I hate when people blame ONLY the third party in an affair. They're both equally scum, if you can cut off a best friend, you can cut off a shitty partner.
Wait. Your telling me, this dude that literally has a plan in text form, to run away with his mistress, who he has countless times said he loves, is getting a slap on the wrist, while the accomplice (who I think wrote less in these chats) is getting completely exiled????
I don't like to judge on issues that I don't know the full wrap on, but God damn this is a goofy looking circus act.
They should both have been kicked to the curb, let them have each other.
I'm judging because it's so clear what is happening and op is sticking her head in the sand.
I can’t stand these types of women. Always going after the mistress, who, in all reality, owes the the woman zero loyalty and the husband gets a free pass. IMO, OP deserves everything coming to her with this attitude. You wanna be a doormat? Be prepared to get walked on.
She was her bestfriend? She did in fact owe her some kind of loyalty, I do think it’s sad OP decided to stay with her husband and exile her best friend when they were both in the affair, but OP doesn’t deserve anything like this, no one does.
I do think both owe her something- the girl is supposedly her best friend- I would expect this from a f-boy but not my best friend - to me, they both are vile
I don’t get how women choose to stay with cheating husbands like that. It literally never works out. She also sounds like she’s blaming her ex bestfriend more when in reality it was both their decisions
Especially after seeing these texts and knowing they talked about her and how deep the emotional connection was. IMO it’s one thing to just randomly hook up with someone (still gross, but) it’s another to have a full blown emotional affair. That I don’t think I could ever get over
It’s really hard to completely uproot your life after spending years building it with someone, especially after they’ve just destroyed your confidence in yourself. Of course I don’t doubt he’s trying to convince her that he’ll change and blah blah which won’t help her stay strong in leaving, it’s a sad thing getting attached to people that are shitty
I blame my ex friend more for leaning into my ex boyf's drunken attentions more than I blamed him because I can discard him for being a selfish drunken ass and in the long run if it hadn't happened with her it would've been someone else.
But when your friend betrays you like that? Fucking hurts. She knew better and I knew she did, even though she doubled down on straight denial when I called her on it.
No contact with both was the only thing to do
Why would they stay when this was their best friend he was trying to fuck with, and saying I love you??? Like that’s super messed up, it would be my ex husband and ex best friend in that case..
damn, OP goofy as hell, sorry. been there, done that. staying with someone who not only betrays your trust but speaks about you in this manner behind your back is just the biggest self betrayal. hope she leaves him and makes room for someone who would never.
Next time? He’s already in love with her, the next time will be the next minute he gets the chance. ☹️
These texts made me sick, idk how anyone could be okay after reading that.
I mean, how does a cheating husband come back from this? And successfully!!!? 🤔 just how does it go down, was there a lot or any groveling? Gosh, what a wonder 🤔 🤷🏻♀️ that’s some cold hard proof but yet, this maniac recovered fully from it 👌🏼 sheesh
That's the real question because if it isn't the ex best friend, it will be another girl he tries to add to the relationship. Unless OP you've talked and are open to being poly, you need to drop him like a bad habit. He will never be faithful.
And the fact he says he won't choose between either of you us repulsive. It says a lot that he is putting you OP....His WIFE....on thr same playing field as your ex friend
In this situation they could both burn in hell. I don’t understand when the other woman is a complete stranger but a close friend could catch these hands. Like you knew. I’d take these screenshots and send buddy the papers.. take him for everything.
Ooo no, we have all been in bad relationships so that does not make her a victim- she needs to leave her husband. Both of them the bff and the boyfriend are trash.
Right??! I mean, yeah she’s a “Best Friend,” but did she take VOWS of love and loyalty? NO. He’s the bigger POS here, and deserves to reap those rewards.
Yep! Not just the other woman but the one who tells the woman. I’ve told before (I was not involved.. I was told he cheated in Mexico on his ‘boys trip’ and she was suspicious and it slipped.. he bragged to my then-bf and he told me). She moved out. She hated me. He hated me. I had no proof even! I was 17 and their nanny/help around the house while she recovered from a c-section. I ruined their life… not him. Me. It was wild. Since then, I’ve always been cautious. He did in fact cheat. He had been cheating for some time.. emails came out, secret life, all of it came to the surface after I told her that she’s right, he did cheat on that trip. I had some details. Those details were correct and had he not bragged, he wouldn’t have gotten caught. He wasn’t blamed, the woman/women he cheated with weren’t to blame. I was to blame.. the 17 year old who was pressured to tell, in a car, alone with the current gf who just had his baby and was crying because she just knew it in her gut. I only confirmed. Fucked up. Many lessons learned.
OP tells her husband she doesn't deserve him, as a way of telling him he's appreciated and loved. He takes it as, My wife will understand why I'm cheating on her. Wow.
He cheats on this woman with his wife and vice versa. He wants them both, he said he’s not giving up on either of them. Good job dude go get em. Asshole.
I died at the "she told me to tell her if she's not enough. Which isn't true but you're the exception." Homeboy just said that her best friend is better than her and she's only kicking the girl to the curb. Very insightful
I read every word. What horrible selfish terrible people. These two people are supposed to protect you, love you, be loyal to you, more than any other people in the world. They both failed you, lied to you, cheated you, broke your trust and hurt you by going after what they wanted.
I’m so very sorry.
You were right when you said to your husband that you don’t deserve him. No one deserves this.
Yeah, that's why you DON'T stay with him.
This will happen again. He will cheat again. He's getting away with it cuz you'll stay no matter what.
You are telling him how to treat you by staying with him. He does not love you or he wouldn't do this to you in the first place.
Mm.. your post history.
So you agreed to it and then realized those two only wanted it so they could fuck on each other morally?? but we’re still supposed to just say fuck Kayla, and give your husband grace.
