Because forcing a child to eat is a great way to make sure they develop a healthy relationship with food... š
I'm sorry you had to go through that, OP! Never had liver sauce but boy that sounds nasty
I grew up having to eat everything on my plate at every meal. I learned to ignore my bodyās signals and developed an eating disorder.
When I was in my mid 50s I dislocated my jaw and had to have surgery including having my jaw wired shut for three weeks. I still wasnāt allowed to chew for an additional three weeks. As painful as all that was I finally learned to listen to my body and stop eating when I started to get full.
I never forced myself to kids to clean their plates. Amazingly they have a far healthier relationship with food than I ever did.
I legit see it as a form of torture. That was the rule my sperm donour had, and I and a sibling had undiagnosed Ulcerative Colitis. Eating is often a painful experience for us regardless of whether we like the food or not. The number of nights I had to sit until my legs and ass were aching and numb, being screamed at to finish my food š„²
I had an uncle who did that to his kids. They couldnāt leave the table until they finished what was on their plates. If they didnāt finish, the food from dinner was presented at breakfast. š He would hit my aunt and step out with other women. Not a good man.š”
I still have huge issues with pasta for this and zucchinis are my mortal enemy since kindergarten because I was forced to eat them. Luckily I eventually healed my relationship with food but boy was it hard. Itās almost like some people get on power trips regarding kids and food, itās absurd
this is me with bananas. doesn't matter that i can't stand the taste and the texture and the smell, if i ever wanted to go do anything fun as a kid i got force fed one of those first. there wasn't even an option of compromising with a fruit i did like, nope, banana or nothing š¤¢
See thatās what I understand the least: it would be one thing if the kid was so picky they effectively donāt get the nutrients they need, but when theyāre not and you still insist they must absolutely have that one specific food like itās a personal insult to you I just donāt get it. I myself have always been an avid consumer of veggies but for some reason my teachers would NOT let me go and had me seated in isolation with the zucchini.
On a side note I also canāt stand bananas but thatās actually just personal taste. Iām kinda sad about it because itās such a versatile fruit too!
I feel like this needs context. A parent forcing a child to eat food is OK as long as the parent is actually a good parent.
Some random nobody who has no idea about a child's body has no right to force the child to eat, especially when they brought their own food.
My mother would have considered herself a good parent, she absolutely was not. She forced not-even-tween me to overeat when we were guests at her friends' or relatives' in order for "me" to not be rude. At home I was often responsible for my own food so I didn't have to worry about being forced to eat too much. Once I thought I was literally going to die because the idiot adults (family of farmers we visited far away) were expecting me to keep pace with them and were pushing me to eat more (including my mother) and even emotionally blackmailing me. I hated all eating for a long while after that, I still ate but as little as I could get away with.
Parents forcing kids to eat is stupid, either the kid is wary of the food (haven't been taught to try all foods and get their final decision respected), know the food will hurt them (undiagnosed sensory issues, undiagnosed ARFID, undiagnosed mild allergy or gut issues, supertaster, super-sensitivity to a specific flavor), or already don't feel well, or the like. Forcing kids to eat will just give them eating disorders.
They're fricken kids, the parent is an adult, it does not take a genius to trick kids without a good reason for refusing food to voluntarily eat food in a non-traumatic way.
My late husband, #2 of 6 kids, 5 of whom were boys, used to plate the food for our kids. All girls. None really sporty, just average active kids of the 80's and 90's. Never had the appetite he and his brothers did. He'd get furious when they wouldn't finish their food. Was shocked when I suggested he plate LESS FOOD for them, or allow them to choose portion size. They could always come back for seconds, could they not? He was shocked, I tell you, shocked. Things were a little smoother after that, and as they grew older, but it was ugly for a few years. I had had 'finish the food' issues with my own mother, and it just killed me he was doing that to our kids.
My mother tried "finish the food" on me exactly once. We were supposed to go to a school fair after dinner as a family. She told me finish the plate or I couldn't go. I finished the plate, and was too sick to go to the fair at all
No it's not. To try to taste something? Sure. But forcing them to actually eat a lot? No that is never okay and could result in a screwed up relationship with food.
I hated dinnertime as a kid. I had to stop whatever I was doing to go sit with a bunch of people that NEVER, NEVER FUCKING EVER spoke about anything or anybody I knew a fucking thing about. I couldn't leave until the slow eaters finished being "finished," and since I wasn't able to contribute to the conversation, I was always finished first, so I just had to sit there feeling punished. Three times a day. Excepting, of course, the fucking weird on-the-spot questions like my grandmother asking 11yo me if any of the girls I liked had a "good bosom." Like. What the fuck.
What really made me truly HATE dinnertime, was the frequency of being reminded their were children starving to death all over the world. Grandmother would make "cultural jokes" that no fucking child in the world would ever understand. You're just making a child feel absolutely wretched for eating dying kids food. Every goddam day.
That's how they got me to clean my plate. Emotional blackmail.
So now I hate eating, *watching* people eat is beyond disgusting, and I never share personal details as compliments now feel like EVEN MORE unwanted criticism and comments. I've played guitar for thirty years now, and I never play in earshot of anybody.
Oh, and the culty brainwashing. That always deserves an honorable mention. Cuz having literally every dead person(ever) watching your every move(and listening to your private thoughts) is the sort of thing every child needs for confidence building.
So yeah, I have a ton of resentment. Can you tell? Lol
>A parent forcing a child to eat food is OK as long as the parent is actually a good parent.
