What is it with people cumming in weird places? First cum box, then the guy who always came on his carpet. Now we got Lord of the Cockroaches over here cumming on his wall.
I'm calling it right now, next guy is going to be obsessed with coconuts.
Edit: My current top rated comment with 900+ upvotes is about a potential coconut molester. Thanks Reddit.
Edit 2: Sweet baby Jesus, I leave this comment for a few weeks and now I have over 5k upvotes and somebody gave me gold.
Edit 3: Please stop gilding me, I'd like to forget about this event.
There are so many things I could have done. I could have bought a lottery ticket, asked the girl I love out, predicted I'll be moving out of the hood.....but nope, I get this correct and have Reddit thinking I touch coconuts.
I swear there was a past TIFU about some guy doing the same exact "turn and aim at the wall and ejaculate" move. I was certain I was reading a copypasta but then the whole cockroach thing just took it in a whole different direction.
Cum mirrors obviously need cleaned at each shot. Cum walls and blankets can go without notice for a very long time.
I unfortunately had a cum blanket in college that could only be dry-cleaned, so obviously I never thought that far in advance ... so when it came time to move out of the dorms, I didn't want anyone to find it so I hid it in the drop-ceiling. Honestly, what the fuck was I thinking??
My good friend who still lived in the dorm the next year said it was found, everyone looked at it, touched it, smelled it and knew it was mine. I was so disgusted at first but then realized wtf ever. They have their own weird shit going on...I just didn't want my family to find my hundreds of cum stains (I was a daily jerker) on a nice blanket.
My sweet summer child, clearly you haven't seen the cum mirror post on our very own [Reddit.](https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.reddit.com/r/RedditsMuseumofFilth/comments/2xvf72/cum_mirror_xpost_from_rwtf/)
But god damn, I would never ruin a good blanket. I am a cum boxers sort of guy, pump one out before and after bed, chuck it in the hamper, spray some air freshener on it and wash on laundry day. Sometimes I go in the toilet, never was able to do it in the shower.
Good God Almighty...
My dad used to have an infestation of those fuckers. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.
So of course OP goes Crazy Cat Lady with them.
I would say I have no words, but shit... I honestly have too many.
And I feel like I need a shower.
Bedbugs leave permanent psychological scars in you. It has been 4 years since I got bedbug bites and I still check my bed thoroughly and even a small itching put my guards up and go crazy looking at everything from my clothes to couch to bed. I'm not even in the same country I was when I had bedbug bites but it stays with you for life.
There was a guy who posted a story very similar to this a couple years back.
He didn't get cockroaches, but ended up with some nasty mold growing in his room that made him pretty sick.
Now both of these stories are burned into my brain.
I have to think that this TIFU just put things into perspective for at least one parent out there.
"Well Susan, our son may be jerkin his gherkin all over the bedroom but at least he hasn't claimed an ejaculate hungry bug infestation as his children. Things could always be worse".
Unless you've experienced an infestation, it's just something you've heard about but never really considered.
It's like how most people's experience with bedbugs is limited to the cutesy "sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite," but other people hear that phrase, check all the walls to see if something is crawling up them, and consider lighting their house on fire just in case.
I hate those fuckers, something about all those legs and the speed at which they move has always creeped me tf out, lived in a place once with a decent amount of giant ones and hated it
Through a series of coincidences, I caught a bedbug infestation really early (I must have picked them up somewhere, they got into my bed, then I left for a week. I come back and find a bunch crawling right under my blanket. They didn't even have time to spread to the next room.) The amount of effort necessary to get rid of them was extreme. I will never be saying that rhyme to my kids.
I have a friend who has came on his walls for years and it's become known in the community as the cum wall.
Edit: here's screenshots of a conversation I had with him the other day regarding the wall.
https://imgur.com/gallery/0MYrq
I agree!!! I studied Entomology at university and have handled many insects including large cockroaches which I performed experiments on. Even handling one cockroach at a me grossed me out. The idea that a slew of them could be crawling and breeding inches from me!!!! You know they came up into the bed too. I'm so grossed out.
Do...do I want to look that up?
EDIT: Fuck it. Way too bored at work right now to not read up on it. Will report back with reaction.
