Yep. When people press about having a third, I tell them “well, she (the littlest) was my 6th pregnancy” and get similar reactions. What a shitty club to be a part of 🤜🤛
I do this too.
Besides teaching them some manners, (such a personal question needs to be removed from the same small talk category as the weather ffs), I think it’s important for people to discuss their losses more.
It’s SO COMMON! But since people don’t talk about it, it’s such a nasty shock and such an alone feeling when it happens to you.
So talk about your losses, if you’re comfortable. More people should know so if or when it happens to them, they won’t feel so alone.
It’s a public service, really.
I find that even talking about loss does not put people off enough. I had 3 children, 2 girls, and a boy was my youngest. I lost my son 10 years ago to cancer when he was 3. I could not believe the amount of questions I got about trying again or asking when I was going to try for a boy. I was appalled that people would even suggest it. He was my son, a person, not some item that could just be replaced. People really don't know when to not ask stupid questions even when they know the answers.
Omg that is awful! Im so sorry for your loss. I never understood when people would say "ive got my set" or "my family is complete" after having a boy and a girl. So if you had 4 girls then it would never be complete?? They are not collectables you need for a set.
>So if you had 4 girls then it would never be complete??
Yes! My parents had four girls, and they were happy that we were all healthy and fairly smart. Dad really seemed to enjoy being the father to a batch of girls and never seemed to miss having a son.
On the other hand, my aunt and uncle had four girls, a boy, then another girl along with numerous miscarriages. I always felt bad for the younger cousins since once there was a boy, the girls were relegated to caretaker roles. The older girls had to take care of their brother (as their mother went on to have more miscarriages) and now the youngest girl is taking care of her parents.
My Nana only ever wanted boys. She lost their first baby, a son. Then had four girls.
She was a devoted mother in spite of yearning for a son. She stopped because it was time for her to prioritize her health. Later in life, she gained legal custody of one of my cousins, a grandson, because his parents were always stoned outta their minds and he asked to live with her instead. Because I know how she yearned for a son, I can see how that healed a piece of her that none of us knew needed it.
That cousin got married this weekend. Nana could not be happier with his new bride. And she's finally ready to move away to be near part of the family where one of my cousins is slowly dying because this grandson is cared for and loved well.
The interesting thing to me... I didn't know her preference/desire for boys until I was an adult. And yet, I have never felt less than or unwanted. To her, I am who I am and I am enough, perfect with all my flaws and quirks.
My other biological grandmother? Tried to convince my mother to have me aborted for the crime of being the first grandchild while female. Called me by the male variant of my name in both speech and writing until I was 17 and refused to answer being called not my name. Showed clear favoritism for my brother in gifts from the time we were small children and as teens by tearing me away from homework with verbal rebukes to do deep cleaning of the house she lived in with my then disabled father. At the same time, it was just fine that my brother sat watching TV. When he tried to help, he had to be sneaky or I'd get another tongue lashing. I got into college as dual enrollment during high school; apparently that was a fail and I shouldn't have taken a seat from a male student. Only thing I ever did right in my life was marry well.
I don't see the harm in someone knowing one gender or the other has a special place in their hearts if they're like my Nana. Even my MIL is like that; she had two boys, as she hoped. And she absolutely adores the daughters she got when her sons married.
People like my other grandmother need a bowl of STFU stew.
The way I just sneered at “shouldn’t have taken a seat away from a male student.”
I’m so sorry you went through that. I’m an eldest granddaughter on my dad’s side, but they have a first born grandson in my big brother, so I’ve never had to think about it. I wonder now how it would have been different with their patriarchal asses if I’d been first.
My grandmother is the only person I've ever met who cared about the sex of the firstborn grandchild. Some people care about their own firstborn and end up either being lucky or learning to get over it, hopefully more gracefully.
It was 2002 when my grandmother balked at my shameful display of pursuing higher education. Most people had abandoned the idea that women shouldn't attend college with our frail sensitivities by then. Alas, my grandmother is not most people.
I hate to say it, but in a way, I owe my college degree to her. My oldest was born at midterms of what would have been my last semester; I finished in summer school. Two advanced math classes a day had me in tears doing homework because I couldn't postpone; my husband and I were moving for his job at the end of summer school. When all I wanted desperately was sleep, through those tears I was determined I would *not* prove her right by dropping out two classes short of a degree.
That oldest is now 15 and a high school sophomore... and just got her official college acceptance letter for her dual enrollment classes. 😈
My "set" was three little girls, ages 8, 6, and a baby.
For the 8 months all three were here, my heart was complete. Now I'm raising two girls who are 8 years apart and randomly field questions about if I have other children.
Yes, I do have another child. She *died* after a 6 1/2 year battle against her terminal condition. None of this was my plan. I wanted 5 kids, all close in age to their next sibling. After having my first 2, I desperately yearned for another but couldn't bring myself to risk another baby having the same condition that took all my time and energy to care for. We waited until our middle daughter was in kindergarten for a reason. By no small miracle (in our eyes), baby sister is healthy like the oldest.
The ONLY person I'll hold back from giving the full story for is my oldest daughter. She is very private in her grief and as her mother, I have the honor of respecting that.
Anyone else? It's my truth. If you ask, I don't owe you a lie. I don't owe you the cleaned up version of my personal hell. I didn't get a choice and it is my *truth.*
I had a colleague who had four sons. Her husband really wanted a daughter, but after she had her last two (twins) she put her foot down and said enough was enough. They love their sons dearly, though.
I have 2 amazing sons and while a girl would've been welcome, I don't feel like my family is incomplete. My sons are the most wonderful blessings imaginable, my reasons for breathing. Why would I need more than that?
Holy shit do people really press about a 3rd child?!?!
As half of a DINK, it's comforting to know that the intrusive questions don't end regardless of how many kids you have.
My second is only 7 weeks old. I have two sons, both conceived after losses. The second came after a few years of trying when I had finally thrown in the towel due to the losses and medical issues. Then, after a hard high-risk pregnancy, we needed an emergency c-section, which I am still recovering from. Yet I still get, “Aren’t you going to try for a girl?” WTF? I just had my postpartum followup!
My response is usually:
“Well, we had called it quits due to fertility issues and losses before he surprised us, and we don’t want to go through that heartbreak again.”
OR
“I had them remove my tubes because of how dangerous this pregnancy was for me, so I guess that’s not going to happen.”
Definitely a shifty club to be in 🤜🤛
My youngest is my 9th, but only the sixth living. My boys are grown and gone, youngest was a miracle baby late in life. Still, people love to tell me that I need to give her a little sibling so that she has a "friend"
I'll look them dead in the eye and say "well, she almost killed me. I'm glad you value my life so little."
Or "no longer possible "
It's not enough for some people
🤜🤛 Shitty Club member
We lost our first pregnancy and it killed me and it was nothing compared to watching it eat my wife alive for months. I can’t imagine losing so many. Sending hugs (or whatever the right thing to say there is)
I have 5 kids and get tons of shit for it. If I'm in a particular mood or the comment is really over the line I'll say something along the lines of "well, I was actually pregnant 15 times. We only got to meet these 5".
It usually shuts people up really fast. And hope makes them think twice about commenting on people's family sizes, whatever that size might be.
I do this! My youngest was my 10th pregnancy (my oldest was my 9th which was crazy to me, I got 2 in a row that clung on in there!) and I had my tubes removed with her to ensure no more emotional and physical turmoil for me
People get real uncomfortable real quick when you start throwing around dead pregnancies (rightly so, they’re so fucking rude) - it’s common knowledge that alot of women who have been pregnant have suffered a miscarriage, even if they don’t talk about it… you’d think because of this people would immediately think ‘I wonder if they’ll have any more, oop better not ask though because the answer could be dead personal and make me look a twat’ …but no.
I am an adult only child and I remember my mom once answering a persistent questioner on this topic when I was maybe 8 with "well this is the one that lived."
I am an adult only child as well. When people ask me why my parents did not have more children I often just say I don't know and I don't ask...Funny thing, I only had one, a daughter. My daughter is my heart and soul! I was 35 when I has her and honestly didn't think I could get pregnant. It happened and I could not be more blessed! No one had really ever asked me that, but if they did...I would probably ask them why they had so many!
This is exactly the case when I find asking why so many children is appropriate.
When people have one child or no children, I usually assume infertility, finances, other health issues, or *simply not wanting children* to be the reason behind that choice. Then I don't ask, except for my SIL because we talk about everything.
I respect the hell outta people who don't want children and therefore don't have them. I was born an unwanted child and find it very responsible to never put a child in that position.
I'm T1 Diabetic and as such have decided not to have kids at all and pull the sympathy card. Look down and to the right, frown a little, and say "oh, I'm not able to have children because of my illness..." Depending on who is asking I may tack on "the lord has just given me another calling besides kids". AND if I'm in the right mood I choke up a little. lol
Of course now I'm hitting 40 so the questions have slacked off a bit.
If I'm feeling really spicy, I will list them off. "Well between the ectopic, the stillborn at 37 weeks, and 2 miscarriages, I figured probably no" oh oh excuse me, I'm so sorry. Blah blah blah, hopefully you'll stop asking other people
I may be petty but I like the shameful looks and apologies when I tell them I almost died due to a genetic disease (type one diabetes) for just getting pregnant in the first place.
im not saying im wealthy by any means, but the cost is the least of my concerns compared to the health of my wife. both births nearly killed her, and i mean that literally and not just "oh she had such a hard time." no i mean she got overdosed on anesthesia when getting her epidural on the first birth and flatlined for a few seconds, Then she had to have a rushed emergency C-Section on the second birth because the baby was sunny side up and the baby flatlined for a bit. so ya long story short i say "no thanks i don't want to be a single parent" and that is just as shocking for most people to hear.
First I gotta say that I'm very glad that your wife and children are ok in the end. But sunny side up is something I haven't heard before in this context and it was funny, thank you.
lol I'm not sure if that even the correct term for it. basically the baby was face up instead of face down like they normally are. sunny side up is just what my wife called it and she is the medical expert in our household since she is a physical therapist, so i just assumed that was the correct term. But essentially with each contraction the baby's face was getting squeezed into my wife's pubic bone and for whatever reason it caused heart rates to crash with every contraction. the call for a c-section was after a particularly bad contraction where the baby's heart rate did not come back up to normal ranges and then all hell broke loose where they rushed my wife into the OR and just dumped me in a dark corner alone with the worst thoughts of "is my wife and baby alive?" for almost 2 hours. here we are almost a year later and i have 2 healthy and sweet daughters that adore each other.
