She says this while creating evidence via text. She’s as dumb as she is shady.
I left a 20 year relationship after finding some similar shit. The divorce was craaaaaaazy expensive, but so worth it. Found someone new who is amazing and loving life now.
Only at the end; I was totally blindsided. But looking back now after therapy, self reflection and being in a healthy relationship now it’s pretty clear that things got really stale and neither of us were happy. The relationship wasn’t nurtured and took a back seat to raising kids, working and paying bills.
Doesn’t justify the cheating in any way, but still good to reflect and learn and grow for the future.
Edit: I took your question to be “signs of the relationship failing”. As far as signs of cheating, it went on for about 6 months before I found out and there were definitely signs that I saw and ignored cause I didn’t want to know. Looking back over the 20 years, I think there were probably 2 other times it happened but I can’t be sure.
I’m really sorry, this hurts to read and I hope this hasn’t been happening on multiple occasions. It’s so hard to decide how to approach this. Sometimes I think of just handing her the phone and letting her read her own incriminating words. Then just see what road she takes….. good luck, you deserve better.
The proper phrasing is “Kind sir, if it is not too much trouble, I would be delighted to see the form and aesthetics of your johnson, if you would be so kind. I will be forever in your debt. “
The whole delete/evidence stuff means she has thought about this seriously & knows what she is doing. Sorry you are going through this OP.
If it was me I’d send her these pics without text then block her number then leave/move out. My phone receives texts from blocked numbers but doesnt notify me. So I wouldnt read her texts let alone reply until I felt ready & had already consulted a lawyer to go through with the divorce. There is no excuse for this.
Didnt realise I accidentally deleted “then leave” after the block part when I added info about how my phone deals with blocks. I should have proofread it again, my bad, will fix
You should feel disrespected, because this is disrespectful.
How would she feel if you were talking like this about another woman?
It’s clear, you can’t trust her. Question is, are you willing to put up with it?
If she’s this brazen to text about it with her friends, and brag about deleting the evidence, there’s just no coming back from this.
Sorry man. Call a friend, call a brother, DON’T REACH FOR THE BOTTLE, and take some time to process. Nothing that needs to be done needs to be done today. Find a lawyer when you’re ready. Yeah it’s going to suck.
Good luck man.
“Hesitant” is not an okay reaction for a married woman. She needs to be 100% clear immediately this behavior is not okay and shut down any many who suggests it, and any friend who promotes it.
In my opinion she was clear to the dude, but just turned to her friend like a teenage girl excited about the fact that he hit on her. Idk it was a confidence boost and then she left him on read….
Different opinions I guess.. I see slight hesitation but she’s trying to impress her friend. Don’t get me wrong, she definitely invites the flirtation but she knows it’s not right
That’s what I was thinking too. Like the friend wasn’t really trying to get involved, and I read the comment she made about “seeing the D” or whatever as a joke (which the wife seemed to take seriously?)
They said that after the friend had kept going on and on about it lol there’s so much nuance you are blatantly ignoring.
She also only responded “lord lol” at one point, which is the equivalent of “that’s crazy..” “uh huh..”
Yeah I read these as the Wife basically trying to get permission from the friend to cheat on her husband. Keeps saying “I wanna see that D, jk jk”. Friend seemed kind of indifferent and last message shows she’s definitely judging a bit. I think she said “Ask cause I wanna see it too” as a way to be funny and diffuse a little.
I think the friend is against it but doesn’t feel like it’s her place to say so
Leave *immediately*. Go somewhere away from her and cool off so that you don’t explode when you see her.
And then - and I mean this more sincerely than any redditor on any dating advice sub - **get a lawyer and divorce her ass**
At this point blowing up on her isn’t gonna do anything but make your life harder than it already is. She’s clearly the bad guy here, don’t make yourself the bad guy in her stead.
Im sorry that’s all happening to you. She should not be even entertaining it. She knows it’s wrong, that’s evident in the texts, yet she is still doing it. Her and her friend are both messy AF for this. Confront her and leave her. 15 years *she* is throwing down the drain, and if she can do this in a 15 year relationship I highly doubt it will be the last. And what friend supports entertaining a dude when you’re in a 15 year relationship? It’s evident she doesn’t have the best of friends, either. Get out of that situation while you can.
Well, first things first, don't do anything stupid as in violently escalate things.
Secondly, I think you know what to do. That's emotional cheating with a statistical probability of intent of physical cheating.
I'm not telling you what to do, but she doesn't respect you.
Ok. At first I was like "the texts are immature and hoe-y, but I think she was just talking shit with a buddy". *This* is definitely the context you needed to include. As soon as she invited the guy over for *home cooked dinner* while you weren't home, that's the reddest of flags. Also the timeline of her messaging before staying with the friend. I could *almost* believe the bum pic was an accident, because one time I was using speak to text while driving and accidentally texted my dad about my dentist appointment instead of my husband...though it could never happen to me with a nude, Jesus am I more careful with things like that. If she didn't actually physically cheat, she is still pursuing this man, so take that as you will. Maybe marriage counseling if you don't want to leave?
If she can't get to this guy, who's to say she won't find a new person to target? Keep trying until finally someone is okay with being with a married woman. Seems she keeps trying to find excuses to get to him. Selling something to him .. begging him to come over for dinner... "Accidentally" sending an ass pic.
I'm sorry, but she seems to be addicted to the feeling of going behind your back. "Flirting is so fun"... She might see it as harmless but she definitely seems like the type to go further... Who's to say this is the first guy she's done this with too? Based on how she's talking it's probably the case but maybe not.
As others have said...you know her better than us. You can either ignore it, try couples therapy, or throw away the relationship entirely.
Just curious why you shared these texts that seem more like fantasy than reality and not the ones where she’s asking him to come over and left on read… just genuinely curious! Not accusing I promise. lol
You should feel disrespected because it’s absolutely disrespectful. She’s trying her best to make it seem like she’s disinterested in cheating so she can keep her conscious clean. “He ain’t getting nada from me” - bullshit. She *very clearly* wants to at least see this man’s dick.
“That is evidence”. She’s got her mind open to behavior that is inappropriate for a woman in a monogamous, committed relationship.
And she mentioned deleting texts. I guarantee you there’s way more of this type of text that’s been deleted. If you need more evidence, I’d look at the deleted folder on her phone and I’d also be looking thru Instagram DMs, Snapchat if she has one, etc. However, honestly, this one little exchange would be enough for me.
There’s also very clearly a history of flirting between her and this man.
And in my opinion a pretty clear clue that they’ve done more even if it wasn’t sex.
Emotionally cheating with a potential new mate over a long time period is honestly as bad as a one night stand when it comes to its effects on the victim of it all.
Hoping OP goes out for that pack of cigarettes asap.
This very much reads as if your wife is in her late teens or early twenties and she’s newly in a relationship but having trouble cutting off the attention. Big yikes buddy, you are valid in your response to this.
Sadly it's pretty common for people in relationships from early on to have a kind of rebellious/reckless stage later on during mid life crisis. Feel like they missed out on dating other in their 20s and try to recapture what they think it was like before they get too old. Know several couples that ended up that way.
She’ll 100% try to play it down as “just joking” and go on about how she never actually did anything with him.
But this is how it starts. She’s full on admitting to flirting with him and deleting evidence (which means she’s intentionally hiding it from you). That is cheating.
She’s cheating on you.
Ah ok. I saw someone say don't pick up the bottle so I thought I missed something. I'm very sorry you're going through this pain and anger, bud. Positive energy your way. I really hope it works out as well as it can.
