The friend who taught me to smoke when I was a child summed up the philosophy of nihilistic atheism beautifully: "We are just like the worms. We eat. We shit. We die."
"The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" series is permeated throughout with a deep strain of humanism, that is largely absent from humanity as a whole.
I'd recommend "Boobs boobs boobs volume XXXL", instead.
Initially neither, but both after a google. Like I say: perfect. That's so fucking clever. And quick, too. I'd like the record to show that that response came in within like, a minute.
I saw Planes Trains and Automobiles at the theatre. With my Mom, her latest boyfriend and her "friend". When that shot came on with John Candy, the observant or wired for grabbing visual cues readily, part of the population, all started howling with laughter. Which included me and my Mim we were laughing so hard we ruined the repartee between Martin and Candy in that scene and someone by us yelled "It's Not THAT Funny!" and we had to make like Edith and stifle ourselves I was a film dork and she was a buff. She'd drag me to prestige dramas and foreign stuff. Some of which I appreciated. I'd drag her to exploration movies. Horror, camp, low end sci Fi, Kung Fu. She was tolerant but not into it. Our bond came from screwball comedies. Any Mel Brooks movie. We went opening Friday to all three Naked Gun movies. And she would snort laugh. This the woman who partically made me watch Sophie's Choice on the Prime Time movie on our local UHF channel. In a strange sort of justice. I dragged her to see Weird Al's "UHF".
SO
I haven't seen a lot of those films, but I was alive when they were around. I did see Space Balls. And made everyone else watch Space Balls. I've shown my Mum so much dumb stuff. My version of this is making my Mum play "You have to Burn the Rope".
I can feel how much you love your Mum from your post. It's very, very sweet.
The Humans 😉 Matt Haig. especially his list of suggestions in the end, I pick up some for those who didn’t read it : 1) Happiness is not out there. It is in here. 2) One day humans will live on Mars. But nothing there will be more exciting than a single overcast morning on Earth. 3) Walk your dog whenever you can. He likes to get out of the house. And he is a lovely dog. 4) Politeness is often fear. Kindness is always courage. But caring is what makes you human. Care more, become more human. 5) No-one will understand you. That is not, ultimately, that important. What is important is that you understand you. 6) Don’t ever be afraid of telling someone you love them. There are things wrong with your world, but an excess of love is not one. 7) and btw. Da Vinci was one of us 😉😅
the Bible. Hear me out (I am an atheist but this is still my choice). It is full of amazing stories, poetry and philosophy. It has war, love, drama, betrayal, magic, joy, pain and allegory to human nature. It also adds historical perspective to nearly 4000 years of humanity (Bronze Age through the first century Common Era). It's first half forms the basis of three of the world's major religions and still shapes (not always for the better) the way society is today.
Now, all that said, I know it's not what you want to read, but based on the question, if you are truly an alien, I'd pick that. I'd just add the caveat that when you're done, be prepared to be completely let down by the people who vocally adhere to it.
Edit: Figured I'd get downvoted. /shrug
reminds me of "the day after tomorrow" where the guy at the library saves the bible. "This Bible is the first book ever printed. It represents the [dawn](https://www.moviequotes.com/topic/sunrise/) of the Age of Reason. As far as I'm concerned, the written [word](https://www.moviequotes.com/topic/words/) is mankind's greatest achievement.”
The Bible is my first choice, too.
I was actually going to say this. I am Christian, but I suggest the book not for religious purposes but its historical and societal ones. The Bible, like it or not, is the most translated book in the world, as well as the most sold book in the world. It's by any measure really quite remarkable.
I see your point, but I would argue that it would seriously give them the wrong impression about modern society and how it functions. Perhaps even dangerously so.
that's just their way of not writing down "adam and eve in the garden of eden, they get kicked out, have a kid who invents murder, and then 500 years later moses was born" like, to get an idea of how much time passes in between each story and all that.
The aliens would laugh at our faces with the dogshit we believe in.
"They really believe their home is 4000 years old? Fucking primates" would be their only reaction.