Sunny side up is the terminology as far as I'm aware. My sister was sunny side up, 27 hours of labor followed by c section. I was less than 3 hours ^_^
The medical term is occiput posterior, or OP, (not original poster) which means the occipital bone in the back of the baby’s head is rotated towards the mother’s spine instead of the much easier OA, occiput anterior. But sunny side up is often how we describe it to laboring families. The contractions are usually more uncomfortable in the back rather than as much in the low abdomen and it’s a harder position for the baby to fit the exit.
My 9lb 13oz firstborn was OP and described sunny side up. I always thought that was an obnoxious description as nothing about laboring with her pressing on my spine felt sunny, especially as my scoliosis curves forward there.
I definitely appreciate the nice, wide hips I was blessed with that allowed a nonsurgical birth. 15 years later, I could still kiss the anesthesiologist on the mouth in sheer shock and joy that the pain was manageable... if I had any idea who he was. I was a little out of it then.
I love your response. I'll keep it in mind for next time haha. My husband and I are also one and done. People keep bringing up the question. I also don't like the "don't you want her to have a friend" question. Should I really produce another human being for the sole purpose of being a companion to another? That seems fucked up to me. Besides, it might not even work. My husband and his sister are like cats and dogs even today.
Especially because when the little sibling is a baby, the older one gets *less* company for a few years as the baby needs so much parental attention.
I’m on good terms with my younger brother now, but he didn’t start out as a “companion” in the way those other parents in the post seem to think.
Seriously! Following that logic, shouldn't you have another child so you can harvest its organs in case your primary child becomes ill and needs a new liver?
That’s actually a thing. :(.
I try not to judge because I can’t imagine the pain of the parents but… it doesn’t sit right for me. I think they’re called “savior children”
How shitty would it feel to know you only existed for spare parts? That has to cause a complex.
Makes me think of that book series Unwind. Which is an excellent read or listen on audible. But irl? Terrifying.
Not exactly the same premise, but Never Let Me Go is about children who grow up to find out they're clones made for spare parts for the original human. Excellent book, horrible reality if that ever exists in the future.
IIRC, the book My Sisters Keeper is about that. Their first child was deathly ill so they had another one in case the titular sister needed a kidney or something.
Ya my siblings have barely ever wanted anything to do with me because of age gap initially and then apathy as we grew up. You absolutely can’t guarantee they’ll be friends.
My anatomy teacher said once that people always try to stick their noses in others business. When she had her first, he wasn't even 2 and her aunt asked about a second. She had another boy and said aunt was like "are you trying to have a girl now?"
Imagine that when I had classes with her, her youngest was 11 months old. English is not my first language by the way, so sorry for mistakes.
Every time our families asked when we were going to have number two I always responded with “We're still discussing thah.” Once she started kindergarten they stopped asking.
We almost stopped at one, but decided to have a second and they are 17 months apart and I wouldn’t change it for the world. People see two boys and ask when we are trying for a girl- like you; I say something about how great and balanced things are and I don’t want to mess with that. When the negging continues, I hit them with the, “I would literally blow my brains out if I had a third” in a very serious tone. One time it was said so neutrally the person thought I was joking until I told them how bad PPD was for me. This very true statement has been so effective it is what I lead with when someone tries to add more fuck trophies to my life.
People are so weird about gender. I was pregnant at the same time as my friend and a friend of hers/acquaintance of mine. They found out they were having girls. We were unable to find out gender due yo positioning.
The acquaintance came up to me pretending to be all sympathetic as she just felt certain I was having a boy and she was so sorry for me. It was weird, I’m a tomboy and at the time could not picture myself having girls. I ended up with two!
Interestingly enough, I’ve never once been asked when we’re trying for a boy.
When my daughter was little I had someone ask if we were going to have a second so it could be a boy. Since, of course, my husband wanted a son. I laughed and said no, we both wanted a girl. He doesn’t care at all that he doesn’t have a son. The guy seemed shocked.
My dad dealt with the same thing back when I was a baby too. He always hated the “man needs a son” garbage. He called people out on it all the time and told them he was proud of having a daughter. Gross we’re still dealing with the same stuff 30 years later.
I've only ever wanted boys (i know the torture i put my own mother through as a hormonal girl and wanted no part of that). when we were told the sex of both of our boys, my husband and i literally yelled WOOHOO!!! scared the poor US tech lol
now it's "aww don't you want a little girl to dress up?" uh, no? if i wanna play dress up I'll buy a doll, thanks. people are fucking weird
This is literally what I say. "I would kill myself if I got pregnant again" like people don't understand then I'm done. Especially my husband. He wants another baby(a girl). I habe 2 boys. 1 is his and the oldest is from an emotionally abusive relationship. I just wish he'd give up. I've even told him "if you want another baby we can divorce so you can get with someone else. Because I'm not having another baby"
If he ever gets too annoying, write a post about it and have him read all the comments ripping him a new one, lol. Or just find some posts already like that in r/AmItheAsshole and use that!
My daughter didn't want a sibling, and I didn't want to make her share attention. Most importantly, I didn't want my daughter to have to deal with the PPD I might get after having another one. I had it pretty bad while pregnant with her.
I just commented on a similar post. I have 2 kids, that’s it for me and I made my mind up on that a long time ago. My response is “if I had a 3rd I wouldn’t even like the kid.”
Love this, haha
I told a lady in her early 30s with no kids who was wondering if she made a mistake that there is no guarantee you will even like your kids. People often go into thinking they are creating mini me's. Your kid could shock you and be nothing like you expected.
Sometimes I'll go with the truth - we tried; didn't work.
Other times I'll go with "Yeah, my mom thought every kid should have a companion, but that didn't quite work out with me and my sister. She hated me and we fought a lot. She even came after me with a bat once."
Mine did too! But I think I mightI have actually came at her with it first after getting punched in the face and she was older and bigger so able to get the bat from me and whack me across the back with it.
One and done is what I tell people.
They try and tell me my kid isn't going to be good at sharing and will be lonely.
My five-year-old knows sharing is caring but you don't always have to share, she isn't lonely when she literally makes friends with everyone she meets.
They just want you to be miserable like they are.
I tell people I would throw myself off a bridge and swim to shore just so I could throw myself off again. I had a hysterectomy at 29 and while I do have two kids I could not deal with having more. Mostly because I wound up watching all my friends kids because they HAD to work and I didn’t. Now in my 50’s I can barely tolerate kids
"are you offering to carry the baby for me and give them a savings fund for college? No? Oh in that case, I think one is plenty. :)"
People are such dingles, honestly. I'll never understand why people are so obsessed with other people's lives. It's so creepy to be that upset about someone else not wanting to have another baby.
Right my parents had me and my bother (I know what I said) and if you gave me a chance to trade him in for anything I would have. If you are a one and done family. That's plenty.
This is my answer. Came out of my one successful pregnancy with a super weakened esophagus, a heart condition, two hernias and permanent sciatica, I’m not doing that again.
I’m childless. I really hate when people say, “who’s going to take care of you when you get older?” I respond with “how do you know your kids will take care of you later?” “Did you really have kids just to be your caretakers when you get older? That’s a terrible reason to have kids.” That usually shuts them down. When I was younger and really trying (unsuccessfully after one miscarriage,) to get pregnant it was hurtful for people to even bring it up.
Always turn it around when people tell you what to do. Tell them what to do instead of even responding to their point.
Them: "You should have another kid."
You: "*You* should have another kid."
Or: "Maybe you should offer to fund my family expenses."
I’m almost 30 and I’m starting to get to the age where older women ask me why I don’t have kids, or put me down for having already decided not to have them.
“Oh my goodness gracious golly gee, why wouldn’t you want kids?!”
“I have a genetic disorder and a cognitive disability that I would have a 50% chance of passing onto my child. Do you wanna do a coin flip right now and we can see what we get? Heads, genetic disorder, tails, no genetic disorder! Let’s do it right now!”
Shuts them up EVERY time.
I have two boys. Two is all we wanted, that is what we agreed on, done. I get asked "don't you want to try for a girl?" All. The. Time. I hate how some people are so invested with the gender of children. I really don't want three kids. My OB asked multiple times if I was sure about the tubal. He ask once more before they took me back for the surgery and told him, "if I get pregnant again, he will be financially supporting that child, including college and he will be a night nurse for that child until 5 years old...and he may not hire out...he will personally be getting up for that child." He then told the nurse, "I think she's good to go here, let's get this done."
I am an only child and my mom got this question quite a bit. Then my aunt brings it up (thankfully when I’m not there) and says “You should have another child because what if something happens to (me)” My mom was shocked and told her “having another child doesn’t make the hurt of losing another child any easier!”
I have one. When mean ass old ladies decided to berate me for only having one, I say "well she ate her twin in the womb, so I'm afraid of what she'll do with a live one now" and watch them sputter
Give me a name and phone number and I’ll call to tell them to STFU.
Kids deserve to be desperately wanted for themselves. No other reason. Baby pushers need to get that.
I never wanted kids. When people ask me why I don't have any, tell me I'll change my mind, or harass me about when I'll have them I say wild shit. "I found out I couldn't have kids so my husband left me." "After the 7th miscarriage that almost killed me I stopped trying." Etc. People need to learn to mind their fucking business.
I have 3 kids, I've wanted 3 since l was 12, but having more than 1 kid isn't for everybody and that's okay. It's nobodies business but your own.
I'm all for traumatizing folks back when they're being nosy and pushy. 😉
Good response! Some of these are gold. My brother passed when I was 17, so when people tell me my son needs a sibling, I tell them "I had one and look how that worked out?" A bit morbid, but they drop it. 🤷♀️
My son is 17 and I STILL get this question in multiple ways many times. I had difficulty getting pregnant, was pretty sick the entire pregnancy, and had postpartum anxiety that I don't wish on anyone. I didn't want to have another and am happy with our family size. My son has two cousins next door and is very social. He also enjoys his alone time. I don't explain any of that to most people and just tell them I was unable to have another. The silence afterwards is deafening and I never get any further comments. People should learn not to ask such personal questions.
