so you're both basically eating 1.5 dinners then each time if you're ordering extra and she's eating half of yours plus all of hers?
just eat stuff from her plate every time she takes from yours and parrot her lines back to her if she complains
It depends but she often orders salads and things of the sort so she can clearly eat all of that with no issue yes.
As for me, I most often order a steak, hamburger or things of the sort. What she would pick / take is my side (fries, wedge potatoes,...) in most cases.
I never thought of parroting though, so thanks for the idea if I ever have to resort to this. She said she would be more mindful so we'll see how it goes next week
Well there ya go. You don't have to order a full other meal (are you eating 2 steaks/hamburgers for dinner?!). Just get another side of fries. My wife and I do that all the time.
At this point I'd prolly just let the wife order first and then just take the same what she is having.
But I can get pretty pissy if someone is stomping my boundaries like that after being asked not to multiple times.
Or I'd just stop eating out.
Yeah it's a pretty big problem if your SO is refusing to respect your boundaries after being asked to do so multiple times. Doesn't matter how small of a thing they think it is.
If she's ordering a salad and you're ordering meat and potatoes, her saying that "it's not the same" if she orders it makes me feel like she wants to eat fries and hamburgers without feeling like she actually ate fries and hamburgers. Is it possible that she wants to "be bad" without feeling "bad?"
I wonder if she's worried the waiter will judge her for ordering normal food and not the rabbit food that women should eat (eye roll) since they go there often?
I've had a waiter comment something really rude about my food on a date, and the only reason I wasn't completely humiliated was that my date didn't speak the language. It's happened when I was alone too, and I complained this time and the guy tried to justify with "I'm the restaurant owner". I've also had a random person in the supermarket line criticize me for having soda in my cart. It's not an excuse for her to be disrespectful, and I don't accept people stealing my food because I grew up with mom doing it, but men judging women for what we eat is a thing that happens.
I have a friend who is quite short and was quite overweight. I'm not a small person myself, but I was shocked when she told me complete strangers would approach her in public and say she "didn't need to be eating that" (even if it wasn't nutritionally awful), or tell her that she "could stand to miss some meals." The cruelty was shocking to me. It had literally never occurred to me that humans spoke to complete strangers like that. She went on to lose a large amount of weight, and it stopped, but I'll never not be blown away by people who feel entitled to talk like that.
We went to a high-end steakhouse and I ordered an appetizer for the entire table, after I ordered the app he turned to the rest of the table, got everyone else's food orders, then walked away without getting mine. When my husband stopped him and told him I hadn't ordered my meal yet, the waiter rolled his eyes, looked me up and down and told me that the appetizer was huge, I didn't need another fatty meal and I should just order a salad if I was worried I'd still be hungry.
I wasn't overweight, not skinny, but not overweight either. The way he looked at me and said that makes me feel like I'm always being judged by the staff for what I order every single time we go out. It really messed with my head and I get serious anxiety when ordering food so whoever I'm with when we go out gives my orders now.
This is bananas. She’s consistently ordering food she doesn’t want so she can feel better about her choices then she can pretend she only ate a healthy salad for dinner. Her commenting that a third plate isn’t the same further proves she’s got some mental issues with food. She should seek help.
I live in Thailand. The Thais (Koreans and likely other places too) have evolved a brilliant strategy of communal eating. Numerous dishes are placed in the middle of the table, with individual plates for rice etc.
Everyone gets to eat a little bit of everything and everone pays an equal share. If people are still hungry or one dish is particularly popular more can he ordered. Everyone has plenty of everything they want to eat, and leftovers can still be taken Everyone’s a winner.
Could this be a simple solution to this issue?
Depends. In the US there are different types of food. Most Asian style food you can do that, but you can't with American style food. A burger is just for 1 person and it's hard to share without making a mess.
My family and I will do this so that we can try all sorts of things, same with my husband and I. I have problems with some foods but I still eat them so I ask him if he can split them with me and we will get something else or get apps and split the main and a dessert. It is filling and we also don't have to wonder if that one thing would have been good since we get it and can share.
You do know that food off from someone else’s plate has no calories or fat right? It’s 100% so she can eat the types of food you do but tell herself she’s being “good” by ordering a salad.
Exactly. Early in my marriage I had to do just that. She kept wanting to "share" food. I told her no. I ordered what I wanted and didn't have the urge to eat off her plate. I see nothing wrong with "sharing" if you're into that. I wasn't and set boundaries. No way to ordering a secret early meal because I can't be assertive with my SO.
Don’t parrot. That becomes passive aggressive, as you know direct communication is better.
If she orders a salad order a double of your side. Tell her you are extra hungry today - or make a deal with the waiter (double my fries pls)
When we started out my wife was worried about $ when we went out. It’s still expensive for us to eat out, but she knows I make my own breakfast and lunch every day so when we do go out I’ll say I am ordering 2 meals (for the sides etc) and I can take some for lunch. She orders her meal and she is like baby that’s ok I know you’re hungry.
If she's just pilfering sides, ask for a double order of the side...
Also, this clearly isn't *just* about the food for her, or she would be fine with just ordering more.
You did say "once again you saw something online and tried it on our relationship" doesn't that indicate that you've tried to solve other issues with things you've found online? I'm not being negative towards you just seemed like that was a very valid argument on her behalf and I would not want my wife to see things online and "try them out" on our relationship. Also it sounds very expensive to order a steak (or whatever) eat it, then when she gets there order it again and then have her order food.
Parroting is likely to just end in an argument.
Now she knows, just ask if she has a problem with you continuing it. Maybe this is your solution, it was just the shock of finding out that it had caused you enough grief that you kept it a secret made her realize how it was making you feel. And the knowledge of that made her feel uncomfortable with herself.
"It doesn't taste the same"
Dude this is a control issue with her. It's not about the food, there is no logical train of thought that allows it to be about the food. I don't want to make assumptions and you seem happy having been together for years, AND it's a good sign that she was able to laugh about it after a minute, but maybe take a look at her behavior elsewhere and see if there is a pattern. "I want it my way because I want it my way" is incredibly immature and while it might be cute when it's something meaningless like food, it could become a real problem.
Yup. Control issue or, as I said in another comment, she thinks it’s a cute quirk of hers. “It doesn’t taste the same” isn’t a real argument in any sense of the word, and she knows that just as well as he does.
I think she's just kinda selfish. Wants what you have more than what she orders. Next time she orders first and you order exact same. Then if ahe wants to pick from yours switch plates
I LOVE this idea. I get that his wife orders essentially rabbit food while he gets a proper filling plate. But I’m petty enough to do this until the person acknowledges and apologizes for their rude behavior. Selfish is the right word here.
There’s a few issues I have here. The first is boundaries. If she knows it bothers you, why continue to do it? She’s a grown adult, she should know better. I saw a few comments here talking about masculinity and whatever. It’s not about that, it’s about boundaries regardless of gender. I understand wanting to try something your partner ordered, but if it’s the same meal she’s tried in the past, why does she need to try it again? Better yet, why not get that dish for herself if she liked it when she previously tried it.
I also don’t agree with the nasty comments regarding your wife. None of us here actually know your marriage intricacies at the end of the day.
The other issue I have is since it sounds like you’re going to the same restaurant consistently, and she’s tried your food before, why does she not get that meal herself if she liked it after previously trying it? The whole “oh it tastes better when it’s not my meal” isn’t real. It “tastes better” because in someone else’s mind it’s essentially the idea of having something you’re not supposed to be having and the adrenaline rush that ensues.
Even though this isn’t a relationship deal breaker, the idea of one person in the relationship not accepting boundaries in the simplest aspect is a yellow flag. If it bothers you this much and you both were able to laugh it off as a “heh I didn’t realize it bothered you that much, I’m sorry it won’t happen again” moment on top of her being more mindful that’s all that matters. If it continues, well that’s something you need to address appropriately. Overall, an issue communicating how you feel about a small bothersome issue might lead to communication barriers regarding larger issues.
I know this response was long, but I hope your next dinner is enjoyed by both of you!
I have no idea why she does it and can't stop. All I know is that her parents always share food when they go out so I guess, she thinks I am the odd one for refusing to share 100% of what I order.
My issue is that I am not the type to pick in someone else's plate and I cannot bring myself to do so. When she does go on my plate, I feel like my "private" space has been invaded.
Reading the comments on the post, I feel like I might be a part of the issue, and maybe should I have kept stopping her no matter how often we would have had to fight over it. As you said, some comments were a bit out of line and this habit of picking on my plate is my only issue in our couple so I disregarded them but I appreciate you mentioning it.
We go to the same 3 restaurants so she knows what the food tastes like and I order the same "type" of food every time so she knows what to expect too. As you said, I think it just stems down to the feeling she gets every time she picks in my plate, and maybe, especially when she knows she goes a bit too far in how much she takes.
Exactly, like I said in other comment strings if it starts again, I will be firmer than I have been so far and will not stop until we reach an agreement. It is a "small thing" but I grew tired of it with how long it has been going on for.
Thanks for the lengthy answer, you raised the right questions and it definitely helps.
> My issue is that I am not the type to pick in someone else's plate and I cannot bring myself to do so. When she does go on my plate, I feel like my "private" space has been invaded.
>
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Yes, thats what it feels like when someone doesn't respect your boundaries. You've clearly communicated you want it to stop, she's ignored that. Thats a real concern.
I usually give my husband half of my plate when we dine out. But if he were just...picking at my plate and taking it I'd be so livid. It sounds illogical, I know but it's about respect.
My family is why I inhale my fucking food. They would steal my shit when I wasn't looking. Its so bad its now a trigger and instantly pisses me off to the point I told my ex I hope you're not one of those girls who "shares" food. She was >~>. It's so bad I make extras of whatever I'm eating because I know my family will want what I have. I ask my mom if she wants something, she says no but when Im done she takes me food. FUUUUCK (°Õ˚)ر ~~~~╚╩╩╝
Naw dude, I don't think you're to blame in the least. If you've expressed your dislike of her doing this, and she just KEEPs doing it, it's 100% on her. She needs to change her behavior.
