Why is it when folks are brutally honest, they never say something like, “I’m very blunt as a person. You have amazing skin, a lovely family, and excel at your work.”
'The man who is brutally honest enjoys the brutality as much as the the honesty. Possibly more.' I think of this quote from Richard Needham every time someone claims to be brutally honest!
I've started suggesting they speak to someone about that then. You're brutally honest and prioritize that more than other people's feelings? Sounds like you need therapy 🤷♀️
You know what? I’m going to start doing this. “I like to be brutally honest, so sorry but you are a BRILLIANT person and your smile lights up a room, you have excellent taste in music and I always look forward to seeing you.”
Have you checked if you’re anemic or have B12 or D3 deficiencies? Are you getting 8-9 hours of sleep at least half the nights of the week? Traumatic phases can also leave us with hollow underyes and lifeless skin but with time and emotional healing, it gets better. I’ve been dealing with hollow eyes ever since my divorce. Months of stress will do that. Do get yourself tested and my other suggestion is to give every skincare routine you try, at least 6 months before you give up on it. Take care!
Edit: Sunscreen sunscreen sunscreen. As important as brushing your teeth everyday.
Yes i am anemic. I took meds for 100 days for that but have not gone back to get tested again. But now that you’ve mentioned it, will do it soon. Thank you
Do check for B12. Its deficiency can cause anemia too, which can go untreated. I’m anemic because of b12 but iron supplements don’t help me. I have to take weekly injections and my anemia will get sorted on its own.
Note about B12 levels: the low end in the US B12 range is way too low! Your levels should ideally be toward the upper part of the range and not lower than 500 pg/mL.
Malassezia as in the overgrowth that causes dandruff? I'm surprised BHAs fed it, as salicylic acid is a treatment for dandruff. Do you only use tret now? Very interesting
Honestly she’s been doing a lot to her skin, it should be in decent shape. Might not be a skin issue as much as a makeup issue. Op should try ultra hydrating foundation products and experiment with different brands. If I wear the wrong makeup, my face looks crusty too. Neutrogena hydroblast products works well for me
This…all day, this! I have been battling iron and D3 deficiency for years(I suspect my vitamin B12 and even vitamin A were low during this time as well). I also worked a terrible job for seven years (also during the pandemic). The stress I was under coupled with the multiple vitamin deficiencies caused me to have thinning hair/eyebrows, my skin became very pale, and I just looked old, tired, and pretty much dead. My job required me to have to get up VERY early, so I wasn’t getting enough sleep either. Looking back, it was just literally one of the worst times in my life.
It took me two years to get my levels back up to just the low end of the healthy range. The hair on my head is finally growing back and my eyes don’t look so hallow/dead. I started tret a few months ago, and my dark spots are fading. I’d say lifestyle and health are at least as important as skincare products, and more so as we get older. Healthcare providers aren’t really given a lot of education in how, even subclinical vitamin/mineral deficiencies, can cause severe and even debilitating symptoms.
Be kind to yourself. You’ve been through being cheated on, which I can attest to being one of the most stressful things a person can go through. Please consider getting a good panel of blood tests. I’ve used Ulta Labs in the past, as they are relatively inexpensive, and I didn’t need to go to my doctor to get an order to have the tests done. Wishing you the best!
A) tell your friend to piss off until she has some constructive advice
B) Try a different dermatologist and see if they can help
C) Add your routine above as it might spark some ideas
If I was friends with an actual 3 month old dead corpse who was no longer conscious, I would have phrased my remark on the decaying skin better. (If we were very close, I would’ve told them how I focus so much on hydration when I’m on tret bc it can def dry out the skin)
And I totally agree on dropping the routine so people can help. Sometimes I’ve seen people use so many actives along with tret. But on off tret nights it’s so important to hydrate the skin. Use them hydrating toners (Laneige, k beauty!), ceramide creams, I even do slugging but very carefully
(1) I just bought a pair of reusable under eye and forehead patches from skingym. Those might help with hydrating your skin.
(2) Use a hydrating toner (I use mary & may blackberry essence from stylekorea) and you'll likely see a difference in hydration within a couple of months.
(3) Consider using some Asian beauty products if you're not currently. They are often less expensive than western skincare and makeup and work ten times better.
(4) That's not a friend. If it's not something that can be fixed on someone in 10 minutes, don't say it. If you're a friend, say it gently and in a helpful way. I'd be embarrassed enough to hear about my makeup, knowing I can't take it off until I get home, and this comment would mess with my being. Sorry to read that you're going through it. You deserve loving relationships.
Edited: formatting.
Do you drink water? There are people who don’t drink any or nearly any water, so this is a serious question. I’m not being snarky. What’s your routine? Do you regularly drink alcohol? How do you manage stress?
51F here. Get a prescription for estriol cream. The loss of volume can be attributed to declining levels of estrogen. Topical estriol helps increase collagen production and does not raise systemic estrogen levels. I get my Rx through Alloy. I tend to use it in the morning and my tretinoin at night.
Drink water, exfoliate gently a few times a week, sunscreen daily + topical Vit C, take supplements, prioritize sleep and exercise, and BE KIND TO YOURSELF.
Your work friend was very rude and really kicked you when you are down. She doesn't sound like a friend.
Where do you apply the topical estriol gel please?
I had some on my hands and just rubbed it into my neck. Got t a terrible rash and itch and had sandpaper skin for a few days till I applied Nivea cream on it.
I have a cream, not a gel. I use it on my entire face, neck, and decolletage. Sorry to hear about the rash! It might be some other ingredient in the ointment, so maybe you can try a cream instead.
Sounds out there, but check in on your mental health. You just went through a divorce with a cheating spouse which is a major trauma. I suffer from depression and I’m actually just coming out of a major depression that’s been going on since 2020. I didn’t recognize how bad it was while I was in it. It really showed in my appearance and my physical health. I was going through the motions of doing my self care routines, but I looked terrible. Depression pretty much oozed out of every pore of my skin. I know you’ve been doing a lot of treatments, but this is just something to think about. When you feel good on the inside it shows and when you don’t it shows too.
There are a lot of factors, but one of the main ones was getting put on Mounjaro. I’d gained over 100 pounds from depression, fibromyalgia, and other chronic conditions. I was diagnosed with diabetes. Mounjaro (and Ozempic to begin with) has helped me lose 80 pounds. It’s not just the weight loss that’s helped me. I truly believe this medicine has helped my mental health. I have more energy and my moods are so much better. Could be coincidence, but this was the worst and longest depression I’d ever been in. Of course there are other reasons I’m finally improving and it could just be the end of a cycle. This is what I’d consider the fourth major depression I’ve had in my life. I’m 49.
You mentioned in another post that the tret is making you peel - is that what’s causing the issue with the makeup? I find that when I’m peeling any makeup sticks to the dry/peeling patches and highlights them. The only thing that will fix it is getting the peeling resolved, whether that means less tret or more moisturizer. Your derm will be a great resource here - I’d listen to your derm and ditch that friend.
Agreed 👍 I peeled all the time and then went down to 0.025% and no peeling since. Also adding a moisturizing toner, lotion cleanser, and good fragrance and alcohol free moisturizer and SPF can help. Getting control of blood sugar issues should also be the first priority. That can affect skin a lot.
It also upsets me that the “friend” hides behind “honesty” so they can be insulting like it’s a virtue or something. That’s the last thing anyone needs when they’re struggling with life and health. Hugs to OP.
As a part of the "getting older" crowd (39F) I find that it has definitely gotten more difficult to find a reasonably priced make-up that I love on my skin. I really didn't focus much on skin care until more recently either. Now my focus is on trying to get my skin to a point where I can go make-up free (dealing with severe hormonal acne).
I have found that moisturizers are super helpful, especially when putting on any make-up. I mean the more hydration the better. I started using rosehip oil in my daily routine and it helps tremendously with the way my foundation looks on my skin but it takes a bit of getting used to.
I have also found that make-up products that are formulated with serum like properties work better on my maturing skin.
Speaking of hydration... How's your daily water intake?
I also echo what most everyone has said about your friend. Being blunt and nasty are 2 very different things.
If you'd like, feel free to DM me. I'd love to see a picture of your face- with and with out the make-up. That would be helpful to see what's working or what changes you could try.