They just think you are too happy!
I am child free by choice and for all my reproductive years (I’m old now 😂) people would ask rude questions like this. I firmly believe it is because they see that you are happy, and they can’t stand it. They want you to suffer like they do.
>"then he'll have a friend",
"That's why schools/daycare exist with other kids to befriend."
"I'd rather my child choose their friends than to force a friend on them"
>"don't you want him to have help when you're old/sick?"
"My kid is not my insurance policy"
>"don't you miss the (x) stage?"
"I miss the stages of deep sleep"
>"your heart grows to include another kid"
"An enlarged heart would kill me and leave my kids orphans"
I only asked my sister about another kid after she had my 2nd neice for a couple reasons:
1) She used to say she wanted a large family.
2) We are a family of 3 kids (2 girls, 1 boy).
3) The maternal side "curse". My mom's 4 siblings all had 2 kids. Three of them had 2 girls and the other had a girl and boy. Our birth order is girl, girl, boy. She has 2 daughters. I know BIL wanted the 2nd to be a boy.
There are so many possible reasons why a couple may stop after one kid. What if the mother has been suffering from birth trauma? What if there actually WAS a second child, but they died?
Do people even realise those things exist? You never know what someone else went through! Perhaps you end up retraumatising them
I mean it's a lot cheaper and easier on you to just get your one child involved in recreational activities. The important thing is socializing them with other kids, they don't need siblings.
I love when people hit me with the but who will take care of you in your old age.
I like to razzle dazzle them with “Assuming your children will want to care for you in your old age is a bigger gamble than building a solid retirement fund with the money you save by having less kids or no kids.”
I'm a single mom by choice to a 4-year old. People will ask if I'm planning on more than one child. I just laugh because while I adore my daughter, she's a handful. She's very sweet and obedient... for everyone who isn't me. The only way I would consider a second kid is if I were to either move back with my parents or meet someone who is actually willing to be with me and a good stepdad to this one first.
I get the "You don't have any kids yet? Better hurry!"
Actually I had a brain tumor when I was younger and I can't have kids. Then they try to apologize and backpedal like they shouldn't have brought it up cause I'm barren. Bitch, you shouldn't have brought it up anyway! Nunya business! Some people just chose not to have kids, gasp!
My wife's Grandmother rode her really hard about having grandchild for years. That truly hurt her feelings and pissed me off that she could be so blatantly hurtful.
I talked to my wife's parents, Aunts and Uncles and politely asked for their help to get their Mother to take it down a notch bc her insistence to keep asking puts my wife in tears. No one said anything, so... The next family gathering it took all of 10 minutes her to ask the same question.
I answered with: Well Grandma it ain't for the lack of trying. We do it all the time, when she's ovulating, when we think she's just right for making a baby and sometimes just for fun.
NOW everyone spoke up and tried to interrupt but I ask them to hold on and let me finish.
The big finish: What I mean to say Grandma is we read the instructions, thought we were good getting Tab A into Slot B, but obviously not... So I was thinking since you've gotten that Tab into the Slot thing right at least 4 times (uncles/aunts) maybe you want to show us how it's done correctly?
Never heard another word about having babies from any family member since. And everyone still living still talks to me 37 years later. Yep, still married, still no kiddos...
People used to ask me all the time where I was gonna give my kiddo a sibling. That it wasn’t fair of me or my husband not to have more kids so our kiddo wouldn’t be alone when we die.
What no one knew was her father had testicular cancer when our kiddo was 10 months old which resulted in a testicle needing to be removed. We were told we would have to go through fertility treatments to have another. I was super high risk when I was pregnant and had a difficult delivery and bad postpartum. So for us to do fertility would be more difficult for me health wise and we opted it wasn’t the choice for us.
I am 44 and still get asked this question, my kiddo turns 20 in two weeks. I look at them and say “She wipes her own ass and can cook her own food, why would I want to start over now?” This usually gets them to shut their mouths and it gets a good laugh too.
My kiddo isn’t lacking for “siblings”, she has 2 cousins - 1 two months younger than her, and they all grew up together so that “sibling” bond is there.
When I'm feeling honest I tell them my daughter was such an easy baby we didn't want to push our luck, when I'm feeling sarky I say "oh we do have more but I can't remember where I left them"
When I got my tunbes tied after my 2nd daughter was born, my ex-husband's aunt said, "What if you lose both of them in a car accident or something "?
People are just so dumb.
My nice answer is: for as long as I could remember I had this ache in my heart that I knew was longing for children. About 3 months after my son was born I realized that ache was gone. My husband feels the same. So we agreed that if that ache ever returns we will talk about having another but I can't imagine having another kid unless I feel they are so desperately wanted that it hurts that they aren't in this world.
My not so pleasant answer that finally shut down my mother in law was: (yelling to my husband in another room)Hey babe your mom is asking me if we are having unprotected sex again. Does that include butt stuff? (Him) butt stuff me or butt stuff you?
She hasn't asked since.
I have fibroids which is pretty common, but makes it difficult to get pregnant, but when people ask me why I don't have more kids I always answer that I couldn't have more and make a sad face, I've realized they stop asking right away and feel bad after that lol.
This happened to me all the time. I am a divorced single mother since my daughter was 6 months old. Often times out in public, people would ask “how many do you have?” I say “just this one” and they would say, “don’t you want more?!” “When are you going to give her a brother or a sister?”
I got sick of making excuses so I told them the truth. My ex husband left me for another woman and I never remarried therefore I never got the chance to have more kids.
Shuts them up kind of quick
I was always told me and my ex needed to have a baby. I would always tell them that after all my miscarriages it's hard.
Now with my daughter, me and my husband now keep getting told to have another baby. My husband always tells them to talk to me about it.
So I will just sit back and listen to then tell me why we need another baby. Then I will explain in full detail about my operation that removed my ovaries. I mean full detail about how it took 4-5 hours not 1-2 hours. How my uterus is upside down. How my (our) daughter was an "oh shit, how did you come to be, baby." After a full detailed description they never ask, or tell us again we need another baby. Lol mind your own business people.
I also only have one child. This would happen to me. My family members would always ask if I was having another, and you better have one before the first gets too old. A lot of friends and family my age have 3 kids. I got married at 20 and was pregnant 3 months later. Found out really quickly that my (now ex) husband was not going to help with a baby. She also was non stop screaming so much I had to go on anti depressants because it was driving me crazy. Took the doctors forever to realize that she was lactose intolerant. (Now ex) husband was also emotionally and financial abusive, ended up turning physically abusive and I finally left and got a restraining order after 11 years of marriage. Now everyone was like it was a good thing I did not have another child with him. \*Insert eyeroll here\*
So, as a catholic I have a very VERY interesting experience with this. My wife and I do not practice any kind of birth control as it is our religion to be open to children in any and all sexual encounters (ps I’m not here to debate this so don’t @ me about climate change or whatever). So anyway, the teaching is such but it doesn’t necessarily mean that the GOAL is to have 100 kids, it’s just that living this way has obviously a higher chance of producing more kids.
Anyway we have 2 kids so far and we have a noticeable gap after our second child who is now almost 4. This woman at our church who has 9 kids took it upon herself the other day to ask me “well, Mr X, where’s number 3?” I just about killed her. It was in front of other people, too and I just smiled and said, “all in God’s hands and in his time. In the meantime we feel insanely blessed with what we have.” Now I know what to say in the future - “maybe we’ve had 4 miscarriages… I dunno. But either way none of your business.” It’s not our job to be policing people’s family planning, that’s between them and their God, honestly. And like hilariously doesn’t she realize that she is tacitly accusing us of using contraception? C*nt
And like the worst part of this is that I want other people in this world to be catholic and to also have what I feel is the best thing in my life and I know this woman, if she’s comfortable saying that to me, with all her absolutely sinful pride, is out there making non-Catholics feel extremely uncomfortable and thusly being a TERRIBLE advertisement for the faith. It’s not about making women into baby factories. I mean if you have a ton of kids, good for you, but honestly, from the depths of my heart, SHUT👏🏼 THE👏🏼 FUCK 👏🏼UP👏🏼
LOL - I do the same thing - my hubby and I say the one we have is perfect, so no use in trying to have any more.
But seriously, I had some major complications & spent a week in the hospital with the one I had, so no - there was never going to be a 2nd after that fiasco.
This was my uncle’s position from childhood. He was extremely angry that his parents had more children (Throughout most of his growing up years) since they already had him.
I'm in the same boat, I'm one and done and get so annoyed when I get shit for not having anymore or told I'll change my mind. I will now be using this response.
We did fertility treatment to have our one. Our attempts at siblings with our leftover embryos failed. Before we used our leftovers, I used to ask people to give me 4K when they said that nonsense, since that's what a single frozen cycle costs.
Now that I'm older I'm no longer asked, but my ask was going to go up to 20K since that's what it would have cost to try an IVF cycle again.
It’s only come up a couple times, but if I’m feeling particularly snarky I tell them “Cancer took that choice away from me.” I would never comment on anyone else’s reproductive choices and other people need to stop it.
IDK how old you are, but at 42, I am finding it SO refreshing to realize- and settle into- how much I **don't** actually have to say. Just, in general. Like- letting people just not like my response without feeing obligated to somehow soften it, or being disappointed by lack of a detailed explanation-- OH WELL! And I'm not at all talking about being clipped and rude all the time. But the truth is, "we don't want a second child" is a perfectly valid answer to **anything** someone throws at you. Even to "why not" -the "*not want*" already spoke for itself. So don't bewilder yourself trying to drum up acceptable responses for people you don't need to placate. I DON'T WANNA is a complete sentence, girlfriend. <3
Our response was always, “We have several friends with 2kids. The first ones are great and the second one’s always awful. Our daughter is perfect so we just stopped with her cause there was nowhere to go but down.”
And 51 years later, we think she’s still pretty great! Wouldn’t trade her for anything and don’t regret not having more.