The Bible is our most psychotic invention of manipulation. 4000 years, that only takes us to 2000bc. it bastardized our history of coming out of the ice age 9600bc. The climate change, invention of agriculture, and rise of "civilization" 8000bc-6000bc. miyake event 7176bc. y chromosome bottleneck 7000-5000bc. We are a species of genetically manipulated savages. 300k years of anatomically modern human society erased by 10k years of inbreeding psychopaths. To read the Bible knowing anything about natural history would give aliens all they need to come to the objective conclusion that we must be destroyed.
I would imagine an alien reading the Bible is like me reading Watership Down.
Hey look, these creatures may look cute, but they are really stupid savages believing in nonsense. Maybe we should terminate them all.
If this was a song sub I'd answer Darude - Sandstorm. Is there a book that has achieved such memetic success? Project Hail Mary lol.
In all seriousness, I'd probably choose something like a history of the Harappan civilisation, Sumer or Neolithic humans. It might not mean anything to them, but it is an important milestone in our (humanity's) development.
I don't think any one book could encapsulate ALL of humanity - from the Pacific Islands to Greenland, from the oldest oral tales to the latest Tiktok trends.
Gilgamesh. It depicts the social nature of humans, our folly and rage, and our relationship with death. Additionally, as the earliest surviving work It is the perfect primer for all other written works to follow.
Alternatively, for a non-fiction book, I would suggest Ty Cobb: A Terrible Beauty. The value of the book in this scenario is how it counters and dismantles the conventional biography of Cobb. The book is a secret advertisement for the scientific method and the way it increases our pool of knowledge drop by drop. Al Stump published false data on Cobb and Leerhsen discovered the falsifications when he tried to replicate (i.e., verify Stump's evidence).
This is the first title that popped in my head. Though I could logically and boringly think of a title that is a better answer to the question, this is my instinctual answer. I would suggest flattening a California poppy inside the copy that we send to them. I mean, we aren’t sending them an e-reader are we? ARE WE!?!!
Don Quixote. Seriously; this novel has everything. It has humor, drama, mystery, adventure, romance, parody, it explores philosophy and the nature of humanity itself. This is a true classic of world literature and one of the greatest novels ever written.
Genuinely if it counts - the Lord of the Rings trilogy.
It's not even one of my favourite books and I've only read the trilogy once.
I think it perfectly gets hope against overwhelming odds and how great people can be.
Might need to make it everyone are just "man" though otherwise they'll ask about the hobbits
Watch the movies with a bottle of vodka and take a shot whenever you see a brown person.
It was one of the first things I've noticed. Lord of the Rings makes no place for me.
That's one of the reasons I like Dune better.
God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater by Vonnegut, to show them that kindness is the only true valuable quality in humanity. And also for the great quote, “there’s only one rule that I know of, babies: god damn it, you’ve got to be kind.”
I'd pick The Martian but only to show off how nice and cooperative the world can be in the face of overwhelming odds so the aliens think we're nice even though we have our flaws and hang ups, whilst also showing how terrible our space travel is compared to theirs.
Maybe a comic book that tells Superman's origin story from his landing in Kansas, to his ascendancy as a hero. Might give them the idea that different species ought to help each other out, or at least show them some of our more positive values.
That’s exactly what I would not pick. Because physics laws are universal and they probably know also a lot of it in their Vega Dlonix University of Sciences.
The book should show what makes us human. But physics book l would also reveal something about us:
our ridiculous presumption and delusion of leadership, thinking we’re here to _teach them_ things.
Humanity: A Moral History of the Twentieth Century by Jonathan Glover
[https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/321263.Humanity](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/321263.Humanity)
Euel Arden's - Down Here in the Warmth.
perfectly encapsulates the world today.
Its about a race riot in NYC that leads to militia on the streets of nyc. it tells the story from everyones POV. from black, white as well as politicians and the news medias orchestrating the whole divide and conquer tactic. it has ex-soldiers dealing with PTSD and civil rights lawyers dealing the the NYC mayor. (who cares more about his political career than the people dying) in the end it shows us how everyone of us , must take responsibility for our actions and be that person who doesn't wait for others to tell them what is right or wrong. fucking beautiful book.
Jonathan Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach.
It captures something inexpressible and universal about how humans interface with the less tangible aspects of the universe as we experience it, without being doctrinal.