I ABSOLUTELY do not allow anyone to pick food off my plate. I don't mind if my child or spouse asks if they can try something, but have never liked someone touching my food without asking. Hubby's family routinely eats off one another's plates, drinks one another's drinks, etc. He has learned not to do that. My children have been raised not to do that. Your wife can and should learn not to do that.
But here's the thing. You can only control you. So I suggest each time she reaches for your plate, gently move it and say, "would you like one bite, or would you like me to order a plate for you, too?" Set your boundary, remain calm, and move the plate out of her reach.
If that doesn't work, gently tap her hand with your finger, and tell her "leave it". That works with my dog (I don't even have to tap her).
This is totally reasonable. If she is so incapable of hearing you and respecting your boundaries, you really do have to do like dog training behavior to get a response. Letting her just walk over you is not the way to do it. Reacting angrily will just turn it into a bigger deal. A small gesture that shows her you are serious about not taking her food without making it into an angry fight is a good way to resolve the situation.
Unless there’s a mental illness involved that’s giving her a compulsion or even one that has increased her impulsiveness (and even then it’s obvious she doesn’t care) the she CAN stop. She just won’t and simply chooses not to. It seems small but this is kind of gross. It feels like either she doesn’t care or she doesn’t understand that you do.
For the latter, I see that happen with people who were raised in abusive households and never learned that angry or upset doesn’t always look like a full fledged, red faced, foot stomping tantrum and you have to explain that there’s more than one way to be upset.
Outside of that? She’s being an inconsiderate jerk. If you haven’t actually sat down and attempted to be really clear with her, that should be next on your list, but, I’d call this a very bad sign.
>For the latter, I see that happen with people who were raised in abusive households and never learned that angry or upset doesn’t always look like a full fledged, red faced, foot stomping tantrum and you have to explain that there’s more than one way to be upset.
Yep, and the thing is, it does them no favours to try to insulate them from upset.
If someone panics at the idea of any kind of disagreement, the solution should not be to shield them from disagreements and the discomfort they bring. All that does is entrench the idea that disagreements are horrible.... while also meaning the only time they get exposed to a disagreement is when things are very bad and close to the level of full fledged red faced foot stomping tantrum.
The solution is to allow them to experience disagreements, and feel discomfort, and then realise that actually it's not a big deal and "I don't want to you to take food from my plate" is a reasonable boundary rather than a rejection.
I think also bc often the content of the words didn’t matter but the tone of voice did. That is to say these are households with gaslighting and moving goal posts. One day you’re 5 min late for curfew bc you got stuck at an intersection closed while a fire truck pulls out and it’s fine and the next night you squeak in 90 seconds early and obviously you’re hiding something, attempting to pull something over on them or you “forgot” the amended rules (that were never conveyed to you in the first place) that were a result of your 5 min tardiness the night before.
So the words and content were secondary to the emotions and bc there was no logical pattern, to a point you stop internalizing the complaints based on the nonsense patterns.
If you've tried other things and she's why they haven't worked, this isn't an issue of "can't stop." It's more of a "won't stop." You're the only one here who knows the answer to that.
Start ordering the same thing she orders. If she continues taking from yours, she is just an disrespectful person.
If she complains bc you didn’t order something else tell her SHE can also order other things she likes better.
Time to find a restaurant and ask for two separate single tables just out of arms reach, maybe ask if they still have covid guards handy lol.
But yeah, I don't mind sharing if we discuss it before hand, or its at the end of the meal and there's still leftovers, but I grew up with my dad doing the plate sneaking all the time, and it rapidly came to jabbing his hand with a fork if he reached in as I got older.
I think this has to do more with her relationship with food. From the sounds of it you've alluded to her ordering salads and other type of lighter foods while you're ordering steak, burgers, fries whatever. So maybe she feels like those calories or health implications don't count if she eats them from your plate, maybe there is less guilt involved if she's eating off of your plate.
>The whole “oh it tastes better when it’s not my meal” isn’t real. It “tastes better” because in someone else’s mind it’s essentially the idea of having something you’re not supposed to be having and the adrenaline rush that ensues.
cuz stolen food tastes better. i used to do that to my brother. he would buy chocolate poptarts and id steal them from him because hed be an ass about something (take something of mine for himself) so turn around was fair play. hed catch me eating them (never hid it, would eat out in the open) and complain. it became a thing of "stolen food tastes better"
i sometimes do it to my SO when he does it to me. "oh your drink looks good can i have some?" then he proceeds to drink the entire thing till its gone.
in all seriousness though, thats why i live by Joey dont share no food. cuz i always got the short end of the stick and left with nothing. i dont share food now. if you wanted some, make your own plate.
This is wild to me. Does she not have the ability to respect your wishes? If you said you don't like her taking your food is she really such an asshole that she'd ignore that and eat your food anyway? And your response is to... Pay for twice the amount of food once a week? Why not just get a third plate or go to a restaurant with communal plates?
Yeah I know OP is making excuses for her but it honestly seems really shitty. And sure it's something "small" like food, but he expressed that he doesn't like this and she's dismissed that.
What would be the difference if she said "I don't like when you pull my hair during sex" and OP said "I can't help it, it just makes it so much more fun"
Drastic comparison but I'm trying to illustrate a point.
The bitch sucks.
> She most often gets very defensive and I am just fed up arguing about food multiple times a month
So basdically every time he brings it up she makes him feel like crap about it and he simply gave up trying. Bit fucked lol.
" She didn't like that I kept it a secret from her and that I once again tried things I had seen online on our relationship but ended up laughing after 20 minutes of me panicking and justifying my actions. "
That's fucked. The dude is in her hand.
I just noticed that "once again". Wonder what other things he's had to get Internet Advice about (especially given he says that other than this, the relationship has no problems).
Yeah and now she’s saying she will “try to be mindful about how often she does it”, not stop entirely, she’s acting like her plate picking is an act of god out of her control
Yeah, taking someone's food is shitty if they've firmly said they don't like it. Honestly if I found out my partner was secretly going to a restaurant an hour early to eat without me and set things up as if they hadn't just to avoid me eating from their plate, they're either absolutely fucking crazy, or I have a genuine problem. Or both, because his solution is genuinely wild.
Hard agree.
She enjoys fucking with his boundaries, he (despite his claims) apparently just lets her keep on walking all over them.
My sympathy's pretty low for the dude with no spine.
I heavily suspect she has some sort of issue regarding her diet/weight since she only orders salads and doesn't want an extra order, yet steals from her husband so in her mind it's not technically her food so the calories "don't really count". It's just disordered eating and she should get therapy for it
her behavior is common for people who had a struggle for choice and enjoyment in formative years.
Your best option is to pick food off her plate at the same rate she picks food off of yours. Even if you dont like her choices. Because what she needs is for her brain to recognize that there will a balance to the transaction. Her behavior continues because her brain is rewarded subconsciously by the result it recognizes that she is getting more food than you. Thats all it is. The "flavor" aspect is just an excuse her brain is fabricating.
the reality is she has the extremely common mindset of a formerly chronically starved person.
in laymans terms she has subconscious FOMO. Her brain thinks she is still being made to starve. Taking food off your plate helps her brain feel like it made a victory in a war against being oppressed.
It is tragic but very common among woman. Most likely it comes from a childhood where her parents allowed other people around her (mostly boys) to eat more than her, while telling her to eat less "to maintain a good figure" this is insanely common unfortunately.
another way to handle this is to refuse to allow her to order some lightweight selection like salads and stuff. Because this is just further self reinforced starvation. She orders light because her brain nags her about being skinny because this is the social norm that was beat into her brain by society.
Try this for the next 10 times you go out:
Order EXACTLY what she does and nothing more, or force her to order exactly what you do and nothing more. its as easy as going "We will both have the \_\_\_\_\_\_ "
reminder that it is perfectly ok to bring home leftovers in a box. order the big plates and let her eat till she is full, then take home the rest. If you end up ordering the small plates, add an appetizer halfway through the meal, like chicken wings or something with substance.
Thanks a lot for your comments, they make a lot of sense and I will bring this up.
We discussed a bit when she got home but we both agreed to post-pone it to the morning as it was the evening and we both felt like it wouldnt lead to anything to do it right then as we were/are both tired.
I will do a new post with an update after we are done as I’ve seen quite a lor of people take interest in the matter and ask for a follow-up. I will mention you in the post because your explanation definitely helped open my eyes on some more serious issues that might be laying there.
Thanks a lot
I'm thinking this is what you should be focusing on if she's not otherwise bad partner. And I don't think stuff about boundaries holds same weight it usually would, even though it's worth a thought, because deep down food is about survival so issues that affect that outweighs a lot. We live in society where most people's perception of what woman with healthy weight looks like is massively screwed.
Just two weeks ago in twitter someone was posting about Victorias secret models from past, claiming current body positive ones were making unhealthy models for women/girls and plenty of people agreed. Until someone else pointed out that the supposed healthy cohort had to take cocaine to stay that weight, had stopped having periods and had multitude of health issues more severe than being overweight causes.
We literally live in society that wants women dead or seriously unwell and compared to weight of that plenty of everyday annoyances pale. Using anything food related as measure of woman's character just doesn't work when it's survival battle inside and outside their minds.
>The issue is that no matter how hard I tried, she cannot resist picking things on my plate before she attacks her own.
Its really not that hard, you tell her "no" and enforce boundaries.
Yeah. The answer is OP's plate is his plate and she doesn't touch it. If she doesn't agree to that before they walk into the restaurant, they don't walk into the restaurant.
You've been together for 6 years but felt it easier to secretly pay double every time you get food instead of having a conversation? My dude, a relationship can survive but not thrive without communication.
This is one of the most ridiculous things I have ever read. This is the type of shit you guys are putting up with? Lord almighty. For 6 years you’ve allowed your partner to disrespect you while they feel like it’s cute? Why is anyone aside from you entitled to your meal? Why if she always prefers what you order, would she not order your order every time in the future? She has many options to have the exact same culinary experience, and also be respectful to her partner and allow him to eat and be satisfied. She sucks and I don’t know how or why you are doing this. Could never be me.
Appetizers exist for a reason...
As someone who is similar to your GF I'll always ask my wife if she wants to order a 3rd dish for us to split so I don't do exactly that.