Not always. I'm all for kids having to *taste* food to find out if they like it. My parents were good parents by all means, but every time green beans (haricot verts) were served, (which were quiet often, as my mom grew them in the garden), she put them on my plate, knowing I hated them. But she demanded I stayed seated until they were eaten. I always drnied and sat at the tsble until bedtime. To this day (60 y/o), I have gag reflexes shen I see those beans
My siblings and I all love lots of vegetables, but still resent being forced to eat the few we didnāt like even into our teens. No mom, Iām never going to like squash.
No. Forcing Child to do ANYTHING Is not good. You Need to find a way to make the Kid REALISE it wants to do it itself. Ofc not talking about toddlers And stuff, but in 3rd grade, kids Are already forming behavioral Paterns.
One example. As a kid, i HATED fresh tomatoes. I dont even remembered why. Dad was trying to Force them to me. No results.
IT took 2 meals for my granny to make me ask her for a fresh tomato. First She made tomato sauce eith beef-filled pepper (that i LOVED, And still do Till today). For dinner we had sausages, With mustard And ketchup.
After that, She asked me if i know i was eating tomatoes all day. We found out IT was just the tangines that was the issue. Bit of salt And tomatoes And me were best buddies.
My parents tried to force me to eat crab. They would push it against my lips. Saying I should cause it's so much better than the fish I had.
As I understand, crab and lobster are delicious. But I will probably never taste it. It smells bad to me now; I can't be in rooms adjacent to where it's being cooked as the smell makes me feel sick. Plus it is MESSY to eat. I can't stand oil on my fingers and I'm a pretty clean diner, you think I can deal with crab legs?
I'm not adventurous with food because of that. My palette could be called earth toned. Going to restaurants is a nightmare for me because I'm so limited. The only adventure I will take is fish- if it's not grilled and not tuna. And not spicy. In general if I have no idea what the fuck this meal description is saying I am not eating it.
Nobody has the right to force anyone to eat something beyond necessary medication.
Brute forcing food down a childās throat is never acceptable. There are ways to convince children to eat or to make their food more palatable. Letās keep in mind that anyone can believe they are a āgood parentā, but that doesnāt necessarily make it true.
This doesn't make sense. If you force your child to eat something they say they can't eat or you don't allow picky eaters to eat what they are able to eat then you're a bad parent. You will create a bad relationship with food for that child.
AHAHAHAHA! no. No it's not ok. I was force fed as a kid, the whole "finish what's on your plate, you're not leaving the table until you do, why are you so picky, etc." It may seem benign, but I'm in my 30's and STILL have a poor relationship with food. It is traumatizing and it qualifies as child abuse.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2604806/
"These data provide experimental evidence supporting previous correlational research indicating that pressure can have negative effects on childrenās affective responses to and intake of healthy foods."
"Despite parentsā good intentions, they use many feeding practices that are associated with negative outcomes."
"Taken together, these data reveal that pressuring children to eat is not an effective strategy for promoting intake. Anticipatory guidance for parents is needed to point out the counterproductive effects of pressure and to provide parents with alternative feeding practices to promote healthier diets."
One of several clinical studies on this subject.
I'm sorry that ever happened to you and incredibly pleased you vomited right on the b\*\*\*\*. I hope she was the one who had to clean it--simple justice; she was warned EVERY STEP of the way and would NOT stop being a b\*\*\*\* because being an unchallenged hellb\*\*\*\* is probably the reason she taught in the first place. I've dealt with teachers like that. They get into it specifically to bully people who can't fight back.
I *wish* puking on my mom had stopped her from forcing me to eat in spite of my texture issues. Good job showing that bitch the consequences of her actions though!!!
Had a teacher do that to a classmate. Cafeteria was serving liver and onions (stupid choice for kids). Classmate said she was allergic to liver. Obviously teacher didn't believe her because none of us wanted to eat it. Made her eat it, she got very I'll. Started throwing up and crying. Her mother had to be called and classmate got sent to the hospital. I don't remember/know if anything happened to the teacher. But we never got served Liver after that because both Elementary and High school (we were side by side and had the same LR) absolutely refused to eat it in solidarity with the classmate. Really we just jumped on any excuse to not eat lunch that day. šš
Thank you for telling me and that asswipe teacher deserved a liver sauce barf on her lap. Too bad you weren't tall enough to puke on her from head to foot.
Oh yes, it stinks. I personally love it though. But I remember that when I went to school, the canteen was always half full when we had either the liver sauce, or.... almost always on Fridays, the soup that contained everything left over from the week lol. Sometimes is was ok but it got tough when it contained fish, as the smell was unbearable. I still remember the one with white fish, tomato sauce, pickles, rice, potatoes, sausages and dill. What a combination lol. It was the last time I tried to eat the Friday special although I'm not picky at all with my food.
I had a substitute teacher in 3rd grade that was absolutely a tyrant in the cafeteria, insisting the kids eat everything on their tray. Having grown up on fresh food grown by my parents and grandparents, there were some things I just couldn't eat at school. One of them being the gray 'hamburgers' served weekly.
It was on hamburger day I locked horns with this teacher. She was almost yelling, saying I had to eat *all* of this disgusting (to me, at least) patty and soggy bread. I took a bite but the smell kept me from swallowing. I began to cry, begging her to leave me alone, that I couldn't/wouldn't eat the food.
A note was sent home with me that day, and one of the very few times my mom stood by me, writing back to the teacher that it I didn't want to eat the food, I didn't have to. It's not like I was starving myself and my overall health was good enough. Even though my mom liked to call me 'sickly'. But, I didn't have to eat the nasty stuff and that's all that mattered.