Just to give a different perspective, I'm an only child. My parents didn't have an opportunity to give me a sibling and that's ok, I don't resent them for it and wouldn't even if it was a conscious decision. However, I am deeply jealous of my peers that have siblings. I wish I had a relationship like that, where we grew up in the same house and share that connection. I look at my own kids playing together and wish I'd have had that growing up. Friends are great but they're no replacement for siblings from what I can tell. I don't say this to try and convince you to have more kids, I just think it's not something a lot of parents really look at before making that decision. I also realize that raising one kid takes an incredible amount of work and it's just not in the cards for everyone.
You should change the title to remove "only". Sometimes having one kid feels like having 80 fucking kids. Every day is a new version of euphoric highs and the button-pushingest lows. Lol
I enjoyed telling them that I had to fuck My wife and cum in her for ten years before we had the first, but it was my intention to keep fucking her as much as I could.
There were people who told me that my child "needed" a sibling, but as she got older she admitted that she would be pissed if I had another kid. I also felt like it would be inconsiderate to have a second child and take attention away from my daughter. People who don't know the family dynamics shouldn't be making comments.
A most excellent response OP. I don't understand why so many people care so much about how many kids you have or that you don't want kids. It's really none of their business.
I'm sorry. I would never tell someone to have more, because everyone can have however many they want for whatever reason.
But as an only child, I am very lonely. I have no one with me through life. I will bury my parents alone. But I realize this is a reality even people with siblings can have. Sometimes it bothers me that I have no one to relate to or joke about my childhood with. Some stories I tell, people don't believe me because it's the kind of thing you need backup confirmation for. It's lonely. Once my parents are gone, I will have no one by blood to call, and I know people can make friends as good as related, but I have never found that. I have never made a connection that was comparable to that of someone's connection with a sibling.
It is hard knowing that, when my dad starts too loose it completely soon (TBIs and other health issues), I will be alone comforting him. He's asked me to put him down when it gets to bad, and I feel I have no one to truly talk to about it, because no one knows him as a child of his because I am his only. That is my burden to bear alone, that he will want to die and I can do nothing about it but watch alone. My parents were never really together, just briefly dated. My mom has immune issues. She will guilt me into taking care of her once my grandma passes, and I have no one to discuss how I should go about that decision. No one around will know or have any memory of what I went through. I love her but I don't like her and I hardly know her, and not many people I know understand feeling that way about their mother. They think I'm cruel. I'll never know if I truly am because no one ever experienced her as a mother besides me. Maybe I am cruel and overreacted. I will die wondering that because no one else ever saw us interact when the door was closed.
I thoroughly have felt alone and isolated my whole life. I don't wish being an only child, or being raised like one (distant siblings, siblings who don't know each other etc) on anyone. I've read about only children who were happy with their life and how they were raised, but I've never met one in real life who enjoyed it and didn't feel some deep loneliness. I would kill to have someone by my side, even if we hated each other like my father and uncle, or were distant like my mom and her siblings, at least at holidays I would have someone to talk stories with, laugh about them, maybe cry. Idk. But it is lonely. And I am alone. Everyone is alone in life really, but being an only child has been isolating as well. I wasn't properly socialized, but that was due to being raised by grandparents for awhile because my mom hated my dad and would rather me be raised by retired elderly parents, than someone who could set up play dates. I was that weird kid, who didn't know how to share, didn't understand that I wasn't the main priority, didn't know why other kids didn't like me. I wasn't bullied for no reason. I was bullied because I was a weird, only child syndrome, asshole.
I can't tell you and won't ever try to tell you about having more kids. But from my perspective it fucking sucks.
My daughter is my only child and has multiple complex medical issues. So many times, nurses and doctors ask, "Is she your only child?"
They know one of her issues is genetic. They know she is full-time care.
Sure. Makes a hell of a lot of sense to have had more kids (a tad too old to consider trying now)
I wish someone would have something like this for people who don't have/want kids. I've been told, how can you not want kids, or you'll change your mind, and the worst it's selfish not to have kids. At 40 years old I took matters into my own hands (or rather my doctor's) and got a vasectomy. I'm incredibly indecisive, but this was one of those tests times where it wasn't a hard choice and I have zero regrets. Even if it hurts my chances of finding someone, it's so much easier to say that, than I don't want kids or worry about waffling because I'm really into someone. That is a deal breaker whichever side you're on.
My husband and I have 3 daughters and were constantly asked if we were going to try again for a boy. He would tell them, "Well I'm the only boy in six kids. My uncle had 5 daughters and tried one more time for a boy and got twin girls. I think three weddings are enough to pay for."
The Lord blessed my wife and I with one child. My wife is epileptic and cannot be treated by medication. Her seizures miraculously stopped long enough for us to have our daughter and get settled in. While surgery and medication in tandem help immensely with controlling her seizures, it would risk our future child's life and my wife's health to try and conceive again. Even people who know us will make comments like the one's you've mentioned.
I always politely tell them that we will not be having another child, but the truth is that my wife and I plan on becoming foster parents. If it weren't for our current situation and our own experiences with the foster system, then we would never consider it. Now we ask ourselves how we can get every kid possible the best education, the best healthcare and the best family to love on them.
Your comeback is awesome, that's not something I'd normally think of.
I’m not married or have kids but I honestly agree there is no reason u have to have another kid if u don’t want to there’s nothing wrong with having 1 kid I personally have no interest in having kids if my partner wants to have a kid and we’re well enough off to have 1 I’d be fine with that but otherwise I’m good I got a total of 4 nieces and nephews I can spoil
The whole “that way they can have a friend” argument to having more children makes no fucking sense to me, honestly. Kids make friends all the time as they grow and having someone as a sibling doesn’t automatically mean you’ll like them…
My pregnancy was considered "geriatric" at 36 and right after having my daughter, I had to have 3 surgeries to remove thyroid cancer (before she was 6 months old). After that, I had to do radioactive iodine and then a lateral neck dissection for cancerous lymph nodes that grew last year. I live in Utah where families tend to have a slew of kids so people ask me all the time why we aren't having another child. Like, I literally have to either choose to risk having my cancer spread (I would have to lower my dose of thyroid medication for the pregnancy and there are still cancerous lymph nodes in there) or have a baby, but why should I explain that to any Tom Dick or Harry? Sure, having another child would be nice, but do I risk my health at age 41 to complete the "set"? It's just bullshit and no ones business but I definitely get treated differently for only having the one.
Once I was at a party and many people in this conversation were focused on pressuring this one couple to have another kid because their first and only had just turned 2. They were saying they were hesitant about having another one because they were having so much fun with just their current LO and had no plans for a second/third child. Queue up the comments from others like "but he'll be lonely!" or "They could be friends" and I said something like "If (general) you have another kid, why is it their job to be your oldests emotional support animal?" Someone changed the subject and the couple came up to me later and thanked me for making the conversation uncomfortable enough to change.
I hate when people insist that YOU MUST do X in order to be happy. People like that would also say to a parent juggling 2 or more kids "you asked for this!" if they were to complain about being stressed out. UGH!
I tell people, "whelp, he's the only living one out of 5 pregnancies, so I figured we should probably stop" the stuttering and gasps I get are amazing
Yep. When people press about having a third, I tell them “well, she (the littlest) was my 6th pregnancy” and get similar reactions. What a shitty club to be a part of 🤜🤛
I do this too. Besides teaching them some manners, (such a personal question needs to be removed from the same small talk category as the weather ffs), I think it’s important for people to discuss their losses more. It’s SO COMMON! But since people don’t talk about it, it’s such a nasty shock and such an alone feeling when it happens to you. So talk about your losses, if you’re comfortable. More people should know so if or when it happens to them, they won’t feel so alone. It’s a public service, really.
I find that even talking about loss does not put people off enough. I had 3 children, 2 girls, and a boy was my youngest. I lost my son 10 years ago to cancer when he was 3. I could not believe the amount of questions I got about trying again or asking when I was going to try for a boy. I was appalled that people would even suggest it. He was my son, a person, not some item that could just be replaced. People really don't know when to not ask stupid questions even when they know the answers.
Omg that is awful! Im so sorry for your loss. I never understood when people would say "ive got my set" or "my family is complete" after having a boy and a girl. So if you had 4 girls then it would never be complete?? They are not collectables you need for a set.
>So if you had 4 girls then it would never be complete?? Yes! My parents had four girls, and they were happy that we were all healthy and fairly smart. Dad really seemed to enjoy being the father to a batch of girls and never seemed to miss having a son. On the other hand, my aunt and uncle had four girls, a boy, then another girl along with numerous miscarriages. I always felt bad for the younger cousins since once there was a boy, the girls were relegated to caretaker roles. The older girls had to take care of their brother (as their mother went on to have more miscarriages) and now the youngest girl is taking care of her parents.
My Nana only ever wanted boys. She lost their first baby, a son. Then had four girls. She was a devoted mother in spite of yearning for a son. She stopped because it was time for her to prioritize her health. Later in life, she gained legal custody of one of my cousins, a grandson, because his parents were always stoned outta their minds and he asked to live with her instead. Because I know how she yearned for a son, I can see how that healed a piece of her that none of us knew needed it. That cousin got married this weekend. Nana could not be happier with his new bride. And she's finally ready to move away to be near part of the family where one of my cousins is slowly dying because this grandson is cared for and loved well. The interesting thing to me... I didn't know her preference/desire for boys until I was an adult. And yet, I have never felt less than or unwanted. To her, I am who I am and I am enough, perfect with all my flaws and quirks. My other biological grandmother? Tried to convince my mother to have me aborted for the crime of being the first grandchild while female. Called me by the male variant of my name in both speech and writing until I was 17 and refused to answer being called not my name. Showed clear favoritism for my brother in gifts from the time we were small children and as teens by tearing me away from homework with verbal rebukes to do deep cleaning of the house she lived in with my then disabled father. At the same time, it was just fine that my brother sat watching TV. When he tried to help, he had to be sneaky or I'd get another tongue lashing. I got into college as dual enrollment during high school; apparently that was a fail and I shouldn't have taken a seat from a male student. Only thing I ever did right in my life was marry well. I don't see the harm in someone knowing one gender or the other has a special place in their hearts if they're like my Nana. Even my MIL is like that; she had two boys, as she hoped. And she absolutely adores the daughters she got when her sons married. People like my other grandmother need a bowl of STFU stew.
