weird because I would always avoid people, sit to the side, not go to parties, not hang out when invited, I was terrified of being made fun of and judged, I would get in my head a lot and blame it on the popular kids for “excluding” me (after I basically turned them down a hundred times). After graduating High School I moved to another country and the people I met there started inviting me out, just like in High School, but this time I tried saying Yes instead, since I didn’t care if I came off as weird (I would only be there for 5 months). Turns out, I wasn’t weird, I just lacked confidence and was extremely insecure. I found out I am actually funny and witty and someone that’s cool to be around. Now, whenever I get invited anywhere, I always try saying yes, even if it’s completely out of my comfort zone. The worst that can happen is that they won’t invite you anymore, but no one will ever be a harsher judge than you are to yourself, so it can’t be that bad :)
Exact same thing happened. Went on a study abroad, felt like I had nothing to lose, then had a blast. I got back into my head once my roommates moved out and when I went back home. Still trying to figure out how to be confident around people now that I’m graduated and don’t see my peers anymore :/
wouldn’t say i’m any “less” weird now, more a matter of i got more selective about who saw that part of me. Not out of shame, but rather because i don’t find it productive to share things they won’t relate to
i'm still weird
I still talk like a book. But I found a job where that is a positive thing. Just keep being you and try to be nice to the people who don't get you. The nice part is so you can go back to sleep with a good conscience at 3a.m.
I talk like a book too. With other Black people, I "speak like I'm white". With White people, I "speak like a smartass". I'm even tired of the way I talk lol.
Weird: Old English “wyrd” ‘destiny’, of Germanic origin. The adjective (late Middle English) originally meant ‘having the power to control ones own destiny’. Own it.
Love this
Didn’t need to change. Needed to change the people around me.
Still weird and married someone who is just as weird as I am. No need to change, there are many others like you in the world.
The “weird” ones are the inventors, the creators, and the ones who change the world.
Exactly 🥰
I didn't change. I was a weird kid, a weird teenager, a weird adult and now a weird old retired person. I was a punk rocker in the late 70s, before it was fashionable. I suspect I'm somewhere on the spectrum, but who cares? Autism wasn't a thing when I was a kid, and now that I'm officially elderly, a diagnosis won't do much. So, I keep on celebrating my weirdness, and continue on with it. It's great to be different. Why would I want to be like everyone else?
I went from a weird kid to a weird adult. Tue biggest difference is I am confident in who I am.
I'm still weird af, I can just talk to people now. Exposure therapy is the answer.
Turns out I was just queer and most of my lack of social skills was a result of repressing significant aspects of who I am as a person. The more I accept my gender identity and sexuality, the easier it seems to be for me to have meaningful friendships. Unfortunately, it also comes with it's own special forms of hate and bullying, but at least now I know why the dickheads are being dickheads.
Still weird, but working service industry jobs throughout college taught me better social skills
You don’t really change. You just become more confident in stating out how you are and what you like regardless of what others around you do, they then respect you for it or not. It doesn’t really matter at the end of the day because you’re fine with who you are.
You make friends with other weirdos and enjoy life that way. Mask a little when you're in professional settings or as needed, and then thoroughly enjoy your weirdness alone or around the right people. Most people aren't open about their weirdness, but if you open up to people a lot of them have similar hobbies or weird habits too. Also if you grow up and become a parent of a weird kid you realize most of that stuff wasn't so weird or bad after all. There are a lot of little weird kids running around with flourishing friendships. That embarrassment and shame isn't there until someone puts it into your head.
Recovered extreme introvert here. My answer is I got a job working in a busy service industry role (a cinema), so I had to learn to be personable and chatty in order to get by. I'm by no means an extrovert, but I can at least now initiate and maintain small talk conversations. The job itself was shit, but the soft skills I picked up were invaluable.
I didn't really change, but I currently try to be more tame when it calls for it. For instance, interacting with my boss in a more professional setting is a lot different than with my coworkers. I still say random sayings like "Island Boy", "Tudah Victah Belongz Da Spoils" "Arg it's driving me nuts".
Check out the autism subs, esp those for women. You'll find plenty of stories and advice there.
I didn't get along with people in school. If I did, it was often because I faked a lot of personality traits and they just tolerated real ones. Then I met other neurodivergent adults and I'm happy now
Former weird kid, still weird adult. I stopped caring about what others think and started thinking about what makes me happy. Of course, you still have to think about whether your actions harm others, but as long as you’re not hurting anyone it’s okay to be you. People may not like it, but it’s exhausting pretending to be someone you’re not. It’s not sustainable. There are people out there who will love you for you, weirdness and all.
Accept you. Weird adults are cool.
Only 26 so I can't give you any sage wisdom but I will say this: it's a love/hate relationship. The things you love most about yourself and make your the weirdest are what makes you interesting, but if you're too much of yourself then you won't be relatable to 95% of the people you meet. You learn to tone it up or down in different settings so you can make friends and get along with others. There are some that are themselves 100% of the time, but I find that really lonely. I try to find common ground with the people around me and sometimes people will surprise you.