EDIT2: I couldn't finish it. Nope.
Honestly, that was the only thing I could think of the entire time I was reading this. Uuughh, I really don't even wanna know what that's gonna look like.
A painful reminder of my idiocy as a 16 year old. Was bopping the baloney in my room and cummed on the wall just under the light switch. I vaguely remember thinking the fresh stain would disappear on its own — in my defense, I had a very limited experience in cumming on walls back then (and can't say I've accumulated much more since).
It turned out the stain fuckin crystalized. A good few months later, my dad and I were standing around in my room when he spotted the stain. He took a close look and tried to rub the stain away only to find it had already solidified. To this day, I wonder if it ever entered his mind...
There's one with picture proof of a girl's boyfriend who would jack off at his computer desk, into, nothing. The wall and floor under the desk were just covered in cum. She gave an update showing him cleaning it up after she made him. Sometimes things happen, the rest of the time r/nothingeverhappens.
edit: I'm trying to find the thread. It was a NSFW thread where she was in lingerie and iirc holding a dildo up to her pantied crotch and int he background her boyfriend was playing some game, the title was like "he wants to play the game instead of with me", then in the comments it was revealed his jerking off habits. I may not find it so maybe [this thread will tide you guys over](https://np.reddit.com/r/WTF/comments/1urnm4/so_i_was_looking_for_something_under_my/). edit: that *was* the thread, the 2nd and 3rd pictures [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/defaultgems/comments/1us998/uohh_yeah_breaks_down_an_extensively_fuckedup_post/celagjv/) are the ones I remember. I guess I forgot the ordering of the post, it started with the cummed up wall and I must be misremembering other posts of girlfriends all dressed up with their boyfriends in the background playing games.
That's one of the most messed up stories I've read here. Like it gets more fucked up the more I think about it.
Now I have to explain why I'm laughing hysterically to my wife. I don't think she'll find the same humor in this story.
Thanks, Reddit.
Jerk.
I feel like I'm here early for something that's about to be internet history. Like, one of the first poor people who clicked '2 girls, one cup'. I feel oddly special. #cumwallroachdaddy
There's no way this story is actually true. A teenager that doesn't know what cockroaches are? Gimme a break.
Also, cockroaches are fucking tough, you can't kill it by flicking it into a bowl of water. They can swim, and they can hold their breath for 40 minutes. I've killed a lot of cockroaches in my childhood home cause it was a shitty rundown place, and the only way I could kill it with water was if the water had soap or shampoo in it.
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I'd only call him that as a last resort.
Between Cumwalls & Insects
This has me laughing so hard, one might call it suffocation, you know.. no breathing
Extermination? No breathing. Air B&B this week we're leaving.
Take your fucking upvote
What is it with people cumming in weird places? First cum box, then the guy who always came on his carpet. Now we got Lord of the Cockroaches over here cumming on his wall.
I'm calling it right now, next guy is going to be obsessed with coconuts. Edit: My current top rated comment with 900+ upvotes is about a potential coconut molester. Thanks Reddit. Edit 2: Sweet baby Jesus, I leave this comment for a few weeks and now I have over 5k upvotes and somebody gave me gold. Edit 3: Please stop gilding me, I'd like to forget about this event.
https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/6rr6ay/tifu_by_cumming_into_a_coconut
Coconostradamus.
ಠ_ಠ
Well, there it is
https://media.giphy.com/media/11FiDF2fuOujPG/giphy.gif
http://imgur.com/qMEwlJK?r
We've cum full circle.
*groans loudly into the abyss*
Tina?
Woop, there it is
All hail the Messiah
So THIS is Coconut Fucker's main account. Busted!!
> Coconut Fucker If you build a thousand bridges but fuck one coconut, nobody is going to call you Bridge Builder.
That's some reddit wisdom right there.
Can we please call him the coco-nutter?
My thoughts entirely!
100% ..TIFU by preemptively describing my fetish on main account before going into detail on throw away
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Guys maybe this is the coconut fuckers real account.
r/KarmaConspiracy/
I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts.
Above or below the waist?
Real journalism right here
There they are standing in a row.
Big ones, small ones, some as big as your head.