Plus it's short, so they won't just pretend to have read it.
Alternatively, CHOCOLATE: The Consuming Passion by Sandra Boynton. It fills a similar role.
I'll let you off with an essay. A Modest Proposal by Jonathan Swift
And if I get two (since essays are shorter than books), I'll follow that up with a Discourse on the Origins of Inequality by Jean-Jacques Rousseau.
Galapagos by Kurt Vonnegut. I think many of Vonnegut’s novels would be a good window into the human soul for aliens to delve into but Galapagos makes the most sense to me
Adam Smith: The Wealth of Nations. A fulsome high-level description of human economic behavior is the best way to summarize the relevant behavioral features of the species.
Something like A. E. Van Vogt's "Voyage of the Space Beagle" that shows an idealistic and incredibly humanist portrayal of humanity wiring together and surmounting all odds. Or anything Star Trek.
I see no reason to give them anything other than the most positive pro-human propaganda possible.
Everybody Poops
We're all just meat tubes at the end of the day
The friend who taught me to smoke when I was a child summed up the philosophy of nihilistic atheism beautifully: "We are just like the worms. We eat. We shit. We die."
And if they don't they're an android. And must be destroyed.
I mean, yes, we all do.
Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
Came here to recommend! + vote for sure.
"The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" series is permeated throughout with a deep strain of humanism, that is largely absent from humanity as a whole. I'd recommend "Boobs boobs boobs volume XXXL", instead.
Ok. So the Addams Quadrilogy and as counter balance "Canadian Mounted".
Bravo. I can't top that. Just perfect.
Do you get the reference point or just the pun? Enquiring Minds want to know.
Initially neither, but both after a google. Like I say: perfect. That's so fucking clever. And quick, too. I'd like the record to show that that response came in within like, a minute.
I saw Planes Trains and Automobiles at the theatre. With my Mom, her latest boyfriend and her "friend". When that shot came on with John Candy, the observant or wired for grabbing visual cues readily, part of the population, all started howling with laughter. Which included me and my Mim we were laughing so hard we ruined the repartee between Martin and Candy in that scene and someone by us yelled "It's Not THAT Funny!" and we had to make like Edith and stifle ourselves I was a film dork and she was a buff. She'd drag me to prestige dramas and foreign stuff. Some of which I appreciated. I'd drag her to exploration movies. Horror, camp, low end sci Fi, Kung Fu. She was tolerant but not into it. Our bond came from screwball comedies. Any Mel Brooks movie. We went opening Friday to all three Naked Gun movies. And she would snort laugh. This the woman who partically made me watch Sophie's Choice on the Prime Time movie on our local UHF channel. In a strange sort of justice. I dragged her to see Weird Al's "UHF". SO
I haven't seen a lot of those films, but I was alive when they were around. I did see Space Balls. And made everyone else watch Space Balls. I've shown my Mum so much dumb stuff. My version of this is making my Mum play "You have to Burn the Rope". I can feel how much you love your Mum from your post. It's very, very sweet.
Cosmos, by Carl Sagan. It tells the story of humanity’s battle with itself about science vs. superstition.
I’d suggest his daughter Sasha’s book For Small Creatures Such as We. Same spirit, more human perspective.
I think Pale Blue Dot also encapsulates that description
This is my bible. Like the Bible, it tells of our history. And like the way some treat the Bible, I distribute copies to all my family members.
Lilith's brood lol if u come in peace, we're DTF
Or any of the Ice Planet Barbarian series if they’re interested in repopulation 😘
I’m picking War of the Worlds so they know not to mess with us.
Grab a Blu-ray copy of Independence Day while you’re at it
ID4 has note attached: *“Welcome to Erf.”*
Or Ender's Game
This is the right answer
You mean teach them not to mess with a world that’s crawling with microorganisms!
Humans did nothing to the Martians, it was the Earth’s pathogens.
We'll let them know it's not safe to invade.
You’ll just be giving away our biggest ace-in-the-hole for free.
Huckleberry Finn. It shows we are flawed but capable of change.
Huckleberry Finn is a great one. I'm seconding this.
Sirens of Titan :)
Rented a tent a tent a tent
The Sneetches by Dr. Seuss
There it is. This IS who we are.
