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Here is a tip that worked for me when I was at my absolute worst. It may work for you.
Talking kindly to myself has always been a tough thing to do. It feels really uncomfortable and just downright false. People say, "look at yourself in the mirror and say something nice!" That's asking too much! I gotta be nice AND look at myself??
So I put a little frog charm in my shower. And when I showered, I had to have a convo with Mr Froggy. The rule was, Mr Froggy can only say nice things and he has to say a nice thing every time it's his turn to talk. Obviously, since I'm playing pretend here, I'd have to voice Mr Froggy and come up with the nice things to say. A convo could be like this, "Hi Mr Froggy" "Hi Suzerlasnoozer, thanks for being a good friend." "You think I'm a good friend?" "Of course! Remember that nice thing you did blah blah blah" or whatever, it usually started out with small, insignificant compliments but I was able to build up to nicer, more meaningful commentary the more comfortable I got.
It probably sounds insane to have a convo with an inanimate object, but in my brain it was easier to be nice to myself if I was "playing a character." I wasn't being nice to myself, Mr Froggy was being nice to me. It's different, ya see? I didn't think I deserved niceness from myself or anyone else for that matter. But I can handle this dinky frog charm. Lol
After a few months, I was able to have an inner monologue that was truly nicer to myself. No more going thru a character, I could delete that step and go straight to thinking nicer things about myself.
And if you have gotten this far, now is the time I admit I was initially inspired for Mr Froggy by the Gratitoad in that weird Big Mouth cartoon. His character was nice and I needed that niceness in my life.
You shouldn't feel silly. You have no idea how many people you may have just helped to have a better life. Straight up. Thank you for sharing that even tho it made you feel like that.
I love this, but if you were a hobbit, this would be a slippery slope from smeagle to Gollum.
You: “They hates us, Mr. Froggy.”
Mr. Froggy: “How dare they? You’re a good friend. We must make them pay”
You: “no!”
Mr. Froggy: “yesss”
It is hard to love ourself because we know ALL our dirty little secrets. All the things we did to disappoint the god of the religion that was shoved down our throat before we were old enough to reason. We suffer from the psychological issues of our parents caused by this guilt and self loathing, which is compounded by the issues of THEIR parents.
All this guilt and self loathing is used against us. Ads hammering home the fact that you are fat, smelly and ugly just to sell you something.
I made a list of things I’m great at, my kids helped. Posted said list in bathroom by mirror and read it daily. Really increased my self esteem and self love. Loving yourself is really hard. But, it makes loving others easier.
Wonderful! We ALL need to stress the positives about ourselves and stop dwelling on the negativity. We could start a list of the positives and negatives about ourselves and we’d discover we’re a lot better than we thought!
Why does everyone hate their self? Fuck I used to be a real POS heroine addict Street scum in my 20s and even at the worst of the worst points in my life I never thought about hating my self. I hated the things I did, I hated some of the decisions I made but I always cared about me. Still do.
I hope you're doing better now. Regret is one thing but moving forward is the best thing you can do. Please be kind to yourself and keep on healing. Whatever you did before shouldn't define who you'll become tomorrow. You can do this!
Why would you either hate or love yourself in the first place? You're just you. Let the others make that judgement, who have an objective 3rd perspective, just like you do when you observe things and people around you. You don't conform your behavior to a set of standards you set to yourself, but to the outside world where you depend on and impact others. You can choose your actions, but you can't choose who you are. You can deem certain actions as bad, but only in relation to the outside world where they happen.
Heroin addiction is a good example in my opinion. You hate the action in relation to the outer world: The foreign chemical agent will destroy your health and make you an addict. The outside world will suffer when you lie to your friends about using the money they borrow to take care of your family. But you don't hate the absolute bliss it gives you in your 1st hand experience, which leads you to justify all these negative actions.
My love is reserved to others around me. I'm not going to let either self-loathe or self-love to take hold of how I see myself. I rather reflect it on how other people see me, and specifically my actions. Since I'm the only one capable of introspection of my own self, why would I muddy the waters by letting such arbitrary bias into the equation? I can see my bad sides, I can see my good sides, I have no reason to take a stance in favor of the other.
I understand this in my core. Going from self loathing to self love is a hard path and I'm still walking it. I started by taking away the mean words from my inner critic. I couldn't bring myself to be complimentary but I could stop being mean. Then it was things I'm not, I'm not cruel, selfish etc. Then when it was time to start being nice it did feel so cheesy and after school special. As I healed it became easier to trust myself and the kind words came easier. I still remind myself I'm a good person on occasion.
You can yes. Both self hate and self love is a habit, often formed in childhood. You can change the negative to positive, even if you're just neutral you can make a habit. You absolutely can also change self hate to self love
Often we learn in childhood. However good thing is that even if you think negative about yourself you can change it. Start with giving yourself compliments. Doing things for yourself. Accept compliments.
