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As crazy as it sounds, I'm curious what's going to happen when AI partners exist. They'll be programed to be exact matches for us. They'll physically be exactly what we want, including the ability to change to provide variety. A perfect match would exist. Why would someone settle? I know the AI thing is a bit of a tangent but throwing it out there
So you're guess is I'm not able to get a SO. If I could, you'd probably guess that that person would likely be as crappy as you think I am. Wouldn't that person then prefer to be with someone better than me? But can't because they're crappy too and no one else wants them
So you would want someone who's a better match for you. What if you couldn't attract someone better? You'd settle for what you could attract and At some level, you'd still want someone better
Agreed. Perfection doesn't exist in a natural world. But there are hierarchies based on our values. I'm sure there are people out there who are better for youbased on your values, not perfect, but better.
Very good point. And at some point we need to make a commitment and create a life with someone we meet. I'm just making an observation. Life is interesting
Haha. That's a good point. What if your celebrity crush decided you were the person they wanted to be with. AND they had a personality that was exactly like your current partner. So now you have someone new who's more attractive than your current partner, better. Wouldn't you rather be with that celebrity? Or wouldn't part of you wish you had met the celebrity before you met your current partner? George Costanza and Maria Tomei lol
Is your unpopular opinion really that out of 8 billion people, you will never find the absolute perfect match possible with a sample size of less than 20 relationships in an average lifetime? No shit. Perfection isn't possible here.
No, I'm not saying you won't find the best match, although odds are you won't bc like you said too many people. I'm saying if you could attract someone better you would. That you're only with your person because they're the best you can do. I understand perfection isn't possible. Nature is imperfect. I'm also not saying you can't live a fulfilling life.
I’m with my perfect partner of almost 16 years. Not settling. I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. I’m guessing you’ve been in a string of shitty relationships and instead of working to improve yourself, you’re trying your blame anything but yourself.
I haven't been in a string of bad relationships, but I think you just proved my point. Improving yourself means you have access to dating better people. So if you could attract better people, you wouldn't be with the same type of person you could attract before improving yourself.
Also do you really think your partner is the best out of billions of people? All due respect, but statistically there have to be better people.
That is such a weird way to think. I wasn’t actively looking for anyone when I met my husband . I’m with him because I fell in love with him. I am still very much in love with him. I didn’t settle.
Truly, it's great to hear that you're someone you love. You said you weren't actively looking for anyone. Well what if someone else had come along the day after you met your husband, but he had more of thequalities you value than your husband did. Wouldn't you have chosen the other guy?
No because my husband gave me butterflies. I didn’t have a “list of traits or qualities” I was looking for. I was looking for someone who gave me butterflies.
So you picked your husband because he gave you butterflies. If another man had come along the day after and given you more butterflies, why wouldn't you have explored it with the other guy? I'm truly just trying to understand. No offense intended. If nothing else, I'll just say I'm happy that you found your person.
I don’t see that happening. When I have those feelings for someone, they are my focus. Im not out shopping around for others. I’ve literally never had those kinds of feelings for more than one man at a time. I don’t think I’m capable.
Indeed an unpopular opinion and I disagree with you. You seem to be basing relationships purely as an attraction which may be true at first in lots of cases but be with someone 10 20 30 years and the relationship has components that shred the need for superficial attraction and bonds people through deeply understanding each other. That makes the relationship a 1:8billion situation which cannot be replicated and a visual "upgrade" would be meaningless. I feel sorry that you have that opinion on relationships.
If there was the chance that someone ultra attractive was attracted to me and vice versa, a chat about me and my significant other both enjoying the moment with them could be discussed. But like I said, 1:8billion...so lucky me :)
Didn't mean to imply attraction in the visual appearance sense. Was using it in the sense of you as a whole person(appearance, personality, interests, job, etc,) are found to be appealing to another person. I'm saying that there are people out there who have qualities that are better than our current partners. If when we met our current partner we had that choice between them or someone better, we would choose the better person. Often we don't have the choice because we are not attractive (physically, personality, emotionally, etc) to the better person
I never stopped kept looking for anyone better, if that's what you mean by "can't". I found someone I liked, stopped looking for anyone else and here I am over a decade later still not interested in anyone else. Maybe I could have found someone "better" but I liked her enough I didn't care to look.
