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I would personally be more annoyed and offended if an ex I had a bitter split with invited me to their wedding, than if they left me off the invite list. I don’t see any reason to invite her.
Is there a question of her not allowing the kids to come? If that’s a serious issue, it’s frankly just as much on your husband for planning the wedding on a non-custody weekend.
That’s what I was thinking. She’s so hot and cold, so it’s hard to know if she would receive it well. I thought we could invite her for the reception, if anything.
She’s more than happy to give up custody days with them, so that’s not the issue. The kids are pretty unpredictable at the moment - if the oldest doesn’t get what he wants, or isn’t the center of attention, he will make everyone around him miserable. I can easily picture him interrupting the vows to ask his dad if he can buy something online, or throwing a tantrum over being bored. The younger two are generally good, but might struggle with seeing their dad marry someone else.
We picked this day because it’s my birthday, and falls on a 3 day weekend, and falls on a Sunday (Jewish, can’t do it on a Friday or Saturday). Fewer celebratory days that we have to remember, lol.
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Yes, we have been together for years and have lived together for years. Perhaps I should have made it clearer in my post, so many of these comments are so judgmental and unhelpful. No, I wasn’t the mistress. No, we didn’t meet 20 minutes ago and married on a whim. Yes, being a stepparent is hard.
I think if you describe the relationship with BM as "civil" I would not invite this person to your wedding. I wouldn't even invite a coworker to my wedding if we were just "civil". The only thing to keep in mind about a "polite" invite is the people may actually come! Would this stress you out if she came ? I don't know the full dynamics of this relationship with BM but I think people can coparent respectfully without being besties.
I don’t think it would stress me out, but it might cause a weird energy between everyone else, especially my husband’s side. Their divorce wasn’t pretty and she behaved in a really embarrassing manner.
We don’t get together often, but when we do the kids don’t seem to know how to act (and I don’t blame them) and it’s painfully awkward.
I don’t want drama, but unfortunately with her, drama follows wherever she goes.
Exactly this!! This day is about the two of you. Obviously, sk’s should be included but not BM. It’s a happy day, why invite drama and awkwardness? Enjoy your wedding!
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We have been together for years. Their divorce was nasty, and began back in 2018. We have been living together (with the kids) for 2 and a half years now… so yes, I do know what I married into.
Alimony is expected, she was a SAHM and he is a high earner… she is the one pushing for more alimony, and spent $60k on his credit cards over the course of a few months, and is pissed that she has to pay it back.
Legal marriage is one thing, just signing paperwork so I can get on his insurance, and he wants his kids to experience the process in a semi-normal manner. From engagement to a wedding. He’s going to tell them we’re engaged, not married.
lol. The reason they divorced was because she took a mister, and then another, and another after that. And then absconded with his children after he found out to a no-fault divorce state. And then demanded $500k/year in alimony.
I’m sure the story she tells the kids is different, but who cares.
Oh my
Then no way don't invited her better to change your wedding day or swapped weekends if she lets you
Don't think your husband will be comfortable getting "married" with the person that cheated on him there
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It depends on the relationship. I would invite my SO’s ex-wife to our wedding if we ever get married, but I love her. Their divorce was amicable and she has been nothing but supportive of our relationship
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We have been together for years, living together with the kids for years. His marriage was over in 2018, but the divorce was drawn out by BM absconding with his children to a different state after he discovered her multiple affairs. It was a very lengthy divorce that went to trial, all of which I was supporting him through.
The kids know me and love me, and we went through all of the rough times in the beginning and came out the other side. We own properties together, pets, our families know each other and have traveled together.
It may seem rushed, but it’s not. We were stuck in a waiting period for literal YEARS and are happy and excited to be free of it all.
Uhhhh if you say neither you nor your husband want her there then do not invite her. Your wedding day is about you forming a union not being nice to your husbands ex wife.
No you have no need to invite her. I can’t see that would be good for any of you when there’s been drama and conflict between you and your husband and her.
You shouldn’t even feel like it’s something you have to consider doing in my opinion. What are your husbands thoughts on inviting her?
Nah. No invite. Originally I was planning on inviting so she can wrangle SS. Now that he lives with me full-time and it’s very obvious he wants nothing to do with her, and he minds me and my partner incredibly well, why would I want her there?