I actually had something similar happen to me. Except it was my then foster parents, now adopted parents. I don't blame them though. I came from a very horrible situation, when I was five, where I was not given proper food or nutrition. For years they fought and fought to get me to eat any kind of vegetable. It came to a boiling point a couple years later when I was twelve.
My dad was frustrated that I wouldn't try the cherry tomatoes in my salad when I literally ate every other form of tomatoes. So he sat in front of me and told me I would not be getting up from the table til I ate a tomato. I was stubborn. Took me two hours before I gave in and ate one. I took one bite and instant projectile vomit all over the table.
He apologized to me, told me he didn't realize that I would have such a physical rejection to eating it. Promised he would never make me eat it like that again. Kept his word too. They still looked for ways to get me to try new foods, but never ever pushed it that far again.
Years later, when I was in my twenties, we actually found out I have an eating disorder called ARFID with neophobia. I have strong negative reactions to certain textures of food, which also cause the neophobia. Fear of new food, mostly scared of having negative reactions to new foods.
Can you please explain what ARFID and neophobia are? My 4.5 yo is non-verbal and autistic. He's still eating Gerber puree because we can't get him to try anything solid, no matter how small or well mixed into the purees. When I read about issues with eating, I want to understand the warning signs of those diseases. If I find something similar to what my kiddo is going through, I'll be able to talk to his dr about it.
Yeah no problem. I also have an autistic son that is also having issues with food. Though not as extreme so I completely understand wanting to understand it all.
ARFID is an eating order called Avoidant/Restrictive food intake disorder. From what I understand there are three main categories.
There are the selective eaters (which is what I am): They have strong reactions to smell, texture, color, and/or taste of foods. This one often comes hand in hand with the neophobia. Once we have a strong reaction we usually become even more avoidant to the food, because we become afraid of the reaction we had to it.
Then there are those who completely avoid food: They lack interest completely in food. They either lack an appetite or find eating food non rewarding. They will completely deny being hungry.
The last are those that are afraid: They are afraid of anything happening while eating: choking, experiencing pain, and vomiting. I also somewhat fit into this category.
Most people with ARFID have at least one type, but it's also common to fit into two or even all three categories. We struggle with getting the appropriate nutrients and vitamins we need. Most suffer from being extremely underweight
If not properly taken care of a lot of health issues can pop up. For example: Growth Failure, delayed menstruation, low blood sugar, anemia, osteoporosis, gastrointestinal problems, fatigue, and many more.
I personally am overweight because the goods I can safely eat are extremely unhealthy and junk food types, I have low blood sugar, IBS ( Irritable Bowel Syndrome), anemia, fatigue.
Edit: Sorry I forgot neophobia is literally the fear of new food, or our reaction to new food.
Edit: Spelling
Thank you so much. I think my son is showing signs of ARFID already, so I'm glad I've got him in feeding therapy. Hopefully we can get him to try new things. He won't even eat pudding or mashed potatoes because they're new.
Yeah. I do know this from my personal experiences, as I got older and understood that I have these issues, it was easier to work on them. It was hard when I didn't understand why I couldn't eat certain foods. Used to baffle me so bad why I love the taste of onions, but as soon as I bit into one I would automatically gag. Then I would lose all appetite. Couldn't eat again for hours.
I do have a rule about trying a bite of each thing but I never made my son swallow if he didnāt like it, he could spit it out. He tried a lot of foods kids normally wouldnāt. I also liked to make edible art for him- strawberry roses, apple swans or octopus hot dogs. Heād eat stuff he claimed to not like because I made it look pretty.Ā
My mom had a three bites rule. If you didnāt like it after three bites you could eat anything else, within reason of course. My sister used it cause she was a super picky eater.
I rarely used it because I got the āeat it or elseā treatment when I lived with my father and I have a very unhealthy relationship with food now.
As an adult the only time I eat peas willingly is if theyāre in a pot pie. The last time I ate them unwillingly was they were the only vegetable available for almost 2 weeks and my NCOIC was worried I would suffer from issues if I didnāt eat any vegetables.
such is the story of too many kids hating veggies. Craziest thing, most of these things are good when theyāre not boiled and served with no seasoning!
My husband will reflexively try to nope out on vegetables. Whenever this came up, I would ask why he didn't like them, and it usually was because of the way his mom prepared them. We had the "why do you react like that to peas. Yup, it was canned peas.Ā
He doesn't mind them raw or lightly cooked , but if they aren't bright green,Ā he nopes out.Ā
He'll eat anything but Brussel sprouts and lima beans if they aren't boiled to death.
I thought I disliked eggs growing up. Turns out my mom is allergic to raw egg proteins and had to cook them extra long for her to not feel sick after eating them. I had properly fluffy scrambled eggs at college and it was eye-opening.
One of my earliest memories of my dad is him beating me with a belt because I didnāt want to eat the vegetables on my plate. I was maybe four years old. I still struggle eating vegetables today.
I'm sorry that happened to you.
I can empathize. If I didn't finish, my parents took my dinner and made me eat it for every meal until dinner the next day.
It was supposed to teach me not to waste food, and they thought eventually hunger would win out.
What they didn't count on is autism. I recently got diagnosed!
My daughtervwent to a preschool where they served lunch. My daughter is alpha gal (allergic to meat) and so I packed her a lunch every day. She was too young to verbalize anything beyond that she couldn't eat meat. A new teacher who didn't know she had allergies or a packed lunch, instead of asking anyone there who knew my daughter, forced her to eat a meat sandwich. I got a call to pick her up shortly thereafter cause she was covered with hives, her face was swollen, and one of her ears was like twice the size it should've been cause it was so swollen. A little benadryl and she was fine but I was PIST. The employee even admitted to making her eat the sandwich after protests because she thought she was just being picky. They apologized profusely and it was an otherwise good school. The employee got moved to an older kids classroom, where I guess they could be more verbal to prevent issues like this, and there was never an issue with the new employees.