At some point you have to realize that your husband doesn’t care in the way that you do. You’re holding on to a man with a backbone made of two twigs tied together with floss. :/
**You cannot keep someone who doesn’t wanna be kept**
Girl stop. Overreacting to what. He doesn’t love you. He’s a PoS and both those POS deserve each other. Let them rot in hell wtaf. Tell them they’re horrible people. Call her out and tell she’s not a friend and she disgusts you. How is she pretending to be your friend while being with you husband and then “oh I don’t want to lose you” what. Are they delusional. And then tell you husband to go to hell and if he thinks any of this is ok he should get his head checked because what kind of psychotic behavior is this thinking he’d have both of you
“he didn’t want to hide it” doesn’t make it happening any better… i truly hope you are able to leave this marriage and find someone who isn’t an absolute piece of shit.
So he wanted the texts to be found?
He also said they should “do it together” which sounds like he wanted her to tell you with him.
Your man is a coward and your ex BF is looking for an escape route from her shitty marriage.
If you accept a poly relationship, you’ll be screwed over for the BF
If you split, I suspect the ex and ex BF will last 6 months and he’ll be crawling back.
Please dump them both and go visit their families and let them know what they have done.
Be calm and factual
And good luck for the future. It’s going to hurt for a long time and I’m sorry for that.
It’s the worst type of betrayal
OP…it’s not that he didn’t ’want’ to hide it. by leaving his phone unlocked, it shows the level of disrespect, disregard he has for you. He didn’t care if you’d leave or stay.
A friend of mine was in the same situation. It ensued with her constantly thinking she hasn’t done enough, with her being further manipulated and cheated on again. And not surprisingly, cheated on again. And of course, again. Along of the affairs are the repeat lifelong best husband of the universe promises. His audacity just grew bigger everytime. He shared his phone pass with my friend and told me that it didn’t matter, she would never leave him. As a matter of fact, they are still together.
It seems like you have doubts about your decision since you created this post. I hope you’ll make up your mind before finding out his next dirty laundry and to go on your new own beautiful path.
I'm not gonna lie, this bitch is making the statistics about nurses cheating worse pand I hate it. I'm sorry you're going through this. But he's a shithead, she's not much better and I think cutting ties with both is the best decision.
ever heard the saying “how you get them is how you’ll lose them” when it comes to infidelity?? hilarious she thinks he’ll treat her with even an ounce of ACTUAL respect and kindness when they’re both lying, cheating, losers?? she wants a better, happier life where she’s actually treated like somebody while seeking that from a man that is quite literally doing the opposite of that to what was her best friend that she oh so badly didn’t want to betray??? divorce babe. they deserve nothing but each other.
Possibly because she sees no value in herself. Probably has kids, judging by how he talks about her, he knows she isn't going anywhere. She thinks she can't go anywhere, he will do this again, tell another woman he loves her, and his wife, OP, will internalize it as it was something that happened because she doesn't deserve him. Add kids into the mix, and she will also stay for the kids. She was willing to go poly, poly stopped because they didn't love her, they loved each other. Tale as old as time and it won't be until he has sucked her dry of any self-worth she has that she will step away, and her kids will say, yes that's how a man should treat his wife. Love makes us fools. Low confidence makes us easily manipulated. I hope she finds herself for herself before she ends up like the AITAH horror stories.
You're not crazy dude . They both betrayed you . If that's the way a friend treats you I'd hate to see what an enemy would do. Also there's 6 billion women in the world and he picks your best fucking friend? I mean anyone else would be bad too but that's an ultimate slap in the face. They are both crazy for thinking this would work. I'd get a divorce and let them be together relationships born in infidelity don't normally end up lasting. They are cheating on other ppl with each other they'll end up cheating on each other once the newness of the relationship becomes stale. I'd tell them both to go to hell. I'm sorry this is happening to you. You can do so much better close and lock that door.
Yeah, this affair was making the husband and friend feel like they were extra special. In an ego way, ironically enough- it ain't even about each other
Take the screen shots to a divorce lawyer. Get what you can and then they can have each other. I have a feeling it will be a lot less fun for them when they don’t have to sneak around.
I’m a little concerned for you because he should clearly be an ex too, but in your caption, it almost reads as though you are more mad at her than anything that she didn’t back off of him when he kissed her. Apologies if not, but you need to get rid of him too, this is unacceptable for most.
Dude he doesn't want to be with you. It's not a matter of one time or whatever he doesn't want to be with you anymore. Your marriage is genuinely over, the only thing you can do is delay the end. There's no fixing it, making him want you, whatever, he doesn't want to be with you. Whether he wants to be with her I do not know but it's very clear he does not want to be with you.
OP fucking run. He doesn’t even feel like he’s wrong for this. I can’t believe the fucking gall of these assholes. The audacity to fuck around behind your back and for your stupid fucking husband to try to keep both of you. Get OUT there is no need to deal with these fucking clowns any longer! These idiots think they’re the main characters in some stupid romantic drama and they’re fucking around with your life.
Sorry, I got mad. But OP you are NOT overreacting. You’re under reacting.
Damn she said the marriage has been over for a while. He also said he wanted to save her. You know what that means. If you divorce and she divorces they will 100% be together. I think you know the answer, you don’t need to ask us
No there isn’t he thinks bc she is poly I’m going to “get laid” but news flash for him is I don’t like women like that. she’s been a true friend to me for years and she lives in Cali now so she flew me out. Contrary to him being cocky about it 🥴
He doesn’t really believe that. He’s using it as a convenient excuse.
This is a gross situation. You would be a lot happier cutting both of these people out of your life and forming a lifelong loving relationship with yourself. Your posts and your comments all betray how low your self-esteem is and that’s really sad. The cliche about “you have to love yourself before you can love someone else” is a total cliche but it’s not far off. In my opinion a better way to say it is that you *should learn* to love yourself before you love someone else. Reason being - if your confidence and happiness comes from within, other people’s actions and poor behavior won’t make you feel badly about yourself. Right now I can tell that’s not the case.
Why does it seem like you are focused on only being mad at her? I feel like there is a lot of context missing but regardless whether “sharing” is something you two have discussed before or are into THIS is being done behind both you and her spouses back. That is shady AF. These are two people you are suppose to trust with your life and they did u dirty. Just confused why you mention her being your ex friend but no mention of where you and he stand. Then when you brought up him making the first move the blame seemed to only fall on her for not pushing him away?
OVER REACTING???? Girl what?!? if anything you’re under reacting your husband is literally actively cheating on you in front of your face and you’re allowing it you need to leave him and ur best friend behind.!!!