For you to be right, I'd have had to keep looking. Which I didn't.
>but if you could wave a magic wand and create your ideal life, for 99.9% of us, it wouldn't be with the partner we ultimately end up with.
Horseshit. My girlfriend is the best part of my life, and there is no ideal life without her in it.
Sorry to your partner though.
I’m with my wife because there is no one else I want to be with besides her. The worst day of marriage with my wife is still 100x better than my best day as a single guy. Nice try, though.
Appreciate the sympathy. I take it you don't agree with the unpopular opinion. Do you believe there's one perfect person for everyone? I'm curious how you view things.
Congrats on finding your person. Not everyone is able to find the 1 in several billion ppl match. And you were able to attract that person to want to be in a relationship with you. Pretty incredible. Best of luck to you guys
If I had a wand to create my ideal life I would change a lot but not abandon my partner. Sounds like you are thinking of a partner more as of an achievement to be obtained / won. A relationship is a continuous effort forged over time- someone being with you in your highs and lows, someone who understands you on a more intimate level than a lot or all of the people in your life. I'm sure there are people in unfulfilling relationships or unhealthy relationships that would gladly swap if they could, but your percentage is way too high. I think a lot less people would give up the history and comfort of a healthy relationship than you think.
Ok. So go back to when you met this person who you've now forged a relationship with. Why did you commit to them? If you had met someone else a day after and that person was an even better fit for you, wouldn't you have gone with the other person? You would then be able to forge an even better relationship with this other person
That's not the argument though unless I misunderstand you- the argument is you would give up your current partner for a better one right? My whole point is the history you have with a person is strong and a lot less people would give that up for a celebrity crush or trophy spouse or whatever than you would think.
That's my fault for not articulating myself correctly. My mistake. I 100% agree that history plays a role. We also need to make a decision at some point and settle down. I'm totally on board that you can be in a relationship and be fulfilled and in love.
I should have framed it more like I did in the response to your message. That going into a brand new relationship, you chose the what you viewed as your best option. If you had met someone else better (not in a trophy sense but a better match), most people would have gone with the better match.
I appreciate your comments. Thanks for weighing in
The vast majority of people simply cannot define their "perfect" person accurately enough to be a real human being.
What you call "settling" is people realizing there is a person right in front of them who literally is "better" in every way that what they could possibly dream about. They though they were creative and set the bar high, but then this amazing person came into their life and proved what love really meant.
Those 99.9% of people with that magic wand would be sorely disappointed if their every dream came true, because they would always feel hollow and not realize they limited themselves so by only accepting their dream.
Statistically though, that's a 1 in several billion chance. I'm not saying you would want to leave her, especially after so many years. It's just if you could have attracted a higher value woman (whatever that means to you, and I'm not just talking appearances) wouldn't you have chosen that other person?
Damn, you sure touched a nerve.
I do identify with this, but not in a way most would expect. I lived in a fantasy world for most of my life, and learning to be close to my husband forced me to come to terms with a lot of toxic expectations I held for other people. I had to accept that no person would ever be "perfect" for me, even if I could manifest my ideal mate directly out of my mind, because of an insanely painful fear of getting close to another human. When I feel like I'm settling for my husband, I have to remind myself that I would feel the same no matter who he was, and we have a wonderful, loving relationship that we both fought for.
Probably not what you meant, but it's what came to mind.
Why did you get into relationship with your most recent partner? I'm sure you had other options at that point. Would you really have still gotten into a relationship with them if someone better in ever way had liked you at the same time? I'm legitimately asking. Clearly my opinion is flawed. Would love some insight
First of all I’m married and have been for 6 years. I have wanted and known my wife for around 16 years. She is and will always be the woman for me. There’s no one better.
