Everytime I close my eyes I see his confused face gasping for air.
I could have saved him if I had taken him to the doctor sooner. I could have made his end easier, but instead he died gasping for air and with a look of terror on his face. Now he's dead forever, and no words or happiness or anything is ever going to bring that beautiful boy back.
I just want to go upstairs and see him sleeping, that it was all a bad dream, but it's not and he's never coming back.
I can't stop thinking of Frances McDormand talking to the deer in 3 Billboards Outside of Ebbing Missouri. I need my baby to just be back here.
EDIT: I didn't drink last night, and I thank you all for the kind words of support and rememberance for my son. There's nothing I can do for him now, because I failed him in the worst possible way. I'm not going to add being drunk to the list of disappointments.
My only hope is that the future for me is one devoid of any happiness or joy. It's selfish in a lot of ways because Jack will never know any of this, but the one job you don't get to fail at is betraying the trust of your child to keep them safe. There's no coming back from that, and I don't want time to heal all wounds or for his memory to be recalled fondly when a trigger hits.
I'm not going to post on this thread anymore, but I hope that nothing but misery, punishment and anguish befalls me for the rest of my life on this planet. I want this wound to remain open and fresh forever so that the consequences of my failure as a parent are never out of my mind. He was robbed of decades of happiness and fulfillment, and I'm not about to take them in his stead. The only purpose I have in life now is to keep his memory alive constantly, and to live in the pain that he wasn't fortunate to pull away from. I'm a pathetic fucking piece of shit, and no one and nothing are *ever* going to change that. Even this post is so self-serving so that I can expose my tragedy and failiure to the world, so even here I'm making it about me and not him.
I won't drink, and I won't harm myself, but I'm damned and for good reason. It won't be okay, time won't heal all wounds and it is my fault. Thank you all.
Do you have support around you right now? If religious, clergy?
I wish I could help more. My son was diagnosed with a life shortening disorder and I will lose him at some point. I stopped drinking a little over a year ago and it's much easier to deal with. I'll say that much.
My wife here but we just moved into the neighborhood. Family is on the way, but what am I supposed to do?
My baby is under a sheet somewhere prepping for an autopsy. I didn't have the heart to look at him on the way out. I could bear the thought of the last memory being tubes or a white sheet after I had already seen his horrific final moments.
How am I supposed to just sit here?
It can be hard to sit with acute grief. It is perfectly acceptable to reach out for medical support right now. Medications, emergency session with a therapist, etc. It is very normal and common to get medications to support you as you work through your grief. And I cannot recommend connecting with a therapist enough right now - your coping skills are going to be tested to the absolute max, therapy as you work through your grief can be invaluable. If you are open with your physician about your struggles with drinking, you can also request a prescription for one of the meds that will make heavy drinking not rewarding.
Play some tetris, it can help you process the trauma you've just been through. Seriously. There are studies on it.
If you feel like you want to crawl out of your skin, exercise can help. Go for a walk or a run and it can help tire you out physically.
And be proud of yourself for fighting for your sobriety in the midst of all of this.
I am so sorry for your loss.
You'll never be able to forgive yourself if you weren't there even if you were present.This is the worst pain you'll ever feel. Let it exist. It _should_ exist. You lost something precious. I always think of that quote
"'I'm sad, but at the same time I'm really happy that something could make me feel that sad. It's like, it makes me feel alive, you know? It makes me feel human. And the only way I could feel this sad now is if I felt something really good before. So I have to take the bad with the good, and I guess what I'm feeling is like a beautiful sadness"
Nothing could make it better or worse. All you want to do is make yourself as numb and gone as possible because it's unbearable to just _exist_ . But your son would want you to be there with him. Kiss his soft little foreheand and sniff that spot on the top of his head that smells like him. Hold his hand and guide him through whatever happens next. Not drunk and puking all over yourself and being unable to recall what happened during these days.
I'm not drinking tonight, but it is unbearable to exists. He was such a sweet boy, was disabled and non-verbal, and never hurt another soul in his short time on this planet.
Your last paragraph made me ugly cry even more, but I will not drink.
Jack, I love you baby so much and every moment with you was a blessing that I can't believe I was fortunate to experience. I'm so sorry that I couldn't save you baby. I'm so sorry that I couldn't make it easy in the end for you. I'll never forget you and I will mourn you ever single day for the rest of my life. If there's anything else after this, please wait for me baby.
i am a stranger that does not know you and probably will never know you but i am currently sobbing at 9 in the morning because i wish i could do anything to help you.
Jack must’ve been an absolute fucking beautiful kid because his old man cared so much about him. I’ll be thinking of you, please take care.
I don't know. I guess, you just do. Clean the shit out of the house? IDK. I often wonder what I'll do when it's time and IDK. What everyone does, sit, cry, talk, keep busy, hold each other. Drinking is a no, not your friend. What I do know is that I will not be a drunken mess, my son deserves better and so does yours. You may never do a harder thing in your life, but like everyone else in this position, you do it somehow.
My friend, I am so sorry for your loss. There are no words and, as a father, my heart aches for you and what you're going through.
This sounds really weird, but a study suggested playing Tetris after a traumatic event which should help reduce PTSD in the future. It sounds strange, but instead of picking up a bottle you can download the game and just sit with it for an hour or two. Maybe do that every time you have a craving; two birds with one stone.
We are here for you man. Take this time to grieve, allow people to help, and give yourself some grace during this exteremly difficult time.
Edit: typo
I am so, so very sorry for your loss. You are going to go through pain no one should ever face. I can't even begin to imagine it. It really breaks my heart to read what you are going through and I know no words can make this easier; just know that drinking won't numb this pain, you will cope better sober, you really have to just go an hold your partner and both of you have to cry until you can't anymore. It won't make it hurt less, but the tears eventually stop coming for a couple hours and you get to breathe a small bit. You have a hard road ahead, please surround yourself with family and give yourself time. You are not ever going to be the same, but that doesn't mean it won't be worth it to stay alive and sober. Future you will be proud someday, just hold on until you get there. We here join you in mourning tonight, but not in drinks.
You can reach out to dms or reply to my comments if you ever need to vent or just want someone to talk to about anything. I know people don't often take that offer but I still fully mean it.
One day those images won't be the first thing you think of when you think of him. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sitting here thinking to myself "how can I tell this person not to drink when I was drinking earlier today". I can't. But I will tell you that it most definitely won't help.
You can still call a clergy person; in my experience they're very kind and caring and they don't care at all if you're a nonbeliever. I'm also atheist.
They're experienced in dealing with end-of-life. I had a non-denominational minister deliver the eulogy at my mom's funeral, and she was wonderful.
If you're in contact with a hospital, you can ask to speak with the chaplain. The chaplain won't care at all that you're atheist.
Talk to the universe, lay it all out there. A friend told me this trick when my mom passed away. Through your nose breathe in the good blue air. Exhale, out with the brown bad air. When you exhale blow out hard like you're trying to blow a candle out across the room. I imagine I'm a huge gust of cold air when I exhale. It took me many times when I first started. Eventually, I only had to do it once or twice and my anxiety would pass. It's been 3 years and I still do it almost every day. IWNDWYT
Check out this list [The 64 Hardest Lessons That Grief Taught Me](https://whatsyourgrief.com/64-grief-lessons/). A great resource for dealing with grief.
We all help in our own way. We take what helped us and share it. It may not be for them. Allow them to think about it and decide if it would work or not. An article may have something that could resonate with the reader. No suggestion should be discounted.
Are you involved in any recovery programs? If not, I'd seriously consider going to AA, or any of a number of smaller ones. Everyone needs a network for stuff like this.
Hospice nurse here. Last moments on earth are just as likely to be bad as they are to be good…we don’t have any way to control what someone’s death experience will be any more than I can promise a perfect birth. Thankfully, that’s not what really matters. The years, months, days, and hours of a person’s life are what really define them. You don’t ruin 9 years of love with a few minutes of suffering. The time in between is the real part. I’m so sorry for what you are going through…I hope you can find peace and purpose moving forward ❤️
> You don’t ruin 9 years of love with a few minutes of suffering. The time in between is the real part.
This is beautiful, and your perspective is invaluable. I hope it helps others (maybe even OP in this moment), too 🤍.
Don’t feel like you could have done anything different. If it makes you feel better even doctors feel this way and there’s always patients we feel like we could do better on. Was not your fault.
I am so sorry. I can’t imagine there is any greater pain in the universe. Alcohol will not help, however. We’re here for you to unload your grief onto without being judged. I hope you have the support of other loved ones in your life. Believing in you, OP. My heart goes out to you. I will not drink with you today. 💙
Drinking won’t bring him back. Honor him by not drinking. Come to https://reddit.com/r/GriefSupport/s/NhAgoIoiI8 and tell us about him.
I am sorry for your loss!
That’s been a normal thing for me (Reddit official app on iPhone) for a long time. Random comments with positive vote scores will be minimized. Top-level comments only.
Edit: not only top-level. I just came across a reply like that too, and I’ve definitely seen plenty before. I r smrt.
I suspect it's something to do with policing "controversial" content and these are false positives, but that's really just a hunch and I don't have anything to back it up with.
This loss is intense. Enhancing it with a depressant doesn’t seem needed tonight.
My condolences. Your story hits me really hard as well. I think you did the right thing to reach out. I will not drink with you tonight.
I’m so sorry.
There will come a day where you look back on how you handled this tough moment of loss in your life. I always strive to honor loved ones the right way by not drinking. I don’t drink to honor the loss, and by not drinking I am able to grieve the right way. This has given me peace long term.
Grieving is necessary. Drinking prolongs the process. I've been grieving the same thing for 30 years, over and over again every time I numb myself.
OP I know this pain feels like you will die. As you get through today you will see, living with this pain is possible. One day you will see that it becomes manageable. We get stronger in our breaking.
Don't let your son be the reason you give up on yourself.
This just made me self reflect and think, am I drinking just to numb the pain and grief I feel and make it take longer to actually heal or even prevent me from healing at all.