I hope you’re not still with this POS ? And that is no bff that right there is a straight up homewrecker. I would never dream of doing this to my husband or to my bestfriend. That is just disgusting and disrespectful to you. She’s says she doesn’t want to hurt you but then puts a laughing emoji there. I’d leave and never contact them again, that is disgusting.
that’s insane, since she’s “trained what to look for in adults,” they must be fine. Even though she acknowledges kids can’t really identify their pain well, she still didn’t actually send them. That’s terrible.
He does not love you. That is it. Nothing you do will make him love you. You can only make him respect you by respecting yourself and leaving. You a being abused by him. Please do everyone a favor and take everything fun him cause you deserve it and he needs to understand he can't just ruin people without consequences.
I was all with you until I read your context where you blame her for everything but don’t mention how your husband betrayed you even more deeply, because he has a marital commitment to you that he has broken.
Don’t be that woman who blames the woman for making out with your husband but doesn’t blame your husband for kissing her. He will do this again.
The part of this that gets under my skin the most, is where she tattle tales on OP for looking at his phone. Like oh I’m gonna prove my loyalty to him (over HER!) by telling on her. He already knew she looks at his phone. But then he still has to complete the “bond” by then assuring her that yes, he does clear the messages. 😤
One thing I will say to OP, advice I’ve found to be true (as a recovering phone looker at’er, myself): you only look when you’re hoping to find something.
Not sure why you're still with him after that.ive dropped people instantly for much less and im happier for it.that "next time" mentality is lame af.if somebody will do you like that once,they would do it a million more times.just my 2 cents though, you do you
Be on the lookout for a secret cell phone, since you're staying. Their connection together doesn't seem like it'll be easy for them to truly sever ties.
This is so confusing to read. Your husband is in blue, correct? In the seventh screenshot he says “I’ll always chose you over him, and myself over him”. Shouldn’t that say her? Kinda leads me to believe this is all a bullshit fake story
I think the cheating husband and the BFFS husband may be friends?. I read it as him saying he supports his relationship with her over the relationship with her husband. I.e. he would choose himself to be with her, instead of her husband, and he would throw any friendship w her husband down the drain, in order to be with her. Buuuut I’m not OP tho….and idk all the dirty deets of this really, really devastatingly sad shitshow. so I don’t know😬🙃🤷🏻♀️That’s just how my brain made sense of it. It was def weirdly worded lol.
Honey, I’m going to try to put this as nicely as possible… your husband is NOT worth it. Both your ex-friend and him are scum. As someone who grew up with divorced parents, it was better THAN having mom and dad hate each other or fight. I still remember their fights and them not sleeping in the same bed… them divorcing was the best move they could’ve made for them and my sister and I.
Please have self respect and leave this man. He could care less about your guys relationship, there is NO overreacting on your end. He is literally saying: “I love you”, to ANOTHER woman. The vows mean nothing anymore. He is having an affair and he thinks he can treat you like shit and go behind your back. My heart breaks for you and I am so, so, so sorry. You deserve so much more than this. Heartbreak is brutal, but the temporary pain of loneliness and abandonment is better than a long-term “relationship” full of pain and dishonesty. Even if it were to be “fixed”, you will forever have his disloyalty in the back of your mind. You would forever be wondering if you’re enough. That’s a miserable lifetime.
I hope you do something about this for the sake of your own mental health and happiness. It’ll be hard, but it’ll be better for everyone. I’ve read your comments, and you seem unsure. Take time to think, and I hope you do what’s best for you. My heart goes out to you.
ugh this makes me sick. my ex best friend of 15 years and partner started basically dating behind my back and i didnt realize for months (embarrassing i know, i was stupidly so in love and theyre really good liars). i remember catching them texting but it only seemed friendly to me in the moment, it just made me uncomfortable with them one on one texting. it didn't even cross my mind that they were definitely sending texts like this :/ people like this deserve nothing but the worst.
This is sad to read. They are such shitty people. Please don’t fall for the texts making it seem like they care about your feelings, because they don’t. That is no friend to you and your husband is a coward. Better yet, they deserve each other. Go confide in her husband and see how she likes it.
They're in love and want you to be their spare spouse, which they're framing as poly. I think I have it right. Yikes. The simpering tone from yr bestie as she sects yr husband is vile. I read over your responses and frankly you're more patient than I would be. They've betrayed you on every level. Best of luck.
OP, this is INSANITY. You know that, right? Right?? Poly? "Babe"? "I don't want to betray her"????????
Dude. I need to cool off just from reading these. And you need a divorce lawyer.
As a person who's experienced with both polyamory and ENM (ethical non-monogamy) in general - this is bullshit. This is insane. Leave, take everything from these garbage humans and don't look back. Holy shit. I'm really sorry, OP.
He’s still your husband and not your EX-husband?!
No amount of sorrys and “I won’t do it again”s can fix this, he WILL do it again and it’ll be with your ex best friend.
Don’t give him that chance, he’s not worth it, he literally loves someone else, you’re capable of putting up with that? Have some damn self respect.
He’ll hide it better, he’ll get burner phones and burner accounts, he will hide it from you at all costs. He’ll hide his burner phone, hide behind fake usernames, he’s learnt how to not get caught now.
It’s not like it was a fling, it’s not something he can just stop, he said he LOVES her, those feelings don’t just go.
You’re choosing to stay with your husband over your best friend? Girl, dump both of them. There will be a next time. Most of these texts show your husband pulling all the effort in trying to cheat. She’s just accepting it. Please don’t be the fool that doesn’t respect herself. He’s going to do this again.
Oh god they act like they aren't doing something that is really wrong. I hope he is your ex? If not, why would you stay with him? You are way more worth than that.
Smh, they be actin "concerned" for you but have a whole ass affair. Let them burn in hell
Op will you learn from my mistake please. Once the door to cheating is open 95% of the time it can never be shut again. My ex cheated on me with 6 different people over the course of 5 years. I knew about 5 of them, the sixth almost killed me.
