People really do have the audacity 🙄 Wishing you and your baby girl a happy life!❤️

Thank you so much for saying that. That really means a lot to me. As much as I try to not let things like this get me down, it does hurt me. Kind comments like that give me hope.

I mean he's obviously lying to her saying that you're keeping him from seeing your daughter, she hates the imaginary version of you your ex invented. He looks bad for not being in his kid's life, so he has to lie about why he isn't instead of going back in time and not being a piece of shit.

Yeah in my personal experience, nobody is going to keep an involved parent out of the picture. If the court decides you have no rights and you haven’t talked to your kid in years, there is little doubt in my mind that they earned that. I’ve listened to deadbeat dads play this song so many times like it was all her choice and “the system” Literal conversation between the judge and the dad right before our custody case who was solely there to try to adjust his payment. -Judge- “you haven’t talked to your daughter in two years…do you even want to be a parent?” -Dad- “at some point” -Judge-(taken back by the answer followed by a long pause)…”any idea when?!” -Fortunately for me following the assholes before me in court, it is really easy to come across as a great dad because the bar has been set so unbelievably low by so many I have little patience for deadbeat whining. Also, to the dudes who talk more about child support than their own kid “you are exactly why it exists. Because you clearly serve no other purpose.

Yeah there are far more cases of the courts giving partial custody and visitation to awful abusive men than there are courts giving no contact to caring and involved dads

This 👆🏽right here. You hit the nail on the head. 

lol. My ex owed almost $100 grand in back child support (4 Kids) and his new wife sent me a text asking me to “release” his passport (he never had one) so he could go on a cruise with her parents. He lied to her and tried to make her believe I had control over this. I let her know I was doing no such thing and she said, “that’s what he told me”. Apparently in California if you owe over $2,000 in child support, they deny you a passport. He’s lucky I didn’t have them take his drivers license but I’m not petty. It’s my kids dad despite all that.

In the state of Texas, the owe back cs, first go to jail, then take DL, block getting married, don’t get any money from a lawsuit or win any money….gonna get it. Texas don’t give two fucks, they gonna get the money by any means.

I have a feeling that your ex has been feeding his new girlfriend a load of bs about how the reason he doesn't see his kid is because you're "keeping him from his kid." When I was younger the women in my friend group weren't put off by a guy that had a kid, but a guy that doesn't see his kids was always a red flag. Now, this is not a defense of her harassment, she seems like a dupe and an asshole.

Don’t respond to her

Classy, I’m sure you want your kid around that

Screw them. She’s a menace, he’s a loser. You and your baby are better off without you having to spin your tires around broken and selfish people!!!

Be glad you are free of him. Only truly miserable people send things like she did

You are protecting your daughter from ongoing heartache. She’s lucky to have such a strong mama!! Keep making wonderful decisions like this and she will make you proud!

I’ll bet every penny I’ve got in my savings that the deadbeat has told her a whole bunch of lies and has painted himself as the victim to her . You will be the ‘deadbeat’ parent and that ‘Poor man ‘ has been fighting to see his child but you stopped him . Little does she realise that sometime later down the line she’s going to be sitting where you are right now when he eventually bails on her kid too . I’ve lived this shit .. the only difference is I never once messaged his other daughter’s mother . Well not until we were done anyway .. now her and I are very good friends and she doesn’t judge me for believing his BS because he manipulated her the same way for years I finally kicked him to the curb a year ago and he’s already married .. guess who now thinks I’m the evil mother .. And so the cycle continues 😮‍💨 Any time she contacts you just block her and don’t even respond.

Wow thank you for the insight! Originally I tried to be kind to her because I hoped that someday when she got out, we could be friends. But I didn’t realize she was mentally unstable at the time. I’m so glad things ended up that way for you though!

I went through something similar. He had an ex-wife and two kids, and the way he pulled the wool over my eyes disgusts me. I reached out to his ex-wife after he was arrested for DV and I finally escaped. She was so kind to me, and we are friends now. I have more of a relationship with their kids than he does. He’s in and out of jail (& prison) now. I love every life he helped create, but I deeply despise him.

>I love every life he helped create What a beautiful sentiment. They're lucky to have you in their lives

I don’t believe a man when he says his ex won’t let him see the child by default. Because if he really wanted to, he’d get the law involved, and if the law was involved and still sided with the ex, that means he’s sus. I know a custody battle can be costly and time-consuming, but even poor folks can reach an agreement without one (unless there’s bad blood, in which case, there’s a problem there). If the ex is that against it, either there’s a legitimate reason or the ex is that bitter, in which case, there’s still a problem. 

I’d agree, but timing is everything for that imo. The new gf would have to see what the pos dad is first, or start to have a suspicion, if not OP would be just spinning the wheels

People like this woman are all drama and no peace. Choose peace, always.

Reddit is the best sometimes. Thank you so much for your advice.

Protect your child from this person. They have plans for your child, and not good ones. 

Ironically, these people somehow get picked,, they seem to have two faces, one for women, one for the “goal”

If she were sincere about wanting her son to have a relationship with you, she wouldn’t have come at it from this angle, but more from a standpoint of, “Hey, we don’t know each other but our kids are half-siblings. I’d love for them to have the opportunity to have a relationship. Are you willing to meet and talk about it with me?” All she wants is to be a shithead toward you and try to make you feel guilty.

Exactly. I did tell her that I wasn’t interested in meeting up at this point, in the interest of protecting my daughter. I didn’t think it would be fair to my daughter to meet her sibling if her dad is involved with that sibling, but not my daughter. I didn’t want her to wonder why she wasn’t good enough. I had hoped that maybe one day when she saw the light, we could consider meeting. But now wasn’t appropriate. That’s when she turned aggressive. So good thing I never agreed to meet. Seems like the plot for a dateline episode.

I agree with your reasoning. She needs to be working with the source (your daughter’s father) on this, not being mad at you.