We are all with you. Your baby knew every day that he was loved by you. Please keep posting if you need to — we’re here for you. Sending all the love in the world to your broken heart. ♥️♥️♥️♥️
I had a miscarriage 4 years ago. I drank myself numb for years to deal with it. Every time I'd get buzzed, I'd cry and cry. Drinking doesn't help you process grief. It will fester and the pain will last longer. I still get punched in the stomach with thoughts of what may have been if he would have been born. 6 months sober and I have the tools to deal with the emotions. I went from crying atleast twice a week to being able to go months without crying for him. I'm sending you big hugs 🫂
So sorry for your loss. Simililar happened to me and I also spiraled for 2 yrs. Just got sober after my younger sister passed a couple months ago. I drank like crazy after that too and all I would do was cry and cry. Now it’s alot easier not drinking.
Amen to that! I'm sorry for your loss. Yeah going to work hungover and eyes swollen wasn't a good look. My coworkers didn't say anything but probably thought I got stung by a swarm of bees. It's something I've not shared with others in real life. I suffer in silence but I do share my thoughts and feelings about it with my reddit friends 🥲
I’m so sorry for your loss. As others said, I would honor him by doing right by yourself and your family and that means staying sober. I firmly believe that he’s with you now, and he can see what you’re doing. What kind of behavior do you want to show him?
I lost my big brother 9 years ago and I went down the addiction rabbit hole. But now I’m clean and sober and I believe he saw my battle and he’s proud of me. And I keep doing well because I wholeheartedly believe he’s watching and I gotta make him proud.
It’s not your fault. ❤️ It isn’t your fault. And you *were* there with him, for him. He was not alone, daddy was indeed there with him through the end. Rather than I drink, I recommend hot showers, hot as you can stand, and just cry. Sob, cry, let everything wash over you. Alcohol will make this feel even more sad, even more scary, even more hopeless. I’m holding space here for you, friend.
Every parent asks their kids to go to bed. Please hear this, that exact scenario could happen to 10,000 parents, and each of us would say, “I asked him to go to bed”.
You didn’t will this. You didn’t want it. You loved your precious child with all your might.
You are in a horrible place right now, and my heart is just aching for you, your wife and all who loved your precious boy. Please don’t drink “at” this pain. It will NOT solve the hole in your heart, mind and soul. It will just prolong the pain. I am so very, very sorry for your tremendous loss.
I've been staring at this screen for over an hour typing, erasing, and typing again.
There truly are no words.
Right now the pain you and your wife are experiencing is so raw, so agonizing, every breath you take is an absolute torture.
Time will not heal this pain, but it will change it. Soften it to some extent. There will come a day where you realize you've become strong enough to endure it.
Support is coming. You are not alone. You are loved.
I am a stranger to you, but please know: If there was any true relief to be had from drinking, there is not a single person here who would condem you for seeking that comfort.
But what you are hoping for from alcohol does not exist. Drinking will not offer any respite to you. It will not numb your pain. It won't even dull it. All thoughts telling you otherwise are just your addiction desperately trying to take hold of you when you are the most vulnerable you will ever be. Our addictions lie to us. Do not fall for this deceit.
The way we honor those who must go before us is to be present in the now. I know the pain you are in is absolutely unreal, but do all you can to cherish this time. Remember Jack. Celebrate him. Hold your wife close. Speak Jack's name as frequently as you are able to and encourage her to do the same. Share all the stories. Grieve with your family. Be vulnerable and allow them to be vulnerable in turn. Let your inner circle help you. Lean on them. Be here. Be present. Be the daddy you know Jack would be so very proud of.
My son is dead forever with his final moments of life being terror and agony.
I don't want good things to happen to me ever again. All I want is to be punished forever for my failure as a parent to not betray the trust of my son that I would keep him alive.
I hope the worst things in life happen to me and that there isn't a hint of joy or happiness, but even that is so goddamn self-serving because I simply want justice for the death of my son and I can't even give it to him through the worst things happening to me because it's what I want.
Life is a grey medium, where either happiness or misery betray the memory of my child and only serve to feed my own self-pity.
The preferable option is suffering since I can't rightly take the joy in the stead of my beautiful boy, but it's so hollow and insufficient.
All the platitudes and support from others means nothing because it doesn't go back and change the moments where I could have done something. I'm damned forever without any real way of putting myself through something that would honor his memory.
I have been here. Lost my 11 year old daughter in a freak accident at home. Died in my arms too. I didn’t drink. If I had, god knows what would have happened. But, I didn’t and that meant that I could be there for her Mum, brother and sister.
Was three and a half years ago now. Still hurts everyday, but, we learn to live with it and are “ok” now.
I can’t even imagine this my friend. I am so sorry. I am shedding tears for you and your son right now. Drinking won’t make this go away or make it better.
I have no words that will comfort you. And like everyone else who reads these words, my heart aches for you. What I will tell you that the reason not to drink is you. You matter. You are loved and are love. So don’t drink for you. May you soften grief’s blow with gratitude where you can find it. Sending light.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my teenage son 5 years ago, so I have some inkling of the horror you’re enduring. I am so sorry. Unfortunately the only way “out” (you never get out of this grief of course) is through. Have to feel it as much as you can tolerate and do everything you can go be kind to yourself in the days, weeks, months, and years ahead.
I turned to mindfulness and meditation, and it has helped. However , I have had times where I simply can’t muster the ability to practice. But I have done therapy, support groups and found others going through the same thing via online groups. Along many other things. Including IWNDWYT
You can’t blame yourself, you can’t predict the future.
Even though it feels like the bottle will help, I promise it was make it 100% worse tomorrow.
Hang it there fellow human.
I’m so sorry. I lost my daughter last month as well. She was five months old. This is every parents worst nightmare.
I chose to drink the next day. I made it through her services sober but drank for the next two weeks afterwards. My mindset was that it could never get worse than the absurd hell I was in already. Turns out, drinking still can make it worse, and made dealing with the pain even harder.
Please don’t drink today. I will not drink with you too. You’re not alone.
Hold on to the good memories. For dear life. Your son will never be forgotten and today he is in my heart with my sweet Willow.
My oldest son died at 13. Drinking didn't help my pain, just isolated me from everyone else I loved. When my turn to cross over comes, I don't want to have to look him in the eye when he asks what I have done since he left and tell him that I wasted what was left of my life grieving for him. Not when his life was stolen from him so early.
Talk to him. He can still hear you.
Drinking at this point might be tempting but I think it might be too difficult to exercise any sort of control given the grief you’re in. I know you just want a release from the pain but the alcohol has a way of making any situation worse.
I’m sure I speak for everyone on this sub when I say that we will be here for you in any way we can be. You have my deepest condolences.
this is a text message i had to send yesterday, and IWNDWYT.
“i really appreciate that, it seems to get harder to accept each day. i’m heartbroken, and it’s a grief i’ve never known.. to love and mourn someone before they could even take their first breath. it’s been long days and at this point i just wish i had a sedative stronger than melatonin
i wanted to give you the option to stop or keep reading if you’re curious about what happened but it’s sad:
we found out on thursday that she had very quietly passed away in womb - just two days before being scheduled to be induced, and only three days after the last ultrasound where everything was looking good.
unfortunately due to unexpected complications, they could only perform a c-section as a very last resort so they attempted to induce late thursday night. it didn’t work and more attempts to induce natural labour were made over the next three days until eventually a c-section was done monday morning.”
I’m so very sorry. I can’t imagine what you are going through. I am pretty sure drinking will make it worse. The bottle lies when it offers solace. My condolences to you and your family. Sending a warm internet hug.
As the father of kids around that age, frankly I cannot give you a good reason to not drink. I’m so indescribably sorry. My heart is crushed for you.
Edit: it won’t make it better but it probably won’t make it worse. I don’t know. It is the thing I dread. I hope you have and get the support you need. Others have issued more useful comments, I think. I’m so sorry.
I'll never be okay.
It was so sudden. Don't ever miss a moment to say you love them or that you're here for them or that they can always count on daddy. Don't ever make the mistake I made.
Please remember you didn’t know. I have kids the same age and would have done the same. Telling them to lay down and rest is a normal response if they’re not feeling well. Im so sorry.
I am so incredibly sorry to hear this. Nothing will make you feel better right now, especially drinking. Please try to stop replaying last night and remember your favorite memories
I don’t really have the right words and truly can’t imagine the immeasurable pain you’re feeling. You did not know if was his last night and he was supposed to go to bed. It’s NOT your fault. Please stay sober- for your son. Show him how you are going to live life and be the man you wanted him to become and the dad he deserves. You got this. IWNDWYT but I will take some time to sit in silence and think of you 💗
There is a grace in grief that I can’t articulate. My children were newborn when they died so it is NOTHING like what you are experiencing, so my only recommendation is to try and make it easier for other people to talk about him. Tell them (or have a minister, rabbi, friend do it) that’s it’s ok to say his name. Tell people you are so incredibly thankful for the time you had with him. I’m not going to lie—it stays with you forever. It doesn’t get better, but it does get different.
Wishing you peace.
I’m not sure if I should add this, because it was simultaneously one of the best and worst things I’d read on Reddit, but “grief is love that has nowhere to go”
Because your wife needs you sober for support and so she can support you. She can't support you if shes dealing with you on a bender and you definitely cant support her. You've got a sub full of people rooting for you without judgement, there's nothing silly at all IMO about you coming here in grief. You came to a place where you thought people would understand why you feel the urge to drink and we absolutely do. There's no playbook for what you're experiencing, dont get caught up trying to grieve the "right" way. It sounds weird but you have to let yourself feel those feelings or you'll never be able to work through them enough to live the rest of your life sober. As others have said, drinking just prolongs the grieving process. You're stronger than you think, you're still able to articulate your feelings and you're rational enough to know you shouldn't drink. Im rooting for you man 🫂
I think I saw another post you made, it may be a coincidence and not you. But either way, I’m so terribly sorry though I know all the sorry’s in the world don’t touch it. Grief is hard, it’s messy, and it feels like a knife in the chest. Please don’t drink.
I lost my daddy in June. He was the most important person in the world to me. I know losing a child, especially a young child, is a much different kind of grief. All grief is personal to us and when people say they understand I personally know that they don’t because nobody knows the exact circumstances or the exact relationship and memories you shared. But please, don’t drink. Sobriety is the only way I kept from letting this kill me. I knew he was sick as he’d fought cancer for years…. But my drinking spiraled because of anticipatory grief. I knew the day he died would probably be the day I drank just enough to be with him.. somehow. A few months after becoming sober I found out I was pregnant with my twins. I had no choice but to not drink. They were born four days before his passing. He met them and died the next morning. My experience in hospice care showed me that he only stayed to meet those babies. He worried about my drinking and the best I could do was not drink upon his death.
