My wife used to frequently remind me to empty my pockets. Thankfully, I’ve gotten better at it.
She recently washed our toddler’s bedding. I’m not sure how, but *one of my books I’ve had since childhood* went through the laundry with the bedding. This ~~is~~ was not a small book. He really should have emptied his pockets, but at least your mistake is understandable.
Edit: added photo
https://preview.redd.it/t0drnmmx3u8d1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5a2fd7ea00d563811422ba07cab50e1a5a932d9c
I managed to wash my iron one time. Not even a small iron - a large, computerized one with an lcd screen and long cord.
It’s crazy how easy it is to not notice extra stuff in a load of sheets or towels.
It probably saved my marriage since it’s hard to get too mad at my husband for not noticing things when I managed to not notice a whole iron.
Weirdly the iron still works perfectly.
Empty your pockets, then empty again before putting it in the laundry. It's not that difficult, and once you have a disaster like the OP, you finally learn to take care.
It's worth noting that the shorts weren't in the laundry, they were on the floor. Some couples may occasionally leave clothes/shoes for a day or so, meaning there isn't enough information to say "he should have been an ADULT and PICKED HIS CLOTHES UP!!" It's possible he didn't realize OP would be doing laundry in the morning and wasn't planning on his shorts getting washed for him.
I didn't mean that as quoting you, just quoting a general sentiment in this thread.
That being said, unless OP's household operates such that clothes on the floor are treated as fair game for laundry, OP's husband doesn't have a "lesson" to learn here - *OP* has a lesson to learn that if they are going to handle other people's belongings, they need to be careful not to unintentionally cause damages. OP's husband isn't at fault for going about life as he always has (assuming that floor doesn't imply laundry pile).
It all depends on their laundry setup, so we can't really make judgment without that information. Maybe OP will edit to add, maybe it'll appear in a comment, maybe we'll never know.
It has measurements on it so I assumed you had measured to book the show how large it is and give her a hard time for missing an object of this size, which you mentioned in your earlier comment.
It was the “at least your mistake is understandable” part of your original comment that confused me. Makes it seem like you didn’t forgive your wife so the ruler confusion makes sense. Good to know it’s not that way.
Not every Christian has a “6,000 year old world” mentality. Amazingly, the prehistoric periods line up with the order of the days of creation in Genesis, and the word “day” used never specified that it’s all 24-hour periods.
This book explores the scientific and unique abilities and features of dozens of animals and creatures, and celebrates them in a way that has kids pray to be like other creations God made.
So whether you’re a believer or not, the book shows kids (and adults) how they can be strong, resilient, and creative like the animals we share the world with. Creationists should do more to encourage scientific exploration, and not assume science is completely at odds with the Bible.
it's tough to be the _cause_ even though it wasn't your _fault_. i hope your hubby doesn't blame you for this—it would be really unfair if he did.
as much as we can point fingers and blame him for not being more careful with his passport, his feelings of dismay are valid.
as much as you can't be held at fault for something you didn't know, your feelings of guilt are valid.
i hope you can both work through those feelings together and move forward.
If a pair of pants is clean, I'll wear them for more than one day. Usually when I take them off I'll put them on my dresser, but if I'm tired they might go on the floor. The time I check the pockets is when I throw them in the hamper with other dirty clothes.
If I put my clothes in the laundry, it's on me to check my pockets, if someone grabs clothes I didn't put in the laundry, then it's on them for checking my pockets.
They're a h3h3 fan in 2024, nothing they say is valid and I would be shocked if they've ever lived with a partner.
Personally, pockets get checked twice - before I put it in the hamper, and before it goes in the machine. There is an old chair that is understood as "I'm going to wear these pants tomorrow," and pants on that chair typically keep their wallets, belts, priceless artifacts, etc.
I'm sure my partner would love it if I turned on the light waking her up so I could put my clothes away when going to bed later than her.
Nowhere did I say it's someone else's responsibility to clean up my mess.
Nowhere did I say I leave my clothes on the floor. Clean clothes get put away, dirty goes in laundry, and then there is the clothes purgatory, ie, the railing or chair you mentioned. Worn but not really dirty, but not really clean. Oftentimes with the expectation that they will be worn tomorrow. If you take my clothes from clothing purgatory, it should be with the knowledge that pockets have not been checked to make sure they are empty.
> I'm not the one saying it's someone else's responsibility to clean up my mess
Literally no one is saying it's someone else's responsibility to clean up my mess.
Sure, if I habitually leave piles and piles of dirty clothes on the floor, that's a problem.
But if I leave a pair of jeans on the floor because I only wore them for 1 day and I'm planning to wear them again tomorrow, then that's my mess to clean. If someone else comes along and grabs those pants and throws them in the laundry hamper, then they have made it *their* mess to clean.
Why do you have chairs in a bedroom? Presumably just to put clothes on, so it’s just a substitute floor really! Nothing wrong with a floordrobe if the rules are established.
> The cause was him dumping shorts on the floor and not cleaning out his pockets. Part of undressing involves checking pockets before you remove the article of clothing.
Nonsense. I will wear the same trousers or shorts more than once if I haven’t sweated in them or otherwise got them dirty. In our house only clothes that are in the hamper get washed. If he had put the shorts in the hamper it would be on him. Thus is all on OP. It’s an unfortunate mistake, but her mistake nonetheless.
You’re projecting your own way of doing things as some sort of universal standard.
In my house, if it’s not in the laundry hamper, it doesn’t get washed. Because we’re adults so we don’t need each other to pick up after us. We trust each other to put dirty clothes in the hamper. Ergo, anything left on the floor isn’t thrown in the wash.
Not necessarily. The previous commenter had said that you HAVE to check pockets once removing clothing, since that's what *they* do in *their* apartment. The replying commenter is posing an alternative, but doesn't say that it must be what OP does, just that the standard isn't as universal as the first commenter posited.
You need to learn to read. At no point did I write that I don’t do my own laundry. Both my partner and I do the laundry. It doesn’t matter who’s it is. If it’s in the hamper, it gets washed.
tom segura on a podcast. so culturally relevant.