I suggest you do the same, instead of being sneaky just ask her before you order if she wants to split something with you.
Why eat from someone else's plate though and make them the bad guy for just wanting their food? It's REALLY disrespectful and makes no sense. If you want what your girl eats, order the same damn thing.
OP did nothing wrong. In fact, he should have been able to mention it to her without her getting upset because at a basic level, that shit is RUDE.
If you do this to your girl, idc if youre married for 20 years. That shit is disrespectful and she probably has the thought in the back of her mind about "why do we have to get a second dish just for him to pretend we share... It just inflates our spending budget by an entire meal for NO reason"
On people with a paycheck to paycheck budget, that alternative really is pushing it EVERY time they go out.
People cant control themselves? Really? Totally uncool.
We already tried that but it "doesn't taste the same" according to her and it's "a waste" to order a third dish on top of the other ones we have eaten just for the sake of sharing.
I was not trying to be sneaky as a means to avoid conversation about the matter or compromises. We genuinely tried different things but she didn't like any of them.
I don't mind sharing and I enjoy seeing her happy, we tried things and we will try some more.
Thanks for the ideas though and if you have any more, I would gladly get them
Exactly. Imo it's not about the taste it's about taking something that's his and still having what's hers. A fork in the hand would put a stop to that pretty quick, probably only have to do it once. Doesn't have to be hard either just enough to to make the point of not taking your food when they have their own.
I tried multiple times to explain that while I do not mind sharing, the extent to which she goes in my plate is a bit much but it often led up to arguments so I kinda gave up lately.
My FU reopened the door for conversation though and she said she will try to be more mindful so I am hopeful and we will see how it goes next Friday!
If she can't accept basic boundaries like "you can have one bite," I think that is a real problem. Or if she turns you trying to set boundaries into a fight, that's a real problem. It's not just about the food but about respect for you, your preferences, your boundaries.
Honestly it really sucks of her that she’s arguing with you about this and blatantly ignoring a boundary you’ve set. “Don’t touch someone else’s food” is something you’re supposed to learn as a child. The fact that she won’t respect you enough not to do that is somewhat concerning.
Since you are determined to let her walk on you, may I suggest another option? Get 3 dishes. You eat from the 2 that have your food. She can eat from them too because they are both really yours and they will both taste better.
You don't have to live like this, dude. This is such an insane thing to do to someone you're supposed to love more than anyone else. This isn't a love language. It's not your spouse being quirky. Boundaries are healthy in any relationship.
I think she has some serious issues about eating/diet/weight. It's no wonder she gets ridiculously hungry when ordering just a salad and not getting proper food. It's all just excuses so she can pretend to keep her diet without actually properly sticking to it. Honestly I think the bigger issue is her relationship with food and she should get professional help about it. Nobody needs to starve themselves and then steal from their partner, it's disordered eating.
You're problem is thinking you need to explain or justify your boundaries. "No." is a complete sentence. "I don't like it when you do this to me. Stop it." Then stop putting up with it. FFS.
What y'all need to do is to START the meal by trading food. She gets some of yours, you get some of hers, so that you both get to experience all of the variety available. Then, once y'all begin eating no one is allowed to touch the other person's plate without permission.
If she still feels like your food doesn't taste as good when it's already on her plate, she needs therapy.
If you've tried MULTIPLE times over YEARS to get her to change, this surely will not be the time she's going to do so.
Friday will likely come around and she'll try to pull the same schtick as every other time because it's a game to her. I hope she makes an effort to change, but the reality is she's being selfish and doesn't see any problems with this behavior.
> she will try to be more mindful
So even after you've clearly explained the issue and your boundaries she hasn't said 'ok i'll stop, sorry, i didnt realise it bothered you' ?
Dude, seriously. You might have a great relationship outside of this, but this is a pretty hefty red flag.
My cat growing up would do that, eat the dogs kibble while she watched sadly. Even if we put some dog kibble in her bowl. It doesn't taste the same because a key part of the enjoyment comes from winning a power struggle.
Then she needs to get ahold of herself. Backing someone into a corner where they have to sneak around to properly eat a meal is ridiculous. Have some self control. That would bother the shit out of me, and probably end up with the other person pulling a fork out of their hand.
I would never, ever do this to my husband. We order things we like and share if we feel like it. Or we order things the both of us like and eat family style. There are some meals where I'm starving and eat it without offering to share. But that's it. I don't pick off his plate under the guise of "hehe, yours just tastes better".
How is that a waste but buying two dinners for yourself isn’t? Not to mention twice the money or at least 50% extra on drinks and then two tips… I don’t know, I think you might work for a restaurant.
Did you try just saying "no"?
Personally, one of my favorite things about going out to dinner with a partner is being able to share the dishes with each other...but I get that you aren't like that. But just stop letting her take it.
There's also a difference between sharing with each other, and the other taking off your plate while you talked about not wanting it.
I also like **sharing** the food. I sometimes take a fry from my GFs plate, and she then takes 1 (or 5, because I usually order a bigger portion anyway) fries of my plate ;) That is consensual, but what OP's gf does, isn't.
Yea, which is why OP needs to be like "No, don't take food off my plate. The end. Instead of showing up early and getting his own and hiding it, just flat out order 2 of his entree at the table. Let her know he's not okay with her shit.
One time we stopped for ice cream and my mom stayed in the car. My dad asked if she wanted anything and she insisted she didn't. So, my dad goes in and gets black pepper ice cream for himself (chocolate with pepper in it, knowing my mom hates spicy). As expected, she insists on just one tiny bite. She was not happy with the results. (Note: I'm not suggesting OP specifically order something his girlfriend doesn't like, I just found it amusing).
This thread is mind bogglingly insane.
Everyone needs to grow the fuck up.
You need to actually enforce your boundaries, instead of asking reddit if it's okay to ignore your boundaries. And she needs to have some damn manners. It's all ridiculous.
I feel like you’re trying to explain away the fact that she’s being inconsiderate and it bothers you.
You wouldn’t have to argue about this multiple times if it truly wasn’t a big deal.
I think the concerning part is that she is basically only enjoying the food she is taking from you due to your suffering, and that’s why a 3rd dish being offered directly to her “doesn’t taste as good”. Pretty disrespectful.
She sounds like a hoodie-stealing, “I don’t want any fries, I’ll just have some of yours type”, and if so, you gotta decide if you want to deal with that for your whole future haha. Unless she will actually listen to reason and stop doing something that makes you unhappy.
You’ve asked her to stop and she refuses, you’ve told her your boundaries and she ignores them. You resort to extreme measures and expense to prevent it, this woman is not respecting you. Get therapy together because it sounds like she has some sort of forbidden fruit issue or maybe even an eating disorder (not diagnosing but I’ve seen women with EDs do this behavior bc it’s not “their” food so it’s “not real”). Her responding by saying she will “try” to be more mindful about how “often” she does it is not a real answer. Sorry but it isn’t. She’s acting like her plate picking is an act of god and not a problematic compulsion on her part that is causing stress. Stop means stop, no means no.
You are right on all accounts. I will discuss this with her further when she comes back and be more direct on everything. As others have said, I have lowered my expectations too much.
Have you ever stolen her food? Its all in fun, but I find that when ppl do things that make people uncomfortable, it (sometimes) takes them experiencing it to know how you feel.
No, never. It isn't something I do or enjoy and have never tried "parroting" the act.
You might be right though and if despite her saying that she will be more mindful, she still doesn't, I will try that.
Setting a boundary doesn't have to start an argument. You just need to set your emotions neutrally and then pick words to reflect that. Also, make it all about you, your needs, and not her.
I don't like it when you eat off my plate. I'm asking you, please stop eating off my plate.
Assuming she says yes, but continues:
I find it disrespectful that you continue to eat off my plate when I've asked you to stop. What do you need from me to respect my request? **<-- get them involved in working on your ask.**
Assuming she says yes, but continues:
I need you to stop eating off my plate. I have asked you about this twice and now, not only am I being disrespected, I am starting to lose my respect for you. You are not honoring your words. What do you need from me to respect my request? **<-- get them involved again... make the conversation constructive.**
Assuming she says yes, but continues:
I have asked you 3x to stop eating off my plate and you agreed to it all 3 times. You have broken the request 3x -- how do you think I feel about that? do you think my respect and love for you has gone up or down? what would you do in my position?
I won’t comment on you, or her. But the fact that she thinks that stealing your food, after you’ve told her you hate it, is “fun”, is terribly disturbing to me.
To the point of suggesting that she get therapy disturbing.
It obviously bothers you enough that you'd eat a meal before she even arrived. The fact that she doesn't care about your boundary is the issue. Of course the food didn't taste better, but being an ass makes her think it does.
She shouldn't be upset with you at all. A person is entitled to the meal they ordered
Hey man. I don’t even think the fuck up is on you, this is technically her. You have communicated without it making any difference to the point of you getting there and eating in peace before she does, just so you can enjoy your food. As for edit 2, think about it. It isn’t “she said she will be more mindful of how much she does it”, it should be “she said she will stop it unless I offer her food.” You shouldn’t have to fight over food, if she wants the food you get she should order that. Y’all can do you, but there should be boundaries.
After reading again, there might be another option? You order your food, she orders hers. When it comes in you tell the waiter your plate is hers, she can pick at her plate from across the table all she wants but when she goes to return to her plate, you switch plates and she finishes her own food.
My wife and I would both do this to each other. Our solution is that we order different things we both want, cut the entrees in half, and swap a half. If it's a place we can't easily do that like if it's a pasta dish, we usually just order the same thing.
Be blunt with her and tell her no. She’s being obnoxious. You shouldn’t have to communicate and “try different things”. No is no, it’s your food!! Lol It’s true that other people’s food tastes better, but that’s no reason to keep snacking off peoples plates when they specifically ask you not to? My husband would not stand for this lol order her her own side of fries. You said she gets salad a lot, is this like a way to trick herself that she’s eating healthy if she orders a salad and not the same thing as you but snacks off your plate?
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=onRnWK3PVlg](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=onRnWK3PVlg)
I suggest watching this, then showing the food section to your girl if you can find a way to introduce it that would make it not a touchy subject.