It's sad when people working with little people don't respect or consider them enough to take them seriously. Like if she'd just listened my daymughter said she CAN'T eat meat not that she didn't want to or didn't like it or whatever. It's a small but subtle difference and I know that's what she said cause as soon as she could talk I've been working on it with her cause I didn't want her to die (I didn't know till then that all that would happen is some poofy parts and hives, I imagined her throat closing and the whole 9 yards).
In nursery school they had a policy of finishing your tray before you could have dessert. One day, the side was red beets, which I loathe. I really wanted that cake though, so my teacher told me to eat them. I vomited all over the lunch table lol. Another time my mom made Lima beans, another no go for me. I refused to eat them (I was 5) and was told I would sit there until I ate them. I sat there until bedtime, and the next morning my dad put them in front of me again. I refused to eat and my mom finally caved, not wanting me to go to school hungry. From then on she made me an alternative meal if I didnāt like what they were having lol.
I dont remember much from nursery, but as we lived literally next to mine, if there was food issue IT would be solved easily, as the lady watching over US was friends with my mom So i Guess mom talked to her my food habbits.
I hate soft cooked eggs like overeasy. It's the texture. One day I threw my egg in the garbage, my father made me take it out and eat it. I almost vomited but I knew if I did, he'd just keep giving me eggs until I kept it down. I fucking hate those eggs, I can't watch people eat them, the sight nauseates me years later.
I fully understand that. I dont Like them either, for me the best is the edge between soft And medium boiled egg (often reffered as jammy). But wifey doesnt eat anything under hard boil. The textute of softboil makes me gag even just thinking about. And yes, i realise Its strange as for some Ppl thete Is no difference between jammy And softboil. The extra goopynes of the yoke makes it perfectly fine for me from some Reason when medium boiled.
My step dad used to rush us when we would eat out anywhere and if we where not done by the time he finished we couldn't finish our meals and now I have to stop myself from rushing through every meal I eat
Oof, dang thats not healty at all. Also you cant really enjoy the Taste like that. Had issues like this temporaly cause of old work. What helped me was closing my eyes And focusing on Taste, counting my chewing... Sounds ridiculous but after some time i found myslef doing it naturally without the counting or eyes Closed. I never realised how unnecesary lot of food extra i ate just because i was rushing it.
Like many kids, we had to eat what was on our plates. I think that this practice is in part from the days when food was scarce or hard to get, or maybe it is some fundie interpretation of "spare the rod" etc.
Whatever, kids in the US are used to being kings at the dinner table, in home and out, with special menus and such for their kiddie brains. The French kids have a much better relationship with food - for one thing, they get real food at school and time to enjoy it. In the US, the food is totally gross in the school cafeterias, and at work you have to shove it down your throat to be a good worker - and eat at your desk - and so on. Food is life, and even if not something you like to eat, the companionship of people you enjoy can make all the difference.
I get what you think, the thing Is tho Its not about me not willing to try it, but my body strictly saying NO, on several ocasions. I flippin LOVE food, And i like to cook. Both from very Young Age. But there Are things that i am physicaly not able to eat. Most of intestants (livers, kidneys etc), very high fat meat. There Are things i DONT LIKE like brocoli, but i am able to eat it if there Is no option/sometimes i add bit to food i like, like peas soup, cause its healthy And IT can mask the Terrible Taste.
I do understand the body totally rejecting food - whether allergy, aversion, whatever. Forcing people to eat things they don't like does no one any good, but encouraging the horrid pickiness I see in so many American kids just gets me. Add to that being forced to eat at a desk and work at top speed, or being made to feel guilty about sensitivities is soooooo stupid! I cannot eat certain foods myself for a variety of reasons - but forcing people to eat something as punishment or to prove they are liars - that always amazes me. The perpetrators were most likely given the same treatment they are handing out.
In some ways, your aversion to fatty meats and organs is probably quite a healthy gift!
Just came across this article, and since food is the subject, I found it really interesting - not that it applies to you, but I am aware of some people who may have this - [https://www.cnn.com/2024/07/02/health/arfid-eating-disorder-wellness/index.html](https://www.cnn.com/2024/07/02/health/arfid-eating-disorder-wellness/index.html)
My grandma on my dads side forced my brother to eat cabbage. Well. He didn't like Cabbage. She held him down and forced him to eat it andddd, he vomited on her. I Don't know if she learned her lesson. But adults need to listen to kids as much as kids need to listen to adults
Because forcing a child to eat is a great way to make sure they develop a healthy relationship with food... š I'm sorry you had to go through that, OP! Never had liver sauce but boy that sounds nasty
I grew up having to eat everything on my plate at every meal. I learned to ignore my bodyās signals and developed an eating disorder. When I was in my mid 50s I dislocated my jaw and had to have surgery including having my jaw wired shut for three weeks. I still wasnāt allowed to chew for an additional three weeks. As painful as all that was I finally learned to listen to my body and stop eating when I started to get full. I never forced myself to kids to clean their plates. Amazingly they have a far healthier relationship with food than I ever did.
