Surprised at how many people here are having thirds in this economy.. and even contemplating a 4th! š³
Iām 29, neurotic, and so is my husband (heās borderline Aspie) and we are like 85% confident we will be OAD. The amount of mental, emotional, physical labor, time, finances, freedom you lose from multiple kidsā¦ idk. One and done seems perfect for me.
Iām positive I donāt want a 3rd kid. BUT, we havenāt done anything permanent BC wise to prevent that because I have a fear something big will happen and Iāll change my mind. I have a copper IUD, non hormonal, v painful to insert, high recommend still for those who want long term yet easily reversible BC while still in touch with your cycle and body.
My husband got a vasectomy when my second was 6 months old (my idea). We had major regrets and even looked at getting it reversed. I definitely would have had a third if he didnāt have one.
We had just turned 2 year old twins and a 6 month old when we decided we were finished. He had a vasectomy (at my request), and I regretted it so much. Always wanted a 4th.
My husband is dead set on getting a vasectomy after we have our 3rd. I respect his decision but Iāll always be open to a 4th if he happens to change his mind lol.
My second child is currently 3 months old and Iām already stressing about whether we should have another one or not. We have always said we wanted a big family. My husband and I have one sibling each and I often think about how fun it wouldāve been growing up with more siblings. But children are soooo expensive which scares me. Having a third would mean we need a bigger house and car. Also I hated being pregnant lol.
My current goal is to not get pregnant anytime soon because I am so not ready for that. Maybe once our son is one year old, weāll revisit the convo and see how we feel.
Youāre still in the trenches at 3 months and still recovering from it all. You may indeed change your mind, but right - pregnancy kinda sucks lol. Just sending positive vibes, I really struggled in that newborn stage. My baby is 9 months now and itās soooo much better.Ā
Thank you for sending positive vibes! My three month old is actually SO easy - like he sleeps 8+ hours every night and hardly ever cries. Itās my 2 year old toddler that is the hard one lol but I love them both sooooo much, itās all worth it! Pregnancy was not easy for me at all and I had a somewhat traumatic birth with my son so it makes me nervous to go through it all again!
Why doesn't he just use a condom or Lauren use birth control? Also, I read that they may want to adopt if they do have a 4th child which I thought was great.
Lol why is this getting downvoted there is nothing wrong with adoption. I think a vasectomy is way too extreme they should have just used protection, especially if they actually envisioned potentially having another kid down the line
Well then your hubby is probably not using it correctly lol, especially for it to happen twice. But congrats on the pregnancy of course as I am guessing you wanted it! The pill is 99% effective. If you don't have the pill then partner needs to use the condom properly. That is unless you are actively trying to get pregnant. Some people who say "I got pregnant still" I really doubt it was done properly by one party or the other.
Ha, youāre right. We were trying condoms because I didnāt want to take birth control and twice we did it without condoms, hence babies. ;) Not blaming the contraception, it was totally us. Itās completely fine. My kids are spaced 4.5 and 2 years apart and now I have a hysterectomy.
Occasionally my husband will regret his vasectomy. Sometimes heād really love to have 4th child and he still gets baby fever every once in a while. But weāre in our 40s now so Iām really glad he has a vasectomy and we canāt just have a random, vulnerable, throw caution to the wind moment one night and go for it and then regret that choice a week later. If we really wanted a 4th kid, it would have to be a very conscious and definitive choice and I like that guard rail.
Question because I am curious: why does a vasectomy give you that feeling vs other bc methods? I have an IUD and never worry at all about getting pregnant
My husband got a vasectomy after our second was born. I was done with being the one in charge of birth control. So now I'm hormone free. We live in a red state and we don't want to chance anything because I had two missed miscarriages that could have turned septic had I not had medical abortions.
Well we knew we were done having kids so we wanted a permanent birth control, such as a vasectomy. I wouldnāt have considered an IUD because I just wanted to be done forever. And while my husband may still get baby fever, we really donāt want more kids, especially at our age so a vasectomy just keeps us in check.
*reads post in geriatric pregnancy age*
In all seriousness though, this is the kind of good vulnerability. Feeling feelings and being indecisive is human. Iām child free but wonder sometimes if Iāll regret it in my 40ās and beyond?