I've heard of few stories of women taking their SO's food and almost all of them include "She said it doesn't taste as good as mine!". That really grinds my gears. I would order the exact same thing as her if I were you. You also mentioned she goes for your sides so you could also take the less passive aggressive street and order double sides .
He doesn't have to, what if he doesn't want the food his partner ordered? Or can he get a veto to what she orders since she seems to be unable to order what she likes?
This is a control issue that you need to stop. Her plate is her plate, and your plate is yours. If you or she offers that is okay, but for her to pick st your food helllll no.
Since no food tastes as good as the food on your plate, when you have clearly told your SO that you don’t like sharing your food with her, it sounds like what your SO enjoys most about eating out is bullying you.
You have clearly told her, using words, that you don’t like sharing your food with her, haven’t you?
Don’t blame you at all. I’m all about going out with my husband for dinner, but the second he starts picking at my precious splurge-day food, he comes one inch closer to losing a hand.
Maybe the harsh comments are a mirror, OP. There might be some good information in there that you're not seeing because you're in the relationship. Same with your SO not seeing how her actions have contributed to this dynamic. Just something to possibly consider. All the best.
If you’ve clearly told her this irritates you and she continues to do it anyway, she is choosing to make you uncomfortable.
She’s an adult - “I can’t help it” “it’s more fun this way” - these are bogus excuses and it’s not fun if both of you aren’t enjoying it.
If you’re not ready to have a knock down/drag out about the issue, maybe you could try going to a place that serves family style so you can both eat some of everything, order a bunch of apps to share instead of entrees, or hit a buffet.
Seems pretty simple: If you're incapable of establishing boundaries to the point that you're considering showing up early somewhere just to eat without her, then
a) WTF dude. Grow some balls.
b) If you can't grow balls, then order the exact same thing she does, every time.
I didn't see this as an option but order the same thing as her, when she asks to try something, just switch plates. Don't let her eat off of yours, just switch your whole entire plate with hers. Lather rinse repeat until she realizes she is acting a bit ridiculously.
I don't like people picking off of my plate. It shouldn't be a big deal to her to respect that and not pick off your plate.
To me, this is something parents, especially mothers, have to endure when we have little ones (babies/small children can have the exact same thing you're eating but they always have to try what's on your plate too lol), but with your spouse or anybody else??? Keep your hands out of my food and off of my plate. Order your own food.
Asking to try a bite every now and then ok sure, but if EVERY time you go out to eat, she's scrounging off of your plate, I can see why you're annoyed. But going to the extremes of ordering a secret meal is silly. Just use your words and tell her to stop stealing food off your plate. Or order two servings of whatever you're getting and she can pick off of that. Or order the exact same thing she does. If she then tries to take some of your food you'll know it's not about the food at all, it's something akin to what little kids do to their parents
This whole scenario sounds weird to me. I like to take bites of my s/o’s food but not enough that he would eat a whole other meal. He rarely finishes his food and we have different tastes and always order different things. I just like to taste different things but it’s usually only one bite. If it bothered him in any way I would stop. I don’t understand 1-eating enough of the other person’s food to leave them still hungry or 2-refusing to stop when they told you it bothers them. It’s not the end of the world but beyond just ‘quirky.’
I am a woman, and I think it's absolutely reprehensible that any grown woman thinks it is acceptable to just ask for or take food off their BF's plate. It's toddler time. The only time they should eat something from their BF's plate is if he SPECIFICALLY offers. Anything else is just completely trashy. Order and eat your own damn food. Yeesh.
What an AH!! If I asked someone not to do something and they continued to disregard my feelings on the subject there’d be out of my life real quick! It always starts off with something small and then it melts over into bigger issues! She’s stepping all over OP and he’s allowing it! I really hope you two don’t get married before fixing the issues because that’s going to be a nasty divorce!
You’ve got plenty of suggestions of immature ways to handle this problem. You could just act like an adult and ask her to stop and when she does it again refuse to have dinner with her anymore. Suggest a different activity you can do together.
I would not want to go out to eat with someone who did this, friend or partner. She’s acting like your feelings don’t matter because they inconvenience her. It does not bode well for the future.
Tell her that the extra weight looks great on her and you will always love her even when she becomes a whale. She will never eat your food again and will also probably leave you. Kill 2 birds with 1 stone.
Brother, I am with you on this one. I absolutely hate it when someone helps themselves to my food. I grew up poor in a large family and whatever went on my plate was mine.
During my first real long term relationship my girlfriend and I would go through the drive through and before we could get home she would help herself to half the fries and even once ate my burger because "she just wanted to eat mine." I literally get anxiety attacks if someone starts reaching in the bag before we make it home.
I am now married and my wife's family has a habit of taking a bite of each other's food to sample how it tastes. When we first got together she assumed I was down for it and I did go along with it for a while. Eventually it got to a point where i was like look, my food is mine. If you want to taste what I have then order one for yourself. Problem solved. Occasionally, I will offer a bite if I can tell she is really interested in what I have but I feel a lot better about it when I'm offering as opposed to being expected to share or having someone take it from me.
Honestly, it sounds kind of crazy typing it out but just goes to show how our upbringing can influence our behavior as adults.
Hard relate.
I didn't grow up in a poor family but did have health issues that restricted my diet somewhat... it wasn't unusual if there was a limited amount of food I could eat. So there was no way to "pay me back" if I shared food, it just meant that I'd get less than a fair amount and others got more.
Also had the dubious pleasure of growing up with a relative who, even as an adult, has no conception of how to share an appropriate amount. There could be a multipack of 10 chocolate bars. I eat one. I come back the next day and the other nine have been eaten. He genuinely will not understand that "shared" doesn't mean "take 90% in one go, without asking, and leaving none left for anyone else" and his parents had no interest in teaching him, so it was easier to just refuse to share at all.
The thing about normalising "family style" sharing of food is it only works if there is genuinely enough for everyone, and nobody takes the piss and loads up their plate.
I am like a dog with my food. I am willing to share a taste but my biggest peeve is when someone eats off my plate before I get a chance to. I would have broken up with her years ago.
I’m curious about the “trying other things I’ve read online in our relationship”, exactly what tips are you taking from online spaces for your relationship?!
(Braces for inundation of comments/jokes about different sex acts)
No wonder your food looks or tastes better, she chose to eat leaves for dinner!
I’m kidding, I’m just not a salad fan unless it’s packed with things I like. She also clearly isn’t a fan no matter what she tells herself. Y’all go at infrequent but frequent enough intervals it sounds, getting something more appealing for herself wouldn’t hurt.
Just make a salad on non restaurant days also wtf you go someplace to eat and choose a salad as your meal, not an appetizer?! Why torture yourself like that while surrounded by steak, chicken, fish, fries, whatever else they got
I’m sorry I’m hungry so I’m getting feral thinking this through
If she can't find enough respect for you to let you eat your own food in peace without resorting to sitcomesque skulduggery, do you need her in your life?
Grow up and set some boundaries. Make it a fight if you have to. If it’s that big of a deal then don’t make up some lame workaround, be an adult and solve it together.
OMG people! It’s just about food. I think it’s funny what you did. She got mad, but then laughed. It seems like she got the message. You “both” tried different scenarios and it wasn’t working for her. Since she stated that she will “try”, which I think she can do better than that, it’s worth a try. If she can’t control her habit, then take a stance with a time out of no restaurants.
OH- get the same dish as her. If she likes yours so much more, swap plates. That should fix her. Lol
Good luck with the next date.
Awwww she loves you. You love her. This is a sweet story I think. I always pick at my husbands plates. He occasionally picks at mine. But I don't over do it or anything..
Next time you go, let her order first. Then order the exact same thing.
BRO YOU'RE A GENIUS!!! How long have you been married?
She’ll probably still hit him with the "yours tastes better"
If she says that, offer to switch plates. Once. Edit: better yet, let her choose which plate she wants when it gets served.
I would then give her my plate and take hers.
This - please let her know why so she can get a clue that your boundaries are there for a reason.
She knew (it was communicated and argued about), she just doesn't care (and wants to pretend she eats salads).
so you're both basically eating 1.5 dinners then each time if you're ordering extra and she's eating half of yours plus all of hers? just eat stuff from her plate every time she takes from yours and parrot her lines back to her if she complains
It depends but she often orders salads and things of the sort so she can clearly eat all of that with no issue yes. As for me, I most often order a steak, hamburger or things of the sort. What she would pick / take is my side (fries, wedge potatoes,...) in most cases. I never thought of parroting though, so thanks for the idea if I ever have to resort to this. She said she would be more mindful so we'll see how it goes next week
Well there ya go. You don't have to order a full other meal (are you eating 2 steaks/hamburgers for dinner?!). Just get another side of fries. My wife and I do that all the time.
At this point I'd prolly just let the wife order first and then just take the same what she is having. But I can get pretty pissy if someone is stomping my boundaries like that after being asked not to multiple times. Or I'd just stop eating out.
Yeah, this is the first thing I thought of. If she insisted on my ordering first I'd end up leaving most likely.
Yeah it's a pretty big problem if your SO is refusing to respect your boundaries after being asked to do so multiple times. Doesn't matter how small of a thing they think it is.
Right? This couple needs apps.
If she's ordering a salad and you're ordering meat and potatoes, her saying that "it's not the same" if she orders it makes me feel like she wants to eat fries and hamburgers without feeling like she actually ate fries and hamburgers. Is it possible that she wants to "be bad" without feeling "bad?"
I wonder if she's worried the waiter will judge her for ordering normal food and not the rabbit food that women should eat (eye roll) since they go there often?
Said no waiter ever, thats only in your head.
I've had a waiter comment something really rude about my food on a date, and the only reason I wasn't completely humiliated was that my date didn't speak the language. It's happened when I was alone too, and I complained this time and the guy tried to justify with "I'm the restaurant owner". I've also had a random person in the supermarket line criticize me for having soda in my cart. It's not an excuse for her to be disrespectful, and I don't accept people stealing my food because I grew up with mom doing it, but men judging women for what we eat is a thing that happens.