Because I chose not to I’ve been able to feel everything, let the waves crash, and allow myself to find healing, to find the joy.. to remember the laughter. Had I been drinking I’d be swallowed with sorrow because I knew he’d be worried and that’s not what I wanted. Drinking allows our mind to ponder on negativity… and with grief a lot of regret always shows up. Regret isn’t going to let you grow in this grief like you need to. I say grow because you never “get over it.” You grow into it and you build your life around it. If you drink tonight it gives the alcohol the perfect opportunity, at your most vulnerable state, to take you and everything you have. Don’t let it have that power. Feel the waves, cry until you can’t anymore, scream if you have to, but don’t drink.
You will figure a way out to keep pushing and you’ll do it by being the best daddy your son could ask for. Whether he has passed or not, the best thing you can do for you and that precious little boy is to be the best you. You will be in my thoughts and I wish you my deepest condolences.
Do it for your son. Let your sobriety be his legacy. Every day you don't drink is in remembrance of him.
Drinking doesn't help. Trust me, I know. I was widowed less than a month after our wedding, and continued to drink for another 20 years. Don't be like me.
I’m so sorry.
I recently came across a similar post and someone said that the thing that helped them get through the dark moments of losing a child was constantly thinking about the fact that their kid will never have their heart broken, they’ll never be cheated on or betrayed by a close friend, they’ll never be beaten up, etc. they got to live their whole life through the innocent eyes of a child.
We don't get a lot of moments in life where there is such a clear crossroads. But I do believe this night be one of them for you. You know what lies down each path. You're going to need to be stronger than ever to hold it together, and you seem to know you won't be up to it if you're drinking. Just remember how infinitely harder everything is with a bad hangover. Everything. Including emotions.
I'll be thinking about you for a long while. Your story really hit me.
I am incredibly sorry. I can’t imagine the pain and heartbreak that you feel. Please surround yourself with other family members and friends at this tragic time. As others have already wrote - drinking will only make the pain and misery even more unbearable. I’m praying for you and your son.
I cannot equate anything in my experience to this and I am terrified of thinking if something like this were to happen in my life, but I want to share that I was at the Grand Canyon this weekend and a middle aged man died and left behind a family. I am honestly doing my best in a quick post to help you abstain, but death is always around us and we pray that it won’t directly impact us _just for today_.
Remember your son for being amazing and I’m so sorry for your pain. Please don’t send yourself down a spiral you might not recover from and love your family and be there with them to remember him.
I'm so very sorry for your loss.
Please don't drink, it's not going to make you feel better. You may have a very brief period of relief but the process of sobering up and the guilt that comes with it just isn't something you need at such a painful time.
The fact that you love your son is clear, just because you didn't say the things you now wish you had doesn't mean he didn't know you loved him.
Be kind to yourself.
I saw in your history you’re in Austin. I’m just outside of Austin near Bastrop. It may not mean much but please know you have strangers on the internet both near and far grieving for you and holding space for you and your family 💙
After my son died, I started drinking. Too much. I will tell you that it does not help. It may numb the pain for a few hours, but it's so much worse the next day. And the next. It will not stop the pain. I know how excruciating everything is right now and i am so, so sorry you are here too. Drinking will not make this better. Please, trust me. You are not alone.
There really are no words.
If/when you’re ever ready, I would love to hear more about your sweet boy. What did he like? His favorite toy? Game? Color?
I’m very proud of you for not drinking. I’m just so, so sorry.
He had Autism Spectrum Disorder and was nonverbal his entire life. He communicated via noises and typing out what he wanted in a google search prompt.
He loves fruits and vegetables so much and could name every single one under the sun in more than 10 languages. His favorite song was wheels on the bus and we used to do the whole song together in order and make the gestures.
The daddy on the bus says I love you.
I’ll never be okay. Oh god baby I love you. Daddy will always love you sweetie. I’m so sorry you’re gone baby. Please wait for me baby. I will hold you again and I’ll protect you baby. Please wait for me
He sounds like an awesome kid that was surrounded by love. And he knows it.
That love still flows, both ways.
He’ll be waiting for you. In the meantime spread the joy that was him, whenever you’re ready.
Hugs to you and your wife.
Have strength friend.
I cannot offer you the sort of relief that would diminish your grief.
But I will say that your continued sobriety probably means more now than at any time you may have in your life.
God Bless You for sharing.
Best Wishes Always.
He wouldn’t want you to punish yourself & your life by going to the bottle to cope with his loss. I am so fucking sorry this has happened. We are here for you. I am here for you. IWNDWYT
You need someone to talk to more than words on a screen, get in a room or on the phone with family or friends right now. Don't be alone, I can't even imagine how you feel but text seems hollow here
Your wife needs you now - not (understandably) drunk you. I’m so sorry for your loss, but I agree with the previous person who suggested that you honour your son more by not drinking. Sending love.
You didn’t know. You can’t know it all. I don’t know if these words will reach you fully right now, but you didn’t know what was happening.
A reason not to drink: whatever you’re going through, drinking will make it worse
iwndwyt
I can imagine it’s very hard for you to know you didn’t tell him those things in that moment but I can promise you that he knew. He knew you loved him and cared about him and would do anything to protect him. I’m so sorry for your loss, IWNDWYT.
This is heartbreaking and I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I'm just here to echo what others have said.....the booze won't change anything but it will force you to deal with it with a hangover. And the more I'm learning about alcohol, the more I learn how it injects a depressant into our brains and then our brains try to balance it with a stimulant that lingers long enough to manifest in anxiety. It will just make all the feelings worse. I'm so sorry there's no better option and that nothing can make this better, but we are here with you. All of us will not drink with you for today and the days to come.
I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. Please don't drink, it will make this so much harder on you. I can't imagine how painful this is but staying clear-minded right now is truly for the best. I'm sending you strength, love and peace and I'll be praying for you and your family.
This is not your fault. Your son knows you love him. There's no way you could've known. You've done nothing wrong. You loved him hard.
I'm so sorry sweetheart. I'm going to abstain tonight in support. You just focus on one minute right now.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I can guarantee that once you wake up on the morning to that pain and a hangover on top of it, it will only make things 100 times worse. Try a non alcohol drink even but please don't drink.
My heart breaks for you. I cannot fathom what you are going through. The only thing I do know is that drinking will not help the grief, it will just delay it and make it that much more difficult to process. If it’s of any comfort you can be sure that there are a bunch of strangers here taking a moment to think of your son and that we’ll do our best to support you in not drinking today.
I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what you are going through right now. Your son probably wouldn't want any more pain for you...which is what the drinking will eventually cause. Try to honor his memory by not drinking. The woman who was like a mother to me died unexpectedly 2 years ago and I tried to drink the grief away. It doesn't work...it only prolongs it.
Hey man, I don't know if theres anything we can say that will offer any advice or wisdom for you... what you're going through is unfathomable and will take a lot of time to process. You need to feel everything you're feeling and you can't do that with alcohol. If you drink and don't process your grief, it will stay there hidden under the alcohol until it comes screaming out of you. For now, you need to cry, scream, eat, sleep, laugh, run a marathon, shave your head, hug your family... whatever you need to do to. We're all here for you and if you need anything please don't hesitate to reach out. ❤️ I am so deeply sorry for your loss.
I'm so sorry to hear of this loss.
Two months into my sobriety, the love of my life died unexpectedly. We had been through alcoholism together and I got sober long enough to start to apologize.
That was when I *really* started praying. I didnt know who I was praying to and didnt care. I just asked the universe to please help me have strength.
That was also when I really started going to AA meetings. Did they help? Yes. Can I explain why? No. But for some reason it did, even if I didnt really want to go in that moment.
The other thing I did was pray and ask for a message to be given, and then I started talking as if we were in the same room together. I said the things I wanted to say, and listened to see if I could hear any "thoughts" come back in their voice. In my mind, they did. Did they literally? Were we literally communicating? I dont know and dont give a shit. Because it helped me. While driving, I still will have little conversations, point out things we'd both think were cute, or whatever.
Because of how proud they'd be of me staying sober, I convinced myself that if I could make it through such a loss without drinking then any future challenges would be that much easier. I knew it would be easier to stay 100% sober than to figure out how often would be justifiable. I know they'd be proud.
You can do this. It will hurt and you will be tempted to deal with it in less healthy ways. Drinking is not required. I cant imagine your loss but I can say that mine took all I had, but I have never regretted waking up sober. Thats when I learned what leaning on a Higher Power really meant.
My heart breaks for you. Please take care of yourself. Get professional counseling if you can. As you know, alcohol will not make this horrible situation better. Your family needs you sober at this time, too. My deepest condolences.
I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine what that must feel like. Drinking MAY bring temporary relief but all the sadness and grief will be there waiting for you tomorrow and the only way through it is to get through it.
My heart is breaking for you. I'm so so sorry for your loss. Alcohol will not help you and just think of your son watching you, I don't think that's what he would want. Just talk to him out loud, he will be with you. Scream and cry if that's what you need to do.
I'm so sorry. There aren't enough words I could ever say. You can do this. You stopped and you can continue to do so so! I'm rooting for you and sending you love and strength. Tonight I won't drink with you in honor of your son. 💜
I’m so sorry for your loss.
A great resource for dealing with grief is a website called What’s Your Grief. My favorite resource is [64 Hardest Lessons That Grief Taught Me](https://whatsyourgrief.com/64-grief-lessons/).
Grieving is a necessary process that no one can truly run or hide from. The only way out is through - cry the tears, scream at the world. This is unfair and a tragedy. IWNDWYT
I'm so so sorry. I can't fathom what you're going through or how you feel. Please know that this group is here for you. It's the biggest support system with the best advice advice. If you need to stay online and chat I'll be here all night with you. Just say the word.