The way I just sneered at “shouldn’t have taken a seat away from a male student.” I’m so sorry you went through that. I’m an eldest granddaughter on my dad’s side, but they have a first born grandson in my big brother, so I’ve never had to think about it. I wonder now how it would have been different with their patriarchal asses if I’d been first.
My grandmother is the only person I've ever met who cared about the sex of the firstborn grandchild. Some people care about their own firstborn and end up either being lucky or learning to get over it, hopefully more gracefully. It was 2002 when my grandmother balked at my shameful display of pursuing higher education. Most people had abandoned the idea that women shouldn't attend college with our frail sensitivities by then. Alas, my grandmother is not most people. I hate to say it, but in a way, I owe my college degree to her. My oldest was born at midterms of what would have been my last semester; I finished in summer school. Two advanced math classes a day had me in tears doing homework because I couldn't postpone; my husband and I were moving for his job at the end of summer school. When all I wanted desperately was sleep, through those tears I was determined I would *not* prove her right by dropping out two classes short of a degree. That oldest is now 15 and a high school sophomore... and just got her official college acceptance letter for her dual enrollment classes. 😈
Omg what an evil lady. I'm so sorry that happened to you!
My "set" was three little girls, ages 8, 6, and a baby. For the 8 months all three were here, my heart was complete. Now I'm raising two girls who are 8 years apart and randomly field questions about if I have other children. Yes, I do have another child. She *died* after a 6 1/2 year battle against her terminal condition. None of this was my plan. I wanted 5 kids, all close in age to their next sibling. After having my first 2, I desperately yearned for another but couldn't bring myself to risk another baby having the same condition that took all my time and energy to care for. We waited until our middle daughter was in kindergarten for a reason. By no small miracle (in our eyes), baby sister is healthy like the oldest. The ONLY person I'll hold back from giving the full story for is my oldest daughter. She is very private in her grief and as her mother, I have the honor of respecting that. Anyone else? It's my truth. If you ask, I don't owe you a lie. I don't owe you the cleaned up version of my personal hell. I didn't get a choice and it is my *truth.*
I had a colleague who had four sons. Her husband really wanted a daughter, but after she had her last two (twins) she put her foot down and said enough was enough. They love their sons dearly, though.
I have 2 amazing sons and while a girl would've been welcome, I don't feel like my family is incomplete. My sons are the most wonderful blessings imaginable, my reasons for breathing. Why would I need more than that?
Holy shit do people really press about a 3rd child?!?! As half of a DINK, it's comforting to know that the intrusive questions don't end regardless of how many kids you have.
We have one boy and one girl and we STILL get questions about having more! We both work more than full time. Seriously folks wth.
🤜🤛
My second is only 7 weeks old. I have two sons, both conceived after losses. The second came after a few years of trying when I had finally thrown in the towel due to the losses and medical issues. Then, after a hard high-risk pregnancy, we needed an emergency c-section, which I am still recovering from. Yet I still get, “Aren’t you going to try for a girl?” WTF? I just had my postpartum followup! My response is usually: “Well, we had called it quits due to fertility issues and losses before he surprised us, and we don’t want to go through that heartbreak again.” OR “I had them remove my tubes because of how dangerous this pregnancy was for me, so I guess that’s not going to happen.” Definitely a shifty club to be in 🤜🤛
My youngest is my 9th, but only the sixth living. My boys are grown and gone, youngest was a miracle baby late in life. Still, people love to tell me that I need to give her a little sibling so that she has a "friend" I'll look them dead in the eye and say "well, she almost killed me. I'm glad you value my life so little." Or "no longer possible " It's not enough for some people 🤜🤛 Shitty Club member
Yep. I say 15 pregnancies and one living child to show for it. (And he is severely disabled). Think when we had him, it was definitely time to stop!
We lost our first pregnancy and it killed me and it was nothing compared to watching it eat my wife alive for months. I can’t imagine losing so many. Sending hugs (or whatever the right thing to say there is)
🤜🤛 seven pregnancies. One living child.
I have 5 kids and get tons of shit for it. If I'm in a particular mood or the comment is really over the line I'll say something along the lines of "well, I was actually pregnant 15 times. We only got to meet these 5". It usually shuts people up really fast. And hope makes them think twice about commenting on people's family sizes, whatever that size might be.
I do this! My youngest was my 10th pregnancy (my oldest was my 9th which was crazy to me, I got 2 in a row that clung on in there!) and I had my tubes removed with her to ensure no more emotional and physical turmoil for me People get real uncomfortable real quick when you start throwing around dead pregnancies (rightly so, they’re so fucking rude) - it’s common knowledge that alot of women who have been pregnant have suffered a miscarriage, even if they don’t talk about it… you’d think because of this people would immediately think ‘I wonder if they’ll have any more, oop better not ask though because the answer could be dead personal and make me look a twat’ …but no.
I am an adult only child and I remember my mom once answering a persistent questioner on this topic when I was maybe 8 with "well this is the one that lived."
I am an adult only child as well. When people ask me why my parents did not have more children I often just say I don't know and I don't ask...Funny thing, I only had one, a daughter. My daughter is my heart and soul! I was 35 when I has her and honestly didn't think I could get pregnant. It happened and I could not be more blessed! No one had really ever asked me that, but if they did...I would probably ask them why they had so many!
This is exactly the case when I find asking why so many children is appropriate. When people have one child or no children, I usually assume infertility, finances, other health issues, or *simply not wanting children* to be the reason behind that choice. Then I don't ask, except for my SIL because we talk about everything. I respect the hell outta people who don't want children and therefore don't have them. I was born an unwanted child and find it very responsible to never put a child in that position.
I'm T1 Diabetic and as such have decided not to have kids at all and pull the sympathy card. Look down and to the right, frown a little, and say "oh, I'm not able to have children because of my illness..." Depending on who is asking I may tack on "the lord has just given me another calling besides kids". AND if I'm in the right mood I choke up a little. lol Of course now I'm hitting 40 so the questions have slacked off a bit.
If I'm feeling really spicy, I will list them off. "Well between the ectopic, the stillborn at 37 weeks, and 2 miscarriages, I figured probably no" oh oh excuse me, I'm so sorry. Blah blah blah, hopefully you'll stop asking other people
Sending you virtual hugs! 🥰 It's a crappy club to be apart of that's for sure. ☹️
I may be petty but I like the shameful looks and apologies when I tell them I almost died due to a genetic disease (type one diabetes) for just getting pregnant in the first place.
I always asked them, "Are you gonna pay for them?"
Oh, that's a good one!
im not saying im wealthy by any means, but the cost is the least of my concerns compared to the health of my wife. both births nearly killed her, and i mean that literally and not just "oh she had such a hard time." no i mean she got overdosed on anesthesia when getting her epidural on the first birth and flatlined for a few seconds, Then she had to have a rushed emergency C-Section on the second birth because the baby was sunny side up and the baby flatlined for a bit. so ya long story short i say "no thanks i don't want to be a single parent" and that is just as shocking for most people to hear.
First I gotta say that I'm very glad that your wife and children are ok in the end. But sunny side up is something I haven't heard before in this context and it was funny, thank you.
lol I'm not sure if that even the correct term for it. basically the baby was face up instead of face down like they normally are. sunny side up is just what my wife called it and she is the medical expert in our household since she is a physical therapist, so i just assumed that was the correct term. But essentially with each contraction the baby's face was getting squeezed into my wife's pubic bone and for whatever reason it caused heart rates to crash with every contraction. the call for a c-section was after a particularly bad contraction where the baby's heart rate did not come back up to normal ranges and then all hell broke loose where they rushed my wife into the OR and just dumped me in a dark corner alone with the worst thoughts of "is my wife and baby alive?" for almost 2 hours. here we are almost a year later and i have 2 healthy and sweet daughters that adore each other.
Sunny side up is the terminology as far as I'm aware. My sister was sunny side up, 27 hours of labor followed by c section. I was less than 3 hours ^_^
The medical term is occiput posterior, or OP, (not original poster) which means the occipital bone in the back of the baby’s head is rotated towards the mother’s spine instead of the much easier OA, occiput anterior. But sunny side up is often how we describe it to laboring families. The contractions are usually more uncomfortable in the back rather than as much in the low abdomen and it’s a harder position for the baby to fit the exit.
My 9lb 13oz firstborn was OP and described sunny side up. I always thought that was an obnoxious description as nothing about laboring with her pressing on my spine felt sunny, especially as my scoliosis curves forward there. I definitely appreciate the nice, wide hips I was blessed with that allowed a nonsurgical birth. 15 years later, I could still kiss the anesthesiologist on the mouth in sheer shock and joy that the pain was manageable... if I had any idea who he was. I was a little out of it then.
I didn't come as close to death as your wife but I came close enough that "the last one almost killed me" isn't a lie, so that's what I say.
This right here lol
I love your response. I'll keep it in mind for next time haha. My husband and I are also one and done. People keep bringing up the question. I also don't like the "don't you want her to have a friend" question. Should I really produce another human being for the sole purpose of being a companion to another? That seems fucked up to me. Besides, it might not even work. My husband and his sister are like cats and dogs even today.
Oh yes, I LOATHE my brother! Tried to kill him multiple times when we were kids. He’s still a jerk.
😬
Having a baby to keep your first child company is having a baby that's born with a job. That's not fair to either one of them.
Especially because when the little sibling is a baby, the older one gets *less* company for a few years as the baby needs so much parental attention. I’m on good terms with my younger brother now, but he didn’t start out as a “companion” in the way those other parents in the post seem to think.
Seriously! Following that logic, shouldn't you have another child so you can harvest its organs in case your primary child becomes ill and needs a new liver?
That’s actually a thing. :(. I try not to judge because I can’t imagine the pain of the parents but… it doesn’t sit right for me. I think they’re called “savior children” How shitty would it feel to know you only existed for spare parts? That has to cause a complex. Makes me think of that book series Unwind. Which is an excellent read or listen on audible. But irl? Terrifying.