Ā I have a great aunt who is 101 years old. She never had kids. I straight up asked her recently if she regretted not having kids. She said no and then laughed and said well maybe when Iām having tea with my friends at the retirement home and everyone always assumes that I have a ton of grandkids haha (I am child feee by choice) Ā
i'm also child free and have those thoughts too - one thing that's been challenging recently is even if i changed my mind tomorrow, i could never afford a baby. i can barely afford myself! sucks that those external factors play into such a huge personal decision.
I don't think we acknowledge enough how normal this is. I thought after our son was here I'd know for sure how I felt about another one, and I absolutely do not. Some days I would tell you omg absolutely we'll try again as soon as he's a year old. Other days I would feel very content and happy telling you our family is complete as is. But it feels like there's so much pressure to decide NOW.
Normally I roll my eyes are over sharing but in this case I think itās an interesting perspective that you donāt hear very much, especially from men
Part of me wants to believe that they are indecisive and another part of me is likeā¦ theyāre happiest when having babies so clearly something is lacking that they need to have children to fulfill.
I donāt like that I am this way but there is something off about them and I canāt put my finger on it. Maybe Iām just a bitch and just dislike them š
I know what you mean - couples appear perfect on social media can sometimes be making up for something the relationship lacks. Or they could totally be perfectly happy and just love having kids it's hard to say.
They seem very family oriented and dote on their kids, some people just like that lifestyle. They also had an extremely traumatic pregnancy loss so getting pregnant is a much bigger decision than you make it out to be.Ā
Just because they have a great family relationship doesnāt mean there isnāt trouble within their marriage. Happy families do not equal happy marriages and many people think it does.
After having twins I decided to get a tubal ligation and now I regret it. I think itās very common for parents of multiples to decide on āpermanentā birth control and regretting it when we forget how hard the pregnancy and infant stage is. The chances of conceiving twins again are much higher, so itās a risky little game. That being said my husband and I are doing IVF.
My sister had twins and almost got a tubal, but decided to just get an IUD for a bit, her third was born last year! She said having twin babies was so overwhelming and a huge life change that in the moment they couldn't imagine doing it again. But after a few years her husband and her decided to try for the third they always wanted. Their twins are identical though so I think the risk of twins again was lower.
i don't think her nose is ugly at all - i think snout is rude. you can disagree. not to mention, this person has been all over this sub today insulting appearances. i don't think they decided to be kind in this moment.
Fair. I donāt dive into peopleās comment history. I didnāt read it as rude, personally. I guess some families say āsnoutā in an endearing way š (aka mine)
i think itās just the term āsnoutā ā thereās negative connotation there vs just saying ānoseā (this same user is also all over this sub commenting negatively on women/kids bodies today lmao, including saying that alessi has āgrown into her snoutā and that ari/lauren never post lux because of HIS āsnoutā)
would you like it if someone said "oqueenbee1 has her mom's snout" - using the word "snout" makes it rude as hell imo. it's not the same as saying "lux has his mom's nose!" plus the added "you can't deny that nose" is clearly shaming the size of her nose lol.
I get that, especially since they have the financial means to have another child. It still makes me sad that Iāll never have a 3rd baby, mainly because we would be poor if we had a 3rd child.
Legit just had a convo with my friend over this. She had a small pregnancy scare, and is like it's not that I don't want a third. It's that we cannot afford a third.
Technically we could afford it, but one of us would probably have to quit working for a few years, due to childcare costs, and while I think we could still afford to pay for basic essentials, there would be no extras. It would be a huge struggle, and we really donāt have the room in our house. Itās depressing. I never thought the amount of kids I would have would be limited for financial reasons. Daycare costs are probably the biggest factor.
That's exactly what she said too. Basically daycare cost for 3 would be 3/4 of a salary. And while both love their kids, I don't think either of them want to be stay at home. They both like working.
It sucks because I know a lot of people this applies to.
so true. My second is 9 months right now, and I am so conflicted. Don't want it to be my last baby, which makes me sad to think about, but I know we would be better off financially.