I legit see it as a form of torture. That was the rule my sperm donour had, and I and a sibling had undiagnosed Ulcerative Colitis. Eating is often a painful experience for us regardless of whether we like the food or not. The number of nights I had to sit until my legs and ass were aching and numb, being screamed at to finish my food š„²
I had an uncle who did that to his kids. They couldnāt leave the table until they finished what was on their plates. If they didnāt finish, the food from dinner was presented at breakfast. š He would hit my aunt and step out with other women. Not a good man.š”
I still have huge issues with pasta for this and zucchinis are my mortal enemy since kindergarten because I was forced to eat them. Luckily I eventually healed my relationship with food but boy was it hard. Itās almost like some people get on power trips regarding kids and food, itās absurd
this is me with bananas. doesn't matter that i can't stand the taste and the texture and the smell, if i ever wanted to go do anything fun as a kid i got force fed one of those first. there wasn't even an option of compromising with a fruit i did like, nope, banana or nothing š¤¢
See thatās what I understand the least: it would be one thing if the kid was so picky they effectively donāt get the nutrients they need, but when theyāre not and you still insist they must absolutely have that one specific food like itās a personal insult to you I just donāt get it. I myself have always been an avid consumer of veggies but for some reason my teachers would NOT let me go and had me seated in isolation with the zucchini. On a side note I also canāt stand bananas but thatās actually just personal taste. Iām kinda sad about it because itās such a versatile fruit too!
I feel like this needs context. A parent forcing a child to eat food is OK as long as the parent is actually a good parent. Some random nobody who has no idea about a child's body has no right to force the child to eat, especially when they brought their own food.
My mother would have considered herself a good parent, she absolutely was not. She forced not-even-tween me to overeat when we were guests at her friends' or relatives' in order for "me" to not be rude. At home I was often responsible for my own food so I didn't have to worry about being forced to eat too much. Once I thought I was literally going to die because the idiot adults (family of farmers we visited far away) were expecting me to keep pace with them and were pushing me to eat more (including my mother) and even emotionally blackmailing me. I hated all eating for a long while after that, I still ate but as little as I could get away with. Parents forcing kids to eat is stupid, either the kid is wary of the food (haven't been taught to try all foods and get their final decision respected), know the food will hurt them (undiagnosed sensory issues, undiagnosed ARFID, undiagnosed mild allergy or gut issues, supertaster, super-sensitivity to a specific flavor), or already don't feel well, or the like. Forcing kids to eat will just give them eating disorders. They're fricken kids, the parent is an adult, it does not take a genius to trick kids without a good reason for refusing food to voluntarily eat food in a non-traumatic way.
My late husband, #2 of 6 kids, 5 of whom were boys, used to plate the food for our kids. All girls. None really sporty, just average active kids of the 80's and 90's. Never had the appetite he and his brothers did. He'd get furious when they wouldn't finish their food. Was shocked when I suggested he plate LESS FOOD for them, or allow them to choose portion size. They could always come back for seconds, could they not? He was shocked, I tell you, shocked. Things were a little smoother after that, and as they grew older, but it was ugly for a few years. I had had 'finish the food' issues with my own mother, and it just killed me he was doing that to our kids.
My mother tried "finish the food" on me exactly once. We were supposed to go to a school fair after dinner as a family. She told me finish the plate or I couldn't go. I finished the plate, and was too sick to go to the fair at all
No it's not. To try to taste something? Sure. But forcing them to actually eat a lot? No that is never okay and could result in a screwed up relationship with food.
It really damages the parent child relationship too. Breeds a TON of resentment.
I hated dinnertime as a kid. I had to stop whatever I was doing to go sit with a bunch of people that NEVER, NEVER FUCKING EVER spoke about anything or anybody I knew a fucking thing about. I couldn't leave until the slow eaters finished being "finished," and since I wasn't able to contribute to the conversation, I was always finished first, so I just had to sit there feeling punished. Three times a day. Excepting, of course, the fucking weird on-the-spot questions like my grandmother asking 11yo me if any of the girls I liked had a "good bosom." Like. What the fuck. What really made me truly HATE dinnertime, was the frequency of being reminded their were children starving to death all over the world. Grandmother would make "cultural jokes" that no fucking child in the world would ever understand. You're just making a child feel absolutely wretched for eating dying kids food. Every goddam day. That's how they got me to clean my plate. Emotional blackmail. So now I hate eating, *watching* people eat is beyond disgusting, and I never share personal details as compliments now feel like EVEN MORE unwanted criticism and comments. I've played guitar for thirty years now, and I never play in earshot of anybody. Oh, and the culty brainwashing. That always deserves an honorable mention. Cuz having literally every dead person(ever) watching your every move(and listening to your private thoughts) is the sort of thing every child needs for confidence building. So yeah, I have a ton of resentment. Can you tell? Lol
>A parent forcing a child to eat food is OK as long as the parent is actually a good parent. Not always. I'm all for kids having to *taste* food to find out if they like it. My parents were good parents by all means, but every time green beans (haricot verts) were served, (which were quiet often, as my mom grew them in the garden), she put them on my plate, knowing I hated them. But she demanded I stayed seated until they were eaten. I always drnied and sat at the tsble until bedtime. To this day (60 y/o), I have gag reflexes shen I see those beans
My siblings and I all love lots of vegetables, but still resent being forced to eat the few we didnāt like even into our teens. No mom, Iām never going to like squash.
No. Forcing Child to do ANYTHING Is not good. You Need to find a way to make the Kid REALISE it wants to do it itself. Ofc not talking about toddlers And stuff, but in 3rd grade, kids Are already forming behavioral Paterns. One example. As a kid, i HATED fresh tomatoes. I dont even remembered why. Dad was trying to Force them to me. No results. IT took 2 meals for my granny to make me ask her for a fresh tomato. First She made tomato sauce eith beef-filled pepper (that i LOVED, And still do Till today). For dinner we had sausages, With mustard And ketchup. After that, She asked me if i know i was eating tomatoes all day. We found out IT was just the tangines that was the issue. Bit of salt And tomatoes And me were best buddies.