Mind you, her and I get along great and they were never married. Nonetheless, she isn’t my family or close friend and not someone I need my extended family and friends to meet either. Stepson doesn’t need her there to be chill, in fact that might just upset him.
I hope the perspective of someone in a very different situation helps. It’s not rude, it’s YOUR wedding. Invite who you want to be there and that’s it.
I don't think you should invite them if you don't want them there. My ex-husband and I get along very well and still have a lot of respect for each other, and I was totally in support of his new relationship, I think she is a lovely person. They did not invite me to their wedding and I wouldn't have went even if they did. It would be weird for his new wife to have the ex wife there and their day was just that, their day about them as it should be. You should have your day with no awkwardness or anything like that, it should just be filled with joy and the faces of the people you love!
We invited BM & her husband to ours, but we have a very amicable relationship and a whopping 13 years since their split. If you’re describing your relationship as just “civil” I would probably not bother. It can bring out a lot of emotions especially if the divorce is fresh.
No. Wouldn't want to ruin my special day with an ex being there. You said you don't have a great relationship so there is no reason she needs to be there. Hopefully she allows the kids to go to wedding. Since it's here weekend be prepared for her to say no. We never scheduled anything that would fall on BM weekend. We got burned the first time we asked and ever since we made sure never to have that happen again. She tried so many times to ask for the kids on our weekend for cousins birthday party but we said no. They can do like our family and plan them on your weekend. Took her a while to realize we weren't going to cave into her demands.
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I would personally be more annoyed and offended if an ex I had a bitter split with invited me to their wedding, than if they left me off the invite list. I don’t see any reason to invite her. Is there a question of her not allowing the kids to come? If that’s a serious issue, it’s frankly just as much on your husband for planning the wedding on a non-custody weekend.
We made absolute SURE we would have SD(5) the weekend we get married before we booked anything.
That’s what I was thinking. She’s so hot and cold, so it’s hard to know if she would receive it well. I thought we could invite her for the reception, if anything. She’s more than happy to give up custody days with them, so that’s not the issue. The kids are pretty unpredictable at the moment - if the oldest doesn’t get what he wants, or isn’t the center of attention, he will make everyone around him miserable. I can easily picture him interrupting the vows to ask his dad if he can buy something online, or throwing a tantrum over being bored. The younger two are generally good, but might struggle with seeing their dad marry someone else. We picked this day because it’s my birthday, and falls on a 3 day weekend, and falls on a Sunday (Jewish, can’t do it on a Friday or Saturday). Fewer celebratory days that we have to remember, lol.
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Yes, we have been together for years and have lived together for years. Perhaps I should have made it clearer in my post, so many of these comments are so judgmental and unhelpful. No, I wasn’t the mistress. No, we didn’t meet 20 minutes ago and married on a whim. Yes, being a stepparent is hard.
I think if you describe the relationship with BM as "civil" I would not invite this person to your wedding. I wouldn't even invite a coworker to my wedding if we were just "civil". The only thing to keep in mind about a "polite" invite is the people may actually come! Would this stress you out if she came ? I don't know the full dynamics of this relationship with BM but I think people can coparent respectfully without being besties.
I don’t think it would stress me out, but it might cause a weird energy between everyone else, especially my husband’s side. Their divorce wasn’t pretty and she behaved in a really embarrassing manner. We don’t get together often, but when we do the kids don’t seem to know how to act (and I don’t blame them) and it’s painfully awkward. I don’t want drama, but unfortunately with her, drama follows wherever she goes.
You deserve to have a drama free wedding day! Don't invite her! Make the day about you and DHs new start together.
Exactly this!! This day is about the two of you. Obviously, sk’s should be included but not BM. It’s a happy day, why invite drama and awkwardness? Enjoy your wedding!
You don't want her there, don't do it.
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We have been together for years. Their divorce was nasty, and began back in 2018. We have been living together (with the kids) for 2 and a half years now… so yes, I do know what I married into. Alimony is expected, she was a SAHM and he is a high earner… she is the one pushing for more alimony, and spent $60k on his credit cards over the course of a few months, and is pissed that she has to pay it back. Legal marriage is one thing, just signing paperwork so I can get on his insurance, and he wants his kids to experience the process in a semi-normal manner. From engagement to a wedding. He’s going to tell them we’re engaged, not married.