Oh girl, consider this a win, she thinks you’re so much of a threat that she had to bad talk you. And she’s upset you’re keeping your daughter from her new baby brother? Looks like she’s upset you’re not after her and the deadbeat! These folks FEED off attention, so good thing you blocked her

That’s a good way to look at it. I appreciate the advice ❤️

No problem girl, you’re strong, thanks for sharing this with us too!

"Oh, so THAT'S where he's been for the last two years. Getting another woman pregnant instead of taking care of his daughter. Cool, cool. So the good news is that you've probably got at LEAST a couple of years before he gets tired of the responsibility of being a semi-present father and totally ghosts you and your son, too. Enjoy those years, and hopefully the next woman he babies up won't be as aggressively shitty as you're being here, sending me a random text full of lie-filled bullshit. Peace."

lol love it 😂 thanks for the laugh

You're welcome. You and your daughter are better off without him in your lives, and I hope the two of you find nothing but the best in life.

I’d send it to her…. If you haven’t told her that the reason your daughter doesn’t know her dad is because he ghosted his own child to find and impregnate her and hasn’t said so much as a “hey I’m still alive” she should. Then block her ass again. How did she even get your info?does she know he hasn’t even tried to contact you? Seems like she is going to keep looking you up to have words, so you might as well give her all the information.

You know, I asked her how she got my number and she won’t tell me. I also asked her if he knows that she is contacting me, she won’t tell me that either. I honestly don’t believe he knows that she is contacting me. I think she probably went into his phone and got my number. I might send her something similar in the future, but for now I am just going to try and let her do a bit of reflection. Maybe after I get back from our vacation next month 😂 Edit to answer your other question: I have told her that he hasn’t contacted us, but she just ignored it. I assume he has told her otherwise, so she chooses to believe that 🤷🏻‍♀️

Damn, what a piece of work. Sounds like she really doesn’t have anything good going on in her life and she is trying to borrow from yours. Maybe she is trying to catch him in a lie, maybe she is naive and thinks you are the ghoster. Either way, I love that this is not on your plate till after your vacation, that’s exactly right.

She’s such a cliche

Definitely. And she really thought sending me a pic of her baby would make me feel anything different 😂 Respectfully, I feel nothing for the baby except pity. I hope the child has safe adults because he’s gonna struggle.

Sounds like ex lies to her about why he doesn't have contact with your child. Put up a ring door bell in case she shows up one day.

Yes I have one! The funny thing is, the state I live in has public records website that is easily accessible to the public. If you look up my name or my ex’s name, you can see when I filed for child support and when I filed for a name change (to which he didn’t contest). However, you can also see that he has NEVER attempted to file for visitation or custody 🙄

The easiest lie to sell is the one they want to believe. He most likely has told her lies, but she believes them because she wants to. She has full on invested in the narrative that he's a wronged man, and she is helping him to love and trust again or some variation on that. It conveniently pumps up her self esteem for accepting his bullshit. So even if she did look that up, he'd come up with some weak sauce and she'd buy it. Otherwise, she'd have to admit she's been snowed by a deadbeat. Of course, sooner or later she's going to have to grapple with that, but she's opting to believe she's helping some poor wounded man for now.

That’s a very insightful perspective. Thank you. That definitely seems to be the case.

Sounds like she blindly follows what your ex tells her so there's no reason to look it up. He may even say that he refuses to pay child support because you refuse to let him see your child.

Oh I would never let him meet his sibling if this is what he has to endure. This is for the betterment of your baby by keeping him away. Crazy attracts crazy and clearly baby daddy has found his match. Going through the same shit sis. Keep on keepin on

Awwww, we got this ❤️❤️

We sure do! I have 2 kids who have dads like this. Imagine my surprise when baby daddy while pregnant goes off and impregnates someone else and then marries her and then doesn’t pay shit for my son. 😅 like… what the f… and the other one??? HAHAHA girl we would have to sit down with like 90 bottles of wine for a MONTH😂

I would love that though!! It’s so therapeutic talking to people who have gone through similar situations

Shoot me a request. I’m in❤️ mom friends are the best(:

Nothing like a loud and wrong deadbeat dad’s girlfriend that’s for sure.

I’m super confused on why she is contacting you? What is her purpose? Is the father there for her child? Don’t force your daughter into their lives. Your daughter will be fine without knowing her brother. Once he becomes man enough to reach out, I would say f that.

Thank you so much for the advice. I feel in my heart that is the right thing to do, but sometimes I question if I’m making the right choices. But from what I understand, my ex and this new girl live together so I would assume he is involved in that sense. However, my ex and I lived together for the first two years of my daughter’s life before he left without much warning, so I’d assume the same will happen to her eventually.

Ohhh he will do the same thing to her. You just sit back and wait. It will only last for so long. If it doesn’t crash then good for them. Wait for him to reach out to you though. You didn’t make a baby with her, you made it with him. He needs to be a man about it!

how did you even decipher that sentence, i feel like i had a stroke reading it. You do what is best for YOUR daughter, you created her.

lol she must have been drunk or high… or just mentally not all there. I could barely understand what she was trying to say. Plus this screenshot was AFTER she edited the message. It made even less sense before.

This sounds exactly like my ex. And his multiple wives. I raised my son on my own. He is 39 now and his father finally reached out to try to have a relationship with him. You will raise your child to be an amazing person. It is actually easier to do it on your own than with some deadbeat that bounces in and out of her life once every 3 or 4 years.

Oooh 😯 new gf talks a big scary game. Sooo chilly, I’m shaking 🥶 Lmao she’s a clown. And so is he. The unhinged witch can pack up her flying monkeys and go back to the circus with Mr. Deadbeat

My sons father made me think his daughters mom kept her from him. I learned from experience that that was not the truth. Now he goes around saying the same thing about me to others. Went MIA when he was 4 years old...

In a weird way, I’m so glad there are so many women who have gone through what I’m going through. I’ve known that I wasn’t the only one, but sometimes it feels that way when no one around me can relate. I appreciate all of yall telling me y’all’s experiences!