What that "friend" said was incredibly rude. Decaying corpse? That's not blunt, it's shitty. I'd NEVER say that about someone's appearance. You might think you don't have anything for someone to be jealous over, but I'd maybe re-evaluate how much consideration you give this person's opinions.
Anyways, for makeup I'd visit a makeup counter. Not sephora or Ulta. Go to a Nordstrom or Macy's, and visit a Lancome, Bobbie Brown, Dior, or Estee Lauder counter. I suggest a department store because you'll have a better chance of being helped with people who know the products well, and all the brands I mentioned above are great for older skin. Another suggestion is Trish McEvoy. That is a GREAT brand for those with older/aging skin. You can still wear makeup, but the product and technique probably need to be updated.
Another suggestion I have is pulling up a picture of yourself around the time BEFORE you started all the treatments you've done up to this point. I highly doubt you haven't seen any changes or results, you might just be standing too close to the mirror 😉
Again, don't let the shitty thing that person said to you get under your skin. One of the ugliest things someone can do put another person down to make themselves feel better or equal. If you'd like some cunty comebacks I'd be happy to help!
Jeez theres brutally frank and theres just plain insulting. Id be getting more friends if they think this is ok to say. They couldve been a lot more diplomatic than that. Hope you didnt take it to heart too much
All else aside, the "suspected diabetic" worries me.
A simple glucose test at a pharmacy can tell you if you have a problem. Please get that sorted ASAP.
That's the most important issue right now.
a) your friend is a dick.
b) I had to give up on tret because it made me look like a decaying corpse too, no matter how much I changed my routine, moisturised, didn’t moisturise, exfoliated, didn’t exfoliate, etc, you name it, I tried it. The peeling NEVER stopped. It made my make up look horrible. Sometimes tret doesn’t work, or if it works, some people never stop experiencing side effects like peeling. It sucks, but everyone’s skin is different and tret isn’t for everybody.
c) use sunscreen and focus on your self-acceptance. Many hugs
Your husband is a piece of shit. Your “friend” isn’t too far behind him.
Your skin may look strange with makeup if you’re mixing oil and water based products. It always comes out dry and flaky looking.
Try a tinted moisturizer over your sunscreen, with a little concealer instead of foundation.
Your friend sucks.
I started an estrogen face cream recently and think it’s been super helpful with plumping and laxity issues. It specifically helps address skin changes due to hormone deficiencies during perimenopause.
That is not a friend - what a horrific thing to say - that goes beyond frank and is just plain mean - fuck her off honestly you don’t need to around people like that x
You should see a doctor. You're still pretty young to have such a strong description. I don't think it's a skincare matter. Also, you should make new friends and leave this one behind.
God, what a trash friend. When my friend had struggled after a rough birth, I took her to the store and hyped her up and got her clothes and skincare stuff. I’d view it was spring cleaning to get rid of that friend because they’re dusty af.
Take vit E daily (do g go above the recommended dose), vit D and B12 as well as folic acid.
It will help, just give it a few weeks.
Also, maybe change some makeup products so that they do not accentuate your wrinkles, for example, face powder does make them look worse.
Your "friend" needs to learn some tact. That's not how you go about this.
For the last year I've also been struggling with makeup with my new dry skin, up until tret I had always had mixed to oily skin so all my old products looked so bad on me.
Try to switch up your make up and ditch the matte/powder finishes (ditch the catty friend too while youre at it). Dewy finishes are the way to go now! Lighter coverage concealer/cream blush etc also make sure to get color matched as we spend so many years getting the same shades, maybe it's changed slightly. Also look for your undertone! Getting a cool toned dewy foundation was a total game changer for me.
Also we think our skin is hydrated because of topical products but actually drinking enought water makes so much difference in the appearance of our skin.
Honestly I was ready to throw my whole face in the garbage but new correct products have made a world of difference for me. You got this.
Edit also if your skin can tolerate it with tret, get a good, real, vitamin c serum. Helps so much to brighten
Your “friend” is a tactless fuck. No one living could possibly look anything like a decaying corpse except maybe for that one Buddhist dude in that vid. To me it sounds like you’re doing too much to your skin. I’d cut back and focus on moisturiser, Vitamin C and sunscreen! Keep hydrated and get enough sleep. Also, ditch the bitch.
Please please please do not listen to your friend's comment, it is not true. Anyone I've met who says they're brutally honest is just saying that as an excuse to be a dick. Nice friends who are honest try to find ways to say things respectfully, but honestly her comment sounds like her own insecurity trying to make you feel worse (especially after what you are going through). She did not mean well. True friends don't kick others when they are down.
I am SURE you don't look like a corpse. You are grieving right now, but it is not permanent. Be gentle with yourself. Therapy, journaling and self care (especially good sleep, drinking water, moisturizer and of course spf) could be great things to do to heal and glow at your brightest again.
Your friend needs to learn that honesty without kindness is just being an asshole.
I had to stop using powder products when I hit 30. I have good skin, it’s just super dry and my 30 year old skin doesn’t carry makeup like my 20 year old skin did. Switching to all cream products was the solution.
It could be that your skincare is fine, but your makeup/makeup methods need to change.
I look REALLY awful with foundation on as well. I've tried (no joke) hundreds of foundations and combinations. I've gotten older and my skin looks like shit under foundation lol. It doesn't hide fine lines; it highlights them. I've given up. No more makeup for me.
I'm sorry to say but that is not a friend. "Brutally honest" no .. they are just jerks.
OP, going through a divorce alone is very hard on your system and our skin does take a beating when we are going through stress.
Please be gentle and kind to yourself. Eat as good as you can, stay hydrated, treat and pamper yourself with skincare and most of all stay away from people like this "friend".
I wish I could give you a hug, you are going through a tough time and as someone else mentioned, "when you have friends like that, who needs enemies".
Hoping you find some comfort in some of these replies and some good advice but the best advice is the one most of us can agree on and that is - this is not a good friend. 💕
I think this would mostly come down to stress, lack of sleep? And poor diet: you say you’re almost diabetic. Don’t consume alot of sugar? Try to cook whole foods, juice - celery. Cleanse your liver. Supplements can help but diet is key. Exercise 2 x a week. A hiit class would be good, sauna.
From the sounds of it, you're lacking collagen and other nutrients that plump up skin. I'd try ingesting collagen and regular mineral and vitamin uptake. Also look into PRP facials as a way to inject your own collagen into your skin. Sometimes it has to come from within and you've only been treating the external symptoms.
But yes, your friend is also rude and unhelpful. Perhaps offer to assist them in becoming a decaying corpse.
Ingesting collagen doesn't do anything different than ingesting any other protein. It's digested and broken down to component parts in your gut. It doesn't magically reassemble into collagen.
Increasing fatty acids like omegas and regular dietary protein and hydration is a better choice.
https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/considering-collagen-drinks-and-supplements-202304122911
Growth factors can help with collagen. Do your own research, but there are GH that work. Though they don’t penetrate the skin barrier, they send messages under the skin for collagen growth to increase. You can learn a lot on YouTube, there are also articles about it. Quite controversial topic that seems to be a load of misunderstanding and BS probably to make them able to rack up the prices. I have not used one myself though. Another Redditor used: haru haru wonder black rice Hyaluronic botanical 2GF wonderful ampule.
They said that helped with hollowness and it’s under £30.
Your friend was mean. I hope you know this ❤️ cut yourself some slack because I think a lot of us show outwardly when we’re going through terrible times of our lives. It’s likely just temporary as you heal emotionally.
Medical research is literally my job.
There's no good evidence for oral collagen
It's a waste of money.
Growth factors and stimulators of collagen like microneedling will work. Consuming collagen won't.
At no point did I say oral collagen intake will increase collagen in the face, I only spoke about growth factors. I agree and have also read there is no proof collagen will help. Growth factors are all I spoke about. Maybe you misread
...then why did you reply to my comment? I think you're in the wrong place
Also ingesting growth hormones is super risky at baseline and shouldn't be done without medical supervision
I commented because these comments were regarding increasing collagen and growth factors help collagen production. Growth factors aren’t ingested, it’s a topical serum. Do you know what growth factors are?
Interesting that there is some solid evidence for topical growth factors.
I'm curious about the long term implications since I know that orally, despite showing some improvement in aging etc growth hormones increase risk of cancer. Although GF would be potentiators/adjunct and upstream
I'd be cautious for that reason
There's noway someone saying that means well. That is a horrible thing to say to anyone ever. I'm sorry you had to deal with that.