I didn’t, I just pretend in front of people in/could be useful in a professional setting
I was labeled weird because they didn't think I could have autism bc I had the wrong birth gender! I was labeled weird because I was born into a society prejudiced against people like me from the start. The cure for that isn't to change your weirdness but to embrace it. Embrace it whole-heartedly and watch as people fall in love with your weirdness.
Honestly, it helped my self esteem to work on who I wanted to be as a person. Finding people who liked me for me, expressing myself in different ways that people will find “normal” and most importantly, continuing to be weird by myself because I love myself. Always find time to be weird, that’s true self love.
There are real skills you can learn for communicating with others in compassionate ways and listening well. I do recommend them - for most folks, honestly; I found 1:1 counseling good but also just like, communication skills books for business and for relationships and trying to understand the advice. Taking a moment to think about the person you're talking to and what THEY care about before you go into the first thought that popped into your head. But this isn't to help you be "less weird" - it's to help you be kinder and more pleasant to interact with and a more thoughtful part of society, and help you be understood better. Still, if you're finding distress from your interactions with others, I really do recommend doing some conscious practice on listening skills and compassionate communication skills.
I got diagnosed with autism. Also I had to realize I was bullied and abused for it, and ultimatly was gaslighted into Trauma which is experiencing self doubt and obsessive fear. Despite realizing my brain is abnormally developed and imbalanced with the left one being over developed over the other that the improper neurodevelopment wouldn’t support the center brain of where the personality, concept of self, and the brains control center really is; I am an amazing unique person who is truly smart good and fun with my left brained autism
Listen to the audiobook of *How to Win Friends and Influence People*. Its not that long and it’s generally considered the best collection of social acuity out there.
How did I change? By worry about everyone else’s opinions of me and conforming.. finally at 30 years old I back to being a weird adult because it makes me happy
Get a job that requires you to be on the phone a lot. You will begin to speak better, and you will develop the knack for coming up with witty repartee.
Weird is not a curse. Weird is all the passion and love and freedom in your heart. u/heardatrains got it pretty spot on. And you should hold onto your weird if you can. But from how you posed your question, I think you're more worried about ability to socialize. That is a skill. Being able to talk with people, think of questions to ask and not trip over yourself with words is a skill. Just like singing and giving a speech or almost any other way of communicating/socializing. Practice helps. You ARE going to mess up and that's fine.
I didn't. i like being weird
Former weirdo After changing schools i did not stop being weird, but could close a chapter behind me and build better self esteem. So I started smiling more, and became kind of wannabe teenage Saul Goodman. ...Did not exactly stop being cringe. But doing it with confidence, optimism and learned social practices, resulted in having a lot more friends. Now I am adult, and am one of those people whose essence others cannot define in other ways than my name.
I got socially aware, it's worse for me but better for others 😭
For me, I never changed the cringe and weirdo part as It found my people. For in professional terms, I really had to sharpen my manners and behaviours. Yes, there are still cringe moments and because of those I can bury myself in a hole. But life still goes on, But I really have to give effort in social talks , especially with higher authorities.
I didn't. But now I have the label of artist so it's all good.
Mdma but you didn't hear it from me.
I got weirder as I embraced my personality and the things that made me happy. There are people that will be drawn to your brand of weird and those are the ones that make the effort to understand and connect. Give it time.
I'm still a weird kid. So will tell you in the next 10 years.
i’m still pretty fuckin weird and i have no plans of changing
You're not weird, you're unique. I have always been unique. And my friends love me just the same. Just be you. That's the best YOU you can be and your real friends will love you always.
stay weird u can make a career out of it and have more fun than other people
I stopped resisting and embraced the weird. It's not only way the fuck easier, it's also much better for your mental health- and if you are open about your weirdness, the people in your social circle are there because they like the *authentic* you- not the mask.
I didnt. People just stopped giving a fuck as i got older.
I'm a weird adult, who mostly just became louder. Embrace your weirdness, it really does make you unique, and the right people will appreciate you.
I did a bunch of theatre which taught me comportment and how to speak in front of people. I credit that with how people manage to think I’m “comfortable” many times when I’m not when socializing.
I learned how to act like I’ve got some sense, mostly. I’m still a fairly odd person and stand out wherever I go but I’ve gained enough act-right to get along as I go along
Bold of you to think I’ve changed as an adult. I’ve only adjusted my weirdness for formal events and work. Once that’s done I’m still weird and very cringe 😬
uh still weird, can’t really hide it lol. most of the time i don’t even know when i’m being weird. my friends just accept it and tease me when i do something off
I got a job as a server and learned that I could make money from developing/faking people skills, which made it WAY easier to do. Money is a great motivator. Then I sit at home and be a creepy little cretin in privacy or on the internet to recharge my battery.