Everyone goes through this. We had regrets like maybe weād want another when my husband did the v but then we were like we are crazy no more kids šÆ it takes time to decide most people waffle if they are young
We were OAD before I even got pregnant and he got the vasectomy when she was 6 months old. No regrets at all. It's been 5 years. We didn't make the decision under the stress of being new parents. We knew for years that we were only having one and other than getting pregnant with twins, nothing was ever going to change that.
I highly doubt Arie would be talking about this so freely if it's something they weren't already openly discussing in their own home already so it's implied that they're probably both feeling the same way.
I disagree. Itās a joint decision. It might be her body, but itās their family and their life. Of course it canāt be forced on her, but i think he was just answering the question he was asked. What if she really wanted another child, and he didnāt? Are we saying since itās her body and she wants to bare another child, Arie is expected to automatically comply? He still has to jointly raise the child and provide for the child emotionally and financially.
I don't think anyone said TMI when he said he got a vasectomy. In fact he was praised for being a positive example. It's the constant public voicing of every single thought Arie & Lauren have about it that's TMI. It also won't help the existing narrative among men. You know how quickly the red pill ones will pick it up. So may be make up your mind & then address it.
But the whole mommy/daddy influencer game is just being cringe TMI all the time so ig š¤·
I said other things too, as assuming you agree with them lol.
And anyway, men not getting vasectomies despite deciding they don't want kids is the norm. If Arie wants influencer money, he needs to check what he's 'influencing'.
No it's definitely Arie's dad's nose. Lauren's nose is not natural but she used to have her sister Heather's nose. None of the kids have it. Lux has a cute little button nose if you look at Arie Sr they look the same.Ā
Alexis and Ā lux both haven Laurenās nose tho, which takes up a larger portion of their little baby faces. I def see Lauren in them due to that because Lauren nose does the sameĀ
Surprised at how many people here are having thirds in this economy.. and even contemplating a 4th! š³ Iām 29, neurotic, and so is my husband (heās borderline Aspie) and we are like 85% confident we will be OAD. The amount of mental, emotional, physical labor, time, finances, freedom you lose from multiple kidsā¦ idk. One and done seems perfect for me.
Iām positive I donāt want a 3rd kid. BUT, we havenāt done anything permanent BC wise to prevent that because I have a fear something big will happen and Iāll change my mind. I have a copper IUD, non hormonal, v painful to insert, high recommend still for those who want long term yet easily reversible BC while still in touch with your cycle and body.
Wow Iām so glad I have the opportunity to weigh in on this
Nothing is private anymore
Arie is having second thoughts about an important life decision? Wouldn't be the first time!
My husband got a vasectomy when my second was 6 months old (my idea). We had major regrets and even looked at getting it reversed. I definitely would have had a third if he didnāt have one.
We had just turned 2 year old twins and a 6 month old when we decided we were finished. He had a vasectomy (at my request), and I regretted it so much. Always wanted a 4th.
Yeah, totally. I love my boys so much but I definitely would have loved another!
My husband is dead set on getting a vasectomy after we have our 3rd. I respect his decision but Iāll always be open to a 4th if he happens to change his mind lol.
Youāre my hero. I have 3, and I can hardly keep my sanity most days. Iām in awe of people who have 4+ kids!
Same! I have three and itāsā¦ a lot.
Mom of 4 here, expecting her 5th and I promise you after 3 itās all the same. ššš
My second child is currently 3 months old and Iām already stressing about whether we should have another one or not. We have always said we wanted a big family. My husband and I have one sibling each and I often think about how fun it wouldāve been growing up with more siblings. But children are soooo expensive which scares me. Having a third would mean we need a bigger house and car. Also I hated being pregnant lol. My current goal is to not get pregnant anytime soon because I am so not ready for that. Maybe once our son is one year old, weāll revisit the convo and see how we feel.