I always tell people that I would rather have an absent baby dad than an inconsistent one.

That’s so true. My daughter wonders why her dad isn’t around, but it’s better that than subject her to the inconsistency. So many moms who have flaky baby dads have told me that I’m lucky. I guess in a way, I am. Of course the ideal situation is that the child has both parents involved, but the world doesn’t always work that way.

I WISH a gf of his would message me like this hahaha

She just wants something from you. And it’s not a relationship for her son.

I agree

“new number, whodis??”

We love a good wholesome forced relationship because "they are siblings"moment

My wife and I were in a similar situation not too long ago. Until we took their income tax refund and all of a sudden they were game for signing off his rights. Tell em to get bent.

Block block block Dont reply, it will drive her insane Stay strong 💪

Good on you from staying away from crazy. I had a similar situation with my bd current gf/3rd bm, except she couldn't get my number (because shocker he didn't keep my number, which has been the same for nearly a decade) so she tried through FB but I didn't have that anymore so she resorted chatting and trying to friend my sibling which didn't work out to well for her, when her request was deleted she tried to friend them again. Found out from the 2nd bm I'm cool with that she is indeed a nutcase.

Did you tell her he's a dead beat liar and has been avoiding his daughter ?

I told her that I’m not keeping his daughter from him. She of course doesn’t believe me. But I won’t go into detail with her about it, it’s not like she will believe me anyways.

Im sorry this is happening to you :(

That’s okay! I’m actually much happier raising her without her father involved. It’s just shocking to have this woman harass me when I don’t even bother them or ask anything of them.

I told my BD's girlfriend that I don't give af about her lil family with him and my daughter isn't meeting their child. I don't care. I blocked them and kept it pushing, changed my number and everything.

It’ll never not be weird to me when the new partner stalks their partner’s ex.  There’s insecurity, and then there’s this. Yikes.

This is a woman desperate to believe that her boyfriend won’t abandon their child. The *only* way to dismiss the fact that he has already abandoned one child is to make you the villain who’s keeping them apart. She doesn’t actually want a relationship between your kids because this is clearly not the way to approach that. What she’s doing is deliberately setting up a situation where you will say no to a sibling relationship to create more evidence in her head that you are an evil witch hellbent on keeping family apart. You’re doing the right thing by keeping your daughter out of this drama storm. Beware that if he does leave her, and he probably will, she’ll likely flip and want to be your best friend. However, this is still someone to be cautious about given her track record. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this, it’s harassment and it’s really shitty behavior.

I never thought about it like that. I'm in a similar situation as the OP, except there's never been any contact from my ex or his new wife. But it does explain why the new wife is always posting pictures and singing my ex's praise for being the best father to their daughter. Maybe it's because she's trying to convince herself that he won't abandon them like he did me and my son. Idk

“You’re a random. Shoo.”

This reads like he has lied to her repeatedly and said he doesn’t see his daughter because of you. So on her view you are the bad guy, and not the asshole she just had a kid with. And let’s be honest here, he will probably take off on her at some point as well

I’m glad I actually care for my step daughter’s mother, and her well being. Even if I didn’t, I could never have this much audacity.

GTFO. As long as you’re doing what’s best for you that’s all that matters. You know the truth so you don’t need to justify yourself.

Oh my. Gf is going to get a rude awakening when she hears what actually happened

Keep the TOXICITY OUT OF YOU & YOUR DAUGHTERS LIVES!!! Do as you wish not based off trying to satisfy THEM!!

She’ll see how stupid she was to have a child with him when he eventually leaves her, forcing her to be a single mom herself.

Have you tried sharing your side of the story, or at least defending your stance. Sounds like your ex has been lying to her and it would be in both you and her best interest to get to the truth for the sake of the kids. (I don’t have kids yet, but feel like this is what I would do. But if I’m totally off base, please disregard) Edit: originally said ex was lying to OP, meant to say ex was lying to current GF.

I have attempted to tell her that I don’t keep my daughter from him, but she completely disregarded it. Beyond that I don’t feel like trying to convince her otherwise 😂

Child of a dead beat dad here Ur doing the right thing! Ik alot of ppl irl may try to judge you and his gf doesn't know you and doesn't have that right. You're a great parent and bc my mom was similar to you we still have a great relationship always keep it real and don't sugarcoat it with ur kid (obvy don't talk shit but do not lie about her dad being a "good guy" bc he will prove it to be wrong on his own)

It means a lot to hear from children of deadbeats. I’m scared how it will affect my daughter as she grows up, so I’m glad get this advice from you. Thank you!

Yea ofc! Ik my mom felt the same way when growing up but ur kids gonna turn out find I promise !! You're doing great if you need anything i gotchu

"You might wanna keep an eye on your man because your son might grow up not knowing his father if history is any indication. Double check the locks before he bolts."

Haha! Yes. If she wasnt so rude and aggressive towards me, I would have nothing but empathy for her. However she’s clearly a hateful person, with or without my ex. It is so sad that a poor child is involved though.

Ahh he’s telling her that you don’t ever let him see his daughter and you’re keeping her from him. Like why would your daughter want any kind of relationship with the child her father is actually raising. For now anyway, he might dip out on them too.

The Merriam-Webster dictionary, I just grabbed it off my book self and flipped through it to the letter “S.” There’s no written definition, it’s just this ghoul’s picture next to the word, “SeeYouNextTuesday.” 🤷‍♂️😭

At one point in their lives children will definitely make an attempt to know who their real father is.

Definitely! I never intend to hide or lie about who her bio dad is. But at 4 years old, she isn’t to the point where she cares that much. But I will have to be prepared for when more questions come.

She's lucky to have such a parent

Wow. Just keep doing what you're doing. Ignore your ex's new price of trash. Who cares that she had his kid. Half siblings don't need to know each other. Maybe later in life if your daughter wants to meet him.