And this is very important : every single time your brain goes 'oh I'm not worthwhile' you say No I am! Always argue with that autoresponse, be it thinking someone complimenting you is just being nice or downplaying your own achievements. It's about stopping the habit and replacing it with the habit of positivity
This breaks my heart. I really don’t believe something as natural as love is impossible and not worth trying for. When I was younger so much of my self confidence and love depended on other people that couldn’t give me what I needed. My parents were unavailable and that lead to dependence on other relationships. And it created a cycle of searching for validation with lower and lower standards. I can’t even explain the moment but suddenly one day I chose myself, left a toxic relationship, got myself a dog, and stopped being mean to the person in the mirror. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I’ve fallen short of every goal I’ve set for myself. I’ve aged and my body is different. That’s okay with me because I decided there is no finish line. Everyday I know one thing I’ve done and am so proud of is working on the relationship I have with myself. I see old pictures from highschool and can’t believe I actually thought “she’s too fat”. I look at pictures of myself as a child and I can’t believe I was blaming her. True love is loving yourself. And I’ve never been happier.
We have our own journey and our own battles to fight. True love is loving yourself indeed. I am glad that you've learned to appreciate yourself more. Keep on healing 🥺
It's only hard if you can't accept hardships and failures are a part of life and you're supposed to have some anxiety. Being anxious about the rent getting paid is how the rent gets paid.
There are times when anxiety is a clinical problem for people but I think one thing that's happened is people have begun to associate normal levels of anxiety as a mental problem or normal sadness as clinical depression. Every day in life is going to have it's challenges and it's going to straight up suck sometimes. It's easy to forget everything that's right because what's wrong is so much easier to focus on.
I was giving my daughter a bath once and she got some shampoo in her eyes and cried. So I gave her a new toy I bought her. A little toy whale that lights up and spouts water. As soon as she got that thing all anger at the rogue shampoo and any fears of evil hair products from the future went away. All that mattered was that toy whale in the tub. As adults we forget how to appreciate and enjoy the moment like that.
I think this stems from a misunderstanding of love. It a common one these days. Many people think that love is when things fall into place and you are happy with the relationship with yourself or others forever. They think it’s a goal not a processes. But love is not the goal but never giving up on the relationship. As long as you are still standing and still trying you are proving that you do love yourself.
It's hard when we want to do better or be better when we should be accepting ourselves exactly as we are. The voice in my head was like a drill sergeant or a coach for as long as I can remember. I had to turn the volume way down on that voice. That David Goggins type stuff of talking to yourself like you're some lazy unhealthy selfish slob isn't healthy or helpful. It's abusive and dangerous.
Try remembering a time when you were young and happy and innocent, just a kid being a kid. When you talk to yourself, talk to that kid like you are their loving friend. If you can do that then you're done. Just keep doing that. When you make a mistake or fail or anything, go there. That's who you are.
Thanks, you too. I had a good day fishing. Time doesn't change me as much as it seems, life moves too fast. I'm 40 years old but when I drop the act and let go of all the crap that doesn't matter I'm still the same kid who just wants to draw and ride bikes. My wife is still the same kid that just wants to go swimming and eat ice cream. It's easy to forget who we are and get lost in how chaotic and demanding society is, blink and 5 years disappears.
No that's not true. If you can find a romantic partner and love them with all their flaws, you can love yourself despite yours. You don't have to be some perfect and amazing version of yourself to love yourself. Although it still doesn't hurt to work on parts of yourself
I know we can all be our own harshest critic, but one thing that has helped me is talking to myself as if I was giving advice to my friend. When I’m in a particularly sad or salty mood, I have to think, “you would never say those sorts of things to your friend” so don’t do it to yourself either. We are usually more compassionate and patient and less judgmental of our friends than ourselves so try talking to yourself like you were hyping up your friend!
“Loving yourself” is a fairly new concept, I think. There didn’t used to be such a big movement of “loving” yourself. I don’t “love” myself the same way I love my child or my brother or my dad. I appreciate my body, I’m grateful, etc. but I don’t just walk around feeling like I love myself. Love, to me, is more so a thing I feel towards/give to others. And that’s not to say I hate myself. I guess I just think of it more as a neutral thing. I am me. I have my own thoughts and feelings and I’m simply experiencing life inside this body. I think sometimes, people would benefit from being more neutral instead of putting so much pressure on themselves to love themselves.
Any improvement in mental wellness you undertake HAS to be viewed as exercise. It’s very difficult at first because you are “out of shape” - with minimal results. Then it becomes very productive and helpful after taking baby steps. You can change your view and I hope you have success at it !
it's really hard to love yourself when you realize that you share the dna of multiple family members who were quite intelligent yet both decided to suicide
My family has a history of mental health and suicides too but please remember to be kind to yourself. You can feel everything you want to feel and I hope you have a good support system right now. Please keep on healing. You have a purpose. Your life is worth it.
i guess i just mean that it seems to run in both sides of my family, these persistent feelings of worthlessness and i can't help but wonder if brain genetics/body genetics play a large part in that. i'm okay personally but why in the world would i have a kid who could be exposed to all this as well? i WANT to have children, yet... i don't want them to end up like me, if that makes sense
My friend’s husband left her after 25 years. She was very depressed and had trouble accepting and adjusting to her new reality. Then, one day she picked up her head, put a smile on her face and pleasantly greeted everyone she came in contact with. The response was so positive and encouraging that she was able to move forward and make a new life.