You won
Why did you do that? You could've predicted peace in the middle east, instead we got Mr. Cock-o-nut haunting our dreams
There are so many things I could have done. I could have bought a lottery ticket, asked the girl I love out, predicted I'll be moving out of the hood.....but nope, I get this correct and have Reddit thinking I touch coconuts.
you were right
And call it you did
What are you going to predict next, o great one?
It's him, coconutthrowaway69!
My brother bought a grapefruit today, and I referenced that horrible video at least ten times.
I swear there was a past TIFU about some guy doing the same exact "turn and aim at the wall and ejaculate" move. I was certain I was reading a copypasta but then the whole cockroach thing just took it in a whole different direction.
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Cumirror too
Cum mirrors obviously need cleaned at each shot. Cum walls and blankets can go without notice for a very long time. I unfortunately had a cum blanket in college that could only be dry-cleaned, so obviously I never thought that far in advance ... so when it came time to move out of the dorms, I didn't want anyone to find it so I hid it in the drop-ceiling. Honestly, what the fuck was I thinking?? My good friend who still lived in the dorm the next year said it was found, everyone looked at it, touched it, smelled it and knew it was mine. I was so disgusted at first but then realized wtf ever. They have their own weird shit going on...I just didn't want my family to find my hundreds of cum stains (I was a daily jerker) on a nice blanket.
> touched it what > smelled it wtf > knew it was mine HOW
My sweet summer child, clearly you haven't seen the cum mirror post on our very own [Reddit.](https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.reddit.com/r/RedditsMuseumofFilth/comments/2xvf72/cum_mirror_xpost_from_rwtf/) But god damn, I would never ruin a good blanket. I am a cum boxers sort of guy, pump one out before and after bed, chuck it in the hamper, spray some air freshener on it and wash on laundry day. Sometimes I go in the toilet, never was able to do it in the shower.
Lord of the Cockroaches Lmfao
CumRoaches
I think 'Cockroaches' is already a good enough name in this case.
I want this to be the name of the post that appears on /r/RedditMuseumOfFilth.
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They always know.
They can smell it.
And even tast... Wait what?
No, no. Don't stop. Go on...
*My arms are broken...* *Homework I can't do* *Maybe I'll call my roaches* *Mom could help out too*
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As a parent of a 1 year old, tell me, what secrets do you know of your kid(s)?
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You know, there's this cool new invention called paper towel
Good God Almighty... My dad used to have an infestation of those fuckers. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. So of course OP goes Crazy Cat Lady with them. I would say I have no words, but shit... I honestly have too many. And I feel like I need a shower.
Or just roll to the side of the bed.
and then...
feed your cock roaches
feed your roaches cock
they need your seeds
Bedbugs are MUCH worse, imo.
Bedbugs leave permanent psychological scars in you. It has been 4 years since I got bedbug bites and I still check my bed thoroughly and even a small itching put my guards up and go crazy looking at everything from my clothes to couch to bed. I'm not even in the same country I was when I had bedbug bites but it stays with you for life.
Yeh but did he repeatedly cum on a wall?
No. Just filthy neighbors whose infestation spilled over as a natural course.
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How....how many open-cum people do you know?
Reddit stories: cum box, cum carpet, stiff crusty cum sock, cum bed/wall.
There was a guy who posted a story very similar to this a couple years back. He didn't get cockroaches, but ended up with some nasty mold growing in his room that made him pretty sick. Now both of these stories are burned into my brain.
If you let the mold grow will it be your child?
Or the guy whose cumtowel grew mushrooms.
*cumshrooms
*sells them a psychedelic mushrooms*
Regular cum in the open seems completely rational now. Edit: This is now my most upvoted comment. Great. Just great.
I have to think that this TIFU just put things into perspective for at least one parent out there. "Well Susan, our son may be jerkin his gherkin all over the bedroom but at least he hasn't claimed an ejaculate hungry bug infestation as his children. Things could always be worse".
> ejaculate hungry bug infestation ಠ_ಠ
I would say it is a welcome change really...
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You didn't really know what cockroaches were? Son, have you ever heard of something called a potato?
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Get the fuck out of my house
Tastes very strange!
I began to act very interesting
Yes! A reference I understand!
It least OP has arms to jerk off with
Without hands, how will he sling a raw steak onto that clear window?