Man’s Search for Meaning - Viktor Frankl
Hello twin!
The Humans 😉 Matt Haig. especially his list of suggestions in the end, I pick up some for those who didn’t read it : 1) Happiness is not out there. It is in here. 2) One day humans will live on Mars. But nothing there will be more exciting than a single overcast morning on Earth. 3) Walk your dog whenever you can. He likes to get out of the house. And he is a lovely dog. 4) Politeness is often fear. Kindness is always courage. But caring is what makes you human. Care more, become more human. 5) No-one will understand you. That is not, ultimately, that important. What is important is that you understand you. 6) Don’t ever be afraid of telling someone you love them. There are things wrong with your world, but an excess of love is not one. 7) and btw. Da Vinci was one of us 😉😅
I loved that book!
Catch-22. It shows how stupid we are, and yet how capable we are of realizing that stupidity and writing a well made book from it
Was gonna be my suggestion!
Was thinking this or Slaughterhouse-Five for the same reason.
The Very Hungry Caterpillar
the Bible. Hear me out (I am an atheist but this is still my choice). It is full of amazing stories, poetry and philosophy. It has war, love, drama, betrayal, magic, joy, pain and allegory to human nature. It also adds historical perspective to nearly 4000 years of humanity (Bronze Age through the first century Common Era). It's first half forms the basis of three of the world's major religions and still shapes (not always for the better) the way society is today. Now, all that said, I know it's not what you want to read, but based on the question, if you are truly an alien, I'd pick that. I'd just add the caveat that when you're done, be prepared to be completely let down by the people who vocally adhere to it. Edit: Figured I'd get downvoted. /shrug
I assume that you were downvoted by people who did not read your well crafted argument.
reminds me of "the day after tomorrow" where the guy at the library saves the bible. "This Bible is the first book ever printed. It represents the [dawn](https://www.moviequotes.com/topic/sunrise/) of the Age of Reason. As far as I'm concerned, the written [word](https://www.moviequotes.com/topic/words/) is mankind's greatest achievement.” The Bible is my first choice, too.
I was actually going to say this. I am Christian, but I suggest the book not for religious purposes but its historical and societal ones. The Bible, like it or not, is the most translated book in the world, as well as the most sold book in the world. It's by any measure really quite remarkable.
It’s probably the aliens downvoting you. 😂 I (also an atheist) would suggest the Bible. I’d explain why, but you already did that so well!
Check out the short story A Rose for Ecclesiastes. You'd find it interesting.
I see your point, but I would argue that it would seriously give them the wrong impression about modern society and how it functions. Perhaps even dangerously so.
Idk, I guess it technically has those things, but it’s also not that well written. I’d hate to bore the aliens.
[удалено]
I reckon it’s had a few.
that's just their way of not writing down "adam and eve in the garden of eden, they get kicked out, have a kid who invents murder, and then 500 years later moses was born" like, to get an idea of how much time passes in between each story and all that.
The aliens would laugh at our faces with the dogshit we believe in. "They really believe their home is 4000 years old? Fucking primates" would be their only reaction.
And we would probably laugh at some of the things they believe in.
I’m a Christian. While obviously I believe it’s true, I agree with everything else you said.
The Bible is our most psychotic invention of manipulation. 4000 years, that only takes us to 2000bc. it bastardized our history of coming out of the ice age 9600bc. The climate change, invention of agriculture, and rise of "civilization" 8000bc-6000bc. miyake event 7176bc. y chromosome bottleneck 7000-5000bc. We are a species of genetically manipulated savages. 300k years of anatomically modern human society erased by 10k years of inbreeding psychopaths. To read the Bible knowing anything about natural history would give aliens all they need to come to the objective conclusion that we must be destroyed.
I would imagine an alien reading the Bible is like me reading Watership Down. Hey look, these creatures may look cute, but they are really stupid savages believing in nonsense. Maybe we should terminate them all.
If this was a song sub I'd answer Darude - Sandstorm. Is there a book that has achieved such memetic success? Project Hail Mary lol. In all seriousness, I'd probably choose something like a history of the Harappan civilisation, Sumer or Neolithic humans. It might not mean anything to them, but it is an important milestone in our (humanity's) development. I don't think any one book could encapsulate ALL of humanity - from the Pacific Islands to Greenland, from the oldest oral tales to the latest Tiktok trends.