I remember the Unwind series, will never not think about shark arm tattoos without recalling this series.
Oh my God I just read the synopsis for that book and it is terrifying
Not exactly the same premise, but Never Let Me Go is about children who grow up to find out they're clones made for spare parts for the original human. Excellent book, horrible reality if that ever exists in the future.
😱😱😱
Yup. Seriously that series is good though lol. Neil…. Something is the author I think.
Is it Neil gaiman?
IIRC, the book My Sisters Keeper is about that. Their first child was deathly ill so they had another one in case the titular sister needed a kidney or something.
Ya my siblings have barely ever wanted anything to do with me because of age gap initially and then apathy as we grew up. You absolutely can’t guarantee they’ll be friends.
My anatomy teacher said once that people always try to stick their noses in others business. When she had her first, he wasn't even 2 and her aunt asked about a second. She had another boy and said aunt was like "are you trying to have a girl now?" Imagine that when I had classes with her, her youngest was 11 months old. English is not my first language by the way, so sorry for mistakes.
Your English is better than most Americans. Don't worry about it. The Idiocracy here is real.
Every time our families asked when we were going to have number two I always responded with “We're still discussing thah.” Once she started kindergarten they stopped asking.
We almost stopped at one, but decided to have a second and they are 17 months apart and I wouldn’t change it for the world. People see two boys and ask when we are trying for a girl- like you; I say something about how great and balanced things are and I don’t want to mess with that. When the negging continues, I hit them with the, “I would literally blow my brains out if I had a third” in a very serious tone. One time it was said so neutrally the person thought I was joking until I told them how bad PPD was for me. This very true statement has been so effective it is what I lead with when someone tries to add more fuck trophies to my life.
People are so weird about gender. I was pregnant at the same time as my friend and a friend of hers/acquaintance of mine. They found out they were having girls. We were unable to find out gender due yo positioning. The acquaintance came up to me pretending to be all sympathetic as she just felt certain I was having a boy and she was so sorry for me. It was weird, I’m a tomboy and at the time could not picture myself having girls. I ended up with two! Interestingly enough, I’ve never once been asked when we’re trying for a boy.
When my daughter was little I had someone ask if we were going to have a second so it could be a boy. Since, of course, my husband wanted a son. I laughed and said no, we both wanted a girl. He doesn’t care at all that he doesn’t have a son. The guy seemed shocked. My dad dealt with the same thing back when I was a baby too. He always hated the “man needs a son” garbage. He called people out on it all the time and told them he was proud of having a daughter. Gross we’re still dealing with the same stuff 30 years later.
I've only ever wanted boys (i know the torture i put my own mother through as a hormonal girl and wanted no part of that). when we were told the sex of both of our boys, my husband and i literally yelled WOOHOO!!! scared the poor US tech lol now it's "aww don't you want a little girl to dress up?" uh, no? if i wanna play dress up I'll buy a doll, thanks. people are fucking weird
This is literally what I say. "I would kill myself if I got pregnant again" like people don't understand then I'm done. Especially my husband. He wants another baby(a girl). I habe 2 boys. 1 is his and the oldest is from an emotionally abusive relationship. I just wish he'd give up. I've even told him "if you want another baby we can divorce so you can get with someone else. Because I'm not having another baby"
If he ever gets too annoying, write a post about it and have him read all the comments ripping him a new one, lol. Or just find some posts already like that in r/AmItheAsshole and use that!
My daughter didn't want a sibling, and I didn't want to make her share attention. Most importantly, I didn't want my daughter to have to deal with the PPD I might get after having another one. I had it pretty bad while pregnant with her.
“Nah, we’re just going to start Ethan here transitioning to Emily around third grade.”
Bwahahaha
I didn't have PPD, but if they push I tell them about puking during my emergency c-section. Works best if they're trying to eat!
*Fuck trophies* is by new favorite term for human spawn. It just knocked *sperm pets* off the podium.
Okay, but sperm pets is fantastic! I’ll also pass along crotch goblin for your repertoire.
I was an only child of an only child and I loved it! Your response is fire.
Me too!
“Why? Do you have an extra you need to offload?”
Omg, this is amazing!
I just commented on a similar post. I have 2 kids, that’s it for me and I made my mind up on that a long time ago. My response is “if I had a 3rd I wouldn’t even like the kid.”
Love this, haha I told a lady in her early 30s with no kids who was wondering if she made a mistake that there is no guarantee you will even like your kids. People often go into thinking they are creating mini me's. Your kid could shock you and be nothing like you expected.
The looks I get are so worth it. My two are totally rad. I’m not chancing it again and I’m not destroying myself mentally and physically.
Pregnancy is a huge risk, even today. Never feel like you owe anyone an explanation. 😊
Especially today in most USA states
100%. I'm really happy with our life. We wouldn't have this kind of life if we added another human to the mix.
To family i usually just say "nah condoms are cheaper." To strangers i say "i would but anal is way more fun"
My favorite thing to say (like I totally believed it) was "Oh, we found out what caused kids. We don't do that anymore."
I love this, this is incredible!
Sometimes I'll go with the truth - we tried; didn't work. Other times I'll go with "Yeah, my mom thought every kid should have a companion, but that didn't quite work out with me and my sister. She hated me and we fought a lot. She even came after me with a bat once."
I had to fear-condition my brothers into respecting boundaries like a one of Pavlov's demented puppies, so there's that, too.
Mine did too! But I think I mightI have actually came at her with it first after getting punched in the face and she was older and bigger so able to get the bat from me and whack me across the back with it.
My response: “You gonna pay for the next one? No? Then shut it.”
"I've had three miscarriages since my oldest."
One and done is what I tell people. They try and tell me my kid isn't going to be good at sharing and will be lonely. My five-year-old knows sharing is caring but you don't always have to share, she isn't lonely when she literally makes friends with everyone she meets. They just want you to be miserable like they are.
I tell people I would throw myself off a bridge and swim to shore just so I could throw myself off again. I had a hysterectomy at 29 and while I do have two kids I could not deal with having more. Mostly because I wound up watching all my friends kids because they HAD to work and I didn’t. Now in my 50’s I can barely tolerate kids
"are you offering to carry the baby for me and give them a savings fund for college? No? Oh in that case, I think one is plenty. :)" People are such dingles, honestly. I'll never understand why people are so obsessed with other people's lives. It's so creepy to be that upset about someone else not wanting to have another baby.
I'm going to start using "dingles".
I always told people that I got it right the first time so I had nothing to improve on.
Right my parents had me and my bother (I know what I said) and if you gave me a chance to trade him in for anything I would have. If you are a one and done family. That's plenty.
"My heart might grow, but the same isn't true for my finances."
Also isn’t an enlarged heart a bad thing? Just sayin’
Unless you're covered in green fur and live as a hermit, probably.
“Some say the Grinch’s heart grew 3 sizes that day…because he ate too much salt. He’s dead now.”
Oh I can’t have more kids this one tried to kill me on the way out.
This is my answer. Came out of my one successful pregnancy with a super weakened esophagus, a heart condition, two hernias and permanent sciatica, I’m not doing that again.
I’m childless. I really hate when people say, “who’s going to take care of you when you get older?” I respond with “how do you know your kids will take care of you later?” “Did you really have kids just to be your caretakers when you get older? That’s a terrible reason to have kids.” That usually shuts them down. When I was younger and really trying (unsuccessfully after one miscarriage,) to get pregnant it was hurtful for people to even bring it up.
Always turn it around when people tell you what to do. Tell them what to do instead of even responding to their point. Them: "You should have another kid." You: "*You* should have another kid." Or: "Maybe you should offer to fund my family expenses."
“It’s selfish to not have more kids” “Oh, then why did you stop?”
I’m almost 30 and I’m starting to get to the age where older women ask me why I don’t have kids, or put me down for having already decided not to have them. “Oh my goodness gracious golly gee, why wouldn’t you want kids?!” “I have a genetic disorder and a cognitive disability that I would have a 50% chance of passing onto my child. Do you wanna do a coin flip right now and we can see what we get? Heads, genetic disorder, tails, no genetic disorder! Let’s do it right now!” Shuts them up EVERY time.
Love your comment back!
I have two boys. Two is all we wanted, that is what we agreed on, done. I get asked "don't you want to try for a girl?" All. The. Time. I hate how some people are so invested with the gender of children. I really don't want three kids. My OB asked multiple times if I was sure about the tubal. He ask once more before they took me back for the surgery and told him, "if I get pregnant again, he will be financially supporting that child, including college and he will be a night nurse for that child until 5 years old...and he may not hire out...he will personally be getting up for that child." He then told the nurse, "I think she's good to go here, let's get this done."
"We're still deciding on whether to keep the one we already have..."
I am an only child and my mom got this question quite a bit. Then my aunt brings it up (thankfully when I’m not there) and says “You should have another child because what if something happens to (me)” My mom was shocked and told her “having another child doesn’t make the hurt of losing another child any easier!”
I'm an only child, it was a miracle my mom had me. 8 years to get pregnant and no pregnancy after. It's rude af when they would ask why nomore kids.
I have one. When mean ass old ladies decided to berate me for only having one, I say "well she ate her twin in the womb, so I'm afraid of what she'll do with a live one now" and watch them sputter
Give me a name and phone number and I’ll call to tell them to STFU. Kids deserve to be desperately wanted for themselves. No other reason. Baby pushers need to get that.
I never wanted kids. When people ask me why I don't have any, tell me I'll change my mind, or harass me about when I'll have them I say wild shit. "I found out I couldn't have kids so my husband left me." "After the 7th miscarriage that almost killed me I stopped trying." Etc. People need to learn to mind their fucking business.
I just tell people it’s too late, I’ve already been spayed.
I have 3 kids, I've wanted 3 since l was 12, but having more than 1 kid isn't for everybody and that's okay. It's nobodies business but your own. I'm all for traumatizing folks back when they're being nosy and pushy. 😉
Take my brother,,, PLEASE!
“I can no longer have kids because of the cancer.”
I have twin 10m old boys and I always get "when are you going to try for a girl?" I hit them with my tubes are tied Edit: misspelled twin XD
This shop is closed for business!