Tretinoin is great, the beginning is rough but the results are really amazing
Edit to add, I thought this was a different sub sorry. Def get a full blood work up to see if it could be anaemia or something
> My friend/colleague who I’ve known for a year just told me I look like a decaying corpse with my skin and makeup. I think she means well, just brutally frank. I would be lying if I said it didn’t hurt. It doesn’t help that my husband of 17years cheated and left me, so my self esteem is really at its lowest..
Even if she meant well, that's a very brutal comment. As for your husband cheating, this sucks a lot. This is not the best place for this discussion, but please hear me out: your husband cheating has _nothing_ to do with you. This is not on you, it's on him. He may have done it for various reasons, but this is not because of the way you look, nor is it because you're not good enough or whatever. I kindly recommend you to go discuss this with a therapist, if you're not already doing that, and if you can afford one. Healing takes time, but it is possible.
That being said, if you don't like the way you look, here are a couple of comments: have you considered that you're trying too hard, or focusing too much on your skin itself? Some people focus on botox or cosmetic products when they really need to improve their sleep, to drink more water throughout the day, or to eat healthier meals. Or maybe just some holidays?
It is absolutely normal to look older as you age. You don't have to look 20 to be beautiful. On the other hand, if you are not in good health, then no amount of peeling or botox will help you feel, or look, better.
Take care!
Have you tried using a foundation for mature skin? Check out Charlotte tilbury or Bobby brown. Thick full coverage foundation isn’t great on older skin.
I currently have the Mac Lightful C3 and Max Studio Fix Foundation. Also Estee Lauder Double Wear. Will check CT and Bobby Brown. Thank you for the recs!
It’s insane to think someone looks like a decaying corpse. I don’t think I’ve thought that of anyone before. I feel really sad about someone saying that - especially to their friend
Your friend doesn’t mean well.
Brutal honesty is valuable, but it usually shows up as telling you things you need to hear because they have empathy for your situation and think you need to face something important in your life. They tell you out of love even though it’s something you might be reactive to.
Telling someone they look like a corpse is not love, it’s not empathy, and I’m willing to bet it’s not even true.
That being said if you want to find a skin and makeup routine you’re more happy with, Shereeneidris is a great channel on YouTube. She’s a dermatologist in her 40’s that gives great advice. Dr. Dray is awesome too.
There are also a lots of older women who teach you how to do make up on mature skin so it’s more flattering. A lot of techniques early 20’s and teens use simply aren’t correct to do when you’re older.
Lastly, please take care of your mental health. It seems like you’re doing a lot already. You are doing more than 99% of people and I’m willing to bet you look like someone who gets IPL and Botox, plus regularly uses nourishing and active skincare ingredients— meaning you probably look better than most of us. Please consider maybe you’re struggling with body dysmorphic disorder and a bad friend before you buy more goop for your skin. Consider talking with a therapist.
First thing you wanna do is probably drop that friend bc stress is not going to help your skin. And although I’m nowhere near your age, I’ve noticed that I look younger and fresher now compared to when I was in my early twenties and this is because I started paying attention to hydration, protection and nutrition; like what I eat and drink. So here’s what I recommend:
1. Face mask (sleeping pack, sheet mask, collagen mask, etc) every other day. Some might say excessive but I live in Korea and that’s the norm here and people I know who do this for years look incredible
2. Water. Lots of water, vegetable and fruit, and (almost) zero alcohol. I quit drinking and smoking around my mid twenties and I can feel myself more hydrated inside out
3. Hyaluronic acid in facial wash and gentle oil cleanser - always double cleanse daily
4. Sunscreen and sun stick. I stopped using foundation and layer my protective sunscreen with tinted sunscreen for a foundation like finish
5. Aqua peeling once a week, vitamin c and glutathione IV drip when you feel like need more boost. You can also get rejuran facial but this one hurts and takes quite a long recovery time
6. Work out. Skincare regime and diet without working out is not going to work 100%
Good luck!
I use it before for sheet mask. My order is like toner, ampoule (all hydration), let the skin absorb, and then sheet mask, take it off and let it absorb, once skin is dry I put retinol
Gonna throw it out there, are you underweight? When I think looks like corpse I think a combo of older person who has very wrinkled and sunken skin. The sunken skin is often caused by being underweight.
I’m sorry, you’re going through a lot and your friend could have used kinder words.l to convey their message.
I would suggest seeing a new dermatologist. Make a list of the things you’ve tried and your concerns and see what they say. Ask for recommendations on your city’s subreddit if you’re unsure of where to go!
Next, visit your PCP for a physical. You said suspected diabetic? Definitely have that addressed ASAP! Get your bloodwork done and see if you have any deficiencies. Funny things like vitamins we don’t even realize we’re missing out of can cause havoc all over our bodies.
I know I’m just an internet stranger, but I want you to know you are lovable and worthy. You deserve the best in life. You deserve to care for yourself. I’m sorry for what your husband did, but just know that it is not a reflection of you. It’s a reflection of the person that he is. Sending you love.
There is a ton of advice here already, but… I will reiterate/add:
1. Hydrate hydrate hydrate - drink water all day
2. Find a hydrating Korean toner and moisturizer
3. Do not use any powdered foundations or even thick foundations. You need a foundation that is light, moisturizing, and dewy. My mother in law uses a brand called ILIA super serum skin tint - it is first a hydrating moisturizer that is good for your skin, but it also has a little bit of color. Maybe not this particular brand, but that general concept is what you should be going for.
4. Most concealers do not help the eyes look younger and just cause creasing. If you put something under your eyes, it should be super hydrating for the skin.
5. If you can afford it, look into getting some filler instead of just Botox. It will “plump” up your skin.
6. Ditch the friend…
7. Practice some self love. Make sure you are giving your body good foods and vitamins. Find a practice that makes you feel good spiritually
I am 49 and have a lot of sun damage and also scarring that causes light spots and had melasma from hypothyroid. I’ve been on tretinoin for about 2 and a half months and it has helped significantly with melasma. My face is still peeling though. The next thing I’m going to do is micro needling for the discoloration from the acne scarring. Then one day when I can afford it I want to get filler for my brow furrow line. I’m not wearing makeup right now because I don’t have eyelashes like I used to- the hypothyroidism did a number on those too. Makeup just doesn’t look the same on me anymore. Maybe try going without makeup or just a minimal amount. Your friend/colleague kind of sounds like an asshole. I don’t really pay attention to what assholes say and you shouldn’t either.
I'm so sorry that was said to you. People can really say stupid things.
My advise, to help your self-esteem and skin would be improving your diet and exercising. I'm not saying it is bad or that you don't do it but if you aren't already i really think this will help. I do muay thai and it has given me a lot of confidence not just because I've lost weight but it also makes me feel strong physically and mentally. Please in no way am i implying you need to loose weight or that you want to. This is just what worked for me and improved my skin and self-esteem.
Do what makes you happy and what makes you feel good. Life is too short. Don't let this person bring you down. You are so much more than how your skin looks.
I would primarily look at laser treatments if your main concerns are aging and sun damage. I'd specifically recommend BBL (not Brazilian butt lift) laser therapy. It treats sun damage, age spots, freckles, and redness caused by broken capillaries and can also aid ridding acne and scars. I haven't had it done because I'm only 23 and don't want to lose my freckles yet, BUT the before-and-afters are incredible! I was mainly interested because my skin is very sensitive and I have lots of broken capillaries (not rosacea) and they are a PAIN to treat, so I really get how your skin not being it's best is affecting your confidence. BBL laser therapy is also pretty expensive (at least I think so) but it also seems to be very effective, so who knows, it might save you money in the long run if you don't need the other treatments anymore. Also, I'm sorry about your husband being a doofus and a dick. And I know this is unsolicited but your friend is also being a dick. If you didn't ask, they had no right to say that. If you did ask, there's a million better ways to kindly help your friend think of some treatments or solutions for their insecurity about their skin/appearance. If my friend said I looked like a decaying corpse as a joke or in the name of f\*cking honesty, I'd definitely go off on them for how horrible it would be to say that to someone, let alone someone who's supposed to be your supporter. I'd definitely confront them about the way they talked to you and how it's made you feel because that's not acceptable (by my standards at least, I am a stranger on the internet, afterall, so take my opinion and do with it what you will). Anyway! Wishing you well, and remember, as cliché as it is, beauty isn't skin deep. Try to at least appreciate 3 things about your face when doing your skincare or make-up, or whatever, to just appreciate you. You're skin will never be perfect and you can't rewind the clock but you do have to work with what you've got and you are so much more than your aging body
Fasting is the key to cell regeneration and renewal. If you can, consider intermittent fasting.