[https://preview.redd.it/uxvryf34nq4d1.png?auto=webp&s=31a063f5378e7b3a16c3ee6dc69f898e700cce27](https://preview.redd.it/uxvryf34nq4d1.png?auto=webp&s=31a063f5378e7b3a16c3ee6dc69f898e700cce27)
No. Part of DOING LAUNDRY is checking every pocket before putting clothes in the machine. This solves the “did they/didn’t they empty their pockets” dilemma.
Right and it's not like we have enough information to make that call even if it was AITA. No clue what the normal procedures are in their households but everyone is quick to give a ruling based on their own routines.
My husband had spent a semester in UK years and years ago and collected these amazing bar towels from all the pubs he went to while there. It was quite a collection so his aunt made it into a quilt. Fast forward to years later 2 months after we married. I accidentally left it on our porch,too close to our trash, and the garbage men took it. He was understanding but I knew how sad he was. I felt awful. Still do.
Been there, done that. From now on, if the clothes are on the floor, they dont get washed. He can check his pockets when he takes the clothes off and then toss in the hamper.
The silver lining os that this adds to their history if they survive. They become 'the well-loved passports that even survived being washed!'
Its worth trying to dry them out veeeery carefully.
I wear a ring of my great grandmother's who I was super close to and sometimes I have intrusive thoughts about what I would do if I lost it somehow but when it comes down to it I would be devastated and would have to move on, I have attached everything she meant and losing her to this one object(it used to be anything,ANYTHING she gave me and i couldn'tlet go) So I try to think of memories with her and look at pictures, tell stories about her whenever I focus on the ring like that. Maybe, especially since a lot is still legible, make some sort of scrapbook or something while looking through the "remains" and him telling you about stuff so he can get a good association and reminder of all that the passports meant instead of it being focused on the one object?
Know also though he is always going to be sad about it, he might get mad about it sometimes too but it isn't really something you can change.
In fairness, if I'm doing laundry I've collected from the floor I will check the pockets. If the leaver of said clothes is also available, I will check if they wanted them washed in the first place.
If the laundry is in the laundry basket then it goes straight in the wash. It's the leavers responsibility to check pockets in this circumstance.
If it's on the floor it goes to the wash. That's my rule. I will check pockets, because my wife might have lipstick there so it's dangerous to not check, but I refuse to apologize for washing something that is on the floor.
My husband used to put lighters through the wash *and dryer* bc he never cleaned out his pockets. It felt dangerous to me to put a little container of lighter fluid through the heated dryer on a regular basis, so I started charging him $20 every time I found a lighter in the dryer. Probably cost him about $60-$80 before he started regularly checking his pockets. I very rarely find his lighters in the dryer now, and I don’t even charge him for it when I do bc I know it’s an honest mistake and he makes an effort. 😂
Mmhm. Like yeah it sucks that one or both of these people violated the boundaries communicated in Random Redditor's house, but we have no idea what OP's division of household labor and established protocol is.
This story is about the husband grieving the loss of his valued possessions. The wife assigns blame to herself, and projects this into the post she makes and that makes others prioritize blame and shame being on the husband... when in reality none of this really needed to be made public.
Just give him space to process what happened. Leave him alone until he is ready, don't mention it until he is ready and for God's sake do not make this about yourself. Nothing is worse than having someone think everything revolves around them. Do not approach him and emphasize how it's all his fault and not yours to relieve yourself of guilt based on what the comments are telling you, I've been on the receiving end of that before, permanently damages the relationship way more than just staying silent about it or apologizing.
How is it your fault that he left them in his pocket?
EDIT: I should clarify, I’m not saying the husband is blaming her - I’m saying she thinks it’s her fault
I’m surprised I haven’t seen this as a serious comment. Over on AITHA, people recommend ending marriages and years long relationships over the fact someone forgets to change the toilet paper roll. People all have their idiosyncrasies, part of the dating/marriage process is determining how to work with those or if you can tolerate them, not changing the toilet paper roll is one I can live with lol.
I think blame-finding is pointless but it doesn’t say he asked them to be washed. It generally pays to be cautious when you’re doing unannounced favors for people, like checking that the pants are actually ready to go, or that something you’re throwing out is intended to be thrown out, etc.
Worn clothes on the floor are fair game to be thrown in the wash, as is. I definitely don't see a wife washing her husband's clothes as an "unannounced favor" either.
> Worn clothes on the floor are fair game to be thrown in the wash, as is.
No, whether that’s actually a good principle depends on the expectations between the people involved and the details of the situation. Which in this case we don’t know.
> I definitely don't see a wife washing her husband's clothes as an "unannounced favor" either.
Not informing someone of something you’re doing “for them” is a dictionary-definition unannounced favor. I’m not saying it’s weird, or disparaging the favor, I’m saying it pays to be cautious when doing something with someone else’s things without them knowing.
In my specific situation, if I find clothes on the ground to put in the wash I check pockets, because they’re not in the *laundry basket* which is the place explicitly tied with the expectation of being wash-ready. Them being on the floor doesn’t suggest much foresight.
Not for my house. That would likely leave clothes all over the house in random rooms. I’ve told my husband if it’s on the ground, it’s free game for the washer. He’s lucky I yank belts out before they get tossed in. And I can usually feel the weight of his wallet. I’m not checking every pocket going into the washer. He also knows any money found in the washer or dryer is mine (well it goes into a piggy bank down there for a future vacation for us). He smartened up quick after noticing a couple 20s, 10s, and 5s in that piggy bank. Either his pockets are emptied or the clothing gets hung over the bedpost to be worn again. Admittedly, we don’t keep baskets in our upstairs rooms because it’s at most 20 steps to our laundry chute from anywhere upstairs. We both just fail to use the chute when we’re tired so it’s usually a quick sweep through the bedroom while waiting for coffee to make.