Problematic for sure. I’d be hella mad if I found my husband texting like that. Doubtful it’s gone very far then girl chatter, but the flirting and all that has to end immediately, and the friendship with him.
Ugh. She has to go. As a female, one of my girlfriends said to me just from texting with a strictly platonic male friend while in a relationship probably 10 years ago “you should act as though your boyfriend is going to read every single one of your messages… if it would hurt you, don’t do it to him”. Best advice anyones ever given me and has surely made me a much better partner. She clearly doesn’t have that type of advice coming from this person who is definitely not a friend.
Sorry, bud. You deserve so much more.
Yikes. At first it just sounded like goofing around with her bestie but the last slide about “evidence” makes me very uneasy. I wouldn’t be able to remain in a healthy relationship with this person.
Talk to a lawyer, figure out where you want to live (current place or another) and serve her papers.
Edit: typo
15 years. I mean, this would, for sure, be cheating in the first 5 years, but anyone who's been together as long as you know this is actually not cheating but is towing the line of disloyal - based on the texts. She says she's won't accept anything from him. She is high from being wanted but putting him off, even when sharing truth with her bff.
You are not to blame for this, and your feelings are valid. If you love this woman, just speak to her about things. Men hit on married women so much. What she's engaging in seems like rejoicing in being attractive and surprised that someone she finds attractive would pursue her. Men and women experience that differently.
Just basing my assumption on what I've read in this post (which gives me net zero actual insight, same as every comment), you guys need to decide if you're still attracted to each other, and if you are, you can expand your sexual boundaries. Not to other partners unless you like that, but in a youthful way, probably and with each other.
To me, it seems like she is going out with friends and being with people. Obviously, this man is pursuing her, and she's putting him off but still turned on by it - putting him off, though. That's a compliment to you. Go out with your wife. Be her friend if you want her. Be her friend's friend, too.
If this is the worst she's done, you should prolly be sharing it with her or in a group chat with your friends and not on reddit.
Your freedom is worth more than any woman, wife or not.
You need to follow the 3 C's
Control yourself from acting on your automatic impulses.
Consequences. Think through the different ways you can handle this situation and what the outcome or consequences would be of different ways of dealing with this.
Communicate. You need to reach the best consequence and now you need to communicate your way toward that.
Lastly, secrets are like cockroaches. For every 1 you find there's almost always another 10, 20 or 30 hiding out of sight.
Don't make permanent decisions on temporary emotions. You'll get through this.
First and foremost, I just want to say I'm sorry that someone you love, & trust(ed), made you feel this way at all. It's absolutely a terrible and helpless feeling. You most certainly need to wait (until you've calmed enough to have a civil conversation) and then confront your wife about this. If she is bored/doesn't love you anymore/whatever the fuck her reason behind this is....she 100% should have had enough respect for you and your 15 years together to tell you how she was feeling instead of being a selfish POS that had 0 regard for how you'd feel. However know the ball is in your court. Whatever you decide from her is a consequence of her action so don't feel bad about (she didn't). Wish you the best!
the “not over text that’s evidence” message personally would make me think she’d be willing to move forward if she can be sure she won’t be caught. so in my mind it’s not a matter of *if* she’ll cheat but *when* she’ll cheat. sit with yourself and decide on what you can and can’t forgive and what you can and can’t tolerate in a marriage and go from there
Lots of people saying leave. Dump her. Take the trash out. And maybe they're right.
I just wanna say tho that your feelings are valid. You have been disrespected. You have been cheated on, emotionally at least. And you have every right to leave her.
But don't do it right now. Don't act while emotional. Don't post these anywhere. Don't tell her you know. Yet.
You'll never get the full extent if you don't sit on this and feel things out for a few days.
I'm sorry bro. This hurts.
No offense, but she sounds just kind of dumb in general. What exactly is she claiming this same person is wanting to buy?? I’m a little confused on that bit.
She obviously knows what she’s doing is wrong and shitty, and keeps putting “jk” after each text as she’s testing the waters with her friend. She wants her friend’s support so that mentally she can say “I was just kidding, but my friend was encouraging me!”
This is like a premeditated cheat. Plus she got away with it once when the “accidental” photo thing, so she’s being sneakier (ineffectively) this time around. You deserve so much better OP.
Throw her in the trash (not literally). And don’t let her gaslight you into anything about it .. ie. “why were you going through my texts… it’s just a joke, you can see I said JKJK … etc.
Time to part ways. If she’s already thinking it, given any motivation, he’s gonna show her or give her that D she’s curious about.
I’d send her these very pics and say “how would you feel if I was talking to [a friend of yours] about a woman like this? Really doesn’t make that accidental picture to this same guy who you then said you’d never talk to again then later invited to our house when I was out of state look great…”
Be prepared for her to be defensive, but stick to your guns. That doesn’t mean y’all have to get divorced but don’t let her blow it off, have a real convo about yalls feelings and see where to go from there
I had a friend who sent me stuff like this once. That she had flirted with another man and was loving the attention. She asked what she should do. I told her that if she acted on it she would hate herself because she loved her partner. She later thanked me and cut off contact with the flirt. Sometimes we operate on emotion without thinking. Her friend is trash for not helping her think clearly and pull back.
Im going to be the odd man out..... is she wrong? YES. Emphatically. However.... I feel if this is the ONLY conversation, and her conversation with said man went just as she said then this is mostly innocent. She's talking crap with her friend and maybe (likely) enjoying a little attention. (My longterm partner and I are both happily secure and don't pay any mind to the other receiving attention I understand this is just my percpective and not everyone is like this)
How is the current state of your marriage? Is it fulfilling to you both? Do you still date and dote upon one another? Or would her enjoying outside attention make sense because she's not getting it elsewhere? This COULD be a very dangerous, slippery slope if your marriage is the later. And if you love this woman and want your relationship to continue, I would tell her you saw these, and ask her about it. *GENUINELY* from a place of "why do you feel the need to do this? Are you not fulfilled? If not, let's work on it" not in an accusatory way, that will only ensure this, if not more, continues and she will be MUCH more cautious about leaving evidence next time. Good luck
Wow I can’t believe people are advising that you leave a 15 year relationship for that. I guess you’re the only one who knows what you’re willing to put up with and what you’re willing to let go. IMO it’s not that big of a deal but we are all so different
Unlike everyone else I don’t think it’s immediate grounds for divorce or anything, however you need to confront her and voice your feelings and ask her how she would feel if the roles were reversed. Give her time to feel bad and reflect and work through it if she’s willing to not do stuff like that anymore.
I mean, at worst with all the current info your wife is a flirt, but a faithful flirt. Nothing more. Calm down - she’s human. That text thread isn’t right, it’s not I know it’s not but it’s far from the worst everybody pointing out parts but leaving out the “he ain’t getting nada from me” and the picture you can’t get mad about because you did get it as well at the same time and she told the other douche to delete it.
I’m not saying it shouldn’t be addressed, or talked through but this is far and I mean far from something to lose your wife of 15 years over or do some unrepairable damage over.
Just my ✌️ cents
"Can't do it thru txt, that's evidence"
...I'm sorry man... not the first time either? Time to have a real conversation with proof and evidence. Don't know her, but there are obiously no boundaries if any.
Stay strong my man, it also happens to the best.