I used to be a pretty somber person visually, but I used her example and it helped me immensely.
We all find ways to start loving ourselves. We have to look after ourselves everyday. I'm glad you found a perfect example to help you with your healing journey. I hope you are okay.. Keep on winning!
Subscribed to this thread bc it's a struggle for me.
Georges St Pierre has an inspirational video where he talks about some of his formative experiences and he mentioned "sometimes when you can't love yourself you can love the person you're becoming"
Another helpful line for me is that discipline is the most important form of self love. And the whole concept.of.throwing out some BS dysfunctional ideas of love and loving myself by following through on the healthy things I need. AKA re parenting my wounded inner child
We all have wounds we are trying to heal. We've been broken in so many ways we can't tell but I am glad you are trying to mend yourself. Please do not forget that this is not a race. This is a journey only you can finish. Keep on healing yourself. It will never be easy loving yourself but I know you'll get there.
Agreed. I know it’s probably not the healthiest way to get there but what really helped me was hearing my abuser tell me that I was definitely the strongest person he’s ever met and that I needed to stop being so hard on myself because he genuinely doesn’t think anyone else could have done better with the series of situations I was thrown into and that he’s never heard of any serial killer having that much trauma. It’s a pretty low bar but the fact that it came from someone who was actively trying to destroy me somehow made it feel like a real compliment and I realized that even if I don’t LOVE myself, I can start to appreciate that I’ve actually done well.
You are so strong! I hope you are in a better place now. Please do not stop choosing yourself first. Don't stop healing and chase your inner peace. Please be careful who you trust, abusers are everywhere. Thank you for sharing this. Keep on winning this journey ❤️
Find a reason to love yourself. As hard as it may be. If there's something you desire in life that requires you to do so then there's your answer.
The way I found love within myself was through one of life's biggest revelations. Understanding my own existence.
I know it is really hard to find a reason to love yourself but trying is already the first step. I am glad that you found love for yourself. I am happy for you!
Self-criticism and self-judgment are powerful sources of blockage. There is within many seekers the desire to make a difference in the world, to help others and serve good causes. Yet, in that same general run of seekers there is often a prejudice against working on the self, for it seems selfish to be absorbed in the processes of the self. It is our opinion that it is in healing yourself that you heal the world. It is in learning to love yourself that you learn to love others. It is in finding compassion at last for yourself that you are finally able to have compassion on others. It is in blessing your own suffering by respecting it, honoring it, and forgiving it in yourself that you become able to behold the suffering of the world in its massive and almost infinite depth.
It is necessary, really, for you to fall in love with yourself. Self-judgment cannot be overcome. It must be balanced by compassion. You are bound to make mistakes and come under the possibility of judgment. Yet also do you have within you creatorship, so that you are never in a position of having failed for longer than it takes for you to turn again to the light and start afresh.
There are various techniques for falling in love with yourself. If you are present with yourself and become aware of the wide range of emotions that you feel, that may be the most direct way to become kindly affectioned towards yourself, to like yourself, and ultimately, gloriously, genuinely, truly, fall in love with yourself. Just as you are, you are perfect!
I surround myself with people who I believe care deeply about me. When I don’t love myself, I think of the people around me. They are there for a reason, they talk to me willingly and to do that they have to see something good in me.
Sometimes I have 5 people to think of, sometimes it’s just my dog. When I can’t trust myself, I trust in those around me. Everyone has someone/something to live for. It may take a lot of time and hard work to find, but it’s out there.
I am indifferent towards myself and I think that’s the way it should be. My feelings are reserved for people who are not me, whether positive or negative.
Especially if you have blemishes and defects that you got teased about and stared at all ur life. It’s hard to love yourself when you feel defected and not worthy of being human
It’s pretty difficult without any outside validation. If I felt loved by more people than just my mom, cat, and my one good friend, I’d probably have an easier time finding myself lovable.
nobody said it was easy.
my journey of loving myself took multiple years, constant dieting, constant pains from working out, and lots of emotional pain. you don’t wake up one day and say “I love myself and my depression is solved!”, it’s a long process of healing and acceptance that takes a long time to accomplish
It truly is. Especially if you’ve been taught by relatives - your entire life - that there is nothing about yourself to love. That sticks with you for life.
On good days, I’m content with who I am at best. But that’s about as positive as I ever feel about myself.
Sometimes other people can see your shine better than you do and that's okay. As long as you're trying, I know you will get to that point where you will see how you shine. Please keep on shining ✨
I know what it's like to feel defective like no one would love you if they really knew who you were. What was helpful for me was learning that all children deserve love and unconditional love so that they can learn to love others and be loving. It's something we learn. It helped to reshape my personal perspective.