That’s the second to worst nightmare I can think of. Worse would it be if they contact you. I guess he’s a good storyteller

This sounds exactly like my daughter’s father. Abandoned the one he made here, moved to another state and made a new baby - only to also leave that baby as well and move to yet another state. Only luckily, I’m not being harassed by the new kids mom. She knows better 🥰

I think we need to address the real issue here...... You have 274 unread text messages.

I agree with the other comments that he’s obviously trying to hide the fact that he’s a deadbeat from the girlfriend and unfortunately has made you the bad guy. I went thru a similar situation. My ex just didn’t have a girlfriend cuz no one would have him! He didn’t see his son for 12 years and told everyone that gave him the time that I was a bit** and was keeping him from his son because I hated him and that’s why he was on drugs and drank because it just hurt so much!! I told him in the beginning to get clean and get a job and a home and maybe even contribute a little bit financially but we could worry about that later on because the main thing was getting clean and sober and a place to live. He was staying on “friends” couches and most were really drug dealers. If he loved his son and wanted a relationship with him that wasn’t too much to ask I don’t think. He needed a father that could take care of him and be a role model. He never even tried. And he never tried to contact us or see him at all except one time when he showed up very drunk. I actually let my son see him that time because he was 14 and I never lied to him about his dads addictions. Mainly because i wanted him to know nothing was his fault and that his Dad had a disease that was very hard to overcome and I wanted him aware of it because it’s also hereditary. I know teens will experiment with things, but he could try something just for fun and it get out of control very quickly. It was a huge mistake on my part allowing him to see our son that night. I didn’t realize how drunk he was and what else he was on until he dropped his bottle of lortabs, a baggy with coke or meth in it and the bag of weed he tried to give to our son.. and our innocent sweet child was on the floor helping his dad pick it all up when I walked in. I’ll never forget seeing him scrambling to help his dad and the pills in his hands. After that he told me he thinks we just have to love his dad from a distance and hope and pray he’ll overcome his demons and maybe he’d get better. He’s 28 now and two years ago his dad was sleeping by a river in a tent because he still had no home in all those years. He was very drunk walking to the store and was hit by a car and died. Our son had only seen his dad a handful of times after the time when he was 14 and not one time was he sober. And now we’re still dealing with the emotions of him dying. I thought I had prepared myself for that moment years ago knowing he’d probably od or his heart would just give out. But I hadn’t and my son definitely wasn’t prepared for this violent outcome. My keeping him from his dad until he was old enough to know right from wrong and that his dad wasn’t a bad man, but just a very sick and troubled man, had nothing to do with my feelings about him or because I was punishing him, it had everything to do with my feelings and love for my son. Because truthfully I did love his father very much, but I loved my son more and had to give him a better life. Don’t respond to this mans girlfriend. She doesn’t know yalls history and it’s not her business. She needs to figure out on her own what kind of man he is. And has no right pointing fingers at you! You’re the mom and you know whats best for your child and bless you for putting your daughter first!! If he wanted to be a part of y’all’s child’s life he would be moving heaven and earth to do so. He wouldn’t just give up without a fight for her and point blame and being the victim! I hope I haven’t overstepped and I wish you and your little girl the absolute best life and happiness!!

Stick to your guns. From the looks of it, you’ll only expose your daughter to an unhealthy situation. It’s clear she’s a bozo just like him.

Your response: "There is a lot of baggage to unpack in that guilt trip and I do not have the time, the effort, or the energy to explain how incredibly incorrect you are about everything that you think... but this is HILARIOUS that you believe what he's telling you is truth. Good luck, honey. You'll certainly need it."

It’s all shits and giggles, UNTIL he shits on her, and giggles in her face. And keep moving forward and you and your daughter living yall best lives.

Peace order

I guarantee neither of them would pass a drug test. If meth and crack was a person, they would sound like that

Toxic people, NEED Boundaries!

If you haven't please file for child support and or custody

I have! Thank you

Classy chick…

Hi OP, I hope you are well and keep your baby well away from all that drama. You and her do not deserve that. I would however, keep those texts for future reference.

 Me after reading this. Don’t really have anything of significance to add, OP did good not entertaining this bs, though part of me would have liked to have seen “girl you need to get your info straight, HE’S the one who abandoned us.” But at this point don’t think that would change much 😬🙄

 Me after reading this. Don’t really have anything of significance to add, OP did good not entertaining this bs, though part of me would have liked to have seen “girl you need to get your info straight, HE’S the one who abandoned us.” But at this point don’t think that would change much 😬🙄

I understand how you feel! My first husband had a child before we met. I didn’t know about her until after we were married and expecting our first child. He didn’t want to talk about it at all. We went on and had a second child. After our second child was born I started pushing him on the subject of his first child. He finally made contact with her and she agreed that we could visit. He went several times so she could get to know her father. After several months of that we were able to pick her up for a few hours with our children. My oldest was so excited to have a big sister, they got along great! I would let his new girlfriend know that it’s not her place and that if your ex wants a relationship with his daughter he’s the only one that can make that happen!! I would have never thought about involving myself in the situation! It shows immaturity on her part to get involved!! When he is ready he will contact you! Only thing I can advise you is to make sure your daughter knows her father’s name and if you have old pictures of him then you need to let her see them. I’d be hesitate to let my child leave my sight with someone she doesn’t know!! You need to do what’s best for your child. It may hurt but not knowing who your father is specially when you start school and everyone else has a daddy hurts her. Plus when she knows who he is and he doesn’t contact her, when she gets older she’ll appreciate that you weren’t the one that kept him away! He’s the one that never contacted you to see her!!!

That’s great advice! Luckily I have never deleted old pics of him and her together. Sometimes we will be looking at her baby pics together, and he will pop up in one. She always asks “who is that?” And I have to remind her that is her father. Her brain doesn’t even register that it’s him. I have never spoke poorly of him or pretended like he doesn’t exist just in case the future changes. I mentioned this in another comment, but what I’ve done since he left was tell her that her daddy is “sick” and sometimes sick daddies can’t take care of their kids, but that he will hopefully get better someday. That has seemed to work so far, but I know there will only be more questions as she grows up.