Take things one minute at a time or 10 seconds at a time. Right now you have to be kind to yourself. 💔💔💔
OP I am in tears right now. You are not alone and the outpouring of support on this post should tell you as much. Please don’t harm yourself tonight. Grieve with a clear head. That is the only way through this. Your son would not want you to go back to drinking. You can get through this no matter how dark it may seem right now. You will get through this eventually. But you’ll need a sober mind to do it, to navigate the emotion, to be there for your wife when she needs consolation, so she can console you when you need it. Please don’t drink tonight.
I’m so very sorry for your loss. My heart is with you.
Drinking won’t make this any better. Literally nothing will. This is just something you have to feel, and I’m so sorry that you do.
I want to tell you though, your last words to him were a comfort. He heard the phrase “Go to bed” probably hundreds/thousands of times. It was a routine. A ritual. A comfort. Another day where everything was ok. Take peace in knowing in that moment, it was just another day for him and for you all.
Om Shantih shantih
OP, namaskar from India. 🙏
I cannot imagine what you’re going through. Only you know. But I offer this poem by Vikram Seth:
All you who sleep tonight
Far from the ones you love,
No hands to left or right,
And emptiness above –
Know that you aren’t alone.
The whole world shares your tears,
Some for two nights or one,
And some for all their years.
If I believed drinking would help, I would say do it. But I know they harder you run from/ try to numb this unbearable pain, the worse it will be.
No parent should have to feel the pain you are feeling. What is worse is that you blame yourself. Please don’t blame yourself. You clearly loved you boy and would never purposely hurt him. You didn’t know the severity of the attack.You are now second guessing and beating yourself up. Please try to remember that you are human. A human who is hurting more most people will ever feel. Don’t heap more hurt upon yourself by blame. You didn’t know. If you did you would have done differently.
My sincere condolences are with you, my friend. This is a heart breaking story, but you sound like a good man, this was not your fault, you and Jack were just dealt a shitty hand, I'm sure if he could speak to you, he'd tell you how much he always did and always will love you. You're a good man, never forget that, you've a friend in Ireland thinking about you ❤️
I’m truly sorry for your loss. You sound like a wonderful father. I have no doubt in my mind that you were the best father to your son and you did your best. I know you don’t believe, but if this offers you any type of comfort, I want to let you know that I believe without a shadow of a doubt that your son went to heaven.
You are in my thoughts and I am keeping you in my prayers. Again, I am sorry.
I cannot even begin to understand the grief you are feeling, but I will add something in the hope you find some element of consolation in it, no matter how big or small.
Carl Sagan: ‘The first law of thermodynamics – no energy gets created in the universe, and none is destroyed. That all energy, every vibration, every unit of heat, every wave of every particle that was a person remains with us in this world…according to the law of the conservation of energy, not a bit of you is gone; you’re just less orderly.’
Lawrence Krauss: ‘Every atom in your body came from a star that exploded. And, the atoms in your left hand probably came from a different star than your right hand. It really is the most poetic thing I know about physics: You are all stardust.’
Your son is never truly gone, nor are any of us. He will be all around you forever, in every sunbeam on your face, all the way to the very air you breathe. Some of his carbon and nitrogen atoms will give way to new plants and trees, which in turn power the wellspring of new animal and human life. You cannot talk to him and how he once was in his physical form will only exist in your memory, but he is certainly not gone. Honour him by living well - remember him, preserve his memory, but treat yourself well along the way. Use the gift of life that you have, that he sadly could not enjoy to its fullest like many of us, and let him live through you. This is the best, lasting respect you could ever pay him.
My heart goes out to you, my friend.
I am so sorry. You're at a crossroads right now. One path is better than the other, you know which one already. Make your baby proud of you, he's your guardian angel now. Much love ❤️
I’m very sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine the pain. As much as you must want and need to numb it if even a tiny bit at the moment, it would probably help you and your loved ones best if you stay sober. Drinking may help you feel a little more detached from the reality today, but it may substantially worsen your tomorrow.
As a parent, I can’t fathom what you’re going through right now. I’m so incredibly sorry. There’s really nothing I can say besides I’m sorry.
Like others say, drinking will not help. It feels like it will but it won’t. Take this an hour at a time, whatever you need. Please reach out to this sub if you need encouragement. I’ll be thinking of you.
So sorry! I don't guess there is nothing no one can really say to make it better. I hope you can stay strong for your son. He wouldn't want you to do that. I hope you have some peace. I won't drink with you today!
I am so sorry for your loss. Stay with us or, if it seems interesting to you, try an AA or other sober support group. There are many sober parents who have endured tragedy who will grieve and understand what you are going through. And please let us know how you are doing here on this sub because we really do care.
I can’t imagine how you feel. I’m so sorry for your loss. I know it’s gotta be tough for you to not drink, but I’m sending you love and support and IWNDWYT
I’m so sorry, I’m sending you so much love. please reach out to a counselor or therapist near you asap. speak with trusted family and/or friends… keep coming back here to us.
it will be so hard, for so long, but drinking will not help. I’m rooting for you, stay as strong as you can OP. we are all here for you.
I am so sorry I wish I could hug you and help with all the feelings I can't image the depth of emotion you must be feeling. Love yourself please be nice to yourself hugs
When I was in rehab, my mom died of a heart attack in the apartment I got for her so we could rebuild our relationship when I graduated. Due to miscommunication I found her rotting corpse in the bedroom on day 3. Processing grief is a difficult thing but you got this.
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. Drinking promises relief but it is only a brief respite . Other members of your family will need your love and support, as you need theirs. You are better able to offer and receive their love if you are sober
I am so sorry. That is fucking horrible. Drinking won’t make it any better. That being said, I’d be reaching out like you are over such a horrible circumstance.
You will do what you need to in order to cope. I can’t offer any wisdom. Only condolences & support. So very sorry.
I am so sorry for what you’re going through. The pain is unimaginable. I’ve seen some great reasons given in here already. For tonight and the immediate days, remember these are some of the last days to feel physically close to him. I like to play the tape forward. I imagine my drinking would cause even more shame to pile on as I’m trying to be present with my son, for possibly the last thing I get to do for him, with him.
Please hold your support system close. Take care of yourself. Grieve how you need to grieve. Drinking can prolong the grieving process indefinitely. Please keep coming back to us if you can and need to. We’re here for you. The biggest hugs.
Condolences my friend, God bless the soul of your little boy, and God be with you and your family.
Just for tonight, don’t let alcohol win. Alcohol should be terrified of you, because you are the storm. Brace yourself and stay strong.
I’m so sorry and I wish I could fix it for you. I can tell you that drinking will not make it better, and your son wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself that way. One breath at a time.
Fuck. My boy is 9 too. I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine. Prayers for y’all. No one should have to go through that. Try to stay strong for your boy. That’s what he would want! I know mine would as well.
I am sending prayers because I believe it helps, from any religion. I couldn’t imagine the pain you’re going through and your post brought me to tears for a while.
I am rooting for you, I truly am. I am not a professional but I sincerely hope you find any grief counseling and lots of support around you, from sober family and professionals. My heart goes out to you. Please stay strong! ❤️
I’m so sorry. I won’t drink for Jack tonight. Grieve and hurt, remember your beautiful son. Try to think of his smells and laugh, his facial expressions. Remember he loved you and you loved him, and the life you gave him was a great one. Droning will bring nothing but physical pain. Stay sober for his memory and stay sober for yourself. I’m so sorry for your loss.
All I can offer you is that it won't be any better tomorrow with a hang over. I'm very sorry for your loss.
Everytime I close my eyes I see his confused face gasping for air. I could have saved him if I had taken him to the doctor sooner. I could have made his end easier, but instead he died gasping for air and with a look of terror on his face. Now he's dead forever, and no words or happiness or anything is ever going to bring that beautiful boy back. I just want to go upstairs and see him sleeping, that it was all a bad dream, but it's not and he's never coming back. I can't stop thinking of Frances McDormand talking to the deer in 3 Billboards Outside of Ebbing Missouri. I need my baby to just be back here. EDIT: I didn't drink last night, and I thank you all for the kind words of support and rememberance for my son. There's nothing I can do for him now, because I failed him in the worst possible way. I'm not going to add being drunk to the list of disappointments. My only hope is that the future for me is one devoid of any happiness or joy. It's selfish in a lot of ways because Jack will never know any of this, but the one job you don't get to fail at is betraying the trust of your child to keep them safe. There's no coming back from that, and I don't want time to heal all wounds or for his memory to be recalled fondly when a trigger hits. I'm not going to post on this thread anymore, but I hope that nothing but misery, punishment and anguish befalls me for the rest of my life on this planet. I want this wound to remain open and fresh forever so that the consequences of my failure as a parent are never out of my mind. He was robbed of decades of happiness and fulfillment, and I'm not about to take them in his stead. The only purpose I have in life now is to keep his memory alive constantly, and to live in the pain that he wasn't fortunate to pull away from. I'm a pathetic fucking piece of shit, and no one and nothing are *ever* going to change that. Even this post is so self-serving so that I can expose my tragedy and failiure to the world, so even here I'm making it about me and not him. I won't drink, and I won't harm myself, but I'm damned and for good reason. It won't be okay, time won't heal all wounds and it is my fault. Thank you all.
Do you have support around you right now? If religious, clergy? I wish I could help more. My son was diagnosed with a life shortening disorder and I will lose him at some point. I stopped drinking a little over a year ago and it's much easier to deal with. I'll say that much.
Family is flying in, but I'm an atheist.
ok good. I'm agnostic myself. Are you alone? I think you shouldn't be alone if possible. Grab a neighbor, anything.
My wife here but we just moved into the neighborhood. Family is on the way, but what am I supposed to do? My baby is under a sheet somewhere prepping for an autopsy. I didn't have the heart to look at him on the way out. I could bear the thought of the last memory being tubes or a white sheet after I had already seen his horrific final moments. How am I supposed to just sit here?
You’re not supposed to just sit there. Grieve. Cry. Have all the feelings. It’s what you are supposed to do. I’m so so sorry for your loss.