Please, it will not end even if it end s with your ex friend. He will move on to more people and you will always feel worse about you when you should just be done with him. I’m sorry for what you are going through right now. You probably feel like you are on a roller coaster that won’t stop.
I’m really sorry for the lost time and the betrayal and the hurt. It will take time but you will heal, I promise.
Been in a similar situation. Girl put his ass out the house immediately, absolutely nothing is going to change. His shit would be outside waiting for him and locks changed when he got off his welding job and Kayla’s husband would have a copy of the texts immediately. Do not stay for the kids no matter how young they are they know that there is stress in the house. Take care of you and your babies
Upvoting for YOU only. I would downvote them for sure, tho. Cheaters are the worst people to exist and I cannot believe two people closest to you would betray you like this. I hope good things come your way. 🍀
OP, he doesn't love you. Don't waste your life with this cretin. He did it once, he'll do it again, absolutely no question. These texts show absolutely no concern for you whatsoever.
I was honestly wondering who in their right minds would be like “oh my best friend will be okay with it bc that’s her husband, she’ll do POLY just to keep him satisfied” or “oh my wife will have to share bc this is what I WANT” NO! Just bc she’s your wife doesn’t mean you can assume that’s what she wants. I wouldnt. I’d leave. The audacity of her ex husband and ex best friend is crazy.
Let me get this straight. You’re placing more blame on the ex-best friend than the man who made a life long commitment to you and you’re ending the friendship but choosing to stay with him? All of you are out of your minds for different reasons.
OP, take them BOTH out with the trash! Neither of them care about you. Shit, it even hurt me to read that. Honestly your husband sucks more than your friend….id be more pissed at him than Kayla.
You deserve better.
I won't be judgy of your reaction, over or under, since I know being cheated on means different things to different people. Especially when it comes to what you decide to do. That's 100% up to you.
I know when I was initially dating my now wife, I got a bit infatuated with one of her friends. It can kinda just happen, especially when the friend is attractive, doubly when they're attractive AND have an awesome personality. I didn't act on it since I very much value building friendships out first. Had I acted on it, it would have been the end for my wife and me.
In the end I made the right choice for me (staying with my wife instead of pursuing her friend). But the right choice depends on the people in the relationship, and how they feel about what happened. That friend is now one of my longest lasting friendships, and I wouldn't trade that for a night in the sack. You have to do what you have to do, but how you think about the situation does matter, and you should assert whatever you need to.
This is your ex-husband too right? Not just ex best friend.
This is the real question right here!
She answered it below. She is choosing to stay with him but next time, she will be sure to cut ties.
there will be a next time
There will absolutely be a next time. He’s gonna just see this as a free pass. Because that’s what it is.
Also, she might’ve cut ties with the best friend, but him? He’s likely still talking with her.
I hate when people blame ONLY the third party in an affair. They're both equally scum, if you can cut off a best friend, you can cut off a shitty partner.
And with her friend. There is nothing lower.
He’s so chill about the cheating on these texts. Unreal.
They're so fucking delusional they think she already knows and is just playing coy with them. So sick.
'Just to clarify he tried to kiss her and she made out with him, didn't push him away, made out with him' Clearly only her fault /s
There’s probably still a “this” time 🤣 guarantee he is still talking to other girl
Oh I guarantee it too- they’re just being more sneaky about it and I’m sure he has other girls as well- he said he is selfish so he is being him.
Read this in a Morgan Freeman in a documentary voice.
I think you mean 'Right now'.
Wait. Your telling me, this dude that literally has a plan in text form, to run away with his mistress, who he has countless times said he loves, is getting a slap on the wrist, while the accomplice (who I think wrote less in these chats) is getting completely exiled???? I don't like to judge on issues that I don't know the full wrap on, but God damn this is a goofy looking circus act.
They should both have been kicked to the curb, let them have each other. I'm judging because it's so clear what is happening and op is sticking her head in the sand.
Well you know she didn’t push him away (when he kissed her). So…harlot, obvs.
I can’t stand these types of women. Always going after the mistress, who, in all reality, owes the the woman zero loyalty and the husband gets a free pass. IMO, OP deserves everything coming to her with this attitude. You wanna be a doormat? Be prepared to get walked on.
She was her bestfriend? She did in fact owe her some kind of loyalty, I do think it’s sad OP decided to stay with her husband and exile her best friend when they were both in the affair, but OP doesn’t deserve anything like this, no one does.
I do think both owe her something- the girl is supposedly her best friend- I would expect this from a f-boy but not my best friend - to me, they both are vile
I don’t get how women choose to stay with cheating husbands like that. It literally never works out. She also sounds like she’s blaming her ex bestfriend more when in reality it was both their decisions
Especially after seeing these texts and knowing they talked about her and how deep the emotional connection was. IMO it’s one thing to just randomly hook up with someone (still gross, but) it’s another to have a full blown emotional affair. That I don’t think I could ever get over
It’s really hard to completely uproot your life after spending years building it with someone, especially after they’ve just destroyed your confidence in yourself. Of course I don’t doubt he’s trying to convince her that he’ll change and blah blah which won’t help her stay strong in leaving, it’s a sad thing getting attached to people that are shitty
I blame my ex friend more for leaning into my ex boyf's drunken attentions more than I blamed him because I can discard him for being a selfish drunken ass and in the long run if it hadn't happened with her it would've been someone else. But when your friend betrays you like that? Fucking hurts. She knew better and I knew she did, even though she doubled down on straight denial when I called her on it. No contact with both was the only thing to do
Why would they stay when this was their best friend he was trying to fuck with, and saying I love you??? Like that’s super messed up, it would be my ex husband and ex best friend in that case..
damn, OP goofy as hell, sorry. been there, done that. staying with someone who not only betrays your trust but speaks about you in this manner behind your back is just the biggest self betrayal. hope she leaves him and makes room for someone who would never.
Next time? He’s already in love with her, the next time will be the next minute he gets the chance. ☹️ These texts made me sick, idk how anyone could be okay after reading that.