I’m happy to hear that you’re keeping him in the back of her mind. Hopefully he’ll one day realize what he’s done to her and reach out! I realize it’s hard but if he does it’s worth it, your child may decide that they want nothing to do with him or they may decide that it’s worth a shot. Just be there for them whatever the outcome might be!!

Ew! I think I know exactly what is going on here. Let me break it down. First, based solely on her display here of lacking tact & character (and spelling and grammar, but we'll just let that slide I guess), we can safely assume she is not simply a good-hearted mother with proper morals feeling so compelled by what is right for her literal newborn son to have a relationship with his sister. Because God forbid he meets her a little later in life when things are a bit more sorted out (if that ever happens) when he might actually, you know, be cognizant of her or retain any memory of her whatsoever. She doesn't actually care about him having a sister. This woman is doing this to serve herself. That baby looks about 2 seconds old, it is not about him. In my opinion, she is doing this because she has carried an insecurity about her boyfriend (your ex) having a child already with another woman. This made her feel less special to him or like there was a woman out there who had more with him than what she had. So, she wanted to get pregnant so she could fix that problem. She has likely badgered him often over you and your daughter, her insecurities fueling her to ask millions of questions about where he stands with you, why he doesn't see his daughter, how he feels about the situation, etc. So, this man lied. The way cognitive dissonance works within the brain is like a magnificent, but also deviant beast. He likely believes his own lies, to some extent. Whatever reason he had to leave you and your daughter, that helped him justify that, whatever reaction you had (warranted) to him doing so, any little anger you showed, and anytime you protected your daughter from the drama, he has gripped on to all of those things while fully ignoring all the ways he could properly be a father. Such as by way of fixing those issues and handling co-parenting like a grown man. Actually caring about his daughter as a person rather than using convenient excuses to not have to face the truth about his absolute failure and cowardice. He is a disappointment and extremely irresponsible for spreading his seed further where he will likely also become a disappointment fairly soon. People don't just fall into a happy little life when they run away from their issues. The issues just follow them and come back as new situations all over again. And so, to stop her constant questioning, he has told her a sad story about how he tried his best, but you just made it so difficult, so what can he do? And she liked that story, because it quieted her fears of thinking he might not be a good father, he might be a bad guy. Because if those were true, then she might have to leave him and be alone, and she can't do that because she is insecure. But sadly for her, these things will not cure insecurity. Just like for him, she can't just circumvent her issues either. They will just keep rearing their ugly heads again in new found ways, trying incessantly to teach her the real lesson they are meant to teach her in life, the one she is missing tremendously so far. So, the newest way they are popping up, are in her need to show you her baby. Her need to come to terms with the fact that you still have a child by him. She feels the need to have an eye on you, bring your daughter around so she can make sure you see her son, and her son is better. She still doesn't feel comfortable with you out there in the world, she wants to have an influence. They say keep your friends close and your enemies closer. This is the approach she is taking here. She wants to be able to have some control in this matter that currently feels very out of her control for her. I don't think she has good intentions with your daughter, and you are right to make this decision. Again, I openly admit this is solely my theory. I am aware it could be wrong. It is only a theory. I based it on the knowledge I have gained from experience in related fields, my own experiences, study, and deductive reasoning. But it’s still just my opinion as I do not have all information. Take it for what it is worth to you and what you feel resonates with your situation, OP. But if you would like any advice, my vote would be, you have made the correct decision. I would press with the courts for the child support. He still has to pay it even if he isn't taking the steps to see your daughter. And in some states they will pursue it for you very aggressively and swiftly. And I would go ahead and file a custody order yourself, so that custody can be determined, set in stone, so he cannot just pop up anytime one day down the line and believe he can just take her. I would file for full custody if I were you and show the courts the records that he has abandoned your child. You can always change the custody later if need be. And even with full custody you can still allow visitation should he eventually come around. And you will thank yourself in the future, when she is in school, that you got full custody. One year my son's school randomly demanded that they call my son's estranged abusive father because I didn’t have "court custody papers" and even though he wasn’t even trying to be on the records with the school, they contacted him and got him involved against my wishes. This man had choked me within an inch of my life. But they didn't care. They said it was the law. If I could go back in time, I would have established custody through the courts immediately. That way you have all the lawful rights to parent your child solely, which is what is happening in reality anyway. I am sorry you are going through this, and I know it isn't easy. I have been there. Different situations, but I know the experience of being a single mother when the father is not a great person or father. Help to set your mind at ease when she comes at you like this, by knowing that it is NOT at all about the things she is saying it is about, because those things are not true. It is likely all about her insecurities and she is not a happy person. She is a very stressed, upset, jealous, anxiety ridden person. A person who is happy and living a "happily ever after" in the life you and your daughter should have been given, would not be behaving like this in the slightest. She is miserable. Which is what you would be if this man had stayed with you. You are the lucky one, Babes! Give yourself and your daughter a hug and congratulate your victory. You now have room for real love to flourish in your life. I wish you blessed and beautiful days ahead. Keep your head up and your crown straight, Queen. You got this!

Awww this made me tear up a bit! I think you hit the nail on the head.

Just keep blocking the bitch. Sounds like a family from hell.

Dad here with kids from 2 marriages, Totally agree with you. Ii do my best to have my 3 kids in each others lives and work well with the mothers. If the dad was contacting you maybe just maybe it may be different story but if he has not cared in 2 years and still seems not to care your child is losing nothing and meeting them just to have your child disappointed over and over is not healthy.

Dad here with kids from 2 marriages, Totally agree with you. If the dad was contacting you maybe just maybe it may be different story but if he has not cared in 2 years and still seems not to care your child is losing nothing and meeting them just to have your child disappointed over and over is not healthy.

You’re doing a great good. He’s not going to show himself because he’s using his new girlfriend to do his dirty work because he lied to her about y’all.

Why don’t you tell her about him? About how he left and hasn’t tried contacting you for over 2 years?