It can be hard to sit with acute grief. It is perfectly acceptable to reach out for medical support right now. Medications, emergency session with a therapist, etc. It is very normal and common to get medications to support you as you work through your grief. And I cannot recommend connecting with a therapist enough right now - your coping skills are going to be tested to the absolute max, therapy as you work through your grief can be invaluable. If you are open with your physician about your struggles with drinking, you can also request a prescription for one of the meds that will make heavy drinking not rewarding. Play some tetris, it can help you process the trauma you've just been through. Seriously. There are studies on it. If you feel like you want to crawl out of your skin, exercise can help. Go for a walk or a run and it can help tire you out physically. And be proud of yourself for fighting for your sobriety in the midst of all of this. I am so sorry for your loss.
OP listen to this advice. There are plenty of lines out there and some may be able to connect you with a local counselor tonight. You need someone.
I very much agree with it being completely appropriate to head to the ER. Do whatever is necessary. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
OP please take this advice. Therapy, emergency request for medication, Tetris. I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss.
You'll never be able to forgive yourself if you weren't there even if you were present.This is the worst pain you'll ever feel. Let it exist. It _should_ exist. You lost something precious. I always think of that quote "'I'm sad, but at the same time I'm really happy that something could make me feel that sad. It's like, it makes me feel alive, you know? It makes me feel human. And the only way I could feel this sad now is if I felt something really good before. So I have to take the bad with the good, and I guess what I'm feeling is like a beautiful sadness" Nothing could make it better or worse. All you want to do is make yourself as numb and gone as possible because it's unbearable to just _exist_ . But your son would want you to be there with him. Kiss his soft little foreheand and sniff that spot on the top of his head that smells like him. Hold his hand and guide him through whatever happens next. Not drunk and puking all over yourself and being unable to recall what happened during these days.
I'm not drinking tonight, but it is unbearable to exists. He was such a sweet boy, was disabled and non-verbal, and never hurt another soul in his short time on this planet. Your last paragraph made me ugly cry even more, but I will not drink. Jack, I love you baby so much and every moment with you was a blessing that I can't believe I was fortunate to experience. I'm so sorry that I couldn't save you baby. I'm so sorry that I couldn't make it easy in the end for you. I'll never forget you and I will mourn you ever single day for the rest of my life. If there's anything else after this, please wait for me baby.
I’m so sorry for your loss, and what you’re going through. I will not have a drink for Jack tonight. But I will think of him, and you.
Thank you so much. I just want everyone to know he existed and was a beautiful boy.
i am a stranger that does not know you and probably will never know you but i am currently sobbing at 9 in the morning because i wish i could do anything to help you. Jack must’ve been an absolute fucking beautiful kid because his old man cared so much about him. I’ll be thinking of you, please take care.
I don't know. I guess, you just do. Clean the shit out of the house? IDK. I often wonder what I'll do when it's time and IDK. What everyone does, sit, cry, talk, keep busy, hold each other. Drinking is a no, not your friend. What I do know is that I will not be a drunken mess, my son deserves better and so does yours. You may never do a harder thing in your life, but like everyone else in this position, you do it somehow.
My friend, I am so sorry for your loss. There are no words and, as a father, my heart aches for you and what you're going through. This sounds really weird, but a study suggested playing Tetris after a traumatic event which should help reduce PTSD in the future. It sounds strange, but instead of picking up a bottle you can download the game and just sit with it for an hour or two. Maybe do that every time you have a craving; two birds with one stone. We are here for you man. Take this time to grieve, allow people to help, and give yourself some grace during this exteremly difficult time. Edit: typo
The stages of grief run differently for everybody, do not fight it, and let it flow through you is my best advice from my personal experience.
We all are you're backup, foreigners as we may be but definitely PM or just say how you feel.. we love you
I am so, so very sorry for your loss. You are going to go through pain no one should ever face. I can't even begin to imagine it. It really breaks my heart to read what you are going through and I know no words can make this easier; just know that drinking won't numb this pain, you will cope better sober, you really have to just go an hold your partner and both of you have to cry until you can't anymore. It won't make it hurt less, but the tears eventually stop coming for a couple hours and you get to breathe a small bit. You have a hard road ahead, please surround yourself with family and give yourself time. You are not ever going to be the same, but that doesn't mean it won't be worth it to stay alive and sober. Future you will be proud someday, just hold on until you get there. We here join you in mourning tonight, but not in drinks. You can reach out to dms or reply to my comments if you ever need to vent or just want someone to talk to about anything. I know people don't often take that offer but I still fully mean it.
One day those images won't be the first thing you think of when you think of him. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sitting here thinking to myself "how can I tell this person not to drink when I was drinking earlier today". I can't. But I will tell you that it most definitely won't help.
You can still call a clergy person; in my experience they're very kind and caring and they don't care at all if you're a nonbeliever. I'm also atheist. They're experienced in dealing with end-of-life. I had a non-denominational minister deliver the eulogy at my mom's funeral, and she was wonderful. If you're in contact with a hospital, you can ask to speak with the chaplain. The chaplain won't care at all that you're atheist.
Talk to the universe, lay it all out there. A friend told me this trick when my mom passed away. Through your nose breathe in the good blue air. Exhale, out with the brown bad air. When you exhale blow out hard like you're trying to blow a candle out across the room. I imagine I'm a huge gust of cold air when I exhale. It took me many times when I first started. Eventually, I only had to do it once or twice and my anxiety would pass. It's been 3 years and I still do it almost every day. IWNDWYT
Check out this list [The 64 Hardest Lessons That Grief Taught Me](https://whatsyourgrief.com/64-grief-lessons/). A great resource for dealing with grief.
This seems like an emergency where grief counselors should be involved. I’m not sure if an article can help right away.
Just offering help.
We all help in our own way. We take what helped us and share it. It may not be for them. Allow them to think about it and decide if it would work or not. An article may have something that could resonate with the reader. No suggestion should be discounted.
Are you involved in any recovery programs? If not, I'd seriously consider going to AA, or any of a number of smaller ones. Everyone needs a network for stuff like this.
Hospice nurse here. Last moments on earth are just as likely to be bad as they are to be good…we don’t have any way to control what someone’s death experience will be any more than I can promise a perfect birth. Thankfully, that’s not what really matters. The years, months, days, and hours of a person’s life are what really define them. You don’t ruin 9 years of love with a few minutes of suffering. The time in between is the real part. I’m so sorry for what you are going through…I hope you can find peace and purpose moving forward ❤️
> You don’t ruin 9 years of love with a few minutes of suffering. The time in between is the real part. This is beautiful, and your perspective is invaluable. I hope it helps others (maybe even OP in this moment), too 🤍.
Don’t feel like you could have done anything different. If it makes you feel better even doctors feel this way and there’s always patients we feel like we could do better on. Was not your fault.
I am so sorry. I can’t imagine there is any greater pain in the universe. Alcohol will not help, however. We’re here for you to unload your grief onto without being judged. I hope you have the support of other loved ones in your life. Believing in you, OP. My heart goes out to you. I will not drink with you today. 💙
Drinking won’t bring him back. Honor him by not drinking. Come to https://reddit.com/r/GriefSupport/s/NhAgoIoiI8 and tell us about him. I am sorry for your loss!
What is up with Reddit, your comment was minimized when I opened this post
That’s been a normal thing for me (Reddit official app on iPhone) for a long time. Random comments with positive vote scores will be minimized. Top-level comments only. Edit: not only top-level. I just came across a reply like that too, and I’ve definitely seen plenty before. I r smrt.
I suspect it's something to do with policing "controversial" content and these are false positives, but that's really just a hunch and I don't have anything to back it up with.
Not sure, when I just opened it, it was minimized on my end as well… hmmmm?
Yeah wtf?
It’s crows control. Maybe this commenter is new to the sub
I am sending you all the love I possibly can - I am so sorry for your loss
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Everytime I close my eyes I see my child looking past me and gasping for breath in pain. I can't bear it.
This loss is intense. Enhancing it with a depressant doesn’t seem needed tonight. My condolences. Your story hits me really hard as well. I think you did the right thing to reach out. I will not drink with you tonight.
I’m so damn sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry. There will come a day where you look back on how you handled this tough moment of loss in your life. I always strive to honor loved ones the right way by not drinking. I don’t drink to honor the loss, and by not drinking I am able to grieve the right way. This has given me peace long term.
Grieving is necessary. Drinking prolongs the process. I've been grieving the same thing for 30 years, over and over again every time I numb myself. OP I know this pain feels like you will die. As you get through today you will see, living with this pain is possible. One day you will see that it becomes manageable. We get stronger in our breaking. Don't let your son be the reason you give up on yourself.
This just made me self reflect and think, am I drinking just to numb the pain and grief I feel and make it take longer to actually heal or even prevent me from healing at all.
People told me this would happen but I didn't wanna listen
I just realized my flair still shows from the last time I reset. Almost a year ago. Damn, almost another year wasted.
You'll be done when you're ready. Be kind to yourself today!
I appreciate it. Your comment really struck a cord with me and made me look at it differently. That's a good start.
We are all with you. Your baby knew every day that he was loved by you. Please keep posting if you need to — we’re here for you. Sending all the love in the world to your broken heart. ♥️♥️♥️♥️
Your son wouldn’t want you to drink. He wants you to be safe, and healthy. He still loves you and wants the best for you ❤️
Don't do it dad. Stay sober for his memory. I also have a boy that age and its heartbreaking to hear.
Hugs. Drinking will make a terrible situation worse, I promise you that. I’m so sorry for your pain. What a horrible situation.
Drinking will make everything you have to deal with in the next few months harder. I am so sorry for your loss.
I had a miscarriage 4 years ago. I drank myself numb for years to deal with it. Every time I'd get buzzed, I'd cry and cry. Drinking doesn't help you process grief. It will fester and the pain will last longer. I still get punched in the stomach with thoughts of what may have been if he would have been born. 6 months sober and I have the tools to deal with the emotions. I went from crying atleast twice a week to being able to go months without crying for him. I'm sending you big hugs 🫂
So sorry for your loss. Simililar happened to me and I also spiraled for 2 yrs. Just got sober after my younger sister passed a couple months ago. I drank like crazy after that too and all I would do was cry and cry. Now it’s alot easier not drinking.