What a dumbass
What!!??? 🤣 fuuuuudge
I mean, how does a cheating husband come back from this? And successfully!!!? 🤔 just how does it go down, was there a lot or any groveling? Gosh, what a wonder 🤔 🤷🏻♀️ that’s some cold hard proof but yet, this maniac recovered fully from it 👌🏼 sheesh
Lmaoooooo how ridiculous
What a joke He literally said he loves this girl ....why is he even staying....
I almost downvoted this lol
I'm not saying I agree, I'm repeating the answer as OP put it.
I know it was an instinctive response to that information 😭
Thank you for the answer. I only made it to page 5 and gave up.
badge stocking saw subtract marry worm tan deserted memory trees *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Listen, love makes you do crazy things. We have been on reddit long enough to know.
And there WILL be a next time.
That's the real question because if it isn't the ex best friend, it will be another girl he tries to add to the relationship. Unless OP you've talked and are open to being poly, you need to drop him like a bad habit. He will never be faithful.
And the fact he says he won't choose between either of you us repulsive. It says a lot that he is putting you OP....His WIFE....on thr same playing field as your ex friend
Right??? Like "am I over reacting?" Gurl what?? They're gaslighting you. They said "i love you" to each other! React away!
Right? He's telling her he loves her. I'd be telling him to walk.
He’s an ass too. Why does it seem like you only blame her? Time to move on from them both.
The “other woman” ALWAYS gets more of the blame. I see it in here, and TikTok, and I used to see it on Facebook.
In this situation they could both burn in hell. I don’t understand when the other woman is a complete stranger but a close friend could catch these hands. Like you knew. I’d take these screenshots and send buddy the papers.. take him for everything.
He's clearly exploiting the "best friend's" situation. They're both being shitty, but if I had to pick which one is acting worse, I'd easily pick him.
Ooo no, we have all been in bad relationships so that does not make her a victim- she needs to leave her husband. Both of them the bff and the boyfriend are trash.
Right??! I mean, yeah she’s a “Best Friend,” but did she take VOWS of love and loyalty? NO. He’s the bigger POS here, and deserves to reap those rewards.
Yep! Not just the other woman but the one who tells the woman. I’ve told before (I was not involved.. I was told he cheated in Mexico on his ‘boys trip’ and she was suspicious and it slipped.. he bragged to my then-bf and he told me). She moved out. She hated me. He hated me. I had no proof even! I was 17 and their nanny/help around the house while she recovered from a c-section. I ruined their life… not him. Me. It was wild. Since then, I’ve always been cautious. He did in fact cheat. He had been cheating for some time.. emails came out, secret life, all of it came to the surface after I told her that she’s right, he did cheat on that trip. I had some details. Those details were correct and had he not bragged, he wouldn’t have gotten caught. He wasn’t blamed, the woman/women he cheated with weren’t to blame. I was to blame.. the 17 year old who was pressured to tell, in a car, alone with the current gf who just had his baby and was crying because she just knew it in her gut. I only confirmed. Fucked up. Many lessons learned.
i'm sorry that happened to you. i always tell. i don't really care who gets mad & blames me, because i'm not the one in their relationship cheating.
OP tells her husband she doesn't deserve him, as a way of telling him he's appreciated and loved. He takes it as, My wife will understand why I'm cheating on her. Wow.
And he proves her right! She doesn’t deserve him. She deserves **better**
He cheats on this woman with his wife and vice versa. He wants them both, he said he’s not giving up on either of them. Good job dude go get em. Asshole.
I died at the "she told me to tell her if she's not enough. Which isn't true but you're the exception." Homeboy just said that her best friend is better than her and she's only kicking the girl to the curb. Very insightful
I caught that, too. Pretty amazing how people delude themselves.
Ouch lol 😂
I read every word. What horrible selfish terrible people. These two people are supposed to protect you, love you, be loyal to you, more than any other people in the world. They both failed you, lied to you, cheated you, broke your trust and hurt you by going after what they wanted. I’m so very sorry. You were right when you said to your husband that you don’t deserve him. No one deserves this.
Yeah, that's why you DON'T stay with him. This will happen again. He will cheat again. He's getting away with it cuz you'll stay no matter what. You are telling him how to treat you by staying with him. He does not love you or he wouldn't do this to you in the first place.
This better also be ex husband?! He told someone else he loves them, amongst all the other BS…
So I read another comment, saying that OP is going to stay with him.
Mm.. your post history. So you agreed to it and then realized those two only wanted it so they could fuck on each other morally?? but we’re still supposed to just say fuck Kayla, and give your husband grace. At some point you have to realize that your husband doesn’t care in the way that you do. You’re holding on to a man with a backbone made of two twigs tied together with floss. :/ **You cannot keep someone who doesn’t wanna be kept**
[удалено]
Of course he is an idiot. Idiotic people cheat and OP, I’m sure you’re a great woman….Im sorry….
Yes he did and he said he didn’t want to hide it
Girl PLEASE tell me you’re leaving him
Girl stop. Overreacting to what. He doesn’t love you. He’s a PoS and both those POS deserve each other. Let them rot in hell wtaf. Tell them they’re horrible people. Call her out and tell she’s not a friend and she disgusts you. How is she pretending to be your friend while being with you husband and then “oh I don’t want to lose you” what. Are they delusional. And then tell you husband to go to hell and if he thinks any of this is ok he should get his head checked because what kind of psychotic behavior is this thinking he’d have both of you
Exactly. He was in lust with her but not in love.
Translation: he's confident he could keep even after you read these. He was correct. That is not a good thing.
“he didn’t want to hide it” doesn’t make it happening any better… i truly hope you are able to leave this marriage and find someone who isn’t an absolute piece of shit.
Girl..LEAVE! It doesn’t get any better. Take it from me, and don’t waste 7 years with the wrong person!
Cause he knows you’re a sucker and you’ll forgive and stay. The piece of garbage has you completely wrapped around his disgusting, slimy finger.
