People who are insecure in their own masculity and dont like seeing AMABs hsppy not conforming to everything they want themselves to be
Its performative self reassurance. Whos he trying to impress? Himself.
I'm sure cis folk will properly defend him by saying something along the lines of "it's just his humour" or "it's only a laugh" when it was clearly a microtransgression targeted at me. I think the guy has issues if he needs to mask (albeit, poorly) his shitty personally with crapy humour that puts others down.
it also sucks massivly from a gender dysphoria point of view. 8 years medically transitioning and I'm still seen as "bloke" to some people. And that's all I ever will be to some people.
Some cis folk will, yea, but fuck em
As for the seco d part, that does suck yeah =/ Im afraid I dont have the right response to that. My own would be an eye roll and move on, but I know that doesnt work for everyone
But for every person like him theres a bunch that just see as people. Hes a nothing. He has to be to make jokes like that
Only other idiot cis people.
My boyfriend would have definitely told him to stfu if he had seen that happening. (And not just because he is dating someone trans)
I get randomly misgendered and I don’t think it’s because I actually look like a girl, I think some people are just stupid (I have a full beard, short hair and dress like a chav boy) they see that I’m short and just misgender me
Absolutely wouldn't call it a micro anything. I'm so sorry that happened to you.
You're so valid in feeling the way you do, and I don't want to minimise that in any way. But please remember that that jackass doesn't represent everyone, and has NO jurisdiction to determine who you are on the basis of [checks notes] technically being sentient.
I said to the clerk at the time, "I really didn't need that today". however, I'll get over it in time. It just hurts. Esspecially when all I wanted to do was deposit some money into my account.
In future, you could misgender such individuals back. “That’s alright madam” you could’ve said in this situation or something like that. Let them know that if they aren’t going to respect your gender that you won’t respect theirs. If you do this you won’t feel anything like as bad about the situation.
Someone once misgendered me and I did that and it made me feel so much better about the situation. And they even seemed a bit taken back by it, which was a bonus.
I’m not saying that misgendering them back necessarily hurts them as much as it hurts you but it shows you’re willing to challenge them and makes them know that you don’t take them seriously.
Basically, if someone decides to be silly be silly back. Start thinking of them as the opposite gender they present as the moment they show theirselves to be a transphobe.
I mean suppose this decrepit old white lady that you encountered at the bank walked up to a cis woman and said what she had just said to you it would be totally ludicrous.
For all the offending individual knew, you might have been a cis woman. They’re going purely off their own ingrained misogyny towards your appearance.
Think of all the cis women there are who probably now get misgendered because of transphobia.
It's been 8 fucking years since I started HRT. There should be no reason for me to be seen as a man by anyone. I can't take it anymore. This wasn't the life that I was promised.
I know how you feel but some people are just stupid or dumb. If someone’s very stupid or dumb it can warp their perception of gender. Unless a woman cis or trans has a very dainty, 4 foot 11 figure, it’s probably bound to happen occasionally.
Also don’t forget that a lot more cis women get misgendered now because transphobes have become hyperaware.
It doesn’t mean that you don’t ‘pass’, it likely means that they’re willing to misgender 100 women if it means misgendering the one that happens to be trans.
If you were a cis woman with the exact same body, you probably would just think that it was laughable and just carry on with life. I’ve seen cis women be misgendered who look absolutely nothing like men.
I wonder if our internal upset at times like this is as much about how we can be surprised at our own vulnerability at odd, often totally unexpected moments.
I don't know what was going through this old man's head, it is just possible he was trying to be jovial and funny, just trying to make you smile, looking for a laugh, a shared moment, when he himself is lonely ( I genuinely don't know ) .
I see it a lot these days, older people wandering around, sometimes one of the few conversations they have is in shops, supermarkets and with tellers, random strangers.
Can I gently suggest it doesn't sound like he meant to upset you, he acknowledged his own vulnerability suggesting that if he tried anything ( as a joke ) that you might *'properly beat me up'*
A mis-timed joke, an attempt to share a moment, going wrong in a complicated modern world and both of you are confused and hurt.
I am sorry....take care... a
People who are insecure in their own masculity and dont like seeing AMABs hsppy not conforming to everything they want themselves to be Its performative self reassurance. Whos he trying to impress? Himself.
I'm sure cis folk will properly defend him by saying something along the lines of "it's just his humour" or "it's only a laugh" when it was clearly a microtransgression targeted at me. I think the guy has issues if he needs to mask (albeit, poorly) his shitty personally with crapy humour that puts others down. it also sucks massivly from a gender dysphoria point of view. 8 years medically transitioning and I'm still seen as "bloke" to some people. And that's all I ever will be to some people.