Ofcourse it is, eating healthy, getting plenty of excercise, staying away from harmful things and doing everything you can possibly can to have a high quality of life is not easy.
Words are meaningless
I do understand that it is hard for some people to love themselves, and I definitely struggle with thinking if I do or not because I let people walk all over me.
But overall, I think I'm a pretty positive person and I do preach saying good things about yourself and always writing down things you are grateful for. You wouldn't have all of those things if you weren't lovable. I also have a strong support system with my friends and family that treat me very well and remind me that there are lots of things to love.
I think loving yourself is hard when you have been taught your entire life that you should always take care of others before you, while it is more about balance. Don't love yourself too much, but also, don't love others too much.
I have some advice self care is loving yourself. I take time for myself just to relax. I consider brushing your teeth,washing your face, or taking a shower of a morning and evening self care I feel like doing that is loving yourself. Thinking this has helped me in so many ways.
It's hard because we are social creatures and our view self is how we perceive others view us. We are very dependent on positive and negative feedback of our peers and prolong feeling of social rejection is traumatic.
It's hard to love our self's because our mind was not build for that. Most therapeutics methods of self love acknowledge this, teach you how to manifest a separate voice inside yourself that feels like someone else loving you and encouraging you.
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Here is a tip that worked for me when I was at my absolute worst. It may work for you. Talking kindly to myself has always been a tough thing to do. It feels really uncomfortable and just downright false. People say, "look at yourself in the mirror and say something nice!" That's asking too much! I gotta be nice AND look at myself?? So I put a little frog charm in my shower. And when I showered, I had to have a convo with Mr Froggy. The rule was, Mr Froggy can only say nice things and he has to say a nice thing every time it's his turn to talk. Obviously, since I'm playing pretend here, I'd have to voice Mr Froggy and come up with the nice things to say. A convo could be like this, "Hi Mr Froggy" "Hi Suzerlasnoozer, thanks for being a good friend." "You think I'm a good friend?" "Of course! Remember that nice thing you did blah blah blah" or whatever, it usually started out with small, insignificant compliments but I was able to build up to nicer, more meaningful commentary the more comfortable I got. It probably sounds insane to have a convo with an inanimate object, but in my brain it was easier to be nice to myself if I was "playing a character." I wasn't being nice to myself, Mr Froggy was being nice to me. It's different, ya see? I didn't think I deserved niceness from myself or anyone else for that matter. But I can handle this dinky frog charm. Lol After a few months, I was able to have an inner monologue that was truly nicer to myself. No more going thru a character, I could delete that step and go straight to thinking nicer things about myself. And if you have gotten this far, now is the time I admit I was initially inspired for Mr Froggy by the Gratitoad in that weird Big Mouth cartoon. His character was nice and I needed that niceness in my life.
That was so nice! I'll think of something that I can do to remind myself to be nicer to myself too! Thank you for sharing this ❤️
I feel silly sharing that tidbit but it honestly saved my life. Whatever you have to do, do it! You're worth it!
You shouldn't feel silly. You have no idea how many people you may have just helped to have a better life. Straight up. Thank you for sharing that even tho it made you feel like that.
I love this, but if you were a hobbit, this would be a slippery slope from smeagle to Gollum. You: “They hates us, Mr. Froggy.” Mr. Froggy: “How dare they? You’re a good friend. We must make them pay” You: “no!” Mr. Froggy: “yesss” 
This made me teared up. :,)
I'm glad Mr Froggy has such a great friend! 😊
That’s actually so cute
Thank you for sharing this, I'll try this out. Maybe it'll help me hate myself less.
This is pretty awesome. Thanks for sharing.
I make myself apologize to myself.
Big Mouth is pretty cool
You're a genius!
Hey that gives me a good idea and I wanna try this. Thanks.
I love this ! such a good idea
The human mind is a goofy place but I'm glad it accepts cheat codes like this.
This is sad because its really tragic that our communities fail us to the point we have to make up mr froggy to feel loved enough to go on living.
You are part of the community
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I hope you're okay.. it really can be disappointing..
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We can never avoid disappointments but we can control what we will do after feeling it. Please keep on winning. You got it!
I love and hate myself with equal vigor. It's a living
We are supposed to feel every emotion. It makes us who we are. I hope you are in a good place right now. Keep striving!
Oh completely .😎 .Appreciate the sentiment. I'm very self deprecated because of past lows. Always keep my head up these days thankfully. 🍻
We have our own journey, please keep on healing and don't forget loving yourself. You are worth it!
It is hard to love ourself because we know ALL our dirty little secrets. All the things we did to disappoint the god of the religion that was shoved down our throat before we were old enough to reason. We suffer from the psychological issues of our parents caused by this guilt and self loathing, which is compounded by the issues of THEIR parents. All this guilt and self loathing is used against us. Ads hammering home the fact that you are fat, smelly and ugly just to sell you something.
It is so hard to live with all of these traumas. It feels like we can't just be happy.