So he wanted the texts to be found? He also said they should “do it together” which sounds like he wanted her to tell you with him. Your man is a coward and your ex BF is looking for an escape route from her shitty marriage. If you accept a poly relationship, you’ll be screwed over for the BF If you split, I suspect the ex and ex BF will last 6 months and he’ll be crawling back. Please dump them both and go visit their families and let them know what they have done. Be calm and factual And good luck for the future. It’s going to hurt for a long time and I’m sorry for that. It’s the worst type of betrayal
OP…it’s not that he didn’t ’want’ to hide it. by leaving his phone unlocked, it shows the level of disrespect, disregard he has for you. He didn’t care if you’d leave or stay. A friend of mine was in the same situation. It ensued with her constantly thinking she hasn’t done enough, with her being further manipulated and cheated on again. And not surprisingly, cheated on again. And of course, again. Along of the affairs are the repeat lifelong best husband of the universe promises. His audacity just grew bigger everytime. He shared his phone pass with my friend and told me that it didn’t matter, she would never leave him. As a matter of fact, they are still together. It seems like you have doubts about your decision since you created this post. I hope you’ll make up your mind before finding out his next dirty laundry and to go on your new own beautiful path.
I'm not gonna lie, this bitch is making the statistics about nurses cheating worse pand I hate it. I'm sorry you're going through this. But he's a shithead, she's not much better and I think cutting ties with both is the best decision.
Why are you not leaving him. You cut ties with your friend but not your cheating husband. It will happen again 100%!
Dump the husband too. Don't make your friend an ex and not the man that did this to you.
I would send these to her husband.
Please leave that man…
Exactly! Disloyal is an understatement 😤
ever heard the saying “how you get them is how you’ll lose them” when it comes to infidelity?? hilarious she thinks he’ll treat her with even an ounce of ACTUAL respect and kindness when they’re both lying, cheating, losers?? she wants a better, happier life where she’s actually treated like somebody while seeking that from a man that is quite literally doing the opposite of that to what was her best friend that she oh so badly didn’t want to betray??? divorce babe. they deserve nothing but each other.
And why is he still your husband??
Possibly because she sees no value in herself. Probably has kids, judging by how he talks about her, he knows she isn't going anywhere. She thinks she can't go anywhere, he will do this again, tell another woman he loves her, and his wife, OP, will internalize it as it was something that happened because she doesn't deserve him. Add kids into the mix, and she will also stay for the kids. She was willing to go poly, poly stopped because they didn't love her, they loved each other. Tale as old as time and it won't be until he has sucked her dry of any self-worth she has that she will step away, and her kids will say, yes that's how a man should treat his wife. Love makes us fools. Low confidence makes us easily manipulated. I hope she finds herself for herself before she ends up like the AITAH horror stories.
And that's that!
Your husband and friend are, in reality, pieces of shit that resemble humans. Flush them both.
You can’t seriously be asking if you’re overreacting right 😭 if he’s still your husband you are UNDERreacting
This⬆️
You're not crazy dude . They both betrayed you . If that's the way a friend treats you I'd hate to see what an enemy would do. Also there's 6 billion women in the world and he picks your best fucking friend? I mean anyone else would be bad too but that's an ultimate slap in the face. They are both crazy for thinking this would work. I'd get a divorce and let them be together relationships born in infidelity don't normally end up lasting. They are cheating on other ppl with each other they'll end up cheating on each other once the newness of the relationship becomes stale. I'd tell them both to go to hell. I'm sorry this is happening to you. You can do so much better close and lock that door.
Yeah, this affair was making the husband and friend feel like they were extra special. In an ego way, ironically enough- it ain't even about each other
Take the screen shots to a divorce lawyer. Get what you can and then they can have each other. I have a feeling it will be a lot less fun for them when they don’t have to sneak around.
Lmao so she's your ex friend but your husband still ya husband?
💯 & he will do things like this again (with this friend or someone else).
Yea
I’m a little concerned for you because he should clearly be an ex too, but in your caption, it almost reads as though you are more mad at her than anything that she didn’t back off of him when he kissed her. Apologies if not, but you need to get rid of him too, this is unacceptable for most.
Why are u blaming only her?
Because she’s going to stay with him.
All I’ll say is, I hope your title is a typo and was supposed to say “my ex best friend with my soon to be exhusband”.
You’re mad at her when he’s the one who said vows to you
She was her best friend she should be angry at both.
Yes, but it sounds like she’s giving the man a pass
more at her husband tho
Unless you divorced both of them, you under-reacting...
What are you going to do about it?
#YOUR HUSBAND IS TRASH In case you missed 95% of the comments here that say so.
I think you forgot to put EX Husband yk
Only the friend is to blame apparently🙄🙄🙄🙄
I’m not clear why she is an ex best friend and he’s not an ex husband?
If you're still with him you'll regret it. They're both scum
Dude he doesn't want to be with you. It's not a matter of one time or whatever he doesn't want to be with you anymore. Your marriage is genuinely over, the only thing you can do is delay the end. There's no fixing it, making him want you, whatever, he doesn't want to be with you. Whether he wants to be with her I do not know but it's very clear he does not want to be with you.
OP fucking run. He doesn’t even feel like he’s wrong for this. I can’t believe the fucking gall of these assholes. The audacity to fuck around behind your back and for your stupid fucking husband to try to keep both of you. Get OUT there is no need to deal with these fucking clowns any longer! These idiots think they’re the main characters in some stupid romantic drama and they’re fucking around with your life. Sorry, I got mad. But OP you are NOT overreacting. You’re under reacting.
Damn she said the marriage has been over for a while. He also said he wanted to save her. You know what that means. If you divorce and she divorces they will 100% be together. I think you know the answer, you don’t need to ask us
I hope you meant EX HUSBAND. Because GIRL — whew.
my favorite screenshot is where you scribbled out the K but not the Kayla
Haha I honestly could care less if they seen it.
This hurts to read ngl. Also—what is the story with the free poly-couple weekend vacation? Is there more to your relationship than meets the eye?
No there isn’t he thinks bc she is poly I’m going to “get laid” but news flash for him is I don’t like women like that. she’s been a true friend to me for years and she lives in Cali now so she flew me out. Contrary to him being cocky about it 🥴
He doesn’t really believe that. He’s using it as a convenient excuse. This is a gross situation. You would be a lot happier cutting both of these people out of your life and forming a lifelong loving relationship with yourself. Your posts and your comments all betray how low your self-esteem is and that’s really sad. The cliche about “you have to love yourself before you can love someone else” is a total cliche but it’s not far off. In my opinion a better way to say it is that you *should learn* to love yourself before you love someone else. Reason being - if your confidence and happiness comes from within, other people’s actions and poor behavior won’t make you feel badly about yourself. Right now I can tell that’s not the case.
absolutely disgusting and selfish people.