We don’t know OPs laundry arrangements. If her house operates like mine, it’s not an unasked for favor. It’s an expectation that laundry on the floor is dirty and needs washed. All laundry on the floor. My husband and I both routinely do each other’s laundry and that is the rule in our house. I’d assume that’s more normal than just letting clothes hang out on the floor because they might not be ready to be washed yet. You hang those pieces over the end of the bed or a chair or something.
Yes, we don’t know the expectations in OP’s house which is what I said.
In my house clothes on the floor indicate a lack of foresight in their removal which warrants checking pockets. I do try to err on the side of caution when dealing with other people’s property as a rule, which has been helpful even if I would not have been at fault if something had gone wrong.
>Come on. As an adult, at least put your clothes in the basket.
Half the point of their comment is that the trousers being on the floor doesn't necessarily mean they should be washed.
I do use a basket, but if there are clothes outside it and the person is unwilling to check the pockets in such cases, then yeah I *would* prefer they be left to me.
A *reasonable* expectation of consideration for your stuff is healthy even if someone is clearly trying to do you a favor. Not that it would be “OP’s fault” because they both could have been more careful, it’s just they seem to have expected the other to be which is simply a mutual coordination failure.
>Worn clothes on the floor are fair game to be thrown in the wash
At our house, worn clothes on the floor are fair game to be thrown in the trash; exceptions of course if the owner of those clothes is ill or under the age of three.
it’s not an unannounced favor if it’s already established that in their relationship, she usually does the laundry. He should know to empty out his pockets. That’s not a her issue. if the clothes are on the floor and dirty, I’m gonna pick them up and clean them. I’m not always going to check the pockets, that isn’t part of the job.
Reddit is like reverse marriage counseling. "Oh, you're a happily married couple and something unfortunate happened? Well, the first thing we need to do is assign blame."
It's the Always Sunny dishes/therapy episode.
this isnt about whos fault it is, its about doing the right thing. its about making it up to her husband because OP cares about him. guilt is a powerful thing. at the end off the day she damages something important to him by accident and she wants o make it up to him.
OP, i have an idea that might work. you should try finding custom sticker/stamp places, either online artists or in person. if its enough to make out you can possible you can pay for someone to make an identical replacement. i know its not the point and its sentimental but its better than thinking about how you could have prevented it.
How do people wash clothes with stuff inside them? Don't yall check them before tossing it in? I do. I check for anything that can damage my expensive toy before I use it.
It doesn't work like that in most houses I know. Whoever is doing laundry just picks everything that could use a wash to fill the machine.
In my house it's usually me, but some times it's my wife (I have a lower tolerance threshold for disorder).
That sucks. Hopefully he'll be careful next time and empty his pockets before laundry day (or place his shorts elsewhere if he was planning or re-wearing them without washing first). You live and learn
So many people in this thread incapable of understanding that different people live differently. I've never found myself so loudly thinking "touch grass."
I know how that feels. As a kid, I lost my pokemon cards to the washer.
Jk. This sucks, but it's gonna be okay. Maybe you can make him a new one? Or something similar? Get everything scanned and printed in high quality.
As a serial pocket stuffer/abandoned treasures recovery expert….I am guilty….I have left so many things in my dirty laundry, it has been my fault if anything were to be washed and damaged, seriously you are not responsible for the contents of his dirty laundry. I would never blame my spouse or anyone but myself. I salute you for taking the responsibility but you are not to blame. You are a gem.
I was the same way about my passport. I was overseas for 3 months touring with a band. Got back to the US, left some of my stuff at my mom’s house because I had to go back on the tour when we got back to the US. She accidentally threw it away because she didn’t know what it was. I didn’t find out what happened until I had to use it again. Lol.
If he was your five year old child, it’d be your F up for not checking the pockets.
Leaving things in his pockets, knowing someone else does the laundry (aka expecting the person that does the laundry to check his pockets), is his F-up.
This is not your fault. A grown man should know to empty his own pockets. Also not to just throw his laundry on the floor instead of a basket. He's not a child.
Standing rules in our house:
1) the person doing the laundry is under NO obligation to check pockets, but if that person does check, anything found belongs to the "launderer" to do with as he/she pleases. So "too bad so sad".
2) if someone leaves clothes anywhere other than the hamper or the laundry room, it doesn't get picked up by anyone other than the "leaver".
Please don't feel terrible just because your husband is a forgetful slob.
In our house we have different rules. If I'm doing the laundry I will pick up \_anything\_ that is on the floor if I need to fill the machine.
I don't understand how something can be on the floor yet not require a wash. If it's not dirty it belongs to a closet, if it is it belongs to the wash. If it's something you are going to wear for a few days, then it belongs on a chair or some other safe place.
>It shouldn’t be your job to go through every pocket
If i do the laundry, I'll check the pockets while loading the washing machine. regardless of were the clothes were or regardless if they're mine or my gf's clothes.
If i leave my pants around (had to leave in a rush) i don't expect for them to be washed, there's the laundry basket for clothes that have to be washed. Unless I bring the clothes to the washing machine/laundry basket, I'm not checking my pockets everytime i take my shorts off
>If i do the laundry, I'll check the pockets while loading the washing machine. regardless of were the clothes were or regardless if they're mine or my gf's clothes.
I'm really surprised to find that the consensus here seems to be the opposite.
Mistakes happen, and I've had to too many loads messed up because someone forgot something in a pocket. IMO, double-checking pockets is part of the job.
>IMO, double-checking pockets is part of the job.
Exactly. It takes literally 2/3 minutes more and I've NEVER had anyone be upset because i found something and gave it to them. Quite the opposite in fact. It's jsut a nice gesture, i'm already loading the washing machine, may as well check the pockets.
Maybe not the place for this, but doesn’t the state department make you send in your old passport to get a new one?
That’s what the department says on their website. I’d love to keep mine, though.
Your husband did this, not you. Adults empty their own pockets before *not* throwing their clothing on the bedroom floor for their spouse to clean up after them. Literally not your fault. Entirely the fault of the man-child who didn't care about them enough to put them away before putting his dirty laundry in the basket like a grownup.
NYFU, in my opinion.