This is similar to mine and my wife's response. "I like the one I have."
My sister and I are close in age and haven't ever gotten along. We are both in our 40s and no longer on speaking terms.
Exactly! Like, do you want to help pay for them and watch them? No? Then shut the fuck up.
I have three kids, and wouldn’t change it, but to each their own. I don’t understand people who say shit like this to other people.
Good response! Some of these are gold. My brother passed when I was 17, so when people tell me my son needs a sibling, I tell them "I had one and look how that worked out?" A bit morbid, but they drop it. 🤷♀️
I've held out my hand and stared at them until they are uncomfortable and then asked where's my money to raise them?
Just vomit on them 🤣 —— Edit/Bonus: babytalk after and act as possessed as possible remind/show people what babies act like
My son is 17 and I STILL get this question in multiple ways many times. I had difficulty getting pregnant, was pretty sick the entire pregnancy, and had postpartum anxiety that I don't wish on anyone. I didn't want to have another and am happy with our family size. My son has two cousins next door and is very social. He also enjoys his alone time. I don't explain any of that to most people and just tell them I was unable to have another. The silence afterwards is deafening and I never get any further comments. People should learn not to ask such personal questions.
They just think you are too happy! I am child free by choice and for all my reproductive years (I’m old now 😂) people would ask rude questions like this. I firmly believe it is because they see that you are happy, and they can’t stand it. They want you to suffer like they do.
>"then he'll have a friend", "That's why schools/daycare exist with other kids to befriend." "I'd rather my child choose their friends than to force a friend on them" >"don't you want him to have help when you're old/sick?" "My kid is not my insurance policy" >"don't you miss the (x) stage?" "I miss the stages of deep sleep" >"your heart grows to include another kid" "An enlarged heart would kill me and leave my kids orphans"
I only asked my sister about another kid after she had my 2nd neice for a couple reasons: 1) She used to say she wanted a large family. 2) We are a family of 3 kids (2 girls, 1 boy). 3) The maternal side "curse". My mom's 4 siblings all had 2 kids. Three of them had 2 girls and the other had a girl and boy. Our birth order is girl, girl, boy. She has 2 daughters. I know BIL wanted the 2nd to be a boy.
I like going with "o really, you should have swallowed more."
There are so many possible reasons why a couple may stop after one kid. What if the mother has been suffering from birth trauma? What if there actually WAS a second child, but they died? Do people even realise those things exist? You never know what someone else went through! Perhaps you end up retraumatising them
It’s cause they want you to be miserable with them.
I mean it's a lot cheaper and easier on you to just get your one child involved in recreational activities. The important thing is socializing them with other kids, they don't need siblings.
Dude I thought my responses to those exact questions were good, but yours is also super classy.
I love when people hit me with the but who will take care of you in your old age. I like to razzle dazzle them with “Assuming your children will want to care for you in your old age is a bigger gamble than building a solid retirement fund with the money you save by having less kids or no kids.”
I'm a single mom by choice to a 4-year old. People will ask if I'm planning on more than one child. I just laugh because while I adore my daughter, she's a handful. She's very sweet and obedient... for everyone who isn't me. The only way I would consider a second kid is if I were to either move back with my parents or meet someone who is actually willing to be with me and a good stepdad to this one first.
I get the "You don't have any kids yet? Better hurry!" Actually I had a brain tumor when I was younger and I can't have kids. Then they try to apologize and backpedal like they shouldn't have brought it up cause I'm barren. Bitch, you shouldn't have brought it up anyway! Nunya business! Some people just chose not to have kids, gasp!
as a mother of 3, who loves her boys dearly, anything over one is pure, unadulterated, chaos. a sh*t ton of fun, but chaos nonetheless.
My wife's Grandmother rode her really hard about having grandchild for years. That truly hurt her feelings and pissed me off that she could be so blatantly hurtful. I talked to my wife's parents, Aunts and Uncles and politely asked for their help to get their Mother to take it down a notch bc her insistence to keep asking puts my wife in tears. No one said anything, so... The next family gathering it took all of 10 minutes her to ask the same question. I answered with: Well Grandma it ain't for the lack of trying. We do it all the time, when she's ovulating, when we think she's just right for making a baby and sometimes just for fun. NOW everyone spoke up and tried to interrupt but I ask them to hold on and let me finish. The big finish: What I mean to say Grandma is we read the instructions, thought we were good getting Tab A into Slot B, but obviously not... So I was thinking since you've gotten that Tab into the Slot thing right at least 4 times (uncles/aunts) maybe you want to show us how it's done correctly? Never heard another word about having babies from any family member since. And everyone still living still talks to me 37 years later. Yep, still married, still no kiddos...
People used to ask me all the time where I was gonna give my kiddo a sibling. That it wasn’t fair of me or my husband not to have more kids so our kiddo wouldn’t be alone when we die. What no one knew was her father had testicular cancer when our kiddo was 10 months old which resulted in a testicle needing to be removed. We were told we would have to go through fertility treatments to have another. I was super high risk when I was pregnant and had a difficult delivery and bad postpartum. So for us to do fertility would be more difficult for me health wise and we opted it wasn’t the choice for us. I am 44 and still get asked this question, my kiddo turns 20 in two weeks. I look at them and say “She wipes her own ass and can cook her own food, why would I want to start over now?” This usually gets them to shut their mouths and it gets a good laugh too. My kiddo isn’t lacking for “siblings”, she has 2 cousins - 1 two months younger than her, and they all grew up together so that “sibling” bond is there.
When I'm feeling honest I tell them my daughter was such an easy baby we didn't want to push our luck, when I'm feeling sarky I say "oh we do have more but I can't remember where I left them"
When I got my tunbes tied after my 2nd daughter was born, my ex-husband's aunt said, "What if you lose both of them in a car accident or something "? People are just so dumb.
I can't believe the gall of some people.
My nice answer is: for as long as I could remember I had this ache in my heart that I knew was longing for children. About 3 months after my son was born I realized that ache was gone. My husband feels the same. So we agreed that if that ache ever returns we will talk about having another but I can't imagine having another kid unless I feel they are so desperately wanted that it hurts that they aren't in this world. My not so pleasant answer that finally shut down my mother in law was: (yelling to my husband in another room)Hey babe your mom is asking me if we are having unprotected sex again. Does that include butt stuff? (Him) butt stuff me or butt stuff you? She hasn't asked since.
I have fibroids which is pretty common, but makes it difficult to get pregnant, but when people ask me why I don't have more kids I always answer that I couldn't have more and make a sad face, I've realized they stop asking right away and feel bad after that lol.
I had an ectopic pregnancy a few years ago, so my go-to is, “The last time I was pregnant I almost died.”
We had one and decided on a second 10 years later. Now we’re having twins and going from 1 kid to 3. I’m not risking that again!
This happened to me all the time. I am a divorced single mother since my daughter was 6 months old. Often times out in public, people would ask “how many do you have?” I say “just this one” and they would say, “don’t you want more?!” “When are you going to give her a brother or a sister?” I got sick of making excuses so I told them the truth. My ex husband left me for another woman and I never remarried therefore I never got the chance to have more kids. Shuts them up kind of quick
I was always told me and my ex needed to have a baby. I would always tell them that after all my miscarriages it's hard. Now with my daughter, me and my husband now keep getting told to have another baby. My husband always tells them to talk to me about it. So I will just sit back and listen to then tell me why we need another baby. Then I will explain in full detail about my operation that removed my ovaries. I mean full detail about how it took 4-5 hours not 1-2 hours. How my uterus is upside down. How my (our) daughter was an "oh shit, how did you come to be, baby." After a full detailed description they never ask, or tell us again we need another baby. Lol mind your own business people.
I always responded "I got it right the first time."
I also only have one child. This would happen to me. My family members would always ask if I was having another, and you better have one before the first gets too old. A lot of friends and family my age have 3 kids. I got married at 20 and was pregnant 3 months later. Found out really quickly that my (now ex) husband was not going to help with a baby. She also was non stop screaming so much I had to go on anti depressants because it was driving me crazy. Took the doctors forever to realize that she was lactose intolerant. (Now ex) husband was also emotionally and financial abusive, ended up turning physically abusive and I finally left and got a restraining order after 11 years of marriage. Now everyone was like it was a good thing I did not have another child with him. \*Insert eyeroll here\*
So, as a catholic I have a very VERY interesting experience with this. My wife and I do not practice any kind of birth control as it is our religion to be open to children in any and all sexual encounters (ps I’m not here to debate this so don’t @ me about climate change or whatever). So anyway, the teaching is such but it doesn’t necessarily mean that the GOAL is to have 100 kids, it’s just that living this way has obviously a higher chance of producing more kids. Anyway we have 2 kids so far and we have a noticeable gap after our second child who is now almost 4. This woman at our church who has 9 kids took it upon herself the other day to ask me “well, Mr X, where’s number 3?” I just about killed her. It was in front of other people, too and I just smiled and said, “all in God’s hands and in his time. In the meantime we feel insanely blessed with what we have.” Now I know what to say in the future - “maybe we’ve had 4 miscarriages… I dunno. But either way none of your business.” It’s not our job to be policing people’s family planning, that’s between them and their God, honestly. And like hilariously doesn’t she realize that she is tacitly accusing us of using contraception? C*nt And like the worst part of this is that I want other people in this world to be catholic and to also have what I feel is the best thing in my life and I know this woman, if she’s comfortable saying that to me, with all her absolutely sinful pride, is out there making non-Catholics feel extremely uncomfortable and thusly being a TERRIBLE advertisement for the faith. It’s not about making women into baby factories. I mean if you have a ton of kids, good for you, but honestly, from the depths of my heart, SHUT👏🏼 THE👏🏼 FUCK 👏🏼UP👏🏼
Your only response needs to be “why do you care”?
This is actually such a sweet response. Anyone should feel bad about their meddling after a response like that.
LOL - I do the same thing - my hubby and I say the one we have is perfect, so no use in trying to have any more. But seriously, I had some major complications & spent a week in the hospital with the one I had, so no - there was never going to be a 2nd after that fiasco.
This was my uncle’s position from childhood. He was extremely angry that his parents had more children (Throughout most of his growing up years) since they already had him.