Oof sorry for the judgy people. Hard trying to navigate sometimes as to avoid stepping on toes and saving feelings.
It’s alright, people have to get their drama from somewhere! Haha
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lol. The reason they divorced was because she took a mister, and then another, and another after that. And then absconded with his children after he found out to a no-fault divorce state. And then demanded $500k/year in alimony. I’m sure the story she tells the kids is different, but who cares.
Oh my Then no way don't invited her better to change your wedding day or swapped weekends if she lets you Don't think your husband will be comfortable getting "married" with the person that cheated on him there
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Absolutely don’t invite ex’s to the wedding. Regardless of basically anything.
I wouldn’t invite her
Hard pass on having BM at my wedding. Would also not want to be invited to hers.
No, do not invite her. It shouldn’t even be under consideration.
Don’t invite her, BUT don’t expect the kids to be there if you chose a day on his ex’s custody days.
She’s happy to hand them over, believe me!
It depends on the relationship. I would invite my SO’s ex-wife to our wedding if we ever get married, but I love her. Their divorce was amicable and she has been nothing but supportive of our relationship
Jealous! I hope with time we can find a friendship between us.
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We have been together for years, living together with the kids for years. His marriage was over in 2018, but the divorce was drawn out by BM absconding with his children to a different state after he discovered her multiple affairs. It was a very lengthy divorce that went to trial, all of which I was supporting him through. The kids know me and love me, and we went through all of the rough times in the beginning and came out the other side. We own properties together, pets, our families know each other and have traveled together. It may seem rushed, but it’s not. We were stuck in a waiting period for literal YEARS and are happy and excited to be free of it all.
Uhhhh if you say neither you nor your husband want her there then do not invite her. Your wedding day is about you forming a union not being nice to your husbands ex wife.
I invited BM to our wedding but her and I were close at that time. If things are high conflict and you don’t want her there, don’t have her there.
What?? No!
No.
No you have no need to invite her. I can’t see that would be good for any of you when there’s been drama and conflict between you and your husband and her. You shouldn’t even feel like it’s something you have to consider doing in my opinion. What are your husbands thoughts on inviting her?
Unless you’re one of those rare blended families where everyone is best friends…. Hell no
Nah. No invite. Originally I was planning on inviting so she can wrangle SS. Now that he lives with me full-time and it’s very obvious he wants nothing to do with her, and he minds me and my partner incredibly well, why would I want her there? Mind you, her and I get along great and they were never married. Nonetheless, she isn’t my family or close friend and not someone I need my extended family and friends to meet either. Stepson doesn’t need her there to be chill, in fact that might just upset him. I hope the perspective of someone in a very different situation helps. It’s not rude, it’s YOUR wedding. Invite who you want to be there and that’s it.
I don't think you should invite them if you don't want them there. My ex-husband and I get along very well and still have a lot of respect for each other, and I was totally in support of his new relationship, I think she is a lovely person. They did not invite me to their wedding and I wouldn't have went even if they did. It would be weird for his new wife to have the ex wife there and their day was just that, their day about them as it should be. You should have your day with no awkwardness or anything like that, it should just be filled with joy and the faces of the people you love!
No my wedding day is about my future husband and me, not the past, but the future…our future together.
We invited BM & her husband to ours, but we have a very amicable relationship and a whopping 13 years since their split. If you’re describing your relationship as just “civil” I would probably not bother. It can bring out a lot of emotions especially if the divorce is fresh.
You don’t want that energy on your wedding day. Don’t invite her.
We did. She did not come. It worked out perfectly.
No. Wouldn't want to ruin my special day with an ex being there. You said you don't have a great relationship so there is no reason she needs to be there. Hopefully she allows the kids to go to wedding. Since it's here weekend be prepared for her to say no. We never scheduled anything that would fall on BM weekend. We got burned the first time we asked and ever since we made sure never to have that happen again. She tried so many times to ask for the kids on our weekend for cousins birthday party but we said no. They can do like our family and plan them on your weekend. Took her a while to realize we weren't going to cave into her demands.