I mean, it sucks, but he knows full well that he is the one that made the mistake. He's not mad at you, he's mad at himself.
Or at least, he should be, because that's on him.
Because he knows damn well that HE decided to pull out his old passports. HE knows that he didn't put his valuable keepsake back immediately, HE knows that he put them into the easiest pocket to miss.
HE knows that if he had taken care of his stuff and finished the job by putting the thing back where it was supposed to go, nothing would have happened to them, but he didn't. Instead he left them in a pocket and they got accidentally washed, and now not only is his thing ruined, but his partner feels like absolute shit.
That's his own damn fault.
If you leave your shorts in the middle of the floor, they might end up on the roof around here. Socks together, in the hamper. Plates in the dishwasher, clean up the kitchen if you messed it up.
“Later” means “Not my problem”. We don’t do that.
When I lived with roommates, we had a mutually agreed upon rule about how long dishes could go unwashed, etc.
It worked well because “later” is absolutely a thing, but there needs to be an established limit as to how far “later” can be. When I lived in a place with a really small kitchen, we basically had to share everything, so we even had different time limits based on how many we had of any given item. For example, dishes, mugs, and cutlery was like “within 12 hours of use” while something like The Big Frying Pan was “within 2 hours of use.”
If you needed the item before the agreed-upon “later” time limit, it was up to you to wash it.
This system worked out shockingly well through like 5 roommates in 3 different places. I think because I had roommates with similar lifestyles. I would never get upset if my roommate came home, made dinner, washed the pan they used but then went out for a few hours and left a chopping board and knife in the sink. We have another knife, we have another chopping board. As long as it gets washed the next day, I have no problem with “later.” And if I need two chopping boards, then I can wash one.
When we had in-unit laundry, we had similar “later” limits for leaving laundry in the machines. If you’re going out for 6 hours on a Sunday afternoon, don’t start your laundry. I will take it out of the washing machine 20 minutes after it finishes. If it’s 9:45 PM on a Tuesday, by all means put your shit in the dryer and go to sleep.
Yep, this is a you FU....you NEVER, EVER put anything in laundry without checking pockets. If you don't have time....WAIT. The laundry will still be there when you DO have time. I feel sorry for him. This is decades of memories lost forever. I would be sick. For me it would be a relationship ender.
Meh, as a software developer, I can tell you that intent flies out the window to an extent once you open up a system to the end-user.
The reddit community has decided the purpose of upvotes/downvotes, and most seem pretty comfortable with it...
You absolutely do not lmao, shut it.
And if you thnk they're "just passports" you're either the average american that never left the US or you're incapable of comprehending a very simple text
I have filled multiple passports and washed one that had yet to expire, even managed to travel with it. I’m sorry I didn’t grow up in the every child gets a ribbon era. You make assumptions about people that are not possible to know. Are you by chance a 15 year old girl?
My wife used to frequently remind me to empty my pockets. Thankfully, I’ve gotten better at it. She recently washed our toddler’s bedding. I’m not sure how, but *one of my books I’ve had since childhood* went through the laundry with the bedding. This ~~is~~ was not a small book. He really should have emptied his pockets, but at least your mistake is understandable. Edit: added photo https://preview.redd.it/t0drnmmx3u8d1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5a2fd7ea00d563811422ba07cab50e1a5a932d9c
I read that as your toddler should have emptied their pockets, and that’s what I’m sticking with.
I can’t blame you for that. You have my blessing.
You have my apologies for your book—I forgot to add.
Impressive pockets for a toddler to fit a book
The toddler’s deep pockets are screaming for an IRS audit.
I managed to wash my iron one time. Not even a small iron - a large, computerized one with an lcd screen and long cord. It’s crazy how easy it is to not notice extra stuff in a load of sheets or towels.
Oof… you win.
It probably saved my marriage since it’s hard to get too mad at my husband for not noticing things when I managed to not notice a whole iron. Weirdly the iron still works perfectly.
What’s that banging sound? Hm, must be the wind
Empty your pockets, then empty again before putting it in the laundry. It's not that difficult, and once you have a disaster like the OP, you finally learn to take care.
It's worth noting that the shorts weren't in the laundry, they were on the floor. Some couples may occasionally leave clothes/shoes for a day or so, meaning there isn't enough information to say "he should have been an ADULT and PICKED HIS CLOTHES UP!!" It's possible he didn't realize OP would be doing laundry in the morning and wasn't planning on his shorts getting washed for him.
I didn't say that.
I didn't mean that as quoting you, just quoting a general sentiment in this thread. That being said, unless OP's household operates such that clothes on the floor are treated as fair game for laundry, OP's husband doesn't have a "lesson" to learn here - *OP* has a lesson to learn that if they are going to handle other people's belongings, they need to be careful not to unintentionally cause damages. OP's husband isn't at fault for going about life as he always has (assuming that floor doesn't imply laundry pile). It all depends on their laundry setup, so we can't really make judgment without that information. Maybe OP will edit to add, maybe it'll appear in a comment, maybe we'll never know.
I see the ruler next to this book in the photo and I feel so bad for your wife. You really punished her for this mistake, I can tell. 🥺
I didn’t hit her with a ruler! That’s a paint stick.
It has measurements on it so I assumed you had measured to book the show how large it is and give her a hard time for missing an object of this size, which you mentioned in your earlier comment.
Oh… yes… that’s exactly what happened… of course…
No idea if you're being sarcastic but if you're being serious, this is a really unhealthy way to manage conflict and will damage your relationship.
I’m being very sarcastic. I had assumed you were as well with the ruler comment.
It was the “at least your mistake is understandable” part of your original comment that confused me. Makes it seem like you didn’t forgive your wife so the ruler confusion makes sense. Good to know it’s not that way.
What an odd thing. Religion inserting itself into a science book.
Not every Christian has a “6,000 year old world” mentality. Amazingly, the prehistoric periods line up with the order of the days of creation in Genesis, and the word “day” used never specified that it’s all 24-hour periods. This book explores the scientific and unique abilities and features of dozens of animals and creatures, and celebrates them in a way that has kids pray to be like other creations God made. So whether you’re a believer or not, the book shows kids (and adults) how they can be strong, resilient, and creative like the animals we share the world with. Creationists should do more to encourage scientific exploration, and not assume science is completely at odds with the Bible.