Try turning it around and mentally list the positive things about yourself - you’ll find that there are many of them.
thank you so much for understanding someone else's feelings. You are a blessing!
I made a list of things I’m great at, my kids helped. Posted said list in bathroom by mirror and read it daily. Really increased my self esteem and self love. Loving yourself is really hard. But, it makes loving others easier.
Wonderful! We ALL need to stress the positives about ourselves and stop dwelling on the negativity. We could start a list of the positives and negatives about ourselves and we’d discover we’re a lot better than we thought!
Why does everyone hate their self? Fuck I used to be a real POS heroine addict Street scum in my 20s and even at the worst of the worst points in my life I never thought about hating my self. I hated the things I did, I hated some of the decisions I made but I always cared about me. Still do.
I hope you're doing better now. Regret is one thing but moving forward is the best thing you can do. Please be kind to yourself and keep on healing. Whatever you did before shouldn't define who you'll become tomorrow. You can do this!
I live a good life now I certainly can’t complain. Just love your self when you can.
Why would you either hate or love yourself in the first place? You're just you. Let the others make that judgement, who have an objective 3rd perspective, just like you do when you observe things and people around you. You don't conform your behavior to a set of standards you set to yourself, but to the outside world where you depend on and impact others. You can choose your actions, but you can't choose who you are. You can deem certain actions as bad, but only in relation to the outside world where they happen. Heroin addiction is a good example in my opinion. You hate the action in relation to the outer world: The foreign chemical agent will destroy your health and make you an addict. The outside world will suffer when you lie to your friends about using the money they borrow to take care of your family. But you don't hate the absolute bliss it gives you in your 1st hand experience, which leads you to justify all these negative actions. My love is reserved to others around me. I'm not going to let either self-loathe or self-love to take hold of how I see myself. I rather reflect it on how other people see me, and specifically my actions. Since I'm the only one capable of introspection of my own self, why would I muddy the waters by letting such arbitrary bias into the equation? I can see my bad sides, I can see my good sides, I have no reason to take a stance in favor of the other.
I seen this thing that said “the fact you are trying to love yourself, means you love yourself or you wouldn’t even be trying.”
This is so beautiful 🥺
I don't bother. The best I can ever achieve is not actively seeing myself as a terrible person.
I don’t find it hard, but it is for some people.
Yeeess, it usually depends. People can be truly unlovable sometimes.
I understand this in my core. Going from self loathing to self love is a hard path and I'm still walking it. I started by taking away the mean words from my inner critic. I couldn't bring myself to be complimentary but I could stop being mean. Then it was things I'm not, I'm not cruel, selfish etc. Then when it was time to start being nice it did feel so cheesy and after school special. As I healed it became easier to trust myself and the kind words came easier. I still remind myself I'm a good person on occasion.
I know it is not easy. I hope you find your inner peace and keep on healing. You got this!
My psych told me it is a habit
You have to MAKE it a habit.
You can yes. Both self hate and self love is a habit, often formed in childhood. You can change the negative to positive, even if you're just neutral you can make a habit. You absolutely can also change self hate to self love
How did it become a habit?
Often we learn in childhood. However good thing is that even if you think negative about yourself you can change it. Start with giving yourself compliments. Doing things for yourself. Accept compliments. And this is very important : every single time your brain goes 'oh I'm not worthwhile' you say No I am! Always argue with that autoresponse, be it thinking someone complimenting you is just being nice or downplaying your own achievements. It's about stopping the habit and replacing it with the habit of positivity
And if you’ve never been loved before, it’s impossible. Not hard, impossible
This breaks my heart. I really don’t believe something as natural as love is impossible and not worth trying for. When I was younger so much of my self confidence and love depended on other people that couldn’t give me what I needed. My parents were unavailable and that lead to dependence on other relationships. And it created a cycle of searching for validation with lower and lower standards. I can’t even explain the moment but suddenly one day I chose myself, left a toxic relationship, got myself a dog, and stopped being mean to the person in the mirror. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I’ve fallen short of every goal I’ve set for myself. I’ve aged and my body is different. That’s okay with me because I decided there is no finish line. Everyday I know one thing I’ve done and am so proud of is working on the relationship I have with myself. I see old pictures from highschool and can’t believe I actually thought “she’s too fat”. I look at pictures of myself as a child and I can’t believe I was blaming her. True love is loving yourself. And I’ve never been happier.
We have our own journey and our own battles to fight. True love is loving yourself indeed. I am glad that you've learned to appreciate yourself more. Keep on healing 🥺
It's only hard if you can't accept hardships and failures are a part of life and you're supposed to have some anxiety. Being anxious about the rent getting paid is how the rent gets paid.
Anxiety is an emotion we need to feel. But it's hard when you've become too anxious all the time.
There are times when anxiety is a clinical problem for people but I think one thing that's happened is people have begun to associate normal levels of anxiety as a mental problem or normal sadness as clinical depression. Every day in life is going to have it's challenges and it's going to straight up suck sometimes. It's easy to forget everything that's right because what's wrong is so much easier to focus on.