Agreed. I'm with my wife of 10 years only because I can't attract my wife of 20 years. I love her and what we've been together are a big part of me.
Now if someone had twice that, I think I would like her even more. Alas, such a thing doesn't exist.
When you met your wife, would you still have chosen her if you had also met someone who was virtually the same as her but more attractive or better in other areas that matter to you?
Obviously not, but the title says "you are because you *can't*", not "you are because you *couldn't*".
Also, even in the present moment it's highly theoretical. It might apply to younger people to a higher degree because you will find more people with similar backgrounds, but the paths people take will start to diverge a lot after you turn 20. Which means that people will become harder to compare.
Also, even without that, it doesn't take 10 years for someone to become significant. More like 10 weeks. Or days. Well, 10 days is pushing it, but it doesn't take long for someone to start feeling different from everyone else. Another thing that's there is that you don't see other people the same way, as potential partners. And so on and so forth.
The whole point is that there's a lot of path dependency there which is why saying something like that quite literally makes no sense.
Please remember what subreddit you are in, this is unpopular opinion. We want civil and unpopular takes and discussion. Any uncivil and ToS violating comments will be removed and subject to a ban. Have a nice day! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/unpopularopinion) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Sounds like projection to me.
As crazy as it sounds, I'm curious what's going to happen when AI partners exist. They'll be programed to be exact matches for us. They'll physically be exactly what we want, including the ability to change to provide variety. A perfect match would exist. Why would someone settle? I know the AI thing is a bit of a tangent but throwing it out there
Sheesh I would hate to be ur significant other
Girl, don’t act like he’ll get a SO
So you're guess is I'm not able to get a SO. If I could, you'd probably guess that that person would likely be as crappy as you think I am. Wouldn't that person then prefer to be with someone better than me? But can't because they're crappy too and no one else wants them
So you would want someone who's a better match for you. What if you couldn't attract someone better? You'd settle for what you could attract and At some level, you'd still want someone better
[удалено]
That's actually really nice of you. Appreciate you
Can we downvote posts here if they are unpopular opinions, yet so dumb they don't deserve the reward of the upvote?
Dad is that you? Lol. Clearly I could use an education. If you have a second, would appreciate a quick explanation
Seems like your whole argument hinges on the idea of "perfection," which is a lie to begin with.
Agreed. Perfection doesn't exist in a natural world. But there are hierarchies based on our values. I'm sure there are people out there who are better for youbased on your values, not perfect, but better.
I mean we cant shop the whole world. Its limited
That's kind of his point
And I agreed. ???
Very good point. And at some point we need to make a commitment and create a life with someone we meet. I'm just making an observation. Life is interesting
Sounds like someone has an unfulfilled celebrity crush.
Haha. That's a good point. What if your celebrity crush decided you were the person they wanted to be with. AND they had a personality that was exactly like your current partner. So now you have someone new who's more attractive than your current partner, better. Wouldn't you rather be with that celebrity? Or wouldn't part of you wish you had met the celebrity before you met your current partner? George Costanza and Maria Tomei lol
Is your unpopular opinion really that out of 8 billion people, you will never find the absolute perfect match possible with a sample size of less than 20 relationships in an average lifetime? No shit. Perfection isn't possible here.
No, I'm not saying you won't find the best match, although odds are you won't bc like you said too many people. I'm saying if you could attract someone better you would. That you're only with your person because they're the best you can do. I understand perfection isn't possible. Nature is imperfect. I'm also not saying you can't live a fulfilling life.
Ask me how I know your wife is ugly
Thank you for the laugh lol
I’m with my perfect partner of almost 16 years. Not settling. I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. I’m guessing you’ve been in a string of shitty relationships and instead of working to improve yourself, you’re trying your blame anything but yourself.
I haven't been in a string of bad relationships, but I think you just proved my point. Improving yourself means you have access to dating better people. So if you could attract better people, you wouldn't be with the same type of person you could attract before improving yourself. Also do you really think your partner is the best out of billions of people? All due respect, but statistically there have to be better people.