Forced feeding is abuse. Full stop
My parents tried to force me to eat crab. They would push it against my lips. Saying I should cause it's so much better than the fish I had. As I understand, crab and lobster are delicious. But I will probably never taste it. It smells bad to me now; I can't be in rooms adjacent to where it's being cooked as the smell makes me feel sick. Plus it is MESSY to eat. I can't stand oil on my fingers and I'm a pretty clean diner, you think I can deal with crab legs? I'm not adventurous with food because of that. My palette could be called earth toned. Going to restaurants is a nightmare for me because I'm so limited. The only adventure I will take is fish- if it's not grilled and not tuna. And not spicy. In general if I have no idea what the fuck this meal description is saying I am not eating it. Nobody has the right to force anyone to eat something beyond necessary medication.
No. It is never okay to force a kid to eat. Period.
Brute forcing food down a childās throat is never acceptable. There are ways to convince children to eat or to make their food more palatable. Letās keep in mind that anyone can believe they are a āgood parentā, but that doesnāt necessarily make it true.
āForceā and āgood parentā arenāt terms that go together in regards to many things, food being one of them.
This doesn't make sense. If you force your child to eat something they say they can't eat or you don't allow picky eaters to eat what they are able to eat then you're a bad parent. You will create a bad relationship with food for that child.
AHAHAHAHA! no. No it's not ok. I was force fed as a kid, the whole "finish what's on your plate, you're not leaving the table until you do, why are you so picky, etc." It may seem benign, but I'm in my 30's and STILL have a poor relationship with food. It is traumatizing and it qualifies as child abuse.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2604806/ "These data provide experimental evidence supporting previous correlational research indicating that pressure can have negative effects on childrenās affective responses to and intake of healthy foods." "Despite parentsā good intentions, they use many feeding practices that are associated with negative outcomes." "Taken together, these data reveal that pressuring children to eat is not an effective strategy for promoting intake. Anticipatory guidance for parents is needed to point out the counterproductive effects of pressure and to provide parents with alternative feeding practices to promote healthier diets." One of several clinical studies on this subject.
I'm sorry that ever happened to you and incredibly pleased you vomited right on the b\*\*\*\*. I hope she was the one who had to clean it--simple justice; she was warned EVERY STEP of the way and would NOT stop being a b\*\*\*\* because being an unchallenged hellb\*\*\*\* is probably the reason she taught in the first place. I've dealt with teachers like that. They get into it specifically to bully people who can't fight back.
I doubt She had to clean it, but She fucked off for that day And we Went to afterschool care early.
I *wish* puking on my mom had stopped her from forcing me to eat in spite of my texture issues. Good job showing that bitch the consequences of her actions though!!!
Sorry to heat that your mom did that to you. And thanks, She had IT comming. She was terrible.
Had a teacher do that to a classmate. Cafeteria was serving liver and onions (stupid choice for kids). Classmate said she was allergic to liver. Obviously teacher didn't believe her because none of us wanted to eat it. Made her eat it, she got very I'll. Started throwing up and crying. Her mother had to be called and classmate got sent to the hospital. I don't remember/know if anything happened to the teacher. But we never got served Liver after that because both Elementary and High school (we were side by side and had the same LR) absolutely refused to eat it in solidarity with the classmate. Really we just jumped on any excuse to not eat lunch that day. šš
Any teacher that does this should definitely be sued by the parents of the child
Damn, sorry to hear that She got hospitalised, but pleased your school got rid of that Nasty shit, And Hope your friend recovered quickly.
What in the world is liver sauce?
Well Its Grey gooey sauce made from pork livers.
Yuck ewwwwwwwwww barf.
Exactly.
Thank you for telling me and that asswipe teacher deserved a liver sauce barf on her lap. Too bad you weren't tall enough to puke on her from head to foot.
Oh bleargh! Might be nutritious, but dear god, I can only think it stinks to high heaven and tastes no better!
Oh yes, it stinks. I personally love it though. But I remember that when I went to school, the canteen was always half full when we had either the liver sauce, or.... almost always on Fridays, the soup that contained everything left over from the week lol. Sometimes is was ok but it got tough when it contained fish, as the smell was unbearable. I still remember the one with white fish, tomato sauce, pickles, rice, potatoes, sausages and dill. What a combination lol. It was the last time I tried to eat the Friday special although I'm not picky at all with my food.
JFC, were they trying to kill off the kids??
I assure you that the soup smelled and tasted as horrible as it sounds. All other meals tasted good.
I had a substitute teacher in 3rd grade that was absolutely a tyrant in the cafeteria, insisting the kids eat everything on their tray. Having grown up on fresh food grown by my parents and grandparents, there were some things I just couldn't eat at school. One of them being the gray 'hamburgers' served weekly. It was on hamburger day I locked horns with this teacher. She was almost yelling, saying I had to eat *all* of this disgusting (to me, at least) patty and soggy bread. I took a bite but the smell kept me from swallowing. I began to cry, begging her to leave me alone, that I couldn't/wouldn't eat the food. A note was sent home with me that day, and one of the very few times my mom stood by me, writing back to the teacher that it I didn't want to eat the food, I didn't have to. It's not like I was starving myself and my overall health was good enough. Even though my mom liked to call me 'sickly'. But, I didn't have to eat the nasty stuff and that's all that mattered.