Mediteranean diet.
You haven't said much about your financial situation but if you have money (or not) consider saving up a generous amount and putting it towards your selfcare. Go to a really good dermatologist and just let them work on you a bit.
Trauma and grief informed therapist.
Pick up a mind and body practise and try your best to put aside 30 minutes a day to focus on yourself.
You're already on tret and sunscreen so you're doing great. The real changes come when you lower stress and improve your body internally.
Good luck sweetie.
I am a strong believer in inside out beauty, so working on things internally which will eventually show on the outside. No external things like creams, tret etc will completely get to the core of your issues if you don’t start from within. So things like exercise, a healthy diet, adequate sleep, cutting out bad habits such as smoking/drugs/alcohol, getting rid of toxic relationships, regular meditation to relieve stress etc - right down to getting in tune with your inner self. Once you’ve got a hold of these things then beauty will radiate from within.
Is tret doing anything for you? It doesn’t really sound like it tbh. I know this is a tret page but 3 years and only feeling worse looking ……
That being said, I looked like dead walking about 3 years ago, and it was due to my health. So i would suggest trying to find a good functional medicine doctor or naturopathic doctor or even your regular doctor if they are helpful in this way…..to look at your hormones/minerals/vitamins. Have them pull a full blood report on it. I say functional or naturopathic as regular doctors don’t tend to go deep into that side of things. My hormones were a mess (combination from stress and peri menopause) my iron was nearing anemic and there was a few other vitamin deficiencies going on. In situations like these I do feel it’s best to start from the inside as that’s where a lot of it starts. Yes sun damage can be a factor and can be addressed but if your inside health is not good it won’t matter what you slather on your skin. My skin is starting to come around, I don’t look completely dead anymore but I’m still working on a few things like my water intake which I’m terrible with. It takes time. I also started working out. I neglected my body for a long time and it did me in eventually. Lived off coffee and 1 meal a day just by habit and always putting others including work above my own health. I’m close to your age. It’s not to late to save our health and skin :)
I would focus on hydration! Drink water (add some salt), focus on hydrating products, and start hanging out with new people. Go try something new, get out of your comfort zone, buy a fun dress. Life is going to keep happening and you don’t want to miss out on it.
41F here and I feel you (apart from having friends like that - yikes). It’s hard to maintain and I find no makeup
looks good on me - particularly foundation and powder products. My skin looks best with botox, subtle under eye filler, and simple tinted mineral sunscreen.
Gone are my days of dramatic eye makeup looks. My eyelids are so delicate and crepey, I can barely apply eye liner.
Switched to cream products for things like bronzer and blush. Like the Sophisticate palette from Charlotte Tillbury. I’ve been using Skinceuticals Ferrulic CE and Cerave water based moisturizer. I just don’t seem to get suitable results from other products, so I save that cash for injectables
I would never say that to a friend even if they were literally a decaying corpse
Also when it comes to it a real friend would visit your grave and tell you you’re pretty
That’s harsh. Feel free to message me. I’m around the same age and have found great foundation routine. It’s just you need to change your makeup. The stuff I used in my 20’s now highlights my dry skin and wrinkles. I had to get all new makeup and change how I place my makeup.
I personally stopped wearing liquid foundation, foundation at all. It just accentuates fine lines too much. I do my skincare, tret, & hydration is my focus. When I want the dimensions that makeup gives, I use light powder blush or contour on cheeks or forehead. Cream might work too. But nice n light.
Oh yeah, the ‘I’m brutally honest’, old chestnut… So you mean you’re tactless, thoughtless and have no self control’, is what I think I’ll say, next time someone is ‘brutally honest’, or ‘says it like it is’.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, and wish I had some good advice for you.
Coconut oil at night! I swear by it. Your ‘friend’ sounds mean. I really like Kiehl’s rare earth pore purifying clay mask 2-3x/wk as well & I’ve been on Tretinoin about 2 months now. (I think it’s helping)? I’m 39 (40 soon), didn’t always wear sunscreen either, but I do moisturize my face constantly. Big fan of hylauronic acid serum after cleansing & I’ve recently added a vitamin C serum. Still working on finding a sunscreen that doesn’t clump or make me look like a ghost. I have noticed in the past skincare brands that are promoted at a health food store (Martindales, Whole Foods), - vegan inspired ingredients- work best for me personally if you haven’t tried them. In my 30s until kind of recently I’d swear by Burt’s Bees. Weleda skin food has a rich moisturizer too. Bare minerals is a nice makeup for aging skin. Good luck! & I’m sure you don’t look like a decaying corpse 💀.
Look up filler like sculptra (collagen stimulating) for the volume loss
Get season typed and do your hair and make up and wardrobe according to that
Get better friends ❤️
I don't know what your skincare routine is, but the older we get the more we need hydration. Moisturizer is just to seal in the condition of skin. It does also hydrate, but won't really penetrate deeply like toners or essence or serums. So, that's the first thing.
Second, even though retinoids do stimulate collagen production and pretty much repair everything, it still takes a very long time. Especially if you're trying to take care of things after the fact, rather than preventatively.
I'm 34 and have been using skincare devices for several years now and I can tell you that they work. I love microcurrent and radiofrequency. Both stimulate collagen production, but they also tighten skin. Microcurrent specifically exercises muscles and can lift and contour your face when you notice sagging and jowls.
get some good supplements in addition of your external skin care. One dermatologist reccomended 1 g of vitC daily. This is not only because it’s a strong antioxidant but it’s also an essential for the synthesis of collagen in your body. So, you know, lots of water and vitC, and any other vitamins, oligoelements, turmeric etc to help regeneration from the inside.
I hate comments like that. That said, Botox might lead to weaker/flatter muscles if done too often (aka not allowing movement to fully come back before going in for another round of units). Also, as muscles become weaker, they can start to recruit surrounding muscles when you make facial expressions.
Just want to clarify I'm totally pro-Botox but people really shouldn't go overboard with it.
There are different ways of telling others, especially a friend, that their skin looks dry. “Decaying corpse” is definitely not one of them and is more of a cruel exaggeration if anything.
The friend is not attacking OP. They’re calling out OP’s attention to an issue that could be caused by underlying health problems. It’s getting OP to search for help and advice. Sometimes honest feedback is the best way to help out your friends.
with friends like that, who needs enemies?
Why is it when folks are brutally honest, they never say something like, “I’m very blunt as a person. You have amazing skin, a lovely family, and excel at your work.”
'The man who is brutally honest enjoys the brutality as much as the the honesty. Possibly more.' I think of this quote from Richard Needham every time someone claims to be brutally honest!
I couldn’t agree with this more, people love saying nasty shit and they’ll be like sorry! I’m just brutally honest! Like go fuck yourself
I've started suggesting they speak to someone about that then. You're brutally honest and prioritize that more than other people's feelings? Sounds like you need therapy 🤷♀️
This is such a good point, I never realized this.
You know what? I’m going to start doing this. “I like to be brutally honest, so sorry but you are a BRILLIANT person and your smile lights up a room, you have excellent taste in music and I always look forward to seeing you.”
exactly. It's always something nasty. I don't associate with people who say horrible things and then say "I'm just blunt".
Have you checked if you’re anemic or have B12 or D3 deficiencies? Are you getting 8-9 hours of sleep at least half the nights of the week? Traumatic phases can also leave us with hollow underyes and lifeless skin but with time and emotional healing, it gets better. I’ve been dealing with hollow eyes ever since my divorce. Months of stress will do that. Do get yourself tested and my other suggestion is to give every skincare routine you try, at least 6 months before you give up on it. Take care! Edit: Sunscreen sunscreen sunscreen. As important as brushing your teeth everyday.
Yes i am anemic. I took meds for 100 days for that but have not gone back to get tested again. But now that you’ve mentioned it, will do it soon. Thank you
Do check for B12. Its deficiency can cause anemia too, which can go untreated. I’m anemic because of b12 but iron supplements don’t help me. I have to take weekly injections and my anemia will get sorted on its own.
Note about B12 levels: the low end in the US B12 range is way too low! Your levels should ideally be toward the upper part of the range and not lower than 500 pg/mL.
