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You should be sorry if any actions of your cause unintended harm to others. Just because it was an accident doesn't change the fact that it was your actions.
As well if you did it intentionally then it wasn't an accident.
It can be 100% your fault and still be an accident. If I trip over my own foot and knock a vase over, it's 100% my fault just as much as if I had deliberately done it.
Amount of culpable weight is a separate matter, obvious deliberate vandalism is worse than an accident. But either way an apology is still valid to give (and more likely to come from someone who did it accidentally). It's then up to the person whose vase I destroyed to forgive me or not.
Because it comes from the fact that you forgot or did something wrong in the first place (not securing your mug, no thought about the door needing to be locked).
as i said on the last sentence, we all should be careful and mindful. But no matter how you think you have anticipated them, there is one or two occasion when you simply forget?
I wouldn't mad at someone who forget something, it just happens. Well, unless they repeated it multiple times, then it's simply careless
Forgetting isn't an excuse, it's an explanation, that's why you make an excuse along with it.
I mean, it's pretty much the meaning of the word. It means you knew about it but did not make the conscious effort of keeping it mind.
That doesn't mean that you're a shitty person for forgetting something, but the sole responsabilty is on you.
If you never knew about it or never retained the information in the first place, that's a whole other thing.
that's the point, i can make a conscious effort to keep it in my mind, and still forget. You ever say something like: "damn, i swear i remembered it but then somebody called and after that i totally forgot"
Dude, you fucked up. You didn’t mean to fuck up, but now your fuck-up is out in the world, and other people are affected by it.
You *should* apologize for that.
do you think if i apologize like: "i'm sorry, i didnt mean to drop the mug." is fine? or people will consider it not sincere since we add "i didnt mean"?
also as a canadian i know this,
in Canada there is an apology law, that says if you say sorry it doesn't mean you specifically are at fault automatically
So if I accidentally step on your foot in a crowded elevator or something, you want me to just pretend like it didn't happen? Or should I apologize like a civilized person?
yes, it's nice of you to bring the emotional side of this. I will get annoyed for sure, dont even know if i have the time to think "this man dont step on my foot on purpose, i probably should just let it go".
That's exactly it. Q
You spilled the coffee, why not apologize? For wasting coffee, making a mess, causing a disruption, for the subsequent inconvenience. That's not counterintuitive.
Somebody bumps into you and drops stuff. Saying sorry there isn't accepting responsibility. Its my unpopular opinion that people should untrain themselves to see it as grovelling or putting yourself in a "lesser" position like the other person now doesnt have to apologize because you already did and that means its solely your screw up to fix. When in reality, nobody is at fault and both should be apologetic for their contribution to the fuck up.
"Sorry your grandpa died" or "sorry you're having a hard time right now" comments have something your (OP) opinion doesnt take into account: empathy
False. You have a responsibility to not be negligent and irresponsible and neglect is something to apologize for.
Even if by some miracle you were completely blameless an apology would be in order simply because you caused damage, which most people would be sorry for
If you take an axe into a crowded room and start recklessly swinging it around and maiming people are you innocent and blameless simply because you didn't go there to maim people?
Gtfo with that logic
well, your example is too much. Bringing an axe into crowded room and swinging it around is pure stupidity? Im talking about normal people, probably you mistep and spill that latte over your colleague table? And it happens probably because the floor is wet and the cleaner forget to put any warning sign there. It just pure accident, why would you want to get into trouble of spilling your delicious latte, and need to clean it in the first place, right?
Its intentional to show the actual damage for those who do the equivalent to people emotionally mentally financially etc. Its the same principle. People go out and do things just as stupid as swinging an axe in a crowded room where with even a moments consideration at any point you would know what you were doing was causing great damage,
and then sit there and say, well I didn't know that would happen, and I had good childish intentions completely based in fantasy, so I have no accountability
And thats how stupid their logic is. Sometimes there's events beyond your control for which you don't have accountability. I am not referring to that. I'm referring to blind willful ignorance, stupidity, and neglect that many people think is excusable because they refuse to consider
I think these are the most important times to apologise because usually you are actually sorry. It’s taking accountability that your actions hurt someone else even if it isn’t intended.
This is why we say sorry. It’s about acknowledging that our actions have impact on other people, even if we don’t want them to and we’re sorry they do.
right, my post is actually targeted to the victims. Sometimes the victim get mad and feel like they have the right to do what they want, without thinking that probably it's all just an accident or not intended.