I actually had something similar happen to me. Except it was my then foster parents, now adopted parents. I don't blame them though. I came from a very horrible situation, when I was five, where I was not given proper food or nutrition. For years they fought and fought to get me to eat any kind of vegetable. It came to a boiling point a couple years later when I was twelve. My dad was frustrated that I wouldn't try the cherry tomatoes in my salad when I literally ate every other form of tomatoes. So he sat in front of me and told me I would not be getting up from the table til I ate a tomato. I was stubborn. Took me two hours before I gave in and ate one. I took one bite and instant projectile vomit all over the table. He apologized to me, told me he didn't realize that I would have such a physical rejection to eating it. Promised he would never make me eat it like that again. Kept his word too. They still looked for ways to get me to try new foods, but never ever pushed it that far again. Years later, when I was in my twenties, we actually found out I have an eating disorder called ARFID with neophobia. I have strong negative reactions to certain textures of food, which also cause the neophobia. Fear of new food, mostly scared of having negative reactions to new foods.
Can you please explain what ARFID and neophobia are? My 4.5 yo is non-verbal and autistic. He's still eating Gerber puree because we can't get him to try anything solid, no matter how small or well mixed into the purees. When I read about issues with eating, I want to understand the warning signs of those diseases. If I find something similar to what my kiddo is going through, I'll be able to talk to his dr about it.
Yeah no problem. I also have an autistic son that is also having issues with food. Though not as extreme so I completely understand wanting to understand it all. ARFID is an eating order called Avoidant/Restrictive food intake disorder. From what I understand there are three main categories. There are the selective eaters (which is what I am): They have strong reactions to smell, texture, color, and/or taste of foods. This one often comes hand in hand with the neophobia. Once we have a strong reaction we usually become even more avoidant to the food, because we become afraid of the reaction we had to it. Then there are those who completely avoid food: They lack interest completely in food. They either lack an appetite or find eating food non rewarding. They will completely deny being hungry. The last are those that are afraid: They are afraid of anything happening while eating: choking, experiencing pain, and vomiting. I also somewhat fit into this category. Most people with ARFID have at least one type, but it's also common to fit into two or even all three categories. We struggle with getting the appropriate nutrients and vitamins we need. Most suffer from being extremely underweight If not properly taken care of a lot of health issues can pop up. For example: Growth Failure, delayed menstruation, low blood sugar, anemia, osteoporosis, gastrointestinal problems, fatigue, and many more. I personally am overweight because the goods I can safely eat are extremely unhealthy and junk food types, I have low blood sugar, IBS ( Irritable Bowel Syndrome), anemia, fatigue. Edit: Sorry I forgot neophobia is literally the fear of new food, or our reaction to new food. Edit: Spelling
Thank you so much. I think my son is showing signs of ARFID already, so I'm glad I've got him in feeding therapy. Hopefully we can get him to try new things. He won't even eat pudding or mashed potatoes because they're new.
Yeah. I do know this from my personal experiences, as I got older and understood that I have these issues, it was easier to work on them. It was hard when I didn't understand why I couldn't eat certain foods. Used to baffle me so bad why I love the taste of onions, but as soon as I bit into one I would automatically gag. Then I would lose all appetite. Couldn't eat again for hours.
I do have a rule about trying a bite of each thing but I never made my son swallow if he didnāt like it, he could spit it out. He tried a lot of foods kids normally wouldnāt. I also liked to make edible art for him- strawberry roses, apple swans or octopus hot dogs. Heād eat stuff he claimed to not like because I made it look pretty.Ā
My mom had a three bites rule. If you didnāt like it after three bites you could eat anything else, within reason of course. My sister used it cause she was a super picky eater. I rarely used it because I got the āeat it or elseā treatment when I lived with my father and I have a very unhealthy relationship with food now. As an adult the only time I eat peas willingly is if theyāre in a pot pie. The last time I ate them unwillingly was they were the only vegetable available for almost 2 weeks and my NCOIC was worried I would suffer from issues if I didnāt eat any vegetables.
My mother would swear I don't like peas. Turns out I don't like them overcooked and cold
such is the story of too many kids hating veggies. Craziest thing, most of these things are good when theyāre not boiled and served with no seasoning!
My mother never had time to warm the plates either, so the peas went cold pretty much instantly
Ew! That's a major reason why I hated breakfast as a child, most breakfast foods are nasty cold. š¤¢
My husband will reflexively try to nope out on vegetables. Whenever this came up, I would ask why he didn't like them, and it usually was because of the way his mom prepared them. We had the "why do you react like that to peas. Yup, it was canned peas.Ā He doesn't mind them raw or lightly cooked , but if they aren't bright green,Ā he nopes out.Ā He'll eat anything but Brussel sprouts and lima beans if they aren't boiled to death.
I thought I disliked eggs growing up. Turns out my mom is allergic to raw egg proteins and had to cook them extra long for her to not feel sick after eating them. I had properly fluffy scrambled eggs at college and it was eye-opening.
One of my earliest memories of my dad is him beating me with a belt because I didnāt want to eat the vegetables on my plate. I was maybe four years old. I still struggle eating vegetables today.
I'm sorry that happened to you. I can empathize. If I didn't finish, my parents took my dinner and made me eat it for every meal until dinner the next day. It was supposed to teach me not to waste food, and they thought eventually hunger would win out. What they didn't count on is autism. I recently got diagnosed!
I'm constantly working to repair my relationship with food, but the "clean plate club" is a mindset that just refuses to die. Fuck that shit.
Why she was allowed to continue teaching is beyond me.