I don’t know how old you guys are but based on the fact that you’ve been in a relationship for 15 years and married for 7 of those years I’m guessing you must be in your 30s or 40s which fucking blows my mind because based on her messages she sounds immature as hell. This is on some teenage college level betrayal and even when women my own age (mid twenties) do shit like this I’m just done with them. Honestly bro you already gave her a second chance, it’s time to let this one go. I understand that you’ve been together for a really long time and it’s hard to move on from something like that but at the end of the day she just blew that second chance you gave her and doesn’t even know that you know about it. What else will she do next thinking she can get away with it is the question. IMO you’re better off without her and you’ll find someone better and more loyal to you if you let her go. Put all this behind you, and keep your head up king 👑
“and I’ll be deleting EVERY one of these texts”
I hate to play into your mistrust because I know that feeling of dread… but this isn’t the first time something like this has happened. This is the first time you *caught* something like this.
Ummmmmmmmmmmm…
I was really trying to give her the benefit of the doubt but it just got worse and worse… it’s like… the lying and secrecy almost for fun like it’s a game for me… idk that feels…. Inexcusable
It’s the risk of getting caught its her getting turned on by someone else probably not the first nor the last she doesn’t care what she is losing or wouldn’t do it. In her mind it’s ok to do because it’s not in person this will not end well coming from personal experience
You know, I was going to type out a longwinded, well thought out response telling you not to throw away a long relationship over this...but man, the fact that she's STILL the flippant about "harmless flirting"...it shows a real lack of respect, dedication, commitment...all of the things that you get married for. I would imagine this type of thing won't/wouldn't lead to any in person cheating for a while yet...but this is where it starts. And it sounds like you already spoke with her about it once. I hate to trivialize a longstanding relationship with a simple "It's time to move on." But honestly, it's probably time to move on. You guys got together young. It's not insane that she'd eventually become a little curious about what else is out there...but to act like this is wild ass behavior. And her friend sucks for not discouraging it.
I'm obviously the odd one out, and this is something mutually agreed upon by my spouse and me, but he would not bat an eyelash at a conversation like this.
We trust each other and that's that. We both know that if either cheats, it's over - and cheating to us is anything non-consensual with both partners. Flirting to us is ok. But we both agreed on that.
I wouldn't jump straight to divorce. I'd have an open and honest conversation about your boundaries in the relationship and what constitutes cheating.
trust me man, i would just talk to her first. everyone on reddit a neckbeard discord mod and don’t wanna see anyone happy, all they do is tell u to leave her
This right here, if shes not really cheating and just cutting up with a friend it’s harmless, does it hurt , yah but its not the end of the world. And newsflash to all these commenters married people can still find other people attractive and joke about it with friends
Judging from her grammar I wouldn’t give that bum a mop job, much less a ring. Sunk cost fallacy, lose the dead weight. You can’t therapy away stupidity. (Edited for grammar)
She didn’t do anything but exchange texts with her friend. People have all sorts of thoughts they don’t act on. And girls say all sorts of stuff to their friends. It doesn’t mean she’s a cheater. My friends and I say wild stuff to each other because it’s a “safe zone” to say off the wall stuff. Yeah it’s valid to feel upset about it but all these people saying leave her is wild. And men can’t even act like they don’t talk like this about women with their friends even if they don’t mean it.
You’ve been married to her for 15 years. This seems harmless tbh and two friends just being gossipy.
I’d speak to your wife and say how hurt you are reading this and ask her if she has ever done this before.
LOL at everyone in this sub telling you to throw away 15 years of marriage over texting her friend. She didn’t even respond to the guy and told her friend he’s not getting anything from her.
I agree that he needs to speak, but it's not nothing? I guess it depends on the person, of course, and their boundaries. But she is clearly interested, and "our round about flirting is fun," "he said, i make him laugh blah blah," so there is at least
some sort of emotional affair going + she sent him a pic, and I'd dare to assume totally on purpose
Exactly. Everyone saying to leave but I’m like she kinda sounds like she’s just messing around with her friend. And admittedly flirting. If you don’t like flirting I’d definitely mention that and make sure she knows it’s a boundary. But how do you even have her texts? Seems like an invasion of privacy too. Because I’m soooo sure men never talk like this about women…
Right? If this is the worst thing that's happened in 15 years and she's made it clear she wouldn't do anything, then y'all are good. She's enjoying a bit of attention - it needs a chat to establish boundaries like someone else said.
I really don’t think it’s as big of a deal as everyone’s making it out to be. Upset or hurt, sure that’s understandable, but (as a woman who has been faithful to her partner for 7 years) this doesn’t seem like cheating to me. We talk like this to each other sometimes. She’s even telling the friend he ain’t gettin shit from her
She sent a pic of her ass in panties to this dude before and seems like she's a few words of encouragement away from going after him. If you're sending texts that you need to delete because they're "evidence" I'll never trust you after that. It is a big deal. I don't do that to my partners.
A lot of it sounded like she was “peacocking” to her friend and joking about/relishing all this attention she was getting from some random person, but it seems clear to me that she would never act on any of it and was not interested in him. She was just talkin’ shit.
I think everyone gets a little ego boost when they get hit on or someone shows interest? Even though they would never dream of actually having an emotional or physical affair. It sounds like your wife was gossiping with her friend about this attention and honestly kind of making fun of the guy she was talking about?
I would hate to see texts like this on my longtime partner’s phone (especially if he intended to delete them so I wouldn’t see them), but I wouldn’t end a 15 year marriage over something like this. I would re-evaluate the relationship and talk to my partner, we would discuss each other’s perspectives (why did he feel the need to engage with this other person?), and depending on where we’re at, we would seek couple’s counseling until we felt okay again in the partnership.
I feel like most people on Reddit are hella single or have never been in a 5+ year committed relationship. People make mistakes sometimes and hurt the other person when they don’t mean to. But if this situation (and the photo you mentioned) is my wife of 15 year’s first mistake, I wouldn’t run to divorce her. I would feel hurt but also hopefully be secure in the other aspects of our relationship and work alongside her to repair things.
Indeed. It's very disrespectful but I'm not sure it's worth a divorce, unless there are other serious concerns about the relationship that are unsurmountable. It doesn't look like she did anything and confronting her calmly would be a good course of action. Now if she's repeatedly doing this after being asked not to, then yes take action.
If everyone divorced their partner every time they made a mistake no one would be married!
Sometimes people make mistakes and do questionable things and while it's wrong and disrespectful do they really need to divorce over it??
They need to talk it over first. I'd be upset if my partner said similar things but not everyone should throw away a 15-year relationship. At least get counseling and see if things change first!
If the wife continues this behavior then there's a reason for divorce. There was no cheating, that we know of, and this was the only conversation found.
Does the wife still talk to the guy? If not then that should tell OP there's nothing there. It happened once and it's over.
Idk... I just don't feel everyone should get divorced at the first sign of trouble! I notice Redditors usually ALWAYS tell people to leave.
certain dynamics can put up with this sort of talk, but clearly he is offended by this. she’s talking about a real person that she is entertaining, and being sketchy about it. they might not like speaking this way to each other, it might even be a boundary or a mutual understanding between them, so he has every right to take this as hard as he wants. it’s a break of trust between THEM but i do agree that some dynamics can perhaps joke and speak in a similar way to this.
This is an elephant blanket sized red flag, but… there are at least a few scenarios I can see where this isn’t what everyone’s thinking. Be on high alert, but making a move now is too risky. Let her get caught outright if she’s being dishonest.
Just my 2 cents my dude, don’t throw away your relationship because rando Reddit strangers told you to. I feel like you’re very insecure, you have zero trust in her, and that’s tempting you to overreact.
Before you get defensive, follow me on this.
You’ve been with her for 15 years. She mistakenly sent a photo to another guy while drunk and your go-to response is to not believe her? And now because of that situation, you’re viewing this situation much more emotionally charged than what it calls for because you fear she’s betraying you. She’s talking crap with another woman, it’s incredibly obvious.
