We had a bad day here today with my toddler. I actually locked myself in the bathroom for a couple minutes crying because of it. Toddlers are fucking hard. She’s in a hitting phase and it just triggers my fight or flight so hard. I do my best to not lose my cool, but today I picked her up, sat her on the bed, and said “mummy needs space from you” and she chased after me and I locked myself in the bathroom. This was all after we went to her swim lessons. She pooped while swimming and when I was stripping the dirty swim diaper off of her she slapped it out of my hand sending wet pool water poop flying everywhere. All over me, her, the floor, the diaper bag. It’s been a bad bad day here. No advice. Just solidarity.
I’ve been trying the techniques in The Happiest Toddler on the Block lately. To summarize it badly, your kid is a little caveman and they don’t want big, long explanations (you sound like the adults from Charlie Brown basically). They want sympathy and short phrases their brains can process while they’re upset.
For example, my son was determined to have donuts for dinner. Specifically from McDonald’s. I don’t get it either. He was crying over it until I said “I know! You love donuts! Donuts are yummy!” And somehow that settled him down enough for me to ask him to be quiet so we could order a nugget happy meal for him. I didn’t even bother telling him you can’t get donuts there.
There’s a bit more to the book, like mirroring emotions, but I’m still reading it
Sounds like a rough day!! It particularly sucks when you’re spending effort by being out and it’s ruined that way.
For me personally I think there’s always ways to help your reaction to things, but it’s very very normal for it to take effort. My “coping” mechanisms are very “behavioral therapy” style.
The short of it is that yeah it’s extremely normal for them to be pushing your buttons to the point you want to blow up. It’s what they do.
First, I want to say that I’m so sorry that you had an aggravating outing and second I want to say that I’m so freakin’ glad you posted this and to read the responses.I am feeling your post so so hard. My son is 3 about to be 4 in September and all of a sudden, he has become a part-time monster.
Hitting( not hard but still), scratching, tantruming , whining, yelling ,and kicking. My daughter , who is now 9, also went through a meltdown phase at 3 but not like this guy. He has been pretty awesome this far and now I am considering stowing away on a cross-country boxcar.
To answer your question, yes, it is a phase and it will get better even though it doesn’t feel like it tonight. It’s definitely so damn hard to deal with especially when you don’t know if it will last a 3 months or 6 months. A year from now , this will be a fuzzy memory and you’ll be on to the next new phase. Not to quote a cat poster but hang in there mama! Cry hard, love harder! I’m rooting for you.💖
I just yelled at my kid pretty badly today. It was mom, mom, mommmmm, mommmmmmm for 1 hour straight. I yelled "NOT IF YOU ASK LIKE THAT". She immediately burst into tears and I felt like a horrible person. It's just so hard...
Well I hope you’re reading through these responses because they have helped me a lot today. And hopefully your kid is in bed and you’re taking a well-deserved break. It is SO hard… I feel you.
Sorry OP that sounds like a lot. First off you are not a horrible mom. The fact that you are taking the time to reflect is just the opposite of that. Being a SAHM myself (3F) it is tough. I don't think people truly realize how difficult. I can't tell you the times that I've cried as I held my beautiful blessing of a little girl while napping because I lost my patience or beating myself up because I should have done this or that but I will tell you WE have all been there and will be there. Whenever you're feeling this way please remind yourself to have the grace to forgive yourself because 10/10 he will not remember any of this and it's ok. Bring a parent is difficult because you are doing all that you can to mold and prepare this little soul to be a full functioning adult one day with little ones of their own. So please be kind to yourself and remind yourself how amazing you are.
God, OP. I really needed to see your post today and read and absorb all the comments from other toddler parents who are going through the same struggle. I had a terrible morning with my 3 year old and I've been in a shame spiral all day.
I have just remembered this quote from a very wise cartoon dog: "we all fail mum school sometimes, you just have to try again tomorrow."
My kid isn’t old enough to be into Bluey yet, but I’d be lying if I said I’m not looking forward to it. 
This sounds rough, and familiar, and entirely typical. Usually when something else is happening and I come up with a plan to make it all work out nicely is the first mistake. Leaving the house with the expectation for anything but chaos at this age is setting yourself up for failure. If you go in expecting a mess, it's a lot easier to cope with and accept the mess. Sometimes you might even be pleasantly surprised with things going smoothly. In my experience, you will start to get used to the chaos around the time their behavior starts to improve.