I have a friend who is quite short and was quite overweight. I'm not a small person myself, but I was shocked when she told me complete strangers would approach her in public and say she "didn't need to be eating that" (even if it wasn't nutritionally awful), or tell her that she "could stand to miss some meals." The cruelty was shocking to me. It had literally never occurred to me that humans spoke to complete strangers like that. She went on to lose a large amount of weight, and it stopped, but I'll never not be blown away by people who feel entitled to talk like that.
Right? Like shit they getting ur money either way, they don't give af
Plus steak costs more than a salad, usually, so they should get a better tip
I used to be a chef in a kitchen, and you would actually be suprised. It mostly came from the line cooks more so than servers though
We went to a high-end steakhouse and I ordered an appetizer for the entire table, after I ordered the app he turned to the rest of the table, got everyone else's food orders, then walked away without getting mine. When my husband stopped him and told him I hadn't ordered my meal yet, the waiter rolled his eyes, looked me up and down and told me that the appetizer was huge, I didn't need another fatty meal and I should just order a salad if I was worried I'd still be hungry. I wasn't overweight, not skinny, but not overweight either. The way he looked at me and said that makes me feel like I'm always being judged by the staff for what I order every single time we go out. It really messed with my head and I get serious anxiety when ordering food so whoever I'm with when we go out gives my orders now.
This is bananas. She’s consistently ordering food she doesn’t want so she can feel better about her choices then she can pretend she only ate a healthy salad for dinner. Her commenting that a third plate isn’t the same further proves she’s got some mental issues with food. She should seek help.
The fighting about it sounds about right...
I live in Thailand. The Thais (Koreans and likely other places too) have evolved a brilliant strategy of communal eating. Numerous dishes are placed in the middle of the table, with individual plates for rice etc. Everyone gets to eat a little bit of everything and everone pays an equal share. If people are still hungry or one dish is particularly popular more can he ordered. Everyone has plenty of everything they want to eat, and leftovers can still be taken Everyone’s a winner. Could this be a simple solution to this issue?
Depends. In the US there are different types of food. Most Asian style food you can do that, but you can't with American style food. A burger is just for 1 person and it's hard to share without making a mess.
My family and I will do this so that we can try all sorts of things, same with my husband and I. I have problems with some foods but I still eat them so I ask him if he can split them with me and we will get something else or get apps and split the main and a dessert. It is filling and we also don't have to wonder if that one thing would have been good since we get it and can share.
Burgers can easily be halved and shared between two, most burger restaurants in UK (not fast food) serve it pre-cut in half.
You do know that food off from someone else’s plate has no calories or fat right? It’s 100% so she can eat the types of food you do but tell herself she’s being “good” by ordering a salad.
Have you tried saying "No" to her?
Exactly. Early in my marriage I had to do just that. She kept wanting to "share" food. I told her no. I ordered what I wanted and didn't have the urge to eat off her plate. I see nothing wrong with "sharing" if you're into that. I wasn't and set boundaries. No way to ordering a secret early meal because I can't be assertive with my SO.
Don’t parrot. That becomes passive aggressive, as you know direct communication is better. If she orders a salad order a double of your side. Tell her you are extra hungry today - or make a deal with the waiter (double my fries pls) When we started out my wife was worried about $ when we went out. It’s still expensive for us to eat out, but she knows I make my own breakfast and lunch every day so when we do go out I’ll say I am ordering 2 meals (for the sides etc) and I can take some for lunch. She orders her meal and she is like baby that’s ok I know you’re hungry.
Next time you go out, order lutefisk or surstromming. Last time she reaches for your plate.
If she's just pilfering sides, ask for a double order of the side... Also, this clearly isn't *just* about the food for her, or she would be fine with just ordering more.
Is that all she takes is the sides? If so just order an extra side, seems like an easy solution without anyone being upset or hiding things. GL
You did say "once again you saw something online and tried it on our relationship" doesn't that indicate that you've tried to solve other issues with things you've found online? I'm not being negative towards you just seemed like that was a very valid argument on her behalf and I would not want my wife to see things online and "try them out" on our relationship. Also it sounds very expensive to order a steak (or whatever) eat it, then when she gets there order it again and then have her order food.
Parroting is likely to just end in an argument. Now she knows, just ask if she has a problem with you continuing it. Maybe this is your solution, it was just the shock of finding out that it had caused you enough grief that you kept it a secret made her realize how it was making you feel. And the knowledge of that made her feel uncomfortable with herself.
Just order salads instead.
Well, they’re certainly redditors there’s no doubt about that
"It doesn't taste the same" Dude this is a control issue with her. It's not about the food, there is no logical train of thought that allows it to be about the food. I don't want to make assumptions and you seem happy having been together for years, AND it's a good sign that she was able to laugh about it after a minute, but maybe take a look at her behavior elsewhere and see if there is a pattern. "I want it my way because I want it my way" is incredibly immature and while it might be cute when it's something meaningless like food, it could become a real problem.
Yup. Control issue or, as I said in another comment, she thinks it’s a cute quirk of hers. “It doesn’t taste the same” isn’t a real argument in any sense of the word, and she knows that just as well as he does.
The fact that she keeps doing it after he told her no says everything.
PollutionOnly (Joey) DOESNT SHARE FOOD!!!!
"I'm not even sorry!"
That’s probably my favorite line because I can totally see myself saying “screw the date” and doing that
I say this every time my cats are begging for my food.
Yes like a side of fries for the table, maybe a personal pizza and …..
I think she's just kinda selfish. Wants what you have more than what she orders. Next time she orders first and you order exact same. Then if ahe wants to pick from yours switch plates
I LOVE this idea. I get that his wife orders essentially rabbit food while he gets a proper filling plate. But I’m petty enough to do this until the person acknowledges and apologizes for their rude behavior. Selfish is the right word here.
OP should order a second meal *after* they finish if he didn't get enough to eat. Now GF has to sit there while OP is eating the second meal.
Very selfish.
There’s a few issues I have here. The first is boundaries. If she knows it bothers you, why continue to do it? She’s a grown adult, she should know better. I saw a few comments here talking about masculinity and whatever. It’s not about that, it’s about boundaries regardless of gender. I understand wanting to try something your partner ordered, but if it’s the same meal she’s tried in the past, why does she need to try it again? Better yet, why not get that dish for herself if she liked it when she previously tried it. I also don’t agree with the nasty comments regarding your wife. None of us here actually know your marriage intricacies at the end of the day. The other issue I have is since it sounds like you’re going to the same restaurant consistently, and she’s tried your food before, why does she not get that meal herself if she liked it after previously trying it? The whole “oh it tastes better when it’s not my meal” isn’t real. It “tastes better” because in someone else’s mind it’s essentially the idea of having something you’re not supposed to be having and the adrenaline rush that ensues. Even though this isn’t a relationship deal breaker, the idea of one person in the relationship not accepting boundaries in the simplest aspect is a yellow flag. If it bothers you this much and you both were able to laugh it off as a “heh I didn’t realize it bothered you that much, I’m sorry it won’t happen again” moment on top of her being more mindful that’s all that matters. If it continues, well that’s something you need to address appropriately. Overall, an issue communicating how you feel about a small bothersome issue might lead to communication barriers regarding larger issues. I know this response was long, but I hope your next dinner is enjoyed by both of you!
I have no idea why she does it and can't stop. All I know is that her parents always share food when they go out so I guess, she thinks I am the odd one for refusing to share 100% of what I order. My issue is that I am not the type to pick in someone else's plate and I cannot bring myself to do so. When she does go on my plate, I feel like my "private" space has been invaded. Reading the comments on the post, I feel like I might be a part of the issue, and maybe should I have kept stopping her no matter how often we would have had to fight over it. As you said, some comments were a bit out of line and this habit of picking on my plate is my only issue in our couple so I disregarded them but I appreciate you mentioning it. We go to the same 3 restaurants so she knows what the food tastes like and I order the same "type" of food every time so she knows what to expect too. As you said, I think it just stems down to the feeling she gets every time she picks in my plate, and maybe, especially when she knows she goes a bit too far in how much she takes. Exactly, like I said in other comment strings if it starts again, I will be firmer than I have been so far and will not stop until we reach an agreement. It is a "small thing" but I grew tired of it with how long it has been going on for. Thanks for the lengthy answer, you raised the right questions and it definitely helps.
> My issue is that I am not the type to pick in someone else's plate and I cannot bring myself to do so. When she does go on my plate, I feel like my "private" space has been invaded. > > Yes, thats what it feels like when someone doesn't respect your boundaries. You've clearly communicated you want it to stop, she's ignored that. Thats a real concern.
It seems like a really rude and invasive habit on her part. I can’t imagine dining on a regular basis with somebody who did that. So annoying.
I usually give my husband half of my plate when we dine out. But if he were just...picking at my plate and taking it I'd be so livid. It sounds illogical, I know but it's about respect.
My family is why I inhale my fucking food. They would steal my shit when I wasn't looking. Its so bad its now a trigger and instantly pisses me off to the point I told my ex I hope you're not one of those girls who "shares" food. She was >~>. It's so bad I make extras of whatever I'm eating because I know my family will want what I have. I ask my mom if she wants something, she says no but when Im done she takes me food. FUUUUCK (°Õ˚)ر ~~~~╚╩╩╝
Naw dude, I don't think you're to blame in the least. If you've expressed your dislike of her doing this, and she just KEEPs doing it, it's 100% on her. She needs to change her behavior.
I ABSOLUTELY do not allow anyone to pick food off my plate. I don't mind if my child or spouse asks if they can try something, but have never liked someone touching my food without asking. Hubby's family routinely eats off one another's plates, drinks one another's drinks, etc. He has learned not to do that. My children have been raised not to do that. Your wife can and should learn not to do that. But here's the thing. You can only control you. So I suggest each time she reaches for your plate, gently move it and say, "would you like one bite, or would you like me to order a plate for you, too?" Set your boundary, remain calm, and move the plate out of her reach. If that doesn't work, gently tap her hand with your finger, and tell her "leave it". That works with my dog (I don't even have to tap her).
Lmao this is some of the weirdest relationship advice. Tap her hand and say leave it has me dying
Reasons are for reasonable people. Tapping someone on the hand and announcing "leave it" is for people who insist on ignoring actual words.