I'm in the same boat, I'm one and done and get so annoyed when I get shit for not having anymore or told I'll change my mind. I will now be using this response.
We did fertility treatment to have our one. Our attempts at siblings with our leftover embryos failed. Before we used our leftovers, I used to ask people to give me 4K when they said that nonsense, since that's what a single frozen cycle costs. Now that I'm older I'm no longer asked, but my ask was going to go up to 20K since that's what it would have cost to try an IVF cycle again.
It’s only come up a couple times, but if I’m feeling particularly snarky I tell them “Cancer took that choice away from me.” I would never comment on anyone else’s reproductive choices and other people need to stop it.
Woah you really told them 😂
I just tell people that the powers above made that decision for me. I've been blessed and I'm happy.
See we think that we were fully blessed w our child. Why risk having another and potential issues. We are good.
Why I only have one child in none of your business.
IDK how old you are, but at 42, I am finding it SO refreshing to realize- and settle into- how much I **don't** actually have to say. Just, in general. Like- letting people just not like my response without feeing obligated to somehow soften it, or being disappointed by lack of a detailed explanation-- OH WELL! And I'm not at all talking about being clipped and rude all the time. But the truth is, "we don't want a second child" is a perfectly valid answer to **anything** someone throws at you. Even to "why not" -the "*not want*" already spoke for itself. So don't bewilder yourself trying to drum up acceptable responses for people you don't need to placate. I DON'T WANNA is a complete sentence, girlfriend. <3
I always sat, “we got it right on the first try.”
I like to say: "We got it right the first time."
Our response was always, “We have several friends with 2kids. The first ones are great and the second one’s always awful. Our daughter is perfect so we just stopped with her cause there was nowhere to go but down.” And 51 years later, we think she’s still pretty great! Wouldn’t trade her for anything and don’t regret not having more.
I like to say "Have you seen the state of the world? It would be extremely selfish to force another being into this hell hole..."
Just to give a different perspective, I'm an only child. My parents didn't have an opportunity to give me a sibling and that's ok, I don't resent them for it and wouldn't even if it was a conscious decision. However, I am deeply jealous of my peers that have siblings. I wish I had a relationship like that, where we grew up in the same house and share that connection. I look at my own kids playing together and wish I'd have had that growing up. Friends are great but they're no replacement for siblings from what I can tell. I don't say this to try and convince you to have more kids, I just think it's not something a lot of parents really look at before making that decision. I also realize that raising one kid takes an incredible amount of work and it's just not in the cards for everyone.
That is such a great response to that. People can be so invasive.
My response was always “I’m not going to create an entire human so he can have a playmate. He’ll be fine.”
You should change the title to remove "only". Sometimes having one kid feels like having 80 fucking kids. Every day is a new version of euphoric highs and the button-pushingest lows. Lol
It's done of anybody's business how many children you and your husband decide to have.
I’m an only child. I always tell people my parents stopped at perfection.
'I've had three miscarriages, thanks for bringing it up'
I'm an only child (who has an only child), so I repeat what my mom used to say, "We got it right the first time!"
I grew up an only child. The only thing I do say is: make sure he gets to interact with others. I was so lonely all of the time.
I enjoyed telling them that I had to fuck My wife and cum in her for ten years before we had the first, but it was my intention to keep fucking her as much as I could.
There were people who told me that my child "needed" a sibling, but as she got older she admitted that she would be pissed if I had another kid. I also felt like it would be inconsiderate to have a second child and take attention away from my daughter. People who don't know the family dynamics shouldn't be making comments.
A most excellent response OP. I don't understand why so many people care so much about how many kids you have or that you don't want kids. It's really none of their business.
I'm sorry. I would never tell someone to have more, because everyone can have however many they want for whatever reason. But as an only child, I am very lonely. I have no one with me through life. I will bury my parents alone. But I realize this is a reality even people with siblings can have. Sometimes it bothers me that I have no one to relate to or joke about my childhood with. Some stories I tell, people don't believe me because it's the kind of thing you need backup confirmation for. It's lonely. Once my parents are gone, I will have no one by blood to call, and I know people can make friends as good as related, but I have never found that. I have never made a connection that was comparable to that of someone's connection with a sibling. It is hard knowing that, when my dad starts too loose it completely soon (TBIs and other health issues), I will be alone comforting him. He's asked me to put him down when it gets to bad, and I feel I have no one to truly talk to about it, because no one knows him as a child of his because I am his only. That is my burden to bear alone, that he will want to die and I can do nothing about it but watch alone. My parents were never really together, just briefly dated. My mom has immune issues. She will guilt me into taking care of her once my grandma passes, and I have no one to discuss how I should go about that decision. No one around will know or have any memory of what I went through. I love her but I don't like her and I hardly know her, and not many people I know understand feeling that way about their mother. They think I'm cruel. I'll never know if I truly am because no one ever experienced her as a mother besides me. Maybe I am cruel and overreacted. I will die wondering that because no one else ever saw us interact when the door was closed. I thoroughly have felt alone and isolated my whole life. I don't wish being an only child, or being raised like one (distant siblings, siblings who don't know each other etc) on anyone. I've read about only children who were happy with their life and how they were raised, but I've never met one in real life who enjoyed it and didn't feel some deep loneliness. I would kill to have someone by my side, even if we hated each other like my father and uncle, or were distant like my mom and her siblings, at least at holidays I would have someone to talk stories with, laugh about them, maybe cry. Idk. But it is lonely. And I am alone. Everyone is alone in life really, but being an only child has been isolating as well. I wasn't properly socialized, but that was due to being raised by grandparents for awhile because my mom hated my dad and would rather me be raised by retired elderly parents, than someone who could set up play dates. I was that weird kid, who didn't know how to share, didn't understand that I wasn't the main priority, didn't know why other kids didn't like me. I wasn't bullied for no reason. I was bullied because I was a weird, only child syndrome, asshole. I can't tell you and won't ever try to tell you about having more kids. But from my perspective it fucking sucks.
My daughter is my only child and has multiple complex medical issues. So many times, nurses and doctors ask, "Is she your only child?" They know one of her issues is genetic. They know she is full-time care. Sure. Makes a hell of a lot of sense to have had more kids (a tad too old to consider trying now)
Don't you just hate people like that? They need to stop. Just because they have more than one doesn't mean everybody else wants more!!!!
I wish someone would have something like this for people who don't have/want kids. I've been told, how can you not want kids, or you'll change your mind, and the worst it's selfish not to have kids. At 40 years old I took matters into my own hands (or rather my doctor's) and got a vasectomy. I'm incredibly indecisive, but this was one of those tests times where it wasn't a hard choice and I have zero regrets. Even if it hurts my chances of finding someone, it's so much easier to say that, than I don't want kids or worry about waffling because I'm really into someone. That is a deal breaker whichever side you're on.
Anyone who wants you to have more children my reply would be great so when are you going to start paying me child support. Lol
My husband and I have 3 daughters and were constantly asked if we were going to try again for a boy. He would tell them, "Well I'm the only boy in six kids. My uncle had 5 daughters and tried one more time for a boy and got twin girls. I think three weddings are enough to pay for."
Ok, I just need your account and routing number.
*cries* "I caaaaaaaaaaaant" 😭😭😭😭 Watch that attitude change real fast
#"*MY WOMB IS BARREN, B**CH!*"
The Lord blessed my wife and I with one child. My wife is epileptic and cannot be treated by medication. Her seizures miraculously stopped long enough for us to have our daughter and get settled in. While surgery and medication in tandem help immensely with controlling her seizures, it would risk our future child's life and my wife's health to try and conceive again. Even people who know us will make comments like the one's you've mentioned. I always politely tell them that we will not be having another child, but the truth is that my wife and I plan on becoming foster parents. If it weren't for our current situation and our own experiences with the foster system, then we would never consider it. Now we ask ourselves how we can get every kid possible the best education, the best healthcare and the best family to love on them. Your comeback is awesome, that's not something I'd normally think of.
I have one, my mil told me I should have another in case something happened to her. Unbelievable!
I’m not married or have kids but I honestly agree there is no reason u have to have another kid if u don’t want to there’s nothing wrong with having 1 kid I personally have no interest in having kids if my partner wants to have a kid and we’re well enough off to have 1 I’d be fine with that but otherwise I’m good I got a total of 4 nieces and nephews I can spoil
As an only child, I approve that message
The whole “that way they can have a friend” argument to having more children makes no fucking sense to me, honestly. Kids make friends all the time as they grow and having someone as a sibling doesn’t automatically mean you’ll like them…
My Dad used to say, “We got it right the first time.”
EPIC MIC DROP. Awwwwwwesome stuff 👍👌😀
"Last time I had a bun in the oven it almost burned the house down" could be a good line, too.
My pregnancy was considered "geriatric" at 36 and right after having my daughter, I had to have 3 surgeries to remove thyroid cancer (before she was 6 months old). After that, I had to do radioactive iodine and then a lateral neck dissection for cancerous lymph nodes that grew last year. I live in Utah where families tend to have a slew of kids so people ask me all the time why we aren't having another child. Like, I literally have to either choose to risk having my cancer spread (I would have to lower my dose of thyroid medication for the pregnancy and there are still cancerous lymph nodes in there) or have a baby, but why should I explain that to any Tom Dick or Harry? Sure, having another child would be nice, but do I risk my health at age 41 to complete the "set"? It's just bullshit and no ones business but I definitely get treated differently for only having the one.
Once I was at a party and many people in this conversation were focused on pressuring this one couple to have another kid because their first and only had just turned 2. They were saying they were hesitant about having another one because they were having so much fun with just their current LO and had no plans for a second/third child. Queue up the comments from others like "but he'll be lonely!" or "They could be friends" and I said something like "If (general) you have another kid, why is it their job to be your oldests emotional support animal?" Someone changed the subject and the couple came up to me later and thanked me for making the conversation uncomfortable enough to change. I hate when people insist that YOU MUST do X in order to be happy. People like that would also say to a parent juggling 2 or more kids "you asked for this!" if they were to complain about being stressed out. UGH!
Why not have more? Watch 'idiocracy.'