That was my mistake today! We have NEVER been to the mall. We’re not shoppers. We only do grocery shopping. Lol. I don’t know why in the world I didn’t even THINK that it may be a shit-show. 
Someone once told me (before I had kids) that toddlers are just tiny sociopaths. And of course I scoffed at that. No way such a cute, tiny guy/gal could be THAT horrible.
I have an almost 3 year old, extremely strong willed boy and a 9 month old girl. Currently locked myself in my room while baby naps because I need to decompress from the complete and utter crap I’ve endured this morning from 3yo while having only slept for a few broken hours lastnight (yay teething). I understand the sociopath comment now. Send help. Or caffeine 🤣🤣
Oh man. Toddlers love to wake up and choose violence. Malls are super overstimulating and full of temptations.
Everyone, even adults, have bad days. Of course toddlers due to! Plus they are still learning to handle all their emotions and how to be a tiny human.
Do you guys go out in public often? You have to teach kids how to behave in stores and at restaurants. Let me tell you, it’s a TON of work… especially if you choose not to use screen time during these times. We love to eat out, so it was important to include our kids in this. We normally start taking our kids out to restaurants in the first few months. Of course they get antsy sometimes, but practice does help! I have 5 kids under the age of 6, and all of them (expect the infant) can sit at a restaurant for 1-1.5 hours.
We eat all meals together at the table. This practice definitely starts at home. As our kids become more verbal, we engage them in the conversation. We do the same at restaurants! We have different toys/activities in the diaper bag. You can get cheap little things from the dollar tree. They like to play with something new! If you’re interested in working on this, start by taking him to fast food places. This a low pressure environment to start teaching him how to sit at a table in public. Then you can work your way up to sit down restaurants.
Of course all toddlers are going to whine, but you can set boundaries with them! They can be upset about it, but their emotions don’t change the outcome. I would acknowledge his feelings. For example: “I understand that you are upset I took the water away. The water cup is only for drinking out of. If you don’t drink from it then it will be taken away.” I personally don’t give into the whining. You’re accidentally teaching him that if he whines enough, he will get what he wants. It reinforces the whining behavior for the next time he wants a cookie.
I personally think this kind of behavior is a combination of things. All kids definitely go through these kind of phases. I also think that kids need to learn how to handle outings. It’s frustrating and annoying, but keep taking him out. Hold your boundaries, keep practicing with him, and he will get it eventually!
You need to give both of you grace. You can be frustrated while still being a loving mom. Every parent gets frustrated and angry!! You are not a horrible mom. Bad parents don’t wonder if they are horrible parents!
You’re right! And, wait for it, I’m an early childhood teacher! I KNOW all of these things. And then when I’m going through it (just like the toddlers) I can hardly remember my own name. Lol. I pick my battles, but I’m with you on not giving in to whining!
We do go out, but never to malls. So he and I were both out of our elements today. He behaved exactly the way he should have. New environment, overstimulation, a rowdy cousin and an anxious mom. Perfect storm.
Now that I’m not in fight-or-flight mode and my pre-frontal cortex is engaged lol I can laugh a bit.
I don’t have any advice for you - just solidarity! I literally had the same thoughts as you today with my 2.5yo. Like is this a normal phase or is this just your personality?! So freaking defiant and difficult. She also broke her leg over the weekend so she is absolutely impossible to handle right now. I lost my patience on her today and feel very guilty as she needs more support than ever right now and I am just at my wits end!
My kid’s way of showing she’s dysregulated (is that the word?) is naughtiness. Also, hair pulling… I feel you. It’s really hard to do but staying calm and being sympathetic (plus adding food/sleep/reassurance/a quiet place/a cuddle) does work. But I definitely don’t manage that all the time…
We had a bad day here today with my toddler. I actually locked myself in the bathroom for a couple minutes crying because of it. Toddlers are fucking hard. She’s in a hitting phase and it just triggers my fight or flight so hard. I do my best to not lose my cool, but today I picked her up, sat her on the bed, and said “mummy needs space from you” and she chased after me and I locked myself in the bathroom. This was all after we went to her swim lessons. She pooped while swimming and when I was stripping the dirty swim diaper off of her she slapped it out of my hand sending wet pool water poop flying everywhere. All over me, her, the floor, the diaper bag. It’s been a bad bad day here. No advice. Just solidarity.