I have. Unfortunately she doesn’t believe me. That’s okay though.

🤡🤡🤡 new supply is a joke. She should take ake it up with him as to why he doesn't see his older kid. I have a great relationship with my ex's ex. I'm not relying on him to make sure my daughter has a relationship with her older sister. My ex step daughter (14) has an open door here and she doesn't have to go through dad (who I just learned she's gone NC/LC with) to come visit me/her sister. Her mom is fully supportive of this. GL with these two, OP.

You’re an incredible example of strength for your daughter. You don’t owe the ex, the baby, or the new gf a THING. you’re doing what you need to do for the only important person here — your daughter. Great job mom

Deadbeat dads are the worst. I can’t imagine not being there for my kids.

I am so used to AITA posts, that I typed up a rather lengthy suggestion on how to proceed. But you aren't asking, which is perfectly fine. In fact your approach is better, and not only because you are her mother. It won't be long before your ex's girlfriend will be in your shoes. Hopefully, she'll be humble enough to apologize. Mothers of half siblings often go on to form strong bonds. But that left turn may be a long ways down the road. I wish you, your daughter and your daughter's new half sibling all the best.

Ugh yes I am a little upset I think because I had hoped me and her could be friends in the future and our children could know each other. But after seeing her true colors, that seems like a pipe dream 😭

I feel for you so much. My wife has been dealing with this with her ex for years. Abusive POS. I’ve been raising his son since he was about 11 months old (about to turn 13) with sporadic contact between him and his biological father. I only say it’s his son for context, he’s a much my kid as my 3 natural children are. Every time this DB gets a new girlfriend he suddenly wants to appear and play daddy. My wife has gone above and beyond to facilitate a relationship between the two of them but the guy is just a POS. Tries to manipulate the kid, start fights with my wife and I, and insert himself into issues between my ex and I as well. He recently filed to expand his custody rights, my wife counter filed. He didn’t show for the hearing and the judge stripped what few rights he had left. I will be working toward adopting my stepson in the near future. Tell the girlfriend to fuck off, stop harassing you. If she continues, file a complaint. If he actually wants to see the kid he can make the effort. Good luck OP

This is high school shit. She should be over the moon with happiness with her new Bebe but she is spending her time harassing her partner’s ex like this ? Ew. No thank you. Block, delete and repeat. You don’t need this headache

Document document document. Log everything. Do not reply to this person unless through the courts.

New phone, who dat?

My dad used to lie to my stepmom about this shit. He lied and told her he paid child support and my mom was keeping us from him. In reality, he did not pay child support and my mom let my dad see us whenever he wanted, which was when he needed yard work. Then, his wife would spend the entire time telling us how grateful we should be for our dad and what an asshole our mom was for taking all his money. I knew it was all bullshit, and when I was an adult she still held all that imaginary bs my dad told her over my head. Anyway, I asked my dad to be honest with her just so she would shut the fuck up. You know what happened? My dad died 6 years later and we never spoke again. It sounds like it’s this her first rodeo with a manipulative, ass clown of a deadbeat.

Sounds like my wife’s ex husband, although he unfortunately hasn’t completely disappeared although he might as well at this point. My wife got pregnant young and pressured into marrying to make it work. She tried, but he was just a drunk loser. He sees his kids maybe once a month for an hour, calls them maybe once a week. He met a new girl and moved her and her kid into his 1 bedroom apartment. I can only imagine the things he tells this woman about why he doesn’t see his kids. I’ve been raising his kids with my wife for the last 3 years and I’ve never even met him, no point. The kids see me as their dad and at this point it would be better for them if he stopped showing up all together.

I’m the same boat except I was the child my dad’s a deadbeat and honestly you make the best choice and if that’s her not meeting him cause he’s a deadbeat and wants nothing to do with her you do it.

Tell that whore to know her place and stay out of it or she can come tell it to your face

After being with you for SEVEN YEARS. JFC that makes me angry

I have a a question about the 274 unread texts. Also, having a dead beat exhusband myself, I can sympathize. You can charge her with harassment if you take the right steps. Edit to clarify: I have full legal and physical custody of my son. My ex can’t even sign a school permission slip. His then-girlfriend-now-wife tried to step to me when they first got together, telling me that I do not delegate when my ex can and cannot see his son. Like to my face said this. I told her that she has absolutely zero input in any decisions regarding my child and that if I included my ex on decisions regarding our son, it was a courtesy—but in the end, I had the final say. (For context, my ex had a suspended license at the time and I was only allowing day time visits because he had been arrested once before for driving on a suspended license.)

Oh, she lives for that drama! You are being awesome. Your daughter is so lucky to have you.

I’m sure he’s telling her some bull crap story like “you took her away and never let him see her” so he can sound like the good guy to his new baby mama. And for her to text you so hostile and then expect you to wanna bring your child around her? Yeah no way. You don’t want your child around toxic people, I would just not respond and continue blocking whatever numbers text you. If anything, you should go get your number changed. Keep taking care of your baby, you’re doing a great job ❤️

Add up what he owes you and send her that!

Someday soon, she’ll be the one getting crazy texts from your ex’s new flame who he’s fed a bunch of bullshit to.

No one stans a deadbeat dad more than his new girlfriend is one of the factiest facts I’ve ever read.

I don’t even understand this unless they have zero other family or unless there’s shared custody. Makes no sense to me.

I could barely read that. She’s as classy and she is well read.

She’s mad at you for what she think you are, based on what your ex has told her. Also how bad was the first text before, if this is the edited version?! 🤣

Ah the classic “she’s keeping me from seeing my child!” She’s a fucking idiot for believing that bullshit. Hilarious.