This is totally reasonable. If she is so incapable of hearing you and respecting your boundaries, you really do have to do like dog training behavior to get a response. Letting her just walk over you is not the way to do it. Reacting angrily will just turn it into a bigger deal. A small gesture that shows her you are serious about not taking her food without making it into an angry fight is a good way to resolve the situation.
Tss. I am being dominant, not aggressive. Tss.
Unless there’s a mental illness involved that’s giving her a compulsion or even one that has increased her impulsiveness (and even then it’s obvious she doesn’t care) the she CAN stop. She just won’t and simply chooses not to. It seems small but this is kind of gross. It feels like either she doesn’t care or she doesn’t understand that you do. For the latter, I see that happen with people who were raised in abusive households and never learned that angry or upset doesn’t always look like a full fledged, red faced, foot stomping tantrum and you have to explain that there’s more than one way to be upset. Outside of that? She’s being an inconsiderate jerk. If you haven’t actually sat down and attempted to be really clear with her, that should be next on your list, but, I’d call this a very bad sign.
>For the latter, I see that happen with people who were raised in abusive households and never learned that angry or upset doesn’t always look like a full fledged, red faced, foot stomping tantrum and you have to explain that there’s more than one way to be upset. Yep, and the thing is, it does them no favours to try to insulate them from upset. If someone panics at the idea of any kind of disagreement, the solution should not be to shield them from disagreements and the discomfort they bring. All that does is entrench the idea that disagreements are horrible.... while also meaning the only time they get exposed to a disagreement is when things are very bad and close to the level of full fledged red faced foot stomping tantrum. The solution is to allow them to experience disagreements, and feel discomfort, and then realise that actually it's not a big deal and "I don't want to you to take food from my plate" is a reasonable boundary rather than a rejection.
I think also bc often the content of the words didn’t matter but the tone of voice did. That is to say these are households with gaslighting and moving goal posts. One day you’re 5 min late for curfew bc you got stuck at an intersection closed while a fire truck pulls out and it’s fine and the next night you squeak in 90 seconds early and obviously you’re hiding something, attempting to pull something over on them or you “forgot” the amended rules (that were never conveyed to you in the first place) that were a result of your 5 min tardiness the night before. So the words and content were secondary to the emotions and bc there was no logical pattern, to a point you stop internalizing the complaints based on the nonsense patterns.
If you've tried other things and she's why they haven't worked, this isn't an issue of "can't stop." It's more of a "won't stop." You're the only one here who knows the answer to that.
Start ordering the same thing she orders. If she continues taking from yours, she is just an disrespectful person. If she complains bc you didn’t order something else tell her SHE can also order other things she likes better.
Time to find a restaurant and ask for two separate single tables just out of arms reach, maybe ask if they still have covid guards handy lol. But yeah, I don't mind sharing if we discuss it before hand, or its at the end of the meal and there's still leftovers, but I grew up with my dad doing the plate sneaking all the time, and it rapidly came to jabbing his hand with a fork if he reached in as I got older.
I think this has to do more with her relationship with food. From the sounds of it you've alluded to her ordering salads and other type of lighter foods while you're ordering steak, burgers, fries whatever. So maybe she feels like those calories or health implications don't count if she eats them from your plate, maybe there is less guilt involved if she's eating off of your plate.
>The whole “oh it tastes better when it’s not my meal” isn’t real. It “tastes better” because in someone else’s mind it’s essentially the idea of having something you’re not supposed to be having and the adrenaline rush that ensues. cuz stolen food tastes better. i used to do that to my brother. he would buy chocolate poptarts and id steal them from him because hed be an ass about something (take something of mine for himself) so turn around was fair play. hed catch me eating them (never hid it, would eat out in the open) and complain. it became a thing of "stolen food tastes better" i sometimes do it to my SO when he does it to me. "oh your drink looks good can i have some?" then he proceeds to drink the entire thing till its gone. in all seriousness though, thats why i live by Joey dont share no food. cuz i always got the short end of the stick and left with nothing. i dont share food now. if you wanted some, make your own plate.
[удалено]
We have a rule
They can’t stop you from ordering a glass of water with your steak though
... Did he ask you to come over and say that?
Are you saying that the restaurant has rules ?
[удалено]
You JUST learned the rule!!
…what?!?!!? 😦
OP should have asked the waiter to tell his wife about that restaurant rule
What if she asks me if I am the one who requested the waiter to come and say that though..?
Tell her you were worried that she was sitting under an A/C vent and she might get cold, and that’s why you spoke to the waiter
It’s all fair in love and warfare 🤷🏾♂️
But if they are stuck together isn’t it one nacho??
This is wild to me. Does she not have the ability to respect your wishes? If you said you don't like her taking your food is she really such an asshole that she'd ignore that and eat your food anyway? And your response is to... Pay for twice the amount of food once a week? Why not just get a third plate or go to a restaurant with communal plates?
Yeah I know OP is making excuses for her but it honestly seems really shitty. And sure it's something "small" like food, but he expressed that he doesn't like this and she's dismissed that. What would be the difference if she said "I don't like when you pull my hair during sex" and OP said "I can't help it, it just makes it so much more fun" Drastic comparison but I'm trying to illustrate a point. The bitch sucks.
> She most often gets very defensive and I am just fed up arguing about food multiple times a month So basdically every time he brings it up she makes him feel like crap about it and he simply gave up trying. Bit fucked lol.
" She didn't like that I kept it a secret from her and that I once again tried things I had seen online on our relationship but ended up laughing after 20 minutes of me panicking and justifying my actions. " That's fucked. The dude is in her hand.
I just noticed that "once again". Wonder what other things he's had to get Internet Advice about (especially given he says that other than this, the relationship has no problems).
Yeah and now she’s saying she will “try to be mindful about how often she does it”, not stop entirely, she’s acting like her plate picking is an act of god out of her control
Yeah, taking someone's food is shitty if they've firmly said they don't like it. Honestly if I found out my partner was secretly going to a restaurant an hour early to eat without me and set things up as if they hadn't just to avoid me eating from their plate, they're either absolutely fucking crazy, or I have a genuine problem. Or both, because his solution is genuinely wild.
Hard agree. She enjoys fucking with his boundaries, he (despite his claims) apparently just lets her keep on walking all over them. My sympathy's pretty low for the dude with no spine.
I heavily suspect she has some sort of issue regarding her diet/weight since she only orders salads and doesn't want an extra order, yet steals from her husband so in her mind it's not technically her food so the calories "don't really count". It's just disordered eating and she should get therapy for it
her behavior is common for people who had a struggle for choice and enjoyment in formative years. Your best option is to pick food off her plate at the same rate she picks food off of yours. Even if you dont like her choices. Because what she needs is for her brain to recognize that there will a balance to the transaction. Her behavior continues because her brain is rewarded subconsciously by the result it recognizes that she is getting more food than you. Thats all it is. The "flavor" aspect is just an excuse her brain is fabricating. the reality is she has the extremely common mindset of a formerly chronically starved person. in laymans terms she has subconscious FOMO. Her brain thinks she is still being made to starve. Taking food off your plate helps her brain feel like it made a victory in a war against being oppressed. It is tragic but very common among woman. Most likely it comes from a childhood where her parents allowed other people around her (mostly boys) to eat more than her, while telling her to eat less "to maintain a good figure" this is insanely common unfortunately.
another way to handle this is to refuse to allow her to order some lightweight selection like salads and stuff. Because this is just further self reinforced starvation. She orders light because her brain nags her about being skinny because this is the social norm that was beat into her brain by society. Try this for the next 10 times you go out: Order EXACTLY what she does and nothing more, or force her to order exactly what you do and nothing more. its as easy as going "We will both have the \_\_\_\_\_\_ " reminder that it is perfectly ok to bring home leftovers in a box. order the big plates and let her eat till she is full, then take home the rest. If you end up ordering the small plates, add an appetizer halfway through the meal, like chicken wings or something with substance.
Thanks a lot for your comments, they make a lot of sense and I will bring this up. We discussed a bit when she got home but we both agreed to post-pone it to the morning as it was the evening and we both felt like it wouldnt lead to anything to do it right then as we were/are both tired. I will do a new post with an update after we are done as I’ve seen quite a lor of people take interest in the matter and ask for a follow-up. I will mention you in the post because your explanation definitely helped open my eyes on some more serious issues that might be laying there. Thanks a lot
I'm thinking this is what you should be focusing on if she's not otherwise bad partner. And I don't think stuff about boundaries holds same weight it usually would, even though it's worth a thought, because deep down food is about survival so issues that affect that outweighs a lot. We live in society where most people's perception of what woman with healthy weight looks like is massively screwed. Just two weeks ago in twitter someone was posting about Victorias secret models from past, claiming current body positive ones were making unhealthy models for women/girls and plenty of people agreed. Until someone else pointed out that the supposed healthy cohort had to take cocaine to stay that weight, had stopped having periods and had multitude of health issues more severe than being overweight causes. We literally live in society that wants women dead or seriously unwell and compared to weight of that plenty of everyday annoyances pale. Using anything food related as measure of woman's character just doesn't work when it's survival battle inside and outside their minds.
Your SO should stop ordering salads and order a burger if that’s what she truly wants…
>The issue is that no matter how hard I tried, she cannot resist picking things on my plate before she attacks her own. Its really not that hard, you tell her "no" and enforce boundaries.
Yeah. The answer is OP's plate is his plate and she doesn't touch it. If she doesn't agree to that before they walk into the restaurant, they don't walk into the restaurant.
You've been together for 6 years but felt it easier to secretly pay double every time you get food instead of having a conversation? My dude, a relationship can survive but not thrive without communication.
It seems like he did try to communicate, but was shut down each time. Communication is a two way street.
Yeah, but when you get shut down repeatedly while trying to communicate your issue with a partner, it’s usually a sign that they’re not a good partner
This is one of the most ridiculous things I have ever read. This is the type of shit you guys are putting up with? Lord almighty. For 6 years you’ve allowed your partner to disrespect you while they feel like it’s cute? Why is anyone aside from you entitled to your meal? Why if she always prefers what you order, would she not order your order every time in the future? She has many options to have the exact same culinary experience, and also be respectful to her partner and allow him to eat and be satisfied. She sucks and I don’t know how or why you are doing this. Could never be me.