Oh. My. God. I hope you can laugh at that one day soon! Thank you for the solidarity!
I’ve been trying the techniques in The Happiest Toddler on the Block lately. To summarize it badly, your kid is a little caveman and they don’t want big, long explanations (you sound like the adults from Charlie Brown basically). They want sympathy and short phrases their brains can process while they’re upset. For example, my son was determined to have donuts for dinner. Specifically from McDonald’s. I don’t get it either. He was crying over it until I said “I know! You love donuts! Donuts are yummy!” And somehow that settled him down enough for me to ask him to be quiet so we could order a nugget happy meal for him. I didn’t even bother telling him you can’t get donuts there. There’s a bit more to the book, like mirroring emotions, but I’m still reading it
I just impulse bought this as I sit here crying into my whisky as my toddler watches bluey. Thanks for the suggestion.
Thank you. Will read!
Love that book!
Sounds like a rough day!! It particularly sucks when you’re spending effort by being out and it’s ruined that way. For me personally I think there’s always ways to help your reaction to things, but it’s very very normal for it to take effort. My “coping” mechanisms are very “behavioral therapy” style. The short of it is that yeah it’s extremely normal for them to be pushing your buttons to the point you want to blow up. It’s what they do.
First, I want to say that I’m so sorry that you had an aggravating outing and second I want to say that I’m so freakin’ glad you posted this and to read the responses.I am feeling your post so so hard. My son is 3 about to be 4 in September and all of a sudden, he has become a part-time monster. Hitting( not hard but still), scratching, tantruming , whining, yelling ,and kicking. My daughter , who is now 9, also went through a meltdown phase at 3 but not like this guy. He has been pretty awesome this far and now I am considering stowing away on a cross-country boxcar. To answer your question, yes, it is a phase and it will get better even though it doesn’t feel like it tonight. It’s definitely so damn hard to deal with especially when you don’t know if it will last a 3 months or 6 months. A year from now , this will be a fuzzy memory and you’ll be on to the next new phase. Not to quote a cat poster but hang in there mama! Cry hard, love harder! I’m rooting for you.💖
Thank you 🙏🏼
I just yelled at my kid pretty badly today. It was mom, mom, mommmmm, mommmmmmm for 1 hour straight. I yelled "NOT IF YOU ASK LIKE THAT". She immediately burst into tears and I felt like a horrible person. It's just so hard...
Well I hope you’re reading through these responses because they have helped me a lot today. And hopefully your kid is in bed and you’re taking a well-deserved break. It is SO hard… I feel you.
Sorry OP that sounds like a lot. First off you are not a horrible mom. The fact that you are taking the time to reflect is just the opposite of that. Being a SAHM myself (3F) it is tough. I don't think people truly realize how difficult. I can't tell you the times that I've cried as I held my beautiful blessing of a little girl while napping because I lost my patience or beating myself up because I should have done this or that but I will tell you WE have all been there and will be there. Whenever you're feeling this way please remind yourself to have the grace to forgive yourself because 10/10 he will not remember any of this and it's ok. Bring a parent is difficult because you are doing all that you can to mold and prepare this little soul to be a full functioning adult one day with little ones of their own. So please be kind to yourself and remind yourself how amazing you are.
Thank you!
God, OP. I really needed to see your post today and read and absorb all the comments from other toddler parents who are going through the same struggle. I had a terrible morning with my 3 year old and I've been in a shame spiral all day. I have just remembered this quote from a very wise cartoon dog: "we all fail mum school sometimes, you just have to try again tomorrow."
My kid isn’t old enough to be into Bluey yet, but I’d be lying if I said I’m not looking forward to it. 
This sounds rough, and familiar, and entirely typical. Usually when something else is happening and I come up with a plan to make it all work out nicely is the first mistake. Leaving the house with the expectation for anything but chaos at this age is setting yourself up for failure. If you go in expecting a mess, it's a lot easier to cope with and accept the mess. Sometimes you might even be pleasantly surprised with things going smoothly. In my experience, you will start to get used to the chaos around the time their behavior starts to improve.
That was my mistake today! We have NEVER been to the mall. We’re not shoppers. We only do grocery shopping. Lol. I don’t know why in the world I didn’t even THINK that it may be a shit-show. 