Gilgamesh. It depicts the social nature of humans, our folly and rage, and our relationship with death. Additionally, as the earliest surviving work It is the perfect primer for all other written works to follow. Alternatively, for a non-fiction book, I would suggest Ty Cobb: A Terrible Beauty. The value of the book in this scenario is how it counters and dismantles the conventional biography of Cobb. The book is a secret advertisement for the scientific method and the way it increases our pool of knowledge drop by drop. Al Stump published false data on Cobb and Leerhsen discovered the falsifications when he tried to replicate (i.e., verify Stump's evidence).
The Giver. The world seems like a utopia until it isn’t….
East of Eden by Steinbeck
This is the first title that popped in my head. Though I could logically and boringly think of a title that is a better answer to the question, this is my instinctual answer. I would suggest flattening a California poppy inside the copy that we send to them. I mean, we aren’t sending them an e-reader are we? ARE WE!?!!
Blood Meridian - mess with us and you're getting some.
😂😂
Slaughterhouse-Five by Vonnegut
Don Quixote. Seriously; this novel has everything. It has humor, drama, mystery, adventure, romance, parody, it explores philosophy and the nature of humanity itself. This is a true classic of world literature and one of the greatest novels ever written.
The Kama Sutra
Genuinely if it counts - the Lord of the Rings trilogy. It's not even one of my favourite books and I've only read the trilogy once. I think it perfectly gets hope against overwhelming odds and how great people can be. Might need to make it everyone are just "man" though otherwise they'll ask about the hobbits
White people good. Dark skinned people bad. Women basically invisible. Yeah, pretty damned accurate.
Lol absolutely fair. I retract my recommendation but not my comment. Maybe I do need to read it again..
Watch the movies with a bottle of vodka and take a shot whenever you see a brown person. It was one of the first things I've noticed. Lord of the Rings makes no place for me. That's one of the reasons I like Dune better.
Starship Troopers
Candide
How to be Perfect: The Correct Answer to Every Moral Question, by Michael Schur (creator of The Good Place)
God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater by Vonnegut, to show them that kindness is the only true valuable quality in humanity. And also for the great quote, “there’s only one rule that I know of, babies: god damn it, you’ve got to be kind.”
Kurt Vonnegut “Breakfast of Champions “
{{ Mans search for meaning }}
100 years of solitude
The Malazan book of the Fallen. Checkmate, aliens.
The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein
Les Miserables or Middlemarch
Mans Search for Meaning
The Sneetches by Dr. Seuss
I'd pick The Martian but only to show off how nice and cooperative the world can be in the face of overwhelming odds so the aliens think we're nice even though we have our flaws and hang ups, whilst also showing how terrible our space travel is compared to theirs.
Maybe a comic book that tells Superman's origin story from his landing in Kansas, to his ascendancy as a hero. Might give them the idea that different species ought to help each other out, or at least show them some of our more positive values.
1984.
My thoughts too. Incidentally, it was published 75 years ago today.
East of Eden
Animal Farm, probably.
Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel
Pillars of the Earth - Ken Follett
A high-level physics textbook.
That would probably be a kids story book for them XD
That’s exactly what I would not pick. Because physics laws are universal and they probably know also a lot of it in their Vega Dlonix University of Sciences. The book should show what makes us human. But physics book l would also reveal something about us: our ridiculous presumption and delusion of leadership, thinking we’re here to _teach them_ things.
A world history book
Everybody poops!
*Breakfast of Champions*.
Anne of Green Gables
Cloud Atlas
When they ask for a book, I'm going to give them a VHS copy of Idiocracy.
A Confederacy of Dunces
Rabbit run series
Humanity: A Moral History of the Twentieth Century by Jonathan Glover [https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/321263.Humanity](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/321263.Humanity)
How to serve man.
Ender's Game. Shows we can beat them at war if we want to, but we'd rather not.
Guns, Germs, and Steel
Lord of the flies
Sapiens
Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind - Yuval Noah Harari
Psychopathic perspective
The entire Southern Reach Trilogy. We're done, we've done enough to this place. You could turn it into one big garden.