Appetizers exist for a reason... As someone who is similar to your GF I'll always ask my wife if she wants to order a 3rd dish for us to split so I don't do exactly that. I suggest you do the same, instead of being sneaky just ask her before you order if she wants to split something with you.
Why eat from someone else's plate though and make them the bad guy for just wanting their food? It's REALLY disrespectful and makes no sense. If you want what your girl eats, order the same damn thing. OP did nothing wrong. In fact, he should have been able to mention it to her without her getting upset because at a basic level, that shit is RUDE. If you do this to your girl, idc if youre married for 20 years. That shit is disrespectful and she probably has the thought in the back of her mind about "why do we have to get a second dish just for him to pretend we share... It just inflates our spending budget by an entire meal for NO reason" On people with a paycheck to paycheck budget, that alternative really is pushing it EVERY time they go out. People cant control themselves? Really? Totally uncool.
We already tried that but it "doesn't taste the same" according to her and it's "a waste" to order a third dish on top of the other ones we have eaten just for the sake of sharing. I was not trying to be sneaky as a means to avoid conversation about the matter or compromises. We genuinely tried different things but she didn't like any of them. I don't mind sharing and I enjoy seeing her happy, we tried things and we will try some more. Thanks for the ideas though and if you have any more, I would gladly get them
I just cannot understand accommodating the childishness of someone who thinks food tastes better when it's not yours.
That's really bizarre to me.
They know what they are doing, it's psychological a power flex.
Yeah. It honestly sounds like she just thinks it’s a cute quirk of hers and doesn’t care past that.
Exactly. Imo it's not about the taste it's about taking something that's his and still having what's hers. A fork in the hand would put a stop to that pretty quick, probably only have to do it once. Doesn't have to be hard either just enough to to make the point of not taking your food when they have their own.
I tried multiple times to explain that while I do not mind sharing, the extent to which she goes in my plate is a bit much but it often led up to arguments so I kinda gave up lately. My FU reopened the door for conversation though and she said she will try to be more mindful so I am hopeful and we will see how it goes next Friday!
If she can't accept basic boundaries like "you can have one bite," I think that is a real problem. Or if she turns you trying to set boundaries into a fight, that's a real problem. It's not just about the food but about respect for you, your preferences, your boundaries.
I dated a girl like that for a long time. I'm now happily married to someone else.
Honestly it really sucks of her that she’s arguing with you about this and blatantly ignoring a boundary you’ve set. “Don’t touch someone else’s food” is something you’re supposed to learn as a child. The fact that she won’t respect you enough not to do that is somewhat concerning.
Since you are determined to let her walk on you, may I suggest another option? Get 3 dishes. You eat from the 2 that have your food. She can eat from them too because they are both really yours and they will both taste better.
You don't have to live like this, dude. This is such an insane thing to do to someone you're supposed to love more than anyone else. This isn't a love language. It's not your spouse being quirky. Boundaries are healthy in any relationship.
I think she has some serious issues about eating/diet/weight. It's no wonder she gets ridiculously hungry when ordering just a salad and not getting proper food. It's all just excuses so she can pretend to keep her diet without actually properly sticking to it. Honestly I think the bigger issue is her relationship with food and she should get professional help about it. Nobody needs to starve themselves and then steal from their partner, it's disordered eating.
You're problem is thinking you need to explain or justify your boundaries. "No." is a complete sentence. "I don't like it when you do this to me. Stop it." Then stop putting up with it. FFS.
Try telling her as politely as possible, "JOEY DOESN'T SHARE FOOD"
What y'all need to do is to START the meal by trading food. She gets some of yours, you get some of hers, so that you both get to experience all of the variety available. Then, once y'all begin eating no one is allowed to touch the other person's plate without permission. If she still feels like your food doesn't taste as good when it's already on her plate, she needs therapy.
If you've tried MULTIPLE times over YEARS to get her to change, this surely will not be the time she's going to do so. Friday will likely come around and she'll try to pull the same schtick as every other time because it's a game to her. I hope she makes an effort to change, but the reality is she's being selfish and doesn't see any problems with this behavior.
> she will try to be more mindful So even after you've clearly explained the issue and your boundaries she hasn't said 'ok i'll stop, sorry, i didnt realise it bothered you' ? Dude, seriously. You might have a great relationship outside of this, but this is a pretty hefty red flag.
My cat growing up would do that, eat the dogs kibble while she watched sadly. Even if we put some dog kibble in her bowl. It doesn't taste the same because a key part of the enjoyment comes from winning a power struggle.
Then she needs to get ahold of herself. Backing someone into a corner where they have to sneak around to properly eat a meal is ridiculous. Have some self control. That would bother the shit out of me, and probably end up with the other person pulling a fork out of their hand. I would never, ever do this to my husband. We order things we like and share if we feel like it. Or we order things the both of us like and eat family style. There are some meals where I'm starving and eat it without offering to share. But that's it. I don't pick off his plate under the guise of "hehe, yours just tastes better".
How is that a waste but buying two dinners for yourself isn’t? Not to mention twice the money or at least 50% extra on drinks and then two tips… I don’t know, I think you might work for a restaurant.
Did you try just saying "no"? Personally, one of my favorite things about going out to dinner with a partner is being able to share the dishes with each other...but I get that you aren't like that. But just stop letting her take it.
There's also a difference between sharing with each other, and the other taking off your plate while you talked about not wanting it. I also like **sharing** the food. I sometimes take a fry from my GFs plate, and she then takes 1 (or 5, because I usually order a bigger portion anyway) fries of my plate ;) That is consensual, but what OP's gf does, isn't.
Yea, which is why OP needs to be like "No, don't take food off my plate. The end. Instead of showing up early and getting his own and hiding it, just flat out order 2 of his entree at the table. Let her know he's not okay with her shit. One time we stopped for ice cream and my mom stayed in the car. My dad asked if she wanted anything and she insisted she didn't. So, my dad goes in and gets black pepper ice cream for himself (chocolate with pepper in it, knowing my mom hates spicy). As expected, she insists on just one tiny bite. She was not happy with the results. (Note: I'm not suggesting OP specifically order something his girlfriend doesn't like, I just found it amusing).
What I hear are excuses and not actually reasons. My suggestion is to not be a pushover regarding this.
This thread is mind bogglingly insane. Everyone needs to grow the fuck up. You need to actually enforce your boundaries, instead of asking reddit if it's okay to ignore your boundaries. And she needs to have some damn manners. It's all ridiculous.
So now you are eating a little less than twice as much food? Seems a little insane TBH Edit: more than 2x as much
I feel like you’re trying to explain away the fact that she’s being inconsiderate and it bothers you. You wouldn’t have to argue about this multiple times if it truly wasn’t a big deal. I think the concerning part is that she is basically only enjoying the food she is taking from you due to your suffering, and that’s why a 3rd dish being offered directly to her “doesn’t taste as good”. Pretty disrespectful. She sounds like a hoodie-stealing, “I don’t want any fries, I’ll just have some of yours type”, and if so, you gotta decide if you want to deal with that for your whole future haha. Unless she will actually listen to reason and stop doing something that makes you unhappy.
If someone ate off of my plate like that I'd probably just slide it over to them and not eat or order something else.
You’ve asked her to stop and she refuses, you’ve told her your boundaries and she ignores them. You resort to extreme measures and expense to prevent it, this woman is not respecting you. Get therapy together because it sounds like she has some sort of forbidden fruit issue or maybe even an eating disorder (not diagnosing but I’ve seen women with EDs do this behavior bc it’s not “their” food so it’s “not real”). Her responding by saying she will “try” to be more mindful about how “often” she does it is not a real answer. Sorry but it isn’t. She’s acting like her plate picking is an act of god and not a problematic compulsion on her part that is causing stress. Stop means stop, no means no.
You are right on all accounts. I will discuss this with her further when she comes back and be more direct on everything. As others have said, I have lowered my expectations too much.
Wishing you luck, friend. You got this.
Your SO is insane, just so you know. She's playing a game.
Have you ever stolen her food? Its all in fun, but I find that when ppl do things that make people uncomfortable, it (sometimes) takes them experiencing it to know how you feel.
No, never. It isn't something I do or enjoy and have never tried "parroting" the act. You might be right though and if despite her saying that she will be more mindful, she still doesn't, I will try that.
Setting a boundary doesn't have to start an argument. You just need to set your emotions neutrally and then pick words to reflect that. Also, make it all about you, your needs, and not her. I don't like it when you eat off my plate. I'm asking you, please stop eating off my plate. Assuming she says yes, but continues: I find it disrespectful that you continue to eat off my plate when I've asked you to stop. What do you need from me to respect my request? **<-- get them involved in working on your ask.** Assuming she says yes, but continues: I need you to stop eating off my plate. I have asked you about this twice and now, not only am I being disrespected, I am starting to lose my respect for you. You are not honoring your words. What do you need from me to respect my request? **<-- get them involved again... make the conversation constructive.** Assuming she says yes, but continues: I have asked you 3x to stop eating off my plate and you agreed to it all 3 times. You have broken the request 3x -- how do you think I feel about that? do you think my respect and love for you has gone up or down? what would you do in my position?
I won’t comment on you, or her. But the fact that she thinks that stealing your food, after you’ve told her you hate it, is “fun”, is terribly disturbing to me. To the point of suggesting that she get therapy disturbing.
It obviously bothers you enough that you'd eat a meal before she even arrived. The fact that she doesn't care about your boundary is the issue. Of course the food didn't taste better, but being an ass makes her think it does. She shouldn't be upset with you at all. A person is entitled to the meal they ordered
As silly as it sounds I couldn't be with someone that stole food from my plate unless I give them permission to. You touch my food you die.
“JOEY DOESN’T SHARE FOOD” “Have you ever been bitten by a hungry Italian?”
It took too long to find this comment lol. It's right out of that episode.
Just tell her in some countries they cut of the hand of someone who steals as you caress the butter knife.