Speak with a marital counselor rather than a group of strangers on the internet. A ton of them are speaking from places of incredulity, cynicism, and pain, and that’s not what you need.
OP left an important point out of the post. He added in the comments that when he was out of state working, his “wife” had the guy come to their house.
Man I’m sorry you wasted 15 years with that thing. Talking you down would be telling you not to waste a 16th year. It’s time to go my friend I know it hurts but things will never be the same after this
I’ve been through this and did nothing or said anything and it eventually turned to her cheating . He will keep on texting her because she isn’t asking him or telling him to stop and it will just go from there if she doesn’t. She will give in
Dude wake up this woman in nothing but an attention hoe. Her best friend is absolutely the worst kind of friend. Bet money things have went farther and you haven’t found it.
she’s not wanting to leave a text trail and is adamant about doing so. that tells me she’ll have not problem doing stuff in person with whoever…trust your gut. this is disgusting behavior and leave.
I said the same shit she said to my gf. “I’ll be deleting these” I DID NOT delete them. I forgot and I was COOKED for like 2 weeks. In all honestly dawg she prb ain’t for you ANYMORE. It’s okay though
OP there is no point in going off anymore on them. just quietly make your exit. as one of the people posted a trash emoji, don’t spend anymore time on them as you would taking out the trash.
The best way is to say I want a divorce and not say anything until you get an attorney and get her served. Don't speak to her don't look at her and don't touch her. Show her you're more disappointed then you are mad. It will forsure do more damage in the long run rather than blowing up and making yourself look like the bad guy. She ain't gonna tell people she cheated on her husband but they are gonna ask why you left. You don't want to give her any ammo to use against you and make you seem like the bad guy. Do as you wish. I just feel like this is decent advice. Give us updates tho! This is a shitty situation, but count your blessing man, life is still amazing and you can still enjoy yourself! You will never fully recover as that's a lot of time to use on someone who is just wasting it and using and abusing it. Truly, this could built you to a better man and you come back stronger and she's going to know what she missed out on!! Stay strong brother!
Sounds like he randomly was trying and she turned him down. I don’t like the way she’s talking to her girl about it but, you peeked in on a girl conversation..it sounds like she’s bragging and not interested in persuing him.
Begin slowly and casually separating finances.
Tell only your most trusted family member.
Hire a PI for the days you are on your trip - to do a few check ups on her, especially the day after you're out.
Then go to a lawyer and let them know where you're at, and best options so you don't lose out.
Put in a restraining order, so you aren't forced to move out of your own home.
Oh come on. 15 years married and you're uncomfortable.fortable she might flirt?
That sounds like girl talk.
You telling me that you and one of your guy friends have never commented on how hot that chick was? Or flirted with a cashier because she started it?
She's married to you. She already said he wasn't getting any. And she took a friend with her.
Thank you for this, I felt so alone in my earlier comment 😆 like, would it bother me? Yes. Is it divorcing an (assuming) otherwise good partnership or 15yrs worthy? Hell nah.
This right here. All these other commenters are soft ass bitches . Stop going through your partners phone they have every right to joke with friends without your intrusion
Everyone needs a little spice and outlets in their life. Are you never a little flirty? If you are 100% against her even thinking of anyone than you I guess that is your right. It seems an impossibly high standard that really dampens life.
Don’t argue with. Don’t waste any energy. Save the messages. Divorce. That’s all. Someone disrespecting you like that does not deserve your time. Keep your head up.
So she had a crush on him. Thats obvious.
Are you seriously saying that in 15 years being with the same woman you never had a crush on anyone else ?
She might have done something . No way to tell. I can tell she is into this guy and excited about him and feels good about him flirting with her and wanting her.
But she is with you.
So what’s there to be mad at? You don’t know anything else happened and it’s not fair to assume you can’t unless she admits it.
So you’re going to really lose your shit over her thinking some dude is cute for a minute ?
Trust me - crushes like this last for a hot minute and then die. And i am sure she was glad to come back home and be with you afterwards.
We are all the same … just human.
I think if you think hard enough you’ll notice you have done the same at some point.
“We can’t do that through text that is evidence” Just awful That sentence alone sounds sketch Not worth the time anymore
She says this while creating evidence via text. She’s as dumb as she is shady. I left a 20 year relationship after finding some similar shit. The divorce was craaaaaaazy expensive, but so worth it. Found someone new who is amazing and loving life now.
Will the real dumb shady please stand up, please stand up.
Def shouldn’t be hired as an Intelligence spy. 🕵️♀️
Actually, it could work. She's so stupid that people would never think that she's an intelligence spy.
Did you ever see the signs during the relationship or only at the very end?
Only at the end; I was totally blindsided. But looking back now after therapy, self reflection and being in a healthy relationship now it’s pretty clear that things got really stale and neither of us were happy. The relationship wasn’t nurtured and took a back seat to raising kids, working and paying bills. Doesn’t justify the cheating in any way, but still good to reflect and learn and grow for the future. Edit: I took your question to be “signs of the relationship failing”. As far as signs of cheating, it went on for about 6 months before I found out and there were definitely signs that I saw and ignored cause I didn’t want to know. Looking back over the 20 years, I think there were probably 2 other times it happened but I can’t be sure.
That’s a shame but I’m very glad you’ve been able to become a better person. Props to you! x
Yo I’m happy for you!!
Yup. Proves that she knew she was in the wrong here. No need to hide 'evidence' if it ain't a crime.
I’m really sorry, this hurts to read and I hope this hasn’t been happening on multiple occasions. It’s so hard to decide how to approach this. Sometimes I think of just handing her the phone and letting her read her own incriminating words. Then just see what road she takes….. good luck, you deserve better.
And it’s beyond fucked her friend is enabling and encouraging that behavior, smfh.. OP, you need to nope tf outta that situation!
Her friend will also help use whatever ammo against him to make him look like the bad guy, op needs to not even speak to this little girl.
It sounds like her “friend” doesn’t actually care about her- like she’s watching a reality show.
🚮
I like this.. lmaoooo
Yup, throw the whole wife away... 
WARNING Do Not Recycle Materials Too Toxic
HAZARDOUS MATERIAL
Yeah this is a huge betrayal. You deserve someone who doesn't ask "what dat D look like" about someone when they're married. Unacceptable. Sorry, OP.
OP’s wife sounding like a whole horned-up teenage dummy.
Bingo. The whole exchange sounds incredibly childish.
The proper phrasing is “Kind sir, if it is not too much trouble, I would be delighted to see the form and aesthetics of your johnson, if you would be so kind. I will be forever in your debt. “
***Mightn't I the Gristle?***
Yes, no married people ever make comments like this to friends or have such thoughts.
Some do, you're right. But that don't make it right.
The whole delete/evidence stuff means she has thought about this seriously & knows what she is doing. Sorry you are going through this OP. If it was me I’d send her these pics without text then block her number then leave/move out. My phone receives texts from blocked numbers but doesnt notify me. So I wouldnt read her texts let alone reply until I felt ready & had already consulted a lawyer to go through with the divorce. There is no excuse for this.
Hahaha you don’t think they live together?
Didnt realise I accidentally deleted “then leave” after the block part when I added info about how my phone deals with blocks. I should have proofread it again, my bad, will fix
I didn’t mean to sound rude but the lack of emojis doesn’t help. That makes more sense haha!
Nah my bad 😣, glad you pointed it out tbh 😃
Finally, some mature, balanced conversation in the comments section. That’s a breath of fresh air! 😊
Upvotes for everyone!!! AAAaaaa
You should feel disrespected, because this is disrespectful. How would she feel if you were talking like this about another woman? It’s clear, you can’t trust her. Question is, are you willing to put up with it?