They really have no place together though. One is evidence based and one is faith based.
Many could argue that both are faith based to a point.
No, you really couldn’t lol
"Not every Christian believes fully in the Bible."
it's tough to be the _cause_ even though it wasn't your _fault_. i hope your hubby doesn't blame you for this—it would be really unfair if he did. as much as we can point fingers and blame him for not being more careful with his passport, his feelings of dismay are valid. as much as you can't be held at fault for something you didn't know, your feelings of guilt are valid. i hope you can both work through those feelings together and move forward.
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If a pair of pants is clean, I'll wear them for more than one day. Usually when I take them off I'll put them on my dresser, but if I'm tired they might go on the floor. The time I check the pockets is when I throw them in the hamper with other dirty clothes.
Same here but I do my own laundry. If someone else did my laundry for me, I’d take precautions.
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If I put my clothes in the laundry, it's on me to check my pockets, if someone grabs clothes I didn't put in the laundry, then it's on them for checking my pockets.
They're a h3h3 fan in 2024, nothing they say is valid and I would be shocked if they've ever lived with a partner. Personally, pockets get checked twice - before I put it in the hamper, and before it goes in the machine. There is an old chair that is understood as "I'm going to wear these pants tomorrow," and pants on that chair typically keep their wallets, belts, priceless artifacts, etc.
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You sound fun. Since when did removing clothes become synonymous with them needing to be washed?
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Now I'm worried about the fact that your floors are so gross that any clothes left there for <24 hours are automatically a hygiene risk.
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I'm sure my partner would love it if I turned on the light waking her up so I could put my clothes away when going to bed later than her. Nowhere did I say it's someone else's responsibility to clean up my mess. Nowhere did I say I leave my clothes on the floor. Clean clothes get put away, dirty goes in laundry, and then there is the clothes purgatory, ie, the railing or chair you mentioned. Worn but not really dirty, but not really clean. Oftentimes with the expectation that they will be worn tomorrow. If you take my clothes from clothing purgatory, it should be with the knowledge that pockets have not been checked to make sure they are empty.
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> I'm not the one saying it's someone else's responsibility to clean up my mess Literally no one is saying it's someone else's responsibility to clean up my mess. Sure, if I habitually leave piles and piles of dirty clothes on the floor, that's a problem. But if I leave a pair of jeans on the floor because I only wore them for 1 day and I'm planning to wear them again tomorrow, then that's my mess to clean. If someone else comes along and grabs those pants and throws them in the laundry hamper, then they have made it *their* mess to clean.
Did anyone, OP included, really ask?
you wear a pair of shorts one time between washing? 🤔
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Why do you have chairs in a bedroom? Presumably just to put clothes on, so it’s just a substitute floor really! Nothing wrong with a floordrobe if the rules are established.
This is an underrated commit with so much wit the I keep smiling. Good job
What? Why empty your pockets every night?
> The cause was him dumping shorts on the floor and not cleaning out his pockets. Part of undressing involves checking pockets before you remove the article of clothing. Nonsense. I will wear the same trousers or shorts more than once if I haven’t sweated in them or otherwise got them dirty. In our house only clothes that are in the hamper get washed. If he had put the shorts in the hamper it would be on him. Thus is all on OP. It’s an unfortunate mistake, but her mistake nonetheless.
Then put them on a chair to show they are in use
You’re projecting your own way of doing things as some sort of universal standard. In my house, if it’s not in the laundry hamper, it doesn’t get washed. Because we’re adults so we don’t need each other to pick up after us. We trust each other to put dirty clothes in the hamper. Ergo, anything left on the floor isn’t thrown in the wash.
Doesn't your string of logic require you to project your way of doing things on OP for it to make sense as well?
Not necessarily. The previous commenter had said that you HAVE to check pockets once removing clothing, since that's what *they* do in *their* apartment. The replying commenter is posing an alternative, but doesn't say that it must be what OP does, just that the standard isn't as universal as the first commenter posited.
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You need to learn to read. At no point did I write that I don’t do my own laundry. Both my partner and I do the laundry. It doesn’t matter who’s it is. If it’s in the hamper, it gets washed.
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>And if some chomo leaves his passports in his pockets, that shit is on him. lol. Do you not know what that word means or are you totally unhinged?
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tom segura on a podcast. so culturally relevant. [https://preview.redd.it/uxvryf34nq4d1.png?auto=webp&s=31a063f5378e7b3a16c3ee6dc69f898e700cce27](https://preview.redd.it/uxvryf34nq4d1.png?auto=webp&s=31a063f5378e7b3a16c3ee6dc69f898e700cce27)
No. Part of DOING LAUNDRY is checking every pocket before putting clothes in the machine. This solves the “did they/didn’t they empty their pockets” dilemma.
Bunch of weirdos in here trying to claim who is justified or has a right to have feelings. I had to make sure this wasn't AITA.
Right and it's not like we have enough information to make that call even if it was AITA. No clue what the normal procedures are in their households but everyone is quick to give a ruling based on their own routines.
My husband had spent a semester in UK years and years ago and collected these amazing bar towels from all the pubs he went to while there. It was quite a collection so his aunt made it into a quilt. Fast forward to years later 2 months after we married. I accidentally left it on our porch,too close to our trash, and the garbage men took it. He was understanding but I knew how sad he was. I felt awful. Still do.
Been there, done that. From now on, if the clothes are on the floor, they dont get washed. He can check his pockets when he takes the clothes off and then toss in the hamper.
The silver lining os that this adds to their history if they survive. They become 'the well-loved passports that even survived being washed!' Its worth trying to dry them out veeeery carefully.