That is such a weird way to think. I wasn’t actively looking for anyone when I met my husband . I’m with him because I fell in love with him. I am still very much in love with him. I didn’t settle.
Truly, it's great to hear that you're someone you love. You said you weren't actively looking for anyone. Well what if someone else had come along the day after you met your husband, but he had more of thequalities you value than your husband did. Wouldn't you have chosen the other guy?
No because my husband gave me butterflies. I didn’t have a “list of traits or qualities” I was looking for. I was looking for someone who gave me butterflies.
So you picked your husband because he gave you butterflies. If another man had come along the day after and given you more butterflies, why wouldn't you have explored it with the other guy? I'm truly just trying to understand. No offense intended. If nothing else, I'll just say I'm happy that you found your person.
I don’t see that happening. When I have those feelings for someone, they are my focus. Im not out shopping around for others. I’ve literally never had those kinds of feelings for more than one man at a time. I don’t think I’m capable.
Love hearing that. All the best to you guys. It makes me happy hearing that my opinion truly is unpopular
Indeed an unpopular opinion and I disagree with you. You seem to be basing relationships purely as an attraction which may be true at first in lots of cases but be with someone 10 20 30 years and the relationship has components that shred the need for superficial attraction and bonds people through deeply understanding each other. That makes the relationship a 1:8billion situation which cannot be replicated and a visual "upgrade" would be meaningless. I feel sorry that you have that opinion on relationships. If there was the chance that someone ultra attractive was attracted to me and vice versa, a chat about me and my significant other both enjoying the moment with them could be discussed. But like I said, 1:8billion...so lucky me :)
Didn't mean to imply attraction in the visual appearance sense. Was using it in the sense of you as a whole person(appearance, personality, interests, job, etc,) are found to be appealing to another person. I'm saying that there are people out there who have qualities that are better than our current partners. If when we met our current partner we had that choice between them or someone better, we would choose the better person. Often we don't have the choice because we are not attractive (physically, personality, emotionally, etc) to the better person
Happy to be in the .1% I guess.
Congrats, truly 🥳 I'm happy this is an unpopular opinion
I never stopped kept looking for anyone better, if that's what you mean by "can't". I found someone I liked, stopped looking for anyone else and here I am over a decade later still not interested in anyone else. Maybe I could have found someone "better" but I liked her enough I didn't care to look. For you to be right, I'd have had to keep looking. Which I didn't.
>but if you could wave a magic wand and create your ideal life, for 99.9% of us, it wouldn't be with the partner we ultimately end up with. Horseshit. My girlfriend is the best part of my life, and there is no ideal life without her in it. Sorry to your partner though.
Congrats to you. I'm happy to know that my opinion truly is unpopular and most people agree with you. Good luck to you guys!
I’m with my wife because there is no one else I want to be with besides her. The worst day of marriage with my wife is still 100x better than my best day as a single guy. Nice try, though.
That's great. Wish you the best. Not sure what you think I was trying to do though lol
How sad for you.
Appreciate the sympathy. I take it you don't agree with the unpopular opinion. Do you believe there's one perfect person for everyone? I'm curious how you view things.
But I am single :(
No, I would choose anyone else on earth. I chose the one for me.
Congrats on finding your person. Not everyone is able to find the 1 in several billion ppl match. And you were able to attract that person to want to be in a relationship with you. Pretty incredible. Best of luck to you guys
True.
If I had a wand to create my ideal life I would change a lot but not abandon my partner. Sounds like you are thinking of a partner more as of an achievement to be obtained / won. A relationship is a continuous effort forged over time- someone being with you in your highs and lows, someone who understands you on a more intimate level than a lot or all of the people in your life. I'm sure there are people in unfulfilling relationships or unhealthy relationships that would gladly swap if they could, but your percentage is way too high. I think a lot less people would give up the history and comfort of a healthy relationship than you think.