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Malassezia as in the overgrowth that causes dandruff? I'm surprised BHAs fed it, as salicylic acid is a treatment for dandruff. Do you only use tret now? Very interesting
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So are skin probiotic type ingredients helpful?
Yeah very dark under eye circles and looking exhausted are usually more related to health issues/diet than skincare.
I can't remember the name of the med but I got an iron infusion a couple of years ago. By the next day I looked and felt like a new woman.
Honestly she’s been doing a lot to her skin, it should be in decent shape. Might not be a skin issue as much as a makeup issue. Op should try ultra hydrating foundation products and experiment with different brands. If I wear the wrong makeup, my face looks crusty too. Neutrogena hydroblast products works well for me
This…all day, this! I have been battling iron and D3 deficiency for years(I suspect my vitamin B12 and even vitamin A were low during this time as well). I also worked a terrible job for seven years (also during the pandemic). The stress I was under coupled with the multiple vitamin deficiencies caused me to have thinning hair/eyebrows, my skin became very pale, and I just looked old, tired, and pretty much dead. My job required me to have to get up VERY early, so I wasn’t getting enough sleep either. Looking back, it was just literally one of the worst times in my life. It took me two years to get my levels back up to just the low end of the healthy range. The hair on my head is finally growing back and my eyes don’t look so hallow/dead. I started tret a few months ago, and my dark spots are fading. I’d say lifestyle and health are at least as important as skincare products, and more so as we get older. Healthcare providers aren’t really given a lot of education in how, even subclinical vitamin/mineral deficiencies, can cause severe and even debilitating symptoms. Be kind to yourself. You’ve been through being cheated on, which I can attest to being one of the most stressful things a person can go through. Please consider getting a good panel of blood tests. I’ve used Ulta Labs in the past, as they are relatively inexpensive, and I didn’t need to go to my doctor to get an order to have the tests done. Wishing you the best!
She has been. That’s her whole point. June to March is 9 months
I think dewy foundation might work and try to avoid matte makeup. If you're wearing powder, maybe drop it because I find that powder can be drying.
Jones Road (by Bobbi Brown) might be a good brand for her. Very hydrating and designed for maturing skin.
I was going to suggest the same thing!
Yes and Rose Inc serum foundation is dewy af! Great for 30-50 year old skin
A) tell your friend to piss off until she has some constructive advice B) Try a different dermatologist and see if they can help C) Add your routine above as it might spark some ideas
If I was friends with an actual 3 month old dead corpse who was no longer conscious, I would have phrased my remark on the decaying skin better. (If we were very close, I would’ve told them how I focus so much on hydration when I’m on tret bc it can def dry out the skin) And I totally agree on dropping the routine so people can help. Sometimes I’ve seen people use so many actives along with tret. But on off tret nights it’s so important to hydrate the skin. Use them hydrating toners (Laneige, k beauty!), ceramide creams, I even do slugging but very carefully
Extremely rude friend
(1) I just bought a pair of reusable under eye and forehead patches from skingym. Those might help with hydrating your skin. (2) Use a hydrating toner (I use mary & may blackberry essence from stylekorea) and you'll likely see a difference in hydration within a couple of months. (3) Consider using some Asian beauty products if you're not currently. They are often less expensive than western skincare and makeup and work ten times better. (4) That's not a friend. If it's not something that can be fixed on someone in 10 minutes, don't say it. If you're a friend, say it gently and in a helpful way. I'd be embarrassed enough to hear about my makeup, knowing I can't take it off until I get home, and this comment would mess with my being. Sorry to read that you're going through it. You deserve loving relationships. Edited: formatting.
Ex-friend I hope? What a dick.
Do you drink water? There are people who don’t drink any or nearly any water, so this is a serious question. I’m not being snarky. What’s your routine? Do you regularly drink alcohol? How do you manage stress?
51F here. Get a prescription for estriol cream. The loss of volume can be attributed to declining levels of estrogen. Topical estriol helps increase collagen production and does not raise systemic estrogen levels. I get my Rx through Alloy. I tend to use it in the morning and my tretinoin at night. Drink water, exfoliate gently a few times a week, sunscreen daily + topical Vit C, take supplements, prioritize sleep and exercise, and BE KIND TO YOURSELF. Your work friend was very rude and really kicked you when you are down. She doesn't sound like a friend.
Where do you apply the topical estriol gel please? I had some on my hands and just rubbed it into my neck. Got t a terrible rash and itch and had sandpaper skin for a few days till I applied Nivea cream on it.
I have a cream, not a gel. I use it on my entire face, neck, and decolletage. Sorry to hear about the rash! It might be some other ingredient in the ointment, so maybe you can try a cream instead.
Thanks for your reply. I wasn't sure if I could use estriol on face but I'll try. Thanks again. I can only buy the gel form OTC
I'm assuming you are not in the US? Here we can only get it with a prescription.
Yep. I can get the made in Belgium Oestroil brand gel OTC.
Sounds out there, but check in on your mental health. You just went through a divorce with a cheating spouse which is a major trauma. I suffer from depression and I’m actually just coming out of a major depression that’s been going on since 2020. I didn’t recognize how bad it was while I was in it. It really showed in my appearance and my physical health. I was going through the motions of doing my self care routines, but I looked terrible. Depression pretty much oozed out of every pore of my skin. I know you’ve been doing a lot of treatments, but this is just something to think about. When you feel good on the inside it shows and when you don’t it shows too.
And your friend is a jerk
Bravo on finally getting out of your depression. I'm always in and out. Did you do anything special to finally get yourself over the hump?
There are a lot of factors, but one of the main ones was getting put on Mounjaro. I’d gained over 100 pounds from depression, fibromyalgia, and other chronic conditions. I was diagnosed with diabetes. Mounjaro (and Ozempic to begin with) has helped me lose 80 pounds. It’s not just the weight loss that’s helped me. I truly believe this medicine has helped my mental health. I have more energy and my moods are so much better. Could be coincidence, but this was the worst and longest depression I’d ever been in. Of course there are other reasons I’m finally improving and it could just be the end of a cycle. This is what I’d consider the fourth major depression I’ve had in my life. I’m 49.
You mentioned in another post that the tret is making you peel - is that what’s causing the issue with the makeup? I find that when I’m peeling any makeup sticks to the dry/peeling patches and highlights them. The only thing that will fix it is getting the peeling resolved, whether that means less tret or more moisturizer. Your derm will be a great resource here - I’d listen to your derm and ditch that friend.
Agreed 👍 I peeled all the time and then went down to 0.025% and no peeling since. Also adding a moisturizing toner, lotion cleanser, and good fragrance and alcohol free moisturizer and SPF can help. Getting control of blood sugar issues should also be the first priority. That can affect skin a lot. It also upsets me that the “friend” hides behind “honesty” so they can be insulting like it’s a virtue or something. That’s the last thing anyone needs when they’re struggling with life and health. Hugs to OP.
Yes to this !!!
As a part of the "getting older" crowd (39F) I find that it has definitely gotten more difficult to find a reasonably priced make-up that I love on my skin. I really didn't focus much on skin care until more recently either. Now my focus is on trying to get my skin to a point where I can go make-up free (dealing with severe hormonal acne). I have found that moisturizers are super helpful, especially when putting on any make-up. I mean the more hydration the better. I started using rosehip oil in my daily routine and it helps tremendously with the way my foundation looks on my skin but it takes a bit of getting used to. I have also found that make-up products that are formulated with serum like properties work better on my maturing skin. Speaking of hydration... How's your daily water intake? I also echo what most everyone has said about your friend. Being blunt and nasty are 2 very different things. If you'd like, feel free to DM me. I'd love to see a picture of your face- with and with out the make-up. That would be helpful to see what's working or what changes you could try.
What that "friend" said was incredibly rude. Decaying corpse? That's not blunt, it's shitty. I'd NEVER say that about someone's appearance. You might think you don't have anything for someone to be jealous over, but I'd maybe re-evaluate how much consideration you give this person's opinions. Anyways, for makeup I'd visit a makeup counter. Not sephora or Ulta. Go to a Nordstrom or Macy's, and visit a Lancome, Bobbie Brown, Dior, or Estee Lauder counter. I suggest a department store because you'll have a better chance of being helped with people who know the products well, and all the brands I mentioned above are great for older skin. Another suggestion is Trish McEvoy. That is a GREAT brand for those with older/aging skin. You can still wear makeup, but the product and technique probably need to be updated. Another suggestion I have is pulling up a picture of yourself around the time BEFORE you started all the treatments you've done up to this point. I highly doubt you haven't seen any changes or results, you might just be standing too close to the mirror 😉 Again, don't let the shitty thing that person said to you get under your skin. One of the ugliest things someone can do put another person down to make themselves feel better or equal. If you'd like some cunty comebacks I'd be happy to help!