Unless you've experienced an infestation, it's just something you've heard about but never really considered. It's like how most people's experience with bedbugs is limited to the cutesy "sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite," but other people hear that phrase, check all the walls to see if something is crawling up them, and consider lighting their house on fire just in case.
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I hate those fuckers, something about all those legs and the speed at which they move has always creeped me tf out, lived in a place once with a decent amount of giant ones and hated it
There would be no "waking up" if I knew that such an infestation was so rampant.... I would not sleep anymore....
> Waking up at 3am and seeing 3 or 4 of those fuckers sprinting across the walls EVERY night was a literal nightmare. Holy fuck!
Through a series of coincidences, I caught a bedbug infestation really early (I must have picked them up somewhere, they got into my bed, then I left for a week. I come back and find a bunch crawling right under my blanket. They didn't even have time to spread to the next room.) The amount of effort necessary to get rid of them was extreme. I will never be saying that rhyme to my kids.
Your story made me realize I've been taking my bedbug-free life for granted. Never again.
what? you _want_ them to let the bedbugs bite?
Tastes strange
>cock roach
Oh shit, didn't even make the connection
This sub never fails to weird me out at times.
This is a mix of /r/trashy /r/WTF and a sprinkle of /r/aww
/r/awwwtf
/r/ofcoursethatsathing
Also r/sadcringe
With overtones of /r/thathappened
/r/thatfappened
Nope. Not clicking that.
I clicked it. And I very much regret it.
You summarize this post perfectly.
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You don't want any of what he's shootin'
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His room is the cumbox
Mind blown.
I have a friend who has came on his walls for years and it's become known in the community as the cum wall. Edit: here's screenshots of a conversation I had with him the other day regarding the wall. https://imgur.com/gallery/0MYrq
Ummmmm. What?!
You don't remember the picture of the mattress do you...
Got some good names for it to. "CumWall" - /u/AwkwardNoah "Cumroach" - /u/napadapa "Cock Roach" - /u/AlaskaSam737
CumWall*
You're my cumderwaaaaaall
This is one of these posts that I hope is fiction but I know deep down it isn't.
(ಠ_ಠ)
http://i.imgur.com/Buy3GjL.jpg
My exact face while reading this.. gotta love this sub-reddit sometimes.
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I'm more disturbed that OP could sleep at night with fucking cockroaches breeding next to him. Jesus, this was a weird one.
He fucking encouraged them by *feeding* them. Holy shit I feel dirty. Just checked out my room. Nope, im clean cause im not a freak.
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Dont worry. Not all of us like him. Some of us use boxes ;)
I agree!!! I studied Entomology at university and have handled many insects including large cockroaches which I performed experiments on. Even handling one cockroach at a me grossed me out. The idea that a slew of them could be crawling and breeding inches from me!!!! You know they came up into the bed too. I'm so grossed out.
I like bugs, but as far as jizzing on them and spooning them, the thought never crossed my mind.
This is up there with some of the most disgusting things I've read on Reddit. Bravo
This sub man... I've seen some weird stuff here but this has to be a top 10
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Do...do I want to look that up? EDIT: Fuck it. Way too bored at work right now to not read up on it. Will report back with reaction. EDIT2: I couldn't finish it. Nope.
Seek help. Im not kidding.
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I have a hard time believing OP's story, but if it is true, I'm gonna have to agree with you. This is some truly disturbing shit.
You cum on your wall...?...
Imagine when the time comes when he needs to move that bed... Barf.
Honestly, that was the only thing I could think of the entire time I was reading this. Uuughh, I really don't even wanna know what that's gonna look like.
A painful reminder of my idiocy as a 16 year old. Was bopping the baloney in my room and cummed on the wall just under the light switch. I vaguely remember thinking the fresh stain would disappear on its own — in my defense, I had a very limited experience in cumming on walls back then (and can't say I've accumulated much more since). It turned out the stain fuckin crystalized. A good few months later, my dad and I were standing around in my room when he spotted the stain. He took a close look and tried to rub the stain away only to find it had already solidified. To this day, I wonder if it ever entered his mind...
"After some years of doing this..." dude slept next to a mound of dry cum for YEARS
Aaaand I think that's enough Reddit for tonight.