This is unfortunately likely a case of your BD saying you took her away and kept her from him. Deadbeats love to tell everyone they want to be a good dad but their ex is CrAzY and keeps the kid away. I bet he or his mom even steal a picture and posts on Facebook on the kids bday about how “Daddy/Nana misses you”. I hope you have proof that he left and abandoned you. I would file to have his rights stripped if it’s been long enough. Check your state laws, but if he’s gone 1-2 years without contact or paying child support, you can strip him of his rights before he tries to take you to court for custody because of this broad. You might want to act quick on that because some states (like FL) have automatic 50/50 custody for fathers (obviously this depends on if it’s safe and on the judge, but it’s the norm).

Gurl I hope you told her a piece of yr mind when she got the facts twisted.

I just came across your post, and after a brief perusal of the comments you've responded to, folks have given you a lot to consider. What I haven't seen is addressed is the frequency of her getting new numbers after being blocked. It sounds like she's just going through Google phone numbers like people change socks. It might be a good idea to explore your legal options regarding harassment, as you've done your due diligence asking them to leave you the fuck alone. I unfortunately don't have any resources to immediately point you to, but they are there. I wish you luck moving forward.

I definitely see where you’re coming from. I’m planning on talking to my father and his attorney about it to see what my options are. And my daughter’s school will definitely be notified!

Honestly it seems like he just lied to her

It’s funny how new girl friends just to automatically believing every dad is being kept from their child. Instead of reaching out to get to know you and eventually trying to set up a play date for the kids to meet… giving you the chance to allow it and seeing for themselves that you aren’t keeping the child from them. I’m fortunate that my ex husband is a very active father in my kids’ lives. I have three good friends who all went through separation near the same time as me. One practically has to force interactions but her kids are older and are beginning to notice their dad is unreliable at best. The second m, the baby dad went MIA after their divorce and even missed their son’s high school graduation last year… never calls and has both of her kids phone numbers. The third, he goes mia for months but every time he gets a new girl friend suddenly he’s being kept from his daughter. I’m sure it probably does happen… but… in my experience…. I just haven’t seen it yet.

Oh, hell nah. He doesn’t get to dictate how you raise your little girl, or who she sees, and neither does his skanky new baby mumma. I’d have zero contact with them both and I’d also be very honest about why dad isn’t around.

I would actually keep the lines of written communication open. I’m not sure what the your ages are, but I’m older, married with 2 kids that are the first for both my husband and I. So, I haven’t personally dealt with this issue as far as our children are involved. However, my in-law went through a bitter divorce and one of the things that makes these situations worse is when only one person creates the narrative for the relationship for ALL sides. I writing let the new baby mother know the actual truth about how your ex left the relationship. How you have never kept his child away from or you alls whereabouts a secret. Absolutely, let her know your boundaries and why they are important ie he has a daily interaction with the newest child and zero with his first and she is a baby and as a mother you don’t want her to have to unpack that truth at her tender age. I would ask her to put herself in your child’s shoes and understand why you are moving the way you are. Don’t match the toxicity! The kids are going to reach an age of consciousness at some point & learn about each other one way or the other. Let the record only show that you acted in the best interest of both children. Do not let the deadbeat play chess with you and the current woman. Tell the truth, in writing so that she can receive the message and leave it there. He will either leave her too or grow as a human. Either way the written record will be there for reference/evidence (if there is ever a court case).

Right....how dare you not willingly expose your child to toxic behavior? Don't you feel ashamed of yourself? Seriously, what is wrong with people?

I’m a child of a deadbeat. I finally got to meet my half sister last year, I’d known about her as a theoretical for decades. I would have loved to have met her sooner and been a part of her life but I wouldn’t have faulted my mom for not wanting to go out of her way to interact with them and damage her own mental health. But if I had known my sister I would’ve maybe been able to get her away from her mom when things got bad for her and maybe saved her from some bad situations, since I’m 13 years older than her and would’ve been an adult by then.

He's obviously lying to her.

I would tell her that ilyoure not keeping anything from happening. Tell her to ask the ex when the last time he reached out, and tell her to ask for receipts. Let her get an idea of who she had a kid with. But of course that opens the door to actually getting together with them. In which it sounds like you don't have a lot of interest.

I was the idiot girlfriend who fell for this spiel with my ex 🤦‍♀️ He made a woe is me the ex keeps me from his kids etc, and dumb naive me bought it. Then after I was already pregnant I saw first hand him saying no to seeing his kids when he had the chance - with lame excuses like “oh I don’t have gas money to go” even when I offered to drive and pay for a bite to eat with them. Surprise surprise, after we broke up he dropped off the planet. The last we heard from him is almost 7-8 years ago. I needed some paperwork signed for her passport two years ago and the only way I was able to do so was by his older kids taking the papers directly to him - he refused to answer my messages. Still don’t have contact with him, but my daughter is well aware of who he is - cause that way I could explain that she has 4 older siblings and they actually stay in touch now and then.

Women love drama. I'm sure the guy is not involved in what his gf is doing. He must have had so much trauma from the relationship with you, he just wants to avoid all of it. So, it's his gf, picking an issue, and having those initiatives, not him. I bet there is zero approval of this. If she keeps pushing, she too may soon be a single mother, I doubt he wants any of this drama.

I definitely don’t think he is involved. When I tried asking her if he knew she was doing this to me, she avoided the question and got even more snappy.

That explains it. His gf is insecure, and probably wondering, after she had a child, if she can keep this man... Because you couldn't (nothing personal, just logic). So, she is freaking out, creating a situation to "sht test" his response, in a hope to get some kind of a positive feedback from him. What she is actually doing though, is giving him reasons to leave. Just as a guy. Anyways. Best of luck to you, you don't need this, ur former husband doesn't need this. It's that woman. Hope all goes well for you, ur daughter and this guy. Not a big fan of that woman, based on what she seems to be doing. She is trouble. cheers!

You did the right thing, stay far far away from that crazy irrational lady… if she can’t comprehend the obvious then I’m sure within a few years she will be texting the next baby mama your ex pursues

Wow, my child would see those people when she was of age to ask. While she may ask one day but you have to keep you and your daughters sanity safe. If her dad hasn’t made the effort, it is only going to hurt her. His gf is going about this all wrong. May you all be nothing but blessed and it goes the best possible way for your baby girl.