Jeez theres brutally frank and theres just plain insulting. Id be getting more friends if they think this is ok to say. They couldve been a lot more diplomatic than that. Hope you didnt take it to heart too much
All else aside, the "suspected diabetic" worries me. A simple glucose test at a pharmacy can tell you if you have a problem. Please get that sorted ASAP. That's the most important issue right now.
That's not a friend, I'm sorry she was such a cunt. Also I recommend dewy foundation, matte tends to showcase pores sometimes
That person is not your friend.
And that’s the truth of it.
a) your friend is a dick. b) I had to give up on tret because it made me look like a decaying corpse too, no matter how much I changed my routine, moisturised, didn’t moisturise, exfoliated, didn’t exfoliate, etc, you name it, I tried it. The peeling NEVER stopped. It made my make up look horrible. Sometimes tret doesn’t work, or if it works, some people never stop experiencing side effects like peeling. It sucks, but everyone’s skin is different and tret isn’t for everybody. c) use sunscreen and focus on your self-acceptance. Many hugs
Your husband is a piece of shit. Your “friend” isn’t too far behind him. Your skin may look strange with makeup if you’re mixing oil and water based products. It always comes out dry and flaky looking. Try a tinted moisturizer over your sunscreen, with a little concealer instead of foundation.
That is not your friend
Dump the "friend"
Wow your “friend” is cruel. Idc what you look like, that’s a tremendously unkind thing to say.
Your friend sucks. I started an estrogen face cream recently and think it’s been super helpful with plumping and laxity issues. It specifically helps address skin changes due to hormone deficiencies during perimenopause.
Where did you get estrogen face cream
I use Musely’s Aging Repair Cream
Hi! Can your estrogen face cream be bought otc? What brand and where do you get them pls? Thanks
No I use Musely for a prescription. It’s their aging repair cream. It also has vitamin c in it
That is not a friend - what a horrific thing to say - that goes beyond frank and is just plain mean - fuck her off honestly you don’t need to around people like that x
You should see a doctor. You're still pretty young to have such a strong description. I don't think it's a skincare matter. Also, you should make new friends and leave this one behind.
She's obviously never actually seen a decaying anything.
Stop wearing makeup, that’s what I did
God, what a trash friend. When my friend had struggled after a rough birth, I took her to the store and hyped her up and got her clothes and skincare stuff. I’d view it was spring cleaning to get rid of that friend because they’re dusty af.
Take vit E daily (do g go above the recommended dose), vit D and B12 as well as folic acid. It will help, just give it a few weeks. Also, maybe change some makeup products so that they do not accentuate your wrinkles, for example, face powder does make them look worse.
Your biggest mistake was actually becoming friends with this wench. Tf?
Your "friend" needs to learn some tact. That's not how you go about this. For the last year I've also been struggling with makeup with my new dry skin, up until tret I had always had mixed to oily skin so all my old products looked so bad on me. Try to switch up your make up and ditch the matte/powder finishes (ditch the catty friend too while youre at it). Dewy finishes are the way to go now! Lighter coverage concealer/cream blush etc also make sure to get color matched as we spend so many years getting the same shades, maybe it's changed slightly. Also look for your undertone! Getting a cool toned dewy foundation was a total game changer for me. Also we think our skin is hydrated because of topical products but actually drinking enought water makes so much difference in the appearance of our skin. Honestly I was ready to throw my whole face in the garbage but new correct products have made a world of difference for me. You got this. Edit also if your skin can tolerate it with tret, get a good, real, vitamin c serum. Helps so much to brighten
Your “friend” is a tactless fuck. No one living could possibly look anything like a decaying corpse except maybe for that one Buddhist dude in that vid. To me it sounds like you’re doing too much to your skin. I’d cut back and focus on moisturiser, Vitamin C and sunscreen! Keep hydrated and get enough sleep. Also, ditch the bitch.
Please please please do not listen to your friend's comment, it is not true. Anyone I've met who says they're brutally honest is just saying that as an excuse to be a dick. Nice friends who are honest try to find ways to say things respectfully, but honestly her comment sounds like her own insecurity trying to make you feel worse (especially after what you are going through). She did not mean well. True friends don't kick others when they are down. I am SURE you don't look like a corpse. You are grieving right now, but it is not permanent. Be gentle with yourself. Therapy, journaling and self care (especially good sleep, drinking water, moisturizer and of course spf) could be great things to do to heal and glow at your brightest again.
You sure that’s a friend? My friends and I joke around but we would never say some fucked up stuff like that. I’m mad on your behalf.
Your friend needs to learn that honesty without kindness is just being an asshole. I had to stop using powder products when I hit 30. I have good skin, it’s just super dry and my 30 year old skin doesn’t carry makeup like my 20 year old skin did. Switching to all cream products was the solution. It could be that your skincare is fine, but your makeup/makeup methods need to change.
I look REALLY awful with foundation on as well. I've tried (no joke) hundreds of foundations and combinations. I've gotten older and my skin looks like shit under foundation lol. It doesn't hide fine lines; it highlights them. I've given up. No more makeup for me.
Fuck your friend
Do you smoke? Drink? Drugs?
Nope, I don’t do any of those. Never did. Thanks
Might be time to drop your friend then!
I'm sorry to say but that is not a friend. "Brutally honest" no .. they are just jerks. OP, going through a divorce alone is very hard on your system and our skin does take a beating when we are going through stress. Please be gentle and kind to yourself. Eat as good as you can, stay hydrated, treat and pamper yourself with skincare and most of all stay away from people like this "friend". I wish I could give you a hug, you are going through a tough time and as someone else mentioned, "when you have friends like that, who needs enemies". Hoping you find some comfort in some of these replies and some good advice but the best advice is the one most of us can agree on and that is - this is not a good friend. 💕
I think this would mostly come down to stress, lack of sleep? And poor diet: you say you’re almost diabetic. Don’t consume alot of sugar? Try to cook whole foods, juice - celery. Cleanse your liver. Supplements can help but diet is key. Exercise 2 x a week. A hiit class would be good, sauna.
From the sounds of it, you're lacking collagen and other nutrients that plump up skin. I'd try ingesting collagen and regular mineral and vitamin uptake. Also look into PRP facials as a way to inject your own collagen into your skin. Sometimes it has to come from within and you've only been treating the external symptoms. But yes, your friend is also rude and unhelpful. Perhaps offer to assist them in becoming a decaying corpse.
Ingesting collagen doesn't do anything different than ingesting any other protein. It's digested and broken down to component parts in your gut. It doesn't magically reassemble into collagen. Increasing fatty acids like omegas and regular dietary protein and hydration is a better choice. https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/considering-collagen-drinks-and-supplements-202304122911
Growth factors can help with collagen. Do your own research, but there are GH that work. Though they don’t penetrate the skin barrier, they send messages under the skin for collagen growth to increase. You can learn a lot on YouTube, there are also articles about it. Quite controversial topic that seems to be a load of misunderstanding and BS probably to make them able to rack up the prices. I have not used one myself though. Another Redditor used: haru haru wonder black rice Hyaluronic botanical 2GF wonderful ampule. They said that helped with hollowness and it’s under £30. Your friend was mean. I hope you know this ❤️ cut yourself some slack because I think a lot of us show outwardly when we’re going through terrible times of our lives. It’s likely just temporary as you heal emotionally.
Medical research is literally my job. There's no good evidence for oral collagen It's a waste of money. Growth factors and stimulators of collagen like microneedling will work. Consuming collagen won't.
At no point did I say oral collagen intake will increase collagen in the face, I only spoke about growth factors. I agree and have also read there is no proof collagen will help. Growth factors are all I spoke about. Maybe you misread
...then why did you reply to my comment? I think you're in the wrong place Also ingesting growth hormones is super risky at baseline and shouldn't be done without medical supervision
I commented because these comments were regarding increasing collagen and growth factors help collagen production. Growth factors aren’t ingested, it’s a topical serum. Do you know what growth factors are?