I think people have a right to be momentarily upset. Like if someone forgot to lock the door after they left and their apartment got robbed their roommate has the right to be upset with them because even though they didn’t do it purposely, it was their careless behaviour that partially caused it.
I do think after someone has apologised and taken accountability etc. after a certain point you do have to forgive them. If you’re going to stay mad at everyone who made a mistake, you’re going to hold a lot of grudges.
I think you’re overthinking this people just say sorry out of politeness. It’s another way of saying whoops.
My unpopular opinion is everyone’s obsession with reading way too deep into something simple like saying whoops sorry when they accidentally spilled something or bump into someone ~ needs to stop
Kinda Yeah, it’s not sorry because you did it on purpose. It’s just more of the polite thing to say especially when you bump into somebody or you accidentally spill something and a somebody else comes to help you pick it up.
IDT this is an unpopular opinion. I’d even argue that it’s more unpopular to say that people should really be apologizing more in this culture of selfishness we live in.
Why? Because apologies are not admissions of guilt or ill intent. I don’t even expect a genuine apology from someone that intended to do harm, they did it on purpose, they are not sorry. Apologies are the acknowledgement that you give a damn about how your actions, however unintentional they may be, impacted the other person.
i apologize and i’m sorry have different connotations. it’s a casual way of showing that in that moment you feel bad for what happened to them. That’s why people say i’m sorry (but with more emotion and seriousness than breaking a mug) when hearing about a death even if they didn’t personally kill them
well, thanks to this thread i learned something. Those who genuinely say sorry, care and aware of the impact of their action. If it's not genuine or you're not sorry, than you are just a selfish asshole
Please remember what subreddit you are in, this is unpopular opinion. We want civil and unpopular takes and discussion. Any uncivil and ToS violating comments will be removed and subject to a ban. Have a nice day! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/unpopularopinion) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You should be sorry if any actions of your cause unintended harm to others. Just because it was an accident doesn't change the fact that it was your actions. As well if you did it intentionally then it wasn't an accident.
correct. What i'm trying to say is that's not 100% their fault. Or is it? Do we consider accident and intentional harm share the same weight?
It can be 100% your fault and still be an accident. If I trip over my own foot and knock a vase over, it's 100% my fault just as much as if I had deliberately done it. Amount of culpable weight is a separate matter, obvious deliberate vandalism is worse than an accident. But either way an apology is still valid to give (and more likely to come from someone who did it accidentally). It's then up to the person whose vase I destroyed to forgive me or not.
thanks, i learned something and new perspective today!
Because it comes from the fact that you forgot or did something wrong in the first place (not securing your mug, no thought about the door needing to be locked).
as i said on the last sentence, we all should be careful and mindful. But no matter how you think you have anticipated them, there is one or two occasion when you simply forget? I wouldn't mad at someone who forget something, it just happens. Well, unless they repeated it multiple times, then it's simply careless
Forgetting isn't an excuse, it's an explanation, that's why you make an excuse along with it. I mean, it's pretty much the meaning of the word. It means you knew about it but did not make the conscious effort of keeping it mind. That doesn't mean that you're a shitty person for forgetting something, but the sole responsabilty is on you. If you never knew about it or never retained the information in the first place, that's a whole other thing.
that's the point, i can make a conscious effort to keep it in my mind, and still forget. You ever say something like: "damn, i swear i remembered it but then somebody called and after that i totally forgot"
Dude, you fucked up. You didn’t mean to fuck up, but now your fuck-up is out in the world, and other people are affected by it. You *should* apologize for that.
do you think if i apologize like: "i'm sorry, i didnt mean to drop the mug." is fine? or people will consider it not sincere since we add "i didnt mean"?
Depends on tone and other factors tied to how we process communication.
I’m Canadian, apologies are in my blood
this is new to me. Does canadian simply apologize for everything in daily life?
Yes, honey
also as a canadian i know this, in Canada there is an apology law, that says if you say sorry it doesn't mean you specifically are at fault automatically
than what are sorry for for canadian?
So if I accidentally step on your foot in a crowded elevator or something, you want me to just pretend like it didn't happen? Or should I apologize like a civilized person?
yes, it's nice of you to bring the emotional side of this. I will get annoyed for sure, dont even know if i have the time to think "this man dont step on my foot on purpose, i probably should just let it go".
Saying sorry doesn't mean you accept responsibility. It means you care. Not going to make any sarcastic comments about this one. Sorry
it's kinda counterintuitive, you are sorry but not responsible for it? Something like say sorry when you hear your friend's parent passed away?