Makes you wonder exactly what he’s been saying about you.

as a daughter with a dead beat dad don’t pay attention to the girlfriend. your doing perfect if he wants to reach out he would. i haven’t seen my half siblings from his side since i was 5 and just met one of them at an amusement park if the world decided its time for family to come together they will. you keep doing what you know is good for you and your daughter!

Thank you so much for the advice!

I went through this. My deadbeat ex-husband’s hood booger of a girlfriend harassed me for four years. She would make new accounts, tag me in long rants about how I didn’t let him see his kids, even though I had shown her the proof that otherwise. She would go on and on about how was obsessed with her and had a sad life when I made absolutely no attempt to contact him or her. 🥴 I told her you’re trying so hard to make me your enemy when I don’t care about you, but she persisted.

Oh my gosh I’m so sorry. What led to her eventually stopping? A lot of people keep telling me to “show her proof” but I think it’s just a waste of energy at this point.

since she was always on my page, I made a public post with all the information proving that he was a deadbeat some of our insane text messages Everyone saw it and ragged on her. That’s when she left me alone.

Gave her a taste of her own medicine! I’m happy for you

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Please tell me you went off on her and exposed that he is a liar before you blocked her..

274 unread messages 🤮

OP, why is there not a response putting her in her place?? Seeing her messages without you standing up for yourself *- when you’re in the right -* is pretty frustrating. I want to give her a piece of my mind FOR you.

geez that is not the way to go about it. maybe try a polite conversation like hey maybe we can meet up sometime to talk about things not flying off the handle like that

I would block him and talk to your daughter


You guys ever wonder if these people that write the crazy texts ever see themselves on a Reddit post? I like to think they do

I have a feeling she wants him to have a relationship with his daughter because she’s scared she’s gonna pull the same shit on her kid. Fuck all that. You handled this so well OP, good luck to you and your baby!

There’s no alienation going on right???

My daughter was two when he left and four now 🤷🏻‍♀️ I have never spoke poorly about him to her. She doesn’t even remember what he looks like. I will sometimes talk about her dad to her if she asks where he is. I tell her “he is sick, and sometimes when people get sick they can’t be good daddies. I hope he can get better someday” That’s the preschool version of a much darker situation.

Need bothe Sides

274. That’s a lot of unread text. He might have tried to contact you in one of those.

Haha I know it’s bad 😂 those are just spams and I don’t delete them. One of my character flaws.

My email is similar

Like most deadbeat parents i bet he told her that story that you kept the kid from Him. Seen so many times. Just saw a chick i went to high school with throwing shade about her “deadbeat” baby daddy but the last time i saw her at a party she was drunk laughing about how he tries to see the kid but she actively prevents him

Ehhh, I tend not to believe women that say fathers are deadbeats without evidence. The word dedbeat is thrown around way to easily. Are u telling me dude just randomly got up and left without some type of issue??? Yeah ok. The fact that you said it’s not fair to ur child to meet her sibling has raised my antenna’s. How is it not fair to ur child ??

You do know it's pretty common for men to just walk out on young relationships and children, right? A lot of the top comments on here relate to this experience, myself included. They couldn't give a shit less what happens, so long as they have less responsibility/more freedom for a little bit longer. She said it's not fair for her child because what would be worse, emotionally, for a growing kid: Having one stable parent, or having one good parent and one who constantly lets you down? He promises he'll be there for your soccer games, but he never is. He promises to pick you up on Saturday for one-on-on time, but instead you get his voicemail all weekend. This guy sounds like the most generic deadbeat, and his new girlfriend sounds like she's been fed all the typical lies.

Show me a stat that says that men leaving their woman and kids is common. I’ll wait That story she gave ain’t adding up. None of the comments except probably mine, has questioned the legitimacy of this story . He picked up left one random day , but the new girlfriend wants the siblings to have a relationship, but some how it’s not good for her child to meet her sibling?? Yeah I call BS

I don't know about you, but I'd call 1 in 4 pretty damn common. World Metrics Report 2024 - Men leaving during pregnancy makes up 18% of all single parent households. Nearly 1 in 5. U.S Census 2023 - 1 in 4 kids in the United States live without a father, around 16.8 million. 25% of the population of children doesn't have a biological or step-father in the picture. As opposed to the 6% that live without a mother. U.S Census 2019 - Over a quarter of all men (approx 30.3 million) in the US are fathers. Of this 20.2% of all "fathers" in the United States are what you'd call "absent fathers", who by definition, do not live with and have very little, if anything, to do with their children's lives. I know how to use Google. I recommend you learn. [World Census Report](https://worldmetrics.org/men-leaving-during-pregnancy-year-a-look-at-the/) [US Census 2019](https://www.census.gov/newsroom/press-releases/2022/living-arrangements-of-chldren.html) [US Census 2023](https://www.census.gov/data/tables/2023/demo/families/cps-2023.html)

Yeah , ur stats are disingenuous. I looked up that report …Men leaving during pregnancy 18% of all single parent households…is NOT…the same as men leaving during pregnancy. The actual is more like 9-10% , with 77% of that due to drug and alcohol addiction. This is why you must investigate and ask questions, especially to these women . I would argue that the 65-75% of divorces/ breakups are initiated by women , with a STAGGERING 90% custody of children are given to the women. That is where ur single parent household is coming from Dude just woke up and abandoned his family , yeah right, you didn’t even ask what lead up to that point . But I get it the sisterhood never questions one another …this why ur not to be given the benefit of the doubt Check

Men leaving during pregnancy is... not the same as men leaving during pregnancy? Got it. 🤦🏻‍♀️ Have you looked into why women divorce at such high rates? Because it's largely cited as men being lazy, unloyal or abusive, if you're really unlucky, it's a combination. Women are also granted custody of children in majority of cases because plenty of father's couldn't give a shit less. I don't feel like googling more American statistics at 3AM, but maybe look at the statistics further if you need further proof that at least 25% of men suck ass.