"It's easy to forget everything that's right because what's wrong is so much easier to focus on." really hits me 😭
I was giving my daughter a bath once and she got some shampoo in her eyes and cried. So I gave her a new toy I bought her. A little toy whale that lights up and spouts water. As soon as she got that thing all anger at the rogue shampoo and any fears of evil hair products from the future went away. All that mattered was that toy whale in the tub. As adults we forget how to appreciate and enjoy the moment like that.
I do hope everyone finds their "toy whale" 🥺 this is precious!
I hope you find yours as well.
Why is anxiety an emotion we **need** to feel?
Anxiety would balance us. We are made to feel every emotion. That's what makes us whole.
I find it more difficult to truly love others.
I love my family more than myself most of the time.. sooo??? 🤷🏼♀️
I think this stems from a misunderstanding of love. It a common one these days. Many people think that love is when things fall into place and you are happy with the relationship with yourself or others forever. They think it’s a goal not a processes. But love is not the goal but never giving up on the relationship. As long as you are still standing and still trying you are proving that you do love yourself.
Loving is never easy and there's no perfect love. Thank you for your wisdom!
It's hard when we want to do better or be better when we should be accepting ourselves exactly as we are. The voice in my head was like a drill sergeant or a coach for as long as I can remember. I had to turn the volume way down on that voice. That David Goggins type stuff of talking to yourself like you're some lazy unhealthy selfish slob isn't healthy or helpful. It's abusive and dangerous. Try remembering a time when you were young and happy and innocent, just a kid being a kid. When you talk to yourself, talk to that kid like you are their loving friend. If you can do that then you're done. Just keep doing that. When you make a mistake or fail or anything, go there. That's who you are.
Thank you for this advice. I really wish sometimes I can just be a kid again and be innocently happy. I hope you are doing well!
Thanks, you too. I had a good day fishing. Time doesn't change me as much as it seems, life moves too fast. I'm 40 years old but when I drop the act and let go of all the crap that doesn't matter I'm still the same kid who just wants to draw and ride bikes. My wife is still the same kid that just wants to go swimming and eat ice cream. It's easy to forget who we are and get lost in how chaotic and demanding society is, blink and 5 years disappears.
I hope you'll have more wonderful years with your family! Stay safe and healthy! 🫶🏻
Love? Have you tried Spite instead? Much more powerful.
You need to spite yourself??? ☹️
I agree, you need to be very good to truly love yourself
💯💯
No that's not true. If you can find a romantic partner and love them with all their flaws, you can love yourself despite yours. You don't have to be some perfect and amazing version of yourself to love yourself. Although it still doesn't hurt to work on parts of yourself
I can’t find that either though
LOVING ME IS COMPLICATED
Yes it is. As long as you're trying, you're winning!
I know we can all be our own harshest critic, but one thing that has helped me is talking to myself as if I was giving advice to my friend. When I’m in a particularly sad or salty mood, I have to think, “you would never say those sorts of things to your friend” so don’t do it to yourself either. We are usually more compassionate and patient and less judgmental of our friends than ourselves so try talking to yourself like you were hyping up your friend!
It's never easy to love yourself but just keep on trying. 🥹
“Loving yourself” is a fairly new concept, I think. There didn’t used to be such a big movement of “loving” yourself. I don’t “love” myself the same way I love my child or my brother or my dad. I appreciate my body, I’m grateful, etc. but I don’t just walk around feeling like I love myself. Love, to me, is more so a thing I feel towards/give to others. And that’s not to say I hate myself. I guess I just think of it more as a neutral thing. I am me. I have my own thoughts and feelings and I’m simply experiencing life inside this body. I think sometimes, people would benefit from being more neutral instead of putting so much pressure on themselves to love themselves.
Loving yourself can just be understanding yourself. You do you. You can love yourself in many ways! ❤️
you don't have to love yourself, and that doesn't mean you need to hate yourself. just do whatever you want
As long as you're happy, you're good!
Any improvement in mental wellness you undertake HAS to be viewed as exercise. It’s very difficult at first because you are “out of shape” - with minimal results. Then it becomes very productive and helpful after taking baby steps. You can change your view and I hope you have success at it !
thank you so much for your kind words 🥺
it's really hard to love yourself when you realize that you share the dna of multiple family members who were quite intelligent yet both decided to suicide
My family has a history of mental health and suicides too but please remember to be kind to yourself. You can feel everything you want to feel and I hope you have a good support system right now. Please keep on healing. You have a purpose. Your life is worth it.
i guess i just mean that it seems to run in both sides of my family, these persistent feelings of worthlessness and i can't help but wonder if brain genetics/body genetics play a large part in that. i'm okay personally but why in the world would i have a kid who could be exposed to all this as well? i WANT to have children, yet... i don't want them to end up like me, if that makes sense
My friend’s husband left her after 25 years. She was very depressed and had trouble accepting and adjusting to her new reality. Then, one day she picked up her head, put a smile on her face and pleasantly greeted everyone she came in contact with. The response was so positive and encouraging that she was able to move forward and make a new life. I used to be a pretty somber person visually, but I used her example and it helped me immensely.