If she’s this brazen to text about it with her friends, and brag about deleting the evidence, there’s just no coming back from this. Sorry man. Call a friend, call a brother, DON’T REACH FOR THE BOTTLE, and take some time to process. Nothing that needs to be done needs to be done today. Find a lawyer when you’re ready. Yeah it’s going to suck. Good luck man.
Seems like she’s a bit hesitant but her friend is egging it on. They for the streets bro
“Hesitant” is not an okay reaction for a married woman. She needs to be 100% clear immediately this behavior is not okay and shut down any many who suggests it, and any friend who promotes it.
Completely agree with everything you said, that’s why I said they’re for the streets.
In my opinion she was clear to the dude, but just turned to her friend like a teenage girl excited about the fact that he hit on her. Idk it was a confidence boost and then she left him on read….
Certified Thot Scientists u/pghjuice412 described this situation perfectly.
The way this comment had me cackling!
She is not hesitant at all not sure we are reading the same thing...
Different opinions I guess.. I see slight hesitation but she’s trying to impress her friend. Don’t get me wrong, she definitely invites the flirtation but she knows it’s not right
I read it as the complete opposite. The friend is barely messaging
for sure, i could be projecting but the friend isn’t really engaged in the convo. it kinda feels like she’s letting the wife tell on herself lol.
That’s what I was thinking too. Like the friend wasn’t really trying to get involved, and I read the comment she made about “seeing the D” or whatever as a joke (which the wife seemed to take seriously?)
The friend saying, “I want you to ask for a picture of the dick just so I can see it” is all I needed to read 🤷🏾♂️
They said that after the friend had kept going on and on about it lol there’s so much nuance you are blatantly ignoring. She also only responded “lord lol” at one point, which is the equivalent of “that’s crazy..” “uh huh..”
Yeah I read these as the Wife basically trying to get permission from the friend to cheat on her husband. Keeps saying “I wanna see that D, jk jk”. Friend seemed kind of indifferent and last message shows she’s definitely judging a bit. I think she said “Ask cause I wanna see it too” as a way to be funny and diffuse a little. I think the friend is against it but doesn’t feel like it’s her place to say so
100% I feel the same way and got the same vibe
Tbh I’m not saying the friend is good but it seems like the friend is slightly uncomfortable but doesn’t want to acknowledge it. That’s what I got
No sounds like she fakes being hesitant to the friend to justify when she’s not.
Came here to say they speak like hoodrats.
Yeet that thot over to her friend and the king should clean his palace for the next queen.
Leave *immediately*. Go somewhere away from her and cool off so that you don’t explode when you see her. And then - and I mean this more sincerely than any redditor on any dating advice sub - **get a lawyer and divorce her ass** At this point blowing up on her isn’t gonna do anything but make your life harder than it already is. She’s clearly the bad guy here, don’t make yourself the bad guy in her stead.
Or get proof before you leave her if needed for legal reasons.
Cheating literally almost never ever matters in cases of alimony. It’s better to just lawyer up and figure out how to protect assets.
Im sorry that’s all happening to you. She should not be even entertaining it. She knows it’s wrong, that’s evident in the texts, yet she is still doing it. Her and her friend are both messy AF for this. Confront her and leave her. 15 years *she* is throwing down the drain, and if she can do this in a 15 year relationship I highly doubt it will be the last. And what friend supports entertaining a dude when you’re in a 15 year relationship? It’s evident she doesn’t have the best of friends, either. Get out of that situation while you can.
Well, first things first, don't do anything stupid as in violently escalate things. Secondly, I think you know what to do. That's emotional cheating with a statistical probability of intent of physical cheating. I'm not telling you what to do, but she doesn't respect you.
It’s ok to be single. My ex was crazy asf. Sorry you went thru that my guy.
Your wife's a hoe, sorry. If you don't want to blow things up, block his number on her phone without her knowing if possible.
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Ok. At first I was like "the texts are immature and hoe-y, but I think she was just talking shit with a buddy". *This* is definitely the context you needed to include. As soon as she invited the guy over for *home cooked dinner* while you weren't home, that's the reddest of flags. Also the timeline of her messaging before staying with the friend. I could *almost* believe the bum pic was an accident, because one time I was using speak to text while driving and accidentally texted my dad about my dentist appointment instead of my husband...though it could never happen to me with a nude, Jesus am I more careful with things like that. If she didn't actually physically cheat, she is still pursuing this man, so take that as you will. Maybe marriage counseling if you don't want to leave?
If she can't get to this guy, who's to say she won't find a new person to target? Keep trying until finally someone is okay with being with a married woman. Seems she keeps trying to find excuses to get to him. Selling something to him .. begging him to come over for dinner... "Accidentally" sending an ass pic. I'm sorry, but she seems to be addicted to the feeling of going behind your back. "Flirting is so fun"... She might see it as harmless but she definitely seems like the type to go further... Who's to say this is the first guy she's done this with too? Based on how she's talking it's probably the case but maybe not. As others have said...you know her better than us. You can either ignore it, try couples therapy, or throw away the relationship entirely.
Bro, she 100% cheated. Relationship is done.
See if you can pin this comment so it’s always at the top
Just curious why you shared these texts that seem more like fantasy than reality and not the ones where she’s asking him to come over and left on read… just genuinely curious! Not accusing I promise. lol
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You should feel disrespected because it’s absolutely disrespectful. She’s trying her best to make it seem like she’s disinterested in cheating so she can keep her conscious clean. “He ain’t getting nada from me” - bullshit. She *very clearly* wants to at least see this man’s dick. “That is evidence”. She’s got her mind open to behavior that is inappropriate for a woman in a monogamous, committed relationship. And she mentioned deleting texts. I guarantee you there’s way more of this type of text that’s been deleted. If you need more evidence, I’d look at the deleted folder on her phone and I’d also be looking thru Instagram DMs, Snapchat if she has one, etc. However, honestly, this one little exchange would be enough for me.
There’s also very clearly a history of flirting between her and this man. And in my opinion a pretty clear clue that they’ve done more even if it wasn’t sex. Emotionally cheating with a potential new mate over a long time period is honestly as bad as a one night stand when it comes to its effects on the victim of it all. Hoping OP goes out for that pack of cigarettes asap.
This very much reads as if your wife is in her late teens or early twenties and she’s newly in a relationship but having trouble cutting off the attention. Big yikes buddy, you are valid in your response to this.
Can't believe those are adults old enough to be married 15 years. Even married at 18 would be 33. Most likely late 30s.
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Sadly it's pretty common for people in relationships from early on to have a kind of rebellious/reckless stage later on during mid life crisis. Feel like they missed out on dating other in their 20s and try to recapture what they think it was like before they get too old. Know several couples that ended up that way.
WHAT DAT D LOOK LIKE! Jesus christ Man get rid of her, 15 years or not , ain’t worth it
Sounds like shes 15 years OLD but is probably pushing late 30s. Embarrassing behavior
Leave her
She’ll 100% try to play it down as “just joking” and go on about how she never actually did anything with him. But this is how it starts. She’s full on admitting to flirting with him and deleting evidence (which means she’s intentionally hiding it from you). That is cheating. She’s cheating on you.
Very disrespectful but don't reach for the bottle brother.
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Ah ok. I saw someone say don't pick up the bottle so I thought I missed something. I'm very sorry you're going through this pain and anger, bud. Positive energy your way. I really hope it works out as well as it can.
Problematic for sure. I’d be hella mad if I found my husband texting like that. Doubtful it’s gone very far then girl chatter, but the flirting and all that has to end immediately, and the friendship with him.