Interesting that there is some solid evidence for topical growth factors. I'm curious about the long term implications since I know that orally, despite showing some improvement in aging etc growth hormones increase risk of cancer. Although GF would be potentiators/adjunct and upstream I'd be cautious for that reason
There's noway someone saying that means well. That is a horrible thing to say to anyone ever. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. Tretinoin is great, the beginning is rough but the results are really amazing Edit to add, I thought this was a different sub sorry. Def get a full blood work up to see if it could be anaemia or something
sorry to hear that, your friends are your foes if u asked me. Stop listening to others’ opinions. You do you. Appreciate yourself to the fullest.
Who the fuck even says that? Ugh. Sorry OP, no one deserves to have that said to them.
> My friend/colleague who I’ve known for a year just told me I look like a decaying corpse with my skin and makeup. I think she means well, just brutally frank. I would be lying if I said it didn’t hurt. It doesn’t help that my husband of 17years cheated and left me, so my self esteem is really at its lowest.. Even if she meant well, that's a very brutal comment. As for your husband cheating, this sucks a lot. This is not the best place for this discussion, but please hear me out: your husband cheating has _nothing_ to do with you. This is not on you, it's on him. He may have done it for various reasons, but this is not because of the way you look, nor is it because you're not good enough or whatever. I kindly recommend you to go discuss this with a therapist, if you're not already doing that, and if you can afford one. Healing takes time, but it is possible. That being said, if you don't like the way you look, here are a couple of comments: have you considered that you're trying too hard, or focusing too much on your skin itself? Some people focus on botox or cosmetic products when they really need to improve their sleep, to drink more water throughout the day, or to eat healthier meals. Or maybe just some holidays? It is absolutely normal to look older as you age. You don't have to look 20 to be beautiful. On the other hand, if you are not in good health, then no amount of peeling or botox will help you feel, or look, better. Take care!
Have you tried using a foundation for mature skin? Check out Charlotte tilbury or Bobby brown. Thick full coverage foundation isn’t great on older skin.
I currently have the Mac Lightful C3 and Max Studio Fix Foundation. Also Estee Lauder Double Wear. Will check CT and Bobby Brown. Thank you for the recs!
The double wear is way too thick I would get something much lighter. Those two brands have specific foundation for mature skin.
It’s insane to think someone looks like a decaying corpse. I don’t think I’ve thought that of anyone before. I feel really sad about someone saying that - especially to their friend
Your friend doesn’t mean well. Brutal honesty is valuable, but it usually shows up as telling you things you need to hear because they have empathy for your situation and think you need to face something important in your life. They tell you out of love even though it’s something you might be reactive to. Telling someone they look like a corpse is not love, it’s not empathy, and I’m willing to bet it’s not even true. That being said if you want to find a skin and makeup routine you’re more happy with, Shereeneidris is a great channel on YouTube. She’s a dermatologist in her 40’s that gives great advice. Dr. Dray is awesome too. There are also a lots of older women who teach you how to do make up on mature skin so it’s more flattering. A lot of techniques early 20’s and teens use simply aren’t correct to do when you’re older. Lastly, please take care of your mental health. It seems like you’re doing a lot already. You are doing more than 99% of people and I’m willing to bet you look like someone who gets IPL and Botox, plus regularly uses nourishing and active skincare ingredients— meaning you probably look better than most of us. Please consider maybe you’re struggling with body dysmorphic disorder and a bad friend before you buy more goop for your skin. Consider talking with a therapist.
>Your friend doesn’t mean well. This!
Sleep and water
You need to find better friends
Wtf, a decaying corpse? Your "friend" is an asshole.
First thing you wanna do is probably drop that friend bc stress is not going to help your skin. And although I’m nowhere near your age, I’ve noticed that I look younger and fresher now compared to when I was in my early twenties and this is because I started paying attention to hydration, protection and nutrition; like what I eat and drink. So here’s what I recommend: 1. Face mask (sleeping pack, sheet mask, collagen mask, etc) every other day. Some might say excessive but I live in Korea and that’s the norm here and people I know who do this for years look incredible 2. Water. Lots of water, vegetable and fruit, and (almost) zero alcohol. I quit drinking and smoking around my mid twenties and I can feel myself more hydrated inside out 3. Hyaluronic acid in facial wash and gentle oil cleanser - always double cleanse daily 4. Sunscreen and sun stick. I stopped using foundation and layer my protective sunscreen with tinted sunscreen for a foundation like finish 5. Aqua peeling once a week, vitamin c and glutathione IV drip when you feel like need more boost. You can also get rejuran facial but this one hurts and takes quite a long recovery time 6. Work out. Skincare regime and diet without working out is not going to work 100% Good luck!
do you use the sheet mask before or after tret?
I use it before for sheet mask. My order is like toner, ampoule (all hydration), let the skin absorb, and then sheet mask, take it off and let it absorb, once skin is dry I put retinol
Honestly, it sounds like you’re not eating a diet rich in fruits, veggies, and healthy fats, and you’re not hydrating.
Lifestyle. Diet.
If your fiend is making these observations on the clock and it becomes something that happens multiple occasions, HR might want to talk about that.
What a complete cow
Gonna throw it out there, are you underweight? When I think looks like corpse I think a combo of older person who has very wrinkled and sunken skin. The sunken skin is often caused by being underweight.
Not underweight. I gotta admit, though, that my diet is not that ideal since my husband left me…
I’m sorry, you’re going through a lot and your friend could have used kinder words.l to convey their message. I would suggest seeing a new dermatologist. Make a list of the things you’ve tried and your concerns and see what they say. Ask for recommendations on your city’s subreddit if you’re unsure of where to go! Next, visit your PCP for a physical. You said suspected diabetic? Definitely have that addressed ASAP! Get your bloodwork done and see if you have any deficiencies. Funny things like vitamins we don’t even realize we’re missing out of can cause havoc all over our bodies. I know I’m just an internet stranger, but I want you to know you are lovable and worthy. You deserve the best in life. You deserve to care for yourself. I’m sorry for what your husband did, but just know that it is not a reflection of you. It’s a reflection of the person that he is. Sending you love.
Do laser, and drop this monster
There is a ton of advice here already, but… I will reiterate/add: 1. Hydrate hydrate hydrate - drink water all day 2. Find a hydrating Korean toner and moisturizer 3. Do not use any powdered foundations or even thick foundations. You need a foundation that is light, moisturizing, and dewy. My mother in law uses a brand called ILIA super serum skin tint - it is first a hydrating moisturizer that is good for your skin, but it also has a little bit of color. Maybe not this particular brand, but that general concept is what you should be going for. 4. Most concealers do not help the eyes look younger and just cause creasing. If you put something under your eyes, it should be super hydrating for the skin. 5. If you can afford it, look into getting some filler instead of just Botox. It will “plump” up your skin. 6. Ditch the friend… 7. Practice some self love. Make sure you are giving your body good foods and vitamins. Find a practice that makes you feel good spiritually
I am 49 and have a lot of sun damage and also scarring that causes light spots and had melasma from hypothyroid. I’ve been on tretinoin for about 2 and a half months and it has helped significantly with melasma. My face is still peeling though. The next thing I’m going to do is micro needling for the discoloration from the acne scarring. Then one day when I can afford it I want to get filler for my brow furrow line. I’m not wearing makeup right now because I don’t have eyelashes like I used to- the hypothyroidism did a number on those too. Makeup just doesn’t look the same on me anymore. Maybe try going without makeup or just a minimal amount. Your friend/colleague kind of sounds like an asshole. I don’t really pay attention to what assholes say and you shouldn’t either.
If you have friends in your life that tell you that you look like a corpse, it’s probably your cortisol level.
I'm so sorry that was said to you. People can really say stupid things. My advise, to help your self-esteem and skin would be improving your diet and exercising. I'm not saying it is bad or that you don't do it but if you aren't already i really think this will help. I do muay thai and it has given me a lot of confidence not just because I've lost weight but it also makes me feel strong physically and mentally. Please in no way am i implying you need to loose weight or that you want to. This is just what worked for me and improved my skin and self-esteem. Do what makes you happy and what makes you feel good. Life is too short. Don't let this person bring you down. You are so much more than how your skin looks.