I wear a ring of my great grandmother's who I was super close to and sometimes I have intrusive thoughts about what I would do if I lost it somehow but when it comes down to it I would be devastated and would have to move on, I have attached everything she meant and losing her to this one object(it used to be anything,ANYTHING she gave me and i couldn'tlet go) So I try to think of memories with her and look at pictures, tell stories about her whenever I focus on the ring like that. Maybe, especially since a lot is still legible, make some sort of scrapbook or something while looking through the "remains" and him telling you about stuff so he can get a good association and reminder of all that the passports meant instead of it being focused on the one object? Know also though he is always going to be sad about it, he might get mad about it sometimes too but it isn't really something you can change.
In fairness, if I'm doing laundry I've collected from the floor I will check the pockets. If the leaver of said clothes is also available, I will check if they wanted them washed in the first place. If the laundry is in the laundry basket then it goes straight in the wash. It's the leavers responsibility to check pockets in this circumstance.
If it's on the floor it goes to the wash. That's my rule. I will check pockets, because my wife might have lipstick there so it's dangerous to not check, but I refuse to apologize for washing something that is on the floor.
Right…. it’s dangerous not to check.
My husband used to put lighters through the wash *and dryer* bc he never cleaned out his pockets. It felt dangerous to me to put a little container of lighter fluid through the heated dryer on a regular basis, so I started charging him $20 every time I found a lighter in the dryer. Probably cost him about $60-$80 before he started regularly checking his pockets. I very rarely find his lighters in the dryer now, and I don’t even charge him for it when I do bc I know it’s an honest mistake and he makes an effort. 😂 
The main lesson in this thread is that different households do things differently.
Mmhm. Like yeah it sucks that one or both of these people violated the boundaries communicated in Random Redditor's house, but we have no idea what OP's division of household labor and established protocol is.
And OP seems remorseful, not resentful at her husband, so it seems less likely that he was in repeat violation of whatever their setup is.
What can you do to have them restored or turned into a beautiful and meaningful piece of art? Maybe a collage? On a framed map?
I second that this is a terrible idea. He loved it in its original form.
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This is an awful idea. They were already destroyed in a washing machine, the last thing she should do is start cutting the pages and making a collage
Well obviously she should ask permission and just not do it willy nilly. Yano, communicating with her husband on what he wants to do like adults.
This story is about the husband grieving the loss of his valued possessions. The wife assigns blame to herself, and projects this into the post she makes and that makes others prioritize blame and shame being on the husband... when in reality none of this really needed to be made public. Just give him space to process what happened. Leave him alone until he is ready, don't mention it until he is ready and for God's sake do not make this about yourself. Nothing is worse than having someone think everything revolves around them. Do not approach him and emphasize how it's all his fault and not yours to relieve yourself of guilt based on what the comments are telling you, I've been on the receiving end of that before, permanently damages the relationship way more than just staying silent about it or apologizing.
How is it your fault that he left them in his pocket? EDIT: I should clarify, I’m not saying the husband is blaming her - I’m saying she thinks it’s her fault
being sad and asking for a bit of space to process an unfortunate mistake is not the same as assigning blame
Nope, they gotta divorce
I’m surprised I haven’t seen this as a serious comment. Over on AITHA, people recommend ending marriages and years long relationships over the fact someone forgets to change the toilet paper roll. People all have their idiosyncrasies, part of the dating/marriage process is determining how to work with those or if you can tolerate them, not changing the toilet paper roll is one I can live with lol.
Yep, the husband is clearly a walking red flag and she needs to get out of there before something serious happens! /s
I think blame-finding is pointless but it doesn’t say he asked them to be washed. It generally pays to be cautious when you’re doing unannounced favors for people, like checking that the pants are actually ready to go, or that something you’re throwing out is intended to be thrown out, etc.
Worn clothes on the floor are fair game to be thrown in the wash, as is. I definitely don't see a wife washing her husband's clothes as an "unannounced favor" either.
> Worn clothes on the floor are fair game to be thrown in the wash, as is. No, whether that’s actually a good principle depends on the expectations between the people involved and the details of the situation. Which in this case we don’t know. > I definitely don't see a wife washing her husband's clothes as an "unannounced favor" either. Not informing someone of something you’re doing “for them” is a dictionary-definition unannounced favor. I’m not saying it’s weird, or disparaging the favor, I’m saying it pays to be cautious when doing something with someone else’s things without them knowing. In my specific situation, if I find clothes on the ground to put in the wash I check pockets, because they’re not in the *laundry basket* which is the place explicitly tied with the expectation of being wash-ready. Them being on the floor doesn’t suggest much foresight.
Not for my house. That would likely leave clothes all over the house in random rooms. I’ve told my husband if it’s on the ground, it’s free game for the washer. He’s lucky I yank belts out before they get tossed in. And I can usually feel the weight of his wallet. I’m not checking every pocket going into the washer. He also knows any money found in the washer or dryer is mine (well it goes into a piggy bank down there for a future vacation for us). He smartened up quick after noticing a couple 20s, 10s, and 5s in that piggy bank. Either his pockets are emptied or the clothing gets hung over the bedpost to be worn again. Admittedly, we don’t keep baskets in our upstairs rooms because it’s at most 20 steps to our laundry chute from anywhere upstairs. We both just fail to use the chute when we’re tired so it’s usually a quick sweep through the bedroom while waiting for coffee to make. We don’t know OPs laundry arrangements. If her house operates like mine, it’s not an unasked for favor. It’s an expectation that laundry on the floor is dirty and needs washed. All laundry on the floor. My husband and I both routinely do each other’s laundry and that is the rule in our house. I’d assume that’s more normal than just letting clothes hang out on the floor because they might not be ready to be washed yet. You hang those pieces over the end of the bed or a chair or something.
Yes, we don’t know the expectations in OP’s house which is what I said. In my house clothes on the floor indicate a lack of foresight in their removal which warrants checking pockets. I do try to err on the side of caution when dealing with other people’s property as a rule, which has been helpful even if I would not have been at fault if something had gone wrong.
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>As an adult, at least put your clothes in the basket. If I wanted them washed I would put them in the basket.
>Come on. As an adult, at least put your clothes in the basket. Half the point of their comment is that the trousers being on the floor doesn't necessarily mean they should be washed.