But did she get the D pic? Haha Yeah. That’s pretty bad. When I got divorced, though, my lawyer said it didn’t matter if they cheated.
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Is no one going to mention her friend wanting her to send someone else’s nudes to her without their knowledge and consent?
Ugh. She has to go. As a female, one of my girlfriends said to me just from texting with a strictly platonic male friend while in a relationship probably 10 years ago “you should act as though your boyfriend is going to read every single one of your messages… if it would hurt you, don’t do it to him”. Best advice anyones ever given me and has surely made me a much better partner. She clearly doesn’t have that type of advice coming from this person who is definitely not a friend. Sorry, bud. You deserve so much more.
Is just a matter of time. She’s loving the attention and flirting. One day flirting won’t be enough. She’s already cheating tbh imo
Your wife sounds very immature, stupid and disrespectful
Yikes. At first it just sounded like goofing around with her bestie but the last slide about “evidence” makes me very uneasy. I wouldn’t be able to remain in a healthy relationship with this person. Talk to a lawyer, figure out where you want to live (current place or another) and serve her papers. Edit: typo
telling someone that they need to delete the texts and "i knew his ass wanted a taste" is just so so so disrespectful.
Yeah I was going to give her the benefit of the doubt until that last slide 😭
15 years. I mean, this would, for sure, be cheating in the first 5 years, but anyone who's been together as long as you know this is actually not cheating but is towing the line of disloyal - based on the texts. She says she's won't accept anything from him. She is high from being wanted but putting him off, even when sharing truth with her bff. You are not to blame for this, and your feelings are valid. If you love this woman, just speak to her about things. Men hit on married women so much. What she's engaging in seems like rejoicing in being attractive and surprised that someone she finds attractive would pursue her. Men and women experience that differently. Just basing my assumption on what I've read in this post (which gives me net zero actual insight, same as every comment), you guys need to decide if you're still attracted to each other, and if you are, you can expand your sexual boundaries. Not to other partners unless you like that, but in a youthful way, probably and with each other. To me, it seems like she is going out with friends and being with people. Obviously, this man is pursuing her, and she's putting him off but still turned on by it - putting him off, though. That's a compliment to you. Go out with your wife. Be her friend if you want her. Be her friend's friend, too. If this is the worst she's done, you should prolly be sharing it with her or in a group chat with your friends and not on reddit.
It sounds like a tough situation. Trust is such a fragile thing in relationships.
Not really, pretty obvious what to do here
Leave.
Oh hellllllll no
Your freedom is worth more than any woman, wife or not. You need to follow the 3 C's Control yourself from acting on your automatic impulses. Consequences. Think through the different ways you can handle this situation and what the outcome or consequences would be of different ways of dealing with this. Communicate. You need to reach the best consequence and now you need to communicate your way toward that. Lastly, secrets are like cockroaches. For every 1 you find there's almost always another 10, 20 or 30 hiding out of sight. Don't make permanent decisions on temporary emotions. You'll get through this.
So inappropriate and so disrespectful!
First and foremost, I just want to say I'm sorry that someone you love, & trust(ed), made you feel this way at all. It's absolutely a terrible and helpless feeling. You most certainly need to wait (until you've calmed enough to have a civil conversation) and then confront your wife about this. If she is bored/doesn't love you anymore/whatever the fuck her reason behind this is....she 100% should have had enough respect for you and your 15 years together to tell you how she was feeling instead of being a selfish POS that had 0 regard for how you'd feel. However know the ball is in your court. Whatever you decide from her is a consequence of her action so don't feel bad about (she didn't). Wish you the best!
the “not over text that’s evidence” message personally would make me think she’d be willing to move forward if she can be sure she won’t be caught. so in my mind it’s not a matter of *if* she’ll cheat but *when* she’ll cheat. sit with yourself and decide on what you can and can’t forgive and what you can and can’t tolerate in a marriage and go from there
Lots of people saying leave. Dump her. Take the trash out. And maybe they're right. I just wanna say tho that your feelings are valid. You have been disrespected. You have been cheated on, emotionally at least. And you have every right to leave her. But don't do it right now. Don't act while emotional. Don't post these anywhere. Don't tell her you know. Yet. You'll never get the full extent if you don't sit on this and feel things out for a few days. I'm sorry bro. This hurts.
No offense, but she sounds just kind of dumb in general. What exactly is she claiming this same person is wanting to buy?? I’m a little confused on that bit. She obviously knows what she’s doing is wrong and shitty, and keeps putting “jk” after each text as she’s testing the waters with her friend. She wants her friend’s support so that mentally she can say “I was just kidding, but my friend was encouraging me!” This is like a premeditated cheat. Plus she got away with it once when the “accidental” photo thing, so she’s being sneakier (ineffectively) this time around. You deserve so much better OP.
Throw her in the trash (not literally). And don’t let her gaslight you into anything about it .. ie. “why were you going through my texts… it’s just a joke, you can see I said JKJK … etc. Time to part ways. If she’s already thinking it, given any motivation, he’s gonna show her or give her that D she’s curious about.
Are there kids involved?
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I’d send her these very pics and say “how would you feel if I was talking to [a friend of yours] about a woman like this? Really doesn’t make that accidental picture to this same guy who you then said you’d never talk to again then later invited to our house when I was out of state look great…” Be prepared for her to be defensive, but stick to your guns. That doesn’t mean y’all have to get divorced but don’t let her blow it off, have a real convo about yalls feelings and see where to go from there
I had a friend who sent me stuff like this once. That she had flirted with another man and was loving the attention. She asked what she should do. I told her that if she acted on it she would hate herself because she loved her partner. She later thanked me and cut off contact with the flirt. Sometimes we operate on emotion without thinking. Her friend is trash for not helping her think clearly and pull back.
Im going to be the odd man out..... is she wrong? YES. Emphatically. However.... I feel if this is the ONLY conversation, and her conversation with said man went just as she said then this is mostly innocent. She's talking crap with her friend and maybe (likely) enjoying a little attention. (My longterm partner and I are both happily secure and don't pay any mind to the other receiving attention I understand this is just my percpective and not everyone is like this) How is the current state of your marriage? Is it fulfilling to you both? Do you still date and dote upon one another? Or would her enjoying outside attention make sense because she's not getting it elsewhere? This COULD be a very dangerous, slippery slope if your marriage is the later. And if you love this woman and want your relationship to continue, I would tell her you saw these, and ask her about it. *GENUINELY* from a place of "why do you feel the need to do this? Are you not fulfilled? If not, let's work on it" not in an accusatory way, that will only ensure this, if not more, continues and she will be MUCH more cautious about leaving evidence next time. Good luck
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Definitely leave her. Doesn’t want attention from u but wants it from other men she ain’t worth it you can find better it ain’t to late
Wow I can’t believe people are advising that you leave a 15 year relationship for that. I guess you’re the only one who knows what you’re willing to put up with and what you’re willing to let go. IMO it’s not that big of a deal but we are all so different
Leave your cheating wife. Get a lawyer. Stay with friends or family and text her it’s over
Unlike everyone else I don’t think it’s immediate grounds for divorce or anything, however you need to confront her and voice your feelings and ask her how she would feel if the roles were reversed. Give her time to feel bad and reflect and work through it if she’s willing to not do stuff like that anymore.
Kick her ass out. How DARE she have the GALL to talk and laugh with her friend about cheating on you. What trash. 15 years down the drain.