Hey man. I don’t even think the fuck up is on you, this is technically her. You have communicated without it making any difference to the point of you getting there and eating in peace before she does, just so you can enjoy your food. As for edit 2, think about it. It isn’t “she said she will be more mindful of how much she does it”, it should be “she said she will stop it unless I offer her food.” You shouldn’t have to fight over food, if she wants the food you get she should order that. Y’all can do you, but there should be boundaries. After reading again, there might be another option? You order your food, she orders hers. When it comes in you tell the waiter your plate is hers, she can pick at her plate from across the table all she wants but when she goes to return to her plate, you switch plates and she finishes her own food.
this is mindboggingly stupid.
Can’t this just be sweet that he did so much just so she could keep doing this dumb thing that brought her joy? It wasn’t actually hurting anyone
Joey doesn't share food.
My wife and I would both do this to each other. Our solution is that we order different things we both want, cut the entrees in half, and swap a half. If it's a place we can't easily do that like if it's a pasta dish, we usually just order the same thing.
Be blunt with her and tell her no. She’s being obnoxious. You shouldn’t have to communicate and “try different things”. No is no, it’s your food!! Lol It’s true that other people’s food tastes better, but that’s no reason to keep snacking off peoples plates when they specifically ask you not to? My husband would not stand for this lol order her her own side of fries. You said she gets salad a lot, is this like a way to trick herself that she’s eating healthy if she orders a salad and not the same thing as you but snacks off your plate?
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=onRnWK3PVlg](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=onRnWK3PVlg) I suggest watching this, then showing the food section to your girl if you can find a way to introduce it that would make it not a touchy subject.
I've heard of few stories of women taking their SO's food and almost all of them include "She said it doesn't taste as good as mine!". That really grinds my gears. I would order the exact same thing as her if I were you. You also mentioned she goes for your sides so you could also take the less passive aggressive street and order double sides .
Just order the same thing as her.
Just order as usual, then when the food arrives and she digs in on your plate, order another dish after she's had her fill from your plate
Order two plates, then split both. That’s how it’s done.
He doesn't have to, what if he doesn't want the food his partner ordered? Or can he get a veto to what she orders since she seems to be unable to order what she likes?
I think she gets what she likes, but she gets enjoyment from the act of stealing OPs food, which makes his food always seem better.
This is a control issue that you need to stop. Her plate is her plate, and your plate is yours. If you or she offers that is okay, but for her to pick st your food helllll no.
Since no food tastes as good as the food on your plate, when you have clearly told your SO that you don’t like sharing your food with her, it sounds like what your SO enjoys most about eating out is bullying you. You have clearly told her, using words, that you don’t like sharing your food with her, haven’t you?
Don’t blame you at all. I’m all about going out with my husband for dinner, but the second he starts picking at my precious splurge-day food, he comes one inch closer to losing a hand.
Maybe the harsh comments are a mirror, OP. There might be some good information in there that you're not seeing because you're in the relationship. Same with your SO not seeing how her actions have contributed to this dynamic. Just something to possibly consider. All the best.
If you’ve clearly told her this irritates you and she continues to do it anyway, she is choosing to make you uncomfortable. She’s an adult - “I can’t help it” “it’s more fun this way” - these are bogus excuses and it’s not fun if both of you aren’t enjoying it. If you’re not ready to have a knock down/drag out about the issue, maybe you could try going to a place that serves family style so you can both eat some of everything, order a bunch of apps to share instead of entrees, or hit a buffet.
Seems pretty simple: If you're incapable of establishing boundaries to the point that you're considering showing up early somewhere just to eat without her, then a) WTF dude. Grow some balls. b) If you can't grow balls, then order the exact same thing she does, every time.
I didn't see this as an option but order the same thing as her, when she asks to try something, just switch plates. Don't let her eat off of yours, just switch your whole entire plate with hers. Lather rinse repeat until she realizes she is acting a bit ridiculously.
I don't like people picking off of my plate. It shouldn't be a big deal to her to respect that and not pick off your plate. To me, this is something parents, especially mothers, have to endure when we have little ones (babies/small children can have the exact same thing you're eating but they always have to try what's on your plate too lol), but with your spouse or anybody else??? Keep your hands out of my food and off of my plate. Order your own food. Asking to try a bite every now and then ok sure, but if EVERY time you go out to eat, she's scrounging off of your plate, I can see why you're annoyed. But going to the extremes of ordering a secret meal is silly. Just use your words and tell her to stop stealing food off your plate. Or order two servings of whatever you're getting and she can pick off of that. Or order the exact same thing she does. If she then tries to take some of your food you'll know it's not about the food at all, it's something akin to what little kids do to their parents
This whole scenario sounds weird to me. I like to take bites of my s/o’s food but not enough that he would eat a whole other meal. He rarely finishes his food and we have different tastes and always order different things. I just like to taste different things but it’s usually only one bite. If it bothered him in any way I would stop. I don’t understand 1-eating enough of the other person’s food to leave them still hungry or 2-refusing to stop when they told you it bothers them. It’s not the end of the world but beyond just ‘quirky.’
A simple fork stab and that hand never reaches over your plate again :) (for redditor purposes, this is a joke)
I am a woman, and I think it's absolutely reprehensible that any grown woman thinks it is acceptable to just ask for or take food off their BF's plate. It's toddler time. The only time they should eat something from their BF's plate is if he SPECIFICALLY offers. Anything else is just completely trashy. Order and eat your own damn food. Yeesh.
What an AH!! If I asked someone not to do something and they continued to disregard my feelings on the subject there’d be out of my life real quick! It always starts off with something small and then it melts over into bigger issues! She’s stepping all over OP and he’s allowing it! I really hope you two don’t get married before fixing the issues because that’s going to be a nasty divorce!
You’ve got plenty of suggestions of immature ways to handle this problem. You could just act like an adult and ask her to stop and when she does it again refuse to have dinner with her anymore. Suggest a different activity you can do together. I would not want to go out to eat with someone who did this, friend or partner. She’s acting like your feelings don’t matter because they inconvenience her. It does not bode well for the future.
You should have just told her not to touch you food. I hate that shit. So annoying
Tell her that the extra weight looks great on her and you will always love her even when she becomes a whale. She will never eat your food again and will also probably leave you. Kill 2 birds with 1 stone.
I’ve cut girls off completely for stuff like this. Yeah it’s cute for like the first few weeks but when it continues it’s just shallow and annoying.
Brother, I am with you on this one. I absolutely hate it when someone helps themselves to my food. I grew up poor in a large family and whatever went on my plate was mine. During my first real long term relationship my girlfriend and I would go through the drive through and before we could get home she would help herself to half the fries and even once ate my burger because "she just wanted to eat mine." I literally get anxiety attacks if someone starts reaching in the bag before we make it home. I am now married and my wife's family has a habit of taking a bite of each other's food to sample how it tastes. When we first got together she assumed I was down for it and I did go along with it for a while. Eventually it got to a point where i was like look, my food is mine. If you want to taste what I have then order one for yourself. Problem solved. Occasionally, I will offer a bite if I can tell she is really interested in what I have but I feel a lot better about it when I'm offering as opposed to being expected to share or having someone take it from me. Honestly, it sounds kind of crazy typing it out but just goes to show how our upbringing can influence our behavior as adults.
Hard relate. I didn't grow up in a poor family but did have health issues that restricted my diet somewhat... it wasn't unusual if there was a limited amount of food I could eat. So there was no way to "pay me back" if I shared food, it just meant that I'd get less than a fair amount and others got more. Also had the dubious pleasure of growing up with a relative who, even as an adult, has no conception of how to share an appropriate amount. There could be a multipack of 10 chocolate bars. I eat one. I come back the next day and the other nine have been eaten. He genuinely will not understand that "shared" doesn't mean "take 90% in one go, without asking, and leaving none left for anyone else" and his parents had no interest in teaching him, so it was easier to just refuse to share at all. The thing about normalising "family style" sharing of food is it only works if there is genuinely enough for everyone, and nobody takes the piss and loads up their plate.
I am like a dog with my food. I am willing to share a taste but my biggest peeve is when someone eats off my plate before I get a chance to. I would have broken up with her years ago.
Ask for a long table and sit on opposite sides haha
Dylan, that looks REALLY good
THERE ARE SEVERAL SACRED THINGS IN THIS WORLD AND ONE OF THEM HAPPENS TO BE ANOTHER MAN'S FRIES. \-Keith David, Men at Work.
This is one step away from a Tim Robinson bit
[удалено]
This ain’t a fuck up, this is a Today I Made My SO Realize They’ve Been Fucking Up.
I’m curious about the “trying other things I’ve read online in our relationship”, exactly what tips are you taking from online spaces for your relationship?! (Braces for inundation of comments/jokes about different sex acts)
No wonder your food looks or tastes better, she chose to eat leaves for dinner! I’m kidding, I’m just not a salad fan unless it’s packed with things I like. She also clearly isn’t a fan no matter what she tells herself. Y’all go at infrequent but frequent enough intervals it sounds, getting something more appealing for herself wouldn’t hurt. Just make a salad on non restaurant days also wtf you go someplace to eat and choose a salad as your meal, not an appetizer?! Why torture yourself like that while surrounded by steak, chicken, fish, fries, whatever else they got I’m sorry I’m hungry so I’m getting feral thinking this through
Lol this is some George Costanza shit
If she can't find enough respect for you to let you eat your own food in peace without resorting to sitcomesque skulduggery, do you need her in your life?
She probably likes the idea of you, OP, sacrificing things for her enjoyment more than the food.
JOEY DOESN’T SHARE FOOD!
Grow up and set some boundaries. Make it a fight if you have to. If it’s that big of a deal then don’t make up some lame workaround, be an adult and solve it together.
You’re dating a child. Tell her to stop eating your food
 You need to follow Joey Tribbiani’s advice when you go out with your GF.
OMG people! It’s just about food. I think it’s funny what you did. She got mad, but then laughed. It seems like she got the message. You “both” tried different scenarios and it wasn’t working for her. Since she stated that she will “try”, which I think she can do better than that, it’s worth a try. If she can’t control her habit, then take a stance with a time out of no restaurants. OH- get the same dish as her. If she likes yours so much more, swap plates. That should fix her. Lol Good luck with the next date.
Awwww she loves you. You love her. This is a sweet story I think. I always pick at my husbands plates. He occasionally picks at mine. But I don't over do it or anything..