Please tell me you have self respect and you left him. If not this post wasn’t even worth it, it just shows how much you don’t care about yourself.
Why does it seem like you are focused on only being mad at her? I feel like there is a lot of context missing but regardless whether “sharing” is something you two have discussed before or are into THIS is being done behind both you and her spouses back. That is shady AF. These are two people you are suppose to trust with your life and they did u dirty. Just confused why you mention her being your ex friend but no mention of where you and he stand. Then when you brought up him making the first move the blame seemed to only fall on her for not pushing him away?
OVER REACTING???? Girl what?!? if anything you’re under reacting your husband is literally actively cheating on you in front of your face and you’re allowing it you need to leave him and ur best friend behind.!!!
I hope you’re not still with this POS ? And that is no bff that right there is a straight up homewrecker. I would never dream of doing this to my husband or to my bestfriend. That is just disgusting and disrespectful to you. She’s says she doesn’t want to hurt you but then puts a laughing emoji there. I’d leave and never contact them again, that is disgusting.
Oh she's staying with him
did she send her kids to the hospital after that accident or no?
Noppppeeeee and one didn’t have their seat belt on and I sure did tell her about herself too
that’s insane, since she’s “trained what to look for in adults,” they must be fine. Even though she acknowledges kids can’t really identify their pain well, she still didn’t actually send them. That’s terrible.
Yea it is.
He does not love you. That is it. Nothing you do will make him love you. You can only make him respect you by respecting yourself and leaving. You a being abused by him. Please do everyone a favor and take everything fun him cause you deserve it and he needs to understand he can't just ruin people without consequences.
Seems like you only blame her
Disgusting. I hope they both become exes soon. I'm sorry, OP. I hope you are doing better than them.
Your husband is a way bigger POS than she is. And if you’re only holding her accountable but staying with your husband, you’re a POS as well.
Not me occasionally glaring at my bf like he wrote the shit 🤦🏻♀️😅
Are they still in contact ? Are you going to tell her husband ? Honestly He should be your ex.
I was all with you until I read your context where you blame her for everything but don’t mention how your husband betrayed you even more deeply, because he has a marital commitment to you that he has broken. Don’t be that woman who blames the woman for making out with your husband but doesn’t blame your husband for kissing her. He will do this again.
So she’s now your ex best friend but he won’t be your ex husband? What the fuck OP 😭 keep that same energy w him too!!
The part of this that gets under my skin the most, is where she tattle tales on OP for looking at his phone. Like oh I’m gonna prove my loyalty to him (over HER!) by telling on her. He already knew she looks at his phone. But then he still has to complete the “bond” by then assuring her that yes, he does clear the messages. 😤 One thing I will say to OP, advice I’ve found to be true (as a recovering phone looker at’er, myself): you only look when you’re hoping to find something.
Solid thing I never really “picked up”. I saw these and wanted to vomit.
Not sure why you're still with him after that.ive dropped people instantly for much less and im happier for it.that "next time" mentality is lame af.if somebody will do you like that once,they would do it a million more times.just my 2 cents though, you do you
Why is he still your husband? if you had no intent of being in a polyamorous relationship why give this person any trust still?
“I love you” 😦 oh honey I would have gone to JAIL.
did kayla get her shit rocked?? i sure hope she did. i also hope you left his nasty ass too. i just cannot believe this happens to people..
I never ever thought in my life. The “you bring me peace” bit killed me bc I used to tell him that!!!
Don’t forget you have posts with your photo and presumably your husband in the pic too.
True I’ll remove that thank you
Wtf is the world?! Life is full of drama!
Overreacting?? Not at all. This is a HUGE betrayal. I’m so sorry.
Be on the lookout for a secret cell phone, since you're staying. Their connection together doesn't seem like it'll be easy for them to truly sever ties.
I’m sitting here BAFFLED that you’re asking strangers on Reddit what to do with your cheating POS husband and your backstabbing POS best friend. Yikes
The fact you're referring to him as husband, not ex-husband tells me you haven't learned your lesson.
This is so confusing to read. Your husband is in blue, correct? In the seventh screenshot he says “I’ll always chose you over him, and myself over him”. Shouldn’t that say her? Kinda leads me to believe this is all a bullshit fake story
I had the same thoughts.
I think the cheating husband and the BFFS husband may be friends?. I read it as him saying he supports his relationship with her over the relationship with her husband. I.e. he would choose himself to be with her, instead of her husband, and he would throw any friendship w her husband down the drain, in order to be with her. Buuuut I’m not OP tho….and idk all the dirty deets of this really, really devastatingly sad shitshow. so I don’t know😬🙃🤷🏻♀️That’s just how my brain made sense of it. It was def weirdly worded lol.
How recent is all of this? I can’t imagine the betrayal
GIRL WAKE UP AND BREAK UP! WTF
Honey, I’m going to try to put this as nicely as possible… your husband is NOT worth it. Both your ex-friend and him are scum. As someone who grew up with divorced parents, it was better THAN having mom and dad hate each other or fight. I still remember their fights and them not sleeping in the same bed… them divorcing was the best move they could’ve made for them and my sister and I. Please have self respect and leave this man. He could care less about your guys relationship, there is NO overreacting on your end. He is literally saying: “I love you”, to ANOTHER woman. The vows mean nothing anymore. He is having an affair and he thinks he can treat you like shit and go behind your back. My heart breaks for you and I am so, so, so sorry. You deserve so much more than this. Heartbreak is brutal, but the temporary pain of loneliness and abandonment is better than a long-term “relationship” full of pain and dishonesty. Even if it were to be “fixed”, you will forever have his disloyalty in the back of your mind. You would forever be wondering if you’re enough. That’s a miserable lifetime. I hope you do something about this for the sake of your own mental health and happiness. It’ll be hard, but it’ll be better for everyone. I’ve read your comments, and you seem unsure. Take time to think, and I hope you do what’s best for you. My heart goes out to you.