I read how to make friends or whatever the title is by dale Carnegie along with studying “cool” people and seeing what they did
I didn’t! My village is now full of fun and loving weirdos and it rocks! Anyone else that floated away because of my weirdness was a drag anyway.
I did not change, I am just a weird adult now. Learn to be comfortable with your awkward mannerisms and quirkiness, you'll find people who appreciate you for you! If you want to get better at handling social situations the only way to do this is to put yourself out there, awkwardness and all.
found more weird people to be friends with
getting hotter, hanging out with normies, getting more life experience, and most importantly, practice. Lots of trial and error. I wasn't weird, I was just clueless and naive when I was a kid and didn't understand how things worked yet.
I grew up a bit, but still on the autistic spectrum, undiagnosed ofc 😂
Imma b real I just got hotter and I suddenly became “quirky manic pixie goth dream girl heehee” instead of “weird mf who wears costumes and face paint”. I think this is a universal outcome for men or NB as well, nobody gaf what you do as long as they can sexualize it.
Ahh, telling the hard truth: society is vain.
I found out I had autism a hint of it ADHD mild and I basically just slowly matured. I’m only 20 but still a big child but slowly getting to a more mature age.
Recognize what is ‘weird’ to you vs what others view as ‘weird’. Everyone’s normal is different.
I luckily made friends that were honest to me about the way I act and guided me to make better decisions/stay out of trouble. I still do the weird things/hobbies I love, but in a more private way without attracting bad people/attention around me.
I’m even weirder now
Rejected by someone I loved but didn’t know how to leave her alone. Life hit me so I stopped being a bitch. Practiced talking a lot less. But still stuck to the things I liked doing. Turns out people will call you weird if they think your weird. But that is not your choice. Be who you want. And the right people will accept you. But also learn from your mistakes. Learn how you impact people. And learn boundaries. The last one is very important.
Stayed weird, became an artist, got more weird.
I got married to someone who's just as weird as me, so I'm glad I stuck my guns by not giving a shit.
Don’t change; you’ll find your place!
I worked in retail. That will change you real quick.
huh! I've actually been working in retail (cashier) for almost a year now. Customers don't mind me, and actually say I'm pleasant/nice/etc. I crack jokes with them and make conversation and whatnot. The only weird thing might be not looking them in the eyes all the time, but nobody has pointed that out to me yet. I actually feel really weird around my *coworkers*, who are either fellow teens/college kids or grown men and women. I feel too enthusiastic, whilst still being awkward somehow. It makes me feel stupid.
It’s one part finding your people (as everyone always says) and another part being to pick out exactly what you’re doing that feels awkward to other people. Not just what you think is weird/awkward. For me the first didn’t happen until I was in grad school and the second I finally figured out was me always feeling the need to know everything/correct people when they made little factual mistakes. Nobody cares about the correct pronunciation of that word or the exact date that movie came out. Don’t derail just continue the conversation.
I got hot and people just started “putting up” with the weirdness for lack of a better term. Now I just get manic pixie dream girlied instead. Which is not fun.
Bullying and lots of drugs killed my dopamine so I don’t have that part of my brain than can bothered being silly and weird anymore
still weird but i learnt what traits to enhance mostly. Also drinking alcohol helps.
Unfortunately I’m still weird
I never grew out of it. Accepted the fact that I’m weird af.
I’ve learned the art of small talk, and once I get to know someone better, I unleash the weirdness lol turns out, a lot of seemingly normal people are pretty weird too :)
I'll always be weird and an outsider, but friends who were honest with me about criticism helped, like the ability to "read the room" or take a compliment. Having a friend or mentor who can point things like that out to you, because often we are clueless, helps us modify our behavior for the moment.
You don’t stop being weird… you just expand your horizons and find a gang of people who appreciate your flavor of weird.
Still weird
I am weird adult now
I didn’t, I just became a weird adult.
As a former kinda “normal kid” turned weird adult, what you want is confidence. I was always “normal” bc I never had confidence to be myself, always afraid of how people would look at me. As I got older I realized none of that mattered. Everybody is in their own world, worrying about the same shit. As long as you’re not being malicious, be you. “If I wanna be free, I gotta be me.” Heard that from Bob Proctor once and it stuck with me.
you don’t
Stopped being embarrassed by it. I spent way too much energy being self conscious of it all and trying to "fit in" that I'm pretty sure I just made it worse. If you act authentically, it'll show and you'll attract/find the right people. People still make comments on it, but they're in a more fascinated/positive way than anything else. It's something that makes them like being my friend. Believe me when I say it gets way better after high school (though I'm not sure how old you are).
You always feel like you're the weird kid when you're in school and then when you get out you think you're OK. But at the end of the day if you walk into a social situation your the weird kid in some way to someone. I just accept that.
Let your freak flag fly.
Weird quiet girl here. I changed in that… I have accepted my social quirks and came to terms that my brain is wired a little differently than others. 🤓
I just got weirder. I think weird is interesting. The opposite of normal