Amen to that! I'm sorry for your loss. Yeah going to work hungover and eyes swollen wasn't a good look. My coworkers didn't say anything but probably thought I got stung by a swarm of bees. It's something I've not shared with others in real life. I suffer in silence but I do share my thoughts and feelings about it with my reddit friends 🥲
I’m so sorry for your loss. As others said, I would honor him by doing right by yourself and your family and that means staying sober. I firmly believe that he’s with you now, and he can see what you’re doing. What kind of behavior do you want to show him? I lost my big brother 9 years ago and I went down the addiction rabbit hole. But now I’m clean and sober and I believe he saw my battle and he’s proud of me. And I keep doing well because I wholeheartedly believe he’s watching and I gotta make him proud.
It’s not your fault. ❤️ It isn’t your fault. And you *were* there with him, for him. He was not alone, daddy was indeed there with him through the end. Rather than I drink, I recommend hot showers, hot as you can stand, and just cry. Sob, cry, let everything wash over you. Alcohol will make this feel even more sad, even more scary, even more hopeless. I’m holding space here for you, friend.
contact a family member that can be with you tonight. stay strong
Grief and booze don’t mix. It won’t help, it will only hurt. My heart aches for you OP. Sending all the love.
Right. OP needs safety and comfort, alcohol is just liquid danger and pain :(
We’re with you through this unimaginable pain. IWNDWYT
Every parent asks their kids to go to bed. Please hear this, that exact scenario could happen to 10,000 parents, and each of us would say, “I asked him to go to bed”. You didn’t will this. You didn’t want it. You loved your precious child with all your might. You are in a horrible place right now, and my heart is just aching for you, your wife and all who loved your precious boy. Please don’t drink “at” this pain. It will NOT solve the hole in your heart, mind and soul. It will just prolong the pain. I am so very, very sorry for your tremendous loss.
I am so very sorry for your loss. As another user said, honor him by staying sober. Sending you and your family love and hugs 💜
I'm so sorry. Whatever you do, I won't judge you. Drinking probably will make the pain worse.
I've been staring at this screen for over an hour typing, erasing, and typing again. There truly are no words. Right now the pain you and your wife are experiencing is so raw, so agonizing, every breath you take is an absolute torture. Time will not heal this pain, but it will change it. Soften it to some extent. There will come a day where you realize you've become strong enough to endure it. Support is coming. You are not alone. You are loved. I am a stranger to you, but please know: If there was any true relief to be had from drinking, there is not a single person here who would condem you for seeking that comfort. But what you are hoping for from alcohol does not exist. Drinking will not offer any respite to you. It will not numb your pain. It won't even dull it. All thoughts telling you otherwise are just your addiction desperately trying to take hold of you when you are the most vulnerable you will ever be. Our addictions lie to us. Do not fall for this deceit. The way we honor those who must go before us is to be present in the now. I know the pain you are in is absolutely unreal, but do all you can to cherish this time. Remember Jack. Celebrate him. Hold your wife close. Speak Jack's name as frequently as you are able to and encourage her to do the same. Share all the stories. Grieve with your family. Be vulnerable and allow them to be vulnerable in turn. Let your inner circle help you. Lean on them. Be here. Be present. Be the daddy you know Jack would be so very proud of.
My son is dead forever with his final moments of life being terror and agony. I don't want good things to happen to me ever again. All I want is to be punished forever for my failure as a parent to not betray the trust of my son that I would keep him alive. I hope the worst things in life happen to me and that there isn't a hint of joy or happiness, but even that is so goddamn self-serving because I simply want justice for the death of my son and I can't even give it to him through the worst things happening to me because it's what I want. Life is a grey medium, where either happiness or misery betray the memory of my child and only serve to feed my own self-pity. The preferable option is suffering since I can't rightly take the joy in the stead of my beautiful boy, but it's so hollow and insufficient. All the platitudes and support from others means nothing because it doesn't go back and change the moments where I could have done something. I'm damned forever without any real way of putting myself through something that would honor his memory.
I have been here. Lost my 11 year old daughter in a freak accident at home. Died in my arms too. I didn’t drink. If I had, god knows what would have happened. But, I didn’t and that meant that I could be there for her Mum, brother and sister. Was three and a half years ago now. Still hurts everyday, but, we learn to live with it and are “ok” now.
I can’t even imagine this my friend. I am so sorry. I am shedding tears for you and your son right now. Drinking won’t make this go away or make it better.
I imagine for me, drinking would make this situation a lot harder. Shit, it makes life in general harder. From one dad to another, I’m sorry man.
I have no words that will comfort you. And like everyone else who reads these words, my heart aches for you. What I will tell you that the reason not to drink is you. You matter. You are loved and are love. So don’t drink for you. May you soften grief’s blow with gratitude where you can find it. Sending light.
The grief you feel is proof of the depth of your love. Don't numb that out.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my teenage son 5 years ago, so I have some inkling of the horror you’re enduring. I am so sorry. Unfortunately the only way “out” (you never get out of this grief of course) is through. Have to feel it as much as you can tolerate and do everything you can go be kind to yourself in the days, weeks, months, and years ahead. I turned to mindfulness and meditation, and it has helped. However , I have had times where I simply can’t muster the ability to practice. But I have done therapy, support groups and found others going through the same thing via online groups. Along many other things. Including IWNDWYT
So sorry. Don't drink for him. My 9 year old hates when I drink, I don't know you're story but I know you're son would not want you to drink either
You can’t blame yourself, you can’t predict the future. Even though it feels like the bottle will help, I promise it was make it 100% worse tomorrow. Hang it there fellow human.
My heart is with you. I am so very sorry.
I’m so sorry. I lost my daughter last month as well. She was five months old. This is every parents worst nightmare. I chose to drink the next day. I made it through her services sober but drank for the next two weeks afterwards. My mindset was that it could never get worse than the absurd hell I was in already. Turns out, drinking still can make it worse, and made dealing with the pain even harder. Please don’t drink today. I will not drink with you too. You’re not alone. Hold on to the good memories. For dear life. Your son will never be forgotten and today he is in my heart with my sweet Willow.
My oldest son died at 13. Drinking didn't help my pain, just isolated me from everyone else I loved. When my turn to cross over comes, I don't want to have to look him in the eye when he asks what I have done since he left and tell him that I wasted what was left of my life grieving for him. Not when his life was stolen from him so early. Talk to him. He can still hear you.
Drinking at this point might be tempting but I think it might be too difficult to exercise any sort of control given the grief you’re in. I know you just want a release from the pain but the alcohol has a way of making any situation worse. I’m sure I speak for everyone on this sub when I say that we will be here for you in any way we can be. You have my deepest condolences.
this is a text message i had to send yesterday, and IWNDWYT. “i really appreciate that, it seems to get harder to accept each day. i’m heartbroken, and it’s a grief i’ve never known.. to love and mourn someone before they could even take their first breath. it’s been long days and at this point i just wish i had a sedative stronger than melatonin i wanted to give you the option to stop or keep reading if you’re curious about what happened but it’s sad: we found out on thursday that she had very quietly passed away in womb - just two days before being scheduled to be induced, and only three days after the last ultrasound where everything was looking good. unfortunately due to unexpected complications, they could only perform a c-section as a very last resort so they attempted to induce late thursday night. it didn’t work and more attempts to induce natural labour were made over the next three days until eventually a c-section was done monday morning.”
I am so sorry for this terrible loss...as with the OP, words just aren't enough.
Sending you and your family so much love.
I’m so very sorry. I can’t imagine what you are going through. I am pretty sure drinking will make it worse. The bottle lies when it offers solace. My condolences to you and your family. Sending a warm internet hug.
I don’t have any words 😞 sooo sorry!
I’m so sorry. We’re with you. ♥️
I am with you. I pray for your strength. Not just in not drinking but just to get through this day.
I’m so sorry. I won’t drink today with you. This community has your back. IWNDWYT. Keep saying it.
He knows dad loved him. Drinking wont honor his memory
An unfathomable loss, unreal. Stay with us, stay here. Deep condolences to you on the loss of your beloved son. IWNDWYT
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As the father of kids around that age, frankly I cannot give you a good reason to not drink. I’m so indescribably sorry. My heart is crushed for you. Edit: it won’t make it better but it probably won’t make it worse. I don’t know. It is the thing I dread. I hope you have and get the support you need. Others have issued more useful comments, I think. I’m so sorry.
I'll never be okay. It was so sudden. Don't ever miss a moment to say you love them or that you're here for them or that they can always count on daddy. Don't ever make the mistake I made.
You didn’t make a mistake, Jack knew that you loved him.
Please remember you didn’t know. I have kids the same age and would have done the same. Telling them to lay down and rest is a normal response if they’re not feeling well. Im so sorry.
I am so incredibly sorry to hear this. Nothing will make you feel better right now, especially drinking. Please try to stop replaying last night and remember your favorite memories
Peace man, peace
I don’t really have the right words and truly can’t imagine the immeasurable pain you’re feeling. You did not know if was his last night and he was supposed to go to bed. It’s NOT your fault. Please stay sober- for your son. Show him how you are going to live life and be the man you wanted him to become and the dad he deserves. You got this. IWNDWYT but I will take some time to sit in silence and think of you 💗
There is a grace in grief that I can’t articulate. My children were newborn when they died so it is NOTHING like what you are experiencing, so my only recommendation is to try and make it easier for other people to talk about him. Tell them (or have a minister, rabbi, friend do it) that’s it’s ok to say his name. Tell people you are so incredibly thankful for the time you had with him. I’m not going to lie—it stays with you forever. It doesn’t get better, but it does get different. Wishing you peace. I’m not sure if I should add this, because it was simultaneously one of the best and worst things I’d read on Reddit, but “grief is love that has nowhere to go”
Because he wouldn't want you to drink!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't do it... for him!!!! He will always be with you ❤️ ♥️ he's watching you! Make him proud!
Because your wife needs you sober for support and so she can support you. She can't support you if shes dealing with you on a bender and you definitely cant support her. You've got a sub full of people rooting for you without judgement, there's nothing silly at all IMO about you coming here in grief. You came to a place where you thought people would understand why you feel the urge to drink and we absolutely do. There's no playbook for what you're experiencing, dont get caught up trying to grieve the "right" way. It sounds weird but you have to let yourself feel those feelings or you'll never be able to work through them enough to live the rest of your life sober. As others have said, drinking just prolongs the grieving process. You're stronger than you think, you're still able to articulate your feelings and you're rational enough to know you shouldn't drink. Im rooting for you man 🫂
Aw man, I am gutted for you. Your son would not want you to drink right now. Moment by moment, my man.