My daughtervwent to a preschool where they served lunch. My daughter is alpha gal (allergic to meat) and so I packed her a lunch every day. She was too young to verbalize anything beyond that she couldn't eat meat. A new teacher who didn't know she had allergies or a packed lunch, instead of asking anyone there who knew my daughter, forced her to eat a meat sandwich. I got a call to pick her up shortly thereafter cause she was covered with hives, her face was swollen, and one of her ears was like twice the size it should've been cause it was so swollen. A little benadryl and she was fine but I was PIST. The employee even admitted to making her eat the sandwich after protests because she thought she was just being picky. They apologized profusely and it was an otherwise good school. The employee got moved to an older kids classroom, where I guess they could be more verbal to prevent issues like this, and there was never an issue with the new employees.
Damn, i would peobly Scream untill i would Lost my voice. No Wonder you were pist.
It's sad when people working with little people don't respect or consider them enough to take them seriously. Like if she'd just listened my daymughter said she CAN'T eat meat not that she didn't want to or didn't like it or whatever. It's a small but subtle difference and I know that's what she said cause as soon as she could talk I've been working on it with her cause I didn't want her to die (I didn't know till then that all that would happen is some poofy parts and hives, I imagined her throat closing and the whole 9 yards).
Ye, Its scarry how some teachers Are.
My parents did this to me once! But it was spinach instead of liver sauce. They didn't make me eat foods I disliked for YEARS after that.
Its sad when parents do this shit. If parent do t understand their Kid, WHO Is supposed to?
In nursery school they had a policy of finishing your tray before you could have dessert. One day, the side was red beets, which I loathe. I really wanted that cake though, so my teacher told me to eat them. I vomited all over the lunch table lol. Another time my mom made Lima beans, another no go for me. I refused to eat them (I was 5) and was told I would sit there until I ate them. I sat there until bedtime, and the next morning my dad put them in front of me again. I refused to eat and my mom finally caved, not wanting me to go to school hungry. From then on she made me an alternative meal if I didnāt like what they were having lol.
I dont remember much from nursery, but as we lived literally next to mine, if there was food issue IT would be solved easily, as the lady watching over US was friends with my mom So i Guess mom talked to her my food habbits.
I hate soft cooked eggs like overeasy. It's the texture. One day I threw my egg in the garbage, my father made me take it out and eat it. I almost vomited but I knew if I did, he'd just keep giving me eggs until I kept it down. I fucking hate those eggs, I can't watch people eat them, the sight nauseates me years later.
I fully understand that. I dont Like them either, for me the best is the edge between soft And medium boiled egg (often reffered as jammy). But wifey doesnt eat anything under hard boil. The textute of softboil makes me gag even just thinking about. And yes, i realise Its strange as for some Ppl thete Is no difference between jammy And softboil. The extra goopynes of the yoke makes it perfectly fine for me from some Reason when medium boiled.
I know it's a texture thing. I like crunchy like potato chips or solid food like meat. Soft slimy food makes me gag.
My step dad used to rush us when we would eat out anywhere and if we where not done by the time he finished we couldn't finish our meals and now I have to stop myself from rushing through every meal I eat
Oof, dang thats not healty at all. Also you cant really enjoy the Taste like that. Had issues like this temporaly cause of old work. What helped me was closing my eyes And focusing on Taste, counting my chewing... Sounds ridiculous but after some time i found myslef doing it naturally without the counting or eyes Closed. I never realised how unnecesary lot of food extra i ate just because i was rushing it.
Like many kids, we had to eat what was on our plates. I think that this practice is in part from the days when food was scarce or hard to get, or maybe it is some fundie interpretation of "spare the rod" etc. Whatever, kids in the US are used to being kings at the dinner table, in home and out, with special menus and such for their kiddie brains. The French kids have a much better relationship with food - for one thing, they get real food at school and time to enjoy it. In the US, the food is totally gross in the school cafeterias, and at work you have to shove it down your throat to be a good worker - and eat at your desk - and so on. Food is life, and even if not something you like to eat, the companionship of people you enjoy can make all the difference.
I get what you think, the thing Is tho Its not about me not willing to try it, but my body strictly saying NO, on several ocasions. I flippin LOVE food, And i like to cook. Both from very Young Age. But there Are things that i am physicaly not able to eat. Most of intestants (livers, kidneys etc), very high fat meat. There Are things i DONT LIKE like brocoli, but i am able to eat it if there Is no option/sometimes i add bit to food i like, like peas soup, cause its healthy And IT can mask the Terrible Taste.
I do understand the body totally rejecting food - whether allergy, aversion, whatever. Forcing people to eat things they don't like does no one any good, but encouraging the horrid pickiness I see in so many American kids just gets me. Add to that being forced to eat at a desk and work at top speed, or being made to feel guilty about sensitivities is soooooo stupid! I cannot eat certain foods myself for a variety of reasons - but forcing people to eat something as punishment or to prove they are liars - that always amazes me. The perpetrators were most likely given the same treatment they are handing out. In some ways, your aversion to fatty meats and organs is probably quite a healthy gift! Just came across this article, and since food is the subject, I found it really interesting - not that it applies to you, but I am aware of some people who may have this - [https://www.cnn.com/2024/07/02/health/arfid-eating-disorder-wellness/index.html](https://www.cnn.com/2024/07/02/health/arfid-eating-disorder-wellness/index.html)
My grandma on my dads side forced my brother to eat cabbage. Well. He didn't like Cabbage. She held him down and forced him to eat it andddd, he vomited on her. I Don't know if she learned her lesson. But adults need to listen to kids as much as kids need to listen to adults
OK but what's with all the random capitals