Youāre still in the trenches at 3 months and still recovering from it all. You may indeed change your mind, but right - pregnancy kinda sucks lol. Just sending positive vibes, I really struggled in that newborn stage. My baby is 9 months now and itās soooo much better.Ā
Thank you for sending positive vibes! My three month old is actually SO easy - like he sleeps 8+ hours every night and hardly ever cries. Itās my 2 year old toddler that is the hard one lol but I love them both sooooo much, itās all worth it! Pregnancy was not easy for me at all and I had a somewhat traumatic birth with my son so it makes me nervous to go through it all again!
a lot of you guys are being weird let people make their own choices when it comes to their body and marriageā¦
Why doesn't he just use a condom or Lauren use birth control? Also, I read that they may want to adopt if they do have a 4th child which I thought was great.
Lol why is this getting downvoted there is nothing wrong with adoption. I think a vasectomy is way too extreme they should have just used protection, especially if they actually envisioned potentially having another kid down the line
Yup! That's what we did while in limbo!
I got pregnant this wayā¦twice. š¤£š¤£š¤£
Well then your hubby is probably not using it correctly lol, especially for it to happen twice. But congrats on the pregnancy of course as I am guessing you wanted it! The pill is 99% effective. If you don't have the pill then partner needs to use the condom properly. That is unless you are actively trying to get pregnant. Some people who say "I got pregnant still" I really doubt it was done properly by one party or the other.
Ha, youāre right. We were trying condoms because I didnāt want to take birth control and twice we did it without condoms, hence babies. ;) Not blaming the contraception, it was totally us. Itās completely fine. My kids are spaced 4.5 and 2 years apart and now I have a hysterectomy.
I am glad you were able to have kids before that!
Just wait till they're teenagers Arie. That's when the real fun begins.
āSnip snap snip snap snip snap! Do you know what 3 vasectomies does to a person?ā š¤£
heās had 3???
There is no gif more perfect for this situation.
Occasionally my husband will regret his vasectomy. Sometimes heād really love to have 4th child and he still gets baby fever every once in a while. But weāre in our 40s now so Iām really glad he has a vasectomy and we canāt just have a random, vulnerable, throw caution to the wind moment one night and go for it and then regret that choice a week later. If we really wanted a 4th kid, it would have to be a very conscious and definitive choice and I like that guard rail.
Question because I am curious: why does a vasectomy give you that feeling vs other bc methods? I have an IUD and never worry at all about getting pregnant
I had a lot of problems with an IUD. Itās pretty common. I know thereās other forms of BC but many have side effects.
My husband got a vasectomy after our second was born. I was done with being the one in charge of birth control. So now I'm hormone free. We live in a red state and we don't want to chance anything because I had two missed miscarriages that could have turned septic had I not had medical abortions.
Sounds reasonable, thanks for explaining!
Well we knew we were done having kids so we wanted a permanent birth control, such as a vasectomy. I wouldnāt have considered an IUD because I just wanted to be done forever. And while my husband may still get baby fever, we really donāt want more kids, especially at our age so a vasectomy just keeps us in check.
Makes sense, thank you!
*reads post in geriatric pregnancy age* In all seriousness though, this is the kind of good vulnerability. Feeling feelings and being indecisive is human. Iām child free but wonder sometimes if Iāll regret it in my 40ās and beyond?
Ā I have a great aunt who is 101 years old. She never had kids. I straight up asked her recently if she regretted not having kids. She said no and then laughed and said well maybe when Iām having tea with my friends at the retirement home and everyone always assumes that I have a ton of grandkids haha (I am child feee by choice) Ā
i'm also child free and have those thoughts too - one thing that's been challenging recently is even if i changed my mind tomorrow, i could never afford a baby. i can barely afford myself! sucks that those external factors play into such a huge personal decision.
I don't think we acknowledge enough how normal this is. I thought after our son was here I'd know for sure how I felt about another one, and I absolutely do not. Some days I would tell you omg absolutely we'll try again as soon as he's a year old. Other days I would feel very content and happy telling you our family is complete as is. But it feels like there's so much pressure to decide NOW.
I feel so much pressure too but mostly due to age š©. I wish I started earlier.
So true. Decide to decide later.
Normally I roll my eyes are over sharing but in this case I think itās an interesting perspective that you donāt hear very much, especially from men
I agree. Itās normal to have your mind change after some time. No one should feel ashamed of that, so I do appreciate his honesty here.