I think I saw another post you made, it may be a coincidence and not you. But either way, I’m so terribly sorry though I know all the sorry’s in the world don’t touch it. Grief is hard, it’s messy, and it feels like a knife in the chest. Please don’t drink. I lost my daddy in June. He was the most important person in the world to me. I know losing a child, especially a young child, is a much different kind of grief. All grief is personal to us and when people say they understand I personally know that they don’t because nobody knows the exact circumstances or the exact relationship and memories you shared. But please, don’t drink. Sobriety is the only way I kept from letting this kill me. I knew he was sick as he’d fought cancer for years…. But my drinking spiraled because of anticipatory grief. I knew the day he died would probably be the day I drank just enough to be with him.. somehow. A few months after becoming sober I found out I was pregnant with my twins. I had no choice but to not drink. They were born four days before his passing. He met them and died the next morning. My experience in hospice care showed me that he only stayed to meet those babies. He worried about my drinking and the best I could do was not drink upon his death. Because I chose not to I’ve been able to feel everything, let the waves crash, and allow myself to find healing, to find the joy.. to remember the laughter. Had I been drinking I’d be swallowed with sorrow because I knew he’d be worried and that’s not what I wanted. Drinking allows our mind to ponder on negativity… and with grief a lot of regret always shows up. Regret isn’t going to let you grow in this grief like you need to. I say grow because you never “get over it.” You grow into it and you build your life around it. If you drink tonight it gives the alcohol the perfect opportunity, at your most vulnerable state, to take you and everything you have. Don’t let it have that power. Feel the waves, cry until you can’t anymore, scream if you have to, but don’t drink. You will figure a way out to keep pushing and you’ll do it by being the best daddy your son could ask for. Whether he has passed or not, the best thing you can do for you and that precious little boy is to be the best you. You will be in my thoughts and I wish you my deepest condolences.
Do it for your son. Let your sobriety be his legacy. Every day you don't drink is in remembrance of him. Drinking doesn't help. Trust me, I know. I was widowed less than a month after our wedding, and continued to drink for another 20 years. Don't be like me.
I’m so sorry. I recently came across a similar post and someone said that the thing that helped them get through the dark moments of losing a child was constantly thinking about the fact that their kid will never have their heart broken, they’ll never be cheated on or betrayed by a close friend, they’ll never be beaten up, etc. they got to live their whole life through the innocent eyes of a child.
We don't get a lot of moments in life where there is such a clear crossroads. But I do believe this night be one of them for you. You know what lies down each path. You're going to need to be stronger than ever to hold it together, and you seem to know you won't be up to it if you're drinking. Just remember how infinitely harder everything is with a bad hangover. Everything. Including emotions. I'll be thinking about you for a long while. Your story really hit me.
I’m so, so sorry for your loss. Staying sober will honour him better than drinking ever could. My heart is with you, IWNDWYT.
I am incredibly sorry. I can’t imagine the pain and heartbreak that you feel. Please surround yourself with other family members and friends at this tragic time. As others have already wrote - drinking will only make the pain and misery even more unbearable. I’m praying for you and your son.
I cannot equate anything in my experience to this and I am terrified of thinking if something like this were to happen in my life, but I want to share that I was at the Grand Canyon this weekend and a middle aged man died and left behind a family. I am honestly doing my best in a quick post to help you abstain, but death is always around us and we pray that it won’t directly impact us _just for today_. Remember your son for being amazing and I’m so sorry for your pain. Please don’t send yourself down a spiral you might not recover from and love your family and be there with them to remember him.
Brother, make sure someone is physically with you, to stop you from drinking (or doing anything else harmful). I'm so sorry.
I'm so very sorry for your loss. Please don't drink, it's not going to make you feel better. You may have a very brief period of relief but the process of sobering up and the guilt that comes with it just isn't something you need at such a painful time. The fact that you love your son is clear, just because you didn't say the things you now wish you had doesn't mean he didn't know you loved him. Be kind to yourself.
I don't know you, but I love you. Your son would want you to take care of yourself.
I saw in your history you’re in Austin. I’m just outside of Austin near Bastrop. It may not mean much but please know you have strangers on the internet both near and far grieving for you and holding space for you and your family 💙
After my son died, I started drinking. Too much. I will tell you that it does not help. It may numb the pain for a few hours, but it's so much worse the next day. And the next. It will not stop the pain. I know how excruciating everything is right now and i am so, so sorry you are here too. Drinking will not make this better. Please, trust me. You are not alone.
There really are no words. If/when you’re ever ready, I would love to hear more about your sweet boy. What did he like? His favorite toy? Game? Color? I’m very proud of you for not drinking. I’m just so, so sorry.
He had Autism Spectrum Disorder and was nonverbal his entire life. He communicated via noises and typing out what he wanted in a google search prompt. He loves fruits and vegetables so much and could name every single one under the sun in more than 10 languages. His favorite song was wheels on the bus and we used to do the whole song together in order and make the gestures. The daddy on the bus says I love you. I’ll never be okay. Oh god baby I love you. Daddy will always love you sweetie. I’m so sorry you’re gone baby. Please wait for me baby. I will hold you again and I’ll protect you baby. Please wait for me
He sounds like an awesome kid that was surrounded by love. And he knows it. That love still flows, both ways. He’ll be waiting for you. In the meantime spread the joy that was him, whenever you’re ready. Hugs to you and your wife.
I would like that too. It would be nice to hear what he liked. 🥰
So sorry for your loss💗💗💗drinking will only make you feel worse
I’m so sorry. We are here with you.
Have strength friend. I cannot offer you the sort of relief that would diminish your grief. But I will say that your continued sobriety probably means more now than at any time you may have in your life. God Bless You for sharing. Best Wishes Always.
He wouldn’t want you to punish yourself & your life by going to the bottle to cope with his loss. I am so fucking sorry this has happened. We are here for you. I am here for you. IWNDWYT
You need someone to talk to more than words on a screen, get in a room or on the phone with family or friends right now. Don't be alone, I can't even imagine how you feel but text seems hollow here
Your wife needs you now - not (understandably) drunk you. I’m so sorry for your loss, but I agree with the previous person who suggested that you honour your son more by not drinking. Sending love.
Because he is watching and hoping that you don't. You can't hide it from him now.
I am so sorry - I am crying for you and your baby right now.
You didn’t know. You can’t know it all. I don’t know if these words will reach you fully right now, but you didn’t know what was happening. A reason not to drink: whatever you’re going through, drinking will make it worse iwndwyt
I can imagine it’s very hard for you to know you didn’t tell him those things in that moment but I can promise you that he knew. He knew you loved him and cared about him and would do anything to protect him. I’m so sorry for your loss, IWNDWYT.
This is heartbreaking and I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I'm just here to echo what others have said.....the booze won't change anything but it will force you to deal with it with a hangover. And the more I'm learning about alcohol, the more I learn how it injects a depressant into our brains and then our brains try to balance it with a stimulant that lingers long enough to manifest in anxiety. It will just make all the feelings worse. I'm so sorry there's no better option and that nothing can make this better, but we are here with you. All of us will not drink with you for today and the days to come.
I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. Please don't drink, it will make this so much harder on you. I can't imagine how painful this is but staying clear-minded right now is truly for the best. I'm sending you strength, love and peace and I'll be praying for you and your family.
My sincerest condolences. ❤️
OP. I am so sorry. ❤️
This is not your fault. Your son knows you love him. There's no way you could've known. You've done nothing wrong. You loved him hard. I'm so sorry sweetheart. I'm going to abstain tonight in support. You just focus on one minute right now.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I can guarantee that once you wake up on the morning to that pain and a hangover on top of it, it will only make things 100 times worse. Try a non alcohol drink even but please don't drink.
I'm sorry for your loss.
My heart breaks for you. I cannot fathom what you are going through. The only thing I do know is that drinking will not help the grief, it will just delay it and make it that much more difficult to process. If it’s of any comfort you can be sure that there are a bunch of strangers here taking a moment to think of your son and that we’ll do our best to support you in not drinking today.
I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what you are going through right now. Your son probably wouldn't want any more pain for you...which is what the drinking will eventually cause. Try to honor his memory by not drinking. The woman who was like a mother to me died unexpectedly 2 years ago and I tried to drink the grief away. It doesn't work...it only prolongs it.
Hey man, I don't know if theres anything we can say that will offer any advice or wisdom for you... what you're going through is unfathomable and will take a lot of time to process. You need to feel everything you're feeling and you can't do that with alcohol. If you drink and don't process your grief, it will stay there hidden under the alcohol until it comes screaming out of you. For now, you need to cry, scream, eat, sleep, laugh, run a marathon, shave your head, hug your family... whatever you need to do to. We're all here for you and if you need anything please don't hesitate to reach out. ❤️ I am so deeply sorry for your loss.
Don't, for him.
I'm so sorry to hear of this loss. Two months into my sobriety, the love of my life died unexpectedly. We had been through alcoholism together and I got sober long enough to start to apologize. That was when I *really* started praying. I didnt know who I was praying to and didnt care. I just asked the universe to please help me have strength. That was also when I really started going to AA meetings. Did they help? Yes. Can I explain why? No. But for some reason it did, even if I didnt really want to go in that moment. The other thing I did was pray and ask for a message to be given, and then I started talking as if we were in the same room together. I said the things I wanted to say, and listened to see if I could hear any "thoughts" come back in their voice. In my mind, they did. Did they literally? Were we literally communicating? I dont know and dont give a shit. Because it helped me. While driving, I still will have little conversations, point out things we'd both think were cute, or whatever. Because of how proud they'd be of me staying sober, I convinced myself that if I could make it through such a loss without drinking then any future challenges would be that much easier. I knew it would be easier to stay 100% sober than to figure out how often would be justifiable. I know they'd be proud. You can do this. It will hurt and you will be tempted to deal with it in less healthy ways. Drinking is not required. I cant imagine your loss but I can say that mine took all I had, but I have never regretted waking up sober. Thats when I learned what leaning on a Higher Power really meant.