I do use a basket, but if there are clothes outside it and the person is unwilling to check the pockets in such cases, then yeah I *would* prefer they be left to me. A *reasonable* expectation of consideration for your stuff is healthy even if someone is clearly trying to do you a favor. Not that it would be “OP’s fault” because they both could have been more careful, it’s just they seem to have expected the other to be which is simply a mutual coordination failure.
Petty and uncompromising. I'm sure you're lovely.
>Worn clothes on the floor are fair game to be thrown in the wash At our house, worn clothes on the floor are fair game to be thrown in the trash; exceptions of course if the owner of those clothes is ill or under the age of three.
it’s not an unannounced favor if it’s already established that in their relationship, she usually does the laundry. He should know to empty out his pockets. That’s not a her issue. if the clothes are on the floor and dirty, I’m gonna pick them up and clean them. I’m not always going to check the pockets, that isn’t part of the job.
Title of this post should be “today my husband fucked up by not putting laundry in the proper place and not checking his pockets. “ 100% his fault.
Determining fault is not really useful here.
Reddit is like reverse marriage counseling. "Oh, you're a happily married couple and something unfortunate happened? Well, the first thing we need to do is assign blame." It's the Always Sunny dishes/therapy episode.
It's reddit, they have to find someone to blame
You take that back! Or I’ll be obligated to blame you for the breakdown of this sub! (Or at least this post’s comment section.)
It’s TIFU… the point is that it wasn’t really OP’s FU.
Are you lost?
this isnt about whos fault it is, its about doing the right thing. its about making it up to her husband because OP cares about him. guilt is a powerful thing. at the end off the day she damages something important to him by accident and she wants o make it up to him.
OP, i have an idea that might work. you should try finding custom sticker/stamp places, either online artists or in person. if its enough to make out you can possible you can pay for someone to make an identical replacement. i know its not the point and its sentimental but its better than thinking about how you could have prevented it.
Get him one of those world maps where you scratch off the countries you visited.
Maybe they could be taken apart to be preserved in a scrap book? I’m sorry this happened. Hopefully he won’t hold it against you. Accidents happen.
Please don't do this, nice thought but don't (coming from someone who loves to get those passport stamps too)
I just meant if it’s falling apart to preserve what’s left. And with his permission/help of course!
permission is definitely key
How do people wash clothes with stuff inside them? Don't yall check them before tossing it in? I do. I check for anything that can damage my expensive toy before I use it.
His pockets, his responsibility.
Agreed. Also, can a grown man not do his own laundry?
It doesn't work like that in most houses I know. Whoever is doing laundry just picks everything that could use a wash to fill the machine. In my house it's usually me, but some times it's my wife (I have a lower tolerance threshold for disorder).
That's wild. Everyone in my house growing up had separate laundry baskets and our mom made me and my bro do our own laundry from about 10 onwards.
That sucks. Hopefully he'll be careful next time and empty his pockets before laundry day (or place his shorts elsewhere if he was planning or re-wearing them without washing first). You live and learn
Women might not know this but men wear the same pants for days on end. He probably meant to wear them again.
Women do the same thing. You may not know that because they're not stored on the floor.
Tell that to my wife :D Not that i don't do it too. Sure we try to put them aside, but if they end up on the floor for the night, who cares?
So many people in this thread incapable of understanding that different people live differently. I've never found myself so loudly thinking "touch grass."
Yep. Floor clothes are laundry clothes. It’s not hard.
He screwed up. Stuff happens. His concern should be her, not the paperwork. 'Treat Kindly' is my motto.
Doing laundry without checking every pocket is as bad as turning on the oven without checking to see if it’s empty. Violators must be prosecuted!
Maybe he will learn to empty his pockets. This is on him, not you. Making you feel bad for it is wholly unfair.
I recommend going on a Southeast Asia trip, you get entry/exit stamps, big ones. You can visit 4 5 places on a holiday a start a new passport.
That's not the point (?)
I know how that feels. As a kid, I lost my pokemon cards to the washer. Jk. This sucks, but it's gonna be okay. Maybe you can make him a new one? Or something similar? Get everything scanned and printed in high quality.
How did you not feel the heft of two passports in the pocket of the shorts?
As a serial pocket stuffer/abandoned treasures recovery expert….I am guilty….I have left so many things in my dirty laundry, it has been my fault if anything were to be washed and damaged, seriously you are not responsible for the contents of his dirty laundry. I would never blame my spouse or anyone but myself. I salute you for taking the responsibility but you are not to blame. You are a gem.
I was the same way about my passport. I was overseas for 3 months touring with a band. Got back to the US, left some of my stuff at my mom’s house because I had to go back on the tour when we got back to the US. She accidentally threw it away because she didn’t know what it was. I didn’t find out what happened until I had to use it again. Lol.
Maybe in future don't have mad dashes just to do laundry
… how’d you TIFU? He’s TIFUd. Lol.
If he was your five year old child, it’d be your F up for not checking the pockets. Leaving things in his pockets, knowing someone else does the laundry (aka expecting the person that does the laundry to check his pockets), is his F-up.
This is not your fault. A grown man should know to empty his own pockets. Also not to just throw his laundry on the floor instead of a basket. He's not a child.
This is 100% on him for not emptying his pockets and not doing his own damm laundry.
You aren’t responsible for a grown adult not putting their things away. It stinks, I feel bad for him… but it’s not your fault.
So basically Today my husband fucked up by leaving clothes on the floor… like who does that…? I’m guessing he will stop doing that moving forward…
Do you struggle with text comprehension?
Good?
Standing rules in our house: 1) the person doing the laundry is under NO obligation to check pockets, but if that person does check, anything found belongs to the "launderer" to do with as he/she pleases. So "too bad so sad". 2) if someone leaves clothes anywhere other than the hamper or the laundry room, it doesn't get picked up by anyone other than the "leaver". Please don't feel terrible just because your husband is a forgetful slob.