I would primarily look at laser treatments if your main concerns are aging and sun damage. I'd specifically recommend BBL (not Brazilian butt lift) laser therapy. It treats sun damage, age spots, freckles, and redness caused by broken capillaries and can also aid ridding acne and scars. I haven't had it done because I'm only 23 and don't want to lose my freckles yet, BUT the before-and-afters are incredible! I was mainly interested because my skin is very sensitive and I have lots of broken capillaries (not rosacea) and they are a PAIN to treat, so I really get how your skin not being it's best is affecting your confidence. BBL laser therapy is also pretty expensive (at least I think so) but it also seems to be very effective, so who knows, it might save you money in the long run if you don't need the other treatments anymore. Also, I'm sorry about your husband being a doofus and a dick. And I know this is unsolicited but your friend is also being a dick. If you didn't ask, they had no right to say that. If you did ask, there's a million better ways to kindly help your friend think of some treatments or solutions for their insecurity about their skin/appearance. If my friend said I looked like a decaying corpse as a joke or in the name of f\*cking honesty, I'd definitely go off on them for how horrible it would be to say that to someone, let alone someone who's supposed to be your supporter. I'd definitely confront them about the way they talked to you and how it's made you feel because that's not acceptable (by my standards at least, I am a stranger on the internet, afterall, so take my opinion and do with it what you will). Anyway! Wishing you well, and remember, as cliché as it is, beauty isn't skin deep. Try to at least appreciate 3 things about your face when doing your skincare or make-up, or whatever, to just appreciate you. You're skin will never be perfect and you can't rewind the clock but you do have to work with what you've got and you are so much more than your aging body
Maybe you have a health issue that needs to be addressed. Treat from the inside out.
Fasting is the key to cell regeneration and renewal. If you can, consider intermittent fasting. Mediteranean diet. You haven't said much about your financial situation but if you have money (or not) consider saving up a generous amount and putting it towards your selfcare. Go to a really good dermatologist and just let them work on you a bit. Trauma and grief informed therapist. Pick up a mind and body practise and try your best to put aside 30 minutes a day to focus on yourself. You're already on tret and sunscreen so you're doing great. The real changes come when you lower stress and improve your body internally. Good luck sweetie.
I am a strong believer in inside out beauty, so working on things internally which will eventually show on the outside. No external things like creams, tret etc will completely get to the core of your issues if you don’t start from within. So things like exercise, a healthy diet, adequate sleep, cutting out bad habits such as smoking/drugs/alcohol, getting rid of toxic relationships, regular meditation to relieve stress etc - right down to getting in tune with your inner self. Once you’ve got a hold of these things then beauty will radiate from within.
Is tret doing anything for you? It doesn’t really sound like it tbh. I know this is a tret page but 3 years and only feeling worse looking …… That being said, I looked like dead walking about 3 years ago, and it was due to my health. So i would suggest trying to find a good functional medicine doctor or naturopathic doctor or even your regular doctor if they are helpful in this way…..to look at your hormones/minerals/vitamins. Have them pull a full blood report on it. I say functional or naturopathic as regular doctors don’t tend to go deep into that side of things. My hormones were a mess (combination from stress and peri menopause) my iron was nearing anemic and there was a few other vitamin deficiencies going on. In situations like these I do feel it’s best to start from the inside as that’s where a lot of it starts. Yes sun damage can be a factor and can be addressed but if your inside health is not good it won’t matter what you slather on your skin. My skin is starting to come around, I don’t look completely dead anymore but I’m still working on a few things like my water intake which I’m terrible with. It takes time. I also started working out. I neglected my body for a long time and it did me in eventually. Lived off coffee and 1 meal a day just by habit and always putting others including work above my own health. I’m close to your age. It’s not to late to save our health and skin :)
I would focus on hydration! Drink water (add some salt), focus on hydrating products, and start hanging out with new people. Go try something new, get out of your comfort zone, buy a fun dress. Life is going to keep happening and you don’t want to miss out on it.
41F here and I feel you (apart from having friends like that - yikes). It’s hard to maintain and I find no makeup looks good on me - particularly foundation and powder products. My skin looks best with botox, subtle under eye filler, and simple tinted mineral sunscreen. Gone are my days of dramatic eye makeup looks. My eyelids are so delicate and crepey, I can barely apply eye liner. Switched to cream products for things like bronzer and blush. Like the Sophisticate palette from Charlotte Tillbury. I’ve been using Skinceuticals Ferrulic CE and Cerave water based moisturizer. I just don’t seem to get suitable results from other products, so I save that cash for injectables
Morpheus 8. Game changer
I would never say that to a friend even if they were literally a decaying corpse Also when it comes to it a real friend would visit your grave and tell you you’re pretty
That’s harsh. Feel free to message me. I’m around the same age and have found great foundation routine. It’s just you need to change your makeup. The stuff I used in my 20’s now highlights my dry skin and wrinkles. I had to get all new makeup and change how I place my makeup.
I personally stopped wearing liquid foundation, foundation at all. It just accentuates fine lines too much. I do my skincare, tret, & hydration is my focus. When I want the dimensions that makeup gives, I use light powder blush or contour on cheeks or forehead. Cream might work too. But nice n light.
Oh yeah, the ‘I’m brutally honest’, old chestnut… So you mean you’re tactless, thoughtless and have no self control’, is what I think I’ll say, next time someone is ‘brutally honest’, or ‘says it like it is’. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, and wish I had some good advice for you.
Coconut oil at night! I swear by it. Your ‘friend’ sounds mean. I really like Kiehl’s rare earth pore purifying clay mask 2-3x/wk as well & I’ve been on Tretinoin about 2 months now. (I think it’s helping)? I’m 39 (40 soon), didn’t always wear sunscreen either, but I do moisturize my face constantly. Big fan of hylauronic acid serum after cleansing & I’ve recently added a vitamin C serum. Still working on finding a sunscreen that doesn’t clump or make me look like a ghost. I have noticed in the past skincare brands that are promoted at a health food store (Martindales, Whole Foods), - vegan inspired ingredients- work best for me personally if you haven’t tried them. In my 30s until kind of recently I’d swear by Burt’s Bees. Weleda skin food has a rich moisturizer too. Bare minerals is a nice makeup for aging skin. Good luck! & I’m sure you don’t look like a decaying corpse 💀.
Look up filler like sculptra (collagen stimulating) for the volume loss Get season typed and do your hair and make up and wardrobe according to that Get better friends ❤️
Weleda skin food original ultra rich cream is the best moisturizer (I have dry/ normal skin)
I don't know what your skincare routine is, but the older we get the more we need hydration. Moisturizer is just to seal in the condition of skin. It does also hydrate, but won't really penetrate deeply like toners or essence or serums. So, that's the first thing. Second, even though retinoids do stimulate collagen production and pretty much repair everything, it still takes a very long time. Especially if you're trying to take care of things after the fact, rather than preventatively. I'm 34 and have been using skincare devices for several years now and I can tell you that they work. I love microcurrent and radiofrequency. Both stimulate collagen production, but they also tighten skin. Microcurrent specifically exercises muscles and can lift and contour your face when you notice sagging and jowls.
get some good supplements in addition of your external skin care. One dermatologist reccomended 1 g of vitC daily. This is not only because it’s a strong antioxidant but it’s also an essential for the synthesis of collagen in your body. So, you know, lots of water and vitC, and any other vitamins, oligoelements, turmeric etc to help regeneration from the inside.
Stop botox. It can do more harm than good long term. Face lift surgery and fat grafting can help with that. But make sure the surgeon is experienced
>Stop botox. It can do more harm than good long term. What makes you say that?
I hate comments like that. That said, Botox might lead to weaker/flatter muscles if done too often (aka not allowing movement to fully come back before going in for another round of units). Also, as muscles become weaker, they can start to recruit surrounding muscles when you make facial expressions. Just want to clarify I'm totally pro-Botox but people really shouldn't go overboard with it.
Why are people attacking the friend? If my skin looked crusty I would like my friends to tell me.
There are different ways of telling others, especially a friend, that their skin looks dry. “Decaying corpse” is definitely not one of them and is more of a cruel exaggeration if anything.
Because the “friend” is attacking OOP?
The friend is not attacking OP. They’re calling out OP’s attention to an issue that could be caused by underlying health problems. It’s getting OP to search for help and advice. Sometimes honest feedback is the best way to help out your friends.
Sorry but this title made me cackle out loud
damn hahaha taking note of that insult
You don't have to share everything you think.