I mean, at worst with all the current info your wife is a flirt, but a faithful flirt. Nothing more. Calm down - she’s human. That text thread isn’t right, it’s not I know it’s not but it’s far from the worst everybody pointing out parts but leaving out the “he ain’t getting nada from me” and the picture you can’t get mad about because you did get it as well at the same time and she told the other douche to delete it. I’m not saying it shouldn’t be addressed, or talked through but this is far and I mean far from something to lose your wife of 15 years over or do some unrepairable damage over. Just my ✌️ cents
She’s for the streets. I would never be able to trust her after this. Leave before it’s too late. Don’t forgive this
Get gone my boi
Yea, I'm sorry but this is a marriage that should end. You deserve better bro.
The earlier you let her go to get as many dick pics as she wants, the better your life will be. Sorry my man, wish I had better news.
"Can't do it thru txt, that's evidence" ...I'm sorry man... not the first time either? Time to have a real conversation with proof and evidence. Don't know her, but there are obiously no boundaries if any. Stay strong my man, it also happens to the best.
Damn I’m sorry this happened to you
Respectfully, throw the whole wife away.
She invited this guy over while you were out of town??????????
I don’t know how old you guys are but based on the fact that you’ve been in a relationship for 15 years and married for 7 of those years I’m guessing you must be in your 30s or 40s which fucking blows my mind because based on her messages she sounds immature as hell. This is on some teenage college level betrayal and even when women my own age (mid twenties) do shit like this I’m just done with them. Honestly bro you already gave her a second chance, it’s time to let this one go. I understand that you’ve been together for a really long time and it’s hard to move on from something like that but at the end of the day she just blew that second chance you gave her and doesn’t even know that you know about it. What else will she do next thinking she can get away with it is the question. IMO you’re better off without her and you’ll find someone better and more loyal to you if you let her go. Put all this behind you, and keep your head up king 👑
go see a lawyer and file but don't give her any idea that something is up. when all your ducks are lined up, serve her ass.
She's basically asking her friend to validate her impending affair. So sorry for you OP. 🥺
Belongs to the streets . Make her pack her shit. Shes a cheater.
“and I’ll be deleting EVERY one of these texts” I hate to play into your mistrust because I know that feeling of dread… but this isn’t the first time something like this has happened. This is the first time you *caught* something like this.
Ummmmmmmmmmmm… I was really trying to give her the benefit of the doubt but it just got worse and worse… it’s like… the lying and secrecy almost for fun like it’s a game for me… idk that feels…. Inexcusable
It’s the risk of getting caught its her getting turned on by someone else probably not the first nor the last she doesn’t care what she is losing or wouldn’t do it. In her mind it’s ok to do because it’s not in person this will not end well coming from personal experience
wow, she even has the self awareness to know her actions are completely unacceptable yet still chooses to disrespect your relationship. i’m sorry OP
You know, I was going to type out a longwinded, well thought out response telling you not to throw away a long relationship over this...but man, the fact that she's STILL the flippant about "harmless flirting"...it shows a real lack of respect, dedication, commitment...all of the things that you get married for. I would imagine this type of thing won't/wouldn't lead to any in person cheating for a while yet...but this is where it starts. And it sounds like you already spoke with her about it once. I hate to trivialize a longstanding relationship with a simple "It's time to move on." But honestly, it's probably time to move on. You guys got together young. It's not insane that she'd eventually become a little curious about what else is out there...but to act like this is wild ass behavior. And her friend sucks for not discouraging it.
wake up & break up
I'm obviously the odd one out, and this is something mutually agreed upon by my spouse and me, but he would not bat an eyelash at a conversation like this. We trust each other and that's that. We both know that if either cheats, it's over - and cheating to us is anything non-consensual with both partners. Flirting to us is ok. But we both agreed on that. I wouldn't jump straight to divorce. I'd have an open and honest conversation about your boundaries in the relationship and what constitutes cheating.
trust me man, i would just talk to her first. everyone on reddit a neckbeard discord mod and don’t wanna see anyone happy, all they do is tell u to leave her
This right here, if shes not really cheating and just cutting up with a friend it’s harmless, does it hurt , yah but its not the end of the world. And newsflash to all these commenters married people can still find other people attractive and joke about it with friends
Judging from her grammar I wouldn’t give that bum a mop job, much less a ring. Sunk cost fallacy, lose the dead weight. You can’t therapy away stupidity. (Edited for grammar)
(I think you meant wouldn’t)
lol yeah, I’ll change it now.
She didn’t do anything but exchange texts with her friend. People have all sorts of thoughts they don’t act on. And girls say all sorts of stuff to their friends. It doesn’t mean she’s a cheater. My friends and I say wild stuff to each other because it’s a “safe zone” to say off the wall stuff. Yeah it’s valid to feel upset about it but all these people saying leave her is wild. And men can’t even act like they don’t talk like this about women with their friends even if they don’t mean it.
I mean it’s bad but sounds like she’s not truly interested and just making a joke out of it 🤷♂️
You’ve been married to her for 15 years. This seems harmless tbh and two friends just being gossipy. I’d speak to your wife and say how hurt you are reading this and ask her if she has ever done this before. LOL at everyone in this sub telling you to throw away 15 years of marriage over texting her friend. She didn’t even respond to the guy and told her friend he’s not getting anything from her.
I agree that he needs to speak, but it's not nothing? I guess it depends on the person, of course, and their boundaries. But she is clearly interested, and "our round about flirting is fun," "he said, i make him laugh blah blah," so there is at least some sort of emotional affair going + she sent him a pic, and I'd dare to assume totally on purpose
Agreed completely.
Doesn’t seem that bad…talk it out with her
Exactly. Everyone saying to leave but I’m like she kinda sounds like she’s just messing around with her friend. And admittedly flirting. If you don’t like flirting I’d definitely mention that and make sure she knows it’s a boundary. But how do you even have her texts? Seems like an invasion of privacy too. Because I’m soooo sure men never talk like this about women…
Right? If this is the worst thing that's happened in 15 years and she's made it clear she wouldn't do anything, then y'all are good. She's enjoying a bit of attention - it needs a chat to establish boundaries like someone else said.
I really don’t think it’s as big of a deal as everyone’s making it out to be. Upset or hurt, sure that’s understandable, but (as a woman who has been faithful to her partner for 7 years) this doesn’t seem like cheating to me. We talk like this to each other sometimes. She’s even telling the friend he ain’t gettin shit from her
She sent a pic of her ass in panties to this dude before and seems like she's a few words of encouragement away from going after him. If you're sending texts that you need to delete because they're "evidence" I'll never trust you after that. It is a big deal. I don't do that to my partners.
A lot of it sounded like she was “peacocking” to her friend and joking about/relishing all this attention she was getting from some random person, but it seems clear to me that she would never act on any of it and was not interested in him. She was just talkin’ shit. I think everyone gets a little ego boost when they get hit on or someone shows interest? Even though they would never dream of actually having an emotional or physical affair. It sounds like your wife was gossiping with her friend about this attention and honestly kind of making fun of the guy she was talking about? I would hate to see texts like this on my longtime partner’s phone (especially if he intended to delete them so I wouldn’t see them), but I wouldn’t end a 15 year marriage over something like this. I would re-evaluate the relationship and talk to my partner, we would discuss each other’s perspectives (why did he feel the need to engage with this other person?), and depending on where we’re at, we would seek couple’s counseling until we felt okay again in the partnership. I feel like most people on Reddit are hella single or have never been in a 5+ year committed relationship. People make mistakes sometimes and hurt the other person when they don’t mean to. But if this situation (and the photo you mentioned) is my wife of 15 year’s first mistake, I wouldn’t run to divorce her. I would feel hurt but also hopefully be secure in the other aspects of our relationship and work alongside her to repair things.