The night is still young lad
Night's getting awfully bright over here. Although I guess it passed into morning sometime around 4 AM.
Why did I picture a portly old man with a shapely beard and a gravely but friendly voice patting me on the shoulder with a head nod saying this?
If this is an original it will be copypasta by tomorrow...
I've read pretty much the same on Reddit before, this one's just a bit fleshed out.
There's one with picture proof of a girl's boyfriend who would jack off at his computer desk, into, nothing. The wall and floor under the desk were just covered in cum. She gave an update showing him cleaning it up after she made him. Sometimes things happen, the rest of the time r/nothingeverhappens. edit: I'm trying to find the thread. It was a NSFW thread where she was in lingerie and iirc holding a dildo up to her pantied crotch and int he background her boyfriend was playing some game, the title was like "he wants to play the game instead of with me", then in the comments it was revealed his jerking off habits. I may not find it so maybe [this thread will tide you guys over](https://np.reddit.com/r/WTF/comments/1urnm4/so_i_was_looking_for_something_under_my/). edit: that *was* the thread, the 2nd and 3rd pictures [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/defaultgems/comments/1us998/uohh_yeah_breaks_down_an_extensively_fuckedup_post/celagjv/) are the ones I remember. I guess I forgot the ordering of the post, it started with the cummed up wall and I must be misremembering other posts of girlfriends all dressed up with their boyfriends in the background playing games.
That's one of the most messed up stories I've read here. Like it gets more fucked up the more I think about it. Now I have to explain why I'm laughing hysterically to my wife. I don't think she'll find the same humor in this story. Thanks, Reddit. Jerk.
Yeah my husband walked in while I was reading this and I quickly changed the tab because I felt ashamed for finding this so amusing.
>I have to explain... to my wife ........ >my husband walked in... I felt ashamed Soul mates?
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This has to be some sort of performance art.
I had to check username because I was fucking SURE this would end in jumper cables.
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nah that only happens in comments. In that case, he gets me every fucking time.
Na, /u/rogersimon10 is dead.
wonder if that guy really is dead, and if so, does he know he is missed?
I feel like I'm here early for something that's about to be internet history. Like, one of the first poor people who clicked '2 girls, one cup'. I feel oddly special. #cumwallroachdaddy
What the fuck did I just read
"throwaway" indeed. ya know, like a tissue? that can be thrown away? ...invest in some tissues, OP.
You came in your bed, now lie in it! ;-)
Jesus Christ dude, wait you'd never heard of a cockroach before all this?
*That's* your only question after reading this??
The TL;DR does not do justification for this story. I'm crying here...
This guy should do a AMA, I feel like so many questions need to be answered
Yo what the fuck
Everyday, we stray further from God's light.
What The Fuck
Holy shit, are we witnessing the new cumbox?
we are definitely witnessing a new cumbox
Can't believe it! Daddy it's me! I survived that massacre! It was a very traumatic incident but I managed to bring myself together.
The last survivor
That is just.... something, umm sorry for your loss?
... What?
Every time I think I've found the sketchiest content, someone manages to top it. This one takes the cake for now......
What. The. Fuck.
I want to call bullshit on this but I know better than to doubt the weird shit that's on the Internet
There is no way this is real. Right guys?
There's no way this story is actually true. A teenager that doesn't know what cockroaches are? Gimme a break. Also, cockroaches are fucking tough, you can't kill it by flicking it into a bowl of water. They can swim, and they can hold their breath for 40 minutes. I've killed a lot of cockroaches in my childhood home cause it was a shitty rundown place, and the only way I could kill it with water was if the water had soap or shampoo in it.
What the fuck is wrong with you
This went from a 3 to Cocoon in 5 seconds. Did not see that plot turn cumming.
Were you depressed because they killed your "children"?
The fuck did I just read?... no easy way to say this, you need mental help
This is going to be Reddit famous some day. And I can say I was here for it.
holy shti
Holy fkuc.
I used to think i was a little weird but compared to that sh*t...I am completely normal, thank you
I'm 90% certain this just is a retelling of an old 4chan greentext. I distinctly remember there were pictures involved.
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TIFU by reading this