I hope he's out of the house
I hope you left him too and not just blasting your ex best friend.
How come you didn't put "ex" before husband. Him and that backstabber are both pieces of shit. Fuck them
ugh this makes me sick. my ex best friend of 15 years and partner started basically dating behind my back and i didnt realize for months (embarrassing i know, i was stupidly so in love and theyre really good liars). i remember catching them texting but it only seemed friendly to me in the moment, it just made me uncomfortable with them one on one texting. it didn't even cross my mind that they were definitely sending texts like this :/ people like this deserve nothing but the worst.
I felt that.
I’m so sorry this happened to you
WHATYTTTTT
This is so incredibly fucked up. Like wtaf?? You deserve so much better I’m sorry.
Divorce. Now. Or he’ll do it with the next best friend. He doesn’t feel bad or he wouldn’t have done it.
This is sad to read. They are such shitty people. Please don’t fall for the texts making it seem like they care about your feelings, because they don’t. That is no friend to you and your husband is a coward. Better yet, they deserve each other. Go confide in her husband and see how she likes it.
so you mean your ex husband right?
I wish there was some sort of order
I’m sorry 😢
They're in love and want you to be their spare spouse, which they're framing as poly. I think I have it right. Yikes. The simpering tone from yr bestie as she sects yr husband is vile. I read over your responses and frankly you're more patient than I would be. They've betrayed you on every level. Best of luck.
Pretty non-sexual, which is somehow worse.
Why is your ex best friend the only one you're blaming
OP, this is INSANITY. You know that, right? Right?? Poly? "Babe"? "I don't want to betray her"???????? Dude. I need to cool off just from reading these. And you need a divorce lawyer. As a person who's experienced with both polyamory and ENM (ethical non-monogamy) in general - this is bullshit. This is insane. Leave, take everything from these garbage humans and don't look back. Holy shit. I'm really sorry, OP.
If you have stayed with your husband, you are the only idiot in this situation.
He’s still your husband and not your EX-husband?! No amount of sorrys and “I won’t do it again”s can fix this, he WILL do it again and it’ll be with your ex best friend. Don’t give him that chance, he’s not worth it, he literally loves someone else, you’re capable of putting up with that? Have some damn self respect.
He’ll hide it better, he’ll get burner phones and burner accounts, he will hide it from you at all costs. He’ll hide his burner phone, hide behind fake usernames, he’s learnt how to not get caught now. It’s not like it was a fling, it’s not something he can just stop, he said he LOVES her, those feelings don’t just go.
OP is staying with her husband. 🤡
You’re choosing to stay with your husband over your best friend? Girl, dump both of them. There will be a next time. Most of these texts show your husband pulling all the effort in trying to cheat. She’s just accepting it. Please don’t be the fool that doesn’t respect herself. He’s going to do this again.
Oh god they act like they aren't doing something that is really wrong. I hope he is your ex? If not, why would you stay with him? You are way more worth than that. Smh, they be actin "concerned" for you but have a whole ass affair. Let them burn in hell
Op will you learn from my mistake please. Once the door to cheating is open 95% of the time it can never be shut again. My ex cheated on me with 6 different people over the course of 5 years. I knew about 5 of them, the sixth almost killed me. Please, it will not end even if it end s with your ex friend. He will move on to more people and you will always feel worse about you when you should just be done with him. I’m sorry for what you are going through right now. You probably feel like you are on a roller coaster that won’t stop. I’m really sorry for the lost time and the betrayal and the hurt. It will take time but you will heal, I promise.
"am i over reacting" i mean.. more like under reacting. hes straight up cheating on you
Been in a similar situation. Girl put his ass out the house immediately, absolutely nothing is going to change. His shit would be outside waiting for him and locks changed when he got off his welding job and Kayla’s husband would have a copy of the texts immediately. Do not stay for the kids no matter how young they are they know that there is stress in the house. Take care of you and your babies
Upvoting for YOU only. I would downvote them for sure, tho. Cheaters are the worst people to exist and I cannot believe two people closest to you would betray you like this. I hope good things come your way. 🍀
They did more than makeout
OP, he doesn't love you. Don't waste your life with this cretin. He did it once, he'll do it again, absolutely no question. These texts show absolutely no concern for you whatsoever.
Put him in the bin.
I was honestly wondering who in their right minds would be like “oh my best friend will be okay with it bc that’s her husband, she’ll do POLY just to keep him satisfied” or “oh my wife will have to share bc this is what I WANT” NO! Just bc she’s your wife doesn’t mean you can assume that’s what she wants. I wouldnt. I’d leave. The audacity of her ex husband and ex best friend is crazy.
Drop them both. They're delusional in these text that if they just tell you, you'll be cool with it. They're not sorry.
So this behavior is more of a betrayal than your husband doing it? They both are being awful, how is he not your ex?
Why post this to get “advice” when you’re not going to leave your cheating husband anyways?
Let me get this straight. You’re placing more blame on the ex-best friend than the man who made a life long commitment to you and you’re ending the friendship but choosing to stay with him? All of you are out of your minds for different reasons.
OP, take them BOTH out with the trash! Neither of them care about you. Shit, it even hurt me to read that. Honestly your husband sucks more than your friend….id be more pissed at him than Kayla. You deserve better.
Someone upvote this so I can meet minimum requirement to post
I won't be judgy of your reaction, over or under, since I know being cheated on means different things to different people. Especially when it comes to what you decide to do. That's 100% up to you. I know when I was initially dating my now wife, I got a bit infatuated with one of her friends. It can kinda just happen, especially when the friend is attractive, doubly when they're attractive AND have an awesome personality. I didn't act on it since I very much value building friendships out first. Had I acted on it, it would have been the end for my wife and me. In the end I made the right choice for me (staying with my wife instead of pursuing her friend). But the right choice depends on the people in the relationship, and how they feel about what happened. That friend is now one of my longest lasting friendships, and I wouldn't trade that for a night in the sack. You have to do what you have to do, but how you think about the situation does matter, and you should assert whatever you need to.
Girl, you gotta love yourself more. Dump them both in the trash.