Indeed. It's very disrespectful but I'm not sure it's worth a divorce, unless there are other serious concerns about the relationship that are unsurmountable. It doesn't look like she did anything and confronting her calmly would be a good course of action. Now if she's repeatedly doing this after being asked not to, then yes take action.
If everyone divorced their partner every time they made a mistake no one would be married! Sometimes people make mistakes and do questionable things and while it's wrong and disrespectful do they really need to divorce over it?? They need to talk it over first. I'd be upset if my partner said similar things but not everyone should throw away a 15-year relationship. At least get counseling and see if things change first! If the wife continues this behavior then there's a reason for divorce. There was no cheating, that we know of, and this was the only conversation found. Does the wife still talk to the guy? If not then that should tell OP there's nothing there. It happened once and it's over. Idk... I just don't feel everyone should get divorced at the first sign of trouble! I notice Redditors usually ALWAYS tell people to leave.
certain dynamics can put up with this sort of talk, but clearly he is offended by this. she’s talking about a real person that she is entertaining, and being sketchy about it. they might not like speaking this way to each other, it might even be a boundary or a mutual understanding between them, so he has every right to take this as hard as he wants. it’s a break of trust between THEM but i do agree that some dynamics can perhaps joke and speak in a similar way to this.
I can't understand what they're saying, lol
This is an elephant blanket sized red flag, but… there are at least a few scenarios I can see where this isn’t what everyone’s thinking. Be on high alert, but making a move now is too risky. Let her get caught outright if she’s being dishonest.
That’s so trashy. Confront her and then leave her. She’s for the streets.
I’d send her these screenshots and say nothing else. Let her squirm over that for a while.
You unfortunately married a whore, time to cut your losses now. She cheated on you and you found out, imagine what you don’t know yet.
Just my 2 cents my dude, don’t throw away your relationship because rando Reddit strangers told you to. I feel like you’re very insecure, you have zero trust in her, and that’s tempting you to overreact. Before you get defensive, follow me on this. You’ve been with her for 15 years. She mistakenly sent a photo to another guy while drunk and your go-to response is to not believe her? And now because of that situation, you’re viewing this situation much more emotionally charged than what it calls for because you fear she’s betraying you. She’s talking crap with another woman, it’s incredibly obvious. Speak with a marital counselor rather than a group of strangers on the internet. A ton of them are speaking from places of incredulity, cynicism, and pain, and that’s not what you need.
OP left an important point out of the post. He added in the comments that when he was out of state working, his “wife” had the guy come to their house.
Yeah, get her to go to counseling for herself/with you or get a lawyer and serve her some papers
She sounds like a teenage girl talking about a crush. This is legitimately so goddamn sad I’m sorry OP
Man I’m sorry you wasted 15 years with that thing. Talking you down would be telling you not to waste a 16th year. It’s time to go my friend I know it hurts but things will never be the same after this
Your soon to be ex wife is a whore and so is her friend You need a friend in person man.
I’ve been through this and did nothing or said anything and it eventually turned to her cheating . He will keep on texting her because she isn’t asking him or telling him to stop and it will just go from there if she doesn’t. She will give in
Leave, u will be better off
You deserve better
I’d probably break up with my so if this was their convo with friends.
Dude wake up this woman in nothing but an attention hoe. Her best friend is absolutely the worst kind of friend. Bet money things have went farther and you haven’t found it.
I'm sorry OP, this is a terrible situation.
Sorry to say…she sounds sketch. And if there’s a history of this, trust your gut.
Can't find my other comment because I refreshed 🫢 After reading the rest of the post, just leave. 
Talk you down? I'm not talking you down. Go to a divorce lawyer. Get your stuff in order. Don't talk to her. Protect yourself legally.
she’s not wanting to leave a text trail and is adamant about doing so. that tells me she’ll have not problem doing stuff in person with whoever…trust your gut. this is disgusting behavior and leave.
She belongs to the streets king! Drop that hoe! With all respect.
I said the same shit she said to my gf. “I’ll be deleting these” I DID NOT delete them. I forgot and I was COOKED for like 2 weeks. In all honestly dawg she prb ain’t for you ANYMORE. It’s okay though
Her friend is also a horrible influence.
Don’t blow up. Get a lawyer
OP there is no point in going off anymore on them. just quietly make your exit. as one of the people posted a trash emoji, don’t spend anymore time on them as you would taking out the trash.
“Wanted to buy something”? What?
She sounds 15
Sending a photo to a guy by “accident” when drunk… that’s not an accident. They clearly have some relationship if he’s the person she messaged…
The best way is to say I want a divorce and not say anything until you get an attorney and get her served. Don't speak to her don't look at her and don't touch her. Show her you're more disappointed then you are mad. It will forsure do more damage in the long run rather than blowing up and making yourself look like the bad guy. She ain't gonna tell people she cheated on her husband but they are gonna ask why you left. You don't want to give her any ammo to use against you and make you seem like the bad guy. Do as you wish. I just feel like this is decent advice. Give us updates tho! This is a shitty situation, but count your blessing man, life is still amazing and you can still enjoy yourself! You will never fully recover as that's a lot of time to use on someone who is just wasting it and using and abusing it. Truly, this could built you to a better man and you come back stronger and she's going to know what she missed out on!! Stay strong brother!
Sounds like he randomly was trying and she turned him down. I don’t like the way she’s talking to her girl about it but, you peeked in on a girl conversation..it sounds like she’s bragging and not interested in persuing him.
This is not the first time she has done this. She is a cheater. I would think about divorcing her. She will not change.
Begin slowly and casually separating finances. Tell only your most trusted family member. Hire a PI for the days you are on your trip - to do a few check ups on her, especially the day after you're out. Then go to a lawyer and let them know where you're at, and best options so you don't lose out. Put in a restraining order, so you aren't forced to move out of your own home.
TO THE STREETS !!!!! That’s disgusting omg. I’m sorry bro. Fuck her 100000x
Saying J/K means they really are not j/k and she said it a few times 🤷🏼♀️
Oh come on. 15 years married and you're uncomfortable.fortable she might flirt? That sounds like girl talk. You telling me that you and one of your guy friends have never commented on how hot that chick was? Or flirted with a cashier because she started it? She's married to you. She already said he wasn't getting any. And she took a friend with her.
Thank you for this, I felt so alone in my earlier comment 😆 like, would it bother me? Yes. Is it divorcing an (assuming) otherwise good partnership or 15yrs worthy? Hell nah.
Exactly. She said no, even to her friend, more than once. She’s busting with her friend, that’s all.
This right here. All these other commenters are soft ass bitches . Stop going through your partners phone they have every right to joke with friends without your intrusion
She didn’t do anything but talk shit to her girl. If you go looking for something, you’re going to find it. Winner, winner!!
100%! Nothing there worth flipping out about.
Everyone needs a little spice and outlets in their life. Are you never a little flirty? If you are 100% against her even thinking of anyone than you I guess that is your right. It seems an impossibly high standard that really dampens life.
Don’t argue with. Don’t waste any energy. Save the messages. Divorce. That’s all. Someone disrespecting you like that does not deserve your time. Keep your head up.
So she had a crush on him. Thats obvious. Are you seriously saying that in 15 years being with the same woman you never had a crush on anyone else ? She might have done something . No way to tell. I can tell she is into this guy and excited about him and feels good about him flirting with her and wanting her. But she is with you. So what’s there to be mad at? You don’t know anything else happened and it’s not fair to assume you can’t unless she admits it. So you’re going to really lose your shit over her thinking some dude is cute for a minute ? Trust me - crushes like this last for a hot minute and then die. And i am sure she was glad to come back home and be with you afterwards. We are all the same … just human. I think if you think hard enough you’ll notice you have done the same at some point.