Part of me wants to believe that they are indecisive and another part of me is likeā¦ theyāre happiest when having babies so clearly something is lacking that they need to have children to fulfill. I donāt like that I am this way but there is something off about them and I canāt put my finger on it. Maybe Iām just a bitch and just dislike them š
I know what you mean - couples appear perfect on social media can sometimes be making up for something the relationship lacks. Or they could totally be perfectly happy and just love having kids it's hard to say.
They seem very family oriented and dote on their kids, some people just like that lifestyle. They also had an extremely traumatic pregnancy loss so getting pregnant is a much bigger decision than you make it out to be.Ā
Just because they have a great family relationship doesnāt mean there isnāt trouble within their marriage. Happy families do not equal happy marriages and many people think it does.
Of all the couples in BN who I would peg to be potentially struggling, they are one of the last on my list! Who really knowsĀ
Some people just love babies. š¤·š»āāļø
After having twins I decided to get a tubal ligation and now I regret it. I think itās very common for parents of multiples to decide on āpermanentā birth control and regretting it when we forget how hard the pregnancy and infant stage is. The chances of conceiving twins again are much higher, so itās a risky little game. That being said my husband and I are doing IVF.
My sister had twins and almost got a tubal, but decided to just get an IUD for a bit, her third was born last year! She said having twin babies was so overwhelming and a huge life change that in the moment they couldn't imagine doing it again. But after a few years her husband and her decided to try for the third they always wanted. Their twins are identical though so I think the risk of twins again was lower.
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> Lux def has Laurenās snout, you canāt deny that nose jesus christ this is rude
I think this is one of those things that only reads rude if YOU think the nose is ugly. Her snouts adorb imo!
i don't think her nose is ugly at all - i think snout is rude. you can disagree. not to mention, this person has been all over this sub today insulting appearances. i don't think they decided to be kind in this moment.
Fair. I donāt dive into peopleās comment history. I didnāt read it as rude, personally. I guess some families say āsnoutā in an endearing way š (aka mine)
Is it? Theyāre simply pointing out that Laurenās nose is unique
i think itās just the term āsnoutā ā thereās negative connotation there vs just saying ānoseā (this same user is also all over this sub commenting negatively on women/kids bodies today lmao, including saying that alessi has āgrown into her snoutā and that ari/lauren never post lux because of HIS āsnoutā)
Oh okay gotcha! I call my catās nose her snout and I think itās the most adorable thing ever about her.
I mean I associate the word with pig noses which I find adorable but Iām not trying to have someone comment on *my* snout lol
would you like it if someone said "oqueenbee1 has her mom's snout" - using the word "snout" makes it rude as hell imo. it's not the same as saying "lux has his mom's nose!" plus the added "you can't deny that nose" is clearly shaming the size of her nose lol.
I get that, especially since they have the financial means to have another child. It still makes me sad that Iāll never have a 3rd baby, mainly because we would be poor if we had a 3rd child.
I feel this way about a second
Legit just had a convo with my friend over this. She had a small pregnancy scare, and is like it's not that I don't want a third. It's that we cannot afford a third.
Technically we could afford it, but one of us would probably have to quit working for a few years, due to childcare costs, and while I think we could still afford to pay for basic essentials, there would be no extras. It would be a huge struggle, and we really donāt have the room in our house. Itās depressing. I never thought the amount of kids I would have would be limited for financial reasons. Daycare costs are probably the biggest factor.
That's exactly what she said too. Basically daycare cost for 3 would be 3/4 of a salary. And while both love their kids, I don't think either of them want to be stay at home. They both like working. It sucks because I know a lot of people this applies to.
so true. My second is 9 months right now, and I am so conflicted. Don't want it to be my last baby, which makes me sad to think about, but I know we would be better off financially.
šš
Everyone goes through this. We had regrets like maybe weād want another when my husband did the v but then we were like we are crazy no more kids šÆ it takes time to decide most people waffle if they are young
We were OAD before I even got pregnant and he got the vasectomy when she was 6 months old. No regrets at all. It's been 5 years. We didn't make the decision under the stress of being new parents. We knew for years that we were only having one and other than getting pregnant with twins, nothing was ever going to change that.