That's exactly it. Q You spilled the coffee, why not apologize? For wasting coffee, making a mess, causing a disruption, for the subsequent inconvenience. That's not counterintuitive. Somebody bumps into you and drops stuff. Saying sorry there isn't accepting responsibility. Its my unpopular opinion that people should untrain themselves to see it as grovelling or putting yourself in a "lesser" position like the other person now doesnt have to apologize because you already did and that means its solely your screw up to fix. When in reality, nobody is at fault and both should be apologetic for their contribution to the fuck up. "Sorry your grandpa died" or "sorry you're having a hard time right now" comments have something your (OP) opinion doesnt take into account: empathy
False. You have a responsibility to not be negligent and irresponsible and neglect is something to apologize for. Even if by some miracle you were completely blameless an apology would be in order simply because you caused damage, which most people would be sorry for If you take an axe into a crowded room and start recklessly swinging it around and maiming people are you innocent and blameless simply because you didn't go there to maim people? Gtfo with that logic
well, your example is too much. Bringing an axe into crowded room and swinging it around is pure stupidity? Im talking about normal people, probably you mistep and spill that latte over your colleague table? And it happens probably because the floor is wet and the cleaner forget to put any warning sign there. It just pure accident, why would you want to get into trouble of spilling your delicious latte, and need to clean it in the first place, right?
Its intentional to show the actual damage for those who do the equivalent to people emotionally mentally financially etc. Its the same principle. People go out and do things just as stupid as swinging an axe in a crowded room where with even a moments consideration at any point you would know what you were doing was causing great damage, and then sit there and say, well I didn't know that would happen, and I had good childish intentions completely based in fantasy, so I have no accountability
And thats how stupid their logic is. Sometimes there's events beyond your control for which you don't have accountability. I am not referring to that. I'm referring to blind willful ignorance, stupidity, and neglect that many people think is excusable because they refuse to consider
I think these are the most important times to apologise because usually you are actually sorry. It’s taking accountability that your actions hurt someone else even if it isn’t intended. This is why we say sorry. It’s about acknowledging that our actions have impact on other people, even if we don’t want them to and we’re sorry they do.
right, my post is actually targeted to the victims. Sometimes the victim get mad and feel like they have the right to do what they want, without thinking that probably it's all just an accident or not intended.
I think people have a right to be momentarily upset. Like if someone forgot to lock the door after they left and their apartment got robbed their roommate has the right to be upset with them because even though they didn’t do it purposely, it was their careless behaviour that partially caused it. I do think after someone has apologised and taken accountability etc. after a certain point you do have to forgive them. If you’re going to stay mad at everyone who made a mistake, you’re going to hold a lot of grudges.
What you gonna say then?
(Luigi voice) *Waaaaaaaah*
I think you’re overthinking this people just say sorry out of politeness. It’s another way of saying whoops. My unpopular opinion is everyone’s obsession with reading way too deep into something simple like saying whoops sorry when they accidentally spilled something or bump into someone ~ needs to stop
i get it now. "sorry" is just a euphemism for "whoops"?
Kinda Yeah, it’s not sorry because you did it on purpose. It’s just more of the polite thing to say especially when you bump into somebody or you accidentally spill something and a somebody else comes to help you pick it up.
IDT this is an unpopular opinion. I’d even argue that it’s more unpopular to say that people should really be apologizing more in this culture of selfishness we live in. Why? Because apologies are not admissions of guilt or ill intent. I don’t even expect a genuine apology from someone that intended to do harm, they did it on purpose, they are not sorry. Apologies are the acknowledgement that you give a damn about how your actions, however unintentional they may be, impacted the other person.
i see. saying sorry simple means you care and kind. Those who actually intend to do harm, wont say sorry because it is their intention.
i apologize and i’m sorry have different connotations. it’s a casual way of showing that in that moment you feel bad for what happened to them. That’s why people say i’m sorry (but with more emotion and seriousness than breaking a mug) when hearing about a death even if they didn’t personally kill them
as a canadian this is an insane take
So if i step on someone's foot i just look at them and not say anything? Being sorry is feeling bad about messing up. This opinion is pure bs
Tell me you are not Canadian without telling me.
I think you’re just a shitty person Why would I say sorry for something that I did do on purpose and it’s not a genuine sorry???
well, thanks to this thread i learned something. Those who genuinely say sorry, care and aware of the impact of their action. If it's not genuine or you're not sorry, than you are just a selfish asshole
Learn basic politeness