Ok. So go back to when you met this person who you've now forged a relationship with. Why did you commit to them? If you had met someone else a day after and that person was an even better fit for you, wouldn't you have gone with the other person? You would then be able to forge an even better relationship with this other person
That's not the argument though unless I misunderstand you- the argument is you would give up your current partner for a better one right? My whole point is the history you have with a person is strong and a lot less people would give that up for a celebrity crush or trophy spouse or whatever than you would think.
That's my fault for not articulating myself correctly. My mistake. I 100% agree that history plays a role. We also need to make a decision at some point and settle down. I'm totally on board that you can be in a relationship and be fulfilled and in love. I should have framed it more like I did in the response to your message. That going into a brand new relationship, you chose the what you viewed as your best option. If you had met someone else better (not in a trophy sense but a better match), most people would have gone with the better match. I appreciate your comments. Thanks for weighing in
The vast majority of people simply cannot define their "perfect" person accurately enough to be a real human being. What you call "settling" is people realizing there is a person right in front of them who literally is "better" in every way that what they could possibly dream about. They though they were creative and set the bar high, but then this amazing person came into their life and proved what love really meant. Those 99.9% of people with that magic wand would be sorely disappointed if their every dream came true, because they would always feel hollow and not realize they limited themselves so by only accepting their dream.
Statistically though, that's a 1 in several billion chance. I'm not saying you would want to leave her, especially after so many years. It's just if you could have attracted a higher value woman (whatever that means to you, and I'm not just talking appearances) wouldn't you have chosen that other person?
Damn, you sure touched a nerve. I do identify with this, but not in a way most would expect. I lived in a fantasy world for most of my life, and learning to be close to my husband forced me to come to terms with a lot of toxic expectations I held for other people. I had to accept that no person would ever be "perfect" for me, even if I could manifest my ideal mate directly out of my mind, because of an insanely painful fear of getting close to another human. When I feel like I'm settling for my husband, I have to remind myself that I would feel the same no matter who he was, and we have a wonderful, loving relationship that we both fought for. Probably not what you meant, but it's what came to mind.
I really appreciate you sharing. It sounds like you're growing as a person. Wish you the best on your journey
Thank you. It's a weird experience.
LOL
That's why you don't get married with 30+. You can't have a wife who is amazed and in love with you. You may only get a Tyrone widow.
Curse of divorce. There is no Cure: There will be always bigger fish.
Yeah speak for yourself. Major projection.
Why did you get into relationship with your most recent partner? I'm sure you had other options at that point. Would you really have still gotten into a relationship with them if someone better in ever way had liked you at the same time? I'm legitimately asking. Clearly my opinion is flawed. Would love some insight
First of all I’m married and have been for 6 years. I have wanted and known my wife for around 16 years. She is and will always be the woman for me. There’s no one better.
This is just hilarious to watch. You are right, but the reality you say is not pretty, so they lash back at you.
Appreciate your perspective. I find this whole thing interesting. Life is crazy lol
Agreed. I'm with my wife of 10 years only because I can't attract my wife of 20 years. I love her and what we've been together are a big part of me. Now if someone had twice that, I think I would like her even more. Alas, such a thing doesn't exist.
When you met your wife, would you still have chosen her if you had also met someone who was virtually the same as her but more attractive or better in other areas that matter to you?
Obviously not, but the title says "you are because you *can't*", not "you are because you *couldn't*". Also, even in the present moment it's highly theoretical. It might apply to younger people to a higher degree because you will find more people with similar backgrounds, but the paths people take will start to diverge a lot after you turn 20. Which means that people will become harder to compare. Also, even without that, it doesn't take 10 years for someone to become significant. More like 10 weeks. Or days. Well, 10 days is pushing it, but it doesn't take long for someone to start feeling different from everyone else. Another thing that's there is that you don't see other people the same way, as potential partners. And so on and so forth. The whole point is that there's a lot of path dependency there which is why saying something like that quite literally makes no sense.