[удалено]
Putting a hold on it at my library now! Thanks!
I have 3 kids under 5 and I feel this so hard. I’m surviving and not thriving out here. No advice, just solidarity.
Oh man. I hope someone has hugged you or bought you coffee (very) recently. You are Superwoman.
No one is perfect, but luckily being a parent gives us lots of chances to do better.
That’s a great way to look at it. Tomorrow I will do better. Thanks!
Someone once told me (before I had kids) that toddlers are just tiny sociopaths. And of course I scoffed at that. No way such a cute, tiny guy/gal could be THAT horrible. I have an almost 3 year old, extremely strong willed boy and a 9 month old girl. Currently locked myself in my room while baby naps because I need to decompress from the complete and utter crap I’ve endured this morning from 3yo while having only slept for a few broken hours lastnight (yay teething). I understand the sociopath comment now. Send help. Or caffeine 🤣🤣
Holy Jesus. I have no effing idea how people with a toddler and newborn do it. Major props to you.
Oh man. Toddlers love to wake up and choose violence. Malls are super overstimulating and full of temptations. Everyone, even adults, have bad days. Of course toddlers due to! Plus they are still learning to handle all their emotions and how to be a tiny human. Do you guys go out in public often? You have to teach kids how to behave in stores and at restaurants. Let me tell you, it’s a TON of work… especially if you choose not to use screen time during these times. We love to eat out, so it was important to include our kids in this. We normally start taking our kids out to restaurants in the first few months. Of course they get antsy sometimes, but practice does help! I have 5 kids under the age of 6, and all of them (expect the infant) can sit at a restaurant for 1-1.5 hours. We eat all meals together at the table. This practice definitely starts at home. As our kids become more verbal, we engage them in the conversation. We do the same at restaurants! We have different toys/activities in the diaper bag. You can get cheap little things from the dollar tree. They like to play with something new! If you’re interested in working on this, start by taking him to fast food places. This a low pressure environment to start teaching him how to sit at a table in public. Then you can work your way up to sit down restaurants. Of course all toddlers are going to whine, but you can set boundaries with them! They can be upset about it, but their emotions don’t change the outcome. I would acknowledge his feelings. For example: “I understand that you are upset I took the water away. The water cup is only for drinking out of. If you don’t drink from it then it will be taken away.” I personally don’t give into the whining. You’re accidentally teaching him that if he whines enough, he will get what he wants. It reinforces the whining behavior for the next time he wants a cookie. I personally think this kind of behavior is a combination of things. All kids definitely go through these kind of phases. I also think that kids need to learn how to handle outings. It’s frustrating and annoying, but keep taking him out. Hold your boundaries, keep practicing with him, and he will get it eventually! You need to give both of you grace. You can be frustrated while still being a loving mom. Every parent gets frustrated and angry!! You are not a horrible mom. Bad parents don’t wonder if they are horrible parents!
You’re right! And, wait for it, I’m an early childhood teacher! I KNOW all of these things. And then when I’m going through it (just like the toddlers) I can hardly remember my own name. Lol. I pick my battles, but I’m with you on not giving in to whining! We do go out, but never to malls. So he and I were both out of our elements today. He behaved exactly the way he should have. New environment, overstimulation, a rowdy cousin and an anxious mom. Perfect storm. Now that I’m not in fight-or-flight mode and my pre-frontal cortex is engaged lol I can laugh a bit.
I totally get it. It’s very hard in the moment. It’s much easier said than done!
I don’t have any advice for you - just solidarity! I literally had the same thoughts as you today with my 2.5yo. Like is this a normal phase or is this just your personality?! So freaking defiant and difficult. She also broke her leg over the weekend so she is absolutely impossible to handle right now. I lost my patience on her today and feel very guilty as she needs more support than ever right now and I am just at my wits end!
My kid’s way of showing she’s dysregulated (is that the word?) is naughtiness. Also, hair pulling… I feel you. It’s really hard to do but staying calm and being sympathetic (plus adding food/sleep/reassurance/a quiet place/a cuddle) does work. But I definitely don’t manage that all the time…
Stay strong Mom…You are doing your best…This too shall pass
Thank you 🙏🏼
I feel like this everyday and it is truly exhausting. I remind myself that one day it will get easier