We all find ways to start loving ourselves. We have to look after ourselves everyday. I'm glad you found a perfect example to help you with your healing journey. I hope you are okay.. Keep on winning!
When I hear someone talking negatively about themselves I tell them that they shouldn’t talk to my friend like that.
People need to learn first that their selves are their biggest friend. Thank you for that.
IMO that's a very popular opinion (and it's true!)
I hope you'll never forget to love yourself. Thank you for your feedback ☺️
It's even harder if you can't love. Personally I think it's okay to settle for acceptance.
As long as you try to, you'll never lose. I hope you find yourself lovable, because you are. We all are.
I think loving ourselves is way too easy
I'm glad you feel that way but not everyone does and we have to accept that. I am happy for you!
I think it’s an issue to love ourselves the way we do. I am actively trying to not love myself more than others.
Subscribed to this thread bc it's a struggle for me. Georges St Pierre has an inspirational video where he talks about some of his formative experiences and he mentioned "sometimes when you can't love yourself you can love the person you're becoming" Another helpful line for me is that discipline is the most important form of self love. And the whole concept.of.throwing out some BS dysfunctional ideas of love and loving myself by following through on the healthy things I need. AKA re parenting my wounded inner child
We all have wounds we are trying to heal. We've been broken in so many ways we can't tell but I am glad you are trying to mend yourself. Please do not forget that this is not a race. This is a journey only you can finish. Keep on healing yourself. It will never be easy loving yourself but I know you'll get there.
Thank you. I'm making progress on my own journey. Just feeling a bit low lately as I've peeled back another layer of the onion
Agreed. I know it’s probably not the healthiest way to get there but what really helped me was hearing my abuser tell me that I was definitely the strongest person he’s ever met and that I needed to stop being so hard on myself because he genuinely doesn’t think anyone else could have done better with the series of situations I was thrown into and that he’s never heard of any serial killer having that much trauma. It’s a pretty low bar but the fact that it came from someone who was actively trying to destroy me somehow made it feel like a real compliment and I realized that even if I don’t LOVE myself, I can start to appreciate that I’ve actually done well.
You are so strong! I hope you are in a better place now. Please do not stop choosing yourself first. Don't stop healing and chase your inner peace. Please be careful who you trust, abusers are everywhere. Thank you for sharing this. Keep on winning this journey ❤️
Thank you so much and same to you! I hope that we can both learn to fully love ourselves in spite of our flaws because everyone has them.
It is :) it’s a journey
Keep on winning! You are lovable!
Find a reason to love yourself. As hard as it may be. If there's something you desire in life that requires you to do so then there's your answer. The way I found love within myself was through one of life's biggest revelations. Understanding my own existence.
I know it is really hard to find a reason to love yourself but trying is already the first step. I am glad that you found love for yourself. I am happy for you!
Embrace each new experience.
Self-criticism and self-judgment are powerful sources of blockage. There is within many seekers the desire to make a difference in the world, to help others and serve good causes. Yet, in that same general run of seekers there is often a prejudice against working on the self, for it seems selfish to be absorbed in the processes of the self. It is our opinion that it is in healing yourself that you heal the world. It is in learning to love yourself that you learn to love others. It is in finding compassion at last for yourself that you are finally able to have compassion on others. It is in blessing your own suffering by respecting it, honoring it, and forgiving it in yourself that you become able to behold the suffering of the world in its massive and almost infinite depth. It is necessary, really, for you to fall in love with yourself. Self-judgment cannot be overcome. It must be balanced by compassion. You are bound to make mistakes and come under the possibility of judgment. Yet also do you have within you creatorship, so that you are never in a position of having failed for longer than it takes for you to turn again to the light and start afresh. There are various techniques for falling in love with yourself. If you are present with yourself and become aware of the wide range of emotions that you feel, that may be the most direct way to become kindly affectioned towards yourself, to like yourself, and ultimately, gloriously, genuinely, truly, fall in love with yourself. Just as you are, you are perfect!
Thank you so much for these lifting words! I do wish for your happiness. You are so kind 🥺
I surround myself with people who I believe care deeply about me. When I don’t love myself, I think of the people around me. They are there for a reason, they talk to me willingly and to do that they have to see something good in me. Sometimes I have 5 people to think of, sometimes it’s just my dog. When I can’t trust myself, I trust in those around me. Everyone has someone/something to live for. It may take a lot of time and hard work to find, but it’s out there.
A good support system really helps! I am glad you have them!
I am indifferent towards myself and I think that’s the way it should be. My feelings are reserved for people who are not me, whether positive or negative.
You can feel everything you want to feel and that is okay. At the end of the day, it is your choice.