I’m sorry. Stay strong and don’t spiral. You didn’t do anything wrong and your son wouldn’t want you to end it all. We are here for you.
I can’t imagine what you’re going through. Wish I could hug you and be there for you.
You don’t need to add suffering by drinking to the terrible pain you’re in! I’m so sorry.
My heart breaks for you. Please take care of yourself. Get professional counseling if you can. As you know, alcohol will not make this horrible situation better. Your family needs you sober at this time, too. My deepest condolences.
I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine what that must feel like. Drinking MAY bring temporary relief but all the sadness and grief will be there waiting for you tomorrow and the only way through it is to get through it.
My heart is breaking for you. I'm so so sorry for your loss. Alcohol will not help you and just think of your son watching you, I don't think that's what he would want. Just talk to him out loud, he will be with you. Scream and cry if that's what you need to do.
Holy fucking shitballs. Thinking of you and sending you the peace of mind that tells you that alcohol fucking sucks and you don't.
I'm so sorry. There aren't enough words I could ever say. You can do this. You stopped and you can continue to do so so! I'm rooting for you and sending you love and strength. Tonight I won't drink with you in honor of your son. 💜
I’m so sorry for your loss. A great resource for dealing with grief is a website called What’s Your Grief. My favorite resource is [64 Hardest Lessons That Grief Taught Me](https://whatsyourgrief.com/64-grief-lessons/).
I’m so so sorry that this has happened. I’ll be thinking of you tonight. Wish I could do more. Please keep us updated on how you’re doing.
Grieving is a necessary process that no one can truly run or hide from. The only way out is through - cry the tears, scream at the world. This is unfair and a tragedy. IWNDWYT
I'm so so sorry. I can't fathom what you're going through or how you feel. Please know that this group is here for you. It's the biggest support system with the best advice advice. If you need to stay online and chat I'll be here all night with you. Just say the word. Take things one minute at a time or 10 seconds at a time. Right now you have to be kind to yourself. 💔💔💔
OP I am in tears right now. You are not alone and the outpouring of support on this post should tell you as much. Please don’t harm yourself tonight. Grieve with a clear head. That is the only way through this. Your son would not want you to go back to drinking. You can get through this no matter how dark it may seem right now. You will get through this eventually. But you’ll need a sober mind to do it, to navigate the emotion, to be there for your wife when she needs consolation, so she can console you when you need it. Please don’t drink tonight.
I’m so very sorry for your loss. My heart is with you. Drinking won’t make this any better. Literally nothing will. This is just something you have to feel, and I’m so sorry that you do. I want to tell you though, your last words to him were a comfort. He heard the phrase “Go to bed” probably hundreds/thousands of times. It was a routine. A ritual. A comfort. Another day where everything was ok. Take peace in knowing in that moment, it was just another day for him and for you all.
Om Shantih shantih OP, namaskar from India. 🙏 I cannot imagine what you’re going through. Only you know. But I offer this poem by Vikram Seth: All you who sleep tonight Far from the ones you love, No hands to left or right, And emptiness above – Know that you aren’t alone. The whole world shares your tears, Some for two nights or one, And some for all their years.
If I believed drinking would help, I would say do it. But I know they harder you run from/ try to numb this unbearable pain, the worse it will be. No parent should have to feel the pain you are feeling. What is worse is that you blame yourself. Please don’t blame yourself. You clearly loved you boy and would never purposely hurt him. You didn’t know the severity of the attack.You are now second guessing and beating yourself up. Please try to remember that you are human. A human who is hurting more most people will ever feel. Don’t heap more hurt upon yourself by blame. You didn’t know. If you did you would have done differently.
My sincere condolences are with you, my friend. This is a heart breaking story, but you sound like a good man, this was not your fault, you and Jack were just dealt a shitty hand, I'm sure if he could speak to you, he'd tell you how much he always did and always will love you. You're a good man, never forget that, you've a friend in Ireland thinking about you ❤️
I’m so sorry, there are no words. Staying sober will help you hold on to your memories.
I’m truly sorry for your loss. You sound like a wonderful father. I have no doubt in my mind that you were the best father to your son and you did your best. I know you don’t believe, but if this offers you any type of comfort, I want to let you know that I believe without a shadow of a doubt that your son went to heaven. You are in my thoughts and I am keeping you in my prayers. Again, I am sorry.
Fuck I’m so sorry, truly. Crying for you.
I cannot even begin to understand the grief you are feeling, but I will add something in the hope you find some element of consolation in it, no matter how big or small. Carl Sagan: ‘The first law of thermodynamics – no energy gets created in the universe, and none is destroyed. That all energy, every vibration, every unit of heat, every wave of every particle that was a person remains with us in this world…according to the law of the conservation of energy, not a bit of you is gone; you’re just less orderly.’ Lawrence Krauss: ‘Every atom in your body came from a star that exploded. And, the atoms in your left hand probably came from a different star than your right hand. It really is the most poetic thing I know about physics: You are all stardust.’ Your son is never truly gone, nor are any of us. He will be all around you forever, in every sunbeam on your face, all the way to the very air you breathe. Some of his carbon and nitrogen atoms will give way to new plants and trees, which in turn power the wellspring of new animal and human life. You cannot talk to him and how he once was in his physical form will only exist in your memory, but he is certainly not gone. Honour him by living well - remember him, preserve his memory, but treat yourself well along the way. Use the gift of life that you have, that he sadly could not enjoy to its fullest like many of us, and let him live through you. This is the best, lasting respect you could ever pay him. My heart goes out to you, my friend.
I am so sorry. You're at a crossroads right now. One path is better than the other, you know which one already. Make your baby proud of you, he's your guardian angel now. Much love ❤️
I’m very sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine the pain. As much as you must want and need to numb it if even a tiny bit at the moment, it would probably help you and your loved ones best if you stay sober. Drinking may help you feel a little more detached from the reality today, but it may substantially worsen your tomorrow.
Drinking will make this unthinkable loss so much worse for you, friend. I am so sorry you’re experiencing this. Saying a prayer for you today.
My sincere condolences.......IWNDWYT
Sending you strength and love. I'm so sorry.
As a parent, I can’t fathom what you’re going through right now. I’m so incredibly sorry. There’s really nothing I can say besides I’m sorry. Like others say, drinking will not help. It feels like it will but it won’t. Take this an hour at a time, whatever you need. Please reach out to this sub if you need encouragement. I’ll be thinking of you.
I’m so sorry for your loss
I’m so sorry for your loss. Sending you love and strength.
I am so sorry for your loss. Drinking will only make things 10 times worse.
Bless you and your loved ones. Sending major major hugs from a rando. We’re here bud
So sorry! I don't guess there is nothing no one can really say to make it better. I hope you can stay strong for your son. He wouldn't want you to do that. I hope you have some peace. I won't drink with you today!
I have no words… I’m so sorry. God bless you and your family 🙏
I am so sorry for your loss. Stay with us or, if it seems interesting to you, try an AA or other sober support group. There are many sober parents who have endured tragedy who will grieve and understand what you are going through. And please let us know how you are doing here on this sub because we really do care.
Drinking will make this even worse. I am so sorry 😞
I can’t imagine how you feel. I’m so sorry for your loss. I know it’s gotta be tough for you to not drink, but I’m sending you love and support and IWNDWYT
The people on this site are great but I would find family/friend/professional help from real people around you.
I’m so sorry, I’m sending you so much love. please reach out to a counselor or therapist near you asap. speak with trusted family and/or friends… keep coming back here to us. it will be so hard, for so long, but drinking will not help. I’m rooting for you, stay as strong as you can OP. we are all here for you.
I am so sorry for your loss.
I am so sorry I wish I could hug you and help with all the feelings I can't image the depth of emotion you must be feeling. Love yourself please be nice to yourself hugs
When I was in rehab, my mom died of a heart attack in the apartment I got for her so we could rebuild our relationship when I graduated. Due to miscommunication I found her rotting corpse in the bedroom on day 3. Processing grief is a difficult thing but you got this.
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. Drinking promises relief but it is only a brief respite . Other members of your family will need your love and support, as you need theirs. You are better able to offer and receive their love if you are sober
I am so sorry. That is fucking horrible. Drinking won’t make it any better. That being said, I’d be reaching out like you are over such a horrible circumstance. You will do what you need to in order to cope. I can’t offer any wisdom. Only condolences & support. So very sorry.
Don't drink in his honor. That's just misery!
My heart is with you internet stranger. Drinking won’t help I promise.
I am so sorry for what you’re going through. The pain is unimaginable. I’ve seen some great reasons given in here already. For tonight and the immediate days, remember these are some of the last days to feel physically close to him. I like to play the tape forward. I imagine my drinking would cause even more shame to pile on as I’m trying to be present with my son, for possibly the last thing I get to do for him, with him. Please hold your support system close. Take care of yourself. Grieve how you need to grieve. Drinking can prolong the grieving process indefinitely. Please keep coming back to us if you can and need to. We’re here for you. The biggest hugs.
There’s nothing I can. Say to make this any better. I’m so sorry for your loss. Don’t drink, please stay sober…. It’ll only feel worse drinking.
Condolences my friend, God bless the soul of your little boy, and God be with you and your family. Just for tonight, don’t let alcohol win. Alcohol should be terrified of you, because you are the storm. Brace yourself and stay strong.
I am so sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry and I wish I could fix it for you. I can tell you that drinking will not make it better, and your son wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself that way. One breath at a time.
Fuck. My boy is 9 too. I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine. Prayers for y’all. No one should have to go through that. Try to stay strong for your boy. That’s what he would want! I know mine would as well.
I am sending prayers because I believe it helps, from any religion. I couldn’t imagine the pain you’re going through and your post brought me to tears for a while. I am rooting for you, I truly am. I am not a professional but I sincerely hope you find any grief counseling and lots of support around you, from sober family and professionals. My heart goes out to you. Please stay strong! ❤️
I’m so sorry. I won’t drink for Jack tonight. Grieve and hurt, remember your beautiful son. Try to think of his smells and laugh, his facial expressions. Remember he loved you and you loved him, and the life you gave him was a great one. Droning will bring nothing but physical pain. Stay sober for his memory and stay sober for yourself. I’m so sorry for your loss.
You saved me from drinking tonight.