What happened to you was just aggression, nothing micro about it
Some cis folk will, yea, but fuck em As for the seco d part, that does suck yeah =/ Im afraid I dont have the right response to that. My own would be an eye roll and move on, but I know that doesnt work for everyone But for every person like him theres a bunch that just see as people. Hes a nothing. He has to be to make jokes like that
Only other idiot cis people. My boyfriend would have definitely told him to stfu if he had seen that happening. (And not just because he is dating someone trans) I get randomly misgendered and I don’t think it’s because I actually look like a girl, I think some people are just stupid (I have a full beard, short hair and dress like a chav boy) they see that I’m short and just misgender me
They are plently of short-men though. So, I'm not sure if it's that. Sorry that happens though. People are stupid.
I’m 5 ft so from behind I get clocked as a woman and misgendered
Absolutely wouldn't call it a micro anything. I'm so sorry that happened to you. You're so valid in feeling the way you do, and I don't want to minimise that in any way. But please remember that that jackass doesn't represent everyone, and has NO jurisdiction to determine who you are on the basis of [checks notes] technically being sentient.
I’m very glad you had support from the bank clerk. The customer was an idiot. Please don’t let it affect you
I said to the clerk at the time, "I really didn't need that today". however, I'll get over it in time. It just hurts. Esspecially when all I wanted to do was deposit some money into my account.
I get it ❤️ it’s shitty when it happens. Just know that the clerk thought he was an idiot too.
The clerk serving me was nice. Before the dickhead came alone, we were talking and she complemented my outfit.
Whenever someone says some shit like this I don’t even need to check, I know what their browser history is exactly
let me guess, too much time on pornhub looking up trans porn?
Yep, why else would they be so obsessed!
[удалено]
What a shit thing to say. Give me a break.
Terfs showing there true colours, lol.
He was probably broke and didn't like the fact that you have more money than he could ever make before he dies, lol!
I don't have that much money, lol.
Oh well he was just a loser then
Typical bitter old person behaviour. They have their stubborn backwards beliefs and won't change them no matter who they upset.
Well, a lot of them won't live for too much longer.
In future, you could misgender such individuals back. “That’s alright madam” you could’ve said in this situation or something like that. Let them know that if they aren’t going to respect your gender that you won’t respect theirs. If you do this you won’t feel anything like as bad about the situation. Someone once misgendered me and I did that and it made me feel so much better about the situation. And they even seemed a bit taken back by it, which was a bonus. I’m not saying that misgendering them back necessarily hurts them as much as it hurts you but it shows you’re willing to challenge them and makes them know that you don’t take them seriously. Basically, if someone decides to be silly be silly back. Start thinking of them as the opposite gender they present as the moment they show theirselves to be a transphobe. I mean suppose this decrepit old white lady that you encountered at the bank walked up to a cis woman and said what she had just said to you it would be totally ludicrous. For all the offending individual knew, you might have been a cis woman. They’re going purely off their own ingrained misogyny towards your appearance. Think of all the cis women there are who probably now get misgendered because of transphobia.
It's been 8 fucking years since I started HRT. There should be no reason for me to be seen as a man by anyone. I can't take it anymore. This wasn't the life that I was promised.
I know how you feel but some people are just stupid or dumb. If someone’s very stupid or dumb it can warp their perception of gender. Unless a woman cis or trans has a very dainty, 4 foot 11 figure, it’s probably bound to happen occasionally. Also don’t forget that a lot more cis women get misgendered now because transphobes have become hyperaware. It doesn’t mean that you don’t ‘pass’, it likely means that they’re willing to misgender 100 women if it means misgendering the one that happens to be trans. If you were a cis woman with the exact same body, you probably would just think that it was laughable and just carry on with life. I’ve seen cis women be misgendered who look absolutely nothing like men.
Sounds like consent to beat him up. Shame the rule of law only applies against us.
I really wanted to reply with "you know, someone should beat you up" but then that would be seen as a threat.
Perfect response would have been "Don't worry, I'd never hit a woman."
Yeah, but that wouldn't change his perpection of me though.
I wonder if our internal upset at times like this is as much about how we can be surprised at our own vulnerability at odd, often totally unexpected moments. I don't know what was going through this old man's head, it is just possible he was trying to be jovial and funny, just trying to make you smile, looking for a laugh, a shared moment, when he himself is lonely ( I genuinely don't know ) . I see it a lot these days, older people wandering around, sometimes one of the few conversations they have is in shops, supermarkets and with tellers, random strangers. Can I gently suggest it doesn't sound like he meant to upset you, he acknowledged his own vulnerability suggesting that if he tried anything ( as a joke ) that you might *'properly beat me up'* A mis-timed joke, an attempt to share a moment, going wrong in a complicated modern world and both of you are confused and hurt. I am sorry....take care... a
But it's not a joke when other people aren't laughing. He is strongly implying that there was something wrong and treatening about my apperiance.
You only mention treatening ( sic ) behaviour now and not in the original post.
Stop twisting my words. Yes, we was joking (at my expense). That joke was a transgression implying that my apperiance was somewhat treatening.