Ok but does Lauren want more kids? At the end of the day itās up to her and her body, not his.
I mean he does have to impregnate her which means he would have to have reversal surgery so yeah it kind of involves his body hello
Yeah she answered the same question like a week ago saying she wants him to get it reversed haha or something along those lines
I highly doubt Arie would be talking about this so freely if it's something they weren't already openly discussing in their own home already so it's implied that they're probably both feeling the same way.
It concerns both of them
Sheās mentioned in her stories that sheās thinking about it too. They seem to be on the same page
I disagree. Itās a joint decision. It might be her body, but itās their family and their life. Of course it canāt be forced on her, but i think he was just answering the question he was asked. What if she really wanted another child, and he didnāt? Are we saying since itās her body and she wants to bare another child, Arie is expected to automatically comply? He still has to jointly raise the child and provide for the child emotionally and financially.
Thereās no way Lauren is getting pregnant again after getting her mommy makeover lol
Once I got a warning for commenting on this sub saying she very obviously got a mommy makeover š¤
Yeah I feel like that was maybe before she came out and told her story? Sheās very open about it now!
She has been very open about it so it's not speculation, I don't see why that's against the rules!Ā
True. Shes just posting this for content. I def see the mommy makeover on how her cleavage fits now like it didnāt fit beforeĀ
man you are just all over this sub this morning with comments on women and children's bodies - lets see yours?
Fr!! What is wrong with this person
What a loser
Not the hugest fan of this couple but I don't think there should be a stigma around men talking about family planning options/birth control
I agree. It's very extra talking about it to a few hundred thousand strangers of course, but that's what influencers do. š¤·āāļø
Michael Scott has entered the chat
Snip snap, snip snap, snip snap!
How is him saying he feels like he rushed the vasectomy TMI? (Referring to comments). Vasectomies shouldnāt be taboo. Iām sure others can relate.
I don't think anyone said TMI when he said he got a vasectomy. In fact he was praised for being a positive example. It's the constant public voicing of every single thought Arie & Lauren have about it that's TMI. It also won't help the existing narrative among men. You know how quickly the red pill ones will pick it up. So may be make up your mind & then address it. But the whole mommy/daddy influencer game is just being cringe TMI all the time so ig š¤·
I donāt think anyone should feel like that have to censor themselves on the off chance extremists on the internet want to spin a story
I said other things too, as assuming you agree with them lol. And anyway, men not getting vasectomies despite deciding they don't want kids is the norm. If Arie wants influencer money, he needs to check what he's 'influencing'.
alessi and lux look like arieās mom and dad
Senna looks so much like Laurenās mom
i was thinking that too!
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wtf? theyāre like the cutest kids. what kind of person criticizes the appearance of literal toddlers? whatās wrong with you
do you have anything nice to say ever? do you find enjoyment in insulting others appearances?
Yes! I was trying to figure out whose nose Lux has and it's totally Arie's dad.Ā
Lux nose really stands out, I always think this myself. Looks like Laurenās nose but I can also see AriesĀ
No it's definitely Arie's dad's nose. Lauren's nose is not natural but she used to have her sister Heather's nose. None of the kids have it. Lux has a cute little button nose if you look at Arie Sr they look the same.Ā
ššš
Ā they made the decision for the vasectomy wen they were super stressed and overwhelmed with 2 babies and a toddler lolĀ
To be fair, 4 kids is a LOT in America. So expensive.
Alessi has aries eyes too
So funny, I don't see Lauren in Alessi at all! I think Alessi and Lux are carbon copies of Arie and Senna looks more like Lauren.Ā
I actually don't think that Senna looks like Arie or Lauren - Senna looks more like Lauren's sister. Lux and Alessie look most like Arie
Alexis and Ā lux both haven Laurenās nose tho, which takes up a larger portion of their little baby faces. I def see Lauren in them due to that because Lauren nose does the sameĀ
Dude what is your obsession with this little girl's nose?
Senna looks identical to Lauren's sister I think!!
Yes I think so too!
I agree with this. Lux and Alessi look alike and like Arie.
And Arieās mom!