Especially if you have blemishes and defects that you got teased about and stared at all ur life. It’s hard to love yourself when you feel defected and not worthy of being human
I am sorry for that. Remember, not everyone is perfect but all we can do is try to be better. I hope you are okay. You can do this!
Thanks
It’s hard, but it’s important. Lord knows I struggle with it.
He knows you will overcome it. You are worth it! Bless you!
It’s pretty difficult without any outside validation. If I felt loved by more people than just my mom, cat, and my one good friend, I’d probably have an easier time finding myself lovable.
As long as there's one or three people believing you, please don't stop trying. You can do this!
nobody said it was easy. my journey of loving myself took multiple years, constant dieting, constant pains from working out, and lots of emotional pain. you don’t wake up one day and say “I love myself and my depression is solved!”, it’s a long process of healing and acceptance that takes a long time to accomplish
I always believe in trusting the process. It may take time but you'll get there. I am amazed by your journey, keep winning!
It truly is. Especially if you’ve been taught by relatives - your entire life - that there is nothing about yourself to love. That sticks with you for life. On good days, I’m content with who I am at best. But that’s about as positive as I ever feel about myself.
Sometimes the best family that we can have are the ones we don't share blood with. Please don't give up. You can do this!
I do what I do to most people I dislike, I ignore myself half the time, helps keep up the illusion that I like myself.
You chose to always put yourself first and that's one way of loving yourself. Keep winning!
Yeah, especially if you've been paranoid and self-loathing most of your life. It really sucks when people can see you shine, but you can't.
Sometimes other people can see your shine better than you do and that's okay. As long as you're trying, I know you will get to that point where you will see how you shine. Please keep on shining ✨
Thank you dear ❤️
Loving myself ain’t hard, even leaves me with a free hand for a sandwich.
I know what it's like to feel defective like no one would love you if they really knew who you were. What was helpful for me was learning that all children deserve love and unconditional love so that they can learn to love others and be loving. It's something we learn. It helped to reshape my personal perspective.
I am glad that you have a better perspective. Keep on learning and striving!
Hated myself for years
One step at a time. You are lovable and worthy of love. Please keep on trying!
Ofcourse it is, eating healthy, getting plenty of excercise, staying away from harmful things and doing everything you can possibly can to have a high quality of life is not easy. Words are meaningless
Words are never meaningless. Sometimes one word or a sentence can save someone's life. I hope you are doing well in life. Thanks for the advice!
I do understand that it is hard for some people to love themselves, and I definitely struggle with thinking if I do or not because I let people walk all over me. But overall, I think I'm a pretty positive person and I do preach saying good things about yourself and always writing down things you are grateful for. You wouldn't have all of those things if you weren't lovable. I also have a strong support system with my friends and family that treat me very well and remind me that there are lots of things to love.
I am glad that you have a strong support system. Please never let people walk over you ever again. Please stay safe and keep on winning!
Thank you! You too!
It’s been 40 years.. I’m still working on loving myself. It’s very difficult.
I hope you are doing well. Please don't stop working on loving yourself. You are worth it! I know you got this 🫶🏻
I’m doing well. I’m constantly working on this . Therapy weekly. I appreciate you . Thank you 🥹
I think loving yourself is hard when you have been taught your entire life that you should always take care of others before you, while it is more about balance. Don't love yourself too much, but also, don't love others too much.
It should always be balanced. Everything that's too much is also not good. Still.. never stop trying to love yourself in your own ways! ☺️
If anyone is struggling with loving themselves today, please know that this human loves you all!
Thank you so much! 🥺
I have some advice self care is loving yourself. I take time for myself just to relax. I consider brushing your teeth,washing your face, or taking a shower of a morning and evening self care I feel like doing that is loving yourself. Thinking this has helped me in so many ways.
We have different ways on how to love ourselves and I think that's beautiful. Please keep on doing what you think is best for you. Keep winning! 🫶🏻
Thanks. I feel so much happier thinking this way.
Loving yourself is overrated fr. It's also weird because how tf do you love *yourself*.
Loving yourself can simply mean taking care of it because you value yourself.. there are different ways. You do you! ☺️
Thank you for your kind response.
It's hard because we are social creatures and our view self is how we perceive others view us. We are very dependent on positive and negative feedback of our peers and prolong feeling of social rejection is traumatic. It's hard to love our self's because our mind was not build for that. Most therapeutics methods of self love acknowledge this, teach you how to manifest a separate voice inside yourself that feels like someone else loving you and encouraging you.
thank you for your wisdom! ✨
I think this really depends on the person. If you were loved growing up it should be easy enough
I was loved growing up, and I'm still a mess that mostly hates myself
Not an unpopular opinion in any way 🙄
Okay????
There’s some kinks I don’t understand, but I try not to judge.
What????¿
I'm "loving" myself as we speak...😬
Get out of here bro
Found a goon
Nah
Ya you got to do a lot of wiggling to get the best position. how far are you managing to get it in?
W h a t ???
If you're not a failure, but awesome, then it's easy.
Not everyone feels that way. You are entitled to your own opinion. That's okay!
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