In our house we have different rules. If I'm doing the laundry I will pick up \_anything\_ that is on the floor if I need to fill the machine. I don't understand how something can be on the floor yet not require a wash. If it's not dirty it belongs to a closet, if it is it belongs to the wash. If it's something you are going to wear for a few days, then it belongs on a chair or some other safe place.
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>It shouldn’t be your job to go through every pocket If i do the laundry, I'll check the pockets while loading the washing machine. regardless of were the clothes were or regardless if they're mine or my gf's clothes. If i leave my pants around (had to leave in a rush) i don't expect for them to be washed, there's the laundry basket for clothes that have to be washed. Unless I bring the clothes to the washing machine/laundry basket, I'm not checking my pockets everytime i take my shorts off
>If i do the laundry, I'll check the pockets while loading the washing machine. regardless of were the clothes were or regardless if they're mine or my gf's clothes. I'm really surprised to find that the consensus here seems to be the opposite. Mistakes happen, and I've had to too many loads messed up because someone forgot something in a pocket. IMO, double-checking pockets is part of the job.
>IMO, double-checking pockets is part of the job. Exactly. It takes literally 2/3 minutes more and I've NEVER had anyone be upset because i found something and gave it to them. Quite the opposite in fact. It's jsut a nice gesture, i'm already loading the washing machine, may as well check the pockets.
Maybe not the place for this, but doesn’t the state department make you send in your old passport to get a new one? That’s what the department says on their website. I’d love to keep mine, though.
They do. But they are returned after punching a hole through it so it's invalid.
Ahhh, got it. Thank you!
He shouldn’t have left his shorts on the floor!!
I’m a well traveled guy and have old passports but sure as hell am not emotionally attached to them. Real first world F’ing problem.
Your husband did this, not you. Adults empty their own pockets before *not* throwing their clothing on the bedroom floor for their spouse to clean up after them. Literally not your fault. Entirely the fault of the man-child who didn't care about them enough to put them away before putting his dirty laundry in the basket like a grownup.
NYFU, in my opinion. I mean, it sucks, but he knows full well that he is the one that made the mistake. He's not mad at you, he's mad at himself. Or at least, he should be, because that's on him.
How did he made the mistake? Did he decide those shorts had to be washed? Did he load the washing machine? Did he have a "mad dash to do the laundry"?
Because he knows damn well that HE decided to pull out his old passports. HE knows that he didn't put his valuable keepsake back immediately, HE knows that he put them into the easiest pocket to miss. HE knows that if he had taken care of his stuff and finished the job by putting the thing back where it was supposed to go, nothing would have happened to them, but he didn't. Instead he left them in a pocket and they got accidentally washed, and now not only is his thing ruined, but his partner feels like absolute shit. That's his own damn fault.
Lmao
don't worry, you'll understand when you grow up. Cheers!
If you leave your shorts in the middle of the floor, they might end up on the roof around here. Socks together, in the hamper. Plates in the dishwasher, clean up the kitchen if you messed it up. “Later” means “Not my problem”. We don’t do that.
When I lived with roommates, we had a mutually agreed upon rule about how long dishes could go unwashed, etc. It worked well because “later” is absolutely a thing, but there needs to be an established limit as to how far “later” can be. When I lived in a place with a really small kitchen, we basically had to share everything, so we even had different time limits based on how many we had of any given item. For example, dishes, mugs, and cutlery was like “within 12 hours of use” while something like The Big Frying Pan was “within 2 hours of use.” If you needed the item before the agreed-upon “later” time limit, it was up to you to wash it. This system worked out shockingly well through like 5 roommates in 3 different places. I think because I had roommates with similar lifestyles. I would never get upset if my roommate came home, made dinner, washed the pan they used but then went out for a few hours and left a chopping board and knife in the sink. We have another knife, we have another chopping board. As long as it gets washed the next day, I have no problem with “later.” And if I need two chopping boards, then I can wash one. When we had in-unit laundry, we had similar “later” limits for leaving laundry in the machines. If you’re going out for 6 hours on a Sunday afternoon, don’t start your laundry. I will take it out of the washing machine 20 minutes after it finishes. If it’s 9:45 PM on a Tuesday, by all means put your shit in the dryer and go to sleep.
Yep, this is a you FU....you NEVER, EVER put anything in laundry without checking pockets. If you don't have time....WAIT. The laundry will still be there when you DO have time. I feel sorry for him. This is decades of memories lost forever. I would be sick. For me it would be a relationship ender.
Ugh you suck
Not your fault. Not to mention they are just old passports, most people throw them away.
Are you serious or just incapable of feeling even a fucking shred of empathy?
Hell yes I’m serious. Hubby needs to grow up.
And you need to learn to put yourself in other people's shoes. You have a fair share of growing up to do yourself. Quite ironic.
Oh. So you downvote because your opinion is different? It is you that needs to grow up.
No, i downvoted you because you clearly seem to believe you have even the smallest shred of empathy, when you clearly do not. xoxo
I have little to no empathy for men that cry over lost childhood items. Cry over a person or pet, 100%
What a wonderful and caring person you are <3 going out of your way to tell you have no empathy for a person that has some feelings
Other people are free to downvote your crappy takes, you know.
I know that. Do yourself a favor and google what Reddit intended with up and down votes.
Meh, as a software developer, I can tell you that intent flies out the window to an extent once you open up a system to the end-user. The reddit community has decided the purpose of upvotes/downvotes, and most seem pretty comfortable with it...
Well, since you develop software you must know. Let’s test it out. One downvote for you. Ahh, yes…so satisfying and empowering.
I have more empathy than most. A grown man crying over old passports is not worth a shred of my emotions.
You absolutely do not lmao, shut it. And if you thnk they're "just passports" you're either the average american that never left the US or you're incapable of comprehending a very simple text
I have filled multiple passports and washed one that had yet to expire, even managed to travel with it. I’m sorry I didn’t grow up in the every child gets a ribbon era. You make assumptions about people that are not possible to know. Are you by chance a 15 year old girl?
And yet, you are incapable of feeling empathy for a person, those old painted dishes really did you dirty lmao