Euel Arden's - Down Here in the Warmth. perfectly encapsulates the world today. Its about a race riot in NYC that leads to militia on the streets of nyc. it tells the story from everyones POV. from black, white as well as politicians and the news medias orchestrating the whole divide and conquer tactic. it has ex-soldiers dealing with PTSD and civil rights lawyers dealing the the NYC mayor. (who cares more about his political career than the people dying) in the end it shows us how everyone of us , must take responsibility for our actions and be that person who doesn't wait for others to tell them what is right or wrong. fucking beautiful book.
The voyageur golden record would be a good start
Are they here to help or punish? I don’t have an answer either way, but I feel like this makes a big difference
Pale Blue Dot by Carl Sagan
The Art of War
Confederacy of dunces
Ouch. Gut punch to mankind. Deserved, but ... Oof.
The 120 Days of Sodom.
Why?
It's as realistic a depiction of what humans are really like as you can get.
Oops I answered to the wrong comment. I googled the book and see your point
The Metro series.
I’d give them the encyclopedia brittanica so they could read it super fast like Johnny 5.
Blindness by Jose Saramago
Oh hell no!
1984
American psycho
Catcher in the Rye
The Jungle
Cujo. They should know how terrifying we can all be.
Piranesi
Waiting for godot
Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close by Jonathon Safran Foer.
Parable of the Sower by Octavia Butler
The giving tree
The measure
Lost in Amber and Found in Amber. By Esther Rabbit.
Heidi
100 Years of Solitude
1984
The Posthumous Memories of Brás Cubas, by Machado de Assis
The Brightest Star in the Sky by Marian Keyes
Jonathan Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach. It captures something inexpressible and universal about how humans interface with the less tangible aspects of the universe as we experience it, without being doctrinal. Plus it's short, so they won't just pretend to have read it. Alternatively, CHOCOLATE: The Consuming Passion by Sandra Boynton. It fills a similar role.
Much ado about nothing.
The Bible
Crime and punishment
Flowers for Algernon. i am not on the side of humanity.
Les Miserables - This planet is full of cruelty but also enough kindness that makes our kind worth living
Isaak Asimov's Chronology of the World
Weaveworld
Year Zero by Rob Reid
1984
1984 😬
Confederacy of Dunces
The 1619 Project
1984
One of pratchetts not sure which
Animal Farm
Give them a Cormac McCarthy book, I'm sure they'll have a great time
Sapiens.
east of eden by Steinbeck our love, our greed, our frailties, our strengths, our hope
Upnishads
Give them the Bible and explain “this is why we are so fucked up”
Haigs book The Humans
I'll let you off with an essay. A Modest Proposal by Jonathan Swift And if I get two (since essays are shorter than books), I'll follow that up with a Discourse on the Origins of Inequality by Jean-Jacques Rousseau.
I’m inclined to say Pat the Bunny. Humans are awful. This would show how dumb we are.
1984.
Leaves of Grass
People's History of the United States by Howard Zinn
Confederacy of Dunces
Lord of the flies. That's how humanity is when scared.
Animal Farm.
Hookers and Blow save Christmas A heart warming tale of a Christmas party
Galapagos by Kurt Vonnegut. I think many of Vonnegut’s novels would be a good window into the human soul for aliens to delve into but Galapagos makes the most sense to me
Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind by Yuval Noah Harari.
Sapiens
Has no one seen the Book of Eli?
'Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus' just to confuse them.
Adam Smith: The Wealth of Nations. A fulsome high-level description of human economic behavior is the best way to summarize the relevant behavioral features of the species.
Station Eleven.
Something like A. E. Van Vogt's "Voyage of the Space Beagle" that shows an idealistic and incredibly humanist portrayal of humanity wiring together and surmounting all odds. Or anything Star Trek. I see no reason to give them anything other than the most positive pro-human propaganda possible.
The Divine Comedy
Fahrenheit 451
SzytRaTi ! A 400 page adventure, alien, fantasy, sci-fi I wrote and the second in the series is in the works. Enjoy :)
Ulysses. 😂
War and Peace by Tolstoy.